Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 35 - New Guy (Live from Brooklyn)

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

It’s a busy night in the tavern. We talk to a prolific but cursed bard, a guy who just moved to town with his wife and a beloved old longtime sponsor.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBarth: John ReynoldsSAD Bard: Jonathan MannBungaree Chubbins: Tom GottleibMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTechnical Difficulties Witch: Shama JacoverProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzPhotographer: Danielle DeNobleYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. One is the number of dimensions that there are for real. Oh, sorry!

Just singing my favorite song that's also a valuable piece of information you should take to heart. Oh, and if you need further proof this show isn't coming from another world. See it recorded live this Tuesday November 14th at the 6th and I historic synagogue in Washington, D.C. with special guest David Plott's from the Slate Political Gab Fest, and Storm DeCastanzo from Paul and Storm. Assuming you're not listening to this in the future, and if you are, can you believe the current administration was finally taken down by, well, I don't want to ruin it.

Get tickets to the D.C. show by going to HelloFrom theMagicTavron.com and clicking on live shows. Speaking of something else I want to talk about, this episode is a live recording from Brooklyn. How do we know it was live? Because something went wrong. Jack Nicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklicklickl No! Oh, technical difficulties which your backstory is the most elusive of all. Luckily, this attack from the technical difficulties which was minor. The first few minutes of the show didn't get recorded. Let's call that God opening a window. All you really missed was the usual blah blah blah, two and a half years ago I fell through a borderline case of OCD. Three minutes of cut and paste backstory.

And for some reason Arnie did a veritable one-man show of talking about how he loves the old listeners, but really loves the new listeners, in a way he confesses is not entirely healthy. I'm told it was funnier than it sounds, but we'll never know because it was never recorded. So let's scoot to the part of the show where someone finally resigned themselves to flipping the record switch and join our host mid-ramble. You know, where you go into like the smoldering widow and someone just like, guys, we're in the smoldering widow right now. And everyone in the smoldering widow goes, yes, we're in the smoldering widow! What I mean to say is, fuck the Smoldering Widow. We can need to set up more of a Vermillion Minotaur

versus Smoldering Widow, kind of like a Danny's old-time tavern rivalry between taverns. We'll get to that eventually. Speaking of getting the things eventually, gosh, I feel like there are other people in this show. Hey, please give a big round of applause for my co-host, my good bud. Jump the King of the Badger! Oh, yeah, baby! Notice, uh, notice I didn't have to use the stairs.

That's true. You just sprung up. You're like the four-legged animal you want. Up on the table, yep. We don't talk enough about how spry and... Spelt. Spelt. Spelt. I would say you're...

Let's each describe each other in three adjectives. I... Do we want to play that game? Look, first of all, do we want to play that game? I don't. I feel like most of this podcast up until this point is that game. Like, I get more than my fair share of adjectives. More adverbs for me.

Okay. That's fair. I'm not active enough for adverbs. I had to say I was at the at the bargaining drink before we started recording and that's the longest you've ever vamped before you saw. I know. But like wow. I don't I got to be honest with you. Yeah. Yeah. Had a touch of red potion. Oh, okay. All right. That explains it. Yeah. That explains it. And I got up here, I introduced the podcast, I started talking, and there was a little voice in the back of my head saying, this is your show, Arnie.

This is your show. But then I looked up across the bar, and I saw my good buddy, are a monster of the ages! Master of the ancient shadow! Minimum of the That's right, it lives from the espionage. It lives from the Lord's New Year's sun and it looks dangate. It's a boob and a stag. And I am known in the North East as gasmy, as my name is.

Glasmy, as my name is. Oh, but think not for a moment, friends, that that be all the names that I have. There are names so arcane and secret that where I air to utter them aloud that all time would stop but everyone's toenails and hair would keep growing. For one full century we would be frozen in time as toenails and hair did continue to grow and when we did wake from this faithful slumber, we would be like, what the hell? So dare not ask me to speak these names, lest you wake, cover it in hair and nail.

You said, or does anyone ask you to say these names? You're always like, oh, dare not, to speak these names. No one is speaking these names. Because I've warned them. You've been duly warned. You know better than to ask me at this point. If you were to ask, I would say, ah, ah, go back and listen. I've told you many times. Ask me not to speak these names.

And if you ask me to speak the name, then I can turn you into a frog. It's legal. So you said, or I. And if you ask me to speak the name then I can turn you into a frog. It's legal. So you said I was wondering if you would be willing to say one of your secret names. Let's each share a secret name. Mine is you may or may not know after Arnie kind of wasn't on board with it. It was little squish. Thank you. Yeah, little squish in the house, little squish in it. We are deep into the name portion. Arnie Fatshaggy? Yes, that's true. Was one. That you called yourself and then you were horrified that we picked up on it. Let this podcast be

a cautionary tale about the dangers of self-deprecation. Don't do it because people will just pick it up and run with it. And now you should first turn? Secret name. To share with you here tonight. You should or before you share it. Yes. Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Don't even ask. Who, what? Now you can turn me into a frog. Yep. By the very law that I just recently stated, I don't now has the legal right to turn me into a frog. Try it. Okay, I mean I can do a little bit of magic I've realized,

I can make Galeeve-Lichton-Comer. Oh, whoa. It's so bright in here. I was blinded by that light. It's wrapped up like a douche. Douche, sorry, I bit my tongue. I suppose I could share one name. A name that isn't too dangerous, one that I am known by upon the oceans of California. There they call me California. California. California. California. Yes, out in the east, oceans of California.

Is there like a California? California, California, yeah. I guess I was just wondering if there was a country near California, just a California. California. California. California. The whales of the oceans of California is... Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo for I am Yusudor, Wizard of the 12th realm of Ezeus, Master of Light and Shadow, Mini-periodate of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Poles of Turakas,

the elves know me as Fien-Yaluk, the dwarves know me as Sonid and Oog Sanjis, and I am known in the North East as Gastemwyth Space Star. Shut up! And if you make me say my secret names, I turn you to a frog. I have noticed the people in the tab are in their enthusiasm for some of the add-on to your names. Have a sort of chronological bent. The huba stank the most. Fanging Ellie a little bit less. The most recent addition, glass anus, whatever people are caught of.

I have to admit, I don't care for this at all They are my names and you're making fun of them and it hurts my feelings Arnie apologize Yes, I have manipulated you into feelings sorry for me Now with my sympathetic magic you are all under my control. I was going to totally fall for that if it weren't for his monologue. Yeah, I don't know. Well, what that aside was about. Oh, perhaps you're even falling for it right now.

Thinking that I've released you and yet I have set you up for yet another trap. It's like the wizard state, but he's coherent. I don't know what this, I've never seen this before. I think he's just confident. Yeah. You said, where does this newfound confidence come from? Don't worry, I've got this. Oh, from nowhere in particular, just feeling on top of my game today.

Well done, you said, oh, what is going on? What is going on? You know, the other day, this makes sense because the other day I was about to go running in these large canines came up upon me and you saw us in front of us First of all, you're gonna tell a story about a bunch of large canines that came upon you I mean if I mature enough I can get away with it Did you want to chew on in one of your childish bullshit? I was running, two large canines came upon me. While Yusidor was on the, you know, in the front area of his house, and he yelled to me,

if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch, so I got up on the porch with him. It was a long lined up first level. That was definitely better than what I was going to say. When I was a kid, that he pulled confidence. Sean, yeah. You're a good friend. You're a good friend. Yeah.

Sean, let us say good things about a man while he's alive and not after he's dead. That's when the great guest be my man. It is. Wow. Ugh. You're a boring book. And you're a total Tom. You're a Tom Buchanan.

No, I'm a, that's, look, I'm a Nick, not a wolf shine. You are a wolf shine. I'm a total wolf shine. You can tell that not a lot of people in the tavern tonight have read the Great Gatsby. But that's okay. Because they're not from Earth. These are all phoenians.

Why would they have read the Great Gatsby? If they were from Earth, you'd be like, did they go to high school? Yeah, yeah. Oh, which reminds me, speaking of people of Earth, I should say to the people of Earth who will eventually hear this, that if you want to email us, you can email me at chunt

at gmail.com, that's chunt with six teas. And I have Arnie's phone. Obviously, I may not get it before the podcast is done, but if there's some sort of magic in the air Yeah, I let you hold my phone a lot of the time. Oh, yeah, because I just I have like a phone addiction and I What's fortune? What's fortune? Oh, yes, let them be distracted by the devices Meanwhile, you said to applause in the corner. It's kind of like every other website I've seen, but everyone's terrible to each other.

Yeah, still. It went away from 4chan. OK. I think we have a troll in the front of the tavern. It's really into 4chan. But guys, you know what? I want to bring up our first guest. Like there's so many people in the tavern tonight

that I wanted to talk to this barb that I met. He's really interesting. He's the sad bar. I don't know if you guys have heard of him. I think he's a sad bar. I've heard of him. I've yet to meet him. I'm very excited to do so. Yeah, actually I would love it if... Then once I've met him, I'll destroy him. This might not mean anything to you, but I feel like Yusador is reverse Jim Gaffaghaning. You've mentioned Jim Gaffaghan once before, not on the podcast, just in real life. Yes, when I was trying to explain what a hot bucket was. That's what it was. You said it with a certain cadence.

You said it with a certain tonal quality. What, how was that? Why does he keep making the same gaps? He gaps once and then he gaps again. Look, Jim Gaffigan is an earth man. He's a living metaphor. He's a constant reminder that don't we in our lives constantly make the same mistakes over and over again.

Yes. Lord fucking knows we do. Once a week. And I keep making the mistake of not bringing up our next guest. I'm very excited for the sad bard. Hello. Hi, Sam. Sam Bard. I don't know.

Do I just refer to you as sad bard? It stands for song a day bard. Song a day? Oh, I was going to say you didn't look so sad. And with those red overalls, I expect you to come up here and be like, it's me. You know, like when you're happy and you're like, so happy you just want to jump up in the air

and punch the sky I don't know about that When you say you're the song a day barred. What does that mean? I I travel around Foon and I just sing songs all the time every day. I write a new song every day you write a new song. Yes. Yeah, song a day barred It's pretty fucking straight forward. It's in the name. It's in the name. It's extrapolate. It's extrapolate. You're a good friend. You're a spelt friend. So song a day bard, I have a question for you like why write a new song every day? Why do that? Yes, why do something every day? Maybe do something every week, but every day? Yeah. do something every day. Maybe do something every week, but every day?

Yeah. It's a sad story. Sad story? It's a story. It's a song. A story. No, this one's actually sad. Oh, OK.

I was cursed, unfortunately. And if I don't write a song every single day, then I have this demon inside of me that will come out if I don't write the song. And I was told that they would murder lots of people. Oh, damn if I don't write the song and and I was told that they would murder lots of people. Oh damn, I was cursed my arm for love. That's hard. It grew back. I just connect with it as a metaphor for the creative process. Yeah, I can see that. But you literally mean if you don't write a song every day, you turn

into a demon and kill people. And it hasn't happened. So I I've managed to keep the streak alive. So I don't to keep the streak alive. So I don't know exactly what would happen. And I don't want to find out. Are you confident? It's a real thing and not just like a weird notion you have in your head? Here.

Let me cast my demon detecting spell. Zoink. Yep, it's real. It's real. Well, shoot. That's pretty convincing. Look, the Zoink wasn't much, but just that beam of light came out of your wand. It's pretty scrappy spell.

Well you could see the outline of the demon in his heart. If you looked right at it, I looked right at it. I looked right at it. Do you have a song today? I do. I have a song that is not one that I wrote today. It's one that I've written before that I wanted to share with you. Yeah, we'd love to hear a song. And I still have to write my song for today.

Well, today is almost done. It's true. So I brought a piece of paper and I have a quill. Oh God, where did it go? Oh, here it is. I have a quill here. And so hopefully by the end of the day I will have a song. But I thought if you guys wanted to hear one of my song The Day, Compositions, Yeah!

Around Foon. Yeah, we're going to have a, we don't hear music nearly enough. Yeah, I would love to hear a song. Great. Woo! Sean, could you hold these lyrics for me? Sure, it's not like I'm co-hosting. I'm sorry, thank you. Sad. So you know, folks, I travel all around Foon. I see many things and I sing about what I see.

There's one thing that I see more than anything else as I travel around Foon. And I thought that was an appropriate song to sing for you tonight. And has a very catchy chorus. And I thought that was an appropriate song to sing for you tonight. And has a very catchy chorus. So I hope that everyone in the tavern will learn it and sing it with me. And it goes like this. Much child death, so, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Much child death, impaled, and burned, cut to pieces, and turned into a paste that makes the ground fertile.

I saw six children smushed flat, and then their rendered fat to open an interdimensional portal. Everybody! So much child death, very good. So much child death. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I saw one poisoned by the queen, one died from death by every disease murdered in cold blood by a delicate flower. So much child death in fun, so much child death. Thank you. It's sad because it's true. It's a harsh world we live in. It's a magical, beautiful world, but it's also like a bleak world. Like terrible things seem to happen on this world a lot. But when you turn 13, watch out.

Also, I love that like into the second or third lyric, I could just hear someone opening a beer very loudly in the tavern just being like, oh boy, I need to watch. Opening? What do you mean opening? Oh, well, they smashed it against the wall. Oh, that would do it. That does the trick.

Yeah. Well, song at a bar, that would do it. That does the trick. Well, song at a bar. Like, how do you come up with your inspiration for the songs that you write every day? I just sing about what I see. Every day I just see things and I just sing about them. We have a saying if you see something, sing it. That's right. Well, I would love it if you would stick around and, you know, honestly, this day is going to be done time is so weird without time keeping measurements, but it seems like this day is going to be done right around the time this podcast is over. Well, you boys take on that tone. What's that?

You were like, right around the time this podcast will take over. That's not how that expression is said? Well, it is, but you sounded like the push of cat cat in town who has that snaggle tooth. Yeah. Yeah Right around with this podcast on the over. Yeah. I've already started taking notes because I happened to be here tonight And so I'd love to stick around and just write about What I see and hear here at the Vermilion Mentor. Oh, you should let the sad bar do his work then, and talk to another guest? Yeah, oh, absolutely.

The taverns has happened tonight, so I'm excited actually to talk to another guest, Barth, the human. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey, up. Hey, barth, come on up. Yeah, yeah, please. Come on up, boss. Please, actually, boss, maybe come on over and sit here.

He can use the stairs if he likes. What's going on, fellas? How are you? Good. How are you? I'm pretty good having a good time, bar. It's a poppin. It is. You know, I'm pretty good having a good time, Bar is a poppin'. It is. You know, I'm talking about. Yeah, Bar's sort of hard to explain,

but like we sit at this table and I kind of interview people about what their lives are like. Cool, yeah, I don't give a fly in hell, you know, I'm talking about, look, I'm new to Hogs face, I'm just trying to meet some pals, you know, I'm talking about. Nice, yeah, I can do that. Oh, so you're new to town. I'm new to town my wife and I just moved in the hog face Welcome holy crap. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, did you take that the two story over by the bog? Yeah, we took the two story by the bog got in about a couple months go or live in a tree house on the you said town

Oh, you live in the tree house. Yeah, my wife's from hog face. Oh, yeah, we're living in my hometown of Badong Dung You're done with Badong Dung. We're done with Badong Dung. There's no work Yeah, it is cranked up in Badong Dung. What happened? Is it mining town? They ran out of war what's going on? We got a new we got a new mayor. Oh He's a piece of he's a piece of canole. talking about. Sure, no, but I don't mean generally. Yeah, generally. Yeah. So we're not really, I don't know. There's no work there in Plession.

I'm not really doing too hot in my profession. So my wife was like, all right, let's go to Hog Face It's where I'm from. Like, I'll make a garden and stuff. So we're kind of just eating whatever out of the garden right now. Oh, sure. Yeah.

My wife said, Druid. Any Druids in the house? About four? About four? About four Druids, which I gotta say, more than I would have guessed. Yeah, and I'd be very handful. Do you have canoleon earth? Oh, I know what earth canole is, a little too well.

Oh. Oh, sure, what's earth canole? Uh, I don't know how to describe it. Yeah, pretty good. So you don't know what it is. Arnie, if you don't have canolean earth, don't lie about it. There's a lot of magical stuff in Fune that you would never have on earth.

So don't pretend you don't be like, oh, I know. Well, this is like the time you tried to convince us you had the WB. Only we have the WB. I love the WB. There's only one WB frog and it's in Fune. And it's got a top atnocaine. I still don't understand what the WB on

Foon forget it tell us about canoli I Tell you the WB in Badung Dung is lit. It's lit. Yeah It's a wizard's wizard's bathroom. Yeah, Wizard's bathroom. Yeah, nothing badung. Oh, what is See I'm not going to this guy's bad. But, in the Dung Dung, the WB is lit. Yeah, the WB is lit thing. Yeah.

What is it like to be married to a druid? What are the perks? What are the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,, you know, someone most nights who's at the house, I'd say kind of- And usually if that's the first thing, that's a good sign. Yeah. I mean, I'm grateful. I love her no matter what she is at that day, you know. You know, I'm talking about-

No matter what she- She is, yeah. She's shape-shifting. Oh, she's shape-shifts. She's shape-shifts. Wow. Yeah. You know, John, I'm a shape-shifter. Oh, no way. Yeah. She shapeshifts. Wow. You know, John? That's, I'm a shapeshift.

Oh, no way. Yeah. Do you know my wife? Her name is Bianque. They don't all know each other. Bianque? I don't think so. Bianque.

Bianque. I don't think so. Bianque. I don't think so. Yeah, I'm not sure what she is today. She got up early, left her a little bit early. Yeah, I've made a beautiful breakfast. I made tomatoes.

Oh. That, I gotta say, that takes time. Yeah, it took a long time. Yeah. I've been kind of cooking up this breakfast for a few months. A few months, yeah. Yeah, so I've made some tomatoes and no note or note them. I'm not sure where she's at or who she's rolling with right now. So it's good to be out with some guys.

Hang it out. She's from the Jones. Yeah, it's good to be out with some guys. Hang it out. She's from the Jones. Yeah, it's guy. You know what? We don't say that this much anymore, but it's kind of a boy's night. It's a little bit of a boy's night.

It's a little bit of a boy's night. Boy's night. Boy's night. Boy's night. Boy's night. You say it, too. You say it, too. I say I'm just saying what you guys are saying.

Oh yeah, say voice night. Yeah, I'm trying to fit in. I'm trying to shape the my own here, trying to fit in with the hogs face crew. Hogs face, hogs face. That's what it's like to move to a new town. Yeah. Yel, whatever catchphrases you hear.

Yeah. Yeah, sure do have a lot of thieves in this town. Well, I mean- Have you noticed that or is that just where I'm living? I can't really, we're not really sure if we're in a good part of town. Well, I mean, look, Hogs face does have a crime problem, but like- Yeah. You don't want to just say we've got a lot of thieves in this town.

Well, okay, I don't know- Are we saying bees? Well, also, we do have a lot of bees in this town. What were we saying? Theaves. Oh, theaves. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of theaves. But you know what?

You said or can say it, because he's lived here for hundreds of years. Barth, when you move to a new town, you don't want to be like, oh, guys, a lot of theaves in this town. Oh, right. Just try to be like, optimist, like, positive about the place. Yeah, I know, I remember you were in Baris one time when you were telling us

about Philadelphia and you said it's full of shitheads. You said something about them having the worst sports fans. Is that remember that? Yes. And in the next day you were like I was drunk. I should never say that. You should never disparage a city that you don't live in. It's true, right? Yeah, okay. My bad guys.

Yes. I was drunk, but I would say that in almost any town. Maybe I'll try to put a positive spin on mine. Yeah. Did you have something stolen since you moved here? Yeah, what did you do? Well, we moved into this tree house in the east side of town, and then I'm not sure what's going on,

but there's a rogue pack of teenagers that stole the tree. Oh, shit. They just left you with a pile of leaves? No, no, the house is there. It's on the ground, though. Oh, I see. But we didn't really get any, you know, so now it's kind of like a tiny house on the ground.

Yeah. But we wanted the tree house for the view so we could see over. So, I mean, it's not ideal, obviously. How do they steal the tree? I'm not really sure, we were in it, too. I'm not really sure. We'll kind of woke up in the middle of the night.

Well, it wasn't the middle of the night, but it was the morning, but we were kind of jet lagged from comfort, but done, done. So, then the tree's gone. And I'm not sure who my wife was rolling with that day, but it was the morning, but we were kind of jet lagging from comfort, but done, done. So then the tree's gone, and I'm not sure who my wife was rolling with that day, but she was gone as well. So I was kind of hanging out in the houses on the ground.

That's such a tough question of like, is it still a tree house? It's like, Arnie, we have in Foon, this sort of conundrum to ponder, if you will, where it's like there's a great hero who sailed this giant wooden boat and over the years it was made into a sort of monument of sorts. And as the wood rotted away, they started to replace the rotting wood with new wood.

And at what point is it no longer that hero's boat? Can you give us an answer? What? It just looked like you weren't following along, so I want you to answer my fucking question. Oh wow. Okay, great. You're the fucking question. No, no, you're one of us.

You're one of us. You're one of us. Yeah, answer the fucking question, big guy. Well, I got to, I will fully confess that the first time you were asking the question, I did phase out a little bit. And so then I was so happy that you restated it and I was like, aren't you? Focus up the second time that he's explaining this question. But I still didn't get all the way.

Never mind. That's played by P.E.R.E. It's been a while. Oh, he wants to know is, if a boat is replaced piece by piece, is it still the same boat? No. Sorry. So, Barthands, did the question for you? Oh, then yeah, I'll go with Barth. No, come on, I boat. No, sorry. So Barth answered the question for you. Oh, then yeah, I'll go with Barth.

No, come on, I have a personality, man. Yeah, exactly. Well, wait, first, you just wanna be a kid like me, so try to fit in with whatever he's doing. And enter the fucking question. Yeah, wait, that's the point. Whoa, guys, Barth is the new guy. Oh, come on.

It feels like Barth has been here for years. Yeah, which is the true. I've been here for two Badung Dung months. He's been here for two Badung Dung months. You keep repeating what he's saying. You just told him not to do that. Yeah, what is this, Arnie? I thought you were chillnuggie cron when I first met you.

Arnie, are you chillnuggie cron? Answer the question. Answer the fucking question. Answer the fucking question. Answer the fucking question. Or... I feel like I'm getting context clues that go either way. Okay, okay, we'll give you a part B. What's a canole? Look, I'm sorry, I've had a lot of canole.

Leave the Nuggetcrum, take the canole. Answer that. Take that question. Look, unlike some people, I don't remember everything that I eat. In fact, I remember everything I eat. In fact, I have a serious problem where I forget a lot of the things that I eat. That's true. I'm sorry, I don't know.

I'm like, did I eat a lot? Look guys, let's just remember, Barth, you seem great. You have the new guy. Barth is a new guy. We like Barth, but we'll give him a little bit of ribbing, but I don't have to be the new guy anymore, right? You're right, let's rib Barth. Let's, you got, come on.

I ribbed the new guy. You're, you're pretty tall. Yeah, I am tall, I am tall. There, there we go. What else? Yeah. Someone stole your home. Yeah, take that, huh?

Yeah, somebody stole my home. But you're a good guy, you're a good guy. If you see a giant tree running around and probably about four or five rope teens carrying it around, it's odds are it's gotta be mine. It's gotta be. As soon as they get past that stage where there's so much danger of dying, they really let loose. You said, or I have heard you say on a few occasions, too much child death, not enough teen death.

Yeah, I second that. I was somebody who would off these teens that took my tree. Oh, Barth! Is that a little intense? That's a little intense. And Arnie, you never ribbed Barth. Yeah, come on, I can take it. Arnie answered you never ribbed Barth. Yeah, come on, I can take it, Arnie, answer the fucking question.

Yeah. Well, Barth, if you're open to a good nature ribbing, this is all for fun, it doesn't really mean anything to me, but it's just an observation that I make. You seem to have like a lot of hair missing on the top of your head. What the fuck? Okay, yeah, what's up, Arnie? Why would you say that?

Let's say that. Unbelievable. And you seem to be unbelievable unbelievable and you seem to be That unbelievable you're missing a lot of arm on your neck damn Her hair on your Son of Arnie Arnie I'm came from earth Roll a pair that me apologize for Arnie. He doesn't understand our ways. Yeah, you don't get us

Right right team. Yeah, you don't get us. Right, great team. Yeah, absolutely. Whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all, we're a team. Don't come on Barth's podcast. It's like disrespecting him. Just shut up, okay. We all know it's my time. You come on, give me the microphone.

Damn, here we go. Oh, yeah, baby. Bing, bong. There's so much power. You want it back? If you want it back here, what do you want it, what do you need to do? Find the teens that took my tree.

Why'd you say that again? I said I never felt more vulnerable in my life. I feel like when that microphone got taken out of my hand, I lost a piece of myself. It was like me losing my magic feather, but then realizing the magic wasn't within me the whole time. Like, as I was plunging to the earth, I realized, oh shit, I needed that feather. Without that podcast microphone, without that pink polo, who are you?

Yeah, who are you? Where'd you get a magic feather? Why have you been holding out on me? Well, on my own. I want a magic feather. I want a magic feather as well. We all get magic feathers. Let's make a pact that we don't leave here

tonight without a magic feather. All right, I'm going to start looking around the tavern. And I'm going to find this magic feather, David. Or I'm going to start looking around the tavern, and I'm going to find this magic feather, David, or I'm gonna come back here and kick your ass. Look, woof. Guys, the day is almost done, but we've been setting up a lot of things that will definitely happen before the podcast is over.

There will definitely be a song or the demon will kill everybody. We'll definitely find those teenagers that stole your tree and we'll all have magic feathers. I feel like how hard is it to find a tree? I mean, if you're not picking about it, if your first criteria is like, well, my favorite thing about this tree is that I have one.

Arnie, he lost his home tree. I'm sorry, are you commenting on my wife and I's relationship? Is that it? That is not a... Not a magic feather? That's not a... That is not a... That's not a... That's like a hammer. That's like a hammer?

I think it's just a hammer. That's what I thought. I thought it was a feather that you transformed into a hammer. It's confusing. To be honest with you, it looks like a lunch box on a stick. Yep, Barth is right. Classic Barth. Classic Barth.

Classic Barth. Good one Barth. Hey, the Barth man is lit. Good one Barth is right. Classic Barth. Classic Barth. Classic Barth. Good one Barth. Hey, the Barth Man is lit. Good one Barth. That's new. The Barth Man is in the... That's our new t-shirt. The Barth Man is lit. Barth, you don't get to be classic. If you've only been around for like 12 minutes,

you need to have been around somewhere between two and a half and three years time to achieve classic status. Okay, wow, that really hurts. Look, Barth, I'm sorry, I wanna be welcoming. I don't wanna ostracize. Well, I want you to be a little bit of an outsider, just in the way that it makes me a little bit more of an insider. Why do you want anyone to be an outsider?

You're just like those teens who took something important from me. Damn, look that sink in Arnie. Look at Barth. Look at Barth. How does! Look at that sinking Arnie. Look at it. Look at birth. Look at birth. How does that make you feel, Arnie? Answer the fucking question. I mean, look at you, Arnie. You have amazing style. You have a microphone.

You have two friends. One can turn into whatever the hell he wants. And what do I have? A wife on the loose. In a house that used to be a tree house but can only be described now as a square donut. Oh that's right it's not even just like a house on the ground because it probably still has that hole whole after everything he just said to you, that's what you comment on. He is on his bottom wrong, Arnie. And when Barth is at his lowest, you don't come out of his mouth, compliments to you.

And you respond and try and earn spleen his donut home. I mean, you're one of the hottest creatures I've ever seen, Arnie. Look that sink in. Holy shit. Who says that? You're beautiful, man. In Bedungdon, you'd be like a David Beckham type. I did some research.

Oh. I'm so sorry. You said you were from Earth, and I looked it up. I'm so sorry. Barth, thank you for your well-researched accuracy. I tried it for you. I've been giving him an hour on the phone every day. Barth, it shows that you care about Arnold.

Enough to learn about his world and give him a compliment. We're very glad that you are a new friend. Thanks, guys. You're welcome. Now give me that magic feather. Let me, we have some emails here. Let me go ahead and say some emails. This is from Brian Doechney. He says, murmurs show live, baby, height seed minator. My wife is pregnant and I was wondering if our norr, I guess he means Arnie, has any advice on the pros and cons of getting lost through a portal in a fictional land once it's born?

Any, uh, any parenting advice for, for Brian? Uh, well, I mean, I don't recommend it. Sure, there are times when it's fun to be hanging out with the boys, but it's really sad to think about what you're missing. You know, I've been in this world for somewhere between two and a half and three years, and that's a lot of time that I've missed, a lot of time that's probably pretty magical. I feel like I'm a big house with a hole in the middle of it. Okay.

Well, come on, man. You digging at me again. It's not big. It's tiny. It has to fit in a tree. Oh. The house of the hole. The hole is huge. But the house is tiny.

Barth, don't you see? That's exactly how I feel. I feel like a tiny house with a big hole in it. I think you should see a doctor. I probably should. Yeah. That hole is way too big. What happened? I think I spent a lot of time trying to pretend that that big hole is not there.

I'm just trying to be the fun happy David Beckham looking guy that I am. Let's go to another email. This is from Jess. Jess says, Hey, Chant, I'm emailing from my friend's phone because my phone was stolen on Monday. Could you ask you to use his magic to track it down and curse the thief a horrible fate? Thanks, pal, from Jamie. Oh, everything's being, you're right.

There are thieves of foot. There are thieves on every world. But when you go to a new world, you play it cool about talking about how many thieves there are. Right, sorry. Yeah. Kravman Ram Chalkai Yefranbach. The thief has rabies.

Was that something? That was in part of the spell. I was just telling you what I did. Oh, I see. So you gave the thief rabies. That's right. I hope that helped you. I hope to it again. As soon as I have an opportunity to get away from these fools,

I'll give all my enemies rabies, and they shall bark like the dogs that they are, and they shall finally destroy each other. As I stand laughing, oh, are there graves? I'm laughing. Here's an email from Lex, Lex says, do you like Tuscidor more than Lauder voice Yusidor? Do I like Tuscidor more than Lauder voice Yusidor?

Lauder voice Yusidor. Is there a neither option? No, I love Yusidor. Yusidor, you're my buddy. Well, thank you. You know, that's very nice to hear. I would love to be your best friend, but my best friend is Apparel Fuels.

That's something bugging me back here. I gotta say that people in the tavern that know Glacianas are love. That's what I'm saying. Guys, I feel so terrible though, like we've been talking and talking, but you know, we certainly have to pay the bills of keeping this tavern in this podcast going. So I would love to do a quick sponsor break.

I have one of our favorite sponsors on the show. One of the people who has supported this podcast from the very beginning, I hope he'll come up here. He's quite old, so it might take him a while. Right up here. Yeah, sound of avoidance. Yeah, he sort of, he looks. I think I spotted him.

He's in the middle. Yeah, here he comes. He sort of looks like if Yusudor was a prospector. Here, a bundle, if you could play our sponsor music while we have our sponsor. Here. Hello, friends. My name is Bungery Chummunch. I'm the proprietor of Chumleon's chamber pot and so forth.

Some are resented and fallen as a polish. It's that wistful time of year when the leaves start to turn and the woodland goblin shed their majestic foreskins on the golden mound of pubis. In the spirit of change it's high time to start thinking about a new chamber pot. Whether it's a piss tank you need or a solid oak turd basket made of the finest reclaimed tree house material, we got them. In all manner of shapes and sizes too. Now you may be saying hold on there, Bungerleep.

You once sold me a shitbox guarantee for five whole years. It's only been two. Well, that may be so, but the stench of your leavings could have a lifetime guarantee. Don't let me be the judge. You only want the nose for sure. You're a colon. Now, while I'm here, I want to mention

I don't only sell chamber pots. I also got booker banks for the wee ones. Oh, children just love them and it teaches them the value of responsible book or storage. Finally, I'm running a special for you ladies out there. I'm no interior designer, but just imagine how you could beautify your home with a wall hook for holding mencise rags. I'm sure some room in your home needs an X and a splash of color. If that appeals to you home makers, I've got plenty of mencise, rag hooks and stock right now.

Tell you what, you buy one, you get five free. You won't get that deal anywhere else. Well now I suppose that's it. I'm Bungery Chuppens, Chipper Parts and so forth. I could really use your business. Oh, thank you mind- what is your doing at the table? Oh, that's kind of you. Yeah, here, here, uh, but just continue to talk into the microphone that you talk into for the ads. Yes, I remember the first time I spoken to one of these

and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I. Yeah, here, here. But just continue to talk into the microphone that you talk into for the ads. I remember the first time I spoke in one of these. I thought it was a leg of mutton with Gristle on it, and I took a bite out of it. So I don't make that mistake again. Yeah, I know. And then I did it a second time.

The third time I resisted. Yeah. But you know what? It's natural. You know, Bungery, I know you've lived in this world for a long time, but you're still kind of new to the podcast. Someone say you're the new guy. Oh.

Hey, welcome, new guy. Yeah, welcome, new guy. Don't fuck it up, right? Yeah, right, exactly. Classic bar. Classic bar. I have been the new guy in quite some time. Nice hat, new guy.

Classic Barth, I ever been a new guy in quite some time. Nice hat, new guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, that does make me feel inadequate. John Barth, do you have a good nature to rib for her bungery? Yes, bungery. What I appreciate about you, what I appreciate about you, that's when you, you know, have to get into it. What I appreciate about you is that you

seem straightforward, you seem honest, because unlike David Beckham, the only thing Arnie bends around here is the truth. So I appreciate that you're... Oh, God! I appreciate that you're a straight shooter. And yes, Arnie, I've seen the movie because I had to check out that nightly woman who appeared in it. You're lucky that we all only know one thing about David Beckham.

And I guess what I appreciate bait about you is, you know, in my research about Earth, I looked up one of the most popular movies on Earth, which is Toy Story 2. And I just want to say I appreciate bait how you look like the bad guy is Toy Story 2. And I just want to say I appreciate how you look like the bad guy from Toy Story 2. You do look like the bad guy from Toy Story 2. Yeah, it's such a compliment. Yeah, okay, I don't take it. Arnie, did you give one?

Well, I didn't know if maybe the sad bar had a good natured rib that or something he appreciates about Bungaree I use his chamber pots Lovely, thank you. Oh God bless you. Yes, I also use your chamber pots. I think about you every time I defecate You don't know what that does to this old man tart. Thank you Yeah, and yeah, I'm probably gonna get one I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.

I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.

I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.

I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid, we're not sure what to do with it. Yeah. It's tough. Some people usually just compost. You thought, Arnie, did you give a compliment yet or ribbing? Oh, no. Well, you know, I've got to say, I don't know. I just find myself wondering if you're bald under that hat.

There's something I'm just like on hair today. I'm just thinking about hair and the people have it or not. Um, I haven't taken that hair off. Oh! This hat doesn't come off. It's been on my head for 76 years. Really? Yeah, it stuck on there.

You're common-law-married to that hat. So, Bungery, what is it like dedicating your life to receptacles that people shit in? Well, I don't know any difference and it's been the family for quite some time. My father and his father before him, we've been about pistachio and chip boxes for generations, you know, so I'm pretty pleased about it. It's important service. Sure. We all need one. Oh yeah. Or two. I mean, maybe. Some days I need two. Sometimes you need two. Sometimes you might even need more than two. You might need five. You might be seven. We have a lot in stock. We have quite a bit of inventory. I just want to remind you of that. That's good to know.

I've got a lot in stock as well. Oh, OK. I bet you do. Looking to move some inventory. I have a, well, you know where to come. Yeah. Well, Bungery, I really appreciate you. I think you might be one of the first sponsors that really

took a shot on this little podcast. Thank you. We've reached a lot. Has it improved your business at all? one of the first sponsors that really took a shot on this little podcast. Thank you. We've reached a lot. Has it improved your business at all? Yes, we went from selling five units per week to seven units per week. Progress? That is progress.

Yeah. That's the only thing this podcast has ever accomplished. Well, we also very recently got the word out that Barth's wife is on the loose. Yeah, she's honest. That's right. We completely keep glossing over the fact that like, something's going on with your wife. Yeah, it's okay.

Barth, this is a safe place where literally everyone in the tavern is listening to you. Right. Do you want to talk about what's going on with you and your wife? Uh, yeah. Um, I don't know, I think she just hates my guts. I'm not really sure what to do. She keeps turning into different types of animals and leaving before I get up. Arnie, relate! What? Relate!

It's not your problem. No, no, I get it. I'm trying to see what parts of that I can universalize and what parts I can't I don't know what to do. I'm running out of ideas I buy buying her flowers every day, but there's just so many goddamn flowers in the house right now Yeah, my allergies are going kind of bonkers Yeah, Barth, what do you think that it is that's driving her away me? Hey, but is there some behavior you engage in

that she's said in the past? This thing you do annoys me, or this thing you do, makes me want to leave. Has she ever stated her feelings? Not really. She didn't talk much. If I start talking her, if I were to ask her how her day was, she just turns into a different animal

that can't understand what I'm talking about. Are you sure there aren't just a lot of different animals sneaking into your house? And your wife left years and years ago? Yeah, maybe since the tree was stolen, maybe a lot of forced critters don't have a home and have just been taking up residence in your bed. I mean, now that you guys are bringing up, I haven't seen my wife in human form for a long time.

Okay. You should all have the solution. I've been human for a long time. Okay. You should all have the solution. You have two options. One, except that these are simply forest animals. And that you've been single for years. And go nuts. Go nuts.

Second, confront the animal. And say, you must tell me what I've done wrong. And I shall set it straight. If the animal turns back into a human and talks to you, you know it's your wife. If the animal looks at you confused and tries it away, it might still be your wife, but there's nothing you can do about it.

Look, you sure, look guys, none of you here have been married except for me and Barth, right? You don't know if I've been married. You're the new guys in this conversation, all right? I mean, that's a good point. You don't understand. It's me and Barth, classic Barth and Arnie, married guys, I understand.

I just met you, Arnie, Laura, have mercy. I mean, look, you know, the second part seems what I'd want to do, but it's hard. When she comes home, she's normally running in a pack. So I can't pick out who she is, really. Chunch, I mean, there are five different wolves in the house last night, and I don't know who to talk to, so I just went to bed with all of them. Chunch, do you know what I like about Both and Arnie? It's how Arnie has a little bit of hair on the top and

Both has hair sticking out the sides. They make great roommates, don't you think? Yeah, what did Arnie carve the table here, Barney? I wasn't really thinking about that. Is that a portmanteau of your days? Yeah, I guess I'm just thinking about how much I have in common with Both. You know, being married is great, but it's also sometimes difficult. I mean, sometimes you wake up and you look at the person next to you

and you feel so lucky that you're sharing the rest of your life with them. And then other times you wake up and you're like, who is this person? You aren't the same series of animals that I married. Right. I mean, one day you're having a good life in Badungdung and the next the giraffe tells you to move to Hogsface. Yeah.

Wait, was the giraffe your wife? I don't know at this point. I thought I had it figured out, but then the wizard told me that the... But don't listen to the wizard. The wizard's always trying to do the same things. They try to solve problems rather than just listening to the animals and what they want to tell you. And there goes Arnie putting people in a box again.

Right? Compartualizing? Arnie. All I'm saying is listen to the animal. The animal inside me. I meant it literally, but metaphor works too. I have one more email, because this is an email directed towards Barth.

And since he's one of the gang, I want to make sure if he gets an email that we read it. So somebody sent me an email? Yeah, I'll explain later, or Arnie will. This is from Tom Martin, it says, did the tree house, did your tree house grow in Brooklyn? Just curious. Oh, this is a reference to an earth book.

I think so. It was it an earth thing or is it not, Arnie? This is what I get for being such a dick to people who hadn't read the great gatsy. What's a Brooklyn? What's a Brooklyn? And also, what's a Brooklyn? And what's a Brooklyn? What's a Brooklyn? And what's a nooklin? What's a nooklin?

Let's open 9.9. Oh You know what I'm trying to remember if I would even know what's a Vince Carter? What's a Vince Carter? I should know some of these things. Okay, okay, all questions off. What's a canola? And don't look at me and say what's a can you? Because that's not gonna get you on this spot. A canole is a fried dessert that is sort of wrapped up, and it's stuffed full of cream of some kind. It's turd shaped. It is turd shaped. It is turd shaped.

Thank you, Bungery. I have a question for you. Are you that guy, Bungery? Are you always sort of like waiting for the part of the conversation that's turd related? I heard about Kenoli's, sure, which are, which are turned shapes. And they're turned shapes. Yeah, that's what I know. Yeah, that's, he's an expert. I'd like to consider myself a specialist, yes. Yes. I get it.

That's the way it is. The anus is the prism through which you see the world. And you know what? That's kind of good. That's kind way it is. The anus is the prism through which you see the world. And you know what? That's kind of good. That's kind of profound. If you think about it, that might be true for everybody. Yeah.

Yeah, it just involves a little self-examination. And well, I've been doing quite a bit of that. My time, selling dirt boxes and piss tanks. That's what I enjoy. It's my life, it's my hobby, it's my life's work. The prism through what I see the world. Is a magical prism. Yeah, a geodilided uncover from deep within the earth.

This magical prism has allowed me to see the truth where I do go and allowed me to fight evil and destroy it in all its forms. Yeah, if I use an or shall rise above and he it in all its forms. Yay, for usador shall rise above, and he shall destroy all his enemies, smite them down until none do stand before him. Soon the void and a dark lord shall all be torn away from this world, and we shall be free once again. So my prison's a literal prison. Should we check in on that song? Should we check in on that song?

Yeah, you know, I have to say, yeah, we don't want to miss the end of the day and to have the sad bar turn into a demon. You've written a lot of things down over there. Is this the closest you've ever gotten to the end of the day without having a song? We're cutting it very close, but I think I have something. You guys are very provided a lot of material, so it's all here. Tell me about it. I'd like to sing it for you now.

I would love to hear a song. Quickly before the rooster screams midnight! Can you hold it for me? Can I do what? Please, John, could you please hold the lyrics for me? No, John, you've done a great job of holding other people's things. This whole episode. Thank you.

Okay, let's see how this song goes. Barth, the human lives in a tree house. What is canolean is it on earth? Barth's wife is a shapeshifting druid and she treats him like a real jerk And the whales of California say, ooh, sadore If you can't run with the big dogs, Well, get up off of the pole or drop of a porch

Or a drop of a porch Where is the magic feather? Are there lots of thieves and hog face? Because a roving pack of teenagers stole Barth's tree in hogs face and the whales up from California Say, ooh, say, oh, oh, oh more if you can't run with the big dogs get above for the porch, okay? if a boat is replaced, piece by piece total still the same boat Arnie Ribb and Barth, the totally wrong way

and Barth took his microphone Answer the fucking question Arnie Answer the fucking question Answer the fucking question Arnie I don't care if you look like David Beckham Oh I'm sorry, are you gonna say a line? No, go for it I don't care if you look like David Beckham.

And the wheels of California, they say, oh, it's a door. If you can't run with the big dog, you better get up off of the porch. And now you better get up off of the for the porch now and the wheels of California They say you said oh oh oh if you can't run with the big dog You're gonna get a ball for the porch everybody the wheels of California They say you said go and if you can't run with the big dog The winds of California, and they say, ooh, it's the door.

And if you can't run with the big dogs, you better get a bottle of orange. You better get a bottle of orange. You better get a bottle of orange. You better get a bottle of orange. You better get a bottle of orange. you better get up off of the boys. You better get up off of the boys. You better get up off of the boys. You better get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it Oh! Oh, thank you. Thank you. Damn, Arnie, I

Gotta say when our episodes are condensed down into a three-minute song. They're fucking hilarious. Why don't we just do that every episode? We should start doing three-minute episodes that are just songs. Also when you hear it all in one song You're like, why yes, this all really does track from one thing to the other, all the way through. There's a clear beginning, middle, and end that totally makes sense. Yep. Totally.

Answer the fucking question, Arnie. Answer the fucking question, Arnie. Answer the fucking question, Arnie. Answer the fucking question, Arnie. Well, what book, yes. Bucking question on me, into the bucking question. Well, what book? Yes, the boat, if you replace every part of a boat, they're not the same new boat anymore. Maybe it's an old boat with a lot of different parts.

Even if every part of it's different, at the heart of it is a demon that threatens to destroy it. And that's the magic feather. threatens to destroy it. And that's the magic feather. And look, guys, I know I sometimes have trouble focusing. We have trouble focusing. Sure. And every episode, we start trying to do something

and we get distracted very quickly. Very quickly. Yeah. But I- Can you have a problem, Arnie? I can do classic birth. I knew you need medication, man. And also, think you have a problem, Arnie. I bet you have a classic birth. I mean, you need medication, man. And also, if you keep replacing births wife with a series of animals, is it still his wife?

Hold on, shit, that just blew my mind. In order to... It almost like this whole thing makes sense. Look, people, change. If your wife is replaced by a series of animals, she's fundamentally different, but also, yes, that's still your wife unless, of course, when your tree fell, it killed your wife and that dead corpse has been attracting

a large series of animals. That also makes sense, but guys, we'll never know the answer. How old are you, aren't you? How old are you? How old are you? I think I'm 41 years old, but it's hard to to keep trying if I find out you're a teenager as Florida God I'm gonna come to your house and and I'm gonna rain canola on your ass damn he's gonna shit on me, right? Well, I didn't say that

Well, thank you all for being here all for being here. Thank you so much for spending the evening with us. We are And then everyone poured out onto the streets of Brooklyn to open their own craft brewery slash artisan candlery that accepts old vinyl. Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young. Remember every time Matt screams a run on sentence doesn't have to be rewarded with an applause break. Where would we be if we applauded every time Matt sat and listened quietly? John to the Badger was played by Adolf Refy. The sad bard was played by special guest Jonathan Mann,

who really does write a new song every day and holds the Guinness World record for most consecutive days writing a song. To check out some of his 3000 plus songs, go to songaday.org. Or check out his musical podcast Song of Nots, about a band that's going nowhere until a magical drum machine transports them into their songs. You can find Song of Nots on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Barth, the new guy was played by special guest John Reynolds. You may have seen John in Search Party and Stranger Things, playing respectively Drew and

the Demogorgon. Bungery Chobbins was played by Tom Gottlieb, voice of Cookie Master Sin from the better editions of You Don't Know Jack. Check out the Jack Box Party Pack 4, where he hosts the new game, Fibbage 3. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan DeGeorgi and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. And since there's always time for another plug, check out Braids on Stitcher Premium. It's a psychedelic trip through the latest developments in science brought to you by the team behind hardcore Game of Thrones.

It's like Radio Lab without the radio labbiness. Check out Braids every Wednesday on Stitcher Premium. And for a free trial month of Stitcher Premium, go to Stitcher Premium.com slash Braids and use Offer Code Magic. Alright, time to go catch up on some DVR'd Brooklyn 9-9, which premiered in 2013. Arne.