If I Were You - 267: Nipple Hair (w/Hoodie Allen!)

Episode Date: April 3, 2017

Rapper and Friend Hoodie Allen joins us to discuss pranks, jewelry and spatulas.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a headgum podcast. He and Jake, I got some sticky situations. I accidentally sliced my dick and put session masturbation. I'm afraid to see my doctor, but I don't know what else to try. Some amirabhas would help, because I know that we both do a dry. Pulled a bitch to sit on my face, and I asked her to fuck her. Said if you just sit on my face, I could eat my way to your heart. I went out to a party, and ended up a glitter on my balls.
Starting point is 00:00:52 And home smelling fish. My girl's mum nailed trail of the walls. I made sure to give revenge though, I tried not to break and clout. But she'd have to eat my foot, or get a spitball down her throat. My dick's kind of small too, it's only an average 7 inches. How can I be as proud as Broomerfeld and the pinches? Also found some dirt in the tub, so obviously come fuck. The way my life's going, I'd rather kill myself but a Starbucks.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Anyways, I hope you play this dude. Give me back my two Jews, seize my cheese if I were you. I'll help you please. You know? I thought the whole thing was grating, and then the end with the hand. Rough start, but I think he picked it up during the rap part. Crude. Absolutely crude.
Starting point is 00:01:35 Crude like oil. That was Sean Freeman from Nova Scotia, Canada. Big fan he says. The Scotch. What did you think, Hoodie Allen? I thought Canadians were supposed to be a lot more polite than that. Now that Drake's just opened the floodgates of rapping, everybody thinks they can do it up there,
Starting point is 00:01:56 but they don't know how we do it down here, you know what I mean? How do we do it in the States? America. He did the ditto part, which was hard to pull off. I think that's the problem. Right, he lost us at ditto. Which was the start. Is singing harder than rapping?
Starting point is 00:02:12 Would you say that's true? Or is that just because, I don't know, I won't even answer. Well, being a great singer might be harder. I don't know. I feel like people who are great singers sometimes just are born with it the same way that you could just be born as a great rapper. Right. Or you could have no talent at all.
Starting point is 00:02:31 These are just the choices. It's harder for me because I can't sing. I think that rapping is easier. But for a singer, singing is easier. Well, you also can't rap. But I would say if I had to choose one to be better at, I would be better at rapping and singing. If you needed to become good at either singing or rapping,
Starting point is 00:02:47 you'd be like, I'm going to go for rapping because I have no natural singing ability. And I already know how to talk. I just need to learn how to do it. Just say it with rhymes. I think the start of every, when you go with music, it's like your imitation. Maybe it's easier for you to imitate a rap that you hear
Starting point is 00:03:07 and recreate it with the same energy rather than trying to hit the notes of Beyonce. That's never going to happen. I forgot you don't pronounce the last E in Beyonce. What about her sister, Solange? Solange. So you took the accent of the E and you put it over her sister's name. Oh yeah, that was the typo.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Hoodie Allen, back in the house. Is this episode three for you? Four for you? I think it's number three. Yeah, it's definitely number three. Wow, it's rarefied air. Not a lot of three-time guests. We just did our fifth video, fourth and a half video.
Starting point is 00:03:45 It's true. We did a video for our Head Gum YouTube channel, which you can watch right now. It's on youtube.com slash head gum. Hell yeah. Someone asked me recently how I met you guys, and I think the answer is Twitter. I tweeted at Chowas.
Starting point is 00:03:59 I don't know if we've already covered that ground in a previous episode. We might have. This might just be redundant, but... Yeah. What was that mixtape of yours that I listened to? Was it Leapier? I don't know, but it was way better than whatever
Starting point is 00:04:10 should you put it on now and sell out. I like that underground shit you did. I liked the bagels and beets, and that was it. That was my favorite thing that you ever did. Yeah, it's been downhill from here, but we still hang out with you. It was six. Because we know there's greatness in eight inside you.
Starting point is 00:04:26 It was six or seven years ago, right? Oh yeah, from the first thing. Yeah, because I released it when I was in college. Jesus. And when did we make videos together, like 2010 as well? 2011, maybe? I think the first video was in 2011. Wow, six years ago.
Starting point is 00:04:41 It was our five-year anniversary. That was a fun day. Do you remember we forgot to order lunch? No. We put in our... I still... No, please tell me more. We put in our sandwich orders, and I forgot to click send
Starting point is 00:04:52 on seamless web, so we were like waiting for an hour, and then I looked to see the confirmation, and I never got it, and then I looked at the other tab, and I never submitted it. Did you pass it off as like, I don't know what happened, or did you own up to it and say I never hit submit? I owned up. I think it was clear.
Starting point is 00:05:09 I think we were all looking at the computer. I'm not sure I would have if it was just like me, solo, dola, looking at the computer. That's why you remember, you probably feel, you have this innate, you carry the guilt around with you. Yeah. Whereas we don't really remember that lunch. Yeah, you know, to be honest,
Starting point is 00:05:22 that was like way before I got Hollywood, so I didn't even know that people were supposed to feed you. Oh. So if that happened today, you'd fucking flip out. Yeah, I'm waiting on my cheese plate before we get started to this question. Marty! Marty, bring the cheese plate.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Marty's making a charcuterie board. Yeah, it's really nice. There's no Gruyere. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Oh, it begins. I like it. All right, so you know how this works. We do our best to advise the youth of America.
Starting point is 00:05:49 They'll email us to a firerewshow at gmail.com. Jake and I try to dispense some wisdom, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes we have a guest. Today we have Hoodie Allen, nearly a million followers on Twitter. Whoa! It's not that hard to buy them. Yeah, it's amazing.
Starting point is 00:06:04 All Russian bots. I will say sometimes people have a million followers and then I look, it's like, you have eight retweets and six likes on your last tweet. Those aren't a real million people, but you got the real million. I think so. Yeah, you got the thousands of likes,
Starting point is 00:06:17 the thousands of RTs. Yeah, I posted our latest video collaboration. I got some good response. Yeah, it's our most watched video in the first day. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. I was going to ask you that.
Starting point is 00:06:32 I was going to ask you what the metrics were because I very much like that stuff. Yeah, you're number one. I looked at the comment section and I think it's just amazing not to be corny, but I think it's amazing how every single person just calls back old lines and stuff. Yeah, the people who are really dedicated to you guys
Starting point is 00:06:50 are pretty damn awesome. And they're also dedicated to you by proxy. Yeah, I'm hanging on. I mean, we've had people come up to us that say they found out about us through you. And vice versa. Right. And then they want me to rap about what we rapped about there
Starting point is 00:07:05 at professional rap concerts and it's very uncomfortable. You really should do The Art Vark Come. The Art Vark Come. When that's screamed in a group of 1,000 girls or just like, I don't know why you're saying these crass things. It's just like, oh man. You should do one album called Art Vark Come. I know.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Is that crazy? Just a mixtape. So just a freebie for the OGs. Do you ever release like a SoundCloud diss track? To Art Varks? Yeah. This is about a coming at you, Arthur. Finally.
Starting point is 00:07:39 Someone took them down a peg. Smug little anteating fox. Is there a difference between an Art Vark and an anteater? Probably. I think an Art Vark might be closer to a beaver than an anteater. I have no idea what the fucking Art Vark is. Sounds true. Not alphabetically.
Starting point is 00:07:55 Not alphabetically. All right. This email was written to us by an Australian male. Are we getting into it? We're getting into it. Do you have an Australian male name for us to refer to this person as? Oh man, Dingo Clairborn. That's really good because Dingo is an Australian animal.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Looking at an Art Vark now, it looks way more like an anteater than a beaver. Wow. I was way off. Like holy shit. Can we get rid of that part or to fairly sleep it out? We got to edit. Here, let's take another one where I say actually an anteater looks nothing like a beaver. Anyone who suggests that is wrong.
Starting point is 00:08:32 You guys ask what an Art Vark is. Oh, it's a nocturnal feeder. It subsists on ants and termites. It'll dig out of the hills using its sharp claws and powerful legs. That's oddly specific. Wow. It's not from Wikipedia. I figured it out.
Starting point is 00:08:44 I subscribed to Ranger Rick as a tween. All right. Dingo Clairborn writes, six months ago, I moved to Sydney with my girlfriend. We moved in with her older sister and brother-in-law. This is where my problem began. I'm somewhat of a chef. Always cooking up some great dishes that I share with everybody. While cooking, I accidentally broke a spatula of theirs.
Starting point is 00:09:06 No big deal. About a week later though, I broke a salt and pepper shaker. Okay. Another week, I broke a glass mug. Her brother-in-law's favorite. And a glass bowl on the same day. Then, after her sisters asked me to clean the glass cooked off, I managed to crack it all the way across.
Starting point is 00:09:22 It was $250 to fix. I could fast forward to just tell you that I've broken two more spatulas and an umbrella. I don't know what to do here. My girlfriend used to be on my side, but now she's getting really fed up. Her sister and brother-in-law think I'm some kind of monster that I might be doing it on purpose. I don't meet to be a diva, but I feel like a bull in a fucking china shop. It's always an accident, and I always replace the broken item with a newer and better one. How do I stop them from hating me for an honest accident?
Starting point is 00:09:54 What do I do here, guys? Cheers, dingo. And I broke the keyboard. Holy shit, I'm cursed. This guy's a monster. He's a 10-foot ogre. I think he's breaking things. You can't break that many things.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Three spatulas. That's hard to pull off, let alone an umbrella. I guess umbrellas are pretty flex. Flimsy, fragile. But he is fixing it, so I don't quite understand what the real problem is. I think it's not about fixing it, it's about just breaking everything. You don't want somebody around that's doing that. No, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:27 It's just what his girlfriend is saying. But what can he do? I don't know. I feel like if I was in this situation, you know, because this is one of those uncomfortable situations where you're meaning to do something good, and you just keep making it worse by being yourself. And he's persistent. I mean, I give him that. He really wants to stay in the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:10:48 But at this point, I think he should explore takeout options. He breaks his phone. Clearly this isn't working out. Yeah, he doesn't click submit on seamless. That's enough. You'll never forget it, will you? I already did forget it. I had already forgotten it.
Starting point is 00:11:05 You brought it up. Have you ever embarrassed yourself like that in front of like you meet your girlfriend's family for the first or second or whatever time and you like fuck up and you're like, shit. Oh, there was a really funny time where I like, I was at this big, I was with an old girlfriend, like this nice fancy like dozen person dinner, like just beautiful. Everybody's like dressed up. Somebody had like cooked this amazing meal for us. And we were like passing everything around.
Starting point is 00:11:34 And there was a huge like plate of duck. And I was like passing it and I just like tilted the tray. Oh, no. Thankfully it was on my girlfriend at the time and not anybody else. But she was wearing like a beautiful dress and like all of the, I mean like a full cup of duck fat and duck juice. Just all over her dress. And then you said duck juice. I am sorry about this and I won't clean it up, babe.
Starting point is 00:12:06 I don't think that you really should be here. Who's got club soda? That's like a very meet the parents moment. Yeah, it was, that was embarrassing. What do you do? You just like apologize. Yeah, I mean there was, sorry. Yeah, you're like, you're upset and apologetic, but at the same time people can't get mad at you.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Right, nobody can, it's an accident, but then it also happens. So like you can't, you can apologize, but you can't take the duck juice off of somebody. Yeah, that's what they say. You can't take the duck juice off of dress. Yeah, once you go duck juice. You know that phrase? I could never go booze. I think the tough thing about it, because even that was like nobody was, nobody was mad at me.
Starting point is 00:12:48 It was like uncomfortable and I felt really bad, but like everyone's goal in that situation is to like not let that ruin the whole dinner. Yeah. Just like everybody's goal here is probably not to like the first time he breaks a spatula. Like he feels bad and everyone's like, it's fine, but then you break something else and you're like, I feel really bad. And they're like, no, it's fine. Yeah. The trouble here is that the more stuff he breaks, now the paradigm has shifted where he's like, I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm not.
Starting point is 00:13:15 And everyone's like, you're being an asshole. What's that number? Is it two times? Because that's kind of, that's what I feel like in my head. Like in that first, in the example you gave, like you're the one who feels the worst, right? Yeah. Like you're the one who feels uncomfortable and you can't get over it. Everyone else kind of moves on.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Right. And it's cool. And even if something else happened, it's just like, okay, this is a clumsy, whatever. Imagine, I spilled the duck, everybody, we move past it, and then I reach over and I spill a glass of wine. Yeah. And then I'm like, I retreat into my own head. You're very into your head. This really sucks.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Everyone's like, it's fine. It's really fine. Fool me twice. Is it like one more after that? I think it's one more after that. One more after that. I sneeze and soup goes out to everybody. Oh, the old soup sneeze.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Yeah. At a certain point you have to be like, all right, Jake, no hard feelings, but you do have to leave. You're too accident prone to be here right now. Yeah. It's like, sorry, you are the worst apparently. Has that ever happened to you? The embarrassing yourself in front of a lady friend's family? Parents?
Starting point is 00:14:14 Oh man. Friends maybe? I remember really not wanting to eat something. Like at a family dinner, like they made food that I didn't like. And I'm like, if I ate this, I feel like I would like be physically ill, but at the same time, I don't want to be rude. I feel like that's what vegans feel like all the time. They're just like, sorry, if the parents don't understand, it's like, sorry, I can't eat this,
Starting point is 00:14:34 this or this. You know that Weezer song? It's a more new one. It's like, I ate the, like your mom made meatloaf even though I don't eat meat. I liked you so much. I took some for the team. Oh, that's really good. It's a sweet word.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Is that pork and beans? No. If you want me to, I'll say it's true. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's a great song. I'm going to listen to it after we're done here. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Let's do it now. Let's take a break. Wait, what did you, what did they want you to eat? I think it was like shrimps and mushrooms. Oh yeah. You're not a, you're not a shellfish kind of guy, huh? Yeah. You're kind of a picky eater too, right?
Starting point is 00:15:11 Like what do you do if they like put down food? How do you know that? I remember eating lunch with you once here. Like I didn't, I can't have that and that and that. Yeah. Is that true? Are you willing to admit it? I'm willing to admit it.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Yeah. I don't, I don't like very many things or people. We didn't even ask you to admit the people part. Yeah. Well, I'm just, I'm just being forthcoming at this point. You're saying the way they taste. Yeah. The way they taste.
Starting point is 00:15:33 The way they stink and like how it's on your breath afterwards. It's terrible. Yeah. Can, hashtag cannibal problems. Yeah. I forgot what the question was, but I'm definitely a picky eater and I'm willing to admit that. But I don't like tomatoes. Has that ever like, or mushrooms?
Starting point is 00:15:45 Has that ever come up in public where like somebody's like, just eat it and you're like, I really don't want to. Yeah. You ever get a sandwich from a restaurant or something from a restaurant? Like say you're like really excited about a dish of pasta. Yeah. And you're just like, no, no onions please or something like that. Cause I don't know, someone puts onions or something in the big ZD.
Starting point is 00:16:01 I don't know why they did this. Yeah. And, and then like it comes in, it's like the sort of dish where it's like clearly baked into it. You have to be, you'd have to be picking out the whole time. Oh no, even better than this. It's like a burrito, right? Because it's, it's a wrapped, you can't see inside of it.
Starting point is 00:16:14 And if they put one of those things that you don't want in there, you literally have to stick your whole hand in there and mess that shit up just to get to it. Get to it. Surgery. So sometimes would you rather just eat the burrito that's got like the big ass tomato in it that you hate or, I don't know why the burrito has it, but just say like all the little pieces of, or would you rather just like suffer through it, but know every single bite that you have of it.
Starting point is 00:16:37 You get that texture and you feel that texture in your mouth and you're like, this isn't even good anymore. I'm so angry. It's torture. Yeah. I guess it depends on how much you dislike the food versus how much you dislike feeling shame. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:49 I don't send things back, but I ask, I would do it if, if I specifically requested that like they're not, I would say no peppers in a burrito. I don't like peppers in a burrito. Yeah. I would mess up my day. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, you have that song about it.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Yeah. Yeah. No, it hasn't come out yet. I played that preview for you. No peppers in a burrito. No peppers in my burrito. Actually, did you see the Bo Burnham special? He has this like whole like Kanye Diatribe about like Mexican food where he like how his
Starting point is 00:17:17 Bo Burnham special. Yeah. His complaints are about like Chipotle versus like, you know, getting stands on your t-shirt because you strip or bleach your asshole. Yeah. That's, that's a little amazing bit and has the whole like lighting production stuff. Yeah. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Shout out to Bo Burnham. Bo Burnham. All right. We, we blame you too. Unfortunately. Yeah. I don't know what you, I don't know what you do aside from just like big gesture rich, really, really, he needs a really, really big gesture of kindness where it keeps him away
Starting point is 00:17:47 from a spatula in doing so. So there's no chance that. Yeah. He broke in three spatulas. And the salt and pepper shaker. Usually you would just break one. How do you break a spatula? Is he too aggressive?
Starting point is 00:17:57 Is he like stirring? Yeah. It sounds like he just does everything too hard. Just go at half, at half speed. Half as hard in the motherfucking paint. Nice. All right. Let's see if we can answer another question.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Next mail's name. We don't have a location for this one. So it can be sort of dealer's choice. What do you think we should call this mofo? Oh man. I really should have pre-planned this. So it just comes off natural and cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:24 I see you're reading a sheet of paper that says I should have pre-planned this. It should have come off natural and that. The date says 11615. Holy shit. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. You've done podcasts with us since then. Yeah. I like how we're stalling here and I still don't have a name.
Starting point is 00:18:44 Robin. All right. Flurf. Oh. What were you looking at over here that made you think Flurf? Your inspiration window of all the names. We're throwing letters at each other. Oh, that's a good idea actually.
Starting point is 00:18:59 We should have like a little board that just has like, it's basically like a noun and a food. Yeah. So Robin could be. Oh, Robin. Sweet potato. That's what I wanted to be. Robin yam. Yeah, Robin yams.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Oh, I go to the store. I'm Robin yam. Yo, Robin yams. It's like a tight. A rap name. It's a tight rap name. Like for like someone who's in like the produce industry. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:23 Sort of like moving there. Stealing sweet potatoes. Yeah, you know. On the mic, I'm Robin yams. I'm Robin yams. It also seems like yams is a metaphor for something. I don't know what it would be. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Yeah. And in the aisle, I'm boobies. Dropping hams. Isn't that like the country clip? If you want the yams, what's the yams? Yeah. That's the line. The yams is the power of that beat.
Starting point is 00:19:45 Yeah. So yams does mean something. There we go. Robin yams. ASAP yams. ASAP yams writes, I need your help. I've been seeing this girl for a little while and I think that we will probably date, but here's the problem.
Starting point is 00:19:58 The other night, things were starting to get pretty hot and heavy. The next thing I knew, we were both naked in her bed. Sounds great, right? Yep. Wrong. She has an amazing body and is a total smoke show. But whilst I was playing with her breasts, I noticed that upon her left ariola, there were a few stray hairs.
Starting point is 00:20:15 This definitely isn't a deal breaker, but it really bothered me and grossed me out. So my question is, how do I ask this girl to pluck her hairs from her chest without sounding like a complete asshole? Thanks in advance for the advice. Love, Robin yams. Okay. Robin, go down there. Have you ever experienced that?
Starting point is 00:20:37 I've been in this situation before. Wow. You've been the one with a hairy nipple though. Yeah. And someone asked you to pluck. And I was like, this makes me feel like, no. Yeah. No, I think I've been in this situation before.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Have you guys been in this situation before? Yeah, but I don't remember specific hair to the point. It wasn't multiple, but it was definitely one. Like one thick, long one. Yeah, like Eugene Levy. Eugene Levy. I think it's fine though. This wouldn't bother me at all.
Starting point is 00:21:03 But it bothers him. But I think you can't, we're past the, we're not in the climate to tell a girl to change the body. Yeah, he's definitely young because that's something that would have only bothered me at like 18 before I like really respect women now and realize that other bodies are beautiful and that they should have the choice of however they maintain it. Yeah, grow your flow out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:29 And then like it's just hair and we all have hair on our bodies that just move on and like get on them titties boy. Pluck it out with your teeth when you're down there. I knew you were going to say that. Bob and Frapple. Robin Yams now. Bob and Yams. I swear, I don't need him.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Ladies, if a boy ever does that to you, bite the hair off of his grundle. If it gets stuck in between your teeth like a piece of floss. Hey, nobody's going to complain and maybe she doesn't know it's there. I'm just giving him another option, which is fine. He's bothered and grossed out. I'm not saying that's good or bad, but I'm saying if he's down there, there's a possibility. It might naturally get stuck anyway. I'll say it's bad that he's bothered by it.
Starting point is 00:22:08 You can't choose what you're bothered by. Yeah, but you can recognize that what you're bothered by is shallow and not good. Sure. I think he's just nervous. I think this comes from him just being nervous. If he really starts to like this girl, they go out and they've become more intimate on levels other than physicality, stuff like this just really fades away and doesn't even matter anymore. Is there two responsible of an answer?
Starting point is 00:22:33 No. I think it's good. This guy said she's a hot smoke show. He really likes her. They're naked in bed and he found the one flaw on her, which is three hairs near her areola, which actually most people have that. Yeah, most people do. Good job, buddy.
Starting point is 00:22:52 You found the hottest girl that has three flaws and there are strands of hair near her tit. You don't deserve her. So you can either grow up, realize that this lady is making a decision about her body and that doesn't affect you and you have no place. She might not know. She might not know. She might not know. Do you think she knows?
Starting point is 00:23:11 I mean, she probably, I bet, I can say from really honest, I bet she usually plucks them out or something and maybe she just didn't. I don't know. Those hairs grow pretty slowly. No, they'll sprout. One day gone, next day there. You've pulled, I've definitely been in a situation where I look down and see on my chest a hair that's suddenly twice as long as the other ones.
Starting point is 00:23:36 Yeah, but how long did that take? I think that there's, I don't know what it's called, but there's some kind of rapid hair growth where they spurt like that. Wow, imagine that. I think the answer to this question is, well, just to eliminate the question marks that might be going on in his head, you cannot mention it to her. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Number one. There's just, there's just no, just think it out. There's no good conversation that comes from it at all in any world. You're, it's so offensive to bring it up to a girl and it will make them feel so uncomfortable. And even though they're more likely after that to fix it and then hold resentment towards you about it and move on to some other dude without any hairs on. Yeah. Somebody else down the line is going to get that perfect aerial spotless titty.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Does your answer change if they've been together for like five years? I mean, if you've been with somebody for five years, you've like nothing on their body should really bother you. So not really. No. So you're saying, still don't say anything even if they know each other for, if they're like almost married. I mean, if you, if you're like really, really comfortable with someone and you like know
Starting point is 00:24:48 how they communicate, maybe you can bring it up. Sexist. All right. We got him. We got him. The guy that told, the guy that told somebody to rip off their girlfriend's hair with their teeth. And we had it on Mike.
Starting point is 00:25:01 I think you, I think you could say something in that situation because you're comfortable. But the likelihood is that this girl probably has a hundred more things that she would, that she could then think about, about you because you're a disgusting man and we are just gross that she is so above ever thinking of, of analyzing you that way. And by, by you bringing that up, it just shows this like inequality in shallowness that it's probably a Pandora's box. You don't want to open that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Let's don't, don't, don't tug at the thread. Literally. That's your, that's your back or that's your response to my advice. Don't tug at the thread. Do not tug. And I'm saying if you're down there and it should happen to get caught between your teeth. That's a happy accident. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:25:50 All right. Two different ways to approach it. We're about the halfway point. So let's take a break. We'll come back with more questions and answers with Hoodie Allen after this. It's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but better help makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible and suitable to your schedule.
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Starting point is 00:28:06 and build an awesome website dedicated to me. Or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life. And maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season, a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to squarespace.com. If I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, squarespace.com.
Starting point is 00:28:32 If I were you free trial, everything looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. Hey, we're back. All right. What's your next thing, a tour or an album? An album.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Because you say you alternate between the two, right? When an album comes, a tour usually follows. So album first then tour. Yeah, I've been working on an album since about October, maybe September or October. Wow, six months. Yeah, it's actually been a pretty decent amount of time. I'm trying to take my time with it and make sure it's good. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:10 That's a good idea. Yeah, that's what brings me out here to LA and other than hanging out with you guys. Of course. So yeah, I've been working on that and I'm excited. I'm probably going to start dropping some bangers from it soon. Really? Are there bangers? I think there are.
Starting point is 00:29:26 Yeah, I think it's important to have... I feel like the album that I'm working on is very summer music, very good for the season that is about to eventually come. So that has to come out in the next couple of months. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Is that the plan? That's definitely the plan. How many songs?
Starting point is 00:29:47 Up to you. Really? Yeah. 11. Oh shit. 11. 11. That's 21.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Could you release an album with like 910 songs on it? I mean, I don't think I've made anywhere near that many songs in my life. But like iTunes doesn't cap you. Yeah, I don't think iTunes would cap you. They might just be like, this is irresponsible. Save some for the second album. But there's no CDs anymore, right? Do you ever have like a physical copy of these albums?
Starting point is 00:30:19 I've made... Yeah, you can press those up. I think those are good for tour. I think people like having sort of collectible CDs still. I think more so vinyl. I don't know if like vinyls become very, very popular. Not even so much for playing it more just for like the decorative nature of like representing I like this artist and I'm going to have a cool vinyl in my bedroom or something.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Right. But you do that? You do the vinyl stuff? I own a couple of vinyls. I'd like to make a vinyl for this project. That's cool. It would be my first time doing it though. Has there ever been an album where you're like this...
Starting point is 00:30:50 This one's just like a burner to get something out. Or it's like every single one. Like, all right, this is my coming of age. This is my breakout. This is like, this is the album. I feel like there are maybe even moments of burnerism, but I don't want to put it out there because that might be someone's favorite thing. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Like, yeah. Like I don't think that's anytime it's your attention, but sometimes I think music ages differently. Like some things you're like, wow, that really stood the test of time. I'm still listening to that. Other times you're like, oh, I might have rushed that a little bit. I didn't sit with this long enough. How many albums have you had so far?
Starting point is 00:31:30 I mean, starting with the free mix tapes that I did, I'd be at... This would be like the seventh full project. Wow. Yeah. So there is a little pressure to make sure that this one is at least in the top two. You don't want to make something like that. Yeah. This would technically be like the second full length commercial release for whatever
Starting point is 00:31:54 that's worth. Oh, the second one. But like... When was the last one? 2014. Oh, shit. People keep talking. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:32:02 So this is three years since. Yeah. Thanks for robbing it in. I'm just saying we're excited for it. That was the end of 2014. So it's more like two and a half years. If you think about it. And how close are you with this album?
Starting point is 00:32:13 Pretty. Really? Pretty close. Does it have a name? Yeah. Is it not out yet? Is it going to be a secret? Wow.
Starting point is 00:32:21 Just say it right now. All right. Announce it on the show. Okay. Fine. Fine. You don't actually have to do that. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:29 All right, great. He was going to do it, dude. We kind of pressured him. Are you going to do it? Is this... It's Robin Yams, man. It's Robin Yams. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:37 I mean, it's not... Yeah. That's this... It's not my album. I'm going under Robin Yams now. And it's a... So it is kind of secretive. Like you haven't said how many songs are on it or what the...
Starting point is 00:32:45 I haven't decided... I mean, like... I think everything's TBD until you're like very, very sure about it. I don't know how... I feel like maybe in producing TV and stuff like that, like what you guys did with Lonely and Horny, like it's much more defined like from the beginning, this is the arc and these are the episodes. Right.
Starting point is 00:33:04 And this is where the story goes. And there is a degree of that in music, but also if you write something that you're like, oh, this has got to be on there, like you just put it on there. Right. Maybe take something off, maybe keep it on. It's a little more flexible, malleable up until the point of release. Yeah. I think, I think especially you see like with like Drake and Kanye's latest release where
Starting point is 00:33:23 they kind of treat things almost like a playlist and they're switching album title names and moving songs in and out and sort of showing fans the process. I think in like the streaming age, things have become a lot more malleable. Right. Like people release songs and then albums later. Totally. Yeah. Will you do that?
Starting point is 00:33:40 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I'm going to defer to whatever you want. Unless you be my manager. I love it. Yeah. You also like release parts of songs on like Snapchat.
Starting point is 00:33:50 I'm like, whoa, you like don't you want to like keep that sacred or is it like good to like build the hype? Yeah. I mean, I actually do want to keep it secret, but then I can't help being a tease sometimes and like we're in a very much like in a tease generation. Yeah. If you don't post something like that, people are like, what are you doing? Right.
Starting point is 00:34:06 So you just do it like, I'm in the studio. I'm doing stuff. I promise. And then that, but my favorite part is that like you can play like six seconds of something and if you have a fan base, you get such a false sense of confidence because like whatever it is, they're like, oh my God, King release that right now. Daddy. Daddy.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Feed me beats or whatever. I don't think kids speak like this is how I read it. But, but it's like, it might be something that you don't even like, but if you sometimes I just test it, I just put something I don't really like and they'll see like if people respond. Oh shit. And, and they're like, yeah. Fuck yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:41 And then yeah, it's just interesting. We live in a very like give it to me now generation. Well, that's what there's like the podcast for us. It's like the podcast, which we record every week. Some of them are funnier than others, but like we release everything. And then there's lonely and horny, which is like, we have to make sure like if we ever make more that it's better than the first and like spend some time fine tuning it. Totally.
Starting point is 00:35:01 So there's like, that's like for you. It's like the Snapchat is like, you know, like little things to keep people excited along the way. Yeah. Final product. That's funny because you can't really get a good sense of like a song from a, from a snippet. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:13 But at the same time, like you can get people legitimately excited about something. That's pretty cool. Off of a little preview. So have sex. Social media. Have you ever released a song with the audio water with Mark over it where it's like every eight seconds, there's somebody in the background going LA leakers. DJ clue.
Starting point is 00:35:31 I've never done that before. All right. That sounds very. Another idea for you. LA leakers. LA leakers at here. Right. Oh, is it?
Starting point is 00:35:40 Yeah. I don't know enough to know like where these things come from, but I have heard songs that like have a guy saying LA leakers throughout the entire like. Yeah. They're like a big radio show on the main like hip hop channel here. I think. Perfect. Great.
Starting point is 00:35:55 I wanted to mention that Jake and I are going to Denver and Tempe, Arizona this month. Me too. I'll be there. Really? Oh shit. Well, whenever you guys go, I'm just going to go along. Yeah. The 19th and the 20th.
Starting point is 00:36:06 In those cities. 420 and Tempe, dude. Game over, man. Everyone knows that's the place that you go to burn one. We're going to blaze. Actually, Denver is supposedly very famous for 420. No, no. Chris Phoenix.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah. Well, morning. We wake and bake in Denver, dude. One of the streets of Phoenix to be high. Wake and bake at a steak and shake. I think the venues are like, they're, I think they're like comedy clubs. Yeah. Do you usually play comedy clubs when you perform your music?
Starting point is 00:36:34 Usually. Yeah. I did a tour of Carolines and the improv. Yeah. It was really good. Carolines. Caroline. Caroline.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Oh, so they're comedy shows. That's cool. Yeah. Live podcast. Do you guys think you're comedians? We do think so. Yeah, we think that. We got to go, but thank you so much for that.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Tickets available at jacadamere.com and if I were you, show.com. Let's answer some more questions. I would love to. Help some people out. One more name. Is it another girl or a guy? Another dude. Oh my gosh.
Starting point is 00:37:09 The sexist ass show. Come on. You look like you're getting a blow job. Lincoln tall house. That's nice. I like that. You got the whole entire tall house or tall house? Like T-O-L-L-H-A-U with the two dots on the above it.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Umlau. Yes. Lincoln tall house. That's good. Tall house. Oh, that's actually makes sense. Bavarian. He starts off by saying, I'm an 18 year old British dude in college.
Starting point is 00:37:41 So this, it sounds like a British name. Lincoln. And I recently, I fell into quite a sticky situation and I need help to become unlocked from said situation. About a month ago, my friend sent out a text saying he'd got a new phone and needed to reply, everybody to reply with their name so he could save his friend's numbers in his new phone. Being quite the prankster, I thought it would be funny to text back the name of an absolute
Starting point is 00:38:04 dime from our high school. This all went south pretty quickly as only two messages in, he became flirtatious and raunchy. Bear in mind, he has a great girlfriend who I've been friends with for a fair few moons. It's now been a week and he keeps messaging me with insanely forward messages thinking I'm this girl, pretty much trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Now I'm lost on what to do, I never met this joke to last this long. If I tell him it was me, he'll be humiliated and pretty angry and might even want to fight
Starting point is 00:38:33 me. He's quite the Johnny Bravo, where I look like I'm made from pipe cleaners and tissue paper. So, do I tell his girlfriend? What if he bumps into the girl he's pretending to be and asks our friends for my number? What do I do? Any response would be greatly appreciated. Did they say that they are good friends in the beginning or just, he's just some guy?
Starting point is 00:38:54 I think they're friends because he's also friends with a girlfriend. Gotcha. But I guess the real question is what would you do if you were in this situation? So you've found yourself in the future. It's a prank gone awry. It's a prank, bro. It's just a prank, bro. The whole relax, don't make a big deal out of it.
Starting point is 00:39:13 What would you do? If I was the prankster in this situation, I'm gonna let you guys go first while I marinate this one. I think there's two options. Option number one, you come clean, just to him, mono-e-mono, because I think that if it all comes out, then this guy has no choice but to kick your ass. Right. Like you publicly humiliate him.
Starting point is 00:39:33 That will make him angry. Ruin his relationship. He has to beat your ass. It's the only thing he could do to save face is to punch your face. And so you say, hey, buddy, look, I didn't mean for this to happen. I said I was this girl. I'm sorry. And then he will be mortified, probably ashamed.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Was it too late now to say, sorry? So I think that's option one. Option two is a little sneakier. I think you have to steal his phone. Delete the text message thread, program your number in. Wow, that's a big steal. And then also, and program her number in, but delete the thread. I think that keeps too much open, because then he'll start texting her again.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Yeah, he might say something forward to her. I mean, it's going to... Initially, what are you talking about? Yeah, but he could think that she's playing dumb or something and back off or something. You know? Right. That one seems messier. That one seems like it's...
Starting point is 00:40:36 You're getting further down the hole. It's definitely messier, but here's the thing. It probably will come out, but he won't know who did it. Right. So one is like taking the high road being like, hey, it's me. Don't get mad. The other one is a sneakier way to get out of this mess. It's still a mess.
Starting point is 00:40:53 You've absolved yourself. You got out. Which one would you do? I would probably... I mean, I wouldn't have had the inclination to do this, and I hate pranks. I think they're horrifying, and I think that nothing good ever comes to them, but I wouldn't have done it in the first place. If I was in this situation, I would probably come clean.
Starting point is 00:41:17 But I don't think that's what you should do. I think that you should steal a spot. I know what I would do now. Really? I would commit 100%. You would lean into it. Start sexting him. Oh, that's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:41:30 So you start sexting, you get a dick pic. Exactly. Then he can't keep your ass. Then he asks for a picture back, and that's when you send a selfie of yourself, and wow. But then you have the leverage. Then you have the leverage, and maybe you guys won't be friends, and is it really that hard to move to another town? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Is your life really rooted in this place in the UK? You can come to America. It's a Brexit. The land of opportunity. Brexit. Brexit your way out of this situation. Have you thought about Brexiting, for example, is one way to get out of it? God, what way out of it?
Starting point is 00:42:03 You got to commit so you don't seem like a dick, so it really is just like a catfish with a funny ending, I guess. Yeah. I actually really don't hate that idea at all. I think that one. Maybe you don't get a dick pic. I don't know. Is that crossed the line?
Starting point is 00:42:16 No, I think getting the dick, you need the dick. That's your fucking safety net. Get that dick. That's your get out of jail free card right there. That dick pic. But then you're also soliciting your boy to give you a picture of his dick, and what if you like it? Then you have homosexual feelings for a friend, which opens up a whole other world of opportunities
Starting point is 00:42:35 and issues. Adds another web to this twisted game. Yeah. This crazy spider-spun. And what if he knew it was you the whole time? Ooh, that's another interesting one. And then what if your parents are watching? You know what I would do?
Starting point is 00:42:47 And they are. I think I would come out, but over the text. So I'd be like, treat it like no big deal, be like, ha, ha, ha, by the way, this is like a mirror. It's been a week. Yeah. Definitely not in person. No, this is definitely not in person.
Starting point is 00:42:59 That's not like a by the way thing. Yeah. I think I would treat it like it's not a big deal so that he doesn't get mad, like, ha, ha, ha. Maybe you were joking too. Maybe I'm joking. It's like whatever. Let's just move on.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Like pretend like it's no big deal. Diffuse the situation internally without ever having to face this guy in person. That's what I would do. What if you get a new number? Oh, add a new identity, Brexit, new number, states that number. Yeah. Does that fix anything if you get a new number? Like you stop responding.
Starting point is 00:43:30 Yeah. First of all. And then you hit him up with your new number. Be like, what's up, mate? It's it's Lincoln because I still think he finds out in a way because he'll, he'll look at his phone eventually and see that it was your old number or like any of your friends will have your old number. Your old number still exists.
Starting point is 00:43:46 What if you were, you were hack then? This is not going good for him. I bet there's a way that we're not thinking of. So tweet at us if you have a third or fourth suggestion about how to get out of the sticky situation or we could have like an informal online poll, a Twitter poll, if you will. What would you do in the situation? So Jake says handle it in person. I say handle it online.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Hoodie says just fucking keep going until you have. I want to change it. But like, I think I had two and I think I'm going to commit to steal your, steal his phone. Oh, see. Okay. That's what I would do. Steal your phone, text him back. Text him back once you have leverage.
Starting point is 00:44:23 Yeah. All right. Three ways. And honestly, I'm going to vote for Hoodie's because I think that was really good. It's definitely the funniest, that's how, that's how it would happen in sitcom land. Yeah. It's just hard to know what their rapport is. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:44:36 Like he clearly felt more like he, like, oh, this is a good idea to prank this guy. So they must be like chill. But at the same time, he's now like, oh, okay, you're, you're putting me in a weird spot because I like your girlfriend to answer his other question, but definitely don't tell the girlfriend. That's, that's a bad. Yeah. He hasn't done anything wrong yet.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Technically. Well, he is sexting or trying to, he's, he's, he's being forward and flirty and it like is not a good look at all. And it's not, but like, where's it go if it goes back to the girlfriend? Like, oh, hey, like now you just seem like the real asshole for like initiating something that wasn't even the thing in the first place. It's like, if you find evidence in a legal way, you can't present it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:14 What does that call like discovery? Not discovery. Right. Like, how did you find that? Well, I broke into his house. Like, well, you can't. Inadmissible. Double jeopardy.
Starting point is 00:45:22 No. Ashley Judd. Yeah, it is. It's called Ashley Judd. Yeah. I wanted to answer one last question before you have to go. All right. Before I have to go, right?
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah. Put his here. Put his intern in for the rest of the summer. He's a social. Taking, taking Jeffery's job. You promised us that you'd, you'd get us to a million followers by EO August. All right. This guy's a 29 year old New Orleans native.
Starting point is 00:45:48 Isn't your birthday at the end of August? It is. All right. A 29 year old New Orleans native. Lil Wayne. What about medium Wayne? Medium Wayne. All right.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Medium Wayne writes, I have a pretty unique issue that I'm sure you guys can help me with. I'm a 29 year old New Orleans native who recently got engaged to my long time girlfriend. Our shit couldn't be more together. The relationship is great. My issue is my fiance is way too conservative. When I proposed, I gave my bitch a very large ring. I gave my bitch a very large ring costing upwards of 10 grand. She thinks it's beautiful, but hates wearing it when we go out.
Starting point is 00:46:31 To add context, we don't go out very much. My previous way of living wasn't the most honest or legal LOL. And when we do go anywhere, I'm usually wearing anywhere from $20,000 to $30,000 in jewelry. I love looking good. So of course my bitch must shine like I do because we live in a city filled with killing and crime. She's always paranoid whenever we leave the house, which is outside of my city. My question is, how do I make her more comfortable with wearing the nice things I buy for her?
Starting point is 00:47:14 I understand her reasons for feeling that way, but because I don't fear my city and I always have protection, I wear all my jewelry and I go wherever I want. I'm a beast in that regard. Help an N-word out. Ha! Did he write N-word? No, he wrote the word. I just feel bad.
Starting point is 00:47:32 Of course, yeah. But you didn't feel bad saying bitch. Yeah, which really, it's an interesting thing that you bring up linguistically. Why do we always say the N-word, but we don't say the P-word? Bitch is fine. All right, so medium Wayne. He needs his bitch to shine, which I get, I understand. So how can he help his lady to shine like he does?
Starting point is 00:47:54 I'm actually surprised because these are situations where they're together, right? She obviously should feel comfortable and safe around him and if he's doing something, why does she feel that she shouldn't flex? I wonder if she's, I wonder, I wonder. This is, can you relate to this at all? Well, I'm like kind of, I stunt pretty hard. You're flexing right now. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:19 So like. How much is that chain? This chain? Yeah, I surround your neck. It's a $2,000 chain. Yeah. Okay, so that's getting to $23,000. It's like they playing hockey on your neck.
Starting point is 00:48:28 Yeah. Is that a line? Yeah, it's a line from an upcoming rap song, Stay Chained For My New Album. Playing hockey. I don't buy rings. I buy rings. Ooh, I like that. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:48:42 Yo. See, I told you I can rap. I just can't sink. Sinks. Sorry. What's the most you've ever worn? I just wrink around my neck. I would definitely, I could definitely write raps, I think.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Like I'd like to punch up somebody else's raps. Yeah. I'll give you, I'll give you my first draft. That's, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. I'd love that. I feel like I could write raps, but not say them. That's good.
Starting point is 00:49:04 That's why I like slam poetry. Do any rappers not write their own raps? They just rap well? It's a whole, it's kind of like acting. Like they don't necessarily have to write their words. Yeah. In, in hip hop, it's definitely a matter of authenticity to write your own stuff. It's a little bit more normal in pop music for a song to be written by like four Swedish
Starting point is 00:49:25 dudes and sung by a pop center. Yeah, it's pretty like, nobody cares if you do it in, in the pop world. Yeah. I mean. It's almost impressive that you write your own music. Yeah. I'll say this. Like a lot of the songs on the radio that if they have like a big kind of song or even
Starting point is 00:49:38 not completely sung chorus, it could definitely be written by somebody else. Yeah. I mean, that happens all the time, but it's not very. But with rap, is that the case? Yeah. With rap, with rap. Yeah. Oh really?
Starting point is 00:49:50 Yeah, totally. Other people are writing raps for other people. I think they're more so writing choruses than raps. Interesting. And like melodies in that sense. Those are a famous example. Yes. Probably a bunch, but I ain't going to say.
Starting point is 00:50:00 Oh, like. Like it's a secret. No money, no problems. Cause I hit guy in no snitch. It's not so famous that it's like publicly talked about. It's just no one. I don't think many people care. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:13 So to put myself out on that, on that pedestal for no reason in this moment right now. Be a martyr. Not on this, but not on your podcast. Maybe on a more of a, an important platform. I don't, I don't need this type of publicity. Be a harder martyr with the ice rink around your neck. So what should this guy do? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:50:32 It was just a funny question to me. How do you make your lady shine? What's the most, what's the most money you ever wear at the same time? Like the most expensive thing you own. I don't like to go out in a shirt if it was more than a hundred dollars. All right. So it's weird to like, it is weird as like you're wearing $30,000 worth of things on you. I guess like as I've gotten older, I've gotten more comfortable spending money on clothes.
Starting point is 00:50:54 Like maybe I might have, I might own like a $200 sweater or something. Yeah. And I would never ever wear it. Because you're scared of someone stealing it. Yeah. Like I buy, like I buy an expensive shirt and I'm like, I'm going to wear this out. Like it looks good. And then every single time I'm like, no, I'm going to get too drunk.
Starting point is 00:51:11 I'm wearing this, I'm wearing this shirt from Top Man tonight. It is like, yo, what's wrong with Top Man? Nothing's wrong. I love Top Man. That's why I fucking wear it every single time I go out. Top Man should sponsor this podcast. But it is crazy to wear like a bracelet. That's where it's like the equivalent of just like having a string around your wrist with
Starting point is 00:51:28 $30,000 in cash than anybody can just take. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's like part of it. It's like, I don't give a fuck. That's why I'm wearing this. It's flaunting your wealth. That's what you want to do. It's like, you can take it.
Starting point is 00:51:40 That's the point. It won't affect it. We'll never understand it. I wish I had more interest in having like chains and rings. I never really wanted any like, I don't even like wearing a watch because I don't, I don't, I already know what time it is at all times. What about shoes? Will you spend money on shoes?
Starting point is 00:51:57 Well, yeah, what's your biggest like most superfluous expense? In life? Yeah. I don't think it's, I don't think it's clothing or truly related. And it's also not a car because you live in New York. Yeah. And it's not a car either. I have been thinking about getting grills recently.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Just like a bottom row. I don't know why. I just think like maybe that's a good investment. Yeah. At the very least my teeth will be worth something. Yeah, exactly. I don't, no one's going to. Grills appreciate in value, I think.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Because like you come into the secondary market. Yeah. It's like art. You can sell those later. That would be a cool piece of art just to have like a skull with Lil Wayne, like one of Lil Wayne's old grills in it. If I got a grill, I would, and you guys got matching grills with me. I feel like we could really start something. That'd be cool.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Grills, grills, grills. It's time that like Jewish kids started wearing grills. Yeah, it is time. It really is. I think that's correct. I think it's time. We've appropriated enough black culture that I think I'm ready. Yeah, and then once we wear it, they can stop.
Starting point is 00:52:52 I don't understand how to, like, if he wants his bitch to shine and she doesn't necessarily want to shine. I don't think he could force her to shine. Yeah, this is like plucking a aerial in nipples, you know, like you got to just, you wear your jewelry for you and she wears it or doesn't for her. And there you go, that's the end. Yeah, but it's weird because it's like an engagement ring. She doesn't want to wear that. That is a little bit weird. You could maybe just be like, I understand you feel uncomfortable wearing like a huge diamond.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Well, let me just get you this promise ring. What's that? It's just like a, just a simple little band. There you go. But everyone wears nice rings. This is something that like, I mean, unless you're you in episode three of Rap Teacher, you don't steal many rings from a fiance. People aren't getting their fiance rings. They're making a pipes I'm high.
Starting point is 00:53:48 Great callback. You know what's interesting? I guess you could have a convo with her and just be like, I think you have to come at it as from a position of like, it's not like it's important to me that you shine as my bitch. More as like, it's important to me that you display this like emblem of our love and commitment for each other publicly. Like I'm proud of being engaged to you. I want people to know just like you're proud of having lots of wealth. So you wear, so you wear the jewelry on yourself. And the way he writes protection and quotation marks where he says, I always have protection on me.
Starting point is 00:54:26 It's even condoms, right? Diamond encrusted gun or condoms. Diamond encrusted condoms. Diamond encrusted condoms. I forgot they made those ribs for her and his pleasure for when you must shine. Oh dear. All right. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Congrats on balling. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And your engagement. That's a mausoleum. A mausoleum. Absolutely a mausoleum. And if it's a Jewish wedding, please let me know.
Starting point is 00:54:54 I would love to offer some advice about like certain rabbis in the New Orleans area. I can help construct the hopah. Yeah. I don't know if your father had a tallest that he can use, but I think I still have my bar mitzvah toliet. Do you have yours? No. All right. Great.
Starting point is 00:55:10 So mine it is for this guy's wedding. And my parents have it somewhere, but they better. All right. Sir, I don't know what else to say. Do you have anything left to plug before you leave us? No, but if anyone's looking for like a wedding DJ in the New Orleans area. Oh, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:28 I mean, you're saying you can do that? Yeah. Medium Wayne. Hit me up. Let's make something happen. Have you ever performed at a wedding? Oh, you could be like the wedding singer, dude. I could.
Starting point is 00:55:37 That's actually a really, I think that's a step forward. Currently doing. It's a sold out tour to a wedding singer. No, I haven't gone to that many weddings yet. I think my friends are just starting to get married. Interesting. I'm at that late 20s. Like they're all settled down phase.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Yeah. So if they asked me to... DJ. No, I don't know. What would they ask me to do? You could be the most famous wedding singer in the world. Like I don't know if there's another like wedding DJ band that has your following. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:12 If things get bad and I'm desperate, I think... You can always turn to that. Yeah. It would be so fun if the three of us went to this guy's wedding. Yeah. Oh, that's enough. I'll reply to him. Please invite us to the wedding.
Starting point is 00:56:21 See if you can get a... If see if each of you can get a plus one. And if only one of you can get a plus one. See if you can make it a plus two. And then I'm there for you. That way just need one more person. Yeah. Because we're just trying to get enough Jewish boys there to be able to lift the chair.
Starting point is 00:56:36 You need four to lift the chair. One for each leg. Especially if he's wearing $20,000 to $30,000 worth of jewelry. You got to be really jacked. You got to be really jacked. Yeah. Those are heavy chains. All right, Hoodie.
Starting point is 00:56:46 Thanks for coming by. Thanks for having me. What are you on Twitter and Snapchat and all that stuff? If people want... Let's try to get you over a million, dude. Yeah. On Twitter, I'm at Hoodie Allen and I love replying to my fans. You do.
Starting point is 00:56:56 So make sure to follow me there. And on Snapchat, I'm Hoodward Allen. Oh. Full name. That's normal. Hoodie Allen was taken by somebody who was trying to solicit nudes from my fans. What? I think so.
Starting point is 00:57:07 I don't know. You can't get that? You can't pull some strings? What? To get that username? I don't think so. I don't think Snapchat has that infrastructure. We're still getting too many nudes.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Yeah. It's also... It's too late now. You're in too deep. Yeah. So Hoodward Allen is what it is. Yeah. So I'll be on there and I'll see you guys again soon.
Starting point is 00:57:25 We're playing basketball tomorrow, aren't we? Hell yeah. I'm going to be there. I don't know how to play. I don't know what else to say. We wanted to say that we're going to do a call out for interns. Yeah, but we got to... We're going to do that later.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Yeah, yeah. So let's... Oh, let me do the plug for interns. We're going to do the outro song, which was written by Don, which is just a you-do-you remix that I guess Allison asked for in one of our episodes. So he made it. Then we'll come back and do a quick shout out for interns. So if you're interested in a head gum internship, stick around after the song.
Starting point is 00:57:54 And if not, we'll just see you next week. Thanks for coming by, dude. Anytime. Yeah, man. Hoodie Allen week on head gum finally concludes. What do we do now? Oh yeah, basketball. Basketball.
Starting point is 00:58:05 All right, great. Later, guys. Has anyone remixed that yet? I love them, too. Hey! it's us again like we mentioned before the song we're here to ask call out for summer internships. Yeah and I know that if you'll listen till after the song then you're pretty damn serious about the job so you already have it. This is how we found our interns last summer. And that worked
Starting point is 00:58:41 out pretty damn well. That's right Jeffrey himself was an intern. So we're looking for a few more good folks. And we are looking specifically for another catch-all work course get-or-done intern. Right just somebody that can help out around the office as much as possible. Yeah like we got a problem you know how to solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves. While my intern revolves. That's really nice. So if you feel like you're somebody that is that just gets things done you have your shit together and you want to get our shit together that's that's the first that's the first position. Yeah that would automatically eliminate me. Right yeah so we need somebody that works harder than me. Done easy everybody.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Okay and then the the other intern that we need is an audio visual intern. Nerd turn will call him. Yeah well our production turn. You're still the nerd turn. Your co-founder and nerd turn around here. So we've been making more videos as everybody has seen and we need somebody that's going to be able to help with that. And we have our producer Marissa she gave me a list of qualifications and you guys should be encouraged because the producer Marissa who gave me this list was an intern last summer. So obviously there's upward mobility here people. I mean come on. So the AV intern their scope of work is cam up for the videos that we're shooting here in the office assisting in assembling podcasts using the NLE software assistant edit in sorry assistant
Starting point is 01:00:15 edit sketches including ingesting syncing and logging videos for the editor polling selects for social media shareables managing and maintaining camera and audio equipment. All right and the requirements here we go. This is so hard that I can barely read it but somebody who's good at this will know exactly what I'm talking about. The intern has to be so good they have to make sense of these qualifications. Applicants should be pursuing BSBA slash BA whatever college it related to communication media studies or TV and film production proficient in DSLR filmmaking audio recording experience experience with the adobe creative suite and adobe premiere and after effects proficiency r a plus. Okay. I responded to this slack. I wrote sweet. You can see that here.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Got it. So I'm doing work too. Got it. So we basically need somebody who knows their shit on one hand and AV and then if you don't have that skill set specifically then someone who can just help us out in general. An overall requirement for the internship is that you are here in Los Angeles this summer. Yeah. And in college. And in college so we don't get sued. Got it. Because you're working for school credit. College student in LA willing to help out in a general capacity or an AV capacity. Those are two different roles. Email us which is the same email address as the show. If I were you show at gmail.com and use the subject potential intern so we know how to find you. Yeah. So we'll search potential intern in our gmail box and then that
Starting point is 01:01:46 will be us searching for possible applicants. So if this sounds like something you'd be interested in that email address again is if I were you show at gmail.com send over a resume cover letter. What are we thinking a way to convince us that you're the person for the job. Yeah. Let's let's say a resume a resume and cover letter are you know that's that should be standard. Okay. And then I like a little extra sauce just for me. That sounded incredibly incredibly mean spirited or something a little just a little extra like they want you to bribe them or something. Oh no no no it's not like it's like oh here we go. I also made this fun little photoshop and here's like some cash you're just get okay so what you did say cash or like oh this is like my video here's
Starting point is 01:02:34 like a little video that this is what I would do in the office and then like I can give you cash or something. It doesn't matter what. So we can't accept money from anybody. Right well we can't but I can. No but so you're not listening. I'm not saying it'll I'll definitely hire the person that gives me the most money but I can't really I don't really see a case to be made for somebody that doesn't give me money getting a job over someone that does. You have to say you're kidding otherwise we'll get sued. Bring it on. So that email address again is if I were you show at gmail.com do not bribe us we look forward to seeing and hearing and reading a bunch of great cover letters and resumes ASAP. Thanks for listening everybody back next week.

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