Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 350: Dogging with Holly Walsh

Episode Date: November 10, 2014

British comedian and writer Holly Walsh joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of famous dogs, Top Gear, and Irish boy bands. ...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in the city of Los Angeles. There's some kind of fruit festival going on across the street. Some hand drumming accompanying that? It looks like possibly some kind of folklorico dance class happening right across the street. Some hand drumming accompanying that. It looks like possibly some kind of folklorico dance class happening right across the street. I heard there's also a soup kitchen.
Starting point is 00:00:32 Sunday afternoon is an exciting time in MacArthur Park. You know, I was a little bit early to the record today. I got here a little bit early, so I had a book in the car. Went down to the park by the pavilion. What do you call that? It's the something pavilion. The Levitt pavilion. There you go.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Had a nice read, but I was offered some pot brownies. Just by a friendly person or by a vendor? I think she was selling them, yes. This was kind of a classic lady who would sell you pot brownies. Okay. I really thought about buying them because, you know what, I mean, I have a card and I, you know, I go to dispensaries to buy my ganj. Sure. But, you know, like.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Let's say you want to puff the ganj. Sure. You're going to go to a dispensary. You're not going to puff puff the homegrown. Well, and I thought to myself, like, well, I've been, I mean, I've been supporting, you know, these marijuana concerns. Right. I don't know whose money, whose pocket this money is going into. I should support this local artisan.
Starting point is 00:01:30 Or specifically whose mattress it's going into because you can't put it in the bank. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Whose whose other business it's going into to funnel it into a Swiss bank. Yeah. I did not have cash on me, but I did. I did seriously think about buying this lady's pot brownie and, you know, thinking globally but acting locally. Right. Which is my motto.
Starting point is 00:01:52 There's a recession, Jordan. Which, in addition to that's a spicy meatball, is my number one catchphrase. So your two catchphrases are, number one, that's a spicy meatball. Of course, that's your beloved classic catchphrase. Sure. You can say it. What's great about it is it applies to so many situations. Yeah. spicy meatball. Of course, that's your beloved classic catchphrase.
Starting point is 00:02:06 You can say it. What's great about it is it applies to so many situations. Yeah. And then number two... Like when you're at the beach and a wave comes by and a bunch of babes' tops come off. Yeah. And others. The number two catchphrase for Jordan Morris is
Starting point is 00:02:22 think globally, act locally, which is perfect and – again, it's almost universally applicable. Sure. Assuming the year is 1992. And another important thing about these catchphrases is that I made both of them up. Right. I mean I know you weren't saying that I didn't, but I just like to say that because – They're what they call Jomo Originals.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Sure. In fact, don't you have a line of greeting cards called Jomo Originals? Yeah. You open it up and there's a voice chip inside. And my voice says one of my classic catchphrases, yeah, we're going to do some t-shirts and some bobbleheads and stuff. But yeah, that's all in the future. Blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:03:02 They're perfect for, you get these cards, you can take them to an Italian restaurant. You can take them to a Spearhead concert. Those are the two places you're going to take them to. Yeah, I don't know where else. Yeah, I don't know where else people go. Yeah, I think that's
Starting point is 00:03:19 fair. Jordan, on the one hand, I admire your commitment to local business. And certainly I admire your commitment to local business. And certainly I admire your commitment to made in the USA, American manufacturing, the revival of American manufacturing. I mean, I drive a muscle car. Sure. Ford muscle. And you wear-
Starting point is 00:03:40 A Ford glute. You wear only Filson clothing. Yeah, no, you're made in the USA, tried and true all the way. Sure. It's a beautiful Ford glute. You wear only Filson clothing. Yeah, no, you're made in the USA, tried and true all the way. Sure. It's a beautiful Ford glute. I should say that it's got, oh, yeah, the horsies under that glute. Oh, man. So many horsies.
Starting point is 00:03:56 I should say that this lady, this pot brownie selling lady, she came up to me. And the park's pretty crowded. It's a busy day out there. Yeah. She came up to me, asked the park's pretty crowded. It's a busy day out there. She came up to me, asked, would you want to buy a pot brownie? I said, no thanks. And then she immediately went to a tree that was maybe 10 feet away and then just slumped down under it. I felt like I was her last.
Starting point is 00:04:21 She's like, this guy doesn't buy one. I don't know what I'm going to do. And when I left, she was still slumped under that tree. I feel like a real... I'm going to go back out. Get all the change in my ashtray. Here's the thing. I think the problem is, if you're just
Starting point is 00:04:36 a regular marijuana dealer, you don't have a baker's worry, which is staleness. Sure. No one wants to buy a day-old pot brownie. Uh-uh. It's going to be stale. Right.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Do you think she said that... Oh, great. Now Holly Walsh is going to talk? She hasn't even been introduced on the show. Let's introduce her because I think she has some insight that she can share. Okay. As an outsider, I have insight. Number one.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Get closer to your microphone there, Holly. Okay. insight. Number one. Get closer to your microphone there, Holly. Okay, so Holly Walsh is a stand-up comedian and comedy writer. Much beloved in her native United Kingdom. Unbeloved in this kingdom.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Hated, I would say. Hated and reviled. It's amazing to be unknown and hated all at once. Sure. Well, I mean, people just get a vibe around you. They're like, I don't know who that is. As soon as they see me, they're like, I know where we are with this. Can I make a recommendation, Holly?
Starting point is 00:05:31 Of course. To deal with this problem? Yes. Maybe you could get your jib recut? Because I think that's going to be part of the problem. People are going to get one look at you. They don't like the cut of your jib. I like the cut of my jib, though.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Okay, fair enough. It's sort of do you have that word what are those scissors that you cut which have like they do like zigzag
Starting point is 00:05:51 you're now describing all scissors zigzag oh sure sure oh sure like not crimping but like is shears crimping
Starting point is 00:05:58 crimping shears sounds like a thing yeah something shears it's a good word yeah so that so that it doesn't so fabric doesn't fray. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:05 I can't think of what – it's called something or other. Shears. By all means, send us 1,000 emails with the name of these. Just tens of thousands of emails right now. Get on Twitter. No one – definitely no one has already told us what the name of those shears are. That's just – You're the first.
Starting point is 00:06:19 You're the only one who knows. To you, the listener out there. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky.
Starting point is 00:06:24 Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky listener out there. Pinky. Pinky. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Thank you very much. Brian, by the way, just Googled zigzag scissors. Which is frankly what they should be called. I think so too. Going back to this pot lady. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:06:37 I think she was working Sunday. No one wants to work Sundays. No. The Lord's Day. The Lord's Day. Everybody else was out having a good time. She had to do the Sunday shift.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Sure. Right. I reckon she had the equivalent of her fingers in the till in pot terms. I think she'd had herself a brownie before she sold you a brownie, and the brownie hit her shortly after. So if anything, it was an incredible advert. It was an amazing advert. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:07:02 You could be slumped over. In that chair with that lady right now. I am just surprised. Oh, man. You could be slumped over. In that chair with that lady right now. I am just surprised. There's so much vending going on in MacArthur Park at any given time. I would like to see maybe some of the pupusa and tamale ladies selling pot brownies just as a side business. And the dudes that make fresh squeezed orange juice on those giant arms. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.
Starting point is 00:07:27 I think a marijuana could add a certain extra something. Sure, yeah. A little zip to their bottom lines. Yeah, a little zip and slump. Here's my thing. You zip and then you slump. Here's my thing, though, Jordan. Isn't that another one of your...
Starting point is 00:07:43 That is another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The old zip and slump. I appreciate your enthusiasm regarding purchasing drugs in a park. I've never done that before. I'd say that was one of them. Internationally, a traditional vending spot for drugs in a park. Well, Jordan, I mean, you were not much of a drug user for much of your adult life.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Sure. And then became one only socially. Yeah. And now that's- Not professionally. It's legal. Yeah, back when I was in deep purple, I was a professional drug user, but that all went to shit. Cut back to retirement.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Yeah. And you now are able to procure drugs most legally. Yeah, yeah. Roughly speaking. I've bought drugs a couple of times from a guy in an apartment. You now are able to procure drugs most legally. Yeah. Roughly speaking. I've bought drugs a couple of times from a guy in an apartment. And a guy at a place that I'm at. When you say a place that you're at, like a local public library? Yeah, a public library.
Starting point is 00:08:41 A Gelson? A CBD clinic. Youth group? Down at the Piggly Wiggly. And all pot is pretty easy to buy out here. But yeah, I never have bought drugs in the park from a rando. I would recommend that you not start with marijuana edibles. Sure.
Starting point is 00:08:58 That seems like something – The most unpredictable of all drugs. Where consistency is something that you're going to want, right? Yes. No, absolutely. I mean, you know. And, yeah, this lady looked like – I do agree with you, Holly, that it looked like she had been getting high on the proverbial own supply. And, yeah, probably is not the person you want telling you how much to take.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Can I suggest something alternately to you? Did you think about asking if she had any fresh squeezed orange juice? Yeah, a bag of wagon wheel shaped corn crunchies. I like the idea that all of their different products are laced with a different drug. So you get pop brownies, you get acid juice, which has its own acid in it, citrus. That's true. Just move through. Good point taken.
Starting point is 00:09:49 It already has its own acid. Sure. And then, of course, you get ayahuasca pupusas. Yeah. They're strong, so only eat half. Yeah, man. I think so. I think MacArthur Park definitely could see a new renaissance.
Starting point is 00:10:03 I mean, not that it's not lively and happening now, but I mean, you could bring in a whole new clientele if you just allowed, made it kind of a law-free zone. An area of martial law, anything goes. Sure, like on the wire. Sure, exactly. You just put a sofa in the middle. Whatever happens within 100 meters of that sofa is anyone's business. Exactly. That's actually in the Magna Carta.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Right. Anything within 100 miles of that sofa. Sure. Just tack up some fucking sweet posters on the trees to check out. Yeah. I like it. I say, and you know what else is good? You get a sofa that's got legs.
Starting point is 00:10:42 You tie some 100-yard strings to it. You get a really sophisticated understanding of the. You tie some hundred yard strings to it. You get a really sophisticated understanding of the lawless zone. Yeah. And you know, throw a couple knives in there, see what happens. Yeah, you throw some cockfights. What's a cockfight? It's like where two
Starting point is 00:10:58 roosters. Two little boys are peeing. Oh, Jesse, this is an innocent rooster fight. Okay. And you made it out to be something salacious. Excuse me. To where people bet on attack chickens who fight each other.
Starting point is 00:11:14 What do you call those in England? Attack chickens is a term of art, Jordan. We have badger baiting. Wait, badger baiting? That's not real. Badger baiting is a big thing. I don't approve. Yeah, no one does. I'll tell you who really doesn't approve.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Brian May of Queen. Really? Is literally the spokesman for badgers in the UK. And he's taken it upon himself to go for it with the badger community. Wow. Yeah, that's his thing. I have to say, Holly, that I can't imagine anything more English than Brian May in a commercial advocating on behalf of badgers. That's true.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Just Google it. So the badgers in badger baiting, they fight each other? They fight each other, yeah. Oh, boy. In a pit in the woods. Oh, no. That's no good. Poor badgers.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Badgers are belligerent creatures. But it's similar to cockfighting. I mean, that's two birds that weren't in for it. Sure. And suddenly bred and made to peck each other's eyes out. Oh, side note, badger baiting does sound like it would be a gay subculture. Yes, it does. That would be really cool.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Do you have the phrase cottaging here? Oh, what's that? Cottaging is just going out if you're a... It's where you substitute french fries for something healthier. Yeah. You're a gay guy and you're out in the park and you want to meet another gay guy. You're cottaging. Oh, I think we call that cruising.
Starting point is 00:12:29 Yeah, I think it's similar. Yeah. So where does the cottage enter in? Huh? Oh, England has designated gay stuff cottages. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Just all parks have a cottage in the center.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Yeah, and it's like our couch-based lawless zone here in the U.S. If you meet a... It just says on the door, hot dudes only. If you meet a hot dude who's ready to go, get up in that cottage. It's called cottaging. It's usually not even inside, though.
Starting point is 00:12:59 That's the whole point of it. It's outside. So then why is it called cottaging? Why is it called cruising? Because you're cruising around looking for some dick. Yeah. But you don't really cruise. You're just walking.
Starting point is 00:13:10 And you're probably looking quite... But you're like... You're like trying to look cool so you meet some other hot dudes. Do you have no theory on the origin of cottaging? I always imagined that cruising was done with a certain savoir faire. I'm sure you're right. A kind of jive walk. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:32 A shuffle. Yeah, exactly. A little kickball change. Just a little bit of fun. Sure. Come on, boys. Let's get out there. Find some D.
Starting point is 00:13:44 You're in the park. It's a beautiful night. Cottaging. Let's get out there. Find some D. You're in the park. It's a beautiful night. Cottaging. What's a thing? So I was listening to a friend of the program, Helen Zaltzman's show, Answer Me This. The best. Second best. To?
Starting point is 00:14:01 Jordan, just to go. The show you're on right now. Yeah, yeah. That you've been invited on to now I'm locked in a room with and locked
Starting point is 00:14:10 into a cottage with it's a recording cottage by the way if you could just give us a few minutes
Starting point is 00:14:16 later yeah we're going to toss in a badger see what happens I understand the padding on the walls
Starting point is 00:14:22 so and I can't remember what it's called, but apparently there's an epidemic of wild public parking lot sex in England that has a name. Oh, dogging. Dogging. What's the word for lay-by? Like on a big motorway or whatever and you pull over into a sort of designated kind of area where you're allowed to sort of stop and sleep. Oh, yeah. What's that called, Jordan?
Starting point is 00:14:49 That has a name. Yeah. Not a turn-off. Sure. It's something. It's definitely not a turn-off. Car stops. Although I do – I personally find it to be a turn-off.
Starting point is 00:14:58 It's not where I would choose to stop. It's those areas of the freeway, rude people, and these are your turn-offs. Yeah, those are my primary turn-offs. So you pull into a lay-by. You pull into an area by a main road. You sit in the car. You wait for somebody else to do that. There's various different signals that you do with your lights, I think, and screens and stuff.
Starting point is 00:15:17 This sounds fun. So two people do it in the car, and everybody else sort of turns on their headlights and watches what's happening. And then they just drive off. It's very much an audience-based. So it's – I mean, two people are doing it. It's an invitation to check it out. Some people like to do it in front of other people and some people just like to sit and watch.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Sure. And this is – these are heterosexual sexual activities. I'm sure that it's not – I'm sure it's not exclusive to heterosexuals. It's just what you want to watch. All combinations. Yeah, I'm sure it's not exclusive to heterosexuals. It's just what you want to watch. All combinations. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, I've only ever heard of heterosexual ones, but I'm pretty sure the rules are relaxed.
Starting point is 00:15:54 The male homosexual community doesn't need to worry about it. They've got cottaging. They have their own thing. They don't need dogging. They have dogging. If they want to have dangerous public sex with a stranger, they can cottage. They don't need to dog. No.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Well, I mean, I think it's each their own. Well, not really because you can switch over. And this is a real thing that really happens? It really happens. And recently a few people have been, a few high-profile people have been caught, you know, involved in it. The Queen? The Queen. That's one. John Major? Posh Spice? Yeah, the only three high-profile people have been caught, you know, involved in it. The Queen. The Queen. John Major.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Posh Spice. Yeah, the only three high-profile people. Posh Spice was watching. The Queen and John Major were doing it. Sounds hot. Sounds hot. You know what? That sounds like a lot of fun.
Starting point is 00:16:43 Do you think so? Yeah, I think so. Which would you like to be? The person in the car or the watcher? Well, can I say first of all that I think it's fun for straights to get in on questionable, dangerous public sex. Yeah, me too. And I think that's the part of it that I like is that it – usually you like – you associate this kind of like fringy themed sex.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Off-Broadway sex. Yeah, just exactly. Yeah, yeah. Sex that has a lot of secret symbols. Sure. Yeah, yeah. There's definitely – and there's like inside knowledge. I mean obviously but like you have to know which lay-bys that's happening in. Right, yeah. There's a kind of there's like inside knowledge, I mean, obviously, but like you have to know which lay-bys that's happening in. Right, yeah. There's a kind of community to it.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Sure. There's hobo codes maybe that – Not even – like, yeah. Usually this is something you would associate with – this sort of thing is something you associate with like gay men in early 80s New York City. Yeah, there you go. Exactly. And, yeah, I don't – you know, if I was with a lady and she's like, hey, let's pull over, flick the lights, give this a shot. I mean, you know, I'll try anything once. It doesn't sound like something I would be into.
Starting point is 00:17:53 You're both open-minded and open-hearted. Sure, and foolish. How do you feel about the like eight or nine cars that then drive around to watch you doing it? I mean, I don't know. I humiliate myself on a pretty regular basis. This show, for instance. Yeah, sure. This is out there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Can you imagine what it's like to be at a party, Holly? I don't even know if there's something you could wrap your head around. Sure. But just imagine yourself at a social gathering. Someone says to you, so what do you do? Oh, I host a podcast. Yeah. you so what do you do oh i host a podcast yeah so at this point like we are one out of 10 where 10 is highest social status that's probably george clooney sure yeah and zero someone said what are
Starting point is 00:18:35 you doing i went oh i'm george clooney right exactly if you guys if you met someone at a party yeah and that i'm a popular ge Clooney. What are you doing? They were like, I'm a George Clooney. I'd be like, good for you. I knew show business. I thought maybe Denzel. Yeah. But I'm glad you've clarified.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Yeah. I think – yeah. I mean I think it's – I can make it part of my brand, the guy who gives it a shot, the guy who will give it a try. So yeah. I mean I wouldn't want those eight or nine people to be family members or co-workers. That's the thing, though. You don't know. That's true. You have no idea. I do not know what my mom and Brad are into.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Jordan, here's a question for you. Does it bother you at all that you're more of a cat person? What do you mean? In the pursuit of talking. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Is there some sort of variation on this that we could call catting? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:30 I mean, I don't dislike dogs. I mean, I don't want to. I'm fine with being associated with them, but it would be a little more on brand. Like, maybe it's something you can do in a bike lane. This is what I imagine catting is. You masturbating. I like it. I like it. I like it.
Starting point is 00:19:45 In a car on your own. And then nine or ten lonely women in their 60s watching. Exactly. And just imagining me as their dead husband. Or just the cat that passed away. Right. Exactly. passed away.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Right, exactly. I feel like what catting is is when a deeply committed lesbian couple gets a cat. That's it.
Starting point is 00:20:13 That's like their... I could try that. Yeah, go for it. I don't know how I could help with that. I could help them pick the cat maybe. Teach them
Starting point is 00:20:21 you know, some cat techniques. I would say they didn't need you in that situation but I think... What if they didn't need you in that situation. But I think... Well, what if they don't know where to get a cat? Jordan already has one.
Starting point is 00:20:31 He probably knows who sells them. How many do you have? How many cats? Just the one. What make? It's a... It's a Jaguar. Yeah, it's a 2012 Ford cat.
Starting point is 00:20:43 American made. Not one of these Rice Rocket cats, am I right? Yeah. I'm just kidding. Yeah, just the normal cat. Although I did go to a pet adoption fair today and just kind of
Starting point is 00:20:58 browse some... You should have done that with your brownie. Oh yeah, oh god, that would be a fun thing to do fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Because who knows what kind of adoption fair it becomes. I think you just cry.
Starting point is 00:21:12 I mean, you just feel so emotional and connected. Just go up to one of the volunteers. Excuse me, can I adopt these sounds? Yeah, I guess you have them now. Cool, thanks. I don't think I've been past an adoption thing with my wonderful wife without her getting to at least 7 out of 10 where 10 is crying. It's intense. It's an intense emotional experience when any animal is in need around my beautiful loving wife.
Starting point is 00:21:48 If I see any film that an animal gets injured or killed in, that's the end of the film for me. I'm done. I'm out. I can't get past this. What if it's a dangerous animal like that one with the, what was it, Robert De Niro and a bear? Oh, sure. Sure. The David Mamet one. Yeah. Anthony Hopkins. Come on, Brian. what was it, Robert De Niro and a bear? Oh, sure. Sure, the David Mamet one.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Yeah. Anthony Hopkins. Come on, Brian. Get on it. The Edge. It's called The Edge. Don't yell at Brian. He deserved it. He was just sitting there spacing out.
Starting point is 00:22:14 No, you're right. He did. He did. I can tell when Brian is- You're right to yell at Brian. He's there and he's looking stuff up and I can tell when Brian is just sitting there stroking his hair and spacing out. You know, let me- Can I go back?
Starting point is 00:22:25 Which I call catting. Yeah. Brian, Jesse was right to yell at you. I'm sorry I stuck up for you. There. Thank you. We'll be back in just a second with more on Jordan, Jessica. My name is Dave. My name is Graham.
Starting point is 00:22:52 And we're both the hosts of Stop Podcasting Yourself, which is a podcast from Canada. In fact, we've won the best podcast in Canada two years in a row at the Canadian Comedy Awards. Sounds made up. It does sound made up. Even as I was saying it, I'm like, did that really happen? Here's the thing. Stop podcasting yourself. It's a very positive show about two people who hate absolutely everything.
Starting point is 00:23:18 But we love you and you listening through all this promo. People have already fast forwarded through this part of the promo. Anyway, thanks. We're Stop Podcasting Yourself, and you can find us at MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective.
Starting point is 00:23:55 And Holly Walsh, Visitor. Oh, you know what? Can we go back and do that again? You know, there was something on the show last week, R.E. Nicknames, that I kind of wanted to give a shot. Just try it on, see how it feels. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Steel Santa.
Starting point is 00:24:12 And Holly Walsh, Alien. Wow. This is a seasonal thing. We'll do it up until Christmas. What did you go? Steel Santa? Steel Santa. What does that mean? I forget. We were talking about Santa last week.
Starting point is 00:24:33 And it led into some sort of riff about how Santa died like Superman. And then there were replacement Santas that came to take his place. One of them being Steel Santa. I don't know. I like that idea. That's funny. Can we be Steel Santa up until Christmas? That's funny. Sure. That's a funny idea. It's a very funny idea.
Starting point is 00:24:46 I have fun thinking about stuff. Can I tell you something? As much as I don't like it when someone sends us an email or tweet to correct us or to say the name of something that I couldn't remember the name of, but certainly as soon as I stepped out of the booth, if I wanted to know, I could just type it into the internet and find out right away. Sure. I love it when people tell us something funny we said. Oh, that's great. I've consistently forgotten it.
Starting point is 00:25:12 And I get a whole new kick out of it the second time. That's like when I came in and I said I loved that joke you did. Yeah, thank you. That was really fun. That was one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. Yeah, we did a show. In London. We did an International Waters in London. Yeah, with John Watson. That was really fun. That was one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. Yeah, we did a show. In London. We did an International Waters in London.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Yeah, with John Watson. Or two times ago. Who was the other person? I had, the guy playing on my team was Ron Babcock. Oh, yeah. He's a very funny guy from out here. And you had another fellow who was funny. Was it Graham Linehan?
Starting point is 00:25:41 Oh, yeah, Graham Linehan, yeah. Wow, that was a great. It was a great show. Powerful lineup. Yeah, in that horrible cellar that stunk of piss. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Graham Linehan, yeah. Wow, that was a great... It was a great show. Powerful lineup. Yeah, and that horrible cellar that stunk of piss. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was a horrible cellar that stunk of piss.
Starting point is 00:25:50 But folks had a great time. It was great. I think people could... And that might have just been Graham Linehan. What, that stunk of piss? Yeah. Hmm. Now I'm putting it together.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Yeah. I think people could probably look up that episode on the internet. That exists, right? Yeah, I think that's on the internet. Sure. But you said something funny. Yeah, he said something funny about how... I'm not up that episode on the internet. That exists, right? I think that's on the internet. Sure. But you said something funny. Yeah, he said something funny about how... I'm not surprised that he said something funny.
Starting point is 00:26:09 I said that in the wrong tone. No, no, no. I meant to say, what funny thing did Jordan say? Not you said something funny. I didn't take it as such. Okay, thank you. He said something funny about red... You know, we have phone boxes, very famous London icon,
Starting point is 00:26:24 and how there's always sort of cards for sex, like sex phone numbers or prostitutes and stuff stuck in the car, stuck in the, anyway, I'm paraphrasing. It was much funnier how you said it. It was just that. It's pretty funny so far. Well, I feel like I should hand it over to him because it was his observation. But yeah, I mean, that is something that is the thing you'll notice about London. You know, when you're a tourist there, it's like you're kind of looking for these iconic things, you know. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:49 And those phone booths are definitely part of that. And it's funny getting up close to them and seeing that they are basically papered with prostitute advertisements. Yeah. It's great. But his joke was that we should do this. We should definitely do this. You guys are a real group. I feel like we're a married couple who have been together for years and we're just boring.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Tell them that thing you said. Where did we eat last week? They had the fish. Yeah, was it some sort of idea of like that? Well, because that has prostitutes in it. Just every London attraction. Yeah, you go to Buckingham Palace, it would be like packed with prostitutes on the inside. Sure.
Starting point is 00:27:24 Gives a whole new meaning to a beefeater, am I right? Yeah. Here's to you, Jordan. Thanks, guys. And to you, last year. Here's to you, past Jordan. Sure. Or I would consider that to be Silver Age Jordan.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Right, exactly. Holly, how long have you been in God's United States? One week. I got here last weekend. And you're just here for show business reasons. Well. Miscellaneous show business reasons. Yeah, I think so.
Starting point is 00:27:52 So some TV stuff, movie stuff, circus stuff, novels, pamphlets, just all the kinds of show business. Ultimate sports. Yes, sure, sure. And some retail opportunities. Like working at Marshall's? Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to bring badger baiting here.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Oh. Badger baiting. I think America's ready. Well, I'm thinking there's a sort of tie-in with the whole dogging thing where you drive to a lay-by, I get the badger baiting going, and you sit in your cars. It's like a drive-through. That's what a dogging is. It's like drive-through live sex.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Oh. That's exactly what it is. With secret codes. That's what a dogging is. It's like drive through live sex. Oh. That's exactly what it is. With secret codes. That's what makes it magical. I mean, like, you know, if you're driving through In-N-Out Burger, there's the secret menu. You say you want it animal style. In-N-Out Burger is the perfect euphemism
Starting point is 00:28:37 for dogging. Yeah. You do get both the in and the out. I'm sure that this would, like, dogging would take off big time here because you guys love cars. If we promoted it. And you don't like getting out of your cars. Do you think... I mean, I've been very upfront about my willingness to try dogging.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Do you think I could be the celebrity spokesperson for this reckless... You know what we're going to need? Sexual act? We're going to need a marketing budget. If we want to have a marketing budget, we're going to need a sponsor. Can we get the Twitter handle? I was going to suggest maybe we should talk to Sonics, a famous drive-thru restaurant. And I reckon Snoop Dogg.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Yeah. Sure. Yeah, we should definitely get him on board. Sure. And Lassie. Sure. Other famous dog. There's got to be a more famous dog since Lassie.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Benji. Who's Benji? He's from the Benji movies. There's Frasier's dad's dog. Sure. That's a good dog. That is a good dog. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:36 There's the one at a family guy. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. That's good. We could probably rope in some millennials if we get Brian on board. Although, to be fair, that dog isn't real. I'm talking about real dogs. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Well, I mean, if you want to purely go real dogs, we can do that. Yeah. I mean, why would you want a fake dog when you can get a real dog? That's an excellent point. That is your catchphrase. Do you? Brian, can you do me a favor real quick? You're on the internet, right?
Starting point is 00:30:03 Can you look up Benji's phone number? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. We'll talk to Benji later on in the program. We'll get him in here. Sure. Or at least during the break.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Yeah. During the break, I'll get Benji on the horn and see if he's willing to do this. I think he probably will be. Yeah. It's been a long time since he's made a movie. We could probably stage a Michael Keaton-esque comeback for Benji. I think so. Get him to be some like,
Starting point is 00:30:25 some like, do some funny cameos and stuff. But then, you know, kind of find him a kind of high profile, arty,
Starting point is 00:30:33 Oscar bait kind of movie to do. I think we get that I do my matambien director. Oh yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely got to get a, something that's got a lot of,
Starting point is 00:30:39 a lot of style, but is also very sexy. Sure. What about the guy who did, or the guy who did Gravity? Oh sure. I mean, I can see, I can see Benji is also very sexy. Sure. What about the guy who did Gravity? Oh, sure. I mean, I can see Benji in IMAX. Sure.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Just kind of floating around there. And you can go top to bottom because you've got a higher screen. Yeah. So I like that idea. Should we do 70mm IMAX like that Christopher Nolan movie? Oh, of course. Why wouldn't we? You really got to get a load of Benji.
Starting point is 00:31:07 The textures. The textures. why wouldn't we you really gotta get you really gotta get a load of Benji the textures the textures he is a very textural pup a very textural pup Holly Benji no I don't know
Starting point is 00:31:16 who Benji is Yahoo serious you know who that is never made it over the pond Benji is like he was like a moderner lassie
Starting point is 00:31:23 a more modern Lassie. But scruffier too. Scruffier, yeah. What about the littlest hobo? Do you know who the littlest hobo is? Okay, so she does know Canadian dog icon, the littlest hobo. Does England have famous dogs along the lines of Lassie? Do you have this show like America's Got Talent, right?
Starting point is 00:31:39 Yeah. So we had Britain's Got Talent about two years ago. A dog won it. What do you do? A dancing dog won it. What do you mean? A dancing dog won it. Sounds like a great dog! Straight up, it's like a great dog! It beat all those talented British humans, and a dog pipped everyone to the post.
Starting point is 00:31:53 Was it a boy dog or a girl dog? I think it was a boy dog, although its name was Pudsey, which is a pretty asexual name, I would say. Yeah, yeah. Now, what did Pudsey do? He danced. Oh, yeah. He did a lot of dancing, backward dancing,
Starting point is 00:32:07 forward dancing. Hustle, flamenco? You name the track, he had the moves. Really? Yeah. And then they made a movie out of it, which I believe did not do well.
Starting point is 00:32:17 Because people had seen it for their... Was it called The Hudsey Story? Pudsey. Pudsey? Yeah, I think so. You'll have to Google it, but yeah. It was huge. It was huge.
Starting point is 00:32:27 It was huge. They thought it was going to be like Step Up. It was Step Up. It was going to be the next Step Up. Sure. They shot it in 3D. Well, technically, that's Step Up 3D. It was shot in 3D.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Yeah, well, I mean, you know, when you got a Pudsey on board, you want to jump right to 3D. They did name the—I thought it was weird that they named the first movie Pudsey to the Streets. But I guess he was taking his act to the streets. And in some ways it was a sequel to his work on Britain's Got Talent. Yeah, I mean, the naming convention needs a lot of work. Yeah, well, you know. Who judges Britain's Got Talent? That is a good question. I think Simon Cowell.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Other dogs? No, not even question. I think Simon Cowell. Other dogs? No, not even other dogs. That would be great. But also it was an entirely dog-based judging panel for humans as well. Right, and it's like, oh, it's the first time a dog won. Every time someone's sung, the other dogs are like, oh! I think Cowell's involved. You guys familiar with the work of Simon Cowell?
Starting point is 00:33:24 Sure, he's judgmental Britain. Sure. Yeah, exactly. I think this woman called Amanda Holden was involved. She is famous for being married to a quite mainstream comic and then leaving him. But then she's sort of seen as a babe, so she's had a real... Who are we talking about? Jerry Seinfeld?
Starting point is 00:33:43 No. No, no. In the UK. He's been there. I don't know where he is right now. Sure. I don't have a homing device on Jerry Seinfeld. Is it the guy who plays Keith Lemon?
Starting point is 00:33:56 No, it's not him. Oh, okay. But a great reference. Thank you. And then somebody else. It might have been Louis Walsh or someone like that. It could have been one of the Spice Girls. A classic Louis Walsh type. Yeah. Have you ever have been Louis Walsh or someone like that. It could have been one of the Spice Girls. A classic Louis Walsh type.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Yeah. Do you ever come across – have you come across Louis Walsh? Is Louis Walsh a member of Take That? What's the name of that band? He was – Westlife. I don't know. Well, he was this sort of guru who oversaw – there was sort of many generations of Irish boy bands. Like Ireland produces boy bands that you wouldn't believe.
Starting point is 00:34:27 I had no idea. This is a completely new fact to me. Irish boy bands are one of their biggest exports. Now, I knew that the Irish love country and Western music, which really blew my mind when I learned about that. But I did not know about the boy bands. Yeah, they really produce great quality boy bands. Some of the biggest ever come out of Ireland. So not just quantity
Starting point is 00:34:49 but also quality. Yeah, I mean no one does boy bands better than Ireland. Okay, so I'm what qualities do the Irish boy bands have that make them superior to, let's say, a Norse boy band? Can I guess? Sure. Malifluous Brogue.
Starting point is 00:35:06 That's very attractive. Gift of Gab. Gift of the Gab. A luck. A sense of luck. Sure. Other people don't have. A certain talent for Blarney. Great Kissing. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, I mean, for a boy band.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Great Kisses. You gotta have, yeah. Great Coffee. I don't think Irish Coffee. Oh, yeah, of course well, I mean, for a boy band. Great kisses. You got to have, yeah. Great coffee. Sure. I don't think Irish coffee. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, very Irish coffee. Yeah. They, I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:35:30 They really produce just awesome boy bands. What are some examples? West Life. Boys to Men. No, Boyzone. Boyzone was a big one. Boyzone. I like it when it has boy in the name.
Starting point is 00:35:42 It's like, hey, you guys like boys, right? Anyway. Yeah, we got some. Here's these boys. Get you guys like boys, right? Anyway. We got some. Here's these boys. Get a load of these mellifluous brogues. What is mellifluous? Mellifluous. Mellifluous.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Mellifluous, having the quality of music. Oh, wow. That's a great word. Yeah. Mellifluous. Mellifluous. Mellifluous. Mellifluous.
Starting point is 00:36:01 This is fun. It becomes like a language lab. Yeah, yeah. Like, repeat it more. Yeah, yeah. I got to tell you what, Jordan. Three days from now, somebody's going to Twitter me, remember when you and Holly Walsh were saying mellifluous?
Starting point is 00:36:13 And you were like, oh, I do remember that. Oh, great laugh. I think, yeah. I mean, I think this is, this podcast, I think, you know, like, is good for, you know, like comedy fans because we have, like, you know, like, we for, you know, like comedy fans because we have like, you know, like we have great comedians on as guests. And, you know, and I think it's good for, you know, it's good for like, you know, like public radio fans because, you know, I think we, you know, we discuss some, you know, some kind of like brainier topics sometimes, but in kind of a fun way. But I think mainly it's good for ESL students. Just pronunciation.
Starting point is 00:36:41 Yeah. Malifluous. Can I have a beer, please? Which way is the. Mellifluous. Can I have a beer, please? Which way is the restroom? Mellifluous. Let's pull over the car and have sex. Would you like to attend a discotheque? Do you guys have areas of the country where certain...
Starting point is 00:37:01 I mean, obviously you've got country country music comes from like Nashville or whatever. Sure. But like, are there no areas where like, I mean, I guess you do cause like rappers come out of famously come out of like Compton or New York. I'm basing this entirely on one song. Sure. But you know, like our areas. Straight out of Compton or New York.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Straight out of Compton. NWA's legendary hit straight out of Compton or New York. But the thing is I livepton I was born in a village next to this village called Compton and Compton is the most middle class like British
Starting point is 00:37:31 sort of I think it's sort of where that film The Holiday was filmed you know that one with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet it's like a most
Starting point is 00:37:37 it's like a beautiful romantic comedy and it always makes me laugh that Straight Outta Compton is the opposite of what they imagine. So you're saying it's not too hard down there. You guys aren't hard.
Starting point is 00:37:49 No. We're soft. Are you raw at all? No, we are very cooked. Nicely boiled. Do you have any areas where boy bands come out of or anything like that? Well, I think Florida. Really?
Starting point is 00:38:02 Yeah, I think that if you have a youngster who is displaying boy band tendencies, dancing. Let's say he's born with frosted tips. Sure. Right. Yeah. He comes out with an earring. He sits on a stool, on a high stool rather than a seat because he's always ready to get up and dance. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:21 And yeah. And sometimes he starts a sentence with dance. Yeah. And yeah, and sometimes he starts a sentence with girl. Yeah. You know, so if you have a youngster who's displaying these tendencies, I think you move them not to Hollywood,
Starting point is 00:38:31 but you move them to Orlando, which is where the kind of boy band incubators are. Yeah, I think. Orlando is America's banality capital. It's a place where you put a high sheen on nothing.
Starting point is 00:38:46 And so I think that's where you would take, yeah. Although, New Kids on the Block are famously from Boston, right? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, well, the Wahlbergs. Where does NSYNC come from? Oh, yeah, really? Have the Wahlbergs ever talked about being from Boston? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Interesting. Did you know I'm from San Francisco? These are blowing my mind. Two facts that are blowing my mind. Is Boston proud of the Wahlbergs like Liverpool is proud of the Beatles? Do they not stop going on about it? That's an interesting question. Yeah, I guess I would have to survey a Bostonian.
Starting point is 00:39:18 But I would guess that Boston likes the attention that your Ben Afflecks and your Wahlbergs bring to it. Although they may be ambivalent about inconsistencies in the accents. Sure. Yeah. Where are you from originally? San Francisco. Who's the most famous person to come out of San Francisco that everyone's like, that's the guy? That's an interesting question.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Who is the most famous person to come out of San Francisco? Joe DiMaggio? Legendary baseball legend? I know that from the Vogue song. Gosh, I don't know. Robin Williams. Wasn't he San Francisco? Yes, although I don't know that he's from San Francisco.
Starting point is 00:39:57 But he certainly lived in San Francisco since the beginning of his comedy career. Yeah, who's this famous San Francisco native? I don't know. Brian, why aren't you looking it up? Where are you from? Orange County. It's about an hour south of L.A. In this example, Clint Eastwood's a San Franciscan.
Starting point is 00:40:16 No Doubt is from Orange County. Yeah, No Doubt. No Doubt. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, you might remember their hit album Tragic Kingdom, which is a fun spin on Disneyland. Yeah. I think maybe the most famous- I never got that.
Starting point is 00:40:29 I know. They're clever. They'll throw you a curveball. Tom Hanks is apparently from San Francisco. I think the most famous Orange Countian is probably Will Ferrell. Tom Hanks is from Hayward. I. Tom Hanks is from Hayward. I think Tom Hanks is from Hayward. Will Ferrell. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:50 You know what? I'll tell you this about Will Ferrell. Doesn't get any better than that. Yeah, he's great. You know what? Somebody says, oh, I'm bored of Will Ferrell doing the same thing in every movie. Go suck a lemon. Will Ferrell's fucking wonderful. Sure. I'll watch a two-star Will Ferrell movie till the cows come home.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Agreed. Couldn't agree more. I don't care if he's... What? Name one comic actor who doesn't do the same thing in every movie. Philip Seymour Hoffman, R.I.P. It's really hard to develop a comic persona. It is really, really weird when people take comic actors like Melissa McCarthy and Will Ferrell
Starting point is 00:41:29 and for some reason want them to be Daniel Day-Lewis where they transform. Yeah. No. They worked really hard to figure out what was funny about what they do. And they do that. I'll tell you one. Do you know Steve Coogan here? He can really do different things.
Starting point is 00:41:44 He can really transform. Yeah, what's the, I guess, yeah. Alan Partridge. He can be Alan Partridge or sad Steve Coogan. Yeah. What's the, like, oh, my God, I can't believe that's him, Steve Coogan role? Because I guess I know Alan Partridge and, like, you know, when he. 24-Hour Party People.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Oh, 24-Hour Party People. Oh, I haven't seen it He's pretty good in Philomena as well Oh yeah I mean he was super Steve Coogany in that but I liked that movie a lot Jordan's mom Jordan's mom comes from No Jordan is a mom that's why you like Philomena
Starting point is 00:42:17 Yeah exactly I did see it with my mom on Christmas day and we loved it Jordan's mom is the most famous person to come out of the area Well my mom was born in Louisiana so she's a a Johnny-come-lately to Orange County. I also really like Philomena Jordan. I don't mean to cast aspersions upon it. Oh, no, I mean, it's a super mommy movie. I mean, my mom and I saw it on Christmas.
Starting point is 00:42:37 We both loved it. I mean, look, I fucking sit around my house watching All Creatures Great and Small. There's no mommer activity than that. Did they remake that here? No, i watched the one from the 80s the british one from the 80s that's incredible yeah that's the one where you see a lot of um there's a vet isn't it he lives in the lake district who the most famous thing is like he always in every scene he's like delivering a cow he's got his hands up some a cow's anus how I don't know how they do it. Very graphic.
Starting point is 00:43:06 And it was on a tea time on a Sunday. It was the most weird show to... It gets pretty... Well, the thing is, it's like tonally, it is the gentlest show you could ever hope to watch. It's like,
Starting point is 00:43:17 it's very character driven, very sweet, kind of funny, but not in an aggressive way at all. And then, yeah, then they'll just show him doing veterinary surgery. You're like, are they like not even faking this? Is this a real veterinary surgery? It'll literally be like slicing open a horse.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Wow. And you're just watching that. And you're like, how could they have the budget to do this in special effects when they didn't even have the budget to shoot the indoor scenes on film? I don't think it's special effects. Yeah. You think they actually just find corpses? I think it was the 80s and they were very relaxed about animal welfare.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Just cut it open. I like that idea that that was like part of that guy's audition. They're like, okay, great. You know, you look the part. You really have an interesting take on the character. How good are you at bovine surgery? They were like, we will wait for seven years while you nail your... Yeah, you'll go to vet school, become a licensed vet.
Starting point is 00:44:13 It's kind of like how... Boyhood. Yeah, there you go. Holly, have you had any exciting things happen to you in Los Angeles since you've been in Los Angeles? Did you have a meeting with Roger Moore? You know he welcomes you at the airport as a British person. He just drives you around. Hello.
Starting point is 00:44:38 Hey, guys. I was in some OK James Bond movies. George Lazenby took me out for a drink just to explain how it all works here. Basically, I got taken out by... Hollywood's a bitch. If you're like me, you'll be a famous Hollywood footnote. I got taken out by Piers Brosnan. He was like, this is how the tipping system works.
Starting point is 00:44:57 Don't piss people off. It's very easy. Sure. He's Irish, but yeah, same thing. Yeah, yeah. He was originally famous for being in a boy band, correct? Yeah. I think James Bond is the ultimate
Starting point is 00:45:08 boy band sure yeah the only boy band with a license to kill wouldn't it be awesome if there
Starting point is 00:45:13 was a if there had been a boy band of just the different James Bonds god that would be so fucking awesome
Starting point is 00:45:19 just being a 65 year old or yeah you know what I'm talking about Sean Connery's the cute one Roger Moore's the bad boy Sean Connery technically is the I'm talking about? Sean Connery's the cute one.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Roger Moore's the bad boy. Sean Connery technically is the bald one. That's true. Sean Connery would be the one who would always do the rap bit. Right, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, that would be great. He does have a certain urban flavor that I think the other guys don't have. He's Scottish. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:45:43 What is Scotland's signature export if Ireland's signature export is boy bands? Well, I'll tell you a signature import to Scotland, which is incredible. There's this drink they drink called Buckfast, and basically there's this tiny sort of monastery in the south. How do you spell that? I don't know, B-U-C-K-F-A-S-T or something.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Okay, sounds right. There's this tiny monastery in the southwest of England down near Devon or Cornwall or somewhere, and they make this drink, and it is pretty much only drunk in Scotland. What is it? I don't know. I don't think it's a fortified wine. I think it makes you go a bit mad.
Starting point is 00:46:17 I don't need to Google it. It's alcoholic? Yeah, it's super alcoholic. It's very, very high alcohol. I guess I'm thinking of when we were in Edinburgh, what was that soda everybody liked? Iron Brew? Oh, Iron Brew. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:27 They love that stuff. I guess I was thinking of that as a Scottish version of that. No, this drink is specifically pretty much only sold in one country but made in another country. What is whale signature export other than puppy dog's tails? Oh. Singers? You look at the singer, Tom Jones, Shirley Bassey. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Well, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Blue-Eyed Soul is their signature, actually. Yeah, they do do that really well. So, yeah. I'd buy that. Sure. Catherine Zeta-Jones, especially in the preview for that one movie
Starting point is 00:47:01 where she's going through the lasers. Sure, yeah. This is the most oft-mentioned preview on this show. I think we need to actually see this trailer. Although I still need to see, oh, God, Outside Providence, I guess. I guess we both have homework to do. We should see the movies attached to the trailers we're obsessed with. I don't think I need to watch.
Starting point is 00:47:21 You know, that's the whole point of trailers. Yeah. Yeah, for some reason it did that. For some reason we both have. That's all they're there for. For some reason, we both have a trailer that we love that we can still remember from childhood but have not tried to see the movie yet.
Starting point is 00:47:31 I'm pretty sure a trailer is like, if you're like a successful entrepreneur, you watch the trailer to save time. Isn't that right? Yeah, yeah. It's like just reading the front and the back page. I get it, I get it. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Yeah. And then you blow some rails and you get on with your day. Like maybe like two years ago, a year and a half ago, I watched Entrapment. Okay. That's the name of that movie. So I had only seen it once in a theater. Sure. As like a 13-year-old or whatever.
Starting point is 00:47:59 The trailer, not the movie. The trailer. And it had lasered itself, if you will, into my memory. Yeah. Just Catherine Zeta-Jones in this cat suit. Sure. It was like... Is that because you were like a heady teenager and it was a very sexual image?
Starting point is 00:48:15 Well, it was because... Yes. Yes, you fit the nail on the head, so to speak. Yes. I was a teenager. I had certain interests. Among those interests may or may not have been Catherine Zeta-Jones in a catsuit slipping her way through a variety of laser burglar alarms. but have not seen the movie is – it's just one line from a trailer.
Starting point is 00:48:51 It's Alec Baldwin as some sort of like slob in a wife beater saying, sex is like Chinese food. It's not over until you both get your cookies. For some reason I remember that line perfectly. What was the film? It's called Outside Providence. We got a lot of lukewarm endorsements of that film. We did. For mentioning it on the program.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Jesse, if you watch Entrapment – if I the program. Jesse, if you watch Entrapment, if I watch Outside Providence, will you watch Entrapment? And then we can... I'm a married man now, Jordan. I don't know if my marriage could handle that. Based on my experience re-watching the trailer on YouTube like two years ago, and finding that that's like a
Starting point is 00:49:19 1.8 second shot in the trailer. In my mind, this trailer is just her snaking through these things and you just watch her her beautiful
Starting point is 00:49:29 body go through these things and it's like literally like it's just like a tiny moment of b-roll
Starting point is 00:49:36 yeah but just the power of my the power of my 13 year old sexual imagination
Starting point is 00:49:43 sure okay well I'll watch Entrapment and you watch Outside Providence yeah okay done The power of my 13-year-old sexual imagination. Sure. Okay, well, I'll watch Entrapment and you watch Outside Providence. Yeah, okay, done. Okay, great. Done. God, can't get enough of that Alec Baldwin. Especially if he's doing a voice.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Oh, yeah. I remember. You probably have the good deal in this situation. Can I tell you something about Alec Baldwin, Jordan? Sure. And Holly, I'm going to include you on this too. This might be a little bit controversial. Okay, let's hear it.
Starting point is 00:50:13 But sometimes I think that Alec Baldwin is actually pretty funny for a dramatic act. Someone should give him a break. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, I don't know. Give him a chance to do a little comedy. I just, sometimes I see him, I don't know, have you ever seen him host Saturday Night Live? Have you heard of Saturday Night Live?
Starting point is 00:50:26 I usually don't stay up that late. I'm aware that it's on, but- Is it on a Saturday? It's on Saturday. It's a comedy show. There's a lot of fun kids on it. They do bits, skits. Sure. They have black people on there now.
Starting point is 00:50:39 Oh, that's great. Does Prince play for eight minutes every week? I think so. Anyway, so Alec Baldwin goes on there, and you're thinking, wait a minute, Alec Baldwin from The Hunt for Red October? From The Baldwins. Right. Exactly. Well, because you know that Adam Baldwin's funny.
Starting point is 00:50:54 That's the thing. Like, you know, if you've read Adam Baldwin's Twitter feed, you know he's funny. I think Adam Baldwin is not related to The Baldwins, but he's a famous conservative asshole who was in Firefly. Is he the guy who was involved in Gamergate? Yeah, he was the guy who invented it. His last name is Baldwin. No, you're right. You're right.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Oh, wait. Hold on. With the funny Twitter feed, I'm thinking of James Baldwin. There you go. He's famous for the funny Twitter feed and the fire next time. Okay. he's famous for the funny spitter he's going to be
Starting point is 00:51:22 in the fire next time okay so yeah anyway I think you know you see him on there and you think
Starting point is 00:51:29 it's just the guy from the Hunt for Red October it turns out he does he'll even do a voice sure and I'm thinking why is this handsome guy
Starting point is 00:51:37 doing a voice another good one Justin Timberlake he's a singer right if you think Justin Timberlake is just a song and dance man. I thought that's what he did.
Starting point is 00:51:47 And of course you know him for sci-fi and action films. Like that one that he was in that I can't remember the name. Or Time Was Currency. Yeah. In Time. You know, I honestly think he's almost as funny as someone who's funny. Sure. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:52:04 I feel like he's game for anything. You would think that a guy that handsome wouldn't be game for anything. You think he wouldn't be like us. Sure. You know what I mean? Game for anything. But he'll go out there on a ledge. He'll have sex in a car while other people watch and flash their brights.
Starting point is 00:52:22 Sure. You know, I think the funniest. You know who else is surprisingly funny? Jimmy Fallon. You think of him as a game show host. Sure, yeah. But a lot of times he'll do something that's really funny. Yeah, you think of him as a ping pong facilitator.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Sure. You know him for his drinking games on television. Sure. But yeah. Anyway, sorry, Jordan. I think that, you know, kind of in the post-30 Rock time, Alec Baldwin, you know, just like was embarrassing himself left and right with, you know, shit. Embarrassing shit that he should be embarrassed of.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Free 30 Rock. I think like after 30 Rock, he had that MSNBC show that kind of came and went and then kind of... Yeah, we see. The great thing about being British is you never see that stuff. Yeah, yeah. You just see the best stuff. And then you're like, what's Alec Baldwin done since? It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:53:13 It's like that for us with Sharon Osbourne. We only see the creme de la creme. It's basically you only see like them at Christmas. That's it. You don't have to live with them the rest of the year. You just see the good bits. You don't have to hear them fart in the shower. Yeah, I mean, I think that's us with British comedy, too, is we only get the best stuff.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Yeah. And, you know. I thought Alec Baldwin's podcast was pretty good. Yeah, it was good. He did some good, yeah. I'm not talking about the projects. I'm talking about the public outbursts and the paparazzi. Sure.
Starting point is 00:53:43 Some very questionable public outbursts and the paparazzi. Sure. Some very questionable public outbursts. Sure. Anyways, so I thought the most astute thing I heard, and I forget who said it. I can't attribute it to anybody. But someone else said that, oh, you don't like Alec Baldwin. You like Jack Donaghy. Yeah. That's a good point.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Honestly, can I tell you a secret? Sure. I'm going to preface this by saying 30 Rock is my favorite show of the last 10 or 15 years. I love. Me too. Love 30 Rock. I think Alec Baldwin's performance on 30 Rock is overrated. You know, I think what happens with those, with those, God, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:22 Now the guy who writes for a fake game show is going to armchair quarterback about comic performances. I think what happens when you do put those like actor-actors in those comedy roles, Andre Brouwer on Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a good example too. Which guy is he? He plays the captain on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Just like, yeah, just so funny, so great. And just a brilliant, brilliant actor on Drew Brower. Yeah, for sure. And heralded really justly for that reason.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Yeah, absolutely. And that's a great show, great casting. I think what happens sometimes with those capital A actors when, you know, they're so funny on those shows because they're so committed. You know, it's like, you know, you see Tracy Morgan, Tracy Morgan-ing around and that's great. But then you see the guy who has an Oscar be really, really intense with these silly lines. And I think just like gradually they start adjusting their performance to silliness. And I think that that does happen when you put those big actors. Is that a bad thing?
Starting point is 00:55:18 I think so. Yeah. I think that they are better when they're played real straight because that's, I think, while they were cast. I also think someone like – well, I was watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine last night and Andre Brouwer, they wrote – there was a bit in there where he gave a speech about how upset he was about something that happened. It was like a totally ridiculous speech that he gave perfect commitment to and was just perfect. And as I was watching, I was i was thinking yes that's how you use andre is this the part afterwards he's like please leave your guest pajamas and your guest slippers yes anyway and it was great and what but with alec baldwin i felt like they started that
Starting point is 00:55:57 he just had too many jokes and sometimes he would fuck up the joke and I'd be like, ah, and nobody can be like, hey, Alec Baldwin, legendary, brilliant actor and guy who's a gifted impressionist as well, which is one of the reasons he's so good on Saturday Night Live. But like, hey, Alec Baldwin, you sort of hit the wrong word in that joke and it sort of messed up the joke a little bit. If you knew anything about comedy, actually, you probably would have just hit that right word.
Starting point is 00:56:30 Maybe you would have been less good at acting, but that was the one. That was the flaw. I think he was good overall. Was this live TV? This is live? No. So then they could have done a retake easily. You can't ask Alec Baldwin to do this.
Starting point is 00:56:43 Is that what it is? Should I tell you who's the the most the person who I think of like straight actor does a comedy turn? John Hamm. Yeah. He's so unbelievably
Starting point is 00:56:53 attractive as a straight actor. John Hamm knows. The thing is the thing about Hamm the thing about Hambone which is what I call him is John Hamm
Starting point is 00:57:03 gets the jokes and can do the jokes. I think the difference between Andre Brower and, to some extent, Alec Baldwin and Jon Hamm, those guys are really gifted actors who are really funny in the context of you giving them something where the thing that's funny about it is that they're bringing stakes to a real-life thing, but the real-life thing is a little silly. is that they're bringing stakes to a real-life thing, but the real-life thing is a little silly. I think Jon Hamm is a great comic actor in the sense that he can nail a joke.
Starting point is 00:57:36 He can just be a funny guy, which is not fair. Unreasonable, I think. A little sickening, probably. You guys should watch Last Monday is at Midnight. He puts on a cat sweater. Really? He does, yeah. Should I tell you the flip of this?
Starting point is 00:57:50 Please. Somebody who was a comedy actor is now playing a straight actor. This guy called, I think he's called Charles Easton. Is that his name? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:57:59 He used to be in Whose Line Is It Anyway? Uh-huh. Now he is the lead romantic role in the ABC Mega Smash. I don't know how well it works. I assume it's a Mega Smash because we watch it in England.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Nashville. Oh, really? Oh, funny. So he used to be a comedy actor. I didn't know that. And now he's like the super earnest. Is that his name? He used to be called Chip Easton and now he's called Chip Easton.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Primetime soap opera star. Yeah. Sure. Well, I mean, I guess another good example of, you know, UK to US comedy to dramatic is Hugh Laurie. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:34 He was the biggest, like, comedy double act in the world, in the UK, which is the world to me. And yeah, now he's... Now he's a New Orleans piano musician. His accent is very good. I think when you talk about Britons playing Americans and doing a great job of doing the accent, Hugh Laurie's got to come on the list. Who's the worst? But he definitely has.
Starting point is 00:58:59 I don't know. I feel like Hugh Laurie. I do like Hugh Laurie's American accent. I think it's great. But I definitely think it falls into that category of just the weird, unplaceable – Yeah, it's like that. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's me from – right from Brooklyn. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:59:13 Time for baseball. I'm in America. That's right. Yes. It's me. Give me back my daughter. That's right. Me.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Uh-huh. Yeah. Do you have any apple pie? I have a very particular set of skills. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Do you have any apple pie? I have a very particular set of skills. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's very challenging for me to say the letter R in an American way. Two-party system.
Starting point is 00:59:33 So things sound a little strange and unusual when I say the letter R. I think Liam Neeson's the worst, but delightfully bad. I love it. Can I say Dominic West on The Wire is genuinely awful. And Dominic West, I will say, he's exceptionally good on The Wire overall. So you kind of forgive him. Yeah, and that's the thing with Liam Neeson, too, is he's a very good actor. It's just he can be a good actor while sounding real weird.
Starting point is 01:00:03 What about that other guy on The Wire? He's from Britain. Idris Elba. Idris Elba. Idris Elba is exceptionally good. He's from Brixton. Is that a super accent-y place? Well, it's just South London.
Starting point is 01:00:15 He's got a very South London accent. I did not even know that it was a classic. I didn't know that he was an American. Wow, he's that good. The guy whose name is, whose name is, I want to say it's Aiden something, who was on The Wire, who's now on Game of Thrones. He plays Littlefinger on Game of Thrones. Oh, he's Irish, isn't he?
Starting point is 01:00:31 Yeah, he's Irish. And his is a real mixed bag. I would say, like, they had a real, like, what must have happened is they must have cast Idris Elba as Stringer Bell and been like, this is fucking amazing. Why are we looking at American actors?
Starting point is 01:00:52 We should be looking at. Sure. Comb the UK. The thing about The Wire, though, is. Another catchphrase. Comb the UK. We'll be right back. What that sounds like, though, is that you just don't speak very good English.
Starting point is 01:01:04 And you're trying to entice people to the UK. Sure. I feel like the thing about The Wire is that it can all sort of be forgiven slash none of it can be forgiven because basically no one on the entire show is doing a Baltimore accent because a Baltimore accent is basically impossible to do if you're not from Baltimore. It's like when you have a movie set in ancient Rome and some people are just talking and some people are real British. Yeah, sure. It's like, meh, who knows what they sounded like.
Starting point is 01:01:35 Snoop? Like Baltimore. No one knows. The woman who plays Snoop on The Wire and the guy who plays Prop Joe on The Wire are from Baltimore and talk with Baltimore accents. And you're like, why are they talking so weird? Where are they from? They're Baltimoreans. That sounds like they're from somewhere else.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Yeah, exactly. They sound like they're from space because Baltimore accents are really weird. Who's the American to UK that does the worst? Well, I can't remember if it was good or bad. I think it was bad. Didn't Gwyneth Paltrow have a good stab at it a couple of times? Yeah, they do shove her into some... Yeah, and also, wasn't Sliding Doors, was she playing an English person in that?
Starting point is 01:02:10 No, I don't know. There's less call for it. Kate Winslet's brilliant. She does a great English accent. She's American, you know that. Oh, I didn't know that. I know nothing about Kate Winslet other than there's a chance that she'll be nude and things. She's not.
Starting point is 01:02:25 She's English. Oh, okay. She does a good American accent, though. God, have you seen that amazing, what's that one based on the book? Little Children? No, in the Road something. I don't know. Oh, it's amazing.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Why can't I remember it? Road something is a really good one. Love that. Revolutionary Road, that's it. She's amazing in that. You know who is an American who I think does a pretty good one. Love that. Revolutionary Road, that's it. She's amazing in that. You know who is an American who I think does a pretty good English accent
Starting point is 01:02:49 is Madonna. He said in a joke from 2002. Yes! That's it. That's part of your packet for the Chevy Chase show. Yeah. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:03:04 It's funny when you meet English people here who've spent a lot of time here. Got some good jokes about the Atlanta Olympics. Too soon. Yeah. You meet people who are English, and they've lived here for a while, and they still speak with an English accent, but their intonation is just a little bit sort of they draw their words out a bit more, and they're very just has that same sing-songiness that you have here.
Starting point is 01:03:27 So they keep their accent, but they definitely adopt a different pattern of speaking. Yeah, a different pattern. That's right. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's right. From America, me. Good old boy from Brooklyn, uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Born and raised. Stickball. Yeah. I drive a Ford that's right, hop in my Ford glute and I'll take you down to the Statue of Liberty where I go, uh-huh yeah, American, that's right
Starting point is 01:03:54 do you think uh-huh is a very do people just say that in America? yeah, uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh sure, yeah, sure, yes do you say of course a lot here? of course, of course we do. Of course. Because we're so certain about everything.
Starting point is 01:04:08 It's our cowboy spirit, uh-huh. Yeah. Of course. Of course. Did you know that Germans are really into cowboys? No, uh-uh. Yeah, that's like a huge thing. Like, the, like, greatest selling novels in German language are all, like, cowboy novels.
Starting point is 01:04:23 Really? Yeah, like, cowboys are huge in Germany. That's all I got on that. That's terrific. Wow. You want me to get back to that 2002 stuff? Yeah, what else you got? What else you got?
Starting point is 01:04:33 How old were you in that time? I'm looking at 21 years old. Yeah, I was 21. Yeah. Fun year. Fun year. I'm trying to remember what was going on. Was the aftermath of September 11th?
Starting point is 01:04:47 Sure. There was that. Mm-hmm. Were the Fugees really big? Was that earlier? No. This is post-Fugees, huh? That's like in 1997.
Starting point is 01:04:56 Oh, sorry. 1997, maybe. Sounds about right. Yeah. I don't really remember. It was not very memorable. Yeah. 2002.
Starting point is 01:05:04 You know what? David Letterman gave us permission to laugh again. That's true. Oh, do something about Modest Mouse getting big. Oh, yeah. Modest Mouse had an unexpected hit. Sure. Unexpectedly, Modest Mouse has flowed on.
Starting point is 01:05:18 Are they American? Yeah. I think they're from the Pacific Northwest, I think. I think so. That sounds about right. Seattle? Olympia, Washington? I don't know. I believe that was the last rock and roll hit, wasn't it? I think. I think so. It sounds about right. Seattle? Olympia, Washington? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:05:26 I believe that was the last rock and roll hit, wasn't it? I think it was, yeah. I think it was like, well, we're done. Check that box, and it's over. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Steel Santa.
Starting point is 01:05:47 And Holly Walsh, again. Every time. Every goddamn time, Holly Walsh is here. That's true. I mean, every time on this episode. Right. Yeah. Every time we-
Starting point is 01:05:56 Other episodes, she has not been here. It's predictable, though, my return. This is my trilogy. Is it three parts, this? Yeah. Well, we're going to break the last one up into two parts. Okay. Like Hunger Games.
Starting point is 01:06:07 So, yeah. So we can get a little more juice out of this thing. A prequel. I'm going to do the prequel at the end. Sure. Jordan, there is so much new stuff in the Max Fun Store right now. Like what? Anything good?
Starting point is 01:06:18 Okay. So first of all, you got your classics. Yeah. You got your rocket ship tee. You got your rocket ship hoodie. You got your classic Jordan Jesse Go logo tee. That's a favorite. People love that.
Starting point is 01:06:27 Sure. You got your Max Funn rocket tote bag. You got your full short t-shirt. Hot damn. You know, somebody sent me an email the other day. You should make a full short t-shirt. Yeah, we have a full short t-shirt. You can buy it now.
Starting point is 01:06:39 You could have been wearing it this whole time, you chump. I explained full short. I was called upon to explain Full Chort to a group of people from the Knight Foundation. What's the Knight Foundation? It's a vampire hunting group. It's a major foundation that funds
Starting point is 01:06:55 journalism and libraries. Oh. What do they think of it? Do they think it's funny? It's not really funny when you say about it. Well, what is a full short? Luckily, Wadlord is funny, and they also asked me to explain Wadlord. What is a full short T-shirt? It's a T-shirt that says full short on it.
Starting point is 01:07:12 Oh. That is funny. A reference to a you-had-to-be-there thing that happened on the show about a year ago. So Brian actually has produced a couple of new Jordan Jesse Go shirts. Ooh. So Brian actually has produced a couple of new Jordan Jesse Go shirts. There is one that says I and then JJ Go and where the heart would be. There's a race car.
Starting point is 01:07:31 Nice. Love it. Very cool. Very tasteful. And a nice sort of vanilla colored shirt. And there is one that says America's Radio Sweetheart, Boy Detective and blank. You can fill in the blank. If you're one of those folks who has saved up a fucking nickname, you can imagine it and project it right in there. Plus, in addition to that-
Starting point is 01:07:53 Or you could put Holly Walsh again. Yeah. If you wanted to. You just change it. Whoever's on with you. Yeah, yeah. There's a really cool new Maximum Fun logo shirt, and probably the coolest thing that we have right now, a skateboard deck. Nice.
Starting point is 01:08:08 What? Right. What do you mean a deck? That's a skateboard but without any wheels on it. Yet you put your own wheels on there. That is so cool. See, look at it. Isn't it a cool skateboard deck?
Starting point is 01:08:18 How much is that going to set me back? That's the thing. I thought they would make it more expensive. If it had been up to me, I don't set the prices. I consult on the prices with our friends at Tepedico who run our store. I consult on the prices. It's $40. That is my Christmas present sorted.
Starting point is 01:08:33 $40 is like- That kind of sounds like a bargain to me. That's nothing. That's like nothing. If you use that 10 times, that's $4 a time. Sure. You could just put it on your wall, $4 per Ollie. Every time you look at it, what? You'd probably look at it 100 times. Yeah. $0.04. Is could just put it on your wall. $4 per ollie. Every time you look at it, what?
Starting point is 01:08:46 You'd probably look at it 100 times. 4 cents. Is that 4 cents? I don't know. Yeah, it's because it costs $4. Yeah. Oh no, 40 cents. That's nothing. Here's the thing about this skateboard. It is so cheap that you can buy it to put on your
Starting point is 01:09:01 wall, then never get around to putting it on your wall. It's still a bargain. And just use it as a tray. Yeah. You could totally put some drinks on it, apps. This thing's gorgeous. MaxFunStore.com.
Starting point is 01:09:13 Thanks to Brian Fernandez, Sonny D., who designed a lot of that stuff. Oh, and you can get a print of a painting of us as cats. Terrific. Catting. Yeah. Just look at it with your lights on. Painting a picture of some popular podcasters as cats. You have to look at it from your car.
Starting point is 01:09:30 The car part is so important. Yeah, and I think all this should be done in cars. That's fair. Jordan, what do we got on the Jumbotron this week? It's the Talking Gym app for the iPhone. The Talking Gym is a soundboard mobile app that has adult humor animations. This app is for entertainment purposes only, not that you would use it for anything else. The humor in this app may be offensive, vulgar, out of left field.
Starting point is 01:09:53 It's supposed to be. If you get easily offended or you don't enjoy laughing, don't download this app. It's the almost banned by iTunes Talking Gym app for iPhone created by fellow podcast listeners. Search for it in the iTunes store. Talking Gym exclamation point. Created by some Jordan Jessica fans. Yeah. I'm anxious to see some of this adult animation.
Starting point is 01:10:14 I like to imagine that it speaks with the voice of Jim Royale, the master of Would You Rather. Sure. I'm thinking of Gym Neighbors. Okay. So we both have a good solid gym. Yeah. Did you know? Okay.
Starting point is 01:10:25 So Paul Rubens is on an upcoming episode of Bullseye. Hot damn. I've already conducted the interview. Can I tell you that after the controversy surrounding, this is not something we had time to discuss in the episode, surrounding Paul Rubens' arrest, his famous arrest. What did he get arrested for? Jerking it? Indecent exposure.
Starting point is 01:10:50 Sure. He was in an adult movie theater, engaging in adult movie theater activities, allegedly. I believe he pled no contest. He said he was in there, but he wasn't doing anything. Either way, I don't give a shit. Sure. You should be able to jerk off in an adult movie theater, goddammit. You should be able to jerk off in a car, goddammit.
Starting point is 01:11:12 Thank you. So he... Get over here and flash your lights. I'm jerking off. He went with his friend Jim Neighbors to reclusive heiress Patty Duke's compound and just lived there for a couple of months. No, that's great. Don't you wish you were friends with Jim Neighbors and Reclusive Heiress Patty Duke?
Starting point is 01:11:34 Sounds like a fun getaway. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. If you want to advertise on Jordan, Jesse, Go, or any of our MaximumFun.org shows and reach our gorgeous, delightful audience, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Starting point is 01:12:07 Jordan Morris, Steel Santa. And I'm Holly Walsh over here. Holly. Are you going to tell me off? Was that not good enough? Number one, I'm sick of your bullshit. Oh, I thought you'd like it. Number two, I'm sick of looking at your fucking face.
Starting point is 01:12:24 I enjoy the bullshit, Holly. It's been a lot of fun. I've had it up to here with your shit, and for the home listener, I'm indicating roughly eyeball level. It's very high. But that is still a fair amount to go. There's a bit of room to fill, but
Starting point is 01:12:39 I'm going to tell you, you're on pace to fill it up. Quick, fast, in a hurry. Because of the amount of shit that's been pouring out of your fucking mouth. The old half a strike and you're out rule. Tough. You know a little something about America. When something momentous happens. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:57 I was just joking about Holly. Holly's great. When something momentous happens to you, our listener, we have you call us for our segment Momentous Occasions. Our telephone number, which you should put in your telephone right now and just do it right now and then you'll have it. Then you can call us whenever is 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN. We've got a couple of momentous occasions in the hopper. Let's hear one.
Starting point is 01:13:23 Hi. Calling from New York with a momentous occasions in the hopper. Let's hear one. Hi, calling from New York with a momentous occasion. I was just walking through Tribeca and I saw a baby wearing a Halloween costume. She was Wonder Woman and she looked really, really cute. And I was enjoying it and I walked another block and I saw a dog wearing the exact same costume. Pretty good. Have a great Halloween. Bye.
Starting point is 01:13:49 Boy, this reminds me that we are in a real sweet spot right now of little kids still wanting to wear their Halloween costumes outside of the house, which is fucking awesome. I've seen a lot of Frozens out there. I saw a couple different Frozens today. And then I saw a, a kid yesterday, full Hulk, full Incredible Hulk,
Starting point is 01:14:14 like a padded green muscle suit, and then Batman rain boots. Ha ha! My son, Simon, participated in,
Starting point is 01:14:29 my son, Simon, participated in Trigger trigger treating for the first time this year. Um, it was a lot of fun. I, so he has like 12 different costumes because my mom just keeps sending costumes to our house. Um, I mean, this is how I grew up to be what I am today. This is just when your mom is just constantly foisting costumes upon you. So he had not decided which of them he was going to be. What was the final three? So we had some kind of clown suit, a dragon suit, like a lion or something like that.
Starting point is 01:15:09 These are like traditional Halloween costumes. These aren't like Power Ranger or something. Yeah, he was talking about being a Baxin, which is the antagonist in the new Winnie the Pooh movie. Okay. Now, granted, he does not yet fully understand that the point of the movie is that the Baxin doesn't exist. Oh, okay. Sorry, spoiler alert. Yes. Sean's not great with metaphors.
Starting point is 01:15:29 Yeah. It turns out that the Baxin was just a note that Christopher Robbins said that he'd be back soon. And so it's just what they imagined the Baxin might be was sort of the antagonist. Then they learned that everything was fine. They didn't have to worry about the Baxin. But Simon somehow has decided that to become a Baxin, he puts a horn on his head. There's some, like, colorful description of it.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Sure. So there's a horn on his head or horns on his head. But then he puts socks, red, my wife's red cotton socks on his hands, like gloves. Sure. Which I don't even know what that has to do with the backs and i don't remember red but he he puts on his backs and gloves very regularly so that was a consideration but he had pulled out all of his costumes and piled them on the floor to decide and so it's like six six costumes on the ground and he just ended up sort of doing a back flop onto them.
Starting point is 01:16:25 Sure. And then he looked at me and he said, Daddy, I'm swimming in costumes. Pretty good. He ended up going with the dragon. Cool. I saw a guy dressed as Reggie Watts.
Starting point is 01:16:38 Okay. The comedian. Yeah. So, and the comedian yeah and it was a white man in an afro wig sure
Starting point is 01:16:54 number one I'm not comfortable with white people in afro wigs sure like a clown afro wig like a rainbow wig sure or like a clown afro wig like a rainbow wig sure or like uh or like a harpo marx style like the kind that isn't clearly a racial identifier ethnic identifier um so yeah he was wearing an afro wig which i'm kind of ambivalent about. I kind of feel like it's sort of like second tier blackface.
Starting point is 01:17:29 And so I felt it was the first time I'd ever seen someone in a Halloween costume as someone I had met. So I was happy about that. Can I just say, how do you know it was definitely him? He had... Oh, yeah. I guess other than the Afro wig, what makes it reggie? Was he making noises?
Starting point is 01:17:49 He had the suspenders. Okay. And a striped shirt. Okay. And jeans. The suspenders were clipped onto jeans, and he was carrying around a keyboard. Okay. That makes sense.
Starting point is 01:18:00 And I think a microphone, too. Okay. But, yeah. I mean, who else is it? One of the Jackson 5. Fat Tito. Yeah. One of who didn't quite get the costumes everyone else got.
Starting point is 01:18:14 His outfit was a little padded out, too. Okay. As we know, Reggie Watts has a huggable physique. Sure. So, yeah. So, on the one hand i was excited and you know like look our friend scott ackerman has been a guest on this program sure hosts comedy bang bang alongside reggie watts uh any sign that people love his show which they should because it's
Starting point is 01:18:39 great show is great sure but i was a little uncomfortable that's fair i was like uh now let's leave that to black people we have this i was saying this earlier we have this show called um stars in their eyes well it we had it it's been axed now and uh it was on for years and the idea is you come out and you go tonight matth Matthew, I'm going to be Elton John. It's just a normal civilian. Tonight, I'm going to be Elton John. And then it cuts to the doors opening and then a little smoke. And then the person comes out dressed as Elton John and does their best impression of Elton John. So they obviously think they can do an incredible impression.
Starting point is 01:19:19 But there's one on the internet, and I don't think it is the British one. I think it might be another country's version of it, where white woman says tonight matthew or whatever the guy's name is i'm gonna be oh stevie wonder is a white woman and then it cuts to this is gonna be tough a woman dressed blacked up everything is stevie wonder with a. That's how blind she is. She's being brought out. Oh, no. Who guides her to the keyboard. Oh, no. Sits her down. She does the full song. She's wearing.
Starting point is 01:19:50 Best Stevie Wonder impressions she can do. The full head work. Everything. What hairstyle is she wearing? I can't remember. I think she's got the plait. Is it like an 80s, like a juicier Stevie Wonder? I can't remember what it was.
Starting point is 01:20:01 Like a more natural 70s Stevie? Braids, beads. The whole thing is the most dubious thing you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Why did they let that happen? I don't know. I can't remember what it was. Like a more natural 70s TV? It's braids, beads. The whole thing is the most dubious thing you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Why did they let that happen? I don't know. I can't remember what country it was, but they are fine about it. I guess if it's, you know, if they're Dutch or something like that, they don't, you know,
Starting point is 01:20:15 some of our racial stuff is probably not as clear to them. I mean, don't do it, but. I saw John Lovitz doing Roy Orbison. I thought he did a great job oh yeah I saw that that was a lot of fun good work
Starting point is 01:20:28 Grease it was Grease yeah well it's worth watching for cringeworthy TV it's unbelievable I have never seen Grease all I had heard about
Starting point is 01:20:36 was Greased Lightning the song from it and I knew John Travolta was in it but I did not know that there was these problems with it
Starting point is 01:20:43 yeah Holly did you do a Halloween thing we don't really have it it's not a big deal I knew John Travolta was in it, but I did not know that there was these problems with it. Yeah. Holly, did you do a Halloween thing? We don't really have it. It's not a big deal. But it's gradually becoming a bit more of a big deal. And my friends from Texas who live nearby, they came and knocked on our door. And we were like, shh, don't open the door.
Starting point is 01:21:00 Because then we have to give them sweets. And then they had to call us and say, we're outside your door with our kids. Oh, you thought it was like the gradually creeping in. We thought it was some other local child. We didn't open the door and then I felt such an asshole. Did your friend from Texas TP your house? What does TP mean? Oh, is that the poo thing? Toilet paper.
Starting point is 01:21:17 No, that's where you throw toilet paper in their trees. She didn't TP our house. It was so awful. She called and said, let us in because we want some sweets and it was so awkward. She just wanted said, let us in because we want some sweets. And it was so awkward. She just wanted a Cadbury or a mince pie? What do you guys eat over there?
Starting point is 01:21:33 That's Christmas. Oh, okay. What do they want, 4 and 20 Blackbirds? Spot of tea. Haggis. How was the trick-or-treat haul this year? Pretty good? Yeah, I mean, a three-year-old is not...
Starting point is 01:21:52 Yeah, how long did they want to do that? An hour? Yeah, I mean, an hour is about... A haul. Yeah, yeah, yeah. An hour was maybe 20 pieces of candy. Okay. That's good going. Yeah, I helped eat them, which was fun.
Starting point is 01:22:05 Sure. We went to a street, like a trick-or-treating street, which especially in a place like Los Angeles, you've got to go to the trick-or-treating street because it's just not dense enough otherwise. Sure. Can I ask you a question? How do you know if people are up for it?
Starting point is 01:22:19 Like, not going back to dogging, but what's the lighting arrangement? If the houses are decorated, if all the porch lights and stuff are on. Yeah, I feel like if you're on, so there's trick-or-treating streets and not trick-or-treating streets. I grew up on trick-or-treating streets, but we would go, I grew up in the Mission, which was sort of lower middle class neighborhood. And we would go to the much more comfortably middle class neighborhood of Bernal Heights to do our trick-or-treating because that was where the really good, because all of Bernal Heights was open for business. Do you think when you buy your house, they're like, just so you know, the estate agent, the real estate agent guy is like, this is very much a trick-or-treat area. You're going to be in for 20 bucks a candy a year.
Starting point is 01:23:05 So then they're like, we need to knock 50 bucks off the price of this house because that has an expensive outlay. On the street that I went trick-or-treating on, so I had never been on, this was essentially a theme street. Like, it was closed off by the police. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:23:22 It was like every house was decked out except for like two. And I just can't. That was exactly what I thought. Like, did these people know that this was what they were getting into when they bought this house? You have to turn your lights off, not go into the front of the house and stay in the back. We have to stay in the kitchen because it's not really designated. Like, nobody knows.
Starting point is 01:23:43 So sometimes you get knocked on the door. People just try willingly. It sounds like Halloween in the UK is a lot like the Purge here in America. Sounds just like the Purge. And you have to do all these things just because you just want to be careful not to buy $4 worth of candy for children. I don't want any children coming to my house. I've got stuff to do.
Starting point is 01:24:03 I'm sure. They're germy. I don't buy into it. You my house right i've got stuff to do i'm sure they're germy i don't buy into it yeah my parents you got pornography running on the tv i've got nwa straight out of compton from the back my parents uh my mom is a vicar like a what like a pastor and she was really like anti it because of because she thinks thought it was anti-christian yeah she just doesn't see it as like, I don't know. I don't know, I guess it's sort of... It is anti-Christian, yes.
Starting point is 01:24:29 That definitely is a thing, a sentiment in America amongst like a certain kind of like, you know, super intense Christian and like the solution in America is always a like the church will have a harvest festival. Because kids love to celebrate the harvest.
Starting point is 01:24:46 Well, also, yeah, and because pagans hate the harvest. I know, right, exactly. Yeah, it seems like you're making it more pagan. There's really no pagan harvest festivals. Right. It's like in France, Hallow's Day is the day you go to visit your dead relatives. You go to their graves. As with the Day of the Dead dead which is sort of a week
Starting point is 01:25:06 in Mexico you do different stuff about the people that died right around that time so you just go and visit all the graves and you put flowers on them and you know reflect, cook their favorite foods is that true make these super gross different fucking
Starting point is 01:25:22 pandulces what's a pandulce? again I apologize to all the Mexicans and Mexican Americans listening but I think your fucking baked goods are horrible it's just the truth I've tried them
Starting point is 01:25:38 it's not because I haven't tried them I just think they're horrible I like most other things about Mexican and Mexican American culture but sorry pandul tastes fucking gross. This is a sweet time for celebrations, though. This month, you've got Thanksgiving. You had the end of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Day of the Dead's around here. We have fireworks night.
Starting point is 01:25:58 Big deal. What's fireworks? Oh, that's the other reason why Halloween isn't a big thing. Because we have Guy Fawkes. Oh, okay. So that's on November 5th. Where you guys did a celebration of Reddit. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:10 So we don't have, we like, we tend to- Celebration of journalistic integrity in video games. No, so what happens in the UK for Guy Fawkes Day? Well, it's about this guy who tried to blow up Parliament in the 17th or 16th century. Oh, I've seen V for Vendetta. Yeah. Well, yeah. We all go to the park and we watch a huge fireworks display and we all eat toffee apples
Starting point is 01:26:34 and stuff. Oh, that sounds fun. Yeah. That's sort of our party around that time. Huh. I think basically humans realized they needed something in that period to not feel suicidal about the fact that it was cold and wet and horrible. Yeah, so let's cram it with things where it's an excuse to drink.
Starting point is 01:26:51 Let's eat sugar, drink. How much is Guy Fawkes Day an excuse to drink? It's not. I mean, to be fair, lit fireworks and alcohol are not a winning combo. Yeah, they are. Fourth of July. Yeah, we have Fourth of July. Would you like that? Also, Diwali is mean, we have... Yeah, they are. Fourth of July. Yeah, we have Fourth of July. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:07 Also, Diwali is at the same time. Nine fingers, nine fingers. Diwali is at the same time, that big festival. Sure. So, like, clearly, this is a good time to do it. Yeah. But why would you have a fireworks festival at the longest days of the year? Can I... Surely do it on a short day when it gets dark quicker and you can watch them.
Starting point is 01:27:22 I agree. No. Poor planning. Yeah. That's a good point. Although it's a great day for a barbecue. So you can have a barbecue in the evening when it's still light out, and then once it gets dark, that's when you start blowing off them fingers.
Starting point is 01:27:34 I think every day is a great day for a barbecue here. That's a really good point. Can I spitball something with you guys? Yeah, I'd love to hear it. Just an idea I just had. So Holly brought up toffee apples or caramel apples here in the United States. I think we can agree it's a great way to add a little zip to an apple. I mean, apples are fine as is. It's one of the world's most popular fruits. Certainly
Starting point is 01:27:58 one of the most popular fruits here in northern climes. But wouldn't you say? Agreed, yes. We pride ourselves on our apples. If it's more difficult to obtain a mango, which certainly in almost every way is superior to an apple. Sure. Then you're going to have to fall back on the apple. A friend of mine was telling me a story about how she was walking down the street and she was eating a mango like an apple. And a woman stopped in the street to laugh at her. Because they are
Starting point is 01:28:25 not it's a funny food it's a funny image you don't that's a good thing about apples bananas that you just walk along you eat them you're done yeah that's true here's what i'm thinking when you're eating a toffee as you call it or caramel banana apple as we do it here in the united states you get that great outer layer, which is a combination of the sweet tart apple and, of course, the delicious cooked sugar of caramel or toffee. I'm going to go ahead and cite both of them every time. Do you not have toffee here? Something different here.
Starting point is 01:28:58 I'm going to bring butthurst and toffee. Toffee is definitely an English thing. We do have it here, but it is an English thing. Okay. So in a Heath bar English thing. We do have it here but it is an English thing. Okay. So in a Heath bar for example we have it. So
Starting point is 01:29:10 I say you core the apple and put caramel in there. Oh. Because then your interior bites aren't just like well
Starting point is 01:29:21 I had a candy before now I'm just eating an apple. Yeah. On a stick like a chump. Yeah. No that's a great idea. I had a candy before. Now I'm just eating an apple. Yeah. On a stick like a chump. Yeah. No, that's a great idea. That is a good idea.
Starting point is 01:29:29 Thank you. Business men and women, if you're out there, you have some seed capital and some business insight and a business plan. Seed capital. We can make this a hipster gastropub thing. You just want to fill the middle with sriracha? Yeah, sure. What's sriracha?
Starting point is 01:29:47 It's like this hot sauce that wasn't on everything before but now is on everything. Why don't you fill it with alcohol? Oh, yeah, sure. Maybe a nice schnapps. Yeah. What about caramel schnapps? Caramel schnapps, yeah. Oh, maybe like a flavored vodka.
Starting point is 01:30:02 Yeah. Yeah. Toffee vodka? Do you have Jager bombs here? We do, yeah. Okay. That's what I'm thinking. Jager bomb.
Starting point is 01:30:09 I've got two in my tummy right now. I don't. We do have that, though. We have one more call, don't we? Let's hear it. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Ben over in Phoenix, Arizona. I was almost carjacked actually at gunpoint.
Starting point is 01:30:28 And I say almost because I went to a parking lot where a store was closed and I was heading back to my truck. And a guy approached me and asked me for the bus schedule. And I said, I didn't know, looked it up on my phone, gave it to him. And then when I was heading to my truck, he said, hey, give me your keys. And I looked at him and I was not scared but just annoyed. It was weird. And I said, no, I'm not giving you my keys. And then the guy brought out a gun. And he said, no, man, I'm not playing.
Starting point is 01:31:02 Give me your keys. And I just told him also in the same annoyed tone, no, I'm not giving you my keys. And then he did this little dance. It was really weird. He was like almost kind of like break dancing because his mind like I think exploded because he never expected me to say no. Like the gun was going to automatically demand a yes. And then he paused and said, no, man, I'm just playing, and then just runs away.
Starting point is 01:31:35 It was just so unusual and just weird, a very, very weird experience. You know, momentous occasion because he didn't carjack me, Weird. A very, very weird experience. Momentous occasion because it didn't carjack me, but also a kind of moment of shame because I should have just given him the keys. I don't know what came over me. Well, anyway, guys, love the show. 2015 slogan, no, I'm not giving you my keys. Thanks, guys. Bye.
Starting point is 01:32:06 First of all, you don't make the slogans. We make the slogans. Thank you very much. I like the idea that that guy called you before the police. That just happened to him and he thought to call you first. Anyway, I've got some police to call. This guy thinks that this stupid thing that he did, this grievous error in judgment that he made, that he did, this grievous error in judgment that he made was so great that we, his heroes, should dedicate our entire year to it.
Starting point is 01:32:34 Yeah. 2015, we've got a death wish. 2015, just give him the keys. Yeah. If I learned anything growing up in the inner city Just fucking give it to them Jeez Whatever it is It's not that important
Starting point is 01:32:50 It's so much better To just give it to them Anybody Who needs it so bad That they're threatening To hurt you to get it Just give it to them It's not worth rolling the dice
Starting point is 01:33:01 Boy yeah that's crazy It's crazy What do you got that's so great? You got car insurance? What is this, a Tercel? Yeah. You got a 94 Tercel. Probably some kind of Tercel.
Starting point is 01:33:12 It's probably a 94 Tercel. Oh, yeah, Hyundai. What do you got, a Hyundai Elantra? Is this a Geo Tracker you're trying to protect? You got a Kia Sephora? Sure. It's a combination of Kia and a makeup store. Best case scenario.
Starting point is 01:33:28 Sure. He drives a bad car. He gets the insurance. He gets a better car. Yeah. Did you say a GeoTracker? Mm-hmm. That was really good.
Starting point is 01:33:36 No, thanks. I'm sorry I said something after that. That's funny. It's kind of like a Proto Scion or a Proto Kia. It was a compact. So Gio was like the cheap, I believe it was made by General Motors. It was like their youth-oriented value brand that was not a great success, ran for maybe 15 years. And the Tracker was a compact SUV, but a very comically compact and shoddy one.
Starting point is 01:34:09 One of the, like, running jokes with my group of friends in high school is we had a buddy who had a Geo Tracker. Little car. He was a big man. So, you know, kind of a funny image of this kind of big guy getting in this, like, little squat Jeep-looking thing. Probably a little bit more convenient than if he had had a Geo Metro. Yeah, right, exactly. Or a Geo Metro LSI convertible. Yeah, sure, those two.
Starting point is 01:34:32 Anyways, but he was driving people around in some sort of kind of like, you know, late at night in some area where there weren't a lot of cars and was maybe being a little reckless, was showing off a little bit. Showing off his tracker? It is Geo Tracker, yes. It is Geo Tracker. in a lot of cars and, you know, was maybe being like a little reckless, was showing off a little bit. Showing off his tracker? It is GeoTracker. Yes. It is GeoTracker. Ghost riding it?
Starting point is 01:34:50 Yeah. Yes. Ghost riding his whip. Donuts and a... Yeah. Yeah. Shit like that. And he started driving toward railroad tracks and some people said like, hey, don't drive
Starting point is 01:35:00 on the railroad tracks. And he's like, hey, it's cool. This is an off-road vehicle. And he drove along the railroad tracks and popped all his tires. I see that he was stuck on it. Was he able to get off? He was able to get off. He just got out, picked it up, put it on the side.
Starting point is 01:35:13 Right, yeah. That's how cheap it is. Yeah, you use a pool net to jab it off. Yeah, no, the story does not end with four teens being crushed by an Amtrak. Just a doofus popping all his tires. Did he have AAA? I don't know. I forget how they resolved it.
Starting point is 01:35:31 Okay. Usually kind of the story ends with he popped all his tires. Right, but my question is, did he have AAA? Because you could call roadside assistance. Sure, and while you're there, get a couple maps. Can I ask another question? Sure. Do you think he might have had OnStar?
Starting point is 01:35:44 I should hope so. I mean, on the one hand, it's a lower-end vehicle, so you think he might have had OnStar? I should hope so. I mean, on the one hand, it's a lower-end vehicle, so it's less likely to have OnStar. But I think it might have been available with OnStar. Again, I think these aren't the important details to the story. I mean, it's a funny story. The punchline is that the guy popped all his tires. We didn't really talk about it too much after, like where he took it to get it worked on, where he got the tires. I didn't mean talk about it too much after. Where he took it to get it worked on. Where he got the tires. I didn't mean to leave
Starting point is 01:36:07 you out on this. So OnStar, let's say that you had a I'm just like a geotracker. This is like a third-hand joke and it's kind of the funny story is that the guy was showing off. Geotracker, as Jordan said. Again, I would not have gotten these
Starting point is 01:36:23 kinds of details. I don't know if his gotten these kinds of details. I don't know if his plates were up to date. I don't know. You press a button on your roof and you're directly connected via cellular telephone to roadside emergency dispatch operator who can send you
Starting point is 01:36:39 flares, tires, tow truck. You kind of understand anecdotes. They have a beginning and a middle. And you don't want to bog it down with random details. Do you know what you teach the guy? When he pressed the on star, and I'm assuming he pressed the on star. I don't know if he had on star.
Starting point is 01:36:59 I don't remember what color it was. It's not the point of. Where they lock the doors remotely. Have you heard a street joke before? It's kind of like this, but it's real world. You don't need to know where he took it to get it worked on. Other vagrants, dangerous characters.
Starting point is 01:37:13 But you wouldn't want to go around and lock them all individually, but you can call the on-star and have them lock it down. Unless you have AAA and you already called the AAA. Although... The purpose of this was to be a funny This is genuinely like talking to my parents. You know when your parents
Starting point is 01:37:30 tell you a story and they just start filling it out with unnecessary detail and you think you have less time to live than any of us. At least get more succinct as you get older. I guess the question here Were they low profile tires? Was that the problem? Yeah, what was that? Was he?
Starting point is 01:37:45 Yeah, you know, he had four spares on him. Were they four people? He had four spares. Yeah, sure. Were the four people in the car with him heavy too? Make the story better? Were the tires knobby at all? I should mention that what I know about tires
Starting point is 01:37:58 No, he tried to put a dime in them. I only know about tires from RC Pro-Am too. Sure. From the Nintendo. So how knobby were they? Well, I mean, he dropped a little bomb behind the car earlier. them. I only know about tires from RC Pro-Am too. Sure. So how knobby were they? Well, I mean, he dropped a little bomb behind the car earlier, so that's part of why he dropped the tires there. Well, look, he didn't have money to buy a great car in the first place, so you think he's going to have money to spunk on tires?
Starting point is 01:38:16 That's a good point. Yeah. Have you seen Top Gear? So he did not have tires to begin with. Have you ever seen the show Top Gear? Yeah, we have that. Yeah, sure, with Adam Carolla. Do you have the British Top Gear? Yeah, we have the British Top Gear and we've had two American Top Gears. BBC America over here basically shows British Top Gear and Star Trek The Next Generation reruns. Wow.
Starting point is 01:38:35 They show Star Trek The Next Generation on BBC America? Yeah, like constantly. That's so weird. That's weird. And then like Shaun of the Dead sometimes. It's always nice to run across when you're flipping. Anyway. What about Top Gear?
Starting point is 01:38:46 Well, you just sound like you guys would enjoy that show. We're real gearheads. What the fuck is that show? What the fuck is this? They're hosting some kind of talk show in the round with no chairs. Everyone just standing around. There's a mystery character who
Starting point is 01:39:02 races cars against celebrities. The Stig? Periodically, they do a semi-aquatic challenge segment that's not really explained. There's some kind of leaderboard that I don't understand. It's hosted by this man who's acting like he's funny but isn't funny at all. Like, is saying things as though they were jokes that aren't jokes, while this group of people mills around him in a circle. It is the most baffling television program.
Starting point is 01:39:31 Yeah, it looks like one of those, you know when someone does a demonstration in a mall? Yes. And people kind of gather around to see what's going on. So it's like a mall kiosk television program. Not far off. Someone demonstrating a nonstick pan. It's also genuinely the most successful TV show probably in the UK and their best export.
Starting point is 01:39:47 They sell it to so many countries. And that guy, Jeremy Clarkson, he is continually putting his foot in it in very awful ways. Oh, a little Alec Baldwin type. Yeah, but there's always a story in the press about, I don't know, something he said that's dodgy. The big story the other day was that they went to argentina and then the number plate spelt kind of falklands it's like it f l k d s or something like that and
Starting point is 01:40:13 every and then they would chase down the street and everyone wants to kill them and they were like it is a coincidence and yeah so that's the big so they are constantly in trouble what's the premise of the show i I've seen it like four times. And I don't understand. I just don't understand what it is. They don't explain what's happening on the show either. I, for some reason, was flipping around. And maybe we were talking about it on that midnight.
Starting point is 01:40:40 Maybe we were thinking about doing something about it on that midnight. But Big Brother is still on the air over here. Yeah, we have it. Yeah, yeah. It's huge in our country. It's one of yours, but it's still on. It's actually Dutch. Oh, I didn't know that.
Starting point is 01:40:50 I think it's Dutch. Imagine if on Big Brother, just one time you turned it on, and for some reason they were driving across Africa in a Vauxhall. Yeah. But then another time, they were just milling around with what one can only presume is a British celebrity. And both of those were the same show. I think they have a lot of Hollywood people come over and do it now. Oh, yeah, I think so. Famous gearheads.
Starting point is 01:41:15 Anyway, I'm like, oh, I'll see what's going on on Big Brother. I forget what we wanted to do about it, but I'm like, oh, I should watch a couple minutes of Big Brother so I go and all of the Big Brother house members were running into a circus set and playing a guessing game with pictures of circus freaks I'm like what the fuck and I think that's just a symptom of when a TV show goes on for 10 seasons or something it's like I don't know add some shit like sure you know so anyway yeah it was very confusing I was I was baffled. It was like, yeah, coming into the middle of a Lord of the Rings movie or something. Just being supes confused. What happened to the big brother is Pat Sajak? Is it?
Starting point is 01:41:53 I don't know. What happened to the guy who was in the car that broke down on the railway track? What did he end up doing? Oh, I don't know. Joe DeSantis? I don't know what Joe DeSantis is up to. Do you want to call Joe and just find out how he addressed the situation? Yeah, if he had what kind of tires, what the...
Starting point is 01:42:07 What if he got those kind of tires that, like, one of those... Here's what I would do. Sure. In his situation. Again, not the point of the story at all. It's just a joke. It's like a simple, short joke. Initially, you're dealing with a blowout.
Starting point is 01:42:20 The punchline is he pops the tires. And your first thought is, get me a new set of four tires the same as the other tires. That he has a bad car. But have you ever seen those trucks? He's being kind of a dick about it. Have you ever seen those pickup trucks? There's not important. No one wants to know about this part of it.
Starting point is 01:42:34 This is the boring part of it. So they have train wheels on a pickup truck? It's like if you saw a James Bond movie and you saw James Bond eat every meal. This is what you're proposing. You're proposing the story version of that. Can I tell you what I'm proposing? Sincerely. Sure. You know those things where you
Starting point is 01:42:51 pump up and down and it makes it go down the track? Yeah, again, this is like in Jurassic Park if the whole movie was just them injecting DNA into things. Like embryo maintenance. I haven't seen Jurassic Park, but isn't that not what it's about? No, it's about dinosaur chases. My story was a punchy, exciting dinosaur chase of a story.
Starting point is 01:43:11 How do they make the dinosaurs? Using OnStar. Okay, fair enough. They use OnStar signals. Now that makes sense. Finally, something that makes sense. Yeah. 206-9844-FUN, our number.
Starting point is 01:43:23 JJ, go at Maximum Fun, our email. We'll talk to you in just a second. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Steel Santa. Holly Walsh, still holding on. You know, the last time Pondulce came up on this show,
Starting point is 01:43:56 somebody said to me, what about empanadas? And the truth is, I do like a dessert empanada. So I guess that technically you can say that while my distaste for most pastelitas stands true and firm, I am cool with a dessert empanada. But the truth is I prefer a Central American empanada to a Mexican empanada, so I'm not going to give Mexico the credit for empanadas. Shots fired. Yeah, I don't like sugar cookies.
Starting point is 01:44:25 Pow, pow, pow. Right across the bow. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Mexican bakers. Yeah, okay. That's good. I got that covered.
Starting point is 01:44:34 Yeah, yeah. Should we wrap it up? It's been great to have you. I just wanted to clarify. Okay, sure. I just wanted to get in there and clarify. Yeah, you don't want to be unclear. Empanadas are good.
Starting point is 01:44:43 I guess because that's the feedback I got last time. Sure. You know, empanadas, what about empanadas? And that's fair. You know, empanadas are pretty good. But Salvador and empanadas are better. So there you go. Bob's your uncle.
Starting point is 01:44:58 Holly. Yeah. Empanadas, your thoughts. Never had one, never seen them, never heard of them until this moment. So that's my thoughts. Never had one. Never seen them. Never heard of them until this moment. So that's my thoughts. Really convenient way to eat anything from a sweet treat to a savory snack. Sure. So they cover all bases.
Starting point is 01:45:14 It's like your Cornish pasties. Well, but you don't have savory sweet Cornish pasties. Oh, okay. So it's not like that. No. Hand pies? You got hand pies? What's a ham pie?
Starting point is 01:45:26 It's like a... Ham or hand? Hand. Hand pie. You have a ham pie? I've had a ham pie. Why all these private questions? Hand pie, yet another gay subculture.
Starting point is 01:45:39 Holly Walsh, it's been an absolute joy to have you on the program. I've enjoyed every second of it. So people can follow you on Twitter. Yeah. A wiggywalsh.com. A wiggywalsh. Wiggywalsh, it has been an absolute joy to have you on the program. I've enjoyed every second of it. So people can follow you on Twitter. Yeah, at Wiggy Walsh. Wiggy Walsh? Wiggy Walsh? Yeah. At Wiggy Walsh, as you would expect.
Starting point is 01:45:52 Straight out of Compton. What about like, we're just Britons listening to this program. Yeah. They probably want to go see you do stand-up comedy, but you also have some entertainment products that are available for perusal, correct? No, I have nothing to sell. Nothing? No, just me, myself, my voice.
Starting point is 01:46:14 Do you have any back catalog? No, this is the pinnacle of my career. Oh, you've made it. This is it. Congratulations. Congratulations. I mean, honestly, congratulations. On reaching the zenith.
Starting point is 01:46:23 It doesn't get better than this in the penthouse. Sure. I'm pretty sure I read on Wikipedia Congratulations. On reaching the zenith. It doesn't get better than this in the penthouse. Sure. I'm pretty sure I read on Wikipedia that one time you were injured in a flying contest. Yeah, I was doing a – I think you have this sort of the equivalent of like the Red Bull thing where people try and fly off things in homemade aircraft. Sure. And I did that and I broke my arm. What kind of aircraft did you have? A homemade helicopter.
Starting point is 01:46:44 I was dressed as – Did you make it? a damsel in distress. No, a man dressed as Rambo made it. It did not work out. He said to you, excuse me, ma'am. I can't help but notice that your... Arm is looking remarkably healthy. Can I do something about it?
Starting point is 01:47:00 Get in my homemade helicopter and jump off a pier. Yeah. 40 foot I fell. Oh my gosh. And I smashed my arm to Yeah. 40 foot I fell. Oh, my gosh. And I smashed my arm to bits. Did you think it was going to fly? I'll be honest with you. I was fairly cynical about the aviation qualities of the homemade helicopter, given that it was made of plastic guttering and cardboard.
Starting point is 01:47:19 Yeah. But, you know, if it has the right angles. And the wind is going the right way. Yeah, I mean, you know. The correct torsion. A lot of X factors. There's a lot of things that can roll in your favor. None of them did.
Starting point is 01:47:31 Insufficient torque. I don't even know what that means. You should watch more Top Gear. It's a secret man that wears a racing helmet. Wanders in while somebody's talking to some british person you've never heard of the stick yeah yeah torque whatever that happens that happens a lot when you watch british tv it's like there'll be a you know i still have a celebrity on or they'll be like oh this is clearly a cameo from somebody and like this is joking on their you know this is like joking on their
Starting point is 01:48:02 persona a little bit i always just assume it's someone from Big Brother. I'm just going to go ahead and assume this is a Big Brother contestant that everyone loved. It could be somebody that was in that boy band that that guy was in who's famous. He's like a really famous in England, but not in America. Robbie Williams? Yeah. Oh, take that. There you go.
Starting point is 01:48:19 So he wasn't famous here, was he not? No. Because he probably tried harder than anyone to break this place. I think he had a little hot second in the 90s but it was a blip yeah it was like a moment where it was like i don't know if he ever even had a hit record in the states there was a moment where it was like the most famous british guy in the world is trying to make it in america he's married to an american and he's obsessed obsessed obsessed with like ufos and stuff yeah sure he's always out in the desert watching ufos he's like genuinely obsessed with like UFOs and stuff yeah sure he's always out in the desert watching UFOs
Starting point is 01:48:46 he's like genuinely takes taken over his life partly that's good good taken over his life partly great expression good for him well Holly thank you for having me it's been a joy to have you on the program we're glad that we could get you here I'll release you now to your
Starting point is 01:49:02 general meetings thank you you know who knows? Maybe Simon Pegg's production company has a project for you. Maybe Brian Grazer's Fourth in Command. Down a peg, is what it's called. He's going to give you the
Starting point is 01:49:17 next big gig. This will be the best. I believe in you, Holly. This is what I need. Thanks, guys. Holly, you're in America. Anything can happen here. Yeah. You could get a pot brownie. Sure. Just hand it to you in a park. Yep. By a burnout weirdo.
Starting point is 01:49:34 Who's just fucking given up. Just given up. If I know one thing about Hollywood, it's this. Any young mechanic can cause a panic. So I say hooray for Hollywood. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:49:51 Sage advice. Is that from Straight Outta Compton? Anyway, I got a phone meeting with Hans. About your tires. Brian Fernandez, a.k.a. Sonny D, is our producer. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design
Starting point is 01:50:08 and Light in the Attic Records. Yeah, man. If you want a fucking t-shirt, go to maxfunstore.com. Get them.
Starting point is 01:50:16 Get them. Get them. I'm going to buy a skateboard. Sure. Get a skateboard. Get a fucking Giclee print.
Starting point is 01:50:23 Lots of fun stuff. You know what I mean? Lots of fun stuff. Giclee? Don't know. Couldn't tell you. Me either. Holly Walsh has been our guest. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.
Starting point is 01:50:42 Listener supported.

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