I Don't Know About That - Trains feat. Taylor Williamson

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Jim did the best he could the derail the conversation, but our expert Mike Blaszak put us back on track. We have a special guest in studio: Taylor Williamson (@taylorcomedy). Check out his new special "Taylor Williamson: Live at The Comedy Store." Now streaming free on YouTube. And he’s on tour, details on www.taylorwilliamson.com.

Cans. Both breasts and to hold liquid. Which one was invented first? Probably breasts. You might find out, but I don't know about that, with Jim Jefferies. You can always tell when you put a lot of effort into that. You're just staring at the can. We have a guest in studio today, Taylor Williamson. Hello, Taylor. Taylor's, I'd say, a friend of the show, but it's his first time. We'll see how it goes. Well, friend in real life.

In real life, we get along very well, yeah. See you guys every two or three years. Yeah. Oh, that guy. I'm always happy to see you. Likewise. Thanks for having me. Taylor, it now right the special yeah it's out at the moment it's called live at the comedy store uh it's streaming free on youtube you know what i just decided you know like life is hard for people you know and uh it's hanukkah why not give it out for free this is what you say when netflix did it right back to your email that's what you do

hannigan you would get like seven nights right or how many nights you get well normally you get eight but you could have as many as you'd like you can have like 15 if you'd like nah i just want eight okay i always tradition i always find the gifts theme a bit shitty they're always like a shoe and a rubber band and a thing you know so only know my, I can only tell my truth. Yeah. What was the standard Hanukkah for you as a kid? I may have just dropped my, never mind. But the Hanukkah, you get seven nights

of back to school supplies. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then the eighth night, you get like a Sega Genesis or something, like quality, you know? All right. So, yeah. I was just going to ask you where your special was recorded,

but it's called Live at the Comedy Store. I'm sorry. I filmed it at the- The LA Comedy Store or the London Comedy Store? Oh, the Sydney Comedy Store. Is there a Sydney one? Or La Jolla. Do you know the La Jolla location?

The Los Angeles, Hollywood, California Comedy Store. Taylor Simpson Live at the Comedy Store. Cool. Nice. Isn't there like a- There's a dog walking around um uh isn't there like a controversy of the comedy store names in different countries like no oh no one no one patented it they don't seem to give a everyone's cool they're all quality clubs as well yeah they're all good i've never done the one

name but i know it's supposed to be one of the better ones but the one in sydney's great yeah yeah they're all good comedy clubs oh good done the one in England, but I know it's supposed to be one of the better ones. The one in Sydney is great. Yeah, yeah. They're all good comedy clubs. Oh, good. Yeah, the Comedy Store name does well. If you're living in India right now and you're trying to think about what to name your club. I don't know why I wobbled my head there. Why not?

I feel like I got to wobble my head once in this interview. How am I going to do this? Well, I have some special news. Jack's got it up. Jack's got it up. Rolling Stones Australia, as if it would be anywhere else, Rolling Stones Australia has listed me as one of the top 50 living entertainers, icons in Australia.

Yeah. I'll tell you. I've heard this. There's people that missed out. Ben Mendelsohn. Yeah. Love Ben Mendelsohn yeah love Ben Mendelsohn Tim Mitchon

who goes who writes who writes western musicals and does shows he didn't he didn't make it so I feel

I feel very honored that I made Heath Ledger he's not living oh living yeah yeah yeah gotta be alive to be living

yeah Mel Gibson's living but he didn't make it I saw him skiing the other day I saw him at the ski slopes Yeah, yeah. You've got to be alive to be living. Yeah, Mel Gibson's living, but he didn't make it. I saw him skiing the other day. I saw him at the ski slopes. Yeah. Not to take this stuff. He's loud.

I know, it's fine. He's loud at the house. It's been years. But can I tell you, I don't want to derail this wonderful story you're telling, but I want to go back to, I was in Big Bear. Did they already get snow there? They got good snow there, yeah. Is it snowed or is it just the man-made snow? But I was last, this was like seven months ago.

Oh, okay, so not right now. I'm going like a week. But I was in the parking lot talking about how Mel Gibson doesn't care for the Jews. You know, it's my favorite subject. Sure. And then 20 minutes later, Mel Gibson's next to me. What does that mean, you guys?

And you were still excited to see him, right? I would have taken a picture with him. I would have gotten lunch with him. It's a full of shit. I'm with you, but I'm like, Mad Max is pretty good. He is very good for a very long time. But anyway, I'm so proud of you. What an amazing honor.

Right, but you know what? No one, Robert Rolling Stone, comes and gives you a little plaque or something, right? They didn't even ask you. They didn't even ask some questions. They didn't ask me because the articles- It's all bullet points. The articles just- Okay.

I blame myself. My Wikipedia has not been updated for a very long time. Yeah. In case people don't know, Wikipedia isn't fact. It's just stuff people have written. And you're not allowed to update it yourself because you're the person. not been updated for a very long time yeah in case people don't know wikipedia isn't fact it's just stuff people have written you're not allowed to update yourself because you're the person it has to be a third party that does it you can update yeah jack i could we're gonna have to get jack on there because it's still i've got a lot of work ahead of me i've got nine specials

and the the wikipedia says i got three for some reason, right? Anyway, so they go. I think it says that you have 10. Yeah, this guy's an icon or something. And then they go, he has three specials, and he got famous because he got punched in the head. I was already selling theatres when I got punched in the head. And a lot of you didn't even know. There's still fans of mine now that find out I got punched in the head. The in the head had very little to do with it well it's straight off wikipedia

yeah straight off wikipedia but I will say thank you very much to Rolling Stone for putting me in there you should get punched in the head you get punched in the head in your special dude I'm so jealous like that girl had a drink thrown at her I had a guy throw a glass at me off stage and it caught by a security camera but like I didn't post it on tiktok

you know that's the new move now is to get you were the first maybe it was a surveillance camera that got me that was the real because it was before everyone had camera phones and everything was just the one angle and the thing it was very good uh it's a 50 icons australia and aotr tira what is that aot era oh this is and new ze... And New Zealand. That's how you spell New Zealand? I think that might be the Maori way of saying it. Yeah, that's what they say when you're there. God, I can't remember. I don't remember.

I don't know. But, you know, like Taika Waititi, Rhys Darby. I have friends who are on the list as well. Like, if I showed up to that party of those 50 people, I'd do all right. Yeah. I'd have enough people to talk to. I'd be hanging out with Reece Darby and Russell Crowe in the corner.

You know Russell Crowe? Yeah, Russell's my boy, man. Russell's a good guy. That's amazing. I'll post this too, but I want to say it next. We haven't said it. This is our last podcast of the year. I'm sorry.

No, it isn't. Is the next one? Oh, no. This is our second to last podcast of the year we're going to do one more that'll come out on the 19th right

18, 19, 1, 2 yeah whatever that Tuesday is and then we're taking Christmas and New Year's off so there'll be two weeks off and then we'll be back in the New Year

so just so everybody knows I'll mention that again next week and then people will still write to us but we're not going anywhere and you got dates coming up next year

you can go to jimjeffries.com. When is this one coming out? This comes out on the – you'll be done with all your shows this year. All right, I've got no gigs. You've done with all your shows this year. You're just relaxing. Merry Christmas.

Then you're going to Sacramento, Indio, California, Las Vegas, Des Moines, Kansas City, Cape Town, et cetera. Go to jimjeffries.com. Taylor, you've got dates coming up too, right? I'm on tour. By the way, it's great to be here on the Hanukkah episode. It's really an honor. I just want to.com. Taylor, you got dates coming up too, right? I'm on tour. By the way, it's great to be here on the Hanukkah episode. It's really an honor. I just want to say that. I'm going to be in Calgary,

Alberta, Canada and Oklahoma and Lexington. Why are you laughing? This is not my show. I just feel like an asshole being like... I was just trying to think

of a possible Hanukkah joke. And all I was thinking was it was like a web page. It just had hot chicks and cars called Hanukkah. And then I couldn't work. My brain couldn't work backwards. And then I was just stuck in it. Like, Hanukkah, there's something there. Well, you don't have to feel like that.

I mean, it's fine. You got Taylor Williams. Taylor Williams is not coming. I got my, I'm proud of my, I'm really excited about my comedy special. The best jokes I've ever told. I was runner up on America's Got Talent Yeah yeah

Do you ever hear from the Klum Heidi Klum Yeah yeah yeah I know Russell Crowe and you're like Oh my god You know like

one of the greatest supermodels in all history and you're like Yeah she calls me Yeah yeah You know whatever but I invited her to my comedy special taping

She couldn't make it but Why She was not available At least she told you but I invited her to my comedy special taping. She couldn't make it. Why? She was not available. At least she told you. She should have invited Seal. I should have done that.

No, she's great. I want to tell you while we're here, can I tell you the first time I heard about you ever in my life? Do it. I'm making dramatic sounds. You're having sex with Heidi Clemmons, you have to yell out her name I've kissed her on the mouth

if anyone is like who's this weird guy look up Taylor Lips and Heidi Klum kissing on the mouth and there's like a couple photos they're all on his page

it's all just a cardboard cut out of her I didn't say it was really her it's a picture of her but I was at Ralph's, the grocery store

here in California. It's like Kroger for people in other states. Yeah. And I was in line for food at like midnight and this guy's like, I gotta get home

and watch Jim Jefferies. He was so excited. And this is like around your HBO special time. And I was like, this guy's, I've never seen anyone so excited to watch anybody.

I was like, who's Jim Jefferies? And I watched it and it was really funny watched it and really funny oh thanks a guy in the line at Ralph's that's how things used to go viral back in the day if you want to if you want to hear a lot about me a lot of my fans are eight items or less that's your streets here yeah well go check out Taylor special we have a link to it

somewhere down like wherever we have all our stuff there it's called live at the comedy store it's streaming free on YouTube did you love it

didn't you love it I did it was amazing I haven't seen it yet you didn't watch it I look man I didn't send him the link I was late last night when I got there

man I have young kids I have a wife I don't get a lot of opportunities to masturbate. And I want to really... You can masturbate while you watch a special. I want to really watch it. I want to really watch it. I want to be caught with a hard-on in Ralph's going,

I'm going home to watch Taylor. Taylor Swift? Yeah, I'm a Swifty. That's my favorite and least favorite reason to have not seen my special ever. I really love that. Thank you. I can't ask for more. I want to give it my full attention.

Bless you. Thank you. All right. So go to taylorwilliamson.com for all that. And then go to jimjeffries.com for dates. ID Cat Podcast on Instagram. By the way, Russell Crowe gave Forrest that hat. Is that true?

No. Claire gave me this. Sorry, Forrest. He gave you a jersey, right? He gave me the DVD and then he goes, Russell Crowe owns this team and the Rabbitohs.

It's a rugby league team in Australia. And when I met him, he handed me a DVD and he goes watch that we'll talk about it next time or something so I literally I watched it immediately because if you ever meet him he's very intimidating like not in a bad way but in like you just I better watch this because there might be a quiz and I watched all of it I was like okay I know what's going on but I haven't seen him since so I think I've forgotten a lot of it. That's the last time his team won the Grand Final. Yeah, yeah.

I'll get him ready for that next time he sees you. Yeah, I've got to watch it. I've got to find it somewhere. Who scored the last try? Don't remember. That was too long ago. That was too long ago. I'm nervous now.

I've got to watch it on a lunch. Yeah, oh, God. I met Henry Winkler one time. Really? Is it a Jewish thing? Because he's Jewish. Are you keeping track of us, huh?

No, I can tell you why, because Adam Sandler goes on about it a lot. That's how I document all my Jewish people. If you're in the song or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta get in that song. That's how you know you make it. Can you call Adam? He goes, Henry Winkler, the fan's not bad. My dog is Jewish.

Really? I have a Jewish dog. I think that's a woman hey what how's that a Jewish dog she's my daughter thought you were circumcised this shows inappropriate you say something nice about her it's very no I like dogs I've been giving the dog faces the whole time but give it like can you say something nice about her? It's very nice. I like dogs. I've been giving the dog faces the whole time. Can you say a compliment? For a chihuahua, you don't make a lot of noise. That's not a compliment. It's true. It's like, do you think she's pretty?

Well, she's very tall. Fluffy has chihuahuas. He said this, so I'm allowed to repeat this, but he called one of them in front of me. He goes, there's my Mexican doorbell Russell Crowe did? No Fluffy I'm sorry

No that was Mel Gibson He was like I was standing next to some Jew in Big Bear the other day and one of those Mexican doorbells that he's armed Anyway I'm somewhat back the other day. And one of those Mexican doorbells that he's armed. Anyway, I'm somewhat back.

And now let's meet our guest, Mike Blazak. Now it's time to play Yes No. Yes No. Yes No. Yes No. Judging a book

by its cover. All right, everybody. Okay, so Mike lives in a winter escape type of a place. I'm going to say you're an East Coast person. Am I correct? Not at all. Oh, okay. Well, then I'm out of ideas.

It looks rather cold. There's other places that snows. Oh, okay. Name one. Yeah, there's nowhere else in America that snows. It's the east coast and the top bit. Are you from the top bit? I'm pretty close to the top.

Oh, okay. So you have to deal with Canadians on a regular basis. Am I correct? Actually, I do. Okay. So is it Canadians? Is that the special? No, no.

South of the border. Oh, south of the border. That's when the Canadians go, South of the border, down Michigan way. Okay, so you're... This isn't going to help you, by the way, where he's from. It will. Okay, sure.

Go on. Now I know it's not going to be like the Liberty Bell. Look, Jim is 175 episodes into this. knows how to question yeah okay sorry my bad is it the Liberty Bell no not Philadelphia all right is it are we doing something educational today is it is it something that you can lecture you let me help you out pizza was it pizza. I'm sorry. Oh, where he's from. Oh, Italy.

Yeah, Italy. No, it's not snow. Maybe parts. I don't know. Oh, Chicago. He's from Chicago. He's in Chicago. Yes.

Chicago. You have it. I've got theories on Chicago. Very nice. Looks good in John Hughes movies. Snows too much. He's only nice one month out of the year. That one month is a banger though

it's really good it's a real good city in spring it's crushing it but if I if I if I dated a woman out of period

11 months out of the year I wouldn't marry her it's the fall Mike says the fall ah I don't like you know what the fall reminds me of death

Jesus everyone goes look at the foliage I just all I see is death we haven't even gone to the questions yet, so you might want to guess what he's here to talk about.

Is it foliage, Mike? Is it foliage? Mike, is it about the human body? No. No. Look at Mike, Angie. Sorry, my bad. Is it about the entertainment business?

Well, I'm entertained by it, but probably most other people aren't oh everyone i would guess everyone has is it dog pornography no i would guess everyone has used one of these uh dog definitely definitely in this room that most people in the country at one point or another have been on one. Oh, is it... Dog pornography. Everyone's been on one. A DVD of dog pornography.

Is it Jack's sister? Took too long for that. Sorry. I wanted to say mother, but I really love his mom, and I've met his mom several times, and then I know that Jack doesn't have a sister. So I can get away with that joke without hurting anyone's feelings. Oh, look, if this is the way I found out I had a sister, this would be very interesting.

This is an evolved Jim Jefferies. I really respect that. Well, I like his mum. I like his mum. That's classy. And Forrest's mum's dead. I went through the catalogue of mum, and you're like a guest. I went, Forrest's mum.

He would have been upset. Then Jack's mum will call us. Then your mum. Who knows what happened there? You need to quit today. mum and you're like a guest i mean i went for the forest mom he would have been upset then jack's mum will call us and your mum who knows what happened today i hear like we're doing trains that's that's the i can't go on through this wait guess trains on who the subject is trains but i'm not trained with mike blazak today uh mike blazak is a lawyer and transportation historian from the Chicago area. He has represented railroad clients for 47 years and has written extensively regarding railroad history and operations, including his co-author 2015 book, Chicago, America's Railroad Capital. There's a hand for you.

Thanks for being here, Mike. Can you tell us a little bit more about how you got into trains? Sure, I'd be happy to. I come from a railroad family my father my uncle my grandmother all worked for the pennsylvania railroad and when i graduated from west school i went to work for the santa fe railway and since then i've worked for many railroads across the united states and canada i've also branched out and done a lot of work in the infrastructure area generally with roads water systems bridges airports various things but my heart is basically in the railroad industry and

i've stayed connected with it even though i've been mostly retired for the last few years um so okay so you're a guy that collects trains are you a train spotter yes yeah do you sit at the action because we call real fans in the us but yes yeah okay but yeah what are they called in the us real fans real fans yeah do you know what your train spotter is in britain they sit there well no they write down oh the 205's late oh here comes the 823 from Nottingham. And they've always got a thermos of coffee or whatever, and they sit there with a packed lunch, and they count all the trains, and it's train spotting.

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, and we're from the movie Train Spotting. They decided to spruce it up and add a few drugs. Wow. This is beautiful. So here's what's going to happen, Mike. I'm going to ask Jim A series of questions And he's going to

Try and answer About trains He's going to try And answer them And also Taylor's Going to assist in there As well Try his best

And Taylor's sister Do you have a sister I don't So feel free to talk About her getting Real bro-ed Fuck this shit Out of your sister

Thank you It's so nice of you Thank you I have to find I have a brother But you can do that. Oh, no, no. I wouldn't be mean to him.

Oh, okay. I respect that. Happy Hanukkah, Tyler's brother. So at the end of them answering the questions, you're going to grade them on their accuracy. Mike, zero through 10, 10's the best. Jack here is going to grade them on their confidence. And I'm going to grade them on how hungry I am.

And I just had a sub, so not very hungry, but still. And we're going to add all the scores together. 21 through 30 equals Throw Mama from the Train. Like that movie. You'll have a second lunch. 11 through 20 equals Thomas the Tank Engine.

And then 0 through 10 is Under Siege 2 Dark Territory. Terrible movie. You don't want to do that. Now, did you know that the Fat Controller in Thomas the Tank Engine? Never watched it. Well, if you watched it here in America,

the voice was done here in america the voice was done here in america by george carlin yeah and and uh in britain it was done by ringo star and in britain he was called the fuck controller then the fuck controller said all right there thomas time to pull into the station right and then when carlin did it he was just called the controller because you americans went that's just a normal-looking person. Yeah, he looks fine. Are you watching the show Shining Time Station? No, I'm not. I'm weird.

But that was the PBS show that George Carlin was on, isn't it? And he played like a little train guy. Isn't that right? Maybe he was in the trains, Carlin. We didn't know it. He might have been. Do you know anything about that, Mike, George Carlin in the trains? No, you know anything about that mike george carlin and the trains no you know i i've it sounds familiar but i don't want to say that uh i've i've ever watched it because i don't recall doing it okay well this is the i just heard about it this is the whole thing with thomas the tank engine they all lived on a small island right it didn't it didn't need a rail network it's an island like why have you got so many trains it's about 20 miles by 20

miles that's it it doesn't even need a freeway probably because maybe getting gasoline to the island is hard and they have other alternative sources to power the train no no you're clutching there not really i think it was just i mean i think trains are fun i think it was just for kids but should they have a horse alright let's get to the how do they get around Thomas the horse we're cars okay

you can still drive around on roads well I don't know if there's roads I don't know there's not going to be a gas station on a 20 by 20 island

you're being ridiculous you haven't been to a lot of islands I've been to a lot of islands wait till we do our episode of islands I've been to more islands than you've been

dude I don't think so. Oh, you're going to use your Florida keys. I don't count your redneck islands. I've been to the Caribbean.

I even call it by its real name. He said the Caribbean. Yeah. All right. What was the world's first recorded railway and when was it built?

Born on an island, man. What was the... Isn't everything an island if you think about it? Really? No, Australia is an island. Australia is a fucking island. We are too then.

The whole North of South America is an island. No, you're not because you're connected to trains. Trains. We're talking about trains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do the continent episode another time. If you're an island, stop building bloody walls between people. What was the world's...

This is stressful. You guys have the largest fence in the world. What was the world's... Stop dingoes. What was the world's first recorded is stressful. You guys have the largest fence in the world. What was the world's... Stop dingoes. What was the world's first recorded railway and when was it built? The first recorded railway would have been from Brisbane to Tamworth. Yeah, sure. Okay, so the first railway...

Look, I'll tell you this is what I think. The American railway system, and I might upset our guest here, is fucking dog shit. I lived in Britain where it's a real thing where trains work and stuff American trains You should have this whole country connected up with trains. Don't you have a whole day? Let's answer the questions We keep on California is voting against it to Vegas should be paying for a train to go out there all fucking day

Every tourist who comes in, and a bullet train out to that should take two hours. Yeah. Two hours. Tops. And it's fun. You'll be able to gamble and drink and whatever. You'd have a drinking cup.

You'd look out. The dead's a wonderful thing. And you'd be a straight fucking line. It's good for LA tourism. Good for Vegas tourism. I like trains. I'm with you. I think we should have more trains in this country.

Need more trains. Anyway, so the first one, the first train. The world's first recorded railway. Like, when was it built? Well, it would have been after the Industrial Revolution. And I would have said that it would have something to do with Charles Brunel, who invented the width of the railway tracks. In fact, Brunel used to carry around a staff that he everyone thought was uh a cane to

help him walk and it was but it was actually measured to the exact width of what he designed train tracks to be this is the trick he does mike don't wait a minute brunel also harked from the great town of bristol england i'm gonna to say your first train was Bristol to London. Mic drop. Everyone suck. What year? What year? What year?

2012. Oh, Brunel. It would have been 1880. Okay. Who is often credited as the father of railways for his significant contributions to the development of steam locomotives Charles Brunel you can answer too Taylor

he's so confident I have no other idea he's at a 10 for confidence right now no question you don't have to if you feel like it's interjecting my guess is Charles Brunel do I get points? one and two is Charles Brunel. Do I get points? Good guess. One and two is Charles

Brunel. There's a lot of Brunel universities in England and stuff. Brunel's like a thing. Wait, my question for how the rules, forgive me, I'm new here. Is it like Price is Right rules? Like, can I go no answer? And does he lose points if he's wrong? You're a guest. You can do whatever you want. I've never been against anybody. You can do whatever you want. You're a guest. If you have a better answer,

look, I'm just... Between me and and you there's no guy called bruno i was can i get my honest guess margaret thatcher margaret thatcher built the first trains in the 1980s when she shut down all the unions yeah okay a little before that she was the one who stopped all the coal mining yeah I just believe everything he says. He's so confident. I just talked to Jack like I wasn't on a microphone, by the way. Sorry. I'm sorry, guys.

I'm sorry everyone listening out there. In what year did the first steam locomotive hauled public railway passenger service operate, and where was it? So the first steam locomotive that hauled public passengers. I'll say where was it so the first steam locomotive that hauled public passengers what i'll say we'll go back to england again i'm gonna go it would have been uh let's just do that or yeah look it would have been 18 i'll even go earlier than brunel 1880 or not so stuff so i'll move the first i'll move the first answer back to 1840 and then I'm going to go 1860 Nottingham to Norwich.

I'm going to go 1812 and I'm going to go San Diego to Orange County. Never, never, never. I've taken the Amtrak. They still can't get that train ride going now. Orange County, got it. What is the transcontinental railroad in the United States and when was it completed? Okay, it's a they-them train. The transcontinental.

Yeah. That would be like a European fella that that became a woman i don't know something about manifest destiny for sure i think it's um i'm gonna say that uh it was something about thanksgiving so um i'm gonna say when was the first Thanksgiving? November. I'm going to say November. I'm just going to say November. Yeah, November. That's a good one. I'm going with the third.

So it was completed in November. That was the only one question. Well, do you know how like... I asked what was it? Oh, what was it? It was the railroad that connected the East Coast of America together. Starting off with Rhode Island

going into New York and then out to the city of brotherly love, home of with Rhode Island, going into New York, and then out to the city of brotherly love, home of the Liberty Bell, Philadelphia. I think it was Norwich to London in November. Yeah, Norwich to London. Norwich to London. Okay.

What is the significance of the golden spike in the history of American railroads? It's a spike that got peed on, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a biker who everyone thought he was just into bikes because of the leather fetish, but it turned out he's just a sicko who liked to be urinated on. Biker. Golden spike.

And that has to do with the trains? He drove them. The motorcycle would drag, before fossil fuel was invented, the motorcycle would drag the train so people could get to their destination. No, he was steampunk. Of course. I'm sorry, I'm done. Of course he's going to be steampunk.

He had these great big goggles that he never put over his eyes that just sit on top of his head. And then he had like too many buttons. Oh, yeah. Mad Max is Australia, isn't it? It is, yeah. So that's my answer is Mad Max. Mad Max. What was the impact of the It is, yeah. So that's my answer is Mad Max. Mad Max.

What was the impact of the first transcontinental railroad in the United States? Acceptance, but it took a while. Okay. Do I need to ask these? I think we can just go. All right. Caitlyn Jenner is my answer. Here's one.

Here's one for you. Yeah, I think you guys can get this. Name one famous luxury train known for its opulent amenities and travel experience just one the Indian Pacific the Indian Pacific is the train

that goes across Australia from one side to another if you want to travel from Sydney Sydney to Perth any other guesses

is the Indian Pacific what's the one that everyone Agatha Christie they're always on the express I just watched the Orient Express.

Orient Express. Which is a racist word I would never use. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I say oriental. I don't shorten it like him. That's why it's racist. What person or who designed the iconic Flying Scotsman and why is it famous? The Flying Scotsman. Was that Rowdy Roddy Piper?

The Flying Scotsman. Was that Roddy Roddy Piper? The Flying Scotsman. The Flying Dutchman was also something. That's what we're talking about. That was an opera written by Wagner. The Flying Dutchman is about three and a half hours long. Flying Scotsman. Yeah, but that's worth mentioning Wagner. When are we going to do Wagner?

Oh, yeah. You should have him as a guest. Yeah, Wagner. We've got a lot of questions to get through here. All right. We'll skip a couple and go over them. Moody fella. Yeah.

All right. It was a big train then. Okay. We'll get to that. We'll talk to that. What is the significance of the big boy steam locomotive, and how does it hold a place in railroad history? Oh, it put a bun in the middle.

The first person to put a bit of bread in the middle of the bread the big boy the big boy was before the big mac and a lot of people know that and the big boy so it was the first extra bit of bread the club they call it i believe everything you say that is called the club and the big boy did invent the sandwich but i don't know yeah bob's big boy in burbank yeah yeah that invented the the sandwich with the three bits of bread the sandwich, but I don't know if that's it. Yeah, Bob's big boy in Burbank. Yeah, yeah. That invented the sandwich with the three bits of bread. The burger. Can I tell you what's funny is I believe everything you say,

but when Jack yes-ands you, I don't believe it. No, it's true. Have you not been to Bob's? I don't trust you. Have you not been to Bob's? I don't trust you. I think Bob's is so good. It's Bob's big boy.

You're shady. We did a Bob's big boy recently in Canada or something. We were driving around, and we enjoyed it so much, we went for a second loop. Did you kind of tell you, I'm sorry, I don't want to derail things. Nice. This whole podcast is a train crash.

I'd just like to acknowledge that during the writer's strike, any writers who go to Bob's Big Boy, I paid for all their meals. Oh, that was you. That's cool. That was me. I thought that was Drew Carey, but cool. I told Drew drew he can take the attention i tried to do it as well i went down there to pay for it but they said already paid for and so i you know got four big i went

i once went down and tried to buy all the layaway stuff at kmart right for christmas yeah i thought i'm gonna do a big thing and i went and i'm like hey how much stuff have you got for layaway and they took me to the next stage and we got this whole room it was all crap it's all crap and I went I'll pay for all of it thinking I'm a wonderful person

I didn't post about it I didn't take any photos and I just went and did it but every time I went and paid a thousand dollars my bank it's kept on shutting down because no one spent that much in Kmart ever. And I went, I'm trying to do something Christmassy here.

Please let me keep doing it. Oh, we'll work this time. I put another five. I got to about 20 grand and I just called it a day and walked out and said, I can't help you anymore. I'm sorry, Kmart. But it's still kind of you to support Kmart. You're upsetting Forrest. Why would you do such a thing?

I got all day. I don't know how long Mike has, but're upsetting Forrest. Why would you do such a thing? No, I'm not. You just did the... I got all day. I don't know how long Mike has, but I got all day. Which country boasts the world's fastest commercial train service, and what is its top speed? That would be the Japanese do the fastest train, bullet trains. Top speed. As they're called. Top speed, 389 miles an hour.

I would actually... I'll be competing. Sure. Yeah, I would call it the'll be competing. Sure. Yeah, I would call this Shinkansen. Shinkansen? That's bullet train Japanese. Oh. You feel like a guy that spent a lot of time in Japan.

I have been told that I look like a dead Asian woman. I have that. You do. You have the height and posture. Thank you. Arigato. Shinkansen. All right. have that you do you have you have the heart and posture thank you um all right i say 400 miles an hour four that's he said 399 so 380 reverse prices right 380 387 okay um i got one dollar i'll come back to this question i'll skip this which famous train journey crosses through eight time zones and spans nearly 6,000 miles? The Siberian Express.

I would say the Costa Rica tram. Just a tram, huh? It's a train, but they call it the Costa Rica tram. It would have to start in Russia and then go all the way over and down and across all those time zones. Which famous train route... It ends in Morocco. Which famous train route takes passengers from Chicago to Los Angeles and is often associated with classic American travel?

I don't believe there's such a thing. The Greyhound. Yeah, the Greyhound buses. They just have a couple of buses together. I've never seen a train carrying people in this country. I've been up and down the bloody thing. I've never seen people going, I'm off on the train. I see you carrying container ships of shit that's got to go.

I'd take a train to San Francisco or up the coast. I've seen people do San Diego and stuff like that. Yeah, that's pretty nice of them. Nothing too serious. How does a steam locomotive work? Move. How does it work? You've got to shovel coal into a little

fire and then you gotta go to release some steam because you don't want to build up too much and then uh you gotta look if you want it to get really hot look the hotter it gets the faster it goes so you get these like carbon fiber logs like this that you keep in the delorean and then you put them in and if it goes fast enough you'll be right so just call and then it goes yeah that's all that happens for us i thought you said we were in a rush you want me he wants me to talk about how to build a steam train i'm sorry i know how they i've driven one before yeah now it goes it's got things like this. And then the thing goes out the front. Ah, the majestic of the railroad.

Wonderful. You hold a little controller and you press the button. And then it's got a... You turn the dial. Oh, yeah, you go dial. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dial it, yeah. Where does the word train come from, Origen?

From the word training. Because when they first got the train, they said, you're all going to have to do some training and train on this device. And everyone was like, what? Train is the device? Sure. That's crazy you got that right.

Probably. I thought it was supposed to be funny, but the real answer isn't it because that song Drops of Jupiter and they they like that song so much

they're like we're gonna name this after that band we love yeah a combination of your answer I think is correct I choose you I'm not the expert

we'll find out how much does a locomotive weigh I don't know. A bit less than Jack's sister. How dare you? She's on her Zephyr. And a lot of things. I'm going to say

700 pounds. 700 pounds for the locomotive. You're out of your fucking mind. 700 pounds. You think 700 pounds. This locomotive. You're out of your fucking mind. 700 pounds. You think 700 pounds. This table of men combined is 700 pounds. Way more than that. I'm sorry, that's how much it costs in England.

I'm going to go 200 tons. 200 tons. A ton is like 1,000 pounds, thousand pounds right yeah so what is that 200 thousand pounds that's 400 000 yeah 400 000 pounds you heard me okay yeah what country travels the most by train what country i would say is this per capita or all up because if it's all up it's i've seen trains in ind India where they're all sitting on the roof. I reckon that one's getting used to all fuck. I reckon

you can say what you want about India, but they're using the trains. Gotta give them that. Gotta give them that. But I will say I'd say England per capita. The British, it's a confined space.

It's perfect for train travel. Most people get to work on trains. Plus, if we're including the Underground, which was made by Brunel. He was using trains as well so I'm gonna say the Brits okay I say Japan Japan alright last question last question

they're not even using cutlery yet mate that's really racist I can't be I gotta go what is the difference what is the last question what is the last question? What is the difference, if any, between American trains and European trains?

European trains have more smoke coming out of them. You guys are not taking this seriously. The European trains have foreskin. The American trains down the right-hand side of the track. Yeah, good one. The American trains

have guns off the side like the A-Team. All right, I think that's enough. Mike, still there? I'm still here. All right, how did Jim and Taylor do on their knowledge of trains 0 through 10?

10 is the best Well, I'd say they kind of got off to a stumbling start But they had a strong finish So I'm going to give them 4 out of 10 Alright Not bad Not bad How did they do on confidence?

These are the two most confident people I've ever seen in my life It's 10 in confidence. I've never had anyone think I'm confident because I'm with you. This is great. I like him now. I wasn't hungry at the beginning of that, but it took some time. I am hungry again now. Give it 10 on that.

That is 24, Throw Mama from the Train. Good movie. Billy Crystal. All right. Let's go back. And the fat woman from The Goonies. True story as a child, I thought that was Sam Kinison. True story as a child, I thought that was my mom

who had an acting job. So here we go, Mike. Let's answer these questions. What was the world's first recorded railway and when was it built? Jim talked a lot about Brunel and then you said Norwich, England, I believe. Nottingham, you said, yeah. was the world's first recorded railway and when was it built jim talked a lot about brunel and and then you said uh norwich england i believe nottingham he said yeah he did uh all those

answers are wrong uh brunel and by the way his name was i think isobar kingdom brunel oh yeah it's not charles well he might that might have been his uh when he became a royal. You're right. I've seen a documentary. Brunel, he was the one who came up with the six-foot gauge. He thought that the regular gauge was too small, and the Great Western Railway was the one he built in England that went out to Wales, and that's the one with six-foot gauge.

But anyway, the right answer is the uh stockton and darlington railway uh which connected the towns of its name which was built to haul coal and started running in 1825. so all brunell invented was making it wider uh he that and the locomotives he was uh i think responsible for some of the technical advances in locomotives. And he was active 1840s, 1850s was kind of his prime time. He also invented the way to dig tunnels through mountains and stuff like that because he invented the machine to make the underground in London and all types of stuff.

Was that, am I correct in saying that or you don't know? Yeah, I haven't looked at, that could be. I don't know enough about the't looked at i i that could be uh i don't know enough about the english railways to uh to tell you that uh i do know that one of the primary builders of the underground in london was a guy from chicago by the name of yurkies uh who uh had to leave here under some heat because of uh the way he bribed people to get his get his elevated railway built he's the one who built our elevated railways here in Chicago. Why don't more cities do the elevated railroads?

It gives you kind of a unique look to your city, and it gives you more space on the floor. Why is that just a Chicago thing? Because the property owners hate it. They hate the noise, and they hate the dirt. Right. So why did you guys do it at all then is my next question. hate the noise and they hate the dirt right so why did you guys do it at all then is my next question because because because yurkies was uh very persuasive with this pocketbook we eventually

built subways but they weren't built until the world war ii period in miami we have elevated it's all elevated uh because you can't dig let's say that all you sleazebags can look at women's dresses um well no i didn't know you were a sleaze bag why am i here if you dig in miami a foot down you hit water so you know you can't do that it's like new orleans but with bodies right yeah sure thanks it's like new orleans but without the alcohol and more cocaine who is often credited as the father of railways for his significant contributions to the development of steam locomotives? He said Brunel. Because he did that to make the width.

He's the godfather of width. I think Brunel's primary innovation was the six-foot gauge. to that one is George Stevenson, who was both a civil engineer and laid out the Stockton and Darlington and also invented and built the locomotives that were used on the Stockton and Darlington when it started running. I thought it was Kylie Minow who got the locomotion. She did the locomotion, but it was actually a cover. What? She probably did it better than George Stevenson.

Yeah, yeah. There you go. George Stevenson first did it. George Stevenson was the original. No, I'm kidding. That was the father of the railways. Taylor's not going to learn anything about you. I hope they don't show this show in schools.

No, they don't. Okay. Okay, okay. Highly unlikely. It's very rare people show this show in their house this is a vehicle program at best a couple of people watch it but mostly listen in their cars i would think yeah um all right and what year did the first steam locomotive hauled public railway passenger service operate and where was it uh jim said nottingham the norwich norwit however you said norwich 1860 uh

taylor said orangewich, 1860. Taylor said Orange County in 1812. I don't know if that's right. San Diego to Orange County. Orange County. No, the railroad along the coast was built in the 1880s. The answer to the question is the Liverpool and Manchester Railway, which connected the cities of its name, and that started in 1830. That was the first.

Before, there were passenger trains like on the stockton and darlington but they were pulled by horses i don't see i used to live in manchester so manchester liverpool liverpool is about 50 miles away from manchester uh it would be pretty 35 miles that's what that's what my nose say yeah i lived on the outskirts on the other side of manchester so it's so it's all relative. I'll accept that. But also trains go just straight, that's the thing. Well, here's the thing.

So one of the most famous trains in the world is the one where you can get the express train to Paris from London, right? So you get in at one station, you go under the water, under the English Channel, and you end up in Paris, right? And the train is one of the bullet trains, and there's about an hour stretch, so maybe 45 minutes where you're in the dark, under the English Channel, and you end up in Paris, right? And the train is one of the bullet trains, and there's about an hour stretch, so maybe 45 minutes where you're in the dark, right? You're just under the water the whole time.

And then it takes two hours something for this train ride. But it has to travel substantially slower in the UK because the tracks aren't built as good. Once it gets into the French area, it speeds up. Wow. Hawaii, it's in area, it speeds up. Wow. But while it's in England, it has to sort of putter along a little bit. Yeah, yeah. It's called the...

I think they were older tracks as well. But there was a bit where the French were digging and the English were digging. And then like a little hand popped through and they touched each other. And I remember my whole childhood, my dad's like, ah, the bloody English will never fucking join up with the french they're digging in the wrong direction you know anything about this tunnel like yeah yeah if it was uh what i recall about it is that when they did the tunnel

it was so accurate they were off by like a 16th of an inch yeah yeah they're digging heads and it's it's been a uh tremendous uh success, or I should say an operating success. They've had some issues with money, but I was going to mention this later, but the pandemic has really hurt rail passenger service worldwide, including the Eurostars. And I've read that they've got some financial issues. They also have branched out. They go to Amsterdam now, and they're looking at some other services they can do through the time.

Oh, they do a train to Amsterdam, because I would have done that a lot more often. That's been going for a while. Yeah, I did the train to France a few times, and it did feel very luxurious just to pop up in a different country. Yeah, that's cool. I do like the trains. When we were in Europe and we were just a couple of trains that's cool i do like the trains when we're

in europe and we're just a couple of trains we took i was like this is awesome yeah so much better but you wait there until it's a sunday in england and you got to come home and they have a bus replacement service yeah because that's when they always work on the train they never work on working days and his comics were always back and it's always like you better not be in one of the lines they're working on because they go on the the train today, we have a bus replacement service. Then charge me the price of a bus, cunts. Yeah, yeah. That happens in New York too.

That'd be the worst, like at 3 a.m. when you're trying to go home and it's like, oh, I have to wait for a half hour for a bus to take me home. Here we go. Here's a fun fact. My brother was just getting the train. So Sydney's a very trained city, like all around, if you ever live around Sydney.

My brother was on a train that derailed what yeah he was like oh he was in his 20s it was a long it was it was it would be 20 odd years ago 20 something years how bad of a derail just like pop up it would follow it just fell across and went and they all got off fine but he got like, like, a day off work. Yeah. He didn't have to go in because you've just been in a train to ramen. I once was on a Virgin – I once was on a Virgin. The end. No, I was on a Virgin Express going up to, like, Manchester or something like that, and I was leaning against the window,

just bucketing along 200-something miles up to Manchester, and the whole window next to me just shattered into that white. Someone threw a rock at it or something. Oh, when you were going, yeah. It scared the hell out of me. You know, Bruce Willis one time was on a train that deteriorated and he was the only survivor. They should make a movie about that.

And he can't even tell the story anymore. Oh, God. Wait, what happened? He's got dementia. What? You don't know tell the story anymore. Oh, God. Wait, what happened? He's got dementia. What? You don't know about Bruce Willis? Bruce Willis has to drop out of Zinc. He's retired from movies.

He's unable to act anymore. Oh, so you can also be our Bruce Willis expert. Next time. I've got the hair for it. He's back basically living like Demi Moore and the kids have taken him back because it's like, and he just sort of shuffles around a bit. You'd feel sorry for him because he still looks really young, but his memories aren't his memories anymore.

Yeah, that's sad. Very sad. Thanks for bringing it up, Taylor. Yeah. Why? What happened? What a terrible thing to say. Listen, I'm Taylor Tomlinson, by the way.

I just want to say that. What is the Transcontinental Railroad in the United States, and when was it completed? A lot of jokes in here. We don't need to go. I think you said connect the east to west, Jim. You didn't throw that at the end. Connect the east to west.

Yeah, of the United States. Yeah, the correct answer is it was from Omaha, Nebraska, to Sacramento, California. And the completion date was May 10, 1869. Gold Rush. But if I was to say like- Gold Rush was 20 years before. Hey, please don't correct me.

If I was to say a less likely train route than Omaha, Nebraska to Sacramento, California, that's a weak ass. Who wants to do that? I reckon there's only about five people who fly that route a day. Yeah, but it might be not people. It might be cargo. Or comedians.

You're doing like the funny bone. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah. You could be doubling up on you. You got to get to the comedy club. Why was that? Is there a reason it was omaha sacramento there is it's because there were private railroad companies building across iowa at the time

and ralph was selected and the term and i were selected by president lincoln during the civil war uh and he did not want to compete with the private railroad companies that were reaching out toward the missouri river and so they started at omaha the railroad when it first started to build everything had to be brought in by boat up the missouri river and the reason to stop the sacramento was sacramento can be reached by boat from san francisco and so this was publicly funded then that's you because you're saying private it was it was uh private companies did it with a public subsidy they got so many my dollars per mile built and so there was a race when they were toward the end to see who could you know

which which one would have a longer line turn out the union pacific had the longer line but uh it was it was a subsidized operation uh most of the transcontinental transcontinental railroads were subsidized but usually through the grant of public lands so as you build the route you got alternating sections of land you could sell off to farmers that's how they were able to uh finance most of it and so what was the impact of this oh I'm sorry of the first transcontinental railroad in the United States well it brought people West to populate the Plains which is what it was trying to do, that and connect California to the rest of the nation because California was a state in 1849

but had no connection over land other than by stagecoach or by Pony Express for a year or so. I don't understand how they took so long to conquer the west. America is the nicest. There's no water. There's no water. It's hard to farm without water go to ralph's go to kelson's mal holland if you ever get we should do mal holland

one time we should do water in california honestly mal holland's an interesting cat man mal holland like mal holland drive yeah yeah he's the guy who brought water into LA he's the reason that LA exists it's a person yeah yes you're out of your

fuck off you're kidding me Mal Holland Drive I know it's a movie I know it's a street yeah named after a person I didn't know the statue

I think is right there by Griffith Park at the far end without Mal Holland we don't have Los Angeles wow so he's responsible for all this.

Yeah. We'll do Mulholland. Maybe our water. What is the significance of the golden spike in the history of American railroads? Where do we go? Spike Capita. I'm golden spike. There was a biker who drove the trains.

Mad Max. I'm a biker and the train is golden spike. I don't think any of these are right. Mike, what is the significance? I think that it's really the same answer as the previous one. It completed the Transcontinental Railroad. You can see it today at Stanford University. The interesting fact about it is that the executives came out to pound the spike and none of them could do it. They kept missing it. One of the track workers had to finish it.

Oh, they were doing it like I'm Christian Yee and they couldn't hit the nail on the top of the head. Yeah, like a ceremonial thing. Correct. Some guy's just standing in the corner, give me the hammer. Was it John Henry? He was on the Norfolk and Western. He was in Virginia. Do you know about him? Taylor's trying to get right answers. I thought John Henry was one of the contestants of The Bachelor this season. He might be. He's the guy who was really strong.

He worked on the railroad all the live long day. I don't know that one. Right? I don't know that one. What did John Henry... Didn't he the guy who like he's strong on the railroad? I'm not sure. He was competing with a machine to build a tunnel and the machine beat him, but he died

trying. Wait, is this a myth or is this a real thing? I think it's a myth. Oh, okay. And what was the machine? Bert? I don't recall the facts. I've got those facts, but I don't recall them.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that. Name one... You'd hear Bert in that tunnel. Come on! Party! Name one famous luxury train known for its opulent amenities and travel experience. Jim said the Indian Pacific in Australia. And I would agree with that, although it wasn't one of my answers.

I've been on the Indian Pacific twice and enjoyed it greatly. And I'm looking forward to going back to Australia to pick up the ones that I haven't actually taken, which the Gann is the number one on my list. So hopefully I'll get back and I'll try that. The Indian Pacific, it's a two-and-a-half-day train ride from Sydney to Perth. And one of the carriages, they're like sleeping carriages, ones where you stand up, and then there's one that they might as well go,

just bring a bag of Coke and have a good time, right? Right. It's pretty close to accurate. card just bring a bag of coke and have a good time right because it's right it's it's there's one it's pretty close to accurate there's one there's one party carriage that's just filled with british tourists they're just like we're going outside like they're the whole way across australia they're going for it um what's the other one in aust you said? Well, there's the Gann which runs from Adelaide to Darwin now. They've extended the railroad up to Darwin. My favorite one in

Australia, though, was the Queenslander which doesn't run anymore, but it was probably the most luxurious train I've ever been on. Really? It was fueled on... Brisbane to Cairns. Yeah, to Cairns. I've been to all these places. I've ridden the train in Australia, but just Sydney to Newcastle. That's a lot of them.

And then Orient Express, and I guess you have some other ones listed here, the American ones. Yeah, in the United States, we'll talk about the Super Chief in a minute, but the Super Chief is between Chicago and Los Angeles, was pretty much the standard for train travel until it was discontinued. And then in the East, the 20th Century Limited, between New York and Chicago, there was a Broadway play that was based on the 20th Century Limited. And if you look through mid-century, for example, the movie North by Northwest by Alfred Hitchcock with Cary Grant, he wrote the 20th Century in that movie.

And who designed the iconic Flying Scotsman and why is it famous? Okay. The Flying Scotsman is two things. It's a train and it's a locomotive. The train came first, ran between London and Edinburgh. They were able to make it run nonstop by having a larger tender and being able to change crews with a tunnel through the tender so that crews could go from the engine to the train without the train stopping that was famous

about but what's down as the flying scotsman is one of the locomotives that was used at that time it was the first locomotive to officially operate at 100 miles an hour in england it's number 4472 to 100 miles an hour uh in england uh it's number 4472 uh that locomotive uh after it was retired from service toured the united states i saw it in 1970 and uh in entered australia uh standard gauge lines in australia it's now at the national museum of railways in york england hmm i used to have a bar in perth that i went to called the flying scotsman oh yeah this little tidbit uh which steam locomotive set the world record for uh world speed record for steam traction and when did it achieve this feat what did i say okay we didn't we didn't ask this is one of the ones i skipped so you can answer now if you'd like you to go ahead the Hanukkah Express okay

that was to me my guess there was no point in that answer is a local called the mail erd which was also built or designed by Nigel Grusley who designed the 4472 Flying Scotsman. That engine is also in New York. The speed record, I believe, is 126 miles an hour. Now, there are people who will say that there are locomotives in the U.S. that ran faster than that, steam locomotives, back in the old days, but they were not officially recorded in the way that the English felt was necessary.

So the English did not recognize those records. And then I did ask this. What is the significance of the big boy steam locomotive, and how does it hold a place in railroad history? Well, it's the biggest locomotive that was ever built and the heaviest, a steam locomotive, that is. And it only served for about 18 years. When it was retired, the class was retired, and eight of them were preserved.

In 2019, the Union Pacific bought one of them back. It used to be displayed in Pomona at the fairgrounds for a long time. And it took them five years to rebuild it, but it went around the country, and it's going to do it again in 2024. So it'll be out there. You'll hear about it. And while we're on the subject of locomotives, I'll just jump ahead. The weight of a locomotive. Taylor said 700 pounds, and Jim said 200 tons.

Jim was – this is one of his answers that helped him make a strong finish. But the answer is, is yes it's about 200 tons or a little more uh it depends depends on the locomotive depends on the you know some of them have eight wheels some have six have 12 wheels the 12 wheel ones are generally heavier uh and then of course on top of that you're loading it up with four to five thousand gallons of diesel fuel and you've got lubricants and you've got coolants in there so it can be pretty heavy the heavier locomotive is the heavier train it can start and that's what's important to the railroads they want to run as few trains as possible with as much tonnage as possible because that's that's how they get paid it's unbelievable they weigh 432 000 so heavy

they should have a tlc reality show there yeah How do you move one of those around if they're not on the tracks? Interesting question. There's an outfit called Hulcher that has huge cranes. When they have a derailment, they have to bring out Hulcher to lift these things off wherever they ended up, in the creek on the side of the railroad, put them back on rails, and then take them to the shop to get them fixed. But they do have cranes that'll lift them. Crazy. Which country boasts the world's fastest commercial train service, and what

is its top speed? Japan was the answer, 389 miles per hour. Taylor answered Japanese. Okay, the Japan, good guess. Shinkansen is the Japanese term for bullet train. That's also correct. Nice. Thank you. But the Chinese have the world's largest high-speed network, built mostly in the last 15 years.

And they have the fastest, based on my research, the fastest maximum speed, which is 217 miles an hour. The Japanese, the Germans, and the French all run at about 200 at their fastest. And that's, is that all electric or is that gas? Yeah, it's all electric. It's all, it's all electric. You cannot get that kind of speed

out of a diesel. Yeah. There just isn't enough power. I didn't ask you this, guys. You're going to, what is the purpose of maglev trains and where can you find

one of the most well-known maglev systems? Ah. Make trains great again. Make trains great again. Is that your answer, Maglev? Mike, just answer these, please. What is the purpose of that?

The answer is I have trouble considering a Maglev as a train or railroad because it really doesn't run on rails. It runs on a concrete platform. But the famous, probably best known Maglev connects the airport in shanghai with downtown shanghai i've got the uh i believe it's 19 miles it takes eight minutes they go up to 268 miles an hour and it's magnets the japanese are yeah the japanese it runs by magnet basically the all those ones that are magnetized yeah if you think about trying to push two magnets with the same polarity together yeah that's the same principle that levitates the train and reduces a lot of the

friction so they can go faster but you don't consider these to be trains they well they're not in railroads because they don't rails but that's that's my opinion what about trams the problem with that is that it's very very expensive to build and maintain. Are trams trains? Yes. They run on rails. I think they are as well. How do you feel about monorails? They have one rail.

What are your opinions? Do you count that as a train? They're good at Disney World. Do you know we had one in Sydney that was for the longest time, for about 30 years, we had one in sydney that was for the longest time for about 30 years we had one in sydney just kicking around we were trying to make the city look more space age and no one rode the fucking thing they just had to get rid of it i remember seeing it running around sydney with a picture of shack said with some movie he was promoting at the time well i was that would be the one when he was a genie i remember that shaz Shazam. What do you think about Shazam? It might have been Shazam.

One rail. What famous train journey crosses through eight time zones and spans nearly 6,000 miles? Jim said the Siberian Express. Taylor said Coastal. He is correct. However, I won't break down on this. They have suspended the Trans-Siberian Express because of the war in Ukraine and the fact that tourism in Russia has gone from very low levels to near non-existent. What are your thoughts on the war in Ukraine?

Probably outside my expertise. I was going to ask you. Anything about trains. Anything that's not good for trains. It's not good for the industry. You know what I don't like? The Trans-Siberian Orchestra. It keeps going up.

Every podcast I do. I hate them. Dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang. You know that? I think they're cool. The worst. All right, anyway. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Very aggressive. That's so fun. You hate that? Imagine seeing that live. That'd be so cool. Forrest doesn't have fun. He doesn't like bread. He doesn't like Trans-Siberian.

What about the songs from Home Alone? The music. That's not the Trans-Siberian orchestra. No, but you hate that? I like Christmas music. Isn't that Christmas music? The Trans-Siberian orchestra? It's too aggressive.

He doesn't like the electric guitars. Which famous train route takes passengers from Chicago to LA and is often associated with classic American travel? This guy said the buses, Crayon buses. I said the Crayon train. What do we got there, Mike? Subway Express. Locked in.

I'd say the Super Cheap. The Super Cheap? That's racist. Super Washington football team. Oh, yeah, Super Guardian. Guardian. So the Super... Does this still right from super senators there is a service called the southwest chief that Amtrak runs but it's the same equipment and the same meals and everything that you get on any of the other transcontinental trains so it's not really special like the super chief was why is the Australian train called the Indian Pacific when we didn't even have Indians, like American native people there?

Like why isn't it called the Aboriginal Express or something? I know that sounds like I'm making a joke, but it's a question. Well, I think it's because the train connects the Indian and the Pacific Oceans. Oh, yeah, that would be it. That would be it. Asshole. That would be it.

It's the Indian Ocean. I was about to say be it. That would be it. Asshole. That would be it. It's the Indian Ocean. I was about to say that, too. Yeah, that's right. Perth has the Indian Ocean. Mike, you're very nice. You could be like, hey, idiot. I used to live there on the Indian Ocean. I like that Mike knows the answers.

He goes, I think it's because. So polite. The Indian in the Pacific. That makes every bit of sense. I'm not even going to fact check that one we believe you Mike how does a steam locomotive work? Jim says you shovel some coal in there pull a whistle to release some steam, hotter go faster that's basically right, you boil the water

and water when it boils it becomes steam and it expands and that energy is captured by the machinery in the locomotive to make the wheels turn. Yeah. Where does the word train come from? There's a whole thing about training and train, and you've got to train this person, and then drops of Jupiter, Taylor said. I don't think any of those are right.

It's going to be hard to choose which one's the right answer. Right on the peace train. Oh, maybe it's that one. I'd switch to that answer. Yeah, Cat Stevens peace train. What about crazy train? No, that's ridiculous. That's a joke.

Yeah, I had sex with your sister. Well, the word train comes from a woman's dress. Women used to wear very long dresses in the Middle Ages, and the part that dragged behind them on the ground was called the train. Train, yeah. And they appropriated that term to cover a locomotive pulling a bunch of coal cars. And women say we didn't give them anything. We named one of our biggest achievements after the back of their dresses.

And they wanted the vote. What country travels the most by train? Jim said India maybe, but then he changed it to England per capita. Taylor said Japan. What do we got? He should have stuck with India. India is, based on my research, I thought it would be China. But when I checked the numbers, India is like double China.

Do they sell tickets? The trains with people hanging on the roofs, they don't really do that anymore, but they really use the trains in India. Do they sell tickets for the roofs are they cheaper than the main cabin i've never been to india so i really can't say but i don't think i'd buy one i would have i once was on a lot of the railroads are electrified i wouldn't want to ride up there i was once on a train in england and i did so many trains in england i was on the trains all every day but but there was there's always that bloke that comes around

tickets please and he's literally got that hole punch he's walking around and there was this bloke that just he went up he goes tickets please and this bloke just sat forward like this

he's like alright then enough of this can you please get out your tickets alright alright Mr Smarty Pants come on now Enough of this. Can you please get out your tickets? All right, all right, Mr. Smarty Pants. Come on now. If you can get your ticket out.

And then I realised in our society, and I even realised this with comedy audiences, sadly enough, if you're playing up in this world, no one can touch you anymore. Yeah. If you just sit still and blank face, they know you can't pick you up or anything. No one can make you do anything. He just fucking sat there until he got to his stop. He brought, I never, it was like he's just figured life out. You just say and do

nothing until you get to where you want to go. Because other people like he goes, alright, well well you made me do this and then he walks up and he came back storming in with another bloke like fucking hell terry why don't you get this sort of the first time mate can you please give us your ticket and then like at that stage now i'm rooting for him um what is the difference if any between american trains and european trains and then you might jim at the very beginning of the podcast was just saying how trains in america aren't as good as europe maybe there's a reason for that we just need more of them and they don't seem to be because okay when you say the united states of america it does make some problems because the states aren't actually united when it comes to

laws. So anytime you cross over from one bit to another bit, another governor's going, oh, this is my bit of money, this is my money. It makes getting shit done in America a bit more difficult than say England, which has no states and is up and down side to side. It's all just done by the one government. You're not having to argue all day. So I understand why there's problems in America with the trains. I'm not trying to be mean to americans but your trains are no good hey love it or leave it all right well i'd like to but i i can't get to the airport because the trains aren't running on mike you got opinions oh well i can i can go on for quite some distance on that but anyway the trains in america you're dealing with a society that's

larger it's it's less dense the population is more spread out and we're just talking about physical size of people now right larger and more spread out well i always think that way because i always think the fat the fat they have a better time on the railroad than they do in the airplane the airplane seats are slimmer right if you're a fatty the majestic railroad all right mikey please keep it explaining let's let's let's move on no no no no no the country is more spread out in america it's more practical to drive there's more places to park uh if I can't think of any place in England that has huge parking lots and a lot of street parking and big surface parking lots like we have in the United States that are very common. You just don't have that. And so it's less practical to drive in Europe.

So more people take the train. And I think there's more of a history and less political resistance in Europe to funding passenger service, because passenger service generally does not make money anywhere. You can find some exceptions, but for the most part, it's unprofitable. It's provided as a service by the government. It's true here. It's true in Europe. And it's more people depend on it in Europe, I think, than here. The biggest difference between traveling in the United States by train and traveling in Europe is that the trains are smaller. They're narrower. They're not as tall. And there isn't as much room for you to sit. So that's one of the things that I noticed when I traveled by trains

in Europe and the United States. You have a lot of room. The pitch on those seats is very wide, and I would say that your seat is something like 32, 34 inches, something like that. Yeah. I wish they had more trains. I enjoy, like when in New York City, for instance, like, you know, just taking trains. I like that so much better, and in Europe when I'm there.

Because the driving, it's like you said, the parking, there's so many ways they get you for money and time and environmentally it's better. The Brits are talking about, you know, and all countries now are talking about going fully electric with the cars and all that type of stuff. I don't know how the Brits will do it because, you know, I know that not everyone with an electric car has to have a garage

with a plug or a plug at their home or whatever, but like literally like 90 percent of people living in london 98 percent of people living in london do not have a garage do not have their own fucking parking spot they're all street parking and so how they're going to go without gasoline and move over to fucking electric is beyond me they'll probably start putting them on the parking yeah but i know the british they'll vandalize them if you have a plug that just hangs up a while that won't last long with that folk with those folks they know it as well yeah they're not they're like they're not good at keeping things nice yeah all right mike this is the

part of our show called dinner party facts we ask our expert to give us some facts something obscure interesting that can use to impress people. What do you got for us on trains? Well, we just talked about American trains not being as convenient or as frequent as European trains. All of that is true. But in the United States, air travel is the dominant means of traveling long distances. Most people are not aware that if you take a 737, and so many of our domestic services are run with 737s, that fuselage of that plane was built in Wichita, Kansas. And in order to assemble it into an airplane, the fuselage is loaded on a flat car and shipped by rail, by BNSF Railway from Wichita to Renton, Washington, which is where 737s are made.

So even though you're not taking a train ride when you ride in an airplane, your airplane probably did. That's really good. No planes without trains, baby. Thank you, Michael Blazak, for being here. Check out his book called Chicago, America's Railroad Capital. And thank you so much for being here on the podcast today. And if you want more of me I'm on Instagram

at MWB0153 oh yeah send that to me email it to me I'll email it to you yeah thank you thanks for being here Mike appreciate it my pleasure thank you Mike hey ladies and gentlemen if you ever had a party and someone comes up to you and goes

ah buddy the first American train went from Omaha to Sacramento. You go, I don't know about that. You're probably right. Good night, Australia.