I Don't Know About That - Music Touring
Episode Date: March 21, 2023Jim may know about touring, but maybe not all the ins and outs that our expert Misty Roberts (@martinimisty) does after touring with Metallica, Bruno Mars, Enrique Iglesias, and many more! Jim's new s...pecial "High & Dry" is now available on Netflix! Subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/IDKAT for ad free episodes, bonus episodes, and more exclusive perks! Tiers start at just $2! ADS: SHIPSTATION: Use promo code JIM today at shipstation.com to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. BETTER HELP: Visit www.betterhelp.com/idk today to get 10% off your first month.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh hello there you are. Thank you to our sponsors ShipStation. When you use ShipStation
you can lower your shipping costs, make returns easy and keep your
customers happy and that's the most important thing. When you use ShipStation
and with all the time you save from automating your shipping tasks you can
keep your business growing all year long. Keep growing your business all
year long with ShipStation. Use promo code Jim
today at ShipStation.com and sign up for your free 60 day trial.
60 days. Free. You can't put a price
on that. No price you see. That's ShipStation.com
promo code Jim for your free 60-day trial.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.
It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to
your schedule. Visit BetterHelp.com slash
IDK. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P slash idk to get 10%
off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash idk.
Flowers, dirt, which one gives life to which?
You might find out, and I don't know about that, with me, Jim Jefferies.
And I don't know about that.
Hello, everyone.
Hello, welcome to the podcast. I think that was a little fast.
I don't give a shit.
The music wasn't playing.
We don't have any headphones.
I'm doing the best I can in this makeshift environment.
Yeah, hello, everyone.
How are you all going?
Good.
We have a special guest with us, Misty.
Misty is going to be our expert in something,
but I still don't know what.
Well, we're not to the part of the show yet.
Yeah.
We can say hi, Misty.
Hi, Misty.
Hi, Jeff.
Thanks for being on the show with all your expertise.
Absolutely. I'll try to pick what you do from being on the show with all your expertise. Absolutely.
I'll try to pick what you do from the room around you like I normally do.
Podcasting.
If you're trying to see me at the moment, I'm in the UK.
I've just finished a gig in Nottingham, I've been told.
Went great.
Yeah.
And I'm about to go down and do a couple of shows in London.
The whole tour has been sold out except for there's an extra show in Manchester
and an extra show in London. You've already done that
Manchester show. Oh, the Manchester one did sell out
then. That one
sold out. That's a mess.
Three shows in Manchester. That was a really good show.
I went to Manchester, did three shows and didn't
get punched in the head, which is a record for me.
I was punched in the head once
in the Manchester Comedy Store.
Old school. It was before everyone had
camera phones, it was just a guy who lamped me
and we got it on security footage
If we had the real footage
it might have seemed warranted
Anyway
The footage I have is wonderful
Does the security tape have any audio?
Yeah, you can hear the whole thing
When he runs up on stage
I go like this, hang on mate and I was about to of any audio? Right, yeah, yeah. You can hear the whole thing. When he runs up on stage,
I go like this,
oh, hang on, mate.
And I was about to like rationalize with him.
Oh, you're not allowed up here.
The bathrooms are like this.
Yeah, you know,
it all happened very quickly.
And I've been asked
a million times about it,
but the guy never heckled.
He never said anything.
He just came up and hit me.
And allegedly it was about a joke
that I did maybe eight minutes earlier.
So he...
It took him a while.
He didn't know about it.
He really got heated up.
I think he thought, I'll finish my drink.
I've already paid for this.
Yeah, he's going to get kicked out afterwards.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll finish my drink.
I've paid for this.
And then I'll go up and lamp.
And he was on a date, the young lung blood.
Yeah, he was on a date.
We should see if we can find that guy now.
Well, his brother once wrote to me.
And he was just like,
hey, man, why did you put that footage up?
I'm like, I could have got him charged.
Yeah, I got punched.
The cop said, do you want to press charges?
And I looked at the footage, and I went,
no, I think I'll do all right out of this.
So I didn't press charges.
But I'm at the stage now.
If someone hit me on stage now,
after what happened with Chris Rock
and other comedians and stuff like that,
it wasn't as much what happened to Chris Rock as much as the people who went,
well, you shouldn't have fucking said that.
Nah, fuck it.
He hit me.
I'm pressing charges.
I'm just putting it out there.
After that happened, it was a little bit after I had met you the first time.
There was that gig we did in Captain Brian's,
and you brought the screen down, and you broke down the footage.
Is that a person?
Did you do that a lot?
It's both.
I did that once for Edinburgh.
I had a great big screen before me, and I did it like a play-by-play thing.
And then this bloke came in, and then this bloke.
Because the audience came up and started fighting with him.
And I went into the dressing room, and Michael McIntyre, the very famous British comedian,
if you're in the UK, probably the biggest comic in the UK, he was the other act on and
he was on before me.
And me and Michael, we like each other, me and Michael.
We butted heads a bit when we were young fellas, but we have a fondness for each other.
I have a fondness for him anyway.
Anyway, but Michael can be, he could be a bit of a prick, you know,
like we all can, right?
And I got punched in the face and I went down.
There's a big long, you go down some stairs from the stage
and then walk along this long corridor in the basement
and then there's the dressing rooms back there
and the dressing room has a stream of the gig.
So he's seen me get punched in the face, right?
But I've come off
stage and i'm still all blustered i'm sort of pacing around i'm all fired up and everything
like that and by the time i got down to the dressing room he changed the channel and he was
just watching like snooker because in britain that's prime time telly right and he's just
watching like snooker and he doesn't even turn to look at me. He just keeps watching the telly as I walk in. And he goes,
How did it go?
And I went,
Not good, Michael. I just got punched in the head.
And he goes,
No one can follow me.
But he was watching it.
He knew.
He knew.
He knew completely.
He didn't like to have the presence of mind to go,
and I'll still play a trick on him after he goes there.
That's A-list comedy.
Champagne.
All right.
And what was I going to say?
So the Europe tour is after that.
Still on sale.
Yeah, Europe tour is still on sale.
Some gigs have sold out
we've added some
extra shows
one in Poland
we added another one
somewhere else
and what's a special
Helsinki I think
added one
Stockholm
no Warsaw
Poland
no Warsaw
there was another one
Helsinki
Helsinki as well
yeah
very popular
in Helsinki
and Helsinki
is in what country
I know
oh Helsinki Helsinki's in what country? I know.
Oh, Helsinki.
Helsinki's in... Stockholm's in Sweden.
It's Norway?
No.
Stockholm, Sweden?
No, keep going.
It's Norway.
It's the Norwegian country that's almost Russian.
Really?
It feels Russian.
Yeah.
Finland!
Finland, there you go.
Feels dangerous.
When you're in Norway, you feel like, yeah.
And then you get to Finland, you're like,
we went to a bar one time in Helsinki.
Remember the last time?
I have been.
I should remember.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it seemed like there could have been a fight at any moment in this bar.
And it was all kind of Russian-y, Norwegian-y kind of.
Yeah.
So anyway.
I remember Justin Bieber was in a deposition
and they released the footage of his deposition.
And it was like there was obviously someone off camera and they just had that still camera ofosition. And it was like, there was obviously someone off camera,
and they just had that still camera of him.
And it was something about him throwing eggs at someone's house or some shit, right?
And he was just like, yeah, okay, yeah, okay.
And there was a period between June to July where you were touring Australia.
Like this, right?
And he went like this, have I been to Australia?
Like that, right? And then the Australians were so offended. Oh, yeah. like this right and he went like this have i have i been to australia like that right
and then the australians were so offended oh yeah we would remember being here
surely but after you've traveled the world and stayed hotel room hotel room hotel room you know
like yeah fucking i feel for him i know he would have been like a fucking chimp that they keep in
a cage that they set out in the circus yeah and then when he was 16, because that was the age he toured Australia.
You can't see the sights.
You only see inside the tent.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You were back in your cage until you have to sing the baby, baby song.
And then you can come back out.
And also, it's been about a month, but you're special.
People should still watch it.
Still watch the special.
If you've learned anything at the shows, people haven't watched.
That's what I found out.
Because we pre-recorded the show.
And I just did a casino in Canadaada and i did a casino in philadelphia uh this weekend
and i asked when i walked out who's seen the special and like most of them hadn't seen the
special because they were coming to the show and they didn't want to ruin the material uh you don't
have to do that it'll be all new material you know people have been asking me like oh is it the same
materials especially go no it's completely different everyone's mind is blown that you're
well yeah you start thinking of the jokes before the special comes out it's not like the special
comes out and you go this is the week we're gonna write it we're trying to make you look awesome
no no no but you still you still write and retire write and retire and it's just sort of
it's it's it look i don't know how did they build
the pyramids no one knows aliens slave labor and we still show up and though people boycotted the
world cup for the same reason those stadiums were built by slaves we should marvel at them the same
way different time and you can follow us on instagram at idcat podcast and patreon is
patreon.com slash idcat who's our special guest today on Patreon, Jack?
Haley Arantia.
From the Goldbergs.
Yeah.
And also from American Idol.
And Masked Singer.
Is she in the Masked Singer?
Are you allowed to reveal that yet?
She was already revealed.
Oh.
What type of animal was she?
Tune in to find out.
I'm guessing a bird.
And, yeah. And yeah.
And so follow that stuff.
Also,
I'll have shows in April.
I don't remember where the Rock Morton theater in Mill Valley and Cobbs in
San Francisco.
It's on my website for Shaw.net.
Go there.
Master marketer.
Yeah.
I'm excellent at it.
All right.
Let's do some ads.
Let's do some ads.
Alright, let's do some ads.
Let's do some ads.
In a landscape where free and fast shipping is the norm,
it can be hard for a smaller e-commerce business to compete.
Keep yourself competitive with ShipStation.com.
When you use ShipStation.com, you can lower shipping costs, make returns easy and keep your customers happy.
And with all the time you save from automating your shipping tasks, you can keep your business growing all year round.
Running a business can be stressful and using ShipStation isn't.
And right now they've got a free trial and quick set up so if you've been on the fence, now's the time
to check out ShipStation.
My wife is laughing in the corner. We're doing these in the middle of the night
in London. ShipStation makes it easy to grow your
business by handling your orders
from every marketplace
in one dashboard.
ShipStation
effortlessly integrates everywhere
you are online, including Amazon,
Etsy,
eBay, Shopify and more. Manage
every order with one simple dashboard,
automated routine shipping tasks, print shipping labels, easily compare rates and delivery times to optimize every shipment and automate every notification.
And with enterprise solutions that make warehouse optimization easy. ShipStation scales when you do.
This is the last bit, folks.
Keep growing up your business all year long with ShipStation.
Use promo code JIM today at ShipStation.com
to sign up for your free 60-day trial.
That's ShipStation dot com.
Promo code Jim.
Make ship happen.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Look, I'm a big fan of therapy.
I think it helps me out.
From time to time in my life, I've had therapy and then I think, oh, I'm a big fan of therapy. I think it helps me out. From time to time in my life, I've had therapy
and then I think, oh, I'm okay now
and I stopped taking it and then I need it again.
So if you were sick, what would you do?
You'd go to a doctor.
If you had a broken bone, you'd get it mended.
If your brain's not quite right,
I suggest going to therapy.
If you're thinking about starting therapy,
give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely
online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Therapy is all about
deepening your self-awareness and understanding because sometimes we don't know what we want
or why we react a certain way until we talk it through things with a therapist.
BetterHelp connects you with licensed therapists who can take you on a journey of self-discovery from wherever you are.
As I said, I've benefited from therapy.
I know Forrest has benefited.
Kelly has benefited. If you want to be as mentally stable as the people in this podcast, I would suggest you go to therapy as well.
If you're thinking of starting, give BetterHelp a try.
Just fill out a quick questionnaire
and get matched with one of the licensed therapists.
And switching therapists is...
And you can switch therapists at any time, right?
There's no additional charge.
Discover your potential with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp.com slash idk today to get 10% off your first month Please welcome our guest, Misty Roberts.
All right, now it's time to play Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No.
It's normally a song.
It's probably going gonna be a song
yeah it's done you look much calmer you say hi Misty first hi Misty she's already
been at the other bit I a true good point there's already been a report
around the first eight minutes clearly we've never done this with an in-person guest before. We have.
We have.
Haven't we?
Jay Leno?
Jay Leno.
Was he there for the intro?
I don't remember.
He probably was.
Feels like something.
Feels like something.
He was just doing burnout silk out in front of the studio.
We've done a couple of guests, actually.
We've done some at your house.
We did Rob Dukes.
Yeah, Jay Leno was off denim shopping.
All right. Misty Roberts. You were there when we did the Jay Leno was off denim shopping. All right.
Misty Roberts.
You were there when we did the Jay Leno episode, huh?
I was there.
Yeah, she was at the studio.
She was at the studio.
You know Misty, but you don't, maybe, I guess you don't know what she does.
Yeah, I don't know.
Has it got to do with the entertainment business?
It does.
You've almost already, like, like you could have in the intro
been talking about this
almost
yeah
you were
getting punched on stage
I have never been
punched on stage
there's time
she's not an expert
I suspect
I'll get punched again
I don't think
it's my final one
I've always thought
I would get punched
eventually
but I haven't
so it's about the entertainment business.
We've done stand-up comedy, so we know
it's not stand-up comedy.
This is something you do, but what Misty's going to be
talking about, and it'll have some crossover.
You do this, but what
she does is in a different genre.
You do this.
I do this. Constantly.
Complaining.
Oh, I complain In a whole different
You complain
Is it about
Shitting yourself
I can't say
I have ever
Shit myself
You did it never
I mean when I was
A kid clearly
When you were a baby
Not since then
You did it this past weekend
Yeah you did it this weekend
You should
You should
I did it this past weekend
Smuggled drugs into Canada
well hey
no comment
no comment
well but it was
during that
I have smuggled
drugs into Canada
you're doing it right now
as this podcast airs
yeah
oh
traveling
well close
we're going to talk about
music touring
but it's going to have
a crossover
and it's touring in general right so like bus tours music touring, but it's going to have a crossover into just touring in general.
Right, so like bus tours and stuff like that.
It's touring, touring, like entertainment touring,
but Misty Roberts works in the music touring business.
Misty Roberts has been a music tour manager for 22 years,
starting out on van tours and small clubs
and working her way up to arenas and stadiums.
She's worked with such artists as the Jonas Brothers,
Metallica, Enrique Iglesiasica, Enrique Enrique Iglesias
Enrique
Iglesias, sorry Enrique
I know you listen, Bruno Mars
James Taylor and is currently working with Haim
She is awesome, yeah
I love Haim, yeah, she is also a proponent
I don't know who Haim is
You might recognize him
I know, I know, I'm the worst
By the end of this podcast, you will.
She is also a proponent of discussing mental health with regards to the touring industry.
And Misty is featured in the upcoming book called Touring and Mental Health, The Music
Industry Manual.
And she will also be featured on iHeartRadio's See Her, Hear Her, an International Women's
Day event, highlighting the women behind the scenes in the music industry.
Oh, that's cool.
Because I do suffer with mental health on the road.
I have to keep checking myself.
I have to check in with people and I have to, you know what I mean?
It's both the funnest part of the year is the tour
and also the saddest away from your family.
That's what I get sad about, away from your family.
I don't have a family and it's tough.
But it's the same thing like you said.
It is great. People can wait for my family. I don't have a family and it's tough. But it's the same thing like you said. It is great.
People never want to hear you.
I don't want to complain about it.
I've had a blessed life.
I'm not complaining.
Yeah, when you're like,
I've got a year up and down.
But it's still as difficult.
It's not as glamorous as people assume.
Definitely not.
And there's some cities that are way more fun than other cities.
My wife seems to always want to support me when I'm in Vegas
and check that my comedy is doing okay in Vegas.
She doesn't want to come to Iowa.
She never checked in on me in Cleveland.
No, no.
Never comes in.
She never does it.
Then, oh, what's happening now?
You're going to Nashville.
Oh, she's going to help out again.
Came out of nowhere.
All right.
We're going to ask you Some questions about
Music touring
Touring in general
And then you're going to
Answer them
And at the end of that
Misty you're going to
Grade them on his accuracy
Zero through ten
Ten's the best
Kelly's going to
Grade them on confidence
I'm going to grade them
On et cetera
We'll add those all together
If you score 21 through 30
You're in a car
On your way home
From the airport
11 through 20
In a car
On your way to the airport
Zero through ten
On a layover At the to the airport 0 through 10 on a layover
at the Bucharest airport
remember that
that was the one
in Romania
yeah
that was
there was just
family
sitting on the ground
with butcher paper out
with butcher paper
on the floor
carving ham
whole ham
a lot of ham
as one does
they bought a loaf of bread
they had a ham they just laid on there look it up
at you like that oh it was and you're the weirdo for looking oh it was it was something else you
could like it definitely felt like there was bribes to be given yeah to move through the airport
quicker well the tsa tsa whatever the version of tsa is there it was one guy and i remember had all
the podcast equipment he took everything out and took it apart and the whole line is just waiting for
it cuz I'm or that that whatever security lines a long time and he was
like looking at the microphone stuff and they all had like big guns and then we
got on that plane and no one had ever flown before apparently they were As soon as the landing gear came out, they all stood up.
And we were like, no, that's not how it works.
We were looking around going, what's wrong with these fucking people?
And they definitely don't know the whole you leave aisle by aisle. Oh, no, we call it the Euro rush.
They don't know that.
They all go for it.
Oh, you call it the Europe rush?
The Euro rush.
From the back of the plane, they run to the front of the plane to get there first.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're like, what are you doing?
They were going for it.
They were flying to Israel, I remember.
It's the only time when I'm in a public place where it's not a customer service person or
it's just like a stranger where I will voice up.
If someone fucking tries to beat that system, I'll fucking go for it.
I didn't realize that was an actual thing because that happened on my flight in May.
I was coming back from Chicago.
It was one o'clock in the morning
and this European couple from the back of the plane
tried to come up to the front
and it started a fight.
Like they were throwing punches
and I was like,
what the fuck is going on?
But I finally got my first airline flight.
There's these two girls that are quite pretty
and they sort of,
they rushed for it.
It's like,
the whole world stands still for you.
This is what we're doing, everyone.
Society is falling.
These two are more important than the rest of us.
Yeah, we were in Raleigh one time.
I remember you saw me having this.
I almost got in a fight with a guy.
He came on, I'm like, yo.
He's like, you got a problem?
I'm like, yeah, I got a problem.
And then we were fighting all the way to the baggage claim.
We're like, I need to try this.
I'm like, I'm going, yo. He's like, you got a problem? I'm like, yeah, I got a problem. And then we were fighting all the way to the baggage claim. We're like, I need to travel. I'm like, I want to go.
We saw a famous actor have an issue on a flight the other day.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know if we want to name him because he's a nice guy.
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
You don't want to.
And I don't think he was at fault.
There's definitely something about being in an airplane that brings it out of you.
I don't know what it is.
I think he was in the right.
I think he was touching the screen to pick a movie yeah and then the person i was like buddy
but and then was a bit aggressive about the whole thing and he was like screw but then like because
he was a famous guy he went into his bag and pulled out a face mask yeah because i can't see
me yeah i didn't realize that's who it was and you said hey isn't that so i'm trying to go oh i think
so but i don't want to turn around.
I went to the bathroom and came back and I was like, oh, but then you put a mask on.
I was asleep.
I recognized the voice.
I knew his voice.
Mystery.
Yeah.
But no, he's a renowned good guy.
And I don't think he was at fault.
But like, I could tell he was like, fuck, if anyone filmed that.
Fuck.
We're on the side.
All right. Why are music tours important
for artists well these days because our music is basically given away for free these days people
used to used to uh do these tours to promote the album now they have the album to promote the tour
um so it's how they make their money that's why it's important for artists that's the majority
of their money is live work now. Alright, who invented
music tours?
Who invented? Or like who started?
It always, every answer for anything
that's got to do with entertainment is
vaudeville. Yeah.
No one knows really quite what vaudeville
was and we all say it in every podcast
oh it's an old vaudeville trick.
It's an old vaudeville thing. There would have been a
Vaudeville, you say it weird. Is that how Australians say it? Yeah. How do you say it? Vaudeville. Vaudeville. I say vaudeville trick. It's an old vaudeville thing. There would have been a two. Vaudeville, you say it weird.
Is that how Australians say it?
Yeah.
How do you say it?
Vaudeville.
Vaudeville.
I say vaudeville.
There is an extra E in there.
Yeah, I know.
I feel like it's an Australian accent.
I'm sorry, everyone.
Anyway, so vaudeville.
Yeah, that's probably better.
No, vaudeville.
Anyway.
Anyway, we should do a podcast on that.
Yeah, I think we might. Anyway, so vaudeville. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Anyway, we should do a podcast on that. Yeah, I think we might.
Anyway, so, Vaudeville.
I reckon there would have been...
Oh, no, we'd even go back further than that.
I reckon Mozart would have toured around and then, like, brought him into, you know...
So, you would have, like, the opera, and then you would have...
And you still have this today, like, famous conductors and and stuff come in or famous orchestras come in.
So I think it would go way back to then, whatever that was, 1700s.
What about stadium tours?
Who do you think that was doing that for?
Stadium tours?
Well, the Beatles.
Individual.
The Beatles were the first band to really play a stadium,
and that was Shea Stadium was the first time that anyone had, like,
a real big artist come and play to a stadium.
And they didn't have the speakers set up.
All they had was the tannoy, which is the brand.
It's a British term.
They say here through the tannoy,
which is the brand of the speakers, right?
They're just like, the next batter up to bat.
All they had was those little-
Oh, those like echoey.
Yeah, those echoey things.
That's what the Beatles were playing through.
And if you watch that footage,
no one thought we could put chairs on the grass.
Like that's how new it was no one had cracked that code the beatles were on a 20 foot by 20 foot black stage
they did like a whole lot of milk crates with a curtain put over the side of it and they couldn't
hear themselves and they were just playing and everyone was just screaming and the cops were all
just standing there so i would say shea stadium the beatles 1964 wow what is the estimated global value of the live music industry live music industry oh um
i'd say 500 billion a gazillion no 500 billion 500 billion a recent nielsen study found that
blank percentage of americans attend live shows at least once per year.
So how many Americans percentage-wise attend one show a year?
30%. How are tours set up?
I know there's a lot that goes into it.
Actually, I'm going to put that up to 55%.
55%.
Okay.
How are tours set up?
How would you say it?
I know it's a broad question, but just a couple of points.
Okay.
Well, first of all, you call the artist, or the artist calls their agents and go,
I want to go on tour.
First of all, you call the artist or the artist calls their agents and go, I want to go on tour.
And then the agents, they call a touring company like Outback or AEG or Live Nation or something like that.
They have connections to all the theaters and arenas and stuff like that.
And some of them they even have partial to full ownership of.
And what they do there is they book you into these certain rooms they give you a guarantee
on your predicted amount of tickets that you're going to sell if you go over that you could go
into bonuses similar to that of an athlete if you score this many home runs or whatever you'll get
bonuses um and then uh you get to a manager and that's the person that actually comes on the road
with you and make sure that you're in your hotel and that you're there on time
and they make sure everything's set up on the stage.
Now, comedy and music would be different in the fact that musicians
will have things like roadies and guitar techs and lighting guys.
We had some of that in Australia.
In one tour in Australia, I had big screens and trucks and all that type of stuff.
I had a full thing.
It wasn't cheap to do that, but I wanted to do like a proper,
like where you're experienced type of thing.
But for me, I just go, have a chair, just slightly left to the microphone,
put a stool next to the chair.
Then if we show up early, we go like this, play the music,
Forrest will say something on the microphone. Then I'll come out.
When I take the microphone out of the stand, do a quick soft fade away.
Right?
Now, fucking without the tour manager when we have to do a casino.
Although this weekend, they both nailed it. They both nailed it this weekend.
But I would say it's a 50-50 shot of a video.
If we don't have the tour manager, it's like, yeah.
It's a 50-50 shot.
It's a simple attraction.
Yeah. And I always think, fucking bands with all these lighting people.
They obviously bring their own people.
That's good.
So with a tour, then there would be things like you have to book buses, you book things.
I travel around Europe and Australia with security.
You'll have your opening acts and all that type of stuff.
You got it.
We'll move on.
You got it.
You'll like this one.
What's the difference between a booking agent and a promoter?
Okay.
So a booking agent actually books the actual gigs and the promoter actually promotes the gigs.
You know, I don't know if there's a better way to say that.
They put out the adverts and stuff like that.
But sometimes with the promoters, you're like, how are you promoting this?
And there's lots of promotion that goes on
where you don't even see it.
The big benefit of going with a large company
is that they have a mailing list for everybody
who's ever bought a ticket from them for anything
and they can target market.
If, say, someone saw a comic that they like,
let's say they saw Bill Burr, they go,
you might like Jim Jefferies or whatever, you know what I mean?
They'll forward on like that. What are the main duties of a tour manager um well make sure all
the flights and everything that's the big one all the travel is done all the hotel rooms are booked
uh you make sure you're all fed uh and then to make sure you actually show up on time and there's
there's a little bit of babysitting when, not so much with me now,
but when I was
taking a lot more drugs,
there was...
A little bit?
Yeah, there was a lot more.
We were like,
we had this guy,
we had this guy.
Because if you went out afterwards...
Yeah, we had this guy
in Australia, Mike, right?
No, what is it?
Ohm.
What's his name?
Who are you talking about?
The killers.
Oh, Michael Oberg.
Michael Oberg, yeah. Michael Oberg. Yeah, he was with the killers. So Michael Oberg, great guy it? Ohm. What's his name? Who are you talking about? The Killers. Oh, Michael Oberg. Michael Oberg, yeah.
Michael Oberg.
Yeah, he was with the Killers.
So Michael Oberg, great guy.
Now he road manages Blackpink, right?
But he only managed two acts, me and the Killers, right?
And that's all he did.
He tour managed me and the Killers.
If I was touring, then the Killers were touring.
And he's a great guy.
And one time I was wasted about four
in the morning or something like that i go i must be easier doing my tours than the killers because
you know there's no bands and lines like that and he just looked at me he went the killers go to bed
jim yeah it's like two in the morning he's not drinking yeah he's an older bloke he doesn't
want to fuck him he has to make sure I don't get my head kicked in.
There you go.
How far in advance is the tour booked?
Months.
You really want six. This is music, remember, too.
You really want six months at least to book it in advance.
And even more than that, really a year would be the optimum amount of
time because you have to find uh venue availabilities right getting the crew together is takes a lot
shorter amount of time and uh and all that type of stuff but actually finding the venues and the
routing is important and i've had some dodgy ass fucking routing in my career where you're like we
were just near this city one of the next questions we're just
near this city but it's like they were booked up on the saturday so you had to go off to butt
fuck there and then fly back over here for this how our locations decided i'll skip that well
they try they try to uh to map it out like but sometimes even if you see so like one time I got booked to play St. John in Canada.
Yeah.
Small place in Nova Scotia, I believe.
And St. John's, which it's all on the east coast of Canada,
but they have two little, where you get on like an Indiana Jones style fucking plane.
JJ still talks about this route.
He's from that area.
JJ waited.
And it took us 12 hours to get, like that is not a trip that anyone wants to take.
There is no direct, it took three flights to skip around to find people who would eventually get us.
You had to go like this, this, this, this, this to get to there.
So if you live in St. John's or St. John's, don't visit the other.
I remember it was a pain in the ass to get from, I think, Gainesville, Florida to Gainesville, Texas.
Of course. How would anyone do that route yeah yeah you i yeah i think you had to get like uh didn't you
have to how did you get there i remember i think like two flights of driving four hours or something
because i was flying you were doing a private gig you were doing a college gig in gainesville
florida and then i flew in the dallas and i drove up to meet you but i remember passing by gainesville
texas i'm like i don't even know if they have an airport here.
There's been a few times where Jack will ring me up
and we'll be organizing travel.
Because I don't need anyone to organize my travel on just the weekend gigs.
And Jack will be like this, I've got some interesting news for you.
And I'm like, what's going on, Jack?
He goes, okay, if you fly you're gonna have to
get on a five i wake up at 5 a.m after my show finishes about 11 30 after the meet and greets
you know it's not a lot of time to sleep you know and then he goes and then he goes but there's a
fairy oh yeah and if you get on this fairy it'll you'll save yourself an hour but it'll be like
this and then he's like nah the river's frozen over the ferry only runs in
the summer i bought the ferry idea that was you getting from uh freaking uh what's uh grand rapids
to green bay i think yeah grand rapids the greenway and it's just got the body of water
between it and you think i'll just go like that you've got to drive around the thing like that.
The drive took forever.
The flight went like this.
I think you flew and you connected in Milwaukee or something.
There's no easy way to get from Grand Rapids to Green Bay.
Well, in the summer.
In the summer, you get on the ferry.
It's fun.
What is a package tour?
Package tour is when you tour several acts at once
so that they can sell more tickets as a combined unit.
So you'd go the gods of heavy metal
or something closer to our field, the redneck tour.
There was one in the elevator at the casino we were in in Canada
and it said the 90s tour
and it was Vanilla Ice was the headliner,
Rob Bass, All For One, Sugar Hill Gang and Young MC.
I got offered a movie the other day,
just a straight up offer to be in a movie.
It was another zombie film,
and we all know how my zombie films have gone.
You really attract those.
And I've got to think I'm not even their first choice, right?
They're among a few people.
And the movie, the other lead was going to be Vanilla Ice.
It was going to be me and Vanilla Ice and zombies.
That movie's coming out with someone else besides me. I've done that, though, just to be in a to be Vanilla Ice. It was going to be me and Vanilla Ice and zombies. That movie's coming out.
Oh my God.
It's coming out with someone else
besides me.
You should have done that though
just to be in a movie with Vanilla.
Were you playing yourself
or were you playing a character?
I can't remember.
I think
I believe Vanilla Ice
is playing Vanilla Ice
and then
he meets me somewhere
in the apocalypse.
And then
I'll speak about myself
in the third person.
Then Jim Jefferies
and Vanilla Ice.
Can you go back and accept this?
I'm pretty sure no one's picked up on the part This is like two weeks ago
You're a zombie comedian
This could be the next Cocaine Bear
There'll only be one Cocaine Bear
Yeah, it's crushing
Alright, it was crushing
Oh, whatever
What happens if an artist gets sick?
Or doesn't want to continue? Well, you can have Well, if he doesn't want to continue That's a different matter if an artist gets sick doesn't want or doesn't want to continue well you
can have well if he doesn't want to continue that's a different matter but if someone gets
sick you have insurance on the tour to uh refund people tickets and stuff like that if there's a
property on this but for the most part the show must go on there's only been a couple of now
i can say this now because it's been a bit of time, but I had to cancel some gigs in Bali and Jakarta on the last tour,
and I went straight to Australia.
A lot of people thought that I was just fucking just dicking off the tour.
But the truth of the matter was I had COVID.
First time in Asia.
First time, yeah.
First time getting COVID.
Yeah, I'd never gotten COVID.
I'd never gotten COVID.
I tell that John Cleese story about getting COVID. That was a false positive and um so i had covid and i was stuck
in it and it was like it was gonna be a line ball where i got home for christmas i was seeing all
my all my family was having christmas at the same time and i had one day when my chest was just
hacking and all that type of stuff and i was like really sick in this room and uh so i go down to
the pharmacy to get those those tablets you take
right and the guy was like this oh yeah just bring your passport down and then i googled a bit and it
turns out if i brought my passport down i was stuck in the fucking singapore for two weeks
so i was just like this i'll risk it
i must have been that sick because i was like i assume i won't die
but i waited i waited till i got a negative test before I left.
You're pretty sick, though.
JJ and I left you there.
It felt sad.
We were like, we're moving on to Bali without you.
They just went to Bali and had a holiday.
We did a show.
We did a show at a beach club.
And some of the people came out that were going to go to your show.
But it was sad because at the hotel, your face was everywhere.
And people were like, what happened? And we're like, well. People came out that were going to go to your show. But it was sad because at the hotel, your face was everywhere and whatever.
And people were like, what happened?
And we're like, well, we didn't want to say what happened. I didn't want to say anything in case I was going through the airport and I got in trouble.
And I had to film a TV show.
But I had a negative test before I left the country.
Yeah, no, you recovered quick.
And, yeah, I stayed there for seven days in this hotel room.
Like eight days or nine days.
Yeah, eight days.
Eight or nine days. Eight or nine days in this hotel room. Like eight days or nine days. Yeah, eight days. Eight or nine days.
Eight or nine days in this hotel room in Singapore.
I didn't have anyone with me.
And geez, I was miserable.
Oh, God.
And you're in a great country where you could go out and get great food.
I could.
And then I think they cottoned on to that I was like,
no, don't come in here or anything like that.
And the room service was just beginning to be left in the hallway and stuff like that.
The room must have been disgusting when you were there.
I asked for trash bags.
I had so much trash from them.
They were giving me all my room service food in takeaway boxes.
I filled like a whole bag.
Yeah, your rooms ordinarily on a two-day stand aren't very clean.
Yeah, I enjoy messing up a hotel.
I hope that answered your question.
What's the longest tour in history?
I would say at the moment it's Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Tour.
And it was COVID stopped, but I think it's just finishing now.
And it's meant to finish in Dodger Stadium.
I don't think COVID counts in the middle.
Like you have to stop.
Yeah, but he was doing that.
He was doing that a year and a half before COVID,
and then I saw him in January in Australia perform.
Okay.
So that's a long-ass tour.
But I don't know.
I remember the Guns N' Roses Use Your Illusion Tour
being a very big tour for a very long time,
and that was in the 90s.' Roses Use Your Illusion tour being a very big tour for a very long time and that was in the 90s
it was about 92
and
and that
I remember that being
a very big tour
who is the most
toured artist
like I guess
who is toured the most
yeah but
see there'd be artists
that you wouldn't even
know about
like I would say
it's a poor artist
because they have to
keep touring non-stop
forever and ever
and every day
but if you're talking about big great big tours yeah it would be somebody I would say it's a poor artist because they have to keep touring nonstop forever and ever and every day. But if you're talking about big, great, big tours.
Yeah, it would be somebody.
I would say it has to be Paul McCartney.
I don't think anyone tours more than Paul.
Paul McCartney's got a new tour.
If you want to see the guy, you can see the guy.
I've seen him like seven times and it hasn't been like I've followed him anywhere.
You know, and like since like.
You travel a lot though. Yeah, but going from the beatles to wings yeah to to every single solo to every time he brings an album out he has another tour i would say it's paul mccartney
this band broke a guinness world record when they played 309 nights in just over two years
so they're performing pretty much every other day i really grateful dad i don't think they
have the stamina.
Okay, so I'm going to pull back on that one.
Well, I know the Beatles performed more shows.
There's like almost every other night, if you think about it.
Yeah, but the Beatles used to do eight hours a night in Hamburg and stuff,
but that wasn't a tour as such.
The Beatles, okay.
But the Beatles used to perform every day.
What effect does touring have on your mental health?
This is a little question.
Well, it's not good. It's a lot better if you don't drink but the the you feel very detached from society
because you're in your own little bubble of what you're doing and all that type of stuff
um i i know that a lot of i just watched that documentary on drumming and uh um from the guy
from the great little dead son did a documentary on drumming and
i think that um it very hard on relationships and your relationship to your partner especially
if you're married it's really the most important thing going on in your life and your family and
so if that crumbles that can really hurt you that's why you bring your friends too like me
and jay oh i that's why like the support acts you have to be a good comedian right that's rule number one
but second of all
and this is very important
you have to be an easy hang
not even a good hang
yeah
just an easy hang
because if you get some
kind of
he's fucking difficult
or that
or complains
he doesn't like this room
doesn't like that room
bloody hell
that's a pain in the neck
well I always say a part of it
I mean when people
when talk about touring
and stuff
it's like
the big part of it is like you want to be about touring with you and stuff it's like the big part of it
is like you want to be
with like
yeah easy hang
but friends
and people that are
supportive too
because it works both ways
there's been times
when I've been touring
with you that like
you know you've helped me out
oh we've been there
for each other
yeah yeah
you're just like
ugh
yeah but
yeah yeah no
you had a very rough tour
after your mother passed away
and you weren't in
a great head space
oh man the first half
of that tour
I was not a good
good tour partner.
He wasn't an easy young.
I broke a phone and
Amos's shin tried to fight Shandy.
He fell
over in a puddle.
It was slippery bricks.
In Prague.
He slipped
over in Prague on a cobbled
street that was wet.
That's why I always think about Americans like, I'm going to sue the council because this He slipped over in Prague on a cobbled street that was wet, right?
Yes.
That's why I always think about Americans like,
I'm going to sue the council because this bit of concrete was raised.
Try walking around Edinburgh and Hills.
Seriously.
Oh, I've done it.
Anyway, so he slips over and he falls in a puddle.
And Amos, being a younger man.
I got hurt.
Amos is a 27-year-old lad full of piss and vinegar. And Forrest fell, and it was a real dramatic poof, like on the ground.
I cut my legs through the jeans.
Like, the jeans tore.
It was bad.
I mean, I'll be fine.
And Amos was walking with a cane.
Now, I had just twisted my knee on a ski thing, like riding around in a tube.
And by the way, Amos and I are great friends.
I mean, he's lived with me.
Oh, he lived with you after this.
That day,
we had walked all over Prague,
like up into church steeples
and like we had a great day too.
It was like, yeah.
And so I had this cane
that was given to me
because I had to do my brother's wedding
right after I twisted my knee.
And my brother got me a cane
as a wedding gift,
which was like this black cane with like a silver skull on top of it.
Like I was Alice Cooper.
And I walked down the aisle with this limp with the cane
and all that type of stuff.
So then my knee healed up and then Amos had knee reconstructions
and he goes, oh, I need a cane.
I go, ha ha, I'm your guy.
So I give Amos this cane, right?
So Amos is walking along with this fucking cane,
and Forrest slips over, bang,
and Forrest was already having like a, you know,
he's having a rough week.
His mother had just passed and all that stuff.
And so he goes, fuck you.
You think this is funny?
You think this is funny?
Amos, I knew, it was funny, but I knew.
You and Shandy and Slav had stopped laughing.
I laughed initially, but I had the presence of mind to see that he was in a bit of pain
and he was getting wetter by the second.
He was in the puddle, he was drenched, he'd hurt his leg and he wasn't very happy.
And then Amos continued to laugh, like where it was stupid,
where he was just being a dickhead about it, right?
And Forrest was like, oh, he's going to stand up and just punch him.
Like, I'm going to go for it, right?
But then his leg was so sore, he couldn't stand up.
And then Forrest reached into his pocket and got his own phone.
And, like, his arm's amazing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because he aimed for his weak knee.
Oh, wow.
He went for his knee that just had surgery, and he went, wah-bang!
I was not aiming at his knee.
I was aiming at Amos.
Well, it hit him in the weak knee.
I honestly just wanted to throw the phone because I was angry,
and I didn't really want to injure Amos, but then when it hit him flush,
I was like, eh.
It cracked the screen on the phone. It cracked the screen on the phone, I didn't really want to injure Amos, but then when it hit him flush, I was like, it cracked
the screen on the phone.
It cracked the screen on the phone, and the phone goes into a puddle, so it's got water
just seeping into it.
I had to get a new phone in Berlin.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Amos continues to laugh, and our security guy, Slav, big Eastern European fella, and
he comes to me and goes, you you take him away from this situation.
So Sandy and me got into an Uber.
Yeah, he goes, I will make sure he gets home.
You have to remove Amos.
You have to remove Amos right now.
No, no, no, but we didn't.
Sandy and I got in an Uber.
And I remember, you know, like when you've done something like that
and then you're shameful, but it was like that.
We got in the Uber and I looked at all you guys and I go,
I didn't handle that well.
And the Uber driving away,
and you guys were walking on the cobblestone streets
back to the hotel.
Oh, no, we were walking along,
and I was laughing now just to myself
because the phone was all too much for me.
But I was keeping it on the down low, right?
I was like...
And Amos is still laughing.
I was like, shut the fuck up.
He can still hear you. We're only only 20 meters away once we get around that corner
we can both laugh together but until then shut your mouth yeah and then the next morning i walked downstairs and i was like you know full shame but then i saw slav and he goes oh
what's going on i I go, yeah,
that last night though,
people shouldn't have been laughing.
It wasn't funny that I got injured.
And he goes,
it was pretty funny.
And then I had like
a couple other breakdowns.
I had a couple other,
remember,
there was like Shandy and me,
I mean,
we're good,
I'm good with all these people now,
but Shandy,
I got in there with Shandy at an airport.
And at that same airport, I remember we had to cross the street in the rain.
I think we were in Dublin.
We were flying to Scotland.
You get really dramatic in the rain.
Yeah, we're crossing the street in the rain.
And then I'm just standing getting rained on.
And they're just having me stand outside of an airplane.
I'm like, why?
So I just came on the airplane.
You guys are already on.
I go, what is this fucking dumb airline?
Making me stay in the goddamn rain. And this irish the flight attendant literally she goes
she was like it was air lingus or something budget fucking 60 pound ticket we had like
this wasn't a high-end airport yeah but firm but like nice firm but like also like you better
fucking check yourself i go that's fucking she goes is there a problem is i can't do it
is there a problem i go yeah it's fucking, she goes, is there a problem? I can't do it. She goes, is there a problem? I go, yeah, it's fucking in the rain.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
When we took off,
that lady,
I was still kind of like,
I was still dickish to her for sure.
When we took off,
she came over
and like,
you know,
palmed two bottles of vodka to me.
Like,
here you go.
Yep.
Drink these.
I was like,
oh,
thank you.
You're so nice after I yelled at you
and then we got to Glasgow
and that's when you called
I remember
I was in the hotel in Glasgow
and you called me
and you're like
if you need to go home
I'll pay you for the gigs
whatever
and I was like
nah I'm good
but that's when I need it
I need someone to like
you called me
we had a conversation
and then from that moment on
I was fine
but it was the first week
I was just in a bad place
so anyways
mental health
I imagine with bands and stuff there's always someone going through a breakup But it was the first week I was in a bad place. So anyways, mental health. Anyway.
There's always, I imagine with bands and stuff,
there's always someone going through a breakup.
Yep.
Always. And when you're away from the situation and you feel so helpless,
you're in this other city.
And it's not like, you know, like normally if you're on vacation,
you're normally with your partner or something like that.
But there's always someone going through a breakup.
Well, let's start talking to Misty.
We've talked a lot here because we know a lot about this,
but Misty, thanks for sitting there
and listening to answer all these questions.
How do you think Jim did, zero through 10?
I'm odd at his knowledge.
Well, you know.
I mean, like, granted, I understand you do this,
but you hit a lot of those pretty spot on.
All right, this is me bitch top topic.
I can tell you, you know,
from the artists that i've worked
with for you know however long most of them don't know a lot about what they do they're just not that
interested except for you know whatever that dollar sign is at the end of the day and like
you you got it in the nitty-gritty of some of those well i think that i've had enough tour
managers that i reckon i don't think i could do the job tomorrow but i think if you train me up
i could do the job i've seen enough people do it i think you could yeah i don't think I could do the job tomorrow, but I think if you train me up, I could do the job. I've seen enough
people do it. I think you could.
I don't know if I'd enjoy it. I'm disorganized.
You would quit after a day or two.
I wouldn't be good at it.
Because you've got to be the first one up, too.
That is also true. You have to send emails.
I'm normally pretty punctual.
I'm not too bad with that.
You did terrible on stand-up comedy,
but you did good on touring.
Yeah, yeah.
I like anything about stand-up comedy.
Kelly, how do you do on confidence?
I think he was really confident.
I'll give him a 10.
Oh, what'd you give him?
I'm going to give him like a 9.5.
9.5.
Wow.
That's one of your highest scores.
19.5.
I'll give you 20 for et cetera.
You're on your way home from the airport.
Yeah.
I'll tell you, every time, and this just happened yesterday, every time I get into my house with my bags,
and I do this all the time,
my brain always says the same thing.
You did it.
It was mine.
Still.
But like there was a chance I wouldn't.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like you made it home again, like this homing pigeon.
I mean, there is always a chance.
Oh, yeah. There's a chance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a chance of, you know, one of those questions,
what do you do when somebody gets sick?
Sure, go ahead and answer it if you want now.
Yeah.
You know, or if somebody just decides they don't want to do it anymore,
which kind of also ties into mental health,
because there have been a lot of artists these last few years
that have put their tours on hold mid-tour.
You know, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, who have just gone.
Adele. Who have said, i can't keep going right now because i'm not able to put on the kind of shows that i want to put on with my mental health the way that it is yeah and you
know i think that that conversation has opened up so much more widely in these last like five six
years that people don't they're not as scared anymore
to be like, I'm struggling and I don't, I don't want to keep going.
I said to my agents recently, I said, I need to slow down.
And that's when I said on the podcast that, you know, I was planning on retiring from
standup and I, I don't know if I still believe in that.
I think I always do stand up.
I don't know.
I think this is my last special.
I just need to tour a little bit less because I missed my son's,
my eldest boy.
I missed half of his childhood.
Yeah, you've been gone a lot over the last few years.
I just missed it.
My career was where it was at, and I never took my foot off the pedal.
And it's like now with this new baby, I'm like,
and I watched that Dana Carvey show one where he just stopped for a bit because his kids were like i
missed you and it's just it's a long way to be away so when does the money outweigh what's good
for the family or whatever and you can't when when the kids are little little you can take them with
you and you can have this sort of family circus environment going on where you take the kids with
you and they you know i took hank on a tour on a tour just when me and his mother were breaking up.
And I said, I want to spend some time with him.
And I took him on a tour when he was four.
And it was just me and him.
And all around Australia.
And the other comics were really nice to him.
And the manager there and the tour guy was very nice.
They'd set up a little bedroom for him backstage in each show, and he'd just have to sleep there.
And then I'd pick him up.
I'd pick him up in my arms asleep and put him into the limo or the car and drive back to the hotel and take him.
And that was just how we were.
And I don't know if that was a good experience for him.
The bus tour, too.
He was on part of that.
He came on part of the bus tour.
We had Lenny Kravitz's old bus.
Well, we rented it from Lenny Kravitz, right?
So you don't buy a bus, but we rented it.
I don't know if he owned it.
He just was touring in it, right?
It was all seashell themed and stuff.
Yeah, Lenny loved it.
I'm sure he did.
Yeah, there's different ways of doing it.
I do know some artists that get so comfortable in their buses
that they say, yeah, I'm going to buy this.
Oh, then they rent it out to other people?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
But that's not the norm.
Like Dolly Parton does that, but she's Dolly Parton.
I would like to be in Dolly Parton.
Oh, yeah.
She'd have a special.
Hers is incredible.
She'd have a wig space.
Yeah.
Yeah, but he was on that.
Just a room of bras.
And I remember the first night we were on there uh you put him in one of the bunks because
they had the dvd players that would come down even though you were sleeping in the main bedroom with
you and and he was watching the tea and he fell asleep in the bunk so he just left them there
yeah and then i fell asleep in another bunk and he woke up at like i don't know three in the morning
he was three at that stage yeah three in the morning he didn't know where he was and he just
starts yelling yeah and he just starts yelling.
And I just, I opened, there's a curtain on the bunk,
like a little curtain, so I just pulled it back,
and I thought it'd be like, I was like, hey, Hank, it's okay.
And even though he knew me and trusted me,
he was like, gah!
I still do that for him.
I still scream at three in the morning. Three years old, three in the morning, like, hey, Hank.
I jump up naked, open the door.
I'm completely naked.
What's going on?
Come here, mate.
Don't worry about Forrest.
Yeah, it was bad for me, too.
I mean, there was a screaming kid, plus your dick.
I mean, it wasn't the best sleep for me.
I had to go back to bed.
So how does this work?
Do we go through those questions?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we have the answers here.
And I know a lot of times our guests will be able to look at it.
So why are music tours important for artists?
So Jim said because music is given away for free.
And these days promote the album.
You know, the way that artists used to make music, obviously, was record sales.
And with the advent of streaming, you definitely don't make the kind of money that you used to.
You know, there's no mailbox money anymore of money that you used to you know there's
no mailbox money anymore the way that you used to have it so touring and merchandise sales are
the the two ways that artists get to bring home cash and there's artists like you too correct
correct me if i'm wrong who the show costs more than yes the ticket sales the only thing they're
making it off is the t-shirts
when you're an artist like you too you can do that i should sell merchandise there's money i
leave on the table but i just uh i can't be arsed it's a it's a it's definitely a huge revenue stream
for artists these days you don't have to do it you just yeah all you have to do is approve the
designs and then you send it to the venues and they sell it for you yeah there's there's definitely
easy ways of doing it but yeah you nailed it that's how and they sell it for you yeah there's there's definitely easy ways of
doing it but yeah you nailed it that's how artists make me why are you saying you too can do oh
because they've hadn't made money in the past the zoo roper tour they they weren't making cash off
they were running at a loss for each show if not for the t-shirts that was the one with like the
arm like it came out of a lemon yeah oh that was the last one with the arm yeah yeah um because i
mean some artists like
they've made enough money that they're fine and they hit a point where they're like i'm gonna go
out solely to entertain people yeah like this isn't a money-making venture and so they'll dip
into their own pockets to pay for the production aspects and there are also artists too that as
you know as they move up the food chain, it becomes really competitive.
It's like, oh, I want to make a stage like no one's ever seen before.
And I don't care if I have to pay for part of that.
You know, like I think it's 50% of your touring money
goes towards the production generally on a music tour
because we do have anywhere from three semis to i've done
tours that have had i think the metallica tour the last one i did had 34 semis wow and holy crap
it's i mean it's amazing watching those semi drivers when i was doing like australia and we
had those big screens and all that type of stuff, there was semi-drivers.
Probably like six or seven semi.
Yeah, it was a lot of six or seven.
And they loaded them all up.
And then I think they had them in two runs because one of them had to drive across to Perth.
That's New York to LA.
Yeah, it is.
Right?
Yeah, yeah.
And they had to drive across.
And then we're just like, all right, see you later.
Hey, you're doing a great job.
You're definitely like...
You don't really know those people.
Like, it's not that you don't,
you know, you say hello
and all that type of stuff.
The artist doesn't,
but I'm assuming the tour manager.
The crew.
Yeah, the crew.
Like, you know some crew members,
you don't know other crew members,
but you don't, you know,
you try to be as nice and polite
to everybody as possible.
There was one really very attractive woman that worked on that crew
that I would see at our tent.
She stood out because you were like,
you're dismantling a stage right now?
And she was like, hi.
And you were like, oh, you're very attractive.
The second that last person leaves that arena or that whatever it is,
they're fucking dismantling.
They're not waiting an hour.
They're breaking down that stage within seconds.
I mean, I've done tours where you start breaking down elements of the stage
while the artist is still on stage.
Once they're done with it, you move it off stage and start putting it into trucks.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
Who invented music tours?
Who started this?
So the first dancer, vaudeville yeah probably not
it went earlier than that it was definitely i would say you know the early composers we didn't
call them tours because we weren't obviously around to call them tours but yeah they played
shows in in other places and other like mozart maybe yeah yeah like the the early greats yeah
the conductors would go out
Mozart would conduct
His own music
Would they name the tours?
They'd be like
Yeah
Mozart
Mozart takes Germany
The tours were the names
Of the operas
I know
But I'm just kidding
So we're doing the magic flute
Or whatever
And then he'd come out
And they're like
Powder up his wig
And off he goes
Five tours
They're like
Ten cents for a t-shirt
Are you kidding me?
It's fucking ridiculous.
What do you reckon Mozart's
merch was?
I reckon it was those little
busts of him that people put on pianos.
Or the wigs.
I was going to say,
wearing powdered wigs.
That wasn't something
flashy.
Wine cup. You know, wine cup with Mozart something flashy. You can get the Mozart style. Wine cup.
You know, wine cup with Mozart on it.
You got some koozies.
Yeah, like a t-shirt in front that said Mozart
and the back goes dum, dum, dum.
Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.
He cleaned up.
Stadium tours.
Jim said the Beatles. Jim nailed it on that one too.
The Beatles were definitely the first to
do a stadium tour.
Yeah, they just couldn't sell enough tickets.
Now, there's an interesting story about the Beatles,
that the Beatles, they toured Australia at the height of Beatlemania.
So they just done the Ed Sullivan show,
and then the next stop was Australia.
Now, most artists didn't go to Australia,
but they so happened to have booked these gigs in Australia
before they were famous
when there was just a bloke in Australia
like oh we have a Liverpool band come out
oh we've got a band okay
bring them out and they just had
like these gigs
these are venues that are too small for me
to play in Australia like these are little
tiny venues and they stay in it
and the Beatles bless them they kept
their contract and they got paid the amount of money they were going to be paid for the tour.
They didn't change.
They'd already booked it in.
And Ringo had, I believe, he was having his tonsils taken out
and he wasn't on the tour.
And they had this other bloke who drummed for him for half the tour
and then Ringo came down by himself.
Some men at work?
No, yeah.
He was just a bloke
who had gotten the job like,
he found out about the job
three weeks earlier
and he tried to grow his hair
as much as he could.
Like his hair was down like that,
he was giving it a go.
That's amazing.
And I don't know
if that bloke played for a band.
I've never seen him
or heard from him again since,
but he probably should write a book.
He probably has written a book. Movie. Could do a movie. But yeah, seen him or heard from him again since but he probably should write a book. He probably has
written a book.
Movie.
Could do a movie.
But yeah,
he got to drum for Ringo
and Ringo said
in one of the documentaries
that he felt a bit
upset about it
that they didn't call
that bit of the tour off
and that's how
replaceable a drummer is.
Jimmy Nickel.
Jimmy Nickel.
There he is
and you can see
what he's done.
He's put his hair down.
He obviously had
the lofty Elvis bit.
Is he dead?
Oh yeah,
he did not.
He could not grow it out.
He didn't have it in time.
Is he dead?
Probably.
What is the estimated global value of the live music industry?
Jim says $500 billion.
So, I'm going to base this.
During the pandemic, I did a lot of research on this.
And I know that in 2020, we lost $30 billion.
So, I'm going to double that
and say that it's about $60 billion.
$60 billion.
A year?
Yeah.
You think that's low?
I don't know.
I think worldwide,
I think that might be the American.
I don't know.
I don't know
because I feel worldwide.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Mind you,
I had one period of my life
where I was on the, what's it, a Polestar?
Yeah, Polestar.
I made the cover of Polestar.
Look at you.
Polestar is an industry magazine that lists all the figures and how much tickets everyone's selling and that type of stuff.
And there was one month of my career where I was the fifth biggest selling artist of any artist in America for just one month.
And that's as high.
Now I wouldn't be in the top fucking 100.
But I had one month where I was just gigging every day.
It's a cool feeling when you see it though.
It was during the bus tour, yeah.
So I'd made it, yeah.
I get really excited when I look at the Polestar and like one of my tours is on it.
I'm like, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I've been on a couple that have been the top grossing of the year.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was just for that month.
I got the cover just for that month.
What percentage of Americans attend live shows at least once per year?
Jim said 55.
I think he nailed it.
It's totally somewhere.
It's over 50, but under 60.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wasn't attending a lot of live shows in the last two years.
I've attended a ton.
I don't know.
Because you missed it for a few years.
You always go see one.
Yeah.
And then like little kids aren't seeing them.
The real old aren't seeing them.
And I think most people see one.
So about 55.
Yeah.
Well, and I mean, there are a lot of things that we kind of forget to take into account.
That comedy shows are live shows.
It's not just music.
It's not just music.
If you were to tour right now with Coco Miller.
Podcast. The live podcast. No, but the Thomas. It's not just music. You, if you're in tour right now with Coco Miller. Podcast,
the live podcast.
No,
but the Thomas the Tank Engine
tours and stuff.
Totally.
They sell out,
the Wiggles,
the Wiggles sell out
fucking arenas
and they have done
for years.
For 30 fucking years.
Yeah.
For 30,
and they were a band.
They were a band,
the Wiggles,
before.
They were in the charts.
They were called
the Cockroaches
and they had a couple of hits.
Not as good of a name for kids. No, definitely not for kids i think i believe they had two top hand hits uh she's the
one and she's some kind of girl was their two hits and uh you know jeff was on the keyboards and and
anthony who was like the lead singer and he did a thing where he jumped and kicked his legs out and
they were a little bit like rolled up denim shirts and quaffs they were a little bit like uh punky sort of anyway um and they had a couple of hits and then like the band and i went
i saw the cockroaches because they had two hits at a local sort of pub where they were performing
and i was like ah it felt sad this band that was all over and the next year they reinvented
and i was about 14 the next year they reinvented themselves. And I was about 14. The next year they reinvented themselves as the Wiggles.
And I think they would hold the record for being the biggest selling Australian artists of all time in any genre for anything ever.
Wow.
You are correct on that.
A friend of mine used to tour manage them.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And they got so big that then they just brought in other Wiggles.
Oh, yeah.
Because they got too old.
Supplementary Wiggles. They brought in a female Wiggle and a brought in other wiggles oh yeah because they got too old wiggles they
brought in a female wiggle and a couple of other wiggles because it got sadder and sadder because
they were always wearing turtlenecks and they they're old men now they're like 60 year old guys
you know and i mean there's also like you know think about the ice capades things like that
that's still a live show oh yeah dis Disney on Ice and that type of shit.
They're all of those, you know, I mean, all of the seasonal things that come out,
like TSO, Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Oh, yeah.
You know, there are families that go and see that every single year.
What about that dancing thing that's meant to be a cult?
Yeah.
It's Yen Shen or something.
Shen Yang.
Oh, yeah.
All the circus shows.
Yeah. Yeah, you're not meant to go to it. They try to or something. Shen Yang. Oh, yeah. All the circus shows. Yeah.
Yeah, you're not meant to go to it.
They try to sign you up for something.
Oh, yeah.
They always advertise
that they're kicking up with dresses.
There's always a billboard around
for Shen Yang or whatever it is.
Always.
Yeah.
How are tours set up?
Jim said a lot of things there.
You know what?
Jim pretty much nailed it on that one, too.
I'm impressed with how into detail he was able to go on that
because a lot of artists, you know,
after they get the phone call and confirm,
hey, yes, I do want to go on tour
and here's the time,
they pretty much just leave it up to other people to handle.
You know what I think it is though?
Because with comedy, I think with music tours,
you're separated more from
a lot of the stuff.
Because a lot of times we're just like in a car.
It's me and Jim.
Right.
The other opener and then the tour manager and that's it.
And so you hear a lot of things too.
Like it'd be like, like the tour manager, he'll just be like, yeah, I got to get there
by noon or whatever.
Like, oh, really?
Like, I'm just going to go sleep in the hotel.
I think in music.
We hear a lot of the fun calls.
Yeah.
Like in music, there's, there's so much planning that goes into place
and the creative of all of it.
You know, it's not the 70s anymore where you could get on stage
with a piano and a par can.
You know, you have to have lifts and automation.
And, you know, I mean, most of the tours that I have gone out on
have upwards of 100 people on them, you know,
in all these different capacities, lighting, audio, video, pyro. So, you know,
there's so much planning that goes into place and, you know, the, the creative directors have
conversations with the artist and, you know, show them all the things, whether they like them or
not. But really the first time that an artist sees that is when they show up for rehearsals.
So that's why that kind of, you know, after they say yeah i want to do it i mean
basically they get some weekly updates on sales numbers and things like that yeah i get updates
monday wednesday friday yeah yeah and it's like i look at this graph like it's going to affect my
life right yeah it's 6 30 i get him and i look at him oh let's move like i can like over here
what can i do do anything right there's nothing to be done there's no do an extra post
that's gonna do anything i have fucking 10 people following me in fucking stockholm you think a post
is gonna by the way stockholm sold out thank you um yeah and then uh because i i remember we were
in like in the airport lounge and lord huron was there
i didn't know who they were i could see they were a band they had all their instruments and i i'd
like them a lot i just don't know what they look like and i remember i said excuse me you guys
you're in a band right and they're like yeah we're a band called lord here and i was like oh i have
you on my phone but the reason i asked them is i was listening to their conversation and they were
talking about pyrotechnics and lights and this and that and I was like yeah we need a stool
and a microphone
I'm not going to lie it's my dream someday to do a comedy
tour and to call for the advance and be like
I need one
lighting tech and a stool
like my advance calls take
two or three hours
and a bottle of water
I always like
a sort of
one of those Chesterfield chairs I'm on all the email I ask for a chair and I always like like a sort of like you know
like one of those
Chesterfield chairs
is a good one
like a deep sort of
I'm on all the email chains
you want to throw
then you send me
the chair options
the chair options
my favorite one
big chair guy
my favorite
my favorite one ever
was I once
I once showed up
to a place
and they'd just done
a production of
The King and I
oh yeah
that was in New Jersey that was the fire alarm one time and I got a production of The King and I. That was in New Jersey.
That was a fire alarm one time.
And I got the throne from The King and I.
And it was like,
it looks like that's what I travel with.
You should request thrones from now on.
That would be epic.
The back of the chair was at least six foot high.
And so I sat in it
and it sat bolt upright and had throne-ly
type of things. You should borrow the F in it and it sat bolt upright and had flownly type of things.
You should borrow the Foo Fighters throne
on your next tour.
Wasn't that the one
that they borrowed
for ACDC
for when
Axl Rose
broke his leg?
Guns N' Roses, yeah.
Yeah, Guns N' Roses.
He borrowed it
from the Foo Fighters.
Yeah, but he used that
on the ACDC tour.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, oh,
because when Dave Grohl
broke his leg.
Right.
They built him
a throne of guitar. It was the same throne for the ACDC. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, oh, because when Dave Grobrock is like, they're breaking their leg, these guys. A throne of guitar.
It was the same throne
for the ACDC.
Yeah.
He just did that
whilst he was sitting.
Yeah.
Well,
that show goes on.
Thrones for Jim only
from here on out.
Yeah, Jack,
get on that.
I'm working on it.
Yeah, I don't know
if I pay.
I'll tell you what
does happen.
There's a thing like riders. You'll tell you what what does happen there's
a thing like riders you've probably all heard about riders and there's this there's this
mythology that goes around a rider that like the the only no brown m&ms that's the classic
right the classic and that someone wants an ice sculpture and someone wants to this and someone
wants to that i don't know if you know even in in like arenas, the dressing rooms are very small.
Sometimes there's a bigger room, like a green roomy type thing.
But this idea that we're all backstage with groupies and all that type of stuff.
Chocolate fountains.
Chocolate fountains.
It's a load of rubbish.
I'll tell you what my rider is right now.
Six sugar-free Red Bulls.
Two Dr. Peppers.
A six-pack of Heineken for the people.
A bottle of vodka.
And a bottle, a large bottle of pineapple juice is what I get.
And you don't even drink anymore.
I just have the vodka and the beer for the other people who might come backstage.
One of your tour managers, they were very brave.
They were with you for like two tours.
They're like, what chocolates does he want
We've been getting those
You've started getting chocolates now
One time somebody put some Lindor balls
A packet of Lindor balls in there
No Outback's been doing that
What happened was
One person just had them back there
And I went I like the chocolates
That was a nice touch
And then ever since then and i think man's european chocolate somebody somebody then put in some hershey's and
hershey's is shit and so i said i only like european australia i like cabris which is your
base basic bitch chocolate in australia and britain that's me chocolate of choice but now
it's like he needs european because i'm gonna focus we're in a small town
we can't find any european chocolate so we get garibaldi if all else fails is the one because
that's american i believe garibaldi right so anyway so for the longest time there i was getting
someone said to me would you like a meat platter like a crudite platter and i went
sure and then one time i decided i'm gonna look into my budgets of my shows
one time i was i was paying 150 a show for this meat platter and i literally would have a slice
of salami each day and then maybe a chunk of cheese and then then half of it, I went, get rid of the fucking meat platter. They charge you at their,
like every arena has a,
like an in-house catering.
And so they charge you with the rates
that they would charge
to cater like the sweets upstairs
for all the fancy people.
You know,
it's basically you're getting
a bottle service meat tray.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is what you're doing.
Yeah, no.
And some meat trays were like this.
Yeah.
And some were like this.
Absolutely.
It was all the same price.
Wasn't there a guy one time that got offended that you didn't eat the meat tray?
Was that you?
No.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's a different thing, right?
What happened there was I went to play my father's.
Okay.
So I did a big tour of Australia.
Oh, yeah.
I remember.
I was doing, you know, like 6, like six, seven thousand seaters and stuff like
that. It wasn't as big as the tour before. It was a big tour
and
I did the Taramara Bowling Club,
lawn bowls, right? My father's a lawn
bowler there. My father's 82.
He's one of the younger members, right?
So all of these bowling
mates and I, from the tickets
I was like, if there's 150 people in it, there's maybe 10 grand
coming in and I said, give it to the bowling club, let from the tickets, I was like, if there are 150 people in it, there's maybe 10 grand coming in.
And I said, give it to the bowling club,
let them buy new beer taps or something.
You know what I mean?
So I was donating it all to this.
I was doing this for free, completely free.
And just so my dad could have all of his mates come to a show.
It was just a nice little thing.
And we made sure we put it on the tour of T-shirts.
We put it on the tour of the week. So we go to the Sydney Entertainment Centre,
the Brisbane Arena,
and like this, the Taramara Bowling Club.
Right?
It was in there, right?
So anyway, so Amos is there.
I've got a couple of stories.
So my wife was in the audience, and she was sitting next to my father.
On one side of her was my father, and one side was my brother.
And Amos Gill was on stage, and he goes,
he goes, he goes, he goes, you know when you're Googling Pornhub like this, right?
So he's talking about Pornhub and how you get porn on Pornhub and all this type of stuff.
Anyway, my dad pulls a pad out of his pocket and he writes down Pornhub and he puts the
pad back in, right?
But anyway, so we get there and they've cleared out a little room, which was basically a closet to put their stuff in for the bowling club to put mops and brooms and shit in.
Right. They cleared it out. And then my manager said, I'll get him a meat platter for the staff, get him some red bulls and get him some this.
And they put them in an ice bucket like that. Now, the room was so small that I was like, well, this is the suburb I grew up in. I had friends and family out in the audience.
There was only 150 people.
So before the show, I was just living amongst the crowd, you know,
saying hello and taking photos with people like this.
This old bloke comes up to me.
I remember I'm giving the money to the bowling club.
This is a charitable thing I'm doing.
And this old bloke walks up to me and he goes
you haven't fucking touched the meat platter have you
and I'm like sorry
he goes we went to a lot of effort
to put that in the room for you
we got you fucking red bulls
he goes
we don't even sell them here
I had to go out to a shop
right and so I was like oh god i'm sorry so i turned
to amos and this other guy rudes that tours with me in australia and i said i said boys we got to
go in there and eat some meat i'm gonna get in trouble i was pouring red bull down the sink you
know you had to see empty cans right but anyway so so this old bloke, this old English bloke who bowls with my dad,
and he's probably 85 or something like that,
and he's got a red face, drinks a lot of time and stuff.
He goes, Jim, come over here.
Come over here.
And I said, yes, mate.
I've met him a few times.
He's a mate of my dad's.
And he goes, yeah, don't worry about that bloke.
He's a cunt.
He's always been a cunt.
He's not going to change now.
What are the main duties of a tour manager?
Is it hotels, food, make sure you show up on time, babysitting artists?
Yeah.
I mean, all of those things.
It's definitely travel heavy, you know, depending upon what size artist you work with.
Like I said, a comedy tour is my dream someday to book flights for three people.
Dropping a lot of hints here.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be this one,
any of them.
Okay.
I mean, I've done tours.
You know, my last Metallica tour,
I booked travel for,
we were making a movie
and it was 250 people.
Oh, yeah.
So, hotels, flights,
ground transport.
Okay, when I said earlier
that the opening acts
don't have to be an easy hang,
the person who has to be the easiest hang is you.
Yes.
You have to be the most.
I mean, definitely I've learned over the years I need to have a thick skin,
first of all.
People are never, when you're booking things for that many people,
there's always going to be someone that has to throw a wobbler about something.
My room's at the wrong end of the hotel
or, you know, shit like that.
That you're just like, I don't care.
If you're lighting guy number seven,
I don't fucking care.
They always give me a suite,
but I don't really need the suite.
I just need a bed.
My most important thing is early check-in, late check-out.
Absolutely.
You can put me in a bunk bed.
Yep.
I just need early check-in
get into the room and if the if you can make the curtains black out i don't know why so many hotels
don't this should be the first feature of a hotel make the room dark yep 100 just for
gigs just fucking make it dark for you so that people can sleep, so you don't wake up at 6 a.m. Yeah. Yeah, because, I mean, I don't necessarily know that people think about this really often,
but when you're traveling around the world, the amount of jet lag in different places that you're in,
in any, like, sort of week even.
The only time I really take Xanax is to get me through jet lag.
Yep, absolutely.
So I'd be ready for a gig.
And so I don't take it when I'm at home
or anything like that.
But like every now and again,
you're like,
if I don't sleep now,
I'm going to be fucked for the show.
I'm going to be too tired
for the show.
Yeah.
I just came back
from Australia
two weeks ago
and it took me a full week
to get over my jet lag.
Coming back is so rough.
That way,
no problem.
That way,
no problem.
Going to?
Going to,
no problem.
Because you're basically
going forward a day and a couple of hours.
Well, it's because you leave at 11 a.m.
Yeah.
You've got a 14-hour flight.
Yep.
You sleep for, say, six hours because it's a plane.
You're never going to get a full eight.
You watch a few movies, and then you land at 6 a.m.
And so it feels like, oh, I just had a sleep.
And you go to bed at, like, 9 p.m. that night right right yeah but coming back's a kind of it's horrible like we came back we left
perth at like 10 o'clock at night and oh you you went from perth perth to sydney yeah um so you
know the time change we land in sydney at six in the morning and then we had a four hour layover
which turned into an eight hour layover well what happens is your flight your flight coming back from australia is at like 7 a.m right so and so you're awake the
whole time absolutely and it's the longest bloody flight in the world like traveling with the baby
because i've done it with the baby a couple of times now going over no problem that baby sleeps
the whole time coming back you have you have a fucking one and a half year old on a plane
and to all those people who get upset about babies go fuck yourself because it's you're a baby once i
understand if someone doesn't i understand if someone doesn't like a dog right you're not a
dog person you brought your bloody dog on the plane but we're all people it's like it's like
you think the parents are having a whale of a time right do you think we're sitting back with our babies like oh cry away
this is heaven for me i had this air stewardess get into my wife uh um this is one time that fame
really turned a situation around for me very quickly uh so so my the baby was about four
months old or something like that it just it shat itself as babies did, right?
We're in business class.
We have these little cubicle door things.
So my wife goes, I'll just do it in the thing.
Just do it in the seat, right?
This is a smell involved.
Yeah.
You know.
A little bit.
It's life, right?
But we swap the diaper over very quickly, and then she gives it to me.
Then my job is to go.
So I'm holding a handful of shit now.
My job is to go to the bathroom and dispose of it she changed the nappy that i take over the reins i go dispose of this thing
anyway this this estuaries she comes and goes you are not allowed to change a diaper in there
no one complained they put us in a section with other kids right no one complained it wasn't
anyone complained she just wanted to go for it like this right and so i'm saying that i'm like
i'm so sorry i'm really you know how it is babies blah blah blah you know how it is like this and then then another air stewardess
goes me and my husband just watched you the other day we think you're fantastic and then she put her
hand out and went i'll take that for you i went from being the worst person in the world to handing
a lady a bag of shit.
I'm going to jump ahead here a little bit.
What's the longest torn history?
Jim said Elton John,
Gillerick Road Tour,
or Guns N' Roses?
I definitely know that he's right about Guns N' Roses
during that era.
But I'm going to go with a different one
and probably for a different reason.
I think it's the Grateful Dead because they've just never stopped.
Like for 20 years, they've just...
But is the tour the same tour?
I don't think that they name their tours.
It's just like they just keep going and going and going.
They might do it.
You want to do it.
Just go.
It's 2022 tour.
Right.
I hate naming tours.
They ring me up.
They go, what's the name of this tour? It's always
a show that you haven't even written.
When the tickets are on sale, I haven't written
this fucking show. And so I'm like, what do you
want to call it? Oh, I don't
know. And this one, give them what they want!
Give them what they want!
We're coming to you, Europe! Give them what they want
tour! I'm going to give you what you want!
I think you're right with A Grateful Dead.
I just don't think they've ever stopped. And and then who's the most toward artist is it paul
mccartney i mean jim is definitely right you can go see paul mccartney anytime you want anywhere
and not have to follow him or like plan out a trip like paul mccartney constantly tours i also
feel the same about elton John. And you're right.
Like,
this goodbye tour has been never ending.
Paul McCartney's
a decade older.
Yeah.
And,
and Elton's just retired.
Paul McCartney
will die on stage.
Right.
He has no...
What about Bob Dylan?
Bob Dylan,
Bob Dylan didn't tour
that much,
so...
I mean,
but he's been doing it
for so long.
Like,
I wonder if you add in,
like,
when he was younger
and he did tour a lot.
Yeah.
It's got to be Paul McCartney.
Because he calls his tours things like this, like the, what's his last tour called?
It was something like Get In or something.
Yeah, it was actually.
Yeah, it was something like Get On with Paul McCartney.
And then it's like, he doesn't even play any new songs.
No.
All the tours are the same.
He plays Live and Let Die, and the fireworks go off exactly the same way.
He plays Hey Jude right before the encore, and we all go,
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, and we all have a good time.
Then he comes out for the encore.
He'll open up on a song that's normally upbeat,
so it'll be like Drive My Car yep or something like that and then he'll
have a little bit in the middle where he'll play something on the ukulele like the song something
as an ode to uh um george harrison and he'll tell the story about how i've seen him do it seven times
george gave me this ukulele you know something in the way as you move like that and then he'll do
um if you're with us um if you're with me now or whatever,
the song that he wrote about John Lennon dying that he wrote past.
Now, pictures of John up.
And then he goes back into a high end bit.
Then he'll give us Jet.
And then we all go, all right.
Jet.
That's a long encore.
Oh, he plays for.
Forever.
For Manny's 80s.
It's so long.
I think Springsteen does a longer show,
but it couldn't be by much.
Like, he doesn't.
I'll tell you who's the genius at touring.
Billy Joel.
I go to Madison Square Garden.
27 nights.
Yeah, I go to Madison Square Garden.
He does it once a month now.
Absolutely.
He lives 10 miles away from the venue.
He goes home and he plays to Arena, does the same thing.
They reckon they can time to the second when he's going to get off stage.
100%.
And he went to Australia and he went, I don't want to, fuck, I don't want to tour.
He's just got little kids.
He's got little twins, I believe, at the moment, right?
And so he's like, oh, I just want the kids to like hold a koala or something.
to like hold a koala or something um and he's like and he's like i'll just do the the cricket stadium which is like a hundred thousand in the seats plus the floor it's 130 000 i'll do one gig
in australia you come to me come to me yeah that's the way to do it you know what that's actually uh
gaining popularity with a lot of artists like if you think about the amount of artists that have
what they call vegas residencies now.
You know, it started with the whole Celine Dion thing where she was like,
I'm just going to play her forever.
And then, you know, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears.
Shania Twain.
Shania Twain.
And also, they're purpose-built theaters where they can have effects
that will sit there every single day so they can spend more on the stage
because the money's going to work.
We saw Elton John's Red Piano Tour one there. it was completely different from the other one you know what i mean
you take out the travel aspect of you know traveling all of that production from city to city
you get a lot more in your pocket at the end of the day i would love it i if i would move to vegas
if you said i've got a residency there i'll do it tomorrow but i with comics is there's only been a few comics that have ever really successfully done that and I don't I don't think I'm the guy
for that job I don't think I've got enough pull in it it's I can say it's definitely a roadies
dream come true to get those gigs I don't have to I get one hotel room for six months also great
yeah but not even that the venue is in your hotel yeah you can walk to work you come down through the the maintenance elevator
through the back to the back state you go back up to your room yeah it's so lovely it's fucking
fantastic let's uh let's talk a little bit about mental health uh missy's gonna be featured in this
book called touring and mental health the music industry manual um and you know i asked you about
a gym and obviously said not good yeah no it it's, anytime you have to do something like that.
Yeah, you can talk about it a little bit and talk about the book if you want to.
I mean, I think there's probably a little bit of a difference with comedy and music.
You know, for roadies that are out on music tours, your days can be 18, 20 hours.
And then you hop in the bus.
You know, after everyone leaves,
it takes a good three hours
to tear everything down,
put it in the trucks
and, you know,
get a shower, hop in the bus.
You get four hours of sleep.
You wake up in the next city
and you go,
well, we got to get
the shit loaded back in again.
And it's 18 trucks of stuff.
So you start at six,
seven o'clock in the morning.
And that's what it looks like and
your days off are either spent on the bus traveling to a further city because some booking agent
did really terrible routing or you know you're in a hotel room and at that point you're so depleted
that all you can do is sit in your hotel room and zone out on some stupid TV show and order room service.
Because you don't...
First of all, you're surrounded by people in the bus.
You've got 11, 12 people on a bus with you.
And the smell gets bad.
Oh, my God.
Don't even get me started on the smell of a tour bus.
One of the things...
I think it was...
I'm friends with Kerry King from Slayer.
I think Kerry told me...
It was either him or it was Tim Ferriss from In Excess.
But one of them told me that the big thing was that they just bought a palette of socks.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Socks are one use and one use only.
Yep.
You wear them, you chuck them out.
You wear them, you chuck them out.
That keeps the bus at a reasonable smell.
I have literally gone through the hallway of a bus and picked up shoes and thrown them
outside or in the trash.
I don't know whose they were and I don't care.
Like nothing that smells that bad belongs where you sleep.
Yeah.
Ever.
I don't know.
My wife still.
I still keep her around.
We weren't allowed to take a shit on the bus either.
Nobody is.
Okay.
I mean, there are buses that have what's called a grinder.
It's still absolutely disgusting.
What is a grinder?
So you have the tank that is underneath the toilet where all of the liquids or solids go.
Supposed to be liquids.
And it has like a garbage disposal in it that grinds it up and turns it into liquid
but that doesn't mean that it doesn't still just oh i do that in my body don't worry
i have an internal grinder
but it like i mean that you know the bus drivers stop whenever they're able to and dump those tanks
Bus drivers stop whenever they're able to and dump those tanks.
But that doesn't mean that that doesn't sit there.
Yeah.
And so that smell is going to come up into the bus the same way.
I feel like grinding it would make it smell more.
It's the only way to get it out.
It has to be liquid to dump out of the tank.
I went through.
I would like to do that so after the jim jeffrey show i wanted to start wearing like suit jackets and shirts on stage which i've
done for the last couple of specials and you know a lot of the reason why i wore the leather jacket
was like early on in my career was because i was poor and i just wanted to have one outfit that i
could take everywhere and look the same all the time, you know? So I'd spend money on one jacket and then wear it till it stinks
and chuck it out.
But on the road, I don't know how Jimmy Carr does it.
Jimmy Carr, my friend, he's always in a perfectly pressed suit.
It looks fucking perfect.
Fuck that.
I've tried travelling.
No, that's it.
Something like me.
Oh, no.
I can't look nice.
I've just got to go T-shirt. Last time you had a suit, you had to fly me to New York with it. Yeah, Oh, no. I can't look nice. I just got a great T-shirt.
I can't.
You had to fly me to New York with it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jimmy Carr's tour manager is probably doing it.
Yeah, somebody's stealing that.
Jimmy's a fucking, he's an orderly fella, mate.
He's the only person I know on earth that could get that done right by himself.
This is the part of our show.
Oh, I'm sorry.
The 300 Nights in just over two years touring Guest Book World Records.
I'm not going to lie.
I had to look this up.
Yeah.
Because I did not know the answer to this either.
And it surprised me.
It was 30 Seconds to Mars.
What?
Who were they?
30 Seconds to Mars.
Jared Leto's band.
Oh, really?
Jared Leto's?
But it's like
One of the most
Successful bands
Of an actor
Yeah
In two years
They did 300
Dogstar didn't do it
No
No
Oh Keanu
I'll tell you
What about Dogstar
Right
So
The movie
The Matrix was filmed
I want to say
I don't know
I was just out
Of high school I remember I was just out of high school.
I remember I was dating this bird and I could see it being filmed
from her apartment.
So it would have been 1995, let's say it was filmed, right?
And so from 1995 and he made three Matrix films,
Keanu Reeves was living in Sydney because they were all filmed in Sydney
and you could see Dogstar any night of the week.
If you were living in Sydney and you wanted to catch a bit of Dogstar,
you'd catch Dogstar whether you wanted to or not.
You would walk into a bar in Sydney and go,
oh, there's Keanu.
Oh, God.
And he doesn't even sing.
He's like the bass player.
He wouldn't have a good voice, I don't think.
Yeah, but the fact that Dogstar were just like,
oh, I guess we're living in Sydney.
You don't find Dogstar
Dogstar finds you
I know
Dogstar
they weren't even
advertised
they were everywhere
Dogstar
every night of the week
this is
I was started
and then I stopped
for that question
so this
dinner party facts now
part of our show
our expert gives us
something obscure
interesting about this
topic to
people that are
listening can use
to impress people like at a bar dinner party
what do you got for us? Mine's pretty impressive
I'm not gonna lie like it's very
like I do not pat
myself on the back often but
I am one of the
one of I think it was 23 of
us
I have played a show
on all seven continents
and I did it in a year
With Metallica we played a show in Antarctica, which no one has ever done how we're
Some Metallica for penguins the death metal man that's very well um so fucking Santa was there
so Metallica
is played in
all seven continents
Metallica's the only
band in history
that's played in
all seven continents
Fall Out Boy tried to do it
and wasn't able to get
to Antarctica
who did?
Fall Out Boy
Fall Out Boy tried to do it
yeah
um
Coke Zero got a hold
of Metallica
and said we want to do
something
to raise awareness of how
there is this place
that's untouched and should remain that way.
And so...
So we did a rock show.
What's better than setting up electricity
and stuff like that?
How we did it was really interesting.
We went to the Argentinian
science base. We
played on a helicopter pad that was already existing.
We played inside of a plastic igloo.
It was silent disco style so that none of the sonics would break off any glaciers or affect anything.
And they filmed it.
They brought 250 fans on an expedition boat to Antarctica.
And we played for them and all of the research scientists
that's rad and yeah um I here's one I invented silent comedy not the response no this is this
is true I was I so silent disco came out I would I would hesitate to say maybe 2005 was when that
first started coming into like different things and so they had it at the Edinburgh Festival,
and that's where everyone went at the end, the Edinburgh Festival.
It is such a fun thing.
It's like going bowling.
You're given your earphones or stuff,
and you go out in the nightclub and people are dancing.
You could pick between the two DJs.
So I said,
oh, we could have two comedians on stage at the same time
telling jokes,
and everyone could have their earphones on
and you could switch between the two comedians and then and then like by the time i said that
in a pub someone had already set it up for me the next day oh we're doing that thing
you were talking about and i'm like all right i'm in it now right and so me and andrew maxwell and
andrew's coming on tour with me across the uk. So me and Andrew Maxwell came on stage and we were performing.
And the problem is people would switch between the comics.
So if they lost interest in you and you could feel the laughs out, you're like, I'm losing.
I'm losing.
I've only got a small portion of it.
So it just becomes a shit-stirring thing.
So I just went like, can everyone who's listening to me start patting themselves on the head?
And then they started going like this.
Started going like this.
And people are like, oh, I want to get involved in this.
And then they lost all these.
Well, Misty Roberts, thanks for being here.
Yeah.
The book, I think it's out in a couple days, right?
It's out March 23rd.
Yeah, three days from now.
Yeah.
It's called Touring and Mental Health,
the Music Industry Manual,
and you can also hear her on iHeartRadio.
See her, hear her at an International Women's Day event
highlighting the women behind the scenes
in the music industry.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you so much for being on the podcast, Misty.
It's nice that I know a few things.
There's a change of pace for me.
This is a confidence builder episode.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you're ever at a party and someone says,
Dogstar's the most toured band ever.
Go, well, I don't know about that.
And walk away.
Good night, Australia.