Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 468: Guitar Lick and a Moan with Nick Adams
Episode Date: February 20, 2017Nick Adams joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the paradox of local radio personalities, the subtle differences between David Puddy and Patrick Warburton impressions and the magic of character... actors who do one thing really really well.Â
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Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you.
It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Did I just say America's Radio Sweetheart?
Yeah.
You know what?
I did.
Run with it.
Yeah.
Better than heart.
It's a dumb nickname anyway.
Yeah.
Welcome to Jordan, Jesse Goh, a show where we talk for an hour. That than heart. It's a dumb nickname anyway. Yeah. Welcome to Jordan, Jesse, Go!
A show where we talk for an hour.
That's true.
And sometimes we mispronounce a word and then have some fun with that.
The key is to under-promise and over-deliver, Jordan.
We're just a couple of sweet-horts.
Little do these people know they're going to get an hour and three.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
We're going to run over 63 minutes.
If we stop anywhere before three, we are going to get so much shit for it.
We're going to try and stick this landing exactly.
At Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris, dear sirs.
Two minutes and 49 seconds is not three minutes.
We just decided on Judge John Hodgman the other day a case about at a counter
service restaurant, whether you're allowed to take a table before you get your food. And I think I
probably received 20 tweets about it already. I didn't even decide it. What was your position?
My position was that you should follow any posted policy, but otherwise you should probably just do it in a
place where that's what people are doing. I have no strong opinions and find it funny that someone
would have one. Oh, boy, do they ever, Jordan. In fact, literally by making the mistake of
mentioning this right now, I've prompted another flurry of 15 tweets. Please don't tweet those at
me. You can go ahead and tweet those at California Senator Dianne Feinstein.
Oh, Dianne Feinstein. Send them to Dianne
Feinstein. She appreciates hearing what
you have to say. And you know what?
C.C. Kamala Harris,
her junior colleague. Sure.
Okay? Okay.
Our guest this week,
beloved regular here on Jordan Jesse Goh.
He's a writer for, most
recently, television's BoJack Horseman.
His name, Nick Adams.
Repeat is back.
How's it going, guys?
It's going great.
I don't know why I'm yelling.
I'm glad that you announced your presence.
I have to get, like, an initial...
My hort is full.
You are here with us today.
First of all, a sweet hort is like a sultana.
It's like a craisin.
Got it.
It's like a dried, I don't know, name a fruit, an apricot or something that people don't like.
I feel like if Nick is going to come in and scream, repeat is back, but while we're introducing him,
there should be that little arpeggio at the beginning of Baba O'Reilly.
Oh, that's nice.
I need some intro music.
Repeat is back, and he goes, bow, bow, bow.
What about, I'm just going to take it in another direction. Nick, tell me which one you prefer. All right. It's back. And it goes. What about, I'm just going to take it in another direction.
Nick, tell me which one you prefer.
All right.
Repeat is back.
Y'all ready for this?
How about a funk master flex, like just randomly throughout the show, just repeat.
Like, just like, yeah, yeah, some bombs go off and repeat.
Exclusive.
Oh, I really love this popular hip hop song that I can only hear
on urban radio.
You know what I want
right in the middle of it?
Just a dude yelling.
Just his name
during the middle of the song.
Don't do that.
Have we ever addressed
the topic that,
like literally,
I've never done stand up comedy.
Closest we've ever come
to doing stand up comedy
is for a while,
Jordan and I hosted a show
at the Ice House in Pasadena.
Real hip crowd at the Ice House, by the way. Very
hip crowd. A lot of fans came out
for those shows. Thank you very much. You know, I think people
in Pasadena are, you know,
they're spoiled by the Rose Parade.
They're spoiled by the yearly Rose Parade. The other
364 days, it's a fucking letdown.
Sure. What do you do? He's not
made of flowers. Yeah.
He's not a salute to firemen made of flowers.
He's not sponsored by the city of industry.
He's not being ridden upon by Eric Estrada, the grand marshal of this year's Tournament of Roses parade.
I don't see anyone involved with KCAL 9.
No, there's no KCAL.
There's no KCAL 9.
I think Kevin Kataoka may have been sponsored by the city of industry.
Oh, okay.
If not the city of industry, then Carson, California.
Palms, California.
Yeah, but I feel
like the topic
that has most...
Someone needs to make the KTLA traffic
copter out of geraniums.
Something that would happen at the Rose Parade.
The topic that I feel like i would most
like to have be my just as hot pockets are the signature issue of jim gaffigan on stage as a
stand-up comic were i a stand-up comic the thing the single thing i feel most passionate about
in the world is that when you listen to hip-hop radio uh all of the DJs have urban voices, but they keep the old white
guy for all booming voices.
And so it's just the inner world guy is the guy who says, like, exclusive blazing tracks.
Somebody said exclusive once in like 1983, and no one involved in hip hop has had to say exclusive since that guy.
That man's long dead.
Yeah, he's gone.
He's close.
His widow gets $4 every time they say exclusive.
You send a self-addressed stamped envelope and a blank cassette tape to Mr. Magic and he sends you back a dub of the exclusive.
Of like 70 of those in a row.
Just exclusive. Get some options on that. Of like 70 of those in a row. Just exclusive.
Get some options on that.
Exclusive.
Exclusive?
Exclusive.
We got it.
The thing is like, we'll use the second one.
It doesn't, like, there's some of the times it is a word that an old white man would and should say.
Like, I even think like exclusive is an example.
Well, sure, you're going to want, but like, like in the commercial for a nightclub, they
will have that guy come in and he'll be the guy who says, like, ladies, get in free before
8 p.m.
Gentlemen, no caps, no jerseys, no sneakers.
And you're like, wait, who is this guy?
What is the character?
Does he know what that is for?
Does he just say it, just read those words?
And he was like, why?
Credential insurance.
No caps, no shoes, no sneakers.
Fire exits behind you to your left.
He just has a list that his agent gives him in the morning.
He just has an ISDN line.
He calls in and just rattles off a bunch of nonsense.
From rural Iowa.
When I was growing up, there was a small town, and the closest city is Greensboro.
And at the roller skating rink, they would have black night if there wasn't school on Monday.
I don't know why it was Sunday night.
We only got it if it was Sunday night, and there was no school on Monday.
You guys might party too hard, and then the attendance will dwindle.
I don't know what they expected.
They're concerned about too much bouncing and rocking.
Yeah.
Was it called Black Knight?
It seems like the marketing department could have done better than Black Knight.
Well, if you show up wanting to see the movie where Martin Lawrence travels back in time
to King Arthur's England.
The DJ was Python from Greensboro's Power 97.1.
That was the urban station in the area.
And the Python would come and DJ.
And you think, okay, this is like a big black guy.
He's got like a deep voice.
He was like a 50-year-old scrawny white guy
with like ripped jeans and no shoes.
And his daughter would come and just run around and play video games and eat pizza.
And he was the coolest guy in the world.
But he was the number one, that's not what I expected.
And he was like, you wanted to hear the new special, Ed?
Guess who's got it?
Python will play it for you.
He was that guy on the radio and looked like a farmer, like a straight up farmer.
Nobody like a local radio personality making an appearance.
Yeah.
That is the most.
First of all, there are no other true local celebrities like local radio and television personalities.
People who are so important.
I mean, like, get Karen Kilgariff in here.
Me and her will do an hour on KTVU to anchor Dennis Richmond in a heartbeat.
We'll do that.
But if you want to top that, bring in a radio personality because you get that dissonance of who the fuck.
Yeah, yeah.
This is a real person.
Yeah.
One of the biggest urban radio DJs in the Bay Area when I was a kid was this guy called Chewy Gomez.
And Chewy Gomez also hosted the after-school UHF hip-hop video show,
CMC, the California Music Channel.
And Chewy Gomez, first of all, all respect to Chewy Gomez,
truly great radio DJ, and a great host on this.
As wide as he was tall, like a a three foot cube this man was wearing a crooked
baseball cap like that and his defense his name was chewy that's true and yeah all of this is
tracking so far what what about this is gonna blow our minds well just he was just a magical
human being because he seems like he's exists in an alternate universe that's inside that radio box.
And because he is both the biggest deal in the world and not a big deal at all at one time.
If you leave a certain area code, zip code, he's a nobody.
He's zero.
You put Chewy Gomez in Bend, Oregon, and he is struggling to get a job as a busboy.
In San Francisco, the streets are paved with Chewy Gomez.
How much of the voice, though, like does that-
Golden effigies of Chewy Gomez.
Does that, like with certain jobs, if you're like, I'm a lawyer, so people know I can negotiate, I understand, you know, whatever.
If you're like, I have this voice and this, I'm a lawyer, so people know I can negotiate. I understand. You know, whatever. If you're like, I have, like, this voice and this, like, I don't care.
Like, that doesn't help you.
Does that help you in any other?
If you work at a high school, like, do you want to call the football game?
Okay, great.
Yeah, yeah.
But does that give you any other leg up in life?
The skill that I possess, my core competency, is a useless skill.
It is a skill without any real world
value. I am the first to die
after the apocalypse. I die
before actresses.
Once the YouTube guys
come up with an app that
will just do, like where computers will simulate
podcasts. You just type in
farts and
Game of Thrones.
Remembering Nintendo.
Boom. We of Thrones. Remembering Nintendo. Boom.
Yeah.
We got it.
We got it.
We are fucked.
But what about the one with the code?
Yeah, we talked about that.
We talked about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The up, up, down.
Yeah, we did that.
We did that whole run on there.
You're going to have to remember the power pad.
I think I'm sure we've talked about this on the show before, but in terms of radio DJs
who don't look like what they sound like, I mean, I think the ultimate hilarious example for me will always be those guys at our college radio station who hosted the reggae shows.
Oh, my God.
Before we get into DJ Hot Eye and company, I want to emphasize going in, they were some of the nicest, coolest people at the whole radio station.
Absolutely.
Because what we're about to say could be interpreted as us mocking them.
Yeah.
And that's not an unfair interpretation.
They're ridiculous men, but really wonderful guys.
Wonderful dudes.
White people who fully embrace weed and Rastafarian culture tend to pretty much be pretty cool
and mellow people.
Absolutely.
You're not going into that world as some sort of entitled asshole looking for a fight.
You want loose trail mix out of a pocket? They've got it for you.
You want to pet a golden retriever with
a bandana? They've got one behind them
at all times. Do you want to potentially get your
calf sliced open by their
toenails?
Yeah. Want to know
a white guy who goes to Jamaica once
a year to get dub plates?
Yeah. That's your man.
So they would do all of their DJing in-
Patois.
Yes, in a really intense Jamaica voice.
Which apparently is like a thing that not only white dudes in America do, but like there's an international sound clash scene.
Oh, man.
in America do, but like there's an international sound clash scene.
Oh, man. So like there's sound clashes
that are not just Jamaican
sound systems, but ones from
like Japan and Africa and
Europe, and they all
do it in patois.
Like all of them do it in
essentially an
in-living color Jamaican guy voice.
For some reason,
like I feel like anything that comes out of Japan,
I'm just like, never offended by it.
Like, there's a whole, you know, the Japanese,
they brown their skin
and try to look, you know, urban.
And part of me is just like, they don't, they don't.
It's Japan.
Yeah, their history is different.
It's crazy over there.
Give them a break.
They buy panties in a vending machine.
It's just, shit is nuts over there. I thing with the bomb. Give them a break. They buy panties in a vending machine. It's just shit as nuts over there.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
No, it's –
Yeah, I definitely – you guys will be shocked to learn that one of my interests is going to the Japanese bookstore and buying expensive Japanese menswear magazines.
the other day, and I realized it was a pictorial series,
and I realized that it was based on, like,
people of many nations, essentially,
but it was one Japanese guy enacting... And I was like...
It was like, you know, okay, wooden shoes.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Like, a waspy guy.
Okay, okay.
Right, right.
Ooh.
Please don't have a dashiki.
Please don't have a dashiki. Please don't have a dashiki.
It's like, uh-oh, poncho, poncho, poncho, poncho.
Oh, African guy.
There we go.
The prestige.
We were watching a video at work today of a Japanese video game,
and I think you play this on a tablet.
of a Japanese video game,
and I think you play this on a tablet.
Yeah.
The gameplay looks a lot like a, you know,
like a Area 51 or a Virtua Cop,
you know, this sort of game.
You play it in a bowling alley.
You have a light gun.
So this, you know, it's first person, so you're going through this locker room,
and women are jumping out,
are leaping out from behind crevices.
Sure, like they do.
And so there's a tablet.
So you got a touch screen.
And when the women leap out, you touch their privates to arouse them
and to get them to stop attacking you, I guess.
And here's the thing.
To get them to stop attacking you, I guess.
And here's the thing.
There's a 10 out of 10 icky version of this, and there's a 5 out of 10 icky version of this.
And this one becomes 10 out of 10 because when you poke them, the characters do not appear to be enjoying themselves.
Like, it could just have an, like, yeah, that, you know, okay. That's some ribald fun, but the character looks bad.
Cranky.
Like they have gas.
If there's a 12 out of 10 icky version of it, you know what it is?
It's when you stimulate them, they do the icky shuffle.
The world famous.
It's the only thing icky.
But it's Japanese, so it's pixelated and you can't see it.
Right.
You can't see that. It can shuffle.
So these reggae fellas, these reggae whites on KZSC, I think you would call them reggae
bois.
I might call them that.
Please don't ever call them that.
Yeah, I'm not going to.
And yeah, so they would do all of their DJ patter in a Jamaica voice, but it seems like they only learned what they had to say, which was fine.
But the only way you have to venture off script in community radio is you have to read announcements.
That's a kind of a, you know, the thing about being on community service.
It's a community service.
Yeah.
It's a community service. It's a community on radio.
Yeah.
So like, you know, once an hour you have to break in and read, you know, a message from the public library or, you know, from the university, something like that.
So it's like they're dropping the needle on an exclusive Buju Banton track.
Like Buju Banton is specifically shouting out, you know, Elephant Man is specifically shouting out DJ Hadai or whatever.
And then you get into like, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
Here, you're listening to Joy in the Morning.
Bok, bok, bok, bok, bok.
Big ups to Babylon.
Big ups to Zionite.
A pundi replay.
It was Joy in the Morning.
Joy in the Morning.
Bok, bok, bok, bok, bok.
Kresge Community Center.
The Aptos Chess Club will be meeting at the library from 5 to 7 every alternate Tuesday.
Hear me now.
So it's sort of like your uncle's shitty Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
Yes.
If he says, he can say, I'll be back.
He can say, I'll be back.
But he can't do anything off book, anything off script.
He can't just improvise Arnold stuff.
But Nick, remember-
Zion.
Right.
Zion's good.
Imagine if your uncle was going to Copenhagen to participate in the international Uncle's Arnold Schwarzenegger competition.
Usually held in Stag, by the way.
Yeah.
Competing against a Malaysian guy
and his friends
and they're all
just in
as a chorus
saying
the chopper
whatever
I would
I would absolutely
go to that event
international uncles
doing Arnold Schwarzenegger
I believe Arnold would go
I believe Arnold would go
and then really have a bowl
my money's on the Filipinos
oh yeah yeah they gotta they gotta they gotta tight Arnold game Arnold Schwarzenegger is like such a fun bad impression I believe Arnold would go. I believe Arnold would go and then really have a bowl. My money's on the Filipinos. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they got a tight Arnold game.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is like such a fun bad impression to do.
It is pretty easy.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton, JFK.
Patrick Warburton.
Patrick Warburton.
Putty or Patrick Warburton?
Is there a difference between Putty and Patrick Warburton?
I think there are subtle differences. I think each Patrick Warburton character is a variation on that theme.
Yeah.
Subtle changes.
I don't think I've ever been more confused and delighted than when I met Patrick Warburton and he was just Patrick Warburton.
Like you imagine that Patrick Warburton is doing a shtick and then he goes home.
And I want to be clear, the nicest dude.
We like talked about kids and soccer and minivans and stuff.
But like he just is Patrick Warburton.
I remember loving that about movies and TV at a really young age.
Like, you know, there are guys that go out there and like, you know, Martin Short is never Martin Short.
He's a guy, you know, he's doing a thing 24 hours a day maybe.
And then there are people that are just like, I'm kind of goofy and funny.
And it turns out they can use this type of goofy and funny in a lot of different things.
And I bought a house in Glendale in 89.
And I'm going to just cruise through doing the same.
There's something amazing and fucking American about that.
We need a bald vice principal dude.
Oh, yeah, there he is.
There he is.
The guy who's the bald vice principal and everything.
How do you know he's the bald vice?
Because he was already the bald vice principal dude in 17 other things.
What's truly amazing to me is when you understand that that bald
vice principal dude is a human being,
that that human being
could have
literally nothing to
do with
the thing that they're capable of doing
on camera. They could have that. I was
just watching
One Day at a Time, a Netflix sitcom,
really funny,
co-created by
past jordan jesse go guest mike royce and uh stephen tobolowski is on yeah yeah and i was
thinking two things one i was thinking jesus christ is stephen tobolowski good at doing this
thing that he does 20 whatever you're doing is going to be 20 better if he's just in a small
part he's just going to be a better show. It's just remarkable.
It's just a thing that he does, and he is amazing at it.
And he can do it in comedy or in drama.
He's just amazing at it.
But then we've had Stephen Tobolowsky on this show, too.
Stephen Tobolowsky is a man of unknowable depths.
He's like a book
that unfolds before you,
you know?
Like, you can't believe
that there's more
and more and more there,
and he's such a remarkable,
profound, amazing man.
But on the other hand,
he will just,
he will forever work
as the fourth-billed guy
on every sitcom.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, do you need a mean boss
for a couple episodes?
This is a fun thing
about Tobolowsky. Can I guess
what it is? Everything?
That's true. Here's one specific thing
that is included in everything.
So we were planning
the, I think this was last year,
we were planning the At Midnight Groundhog Day
episode.
And we kind of had this idea where the show would restart after you came back from a commercial break.
Fucking Corden did it the night before.
Fucking Corden doing the same thing.
Snaked you guys?
Snaked us.
He pulled that shit on you. Pretty obvious idea at one hour into Groundhog Day.
Yeah.
What a pile of bullshit.
Anyway.
I have an idea.
Hmm.
Here's the idea.
Yeah, you don't see us singing in a car.
Oh, that's what I was going to suggest.
We're not singing in a car.
Hoverboard karaoke.
Why sing on a stage?
Hoverboard charades.
So our thing that we had planned.
It's Meatloaf singing and he's taking a shower and you see his dick.
I love it.
And every week it's a different celebrity and you see his dick.
No, it's just Meatloaf.
No, it's Meatloaf.
Every week it's a different celebrity, same Meatloaf dick.
Yeah.
You pan down and you insert the shot of Meatloaf's dick.
Even if it's a woman.
Yeah.
No, they have Meatloaf's dick as well.
Everyone has it.
So we had this thing planned, had to scrap it last minute.
Right.
And someone suggested, hey, if we could get Tobolowsky in here, he'd come up and be like,
it's me, Ned.
Ned Ryerson.
Ned the Head.
And we all loved the idea.
It was a fun idea.
Called up Tobolowsky.
He was into it.
loved the idea.
It was a fun idea.
Called up Tobolowsky.
He was into it.
And then an hour before he's supposed to get there,
we're like,
fuck.
A lot of times,
this audience,
it'll be like this paid audience,
you know,
if it's early on a weekday,
who doesn't remember
or care to laugh at anything
that happened before 2005.
Right.
It's not a joke about
Drake or Beyonce.
They do not want to hear it.
Yeah.
They just want to hear Beyonce and clap.
Yeah.
It's not like comedy nerds at these things.
They get all the references.
It is and it isn't.
Sometimes it's, you know.
Smart Bunny's going to be there sometimes.
Sure.
Sometimes you get a nice crowd with Elvis Costello glasses who know what Reddit is and are happy to hear jokes about it.
Wait a minute.
That's the barometer?
Do they know what red it is?
Yes.
Many don't.
Oh, man.
And then, so, you know,
we're like, well, fuck.
We don't know who the science is going to be.
Tobolowsky could come out there to crickets.
Right.
Who's this?
So.
We better put Groundhog Day into the pre-show montage.
Yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
We better, like, hey, before we start the show, sit and watch Groundhog Day.
A little homework.
Yeah.
You know, back up plan.
Tobolowsky comes out, sings Hotline Bling.
So, it's crunch time.
Yeah.
Tobolowsky inches out on stage.
Fucking place goes apeshit.
The place goes apeshit.
It was nuts.
Running up and down the aisles, they were so happy to see Tobolowsky.
It was the guts.
How many people in that audience could have given you a name or anything else that he's ever been in?
But they were all like, it's the guy.
It's the guy.
It's him.
So I have a lot of faith in the younger generation because they were all like, it's the guy! It's that guy! It's him! So,
I have a lot of faith
in the younger generation
because they were able
to go apeshit
at Tobolowsky
coming out on Groundhog Day.
That's really good.
It felt good.
It felt really good.
You know what?
Next year,
throw Chris Elliott at him.
See what happens.
Sure.
Yeah,
I worked on
a multicam show
and Danny Masterson
was on the show and, you know, successful actor, nothing but a nice guyam show, and Danny Masterson was on the show.
You know, successful actor, nothing but a nice guy to me, but not a huge star.
And that 70s show was a while ago, and every night we taped, he walks out, and it's just that.
That's the guy from that show.
It's him.
It's him.
It's a guy.
It's a guy that I recognize.
I've seen.
The beard, with the beard.
I'm always surprised how many That 70s Show reruns are just on TV at weird times.
I guess that was like a show for people.
Well, I mean, once something is in syndication, you forget that it's like,
those six or seven years it was on, that's great, but multiply that by ten.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just going to be on and on and on.
Big Bang Theory repeats.
It's just going to be on and on and on.
And people are like Big Bang Theory repeats.
The show that I worked on was a TBS original and Big Bang Theory repeats routinely trounced us and every other original on TV.
It's just like I think that is the plight of anybody who is making cable television these days is that you just you just want to you just want to beat the season two Family Guy rerun. If we can beat the season two Family Guy rerun or narrowly approach its ratings, we'll probably be fine.
Don't set your sights too low.
Don't just say, I want to beat that American Dad rerun.
No.
You got to give yourself a little bit of credit.
Sure, we could all beat the American Dad rerun. Yeah. When you're beating the family guy rerun.
Yeah.
The standards of success in cable television are a very slippery and unusual thing.
Still on is the standard of success, I believe.
Yeah. Are you still on?
Yeah.
Can you get one of these?
Check still comes?
Yeah.
Like, I think to some extent, the most successful cable television show is just one that
people have heard of there are like two categories one is swamp people this is a show that literally
millions of people watch that is not anything it's a it's a guitar lick and a moan, right? All those shows are like, bling. Hmm.
Oh, hmm.
How did your dad get all this? This is an incredible house.
How did your husband make his money?
You may remember.
Honey, can you hit it?
Hmm.
Oh, it's you.
It's the guy.
He studied under the guy who said exclusive.
He had to find his own.
Protégé.
Take his own, put his own take on it,
his own spits.
So Swamp People is
strum,
hmm,
fan boat explosion.
I'm pretty sure it's just
crocodile meat.
The titles,
the strum,
the hmm,
and then I don't know,
I don't think they're
making them anymore.
I think they just show
Beverly Hillbillies reruns.
Right.
It's like,
as long as you reset it at the end, after every commercial break. People think they just show Beverly Hillbillies reruns. As long as you reset
it at the end after every commercial break.
People think they're watching Swamp People. This is the
airboat montage from the original Miami
Vice. This is not a new show.
This is not new. That is a very good montage though.
Oh, it's excellent. Excellent. But yeah, like there's...
Just enough of Philip Michael Johnson's like chest hair.
I think that's his name. There's like the
two categories. Philip Michael Thomas.
Don Johnson. There's the category of things that 10 million people watch that are on History Channel.
Then there's every other network is just hoping you will have heard of one of their shows.
And just flipping.
Just flipping.
Everything's getting flipped.
You got to flip something now.
They just want Billy on the Street. They just want something that someone has heard of. It's all housewives and flipping. Just flipping. Everything's getting flipped. You got to flip something now. They just want Billy on the street.
They just want something that someone has heard of.
It's all housewives and flipping.
If you're not flipping a housewife, you don't have it.
You don't have it.
I was looking at the True TV comedy network now.
A lot of our friends have Guy Branum's got a show coming out on True TV.
Yeah, that fucking network has gone through 18 different iterations in like three years, I feel like.
It's very confusing.
But we're thrilled that Chris Fairbanks-
Didn't it used to be Court TV?
Yes.
Didn't it literally used to be Court TV?
Four years ago.
And I'm glad Chris Fairbanks is working there because he's the funniest guy in the world.
You know what I mean?
So that's great.
But I'm pretty sure that network is just that one prank show, 23 hours a day, and then in the other two half-hour slots, just something that they're hoping someone will have heard of.
Like just an attempt, just a roll of the dice.
Please mention this on Vulture.
Exactly.
Even if you hate it, just talk about how much you hate it.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, yeah. When you can be in a room with a room full of TV writers whose job it is to know about this stuff and all the expenses, the cables, all that stuff is a tax write-off, and you can mention a show or mention a network and people go, what's that?
Right.
What?
Where?
Who?
Yeah, it is almost amazing when it happens with a network.
Yeah, an entire network.
I have not heard of that TV network.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, an entire network.
I have not heard of that TV network.
Yeah, yeah.
I think the practical reasons for that is because, you know, nobody writes about a Family Guy reruns.
You want to have something people can write about, that free press for making a show.
But also I think selling things to streaming services is a big business.
Yeah.
Like foreign streaming services.
So I think if you can make 10 episodes of something, you can just sell it to Dutch Hulu.
Dulu.
Yeah, Dulu.
I'm sorry.
Dthulu is how you pronounce it.
Yeah, there was one point that we got. Dutch Hulu is also a squid monster.
After making literally zero money and having very few people watch, especially the second season of the Put This On video series,
especially the second season of the Put This On video series,
we got an offer from like British Airways or something to like put it inside their TV computers
that was like $15,000 or something.
And it was like, oh shit,
we should be making money at this business.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like, there's secret untapped wells of piles of money that we should
be earning i tell you something though like every year when you start on a show your union rep comes
in and talks to you you know whatever wga and they ask you any questions whatever and they like
these people are making crazy money like the industry has never been more profitable you're
like all these networks all these shows who can watch all these things i don't know somebody's
fucking watching them because they're all like she's legit straight
up told us like they're they're having huge huge profits like all these huge corporations are
making a ton of money i think the appetite for this stuff is kind of endless it's just gonna be
smaller you know like no one's ever gonna have the monster hit show but if you're like we figured out
another angle on the flipping show or like there's another shitty part of America that people watch.
People emerge from swamps and Alaskan mountains and rivers.
Arizona assholes.
Some assholes from Arizona.
Northern Arizona.
That magical alchemical mix of relatability and schadenfreude that constitutes one of those programs.
Just something that's like that you recognize,
but you can feel a little bit superior to.
There was a moment when reality TV people realized,
oh, it doesn't matter if they watch because they hate these people.
They're watching.
It doesn't matter.
As long as they keep the TV on for the catheter commercial.
Yeah.
It's a sort of J.R. Ewing effect.
It's like the bad guys can be more important than the good guy.
And now you watch those shows and like the real housewife, it's just like women screaming at each other.
They're all horrible people.
Why would you want to watch this?
Do you guys have a housewife in your house?
Do you guys have a housewife show that you guys watch?
No, no.
Is your wife a real bitch?
Yeah, that's what I'm asking you.
My wife, like every married man
that I know, his wife subscribes to
some of the trashiness. And my wife
does not subscribe to the housewife
trashiness, which is good.
She used to be into the pregnant teenager
shows, which drove me crazy.
Because at no point in those shows would anyone
sit that person down and say, listen, Megan,
I know you like Brad.
He's cute.
He's cute and charming.
Yeah.
You're 18 and you have a baby.
Right.
He can't handle this shit.
Listen, we're all impressed by Brad's truck.
Yeah.
It's a great truck.
The truck is great.
His gauge earrings are amazing.
You know, but he's freaked out.
Yeah.
He's freaked out because he's 17 and he doesn't want to have a fucking baby.
he's freaked out.
Yeah.
He's freaked out because he's 17
and he doesn't want
to have a fucking baby.
So you got to get
your shit together, Megan,
and stop calling Brad
and stop hanging up on him
and stop expecting him to go
and he has to put
a fucking baby seat
in the truck.
It's been eight months.
Like no one ever had
these simple like,
that guy's not going
to be a good dad.
He's light years away
from being a good dad.
He can't even grow
a good mustache.
Look at his bad
mustache his goatee doesn't connect what can he teach us the thing that drove me crazy when i
tried to watch one of those shows is how dirty everyone's sweatshirt is like just fucking roll
a lint roller over your goddamn juggalo sweatshirt um you pregnant asshole also bum equipment bum equipment was from when i
was in high school there's not they're not still making these where are you getting where are you
getting these bum equipment sweatshirts i'm sorry i called them pregnant assholes those two things
are not mutually tough life as as someone who's father two children Those two things aren't mutually exclusive. It's possible to be both.
I wonder, Jordan, have you guys on your television program had the opportunity to cover the Juggalo March on Washington at all?
Oh, you mean the at midnight premise?
You mean the easy at midnight premise?
Yes.
The Juggalo March on Washington is something that is happening.
Yeah.
I don't know why it's back in the news.
I feel like they announced it last year.
Well, I think marches on Washington are in the news.
Oh, sure.
So they're catching that.
That makes sense.
They're riding that wave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's on Washington Boulevard in Spokane.
Yeah.
Is the twist.
Yeah.
Is the twist.
It's on the house of a guy with sweet nugs in Washington State.
So yeah, no, we have goofed on it, and I'm sure we will goof on it when it actually happens.
I wish that their grievance is very legitimate.
Absolutely. What are their grievance is very legitimate absolutely what are their grievance i they've been named a pseudo gang by the fbi which allows like weird
special prosecutions and stuff like that um based on the fact that they all have this they all have
an identifying tattoo um and a couple of other weird things like that. How long have authorities been trying to criminalize shitty or not shitty pop rap music?
Like, that's what they're trying to do.
And yeah, if you go to a big music festival, there are going to be drugs there.
Illegal things might happen.
But the insane clown posse is not, you know, like, that's all this is.
They're just giving people an identity.
That soda is disgusting.
The soda is very bad.
It's disgusting.
Yeah.
I feel like Faygo, the Juggalo Soda, which is a song they would play on KCSC radio.
Uh-huh.
Juggalo Soda.
Here we are.
Juggalo Soda.
Time for the insane clown pussy.
And the hit pondery Play.
Spin it back, Mr. DJ.
Time for Jello Soda.
Insane Clown Posse was one of those where I was like,
this is white people fucking with us, right?
Just don't say anything.
Just smile and just go along.
We're all going to jump out and yell surprise later.
All of white Americans. It's a very long game. We're all going to jump out and yell surprise later. All of white Americans.
It's a very long game.
We really pulled the hood over your eyes.
But I feel like I have been to a couple of like foodie restaurants lately that have Faygo.
Because they'll have like an array of old timey sodas.
And I was excited to have a Faygo because I only knew it as a punchline.
They have a couple flavors maybe.
Oh, boy.
The one I think I had was pennies.
Penny flavor?
Like they melted down pennies and carbonated somehow?
No, it was very – I forget what flavor it was.
The old school pennies before they took the lead out.
Right, yes, exactly.
Yeah, toxic pennies.
Ever since our friend
Nathan Rabin,
freelance entertainment journalist
Nathan Rabin,
became a Juggalo himself,
I've really wished the best
for the Juggalo community.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't want them
throwing things at Andrew WK,
but I hope they can become a force for good in the world.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Like bikers for Trump.
Right.
God bless those boys.
Yeah.
God bless that wall of meat.
I liked Nathan's book about juggalos a lot.
And, yeah, no, I think they are like a fun thing to goof on.
But, yeah, I think that there is a super, super positive cool side of it too.
And hopefully that's the marching part.
Yeah, like it's a lot easier because of Juggalos just, for example, to get magic mushrooms.
There you go.
In a lot of the upper Midwest where it's relatively difficult to get magic mushrooms if you want to get high on magic mushrooms.
There you go.
That's just one example.
Get an affordable tattoo.
Sure.
Like a $10 tattoo.
Sharpen something into a knife that's not a knife.
They could also help with that.
Is Bic ink toxic?
Who knows?
Hard to say.
A lot of kids who dream of becoming rappers but feel like their dreams otherwise would have been crushed by the fact that they're terrible at rapping can still follow their dreams because they know if they can.
I have no rhyme skills or charisma or word play abilities at all.
Do you have any grease paint?
I do.
I do have tons of grease paint.
Then you're set.
You're all in. There's a lot of really credible street rappers who are 47 years old that have joined the
movement and are working full time as juggalo guys now.
I watched a video from a female juggalo, juggalette.
Her name is Cotton Candy with two Ks.
It's good that there's not a third word there.
See, even the first two.
Why risk it?
Why two?
We let Kit Kat in.
We let Kit Kat in.
Those guys are sort of grandfathered in.
Everybody else doubling up on Ks.
I don't know.
It's sort of like naming your child N-A-Z and it's pronounced not.
Sure.
You're most of the way there.
She's like.
How about Phil?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Skip it.
Anyway, she had a, and again.
Randolph Mittler, huh?
She is, you know, did not seem to have any musical talent,
but her rap had a very cool refrain, which was,
do you want fries with that?
Hell yeah.
I know I want fries with that.
It's pretty universal.
It was pretty good.
Did you ever watch that video?
I was obsessed for about three years
with a rap video
that was on YouTube for a long time.
I went and looked
and it had been taken down,
but it was by a rapper named P the G,
Princeton the Great, who's kind of like a skinny 19-year-old kid that looked like an African exchange student maybe.
Like he had an out-of-place look to him.
And it's just him in the front seat of his car he's recording with the beat on his car stereo and him rapping into the phone video or something and what year is this technology
we're talking about five six seven years ago okay and it was the song was called cheeseburgers
and the rap went we get in cheeseburgers. We getting a double cheeseburger.
We getting a triple cheeseburger.
We getting, we getting cheeseburgers.
We getting, we getting cheeseburgers.
It was amazing.
It sounds great.
It was magical.
Yeah.
That dude had bars.
Where's this guy getting a triple cheeseburger?
Bars on bars on bars. That's hella cheese. Yeah. That dude had bars. Where's this guy getting a triple cheeseburger, too? Bars on bars.
Bars on bars.
That's hella cheese.
Boy.
Do you think it's just two cheeses in between three patties?
Because otherwise it seems like how could the restaurant make any money?
Yeah, I know, right?
Unless he's rich and he's giving them $20 or $30 for this cheeseburger.
That might be the case.
I mean, he's getting cheese.
This dude is getting cheeseburgers.
I've seen those.
If I know one thing about P the G, it's that he's getting cheeseburgers.
Here's why people stick with their dreams until they're too old or whatever.
People tell them to hang it up.
Everybody's got one great thing in them.
Like that dude, that cheeseburger, he's probably got something.
We will probably never see it.
But there is probably...
Think of any really popular, not even rap song, but just pop song, the hook, whatever, you know,
the verse, you're just like, I could have wrote this shit.
Like, I could have come up with that.
But you need that, you need a dash of magic.
Yeah, yeah.
And everyone's got one dash of magic.
It's just whether they're wasting it on the lady at the post office.
Everybody that I saw doing stand-up that, you know, not everybody, but the people that
stuck with it long enough to get past the open mic stage, you're like, that's a really good joke.
That guy's got at least one or two, like, solid.
He might not ever write another really good joke, but everybody can, you know, come up
with one.
That's a solid, solid joke.
And you know that you're a true genius if you can take, make them say, uh, and transform
it into gold leaf ceilings like Masterpiece.
You need the shenanigans.
See, the average person might have just been like, make him say, uh, but shenanigans, the
follow up is what, you know.
And by the time you, when you add that follow up, all of a sudden you're buying a tiny Bentley
for your child.
You're buying a tiny Land Rover for your child.
And you're teaching him how to say, uh, shenanigans, and then he rhymes, and you're building wealth.
You're building a legacy.
And eventually, he's the kind of guy who can appear on an inside-the-bus advertisement for a correspondence college.
Look, they have a flexible course.
They have a flexible schedule.
That's true.
They have online courses, Jesse.
That's really convenient.
Yeah, it will help you with financing.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
These are all promises that Lil' Romeo,
that adult Lil' Romeo can and will make.
Adult Lil' Romeo.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Anything. Anything from potholders to homemade shoes.
Whatever you make, Squarespace can help you showcase it.
Even if you're just writing Jordan and Jesse slash fic.
In fact, especially if you're writing Jordan and Jesse slash fic.
Or if you're shipping us, that's where you make it so that we're in love, but not necessarily doing it.
Anyway, all those things are perfect for your Squarespace website.
They make it really easy to make a gorgeous website.
You know, it works on your phone.
It works on the computer without you having to do anything.
And you can sell stuff on there, too, if you want to. For a free trial and 10% off your first purchase, visit squarespace.com slash JJGO.
We're also sponsored this week by our friends at Blue Apron.
Gotta get them cakes.
They'll send you specially sourced and specially measured ingredients for a whole squajillion
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Gotta get them cakes. And don't forget, we got this new Tuppies t-shirt.
Ooh, I am in love with this thing.
Tuppies, Tuppies, Tuppies.
That's what everyone likes to call Tupperwares.
Anybody who doesn't call them that is dumb.
And you can tell them that.
Say Jesse Thorne said so.
Tell them to come get in a fight with me if they don't like it.
Give them my address.
Tuppies.
MaxFunStore.com.
We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.
Hello, and welcome to Podphone. What type of podcast are you looking for? You have chosen
funny podcasts about bad movies. Rated R. May we recommend The Flophouse?
Three friends talk about bad movies and make each other and you laugh.
Rated R.
The Flophouse is playing at your ears.
If you download it right now or whenever.
Rated R.
To purchase tickets to The Flophouse.
You don't need to do that.
Just download it.
The Flophouse.
Rated R.
For nudity, I guess.
It's Jordan Jesse Goh.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Repeat Adams.
Repeat is back.
Nick Repeat Adams, by the way, wearing low-end theory socks.
Those Midnight Marauder socks?
Yeah, I got my trap socks on.
I'm squelching in the box right now, but it's worth it.
How do you feel about a picture sock, Jordan?
I think they're fun sometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's see. I got a couple picture socks.
I have a pair of socks that I really, really like.
It was a Christmas gift from a friend's wife.
You know what?
I'm going to go ahead and call her my friend.
Really?
She's also my friend.
Well, if she was nice enough to give you a Christmas present, sounds like she's a good friend.
They are Christmas colors, red and green.
And they're kind of like, they're kind of high socks.
They kind of go up, you go up mid-calf.
And they just say beer on them.
And it's
pretty mind-blowing. That sounds like
a lot of fun. Yeah. I really appreciate
that. And
we all took
the, at work, we all took the
sorting hat quiz,
which tells you which Harry Potter
house you would be in.
Oh, yeah.
And I got Gryffindor.
I got out.
Out house.
Magic toilet.
I said I was a real pilot.
Hagrid's couch.
And then I was gifted a nice pair of Gryffindor socks.
Oh, that's nice.
Those are my two picture socks, and they're a lot of fun.
How many Hufflepuff assholes were there?
No, here's the thing. The office split
50-50 Gryffindor-Slytherin.
No Raven's Claws?
No, there was the only
two and I don't know too much about
what that means, but
from what I guess, the Gryffindor, pure
of heart, Slytherin.
Good guys and bad guys. Yeah, well I think
they're, you know, like conniving.
Ruthless.
Yeah.
Look out for number one.
I took that same quiz and it gave me Childish Gambino.
Mm.
Yeah.
I think it was the same quiz.
Yeah.
Not 100%.
When something momentous happens to you, I swear to God, Christian Duenas, who works
here at the office, the world famous past Jordan Jesse Goh guest and caller whose grandpa's favorite genre of movie is talking dog movies.
Christian Duenas literally has come into my office so many times to show me his socks that at this point I sincerely anticipate him showing me his socks whenever he comes into my office.
Like, I'm his boss.
You get ready to see those socks.
I supervise his work.
He's walking through the door.
I'm already saying, what are the new socks, Chris?
See those sockies.
Does he think that's part of his job responsibility?
To bring in new socks every day?
You might think this was expected of him.
I think this may be his first real professional white collar job.
He doesn't know. He doesn't know that
showing off your socks is not a...
Yeah. That may be the problem.
Or maybe it's just
like his mom
gave him some weird advice. Did you show him
your socks? Is it working? Yeah, Mom, I'm showing
off my socks. Just back off.
His dad's a nurse and his dad's like, well, at Kaiser every morning we show the socks.
We present socks.
Over at Children's we always make sure to present the socks.
Works for me.
How often are you washing your hands?
Okay, when something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Your number is 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN.
Here's our first Momentous Occasions call.
Hey, guys.
This is Christy Collin from Pittsfield.
I'm calling with a momentous occasion.
I just finished crocheting a sweater for my dog.
Thanks, guys.
Yeah, that's cool.
Dog sweater.
I like someone who keeps it tight,
keep it low-key,
but still pretty interesting.
In and out.
I'll take my answer off air,
sort of deal.
Exactly, without even having to say it.
Yeah, yeah.
She just clack, boom.
One complaint.
Yeah.
Can't have a Pittsfield.
Yeah.
What's that?
Pittsfield.
She's from Pittsfield.
Can't have that.
We got a Berg. We got a Berg. We got a Pittsburgh. Sure. We can What's that? Pittsfield. He's from Pittsfield. Can't have that. Now what's the-
We got a Berg.
We got a Berg.
We got Pittsburgh.
Sure.
We can't double up with Pitts.
Come on.
Yeah, it sounds like it's too much.
It's too much.
Madam, move to Pittsburgh.
Pack it up.
Abandon your town.
Where is Pittsfield?
If it becomes a ghost town, they will take it off the map.
It's your duty to move away.
If Pittsfield is in Pennsylvania, we should just close it up.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
Forced relocation style.
Too much.
Like a real trail of tears?
Well, I mean, look.
It doesn't have to be.
A kinder, gentler relocation.
Everyone will be compensated.
We would integrate them into Christian society.
Perhaps we would build a separate part of Pittsburgh where they could stay and feel more comfortable with their own kind.
Something like that.
See, now that's a good idea.
That seems fair, right?
Could we build it underwater?
We could see.
To be clear, that doesn't have anything to do with the thrust of the joke that we were pursuing.
I just think it would be fun if there were a separate group of people that lived underwater in Pittsburgh.
If we're going to segregate, let's segregate and kind of be futurist about it.
Move forward with the segregation.
Dome cities.
They've got three rivers.
Yeah.
You can just jam some people underneath one of those things.
Yeah.
Then maybe after a certain amount of generations have passed, their children will develop gills.
Yeah.
One can only hope.
Maybe sort of like on Naboo.
Yes, exactly like on Naboo.
Does that happen on Naboo? Phantom Menace. on Naboo. Does that happen on Naboo?
Phantom Menace.
Yeah.
Come on.
Are there gill people?
Yeah.
Jar Jar, they go underwater.
There's a whole thing.
Those aren't people.
Those are Gungans.
But I mean-
All other species.
Okay, Jesus.
Not people.
I'm sorry.
Right.
Sorry.
I'm the keeper of the G-canon, which is everything that George Lucas has approved as canon.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Make a mistake.
Let me just text George real quick and double check.
Yeah, it's cool.
Okay, cool.
George says it's cool.
You don't have to text him.
You can just go through me.
I'm the keeper of G-canon.
Nick, can I ask something of you just for the rest of the show?
Jordan, don't listen right now.
Okay, I'm not.
Just don't say any shit about Mega Man.
Just don't say anything about Mega Man because- I'm not involved. I'm sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to me. Okay, I'm not. Just don't say any shit about Mega Man. Just don't say anything about Mega Man because-
I'm not involved.
I'm sorry.
I know I wasn't supposed to be listening.
Yes.
I'm not involved with Mega Man in any official capacity.
I am George Lucas' official keeper of G-Canon.
Right, but you see yourself as an unofficial historian of Mega Man.
In fact, the Sony Corporation has explicitly asked you to refrain from commenting on Mega Man in public.
Yes, right.
Yeah, I have a gag order.
Okay, let's take our next call.
Hi, Jordan Jesse et al.
I'm Robin from Chicago.
And today on the way home from work, I saw a nice upholstered dining chair sitting upright in the center lane of I-294.
And I don't know how it might have come to be there or how long it might have sat there until someone ended up hitting it,
but I've been thinking about it all afternoon.
Have a good one.
I could see that from the 110 or the 5.
Yeah.
And by the way, before we get into it, Chicago, shut it down.
We don't need it.
I don't think we need Chicago either.
Second city.
Pittsfield, Chicago.
Get them out of there.
Put them underwater.
They got that lake, right?
They do got that lake.
Jam them under there.
And you know what?
When we're building that underwater city, I don't think the taxpayers should have to pay for it.
I'm going to make the fish pay for it.
Make the Gungans pay for it.
Here's how we'll do that.
It'll be a thing where we tax Gungan goods.
So, you know, aquapods.
Right.
Reeds.
What else to read?
Boy, I wish I knew more about Gungans.
I can't keep this G-canon bit going
Because I don't know enough about the prequels
As a good
Honorable human being you haven't watched them enough
To know
Yeah I'm instituting
A backlash to the backlash to the backlash
Of the prequels
So you're back on board prequel hate
No wait backlash
To the backlash to the backlash.
So let's track this backlash.
The backlash is the prequel suck, right?
Initially, the initial backlash was, what the fuck? These movies suck.
And the backlash, I was like, no, they're actually kind of good.
I guess the movies apparently, I only saw the first one, but apparently they got better as they went along.
And by the end, they weren't that bad.
That's not true.
Relatively speaking. That's not true.
I would agree but the first one was really
really shitty and I think they got
a little bit better.
Recently I've been hearing
talk of
they weren't that bad.
They're actually kind of good.
The prequels are good argument. It's a very
special kind of nerd gymnastics.
Actually we should have invaded Vietnam.
Yeah.
You know what?
You know what I think?
We wouldn't have all these nail salons had we not done that.
Instead of – I think the official response to the prequels are good argument so that I don't have to deal with it is we get to write a special thousand page
list of just new Star Wars shit to memorize.
Just give it to those people so they can just work on that.
Yeah.
I'll be over here just doing my life.
If you need some shit to learn about Gungans, go to town.
I wish you nothing but the best.
I have to learn.
There's a hundred pages in my new book about Gungans.
There's different rules about Gungans, things they can and can't do, kinds of spaceships they have, the whole nine yards.
Maybe a nice Netflix multicam about a Gungan family.
Yeah, that would be nice.
Who knows?
Yeah.
Watch that shit.
I'm going to put it on Amazon Prime, though.
Amazon Prime, okay?
Prime, yeah. Amazon Prime, okay? Prime, yeah.
Spread it around.
Just because if it's on Netflix, it's like whenever I turn on Netflix, they're going to be pushing it on me.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to create kind of an office dramedy about the Galactic Trade Federation featuring all kinds of racist aliens.
Yeah.
Racist aliens from every corner of the galaxy. From Chinese-y racist aliens. Yeah, to Jew-y aliens. Yeah. Racist aliens from every corner of the galaxy.
From Chinese-y racist aliens.
Yeah, to Jew-y aliens.
Yeah, got it.
Shuffling pigeon English aliens.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to stick that on Dutch Hulu.
You know, a lot of people think that was a race thing, that Jar Jar thing.
That was actually a riff on KZSE's own DJ Hot Eye.
Yeah.
I mean, when I saw it, I'm like, oh shout out to santa cruz so it's like a little santa cruz you know and if you also if you don't
know about the hero's journey you don't get some of that stuff too so right if you haven't seen
seven samurai there's some stuff that some references that are lost on you some really
cool illusions you just got to do like some pre-work before you go into a star wars movie
like for example here's uh one of the allusions to The Seven Samurai that's in Star Wars 2, whatever it was called.
Star Wars 2.
That movie was boring, which is an allusion to how you think The Seven Samurai is going to be boring because it's in black and white, but then it turns out to be pretty sweet.
Well, we're all learning a lot about cinema.
You got it.
And if there's one thing this podcast is for.
30-year-old, 40-year-old movies?
Yeah, 40-year-old movies.
So I think we've done it.
I think we've remembered Nintendo and Star Wars.
So let's see some fucking-
This is all going to help the algorithm.
Let's see some-
Oh, shit.
They're going to feed this right into the machine.
We can plug that, plug this episode
in. We'll be back in just a second. I'll join Jessica. Why would you listen to a podcast of
TV pilots that never got made?
It must not have been any good, right?
I don't know for a fact that anyone read it.
They couldn't get a deal done.
First kind of a regime change.
Someone at the studio who was in a decision-making capacity said,
these guys seem like losers.
They just blamed it on, okay, well, it must be women.
We got word that USA had decided to stop doing comedy.
Why aren't we making this?
It was so good.
Hear the TV comedies you never got to see
on the Dead Pilots Society podcast.
Listen on MaximumFun.org
or wherever you download podcasts.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
It's Jordan Jessigo.
I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat, Adams. la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.
Jordan Morris, boy detective.
Nick, repeat, Adams.
Repeat, he's back.
Nick, it's always a joy to have you on the program.
It's always good to be here, man.
It's nice of you to come by.
It's nice of you to take time out of your thriving entertainment career.
Someone's got to, you know, provide these moderately watched basic cable and streaming TV shows to the public.
There are literally 15,000 people depending on you.
Laundry must be folded.
Sure.
And background entertainment must be provided.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, I would say, you know, you were working on BoJack Horseman.
That's a revolutionary television program. It's a crazy good show. It's a really fun show, I would say, you know, you were working on BoJack Horseman. That's a revolutionary television program.
It's a crazy good show.
It's a really fun show to work on, too.
That's a show where animal characters do funny animal stuff.
And human characters do funny human stuff, and then sometimes they do it to each other.
Yeah.
And with each other.
And People of Earth, about to start season two.
Season one just finished on TBS.
Yeah.
And that show, not only does it feature the brilliant writing of Nick Adams, you're also
looking at about a dozen brilliant actor performers, including our friend Wyatt Cenac is on there.
Yeah.
And a guest hire.
You got a Brian Husky.
Brian Husky.
And Alice Wetterland. You got a lot of good, a lot of fun folks. And a guest hire. You got a Brian Husky. Brian Husky. And Alice Wetterland.
You got a lot of good,
a lot of fun folks.
Just Murder's Row.
That show's really good.
Watch that show.
It's a fun show.
Really talented cast.
Brian Sonny D. Fernandez
on the boards.
Brian's,
you know,
Brian's episode of
The Royals just aired
the other week.
Hey.
Yeah,
go up on the internet
and I guess look up
his credit on,
I don't know.
Maybe just go to your on-demand provider or whatever streaming service carries e-entertainment.
Can I make a suggestion?
Look it up there.
Is this helpful?
Is any of this helpful?
It's really easy.
You want to go to senate.gov.
Look up the phone number.
Put in your zip code. Put in your zip code.
Put in your zip code.
Yeah.
Not for the national office, but for the local office of Kamala Harris.
She's a former attorney general of the state of California.
She can let you know how to watch E! Entertainment television.
Give Kamala a call.
See which one was the one that Brian from Jordan Jesse Go wrote.
Don't say Sunny D because it's the Senate.
Yeah.
You know, like don't say Sonny D.
They use first names.
This is a familiar body, but not that familiar. You don't have to say Mr. D, but don't say Sonny D.
Yeah.
And don't say Mr. D was my father's name.
Don't say Beef or Beefy D.
Those are new nicknames that are just going to confuse Ms. Harris.
Yeah.
And do speak to Ms. Harris directly.
Yeah.
Don't accept some staffer like the deputy policy agent for streaming television programs.
That's how they blow.
That's what they blow up your butt to get you.
No, no, no.
Don't fall for that.
Yeah.
And if you can't get Kamala Harris, John McCain will help.
Sure.
John McCain's willing to help.
He's like shadowing her for the first couple of months to sort of like show her the ropes
and stuff.
So he can,
you can talk to him.
Ideally,
I would say this.
I mean,
like I mentioned Kamala Harris cause she's easier to get ahold of,
but if you have her cell phone number,
give Olympia Snow a call.
She's a swing vote.
She's a swing vote.
And she knows a lot about Brian.
Yeah,
she sure does.
Get at Olympia Snow on Snapchat. She's always on. Yeah. She's always swing vote. And she knows a lot about Brian. Yeah, she sure does. Get at Olympia Snow on Snapchat.
She's always on.
Yeah.
She's always on.
Hit her up.
Uses too many filters for me, for my taste.
I love her Insta, though.
Good Insta.
I love that Insta.
Do not slide into her DMs.
She will shut you down.
She will shut you down so hard.
As hard as she shuts down the immoderate wings of either party.
Oh, boy.
Right in the middle, representing Maine.
She just pretends they're DMs.
Yeah.
You got it.
No pork barrel, no dick pics.
You know, coincidentally, here's a funny thing.
She is actually my DM in my Dungeons and Dragons game.
Yeah.
Up in Bangor.
I bet that can-
Once a month, I play a great game in Bangor.
Olympia Snow is the DM.
I'm a
We used to call you Elf.
Bill leaving committee.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well this has been
a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Thank you Nick.
Always a joy.
Always a pleasure.
You can follow
Jordan and I on Twitter
at Jesse Thorne
at Jordan underscore Morris
Nick what's your Twitter again?
Nick Adams Web
Slightly above average
At Nick Adams Web
At moderately sized
You can look me up on Twitter
At 30th percentile
I'm at Agent
Just Blast It.
At Slight
Discomfort at
First.
Yeah.
And yeah,
forget us,
get at us on
Facebook.
There's Jordan
Jesse Go Group
and the Maximum
Fun Group.
The Jordan
Jesse Go page,
Maximum Fun
Group.
Hashtag it
JJ Go on
Twitter.
Holler at us,
tell us what
you thought of
this show.
Tumblr,
MySpace.
Maximumfun.reddit.com and senate.gov.
We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.
Go.