I Don't Know About That - Stocks

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

In this episode, the team discusses stocks with award-winning financial journalist, television news anchor, New York Times best selling author, and host of the Money Rehab podcast, Nicole Lapin. Follow Nicole on Instagram and Twitter @nicolelapin ! Make sure to check out the Money Rehab podcast wherever you listen to podcasts! Our merch store is now live! Go to idontknowaboutthat.com for shirts, hoodies, mugs, and more! Subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/IDKAT for ad free episodes, bonus episodes, and more exclusive perks! Tiers start at just $2! Go to JimJefferies.com to buy tickets to Jim's upcoming tour, The Moist Tour.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

shoes gloves are gloves the shoes of the hand or shoes the gloves of the feet you might find out and i don't know about that with me gloves of the feet there you go wait wait? I don't know. Good one. I'll tell you what it says. It's been a big week. Okay, you've got to advertise. It's going to be on Wheel of Fortune Thursday night. Yeah.

American television. Southern Rand. Yeah. Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. Not regular Wheel of Fortune. Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. And I'll tell you what.

I can't tell you how the show goes, but I think I'm ready for regular. Not just celebrity. I think I could ready for regular. Not just celebrity. I think I could do the regular ones. You've got to work out your spinning arm. Oh, fucking hell, that wheel is heavy. They've got extra rubber bands on it and shit resisting it. Like I know they want the spins because if they make it too loose, it extends the period.

Someone's gone, the show's running too long. We're not getting through three puzzles. Someone fix this, I'll tighten up the wheel. Some guy's there with a rubber band and a ratchet and he fucking tightens the wheel up. Hey, so I've read, okay, so we've all been, has everyone been following the trans woodshop worker

from Canada with the enormous tits. A little bit. No, I don't even know what you're talking about. I think I sent you something. You started me off on this rabbit hole. Earthquake posted it. I saw Earthquake's post about it. I was in Canada while it's all going on. It's all in the news, right?

Anyway, and I think maybe we'll find this out by next week. You have a photo? Put up a photo of the trans because it's ridiculous right it's ridiculous and then i think it's not even uh trans canadian trans teacher oh wow those are huge yeah yeah yeah no it's worth talking about right right he wears these prosthetic tits and he wears a wig they're not real they're not real boobs yeah they're not like... Are you sure? They're not like a surgery. And of course the argument is that even

if it was a real woman, if she was dressed like that parents would have something to say. Nipples are out. Fucking... You'd have something to say. You'd go, alright. Try to make a deal out of this, right? But... So the Canadian school, because it's a trans issue, they don't want to get too involved. They're like, oh, we're sticking by.

What city is it? Toronto. It says Oakville. Oh, Oakville. That's where I used to live. Yeah. I should invite them to the special. Oakville, Ontario.

That probably would have been my high school. My high school. Oh, really? Right. But here's the thing. Now, this guy's, this woman is obviously a fucking idiot. If this is real, this isn't anything to do with being trans. Now, this guy's, this woman is obviously a fucking idiot. If this is real, this isn't anything to do with being trans.

This is someone, this is someone, attention seeking or someone who loves big tits. And it's a, where do you get the shirt? It's not a preference thing. Now it's not, it's not being trapped in your own body.

It's, it's now it's your being. Also, this is completely on unreasonable for a wood shop. This, these are just getting in the way. Also, this is completely unreasonable for a wood shop. These are just getting in the way. Also, all the kids who have come out of the school, they're like this. We're not really, no one's even really talking about it.

I think they had an assembly where they sat down and they went, all right, Mrs. Wilson has a big ass titties on her and the media are at the front of the school. So you guys, you're not plussed about this. It doesn't make a difference. All right? That's the company line. All right, kids, off you go.

Yeah. Because look at the picture of the two of them where it says gold. No, down one, down one, that one there. Is that him before? Oh, no, that's what Woodship teachers used to look at. Now, if you were a kid at school and your teacher came in, Mr. Wilson. Look at the shorts came in, Mr. Mr. Wilson. Look at the shorts.

Yeah. Mr. Wilson. He comes in. He comes in. He comes in. No, I like that one with the wood plank. Go back.

Yeah. That one with the profile. I'm going to cut this wood for you guys. He comes in and then the next day it's a she. So you're referred to as a she. She wants to be a she. She comes in with her big ass titties and her fucking thing. I didn't have the skills at 16 not to say anything.

Yeah. They didn't teach me good enough in any school for me not to mock in that period. We came in with the big fake titties like that, right? These are very nice students. Yeah, I would have been like this. I'd go, sir, excuse me. For those of you listening at home, you google this you have to google it you have to

like this canadian stop the podcast rewind it and then as we're talking about it before you're judging thing we're being transphobic canadian trans woodshop teacher just to give you a little visual the boobs are that are nowhere near the chest each boob is two basketballs no yeah two basketballs but down to below the waistline like if it wasn't nipples you think it'd be a giant beer and the nipples are showing intentionally through these the nipples are showing these these are fishnets these are a custom job yeah or they're definitely halloween there's something it looks like frustrating this this just creates more problems for the trans community too because you get people who are transphobic going,

look at what they're doing to our children. It's like this is a cosplay of something so ridiculous. I think that because all the trans people have been supportive, not all of them. Of course, there's people who haven't been. And everyone's like, who are we to say what this person is? And all that type of stuff. The school is standing by the teacher saying this isn't an issue.

She's still a very good teacher, and I'm not going to comment on that either. But there's been a little twist this week that this might be genius. Why? It turns out that this might be a guy who is a bit of, no, he might be a bit of a troll. Yeah, that's what it feels like. He's anti-trans, so he's rocked up to see how big

and how ridiculous an outfit he can get away with and how much the left-wing media will stand by him. And if he has done it, genius. Oh, wow. Evil, not good, not good. Like, you're just a shitster. You're not helping anyone out. But kind of.

Yeah, it's like I'm all for people expressing themselves how they want to, but this is like they obviously know that this is an inappropriate way to do it. So whatever the story is, it's bad either way. Yeah. Either way. But it's a bloke that's trying to try. Look, it is amazing because he must have sold it to the principal and everything

because he's just gone, nah, this is who I am, this is who I am, because the school released a statement saying we're standing by the teacher. Standing by the teacher. So they believed it at the school. So you've got to give credit where credit's due. He made the world news by wearing fake-ass tits

and telling us all this was what he was trapped in. Somewhere, Kevin James is like, fuck. This could have been my next movie. There's still a chance. Like, why did I think of this? Oh, I'm trying to get the part in the biopic. If it's a real thing. It's a drama.

Those are really tight nipples. The nipples are amazing. But also the shirts. You said big and tall, but that's like, it looks like it's like a tuna boat cast out a net and they're pulling in the hall. I mean, from far away,

it just looks like a Santa belly. Yeah. Or a shrimp boat, actually. And they're like getting all the stuff out of it. It doesn't make sense. Well, either way, it's highly entertaining, and I can't look away. Yeah, I get it. I've been following it now.

I'm just like, this is mental. Either way, it's great. Then a bloke's just going, nah, I'm going to fucking, these trans people are pissing me off. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to wear some big whopping tits. And I bet you he went in the first day and he didn't get any attention. He's like, fuck, tits aren't big enough. Bigger.

Unreal. Because he might have started like he has to go bigger. No one's noticed because it all happened because one of the teachers did it. One of the kids did a viral video on the slide. Because I mean, it'd be distracting to their education. Is the picture of the old man next to it, is that who that was? This is just a stupid meme.

Oh, gotcha. Okay. I was like, wow, he looks younger. Yeah, that's wild. Bit of fun. Bit of fun. Alright, you're on tour? Sure. No, I am on tour.

We're just about to record a new special. On October 1st, October 7th, and 8th, you'll be in St. Louis, Missouri. St. Louis, Missouri. There's still some tickets available for that. Nashville. There's still some tickets available for Nashville. Plus, we have a great opening band.

The Doohickeys are going to be performing. No walk-in music. You don't have to pay extra for that, folks. You don't have to pay extra for that folks you don't have to pay any extra it's just happening just happening and then the night after i think that shows so if not sold out very close to sold out uh quinola or something that's not the night after that's two weeks later october 20th colonna canada right that one's that one's very close 21st and 22nd vancouver both both in those one of them sold out we added an extra show so there's still tickets to the extra show

and then there's some make up dates I think for Columbus and Pittsburgh to 23rd and 28th Pittsburgh very close to show out I'm not going to lie to you there's still plenty of tickets for Columbus so if you want to come along to Columbus I thought I had COVID because I had a baby that had COVID and I had symptoms.

But anyway, I'm coming. I'll be Columbus, Ohio, 27th and 28th, October 20th, Pittsburgh. So go to Jim Jeffries dot com. All the dates are on there, including the Toronto dates and all that stuff there. And then I'll be wearing my big fake ass titty. And yeah, Patreon or Patreon still still going we just recorded an episode so uh patreon.com slash idcat patreon we talk about what happened on will of fortune so if you watch will of fortune yeah look uh we'll just watch it no spoilers um and you can follow us on Instagram at IDCatPodcast. IDCatPodcast. $100.

All right. Please welcome our guest, Nicole Lappin. G'day, Nicole. Now it's time to play. Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, no. Judging a book by its cover.

Hello, Nicole. I have to guess from your surroundings what you might be talking about. So I'm going to go on a limb and say you do a podcast called Money Rehab. Oh, shit. You're correct. I'm going to say this is something to do with finances. Great guess.

Yeah, I should have been more incognito with my background. I'm sorry, guys. That's okay. I already messed this up. That's fine. It does have to do with money. Yes. My vision's not good. I thought it said monkey rehab. I thought it was the same thing. I was like, monkey rehab?

Can't wait to learn about that. This monkey has been taking nicotine. It's not exactly money, so there's something specific. Time for monkey rehab. It's not exactly money, so there's something specific. Time for monkey rehab. It's not exactly money. What do you mean it's not exactly money? Well, there's a specific thing we're talking about. Oh, rehab.

And how much rehab costs. Yes. Okay, so a certain thing, global debt. Nope. No, this is something, I mean, that you definitely, I don't know if you know about it. You participated. Oh, with credit score.

No, we did that already. Did we? We did credit. Oh, okay. Do you remember anything? No. No, I don't remember nothing. So it's not monkey. It's not national debt. It's not national debt.

It's not credit score. Is it, uh, um, how do you get a loan? Something that you invest in. The stock market. Yeah. Okay. I don't know what's going on. It's a hopeless bloody situation.

It's down. It's up. Oh, it's good. I got a guy who's like this, every seven years You're going to double your money and then I ring him back going I'm not even close to doing that, I've been with you for ten years And then he just says this to me over and over This is unprecedented times

Fucking hell It was unprecedented times back when The bloody housing market collapsed It was unprecedented times, it's a bloody Shonky fucking business, the stock market Anyway, it's good to have you here It was unprecedented times. It's a bloody shonky fucking business, the stock market. Anyway, it's good to have you here. Nicole Lappin is an award-winning financial journalist and television news anchor and businesswoman.

She's also a New York Times bestselling author of multiple books, including Rich Bitch, Boss Bitch, Becoming Superwoman, and Miss Independent. She also hosts a number one business podcast. Guess what it is, Jim? Rich Bitch. No, Money Rehab. That was so close.

I thought it was Rich Bitch from the book. No, Money Rehab. I have a book called Wealthy Bastard. It's just about a guy who throws his money in everyone's face. I've got more money than you. You're a bastard. That's because I'm the wealthy bastard. Our podcast is called Money Rehab.

It's a daily podcast that breaks down the day's financial news in 10 minutes or less. And she's also the only woman at the very top of the business podcast charts. You can find her on Twitter at Nicole Lappin and IG at Nicole Lappin. That's L-A-P-I-N, her last name. Thanks for being here, Nicole. How did you get involved in money? Well, I just bought this step and repeat and I called myself an expert and we're done.

I am actually the least likely person to be a money expert or know about money or talk about money or have my own money i started as a poetry major so if i could do it anyone could do it i didn't work at a bank i didn't get my mba i grew up in an immigrant family where you know we only used cash didn't know anything about mortgages or the immigrants love the cash love the cash i'm on myself I'm an immigrant. I love the money. Look at this. Look at this. I'm money. You got it on me.

You're a wealthy bastard. Wealthy bastard. Wealthy bastard. I like cash. That's what the colonel said once when he was doing his deals with Elvis. They go, why do you always like cash? And he goes, because if there was something better than cash, it would be called cash.

He has a way with words. And he said it in a Dutch accent like Tom Hanks. Anyway, so you're a poetry major. So I started that way and then I needed a job. And so I was offered a job on the floor of the Chicago Merc in Chicago. I thought it was a mall, not actually the stock exchange in Chicago. But I was 18 and needed a job and didn't have a trust fund or didn't have anybody paying my bills. So I said, yes, I faked it till I made it. And I was on the floor of the stock exchange reporting business news. And then not only did I speak the language, I spoke it to the world. And I realized that

we just don't have a Rosetta Stone for this language growing up. And it's not that complicated. So then I went on to anchor on all these old rich white dude networks. And after a decade, I wanted to talk to my former self, that girl who was smiling and nodding and not joining basic money conversations. My boyfriend in high school said he wanted to be a hedge fund manager. I thought he wanted to be in gardening. How did he turn out? What happened to that fella? He actually

dumped me. What? What is wrong with this man? Because I couldn't hang out with his Wall Street friends. Oh, he did go into money. He did go into money. Douchebag. But then fast forward, when I was anchoring on CNBC his friends reached out. Yeah.

The perfect revenge. That's right. We love that story. I like that. I've never had anything like that happen to me. I thought when I get famous you'll all come back

and you'll want to know what I'm up to. Well you changed your name so it makes it hard. Oh, I told you. I had the girl I lost my virginity to in an audience of one of my gigs. But because I changed my name to a stage name, she didn't know she was watching me. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. There you go. Nothing to do with money. Well, maybe you'll be better with money at the end of this podcast, Jim. I'm terrible with it. You're no good. I've seen with it. You're no good. I've seen you. You've got no idea.

I've got the smallest idea. Nothing. And sometimes you look at me like, what are you doing? And I go, I don't know. I'm putting it in a jar. I always say that I need to get married to somebody that knows about money and then just let them. But I don't.

That's not working out. She's got dark quick hair, didn't it? Sorry about that, Nicole. Forrest is going through some things. Aren't we all? Maybe just find an accountant. Okay. I'm going to ask Jim a series of questions

about stocks. And at the end of those answers and those questions, you're going to grade them on his accuracy. Zero through 10, 10's the best. Kyle's going to grade them on his confidence. I'm going to grade them on etc. We'll add all those scores together. If you score 21 through 30, Stock Car Racer, pretty good.

11 through 20, Stock Boy. Zero through 10, Stalker. That was a weak ending. Stalker? Stalk? Stalk? It's not the same word. Stalker? Stalk. Stalk. Stalk. It's not the same word.

It was the play on word. You said. It's the play on word. Okay. All right. I'll let it pass. It don't matter. He did it in my honor.

It was a pun for the poetry major. The poetry major didn't even smile when you said it. She was like, oh, God. Thanks, Nicole. Thanks for backing me up. I got you. We're both going through dark times. We have to stick together.

All right. Jim, what is a stock? This is, okay. First of all, I want to say I've got a guy who does this for me. Yeah. I know about properties. I'm actually pretty good with money. I know how to build wealth and all that stuff.

The stock market's not my forte, but I will give it my best go. The stock is when a company sells itself off to the public, and then the public can buy small portions of the company, and they're called stocks, and have ownership of the company. And as the stock market, because how many people want to buy the stocks versus how many people want to sell the stocks rely on the price of what the stock's going to be um so it can go up and down and side to side and then that's what a stock is and it's it's owning a small part of a company basically what is an equity market um an equity market i don't know

any of these but i sound like like Alex Trebek over here. Like I know what I'm talking about. Equity, equity market is where you buy the stocks from. What is a bond? Yeah, I've got some of them. I've got loads of them.

Yeah. I've got tons of fucking bonds because I keep on getting told they're not doing well either. Normally they do very well, but they're not doing very well at the moment either. Oh, that doesn't make me feel better, but they're normally very reliable.

You should buy more. Bond, I fucking, I don't know. Man, I've fucking got tons of those fucking things as well. I watch him go up and down and fucking, how's me bonds doing? Oh, no good. What is a derivative? Fucking once again. I like how Nicole says it's super easy

I don't know what any of this is she's about to make it easy derivative it's one of those comics that aren't very funny and they're always like men say this

those ones derivative what is a security you buy the stocks you hope it goes up buy low sell high. Ooh, nailed it.

The fucking end. What is an index? It's where you see all the different stocks. NASDAQ. Okay, so the NASDAQ index and all that type of stuff, that's a group of different sort of stocks that are together. Yeah, okay. Here's one I've heard before you got to know

this one what is the dow and the s&p 500 what are those the dow jones oh it's fucking taking a plunge of light at it what is it it's not doing well it's what i'll tell you i'll tell you what the color is red i'll tell you i'll tell you what it isn't doing well. What about the S&P 500? Don't even get me started. And then fucking the NASDAQ. Fuck me. What is the NASDAQ? It's fucking shit. It's doing worse than the Dow Jones, man.

I don't know what any of those are. I've heard of them. I just don't know what they are. No, they're groupings of things. Look, I'll be honest with you. All my all my stock knowledge comes from the movie Trading Places.

I realized this the other day when I was like putting this together and I can see this is how bad it is. I put a lot of these questions together and we always let our guests look at the stock and I can see that Nicole went in here and changed all my questions. I haven't. No,

you're just it a little. Please. I'm glad that you did. Cause all of my knowledge comes from movies too. And I don't know anything. I have a lot of money in the stock market. Maybe a third of my wealth is in the stock market, but the rest is in properties and stuff like that.

And I manage my properties myself. I take care of all of them and then I decide whether I'm going to buy another one and I don't have any. I don't have anyone managing my money. I have someone managing my stocks. Okay. I'll tell you what I like, that Blackstone. That's not a stock.

It's just a property thing. Anything to do with property, I'm happy about. Blackstone is a private equity company. Okay. I got lots of money in private equity. Private equity. I got that going money in private equity. Private equity. I got that going. I'm on the fucking, I'm crushing that, Nicole.

Kill puppies. But my NASDAQ isn't what a Dow Jones should be. All right. Let's keep going. We got a few more questions here. How many stocks are in the Dow? Oh, I remember it from the rhyme. 14 stocks in the Dow, except for the month of May.

14. Sunday comes and stocks are added. Let's see what you find. I have a 40, so I would say 46. 46. Okay. Here's one. I think I kind of knew this one, but what does a bull market mean

and what does a bear market mean? The bull market and the bear market. See, I just tell my guy, just stop fucking losing money, man. You don't know this one? I'm not a stock market guy. Me either, but I think I know this one. No, I don't fucking know. The bear market is blokes that look like you that wear

fucking dim outfits and they walk around and we bid on them. We go to clubs and alleyways. Yeah, we bid on them. The bear market. There's a hole in the market wall. What are stock options? They're like don't pass go, go

to jail and go back three spaces. You win ten dollars in second price in a beauty contest all right we're almost done jim here what was community here's one from movies that i hear all the time maybe what does short selling mean oh that's what that's what the bloke in fucking omaha likes to do he short sales everything right he tries to the wizard of omaha what's his fucking name buffett buffett. Buffett, yeah, Buffett. Buffett. Why would I listen to that fucking asshole?

Is he super rich? Yeah, he still decides to live in Omaha. Is Jimmy Buffett's uncle? None of your opinions matter, mate. He decided to stay in Omaha. He knows how to make money. Yeah, I guess so. He does it right.

I like him, actually. He gave a lot of his money away and he has Egg McMuffins for breakfast. I watched the documentary. I watched the documentary. I watched it too. This is how I know all my stuff. What organization regulates the stock market? The government. That's good. They organize everything, man. Wait a minute. The answer for everything. God. How many major crashes of the stock market can you name?

The Great Depression, which is a big stock market. I remember hearing that Groucho Marx lost a lot of his money. That bloke who lost everyone the money in New York, who played for about seven. Madoff. Madoff. He made off with a lot of money and then lost it, didn't he?

So Madoff. No, I'm going to say. We just had a stock market crash. At the moment, I know that it's a small crash going on, but how big a crash do you want? Major crashes where they're jumping off the buildings. I don't know. That was something in the 80s. I remember seeing something to do with Leonardo DiCaprio

and that was all penny stocks. I know seeing something to do with Leonardo DiCaprio and that was all, yeah, that was all like penny stocks. I know what a penny stock is. Doesn't sound like it. Yeah. Okay, what is arbitrage trading? Now I look like a moron. This podcast was never intended to be like this.

I think that's exactly what I was going to say. Totally the concept of this podcast. There's three more questions. Okay. What is arbitrage trading? I don't know, Forrest. Shut up. I don't know any of these either.

I don't know any of these either. What does E-B-I-T-D-A stand for? Next question? Edible. Edible. Just give me one at a time. E-E-B-I-N-T-I-N-T Evener. Can you give me the letters? E, B. Just give me one at a time. E. Edible. B.

Bowls. I. N. T. Tits. D. Dicks. A.

You said that like that was the last word. S. S. S. Okay. These are the things that sell, baby. These are the things that sell. This is where money's made in our world. Last question.

Most expensive share on the market currently? I know Tesla's very high at the moment. I know Apple's always a very high one, but I know that like when I bought like Amazon,

it was like 3,000 or something like that at one stage, 3,500 or something like that. So I'm going to say Amazon. What do you think the price is of the highest, most expensive stock right now? Probably like 4 grand or something, but I might be wrong. Is there something with stocks that are like 50 grand a stock or something, is it?

It'll be like Rio Tinto or something like that. It'll be something to do with like gold mining. Well, the most expensive stock, and we could talk about what it is, but it's $429,000 for a share. I'll have one. You can talk about it now. It's fine. What is it?

It's actually Berkshire Hathaway. The A shares. Berkshire is the company of Warren Buffett. The guy in Omaha. Warren Buffett. Yeah. So it's his company.

And so we're buying shares and him buying shares. Essentially. This is silly. Wow. Inception. $429,000. That's wild. $429,000.

And then there's a big dip after that. Is that a good investment? Yeah. He doesn't believe in stock splits. So a lot of times companies don't get super expensive because they do stock splits, for instance. And so they give you more shares, but then they become less expensive. So it's not necessarily correlated to how well the stock is doing, how expensive it is. But there's a huge drop after that. So after Berkshire, which is ticker symbol BRK.A,

there are A shares and B shares, then it goes to $4,000. So you're right. I was talking about those $4,000 ones. And then $2,000, yeah. And the $4,000 ones are like $2,000. Yeah, and like Tesla's up in the one and a half or something at the moment. I don't know. But like, okay.

So I did ask you. Chipotle is $1,000. Yeah. Okay. So what happens to this Omaha, like Warren Buffett stock, when he is worth 400 something thousand, what happens when he dies, which isn't too far away, whether it be 20 years, five years, whatever, but it's not, you know, it's going to happen. Like it happens to all of us. Does that stock just plummet?

Well, we're actually going to, the tip that you guys wanted me to come up with has to do with that. Exactly. You're skipping ahead. Okay. Let's say first of all, how did Jim do on his score? If I poison Warren Buffett, is that inside trading? We'll talk about it at the end. How did Jim do on his score for 0 through 10? 10's the best.

How'd he do? Two. On accuracy? Yeah. Three. Wow. All right. I'll take it.

Pretty good. And there's room to go up. Yeah, there's definitely room. I'd invest now. Well, buy low. For sure. Three. How'd he do in confidence

I'm gonna give him a one in confidence because I do want him to grow I've been watching these fucking things my whole life that guy the money

matter guy he's just like I have to do this he slaps a book down the table what the fuck's going on all right

set her at 10 stock boy all right so what is a stock Nicole like you were actually pretty right on this one so So that's why you got a three. All right.

It was, you started off really strong. So yes, a stock is also known as an equity. It is a security. And that's another question that basically represents ownership of a company. So units, you kind of missed this part of it. Units of a stock are called shares. And that entitles anybody who buys that share a little bit of ownership in that company's assets, like in proportion to what the company's assets and profits and all that stuff are to how much stock they own. I've made some savvy like stock. For a person who knows nothing, I've sort of thought, I reckon that company is going to go up.

Like I did it with Beyond Meat. I made like 50, 60 grand off Beyond Meat because I bought like on the first day and then I sold like a month later because I could see everyone was eating these bloody burgers, right? And so that's the way I do stocks. This drink is tasty. That actually is not a bad strategy. That's a pretty good strategy. A huge part of the economy, right, is how much consumers are spending. And so a lot of Wall Street people ask their kids

what they're buying, what they're into. Well, it's like all the kids are playing roadblocks. And I know that stock has gone down at the moment, but i bought a bit of that and made some money off roadblocks because my kid was playing roadblocks all the bloody time and all of his mates were playing roadblocks and i thought ah roadblocks i had a friend um well want talk at the beginning of covid right at the beginning he bought zoom like even before covid started he bought zoom for some reason i guess he knew that everyone was going to be zoom or like that was the thing that was going to happen. And then he made money off the Zoom stock, you know, and somehow Skype missed that.

I don't know why. Yeah, Skype. There was one before it could aim. But like how are you stuffing this up, man? Yeah, yeah. And Zoom just took off during COVID, obviously. I remember because I got a Yahoo email account when I was first getting email.

And then someone was like, no, Hotmail is the only one. If you're not on Hotmail, I was like, I don't like this one. Yeah. Hotmail's gone. Gmail. I was proven right. But wait, so when you say like

you own a little piece of the company, that's another thing in movies I always see where they're like, I'm just going to reference Dodgeball because at the end of Dodgeball, like the great Wall Street movie about you. They own Globo Gym at the end. He's got the great wall street movie about they own globo gym at the end he's about the stocks of globo chips gone from now but they're always like they own now they own the company is that they actually they don't really own the company right if you

own most of the shares you own the company is that real or is that i don't know if you yeah it's it's correlated to the percentage that you would own so if you buy one share of tesla you technically own tesla but uh you're not gonna have a lot of power in that yeah you're not on the board you can't make decisions but my son always freaks out because we'll be driving by something i'll go oh yeah i own a bit of that he'll open he's because i own a lot of apple yeah right and he's there and i go when he opens his computer i go hey I own a lot of Apple, right? And he's there and I go, when he opens his computer, I go, hey, I own a bit of Apple. But now my son thinks I shouldn't have told him because he's been telling

other kids that I own Apple, which is true but not true. It's hard to explain stocks to me and shares to me. Really hard for me, the moron. The trickle-down effect is not working. To tell the nine-year year old what's going on. Oh, we can listen to this podcast. Yeah.

We'll figure it out. But like the Green Bay Packers, those fans are really fanatical. And that's a publicly traded company. Oh, that's right. Yeah. They're owned by the team.

Yeah. They're owned by the town, yeah. Yeah. I've never been to Green Bay proper. I've been, I played next to it. Oh, I've been to Green Bay. Yeah. Yep. in by the town, yeah. Yeah. I've never been to Green Bay proper. I've played next to it. Oh, I've been to Green Bay.

Yeah. Yep. Have your team. What is an equity market? Jim says it's where you buy the stocks from. Yeah. So essentially an equity is a stock. So when you hear headlines that equity markets are crashing,

that just is fancy verbiage or jargon for the stock market. The difference though, is that stocks can be issued in public markets or private markets, depending on the type of stock that you're trading. So most equity markets would be the stock exchange, like the New York Stock Exchange, but it could also be like a private venue. So public versus private equity markets. If movies have led me to believe anything. So everyone yelling on the buy, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell, and they're waving the bits of paper.

I'm sure it's done differently now. They can't be still doing that, right? They still do that? No. No, okay. They do like as a backdrop for some of these business networks, but the open outcry trading stuff that you see in movies is not really a thing anymore. But it seems like it's a job that everybody gets really

upset or on cocaine. Everyone seems to be like, you know what I mean? That's how movies depicted. Everyone's stressed out and all this type of stuff. It doesn't seem like fun. Is that not true? Or are there chill people in that business? I mean, everybody has fun a different way. But those are like traders who are filling orders. And a lot of that stuff is done by computers right now. Right.

Can I still buy pork belly and orange juice? Yes. Those are commodities. All right. Yeah. That's what they trade at the Merc where I started. That's where I go like this. I'm not going to buy orange juice this

year. It was a long winter. The trading places are going off of? Yeah. What other fucking film do you know? So what's the difference between a commodity and a stock? Commodities are orange juice and pork belly. That's actually right.

Forrest, name me two other commodities. Chicken. Coffee's one, right? Yeah. Gold, silver. Gold, silver. Copper. Bronze.

Soybean. But isn't the gold, gold's tanking at the moment as well. Gold always, I heard that gold's tanking because Bitcoin's tanking and people normally bought gold or bought Bitcoin or something like that. It all feels like a lot of rubbish, right? Do you ever like, okay, I know this is your job and everything like that. I'm not trying to shit on it or anything like that because you're obviously a lot better at this than I am.

But do you ever sometimes just roll your eyes and go, what's this all about? Yeah, totally. I mean, it's crazy because you can do all of this analysis, right? And then you'll have this, what they call a black swan event where the shit hits the fan somewhere, some terroristic attack or, you know, the world crumbles in one way or another. And then it's like all out the window.

So markets are, yeah, bananas. When's the stock market going to pick up? Because I've lost a lot of money in the last way or another. And then it's like all out the window. So markets are, yeah, bananas. When's the stock market going to pick up? Because I've lost a lot of money in the last year or so. So when's that going to turn around? That's the million dollar question, right? Yeah. If I knew that question, I would not be on this podcast. I'd be on a beach. Well, you know the question. I just need the answer, really. Well, couldn't you just do this podcast on a beach? Yeah, do it on a beach it's a podcast no one knows me and tj lavin do it from an ice cream shop wi-fi on your beach um what is a bond jim's got loads of them he doesn't know what they are

yeah i don't know what's going on i got shit tons pages so a bond is also referred to as a fixed income investment. A bond is essentially an IOU. So the most common bonds that you'll hear about being traded are treasury bonds. And those are bonds that are issued by the government. So it's essentially an IOU. A company or a government wants to do something, build a bridge, expand, whatever. They need money to do that. So they issue bonds or debt.

And then in exchange for that, they give you your principal back. So the amount you lended to them and then some. So some of that fixed interest or interest on the top. We're loaning money to the government when we do that. So that's like when you go buy war bonds during the war. They're always like every movie is like, make sure you buy some war bonds. Yeah, are those still a thing? Well, we're not in a war. We're always in a war in America. We're always somewhere where we're plotting. I will say that I bonds are awesome right now. So those

are inflation bonds. I standing for inflation and series I bonds are right now getting 9.52% annualized because inflation is so crazy. And that's a really legit return. So you can invest $50,000 to $10,000. So if you have some extra money, it doesn't need to be a lot. But I bonds, you go and get those at treasurydirect.gov. All right. I'll get some more money. It doesn't need to be a lot, but I bonds, you go and get those at treasury direct.gov.

All right. I'll get some. I bought 9%. Wow. Yeah. It's a lot. It is a lot. I'd be happy if the stock market was giving me 9%.

I'd be over the moon right now. What is a derivative? Jim said something about a comedian. Yeah. You know, those ones. Is that what you talk about? So derivative in the financial world is not a comedian. Yeah, you know those ones. Is that what you talk about? So derivative in the financial world is not an asset, but some variation of that asset

that would include options, futures contracts, which you often see with commodities like orange juice futures and things like that. So it's not the actual asset itself. So like a futures contract on orange juice would be the option to buy it at a future date. So it's not actually the orange juice. It's another product that's based on it. Okay. So I kind of get the gist of what's going on.

And as I said, you can get on a Robinhood app and I can have a little bit of a go at it myself. And I got a bloke who does it. Okay. Of course, it's very complicated. You're talking about all these different things and bonds and the orange juice and the stocks and a bit of bloody Warren Buffett thing. Who and when was this invented?

Like when did we go from just you put your money in the bank and the bank and the thing and then it's like would you want to own a small bit of a company? Has this been around for hundreds of years or is this something that we sort of invented when? 17th century. So that was the Dutch East India Company where that essentially started and that then morphed into the New York Stock Exchange and whatnot. So I would say around the 1600s. So it was one company that was like,

would you like to own a small portion of our company and we'll give you dividends? Is that how it just went? And what did they do? The Dutch East India Company, I think, was I actually just looked this up, so I'm trying to pull it up. I remember that name from history and I don't remember, but it was like Spices. They sound a little bit slavery-y-y-y, don't they? I thought Columbus was... I don't remember, but it was like spices. Isn't it Columbus? They sound a little bit slavery-y-y-y, don't they? I thought Columbus was. I don't remember.

I just remember that name from history. When you said it, I was like, well, I forget what that one was. Yeah, the Dutch East. I just remember it in history all the time. And then it was in my brain in high school, and now it's out. So when the stock market crashes, right, when it crashes and you have the Great Depression and you have all these people, I've lost everything, blah is that, that everything all at once becomes worth nothing?

Like surely you would have certain things that would still be worth something. Like right now, we're in a downward slide. Why has everything become worth nothing? The population still exists. We're all still here. We all still want these products. Is it just because we're all running out of money or because what? Well, I think it's hyperbole when people say they're worth nothing. That's actually not true. They're not $0. They are worth something.

So when they go down, they might be worth less than they were before. But if you're a long-term investor and you're not a day trader and buying individual companies but buying index funds, which we'll talk about, then it's important to put your blinders on because if you buy an index fund, you're buying a basket of a bunch of different things. And typically when something goes down, something else is propping it up. So if you have a long time horizon, you shouldn't be checking your Robinhood app or business news every single day or your portfolio. I look at my portfolio about once a month just to see if I'm going to be happy or sad.

And then about once every four months, I ring up my guy and go, what the fuck's going on? Unprecedented times. Yeah. And he just says unprecedented times. And then I get off the phone a bit calmer and I move on with my day. Is that the right way to deal with money? I get off the phone a bit calmer and I move on with my day. Is that the right way to deal with money? Well, I think there's always unprecedented times. A bunch of managers like to say that, but it's always cuckoo bananas in one way or another. It's always unprecedented. It's always chaotic. So yeah, I think opening it once a month or once a year and having sort of a system where you dollar cost average, which is

fancy jargon for saying you put in little bits of money at a time. So you're not trying to time the market where the adage of buy low, sell high is totally true. The problem is you don't know where the low is. You don't know where the high is. So you try to put little bits in to get the average, the dollar cost average of what that would be. So if you come up with a plan and you stick to that plan, that's really important to try not to follow all the hysteria that happens during these ups and downs because that's what markets do. They go up and down like a roller coaster. You don't get off in the middle of a roller coaster. And do you think that if you follow it all the time, you will start seeing signals of when something's going to go up? I've heard that when it peaks

like this and it goes down, there'll always be a second peak before the last bit goes down. So you've got to do it in this little dip here or something like that. See, I believe that I've done very well out of properties. I've bought at the right time and I follow the property market like very heavily. I read about it weekly, right? And I believe I can follow that, but that's just one thing. The stock market feels like to follow the stock market And I believe I can follow that, but that's just one thing. The stock market feels like to follow the stock market, I got to follow thousands of shares where they're all going and all that type of stuff. Or do they all sort of move the same way for the most part? No, they don't. There are like a lot of different kinds of asset classes that are correlated or not correlated. And the little bounce thing you were talking about is like what, it's kind of dark,

but it's what Wall Street calls a dead cat bounce. So it goes down and then a little bit up. But this is not about timing the market. There's another adage on Wall Street where it's about time in the market versus timing the market. So over time, equities or stocks are going to yield you about 10% not inflation adjusted.

So you're looking at trying to get those gains over time, not trying to time the bounce of the dead cat. Right, right. I've left the money there. By the way, the Dutch East India, they look very sketchy. I just read their Wikipedia. Yeah, I bet there's slavery involved. It feels like it. The Dutch in that time of the world, that'd be a shady company.

What is a security? So a security incorporates both of what we just talked about. Equities, so stocks, and also debt, and then hybrids. So anything that you're buying of that variety would be called a security. Okay. And then an index. So Jim said NASDAQ index is what he referred to. That sounds right. I don't know. It's not wrong.

Yeah. An index is a way to track the performance of different kinds of assets in some sort of standardized way. So indexes typically measure the performance of different sectors, like the Russell 2000 index tracks small cap stocks. The Dow Jones Industrial Average is another index. S&P 500 is an index that's a broad-based index that pretty much captures the whole market. So when people say the market is down, they typically are referring to the S&P 500. Do you feel like that there is a lot of case? So you know when sometimes you talk to doctors, lawyers especially, you talk to lawyers and you get a contract and you're like, I don't understand what's going on here.

It's because they're using only words that they understand. So they do that to make themselves earn the money because otherwise I could read my own contract and go, this is what's going on in gratuity, everything, everything. Right? So do you feel like that they're – because like the S&P 500 is not a catchy name and the NASDAQ is not a catchy name. Why don't they call them like Dave and Peter so it's easier for people to understand? Is it so that stock market people can be ahead of morons like me? That's a multi-layered question.

Yes. And the jargon I truly believe, and this is why I do what I do every day, is the thing that keeps people out of this world. And once you learn the language, it's not that complicated. So if you go to Japan and you don't speak Japanese, you'll be really confused until, of course, you speak the language. And then you're like, oh, duh, that thing wasn't that complicated once I know it. If you go to Wall Street and you don't speak the language of money, you'll be confused. But every industry has a bunch of acronyms and a bunch of lingo that is proprietary to them, just like lawyers talk in their like legal ease. So, yeah, if you don't know the language, it's OK. You just have to learn the language in order to join the conversation. And it's not that complicated. Like you figured out harder things

in life than, you know, what the Dow does. And the Dow was created in, I think, the late 1800s as this proxy for the broader economy. It was started by Charles Dow and I think his buddy something Jones. So that's how that was named. No, it's not the most catchy name in the history of the world. I'm telling you, Dave. That's kind of the Jones one. Well, Dave is actually a company. Have I invested in Dave? Dave and Busters. Yeah, Dave is actually a company. Have I invested in Dave?

Yeah. Dave and Buster. I always, I always like whenever I look at my thing and the money guy puts the things in the different things and I go like that. Oh, that's good. I use that.

And then my wife looks at it. You've got some Canada goose. No, I'm sorry. They use wolf fur or something so they get rid of those because my vegan wife so i would so this is the next question you kind of talk about what is the dow and the s&p 500 you kind of just answered that the s&p 500 is a yeah the dow is the benchmark for blue chip stocks.

Do you guys still have me? Yeah, we have your voice perfectly. You're freezed up, but we have your voice phone. Yeah. And so, so you've just got the Dow is the stock for blue chip.

And then we all went, what's a blue chip? Blue chip stocks would be like the best of the best. So the biggest stocks companies would be in the Dow. I think this was the next question, but the Dow tracks 30 of the largest publicly traded stocks. So you mocked me when I said 40. I don't know.

Yeah, you were close. I didn't know. You were always in that ballpark. Well, then obviously the S&P 500 consists of 500 companies. Fun fact, they issue a total of 505 stocks because some companies like Berkshire Hathaway, which we've already talked about, issue different classes of shares. Anyway, there are some rules around the index. So if a company is sucking, they get booted out of the index, which is why, you know,

if a company is sucking, they get booted out of the index, which is why, you know, for newbie investors specifically, it's better to invest in indexes, indices, tomato, tomato, than just buying individual stocks, because then you have like essentially a little piece of all of these companies. And when one goes down, you know, something else is propping it up. So out of these companies, can you name us a few of the famous companies that have been kicked out that actually i i don't know so what happens when the person doesn't know oh that's a great question i'll do it i'll do it i'll tell you atari no no no she was asking on the podcast what happens when somebody doesn't know. Plenty of time. Yeah, that happens all the time. That's all right.

We can make it edit in Google. That's what, you know. That's what we do anyway. No, that's the point of the podcast. We don't expect you to know everything. Not everyone's supposed to know everything. That's the thing. No, I'll tell you some other ones that have been kicked out. So Atari's one of them.

RC Cola. That's gone. That was in there. That makes sense. That was in there. Aunt Jemima's maple syrup what's that rocket that blew up

yeah yeah that's no good asbestos asbestos asbestos asbestos asbestos asbestos

asbestos asbestos incorporated that would have been back in the day I put all my money into asbestos yeah

that wasn't there this is how bad I am at socks by the way you said you said the SMP of course has 500. I was like, ah,

I was like 500. You don't say how'd they come across 500? I wouldn't have gotten that right. I would've got the question. What does a company have to do to make itself viable to go into the stock market? Could I just put myself in the stock market as a product

because I sell tickets to shows and that type of stuff? Or am I too small a company being me just being myself? Like what is, how big a company? I would invest in you, Jim. Ah, thanks, thanks, thanks. You wouldn't get much of a return. Goodwill, couple of free DVDs. I wouldn't expect that.

But how big a company do you have to be? There's no real requirement, but it costs, you have to hire an investment bank to do an IPO or initial public offering. And those fees are like 750 to a million bucks, for instance. And so you would need to pay for that. So typically, you know, profitable companies with like a couple million bucks of EBITDA, which we'll talk about later. You can talk about it now if you want. STD.

It's earnings before interest taxes, depreciation and amortization, which is just like fancy, you know, alphabet soup for profit. which is just like fancy, you know, alphabet soup for profits. And so there are some, you know, like over-the-counter companies or startup companies that are pre-revenue and all these other things. But ideally, if you're a profitable company and you have big profits, then why not? I sell these classy mugs. A boy can dream.

Yeah, I sell these classy mugs. They boy can dream. Yeah, I sell these classy mugs. They've got a fun thing on them. And so if I wanted to sell, they're called cunt mugs. I just call this mug a mug. Anyway, so if I wanted to sell my cunt mugs on the stock market, it's worth a million dollars to me personally just to have one of these mugs and to ring the bell. If I'm on there, do I get to ring the bell?

Not everybody gets to ring the bell. If I'm on there, do I get to ring the bell? Not everybody gets to ring the bell. Then I'm not going to spend a million dollars if I don't get to ring a bell. I wanted to go, Amy, my company's lodged. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And I sit there and I've got like the Philadelphia mascot standing next to me. He's come for the show.

The Philly Fanatic? Yeah, the Philly Fanatic. He'd be there. Because you've got to be fun. This is the thing, Forrest Because you've got to be fun. This is the thing, Forrest. You've got to understand it's show business. You've got to put on a show. We'll get you a bell.

Don't worry. You could probably get a bell. A lot of charities ring the bell. But the difference between that and now I'm just a bloke for the Salvation Army on the corner with me mug and people put money in it. It's not the same. Yeah. Well, so if you,

what does the E B I T D A stand for again? Earnings before interest taxes, depreciation, depreciation and amortization. Sometimes they do like EBIT or some variation of that, but it's just profit. Surely you could get all those letters and move them around and make it into an actual word. I don't think so. Baited. Actually, I just did it. Yeah. Yeah. Baited.

That took seconds. Yeah. It wouldn't be the same thing. It wouldn't mean the same thing. You should go on monkey rehab. But, um, so if you make, if you spent all this money and then you made it with IPO, you offered it, but it would be embarrassing if you made your company public and then nobody bought it, right? That's a problem. It would not only be embarrassing, but it would probably be very costly. Yeah. You're like, hey, my company's gone public.

And everyone's like, yeah, we're good. They're like, yeah, no. What are famous companies that have just launched and then just gone dog shit? So many. I mean, we'll talk about this during the dot-com crash, which is one of the stock market crashes. We can go out of order.

You can talk about it right now. Sure. Oh, really? You guys are just, you guys know how to party. We're loosey-goosey. I'll keep track of it, yeah. This isn't like your monkey rehab show. There's no structure here.

You can go free. Money rehab. Money rehab. Yeah. This is monkey rehab, money rehab. This is monkey rehab. So the.com bubble burst of 2000, those were a lot of companies that were like pets.com or toys.com

that totally went bust. So that's why the bubble burst, the.com bubble burst. Toys.com. So I imagine they sold toys. That's not a bad idea. Good inference. But then Amazon came along and were like, we sold everything. Oh, hey, hey, Nicole. You know Forrest, right?

He hates Amazon so much that he parks up in a car, right? This is true. He parks up in a car with his dog, brings snacks, no doubt. He hasn't said he brought snacks, but I know him. I didn't make snacks and he sits there with his bag of Twizzlers and the dog and a notepad

and he marks down you got this wrong you said there was a pad no it's a spreadsheet that I made I used to be a scientist he didn't like all the Amazon trucks driving down his street You're missing parts of the story

You're missing parts of the story So like an old stay off my lawn type of guy He fucking parks up And counts the Amazon trucks And then goes off to the cops If you don't subscribe to our Patreon You can get the full story on Patreon But I spoke to

The council The village of Atwater Atwater Village Council Which I don't live there anymore Yeah, you can get the full story on Patreon. But I spoke to the council, the village of Atwater, the Atwater Village Council, which I don't live there anymore. Now they're missing an idiot. And they went in the Amazon Distribution Center. They were like, as they do everywhere else, they started

taking over like this neighborhood and using a lot of the resources, including our neighborhood and doing a lot of other shit. And since I used to be a marine biologist and I used to collect data, that's what I used to do. I didn't have a notepad. I didn't have snacks. I did it in one hour. He counted manatees. I did it in one hour intervals. Why? Now I...

We've lost Nicole's interest. She does not care about this. He brought it up. Nicole's emailing. Nicole's emailing their ex-boyfriend. I'm on a Jim Jefferies podcast. You bastard. Look who's made it now.

That's right. Let's get back into it. What does a bull market mean? Two. And a bear market mean? I think you had this wrong. No, we were doing this dot com crash. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. So they were shitty companies that went by the wayside. They're shitty companies that went by the wayside. That was the whole story.

Oh, that's the whole story. You asked one thing. It was like webvan.com Oh, what's webvan? I'd like that. That's where Jigsaw is set. That's where Spider-Man drives around when he's sick of swinging.

To the webvan. I guess we could say since we touched on the other major crashes and there was a Great Depression, obviously. Yeah, so that was the Wall Street crash of 1929. You also alluded to the 80s, Black Monday

crash of 1987. There was the panic of 1907. The dot-com bubble burst of 2000, the subprime mortgage crisis of 07, 08, the COVID crash of 2020. And then there was like some Asia bubble bursts in the nineties. The COVID crash.

I was involved with that. Didn't seem so bad. The COVID crash, it went down, went back up again, pretty quick. It wasn't like the end of the world. The COVID crash, I was involved with that It didn't seem so bad, the COVID crash It went down and went back up again pretty quick It wasn't like the end of the world, the COVID one Well that's what happens with the markets, that's the thing So why were those people so depressed in the Great Depression? If it went down it was going to go back up

Longer maybe Why don't you just go up to those food lines and go Cheer up Just wait it out It's a long-term thing. Stop wearing so much Brown. Unprecedented. Well,

panic of all seven in the history of the United States, we've never not recovered from a single recession or depression in us history. So, you know, I get a lot of slips into my DMS. Like these are the fun, sexy kind of DM slips. I got, you know, I get a lot of slips into my DMs. Like these are the fun, sexy kind of DM slips I get. I know you're very jealous.

You're about to get some bad ones now. You've just ruined your weekend. All made it awesome. Definitely one of the two. So yeah, people ask me like, should I sell? So when the COVID crash was happening, should I sell everything? And, you know, that's the impetus to do it because it's kind of like group think and you think it's never going to come back. But it does. What does a bull market mean and a bear market mean? Jim didn't have this right. I did. The bear market is large, hairy homosexuals.

And the bull market is large homosexuals. It's not all homosexual based. What happened? So bulls, think of like bulls charging ahead. So bull markets are good. That's when the market is up. So the most common definition of a bull market is when stock prices are 20% above their recent lows. And then the bear market, if you kind of like have this visualization of a bear hibernating, bear markets are bad. And so it would be the flip side

when stocks are below, like down 20% from more recent highs. So are we in a bear market right now? Yes. Okay, and a bull market. Why don't you call it a monkey market because they climb. Yeah, no, that's good. Please clip that out for the... I'm glad we had this talk you know what always confuses me about the bear and the bull it's like a bear is still aggressive though because I always think of a bear as like if you see a bear

it could kill you and you're in there and the bear is sleeping yeah that makes more sense you can also think of it as bear B-A-R-E and your bank account will be bear smart I like the bear hibernating yeah I like it You can also think of it as bear, B-A-R-E, and your bank account will be bear. Smart. I like the bear hibernating.

Yeah, I like it. And the bear rug market is when the market's dead. Yep. What are stock options? What are stock options? Jim, I don't remember what you said for this. I'm sure you said- Don't pass go. It was a Monopoly reference.

Go jail, go back three spaces. Yeah, okay. Never mind. I'll get a lot of Scrabble references. When I don't give you Jim's answer, you don't even need it. It had nothing to do with it. It couldn't have been farther from call options or put options. So

options give investors the right to buy or sell at a later date and at an agreed upon price. So there are two types of options, put options, which essentially bet that a stock is going to fall or call options, which is a bet that the stock is going to rise. So call options give you the right, but not the obligation necessarily to buy something at a stated price within a certain time later on. And then put options are the opposite. So they give you the right

to sell an asset versus buy the asset at some sort of price within some sort of time. So if you were talking to people who are still listening to this podcast now, these are people who are like me who don't quite know what the stock market is so if if you were talking to a young person or even an old person who was thinking of investing for the first time in the stock market what tip would you give them not like a stock tip but like you know be conservative in this field or whatever what would be someone entering into the stock market? What would you tell them? I would say start now because you take advantage of this beautiful, amazing force of compound interest, which has typically been used against us with credit card

debt. We've seen how that can snowball out of control, right? So what the stock market does or what investing does is take that very same force and you use it in your favor to make your money grow for you. So literally making money while you're sleeping. And you want to at least make 3% because typically over time, while inflation is really high right now, it's 3% historically.

So at least you want to make that. Otherwise, you're actually losing money because your money is going to buy you less things tomorrow than it did yesterday, which is what essentially inflation is. Do you consider the stock market to be gambling? I don't consider it gambling in the way that people say it because I would suggest to any person just starting out, young person that you mentioned or anyone, you're never as young as you are today, right? So today is as good a day as any. A lot of people say they're too old to start. They don't have enough money to start. That's bullshit. Those are just stories you tell yourself. I would not buy individual stocks though. If I'm starting out, I would buy

index funds and chill. What does short selling mean? I do have a mug that says index funds and chill. I have index funds and I'm chilling. Yeah. I'm paying Jack too much. I always reminded of this all the time. Sitting around with these index funds. I don't even know.

This is still. Yeah. Okay. What does short selling mean? Now I finally know from all the movies I've seen. Yeah. So this was like the whole GameStop thing. So short selling, essentially, if you're short something, you think it's going to go in the pooper. You think it's going to go down.

So you're shorting something instead of the opposite of short on Wall Street is not tall. It's long. So going long something is just buying it outright. And you think that it's going to go up in the future. So if you buy Apple or more of Apple than you already have, because you own so much. I got a little bit of Apple. It's been right back in me face.

I know a lot of Apple. You think it's going to go up, right? But if you short it, you think it's going to go down. But shorting involves borrowing it at a price you think it's going to fall below from a brokerage. So it would be like profiting if I said, Hey, Forrest, let me borrow your car and then let me give it back to you in a year. Right? And then let me give it back to you in a year. So if I took your car and in that year, I sold it. And then after that year, it went down in price.

So then I bought it at a lower price and I pocketed that money. Then I would have essentially been shorting the stock because I would have said, or I bought an iPhone. If I said, hey, let me borrow your iPhone and then I'll give it back to you in a year and I'll buy it for less later because it's going to go down in price. So how do you do that in the apps and all that type of stuff? How do you buy it for then sell it in the shorter? Who's offering the loan me the car?

Is that illegal though? Can I have Forrest's car? It's not illegal. And again, I really don't recommend this to any newbie investors. But yeah, you essentially do it from whatever brokerage. So the difference between a bank and a brokerage, a brokerage is where you buy and sell securities, which we talked about before.

So that would be like Charles Schwab or E-Trade or Fidelity or Vanguard compared to the regular banks like Bank of America and whatnot. How do you protect yourself against a Bernie Madoff or an Enron type of situation? If you have a person, every time I've had someone who dealt stocks with me, I'm like, they're just sending me bits of paper with numbers on it. How do I know categorically that those numbers are correct and I'm not being screwed over? So the secret on Wall Street is that a lot of managers will tell you they can beat the market. And very few fund managers actually do, which is why my recommendation is typically to buy

low-cost S&P 500 index funds. So that would be through like an ETF, which is an exchange traded fund of the S&P 500. Because when they're talking about beating the market, remember, we talked about this earlier that the S&P 500 is kind of the proxy for the market. So I would just buy the market if it's really hard to beat the market. But then people want this get rich quick thing. So they buy into, you know, sales people that can tell them they're going to do better than that which is not typically do you ever buy stupid shit in the same way that you can find like lung cancer doctors who smoke you know what i mean like you know what you mean walks barefoot yeah yeah you know what i mean like if you ever like you ever buy stupid shit

you think to yourself, I hope the people at Monkey Matters don't know about this. I mean, TBD, like some of the stupid shit, we don't know if it's stupid shit when I actually sell it. The only two days that matter are the day that you buy and the day you sell something and everything in between is just noise. So yeah, have I done stupid, stupid shit? Yeah, in all of my books, I talk about all the ways I messed up with my financial life and got into debt

and got out of it and said stupid things and did stupid things. Was buying a Yasiel Puig rookie card for $100 a bad investment? Oh, no. Did you? I did, yeah. I thought he was going to be the shit. Now he's playing in the Mexican league. And I still look at that card like it'll come back. He's coming back. What organization regulates the stock market? Is it NASDAQ Jesus? No.

It is not NASDAQ Jesus, although that sounds awesome. It's the SEC, which is not the Southeastern Conference, but the Securities and Exchange Commission. SEC, yeah. I have an ex-girlfriend but the Securities and Exchange Commission. SEC, yeah. I have an ex-girlfriend. She is a FINRA attorney. They're all exes. Yeah.

That sounds like she knows how to party. She actually does. But yeah. But FINRA also has oversight in other kinds of markets, like derivatives markets and things like that. Yeah. I know about that a little.

So I do know something just because, yeah, when I was dating her, she was taking the bar. And now I know what she does. And now I kind of know what she does. I invested in a lot of cocaine back early on in the day, trying to prop the market up in the hope that it would become legal like we did. Will that happen?

Will your investment pay off? Because I, yeah, it's the only reason I know. Your investment's gone though. You don't have it anymore. I've used up the investment. Drugs are the only reason I know measurements. Well, there, there is a big, you know, market for psychedelics and companies that are doing psychedelics for

therapeutic services, especially like in Canada, there's I think a publicly traded company that does that. And, you know, obviously, yeah, my mushrooms and MDMA and all of that.

So if you think that the United States is going to go in that direction, then that, I think we should do that. I'm starting ketamine therapy soon. Let's invade. Let's invade. Mushrooms and ketamine. Let's invest out of a pool of all of our money together,

like some old people who have a lotto pool, into some mushrooms and get mushroom rich together. Yeah, I like it. Okay. All right. Find us a thousand bucks, Jack, out of the budget of the podcast, and we'll put it into mushrooms. Yeah, mushrooms and ketamine. Got it. Figured jack out of the budget of the podcast and we'll put it into mushrooms. Yeah. Mushrooms and ketamine.

Got it. Figured it out. Mushroom index. Okay. What is arbitrage trading? I would be short ketamine. I had a terrible ketamine experience, but this is for another time. Was it therapy or just at a club?

It was therapy. Oh, okay. I did not love it. So I would be short it. Was the club called therapy? I've only done it like with friends and at a nightclub. I'll tell you what ketamine is. I did it once with a whole heap of friends.

And one of the friends is very, very famous now, but he wasn't back then. Anyway, so we did ketamine. Joe Biden. And I remember like seeing everyone passed out on the ground in this living room. And then you're like, oh, right. It relaxes you.

It's not. It's like it's for horses. It makes you feel like you're the tin man. Like you're rusted. Like you're a rusty metallic horse that's like, I'd like to move. And I'm putting every bit of energy into it. But this is just causing me pain to lay still. Frustrating drug, the cat.

Just mushrooms. Let's just invest in mushrooms, Jack. I had a party at this house once and I come in my room and there's all these people spread out on the floor going, what's going on? We all did K. Why? Oh no. We'll just do mushrooms, guys. This house smells like

Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment. How do you know what that smells like? I asked Jim what is arbitrage trading and he said, I don't know, Forrest. Shut shut up that's what i said stay in bar my answer okay i don't know forest shut up so nice i do so arbitrage is um exploiting little differences in prices to make a profit. So if there's a market inefficiency, let's say the mushroom company is trading for $20 on the New York Stock Exchange, and at the very same time, it's trading for $25, I'm making this up, obviously, on the London Stock Exchange, then you could buy the stock on the New York Stock Exchange for 20 bucks

and immediately sell the same mushroom stock on the London Stock Exchange, let's say, for $25, and then you would earn that profit of $5, which would be the arbitrage. What happens if a company decides it doesn't want to be in the stock market anymore? Does it pay out its people and call it a day, or what happens then? Yeah, you could buy back your shares. Or you could go bankrupt. Yeah, yeah, it looks like we got all right. If a company goes bankrupt, does that mean that I've lost all my shares if they just call it a quit?

Yeah. Because I got a lot of shares in Prince Andrew right now. Oh my God. Okay. We've answered all the other questions. We skipped around. We got all the other questions. So now's the part of the show called Dinner Party Facts. We ask our guests to give us some fact, obscure, interesting that our audience can use to impress people, like at a dinner party, a bar, or something. What do you got for us, Nicole? So we've alluded

to this before. Our friend Warren Buffett, while he does live in Omaha, he is still considered one of the greatest investors of our time. He put these financial instructions in his own will for his wife, which I always think is really interesting. And it's some of the advice that I've already given you. Invest 90% of the money in very low cost S&P 500 index funds, like Vanguard index funds,

which is really interesting because, like I said before, he knows that it's hard to beat the market. And so that's what he's doing with his own money and telling his wife to do. So that's why you were, Jim, that was a question you asked, like if he dies, then his company is worthless. But it won't be worthless because all his money will be or he won't be worth, I don't know.

His wife's getting it. Yes, his wife is getting it. He had two wives for a while, didn't he? He was rocking around with two women. I saw the documentary. It wasn't his wife, gonna get um but you know two wives for a while didn't he he was rocking around with two women i saw the documentary it wasn't his wife it was his neighbor it was a non-sexual relationship she just like he's married to her now how is he that's what he's married to his other wife passed away sadly she moved to san francisco but for a while he had the two wives going on yeah it was a woman who worked in a diner i'm all for the buffett man yeah yeah good on you mate okay for the company no i don't think

that when our friend warren dies that it's gonna go from four hundred and twenty nine thousand dollars to one thousand dollars uh there's definitely a whole like demon succession plan and all this stuff all right well nico Nicole's podcast is called Money Rehab. It's a daily podcast. 10 minutes or less, right? You break down, it says you break down the day's financial news in 10 minutes or less. Is that true?

I try. I try, but I sometimes go a little bit longer, but I try to keep it simple. Okay, yeah. But for people that don't know about money or do you know about money? I'd like to know about money or listening because i'd like to know about money i'm gonna you got a new subscriber i'm gonna listen yeah thanks yeah

and um also you can uh check i do interventions with people too so i told a woman to cancel her wedding because she couldn't afford it you've lost me it's bad spirited i'm unsubscribed uh twitter you can find her at nicolein and IG same thing at Nicole Lappin and her books check those out Rich Bitch Boss Bitch Becoming Superwoman and Miss Independent thanks for being here Nicole thanks guys

thanks for being here Nicole we had a wonderful time we all learned some things ladies and gentlemen if you're ever at a party and someone walks up to you and they go, oh, God, me nose deck's hurting, go, well, I don't know about that, and walk away. What?

Good night, Australia. Good night. Good night.