If I Were You - 463: Ticklish

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

In this episode we discuss our Thanksgiving plans, Zoom fatigue, and foot fetishes.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Head Gum Original. This is a Head Gum Original. Nice. Absolutely nice. Let's say the name. Did you notice? Did I notice what? That was, they snuck in some Omsby references with the side of rice. I actually did not catch that, but I know you're always listening for Omsby for rice. And I think that is nice. So congrats. I wonder if Omsby knows, Omsby of course being a rice restaurant in your old office that closed down because it was overpriced and under-riced really.

Overriced was the problem. It was under-meated. There was a lot of rice and not a lot of tea. It was like, yeah, yeah. I liked Omsby. Not as much as you liked Omsby, but more than Marty liked Omsby. I was fine with Omsby. This person wrote a theme song from Sweden. That's why it sounded so cool. So I wonder if Omsby realizes that he has a Swedish musician writing about him. Probably not. I don't know who started or ended Omsby. Omsby was like, you're talking about it as if it's a guy? Wasn't it? I have. I definitely did not think Omsby was a guy. I thought it was just like a weird name. A restaurant.

I thought it was like umami or something. I thought it was just the name of an ingredient or a type of cuisine. It is. Yeah. It's like Omasabe or however you call those rice triangles. But in addition to that, I imagine him as like a magical rice man of sorts who would descend on us and sort of give us what we wanted, which was lunch at a rate of rice. And the price was rice. It was not inexpensive, but it was not expensive. There wasn't a lot of like good, you know, cheap options near the office. That's for sure. Yeah. Lunch was not a cheap affair. I think it was five or six bucks for like a per triangle of rice. And you needed three. You couldn't have two. You needed three.

I think you could have two in a soup and a drink with a side of rice in a hat with a sauce, a salmon in a sauce in a triangle with the seaweed and the soup. And how about a little plastic glass of water for my ass? Here comes a theme song from Sweden, which is a parody of Chasing My Mind by Post-Punk Band Holograms. And instead of a shout out, says Tom, instead of a shout out, I'd really appreciate it if you could wish my friend Sebastian a happy birthday and plug his twitch. OK. Oh my God, this is a difficult to spell thing. It's going to be hard. Sebbangali. Sebbangeli. Yeah.

You're going to have to spell it. Yeah. But but are people going to like remember the spelling? Like I'm going to talk about this guy's twitch and then we're going to have like 40 minutes of a podcast. And then it's like, oh, let me go back and remember that guy's not even the guy. It's the musician's friend, Sebastian. One person might do it. And then and for that reason, it's worth it. OK. It's S-E-B-B-A-N-G-E-L-I. So Sebastian and his friend Tom, who wrote the song, have been watching our web series for years.

And they have a tradition of giving each other belated birthday presents. So whenever you choose to play this will be fine. More than fine, actually, it would be chime. So thank you, Tom. All right. Thank you. You think it's cold in Sweden already? What do you think the current temperature is in a Helsinki as we record on November, late November, November 20th? I will go with eight degrees Fahrenheit centigrade.

Oh, centigrade. I think that's too warm, right? Helsinki weather. Because you got to keep in mind it's almost what? 1 a.m. there right now, middle of the night, November. That's true. What are we working with? I don't want to get you off of eight degrees centigrade. If you really, truly feel it in your mind's ass, then you should go for it. What is that in Fahrenheit? That's what I need to know first. Yeah, I would guess like 50 something. Oh, what?

Yeah. No. Really? Eight degrees Celsius. Hold on. Oh, it's 46. Yeah. No, I'm going to go, I will go, I definitely intended to go lower. So temperature in Helsinki, I was thinking 28. 28 Fahrenheit, yeah.

That's a good guess. I'll go slightly above 28 Fahrenheit. Helsinki weather is? Wow. Zero degrees Celsius. Do you know what that is, Jake? That's 32. That's 32, slightly above 28. We did, we set a good line and I nailed it.

You're, that's fucked up. So are we each, we each had a guess and you guessed. Yeah, we each had a guess. I guess 28, a specific number. No. You said over. You guessed 46. No.

I talked you off of that. And then you said fine, 28. And I said, I'll go a little bit above that. A little bit above. It was 32. Yeah. So you guessed wrong twice. I didn't guess wrong twice.

And I guessed right once. I nailed it. So yeah, I am giving myself great. You did not nail it. You said eight centigrade instead of Celsius. Yeah, I was just having a fucking, I was making a beef at the moment. I was just fucking around. I was fucking around.

You culled my ass out of me. Like, and then I came with a real answer with the real, real. And you just took that as the leaping off point instead of submitting your own. I don't think that's fair. That's tacky. That's tacky. That's tacky, man. That's really tacky, actually.

Actual ackee. I don't know if this is a real mathematical or statistical theorem, but if not, then I'm going to try to coin it right now, which is if you want to know the true good estimate of something, you ask two people and then just take the average. So like, I noticed that like when I asked like, oh, how many, like a statistic I found recently is how many people in America currently have Corona virus? And I asked two friends and it was like, the answer was right in the middle of there are two guesses.

What was the answer? What do you think? A million. Currently with Corona. Yeah. One of them guessed one, one of them guessed five and it was three. Three million people. Jesus.

Yeah, it's a lot. Either way, you slice it, it's too many. It's not good. It's definitely not good. Yeah, it's about 1% of the population. Very bad. Very bad. Currently have it.

It doesn't include people who have died or got rid of it in some way. Yes. There have been 10 million, right? Is that right? Yeah. 10 million total and like three million currently. So I guess stay safe. Yeah.

Wear a mask. Have you been, have you gotten, have you noticed that like now that the numbers are on the rise, people are close to you again or like you hear like, oh yeah, my aunt has gotten it. It was like a time where that's the second hand Corona sort of died off and now I'm like hearing more murmurs of it. Yeah, there are definitely, there are people in our neighborhood that got it. Everyone I know in New York is fine.

Like my parents' neighborhood is where like friends and family of people are getting it. Are they, are they lax up there in Connecticut? No, not very lax. They have like pretty low, low like cases over there. Numbers. But they, yeah, they do, they don't seem very lax. Um, but it's just like something that is super contagious, I suppose. Why is your dad playing soccer with a bunch of friends still?

Uh, yeah, they said, and they have two different games. They have one game where people don't wear a mask. My dad does not play in that one, but he, and he plays in the masked game, which is usually around like 15 people and there have been, there have been no, um, no cases. And I think he also talks about like no, no, um, no instances of like transmission while playing soccer also. Wow. So even though you're like rubbing and bumping and sweating up on people,

the soccer game is fine. They don't play that kind of soccer. I played one of the games a couple of weeks ago and like there's not close contact at all. You're never within three feet of somebody. I guess you're within three feet, but like that I've played, I've played in their games before and like there is not the level of contact that there usually is. Cause I still haven't played basketball. But people do.

But I guess some people do. Some people are playing outdoors and I don't know, it just feels kind of risky still, especially indoor basketball, bumping like hitting people. There's sometimes where I get a whiff of someone where I just assume if they had corona, that was, that would be it for me. Yeah. There's also that thing about corona that's like, it's like a dosage almost. So like if you're playing with somebody that has it, you're like,

it's not like the same as like going and like sitting in a restaurant or a bar with them. Yeah. It's like the viral load of it all. Like if somebody's smoking, how much secondhand smoke do you get? If you're sitting next to them for two hours, a lot more than if you're like running around in the same gym as them. I mean, none of it's good. That's, that's for sure.

It's all bad. Yeah. And potentially getting worse, you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's, people congregating indoors more than ever. Yeah. I can't quite, I mean, I guess, are you, what's your Thanksgiving plan? Are you doing anything? If I do, it'll be like me, Avital, mom and dad are outdoor lunch.

Like it's definitely not a indoor family affair anymore. And nobody's traveling for it. Life's fun. They are estimating that like 50 million people are going to travel for it. So try not traveling and having a full meal with 20 people in a room. I, I totally agree with all of that stuff. I think it's hard for me to separate like what we should be doing without, without just like, just like being mad at the colossal fuckup that the government had here.

Like it was, it's a, it was hard to be, to have any level of success already because of what, what it is. But they ruined the holidays for us. They, they're the Grinch, but they stole more than Christmas. They took our Thanksgiving birthdays, Easter's, family get-togethers, weddings canceled across the nation. Right. And I think everybody is still doing a decent job.

Like the people that are taking it seriously are like making huge sacrifices. It's just fucking annoying that we have to, that like, that we went into a full lockdown in New York in like March and April and, and nobody like got anything even like remotely under control. Now you might have to do that again this March and April. Yeah, the closed schools. Oh yeah, yeah. That's nice.

It'll be like an annual tradition. Well, the winter lockdown or whatever. What you feeling hopeful about the vaccines? That's kind of nice. That was, that was good news. That'll be good, but not to, not, not for a while it seems. Yeah, but I like, I mean, it doesn't, when, when stuff comes out like that, it doesn't feel like it's a never ending hellscape.

I'm like, yeah, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I love thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel. I love thinking about going to bars and patting my friends on the back and like, you know, like that with all the fun cocktails. Like, oh, what is your, can I try that? Can I try your? Yeah. I was thinking, I was thinking the other day, I'm like, remember like when you used to

be like a little under the weather and you just went to a bar and it's like, oh, try not to drink from my drink. I'm a little congested. Like that was the amount of sacrificing you did. Like I'm still going to go here. I still don't feel well. It's still crowded and indoors, but I'm going to let this person know not to drink from my drink specifically.

I think that maybe we'll get a little more polite about passing colds and stuff. That'd be good. Yeah. At the very least, a cold. I'll give you the flu, but I don't feel bad giving you the cold. Just don't go out if you feel sick, whether it's coronavirus or anything. Yeah. That used to be like a thing like, oh, you're not that sick.

You can come out. Oh, come on. You just have a cough. Like you'll get over it. Yeah. All right. This is If I Were You, an advice show. It's not just corona advice, but general advice.

It's actually the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Jake. I actually found a quarantine question because there are people who are still working from home, just like us, every day, day in, day out. Oh, yeah. So we'll call this guy. Zoom after Zoom.

After Zoom. Yeah. After Zoom. After Zoom. After Zoom. After Zoom. After Zoom. Got it.

Zoom. Nice. Yeah. So this person's actually... It's a lot of Zoom. I get it. It's all. You don't have to say that.

We understand. It's a lot of Zoom. It's actually... Too many. We'll call this guy Quentin because he has a quarantine question. All right. All right. So this is a quarantine question, a dilemma straight from lockdown, London Town.

Uh-oh. My job involves talking to people a lot. Non-stop, day in, day out, and I'm having meetings, shaking hands, being personal. So while this viral contagion is undoubtedly a total nightmare of the world over, the first couple of weeks of lockdown were bombed to my soul. They were exactly what I needed, not seeing anyone for an indefinite period. Uh, I needed a period of enforced rest. I needed to give my mind a time to shut down for a while, and I'm still doing my job via

email as much as I can without pay. But here's the thing. I'm super not down for all these Zoom parties, quizzes, phone calls, texts, this non-stop, unending barrage of social events and enforced interaction with everyone and everyone via webcam. So while I can muster the energy to talk to clients via webcam and the odd phone call with my friends, I generally ask them to email me instead. So my question is, how do you get out of socializing online without looking like a douche?

I'm a sociable guy from the old world, but I'm so tired of my phone buzzing and endless people wanting to do online quiz nights. But I don't want to say it's for my mental health because it's not. And if you just say, I don't want to do this trivia night, I don't want to zoom, you look like an asshole. So what's your solution, Jake and Amir? Thank you. Love Quentin.

Hmm. Quentin, what it's tough cookie. I, I got a couple of opinions here. Number one, I don't think you're the only person that feels this way. I think that there's a lot of people going through the motions being like, I, I don't want to fade away into non-existence. I don't want to lose touch with people. I got a, I've zoomed all day for work.

Now I want to, I've got to zoom with my friends and family. I don't think that they would react badly to you being like, I'm zoomed out. I can't do it tonight. I have zoom exhaustion. I feel like you have to just be honest with people about your emotional state these days. It's not a normal thing that we all just went into lockdown and started working remotely and zoom everywhere and look at screens all day. Like you're dealing with everything while being anxious and depressed because of the

state of the world. And I think that you got to, you can give yourself a pass and just tell people I'm not up for it. But you don't have to say, if you're uncomfortable being like, I have to do it for my mental health. You just say something like, I've been looking at the screen too long today. I can't do it. So, you know, why is it, why is that harder?

Like why is going to four zoom meetings and the zoom birthday party harder than going to four real meetings and then like a real birthday party? I don't know. What's your theory? I think that zoom, like with screen stuff, you give a lot of energy, but I don't know if you receive it or at least I don't. Like it's hard to, it's hard to really connect. You kind of just have to like put out and leave it all out there.

Whereas when I'm in a meeting or when I'm at a party or when I'm seeing people in real life, there's like a given, a take of energy. And I can like, I can, I can feel other people's excitement and buzz. And that makes me happy. I don't feel that over zoom. So it feels like give and give and give and get nothing in return. Yeah. It's like the, it's a one way mirror.

It's like you're giving to the other person, but there's nobody there. You're just literally like, if my dog was staring at me, he'd be like, why is, why is Mr. just sitting or standing and staring at this computer for eight hours a day? And now it's time to do it again. You're not moving anywhere in your house even. And I mean, when you're zooming, like how do you, I already know the answer to this because I zoom with you and I see what you're doing, but like it's, it's not like we're in a meeting where we're like talking to each other and I'm like looking at your face.

So you're like, I'm a smaller box on your screen where you have like emails and texts and other stuff coming in. It's like you can't give anything your full attention. So you feel just like scatterbrained and, and like brain dead every, every time you're trying to like talk to anybody. Yeah. I wonder if some of it is also like when you are in a party, you literally can't see yourself. You can hide yourself, you can hide yourself on zoom.

Yeah. But most people like it's either like presenter mode and you can see yourself a little. I was like checking myself out. Am I looking fine? But like if I was in a party, I wasn't, I wouldn't just be like staring at a mirror's like looking at myself constantly checking myself out, seeing my zoom background. Is there a light in your face or whatever? Right.

And that is the annoying thing about like, um, sometimes I hide the self view and then if it like comes on for any reason, um, I'm, I like realize that I'm doing something like bad with my posture, like, or there's a light flare or something. So you do kind of have to check in on it and make sure you're not like leaning out of frame or something. Yeah. There's also no reset with zoom meetings. There's no like, all right, let me take a 20 minute break and drive somewhere or let's

have this meeting at a lunch and then meeting in a conference room. It's like, oh yeah, they can go back to back and they often back to back and you're sitting in the same place. Like you're not moving at all. Right. I think that that's just the other, it comes back to the point that I already made. But like you feel mentally exhausted. But the thing to remember is that it's not just happening to you.

So I, I really do think that there's like sharing this kind of thing with people you can complain about just like you and I are doing right now. Like there's, there's people out there that will commiserate with you and have empathy on the subject as long as you are willing to share it. Also, you can never like on your computer, on your zoom, yours, it's a conversation. And then surrounded with texts on one side, email on another, social media on the bottom. Whereas like at a party, you can't like surround yourself, your field of vision with your computer. Yeah.

But at a party, sometimes I see other people and I'm like, oh, I got to go talk to that guy. Oh, I got to go talk to this lady. So, you know, but that's, that's exciting. That's good. And but that, and that's like cool. You're like, oh, I haven't seen this person in a long time, but now I'm just like, oh, I haven't refreshed Twitter in a second.

It seems like there's a little here. Let's see who the Lakers signed. The other piece of advice I have, if you don't want to say that you're doing anything for your mental health, you can just be like, I have another zoom because there's always a billion zooms and nobody's going to be like, what, who are you zooming with? I've definitely gotten out of things. This like over the summer by just being like, oh, I can't do that when I have another zoom birthday party.

I, my like, she'll has a zoom baby shower that I have to make an appearance out. So I can't do that. So it's, it's hard because you can't play in the traffic either. But you used to, if I, there were times when I didn't want to do something in old days and, and if I didn't try to think of like an example, but like if I didn't want to go out, I like lying was harder than because you, you couldn't like say, I can't go to this because I have to do this and then you can get caught out. But like, if I just say there's another zoom, I can't get caught with anything.

I'm just, I'm just going to watch TV and you'll never know. You know, you won't see me at a different bar. You'll just never see me again. Yeah, it's nice and easy to lie, which is nice. And I think that you should take advantage of it because it also feels good to get canceled on when I'm, when I've got a zoom meeting and somebody slacks me just before and they're like, let's move this. I'm not like, oh, what the nerve wanted to get on that zoom every single time.

I'm like, thank the goddamn Lord. Now you get to walk outside and see the sun was last time you went outside personally. Yeah. Uh, this morning. That's good. Where'd you go? I walked to Whole Foods Starbucks and got some food snacks for my home and, uh, like, uh, that, um, like probiotic blackberry yogurt smoothie drink that comes in a bottle.

I forget the brand, but yeah, it was like a good snack, um, a good walk. And then you're able to get some vitamin D, some exercise. You listen to a podcast on the way in a way on the day and then get like an egg bite from Starbucks. You just pick that up. Yeah. Yeah. You do like, uh, you'll get like a mobile order and then it's like sort of ready for you

right there to pick it up. That's right. Suvita loca. Nice. Suvita mocha. More likely. What does that mean? I know you like that mocha.

I don't, I don't get that. I usually don't. I don't really like it. I have a new. I'm sorry. What do you say? I don't like mocha. Yeah.

I don't like chocolatey drinks. So. Okay. Sorry. It's okay. Let's. Yeah. Don't be.

You're like looking defensive. I was just kidding. It's for Joe. I'm not. I don't drink chocolate milk. I mean, you like a sweet and vanilla ice cream. Yeah. Sometimes with chocolate too.

Yeah. You do like chocolate. I love it. You have a sweet. I actually, I started getting a new drink at Starbucks that I really like. What? Yes. Is it warm or cold?

Cold. Okay. Is it an espresso type drink? Espresso or cappuccino? No. So it's just a black coffee style drink. But different than just cold brew or just a nice coffee? Yeah.

It's just a black iced coffee. Okay. And this is a new drink from that. Interesting. Is there any dairy in it? Non-dairy. But you'll see like a splash of almond milk or something. Something like that.

Yes. Okay. And is there any sweetener in it? I think so. Yeah. You're getting a pumpkin spice lot. No. A unicorn frappe.

I see it in the background. It's a lot of whipped cream. I'm getting a cold brew with dark cocoa almond foam. Dark cocoa almond foam. Yeah. Yeah. And do you like saying that out loud or usually just do the... I don't.

I do not. I love asking for a black coffee because it was so simple. They never ever messed it up. And it's cool to say. Yeah. It's cool to say. Well, luckily I only order off the mobile app. But I don't have to say it to anybody.

But there have been times where they messed it up. And I have to go to the counter. And I say, this was supposed to be a dark cocoa almond foam. And that's not fun. Because it's kind of complicated. No. But it's like on the menu. You know, it's just really...

But it's really good. Highly recommend out there. What? How did you even try that? Dark cocoa almond foam. Jillian got it once. What is a dark cocoa almond foam anyway? They take almond milk and cocoa powder.

And I think maybe a pump of syrup. But I'm not entirely sure if that's in it or not. So I'm hoping that it's not. But I know it's 70 calories. And I don't know if any of them come from sugar anyway. Anyway. It's just... Oh, wow.

Look at that. Yeah. It's like a little... It looks like a little beer. Yeah. It's the foam. It's just like... It's chocolatey.

It's delicious. It's so good. And now I wake up in the morning thinking about it. Something that I have not done since I kicked my habit of the grande sweetened iced coffee. Yeah. You ever get that for old time's sake? Or do you feel like that phase of your life is gone forever? I used to get that as a little treat for myself.

Hangover. Like, yeah. Every other Sunday, a couple of times a month maybe. From going on a long road trip, I'll get an old coffee with the sugar in it. Basically, I switched over to black and now I love the dark cocoa almond foam so much that even there's days when I'm hungover that I would normally have treated myself to the sweetened coffee and I prefer the dark cocoa almond foam. Dark cocoa almond foam.

Try it out, folks. I should have saved this for unsolicited advice. It's true. Wow. Does it make it... The whole thing tastes kind of like a chocolate milk? Yes. Yes, it does.

Do you keep the foam on top or do you mix it in? I take one perfect sip of the foam from the top and then I mix it in because you don't want to... It's too much if you just have the foam. But that first sip is really good because that's nice foamy. You should fuck with making it at home. I wonder how hard it is to make your own dark cocoa almond foam. Micah and I talked about that actually.

I don't think it would be hard. I don't think it would be hard. We just need the cocoa powder. You need the almond milk. I gotta find out the other thing. And then they blend it in something. I don't know how exactly to make it into the foam. Yeah, there's like a foamer.

I need an original blender. Yeah. I don't really care if it's foamy or not. I think I just like... If they just had the chocolate milk, they could put it in there and I'd be fine. I'm not like... It's not the foam that I want. It's cocoa, baby.

Good to know, no. Alright, let's take a break. I'm in love with the cocoa. Nice. Let's take a break. Thanks for the sponsors and come back right after these messages. Yeah. Not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech-savvy family member that you need a gift for soon,

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Oh, it's a lift. Dude, it's a fight. Oh, I'm coming. Gross. Try the dark cocoa almond foam cold brew from Starbucks, fam. That's good. That is the goat. It's so good.

You can start putting that once you figure out how to make that foam at home. You can start putting that foam on anything like if you're having a smoothie, you can make a smoothie with dark cocoa almond foam or like a tuna sandwich. I could have like with a little bit of like that foam on top. Yeah. And then do you ever have FOMO, the fear of missing out of the dark cocoa almond foam? Yeah, I have a lot of FOMO. It's like a Starbucks ad.

Have FOMO, fear of missing out on foam. God, I would love to be a Starbucks spokesperson. I think I fucking earned it. Are there Starbucks TV commercials? I feel like I'd never see a Starbucks ad. I remember there was one. I remember there was. For like holiday.

Yeah. But no, I don't think they have a lot. They don't need it because their product's so good and it's addictive. Yeah. It's like cigarettes don't need ads either. You just sort of smoke one, one day. Yeah. Don't worry.

And you need it. Yeah. You just, you'll need it. So. That's the ad. Don't worry. You'll need it. All right.

Here's a question from a guy who's dealing with a jealous wife. A jealous wife. Which is so hot. Let's call him Tiger Woods. Oh God. Yeah, I guess he cheated on his wife, so it doesn't really track. Yeah, I was dealing with a jealous wife. He's a piece of shit to her. She was so mad at him when he cheated on her. Were you jealous that I fucked a porn star? Oh, that was a cocktail way. Just babe, relax. Alright, let's call this man Jane George Jetson. George Jetson.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We began dating in high school and we were our first relationships. However, she is overly jealous. Last night, she showed me a video of a girl in heels juggling a soccer ball and I just said, wow, that takes some mad talent. She's skilled and my wife proceeded to stop the video and say, okay, that's enough of you drooling over her. She complains that I never mention what female celebrities I'm into. I avoid doing so because she acts weird when I do. Last week, she asked me if I thought Ashley Benson was pretty and I mentioned how I thought she was extremely pretty

She responded by saying, sorry, I don't have her figure and her blonde hair. I guess you just have to be pretty miserable for the rest of your life. And to top this off, if I mention anything about how a certain male celebrity is jacked, let's say Michael B. Jordan, she begins accusing me of being into guys since I never compliment female actors and she said she should be worried. Is there anything I could do to fix this? I have not done anything in the slightest to have her have any doubts. I do have a tendency to befriend females easily, but I've never done anything out of line with any of them as most of them are interested in other females or married help. All right. So funny to imagine.

They're showing this soccer video. Like what reaction could he have had that would have pleased you? My Lord. Well, she's pretty talented. What do you want to just fuck her as all? I don't know. I'm sorry. You're the one who showed me the TikTok. Isn't that why you got rid of TikTok? Because it was just a bunch of tweenagers twerking. For me, for me, that's what it was. My algorithm had me pegged. It wasn't tweenagers though.

They were a lot younger. No, they were old. They were fucking age. There was a hundred and seven year old. It's working. On the Empire State Building. Yeah. So, huh? What? What the heck? How do you deal with such a jealous lover? I think what the framing should be in your head is why is my wife feeling so insecure? And it's not that she's...

Her shit is taking the form of jealousy. But I don't think that you're going to be able to make her not be jealous based on anything you do. I think you got to talk about it. You got to be like, I feel like you're jealous of stuff. Why is that? I don't know exactly how to put it. But that's really what it is. It has to be a conversation. And I don't think it's going to be like, oh, I'm jealous because you have friends that are girls. It sounds like maybe, especially the Ashley Benson example is like, that's an insecurity.

Like, she's worried that she doesn't have a body type that makes you happy. Maybe you need to be a little more free with your compliments of her. I don't know what that looks like for you guys. But I think that she's got things to work through and you can help by talking. Who's Ashley Benson? Is she a famous actor, singer, songwriter? Yeah. I think she was in... Is it Pretty Little Liars? She's something.

I see. I see. I see. She was in a College Humor video that I acted in. What? What was it? I forget. It was very weird. She was in a College Humor video? And you were in it too? Yeah.

Oh yeah, I guess she's a movie star. That'll do it. Yeah, remember when College Humor just tried to be like funny or die and get celebrities in videos? We're like, let's just do exactly like they did. Yeah. That was weird. And then you were in it too? Yeah.

After working in College Humor for 10 years, I got the guest star in video. Was it secret girl language? Yes. Yes, that's right. That is right. I see you here. You're sort of being used as a mop. So she's picking you up and sort of rubbing your face into dirt. That's right. I mopped for that shoot. Yeah, it wasn't even on camera. You were just sort of a mop in the background on the day. I did crafty that day because I needed to be near Benson.

Yeah. Usually, I assume jealousy comes from like a place of deep insecurity about maybe how she's feeling after 10 years. So it might just be more about for every compliment you give to a tiktoker who's doing amazing tricks on her with a soccer ball. You pay some compliments to her as well. So she doesn't feel like she's left out. Right. And I don't even think it's necessarily something that you could be doing better. I think these are like demons that she needs to exercise by sharing them with you.

So find a way to unearth it. Yeah. All right. One last question. Okay. This one is about a 21-year-old girl from a tiny town in Spain. So what's a tiny town in Spain girl name? It's a huge megalopolis. Millions of people live in here. Barcelona.

No, it's another huge city. We're talking about a small, tiny town in Spain. Paris? Something that like, yeah. Fine. Okay. Fine. All right. Fucking Marie.

No, I said, peri. I said, peri. All right. I wanted to give you, I guess, the benefit of the doubt for no reason. I'm not calling her peri. Obviously, that's a huge French city. I'm calling her Marie, which is maybe that, maybe that's her actual name, but we're just guessing we don't know. Fake name, anonymity, real problem. I have a friend who experiences a lot of pleasure when someone tickles his knees

up to the point where he says it feels similar to an orgasm. As it is easy and can be done anywhere, I sometimes like to do it to him and he obviously enjoys it. The point is that we're just friends, best friends actually. So I'm afraid about it being weird, like maybe too sexual for friends. Should I just go ahead and talk to him about it? But I'm worried that I could be the one who's actually making it weird by bringing it up. What do you think? Is it weird?

Should I talk to him about it? Love in advance, Marie. There's a city called Maria in Spain and it's very small, little small town. There you go. Maria. I knew that when I said peri. Peri. So it's her friend that it's like they're not necessarily orgasm laughter.

It's just sounds like her. Yeah, he's very ticklish and he loves it when people tickle his knees and she's just a friend and you know, they're tickling each other. And is that too sexual? Is that too weird? Do you bring it up? I don't think you bring it up, but if like, I think it's a little sexual. You're tickling your friends.

Yeah. It doesn't matter if he laughs so much that it seems like an orgasm. You guys are like touching each other to make each other tickle. Like I don't even care what the laugh sounds like. It's definitely sexual. Especially the knees. There's something about the knees, you know, the elbows of the legs. Imagine if you and if Avi et al found out that you had a female friend that you got together with

and you like to tickle each other. It's just a tickle fight. Relax. You're kissing. We just tickle each other. It's super ticklish on her neck and her knees, her elbows and her back. And you know, I'm ticklish in my nose and my ass and my lips and my mouth. Yeah.

It's a little sexual. It's a little sexual inherently. Yeah. So I think there's a chance he thinks it's flirtatious. If you really don't want it to be flirtatious, maybe don't tickle him. Yeah. That's the move. But if you want to.

Maybe he might want it. Yeah. If you guys, if you, if you want to it to be sexy, then I bet he thinks it's sexy. And if you want it to be platonic, I bet he doesn't think it's platonic. Yeah. So make your decision based on that. Yeah. He doesn't think like, oh, it's just a whatever, like a casual friendly tickle sesh.

Think about how many casual friendly tickle seshes you have. Can you imagine if you had a foot fetish? Like how easy that would be to like be super turned on. Why? Because you see people's feet a lot. Yeah. All the time. When you have a foot fetish, is that like the, are you finding feet more attractive

than anybody finds any part of a human body? I don't know. Or are you like, when you see feet, it's like me seeing boobs or you seeing butts where it's like, yeah, you can imagine just by seeing someone's shoes, just as I can imagine, just by seeing someone at a beach. Interesting. Or is it like, no, no, no, I find feet hotter than you'll find anything. I just need to fucking see a foot and I'm going half hard.

I'm half hard talking about feet right now. And likewise, if it is the exceptional degree, like can you have a boob fetish where it's like, yeah, everyone's turned down, turned on by boobs. It's like you're forbidden part of the body. I'm a butt guy, but I don't, do I have a butt fetish? I don't think so. I just like the irregular amount. But even if you're in the 80th percentile, yeah.

Does it just have to be above average or is there a specific threshold for fetish? We should have a fetish doctor on. Yeah. Or someone that studies them. Does it seem like an anthropologist? Yeah. We have to have a fetishist on. So if you're a local fetish Scientologist, let us know.

And it really has to be a Scientologist. Right. Because we need to be clear. Yeah. All right. If you have any questions of your own, send them on down to, if I were you, show at gmail.com. If you have any of your own theme songs, same address, if I were you, show at gmail.com. The opening theme song was by Tom in Sweden.

This closing one is by Hiram, H-Y-R-U-M. In Ottawa, who made a theme song out of Thomas Middle Ditch's improvised singing on episode five of the earliest show with Ben Schwartz. So. It's a Ben and Thomas themed song, but for something they did not on our program. Got it. And he just wants a shout out to his D&D character, if that would be cool. Should we shout out his D&D character?

Yeah, dude. I can love D&D. It's a Halfling Druid. Do you know what that is? Yes, I do. Of course I do. You played a Halfling. I think Yugo was a Halfling.

Really? You were a Halfling rogue. I appreciate this guy. Yugo style. This Halfling Druid is called Bagwise Samgy. Nice. You know what that's referenced to? Yeah.

Samwise Ganji. Nice. Or is it Banji? It's Gamji. Yeah. So this guy's Bagwise Samgy. Nice. And if you want more of us, our Patreon, patreon.com.com.jai weekly videos every Thursday.

Yeah, dude. That's right. Damn. We have a lot of videos now. We've been doing over. Is it two years now? Yeah. I think it might be.

Yeah. We're watching some Thanksgiving videos this week or some of our old Thanksgiving videos for Thanksgiving week. Yeah. Check it out. Thank you. And yeah. We're thankful for you guys.

Thanks for watching. Have a safe ass turkey day. That's right. And we'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. Bye. Can you sing a song, please? Oh, sing a song for the baby.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, that felt good. Thank you so much for that.