Hollywood Handbook - Griffin Newman, Our Close Friend Again

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

The Boys lock down GRIFFIN NEWMAN on Draft Day and discuss what’s next on Blank Check. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Many years, many years ago. Little context, many years ago. Kevin check off that Hayes started this one. I know we like to try to keep it balanced. I started the last one or I did one of my probably me one of my dear. He's good at it.

Dear professor, dear professor of film. Mm. He was the writer of, we have a film guy with us today, the movie Groundhog Day. Wow. And every week we say, professor, professor, tell like story, like how'd you do, how'd you come up with that crazy groundhog,

I like all the funny ideas. And he was very sharing of all of his stories and his little lessons that he learned. It must have transformed in some ways too. Did you flip him out that every week he would come to class and you would ask him the same question over and over again as if he were stuck in some sort of- How did you come up with that crazy groundhog?

Groundhog date style time loop. And every, so during the year, and the leading up to February 2nd, he would say, okay, everyone, just so you know, we're supposed to have class on that day. I will not be coming to class. I have booked seven, like between seven and 10 speaking engagements. 90% of my income comes from one day to the next.

Every year, it's like Black Friday for him. Like he needs to be, he's like flying around the entire country on that day. I don't think it is like Black Friday. I think if I- Black Friday is when things are available at an extreme discount. Yeah, I think he's hiking up his cost of that day. And no, and that's true,

but that's when they get into- It's probably like Thanksgiving Day. Yeah. But the rest of the- Right before things become inexpensive. The most expensive day of the year. Yeah, that's the most you'll pay for anything. But that's when a lot of retailers go into the black.

They operate a deficit for most of the year and just the amount of, the volume of traffic. From that side of it. Yeah, interesting. If I were trying to compare the phenomenon you're describing to one annual occurrence, a day of the year that has a little special juice on it. I would almost say it sounds like a groundhog day

type situation. Well, it does to me, because it's when he pops out of his hole to do all his speaking. Exactly. To me. You know what fucking pucks a Tony Phil, the other 364.

The comparison I would make is Griffin Newman every year on draft day. Let's just be honest about why we have him here today. Today is draft day. That's right. The NFL draft is happening tonight. He's gonna pretend he didn't know. I knew it was the day, but I didn't put together the math

of you guys, you tricky fucks, locking me down on my most valuable day of the year. It's midnight to midnight Yeah, every year and we got him we had the book and way in advance to get Griffin on on draft day Huge and you guys it's it's a full 24-hour hold you placed on me. Yes. Yeah That's right. I didn't do the math. We own your ass. Yeah. Can I set some stakes up for this episode? Uh, please. I mean, that would be so refreshing for me.

I feel like I always have to do that. Hayes starts it and then I'm like, okay, but he didn't set the stakes. No. I, uh, this won't be resolved within this episode. This will need to be some sort of follow-up in some form at some point. But today is draft day and I'd say maybe four to five months from now, when the residual cycle has costed itself out. Oh, green envelopes.

It's truly, I would say. Like clockwork. This year it's a real, am I gonna hit health insurance or not? And I'd say the draft day bump is probably the big question. It's a big draft day. I can see it like getting a little runoff. People talk about the people lucky enough

to be in your Christmas pictures, your Groundhog Day pictures. Movies that have a pop one day out of the year. If you're lucky enough to be in one of those annuals, it kind of keeps you afloat. Yeah. Yeah and draft day a movie that lost so of keeps you afloat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, and Draft Day, a movie that lost so much money in theaters.

Sure. Yeah. Is now making so much money for Griffin. It's insane, and for me only. Yeah. I gave up, I said, don't pay me anything. Give me the points, I'm betting long-term on this thing. Back end, baby. I said, I'm a back-end baby first dollar gross

Mm-hmm, and that's what the podcast is like You talk about things like that. Yes. I talk mostly about my residuals. Yes. Yeah, which is why it's so popular I mean and we talk about this all the time Translucency. Yes, and how important that is? Yeah now and that for that for a long time, it was this kind of black box and no one knew what happened inside the world of show business. Yes. And that we are sort of the first ones to say,

Yes. Here's some of what's going on. Yeah, yeah. And the public loves that. Well, it's probably the public loves that. Well, it's probably the most interesting thing to them is what I'm doing. And I have found that to be true, it served me well through my entire career,

which I'm at the tail end of. Yes. Which is like, hey, nothing to sneeze at, right? But much like the writer of Groundhog Day or the eighth lead of Draft Day, you hit your career peak and then you get to really have fun spending decades coasting off of the juice

of what you did in your prime. And for you, that's gonna be decades of talking about how you negotiated room rates, you know? Oh, yes. Moved up in your, what was your first story editor credit? What was that conversation like? Yes. How many people were CC'd on the email?

Well, I skipped ESE. I don't wanna step on, I don't wanna say, I don't wanna step on the speaking engagements. Yeah. Yeah, so story editor, executive story editor, co-producer jumped over it. That is fucking ESE. Wild. Not on the resume.

Yeah. Was he not good enough to be an executive story editor? No, he was too good. I skipped a grade. The opposite problem. You know what I mean? They had to move me up. That is wild.

Yeah, no, it was fucking heady, brother. I was like, I couldn't appreciate it at the time, how nuts it was, but you know, now at the tail end of my career, I do kind of get to look back and go like, we did all right. He called me and like slow played it, just like kept it straight the entire time.

He was like, oh, I'm just like, I'm just going to catch up. I wish we had known each other back then. Like what's going on? I'm glad we didn't because honestly, Hayes is one of the only people I knew back then who I am still friends with. Yeah, you were a different guy back then. I became something of an enfant to re-blank

when that contract came through. This is another thing people don't talk about, is like, you gotta get big and then you gotta get humbled. And you wanna make it through the other side. Oh yeah, that's part of the process. With some talent. Nobody gets to skip that. No, no, you can skip over.

You can skip ESE, but you cannot skip the Enfant Terrible. You can't. I, you know, it's funny, cause it's like. That means terrible baby for any of us. Yes, yes, yes. Who doesn't speak French. Worse fucking baby.

He went through a terrible baby. Yeah. I became just a terrible baby. Adam McKay, I think one of our greatest inspirations, right, I mean, not to speak for all three of us, past and future guests, right? But a guy who's had so many interesting. He wants to, yeah.

Okay, he's circling us, when can I get back on? Aspirant future guests. The timing is like, he wanted to do a draft episode, it was like, oh, I think he got a better one for that. Don't fucking pull cash out of my pocket, Adam. No, yeah, fuck him. But a man who's had so many interesting tendrils of his career, right?

And you go sketch comedy writer, and then blockbuster comedy director, serious probing, dramatic, but with a little bit of a bite, like comedic bite, a wink. Yes, it's slightly askew. Oscar winner. Take the story and just, and people,

if people watching, they'll be able to see me tilt my head. Just a little. And just. And dance. What if I looked at it this way? And suddenly it's entertaining. It is. And it's also still making you think,

maybe making you think about something you believed you understood. And he's telling me things that I genuinely never knew before, like that George W. Bush was president. I'm sitting here and I'm like, isn't the news supposed to be educating me? Well, that went out the window quite some time ago. That's true.

You know, come on, we're not watching the news for information anymore. What are we watching it for? TNA. TNA. Tits and applesauce. And applesauce is my term for punani. I always like- That's what's on the news, guys.

Unfortunately, this is the way society has gone. And by the way, you know, make a good movie about it. Adam McKay. Adam McKay. Because it has the problem. This is the problem, Griffin. What, I mean, we think of the podcasters oath. Sure, yeah, which we take every day.

First do no harm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. The industry, I mean, I don't know if they talk about this in front of you or if this is just conversations that we're part of an industry circle. Yeah, they might kind of keep it away from you. Interesting, because out of fear or out of sort of like compassion,

do you think? I don't think you can separate the two. Okay. I don't know if you, because I do think they're worried about you, you're a truth teller. This is true. But they also are worried about you.

Because the second oath of course is tell no lies. Do no harm, tell no lies, make them laugh. Yes. Yeah. First do no harm, second tell no lies lies, make them laugh. Yes. Yeah. First, do no harm, second, tunnel lies, third, make them laugh. You, the damage that you are doing to the movie industry by saying, hey everyone, let's think about all these movies

that already happened before, right? Let's go back, it's the canon, right? I'm not looking forward. Let's go to the It's the canon. I'm not looking forward. Let's go to the library. Yeah, yes. You know? Yes. Where meanwhile, the industry is saying,

hey, we have a new movie. The library's such a good example because the small bookstores, Yes. Yes. not doing so hot. No. And it's because of the monstrous library. Yes. And with a vicious invention. With the video rental store. You know, we don't talk about this. But I think it literally is basically closed in some

places. I mean look, I'm a New Yorker, I'm here visiting, right? I've been driving around town. And I'm just like, I can't find a fucking. What'd you push and what kind of wheels you got? The lift green. I cannot find a blockbuster for my life. And I remember coming out here and you couldn't throw a fucking stick

without landing in one. Every other block. Hey God, hey God. I think he also was lifting a little green right before the show. Gets pretty heavy after a couple. It gets heavier and heavier. We'll take it off.

It lightens up too after every monster. It gets lighter. It gets heavier and lighter. It gets heavier but it also gets a little lighter. It gets a little lighter because this guy's fucking draining that thing. And I should acknowledge, that's obviously the other day of the year

where I really make my bank. Oh, sure. You know, there are two things I'm an expert on that people wanna call me in to sort of look back and look forward. You know, outside of the library, which I'm good at all year round. 420 and draft day, which is roughly April,

I mean, it's April 24th this year. So that's a rough week for you. It's a fucking cytonic week. Cruel week. Well, and it sucks, you wish you could spread them out. Right, and on 420, I'm getting low. But on draft day, I gotta be sharp. Yes.

Because I'm usually making the rounds and people are like, who's gonna go first? Who's gonna go second? Who's going to go second? Who catches the best? And I need to like know all of them. And as part of the like performative element that you have to do, you basically have to do the combine like throughout the entire day. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Running. They make me play. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm like, this is a day where they're not playing. Right. No make me play. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, this is a day where they're not playing. Right, no, mostly they don't. They get to sit on the couch with their family, holding hands, crying. They put on a suit, you just get, this is like a night on the town, and for you, it's the freaking Super Bowl.

It is, really. The most exercise those guys are doing, ironically, professional athletes, the most exercise they're doing on this day is shaking hands and lifting up jerseys and they're not even breaking a sweat. Yeah. Whereas for you, that would be. I'm doing the thing where you have to run and the tires in front of you and one foot has to go in one tire and the other tire.

And it's not just, you're moving back and forth in the two shift in weight, you're also moving forward. And because of who you are. It's two tires. Yeah, I could do that. I could do that. But you're moving forward and because of who you are too, you're also cracking wide.

That's the thing. I mean, he gets out of that thing every year and goes, I'm really tired. Yeah. And I am going, I'm really tired. Yeah. Yeah. And I am going, you know, I'm waiting, is he gonna do it? And he does it and he's out of breath, you know?

You kind of can't understand it. Yeah. But God damn, if I don't end up laughing. I don't wanna give myself too much credit, right? But even on a day like that, I'm making a TV appearance. It's not technically a podcast. Even though most podcasts are pivoting to video, even though the even on a day like that, I'm making a TV appearance, it's not technically a podcast. Even though most podcasts are pivoting to video, even though the line is sometimes hard to identify,

it's not technically a podcast. Technically no, yeah, technically no, it's not. But I am inherently a podcaster. Doesn't matter if I'm all- And you are saying something. I am. And so every morning I'm making- But it's available as a podcast too.

It will eventually. It all either starts as a podcast or becomes a podcast. Right? And I wake up every morning and I say the oath, whether or not I'm gonna fucking strap in behind the mic. So on a day like that, they throw the mic in front of me after I've done the tire thing where once again, I'm not staying in place, I am moving forward.

And I go, oh, I'm pretty tired. What am I doing in one sentence, in three words, one contraction? Yeah, what are you asking? I'm doing no harm. Doing no harm. I'm telling the truth and I'm making them laugh. And he's making them laugh.

I haven't hurt anyone by doing the tire thing. Justin is just saying, I'm really tired. I'm telling people how I feel, honestly, and you're there busting a darn gut. Yeah, and it's not doing any harm. It's not. Yeah, it's true what they say. But what are we doing about the,

how do we stop you from doing so much harm as you're doing now to the movies that you claim to love and. Because the movies are having some trouble. This is true, this is true. And I believe there was one set of guests who actually tried to celebrate a new filmmaker and to not come in and just talk about everything

from a million years ago. Well, and guess. And go, oh, this old dead fuck was using a Dutch angle. And do you remember when this, uh, dead motherfucker, uh, was doing all the cameras on, uh, this other, uh, dead bitch? Yeah. Like, and the streamers are loving it.

All the dead bitches are on the streamers. And so they're coming and jizzing and nutting because they like, you got it. You want to see all these dead bitches? Criterion collection is working so hard for it's like living the role and like, you know, space in the 70s and all these categories. Here's the categories, dead bitches, dead motherfuckers.

That's every fucking collection. Just slap six or seven together. No, you're right that the, our show usually- You already got my money Our show usually the narrative is like people who had massive success, right? Uh-huh their career built and it grew and then it got to the place where they really proved themselves And now we live, you know in the wake of the work they got to do once the industry backed the fuck off and said I guess you know what you're doing. And I do think, and I wasn't sure we were gonna do this, because obviously there's so much on the plate,

we need to talk more about draft day, I need to get back to the Adam McKay point, I was winding up 10 minutes ago. But I think we do need to take some responsibility here. We probably, the three of us, may be responsible for putting a bullet in the head of the most promising young director's career in Hollywood right now because we were grading him

on the scale of an old master, of someone who already knew the Dutch angles and he was still developing the language and we showed up seven or eight years later, the body's still fresh and we just kind of made a buffet. And here's what's so crazy. Necrophilia. Here's what's so crazy.

It's a damn girl. That's a she. The body? The most promising young director. You know what? We thought we were being nice and kind and funny and cute and sweet, and it turns out we were a couple of Bo Burnhams

and Promising Young Woman and you can't trust anybody. Because we. That's big facts. There's a guy named Joe who just tried to hit record, take after take, cut it together, ordered a montage. Wolf in cheap clothing, right? This guy didn't spend much on his outfit, he must not be a wolf.

Yeah. Wolves always got a lot of dough slinging around there, all decked out, right? Wearing furs. You know how I always say you can spot a wolf? Look for the sheep. You know? Baba.

Baba. Baba. Have you done McKay? Have you done a McKay series? Not yet. And so the studios are considering that, aren't they? They're saying, okay, McKay, not yet,

like it's coming, we all know it's coming. Come on. And so, eventually, like the students are gonna make something. Yeah. That they bring in McKay to do it. Okay, maybe it's like not gonna, like all movies are failing right now.

Yeah, no movies are successful. So like obviously this is probably gonna eat shit right now. But eventually, you're gonna point all the blankies toward it. Yeah. And it's gonna recoup. Yes.

We'll all be dead. Right., but it is gonna, you know. No it is, throw me on the Criterion channel at that point, I'm at the tail end of my career anyway, I'm gonna be another dead motherfucker. And so the only opportunities that are available now for the ones that are eventually, and also anyone who's already been done by you, is like, that's it, there's nothing more to be wrung out of them.

Like, they made all the money that they're gonna make. What, are you gonna go back again for? But this is the point, I feel bad anytime we cover someone because I'm like, we basically just fucking. You just threw dirt on them. Yeah, we sent the Grim Reaper right to your door. It's over, narrative concluded. The blankies picked them clean, is what happened.

And it is blankies. It's security blankies. It is, it is. It's a safe space. And they're sucking on it, they're smelling it. There's a little pee pee on it. They're wiping off spittle with it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's tough. It's dusty. This is what I was gonna say about my K. I love all his work, right? And I anything that comes out of his pay sounds like an interesting okay. Mm-hmm Okay, interesting series of podcasts. It loves everything. I love anything that comes out of it. This is what they do This is good. But if you ask me what's his most important work part was good No, this is the fucking show. You know which part I like.

This is what the blank is. The part that came after the part we just talked about. That's me doing impression of myself. It's true, that's the show. No, it is. We have to talk about the next part. Yeah. Okay.

You know what I do sometimes if I really wanna flip people out? I'm like jumping ahead, I know this isn't the next part But I want to talk about this and then we'll go back to the other part. I Well, I start skipping forward. Yeah Because I think you're giving me instructions. Mm-hmm, and then I'm like wait like now Now I'm too far ahead and then I say okay, then I slow down. Let's slow down and you hit.5x. And now the podcast is crawling.

What's the movie that you thought was the best, the most important one? Of all time. That he did, you started to say. What I'm saying, this is the radical twist of what I've been setting up. Yeah, because you've been building up to something. You were talking about translucency, right?

And needing to break up in the black box of this industry. I think his work is great. But I think the best thing Adam McKay ever did wasn't a movie, weren't a sketch, wasn't a think piece. Ain't no podcast he produced. It was seven years of constant interviews explaining why Anchorman 2 wasn't happening because they hadn't come up with the right deal package

to reunite the cast. That's a movie? It wasn't. Oh, you said it wasn't. Yet. Okay, that's right, okay. This is what I'm saying, seven years. No, you're saying this is a podcast. He said it wasn't a movie.

Seven years. It was a podcast he produced? No. Okay, it wasn't that. I mean, in a way. Tell me what it wasn't. No, he said that it wasn't that. Tell me what it wasn't. No he said that it wasn't. Tell me what it wasn't. It wasn't anything but a narrative we were observing piecemeal constructed. Was it a sketch though? It was not. Oh it was not. It was not. Okay.

But it could become any of these things like it could be serial season 5. Why? Why? Yes. Because the great stories, right? The sort of core stories are modern day mythology, like the Joker. They need to be told over and over again in different mediums through different perspectives because they tell us things about ourselves. And Adam McKay for seven years would sit down with like a Latino review, a YouGo, a Dark Horizons, and they'd just be like, what's the funniest? And those are three different things? Yeah, and people forget this, right?

This is like library content I'm trying to direct people back to. And they'd be like, Anchorman 2, that'd be fun, any chance? And he'd be like, they're asking me to explain back end sweeteners. He knew that what that journalist was actually asking him was a full breakdown. They want the deal package. Of packages for stars.

I think about it and I realize this guy's influenced me in more ways than I thought. Cause as I sit here talking about, and I hate to bring it up again, skipping the ESE level. This is what made me think of it. You sure I heard this phone call. In my ascension to co-ed. I wish I had known him back then. Wish I'd been on the call list.

That what I'm really doing is, I'm standing on the shoulders of giants, you know, because McKay had already talked a little bit about the contracts, the deals, the complex structures that we all engage in. People go, oh, showbiz, it's so fun, right? It's, oh, it's goofing around with your friends and making them laugh.

That's some of it. That's some of it. That's some of it. That's some of it. That part is fun. That isn't. But it's also, but there's also deal points. Deal points.

Right? Yeah, and when those journalists are saying to him, I thought Anchorman was funny, any chance you do another one, he could read through the question, which wasn't just I'd like to laugh again. They don't wanna know if you're doing another one. But they wanna know if you do another one.

What, it's gotta get hammered out between some of these stars. Exactly. And the studios as well. Cause we know what Curll's quote is now. He's third lead in this. They're not gonna pay him leading man rate. He's gotta do this for love of the game,

but the game has to pay him back at some point. So is there gonna be a kicker, right? Yeah. Well, and it's in the game. And what it is, it's a little- For love of the game was baseball. That was baseball, and Kevin Cobb's there. Carell wasn't in that.

There's no kicker. But it was Kevin, I'm just tying the threads together. But what they had to do, and it's a little like your draft day deal, they had to do what I call the mullet contract. Party up front. It's a real short in the front? Yep.

Yeah, wait, you think that's a party? Yeah, cause I think- Parties are short. The parties,, because I think parties are short. The parties, I think the parties have gotten really short. Am I the only one? Yeah. And I think a film set is like a party. If you're there with fucking Keckner, Rudd, Carell and Farrell, you might as well grab some noisemakers and little pointed hats with very weak elastic

strings, because that's, that's a party every day. And I don't know about you guys. I don't tend to get paid well for going to parties. And business is long, I'm very long on business these days. Business makes me forever. Forever. I invested very heavily in business. And it's taking so long.

It's future looking very bright for my business. People are talking more and more about business these days. Business has started to be one of the most prominent topics. It's interesting. I have to look at some of these perspectives. That people explore. Because for a while it was like, yes. And financially, right?

Yes, this is the thing. Business has had a massive influence on the markets. This is financially truthful. Yes. The social compact dictates, yes, that when you engage in business, which can take a long time, financially the markets will see that return.

Yeah. But you don't get to decide when. No. And you don't get to decide when no and you don't get to decide how much they're aware no there's so much money flowing through business at all times it's exploding but it's also trickling it's like oil you don't know where to sort of like fucking well not just like oil it is oil and that's it this is the thing it's like an olive oil I can is oil sometimes. And that's, this is the thing, it's like oil. And it's just olive oil.

Oh yeah, it's his own business. Yes. Olive oil investors. No, you can actually sell that. Who did we have that sold that? We did have someone that's. I think Haley Joel Osment. Has been selling olive oil.

Yeah, he was like Haley Joel olive oil because he has some sort of olive oil business. So it's like, and by the way, smart. Smart. Smart. You think of him as show business. You think, I think of him as the ultimate show business. And now that's what used to be the side gig

is now the main hustle. Now it's your main. And I gotta keep coming up with new side hustles that keep turning into my main gig. Right, and oh, my career, by the way, that's become my side piece. Yes. You know?

Yes. Kevin O'Leary on Shark Tank casually mentioned in an episode recently. That's Kevin as well. Say that. He's another Kevin. Yeah. Okay, say less.

Mentioned in another episode recently that he's been investing big time in olive oil, that he thinks olive oil's gonna start appreciating like wine. And he's gotten olive oil seller. And he will someday become the seller of his rare olive oils to the tune of mucho dinero. Tuna fish. Yeah, tuna fish.

To the tune of ish. Whoa. Hollywood handbook. Well, we're talking about Harry's, and it's clean Harry is here with us again today. Sort of. Well, I was going to- Monk. It has been a minute since we've caught up, and it sounds like you have some things that are...

It's just not going good. My mind's just on other stuff, punk. It's often when we talk about you, you're bringing in a lot of things from the outside, from your life. It just always seems like there's a lot going on. Well, okay, you know how um Cats can give you like a sort of disease that makes you like cats. Yes. Yeah, I Have it Punk You have the disease that comes from there like their litter. Do you have cats? I that comes from their litter, do you have cats?

I will soon now because of this. So you don't have cats? No, but I'm clean hairy, so I'm always cleaning things up. So anytime I go to someone's house with cats, I'm like, I'll clean that up. You scoop the cat litter. I get way in there, you know, to clean. And so you did that from cleaning the cat litter at your friend's house.

So you're going and seeing your friends. Well, and I would go and take a big whiff after to be like, did I do a good enough scoop that there's no scent left? Okay. And I think I just, guess I inhaled the cat disease that makes your brain wanna have more cats. It's called toxoplasmosis.

And so you know that you have this and- Gesundheit. That doesn't sound like a sneeze at all. That sounded like a sneeze to you. That's what a, that's what a sneeze sounds like. I'm just trying to bring some lightness to what has been a very heavy week for me. I just found out I have toxoplasmosis for goodness sake. Gesundheit. Bunk. found out I have toxoplasmosis for goodness sake. Cause I'm like, bonk.

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Right from here. Yeah. Going to get cats. Yeah. Okay. What, uh, we, the, the, the shaving products, deodorant, lotion, body wash, hair gel, it's not just shaving, but they do have shaving stuff. German Edgier blades made in their own factory that stays sharp longer.

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Use code THEBOYS at checkout to save. Terms and conditions apply. Celebrate your Milg! Hello. Hollywood ham. Have you ever considered, I mean like, directors is like the main thing right now. It's all directors. Storytellers, I mean I think are first and foremost, but yeah sure.

That's the show, like you think it's storytellers, you actually think that. Because like everyone else thinks it's all directors that you've been doing basically. I mean I- You think it, you think that's what you're doing. I haven't listened to the show, you don't say that. No, it's subtextual. I do feel like, you know, what are filmmakers but are modern day cavemen telling stories by the fire?

You know? Okay. And I'm like, I feel like, and this isn't, hey Reddit, don't fucking post this. This isn't a spoiler, but I'm saying I could. Modern day cavemen are not telling stories by the fire. This is what I'm saying. I'm saying they're at the airport tomorrow trying to save on car insurance. I mean, they're the modern day cavemen.

Now ancient cavemen. Yeah. I mean, modern day cavemen, they see fire. They do. And it actually makes them freak out. They are concerned. They're otherwise like quite normal and then they see fire and they start barking.

They're really conversational. Yes. They wear common day clothes. Yes. I feel like tomorrow I could announce, oh, our next mini series is on a caveman. I said common day clothes. Yo, yo, this next mini-series is on a caveman. It's a common day quote. Yo.

Yo, this is making me think. Right? And if people said, that's not your show, I'd be like, is it not my show? Is that not what it's been the whole time? Let me finish. This is making me think. Y'all should do me on that show. Holy shit.

Yo, that's actually kind of fucking sick though. Wait a second. Wait a second. Yo, y'all should do me on that. Wait a second. That's kind of fucking sick, dude. People at first would be like, what's up, what the fuck? Like, maybe like, they'd be like,

are you like fucking with us or something? But I think that actually people would fuck with it like pretty fast. Once they actually heard like some of the shit that you could actually do. Yeah. Yeah, we'd make the announcement and they'd go, what is this, April's third biggest holiday?

Draft day 420, April Fool's. And then we'd be like, no, dead serious, step back and like clock the cannon. And no offense to like Passover. I'd say clock the cannon, right? Step back and maybe Adam McKay style, tilt your head. Yeah. Squint a little and go, wait a second, what is?

This is fucking up, dude. I think Ramadan as well. A filmmaker. Yeah, y'all gotta get into my stuff on there. A big thing. That's cool. When Sims and I crack open our spreadsheet and go like time to schedule some new episodes,

time to pick some new mini series, we're looking at the list of the movies they made, but we're also looking at the narrative. We're like what's the story behind the story between the movies? How'd they come about? How'd they respond to success or failure? And shit like you fucking leapfrogging, ESE,

that's like- That's a couple episodes, you know what I mean? At least. And that's like, and there's some Patreon exclusive content as well, possibly. Because people watch the work all the time, right? They see the work. They see the work.

But they're not like seeing the story behind the story. And I've noticed like a lot of the time you don't have the guys there. Yeah. Like the entire time. Yeah. Not gonna work for this one. No.

You're gonna need me. They're gonna need you. You're gonna wanna have my perspective. He's gonna have to be there the whole time. It's a secret history. Yeah. Few others could tell it. Mm-hmm.

No, and he's forgotten a lot of stuff. But I would be interested to hear it. No, and he's forgotten a lot of stuff, but. I would be interested to hear it as well, yeah. Yeah. It's not much of it that I'm familiar with at present. You'll do some teaching of us, we'll do some teaching of you. Yes, for him to hear about some of this stuff

and be like, oh damn. Yeah. Yeah. Oh fuck. Oh sick, yeah. That was my ass. Kevin really corn-ass. My damn happy meal ass. Getting into it again. Just a kid from town?

Look at me, just a guy from a place. Just a regular ol' hit record Joe, man. I can't believe I used to be in school. One day I was a baby, now I'm here. I was at the store? Oh no. You know what's wild to think about? Like please yeah. You used to go to the store and buy stuff which you still do today. Yes. But back then when you did it, it didn't have the money you have now. And you were spending it.

He's spitting right now. Right? Let him cook, folks. Right, but you're 22, you're some guy from a place. I'm at the store. You opened your wallet? Oh, I'm at the store 22. I opened my wallet, yeah, what flies wallet. I'm at the store 22. I open my wallet. Yeah.

What flies out? Butterflies. Fucking yes. A four gig Monarch butterfly. Beautiful. Yes. Flies directly into my mouth. You've been keeping those caterpillars warm in your bifold for months.

Butterfly dust. And then they're going back into the wallet. And you're scared because their color pattern like is meant to make you think that that's really poisonous. It's going to make you sick. Yeah. So you're eating this thing. You're freaking out.

Be free. And it looks like eyes. It looks like eyes. They, the, their back is a face. Well, and I'm also trying to determine. I see that thing fly toward me. I'm like, that's eyes. Yeah.

I got to get out of here. Great'm like, that's eyes. I gotta get outta here. Oh great, the entire face is big. Yeah. And yeah, it's definitely eyes, and I'm also going, is that a viceroy or an authentic monarch? Yeah. Hello? Hello. The point is cut to a couple years later,

and they go, that will be this amount of money, please, for the things you cut to a couple years later and They go that will be this amount of money Please for the things you want to buy and you open up a lot what flies out What flies out is a residual check from Alan Gregory and you slap it straight down on the big Fun they have to accept it at the store. That is legal tender. They do have to yeah You'll be there for a little while. They'll have to make a couple of phone calls. You know, it won't be the fastest transaction you've ever had, but ultimately you are going to be allowed to leave. They will need to get the little bungee out and close off that, that aisle and

turn off the little light that has the aisle bumper on it. Jonah's got to validate. You can't take like your classic marker to that check. You can't run it like a $100 bill, hold it up to the light. You gotta get a hill on the horn. No, yeah, they call Jonah, you know, and that's like always a little bit of a negotiation

with him, is he available? He doesn't, you know, he's not thrilled necessarily to like discuss the validity of the Alan Gregory residual. He thought he was making art, he didn't think he was creating a currency. No. He didn't. What did he think he was doing?

This is a really, really good question. Cause both of you were there. Yeah. Damn, this could be. The Haze Man too. Cause both of you were there. Yeah. Damn, this could be. The haze man too. This could be a big part. This could be one of the parts. This could be huge.

Yo, we should get haze on one of the episodes. Oh my God, wait a second. Cause you don't normally have like, sit. You don't normally have the guy on every episode, but then, and then have the other guy on one episode Like you never do am I insane? Cuz you're saying have the other guy on one episode. I'm thinking like have the other guy on two three maximum. Yeah That you I like hard capping it. I like the hard

I could be I could I could yeah, I could absolutely fuck up three episodes that have not a single episode more. Right, and then the Reddit's like, hey, anyone else kinda happy we're through the Hayes episodes? I get what they were trying to do. And because you say from the beginning exactly how long this is gonna go,

so people can see the other side. Right. From the start. Right, like when we announced we're doing Barbra Streisand and a bunch of guys go like, well, see you in a month. Oh. And what could be actually like, fucking like,

and this is coming to me, I'm like, this could be so fucking crazy to do. He is still there, even after all this stuff about him is over. That's actually now getting me like, whoa, we are onto something huge. And it's like, now it's other stuff, but he is still there.

He's still the guy. Yeah. I'm still there, I'm still getting paid. Let me just throw this out. Yeah. That's happening more and more. Maybe simultaneously, Sims and I are less there. Well, you know?

So that could be great because you guys, it's with the directors and storytellers and stuff, you guys are really smart about that stuff. What he can talk about is he can go through a bunch of really famous animals that could communicate with humans. Or not all of them necessarily, but Coco the gorilla for sure he could do.

Love nipples. I can talk about that. I can do the whole opening of the Alex Edelman one man show that is about Coco the Gorilla. Oh it is, okay. But I'm doing it. So that lawn is not mown. No, no, no, no, no.

What happens when a lawn gets, you gotta mow it again. Yeah. It's not a one time mowtime. He's do he did it One not everyone saw it correct. What does he say about it saw it? Didn't see me do it just do it. No, just do it and I'll do it again. Yeah. Yeah, and I'll do it again after that. Yeah he basically goes in and he's like, I can't really capture his physicality, but just trust me when I say he's moving a lot.

Does he, I don't wanna spoil it or anything. Does he talk about when Robin Williams died and- That is what he talks about. God, this guy is all over the cells. He's all over that stage. He's exactly the type of thing I would like. Have you seen it? So he comes out and he's talking about Robin Williams

like that Coco the Gorilla was sad when Robin Williams died. Yeah. At one point they had spent time together and then he was informed that his friend had died. 13 years later. And then he said, a picture of a guy he spent one day with.

And he said, like, Hey, I'm sad. It was very somber. And so he had, you know, two observations immediately, although I actually think he probably spent some time crafting these observations and he cops to as much later. But for the purposes of my retelling, there's two primary observations.

One is that's how fucking genius Robin Williams is, that his talent transcends humanity and he actually has made an impression on the animal kingdom. That's a level of talent you don't see every day. Like that's how powerful his energy was. An elephant never forgets. He had gorilla fans.

Gorillas forget. That's a big stand up comedian. Everyone, yeah. To lodge in the old gorilla brain, that's. It's not like elephants, it's the opposite. You could show. No, gorilla fans always forget. forget is something you'll hear them say around the zoo.

You could show a gorilla a Sebastian Maniscalco special. What? You could show a gorilla a Sebastian Maniscalco special and they'd be busting up. Right? In the moment. Yes. But 13 years later, if you showed them a picture

of Sebastian Maniscalgo. Yeah. After his death. Not feeling much. Yeah. Yeah. And this is part of it as well. No, that's not.

This is new. But that's important. And I think that this is maybe exposing his special a little bit, which this wasn't the main idea of the special. It's actually just a bit of an amuse-bouche. OK, yeah. But. What he goes on to say is.

Did they have to tell him? Did they have to tell Coco? And then. Character work, he embodies. The gorilla caretaker who says, no, I'll do it, and then goes in and starts performing sign language. I won't do that part, although I'll probably have to do what he did, which is he tells us later that he spent money to learn sign language.

For the purpose of this. For this joke. Yeah, well, that's business. You need to spend money to learn sign language. For the purpose of this. For this joke. Yeah, that's business, you need to spend money to make money. It goes back to business. Well, and you talk about that all the time on the show. We do. So he basically says, you know, like,

I'm gonna become the caretaker now, go in and tell the gorilla, and he's doing it. And the first thing he does and now I don't know if they did this or not but it's pretty funny to think about they go no I'll tell him and then it's you know Coco and he's doing something Put down the banana. Like it were. Well. The implication.

Well, it's like Coco's engaged in the middle where it's like, no, you can't do that. Like we have to have a serious talk. Wait, what do you, what do you think the implication is? That it's like, is a banana like gorilla alcohol is it like self-medication? Okay, like a weapon is itself harm. Okay. I thought he was just saying Yeah, no, he's we're wondering if it's self more wondering because he's about to get the news Yeah, but but But I guess all ifffindor's interpreting.

Coco's picked up on the tone. Your interpretation. Out there, like just the absence of Robin's energy. Am I gonna, am I about to hear something? I ain't gonna like. That Coco has become a self-harming addict of some kind. Yeah. And that the concern is that in hearing this news

about Robin Williams that Coco will eat a banana. Yeah. Well, so, but that's not how I took it. That's not how I took it, but I love that. Yeah. This is something I always say in improv. I like my idea, but I love your idea. Well, and this is, I'm trying to fucking receive

information McKay style. I'm trying to go like this. He's looking at it a little different, because what I thought was it was just like a little color for the top of the conversation with the gorilla of like painting the picture of just what the gorilla's doing is kind of going, we have to have a serious talk. And also reminding us, just let the gorilla be a gorilla

and eat the banana. They don't have to have this talk right now. You know, Google's not reading any newspapers as Alex points out. But I'm questioning like, as a student of story, first and foremost, right? Is a banana just a banana? Like this is a Chekhov's banana.

You don't introduce it into the narrative unless it's gonna pay off later. So is it drinks or is it gone? And it doesn't gotta be literal you can traffic and metaphor and does it come back later? Or does he just say put down the banana? So I haven't watched the whole thing Yeah, you didn't even watch the end of this part Is it kind of like he starts with the cocoa and it's like, oh weird, what a non sequitur.

This has nothing to do with the rest of the show and the end. Loop. That would be interesting. Yeah. So we'll see if we get there. It would also be interesting to just keep talking about that and not do anything else.

Never get onto the other stuff. Just do the banana could be cool. Yeah. To do, to loop it is cool or even to make it a banana shape. Well. And, or two bananas. Well, banana does come back to the same point. You just got to go from under to top, right?

It goes, but then you could turn the corner and go. Do you know we open them upside down? So the special has not been completed by me, but it will. And Griffin, if you're going to come back, yeah, actually, which you sort of promised you would wonder when I'm on your show. Yeah.

And maybe one of the ones that I'm doing too. Yeah. I'm hearing this. We can find out if it returns because it really is introduced, I think what it's introduced as primarily in my recollection right now is that he goes, he basically like, and we should do this on our show,

he's like, I'm about to lay some pretty heavy shit on ya. And just for context, this this what you just saw the banana stuff That's the kind of joke I usually do right like that It's like actually kind of light silly who would even think about that like what kind of brain? Do you have to have to like? Think about that he's teaching you how to watch the show by explaining to you who he is. This is who you're dealing with. And that's who's going to be laying

some kind of heavy shit on you. And the idea that you can't. Which I have not experienced. So now you can't talk about an animal, something from nature in the same way as like another guy. Oh, this other guy already talked about an animal, something from nature, in the same way, is like another guy, oh, this other guy already talked about an animal, and so now you can't go on a podcast and talk about the same animal as he talked about

in the same way. That I can't do that? And say the exact same stuff, it's like. Who's saying that I can't? Anyone who's saying that is just like, do you hear yourself? I don't say that. Is that an animal?

Anyone can talk about it. I can talk about famous animals. Anyone can talk about that animal as much as they want, however they wanna talk about it. If someone said that to me. I can do the exact same joke. I can do the same story. It's fine.

I don't have to even mention that he did it. It's actually better. And he can do it again after that, but he shouldn't do it again. You should've did it. He did it, he did the special. I'm doing a podcast, it's not even mine, it's Griffin's. Someone else do it now.

For once. Have me do it, and obviously here I'm mentioning that he did it. And then let him stay on the show. Now I've said that he did it, now I should do it, and you might enjoy hearing me do it, and I might, you might enjoy hearing me do it. And I might enjoy do it. Cause when I'm watching it, I was screaming.

Like it was intense. But you didn't, you didn't stay with it. You only watched the beginning. I was starting it a little late. I had had so much lamb, which that sits heavy. It sure does. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Uh, and I was feeling very ill, physically ill, but I prepared the lamb myself, which I had never done before. And I was really guessing at how to cook it, what it should look like, whether it needed to actually be cooked or if it could just be seasoned. If you could just season it. And I got such a deal on it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It was a steal. And you were under the impression that you could sort of prepare it as a ceviche. That was my, I knew that that was possible with certain proteins. Sure. And so, you know, but I think it actually,

even with a ceviche, the seasoning they use is specific and important. And it was even. It can't just be, you know, so frito. Not to betray your confidence, but my memory is that you were trying to make it both a ceviche and a sous vide, which people don't really try. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, there's a reason they don't. And especially there's a reason that I don't because so sous vide for people who don't know is when you cook something in a Ziploc bag. You put it in a bag with some water. And you, the water. You should really shake it around. The water. you, the water, you should really shake her.

Yeah. The water, the water would have been key. Your one mistake that was a crucial missing element. How can this possibly be important? It's just water. You're standing there, you're putting in the bag, you're taking out of the bag. You're going, that should be done I'm sorry Am I the only one who reads all these articles of these celebrities who use?

Obscene amounts of water like someone has to make up for it. Yeah, so I'm going let's save a little water on this one Skip what seems like a pointless step, right? But um in retrospect maybe next time you prepare lamb, you put it in the bag, take a quick trip past Amy Poehler's lawn and just run the bag under there, keep on moving. Yeah, that might be the key because just throwing it on a burner in a bag,

heavily seasoned, the black smoke that immediately filled the air made me turn it off and kind of go like, oh, I guess that's cooked. Your wife comes out, she's like, they announced a new pope? What's going on in here? Yeah, and I was like, that's white smoke. I wasn't gonna-

It's funny, it's funny. That's really funny, this is sort of like some of the stuff I do. The specifics are so weird. You should come in and say, oh, I guess they don't have a new pope yet. Right. That would be- Right.

Honey, I love that you're showing an interest in my work. Of course. I didn't mean to embarrass her by saying that because I of course knew the difference and I was just saying what she said. No, I know. No, I know. And I wasn't trying to make her look foolish

and I hope you know that and she knows that. No, she's pretty good at that. No, yeah, you said you didn't want to frame my confidence but I called you up and I wasn't trying to make her look foolish. I hope you know that she knows. No, she's no Confidence but I called you up and I was like you won't believe what this idiot said to me Black smoke means the Pope is staying the same. Yeah, that's what it means. It means no change in years and years Yeah, black smoke every day. Yeah, and so then you watch, you settle in, you eat this. Yeah, my stomach is no bueno. It's so angry, you know?

And I just go, maybe this'll take the edge off. A little just for us. Yeah, just for you. Just for, this is just for us. Yeah. Just for you. Just for, this is just for you. Yeah. Just for me. Yeah. A little, this is just for, this one's just for me. And I'm watching and I go, damn, this guy's good, you know?

He's doing his thing. But it's hard to pay attention because I am retching. Yeah. I can't hear all the comedy and just crippling pain. And so I decided to take a break and finish it a little later. It must've been confusing because you open your mouth and you don't know what's about to come out next. A laugh or A laugh. Or. Or.

Or. Some. Some. Some mutton. Some mutton. Mutton, honey. Remember that? It's like cereal called mutton, honey.

Commercial be, what are you eating in there? Nutton, honey. I can hear you crunching. I know you're eating something. It's nothing, honey. Don't you lie to me. Marriage is torn apart by this cereal. It's an old commercial.

Bye. Jesus. Whoa. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.