Kill James Bond! - Episode 18: Goldeneye

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

It's time for a new guy Would you believe it, they actually adapted Goldeneye for the N64 into a full-length movie! We got the extremely funny Mattie Lubchansky to discuss this attempt to bring Bond into the post-soviet world, largely by making a movie about soviet guys and just begrudgingly calling them 'russian' thoughout. Also everyone but Devon gets dip shit horny for Xenia Onatopp. You can find Mattie at https://twitter.com/Lubchansky find their comics at https://thenib.com/ and support them on patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Lubchansky Find bonus episodes at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond *SHIRT ALERT* We are accepting pre-orders for a new shirt design until the end of the day on October 31st, 2021 -- get it here! https://www.killjamesbond.com/store/p/kill-james-bond-presents-the-moore-pre-order *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Did you ever ask why? Why we topple all those dictators and to mind all those regimes? Plone, welcome to Kill James Bond. I am Alice Kultwokelli joining me are Devon Abbey Thorn and Matti Libchansky. I fucked it up, I'll go again. I did a glossful stuff in the middle of your name. I was like Matt. Have you not, yeah, that's why the exclamation point is there. Yeah, join us, my e-look chance ski. Thanks, Nate, or possibly also Devon. Actually, can we start the podcast with the 3-T1? Because that's also a cool way to start a podcast. I can do a call back later. Yeah, sure. We just cut this middle bit out. Make some of this into a call that before we choose. It's the free one. It's the free one. Yes, it's the free one. It's the free one

Hello welcome fuck you All right, all right, all right, we're gonna get through this we're to start the podcast right now. Hello and welcome to kill James Bond. I am Alice Kultor Kelly, joining me are Devon, Abigail Thorn and special guest, Matthew Levchansky. Matthew, how's it going? I'm doing great. And I'm ready to talk about this golden die. A golden die. Barry me with my golden eye. It is 1995, baby.

Uh, that's right. That's right. I am a small child. Oh, right. I am sitting on the sofa. I am asking my mother what that woman in the video is doing and she is refusing to tell me. I am like Clinton, my father's eye at this point.

Oh, do it. I was two years old in 1995. I'm talking about when I watched it later on VHS. I'm the oldest of you. I was four when this movie came out, talking about when I watched it later on VHS. I'm the oldest of you. I was four when this movie came out, but I also would later see it on VHS. It was the first Bond movie that I saw. Mm-hmm.

And yeah, absolutely. This is like in my head as Bond movie. This is what a Bond movie is. I would just like to stay for the record that I was nine or 10 when this came out. Hell yeah. So. This is after a six year gap in Bond movies. We've had like down near a decade since license to kill the Bond movie that wasn't a Bond

movie. And everybody thought that Dalton was going to come back and he just didn't because never let them make you do a third movie, I guess. And so this script was written for Dawson, the script for Goldnive, but instead they got here's Brosnan and did they ever get here's Brosnan? For Dalton's Dalton. Yes, Dawson's Squared. He's so well, she's crossed back around again. He's not Welsh anymore.

Every single pocket filled with maggots. He's Irish. I cannot, I can't stop thinking about the pocket maggots. I'm still on the pocket maggots. Yes. Yes. If you haven't listened to the license to kill episode, go back and do that now, we'll wait. But his presence is Irish, but unlike previous bonds from other countries, he can actually do a perfect English accent. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. But I guess we should start by saying, like, by 1995, pacing and editing and having a good movie are all things that have been invented.

They also computers, they've invented the shit out of computers. And so, and so like, this thing, it, it, it tells us actually, there's like one of the facts that comes up on Amazon, it's like, this is the first Bond movie to use CGI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god, do they want to use CGI for most things? Right. But we start with pacing. James Bond, 007, runs out of the popular video game golden I 007 onto

the arcane drills Damn in the Soviet Union Bungie jumps off that damn in like the second shot and already I'm like who's in in hollering We're like seconds into this movie and I'm like, yes, we're fucking going He like pulls himself down the dam and then immediately into the men's bathroom at the base of that dam. James Bond bathroom cut. Well, that's where the bathroom is, right? Because directly into the dam. James Bond bathroom intruder. As genuinely, I'd forgotten how bathroom intruder this sequence is, right? Because like, the way they're playing it is they kind of hype it up as like bond is this

like dangerous, faintly sort of monstrous presence, right? And so there's legitimately a shot where Bond, his face in shadows, emerges from a vent above a Soviet soldier taking a shits. He just needs to needs to inspect that soldier's gender. This is the law. But then they penalize Tristan because having built him up is like quite sinister and shady. He then has this charming line as the soldier realizes he's there and he goes, I'm awfully sorry, I forgot to knock.

A knock's him out. Yeah, in the perfect English accent. It's great. And then he exits the room. He opens the door to the bathroom. And then he, he, he like exits the room, he opens the door to the bathroom, and then he does this thing, right? And this is going to be, I'm going to put this up front now. This is the thing that I notice most about Brosnan. It's the door opening, right? It's a weird thing to be distinctive, but it really is. Once you, once you've noticed that he

opens doors, weird, you'll notice that he does it every time? And so, he opens this door, it's a relatively simple show, he's got to open the door, point the gun around and then walk across the shot. But the way he does this is fully, the thing I was talking about previously about how Bond enters a room then spends 5 or 6 seconds locked in that I have entered this room. He like slams the door open, points the wall for PPK at like two instances of nothing, and then just sort of like stands there with his hand up,

and then just like moves. I've not even hiding next to a door, he just opens door, stands in the open doorway, silhouetted perfectly, and just like holds that position for. The thing is, it's kind of a like a carten horse thing for me, right? Because I don't know if he's moving like a child would move if they were pretending to be James Bond.

Or if that's just how, like, when I grew up, that's how kids pretended to be James Bond, because that's what PS Bros and then. Now I'll say could this be a leftover from the faithful adaptation of the video game they're doing at this movie? Oh yes that's true. Yeah he labels DK Moden as head gets really big. My notes here say I really really like PS Bros and then physical acting. I think as a physical performance I think he fucking nails James Bond especially in this opening scene where he is moving in such a way as to be silent. He's like trying to be quiet. He is sneaking, but at the same time he shows us so much about the character and that he's so upright and

disciplined. Like, I think he does a fucking incredible performance in this opening scene. Weird doors or not. Maybe it's age, right? Because like, it's definitely become sort of a point of like faint parody, like in his sort of like quiet audition for Bond and Leia Cake, one of the things that Daniel Craig does is he gets his hands on a silenced pistol and he does the sort of like Pierce Brosnan as Bond moving thing, like the holding the pistol upwards and like sort of moving from corner to corner. So maybe that's just like that, that's his like mark on the character, that's what's distinctive here. But anyway, having having intruded upon the bathroom,

Bond infiltrates this Soviet chemical weapons facility, and there's danger on every side, and he's moving very stealthily. And he gets stuck in a storm and out of the shadows, a guy points a gun in his face. And it's fucking Sean Bean, 006. He's also doing. Yeah, baby. And I'm saying, baby, my notes when I first saw, uh, PS Bros. And says, there he is. And then my notes two seconds later when I first saw Sean Bean says, there he is.

There he is. And he's doing this sort of like, sort of like faintly posh accent. There's like, he has what is admittedly, a frankly baffling line in this scene, which is, off of everything is luck James. And the other half, fate.

Which was... Yeah, no question about that means fate. Fates an fully different accent FATE Which was I mean fate fate's an awfully different accent to The other fuck you talking about I'm so lucky I out which fate that makes sense You like and fate but two opposing Diometric forces yeah, yeah, yeah, so double O6 and 007 James Bond and Alexvellian who is being played by Sean

Being a two accent. I very nearly changed my surname to Travellian when I became an actor It's a cool name. Yeah, absolutely and like Alec Travellian only time the name Alec has ever been cool I think very nearly changed it to Alec as well, the first time I changed it. Fucking rules. You just were gonna name yourself Alec Travelli. Yeah, it was a lot of work. So you were just wearing a lot of like black.

Yeah, so Bond and Travelli and primarily communicate in quips, which is like really fucking annoying, actually. They like set the charges on a bunch of chemical weapon tanks. Trevelle gives in the weird line about luck and fate and then the alarms go off, which is what we heard in the clip, right? And the Soviet soldiers rush in and you're just like, please fucking shoot these guys. They're doing bits now.

A genuinely. Trevelle is doing a silly voice like somebody's pretending to be Italian. It's just like, it's got a little thing he's playing drops on it. Sean B. And he was the question, what if a Russian was English? Was a Russian? I think it's what he's doing. Alex and Bond's interaction were written by a man who has never had a friend and

thinks that it's how friends communicate. You just do bids to each other all the time. Which should be fair, it's our friendship. So I can receive. But the Soviets get locked out and then my notes hear to say me and the boys go and ape shit on some glass. They all stand in a row and shoot their way through some bulletproof dust. Like a five-second long shot. Oh yeah, fantastic. So Bond plants some explosives and he sets the time for six seconds, but then the leader of the Soviet soldiers, six minutes.

That'll be a fact. Six seconds Yeah. A 6 second fucking count. Bond's soon to die. Bond's like, over the waxes. That's where I was. Oh fuck. Why are you panic too? That's really tosses a fistful of maggots at the bond. Shit.

Shit. No, that's when you have to reload the level and start again. So, yeah, he sets the time of the six minutes. He's set the time of the six minutes. And then Alek has been captured by General Oromov. Yeah, Colonel Oromov at this point. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, he's like a young or a woman who enjoys pulling rank.

Yeah. Oromov. Did you see the fucking stance that Orm of Wisted in? Oh, one hand on the hip, one hand on the macarons. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. King's slightly bent knees. He's in a perfect eye, a little teapot. She's in position holding Alex Travellian.

No, one point. What's funny is that he's also not coded as gay. If anything, he's coded as being like a Nazi He's got a weirdly German accent for a Russian and his whole bit is kind of like Hinderhawk, Americana for you the war is over right? I mentioned this before all the Soviets in this movie other Russians in general are just the Kami Nazis from that one big main movie Yeah, yeah, absolutely like Soviet Union's over union's over, it's your top secret. Exactly.

He does have a Nazi ass accent. So Travelling is like at gun points, bond bumps, the charge is up to three minutes. Right. And then Travelling just gets fucking shot as bond tries to surrender. We get this little line where he says, for England James, they'd get shot because earlier on, they had a little exchange where Travelling goes for England James.

Which is a weird thing to say. Yeah, and James is like, yes, for England. Yeah, it's odd. Yes, me and Irishman. So, yeah, Travelling gets shot and then Bond plays chicken with a bunch of drums of like nerve gas. For Ellen Get Shot and then Bond plays chicken with a bunch of drums of like nerve gas. The most important note, first is that he sets the timer for three minutes now.

Yes, moves it down by three. Yes. And then he's sort of like moving this trolley of chemical weapons. He's really. Yeah, very, very cool. It's got a creaky wheel. They really milk this bit. He's moving like a man who has more than three minutes to spare. Yes. Yeah.

They can't shoot him because if they shoot the blow the gas tanks up and one of the survey at soldiers does actually, like, let off. He does an ND in English and just charge and he fires around and Uramov turns around and just shoots this motherfucker dead. Oh, yeah. With the same gun that he shot Travellion with, I am going to bring the subletter. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great point, actually.

And so it's like, there's an interesting bit of physical comedy here where Bond sort of like runs out of room and he bumps up against a conveyor belt. And Uramov is office like gotcha. So, but Bond, of course, always has something up his sleeve. See, activates the conveyor belt, leaps onto it, kills a bunch of guys with an AK, which sets up a lot like, this is kind of a recurring theme in this movie, Bond shoots a lot of guys dead. I'm trying to cut a lot of people. I usually high kill count. Yeah, this is part of what the fucking unprovoked violence category was sort of in preparation for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just how many people this pros and goes, ape shit on. I mean, they were shooting at him, but he also kills a lot of people in the like escaping anywhere. Yeah, I was trying to think whether Bond, whether we'd seen bond with an AK before and we have once it's in a fucking opposite of all things where Roger Moore slides down a banister and kills two guys with one, but like that's nothing bond goes through dozens of goons. Anyway, he escapes onto an airstrip. There's a small plane like a sassna taking off.

He chases it down, has to get into it in midair after he and it go over the edge of the cliff the runways on. And then pulls it out of a terminal dive. There's this weird shot where he's like jiggling the stick as if it's gonna do something. It's challenging, I don't know. Yeah, but bond cranks off a plane to completion. It activates the wiggler.

And I actually went to a gym in school so I could tell you that's the you activate the wiggler in a plane. And it reverses the direction it's going. Yeah, the wiggled becomes the wiggler at last, Mr. Bond. And the planet blows up. He escaped from the plane, the plant blows up, and we get the opening credits, which Bangoralers.

Incredible. The opening credits have this, first of all, they've invented computer graphics. Yeah, opening credits have terrible. Truly, truly strong theme of the collapse of the Soviet Union. I was really crying by the end of it. It's like, it's quantitatively... It's like, if I list some of the imagery here, you're going to start thinking online to

you, but we have statues of Lenin collapsing. We've got a hammer and a sickle that fall to the ground and crack apart. And then the funniest one is right at the end, we have hot women wearing Deletto heels, hitting crumbling statues of Stalin with sledge hammers. Yes, yes. Yeah, because this movie has fucking themes. Like it actually has artistic, they've actually really trying to say something

with this film and we'll get to what they're trying to say later on. It's the best written Bond film we get. They actually like trying to make an artistic statement trying to say later on. It's the best written Bond film we get to see. Yeah, they actually like trying to make an artistic statement with a James Bond film. It's it's unbelievable. It's the best script we've yet seen. However, this is like hauntology, right?

But it's not hauntology in the typical way where we're like, oh, we missed the Soviet Union with sad communists. No, this is hauntology for pre-911, end of history, shit. This is a movie that's written for after the final victory of liberal democracy. Right? And as such, there are more than a few lines in here which are now hysterically funny. We'll get to those.

So we're back in, right? The theme song to bang are the opening credits are great and then we're with Bond who is on vacation in like Monte Carlo like driving on a mountain road with And that's the mountain day me five and that's in Martin DB five with an MI6 psychiatrist who has been sent to evaluate him because they finally worked out that this man is a psychopath and should not be employed by anyone, at least of all MI6. And she's this kind of like rather prim but still attractive sort of uptight woman, right? And you get, I have so much to say about this scene, I have like a page of notes about this. He calls her DF, which is a bit, it's a bit Roger Morris. I've never about this scene. I have like a page of notes about this. He calls her DF, which is a bit, oh, it's a bit Roger Morris.

I've never noticed no, here is James is an absolute shit. He's only got to win you. Yeah, that's so. Yeah, but what happens is we get a sort of like a virgin versus Chad thing, right? Because as she's talking, Famke Jansen, the most trans-sys woman who's ever... I'm not gonna do that. ...and he's like, I'm gonna do that. ...and Sisyshan Goals Janssen. Yeah, I... Looking incredible, driving a red Ferrari 355, pulls alongside and simply invites James to race.

Now, there's a lot going on here, right? Because they do, there's a race scene, right? And throughout it The the psychiatrist whose name is Caroline although I don't think that's actually stated makes kind of like What I can only describe is like wibbly noises Like she's makes English This woman is now a turf absolutely 110% yeah, but like bond does something daring and and she makes a noise like I have a drop Literally Yeah, but like Bond does something daring and she makes a noise like I have a drop Literally like

Come in the wibble her she starts to sound a bit like a muppet but like What's what's interesting is I'm in next to her just There are two kinds of women, right, in this scene. Sexy and annoying, and the annoying ones try to use psychology on you, and say things like, hmm, isn't it interesting that you're driving around in this fast car, right? I know what you're doing. Really? What's that, dear? You were just trying to show off the size of your engine.

There you go. Or there's sexy. And sexy is defined in sort of insanious terms as, you know, she looks incredible, but she's like wearing a sort of low cut top and a scarf and everything. She's driving a fast car. And yeah, no, it's fucking weird, right? And of course, this whole car race sequence is like, and it's at its core, at its core, right?

There is the ultimate boom of fantasy, which is a fucking car made in the 60s, keeping pace with a modern Ferrari. Yeah. And that's just, that's like a Sinecto-Kee for bond as a whole to me is like trying to make this, like all the time they try and sell them as like a man out of time or whatever and that's, we'll get into how that's kind of having your cake

and eating it, but it's like trying to propel this product of 60s Britain and having it trying to like keep pace with modernity and even exceed it. And it just, it gets more and more of a reach and it gets more and like keep pace with Madonna, so you can even exceed it. And it just gets more and more of a reach and it gets more and more pathetic. Well, Zenia does win. He lets Zenia go eventually, because they stop and they pull over

so that Bond can shag the psychiatrist. And it's quite nice that she does sell it that she's actually kind of secretly really into him because as he's like putting the moves on her, she closes her eyes and goes in for the kiss and Bond pulls back to get in one more line. So he is kind of like reeling her in, but she does, it's not like,

whereas Connery would just grab this woman and possibly done some sort of crime, she is very clearly like extremely into this whole thing. Three minutes, 22 seconds, by the way. Yeah, I timed it too. What's interesting about this sex scene, right, is that he does fuck her out of existence. Like you fuck her out of the movie. She's got her hair. She's got her hair.

She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair.

She's got her hair. She's got her hair. She's got her hair. Right. The fact that this comes back after a fucking break implies a couple of things to me. implies that they wrote this scene sort of as like, don't worry, he's still bond. So he does all of the bond things compressed down into one scene. He clips, he's rude to women, but only has sex with them and he drives a fast car. It's like, this is the most concentrated bond they've ever come up with. I guess there's probably a few people in the audience who'd never seen a bond film before because they were like, that's when the last

one came out. So this seems like really tells you like, this is who James Bond is, this is what he does. He's a spy. He drives cars. He fucks. That's it. And, and what's another thing about Bond so much?

He gambles. He gambles. He gambles. And so immediately having fucked this woman off the earth, he then goes to a casino in Monte Carlo. Like, so, it's not where the fuck she's supposed to be because he drove there Right, she's not in the car. She's just fucking got she's dead And he's she's in pieces at the bottom of a ravine. He Ted Bundy that yeah, yeah, and then we get this

Fascinating seduction scene because he sees the Ferrari outside and then he sees the same woman Zenia He sees the Ferrari outside and then he sees the same woman, Zanya. And her surname is Onatop, right? Zanya Sargevna Onatop. They Onatop, right, to slip on through by putting the Zagev in the middle. Onatop. Onatop. When she says that, he's got the slide. Like really?

It's so cool. Onatop. Spector. Here's what I step in cool. On the top. Spector. Here's what I step in for my hauntology thing. Bond, I mean, they've lost sight of the original Bond. He's no longer playing Shemander for, he's playing Bacarac. I know. All right, come on.

What's the Shemander for? I have several chance possible. Several notes here. What, one of which is that Falky Jansen here is literally doing Ab Abby's bond girl voice She's like sexy Russian but slightly high pitched. I know. I know. Yeah fucking fucking great. Yeah The other thing is like I think you've got the same thing I have gone

Famke's fucking trans is held. She is! She's not textually, but the first thing that Bond does is clock something about her as counterfeit. Yeah. He sits down at this table and he's like, hey, you know, even the fake foraries for this year have this license plate.

Yeah, like, and she's just, and she just kind of smiles and like, ah, you got me You found out about my secret So but also like bond orders of vodka martini, which listeners if you don't know is an extremely strong drink and Zenia says I'll have the same and also as they're having this little conversation about the Ferrari She's the same height as bond and she is holding a smoking a And the, yes, that's what I meant. This scene reads like Bond has clocked her and gone,

hey, by the way, you're bold, you come and tucked and she's gone, I don't give a fuck. She's like, his line to her is genuinely, we share three interests. She's like, I count two gambling and cars. I genuinely expected for a second the third one was going to be women. Right. Like I mean, I literally when talking to cis friends, and I accidentally say something around them not supposed to, I will absolutely use Fomke Johnson as my like, connect toctoky example of what clocky the word means.

Just like, look at her and the feeling you're feeling. That's it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's lost. This is good. Yeah, well, that too. Let's see. Loss.

Yeah, gender dysphoria. Yeah. I mean, just the big three. The big three. The big three. The three interests. Oh, we thought we thought we share three things in common. Genes for it.

Last jealousy engender, this is for it. It is me versus the entire rest of the house because I feel nothing was anywhere on the top. Get out. I do have a note in my, okay, sorry, see you later. It's been nice. Welcome to the new third host of a show, Matty Loach. Hey!

Shit, I have to draw that means fuck. Yeah, so one of my notes says smoking big doinks at Monaco, and I've been trying to figure out what fuck that meant. You mean that Funky Hanson was essentially looking like the dude doing the smoking big doinks in our Mitch country, right? Yeah, 100%. when she had the big sicker and vodka on it. The big picker.

That's what I meant. Yeah, fuck like fortune. Genuinely, all of the things that make that make Zenia on a top sexually interesting to bond, interesting to the viewer and also dangerous are masculine traits. Right. One of which is sexual dominance.

Enjoying sex, which I don't think is a thing men actually do. I don't think these are masculine traits. Let's think masculine coded. I really, really like Zenia as a character. I like that she's kind of clunky. It actually makes me feel like good. I'm like, she has these features and looks great. And by the way, this does. When we say that she's clunky, when we say that she's trans, like if you are cis, you might, on some level, perceive that as an insult. When we say that she's like clunky and she looks trans, we absolutely mean that as a compliment because she looks incredible and say to me

So But certainly a transfer anything but there's also one other point which is one of the extras in the scene is the daughter of the actress You played Sylvia trench in the scene that this is somewhat aping from doctor. No, that's cute So we're trying to you disappear after the second movie, damn shit. Yeah, we're just born out of existence again. Yeah. But like genuinely though, I think all of the traits that like she has, she's like sexually dominant, she's sadistic, she likes cars, she likes smoking cigars

even, she likes gambling. These are all things that we see more associated with men in the series and more associated with Bond even. She also talks about the other business. Yeah, she fucks somebody out of existence because she kind of loses interest in Bond. They banter for a little bit and then she's like, I found this admiral, I don't gonna fuck this guy instead. Yeah, because Bond says that he's a fucking commander and she goes, as guys, Admiral, and then news with him instead. Yeah, because Bond says that he's a fucking commander. And you guys ask guys Nadmural and then news with him instead. Which I did appreciate the great deal. Oh yeah,

Canadian Admiral. So Bond like follows her for a bit and like takes pictures of them to get IDs. But then I don't use the identifier graph. Why don't you use the idea to use the identify graph? And we learn from money penny on the radio that Zenia is an ex pilot and she works for a crime syndicate in Russia called the Yana's. That's right. And so Zenia takes this admiral back to her yacht where we have the first explicit sex scene in like the whole franchise. Like it was explicit. Oh yeah. Way more than we were expecting. The lesson here is like a breath play is a risky, risky sexual activity. You should you should have

a safe word. You should know what you're doing first. You should have some kind of first aid plan prepared because she chokes this guy to death with her thighs. Chokes him around the midsection with her thighs. Oh yeah, which is really impressive. Yeah, she's quite impressive. She's like a couple of children. Yeah, normally, she's quite present. We use it like a couple of children. Yeah, I'm not really thinking about it. Yeah, I hope the next one, like one of them fucking. She's cool. And she really sells sexually sadistic here, by the way. It's fucking great. Love that.

She is fair on this movie. Is it really like what I mean? Yeah, she does it on a spiting and scratching, which I, my notes here just say, is any of fucks like I do. That might be TMI for you listeners, but like, yeah, I don't kill people. This is nothing for me.

Yeah. Yeah, I would try to lead together, fuck us on track. Wanna be clear here. Shit, I would say frankly, there's, he does have a safe word. She just ignores it. That's true, that's true.

It is a murder is the main thing about I just wanted to put that in for the listeners You know does extremely Russian to into breathway thinking I'm in right up to it's cool because we saw the translator from Golden I do it And then those other nice translate you said it was cool Thanks for thanks for liking and subscribing. This is 10 months on e, I finally killed a man with my thighs. What's interesting is first female orgasm in the series,

and it's from murder. There's your fucking like sex and violence getting linked. Huge fan of that. Anyway, so James, the next morning, James breaks into the yacht and we have an all-time classic door opening. Yeah, this was the first time I noticed that he has a door thing. 24 minutes in. He opens like a sliding door, but he opens it like a GTA 3 character. Jenny only looks like his animation resets from walking to opening door. He walks over to it.

He walks to the door, it stops, and like throws one shoulder all the way over to the hand door and holds that door open. He opens the door on slappers only, I believe is what he's doing. You also towel, towel whips a boy. This kid attacks him with a stick. This is a horny movie, but Bond towel whips a boy. Meanwhile across the harbour, there's a French navy frigate that is demonstrating a new helicopter, the tiger that is being sold as like impervious to all forms of electronic interference.

And so as Bond is piecing together what's going on, we see Zenya and an unseen accomplice who is impersonating this Canadian admiral, infiltrates this frigate. Kill the pilots who are about to take command of this helicopter and get in at themselves. Bond opens the wardrobe back in Zennie's yacht, finds the guy dead with a massive smile on his face, which is a nice touch, realizes what's going on and is there just in time to be stopped by the French Navy? Yeah. Von makes an extremely smart decision here, which is he doesn't say a single fucking word at all to anyone.

No. He's trying to get him to stop the plane, but like, wait, so I stopped the helicopter, but essentially via psychic powers, he just sort of runs over to him and then they stop him and he just watches kind of crest fallen, but a bit angry. Yeah. Is that anything in his conversation tree that was helpful? So we just got to do it. Yeah.

He just runs out and just shows up. He's heard of the high elves. I should go. Oh fuck. But Zenny is steals the helicopter with the simple expedient of simply taking off from flying away. And then all the people are like, oh yeah, it works. It worked. Incredible. Perfect helicopter. Yeah. All right. Second level of the video game, Goldnye. We are at the Seven Nyer Weapons Facility

in Siberia. A second Alan coming has struck the kill James Bond podcast. Yes, I put it a sort of general program that all Russians are Scottish until proven otherwise. This movie adores Alan coming is playing a Russian computer hacker called bodies bodies Grishenko. Fuck Boris. Who is kind of, new man in Jurassic Park. He's got the Hawaiian shirt now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's kind of a sex pest to his female co-workers. Which, like, I remember, here's the thing, right? This is the first bit of weird memories to me

is the like, I remembered Boris's weirdness as being less affectionate. Like I thought he would be like, he makes kind of like overt sexual innuendos to women, right? Especially to Natalia, the woman who's, who like works next to him, right? He locks her computer in the password as like boobs or something.

I remembered this, right? As he does this shit and everybody looks at him like, ugh, but instead it's a lot more affectionate. And they like him. When Natalia's part at least, we see Anna, her coworker is like this fucking asshole. But Natalia's part. What she said is, she says,

she wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his face, but like she says it in jest, right? Like this is good nature. It's banter. Which is, hmm, I mean, not a crib a drop from further in the movie, but you know, this sort of behavior could qualify as sexual harassment. Listen, I'm going to get a lot of use out of that one in future. I might as well set that up now. But Boris Logzhan, he's working in a Russian troll farm. He's convincing the Americans to elect Cheeto. He trolls the FBI's and then manages to get away with it. Yes, he does. Like, let that luck next time. Slug heads. Again, that's he's not doing a Russian accent. That's just that's just

slightly more Scottish Alan. There's a part of the movie very late in the movie where Cumming does simply give up on his accent. And it just is gone. It's just like the very philic during the showdown at the end, like he's just doing Alan coming at that point. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so mode. I'm I see you see the thing is right dev you know how you bought a Terry cloth romper suit because thank you for saying bought instead of commission someone on that. You commissioned you you had made to order save me that yeah a blue Terry cloth romper suit much like James Bond wears in the movie gold vingo cano, K-note designs on Etsy. Now, I've written down here in just like... I hand right in my notes, long hand, right?

So you have to imagine this is the equivalent of 72 point font bold underline. And I've written here with three separate emphasis on different words. Where do I get Zennyenia's fucking jacket. So good. It's like this sort of, like, it's sort of uniform, but it's leather, and it like has slanted buttons

and a, like, a wrap-around collar and epilets, and the epilets have fucking stars on them. Where do I get the jacket? Where do I get the jacket? Give me the jacket. Make the jacket for me. I was looking at the IMDb while I was watching and I was like in the costume designer as Alice called well Kelly. It was impossible. Yeah, everybody gets like inflated in rank by one each scene. Dev is brandishing the square bottle every time Zenyar of it.

No, this scene put me in crisis mode, right, genuinely, because the boy, the fucking look, she's got a hat with the fuck. She's got a hat. They kill everyone and they steal the codes. They kill everyone. They kill everyone. They kill everyone and They steal the codes. Zenya has several orgasms while choosing people to death.

It's a great moment where she's like very physically turned on my many people and then Uramov looks at it like crazy. Yeah, it's great. So many closest close-ups in this movie like sn movie, like snarling, like an animal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it rules. So like they set this weapon, the seven-hour facility controls,

the goldenized satellite to target the facility itself. Zenyam murders everybody except Boris, who we have seen go out for a cigarette and then not come back, and Nat Natalia who is hiding in the break room when Zenyum murders everybody. At this point, we now, 30 minutes into the movie, finally get the Bond, what do you know about X scene? The Bond, you have to go to the next location scene, the MI6 scene. We get aligned and I'm going to yell about for about 15 minutes. So enjoy. Oh, yes.

The Vist description. Yes. Yes. Okay. So first of all, New Year and New Me, we're not in a fucking whitehall anymore. We're at the new MI6 building in Voxelcross, which they like show on screen. There's a situation room and shit. There's like money pennies wearing a cocktail dress

and Bond tries to flirt with her and she kind of shoots him down in a like weird, a horny way and that's when she says, Oh no, this sort of behavior could qualify as sexual harassment. Holy shit, wait, I'm sorry. I need to drag us back. Yes.

I need to drag us back to fucking Boris. Bodies. Part of how he it drag us back to fucking Boris. Boris. Part of how he, it's Boris. Boris. Boris, the Scottish man. He, he fucking hacks into the FBI. Yes. Yes.

And he's like heads. When he does so, he sends them an image that includes a caricature of his actual human face. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, well, like his, his, his opening move to like, essentially harass Natalia, right? This to lock her computer with a picture of her wearing a bikini

that presumably he has either drawn himself or had commissioned. He's a remarkably talented pixel artist. He's a remarkable man, is Bob? I think this movie is very interesting because to me, at least, compared to older Bond movies movies because it is very like A 90s action movie and is very much like has contemporaries and are not bond movies at all Yeah, and this is like a real 90s action movie trope in American movies at least with there's always a hacker Who's wearing a Hawaiian shirt who loves to put photos of himself sending to other people

And it's just like they just like stole it wholesale from other shit. So yeah, yeah. Anyway, back in my six, they've found the tiger. Bond sexually harasses money penny on the way in, but the way she, he's like, she tells him that sexual harassment and he goes, well, what's the punishment for that? And she says, oh, you have to fuck me essentially. She says, someday, you have to have it. You have to make good on your innuendos. And I'm just like, yeah. It's very much like, hey, Jerry, it's the 90s and then going straight back to the old chair. That's a puppy for the movie. And eating it too, that's happening.

Having your cake and eating it, you notice that the thing has changed. And then you say, yeah, it's not funny. And then you just ignore it. So with that in mind, like they find the tiger at seven night, right, on satellite. And as they're watching this,

Tanner, the deputy director or whatever, it like one of Bond bosses bosses is like briefing him. And he's like, well, at least that evil bitch can't woman isn't here, right? Oh, women in my right. Uh oh. Uh oh, she's right behind me. Women, actually, what's interesting is,

there's an angle here to M, female M, Judy Dancham, you know who M is, it's Judy Danch, she busts this role for like a decade and a half. Yeah, to be fair, she obliterated this role. There's two ads in my eyes. Part of the reason why she obliterated this role, or like part of the evidence of the extent to which she obliterated it, right, is there's an angle to M that we never see again in a subsequent like movie with Judy D'Anchis M in it, which is she's sort of an analyst and she's an accountant and a being counter like Tana Corsa, the evil queen of numbers.

And I guess they just dropped this after this movie like Like, it's never, it's never sort of done again. But like, that's integral to her character in this movie. Is she sort of like the head over heart analysis over field agent kind of thing? Yeah, which makes her a perfect foil to Bond, who is entirely instinct based. Unfortunately, Bond is proven to be right every single fucking time. But Bond does say numbers will never make strong soon. Which I never learned to read. I never learned count. I love seven really. So yeah. But Tana Tels Bond, well we've long had this hunch that the Seven Eye Facility where the Tiger helicopter is now parked is a place where the Russians have a secret space-based weapon called Golden Eye. And the idea is that it sets off a nuclear bomb in the upper atmosphere

and that it launches a big EMP and everything in the blast radius with an electric circuit fucking explodes. And but obviously not the helicopter. And as they are, as they are the same as, even as Judy Dentures, like we don't believe that this thing exists. Our analysts say there's no such thing as gold and I. Obviously it goes off and they see this happen on a satellite. And seven out of that goes fucking boom. Yes. No, this is nothing to do with anything.

Nate, can you cut out the bit where I tried to start my sense with Judy Dentch and then also cut this up? Well, I tried to start my sense with Judy Dentch and then also cut this up. I tried to start my sense with Judy Denge and then got caught off and instead I just said the word, Jew and then left it there. Just remove that. Remove this. I realized that me quietly whispering a word Jew in the background now. I was like, was that of me?

I'll fuck you up to leave the bit in here now. You take the whole fucking old shit. Anyway, regardless. So Judy Dench. So like to this, this, this, this. Judy Dench, yeah. Judy Dench delivers this line, right? Which is one of two lines.

Shut the fuck up. Behave yourselves. Judy Dench. Calm down, calm down. Judy Dench delivers this line that is one of the two lines the fuck up, behave yourselves. Come down, calm down. Judy Densch delivers this line that is one of the two lines in the movie that is made hysterically funny by the war on terror because Bond sees the thing going on screen. One of the key things of the war on terror made hysterically funny.

Yeah. Bond sees the golden I detonate on the screen. He goes, is this live and Judy Dengsh says Unlike the American government. We prefer not to get our bad news from CNN Which is for a movie six years before 9 11 fucking free figures a couple of things We're spring to George Bush while he's reading the children's book that Golden Island is a straight subrenade. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah destroys completely. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. It does, it makes the movie go the common toaster. Common toaster. The household toaster. Damn it. But also I ran the numbers and I think that's dumb as shit. Yes. And then it happens two seconds later and she goes, Oh, we've got to open the ring for this.

So, like, oh Christ, then we get the line, the line, because she takes Bond to her office and she makes him a drink and she says, you think I'm an accountant and an analyst and a bean counter and I don't want to do anything and I'm too cautious and Bond just goes, yeah, in this sort of flagrant display of disrespect. And then she hits him with the ultimate having your cake and eating it light unmatched in the series to this day. Because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur,

a relic of the Cold War. She has proven right for the next two hours. but like, it bond gets away clean every fucking time. Now here's, here's my point here, because I've seen this line. Yeah, it is like a 15 minute film. I'm not a show. Yeah, I'm the fuck up. I might not have seen this movie ever, but I've seen this Goddown line, because it's the gift that was responded to us by every one of the dumbest motherfuckers on earth. When they were mad at us about saying that Moon Raker was shit. I'm talking about the many pro James Bond podcasts. They were like, what? They say, they say in the fucking movies that he's bad.

Look, here's the gift of M saying Bond's bad. Also, two seconds before she says that, she immediately is proven wrong by something because she says, all of probably isn't the guy because he's like, he doesn't fit our profile of a fucking traitor, which we know to be wrong.

Like we as the movie, factually know that she's wrong then and then immediately thereafter she says to Bond, you're not good at your job, you're useless, you're sexist. Bond, you're too much of a sigma male. It doesn't fucking matter for her to look directly at the audience and look directly at the critics and be like, our Bond is bad if the entire rest of the movie screams in all caps

that he's correct to be this way. Yes, which he is. And they undercut it in the same fucking scene. Seconds later. Seconds later, because she kind of like mounts this defensive position, which again, Judy then bosses because she's a great actor, where she's like, listen, I'm not above sending people to their death, I just don't do it for no reason, even when there's cavalier about their life as you are. Which is like, again, that's a good read on M's character,

right? But then she sends Bond out there, and as he's at the door, she goes, don't get killed, or like come back alive. And he sort of smiles to himself. And she fucking smiles to herself too. And the effect is to just absolutely deflate any criticism

of him that she has just made to be like, aah, a lovable scamp. And it's very much like previous dude, eh, in license to kill. When he's like, Bond, you're not allowed to go on a roaring rampage of revenge bond kicks him in the chest throws maggots in his face and then bond and then some sort of gets up and sees bond running when he's like oh your scam I guess I have to send cute to help you out best of luck with that roaring rampage of revenge bond I love the idea of like oh you're you know, you know, you're a relic of the Cold War. Now, go be inserted into Cuba by the CIA.

He's not even fucking that. It's not even that he's like a relic of the Cold War, which like, first of all, interesting, because that's the same guy that was in World War II. But like, it's not about a relic of the Cold War. It's about your maintain continuity. But he even refers to, when he's talking to Amalia, he says, your predecessor, Captain Bottle of Cod, yeah, I can top fucking draw, when I wrote your predecessor, who is Admiral

Miles Messafit, who I am familiar with because I'm the same guy. But like, it's nothing to say that Bond is a fucking relic of the Cold War, right? Because Bond was a relic of whatever the most recent war is at any point in his life. He and Fleming even deliberately wrote him as a little bit out of touch with modernity and a relic of the fucking second world war. Although admittedly, he wrote that he was out of touch

with modernity in the 50s. So like, he was just like, he didn't like mixed fabrics or some shit like that. Refused to say the rest of cigarettes because they were gay. Oh yeah That's it. He's always been out of touch as part of his character. It's not interesting to say he's out of touch Maybe it would be better actually if he was like super progressive out of my mind when you're around woke James Bond in the 90s was going on about like neo pronouns and furries and shit. And he was just like decades ahead of everyone.

That's what Daniel Craig is, isn't he? He's fucking woke. There is a bit slightly earlier where we get woke Tanner because when Tanner is explaining the concept of an EMP, he says, yeah, the point of it is to like disable an adversary before he, she or they could retaliate. I also wrote that down. I took a note of this as well. The mission is find gold and I find whoever's nicked it, try and stop them.

If it doesn't, find the woman who escaped. Yeah, find whoever escaped because we saw that on the satellite and if it does turn out to be a remov behind it, whatever you do, don't try and get revenge for killing 006 at the opening of the movie. Yes. Revenge is bad. Remember when you're seeing just remembered the happen Italy with those two Greek man and you said revenge was bad. Yeah.

It's a reminder. So again, Brad Whitaker. Yeah, he's back, baby. We got what we're skipping. We're skipping two things. Oh, you're right carry on Yeah, we have a Q scene. I forgot we have a Q scene right we okay Well, first of all we have a scene in the Russian defense ministry where the Russian defense minister Tells or a month yeah another one of the people survived seven-hour

And he's like oh shit. I gotta go kill this woman but like under his breath That's the whole thing. Then we get the cue scene and he's so fucking old too. He's the only one for the comic. He's the bleeding off cue cards. He's every like cue cards, if you will. He isn't like looks of the screen. So much. Between every line of his. I love you, Tim. Every line of his. He's like talking a bond and then he looks directly over the bond. That looks closely to 007.

This is your new car. I didn't actually notice that any of the times I've seen it, I've seen it a hundred times, but he does have some good lines. And where do I get his bond is gadget card and bonds like, oh, that'll be fun. And he goes, need our reminds you 007, you have a license to kill, not to break the traffic laws. And that's a great deal. And that's this kind of like school boy in like institutions, which is quite good at

where he's like one dream of it. This is like using cartoon ass background gags in the scene. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We had the inflaming trench coat in the telephone booth. I think it's like some straight up Simpson shit is amazing. I mean, Q's entrance here is the fire rock it out of a fucking fake fake cast leg. Yeah. I think it's too, guys, you see, it's a grapple belt and a grenade pen. Oh, gray up, W seven.

A grenade pen, you click it three times. The fuse activates, you click it another three times, it deactivates. And then we get a nice bit at the end, where like this is a thing that looks like a sandwich on the desk and bond, fix it up and cue goes, don't touch that. That's my lunch, which I thought was. Yeah, that's a joke. Don't show me, right? Right. Right. Right. I say that to my brothers, still when they try and eat my lunch, I'm was, I love that vibe. Yeah, that's not a bad joke. Don't show me, right Lionel? Don't show me.

I say that to my brothers still, when they try and eat my lunch, I'm like, don't do that. That's my lunch. God, I hope they don't give him any sort of assistant. Anyway. So unfortunately, at this point, we have to introduce a supporting character.

I feel like Slider God is a legs bitten too off, and he needs a little bit longer to grind. Instead they've brought back Brad Whitaker who's alive again under different guy. He's a different guy. Also, he's kind of like Sheriff J.W. Pepper, but also kind of like Felix Leiter. Got to imagine if it was Sheriff J.W't be perfect. I mean, it basically is. Like, he's a comic for Lee for American. Yeah. He's bonds like opposite number in the CIA, who's not Felix Lyce, because Felix Lyce has been maimed by a shark.

Mm. So. Yeah, it's only been six years. He needs a little longer. Jack Wade. Jack Wade. Jack Wade. Bond tries to give this guy. Bond tries to give Jack Wade. Jack Wade. I love this guy.

Bond tries to give him the code phrase. He's so good. And he's like, yeah, no, I'm not saying, oh, the snow is excellent. And it's broken this time of year in public or whatever. That stupid relax be normal. He's right. Yeah, and he's right. He's right.

Crying out loud, another stiff ass Brit with your secret codes in your passwords. It was good. I hope people should own James Bond. Oh, yeah. So, like, at this point Bond then just pulls a gun on him because he's a stiff ass Brit and he's not taking chances. And he makes him prove his identity by showing him a rose tattoo that he has on his ass cheek.

Low lying horniness in this movie is just man's. Yeah, getting your ass out in St. Petersburg, why the cause they're in St. Petersburg at this point. They've gone to Russia. And like fucking also that Tatsu has the word Muffy on it because that's his third wife. And Grossen kind of gives this one a weird line reading to be honest. The Tassu has the word Muffy on it because that's his third wife and Crossing kind of gives this one a with line reading to be honest So I just do have a drop of him going

Muffy Muffy Muffy so The plan is that Jack Jack Wade is gonna set bond up He can't take him to Janus who's the head of the crimes indig that's any it works for, but he can maybe set Bond up with Janus' competition, who was a man named Valentin Zukowski, who Bond knows already. I love this bit, because, right, Wade describes Zukowski too. I mean, it's like, you know, a big guy must have walked through the limp.

He played Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies. You played Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies, it's called The Harry Potter movies. You played Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies. It's called me doesn't have a Russian Hagrid. But he walks through the limp and so on and so on and so on. And wait, do you know I'm already? And Bond says, I gave him the limp, which is not only a great line,

but I do like that it's a way of sort of soft rebooting the series by relegating all previous bonds to James's Cold War antics. Like, yeah, it's all just like stuff he got up to in the Cold War when he was younger back when he was the same man. Yeah, back when he was older. And also before the Cold War when he was older. He did go to space when he was younger, but also. He nips to space, it was barely a thing. He wasn't even there for like 20 minutes.

Yeah, yeah, he was a sea cat. I've heard of World War II. He went to space. He killed an Anaconda that one time. And he's better go to a shop, a motorized shop. And who canonically served in World War One? Because he has the fucking... He's been trapped in these at least once.

Train does an inter then forgot. Anyway, meanwhile Natalia realises the Boris is alive. She goes to meet Boris and gets captured by Boris and Zenya. Yes. And then we meet Zukowski, who says, who's unhappy about not becoming a city world. Can I say how un, how like how little any of Russia looks like Russia here? It all looks weirdly like London. Strange. All the time.

All the time. I'm kind of like snowing. Fiction, fictional product. Anyway, so yeah, Zykovsky is like operating out of this bar. I mean, first of all, we're two for two on Russian Scots, but also has a fantastic line. Free market economy is beautiful, we do not love me. Mm-hmm. He isn't XKGV guy who is adapting to capitalism by dealing arms. So, that's adapting to capitalism. Oh yeah, capital. 100% stick with the winner. So so

bond everyone needs guns. Yes. Yeah. So bond tries to hold him up with a gun and then immediately get owned. So mini drivers in the scene she's singing and she said, by your man, it's really, but it's it's bad, but bad on purpose and it's just said by your man. It's really, but it's bad, but bad on purpose, and it's fun. Yeah, it's very good. It's great. It's great. It's a campaign like a fucking. Yeah. Yeah.

Was Mini Driver like a known actress at this point? Yeah, definitely. That's everything. That's a bad example of him. For me, she's not even a known actress now. What the fuck? I was two years older this movie was made. I don't know.

I'm Mini Driver. Have you not seen... Nobody tried it. I'm sorry. Please welcome the third host of Kill James Bond. What the fuck? I was two years old with this movie, was made, I don't know, in many tries. Have you not seen... Err... No, please, you're not. Please, welcome to the third out of Kiljins Bond. And then it's just gonna have to be Maddie and then we're gonna start another podcast. And we do the last couple of Bond films.

Oh my God. So, so Zykowski, like, and Bond obviously have history, right? And so Zykowski has them at gunpoint and he's like, well, he did shoot me. And Bond sort of goes, yeah, call it professional courtesy that I didn't kill you. And communism Hagrid gets a fun line where he's like, I should extend you the same courtesy and tries to shoot him in both knees. But Brosnan offers him, Bond offers him a deal, right? Which he appeals to his wallets, right? Rochnan. Here's Brosnan.

Here's Brosnan. Here's Brosnan, who's the shame man is me. Sean Corbin. Look at me. There's a toppling of American mishaps really to compensate for having no hunch. He's too... There was a big debate on Twitter.

I'm sorry to get off topic in a minute. There was a really big... people were getting mad at someone who was like, weird how both of the bad guys in no time of the day have facial disfigurements. Yeah. Strangely, they keep doing this and everyone on the chat was going like, what are you talking about, buddy?

Oh my God. It's not ableist to make all your villains have facial disfigurements. It's fine. We'll have M call him ableist in the next movie so it's fine. Like, like, Bond's first line to a villain in his life series. Yeah, like, yo, you just take it much. Like, yo, Dr. No, you've got no hands involved. Genuinely, like, the most fucked thing to say to him.

I'm still not over that line. I'm telling you it's just finishing. Tell me, does the toppling of American missiles really compensate for having no hands? What? You can hear the smile in his voice when it goes that line. Okay, so I'm telling you it's just finishing move. Exploit disability. Bond makes a deal with Zukowski. I'm kind of unclear on exactly what the deal was because it's not important. Yeah, it's a fake answer.

Something about some arms deal, whatever. However, Zukowski then fucking delivers the entire history of British foreign policy in one easy drop. But the British betrayed them. Because... Duh, duh, duh, duh. He tells Bond that he knows that Janus is a Leent's Kossak, and the Leent's Kossaks fought for the Nazis against the Soviet Union, but surrendered to the British.

And after the war, they thought that they would be like fighting against communism, but the Brits handed them all over to Stalin who had the more shot, right? And which in the case of the Nazi collaborators, yeah, get ready to get what you deserve. Not in the same family as Nazi collaborators, that will get right to get what you deserve. Not in the same. Not in the same. Good shot as well. That's a collaborator who were also

Kasex, who spent the years before World War II, literally driving Jews out for free. Oh yeah. Like this is the fucking not saying good, but I'm not saying bad. But bond literally,

this is the first bit of like, he's sort of like, Britain not 100% good that we've had in a Bond movie. Bond fully gives it the not exactly our finest hour. And he says that quite ruffly about your literal Nazi collaborator. Yes, but also, I mean, Zykovsky says, Riefer's people they got what they deserve, but also. He's right. Yeah, he was deserve, but also. He's right.

Yeah, he was right, but also he mentions that their families and their children were also shot. You can't break an omelette without shooting a few children anyway. Bond. It's not the official position of Kil'Jane Spond. Yes, it is.

Bond goes to... That's only Stalinist James Bond, Pond. Well, thank you. That's true. You host Kil'Jane Spond, and Maddie loves James. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, me, me, and me once more. The meanwhile, Zenia has to be back in the film because we need to extend this podcast by another hour, but I'm just talking about it. I'm sitting there. No, no, she doesn't see it anyway moving on.

She doesn't see it. Where Bond is in the pool of his hotel swimming, and then as he gets out, she tries to jump him and do sex murder on him. And if we get to the sort of most muddled part of Zenia's character because she's kind of like, she's a sadist, right, but she's also a masochist and like as we know that combination never naturally occurs. Especially not a women who look a little bit handsome absolutely not no No, why there's some sort of sadomasicist no Who's scratching by people as they fuck

Switches of walls, okay, so they fight bond like Ramzer into a wall with his dick several times That's a new move So at least as you can't tell us what death just gave me the most wintering fucking look It's probably operated spraying system. So um at this point the movie by the way me and my my wife who washes together are holding on to each other Like a hurricane is gonna blow us away like it was just screaming There's a there's a lot going on I went forward 30 seconds on Amazon as I go all right, I don't need to know what's in this. I'll fucking hear about it.

I swear to God. Anyway, tell me about it. The way he disbatches her is like he defeats her in combat is by like dropping her ass first onto some hot cold, which is the worst thing I can fucking imagine. I mean, don't get me wrong, right? I'm all for a bit of sexual masochism, right? Obviously, but that sounds, I don't think in that situation I would be like, gems,

I think I would be like, my ass is homely. She does, that's how I defeat her she's enjoying him like trying to beat her up But then then he drops her on the summer course and that's too much anyway. He takes her at gunpoint and then she's Faith words. Yeah, he takes her at gunpoint Take me to Janice and then we get she looks at the camera and says Devon, I'm done now and walks off the Thank you and then we get shoots at the camera and says, Devon, I'm done now and walks off the screen. I went, ah, perfect, thank you. Abigail and I returned to not watching the movie. I clonked back in and I was like, okay, I'd like to purchase these fucking props.

It's what I asked, next, because Bond goes to what I can only describe as Soviet graveyard, which is the garden of like a discarded Soviet statue. Because this film is trying to have themes. It's trying to give us this message of like, as much as you think history has ended, these old things that you think are dead and buried will come back to haunt you.

History is not yet over. The ghosts of the past will visit us. And lo and behold, they fucking do in the personal of Sean Dean. Wait, Abby, would you call that a sort of themes park that they enter? Yes, I would. It's honest to God, it's like watching a child tease, you're like, Oh look, it's first theme. Oh, so cute. And as we know,

baby's first fucking theme to call us. As we know, facial disfigurement means your evil. And so we see Janus, we see Sean being returned back to life. And again, credit for some acting here, but it genuinely does seem to unnerve Bond, right? Like he doesn't quite know how to respond to this. And Janus fucking makes fun of him for it. He's like, what, you don't have a line for this, bitch. Would you believe that he reveals the facial disfigurement in the exact line that we find out he's evil? Would you believe that audience?

Interesting. He steps forward semi-lit. Half of his face is lit when, when, when, bonds like by God, Alex Travellian. Stay to name a fan. Leave your back. And then he steps forward one more, and then we find out that Sean Bean, part Trevalion was Aliens Kossak. That's right.

Well, so he's not even that badly burned. He's really upset at James for changing the timers the three minutes and he's like, you've just figured my face, but actually he just looks cool. Yeah, you've interrupted my plan to fake my death and defect without knowing it. And therefore, I have a murderous grudge against you.

You bitch. He like his big deal is to own bond for being like, do you care about your friends or do you care about the mission, right? And then he... So the answer is his friends. Yeah, but like, like he's not even right in the way he his friends. Yeah, but like- Like he's not even right in the way he's doing. No, no, no, he's not. He's like-

He's not, see, the last one where as well, she and I did a whole extra mission that wasn't even a mission because of my friend? Did he get in by the last- This is my rip-brawing rampage of revenge. This is also some like- This is also some like having cake and eating it, right? Because there's a couple of things like this.

There's another one which I sampled, huge amounts of right because it's so fucking like trenchant ecstasy of bond like he has him at gunpoint and he goes might as well ask you before the vodka martini's ever silenced the screams of all the men you killed or or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you fail to protect. Because they're all the fuck, because you're the same guy in all those movies. You keep getting women killed.

But remember when you completely ended that bloodline and fucking gold finger? Yeah, remember when you just found sister's woman named Plenty O'Tool dead in your fucking swimming pool? But like, this is, this is the having your cake and eating it part, right? It's plenty of tool dead in your fucking swimming pool, but like This is this is the having your cake in eating it part right is the only criticisms of bond are then followed immediately by I'm owned or but I'm evil right and so in order to prove that he's evil Trevelle entrace like kill two birds with one stone He locks bond and Natalia, who is captured in the helicopter and then has it fire missiles at itself. I think helicopter

is going to do because computers have been invented. Because computers. Bond ejects them both from the helicopter and then they immediately get captured again. So I will give credit for sticking around to see that happen and then seeing that it hasn't come off, then being like, yeah, we should probably capture this guy. So just like placing him in the situation and booking it. We haven't really, haven't't really dwelled on it much listeners, but Bond is doing little quips as all this is happening. Like when they escape the missiles, he goes, other things, we do the frequent flyer mileage.

Quimp Bond is back. But I think his boss is himself it because he's kind of, he kind of like just says it to himself. He's almost like a little embarrassed, but it's almost like a nervous tick. Like, that's how he gets over the fact that he nearly just fucking died. Mm hmm. They're gonna rest it. They get arrested.

They get interrogated by the defense minister who we saw Oramoff reporting to earlier. One gets a gets a fun line, which is like, it's the trouble with the world that they know and takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation anymore. It's a lost art, which is very funny, because like Michigan just comes in like in all of those previous ones. Michigan's just like, okay, when do you want us to shoot you? And bonds like, oh, you're not doing a whole bit now. Yeah, where's the penis laser?

Yeah. I'm like, can't forget the slow penis laser. Fucking compare that to casino royale, right? Which we haven't seen yet. But like going from like, to kind of like quite sarcastically, but quite funnily being like, oh, you're not gonna do like a penis laser thing here

to just going immediately to whipping testicles with knotted rope. It shows you how things have changed a little bit. Anyway. Yeah, I have heard about that scene, I'm excited to finally see it at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Legally, I'm not allowed to watch any of his movies at all. No, no. Michigan thinks that MI6 has stolen gold night. And Natalia says, no, I was there.

General Oromov is a traitor, and he's stolen it because there are two gold knives. There's the first satellite that he used to cover the crime, but there's the second one that he must still have. We just have a satellite in his pocket, but he's got a little mini disc for the troll. Yeah, it's like a troll over it. Yeah, it's up there. There are two satellites. And so as Michigan is like realizing this, we see Orimov come in looking like an ace attorney witness.

He's like, yeah, he's falling off a very large, he's got. Yeah, he's like, and we've ever seen subsequently, he gets more like this, like more shit falls off. It's okay. I actually love Orimov's phone. I genuinely love this design. He's like, and we've ever seen subsequently, he gets more like this, like more shit falls out. It's okay. I actually love or love genuinely love this design. I love this writing of just having a villain who does absolutely does not have their shit together at all.

He's betraying the Soviet Union, which doesn't really exist anymore, but he's betraying Russia or some shit. Yeah, yeah. No, he's betraying the entire of Russia. Oh, yeah. So, he like, he's betraying the entire. So he like wings it basically. He shoots Michigan. He tries to frame Bond for it. Bond overpowers him. They flee through the archives. Bond kills about 50 people in the bond kills all of Michigan's men, which

I wrote down a lot of the same side. It's a lot of shooting. Bond tries to escape with Natalia, Natalia falls through a floor by virtue of... She comes to the 40 glitches. By the way, I, I scored a mission failed. Right, I found a chart that lays out bonds by the number of kills, but they have committed on screen per movie, right to its damage. Timothy Dalton on screen committed about six kills average per movie, which seems like, right?

That sounds right, man. George Layson B, seven, interestingly woven Dalton, Roger Moore, about eight, about nine. Sean Conner is about nine. Daniel Craig is about nine. Sean Conner is about nine. Daniel Craig is about nine. Pierce Brosnan is about 19 per movie. Wow!

Blaster. Yeah, he's getting fucking right up. Ward kills with an AK. He got that license back and he's like, I'm gonna put some fucking. Yeah, that's how nice. The things we do for frequent flyer miles. So at this point, Nitsaali gets captured and James just leaves.

He jumps out of window and seeing Natali being bundled into a car by Oramoff gets into a tank to chase them through St. Petersburg. Which is, it's a fun chase scene. Bond drives through a lot of stuff. It's an interesting. I have a couple of notes here. Some of them are very Alice ass notes, I would say. He when he jumps into a tank yard only two of them are T 54s three of them are British chieftains. Yep. More up to look more Russian. Yeah, and you can tell, because the fuel extract is halfway up the gun barrel and so that's in here.

Thank you. Everyone at home was saying then, thinking about it also. Oh, they were yelling. Well, they were yelling. Oh, they were all extractor, I said. Oh, no. I'm just getting, I'm getting really into modeling. Thanks.

Yeah. He also drifts the T-54 and it's insanely sick. Yes. so cool. It rolls. There's also, this is something that we will come back to in 50 minutes. I hear about that thing, rolls. Of like bond is sort of like relentless monster, like monstrous pushoor. And again, Orem, I've got some fun bits from this because like he's looking out the back

window of the card. He's like drinking out of a hit flask every time. Bond does some sickness. Yeah. Or a mom's driver is really, really trying. Or a mom is legitimate. We shouldn't have left the one tank with an e-break just sitting around. It's so it took him a couple of weeks to film this overall because Bond is driving a tank through the center of St. Peter's book. He's just fucking go. He like breaks through a statue at one point. He's

evading the cops. Some of them go in the river. At what point he's driving as a statue? It's great. That's true. This statue is cartoon. It's cartoon. It is. But Orimov does evade him, right? And two more notes, sorry. The only thing is Orimov's car effortlessly obliterates a concrete ballad with absolutely no damage to the car itself. Yep, nice. That's actually not true.

It breaks one of the wind, one of the front lights, but that's fixed by the end of the fight. That's nice. Yeah, because you're getting into the bubbling of the Volgas now. I don't really remember what the plot is at this point, but I don't particularly care. Yeah, it's a satellite. So I'm just watching a tank drive

for a center of sympathy is going on. I don't remember how we got here, but I can't. And then we get to the scene that sent me into crisis mode because they arrive at Miss Al train and Zenia is there. And my notes say, where can I get her fucking jacket because she has this incredible slightly longer than was great black High collar turned up belted and with a matching silver breach and belt buckle that's like shape like a little flame or something

It's so good. I want her to kill me so badly. Oh my god. It's great. Yeah. Also points to Alex for rallying for like using the coolest method of transport. Evil, rare, armored train. It looks a bit like Darth Vader. Yeah. The train looks like an angry skull. It's fantastic. It's fantastic. So it looks like the Pokemon Probo Pass. Yeah, so you remember how I said that we have to like have every criticism of Bond be followed by but I'm evil Well at this point we also find out that Alec is like a full on rapist not the cool way that James Bond is back in all those times And he was the same guy, but in the more like gross way and he was the same guy, but in the more like gross way. But what's weird is, as he is, as he is herving on Natalia, his opening line is,

James and I shared everything, absolutely everything, which is like in retrospect, given what he then tries to do to her makes it seem like James Bond and Alex Revellian spent the Cold War doing some fucking bitter-coron-norish in the back of a van, you know? I don't like that. I don't like that. I thought my man was on the banking mode. It's also very interesting to compare and contrast the way that Alex Travellion being a

up rapist is shot and edited and shown to make him automatically evil versus all of the on screen rapes that Sean Connery did. Because I went back and rewatched two of them just to see the difference in like presentation and it's incredible. Oh, yeah. But you see this and you're supposed to be like, oh, disgusting. Who could think of hurting a woman in such a way? And then you go back to Sean Connery here and it's like, yeah, that lesbian needs to be

reset. Great stuff. Sean, but the music is fun. So it's different. Yeah. Yeah. It's just it's basically through music and I love filmmaking. So bond bond. Hey James Bond bond. Bond parks his tank on the tracks and front of the train.

My my favorite singles any align at this point is she goes like in what ordinarily might be horror. He's going to derail us and she sounds fucking horror, he's going to derail us and she sounds fucking whole the fuck up. Looks like she's about to come so hard that she dies or dies so hard that she comes. Again, again, switches aren't real. They were made up by the CIA to sell more fucking sex toys, but that is a great line reads. Right here. So what do you saying? What? Why Alice was talking to us now?

Devin, you like retreated like a turtle just away. I just let him back in my chair. I got nothing to contribute, but I also will get yelled out by the audience if I stop her. So what am I going to do? So what's great is like Bond, then like he derails the train. He gets on the train with a gun. He puts the gun on Zanya and Alek, but then Orimov comes up behind him holding a gun to Natalia. And like the again Alek is using his one weird trick, which is,

do you care about your friends or the mission? And Bond tries to like call his bluff and play it off with like, kill us. She doesn't mean anything to me. Then that doesn't really work. And so we know that Bond's like finishing move is to use a villain's disability against them. We step up a notch here, because this is the first time that we have seen Bond

use a villain's ethnicity against them. He deploys his Trump card. Yo, you heard about this, what race this guy is? LAUGHTER James Bond becomes an absolute measure at level of racist towards the- He's a person of Kasek. Exactly, he tells Ormoth he's probably gonna betray you.

You know he's the Leanne's Kasek. And Ormoth, the dumbest motherfucker in the world, is like, oh shit, is that true? Yo, he's the Le it's what the fuck? Alec has this good line where he says, well, all that matters is that in 48 hours, you and I will have more money than God, which I love as a line. But anyway, Bond whips around in a shoots a room of dead and Alec and Zenia escape.

Shouldn't have been racist. So at this point, it's just a suck. Yeah, at this point, Ale, sex to suck. Yeah, at this point, uh, Alex locks them in the train carriage. Uh, Natalia tries to like trace the fucking hack the gibson, trace the mainframe, whatever to find out where next location is. Uh, and because Alec is a catty bitch who lives for drama,

as he is really, he's like, oh, don't worry, I said the explosives for like six minutes, the same six minutes you gave me and just leaves. Fantastic. What does that mean? And bonds like, yeah, we got three minutes. Bitch. Mad at you for something you did by accident because I was betraying you and you didn't know it and I've been holding this grudge for a decade. They all bitter axes. They really rock. Oh, it, it, that would have been a more interesting, more interesting read, but like,

it's how he finds out they're in Cuba, right? Bond uses his laser watch, the thing that like every bond gadget has been aspiring to since the watch with a laser in it. The car grill of an old knife. The answer is for the game that this this film was based on. There is a remarkably like quite fun scene where Boris realises his computer is being traced by Natalia and he's just like desperately pulling rags out of the server. It's a fantastic gift to send a centrist pundits on Twitter. If you didn't mind getting sued

every time you used it. Anyway, it's funny though. It is very funny. So, Oh, also one point I want to note, one point I want to know is she Corrects his pronunciation of her name So Um, just Simon over and she's like Simon over when they escape a train They're sitting there the train experts and they're kind of sitting there panting Um, and this would be and indeed is the moment when like James Bond and the girl kiss But what's interesting about this one is that she initiates it It's like she's the one who starts acting horny

and then it's like, so is there anything else we need to do? Like, lean into him. And Brasen has this tiny little double take, which is like, what? Oh, okay. Like, he's actually surprised, right? So she thought it was quite cute. Also, every time she tells him to do something,

he can also suck, sarcastically. It's like the second consecutive bond movie where he does this because Timothy Dalton also did it in license to kill. And let me tell you, James Bond and I finally share one king and it is calling women sir when they tell you what to do. It rules. Anyway, we go to Cuba. Don't ask any questions about questions. It's so horny, dude. So horny. So seriously share three common interests. We're

I don't know what you're saying. Completely different tones. Oh, you're going to be so horny. I'm like, I'm going to be so horny. Backer at and pussy. Um,

I mean, I think this director, this director could only make very horny movies. I know if you've ever seen his follow up, which is the mask of Zoro. Oh, that's a cheesy. At least Zoro's supposed to be horny. Mattie, will you come back on to talk about the mask of Zoro? Why would you? I'm not season two. That would actually be.

Well, actually, be quite good. I'm so in the eye. I watch that movie for the first time very recently and the fucking scene where um Anthony Hopkins is whipping out candles shirtless. Okay, that is that is horny. Yeah, you got down board. Yeah, you saw me on that one. Okay. on. Okay. Okay. Five. James and Nathalie have to go together because he doesn't know how to disarm the golden lines. So she's like, take me with you, right? Uh, Sheriff J. W. Pepper is then like, yeah, the CIA is going to get you into Cuba because we've been tremendously successful at Infiltration Cuba. And yeah, definitely haven't gone owned every time we've tried. Um, and saying they find it. And if you need help, just call me and I will get the Marines and invade Cuba for the second time. Yeah, that's a so good.

Don't worry. Don't worry. We'll invade Cuba. I'm going to ask my audience to come. Don't worry. I got a bunch of fascist exo-Gusanos. Yeah. Um, well, thank you. Cuban Revolution. Thank you. That's right. I got a bunch of fascist exo-Gusanos, yeah.

All-pastigated Cuban revolution, thank you. That's right. So, we had seen on the beach, right, when Natalia tries to like, like get inside Bond's head, and he just kinda like doesn't let her. Yeah, he's sad because he's like, he's gonna have to kill Alec, and she's like, oh, you know, how can you be so cold? And he's like, uh, stuck by dick.

That's the same. He also like, I didn't write. Yeah, I mean, he also like, forcefully, and like forces the kiss on her, which James and I shared everything, absolutely everything. Um, then they fly the, the Sessner into, intercuba, undetected, uh, and they're looking for a big radar dish, a big satellite dish. And they can't find it and they're flying over this lake. And at this point I wrote down, you know, this is a lot like when there was another secret base hidden under a mountain like in Japan when I was the same guy.

And also like that he's about to leave when they shoot at him Which they you should have just let him go. Just let him go. I'm fucking go But they shoot down the plane It's not like the time I infiltrated Chinese airspace when looking for a secret base when I was the same guy In the man The golden gun in the mouth like not Not all night And And then yeah is like no, we're not just shooting them.

I am repelling down to kill them with my thighs. Yes. You want to hear my note about this one? It's the you stop watching for the next 15 minutes. No, my no here is, all right, I do like this outfit. She's wearing like a tactical fit. This is the first one. I mean, she does, like, I mean, it's like, she has a,

it's a tactical, fake net. She has a killer line, which is she grabs bond and she's squeezing him. She's like, At least I am. Mr. Bond,

the pleasure will be all mine. Fucking, Oh, that is that. And also, also, Natalia tries to like, hit her her with a like a stick or something She had but her unconscious and then says wait your turn by sexual icon. I Fucking love Zenia on the top so much. I wish she would kill me. I just that's the rest of the podcast

Just me saying things like that. She does she does go out like a bitch She goes out like a bitch. I wrote this would kill me ripped as any of your I'm different. Yeah, she gets into a tree by the crashing helicopter because she's She just kind of yeah, she didn't really attach to anything. I think it's the trick of the tree. Yeah. She is choked around the bid section ironically by the foreign and she's wearing a bunch of helicopter falls down, but it is

communicated visually through, by the finds dying by the helicopter. I'm always saying this. It's what she would have planned. The classic saying. Welcome to this fucking movie analysis podcast where all three of the hosts go, we're talking about the movies point in, we're paying attention, don't worry. At this point, because James Bond is a stupid policeman, right? He's a fourth host of the show. He's a shooter. He's a drug at squeeze, again,

he's doing a little quick swim, so. Ah, shit. Because he's a stupid policeman, he still doesn't realize that the satellite is just under the fucking lake thing until it physically pops up from under it. And then he makes the podcast noise of understanding. He's like,

ah, zander the orset. The, the satellite dish popping up is a masterful work use of miniature, but trade only by a fact, what the miniatures in this game.

The, are so good. The satellite's really good. The damn. It's really good. I love the miniatures in this fucking movie so much. Love the miniatures. The water doesn't behave like that scale.

It's unfortunate, but that's just the way of things. It's hard to have something because of adhesion and cohesion, that kind of thing. But it comes out and then the last little bits of the water draining out of the fucking satellite dish is a reversed footage of them filling the satellite dish. It's really obvious. But I love it. It's so good. So, so the phone, like they immediately get detected trying to go into the satellite dish.

And the world famous air see board observatory. That's right. No one notices that. But James Bond activates the incredibly, like the best-shaped explosives in cinematic history, the mines from the video game Golden Light, that this is based on. He plants those- It's like a fantasy. Yeah, a fantasy.

You also get like a more early more error asset, which I really love. Oh yeah, it's like almost like a can-adams set, like big, most- It's a good base. Level, command- really love. Oh yeah, it's like almost like a can item set, like big, mobile level, command center. Cool staircases. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never again, see his kind. It's got a little thing we've got to turn two keys at once

to start the podcast. Yeah, okay, yeah, actually that's a great fucking point, Abby. The two keys thing I wrote down earlier on at the first time they activated Goldlight, the point of two keys is several one guy can't turn them both at once. The two keys in the fucking original gold nice starting are literally right next to each other. It compensated. No. Richard Keel could reach across

and do both at once. It would have been easy to turn both keys at once. But fortunately in this second place, they are quite far apart. So yeah, Bond immediately gets captured. Natalia escapes and hacks the mainframe and encrypts the satellite, sending it into a sort of a deorbit

burn. Alec at this point then reads Bond his fucking ass, right? He tells him, you know, you're fucking sexist, misogynist dinosaur and a relic of the cold boy. You kill women all the time. He steals his watch. You get your friends killed all the time. He knows like most of bonds like Q gadgets,

so he just turns off the detonator in his watch. He's quite funny. There's also a bit where he says, so how is old Q? Which is kind of quite not like Travellion used to have his own Q scenes. How is our dad basically? I don't Q.

Yeah. Find out his plan. We find out his plan, which is he is going to rob the bank of England, using computer. Um, and then having used computers to rob the bank of England, detonate, golden eye over London, destroying every, uh, like technological item in London, sending England back to the Stone Age. And because Bond is a stupid policeman, he can only grasp this in the sort of insulting terms of, oh, you're just

robbing a bank in revenge. And of course, Travelling is like, no, the revenge is the point. The bank robbery is kind of like ancillary to the revenge thing. It's mostly a revenge thing. He's doing fight club to London is what he's doing. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And like the reason why he's doing this is mostly because... But the British betrayed them. Yeah. And Alex says this is going to destroy not just all record of the theft, but also like criminal records, any records, and natural records, and debt records, like any kind of like, I'm like, yeah, exactly, exactly. But he says, the United Kingdom is about to re-enter

the Stern Age. England is about to learn the cost of betrayal. And I was like, get him, get him, do it, do it, fuck us up. Pull the trigger on it. Abby, how badly do you want to end an email to an NHS like clinical care group with England is about to learn the cost of betrayal? Do you think I have?

NHS England is about to learn the cost of betrayal. Everyone on the agenda, I would also wipe out the general identity clinic waiting list. But a small price to pay. And just England is about to learn the price of it. So in my, in my notes, there was another themes alert, which was the, the golden eye satellite itself, just looks like a regular 1990 satellite. And then it opens up in what's in there. That's right, folks.

It's It's a Soviet satellite with Yeah, the Opened up in the tanks roll out of the floats and let it comes back to life. I think it was weird that this movie ended with a line 9-11 will never happen. Given that... I knew what 9-11 was at this point. And looking directly at the camera, 9-11 where'd that happen? That's the closest that most ever. Seven I really enjoyed is that the guards pull Natalia forward

and she recognizes Boris. Oh yeah. Just like, she fucking knocks him one. Oh, yeah, and it's not like a little Surroundy that she fucking guards for him too. Yeah, also I wrote they fully let her get one in there. Yeah, yeah, absolutely sick of his shit too I have changed your password again. Alec is visibly sick of Boris and Shun. This is very funny. Yeah, yeah. We get another, we get a fun reversal because again, this is the best written bond movie so far,

where like Travellion tries to make Nathalie unencrypt to the fucking satellite and make it work again. And he says like do do it or shoot bond. And she's like, go ahead, he means nothing to me. Fucking get us ass. And you see bond, make a little like, well, she got me there face. She really like. Meanwhile, Boris has, however, we've seen Boris as a habit of twiddling pens as he types. And he has, without knowing it, picked up bonds grenade pen. And it's like, clicking it, picked up Bond's grenade pen and is like, clicking it, like two times and we know that three means it goes kaboom.

And we're just waiting and waiting as this happens until finally Bond, I mean, the same James Bond who numbers whenever my strong suit does fucking count this on the fly, right? And you can count to three, I think that's fine. I never learned past half seven of strong suit. Timothy does it count to three. It was in a wheat map before you can go to any. One, two, three, bond. Do you have to click this 21 times?

You just look down bond is taking off his boots. That was actually eight. That was the eight levels until about 1993, I think. The thing explodes. Does not happen here. Anybody. However, the command center starts blowing up. At this point, James books it onto the satellite dish. And he and Alec have a sort of a roaring fight across it. Lots of like kicks, lots of punching. You see, like, you actually draws blood, which might be a success now. It's pretty vicious. It's pretty interesting. I only know that this scene is aimed down the sights, Alec. I can save us a lot of trouble here. He's just refusing to do anything but shoot from the hip.

And you know what, Farron? I mean, literally. I mean, he also got, he got like his death faked with a gun that immediately afterwards killed a guy. So, yeah, that means he has kind of a cavalier attitude to firearm. Well, I've must have had one blank only. Yes. And it's got to be the top one. And you've got, you must have trusted her, I have a lot. it, if you would. You could have just shot like, beside Alec, right? You didn't have to have actually shot Alec. True, true.

Yeah, I was merely deafened. Yes. At this point, we get the classic bit, right, which is the bit that kept me up nights before the, in flesing head bit, from licensed to kill kept me up nights. Because like Travellian ends up dangling off the satellite antenna above the dish hundreds of feet below.

And Bond catches him. And Travellian tries to taunt him again. And Bond's line is this. For England James? No. For me. him again and Bond's line is this. You know what we call that growth and also unprovoked murder. He drops Travellion directly onto concrete and we see him fall all the way down, we see

him hit and we see him afterwards bleeding out with like every single bone broken. Still alive. Fucked. Still alive. He should have popped up in like a grape. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

I got a note about this one. And it's the same note as I made about Neckros which is like, I understand why they do it, but I detest that they make the bad guys go out like little bitches every time. Like, there's nothing in Alec or Neckros' characters that would suggest they would scream like that when they were falling, but both of them do. And I think that that's a deliberate choice. Yeah, absolutely. They were cowards all along. And it's like, I don't think they would. It's not like modern haze codes or something. It's not really modern haze code. It's not a thing. It's not really a hijack. It's a helicopter. Pretty much off screen. You know, like not. Because it's cool. She fucking like flies next to the thing to pick bond up. It's a lot like fucking cloud city. Actually. Oh yeah, good. Back droppers.

I also made that exact remark to the plane. The one that's not looking bad. Best spin. Cloud city. Detroit Cloud City. Bond jumps to the fucking helicopter and then the antenna falls. Frushing the still alive and screaming

Alec beneath it. It's a lot of mixture. It's a really violent, violent death to portrayal and prolonged too. He is very dead. He's so fucking dead, bitch made Alec. We weren't sure the last time we did. Body is killed.

He has this thing of when he wins something he says, I am invincible. He says, I am invincible having survived the explosion. A bunch of liquid nitrogen goes off behind him and he is frozen into a cube. Which, hmm, fine. I love it this movie. This movie is simultaneously too graphic

in the bits I don't give a shit about and then refuses to go far enough in the bits That would be fun like he doesn't she doesn't freeze an entire mother fucker and liquid nitrogen and then not shatter him They just freeze him and they just replace him and I'm like They replace him with fucking like the same guy, but in a blue makeup, a bunch of like plastic eyes, of course. Anyway, we're going to see it. But I call it to go further. We now approach the funniest line in movie.

And it's in the brain. And it's in the brain. And it's dying seconds, right? Because Bond. So Bond and Natalia are like fucking in a field. And a bond is like, there's nobody around for like 25 miles. At this point, we find out that Jack Wade, chair of JW Pepper, has once again invaded Cuba with the US Marine Corps.

And they're there with fucking helicopters, they're there with a bunch of guys and gilly suits. The gilly suit reveal is so fucking funny as the Ghillie suit comes to life. Oh yeah, it's fucking great. But then we get the single best line in the fucking movie. One that is essentially just looking into camera and saying 9-11 will never happen, because offhandedly, remember they're in Cuba. Wade says. It is so good. They're kind of like they've been broken up mid-sex and so he says,

maybe you'd like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo. The implication is like you're both going to a prison now to be tortured the rest of your life. That's the implication. Well the CIA is just just gonna talk to you now for no reason. Maybe you'd like to debrief each other at Guantanamo. In Guantanamo. Guantanamo. I hooted, I hollered.

To be fair, we should probably explain what Guantanamo is because some of our listeners might not know who that is. I hate that. Obama did close it down in my belief. Oh, yeah. Well, if we're not in the middle of opening a second one or anything for migrants, he made good on his promise to shut that one down.

Really, really getting into the George W. Bush era, leftism joke of waterboarding at Guantanamo base sounds like a lot of fun if you don't know what either of those things are. That's the same Barack Obama who did not deport more people than any other president in history and definitely did not massively expand a program of drone warfare that killed a lot of civilians. That's right, I never learned to read.

We have a science based system on this podcast. We do because that's the movie. That's the movie, baby. That's the golden eye. We have the same girl. That's the golden eye. The man with the golden eye. This having run long because it's the most ideological fucking bond movie and we could not spend almost two hours talking about it. How could we not? We were mainly talking about the horny but we do have a science based system. We call it a science based system. That's the Royal Way, the Snow Island doing shit. A small, cultural and sensitivity,

unprovoked violence and misogyny. That's right. I think, I think, on this one is like a medium to high. He does have quite a lot of violence. The fucking frequent flyers, myawals,

you whips it back out again. You know what, Dalton was a low small bond, but his motherfucker. The fucking frequent flyer miles. You whips it back out again. Dalton was a low sman bond because he's a motherfucker. I think it got four or five. I'd say, because I know it can get so much worse, I think it might be as low as a four. Because I think we've scored mores even at like four. So that seems fair to me. Yeah, Octopus seat was a four.

Yeah, I think it's on the level with Octopus seat in terms of smart. Do you agree? To keep you in curry for a while, racist, asshole. Cultural and sensitivity. Cultural and sensitivity. Well, I mean, unless you really count like Russians and Scots are basically the same people

at accents interchange changeable. Pretty low. I mean, racism against a Nazi collaborator, Cossacks. I feel like it's on the level with like making fun of Italians to me. Yeah, it's good. Here's what I say. They're not racist to any people of color because guess what? There are no people of color in this. Oh, that's true. That's true. Is the erasure god damn on? Is the erasure and insensitivity in itself or is it better that they hadn't because we know they would have been more insensitive had they included? That's similar to our stance of Idris Alba shouldn't play bond because no one should. I think it's still insensitive. You're right.

You're right. It is weird that there aren't any. Okay. Yeah. And they go to Cuba. They invade Cuba, which is minority. Arguably very, very culturally insensitive to invade a country. Oh, no, sorry.

I miss it. Yeah. Let's say, I don't know. Do you want to say like a three or a four maybe? Is that for just, yeah, hard to say. I think it would be a lower baseline because like four is over half, because we're not just serious.

You're right, you're right. Yeah, okay, fine. We fucked ourselves by making this up to seven, because whenever we're thinking of a low number, we go to four and when we're thinking of a high number, we go to four. Okay, so it's gotta be like two or three then. Yeah.

I'm happy for two. How do we feel? Two? Two, I think. Okay. I think a baseline level of excuse. Now, meanwhile, blowing it out of the park on this one, unprovoked violence. Well, it's down from the goal.

Matthew, you are holding up seven fingers there. Yeah, he drops the villain from a height of several hundred feet and then drops a satellite on him. Yeah, explodes. That's murder. He shoots his way out of the office filled with people that are arguably his allies. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yep. He does kill a lot of people. Plus, like, that's genuinely a bit, there's a little bit in the tank scene where they try to work around this, but he does just drive the tank over an occupied cop car. Oh, he does. Yeah.

Well, that's actually it. You can say that it's based, but it is still pretty unprovoked and violent to just be flashed to cops instantly. How do we feel about a six? I think I could go to six, yeah, sure. I don't think we're in the cragies yet, because we know we have the like, the sort of,

the signifiers of, it isn't real violence, you know, the guns have infinity bullets and you know, we don't see many people get shot, but Alex Travelle and going out like that boosts it way up there. So that for me, it's a sex. And misogyny. Well, the fucking chase scene, where there's two kinds of women, we're bleak English, repressed women, and sexy, right, where there's two kinds of women, wibbly English-represed women and like sexy dangerous women. That's pretty misogynistic. You call it deer.

The fucking woman, shit about M is pretty misogynistic. Money, money, sexual harassment. Just, actually it's cool. Just saying that it's misogynistic doesn't make it not misogynistic. So yeah, it kind of tries to cheat. Are you deducting points for the having cake eating at factor? I don't know. I, here's the thing.

I don't think we can wait them by hypocrisy, right? Because if we started doing that, they would be in an eight for every single category, for every movie. Unless you're slavage, I can you believe that disavowal is a key part of continuing the behavior. That's, that's, well,

we're getting into the next decade. Your boss Bond is doing like Davos shit. Yeah. Please welcome the fifth host. Bond is on Twitter complaining about how money penny is like, I'll be using and harassing him. Um, so, I think it's like pretty high. How do we feel about five, six?

Wanna go higher? I think for the fact of having the way that they fucking treat women, m, six, six, it's gotta be six. Cause it's like, the fucking more movies made a more cogent attempt to deal with feminism as a joke, right? Like, there's a bit where Roger Moore goes, Moods, women's lib, they're letting me do anything these days.

And that's less fucking venomous than you're a misogynist dinosaur 007 but also you're too based so we can't fire you. We in agreement for six? I hated that motherfucker. I hate him so much dude. That brings us to a total of 18 which is pretty, pretty bang in the middle average for bond. Pretty, pretty solid stars. Which is strange because it's not an average Bond movie. No, it's exceptionally good, I think. It's my favorite. It's very good. It's very interesting.

There's a lot to sort of for us to talk about, which is why we're fucking not letting ourselves be edited for this one. It's horny. It's horny as shit. It talks about like England and Britain and it's legacy specifically, but it's got themes. It's got themes. It's got themes. It's got themes. It's got things. First themes. They really tried a themes category. All the other movies get zero and it's got a seven. And it, and I call it the T-scum. Nope.

and I call it the T-SKUM. Nope. Nope. No. Oh, sorry. I know. Take us out. I'll see you in the next time. No.

We have two things we have to hand out. Okay. I have a four-school assembly. I'm probably. We have a cross-steen rose Z to hand out for the club. I appreciate it, villain. I want to nominate her mom's driver. Who really does his life?

Oh, he does. Yeah, he does, Clay. We don't even swim either. It gets crushed by a tank, I don't know. Maybe Bond fucks him out of existence offscreen. I think that's a good night cross. Is Caroline unnamed psychiatrist for getting fucked off screen. Wibbly Caroline.

Wibbly cat. Who makes a noise like? Wibbly cat. She's gone as well. What is that? What is that? The admiral that Zenny of Fox and Kills. Oh, he does go out like a king is the thing.

That's true. He was very appreciated. He goes out smiling. For what purpose do we have to go the good I grow? Well, I think this is not many, but not many good many good guys you go above and beyond the call of Wait, no, I have one right is not technically a good character. He is on bond side right and it's One of Zukowski's goons right because Zukowski goes Zukowski's goons, right? Because Zukowski goes, oh,

do you know exactly who he is? Go rhetorically, do you know how long the fucking winter is in Russia? And one of his guys, brackets autistic, goes, well, really, it depends on the, and Zukowski has to tell him to shut up, that guy gets the good night cross. Fine, as long as we hand one out,

I'm not gonna argue with you about who I will watch. That guy. Give it to, give it to, give it to, give it to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, up Jansky and you could find my book, The Antifil·s Super Soldier Cookbook, in stores or on Silver Sprockets website. How, yeah, James Bond will return in tomorrow, and never dies. RIP to you guys. Do we have a guest lined up for that one or is that? No, no, we don't have a guest for that one.

Unless we do. We do. Unless we do. Watch this space. What if Rupert Murdoch was evil? Thank you for listening up. We might have one by the time we have been Kill James Bond. Here is our theme song. Thank you for listening to the final episode of Kill James Bond. Now that all three of the hosts have been replaced by Matti Lepchanski, we are going to try to find a way to continue going. We might sue them, or maybe the rights to publish under the name Kill James Bond. the releases. It's of course in two weeks time. On the three-feed you will see Kil'Jane's Bond returning

for Dianne of a Day. Maybe I don't actually know what the next Rosda movie is. But next week, on the Patreon, you will find out episode on the movie Ronan starring an absolute fucking smogers board of wonderful actors. It's a truly fantastic film and it is one of Alice's favorite films of all time and she was very excited to make her watch it. So tune in for that, it's a great discussion, it's a great movie, but of course since I've mentioned Patreon, we would be nothing without our 15 pounds of above patrons and those are of course forks win

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Richard Drumroll, Leo David, Wickram Rammler, James Nahtman, Robbie Morgan, Josh Simmons, Ken, Kenny 92, and Millie. This has been Kill's Inspired Art Producer, his mate Bathay, a podcast art, and indeed our guest this time was Mattie Lipchanski, and our website is by Tom Allen. See ya!