I Don't Know About That - Sailing feat. Colin MacRae

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

"Below Deck" star Colin MacRae (@parlayrevial_colin) joins us on the podcast to teach Jim everything he knows about sailing. Jim's new special "High & Dry" is now available on Netflix! ADS: LIQUID IV: 20% off ANYTHING you order when you use promo code IDKAT at LiquidIV.com.

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has he ever done a romantic comedy well you might find out and i don't know about that with jim jeffries that one really you weren't really ready yeah but it is interesting he's always loud and is doing great but he never does a comedy. Taxi Driver wasn't about mafia. Yeah, but was it funny? The new movie, Killers of the Flower Moon, don't know what it's about yet. Wolf of Wall Street. That was funny. It had funny moments.

Jonah Hill was funny. Shutter Island was hilarious. Shutter Island, I think, is my life every now and again. Every now and again, I think I'm going crazy and the people around me are nurses and doctors. I'm looking at the rest of those movies um just that he directed her oh i should mention why i'm wearing the hat if you if you are if you're listening um on the podcast i'm wearing a realistic looking uh nasa space yeah i was like how how did you even get your hands on that because that seems professional this was bought from the nasa place in either

houston or cape canaveral out in florida uh my cousin paul who i don't know if he listens to the podcast hello paul he was visiting with his friend my son was only about two at the time my first son and uh uh he bought this space helmet back this is from this is official nasa merchandise this isn't cheap shit that you would get anyway this is real good stuff and it has a microphone that comes through there yeah where does that broadcast to houston we have a problem yeah broadcast to houston or i could be a pop star and sing songs in this or i could be one of those wanky comedians like britney spears as an you know that you know those wanker comedians who give up on the microphone,

and then the rest of their life they just speak like this with a little clip on their face. I've thought about it often, but I think part of my appeal is my mic work. You also keep your mic so much further down. I don't think a mic right in your mouth would work. Because my voice goes, I yell a lot, and then I go to quiet, and then I go back and forth. Sometimes I talk to the audience without a microphone.

Was Cape Fear funny? Cape Fear was not funny. Cape Fear was not a funny film. Last Temptation of Christ? Never saw it, but it sounds funny. He also directed The King of Comedy. I imagine that was just a cock. He directed The King of Comedy.

That's hilarious. No, is it? No, it's not. I've never seen it you don't know you don't know what happens in it it's deniro is a comic yeah it's not funny at all especially the end i'm gonna go out on a limb and say deniro in the joker was the most phoned in performance i've ever seen him do and people report like he was like he's meant to be like a game show a tonight show it was phoned in? I remember seeing it.

I only saw it once. Yeah, I thought he was the weak link in that film. After Hours. Have you ever seen that one? It's not comedic, but it's fun. After Hours. Yeah, it's a good movie. It's Martin Scorsese.

I just remember that one. All right. Now, from now on, whatever funny headdress I can find in my house and there isn't a lot of them so this bit might run out we're recording two podcasts today so i'll be wearing this for two days because i will always wear a hat on so it's because what happens is when you your hair i didn't want to do my hair so yeah that's why i wear a hat too yeah so and that's why i don't i want to harp back to the days of podcasts where you didn't have to look at people, where it was just people talking.

Even radio now, they have to get dressed up in the morning. So I figure if you're going to look at me, at least make my head entertaining. Why don't you go? There might be some face painting. Sometimes I might come just dressed as Spider-Man. You got to go on Amazon and buy some. I'm not buying them.

I'll start bringing in stuff I have around my house this has to be stuff I just find in my house we found this at the bottom of a box my kids have been having a wonderful time

with it and now I've taken it okay so it has to be found in your house I'm gonna bring a ball gag so if somebody sends us something and then

I just leave it in your house that works if I find it what if it comes from our house you don't live in a house I assume there's some type of alleyway where you beg for money. Yeah, actually.

I feel bad now. You don't beg. You give them a service. You've got some shows in August. That was a blowjob reference. Oh, I didn't get it. I was looking at Martin Scorsese's films. If this was a registered radio station, I'd be taken off air right now,

and the HR department would come in. We'd be in so much trouble, and we'd be sitting there right now, and they'd go, did you imply that Kelly sucks cocks for money? And you'd be like, it's okay. She doesn't even respect herself. And I was like, she does it so she can live. What is wrong with that? She's a survivor.

Don't shame a sex worker yeah i i didn't see you as sex worker jeez you did i mean you said i get blowjobs for money it wouldn't be work the way she does it yeah it's really not a job for me it's a blow hobby yeah yeah i don't get paid to do stand-up comedy i get paid to get on aeroplanes yeah that's what you always say stand-up comedy is for free speaking of that the same with me sucking cocks at alleyways

you want to promote your show I get paid to show up at the alleyway I'd like to promote my shows please come and see me and you think this is funny well imagine this on stage you could sit and watch an hour and a half of this finely tuned come and see me. And you think this is funny. Well, imagine this on stage. You could sit and watch an hour and a half of this finely tuned entertainment.

Are you going to wear the hat on stage? I am the entertainer. Look, my shows are good. All ages now. You can bring all ages. I didn't know that. You can bring the elderly right to the little cunts. They can show up.

They can all come. Well, the elderly were always allowed were they yeah yeah heavily frowned upon but allowed yeah i thought i made a note about that i sent an email but forgot to send it i don't know how these new machines work so you'll be in harford connecticut august 25th providence rhode island august 26th and then then in September 7th through the 9th you're in Canada you're in Thunder Bay London Hamilton

Montreal after that then Kingston you got a bunch of shows locally your 2000 Oaks in October I should say that I'm not in Hamilton the City yet I am in Hamilton the Musical

oh yeah sorry who are you going to be in that again? that'll be in Hamilton but which person are you playing? when does the son of an orphan person come up and do the thing? That's my song. Go to jimjeffries.com

and all the shows are on there. You'll be back before This weekend, if you're in Philadelphia, please come see me at the Punchline in Philly, July 9th and then in Montreal as well, July 6th. How many cheesesteaks do you reckon you'll have in the two months? I'm only going to be there for about 24 hours, so six.

Two. I reckon you'll have two. No, I don't think. There's a restaurant I want to go to, that Kaluuya it's called, that I want to go. So I might just skip that and go there. And order a cheesesteak? I don't know the cheesesteaks. I have one from Jersey Mike's.

It's fine. Jersey Mike's is fine, but you'll still have one because you're a sucker for this. You'll go in and you'll be like... It's too far away. No, I had one there last time. It was terrible. We ordered one that was good and had one bad one.

I know, because when you're in Philly, you're just like, oh, just in your brain, you're like, every cheesesteak should be of some quality and then you just get one and you're like, this is garbage. Dog shit.

Not enough cheese. Like, stop calling it cheesesteak. Yeah, yeah. They like to hide the cheese. The cheese is like, you can't even see it. It's just like fucking meat in a roll. Bullshit.

Fuck you, Philadelphia. Follow us on Instagram at idcatpodcast. We are taking a break for a couple months on Patreon, but we will be back after our live show, first live show, August 29th at Flappers, and then we'll be relaunching Patreon. July 9th. Philly Punchline, please.

Do it. He's desperate. Heilly Punchline, please. Do it. He's desperate. He'll get blowjobs in an alley. Nah, I was going to say otherwise you have to get blowjobs in an alley. I'm not that good of a friend. And why don't you be

a contestant on the 1% Club in Australia we're filming more episodes in August. I'll come out and see you. It's a wonderful day out. Oh yeah, go online. Where are they?

How do they apply? You come on the show they give you a juice box and an apple I assume. I haven't seen it. I don't know if we feed them. But you do get toilet breaks that i can promise you you have to be australian and you win in australian bank can't be living in australia uh yeah so you know no illegal immigrants can do it it's bloody mean isn't it yeah that is me you got dark on this one yeah yeah but you can't do it you can't do it so you gotta have

australian bank account and live in Australia. And then you've got to have... You have to be at least 18. You have to be able to somewhat read. Applications have already closed by the airing of this. Get the fuck out of here! It closes by the airing of this podcast. It's already closed.

Don't apply. Next time. All right, let's meet our guest. Please welcome our guest colin mccray hello colin now it's time to play yes yes yes yes judging a book by its cover i know the name colin mccray do you yeah i do i do the name. It's something famous to do with something, isn't it? I don't know. It's something to do with something.

Is it NASA? That would be a really great coincidence, wouldn't it? Am I a guest NASA today? Colin, you're Australian, I assume? Kiwi. Kiwi. Kiwi. Oh, wow. And he specializes in something.

Geez, we're running out of guests now. We found a New Zealand expert. Come on, sheep shagging. Yeah, I don't know if you're an expert. Okay, so you're from New Zealand, you're from Auckland. Colin McRae. And you look like you're on a boat. Are you on a boat?

Yes. You're on a boat. Are you on a boat? Yes. You're on a boat. I feel like you... Is it surfing? No. He's on a TV show on the same network as your bestie. I wish. Who's my bestie?

Lisa Vanderpump. Oh, you're below decking. Are you one of the below deck people? I did a few of them, yeah. Yeah, i did a few of them yeah yeah you did a few of them there you go yeah me too but i was never on the show hey yo um the jokes hit so much harder with that so you uh hold on let me mark it's too loud so you uh jim does not normally wear this hat, by the way. You don't have to make excuses and apologies for me. You fucking...

You apologize for your stupid blue hat. Don't worry about my hat. All right. Anyway. So boats. It's boats. Is it luxury cruisers and or... I mean, you got it.

Boats. It's a certain thing about boats. Boats. No, but certain... No. What kind of boating? Certain kind of boating. Sailing. There you go. Sailing. Boats. It's a certain thing about boats. No. What kind of boating? Certain kind of boating. Sailing.

There you go. Sailing. Sailing. I just recently watched the documentary about the America's Cup, where Australia won it against America for the first time. New Zealand and Switzerland and Italy have since won it, but no one gives a fuck. Australia won it one time in 1988 or something.

So Colin McRae, as you talked about in a few seconds ago. You're going to ask me what tic-tacking is. I know, don't worry about that. Tic-tacking? I don't think tic-tacking we're going to ask you.

What else is there to sailing? Colin McRae is on three seasons of the TV show Below Deck as a chief engineer on a 180-foot sailboat. And he's recently bought a hurricane-damaged catam damaged cameron 2018 rebuilt it and now has still 20 000 miles he films a weekly vlog for the last five years and his youtube channel

is called sailing parlay revival has 260 000 subscribers if you're into sailing or even if you're not you want to see what's going on with colin go subscribe to that uh youtube channel and uh tell us a little bit more about how you got into sailing and then, like, what you're up to now. Yeah, so I bought a HobieCat when I was 16 years old and started sailing. Slow down, college boy. What's a HobieCat? HobieCat.

What's a HobieCat? Hobie, Hobie. What's a HobieCat? HobieCat, it's a 16-foot catamaran, so no cabins or anything like that. It's just a trampoline and some sails. Oh, yeah, I know those. And started sailing that around Auckland Harbour and got in a bunch of trouble because there's no engine.

So you run out of wind and you're stuck in the middle of nowhere. So steep landing curve, but fell in love with it and left New Zealand when I was 22, started working on the Great Barrier Reef, Airlie Beach, the chlamydia capital of Australia. Right. Only because there's so many fucking New Zealanders there. And then started working on super yachts. So I've been doing that for like 16 years now.

So where's the chlamydia capital of Australia? Just for anyone who's touring around the country who wants to know where that would be, what town did you say it would be? Is it Cairns? Airlie Beach. Airlie Beach in the Whitsunday Islands. Whitsunday. Oh, that's because it's all backpackers and people working up there and stuff like that.

Yeah. That was its claim to fame. People in their 20s that are in their gap year from life and they go work up at the resorts and pass the chlamydia on. Yeah. There you go. If you ever did an episode on chlamydia that could be a fun fact what uh where are you at right now he's in his boat it's harakiri i'm on my own boat in uh french polynesia and a random atoll in the tuamotu islands coming to you live with starlink are you are you there by yourself or do you travel with with people normally got like six to eight crew right now we're down to five um yeah just

sailing around the world making videos oh okay so you're not working for you're just saying by yourself this is just fun there's fun things and then you use Instagram or something to make the money. How does this work? YouTube makes the money. Do weekly episodes every Sunday. So we're filming all week and then we do a weekly vlog and then, yeah, that pays the bills. My dad had a mate. I think his name was Dave, but my brother Scott can set me straight on who it was.

My dad had a mate that he used to do carpentry with, and this guy lived in the junkyard, like actually down at the tip, right? The landfill. He lived in the landfill in a caravan in a bit of space that he rented. Now, my dad used to visit him, and he used to cook all of his food over an open fire and stuff like that.

And my dad used to drive us down there. As a kid, you loved going to the tip because it's good. You can see stuff. Dave lived there because it was the cheapest place to rent a plot of land to build a boat. Then Dave built like a humongous fucking yacht in the middle of this garbage pit, right, up on bricks. And then at the end, he just advertised in, this is before social media, he just advertised in a local magazine for any women who want to see the world.

Jeez, you would have been captive on that boat with james silence go around the world with him on a sailboat yeah so he had no girlfriends nothing because he lived in a garbage pit this is a bloke who lived in a garbage pit who cooked his food over an open fire and built his boat on the weekends he was a carpenter yeah yeah and he built the boat and then he advertised for women who were up for an adventure yeah and he had applicants man it would be an adventure yeah he wasn't lying yeah but he would have had like a few of them would have shown up he must have looked at him and gone nah until one of them agreed but he set sail i got to ask dad what happened with him whether he's's alive or dead. But he went sailing around the world on a boat.

The most expensive bit was getting it to the water. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm lower in this chair today. Yeah, you do look shorter. You look shorter. I'm going to have to adjust it. Maybe you're old and your spine's compressed. No, I'm okay.

All right, Colin. This is what we're going to do. I'm going to ask Jim a series of questions about sailing. And then at the end of him answering those questions, you're going to grade him on his accuracy. Zero through 10. 10 is the best. Kelly's going to him answering those questions, you're going to grade him on his accuracy. Zero through 10. 10 is the best. Kelly's going to grade him on confidence.

I'm going to grade him on et cetera. And we're going to add those all together. Zero through 10, Jim. What will we do with a drunken sailor? That's what that one is. You lock him up. You let him sleep it off. And then you move on with your day.

Okay. 11 through 20. Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail. You know that one? Yeah, I know that one. They say come sail away with me, lads. 11 through 20. Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail. You know that one? Yeah, I know that one. They say come sail away with me, lads.

What? What? What? What band is that? Kansas, I think. Yeah, yeah. Then 21 through 30, what do you think it is if it's a song? Oh, it's a good one?

Yeah, yeah. Sail away. Sail away. Sail away. It's not that, no. I am sailing. I am sailing. It's not the best sailing song. No, these are. I am sailing. I am sailing. That's not the best sailing song.

No, these are the best sailing songs. Sailing takes me away to where I don't know. I've literally never heard Forrest sing before. You don't know the sailing by Christopher Cross? Yeah, that's. Oh, yes. Your rendition wasn't. I'm not good at singing.

I gave it a whirl. All you had was the Christopher Cross look. Okay, sorry, Colin. All right, I'm... Oh, yes. Your rendition wasn't... I'm not good at singing. I gave it a whirl. All you had was the Christopher Cross look. Okay, sorry, Colin. All right, you're going to ask questions. That's very mean-spirited. You don't look like Christopher Cross. Has anyone seen Christopher Cross? Ugly man.

Fucking hell. He sang Arthur's song, and he had such a beautiful song, you know, like... Once in your life you meet her. That's selling. Yeah. No, that's not the same song. Yeah.

That's Arthur's theme. I don't know. That's a different song. When you get's not the same song. Yeah. That's Arthur's theme. I don't know. They all sound the same. It's a different song. When you get lost between the moon and New York City. That song, right? It was so big. I got to ask questions.

Colin got out of bed for this. He went on and did concert. And because it was before video clips, and he walked down stage, and all the women who thought he was going to be hot just went, oh. All right, Jim. Describe sailing without using the word sailing. Well, it's a big sheet that hangs off a pole that's pushed by wind. That's how it works?

Yeah. That's how the thing that you asked me to describe worked. Why did you say sheet? Because I can't say the word sail. I know, but that's actually the right word. I know you were saying it from a bed sheet, right? It goes up the mast, right? And then wind goes, and then it pushes you forward.

It's probably the most environmentally friendly way to travel. Name as many parts of a sailboat as you can. The mask, the sheet. The mask? Yeah, the mast. Okay, mast, okay. Yeah, the mast. Sheet.

The sheet. The bit that you go like this. Yeah, the mask. Okay. Mask, okay. Yeah, the mask. Sheet. The sheet. Yeah. The bit that you go like this. Yeah. What's that called? That's the rum-tum-tugger. And the hull. Uh-huh. The star side, the harbor.

What do you steer with? With a rudder. Uh-huh. And then you have a keel which incidentally Ben Lexon invented the wing keel that helped Australia to win the America. Did we lose him? I don't know.

Gee, he must have hung himself. Can you hear me? We can, we can, we can. Sorry guys, it's really overcast today so the Starlink is playing up When did we lose you? It's alright, he doesn't

I heard the first question I heard the first answer I'll ask you the second question Are we recording? Name as many parts of a sailboat as you can 27 So you've got the mast mast the sail which is the sheet you got the thing that goes you got the hull you got the bridge the captain's bridge

what's this one called you know the one they do that my winds up the road the The road. The rope. It's all a lot of... The rope. The starboard side. The other side. The keel. The keel, which incidentally was made into a wind keel by an autistic man called Ben Lexen. You're not for racing. Who never, ever finished high school. And he just designed with a pencil. You're talking about for racing.

It's not all sailboats. It's a fucking sailboat, man. The sailboats that I buy. Yeah. Any other parts? The anchor. Okay. So what is the sheet?

It's the sail. Okay. What is a valve on the inside of the hull of a boat called? A valve. Don't know. The boat tipping to either side is called what? Tippy tops. Or as he would say, topper tops, because he's from New Zealand.

Slightly different. Okay. After we left the dock, Jim asked me to hold the tiller. What did Jim ask me to do? Dispose of that escort. to hold the tiller. What did Jim ask me to do? Dispose of that escort. That's the tiller? I don't call them prostitutes. The tiller.

You asked me to hold the tiller. What did you ask me to do? Hold the tiller. That's the wheel. Okay. The left and the right sides of the boats are referred to as what and which sides are which? Starboard. Starboard is your right and knotboard is your left. Okay.

What about the front and the back? The bow. Is what? The bow is the front. What about the back? The stern is the back. You're doing pretty good for a person that doesn't go on boats a lot. Don't go on many boats.

Okay. Also, why don't you just call it front, back, left, right? You're making it so fucking difficult. What about the sides of the boats? Do you know what those are? The stern. Again, the stern. Okay.

What is the kitchen in the boat called? The galley. Okay. How many kilometers is a nautical mile? Okay. What is the kitchen in the boat called? The galley. Okay. How many kilometers is a nautical mile? Okay. I know that knots have something to do with passing knots through your hand and the knots run through. That's the next question. How fast is one knot?

I think one knot isn't very fast. I think one knot is about three miles an hour. And then when I say nautical mile, it's not spelled like knot. It's nautical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So how many kilometers when I say nautical mile, it's not spelled like knot. It's nautical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how many kilometers is in a nautical mile? 2.8. What basic maneuvering will a sailboat beating into the wind need to execute?

Tic-tac-ing. Tic-tac-ing? Tic-tac-ing. You're almost closer. What is the difference between true and apparent wind? Apparent wind. yeah you're almost closer what is the difference between true and apparent wind uh apparent wind um apparent wind is like when you fart and you shit yourself true wind is when it passes through with no problem that's a that's a hall of fame answer turning a sailboat to the back

of the boat crosses the wind stern crosses the wind is called what tic taccing okay one of them will be right

who here's just who is the Roman god of the sea and who is the Greek god of the sea Neptune is which one is Neptune

is the Neptune Neptune Neptune. Is which one? Is Neptune is the... Is the Roman god of the sea. The Greek god of the sea. We just looked at his fucking monument. Yeah, we stayed outside of it. You can see it from your bed. Pontius. Yeah, you're getting there. All right. Poseidon. You can see it from your bed.

Pontius. Yeah, get in there. You're warm. Poseidon. Yes. What color flag must be flown when entering the territorial waters of another country? The flag of Zimbabwe. No, the flag.

Skull and crossbones. It's a color. Just the picture, that snake that goes up that says, don't tread on me, whatever the fuck that one means. It might be a good flag. It's always on the back

of dickheads' trucks. Here's another one. Jim asked me to look at a chart to find out if the water was deep enough for us to enter Richardson Bay. The chart showed a depth of half a fathom.

So you got to stop typing, Kelly, because I can't read because your name's in the way. I'm not typing at all. Jesus, Kelly. Yeah, the chart showed a depth of half a fathom. So I told him it was plenty deep. We look like idiots now. Yeah, now we do.

We got stuck in the mud. The chart showed a depth of half a fathom so I told him it was plenty deep. We got stuck in the mud. How much is a fathom? Six meters. Okay. The chart showed a depth of half a fathom, so I told him it was plenty deep. We got stuck in the mud. How much is a fathom? Six meters. Okay. That was a weird question. Roughly how many sailing YouTube channels are out there?

Oh, 2,000. Yeah. Name three sailing superstitions. Red sky at night is a sailor's delight. What did you say? Yeah, yeah. This is actually a saying that you almost got right. A red sky at night is a shepherd's delight.

A red sky in the morning is a sailor's warning. Yeah. How do you know that one? It's not right exactly, but it's close. I'm close, but I've come from Australia. We have lots of red skies. All right. That might not be a superstition. What's close. I'm close, but I've come from Australia. We have lots of red skies. All right. That might not be a...

Oh, that could be a superstition. What's another superstition? A red sky night is a shepherd's delight. Two more superstitions. A red sky in the morning is a sailor's warning. Another superstition is don't bring ladies on the boat, man. That's one of the pirate things. You bring the women on the boat, the pirates can't focus.

They come too many times. Like, nothing untoward. But they go off to their cabin. There are too many ejaculates, and they can't swashbuckle like they wish. So bad luck to bring a woman on the boat. All right, Colin. How did Jim do in his knowledge of sailing? Zero through ten, ten is the best.

I'd give him a solid seven. Hang on. I'm actually quite surprised surprised I've only done one superstition you did too what was my other one don't bring ladies back neither does this a nice day I come everywhere I was like anyway back and you want to do three I just a year out and bring a lime bring a lime for a little scurvy that's good yeah I think that's the fact but sure yeah but that took him a while to figure it out, didn't it?

Oh, yeah, okay. Bring a lime. That's what they yelled from the port. Harborside coming in. Bring a lime. Colin, so you said- Don't bring ladies. Ladies will affect your journey.

Bring a lime. All right, let's talk to Colin. Colin, so you said seven is how you're doing an accuracy for him? Yeah, but now that I said bring a lime, would you want to put it up to eight there, Colin? Yeah, we're about eight and a half. All right, eight and a half, no problem. Yeah, he did pretty good.

How do you do on confidence? The hat brought him so much confidence. I feel like 10. Yeah, I give you 20 on it, et cetera. You got to wear the hat. The hat can't wear you. Yeah, no, that's true. There's no way to wear. You've got to wear the hat. The hat can't wear you. Yeah, no, that's true.

Hey, Colin, is that liquor behind you? A bunch of liquor? Yes. Colin's an alcoholic. Why are you trying to? Colin has to get into international water to do the activities that he wants to do. But on the other shoulder, is that cat food? What is that? It's dog food. I've got two dogs on the boat with me. Do the do but but on the other shoulder is that cat food what is that

it's dog food i got two dogs on the boat with me oh do the dogs like being on the boat yeah they love it they've probably been to 20 different countries and they're sailing around the world with us yeah they talk to each other i didn't like spain i know i need to drink more water because I'm always struggling with that and because water is so boring. It's just like... It is hard to drink enough water. It's boring.

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That's 20% off anything you order when you use the code IDAKAT at liquidiv.com. Okay, so I asked Jim to describe sailing without using the word sailing. How does it work? He said there's a big sheet, hangs off a pole, pushed by the wind. Yeah, maybe you can describe. I mean, that's not bad, but maybe you can describe just sailing. If no one's ever seen a sailboat or how sailing works, how does it work? I think what I said was pretty accurate.

But anyway. Yeah, it was all right. I think there's two main concepts of sailing, I guess, and one's sailing downwind and then one's sailing upwind. And the phenomenon of actually moving a boat into the wind is pretty amazing, but it works like an airplane wing. The sail is like a wing, and that's how you can go into the wind. So, yeah.

Now, I don't understand that. How can it push how you can go into the wind so yeah now i don't understand that how can it push forward if it goes into the window so does it scoop into the sail and then come that way and push it's crazy that the like the sail is a wing it can never go directly into the wind but call it sort of 45 degrees off the wind uh it creates lift exactly the same as the airplane wing, and the keel keeps you moving at like a 45-degree angle. I think it's incredible that it's even possible. It's so funny that you mentioned keel because when I said keel, Forrest scoffed at me and said that's for racing boats. No, I didn't say that.

The type of keel you were describing was a racing keel. I said the keels are on sailboats you look like an idiot yeah i look like an idiot um um okay and so uh name as many parts of a sailboat as you can jim said mass sheet the bit that goes rum tum tugger oh that was when we got disconnected the bow the hull the rudder the keel. Yeah, rope. Is rope correct? The dog food bench.

Is there a rope? He's got a dog food bench. The liquor cabinet. The liquor cabinet. Have you got a pair of your underwear in the background? There's a whole new language. Sorry, there's a massive delay. Oh, that's okay. Keep going.

Sorry, I was only talking about your washing. Other way. Yeah, there's okay. Keep going. Sorry. I was only talking about your washing. Yeah, there's a whole new language related to sailing, which takes years to get your head around, and it's kind of pointless in a lot of ways as well. But, yeah, it's just there's got to be a crazy term for everything. It's not just a kitchen. It's a galley, which you got correctly. Yeah, it's crazy.

Do you know where these words originate and why they're called the galley and the starboard and the this and the hull and the bow and all that stuff? Do you know any facts about these? I forget all the history. There's a reason for everything, like starboard and port is your left side. Yeah, there is a random explanation for everything but yeah like a rope's not called a rope on a boat it's called a line a pulley's not a pulley it's a block and there'd be no way to find out what these words meant and where they

came from and you just would be on a boat all day you just not knowing yeah i mean not everybody knows the history of it oh i don't know the history of it so a rope is a line uh a pulley is a block and then and other things that like you know like like you're saying like a sail is a sheet you know that kind of stuff no a sheet is what controls the sail so a sheet is a line that uh brings the sail in and out basically so um you've got like a main sheet, which is the main sail, or a jib sheet, which will do the head sill. You can have a spinnaker sheet. Yeah, everything's just got its own term.

Do you have like the big – Like you know when they crack out the sail and it goes poof and then it's like a big picture or something, like Australia has the boxing kangaroo or something like that. Do you have a fun picture on your big sail that pops out where it's just like, you know, like no chicks under six foot or something like that? We do.

Those are called spinnakers, and they're just like a big balloon out the front of the boat. And ours is a huge Parley Revival logo that they did for us. But, yeah, those are spinnakers, usually big, bright, colorful things. You can only use them downwind. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I didn't – see, I thought sheet was – I don't know anything about sailing. He thinks he knows a lot about boating, and he doesn't, it turns out.

I do know about boating. You don't know what a fucking sheet is. I don't know anything about sailboating. I can take a pram out. We used to have a Hobie, a 16-foot Hobie. I could go out there when I was a kid and fuck around on it, but I don't know anything about sailing. I know about powerboats and boating and stuff like that.

So I know starboard port. I know that a rope was a line on stuff. You didn't know the sheet. No, I did. I got it wrong. You didn't too. If you can sail a if you can sell you can basically sell anything it just kind of just gets easier the bigger the boat is but how easy is it control how easy is it to get a boating license there's a delay yeah i know i know i'm fucking up how easy is it to get a boating license because my brother uh

drive boats off the rottenest island all the time and i you know he seems to know what he's doing can you learn it like driving like in a week and then you can get your license or does it take years um so i've been to rottenness it's freaking beautiful out there um you so in australia you've got this weird system you've got like state tickets and then you've got amSA tickets. And then you've got the, like the tickets that we do are MCA tickets. So it depends what

level of qualification you want. So an MCA ticket's kind of worldwide, but an AMSA ticket is kind of only in Australia. So I didn't bother doing my Aussie tickets when I was in Airlie Beach because they were only going to help me in that state, actually.

And also... Just so you know jim in most states in the united states you don't need a license to vote which is crazy yeah no in america yeah yeah that would be taking that would be taking away your freedom like in florida you can just buy a power boat and go out there and just you know kill people kill yourself not know what you're doing none of the rules of navigation or anything that do you think you're trained good enough on boats because you've been boating since you're a teenager do you think you're good enough to i don't know um take a submarine down just off the top of my head uh 1300 meters that is crazy what's happening with that isn't it i'll just watch the little thing about it last night and they're pretty pretty crazy that they had no sort of tracking device that could

be deployed and just at least know someone where they were at the surface it's just once you're down you're down it's well it's a yeah it's pretty amazing thing that's happening that they were using a generic playstation remote yeah wasn't it like bluetooth tracking like why would you trust that no no they were using a playstation i know i saw that but i think the tracking was through bluetooth which it's like why would you not think like everything in there was bluetooth in the in the oh so you yeah but you couldn't make it corded you can't have a wire go all the way down but no i mean you could have a wired connection you know what they would know they could wire it to they were connecting to just the yeah in this I'll tell you how you fix it right you get a big spoil and you have

string and you tie one bit of string to the end of the submarine and the other bit I think you let it run all the way down and then define it you just pull on the string a bit that's a good good idea. It does sound stupid. It is stupid. Why is that thumb? Number one, the strength of the cable that you would need to hold something like that. It's loosey-goosey. It's loosey-goosey. Then it gets tangled on the Titanic, and then what happens? No, they're not getting that close to the Titanic.

Of course they are. They're probably stuck inside the Titanic right now. Yeah, they could get stuck on a rock. Too close? They're stuck on anything. You have a release thing inside the boat. Release the string. Release the string.

No, you're not. The boat still goes up and down. You still steer the boat. This is just like if you lose contact with it. This is your last resort. How much would that cable weigh if it's that long? Pull on the string. It's just a string he's talking about.

Just a string. Just a string. Oh, a string. Yeah. Like dental floss. Yeah. Not dental floss. Yeah, you're being silly. Just a string. Just a string. Oh, a string. Yeah. Like dental floss. Yeah. Not dental floss. Yeah, you're being serious.

Fishing line. There you go. The string's going to pull this thing. Like a little bit of cabling or something. I read something today, and I'm not sure if it's true. Why wouldn't that work? I'm being serious. Why wouldn't that work?

Because it would break unless it was really strong, and then it would weigh so much that you wouldn't even be able to fit that on the boat that it's leaving out. You could have strong, make it out of the same things you make wrist ties out of. You can't break them. Yeah, yeah, okay. I'll tell you a story. This is just, sorry, quickly, this is off the point.

So Father's Day, it was movie time. We get to pick our movie we want to watch. I decide we're going to watch Extraction. Extraction is the Chris Hemsworth sort of. Feels like not a kids movie? Yeah, it turned out it wasn't. Anyway, so we're watching Extraction, which is just like a John Wick with an Australian bloke, right?

But through the whole thing, he talks like this. Okay, mate, we're going to have to get that bloke out of here right now. He has that Australian accent, slightly manufactured, slightly. I think Russell was the first bloke that did it, really nailed it. But Hemsworth does this one as well. My wife and Anna who's my wife's friends who's living with us at the moment, they were watching the movie and they enjoyed it a bit

too much when Chris came out and then I went off to the bathroom and this is what I heard my wife say to her friend the Australian accent's never done it for me before but on him and then she fanned her face are you fucking kidding me but she married you despite thinking your voice is disgusting and so

i was like this so you want me to do the voice and now my wife is angling for me to do that voice in the bedroom just as a bit of fun for her get the fuck out of here um i she goes if you can do it why don't you do it all the time i don't know you can do homer simpson too yeah yeah do that in the bedroom um so the sheet is not the sail it is the part the it's the lines the and the and the um blocks that pull it down yeah yeah and that big um in our case, it's aluminium, but that big horizontal bit of steel or wood sometimes is called a boom. So the boom holds the mass up, and then the sheet brings the boom in and out,

if that makes any sense at all. Yeah. The boom goes opposite from the mass, which you know about, and then the boom goes the opposite perpendicular to it and then yeah I'm gonna start a boat company that just say what you see

say what you see where you just go the stick the wind sheet no but if but if things are going on and if there's a storm and you're yelling

to someone you're not gonna be like sticky thingy I've always the same with medicine it's like every industry has its own language and it's partially designed to keep people out, keep

new people out, because you have to learn the language and become an expert. It is. It's elitist. Boating's elitist. Have you ever met pirates? We've come close, yeah. Not for sure that they're pirates, but we were sailing off the coast of Nicaragua, which is a big pirate area and uh yeah we had we had something we went dark so which means we

turned off all of our navigation equipment turned off our lights um which is kind of dangerous to do but that's the best option when you're going through pirate waters is to be as invisible as possible i've always thought that i'll just stay out of pirate waters altogether. You've got to get to other places. What was so big in Nicaragua that you had to see it? But you're going past it to get other places. You can go a bit more loopy loop. Yeah, we're going to Guatemala. Yeah, but if you go out, well, you could tell,

why wouldn't you go more loopy, like out into the ocean? Why stay near the shore? We did. So the pirate area is about 100 miles off the coast of nicaragua and we went 120 miles which is a massive detour because we're going to guatemala um but yeah you can't really avoid it sometimes yeah and they're not really pirates they're like fishermen that are opportunists so they'll see a this is kind of a big catamaran and they'll just take the opportunity to, you know, steal some shit. So do they come on with guns or swords?

Do any of them have hooks? Peg legs. Peg legs. No, they full on have guns and stuff. I don't have guns on the boat. It's a big sort of talking point whether you arm yourself or not going through those waters. But we don't. We don't really have guns in New Zealand.

The pirates might be listening. They've been big fans ever since we did our pirate episode. We've got loads of guns here. Don't you worry about that. Very well-trained dogs. You know what I'd do to get rid of pirates, right? Because they'll be looking at you from binoculars. Put a plank out there.

Put a plank out the side. Also pirates. This is what you're walking. Then they'll be like, fucking hell, they already have a plank. These people mean business. They must have been doing this for a while. That means they must have kidnapped someone, held them for a bit, and then made them walk the plank.

Like, fuck me. So plank up, man. That's a good one. What is a valve on the inside of the hull of a boat called? Jim said he didn't know. How do you know that one? Didn't know? That's stupid.

It's called a seacock. Oh, yes, yes. There was a good chance that you would just stumble upon that answer not trying to be serious it's funny that i've googled that many times seacock yeah you can't watch four without it yeah valves in your searches and then the boat tipping to either side is is it called tippy tops? Tippy tops. So that would be when you heel over. So a boat heeling over is on its side, on a lean. I like sleeping on boats.

I've done it a couple of times. I find it very therapeutic rocking back and forth. On a sailboat or a powerboat? Just a boat that's bathed. Just sitting there. Yeah, it is nice. I enjoy that. A lot of people don't like that, but I like that very much.

Would you like being on a sailboat, you think? Like going underway? I could have a billion dollars and I wouldn't buy a boat. I'd rent one and rent someone. Yeah, I'm not talking about buying it. Like, you know, if you went out on an adventure. I just don't need the hassle. But you're not sailing it.

You're going to hire somebody to sail it in your family. You're rich. You can pay for somebody to do this. I would, but my wife doesn't like boats, so she wouldn't go. So, yeah, I'll definitely be there. Yeah. The sailboat that Colin said, the first one, the Hobie, the Hobie cat, those are really fun. And those aren't ones you would sleep on.

It's just like a trampoline, like you say. But you get like one hull. It's like two hulls, and you get like one hull up in the air. And you got to sit on the other side. Yeah, it really fun. And those aren't ones you would sleep on. It's just like a trampoline. But you get like one hole. It's like two holes. And you get like one hole up in the air. And you got to sit on the other side. Yeah, it's fun. As a kid, I remember that was like one of the funnest things. Scariest and funny fun things at the same time.

There's a big adrenaline rush there. All right. So after we left the dock, Jim asked me to hold the tiller. What did Jim ask me to do? He said, dispose of that escort, but then hold the wheel. Is the tiller, what did Jim ask me to do? He said, dispose of that escort, but then hold the wheel. Is the tiller the wheel? Sorry, that was cutting in and out for a second. What is a tiller?

That's what we're asking. What's a tiller? A tiller is attached to the rudder. So it's just like a pole that comes off the rudder stock, and that's how you steer it. So it's not like a pole that comes off the rudder stock, and that's how you steer it. So it's not really a steering wheel. It's more of a big handle that you just move back and forth. And that's for smaller sailboats, right?

So on the one you have, you have something different, right? Yeah, we've got a proper, it's called a flybridge, like a whole area to drive the boat from, and a big steering wheel or a helm. What happens with you and, like, you just land in certain countries. Do they check your passport or are they just countries that you can rock up onto the beach and just be like, yeah, how does that work? How does customs work?

It's full on. Every time. So we've sailed here from Mexico, so so that was 3 000 miles but the procedures to clear out of the country out of mexico and then to have all the right paperwork to arrive in french polynesia and clear into french polynesia you know everyone has to be accounted for obviously and everyone has to get their passport stamped um so every single country you have to go to you go do you have to clear in or clear out. It's really strict, which it should be as well.

What's the most beautiful places that you've got to see because of having a boat? Man, we're in French Polynesia right now, and it's pretty hard to beat this. We're anchored inside an atoll, and there's a pass, which is like a channel coming into the atoll, and there's a surf break on either side of that pass so we're in beautiful clear water there's sharks everywhere that you can swim with there's surf the water is crystal clear uh this would be

up there and we've only been here a few weeks yeah i want to go to you've seen pictures of what he's describing no i know it's very it's very nice but they would be speaking french and polly that would ruin the holiday oh no i have to speak to french people um um so the left and right sides of the boat uh jim said was a starboard and the not bird and the bow is the front the stern is the back and the side is a stern how do you do there yeah good port port is the the left side of the boat has four letters and the word left there's four letters i don't drink anymore and there's little rhymes you can do to to remember it as well but it's just another one of those bullshit things give us a right give us a rhyme for port uh there's no more uh there's no more red port left in the barrel because, yeah.

It's on the left. Because you're coming into a harbour, the port markers are on your left. They're red. They're shaped like a barrel. Yeah, so that's a rhyme to remember a bunch of things. There's no more red wine left. There's no more red wine left there's no it's a phrase to remember no more red port left in the barrel i when that i when i was again i'm in sail but

it was power boating was red right returning that one's not as that's not as fun lefty lucy yeah right yeah lefty lucy righty tidy yeah this is what i think of Republican women versus deaf and deaf. I don't know. I think one of the ones you've met. Yeah, righty-tighty. They keep it. They get married when they're 21. Yeah, righty-tighty. Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

Righty-tighty. We're all sluts over here on the left. Yeah, with your liberal things that you do. And the kitchen is called a galley it's all set oh how many kilometers are in a nautical mile and how fast is one not uh a nautical mile is 1.85 kilometers but i think jim was starting to say how they originally came up with the the term not which is k-n-o-t is um they had what was called it was called a common log but it's like

a bit of wood they throw it in and then they would be moving along and they would count how many knots on that line or that rope uh pass through their hand and that that would roughly be how fast they were going but one knot is one nautical mile per hour so how much is a nautical mile every mile you're doing six every hour you're doing six miles 1.5 you just said at 1.5 oh sorry yeah 1.8 kilometers in a nautical mile that's the same as like a normal one it's like two points very close it is close like a mile per hour why can't we have them as the same why can't we have that as the same speed as a car or anything why does it have to be different because traditionally that before they had cars that's how they cars didn't exist and then sailors

figuring out how fast they were going with this the piece of wood and the knots that uh colin just mentioned yeah but now we know yeah but they just like to keep it the same the way it's always been why do you want to change it because i i look you don't like change you don't even want to own a boat you don't need to know how fast you're going i see the world forest yeah i think of improving it moving forward you think of being stuck in your ways we don't go to the moon because it's easy forest we go because it's hard okay what basic maneuver will a sailing boat... We need to put some inspirational music underneath that. Which basic maneuver will a sailing boat beating into the wind

need to execute usually many times? Jim said tic-tacking. Tic-tacking. Yeah, it's a tack. You can't sail directly into the wind, but if you go 45 degrees off, roughly, depending on what kind of boat it is, then you can sail upwind, but not directly into the wind.

So you'll have to tack going left and right to get upwind. Jim wants you to start using the word tic-tacking now. That's what he's going to tell you right now. Because you go a bit like that, don't you? Because he wants to change the world and make it better. Have you ever skateboarded and gone like this to get momentum? Yes. That's called tic-tacking um yeah you're all right actually it's good it's a similar maneuver and it's a similar like that yeah yeah and then when you can't do it someone says you're without tact yeah all right yeah look you're not bad there good good you do strong arguments yeah

your deductive reasoning is good in your brain i will give you that from this podcast well they don't make you an astronaut for no reason what is the difference between okay here comes an answer i don't think you got right but what is the difference between between true and apparent wind apparent wind is when you fart and shit yourself true wind is when it passes no problem so colin what is true and apparent wind yeah true wind is is pretty self-explanatory. That's what the wind is actually doing. And then the apparent wind is the wind that you're feeling. So if you're sailing upwind, you're feeling a lot more wind.

So the apparent wind is higher. If you're sailing downwind, you're feeling a lot less wind. So the apparent wind is less. And it's important because it'll tell you the sort of speeds you can do, but the comfort levels, sailing into the wind is a lot more uncomfortable because the wind increases as you're going into it, and downwind is usually pretty much the preferable way to sail. Do you ever go a little bit loopy being on a boat the whole time?

Do you ever feel like you're detached too much or are you good with that um i'm i'm in my i'm in out here i've been living on this boat for six years apart from the seasons that i do on below deck but um man we get to wake up watch the sunrise and if we don't like the location we move move. If we like it, we stay. Yeah, it's an incredible lifestyle and we're trying to promote that because anyone who does it loves it. Do you know Hannah off Below Deck? I've spoken to her a few times. Yeah, I did a podcast with her as well. She came to the Jim Jefferies show like two or three times.

Yeah, I remember her being there. I think she may have fancied me and who can blame her? Well, I'm joking. there. I think she may have fancied me, and who can blame her? Well. I'm joking. She's a married woman. No, she came along to the show just to watch. She was very nice. What are all the different sales called?

We didn't even ask that. There's all the different sales. Well, there's Black Monday. There's so many different types. There's the New Year sale. He said Black Monday. He's making a joke, but it's also Black Friday. Black Monday.

You don't want to know about that sale. So, Colin, what are the different sales? Sorry, guys. I've lost you. Oh, yeah. I was just asking the different types of sales. If you say yes right now, you get a million dollars. There's so many.

There's a whole different bunch of headsails, like the sails that go out the front of the boat. The mainsail is pretty much the mainsail, but you've got genoas, genicas, spinnicas, code Ds, code zeros, screeches, just a whole different arsenal of sails up there if you have the space to store them. That sounded like Mountain Dew flavors, by the way. You said Code Red, Screechers.

Do you ever get a crew member? Now, this happens in all jobs and all occupations everywhere. You get a new crew member, and within a few days, you're like, oh, no, this cunt's useless. And then you can't fire them because you're out in the ocean. What do you do? So on here, we go through a pretty lengthy process that we're not going to get a lemon like that. It's like we're video calling them.

We're making sure they're going to fit because it's a small space. This catamaran is 45 feet, and there's four double cabins, so we can fit eight people. And, yeah, you don't want any pricks on board because life will become well it's more like you don't even want to be competent you just need them to be an easy hang you know i always feel that with the comedians that i work with if i'm going to do a tour or something like that you want to you for more important than being a good comic is someone you can actually hang out with and not want to stab um 100 i agree with that wholeheartedly if someone's just a nice

person and and easygoing you need someone pretty easygoing on a boat but if they're like i want to do this i want to do that i want to go here why are we still here then it's just a nightmare and if they fly into somewhere like here into this random atoll and uh it's pretty hard to get rid of them. Right. And what nationality is the worst? What one do you go, oh, I'm not employing a Turk again? That's just for example. I have no problems with the Turkish. You might from the sounds of it.

What do you reckon? Oh, man, that's a hard one. Got to be careful there. But to be honest, this isn't to be read into, but our worst would have been an American guy who thought it was a luxury charter. That checks out. It's worse than a South African. We've had great South Africans on here. I love Saffirs.

It's time for us to tic-tac up the way. We have to sail this boat as far as we can. Oh, look over there. There's a bunch of pirates. I'm not afraid of them because I'll tell you about my childhood. Turning a sailboat so that the back stern of the boat crosses the wind is called what? Jim said tic-tacking. Tic-tacking! Called a jibe. So attack is when the wind crosses the bow of the boat.

So you're going from left to right. But if you're going downwind, and that's probably the most dangerous manoeuvre on a boat because you've got that big boom, that big bit of aluminium that goes from one side of the boat to the other really quick as it catches the other side of the wind. So doing that accidentally is called an accidental jibe and that's uh how people get really hurt who's ben lexon i've never heard that name what are you talking about he's the guy who invented the wind keel he won australia

do you have a wing keel on your sailboat currently no you mean like a foiling keel yeah that's what jim talking about, the racing. He's on America's Cup documentary. Ben Lexen, they named a Toyota after him. He was that... Again, I don't know about everything that's in it,

but I don't think there's a wing keel on all these normal sailboats. He's a bloke who did his Spanish high school, who designed the boat, who beat the Americans. I got that. When you do the American Scuba, you have to build your own boat. Australia built a boat, and they said, the Americans said that he couldn't do it because he was too dumb, but he did it with a bit of paper and a pen.

It's fucking inspirational. You've got to watch this documentary. No, I'm sure it's good, but you don't have a wing keel on your boat, do you, Colin? No, definitely not. It makes cornering easier, and then it makes going fast quicker. Condominium. Yeah.

I'm sorry, what is it called? Oh, this is just like a big floating apartment, this thing. Okay. What happened was the Australians had this new keel and the Americans were like, it's illegal, and they tried to sue Australia. And the Australians, whenever they bring it out of the water, they sent divers down underneath to cover the keel up after each race so that no one would use. And all the stories like what is australia hiding why are

they doing so there's like a 90 year old person who used to read the news back then it was a different world but anyway you gotta watch this documentary i mean it's fucking you'll cry you told me about it you'll cry who is the roman god of the sea is neptune who's the greek god of the sea poseidon you got those right yeah neptune and Poseidon I don't know why that's important in sailing but we asked that why is it important in sailing yeah because you gotta as you go past Poseidon's monument you gotta go oh a kiss to the Greeks or something like that to to make sure that you get good karma and you don't bring women on the boat what color flag must be flown when first entering the territory waters of another country? Jim said the picture that the snake says,

don't tread on me. Don't tread on me. Yeah, I think that's right. It's the Q flag. It's a little yellow flag and that lets the authorities know that you haven't cleared into the country yet. So for example,

sailing in here from Mexico to French Polynesia, you fly the Q flag, and it just lets everyone know that you're not yet legal. To be fair, isn't the background of the Don't Tread on Me snake yellow? Yeah. So you kind of got it right. I think a lot of people don't believe in Q also. Yeah, it's pretty close.

Q and on um um so how much is a fathom there's a long question we asked jim said six meters it's it's six feet but there's so many of these terms and stuff that are just um no one's using them anymore that kind can't even fathom that. That Fathom is one of them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's the same with like using paper charts. Like no one carries, not no one, but most people don't carry paper charts anymore. It's all electronic. We've got so many different devices that tell us where we are and how fast we're going and all of that stuff. So, you know, when I did my courses, we learned how to use a sextant and stuff like that, which is using the stars in the sun to navigate, which is really interesting, but a little bit antiquated in this day and age. But if your GPS goes out, then you need that, right? Yeah, I mean, there's multiple things that even your phone tells you where you are now.

iPads, we've got probably 20 different devices that say where we are so you don't really need a sextant anymore unless you get zapped by lightning and you lose everything i guess but what's the scariest thing you've ever gone through regarding boats don't go well there's a camping trip with michael we've actually been struck by lightning twice um I was on the boat the first time we got struck. I was holding an iPad. I was watching something on Netflix or whatever, and it was charging. And when we got struck by lightning, I got an electric shock through the iPad because it's aluminium. And, yeah, we looked up the top of the mast, and the VHF antenna was disintegrated.

Was the iPad okay? It was pretty scary. What'sated. Was the iPad okay? That was pretty scary. What's that? Was the iPad okay? Nah, it was fried. Fuck, they make shit. And the charging and the socket that it was plugged into. Everything.

All the electronics died except for the batteries and the solar panels. Holy crap. How many sailing YouTube channels are out there? We know you have yours. Again, I'll mention it at the end, but it's Sailing Parlay Revival. But how many are out there? Yeah, that's just the kind of industry that I'm in. They did a count up and they stopped counting at 2,000.

So there's a whole new industry here where people are just filming themselves sailing around the world. And I think luckily we got in a little bit before the big influx, so we got to get ahead a little bit. But now everyone that sails basically is trying to start a YouTube channel, so it's really competitive now. Are there boats that you always seem to bump into? Every time you go to a port, you're like, oh, here comes Misty River.

100%. All the time. It's such a crazy small community. Like we'd be sailing up the coast a year ago and then all of a sudden they're anchored next to us in an atoll in French Polynesia. It blows my mind how small the industry is. And what's the name of your boat?

Parley. The pirate term. Parley, yeah. Yeah, that's the name of their channel, Sailing Parley Revival, because it was a boat. Why is it called Revival? Because it was a hurricane-damaged boat and you rebuilt it kind of thing? Yeah.

Hurricane Irma came through the BVIs and destroyed pretty much all the boats that were there and was sunken on one side and i bought it for a pretty cheap price and fixed it up and uh now we're sailing around the world so something that uh drives me is all the people that's that said that we couldn't do it all the people that said you can't fix that boat it's meant to go to the scrap yard and all that stuff and we've done 20 000 miles on it now so i was in the british haters keep me going it was the british virgin islands hurricane irma was where this boat was yeah and tortola the the boat was sunk on its port side oh yeah that place got trashed and i

remember my mom's house in the florida keys got destroyed by that same hurricane but i'm the the virgin islands got destroyed so that was like destroyed there were three that came through uh jose maria and irma pretty much within a couple of months of each other and just just wiped everything out so it's really sad all the boats that got destroyed but um yeah there were there were some good deals to be had the owner of this got a full insurance payout and they said it was a constructive total loss so um yeah i i came and bought it off the salvage company. So, okay, so you love boating. You like going different places. But what are the downsides?

What are things that you miss from living on land? There's a few sacrifices with this lifestyle. It's because we're in such remote places all the time. I miss friends' weddings and birthdays. Oh, that's a fucking plus you back home anytime you can miss a wedding is all right yeah no i wouldn't trade it for the world though it's a pretty pretty can you raise can you raise kids in this lifestyle i think you can some people say you can't but uh there are like actually a couple of pretty famous youtube channels that have got kids on them and um i think the kids are getting the best education you could possibly give um especially seeing how some of the schools are

going these days so um they're learning how to how to um you know live live off the land and be free and get a practical education as well as a normal one. And just being exposed to so many different cultures and places and stuff like that, that's huge for kids. The movie Waterworld. Yeah, the kids. The movie Waterworld, how likely is it to happen and how long would you survive?

That used to be one of my favorite movies watching kevin costner swimming around like that um what was the question how likely is it to happen and and how long would you survive he'd do great yeah well i think he would do the best so i had i had the boat during the pandemic i had the boat for six years but um i was in panama at the time and the country completely locked down you were only allowed outside your house uh one day a week and only at the time of the last digit of your passport for one hour so it was crazy lockdown and we just stocked the boat up with like three months worth of food and we sailed out to the pearl islands off the coast of panama with a

bunch of other sailboats and we were completely free we were spare fishing for food um we we didn't even give a shit what was happening in panama we uh had our own living off the land and and living free and it was it was an incredible feeling to have that freedom yeah some guy came up like a month later on a new sailboat he's like sneezing hey guys what's up get the fuck out of here i'll be honest with you during the pandemic i didn't give a shit what was happening in panama either so i understand i understand your freedom uh here's the three sailing superstitions jim came up red sky at night is a shepherd's delight uh red sky in the morning is a sailor's warning don't bring ladies on the boat because pirates won't focus coming too much and then bring a lime do you know any of these

superstitions or sayings yeah yeah there's there are so many sailing stupid i guess i guess because back in the day like you know 17th 18th century sailing was you know you'd risk your life every time you left the dock so anything you can do do to sort of have a bit of good luck, they were all for. But, yeah, no women on the boat. Redheads were bad luck. Oh, redheads. Don't do that.

You don't want women who sleep around on the boat because loose lips sink ships. Yeah. Bananas are bad luck on a boat. Yeah, Jim, bananas are bad luck. Oh, he hates bananas. Yeah, bananas are bad luck, Jim. Jim hates bananas.

I knew this banana. I don't like bananas. I might become a sailor. Do you bring bananas on your boat? We do, yeah. We love a good smoothie, so we can't pass them up. I thought the bananas, like, when I was young, when we'd go fishing, they're like, you don't bring a banana on the boat because you won't catch any fish or some shit i'm like what a dumb fucking

but then there's banana boat sunscreen yeah this is the irony yeah what was some other ones i'm sorry you don't bring a banana it was another one um oh the list gets like whistling whistling is bad luck on a boat really um what else yeah no women's was a pretty strange one when you live in this lifestyle yeah that was some gay fella who invented that saying and no girls boys we don't want to be unlucky out there all right the only one that kind of like stick it's it's bad luck to leave port on a friday and for some stupid reason i i kind of feel the same way so it's a friday you're gonna miss out on saturday man saturday might be fun yeah friday and saturday is fun on the port yeah

you want to leave on a mond Monday when fuck all is going on. I guess it only takes one real bad incident, and they're going, what did we do wrong? Oh, we had a woman on board. Okay, let's not do that again. We left on a Friday. I'm putting it all together now. You've got to blame something, all right?

I'm working on a routine. I was going to say it say but it's not ready yet oh okay for sailing a sailing routine no it's about a it's about a saying oh yeah yeah okay all right i thought you i thought you were coming up with a new the saying is never work with children or pet or animals right but then you know i'll tell you afterwards okay it's almost the routine stay tuned um all right colin this is the part of our show called Dinner Party Facts. We ask our expert to give us some sort of fact, obscure, interesting about the subject that can use to impress people.

Do you have anything about sailing? Yeah, I mean, I think it's really interesting what they got up to back in the 17th and 18th centuries. That was when sailors were fucking hardcore. And there was a lot of superstitions involved as we've just spoken about but um one of them was to get a pig tattooed on one foot and a chicken on the other foot and the reason was um that was it was good luck because if there was a disaster or the boat sank uh the pigs and chickens were delivered in wooden crates. So they would float, and they'd be the last ones standing, so to speak.

So they went and got chickens and pigs tattooed on their feet. Oh, and have you done that? Got any chicken and a pig tattooed on your feet? No, I've got a couple of swallows. A swallow is another traditional sailing tattoo that you get. Every 5,000 miles that you've done, you can get a swallow tattoo. I've got an anchor tattoo on my arm. Yeah, I have different tattoos for swallowing.

Yeah, yeah. I have a tattoo of a woman coughing up in a tissue. What was the other tattoo you said? There's a bunch. I've got an anchor that was for when i crossed the atlantic um yeah oh i thought they were just elaborate birthmarks um uh the youtube channel is called sailing parlay revival please subscribe to that and you can follow colin and the parlay around the world see all their adventures and stuff like that can we see the atoll or is it too far away is it like yeah you want to have a look out here yeah yeah as much as we're enjoying your face we'd like to

see the beautiful you got a nice big telly there i don't make life worth lots of window a nice big telly there i don't make life worth oh it's a window yeah drop the headphone yeah this is the atoll that we're in see where you put your stickers it's your sticker section oh yeah lovely lovely lovely look at that how unreal is that and there's just coral on that yeah it's like really look at that and there's no other boats out there there is one you said out there there oh there's a ton of boats here this is one of the popular spots because of all the sharks but i don't know if you can see all the sailboats oh yeah now we can see your whole boat your boat that's a big how big is that boat again it's a 45 foot catamaran yeah those are awesome and he's he's got some eight people on it five people on it yeah i stayed in a

catamaran like that my friend had a wedding in the british virgin islands and that's what we they put us on was a catamaran i don't remember what size what it was but man it was cool and we just sailed all around there it was awesome british virgin have you ever lived in england there's no 18 year old girls that are virgins it's the u.s virgin islands as well that's a bit of an oxymoron Yeah All the islands are wearing a promise ring Colin does not like the Americans I've noticed

It's not Colin, it's the rest of the world I'm Canadian I don't like Americans Oh, I like Canadians I've got two on the boat right now Thanks for having me, America I appreciate everything I don't like Americans. Yeah, me either. Oh, I like Canada. I've got two on the boat right now. That's not true. Thanks for having me, America. I appreciate everything.

All right, Colin. Well, thanks for being on the podcast again, Sailing Parlay Revival. Subscribe to that YouTube channel, and thanks for being here. Cheers. That was fun. Thanks, guys.

Appreciate it. Colin, that was good. We had a laugh, mate. If you're ever on a boat and someone goes, check out me hull, go, I don't know about that, and walk away. You can't walk far because you're on a boat. Just go to the other side. Why don't I check out the hull?

Because it sounds a bit rapey, doesn't it? Come into the hull with me. You've got to protect yourself. Yeah, sea cock. Yeah, yeah. Come into the hull. I've got a sea cock. I've got a cock to see.

I've got a cock you've got to see about. Good night, yeah. Coming to the hull, I got a sea cock. I got a cock to see. I got a cock you got to see about. Good night, Australia. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you Thank you.