Kill James Bond! - Episode 16: The Living Daylights
Episode Date: September 14, 2021It's time for a New Guy. We were all getting a little sick of the birthday boy, so now it's time to explore an entirely new frontier: What if Bond was Welsh? Albert Broccoli approached Dalton no less... than three times to play Bond, and when he finally acquiesced, they rewarded him by writing a movie that is actually extremely good, for maybe 2/3rds of the runtime. Then.... hoo boy. Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/  Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond  This Podcast Is Dedicated To The Brave Mujahideen Fighters Of Afghanistan
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I work for the British government.
Hello and welcome to Co. James Bond, where we enter the Dalton verse. We are done with Roger
Moore. We will never see him again. We will never have to think about him again. I am Alice
Gordwell Kelly joining me, Devon, Abigail Thorne.
Hey. Hello.
Hey, Doin. It's a whole new era.
That's right. We have proddingle Bond's son is here.
We have entered the 1980s.
And this is the thing right, we're well into the 80s at this point, but it feels like
there was this weird hangover, right, where as long as Moore was doing it, as long as
it was this like old-ass man, like the real 80s never really started to bite.
And now we're thoroughly into like modernity.
And listen, I'd like to start this new era
with a question, and that question is,
yo, you ever heard of whales?
Because that's where James Bond is from now.
That's right.
And my man has a whale shark scent
that leaps out in a very amusing way.
And consequently means that he really, really hits the letter R
in a way that is like very unusual to...
Right, it's not an accent.
I don't know what accent that was, I can't do a Welsh accent.
No, I lived in Wales for like three years, I can't do it Welsh.
Mmm.
Yeah, I can say the long Welsh place name and that's all I need, baby.
Yeah, welcome to the fucking Dalton Zone.
Dalton, they wanted to give him this shit since Connery.
They asked him if he wanted to when Connery left and he was like, no, I am 20.
And then they went, all right, fine.
And then as soon as Roger Moore had even a slight wobble
about playing Bond again, they were like,
do you want to do it?
Dole, please, dole, listen, listen. Timothy, Timothy, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim which is why like they're making Roger Murr put on the Timothy Dalton mask again
Which is why Fiora is only started with them just like obliterating blowfeld
Yeah, just to try to tie Timothy Dalton who was supposed to be the bond back
But now lo and behold time has come the stars are right finally if he don't is James
He's finally finally accepted. He said yes
I'm aberrest with and now he's here. He's looking a little bit more distinguished than he is.
What they make him do.
He's got like an obscene looking like chin ass.
He has like an ass clad in chin.
Oh my God, the chin ass.
It's difficult to look at sometimes.
You feel like he's put a bikini on that thing, you know?
That's right, baby.
James Bond is young and sexually threatening again.
Oh.
Oh.
God dammit. That's right. It's terrible working for the British government, isn't it? and sexually threatening again. Oh, damn it.
That's right.
It's terrible working for the British government, isn't it?
Haven't been working for the British government in the valleys.
We're not going to get away with this now, gold finger.
Of your long career of strike breaking coal miners, Welsh James Bond.
We see him in the opening thing where M has set the double-o section on a training exercise.
They have to go to Gibraltar, jump out of a plane. The line that I pulled for this was
okay, always is. And the SIS are down there.S. So down there, waiting for them, and they have to like, outwit them and like mark, blow
up some radar installations on Gibraltar.
So these three double lows, it's 004, 002 and our man, um, are all in Balaklava's and
they jump out of the plane in a very cool skydiving sequence.
Yeah.
Um, they, they get down to the ground, 004 gets immediately, uh, shot by the S.A.S.
with paint balls
because it's a training exercise. And then the SAS goes like,
hi, you suck, I got you.
And what might you be shot with a paintball you have?
I'm just for real.
It's like all of the SAS are wearing the like issue woolly pulleys and braids.
Oh, I heard a percent fantastic.
Look at this sterling stuff.
Listen up, please.
We see that there's an imposter on the mountain side.
And it's incredibly double.
Seven, your mission is to infiltrate the Rockwich Brotter, but there is an
aposter among you.
Yeah, complete.
There's tasks double.
Jay and James.
James.
Right.
That's not for that.
Yes.
Because there is my joke.
There is a so yet imposter never actually clarified, not related to the main plot of the
movie.
Never actually, it's it when that guy comes from particularly.
Yeah, it is.
There's an imposter in the mountain and as 002 is repelling up the mountain, the imposter
is at the top and an essay, as guy comes up behind him thinking he's a double-own-night
and shoots him with a paint gun and goes,
ah, you're dead.
This guy turns around with a real-ass gun
and wastes the motherfucker.
Before he sends a little message down double-o-two's wire
that we don't see yet, then he cuts the wire and kills it.
And it's like, oh, fuck, this is so good.
I love this sequence.
Yeah, my notes here just say,
when did they start making compass and thrillers?
Because like, this opening thing was good.
What is my casting note is they deliberately cast
double or two and double or four as guys
who looked a little bit like Laisenby and Moore.
Yeah.
Just sort of as like a bit of fun.
You know, you don't know who the real bond is.
What if I can looked at the posters.
And then we see the chin-ass.
And we get a little bit of subtle James Bond theme, just to establish who he is.
I thought it was quite clever.
And Bond chases down the assassin who is like making good his escape and a stolen land
rover.
And we get like quite a competent chasing Bond chasing bond like jumps onto the front the guys shooting up at him bond is like stabbing down with a knife
They like fight in the speeding car bond headbutt him, which means he's developed a new attack
That's right
Yeah, and I mean bond kills him of course the like yeah
The the Land Rover goes over a cliff filter with explosives, bond parachutes out and the guy blows up.
But that's your introduction to Dalton and his chin-ass.
Oh, no, not quite.
Because Asi's parachuting down,
there's a yacht underneath him with a sexy lady on it.
There's like on the phone going,
I wish I could find a real man.
And then like Dalton drops down and then he doesn't,
he doesn't say the charming line right away. He just says, and he takes a phone off of causing his like, yeah, this is Bond, like,
I'll report in an hour. And then like, she's off as in the glass of champagne. It's like,
well, you're joining me and he goes, better make it too. That's it. But I make that an hour and five.
He's knocking sick intro. No, it's good, he's not, he's sick. Intro. Oh, it's good.
It's really good.
I have two specific notes.
The first is we're going to be really comfortable
and try about this movie for approximately 50% of the run times.
Yes.
At which point we might change gears, but enjoy this.
Yeah.
The first half of this film is incredibly good.
It's so good.
It's genuinely really good.
I wrote down here like, don't you fucking dare make me like a James Bond movie
for my podcast, the premise of which is that I hate these fucking things.
My second note is that the opening scene with him, he's he it starts like framed him at his
desk, right, perfect office behind him. And then he gets up, walks around the desk and the camera moves to reveal that he has just
a perfect office set up in the cargo bay of a plane.
Yeah, that's great.
And that was extremely good.
That was so cool.
And I did wanna highlight that because I really enjoyed it.
So we get the opening titles which are kind of met,
but the song, the song we got our
heart to do the song for this how we did and it goes genuinely living daylight
the living is such a good song
really annoying to have to do this two movies in a row the first half of this
film is really good.
And in the end, ever change it and in these ever living
highlights in which we're living.
Makes you live in and daylight.
Daylight.
Daylight.
Daylight.
Anyway.
So James Bond post credits is in a fucking opera hall.
When you say post credits, it makes it sound like the fucking Avengers initiative is going
to recruit.
The first thing that happens to James Bond after the credits is he gets owned for wearing
a tuxedo by...
It's very funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saunders head of section V, Vienna,
your bloody late. This is a mission, not a fancy dress ball. Because he, it's the Saunders
is wearing a regular bang on that line. My god. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, station V, Vienna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So already we're kind of meant to get the sense that this is like a slightly more
aggressive and
low-sive and your lucky late. Yeah, he's very straight. He still likes the Tuxedo though, which is which yeah
Yeah, it's a sort of tension there. Anyway, but he like
What does James Bond there to do? He is there to rescue a guy, a Soviet general called Cosco
who wants to defect.
And so he looks across the...
We're in check as the vacuum,
but he looks across the section V Vienna.
The opera hall with a pair of binoculars at the guy.
And then he immediately gets distracted
because he sees...
Oh, what?
Yeah, 100%.
Which is how I was like, oh, that's Bond.
That's how you got that.
That's James Bond because he immediately like
veers off onto the stage and is like,
yeah, that's a hot cellist.
Yo, that cellist kind of a pack and dough.
So James Bond, your bloody light.
You've got to help me.
The guy at Orens he says, he says, forget
the ladies for one spawn. James Bond, which is the character you're playing. So, so the idea is
that this KGB general Koskov is going to defect, but of course, you know, he's got some KGB guys
with him at all times. He also has a sniper watching him
in case he tries to defect, he'll be instantly shot. So Bond and so on and so on and so forth.
For James Bond specifically, by name, because once again, Bond is a terrible spy. And so a
Soviet defect would just be like, yeah, give me this guy that you have.
Yeah. And so they cross the street into the building opposite and Bond has a sniper rifle
and the idea is that when Costco makes a run for it, Bond has to take out the sniper before
the sniper takes out. He's a beautiful, walthier sniper rifle. Yeah, there's a couple of things to
discuss. First of all, the sniper rifle looks incredible. It looks like it's fake, but it is a real guy. The WA 2000s. Yeah. The second thing is his tuxedo.
Oh.
Like if it's a tactical evening,
I get it.
He like fastens it across his neck to hide the suit
and tie under the shirt.
Yeah.
It turns into a tactical turtleneck.
It's just incredible.
I'm going to say some things that I didn't expect to ever say,
and it's gonna be mostly about how much I like
everything James Bond wears in this movie.
He's a good, the first half of this movie.
Most of this movie.
He's very good.
Up until a specific point.
Yeah.
So, so we get our first weird bit, right?
Because Costco for escapes from his KGB MINDERS Yeah, so so we get our first like kind of weird bit right because
it costs off like escapes from his KGB minders in in the bathroom by like jumping out of the window
But because we're told that there's this sniper who's gonna be looking for him to defect and is gonna kill him
Bond Bond has the sniper rifle when he spots the woman the same cellist from before
leaning out of the the the
console window with a rifle. And while Saunders is like, okay, well, killer, he
takes a split second decision to shoot the gun in her hand.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Like throwing it like out of her hands and she like runs.
Mm-hmm.
And he does this deliberately and Saunders realises that he has and he's like,
you bloody idiot, like you should have killed her.
Yes. Yeah, in fact, I think I have a drop for that.
Yes.
Orders were to kill that sniper, stuffed my orders.
I only killed professionals.
I killed another one end of a rifle from the other.
So this...
Oh, no! She killed all one end of a rifle from the other, I tell you.
But this, this bond is more of a wrap-up, which I kind of like, because like all of
sort of like, Connery and Moor's like, I don't want to work around my six, who's like
kind of like, schoolboy insu-science, you know?
It's like, well, so either, hmm.
Whereas like this one's a lot more like, lazy than be actually, where he's just like,
no, I hate my job, it's shit.
Br-br-br-br-br-shape me, job.
Sit, relax.
Yeah, with the others, it was, I know how to do my job better than you.
Mm.
Boss, but with, with this guy, he's like, I don't give a shit.
If, if N fires me, I'll thank him for it.
He sends me.
I a little bit, okay, so there's, right,
there's a lot to unpack about Bond's characterization here,
because since this is a fresh slate,
Dalton went back to basics on this one.
Mm.
The, the initial sniper dual scene is pretty much a straight adaptation of the short story
for living daylights.
Everything after that is like you asked an AI to continue writing the story.
So he's playing Bond pretty much as written, like rough, experienced, jaded, a little vindictive, his treatment of Saunders borders on exasperation
at all times.
And it's like no bond we've seen before.
Yeah, it's guilty.
It's guilty.
It's a country.
He's actually just quite rude.
Is the thing.
But it is, and I said this in the group chat,
this is the bond that's
in life-living ropes. And that's not necessarily a compliment. No. But it is the most true to
the books I've seen a bond. Sure. They get Costco out with the aid of some
cute shit. Oh, not just not just some cute shit with the aid of a woman named Rosika, whom I have written about Rosika, hello.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's a big girl, and I appreciate that at any time.
She, she and Bond put Costco in a pipeline scouring rig that
has been adapted to fit a person in it. And they just shoot him through
a pipeline over the border. But he they use the Trans-Cyberian natural gas pipeline as a massive
pneumatic tube. Yeah, right in a fucking bank. And that's very cool. Yeah, plus we get a fun
little moment where, you know, the guy's getting in there and he's kind of panicking.
And Bond says, like, Dad, I don't worry, we've been testing this for months.
And he goes, well, how many people have you done this with before?
And Bond says, oh, you're the first and then shuts the lid on him as he starts screaming.
It's just like, how you dick James Bond?
And then Bond and Saunders, they just drive across the border because they're not just
specials.
Meanwhile, Saunders is like, oh, you bloody idiot Bond, you fucked it all up.
And Bond's like, I don't give a bloody shit.
What do you think, actually?
Fuck you fire, if you want to.
Oh, Bond, you've panced it up again, you bastard.
You're too impulsive, James Bond.
I'm going to stop doing that for now.
Many social classes there.
No, James, but you fucking cut it.
It was you from the last time.
It is so regained.
I don't quite know what you're seeing.
Also, you know, a song is as good.
Interesting little note that like once Kostkov is over the border, they evacuate him in
a harrier jet.
Yeah, spot it.
Just put him in a harrier jet. Yeah, it's funny, but just put him in a jet.
Just because, I guess it's like a symbol of British like national pride that people recognized
so soon after the Forklens war, but it was like, oh, we can't just like put him on like
a train or put him in a car or something. So we have to put him in like, it's the same
as the like Union Jack parachute or the Union Jack submarine hatch. It's like you have to
get that little
moment of like Britain.
Yeah, it's a vertical takeoff jet that we used to have, but now we have typhoons.
It's the perfect time.
The perfect mindset to be into to fly a jet in my understanding is just after having gone
through a souped up fucking Elon Musk.
Well, he's not flying it.
He's not flying it. He's not a huge fan of the past.
He's not a huge fan of the past.
He's not a huge fan of the past.
He's not a huge fan of the past.
The pilots are AF.
Of course.
Yeah, they fly him out.
They fly him out.
And then we cut back to MI6.
Yeah.
They're going through the list of known KGB snipers.
They're trying to find out.
Starting off with another large woman called Yula, whose deal is strangulation by thighs.
To see which I've also written Yula. Hello. Hey Yula, how you doing?
Oh, how you doing? Devon here. The girl says one foie gras.
One day smoking in this scene. Yeah, he's smoking in the office.
Smoking a cigarette, which I was like, well, because more smoke too, but he smoked cigars.
Yeah.
Whereas again, book bond smoke cigarettes.
In fact, book bond gets his cigarettes custom made for him
because he's a cunt.
But yeah, what, come on.
Fair enough.
No, genuinely, he gets his...
No, I bet he does, but like, he gets his cigarettes custom made
for him at a tobacco nest in London
with three little gold foil bands on them to represent his his his rank in the Navy as a
commander. So not only does he smoke a twat not only does he smoke in nonce thing to
personalize cigarettes. He smokes personalize cigarettes. the ends of which, if discarded, identify him.
Which is so great.
Spine.
He's such a spy.
He's exactly the kind of shit you would do with a bond villain of there's only one place
the cigarette that could have come from.
Well, no, it's, it's, it's some fucking, it's like when blow felled in, you only lived
twice, indicated that James Bond was the one man on earth
who used a Walter B.P.K.
Yeah.
It's like, only one man on earth smokes these goddamn cigarettes.
But Bond, James, what?
They can't find her in the list of like this cellist go,
in the list of KGB professional assassins.
Which leads Bond to say...
Yeah, it was in all the news, man.
Which leads Bond to think, maybe she's not a professional assassin and maybe she actually
is just a cellist and we should we should look at that.
There's a new money penny now.
Yeah, she's like hot and different with Max.
Yeah, she's hot and blonde, sadly English, but you know, like with this movie, 50% of it, great. There's also a really,
really interesting ideology moment where Q is testing a boom box with a rocket launcher inside it.
Something we're talking about.
Anything else of the Americans.
It's called a ghetto blaster.
That's what it's called, yes.
Yeah, the boombox.
So presumably this is for use in urban environments on their own people.
It's, it's, it's, it's, I think it's mostly there is the chief pun, but yes, presumably.
Presumably that's what they're using it for.
And also the visual effect of the rocket being fired was launched by Prince Charles, who
was visiting his set
bad days. That is what I was going to bring up him and not just bloody Prince Charles.
People's pre-mossess at this time married to Diana. So Diana was also there, which was
where they got the real MI6. And on set here is where they also got some quite famous footage of Diana using a breakaway
bottle and just like smashing it over Charles's head. Six shot. Fantastic. Which also,
because she wants to fuck him, right? And the way that she does this is by saying in the most 80s
way, anytime you want to drop by and listen to my Barry Manolo collection.
Now I mean I might listen to some Barry Manolo for that accent, but Bond's response to this.
It's just my voice. It's just my voice.
It's just my voice.
Would you want to listen to some Barry Manolo, Manolo?
Is just too fully like smacker-ass twice in the office, just like in front of everybody.
Yeah, which on the one hand is like,
no, it's more of a like,
it's a more masculine bond than like Roger Moore
or whatever, but like,
mmm, don't like that.
It is, so she like takes off her glasses
to ask if he wants to listen to Barry Manlow
and he puts them back on just like a little bit of skew.
Mm.
And then we cut to the most insanely caked up motherfucker I have ever seen.
This guy jogs past and he looks so sorry.
This guy jogs past and he has the fucking fatdest ass.
Sorry, okay, sorry, sorry, I got distracted by ass.
That's typical. There's a milkman,
in a small rural English town as a milkman and a jogger goes past him with a big ass.
And then moments later, that jogger obliterates this milk. Shows it out with a headphone cable.
Headphone cable, yeah. It's a grot wire headphone He, he, he, he, like impersonates him.
He becomes the milkman.
Yeah, with the accent as well, perfectly.
So when he, jogs pasty has an American accent, he murders this, this milkman takes his place
and then has the milkman's accent.
Yeah.
It's like he's, he's, he's agent 47.
So this is the most hitman scene in a full film.
Absolutely. That, that guy's name never actually stated in the script, but most hitman. Yeah, seeing it. I have a full film. Absolutely.
That guy's name never actually stated in the script,
but it's necros, I think.
Necros.
So yeah, the M and M is debriefing this Costco guy,
but not at MI6 headquarters,
because we can't have MI6 headquarters be attacked.
That's not going to be a thing until like the world
is not enough, right?
We have to like do it in next location.
And next location is like a countryside safe house.
Mm.
Bond rocks up to this country home.
Yes.
In a black,
Aston Martin V8, Volante.
Oh, yeah.
The New Aston Martin.
The Carvert I want.
It goes. It's the best bond car. Oh my god
It looks totally unlike any of the other Aston's like my cousin has a real one
I think in British racing green and it is good
Want this car. It's like moving from the like the Aston Martin mold of like
I was just gonna do a little shitty European sports car into next ones a muscle car
Yeah, it's it's great do a little shitty European sports car into next one's a muscle car. Yeah.
It's, it's great.
Anyway, so yeah, they search Bond going into, so you get the sense of like, oh, this
is quite tightly controlled, like MI6 security.
But then, like milkman just rolls on in, goes, yeah, I'm going to bloody milkman and they
go, in you go, sad.
They do search him first they do for a check him but he obviously uses a
grot wire. Yeah yeah. So Koskoff explains what the plot is and at this point I
wrote down you know this is quite a lot like the other times when the the guy
who we thought was the good guy was actually using us to do this. He's Christ.
His dirty work and he turned out to be the bad guy.
Like the other times when he had phones off.
The same guy, James Bond, you know, back when that happened to me two or three other times.
I remember the multiple times in which this has happened to me.
Probably not, probably find to not be worried about this.
Yes.
So Costco says that there's this Soviet plot called
Schmouch Beyond them.
Death Dispies.
Because our boy, Gogol, has retired and has been replaced
by this guy Pushkin, who is apparently like a lot more
fucking zealous.
And he's starting this like death to spies program.
Yeah, it's going to be like an intelligence war. Like the KGB
are going to start killing British and American agents, which means they're going to start killing
Soviet agents. And it cost covers worry that like this could spiral into like actual shooting war.
Pushkin was supposed to be go go. Yeah, which would have made a lot more sense, because the vibe here is like both Bond and
M privately after was go, wait a second, I've dealt with this pushkin guy before and he
seems nice, you know.
Yeah, it was supposed to be Gogol, but Walter Gatell was ill and he couldn't get insured
to be on set.
Albert Broccoli even like offered to pay for it entirely himself, but was unable to.
So we had a new guy.
But fortunately we do get a little bit of go-go right at the very end.
Yeah, it makes more sense when you read this go-go because they're both like,
well wait a second, we know this guy, we don't think it's very likely that he's going to be
just killing people. But on the other hand, Costco has defected to us. So,
hand-cost gov has defected to us. So it's look into this. But the milkman cometh. Milkman enters into the kitchen, obliterates the chef. Yes. And then we get just a bizarrely extended extended fight scene between Necros and a guy who by the way will be the good night
cross winner on account of how hard it's just not really not really like his radio.
He's like green for.
Yeah, he's just he doesn't have a name.
He just shows up and really holds his own for longer than bond.
Yeah, because after this debriefing bond and M leave, right?
We see them leave.
Costco is still there in the safe house.
And so the milkman is coming to, we are led to believe kill Costco.
Like recapture him, that kind of a thing.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
And so he breaks and he kills the chef.
Green Force sees him do this,
like grabs the radio and is like,
tries to call for help.
And Necro's like,
I think like throws it out of his hand
and they find in the kitchen for like a grip.
He boils his face and then it grains in the back.
Yeah, and they have a really long fight.
Like he gets his face put up against a grill. I guess this is intentionally brutal. He's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, he's like, well, well, he's like, well, he's like, and Necrus takes his radio and says, I'll safely in his voice.
Every time he kills him, why is a new accent?
That's right.
He like perfectly in his voice,
he goes out green for here, sorry,
a bit of a gas leak, no worries boys,
best to evacuate the main building.
And they just accept that as done.
And then he goes through the building
and the question here is,
do you remember when the milkman was half?
My man hat right, okay, so he fights his way through the building, Neckross does, and this is
genuinely a scene that is worth watching. You can watch it movie, just stop about halfway in.
Just like, he fights his way through the building by using milk bottles. Yes. That are explosive.
Yes.
The underarm chucks some milk bottles and they fucking go.
Yes.
And then every time one of them goes up,
that he's like, oh, there's another gas explosion.
You know what I have to move here for back from the gas explosion.
So he captures Kostkov.
Yeah.
He drags him out.
He tears off his like milkman apron to reveal that like milkman whites he was wearing underneath
and now like surgical scrubs.
And he said now just as a doctor.
Hey, Presto, he's a doctor.
I love this guy.
This is this guy in bed.
No, it's so good.
If this guy was never in the movie past this point at all ever, he would have been just a fucking perfect character.
So when you work 47,
now make your way to everyone else.
Like a dude who's everyone else.
So then a medical chopper lands outside
and Necro's like bundles Costco of like onto the chopper.
He's like Costco's like injured.
And then they fly away.
But of course the chopper,
it's not a real medical chopper.
They're just, that's just them escaping.
It's like fucking walls.
It's genuinely so good.
It's really good.
Yeah, it's like, his plan goes off without a hitch.
He fucking wins.
And what we are led to believe is that the KGB
have snatched this guy back.
Yes.
So Bond's assignment is like, obviously,
Koskov is dead, right?
He's been taken back to Moscow and in the back
of the head with a marker off of so.
Yeah.
He's in several pieces over the North Sea.
Yeah, so Bond is gonna have to eliminate this guy Pushkin,
the guy who is apparently pushing this death despise thing
when he goes to a nominally a trade conference in Tangier.
Because do you know what else we found is that 002 had a note on his body when he was found,
the guy killed in the opening sequence, the little note that was sent down the climbing room,
and the note says death to spies. Yeah, Schmert.
Schmert's beyond him, but written in like the Latin alphabet, which is, you know, for their benefit,
which is cool. Yeah, slightly unusual in alphabet, which is, you know, for their benefit, which is cool.
Yeah, slightly unusual.
Anyway, so obviously at this point, we have to go and get some new gadgets.
There is a good bit where Bond says, I don't think Pushkin did it.
And like, I know him and Emma says, well, if you don't want to do it, if you can't do the
job, I'll get double the weight to it.
And Bond says, no, if it has to be done, I'd rather kill it myself.
That's sort of...
That's sort of, no, okay, that's the one.
Because Bond is like, it was,
talks about not shooting the sniper out of instincts.
And when Emma is saying,
well, we can just get enough of double-o to do it,
he follows orders, not instincts, which is a very like looks
directly to the camera. James, you get results, god damn it.
But Bond gets a very, very stylish black folder, which has been sealed in red wax with a black
ribbon. It's a combination warrant. Yeah, it has just been issued and he cracks it up and it's
got a big picture of pushing. He has a license to kill
Why do you need a anyway?
God bless the boy who push it is. It's fucking Gimli from Lord of the Rings. It is just Reese Davis
Doing a fantastic job, but but still still barely in this movie. Anyway, so bond goes at it time
Yeah, some gadgets and
Yeah, um, yeah, you have had a whistling
So what they did what they wanted to do for this one is to move away from like you're really outlandish gadgets And just do want that kind of makes a little bit of sense and just the one so he's got
He's got a key ring. Yeah, but if you whistle in a certain way it releases poison gas
No, no, no, no, not not like it do that poison gas if he whistles the first two bars of rule, Britannia
Then what happens is it releases
stun gas effective range or about five feet
This orientates any normal person for about 30 seconds.
Sashgremlin Q has returned.
Now this shit's hair is gone, basically.
This is the heaviest shit we've got.
You're gonna want to be out of range when this goes.
Oh, horse tranquilizes, Bond.
Activated by the phrase, these animals ain't shit.
That would be right.
And also if you whistle, if you wolf whistle, then it explodes.
Yes, yeah, and that's his one non-car related gadget.
Yeah.
No, it's two.
Sorry, I hate to be a little bit more about those two gadgets.
First of all, they're both the same gadget, but there's two different whistle modes.
That's fine. Okay, but the first two ring is his only like,
distinct thing. Yeah, the first whistle sets off the stun gas, the second blows it up.
Meanwhile, blonde money penny has found the cellist sniper by looking not for snipers,
but for cellists who've recently been injured and she finds,
hey, like this, this, this the woman you're looking for, she's playing in Bratislav in
the next few days.
It's a far-run mellowly.
Yeah, so he's like, before I go and kill Gimli from Lord of the Rings, I'll go and track
down this girl.
And so he, he jets off to Bratislav and he sees her get arrested off the tram with her
cellar case and he leaves the Jalikes on the
tram.
Which is quite a good scene again because it's like a KGB guy takes her away and there's
no fucking dialogue at all.
It's just, she is just doing some trash.
On the tram.
Yeah.
Watching the most KGB look and ask motherfucker.
Oh, let's check it.
Why?
Why slacks?
White shirt.
White button down shirt and black time. Yeah. Yeah, I just walk onto the tram
Take her and just leave the tram
Bond takes her cello case and when he looks inside it has the sniper rifle the same one
He knows it is because as a mark on it where he shot it and he finds that it's loaded with blanks
It's real sparsha. First half of this movie really good. I was like, what a twist.
So it also has a card with her address in. Bond goes to her address and she has a photograph
of Cosscoff. And Bond did use is this woman is not a KGB sniper. She's Koss Koss girlfriend.
Hmm. And he is.
So who's in her to make his defection seem real?
Yes.
So that he can feed the misinformation about pushkin.
And more so even than that, he was trying to have her kill.
Yes.
By boy having to be the sniper.
She doesn't seem to know this.
So, but because she knows too much about what he was up to,
so he's just like erasing some loose answer.
And also, another sentence, but I hate saying,
James Bond's fit in this, in this fucking scene,
is really good.
He's got like a cable net black swesser
with a leather jacket over it.
I tell you what, he sells a leather jacket better than Roger Mordid in the script written
for Dalton.
For your eyes.
For your eyes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She seems to think that the defection is real.
And Sabon says, oh, I'm a friend of Kostkov's.
He's waiting for us.
I'm here to take you away to him.
She's, oh, brilliant, fantastic.
Like, where are we going?
Let's go to Vienna.
There's a funny bit where she won't leave without her cello.
And she like jams her cello in the back of his Aston Martin.
And he just goes, why didn't you learn the violin?
But she's like, we have to go back from my cello.
And Bond is like, no, absolutely not.
We've got like 10 minutes smash cut to her,
putting the cello in the back of the car and that's really quite good
Yeah, so he helps her escape from from the KGB
But of course they you know the police get on to them and we get a chase scene
That's right. I have kind of mixed feelings about the chase scene because like this is where they cram all of the bond just has a gadget to solve block problem in this movie is just oh the car just
does that. So the like the the checker slow back police for a stop them bond has a car laser.
They set up roadblocks bond has a car missile. They should have really hard as car skis.
Yeah, it's really hard to be pumped about the car gadgets.
When you know that it was a hundred percent product placement for
Astamount. Yeah.
And also, so in the titles, and it's like bonds lines about this.
It's like he doesn't really get me like smug line.
All the things that the camera just goes for you.
You should purchase the new Aston Martin purchase some
optional extras as if to heavily
imply that if you like give the
Aston Martin salesman enough
of a like wink, he will fit some
rockets into your
Volante.
I'm doing everything I can to
not make a John Taliban reference.
A joke that no one will get.
That's a joke for the three of us.
Yeah, it's a good chase in its well get. That's a joke for the three of us. Yeah, it's a good chase in its well-shark.
It's reasonably fun.
It doesn't quite have any of the thrills or the danger of that bit in
for your eyes only, where Bond is driving the shit car.
No.
Which is still the high watermark for car chases for me.
It also fulfills the sort of quota of winter sports for a Bond movie.
Yeah, it does.
They have a couple of guys on skis and they drive across a frozen lake and that ticks the big box that says,
Well, and when the car gets blown up, they use the car to try.
The car gets chopped.
The car gets chopped.
Which is quite cute.
Yeah, and you get an extremely lovely line from Bond when they're using the cello case as a
tobogga where he says, glad I insisted you brought that cello.
Yeah, which is really good.
So the cello gets shot and he goes,
sorry, to her, which is quite cute.
They like to bogan over the Austrian border
being chased by the Czechoslovak cops.
And there's a nice moment where they like
slide under the barrier and Bond perfectly like tosses
the cello up over the barrier and catches it
on the other side.
And then he says to the border guard, nothing to declare. And then the car goes like,
one cello, and then they just keep getting it really close. It's quite cute.
It's nice. So, and yet you're full of compliments by the way. So now, now we have to talk about.
Half a way point looms. The half way point does loom. But before that, we have to talk about
Looms that's not way it does. Loom, but before that, we have to talk about a bond character from a different era of bond,
a slightly more brok character, an arms dealer by the name of Whittaker.
We see Pushkin.
And Whittaker meets this guy, Brad Whittaker, in Tangia, where he has used his arms dealing profits to set himself
up in a sort of like military phantasia, where he has a lot of like very small, very finicky
dioramas, a lot of like collectible or military exhibits.
He's wearing a kind of like uniform of his own design.
And really, I mean, who would do that?
Who would just-
What kind of person?
What kind of-
Do you expect me to online?? Who would just... It's ridiculous, absolutely terrible. What kind of person... What kind of...
Do you expect me to be online?
That somebody would just...
Like a...
Yeah, like a military uniform for something
that had no relation to that, that they never earned.
It's a pity this is an audio medium.
Yes.
Yeah, do you want to guess for the final part of my mouth. Alice is currently wearing a five-star
jacket. That's right. With the Alice is also standing next to a statue of Hitler that has
her face, which is like really odd. It's also in the mouth. Okay. So Whitaker has a thing
and his thing is stealing Valet, which, no, no, it's. I don't think he has any particular affiliation with Hitler. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he did. I think he. No, no, no, I disagree. I don't think he has any particular affiliation with Hitler.
I think he just likes the tactics because in a later scene, he's talking about how the
union could have won the American Civil War really easily if they don't like he would.
So like, I don't think he has like a political opinion
other than people should pay me to have that.
Yeah, he's a line, right?
Well, there's always been man's main occupation.
You know, fools tell us his greatest accomplishments
were the wheel of the alphabet.
I say it's a battering ram and gun fodder.
How do you like my personal pantheon of great commanders?
Butchers, surgeons, they cut away societies, dead flesh.
Well, just like, casually asking my house goes,
what do you think of my Hitler?
My Hitler?
What do you think of my black hair?
You're like a black man.
Yeah, what do you think about my Hitler?
I want to see, who would have racist ornaments in their home?
Yeah, when I did visit you, it was weird
to have all those wax works of yourself lining
the entrance all the way there.
Pushkin visits Whistaker.
And first of all, does some like stolen valor who is your commanding officer thing?
Like he looks him up and down.
He's like, I guess nothing, which is great.
But like he's there. He failed basic is the is the thing he felt it was expelled from
West Point for cheating.
And then and then he became a mercenary in the Congo, presumably alongside one jerk
van der Klug.
And then an arm's deal.
Roland the the top of the right.
We're. No, it's it's actually of gunner. Who's that guy?
No, it's actually like, it's genuinely...
He's a fun... Like, he is a good character.
I really like the idea.
I wish I had more of him.
He's like weirdly out of place in this movie,
but other than that, yeah.
Yeah.
But the vibe is that somebody in Russia
has placed an enormous order of modern weapons from this guy, Whittaker.
Yeah. The Pushkin rocks up and he's like, I didn't authorize this, I don't want any part of this,
cancel the order. Give me my money bag. Yeah. Yeah, and Whittaker's like, I can't, like, no refunds,
bro. Like, can't do that. You paid your bitcoins, you get your guns. And Pushkin's like, you need to
give me my money back or I will turn you into
bushed, because I am the fucking head of the KGB. Give me my money back. I know that you and
Costco have a up to something. You've got like a week or like 48 hours to do this before I turn
you into jam and leave you in the back of like a fucking hold-all in the woods. Yes.
This is where we start to get the ideology that will ruin the second half of
this movie because he has a line regarding the Anglo-Afghan war, which is that the Anglo-Afghan war
was essentially not one because the British didn't win that war. It's referred to in England as
the disaster in Afghanistan. If you look at history text book, which disaster in Afghanistan would I would do it?
Wonderful. Yeah, the British one in the 1800s is for they managed to extend that war and
damn near win it through the invention of the Macs of the machine gun. Yeah, the first modern
machine gun. And he has a line that says, if the Soviets wish to continue their campaign
in Afghanistan, they need the modern equivalent
of that game changing, Max and gun,
which is what he's hoping to provide
with like micro rocket.
Yeah, it's not really guys, but fortunately,
they never actually show up,
so we don't have to care about them.
So Bond and Cara arrive in Vienna and they have this sort of extended romance sequence,
I guess.
Yeah, kind of.
So Bond is still lying to her, saying, I'm a friend of Cosco.
I'm going to take you to him.
And I do really like Dalton in these moments
because he's pretending to be her friend
and he's like smiley and happy and like quite nice.
At the same time, it does have that edge
because he's doing covert human intelligence
source such shit.
He's building a relationship with her
and like, she's kind of into him
and he's like going along with that and feeding it
because he's trying to get information out of her. Yep. They go in a horse drawn
cart and I wrote down you know this is a lot like the time that I was with another beautiful
woman on a horse drawn cart in Italy and when I was also the same guy in Fior eyes only. And for your eyes only when I was old.
The other nice thing about Doughton is that,
and there's done something with this film
that they missed with previous ones,
which is that Bond has a lot more chances
to interact with extras.
Normally he only speaks to named characters,
but in this one, he's like speaking to waiters
and hotel staff and stuff,
and Timothy Doughton takes every possible opportunity to do acting and hotel staff and stuff and Timothy Dalton takes every possible
opportunity to do acting and give us emotional range in this moment. Like there's a moment where he's
like quite smiley and chatty with the receptionist at the hotel and there's a moment where there's
like a street musician later on and he's like irritated with this guy and it's not written down
I'm not in the script but you can see Dalton like really trying to get as much out of this as he can
which I really, really respect.
It's genuine.
It's like a game changer akin to in on the Majesty's Secret Service
when people who weren't James Bond got lines.
And I was like, I didn't realize they hadn't done that before.
Or in Fiora's only where she laughs at one of his jokes.
And I was like, no, I forgot that they had never done that before.
Like having to do.
But have they ever bond, exist in the environment that he's in?
Yes.
Ridley.
Really hard to win.
Who the ground are you?
Who the fuck are you?
But they go to the opera again and, er,
Saunders is there and Saunders is like,
that's the bloody girl.
What are you doing?
James, one second.
What are you doing with that one?
Actually, if I go out.
So, take this guy around.
You're not going to put a shagging clip. I want to. James, one second, let me do it. I want to actually figure out. I'll take this guy around your, I want to shagging to,
if I want to.
No, but he's, but he's like, look, I don't,
Bond says, look, I don't think Koskov's defection
was real.
I don't think it was the KGB who snatched him back.
I think there's some kind of fucking ploy going on here.
Somebody wants pushkin' dead, and they want me to do it.
So I'm pretending to be this girl's friend to try and get
something out of her. And so and as goes along with it, he's like, well, all I have to lose is my
pension, which is a good line. But meanwhile in Tangier, we see that Costco and Necro's are hanging
out with Brad Whistaker. And they pretty much just confirm Bond suspicions. They're just like,
yeah, okay, we need to get Bond to kill Pushkin. Well, he's not doing it though. So we need
to like goose him a little bit. We need to like, we need to kill another British agent
in order to like provoke him. So Bond gets Saunders to get Kara a British passport and they agree to meet in like under the big Ferris wheel and Vienna, you know, that if one of those dots stop moving Ferris wheel.
Yeah, and we get another sort of weird scene with them going to the carnival and some of the details like quite like like I do like Bond just that like big, cuddly toy at the shoe.
Yeah.
At the shoe.
He's such a good shot, like,
and the guys like, please no more.
It's really heavily like, just been there for like an hour,
just like, hmm.
But, uh, yeah, no, they, they, they go up on, on the wheel.
They kiss and then bond me again.
It's so like, yeah, it's really bad.
It's big flashing sign saying,
curvy human intelligence sources,
like this is like fully skinny,
because he is lying to her.
At least they don't have sex.
Oh, the line, the line he has is like,
she's like, I'm not sure I want to, it's impossible.
I think, and he's like, don't think, just let it happen.
Oh, it's legal.
Oh, rich.
This is legal if you're a British police officer now.
Mm-hmm.
But Saunders rocks up and Bond meets him.
And Saunders, you know, cool, here's the passport.
By the way, I figured out who bought that cello.
Because it's a strata various, really valuable.
She probably couldn't afford it on a cello salary.
It was bought by this guy, Brad Whitaker, the arms dealer,
and bonds like, oh shit, like how does he fit into all of this?
By the way, what's that balloon salesman doing?
Yeah, I've heard that news has been.
It's a huge ass.
It is now bond gets his sidekick killed a clock because we have to establish danger, but
we can't kill bonds.
We have to kill someone close to him.
So Saunders leaves.
And as he's leaving, he steps through the automatic doors and we see netcrows activate
a little fucking like mechanism he has put on them, which I guess like crushes Saunders
for. Oh, it slams that door shut hard as hell the glass shadows and it's not ever like
Saunders body is neither shown only ever bonds reaction which is visceral
And Dauchen does a good like a revenge vibe as we will see in our we will see and there's a balloon by Saunders body that body that has
Death to spies written on it and bond his
pissed and then like and then Carlos like oh shall we like go and enjoy the
February and he said no we're living in the morning fuck you no no no no the best
line the best line in that scenario is that Kara goes did you did you hear from
Georgie did you get the message from him and he goes and he like looks into the
middle distance where the camera is he goes and he like looks into the middle distance
with a camera and he goes, yeah.
It's probably like a sitcom shot. Like, yeah, I got the message.
I got the message.
And I was like, yeah.
The nice music.
That's so good.
So good.
Yeah. That's really good.
That's so good.
That's so good.
It's coming, baby.
There's a point in my notes where I know that it becomes bad
and it's too down from here.
Yes.
So Bond goes to Tangier. He follows Pushkin. We see him.
Shagon. He's Shagon. He's Shagon.
We see that Bond like spies on Pushkin with a pair of binocular glasses, which looks so funny.
That'll be the episode. He looks like real.
Again, because Pushkin be Shagon, It's so obvious this was written for Google
Yeah, I'm just a big go go yeah, anyway, so that's the entire movie for living
Daylight
I can't wait No, no, no, no, no, love this scene. Okay. It's a good scene. It's
misogynistic, but it's a good. Yeah, Bond breaks into Pushkin's hotel. He like takes his girlfriend hostage.
And then he like throws Pushkin on the bed and demands answers, right? And Bond, it like don't
play as Bond is very dangerous here. Yeah, genuinely threatening. It's he's genuinely quite frightening.
Pushkin pushes a little button in his watch
to call for help.
His bodyguard comes in and Bond tears the shirt off
his girlfriend in order to provide a momentary distraction.
The guy comes in, sees this naked woman
who's like, and then Bond jumps him.
This is like if I was hiding a secret alarm in my watch,
I wouldn't design it so that the watch lights up red
and makes a loud beep in words when I press the secret alarm.
Yeah, when he presses it,
Bond's like, are you stupid?
It's like, he's like,
he's like, for the famous phrase, a loud alarm.
So yeah, no.
It's us.
So he, he, he, Bond sort of interrogates pushkin,
regarding this in a general sense. Like he has a gun, he's It's us. So he, he, he, Bond sort of interrogates pushkin regarding this
in a general sense, like he has a gun, he's on the bed.
And there's a moment where pushkin goes like, look,
it's, it's about who you believe,
do you believe me or Koskov?
I can trust me or Koskov.
And Bond's line's better with GoGov.
Imagine if it was GoGov.
And, and Bond's line is,
look, if I trusted Koskov,
we wouldn't be having
this conversation.
Yeah. And so yeah, they both sort of agree that like, oh, if this is going to come off
then like the one thing that's that's in the way of this is pushkin, you need to die and
pushkin goes, well, I guess I got die then. And it's a fake assassination time.
I love this shit.
Make a assassination.
It's really good, okay?
It's still good to do.
It's a good shit.
It's a good shit.
Pushkin steps out on the stage on the trade delegation.
It's like, you know, friends, countrymen, Russians.
And then as Necros is watching about to take the shot, we see Bond shoot him three times in the chest
and push him like falls to the floor
and his wife is screaming, he's covered in blood
and he's like carried out.
And so when Necros reports back, he's like,
no Bond killed him.
And we see, we see Costco celebrating
because they finally got him to do it.
And everything is going according to plan.
And then two sexy ladies pick bond up, well he runs away in the scapes, two sexy ladies pick bond
up at gunpoint but it turns out they're with him for the CIA. We get a shit version of Felix
lighter who can't act. Yeah. And he's like, oh yeah, like where on this guy whittaker?
Like not quite sure what the vibe is but it seems like we're on the same case
from up his it sides.
Honestly Felix doesn't really add anything
to this film, it doesn't why he's in it.
But we do on the other hand,
see Pushkin, like get back up again
and like take off the like blood packs that he's wearing.
And his line is up for once in my life,
I'm grateful James Bond is a good shot.
Which I quite like. And also his wife is quite surprised. He's like, I'm grateful James Bond is a good shot, which I quite like.
And also his wife is quite surprised. He's like, I'm very sorry, I had to do that to you darling.
It's quick. Yeah. So so Bond. Bond comes clean with car.
Right. He like, she's made him, she's made him his vodka martini shaken not stirred.
And he takes a drink. And this is like, it's quite a nice touch on its own,
but it's also more meaning for in a second.
He takes a drink of it and we are kind of led to believe
that she has fucked it up and it's terrible
because she's like, oh, did I make it right?
And he kind of like winces love and he's like,
hmm, it's perfect.
Yeah, that's quite cute.
Which is cute.
But then, but fucking, then.
So he tells her at this point that he's a British agent,
he's like, look, Costco, he's up to something,
he tried to have you killed, it's all fucked up.
Hey, what's in this drink?
Oh, yeah, she slips him a mickey and there, and what I choose to believe at this point is
Bond bond dies but bond aspirates on his own vomit or whatever the rest of the movie no no
No, what I what I choose to believe is the rest of this movie is bond dying DMT thoughts
Oh, it Jacobs ladder situation. Yeah, yes. Yeah
The rest of his movie is a Jacobs ladder situation. Yes, yes. Yes. Okay, so the rest of his movie is a Jacobs ladder situation.
Now, I've written in very large letters here.
The second part of the film, the game.
Yes.
Now, I don't know if we have any sort of audio drop
that we could play in order to mark the commencement
of the second half of this movie,
but I have one word for it, which is Mujahidin.
Yes.
The work of the Mujahid. The work of the Mujahidin. Yes, look at the Mujahidin.
The work of the Mujahidin. So welcome to Afghanistan. Not immediately, because Bond,
but Bond, Bond collapses and we see Kostkov and Necro's put him on a plane under the false name
of Yavi Bondov.
Yeah, it's called Draco.
They could have called him anything.
They could have called him like Mr. Dipshitt or whatever.
But decided to just like,
just call him Yersi Bondov.
Yersi Bondov.
And also a transplant heart surrounded by ice.
So...
That's enough a lot of ice.
Bitch. Bitch. So that's enough a lot of ice bitch bitch
But they they get on the plane they wave them onto the plane
Which is yeah fine, okay, but a bond is captured sure Wonder where that place going? Yeah, we'll get there. We'll get there. Cara sort of Cara sort of wakes him up
And she's like oh, I realized you were right and you weren't evil
and I'm gonna help you.
So she gets him.
Because just before he was knocked out,
he points to the bruise on her arm and he says,
you got that when you were shot by a sniper,
it was me, I shot the rifle out of your hands.
Like, I'm on your side, I didn't kill you.
And she's like, oh my God, you're dead.
Yes, so she slips him his key chain again.
But then, but then, welcome to Afghanistan.
We touched on an Afghanistan because at the point this movie was made,
Soviet Union was in Afghanistan.
That's right.
Costco,
we'll save the world. Redefacting as a KGB general,
he's like, his plan here is to go,
yeah, I was on a secret mission from Pushkin.
I have successfully fed the West disinformation,
and I brought home the guy who killed Pushkin.
And also, because he can't resist throwing
car onto the bus here,
this other defector. Just go ahead and like put both of them in prison.
And also, please put me in charge of the KGB.
Yes, yes, yes. And buy a lot of weapons from my friend Brad.
So Bond and Kara are thrown in Afghanistan, Jail.
Where Jail brackets Afghanistan, where the Jailer is from the like the Soviet Whirl like the
accent here is like, that's a Russian man, baby.
He's Russian.
He's either Russian or Afghan and I don't.
Yeah, yeah.
None of us.
There's another, there's an Afghan man in one of the cells,
they're gonna throw them in the other cell.
And then,
I'm sure he's got this like big field.
I love later.
Yeah.
Where a pome.
He's got the knockout gas.
He's got the knockout gas.
And so he, like whistles the first two bars of raw Britannia
and he goesoses up a Soviet-we're all guy and the guards.
And then there's a big, the gas isn't actually that useful.
It's like, he's stunned for a second
and then he has a big fight with Bond anyway.
I think it's about exactly as effective as just
a gas coming out of it, right?
Like a gas with an effect.
He could have sprayed him with like Link's Africa and the effect would have it. Yeah. Like, you know,
it was like links Africa and the effects would have been the thing.
Pretty much takes out the other guy.
I guess so.
I guess it's like a governmentary distraction, which is all that Bond needs.
Yeah.
There is a interesting, like, still, which I'm also tempted to make the episode of Bond
being like, menace to buy this guy with like a rubber trenchant, uh, but like,
remember this. Yeah, in any case, Bond, Bond defeats him, throws him in the cell,
and Bond and Kara are about to just like, leave, just like book it. And then
the guy in the other cell, as they are reaching for the door is like, uh, um, excuse me.
Is that please?
And I helped them as well.
He helped them in a fight.
Yeah.
And you're like trying to go in some keys.
Yeah.
So then as an afterthought, they leave them out.
They don't like, they have let this guy out of the cell
in the middle of a Soviet air base, which is like, mm-hmm.
And he even says that, he's like, we're free.
And bonds like, Carla, we're in the middle of a Soviet air
base in Afghanistan.
Yes.
They escape through the expedient of stealing some like air stairs, the stairs you drive up to a plane,
and driving them up to the bar for a fence and simply jumping over it.
Which is great.
They take two steps and are then immediately captured again by some bushes.
Who have knives?
Lu, Chah, and Dee.
The guy, the guy Shah, who we had seen them help escape,
tells them they're not Russians, so don't kill them.
And we get an interesting line.
They're not Killuna. Not now, how about later? Don't worry, I'll save you for the harine. And we get an interesting line
For the
Minot say bond meets the Taliban and
Just suppose historically isn't accurate because the Taliban don't yet exist But all of these guys will be the Taliban in a bit about in a few years time.
I mean, I don't want to be too reductive about this because like is sort of it depends but at the same time
the vibes are very much like
But Bon calls them like the Afghan resistance, right? He does, I don't know.
Oh, Jihadin.
The Afghan resistance.
To the Afghanistan resistance, don't you know?
To the Islamic one film where they were like,
Hey, the Majahin, these guys fucking own.
That is a crime.
We should give them money and guns.
That's right, that's right.
Because they see this, the same guy Shah,
cleaned up and like shaved a little bit.
And he says, are our fire ox for gentlemen.
Yeah, and he's Cameron Shah.
Please forgive the theatricals.
So hang over for my ox for days.
Yeah, and Bond goes, oh, this reminds me a lot
of the time when I spoke to a Bedouin arms dealer
in a ten-ton Egypt.
I mean, this is just so nice of a man.
Less this 10.
And that guy also went to Ox I was like, the same alarm. Man, less this. And that guy also went to Arxbridge,
because I'm the same guy.
It's just so unrealistic that a leader of an Afghanistan-based
militant group would have been educated in the West.
I mean, like, I can't think of anyone else.
Probably fine.
It's probably fine.
So, is a,
hey, I work for the British government,
at which point all of these guys just laugh.
Which is very good.
Correct response. Hey, I work for the British government, at which point all of these guys just laugh. Which is very good. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Correct response.
There's yet like the British public
will simply not identify it
with the leader of the Mujachadin,
unless their head is a guy called Cameron.
Yeah, who talks with like an old boy and went to Oxford.
Yes, so.
But these guys, they fully react the same way
that my Romanian driver did the other morning when I told him I was
From England
Hello, yes young lad yes, I'm afghanistan. I have to do the resistance against the Soviet Union
So bond wants them to like go attack the airbase and kill Pushkin.
And Cameron, don't-
We also do not talk about the ideologies of the people resisting the Soviets back home.
No, no.
Not for a fucking second.
We also don't talk about the ideologies of the Soviets or the Afghan people that they
are working with.
Do not talk about that.
Nope.
Nope.
So Cameron is just like, oh, I can't do that, I'll chat.
Suicide.
However, you are going to accompany me on a drug deal.
After you've had sex with this woman.
Yeah. So it's so fascinating that the script of this movie treats the Soviet invasion of
Afghanistan as essentially the first time anyone has done anything to the country of Afghanistan. Despite the fact that in the script, like Brad Whitaker makes reference to the British
Empire being in Afghanistan in 1800s.
There's a bit where they go into the Musha Hadidian camp.
I wrote down, imagine doing the Q office bit here.
Oh, flea-ness.
They should have done it.
Oh, closely, 007.
This is a Stinger missile.
They should have done it.
Also, one of the sub-tices at this point say things like all the chattering in Afghan,
like they're the fucking sand people, which is like,
like, Afghanistan is a language that exists.
A bond says that in the script. You might be thinking of Pashto, like, Afghan is a language that exists. A bonster in the script, he's like,
you might be thinking of Pashto.
But a bonster calls a beautiful,
and then he says, that's beautiful in Afghan.
Yeah, the language Afghan,
the white people of Afghanistan.
Yeah, fuck, I hate this.
Listen, is this,
can we go back to earlier?
Can we just talk about the earlier scenes again?
No, no, we are, we are,
we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, Every Bond movie is a half hour too long and in this case Yeah, in this case they put the half hour in one easy segment
This film is like Necro's and then it has a fat ass. Yeah, if you single bond movie overstays the third act
That we've not met a single one yet that fucking manages to have like a tight ending so no
So it's gone to a companies the mjacadine on an operation
But he doesn't know it's a drug deal.
But until he looks in one of the like sandbags
with the red cross-marking on them,
and he sees that's heroin.
And he confronts, in fact, it's not just heroin, it's heroin.
And so he confronts Cameron about the fact that he is.
Drugs?
Doing drugs. Using drugs?UGS? Doing drugs?
Using drugs?
Uh...
Using drugs?
What? The d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the d-the using drugs, how do I use drugs? Selling dope.
If you wanna, if you wanna get, and again, I wanna fucking be clear that the people who you are
supposed to think of the good guys are abusing
the protected marking of a red cross.
To smuggle fucking raw opium.
Selling dope.
And that's like, yeah.
And, well, you to get money somehow hey
Dawson who is wearing a shaman at this point actually it's very
a lungi at this point yeah it's like uh well you should maybe you shouldn't be
selling dope and Cameron show his light I don't have to answer to you how else am I
gonna do all my shit and he's kind of presented as like the sympathetic character
here how else am I gonna try and crush all the left-wing people of Afghanistan who want to know how I'm in protected?
The Red Cross is the game prison architects were sued for having a Red Cross hit.
Like you can't use this.
No, but yes, he bombed off the blue hair.
This is fully a crime.
Yes.
So Bond tries to like make like, because we see that they're selling the dope to Koskov.
Koskov is trying to double deal on this and get a quick profit like selling opium.
Because that transplant heart we saw earlier on fake heart from a pig, the ice was diamond.
That's not a woman, that's an awful lot of ice. There we go, that's an awful lot of ice.
He's using the diamonds to buy opium, because he's trying to make a little bit of money
on the side.
Honestly, this isn't really very clear.
Shilling dope.
Yeah.
And so what is the plot of the movie?
Yeah, it's kind of a mystery.
It's like, okay, we got to get the moosa head into attack this drug deal.
And Karen chose like, oh, I don't want to double cross these dealers who are from the snow leopard brotherhood because,
okay, because I don't want to. Yeah. And then, but then essentially bond goes, well,
don't be a pussy. Yeah, all right. Yeah.
Gone then, because we both went to Oxbreach and then they fucking do it anyway.
Yes. Right. Okay. So this guy who, I mean, to take a second,
to try to remember what the plot of his movie is.
This guy, he wants to buy arms from Brad Whitaker,
but instead of doing that,
he's using the down payment he would have used
for the arms to buy about half a million pounds worth
of your billion, half a billion, my apologies.
Yeah, 500 million pounds of your own.
Like Fossil tweet of check this shit out, motherfucker.
And then like sliding one leg out,
it's not even clear what kind of move I was trying to do.
100%.
It's like, what are you doing, man?
What is the most important thing?
Why is Necro still here?
Yeah.
Well Necro says the reason why he's still there
is because to help his brothers do world revolution.
Yeah.
Necro's, oh God, he's trying.
He was a really good character for half this movie.
Now he gets like, like, a swear.
He's focused, anyway.
He's a hundred percent assent.
So, so, so, so, so, you know, the, you know, the, you know, the, you know, the, the to do in the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan was pitched horseback
attacks of air bases.
Well, I don't know why not, because it turns out really well.
Yeah, that's how you can do the whole horse-based attack of an air base, and that's fine,
question mark.
So Bond goes, how about, check this out, How about you give him the opium, right? You get the money and then I go and steal the opium.
Question mark, question mark, question mark and Cameron Shargo's bloody good idea of chap.
Yeah, no rush.
It's going to be a mess.
And there's a plot.
But well, Bond manages to do something. He traps himself in a confined space with a bomb that he has set twice.
He's like, he disguises himself by pulling the lung up over his face.
He loads some of the heroin in, puts some plastic explosives in there on timer, and then
just gets like shut in the back of the truck with the bomb and the opium.
So then at this point, Cara is like,
okay, we got to get him back. And she pushes Cameron Jar to go attack the airbase. But then
when Bond gets to the airbase, he just like jumps out of the back of the truck and loads
the same bomb onto a plane.
Yeah, because there's a bunch, there's a bunch of Mujahadin who are also just unloading
it. So he just blends straight back seamlessly into it.
They really didn't need to do anything. But yeah, so
there's no stakes. Nothing's happening anymore. But bonds like
Lungy falls away from his face, right? And he walks straight into
Koskov and Necro's is like, oh, shit. Your cover has been blown.
That will get a solid exclamation, though.
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
Gramps and AK shoots over heads, and this precipitates the attack on the airbase.
Yep. This goes on for a good 20 minutes. Yeah, there's a lot of things happening.
A lot of things happen. There's a battle that is exciting.
Yeah, that is just fighting. The...
Hmm.
Jbon slides the cargo plane out.
He opens up the back on the runway
and Carla drives up into it with a Jeep.
Costco has pursuing them in his own Jeep,
but then another plane coming in hits his car
and I presume it kills him.
No, no, he survives.
Oh.
He survives.
Longer.
Is there a very exciting thing that will happen to him?
No, it is.
No, it is. No, it is.
So there's two things.
First and foremost, an interesting point here, which
is that the plane can't tax you
of its ramp load to the ground.
So for that scene, they built the rear end of a Hercules
on the back of a large truck.
And now we just drove the car to it.
And it was quite well done.
And then they're on the plate. So
okay, so it bond and Cara are on a Hercules plane on the road with 500 million pounds
worth of pure opium. And there's a point here where I just wrote bond arriving back
in London. Well, sir, truth be told, I've forgotten what my mission was, but I do have 500 million pounds of pure opium.
How about that?
Like, what does he do?
What's happening?
The skin is still alive.
I didn't do what you told me to do, but I did get a lot of smell.
I made this, I tweeted this as well, which is just the tweet that I made on the Kilted
Bond account was, give me eight seconds.
This Dalton Bond is so cool.
He's so dark and interesting.
He's just like
the character that Fleming wrote, losing the thread a bit. He's joined the Majaqadin and stole
1,5 billion dollars of all opium. Yes. Yeah. And that's for two halves of this movie. It is.
But when Bond says, hey, you fly the plane from it, I'm going to go back and like defuse the
bomb and then you and I just can like fly this opium to wherever we need to go.
And then you know, Pakistan. Yeah. Pakistan. They love the love opium in Pakistan.
So do you know who else is on the plane, Moj. You know who made it?
Neckroses. Oh, I hate this scene. This didn't happen, bitch made. Yeah.
Yeah, they find they end up on the cargo net full of heroin coming out of the back of the plane.
And Neckroses like grabbing on to Bond's bootlaces.
And then in something I kind of like about this is,
is Dalton, like he pulls a knife and he like very deliberately
like cuts through his own bootlaces and kills netcros
by dropping him off the plane.
And the thing that I liked about it is A,
how deliberately murderous it was, but B,
truly, I wrote down no smug line about giving Neckros the boot.
No, that's right. He didn't do it. Anyway, moving on. Bond, Bond, then climbs back up, goes
into the cockpit and Cara says, what happened to Neckros and Vaughn goes, he got the boot. You fucking made it so far. I am not over it.
The thing that I hate is that Cara, he's just said to Cara, listen, hold this steady.
And what Cara does instead is pull a big lever that opens the back end of the plane,
question mark, and then just fucking pulls those sticks hard back so that it tilts up
and the heroin cargo net falls out of the back of the plate.
She's trying to kill Bond, that's the only way.
It's a funnier situation, she engineered.
I don't know why she did this.
Anyway, Necros, he doesn't scream actually,
but they did dub him screaming in afterwards,
which, because like if you look at him in the shot,
his mouth's completely closed,
which would have been better.
It's supposed to like what a lavalier on a really long cable.
Like he was just, he goes like, no, please sir.
And then like dies and I was bitch.
He doesn't say as Bond is like cutting the laces one by one, he goes, no, like, you know, he says, please.
Yeah, he says please.
Yeah, Bond's like, and Bond's like says like, please. Yeah, he says please. Yeah, but it was like from one side and bonds like no, no, sorry.
Um, anyway, back on the ground, we got two more scenes of this shit because I'd like they crash the plane but they escape. Fine. Don't care.
Boring. Oh, no. First of all, the Mujahideen are being chased by the Soviets in tanks. Oh, close.
Flip the plane around, chuck the bomb out the back and blows up the bridge, saves the Mujahideen who were all like cheering. And one of those Mujahideen been London.
Yeah, one of them says Praise be to Allah. Now, and my next note here just says, and now they
clean up the rest of the plot. Yes, like lighter helps bond to infiltrate whithaker's mansion.
Felix Leiter, who is also in this movie. First of all,
we have to reset the stakes. So Bonds still has a shitload of heroin in a AC 130,
I heard Qleads or whatever. So in order to get out of that, they get in the card, it's in the
back of the plane and they drop it off and the plane explodes. So that's the heroin done. Okay,
fine. We'll get, we'll get. No more heroine apart from all the stuff that fell out the back, which bond a hundred percent
knows where it is. So you can just go get that. Then they clean up the rest of the cloth.
Yes, they drive, they drive to Karachi. There is quite a nice line where they see the
sign to Karachi and Bond. It's kind of quite idly says, I know a nice restaurant at Karachi.
They could probably make it there for dinner. And they drive it. It's like quite cute. That was nice.
That was like first half of the movie Bond appearing for good again. Too last scene. Okay, I like this last scene.
Bond infiltrates Whittaker's mansion,
where he is just sort of playing with his dioramas,
and honestly, you're just hiding
because he's autistic coated.
He's just having a nice time.
But, I think that's the first time
that he's been playing with his
friends, and he's just having a nice time.
And he's just having a nice hate him because he's autistic coated.
He's just having a nice time.
But okay.
We got a fucking inbox message last time you made that joke.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm allowed to, I would love to have a bunch
of little dioramas.
Anyway.
I would love to have a bunch of little dioramas.
Little like seen a dioramas.
I would love to have a high tech guy. It would be the same, but like instead of me, like I would have
all of that diorama and then also there's a Gundam on there.
And I don't mention it. I'm like, listen, you see what they could have, they could have routed
generally really easy if they had a Gundam. I would try to shoot bond with some high tech guns
and body armor. Yeah. Bond uses the Wolf Whistle Kiwing. Kiwing. Kiwing. The Wolf Whistle Kiwing.
What do you think of Wolf Whistle Kiwing?
I'm Jonathan Wasson. James Bond is using a Wolf Whistle Kiwing. But he uses it to blow
up a statue that falls on Whistler K.
That's your Wellington, because as Whistler K is chasing Bond through the thing, he is owning him with military history facts.
All of which are correct, by the way, when he's like, me. He has one of my witches, which is
really, he was too cautious at the Gattysburg and he could have won the war right there,
Grant would have done that. And it's like, yeah, that's kind of correct. And then he's like,
oh, we are hiding behind Wellington. That's funny.
You know, he had to like get German mercenaries
to beat Napoleon.
That's also kind of correct.
But then he is crushed by a big bust of Wellington.
He does get one good line, which is a reference to Dr. No,
where he comes out with a fucking like,
lip-proof suit on.
All right.
Bond shoots him a couple of times,
and then he says, you've had your eight. Now I'll have my 80 and just fucking opens fire, which I enjoyed. And then he dies.
He's got a rifle with a little like bulletproof shield on the front like rainbow. Yeah, it's
nice. Anyway, I got that to chunk a shit going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then pushkin shows
up. Yeah. And Bond says, oh, he met his waterloo because he was crushed by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Pushkin shows up. Yeah, and Bond says, oh, he met his waterloo because he was crushed by it.
Yeah, such a pushkin. At this point, Kostkov emerges and he's like, he tries to do a bit of quick thinking.
He's like, oh, thank God, I've been held hostage here the whole time.
It's really, yeah, sells it.
I'm bold for trying it because Bond is standing right there and is like,
there's no reason why Bond wouldn't go, no, you know what you fucking lie, I like.
They make perfect eye contact as well for a bit and I'm gonna fucking try it.
Pushkin has a fun, but he fails that speech check because Pushkin is like, oh, Conrad,
I'm so glad you're here.
Put him on the next flight to Moscow, be in the diplomatic bag.
Like, yeah, fucking get us.
And I'm in the fucking bag.
Yeah. So then, then we see Kara is performing in France, maybe, with a bullet hole.
Oh, it's it's London. It's in the...
Well, whatever.
And she mentioned previously that she wanted to perform
some day in Royal Albert, so she is her doing it.
Well, anyway.
She meets with Gogo, who is in this movie for a second,
who gives her a visa, but also then...
The Taliban.
Cameron Shah and a couple of guys fully wearing like...
Milligence.
Yeah, just fully wearing tactical vests and shit show up.
And the worst aged line in this movie, because the intent is clearly different from the
way all of us would read it now. Yeah.
These guys show up and Cameron Shar goes,
Sorry, we missed the concert.
We had some trouble at the airport.
Can't imagine.
Woo!
I can't imagine why.
And it's like the reason why is because they're like all armed and scary and shit,
but like,
You read that now.
Yeah.
We've had some problems that airports before. Yeah.
Between this movie being made and I was watching it. Not to be reductive.
No. Carla goes into her dressing room and this is a, this is, this is, this moment gave me a little bit of hope.
She, um, that, uh, Carla goes into the dressing room and bond is that with champagne.
that Carla goes into the dressing room and bond is there with champagne and because he was supposed to be on a mission like M says oh he's not here and
And he I think the last time in the movie he's subbing this performance and they kiss and it made me hope
That like maybe they're gonna do this thing now
We're bond like has a girlfriend at home who's a jealous that would be a really interesting direction to take the series in
I hope that we see her again I'm almost certain that we won't.
No.
That would have been a really good way to end it, but sadly.
I do have an idea, right? They had an idea for how they were going to make it.
They have. Do you want to take the one, Dev?
I would be truly honored. Remember Maggie Thatcher showing up at the end of
theorize I have no idea how did that sound again? Was it like maybe like a
the benefit of listener and we took a headphones off to avoid hearing
I'm a bastard. Are you fucking all right?
So they plan to do something very similar except remember, Charles and Diana had visited
this set.
So they wanted to do a similar ending where they had Charles and Diana call up Bond and
be like, that's right.
It worked.
That's right.
007.
Diana.
Uh huh.
Can you fucking imagine?
Now Bond, it looks like like looks like an ordinary white
fiat owner. But did she die in the course of making this film? She just knows after that. No,
I think she was killed by a taxi driver. That was a joke. Sorry. That's a joke. You were, did it, died in the course of making this movie?
I won.
But you know what?
It didn't hit, and that's fine.
I've been recording for about two and a half hours.
That's right.
I'm happy to stop.
That's right.
And that's the movie is we end
right here and bond.
Just hanging out in the dressing room.
It's nice.
The post credits song is...
The pretenders.
Very nice, yes, the pretenders.
We have a science-based system.
We do.
We do.
We do.
We have a science-based system.
It's called the scum system.
Now, after a very specific problem with the previous movies, the adjusted Scum System.
Wait, what?
Jim and Ron, this by me.
No, we already haven't.
I haven't planned anything either.
It's like ERA.
You have to adjust the Scum System every once in a while to keep it current because like,
I know.
I think that you're, it's just like what they do with A levels.
They keep making it harder.
I think if the Bond films get better, then that's good.
All right. All right, fine. films get better, then that's good.
All right, all right, fine.
We have a system, it's a science-based system called
the Scom System.
It is where we rate this movie on its SMAM,
cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence,
and misogyny.
Now, I'm gonna start with a low one here, I suspect.
SMAM.
Yeah, remarkably little SMaam from him.
Every line that he does deliver
that's like one of the smaamie puns feels like
they were like, okay, now do the fucking pun.
Yeah.
Timothy, Timothy do the fucking pun now.
But all the kids are like,
who does the bit about like,
I'm glad I made you bring that shallow, like.
Yeah, but all the kids are like,
he's got back to material,
but he is still smart. But also, I found one thing, which is the once you cut
the smart matter of it, it stops feeling
so much like a Bond movie.
Like the first half of this movie, it's good.
But it's also like kind of just a regular thriller.
Like it doesn't feel very dist,
and like we're gonna run into this problem even more
the next one about which I have a lot of thoughts
Licensed to kill but even the living even the living daylights it's like how much of this feels distinctly
Bond and to what extent is
Bondness tied up with that smart. I mean like
Imagine having
I mean, like, imagine having Albert Broccoli come to you with his hat in his hands every time a bond actor is even murmured about stepping down since the late 60s. Yeah, and he's like, no.
Please, Mr. Dolted, sir, why don't you play a bit of Bond for me?
No.
And the time that you finally say yes, and even the fact that he said yes in this one was like was was barely going to happen
because he was wrapping up filming of a different movie. Yeah, I'm at the time. Yeah, I'll
fuck. He was wrapping up filming of a different movie at the time. And he almost said no because he
still had some shit to do for it. But fortunately, I was a delay, which allowed him to say yes.
And the time that you finally say yes,
Albert Brochkin looks you dead and the eyes and goes,
great, we're going to join him.
Welcome to Agatha Murjakhadi.
Imagine if it would only do one movie.
Imagine if Dawin's first movie had been for your eyes only.
I would have been good.
But I reckon like maybe a three for the small.
He does have a lower.
I'd go lower than three.
I'd go two. I would low and three. I go to.
I would honestly say he's got the line of the start.
He says I'll be in an hour.
Better make it to.
He doesn't even really sell that though.
That was like, no.
Three.
Fine.
Yeah, okay.
I could see.
Fine.
I'll let myself be argued up, but like under protest.
So it's more than him.
It's more than I imagine.
He's sick at service.
Why don't you file a motion into something?
Um,
exogyny.
Cultural incentive.
Yeah, I forgot. I forgot what the thing was.
I went for scum.
Yeah, because the thing is right, because I've been thinking about the words smug.
And also I've been recording for two and a half hours. I thought of the word smug.
And I was like, oh, the smug system.
Second letter in smug is M.
The misogyny.
No.
Culture is sensitive.
Oh, so he goes to...
Oh, he goes to...
Oh, no.
It's not clear.
Not now. How about later?
Don't worry.
I'll save you for the harry.
The harry.
The harry?
Save you for the harry, I'm not. The harim, no, you know.
The harim.
Fuck it out.
Oh, Jesus, they don't talk like that in Angles.
All chattering in Afghan and the subtitles
can be hold on to us,
most of all for that.
Yeah, all right.
Why not?
No, okay, so the things that you say
about a culture in sensitive,
the thing about him being in Afghanistan
And he is it he's not trying to be culturally insensitive
He's quite complimentary towards the Mujahadin which is a problem for us now. It's very fun
He's like quite nice about them. Yes, he finds that they're smuggling opium and he's just like oh well, you know
Gotta get your money, hey
That's right
Selling dope selling dope
The same time like the vibe the vibe is like noble savages
Yeah, as long as they are led by a guy educated in the West like there's that scene when he first goes into their camp
And as a guy who's like beating someone it's like, not good. Yeah, it's not great.
Is what I say?
I'm not saying what, right?
I'm saying, do we think that it's more,
like more insensitive than something like live and let die
or more insensitive than you only live twice?
Well, the thing about the plot of live and let die
is that the shooting scripture said racism
400 times per minute.
So it's hard to be more culturally insensitive and not.
Is it more culturally insensitive and octopacy?
Well, no, no, but it's no, no, it isn't.
There isn't a, we think that this happens in Afghanistan montage.
No, it's close because like that ha hurry line reminds me a little bit in the sort of out of
no-wentness of it, of the curry line in October.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Octopus, he was an age out of seven, so we've got room to describe.
I think we've got room to go down.
I'd go maybe like a five.
Yeah, I said four.
I could see a five maybe.
The thing is, now you're not.
Yeah, about on a part with never seen ever again.
I'm going to.
Sounds about right.
Yeah.
I promote violence.
I mean, RIP to the boy to your boy Necrus.
Yeah.
Okay.
So the dog in the area is going to.
What did mode on provoked violence for any of us?
Specifically the next moves.
Yeah, like licensed to kill is gonna be a 10 out of seven.
It's called licensed to kill for God's sake.
Yes, yeah.
And then it's gonna do a bit.
This one, I mean, this will be the big act
of unprovoked violence is him killing Necros,
which is quite deliberate.
Everything else is kind of like heath of the moment.
Yeah, this.
Hmm, I don't know.
The thing about unprovoked is that maybe unprovoked
is the wrong word and it should be like excessive.
Yeah, it's like unequivocal and skim-
Skim-skim-skim.
It's like uncalled for tier of violence.
I don't know, I feel like the unprovoked here is so you know
It speaks to like the part of the reason why he kills neckros because he had killed Saunders and like a sort of a
Brute. Yeah, there is a revenge thing happening
Yeah, revenge still counts to me as unprovoked violence
Because it's like not directly like I'm thinking about this like a like unprovoked violence, because it's not directly like,
I'm thinking about this like a court would, you know,
like he's not like, it's not,
well, remember, he in his own words,
when he was the same guy in theorized zones,
had a whole speech about how Revenge is a bad thing
to go right, dig two graves, baby.
Back when he was the same guy that he is now.
Back when he was the same guy.
And he was old in Sardinia or whatever.
Yeah, yeah.
Before he was Welsh.
Before he was Welsh.
Back when he was...
After he was Welsh.
After he was Welsh.
Before he was Welsh, before he was Irish.
After he was from New Zealand.
I wanna give it some points for the scene where he has pushkin on his knees with a gun
to his head.
Oh, yeah.
The way he dispenses of pushkin's guard, yeah, no, I think it's got to be up there.
I think they're like four.
I could see four.
Yeah, I could see four.
Easy.
And misogyny. Misogyny now I want to give it some points for
First of all him stripping pushkins girlfriend is using her body as a literal distraction against her will
Yep, and secondly, I just cover human intelligence sources act shit that he pulls
I'm currently thirdly just fucking
Smacking money pennies ass in the office. Yes
And this film does not really respect the ladam.
Fourthly, the harim.
The harim.
The harim.
Um, alihari meh.
No, that doesn't really have a whole lot to do
besides being lied to by James Bond.
No, no.
Um, up there with this five or six. I'd say, yeah, five. Up there with a five or a six.
I'd say yeah, five maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
Cool.
So that leaves us with...
Don't even yell at me.
I'm about to finish recording.
I'll let you out and say.
Oh!
That's Dev's white Persian cat.
That's the cat that I've been stroking for out recording.
I'm just as classic.
17, which is pretty low, not the lowest we've ever had, but you know.
That sounds pretty moderate.
It's also the same as Dr. No, and also Moonraker, so pretty, pretty middle of the road.
Same as Dr. No, perfect.
That's the years of bomb reset.
And we're still back at uh tell me does the
toppling of American missiles make up for having no hands
yeah what a good like I have that again I'd love to
do all of all of my drops of doctor know quite quiet but I
will give you the like yeah the one line that I went back
and base boosted was
But like I do have the hands one Oh, we can't all be geniuses can we?
Tell me just the toppling of American missiles really compensate for having no hands
Fucking god of ass. I almost miss Sean Connery as the thing
I don't want sounds like when he was feeling Italian and musical back when he was feeling Italian and musical
I don't know how to put a woman in yellow face
She got me out and I'm not an idiot
Cronsley and Rosette oh
Okay, so I would I would half-I'd leave it to
You see neck cross is a problem because I don't know if he's underappreciated.
No, he's really a guy who would be Brad Whitaker.
Yeah.
You know, you don't want to give the cross-tumoros out to him.
Brad Whitaker's just his guy, his sergeant, who he has, like, invagled into his, like,
web of fantasy.
Oh, shit!
Yeah, he does really bad drill.
Yeah, he spends all of his time
like standing to attention wrong.
And like, yeah, no, great, that guy.
Yeah, that guy.
He haven't mentioned him in this record.
Exactly.
He's under a picture,
because he's under a preciated ass.
Gone and fine ass.
Good night, class.
Sergeant Stagg.
Good night, class.
It's a good night, class.
Good night, class.
Good night, class. I have a nomination for the Good Night Gros.
My nomination I said earlier, it's the Butler in the, the
match.
So a green for green for green for.
I was thinking of giving it to Gogol because he does give
her a, he does give her a visa to the European Union, which is a
damn good present if you can get that.
I think green for is like under-affricated more than
gogo has given that.
I think gogo is a really cool,
really cool.
Okay, I can go.
Yeah, green for us.
Plus, gogo already has like six orders of Lennon.
Yes, true.
It's going to be good.
Oh yeah, no.
So what do we do next time, ours?
We are doing, after a bonus episode, the next mainline bond, license revoked
as it was shot as, then retinal to license to kill, a 1980s roaring rampage of revenge,
as Timothy Dawson goes a bit Miami vice. I'm revved. Alright, well thanks very much for listening to Kill James Bond.
F-Synchart for Jerome Elia Parker.
Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond.
We are already halfway through the Dalton years. We recorded
the second Dalton podcast yesterday, so for us, this man, this beautiful Welsh Bond, is
already come and gone. How we hardly knew thee. Still, making off our next
Dalton episode, Kill James Bond will return in two weeks time for
license to kill.
Best fucking movie they've ever tried to tell me was a Bond film.
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you