Upstream - S2E16: The Spy in the Green Hat

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

It's time to once again venture into the uncharted territory of the Man from UNCLE. This week, Ilya joins a Union, Napoleon has a run-in with the Mob, and we face an absolutely baffling degree of racism against Italians.... THE WINTER OF CONTENT We're joining the war on christmas... on the side of the RMT! Mick Lynch needs your help to secure concessions from the government to make the trains in this country slightly less fucking awful, and you can donate to the RMT's strike fund here: https://www.rmt.org.uk/about/national-dispute-fund/ If you do feel you have money to spare, please consider supporting your local food banks with money or time! donate to the Trussell Trust here: https://www.trusselltrust.org/make-a-donation/ or the Independent food aid network here: https://www.foodaidnetwork.org.uk/donate Additionally, please consider joining a renter's union like ACORN, as rising mortgage rates will surely result in rising rent, here: https://www.acorntheunion.org.uk/join ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Mamma mia Oh and welcome to the first episode of Kiljang's Bond of 2020 Well, hi baby, I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong. Okay. Oh, fuck. Is it fuck? All right.

You know what? I'm not going to take it again. Suffer. You know, I enjoyed being wrong. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back.

You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come back. You can come circle. I'm going to keep it real with you. You are not escaping the cycle of samsara and you're going to keep listening to the same

episode of this podcast forever. My end time prison. And we are your J-Lis. That's right. Alice called up Kelly. My friends Abigail Thorn and Kevin. I can do it. And we're still working our way through the Man from Uncle. It's still rules. It's still rules. It's like three or four. We got to the spy in the green hats and you may be aware right that in the last Man from Uncle, there was prominently

a spy with a green hat. And I, this, this sort of like abiding sort of, sea of emotions that I might, I was like pitched upon as I was watching this movie as when's fucking spy with the green hat. Many of my notes are just like, there has been no green hat thus far. There are various points people wear hats and I'm like that's not green. Oh, not only at various points, I started a count. A hat count before green hats is not exist. And I'm not going to spoil that number for you now, but suffice to say it is high. And of course, we're introduced with a guy who is wearing a hat which is not

green. Immediately I'm sorry I'm confused. I don't know what's going on. I'm pointing at the screen. I'm saying, well, who is this? What's happening? When are the Navi arriving? I don't know anything. Just find the green hat the way of water. Yeah. Because I'm 22 and I grew up in the era of films after editing was discarded. And so now I don't know how to follow a plot anymore. I have no idea what's going on. I'll never. They don't even give you an exercise for where it's like New York City, yesterday or whatever. Instead, we're just thrown into, I think it's like a fun fare or something like that.

Yeah. And it looks like San Diego to me, but I'm pulling that entirely out of my mouth. The boys are in the fat. Yeah. Mm-hmm, they are. And they're chasing after this older guy in a gray hat who escapes them. Gray hat, let's be great, right there, town, gray hat.

Mm-hmm. There will be a briefing on the color of every hat in this movie until we get to the green hat. He escapes them by just getting on a little cable car thing like slightly before them and meeting up with his contact and man seductively licking an ice cream the whole time he's talking. This is hair Luga and I really like him because hair Luga looks like a mongo. He has the build of a mongo. He's like really big and jacked and he's like crammed into a tiny suit. But his voice, he's like a very, very, he has like a very posh English sort of accent. And it's just very charming

juxtaposition and brown hat respectively. So they're chased after, and we got a fight scene to the sort of like opening ties with the original man from Uncle, the traditional man from Uncle shit title sequence. It looks like it's buffering. What they're doing is they're trying to like to do this like staccato fight scene, what they've got a fight scene that like speeding it up and then slowing it down so that the hits

land with all the rhythm. But the effect of it is that I was like, fuck, I think this source is broken. I'm going to see if I can't find a different way to stream this one. Yeah. Oh yeah. Every time this happens to me, we also can stop the clock on the time to Uncle Chop at one minute 59, although this is administered to Solo by a thrush agent like, oh my god, this technology. Good off in the thrush, the thrush chop. He gets thrush

chops later on as well. I like that the, I would hate to be thrush chops, to be thrushed so much. It sounds so much worse. Yeah, I think they make a cream for that. But anyway, there's a car chase. There's a car chase. Yeah, this is interesting. The car chase, this is the first time we see the interstate highway system appear in a chase scene in a movie from the 60s.

And you know, you get the sense to like, the long American century stretches out in front of this movie. They even film it from a helicopter. And you know that film it from a helicopter because you can see the helicopter skid in the bottom of the shot they haven't like cropped out. Yeah production vanishes. It's like oh great you know this is like the next 50 years of Californian so like both car and like helicopter related interactions. It's a straight line from this to the LAPD, like chasing someone.

Fantastic. And then, so they chased the scientists in the goons and we get the perfect car crash. I thought we had the perfect car crash for one of us by his missing, where Solo's just lying completely dead on the ground, but instead we get, I want to try and describe this sequence of colleagues precisely here.

A truck pulls out in front of Solo and Couriac. That's the theme music of. Very, very cool. Yeah. The windshield of Solo and Couriac and cars instantly covered in cracks. And then the next shot is their car on its side on the side of the road. Yeah. It's perfect.

Perfect. They do this really cool thing and uncle where they're trying to show a car crash, which is that we'll show you an intact car, but they've just like moved it onto its side quite carefully. And it's like, wow, it must be quite difficult to crash and just like perfectly do that and not fuck up any of the car. They love to put a car on its side like Fritz shops. They love to.

Love to. And the next shot is so long, Kuryak, and coming into work, like bandaged up. Yeah. Like one of them has this like arm in a sling. Kuryak has got like a bandaid on his face because of their interest.

And I imagine this is how they come in a work like most of the time. Mm-hmm. These guys are getting in contact with Crash constantly. And then M just like straight up tells them the villain of the film. Oh M? M is suffering from Eccolalia.

Right? This is a problem with this movie because a lot of people do. He, eh. Come in, come in gentlemen. Come in, come in. Sit down, sit down. He has contracted these say everything twice symptom from the basin.

You only live twice. Yeah, he went to inspect the ruins of the basin. He caught it from a contaminated needle. That's right. Well, alternatively, he's an actor who's struggling to remember his lines. But might not say meeting de boys by the big globe. Yeah, they've big all- Yes. Waverly sort of has to have a silly ass table.

Yeah. And this time he's a different one. He needs to have a thing that spins. He loves it. It spins, yeah, it's a big like sort of domed table with sort of like a half globe, like a hemispherical globe on it, and it spins it around so that he

is able to go, you're going to Sicily on account of this guy, and he spins it around to be like, that's where Sicily is. It's very cool. Really, really, really solid. We learn that the guy, the scientists who they were chasing, Mr. Greyhatt, is a hair professor doctor von Kronen, who is a Nazi scientist. He's been... Yeah, it's very bold.

We're bold for a US series to be talking about highly wanted Nazi scientists in the 1960s. This came out in 1967. At the time when they were making this, we were really highly wanted Nazi scientists for about to put these guys on the fucking moon. The thrush of fucking paperclip to this dude. And as always with thrush, the operation is being run by an evil industrialist. This time it's an alcohol tycoon in Italy named Mr. Strega.

What I really love about this is that he does the M, what's the deal of this movie thing, but he does it to Ilya instead. And in the last movie, we saw him do it to Solo. And Solo is just like desperately trying to recall the information. Ilya, different story, just fucking off the dome. So that's listing this guy's exports, gives the tagline of his company.

Yeah, he knows what he's doing. It is good at his job, that's the thing. In this film, Solo does pretty much dick. Like Ilya says to Teddy. That's the overwhelming concept of this movie. Elias the only one who's good at his job. It's so good. That's absolutely true. The one useful employee in Uncle, so they go to Sicily where they're driving around the G. Hold up. And they hold up. It makes a noise. Wait a minute. No, no, what I'm getting to.

He makes this beautiful noise when he sees an Italian man. And I think what happens here is because he does the hand gesture, the fingers up sort of palm down. And he makes a noise as if he is attempting to speak Italian. Hi! He does. This is a great movie for noises. He makes a noise as if he is attempting to speak Italian He does this a great movie for noises language. It's a beautiful culture You know absolutely no notes, right? Incredible. I love this Italian man if they ask for directions ancient cultures of the Mediterranean

So they asked this Italian stereotype for directions and he's like, say, see the sort of thing and pulling out a large radio. This actor does a great job of it. One scene, but like really understands the joke. At this point, we have to see who he's calling. So we cut to Mr. Strego's villa. And we have to learn that Mr. Strego is a really good person. He's a really good person. Strago's villa and we have to learn that Mr. Strago is a real. He's such a dumb guy.

I strongly believe that Mr. Strago is there's a lot of homophobia going on there. Yes, but he's played by Jack Palants by the way, late of many Westons and not playing a tough guy for once. Mr. Strago's this kind of like bureaucrat. He's getting a massage from his secretary, Miss Dykton, this name will be important later. And the first thing we see about him is that he thinks that she is being inappropriate.

Like he knows his, he knows first of all, Thrush has HR guidelines on sexual harassment. Yeah, first of all, Frush has HR guidelines on sexual harassment. Yeah, first of all, much better than Uncle. That's good to know. Yes. Yeah, I mean, clearly, you pick your side, right, in the Cold War. They might be trying to take over the Earth, but they have a much more robust workplace culture.

And second of all, he quotes them to her in order to get her to stop, I guess, sexually harassing. Yeah, she's massaging him and then he says, no, stop, go off, you're like, to aggressive, this isn't appropriate. And also he tells her off because her dress is too hot. Yeah, it's sort of like, you give her the one hand you take with the other, right? On the one hand, you have a robust culture against sexual harassment on the other, you also slut shame your subordinates, right? But you should always slut shame your subordinates. But he gives her the same advice that, you know, you give to a trans woman who's been out for about eight months,

which is like, the skirt is too tight and short. The neckline is too low. Like I know you wanna wear this, but like, you gotta give it, you gotta like take some time to find out what your style is and you don't have to necessarily enter the pink cloud straight away. And also the other thing we see, Alice,

and I thought you would like this, is that Mr. Strega, like, I think they're implying he has IBS, because multiple times he got to him in a scene, and he's like clutching his stomach and like drinking something fizzy, and I'm like, oh, this guy has the shits. This guy be shit. That's true.

Yeah, this is a, he's the shit now, that's not. He That's true. Yeah, this is a, he's the star of the shits. He's the shits. He's the shits. Yeah. It's representation, right? Yeah. Yeah, and thank God he's not in a bond film because I can't imagine how that'll be used against him.

Shits. Bond doing this sort of like Ronin thing of coming up through the toilet bowl with a guitar. The man from our house. The man from our house. Yes. Um, Dr. Luga, hair professor, Dr. Von Kronen Von Dude arrives. He does, yeah.

He does. He walks straight in the fucking scene. I love everyone in this movie, actually. I massively enjoyed this. He's a Nazi scientist. Stray goes like, oh, we've been looking for you for quite some time and he goes, so of Nuremberg and then carries on. That's an incredibly hard line to just go, hi, I am wanted for crimes against humanity,

has a flex, has the first thing you say is, he puts it on his tinnitus for a while, for real. Yeah, location question mark. Interesting. And he takes them to a big wall map. And Srego, like, goes, I bet you remember one of these from the bunker, right? And you get this sort of perfect, like, top secret line where he essentially goes, Oh, no, thank you. I've seen maps before. It's just a regular map. What did? Yeah, because of being a Nazi, who was the thing that they love to do? What do you mean? Why they were evil was the map?

What do you do a room with just like a big map of the world on a being like, ah, ah, Nazi? What? Ah, this takes me back. That's just a... You see, he's coming of really big polchers if Watson video. And anyway, and... Maps and Nazi coded. This is just facts now, I'm sorry. Sorry, me and Mulder, by your latest video. And so, so, and Dr. Luger, no, Dr. whatever the fuck this guy's name is, Dr. Von Kronin. He once had a plan, which was to use... Oh, yes, a plan. To use nuclear nuclear bombs in motion to divert the Gulf Stream,

freeze the Northern Hemisphere, turn Greenland into a tropical island, move the Third Reich to Greenland, put missiles on Greenland and hold the entire world hostage. It's like a less ambitious iron sky and and and Strega's going, I thought this plan was fucking sick actually. I hit this was weirdo shit, but I am so on board with this. Yeah, Mr Hitler did not listen. Thrush has been listening is the line

and it's like, you know, shit Hitler didn't listen. This is a dumbass plan. In fairness, Americans going, well, Hitler didn't listen, but I think it's a good idea is Is basically their pitch to Werner von Braun. And that worked. So I don't see any reason why the diverting the Gulf Stream wouldn't work. Plus also, it would make Britain and then have us, well, more of a half. The Gulf Stream goes up.

Exactly. Also, Jack Palantz is sort of method of acting for Strayer here. It's like interesting to me because he's trying to convey what I would suggest is like if feminine right but also very uncomfortable because he's got the shit. And the way that he does this is a kind of like constant restlessness and also moving your mouth too much he looksid Dave is doing Michelle Obama, like he's moving his lips about eight times as much as he needs to and it's really distracting. It's all you can look at in the scene is where Hitler didn't listen, but and it's like my read of Stray Go and this gets more and more apparent throughout the movie is that he is just a guy who's been bluffing the entire time and it's somehow still all working He's just waiting for the other shooter drop like in every scene. He's it

He's a high card and he's like raising higher and higher Yeah, he looks like fucking this is a horrific Comparison to make to a great actor, but he's quite a lot like Matt's Michelson and fucking casino Royale And he's just like nervous and getting scared every scene. If they had had the bravery to make Lashifra have IBS, Casino Royale would have been an even more sort of genre to find. Well, I don't consider myself to be in danger until I start shitting blood. On this like sweating, having been poisoned and it's like throwing himself away from the table Meanwhile the sheifers do the same thing

That's some dodgy thoughts I hope our little game is causing you to perspire It's a little laugh from it's another really It's fucking drink every time Instead of sheifery you've changed your underpants That's... Yeah. Another really distracting thing, by the way, is that Vong Kronin looks alarmingly like Erichoneka, which just sets me up for like, good Morgan Nebazone. But so he's sort of like, he's gratified that Stragoc like appreciates his genius, right? And he's like, I think we can do business together. At which point they are interrupted by Luca going,

yes, to Uncle Aiden, so on the thing we've heard from our sort of like wandering radio dipshit. You got that? They're going to be coming through the village of Tafona on their way here to which Strega was like, OK, we'll beat them there and then kill them. Obviously, do I have to tell you to do everything? At this point, we go to a beautiful village of Studio Backlot, Sicily. This is, OK, this movie's really, really got a problem with Italians. This would be like a remarkably priced towards Italians. And we spend much of the film with it. This is like live and let die for Italians. Like, because what's happening here is that there is a

procession through the city of Studio Backlot. Yeah, I can't do that. I do this. That appreased to do a grand opening of a new pizzeria. Yes, this is a charming culture. Is that an understanding? I don't know about that. They've got like a litter carrying a fucking statue. It's, yeah, and it's going to go appreciate the pizza.

This is culture, right? This is, these are the ancient cultures of the Mediterranean. That's right. So this is culture, right? These are the ancient cultures of the Mediterranean. That's right. And so we're introduced to here, a young woman carrying a giant golden power to the people who catch his sober side. He's carrying the fucking Cisablaid from a kill, a kill. And it's just like, oh my God.

She's not dressed in much more than Ryoko either. She's not saying catch it, that's fuckeduko either I love you guys the fucking match that you know The you know better I'm so to stop the entire show This is that far of a reach. I love you guys I love you too I'm a big pair of scissors. I might even put like I might even photoshop San cats who want to make that the episode art Amazing

But as as solo and korea can I like looking at her, they're interrupted by the arrival of one of my favorite things in a 60's spy movie, which is four dudes or in hats or black by the way, in the classic Mercedes evil spy car. Yes. The gun car maybe the like Finto. It's like like a W 108 or 9. It's the car that says evil like evil spy is like a guy is going to lean out of the window of this with a submachine gun and like shoot at you wildly. That car.

I have a gun fight. And they do. It's a great gun fight. You get the sort of like posing with one arm out shooting. You get the kind of like punching the pistol out into the air as you fire at kind of shooting, a sort of random Italian civilian get shot. Solo runs into the pizzeria, which is then blown up with a grenade by Luger. He just sort of like gently tosses a grenade in there after him. And the next shot is solos under a pile of rubble suggesting he has been killed. Courier steals a horse. Yeah, this is the other thing. I guess they must have had a lot of stuntmen around to have done westerns, I mean, you know, Jack Palant's

aside because a sort of like courier can double cause you only see the back of his head, like effortlessly jumps onto a horse from a standing start and rides away. Yeah, that's fucking sick. Bear back too. Never seen again. Yeah, I was saying the horse is seen again, because the next time you see Kury Ark and he's lying, like, spying on the winery,

where Strager works, and then the horse is just kind of grazing in the background. Oh, is the horse still there? Yeah, I messed up. I know, the horse, the horse, it's all there, in the background. Oh, is the horse still there? I messed up. Oh, sorry. It's all right. It's cute.

Life-al. Yeah, he's taking over the horse. It's lovely. Mm-hmm. Right. Right. What's next? Next note, simply says,

Oh, hell, yeah, girl. Love her, which does not help me very much remember what I have. Yeah. My one says, oh, she's a freak freak. So, yeah, we're basically talking about the same thing. Oh, yeah, okay. Right. So, so, she's a freak freak. So yeah, we're basically talking about the same thing. Yeah, okay, right. So Luca reports in. And it's very good.

It's sort of dismayed at the news that they've only managed to kill one uncle agent. The other one is just loose. And so he's like, this organization doesn't tolerate failure. Miss Dyketon, my sort of inappropriate secretary, it's time for you to do the thing. And she's like immediately, no no breaks,

unzips her dress at the thigh to reveal a thigh holster for a stiletto. And then she just, she's on board like instantly, minute one seconds. She even says thank you to him for like allowing her to do this. Yes. In a sexy voice. Do you recognize this actress, by the way?

I do. It's Janet Lee, aka the woman who got stabbed in the shower and psycho. Oh, nice. I didn't recognize her in this at first, mostly because she's playing it so evil and horny. She does zen your on the top shit, she kills people and gets off on it. Yes, she looks him in the eyes and she tells him to run and then when he does, she throws the stiletto perfectly between his shoulder blades and practically comes on a spot standing up. She comes, she comes, 100%. It just goes to show as well that like golden

eye came out in like 1990, whatever and really hadn't moved on in terms of its like conception of what a female villain could be in about 30 years. This film may be retroactively depressed about Xenia and golden eye. Oh yeah, it's like deadlier than the male shit. At this point, we cut to Kuriyak and his horse in a field watching the strago winery. And he calls Waverly and is like, yeah, so so am I got separated, I think you got goblown up. It's looking pretty heavily guarded here. I don't know what I can do about it.

And Waverly just sort of goes, yeah, figure it out by not helping you. Waverly is a fucking asshole in this film. He's a gun in this film. Why is it called in this film? It's like, I'm not doing shit. What, he's like, well, you figure it out, I guess, aren't you? I'm not really spending any more time on this, to be honest. I've been my globe table hours of entertainment.

Listen, listen, Karyarkin, you're the only good agent we have. If you can't figure this out, then why,, quite frankly with fucked. A guy creeps up behind Kuriyakin and we get a great little fight scene where he like punches the guy like you know sort of like cold across the room. It's great. Um, still so beautiful. But meanwhile, Solo is being attacked to health by Pierre, the pizzeria girl. There's a really funny bit where someone says, how are you?

And he says, Traybian, gracias. Yeah, really good. She goes through his wallet and finds a bunch of money, which he takes as like compensation for the people. She opens it up and she's like, she looks at the big wardrobe money. She's like, well, I'm a poor girl. And then she starts putting it back and she's like, but I am an honest girl., and she's like, well, I'm a poor girl, and then she starts putting it back, and she's like, but I am an honest girl,

and then she takes a few notes out of it, and it's like, and this is interest. She also, of course, when she notices that he's waking up, he has like a towel on his head, which is very lucky for her that she can't see the big sex percentage chance on this forehead, which is now approaching a hundred. She goes, and because of the problem this film has with Italians, I count five instances of different characters saying this in this movie. It comes up a lot.

Every single one of them hits like this. Also, again, because she is Italian, she of course has family who are in the mafia in the US. She has like posters of them hits like this. Also again, because she is Italian, she of course has family who are in the mafia in the US. She has like posters of them on the walls. Yeah, this is the other thing. This is what's so funny. She has pictures of their FBI wanted posters with their names, the Stiletto brothers, insanely hard names.

But their nicknames are fingers, forget the other one, and feet. This is like feet stilletto. Feet stilletto. Yeah, and then when Solo asks her about this, she's like, oh yeah, these are just pictures of my uncles, which is an incredibly funny thing to my mind to say, like three framed pictures of your uncles, they're all Robert Vaughn.

And yeah, they're in the prohibition business in America. And, you know, we're all very proud of them here. But I mean, while Elia has stolen the Guards uniform and he's trying to infiltrate this winery, Miss Dijkton sees him and is like, you know, you're fucking hot and he's like, cheers, thanks, like I've got an only fans,

feel free to sub. Yeah. But like, don't be weird. At this point, I wrote down, damn, wish my boss was a catastrophically horny, sexually sadistic, older woman who carried a knife everywhere. But you can't ever bring me back. On this podcast, mine is.

I was talking about you, Alice. I know, but I'm still processing how I feel about that particularly older. Oh, I thought. Oh, no, man. Because I've far. Death's the youngest of us. Definitely the youngest. That's true. Yeah. No, no, it fits. It fits. I can't argue with it. It's just changing the way that I feel about some things as all. But so Kuryak and, like, has to sort of, you know, let her perv on him. Yeah, basically. Well, he's carrying this big thing of, like, supposedly, masala wine over his head.

We discover it's actually heavy, heavy water. That's right. Do you have the Eccolaleum every rest? Yeah, the Eccolaleum every rest is. That's right. Yeah, the accolade of the rest is such a good Do bubble rules. Have you any idea what one bottle of that heavy water is worth? It's like so to be dubbed over that I thought it was like a flubbed line. Yeah, I do. But then we've only said that way. Yeah, it's the heavy, heavy water.

It's like heavy water, but it's heavy. It's water is so fucking heavy, dude. It's why it's difficult to carry. And so Courier can get yelled at by the same officer who's like, aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper? Why is it birth certificate? You can't come in here. Yeah. You can't come in here. Yeah.

You can't just identify as a guard and so on and so on. And then Keelia has the correct response to this, which is just punching me the face and run. Yeah. Right. Immediately leap over a fence. He gets another phone call with Solo, where I love their little sort of like old married couple,

because Solo tells him I'm being nursed back to health by a beautiful Italian woman or whatever and Solo just goes, I should have known. Yeah. Yeah, do we solo for a reasonable moment? Yeah, you should have. You knew I was doing this, but I wasn't changed. Yeah.

Yeah. I can't find Solo, I hope he's okay. Yeah, obviously, many arms with a beautiful Italian woman. Don't worry about me I'm fine. He's like, all right. That's right So I can miss it on his own As solo is about to leave the search kicks in for Kuryakum Because they all think solo is dead

But they know Kuryakum is like around and has infiltrated them and escaped That's right and the town is suddenly filled with soldiers very gently knocking on doors with rifle butts because they don't wanna break the prop doors. And so solo. And so solo. So no has to hide under Pierre's bed. Yes.

There's this very funny moment where the soldiers burst in, they check out the bed, they drag them out and they go, I'm terribly sorry. This isn't the man we're looking for. Yeah, because they're looking for Korea. It's just a kind of normal, like, dude hiding under a bed. Yeah, but like, during this peer's non-er, sees him hiding under the bed as like,

my daughter's been dishonored, and she initiates a shotgun wedding. She says it's time to begin the killing. Yes, she literally is a shurih Yes, she literally has the side by side. There's I buddy saying this fucking girl. Yeah, and Solo tries to call Elio for help because again, he's bad at his job and Elio is good at it. And he manages to get a message out, but the whole time she's just like dunking on him for talking to himself and she's like, oh, you know, this is going to be my grandson in law and he like talks to me.

The line is so fucking funny. He calls up Eliot and he's like, yes Napoleon, how is your burgeoning romance? It threatens to burgeon too far. Do you know where the car is? I hate when my burgeoning romance threatens to burgeon too far. It threatens to burgeon too far. Do you know where the car is? Yes, I also hate when that happens So bring the fucking car

So, um, you've earned the car around front Solo calls it, you'll get it, you'll get drives the car around the front as Solo's been like Shotgun married to this the front as Solo's been shot down, married to this girl. And then, Solo's like, Whom Stamongas has not done this? Solo leaves James Bond from the specs of the video. Yes, he exits that relationship by fully jumping from the window, through the window into the car and driving away. It's a good jump, too. It's not like when weton just fell out. He's like, excuse me, and it just licks it through the fucking window. I leave a relationship like Ripton does. I am

sort of like bundled, visibly unconscious and not moving out of the window. I just fall into grass like about three floors below. So windows on you, you go down. Yeah, my God. As they're leaving, Solo is like, I feel pretty bad about this. We should probably go back because I have, you know, dis honored this woman for life. Even though he didn't have sex with her,

he's like, well, everyone's going to think that she's, you know, and like the Italians, they sacrifice girls who do this, I assume. Has to blame. It's a blue culture down here in far flanks, is there a kill this girl for this? Can you blame anyone for looking at Robert Vaughn as Napoleon Solo, a man who is like sex now? Every time he enters a room, a man who enters a room with the sort of air of, am I going to have sex in here?

Last scene entering your granddaughter's room in the middle of the night. When she was naked. Yeah, they pull him out from the bed and you see the like the sex chance counter on his head ticking down. That's been married and it's hitting like 2015, 2015. It's a part to be married and he's just like thinking about the honeymoon is like ticking up very slightly. So maybe I could swing this.

Maybe. Yes. But it's like, yeah, yeah. I think I would also consider that my granddaughters maybe had not had a sort of like fully honorable event. Oh yeah, not even says this as well. He's like, I can't expect you to understand. I'd be thinking the same thing in your position to himself.

I have seen myself. Is that yeah? No, not a reason. I'm a footage where Elias accent cuts out midline because David McCallum, ADR, doing the second half of the line, but forgot to do the accent, which is extremely funny. Yeah, I'll come back in, but I'm not going to do the action text.

I'm not. The action trying to discourage you from getting me to come into ADR anymore lines. I'm making it a sort of policy now that when I do, they will be discussed. Yeah, as well that you just aren't trying to get involved. Yeah. So at this point, we go to Piers Nonna and Piers Nonna knows exactly what to do, which is you call the stiletto brothers and we have some fun with this sequence because this movie thinks correctly that the idea of an old gangster is the funniest shit that works. Yeah, and it's fucking right.

Yes, yes, it's so good. Yeah, along with one touch of the various still-out-over-others being called the answer. The first one, so, gone so. Fingers. Yeah. He's watching his absurdly loud film projector. Yeah. So it's nice to know that this is like a consumer technology.

He's watching like old gangster movies, public anime, or whatever, and being tormented by his wife whom he hates. Bitch, yeah. Yeah, hate wife. Yeah, make the wife. Literally, I don't think there's a single line to his wife that he doesn't start with. Shut up. Yeah, even he gets even when he gets the phone call when he's on the phone.

He goes, shut up. No, no He is told of Piers fate and it's like, okay, I'm gonna put the boys together for this his wife object and he does the sort of Public enemy cackney thing of like smashing a grapefruit in her face as a joke a cream bun. a cream bun that she looks at the camera. She breaks the fourth hole. Yeah, it's weird. I think it's the same actress, maybe. I think so.

It's also weird how the grapefruit bit in the public enemy is remembered. Because if you go back and watch it, it's not like this sort of, it's not as sadistic as this. Like you just sort of like shoves her in the face of it, whereas we remember now just like grinding a whole fruit in a woman's face. The weird.

Anyway, so he's like, I'll put the boys together. And the next boy is, I gotta believe this is feet. Because he's dancing. I just see, yeah. That makes sense. Yes. Feet who is teaching dance lessons at an old folks home, for even older folks than him.

Um, and the second he gets the news he just like drops everything. He's on some professor championship. Yeah, he's been activated. Activated. He is committed to this program. His walks out he leaves like cronstein actually. He's like sort of mid-waltz or whatever. He gets the telegram who's like like, alright, great, leaves.

Yeah, perfect. And the last guy is in prison, and he also just like leaves. Yeah, he just leaves. It's like, it's honor, and they're like, alright, I want you to go, big man. Go fuck it, kill some guys for your daughter. In more or more. Yeah, well good. Waverly has to brief Solo and Couriac, now that they're back in the States.

Solo does tell him, oh hey, I'm mixed up with this Italian girl. And Waverly just kind of raises Nye Brown says, well, I'm sure an uncle agent would never do anything improper to which two movies ago, you pimped out your niece to this man. Yeah, because he's doing things improperly. Yes, yes. And this didn't make an impression at all.

You're just getting these. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I was doing it. It's like he's cured. Yeah. With the Chicago find out what they're doing with this heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy water. Curiacan, much like a telegraph columnist, you will have to now pretend that you are a member

of the working class. They have a really funny joke here, which is they're going to get them to go into cover as a long shoreman. He's like, well, I've never done that before. We only need this, and it's a union card, which I like. Okay. So, uh, Koryak and Goes on to cover, he like goes and opens a bunch of crates undercover, he like goes and opens a bunch of crates as he does, misdict, and sees him out of an upper window in the warehouse. And it's like, oh man, I definitely kill him. Opens a wall panel which like switches around to reveal a brand new G3 rifle, by the way. The 60s were a better time. And at this point, she's sort of like, she's lining up shots on him and she is interrupted by Italian Americans bracket stereotype.

That's right. I get a lot out of it. A whole dozen of these guys. And essentially what they do, they're all wearing hats. None of them are green. Oh, you've asked all wearing hats, none of them are green. Oh, you've asked Billy, none of these fucking hats are green. And one of them goes, all right, just go in there and do some slapstick bullshit on it. You know, give him the fucking Chicago treatment and the Chicago treatment appears to be a three ring circus. It's perfect.

Yeah, it's really funny because because Elia, they try and jump in the air and Elia, like, says, I don't, I don't wanna fight you. He's like, come on, you're an old man, I don't wanna do this. He's like trying to hit Elia, he just like really easily, stuff it out of the way and then just like runs without hurting any of them. It's really sweet.

There's a point. There's a guy who has like a Tommy down. And Elia has what I can only describe as a sort of a baffling, like a maneuver, a move, right? A tactic, swear. He takes off his hat, his little Longshoreman's cap, not green, by the way, throws it up in the air. And I don't know why, but the guy just riddles the hat

with bullets and is just full of shooting at nothing. Multiple seconds. Like there's just fun like choosing it. Multiple seconds. Like there's no way he thinks that. I just think it's nice for the stimulus response gangsters from Goldfinger have gotten a full spin off movie. I think it's good to have a short time. I can tell by this. It's just, yeah.

Alert on this fucking hat for so long. And the whole time Miss Dykes and it's like leaning out of an upper window like, you know, one hand jerking herself off the other hand trying to cite up Kuriyak and every time she has a perfect shot, it is interrupted by an Italian-American man. And you see her getting more and more frustrated by this, which I really like. And at the end of it, she's eventually like, I just walk downstairs, so this doesn't keep happening to me. You, you throw a pineapple at them and they all panic because they think it's a grenade. I don't have an explanation for this other than the...

Same-manage response. He throws a pineapple at me. It's a pineapple and then like, all jump. I can cover. Not that much. Anyway, so Solo appears and they're captured by the mafia. And they're like, look, you're gonna go to a wedding, you're gonna marry Pierre, or we're gonna kill you. And Solo is driven away.

Elia puts his hands down because the mafia had gone and then someone immediately puts a gun to the back of his head and he's like, oh, fuck sake. He's like, you're fuck sake. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like as I'd like. It's been by a dog. And...

Come now. This is going to come up every time. And the dog buys me with a... I like promise not to. Okay, okay, that's the last story. You've squashed the beef with the dog. Like it's well known at this point. Unless the character in a film is bitten by a dog,

I will not bring it up. I will not bring it up again, I'm prompted. Trying to like... I need like a website that tells me before I watch a film now, whether or not a character is bitten by a dog. Sorry. You could just be like, no, this one. I don't feel like doing that one,

are they boys? Exactly. You could just have a nose, I don't know. So they take solo to a nightclub, the perfect location for a mafia wedding. I know that this is obviously. I feel like there was a Nazi scientist a while ago. I think he's around.

He's been sort of like fan-girling for Miss Dijkton. Like he's like, he's like, I'm proud of her in the old days. He appreciates a bit of torture, you know? He knows what he likes. Yeah. But we get solo's wedding. And I've got my note is,

which I say go for it honestly. Yeah Yeah, it's pretty cool. I'll score a bunch of times. Do you want to go to a wedding or a funeral? And he's like I do not But they have this great line. I'm not a telly Trying to be proud anyway You can be an ally man. You can be an ally. It's okay. You don't have to actually be the ally. So the eye is done for an LGBTQIA first.

Let's make a game of social transport. You know, it's Ali. It's Ali. It's Ali. And you've got to think before you spread hate, alright? This is why we do the Pride Parade at San Gennero every year. Most important colors at the rainbow are red, white and green. That's right. That's right. That is right. One in every three people is Italian. That sounds right. Yeah. So they're about to get a married, a get sort of against his will. And then

about to get him married and get sort of against his will. And then, um, Strego and the boys rock up. The fact that Strego is presumably also Italian and like not Italian American, but fully Italian. Never really comes up. Isn't mentioned. He, he, he, he, his allegiance to business. He's betrayed his Italian roots, you know, and I think that's sad. Um, it's a little bit like sort of more Italian than the Italians themselves on the Italian Americans because he holds them up. He tries to take solo at gunpoint and then this results in a gun fight, which he has to interrupt with the expedient of, I have a bomb if you don't let me leave with Solo and I guess also peer because we're doing this now I will blow up the entire night club with you

Yeah, I mean while Solo and P you're like carrying under a table and it's just like holding each other quite close Actually, yeah sweet. I got nice. I also I also like that Strega has done this himself I think it takes a lot of a lot of of hurts better lead from the front like this. Hmm. Um, I also, I think there's one point where one of the Italian guys calls solo a honky. I didn't get the drop.

They might have, they might have called him honky but I swear to God on high. At one point, take this honky out and waste him. Like genuinely, I believe it will. It's a good. So like right on the knife edge of when Italians were wise or not, you know, the movie goes back and forth. I'll tell you that.

It was changing. I was filming it. They were getting like a guy to come in every day on set and be like, all right, our Italians white today. And he was like, ah, not today. I'd certainly be like, all right, our Italians white today and he was like, and not today. And they do this sort of like Italian, like a biting their finger thing at him in Unison, which I believe is to signify that,

you know, they have declared vendetta. That's right. I can shake spirit and shit. Like I bite my phone at you, sir. On Strago. Yeah, yeah. Strago who is Sicilian is like the fuck that was f***ing... What?

He lives that kind of peasant bullshit. Why are you biting your finger at me? So, Sunna gets away, but now Strega has Elyah and Pier. Let me go back to Uncle HQ and Wavel is like, we're just going to f*** it. They're going to annihilate the Caribbean, so we're just gonna bomb the shit out of it. Fuck Elyrid Pia fuck this whole shit. I'm going home of 4.30 today. I'm not coming in on Saturday. Fuck you are bombing the island. It's great. It's like it's like like what? Obviously. This is the only way. This is the risk because he's an uncle, and he knows we're expendable, but he is just like a brand of Italian woman.

Yeah, and he's like, yeah, yeah, don't go to the fully human. Yeah, I know why they said they're not white. So fucking, we're calling the island. This makes a lot of the uncle movies make a lot more sense when you realize that the plan B, to everything they do, is wavily just sends a fucking bunch of B-52 bombers to level every year. Yeah, I did realize we've only had that authority. That's why he's taken so many chances on this Napoleon solo shit. He's like, look, this does the work which level the fucking island. He really doesn't have a median option. It's either guy running around on catwalks like punching people in the head or

bombers, right? Nothing in between. So we've got to indulge the first guy. We've got to come a long way from knockout gas and like we don't kill people until like I'm just going to fucking kill everyone. Actually, he's got two buttons on his desk and it's lighter so I can have you attack. The point of my awesome point, the boy. desk is rotating, so it's hard to know which one he's going to press. But we're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel.

We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel.

We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel. We're of a roulette wheel into two things, isn't there a ready-made way of doing it? No, anyway. It could be funny. So your fellow is just two segments of the roulette wheel. That's what we're working with here. All the same segments, but they're all numbered one or two. I get to the next. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sorry, I miss on two Hemispheres here

We get we get so close to getting a fucking Napoleon solo license to kill moment here as well He's properly ready to do it. He's like I'm gonna fucking go get that and and and and wavily goes, all right, fine, turn in your security Dorito. Um, if you're fucking Dorito solo. Yeah, but much like him, although he doesn't he doesn't he actually is he's more considerate than him and that he doesn't fire him first before doing this. He's like, you know, you'll have to hurry if you want to get there before the fucking bombers. Which I could delay, but we'll know. Yeah, and then just having not delayed the bombers and instead just sent potentially another agent to their death, he turns around and calls himself like, says Alexander Waverley sent a mental ram.

Sentimental ram, yeah. Yeah, he calls himself sent a medal about it. It's like, rather what? What are you doing, man? Sometimes I worry I'm too nice with the B-52 bombers. Meanwhile at first, I had to call it the Caribbean. Everyone's horny. Sorry, I just noticed a note from the fucking Italian wedding scene, which is Strego is trying so hard to be the primary antagonist of this movie.

And he's like really struggling to pull the focus back to him. Well, the other thing is like anytime Italians on screen, everything is notably much louder and more confusing. That's right. This is a deliberate stylistic choice this movie makes. Italians are sort of like chaos agent in this movie. Their allegiance is more to themselves and they're only complicated series of vendetti

than it is to any system of order or government, including the mafia. But Stringer tries to up his evil credentials by lasting after peer, who wants to have it. Yeah, this is this is trying to be a moment to try and take all these. It doesn't land. Yeah, but the way the way that he's trying to play this per the script is he's obsessed with like cleanliness and order, but something in her savage, peasant, dirty, filthy soul, again, Italian, we're not white today.

Um, it, you know, speaks to his sort of like, uh, baser instincts, his like more, you know, animalistic lust. And so he, he like tries to molester and she's like, I would throw myself out of a window first. Um, at which point they're interrupted by Miss Dke's and who is visibly disgusted at the idea that Strego may have sex with an Italian woman. Not the, not the rape, no, just the fact that she is Italian, the fact that he's miscedinating. Looking at the sign of a more than it says not white.

Yeah, exactly. It's like a bit sad. It's like pocket watch. He's like not white today. Yeah exactly. It's like a bit sad. It's like pocket watch. He's like not white today. All right. It's like the sort of terror threat alert. It's like it's like a rule and a bit with two. Yeah. Yeah. That's wrong. That's wrong. Every the current Italian whiteness level is not and so she's disgusted. The UK government has updated the national Italian whiteness level two. No.

Oh, God. And so, but she's disgusted. She's also jealous as the other thing because as we've seen, she, she desperately wants, you know, the strago dick and is, is not getting any baffling, baffling on account of both these characters again. Yeah, well exactly. I think they've been played that way. Not least because one of them is called Miss Dyketon.

Yeah, I haven't said a name, Jen, because I don't know if I can't on it. It's D.I.K. But it's weird to have a Miss Dyketon and she's just like, I hope this man has such a name. But materially, yeah, in fact in fact, we all get to this. So, Miss Daiton brings Elya in on a leash, my note said Lucky Boy. He just like me for a real sore off my note, but... Yeah, I was about to say.

Uh-huh. It's not a very good leash, but... No, it's more of a belt, really. Yeah, you would really wait, yeah, I would not do that. You want to be careful with it, definitely. Yeah, definitely. You don't want to have one of those at sort of neck level, but yeah, so she's like, oh, what do you want me to careful with the definitely sort of you don't want to have one of those that it's sort of neck level, but Yeah, so so she's like, oh, what do you want me to do with him?

I've been I've been torturing him for a bit in ways that are sort of like off screen But I left for you to imagine in a sort of a titlizing way and straight up is like I don't care. I truly do not But Stryger has built the world's biggest remote vibrator. Stryger? Yes, yes he has. We start getting some plans like explained at this point and they don't follow any meaningful way, but it's good. He's like, I'm going to take, I'm going to take Couriacan and give him the tour.

You keep, keep here here. Don't do any lesbian shit while I'm gone. This is just like the main man with the golden gun where Scaramanga gives Bond the tour of the base of that. This is my plan, by the way, I've got a laser gun. Yeah, just, oh, incidentally. Oh, good, I'll get a laser gun here. And the laser gun, it has, okay, so they have a bunch.

It's a lot of tuning forks. It's built a bunch of vibrators in the bowels of the island. A sentence which gives me two drops, right? First of all, in the bowels. And second of all, ready to vibrate. To vibrate. Alternate vibrators.

Alternate vibrators in turn. Are there any points? Solo is in a speed boat, sort of doing the maritime I'm punished so much you're walking pace. Solo is approaching. He's not wearing any sort of suit at all. He's coming in.

He looks tired. He looks haggard. And fucking, fucking Strago is like, check this shit out. Makes Ilya look at him and then activates the machine and punished So solo goes up like fucking castle bravo. Yeah, unbelievable. He vibrates his shit so much he nuts into an explosion. Again, been there not as often as I'd like. I, this is the second time in this movie we have flat out killed Napoleon solo with an explosion and yeah no we don't

see him again for a bit so you're just like he's dead. Yeah I mean it could have just built a giant gun on the shoreline but instead they have this like machine which supposedly you gotta vibrate things from a distance and it's like oh and if you're wondering if this comes up again no distance. And it's like, oh, and if you're wondering if this comes up again, no, imagine. Again, it's like the fucking laser beam from God, yeah, remember gone gun. It's just like, you thought the word plug in magic once were two were two powerful. You wait till you stand in front of this thing. That's right. Also, we have to introduce a guy, a guy who I would very much like to award some sort of cronstein just for vibes alone. In the command center of the vibrator, there's a captain I guess you would describe

him as who is wearing the fit that most of the guards wearing, which is a blue like powder blue jumpsuit. With a thrush logo on it. A lot of the unicolored jumpsuit. With the clutch logo on it. A lot of lots of unicolored jumpsuit. With the clutch logo on it. I can get that, that'll be. Yeah, the rules. A black beret that all round beat Nick Sunglasses and a grey moustache and goatee. Yeah, sick. Incredible vibes.

He looks like sort of like a more based version of Jamie Heinemann combined with the Domon, like a BDSM porn site. There's a lot going on there, and it's an incredible look for him. Meanwhile, back in the lesbianism chamber, Miss Dyke's and nominative determinism takes hold, right, and we get a fight between misdiagnom and pier in which she becomes extremely horny. I just clipped this drop from my own personal, used to be honest. Oh, yes. I think you should try to escape. She's pulling a knife at this point

also. And they have a fight under her fine chin which that's one way of describing Yes, there's cats it's like they they're on all fours like swiping each other they're meant to look like cats and I'm like This isn't this some grappling Is that which led me to write down your mind? Because the other thing about Pia right is because she's Italian She's like Bob barically strong in ways that will like come up repeatedly is because she's Italian, she's like, barbarically strong in ways that will like come up repeatedly. And so she's sort of more or less able to like easily defeat Ms. Dykes, and by just like,

she's like knocking her over and like holding her down and punch again. Yeah, as seen in which like a person who is shown to be like a trained assassin who works that matter for a fresh and like the highest level versus normal Italian woman just loses. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know. Arms that have been strengthened by nothing but rolling pizza dough.

You know, like, just like pissing off, picking up Miss Dytin and like tossing her and like spinning around. You can fucking launch a pizza dough in a hot job's hat, arm. You can fucking launch a pizza in your home. Or jobs hat, man, it's fucking unbelievable. And so she makes it to the door,

only for Strega to come back in and just like, sort of take the knife away from her because all men are stronger than women, even Italian women. Yeah, the order goes men, Italian women, women. Yeah. Yes. And then sort of go to Miss Dijkton, who is literally having to she has been left unconscious in the middle of a very wide round conference table. He just starts briefing her and professor of

doctor's info and like, this is how she for her. Wearing like half of her clothes has to like crawl on her hands and knees off of the table. And when she does get his attention, he's like, oh, you're incredibly fired. Like this organization does not tolerate failure. I got a, like, and you can, I mean, to be fair, she has previously been used as the assassin to kill a guy who has like failed less hard than she has just now.

That's true. That's true. A guy who actually 50% succeeded. But you know what? Die by this, the less. You know what, man? Listen, you never think a pant is going to eat your face. So that is true. And hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

So she... I didn't think she, she, she, she wouldn't tolerate my failures. Action the failed then. Moving on. She, he tells her that she's going to have her transferred, which leads me to a great drop because she just kind of says, yeah, that's only a movie. That's unedited. Yeah, that's only a movie. That's a movie. That's unedited.

She might have said the sentence for her and I may have clipped it, but that's a slightly another. And so she resolves to betray him. She leaves. We survive a close up shot of the elevator. We just keep filming the other two fuckers from across the room because we have the budget to move the camera. So we just have the rest of the scene at like 20 feet distance. Yeah, like what?

Um, it's like we're going to fucking turn Greenland into a place called Thrushland, which is an interesting name. And it's going to be like a tropical paradise like Britain is now. And Britain's going to be unenhabitable. Like Britain is now. But she, she mistyet and goes to Elia and Pia's cell and is like, yo, I want revenge. Let's team up and Elia's like, yeah, whatever I guess, like as long as you electrocute me again, I'll do whatever you want, mommy. Yeah, but before before she shows up, Pia is like tending to Elia and she's like, oh, you're very handsome and she fucking,

in an affectionate way, grabs the bottom of his jaw, really fucking hard. Like, you can see dense in his cheeks. He's like, me and him, me and him. She even says, are you Italian and he goes, no? He's like offended by the question. What the fuck? No, he's quite nice about it. You's like, no, no, no, no, I'm not dead.

They were white. So it was fine. He's like, no, I'm not. There is another, another boat, a fishing boat. Yeah. And we see the one of those. The fucking boys.

The mob grandpa's the fucking Northern boys or the Southern native boys. The mob grandpa's the fucking Northern boys or the southern native boys. They rescue solo like the beginning of the born identity. They just call them on board. And also this is the first time that we get feet called by name, which leads me to. Hey, I hate that I need a drop. But Hey buddy, you called that. That's a good name. No, fingers. Fingers is at least acceptable.

You like do things with your feet. You can like interact with the world using your fingers. Sizzle, I guess. Were you interact with the world with your feet? I suppose. Not as much. At this point, a patrol boat shows up and It's so low like oh, what are you gonna do about this? They're like as fine. We did run running

We just kill up. Yeah, which they don't explain why he's there and they have like a little team up moment Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the mob guys is this is got killed. This is going to fucking gone in. It's a shame. They capture the captain Mr. Go team. Yeah, they do. I mean, what's interesting is he has the greatest line. They have to have the Geneva conventions. Oh, what's that? Do you have this? It's this. Geneva conventions. Oh, what's that? Do you have this? Yes, that's this. I'm firing. I give up. Really good. Pretty like the room tier ship. Unbelievable.

Perfect. And but they they take in prison because although feet wants to kill him, the gangsters observe the Geneva conventions and they don't kill a surrendered enemy. At this point, it's 54 minutes, 23, giving up hope of a green hat appearing, many, many counts on the hat. But then they go to the island, they infiltrate the island. The man and the green hat they call it. The man in the green hat arrives by helicopter that this is Strago's boss, Mr. Thayer.

He's from Thrush sent. The first time we've seen a prop on my app in Thrush, I think. Yeah. I cannot stress enough. This is one hour into an hour and a half movie we get the man in the green hat actually shows up. And I had a theory burgeoning about this, which is that like given that previously we had a spy in a green hat and the title was one of our spies is missing, none of the spies were missing. And before that, one of the spies was missing. I was genuinely starting

to consider that maybe all of the titles had been displaced by one. Yeah. One of our spies is missing. Yeah. Spying the green hat. He is in a helicopter. He shows up in a helicopter. So like, I, it made perfect sense to me. But no, he's the spy in the green hat. He gets out of the helicopter. Let me tell you about this hat. It's fucking barely green. Yeah. Oh my god. It's gray. It's fucking gray. And the worst thing is, he is sitting directly next to a guy. Never, who never speaks, never seen again, who is wearing the brightest blue hat you can imagine. If you look to this guy and told,

like if you look to these two guys and said, one of these guys has a hat and color related nickname. I'd be like, oh yeah, that's the guy in the, the guy that blue hat and his friend, dip shit Paul or whatever. And but no, this is the man in the green hat, which is not that green and unnamed character. This guy's bright blue smurf ass hat is entirely unremarkable, but everyone looking at this gray hat with a feather in it. The feather isn't green either, is like, blinded by the fucking green wavelengths

coming off of this. This is a green ass. They're just like fucking dogs. They can't see the colors. And shit. And he only wears it in his arrival, see it takes off a media line in it. And he just takes it off. Also, I was quite excited to see like a big boss of thrash. I was like, oh, we'd not met in these guys before. Like, I imagine that we're pretty sinister, but he comes out of haircofter and he's like, yo, what's up? I like this. I really like this decision.

I really like this because it's such a work jolly. It's like, I'm here on a fact-finding mission to the Caribbean island. You know, I'm definitely not having a day off as a waitress is putting like a flower garden around my mouth. That's not a joke, this is what is literally how he wears it for the entire rest of the movie also. I'm not calling the spot on the fucking late. What is happening here? Looking at this guy, not wearing a hat, that's the man in the green hat. They call him

the man in the green hat. Why? Why do they call him this? Why? We do get a really nice bit where he sees Miss Dyson is like, Oh, Miss Dyson, you're one of her best agents, thanks a lot. She then leaves and Strago goes, Oh, I'm really sorry, but she had to write quite a damning report about Miss Dyson for being too horny. And I'm going to request that she's transferred.

And the man in the green hat just goes, Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Probably easy to just kill other, save other paperwork. And he's like, yeah. It's really good. Yeah, he's still a sort of sheet. He's just on holiday. Oh, yeah.

Miss Dijkton, like, sneaks downstairs and like, brings Elia up to the party as the entertainment. The idea is he's going to be like torture to death in front of them for fun, like, you know, Salah or whatever. But, and she's like, we're going to have to clean him up first, throws in a racist line up here because Italians aren't white again that day of filming where she's like, I don't know if you could clean her up, which is nice, like just a little bit of like being a cunt. Yeah, just because you just so that you're not like, oh, she's had a change of heart and she's good now. No, no, she's still a cunt. She just hates

the other guy more than the uncle guys at this point. Yes. She kills a guard and she frees Elia. Yeah. Yeah, she comes again off of this, by the way, just in case that wasn't clear. That is explicit. She's like, mmm, delicious. Freeze Elia and goes, oh, by the way, I am also still a Nazi because she says, oh, Professor Dr. Von Kronen, who's kind of my soul mate in a lot of ways, by virtue of being a Nazi. Meanwhile, Von Kronen has overheard that they're going to kill her and has come to warn her.

And he sees me helping you to your escape and he's like, ah, what's the fuck? This is the worst I've been owned since May of 1944. I get it all. Oh, that hound of fucking voice, it gives shit. He barely does that. He barely does that. He's like, yeah, I came here to warn you, and now I'm gonna go back and warn them about you.

I should not have announced this very loudly as a man with a gun standing here. I mean, extremely loudly. Oh, I'm gonna go warn my boss about you. Man, it's hell with the fuck. Yeah, Elia just immediately shoots this Nazi, which is cool. Yeah, fucking based. Total number, like somewhere in Starlingrad, the big McDonald's star, a sign of number of Nazis killed by the Soviet armed forces, ticks up by one. After a few years off, like, oh, I'm just like,

another one. And they say, oh, I'm gonna go warm. I'm gonna go warm, I boss about you. Man, it's hell with the fuck. Yeah, Elia just immediately shoots this Nazi, which is cool. number of Nazis killed by the Soviet armed forces ticks up by one after a few years off. Like, oh, that's a second. Got another one. And they just like, dang, and I'm like, oh. Over one million search. Yeah. So, Eliya and you get fucking the horny lady,

Dijkton reunites with Solo and the Mafia boys with the Northern boys. The whole time this is happening, we're getting a fantastic sort of like workplace comedy where the spy in the green hat is like, he's having a great time. He's at the party, he's like dancing with women. And he's like, yeah, and Strecko is getting like constant updates about how wrong everything's going and he is floundering so hard. Yeah, it's good.

He's like, everything's fine so why don't you have another drink? And what's really funny is we get a great little line off of the spy and the green hat where he's like, you know, I've ordered a number of uncle or agents executed. They're actually seeing one myself and I don't want to get a reputation as being strictly a desk man,

which is legitimately great because like anything, where if you take evil organization and turn the focus on the organization part, that's really fucking funny. I always love doing this. It's so good. So, but the super friends agree to like raid the island because you know, it appears in there. And...

Dictant goes up to Strega's office to try and get revenge and like, he's on his way out of the door, doesn't even stop movie, Pimp slaps her out cold. Yes. He had this... Genuinely. That's like a... That doesn't break stride. Slap locked and loaded

It's sort of the actor exceeding the character there It's like it's pure jack balance is what it is is he just he he walks towards her Slaps while moving continues Yes, doesn't matter a shit. Yes, it doesn't matter because he is having any marriage struggle with women. Yes, yeah. Yeah, men, men, men, Italian women, women. Mm-hmm, that's right.

Gendo, there you go. So, Solo breaks into the house. There's a sort of unexpected bondage silhouette because he has a side pier up. No, you get the the team up moment. Yeah, because Pierre helps Dijkton helps like I don't after she's been put this up. Yes.

Yeah, which Elia and Dijkton run into the Northern boys and and solo. And they have like a moment where they have a little get together and there was a line I quite liked from it, which is that they're sort of like solos like I'm sorry man I didn't think you'd be able to get out ahead of it and you know you just like look I've brought the crits your border to us and you've brought the mafia we are we're in great shape. Yeah. Which is such a friend. Yeah. Yeah. So because on the way So, because on the way, like to go and slap Janetly unconscious, Strago has also sort of like, sort of briefly choked out here for a bit in the sort of like 60s movie way

where you touch a woman's neck and she's unconscious for the next scene. And then sort of like left her like tied up behind the screen. Solo walks in, sees the silhouette of a tied up woman and goes, is that the elevator? And she goes, no, it's over here. act of this movie makes me feel like as it's my evening, some innovative moment being tied up. But anyway, I'm, Ilya is still in disguise as a guard in his blue dipshit jumpsuit. And he bumps into Thaler who's still like, ah, great body. Can I get a tour of the place?

And he's like, yes, sure. In fact, Thaler introduced himself, saying, I I missed a Thaler from Thrush Central and like, shakes his hand. And you can see it, Eelia just been like, I will make my career from killing you. He needed his like, Oh, it's time to, I'm gonna cry.

He hates me. He hands in the assassination opportunity because he's like, so you mean to say that there's only that hatch between us and us in the ocean that would flood this compartment? And he knows you're like, yeah, I guess I'll have to demonstrate it then

opens the fucking hatch. And like just fucking like, how aww washes this guy? He's just gone. Yeah, this man is not seen again. He's entirely smooth. No. Yeah.

He's been fucking smooth. So he can't leave do electrolisus in the hurry. So peer escapes, she helps Ms. Dyke's in a way that I wrote down fewer and fewer heterosexual explanations. She's like caressing her. She's like fewer and fewer heterosexual explanations. And it's like, it says that on the bottom of like,

what are my doctors reports from like 2016? We're doing wrong. We're doing wrong. And it's seeming increasingly like this on the fucking gate gate So the missiles are about to be launched to divert the Gulf Stream remember that it's So look at uncle chopped Yes, you know uncle chops are dude underwater, which still works apparently. Yeah a dude underwater which still works apparently. Yeah.

Um, Strago, uh, was solo wakes up enough to fight the captain. Strago is left sort of like yelling desperately into a dead phone, which I quite like. Yeah, Strago, like, like, like, this is like crying. It's just like launching room. Launching room. Please. This is a guy who's like, only skill is management who has been deprived of anything to manage.

I really like it. Yeah. I feel like really solidly like he's just been bluffing the entire time and has somehow found himself on a private island with the head of thrush being like, yeah, I'm going to redirect the Gulf Stream and no one has stopped him yet. He's like, why hasn't anyone stopped me? He's just a company man, you know. But so but so Miss Dyson comes in, because she hasn't betrayed anyone except Strega, like the lesson of this movie is in part that sometimes you have to put your trust

on a bisexual Nazi sadist. Yeah, and- That's why you support so many of my Patreon, right? Oh, fuck off. I genuinely, I got a Tumblr ask. Oh, shit, really? Oh, I'll back this way. Always about that.

Why would your co-host so mean to you on the latest kill James Bond? What did you do to them to make him deserve this? I'm just warning that what did I do to deserve this kind of shabby treat? Okay, I didn't realize that it was like that bad. Okay. It's like the nice time. Alice doesn't have a work place bullying situation. I'm sorry, I'll tell you this for free. If you guys turn this around and hit me with this level of,

I'll start crying. Yes, I'll tell you this for free. Yeah, I'm so sad. I can't tell anyone who could take it. She has to be the straight one for this being a bottom. Yeah. But so we have to allow the evil woman to get killed. We can't have any of the good guys kill her.

So straight go to shoot her and get it's like shot in turn. And like we get a Janet Lee death scene, which is concernedly horny and raises a fucking existential question for a 1967 made out of TV episodes movie, which is, what if death is the ultimate act of boss? What if dying makes you come? I know it's saying nuts to death. What if you ever, like, yeah, like, she's genuinely like oh the pain is delicious. Yeah, plus I got to see this guy fail Which is also great

I might notice and you might not just say that this is like the the perfect inverse opposite of Apocalypse now starting she's like the pleasure. Yeah, yeah, it rules actually yeah, this fucking works like I'm just a coming is It's like being shot. The woman I'm coming. Wouldn't that they escape they escape the fucking island is what they do. We just kind of come back to New York. We never see any of these bombers are any around. We cut back stragglers where everybody is at a spaghetti dinner.

Yeah, that we end on a spaghetti dinner and also they invite it wavily. Wavily, wavily, wavily, wavily, spaghetti dinner. Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily,

Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily,

Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, Wavily, wavily, wavily, You're going to find off on the death of your niece and you're just like, eh, it is, but get it. Acid in a single tomato would snap this man's heart into a dozen pieces. He can't feed him Mediterranean. Wait, he's the head of uncle. He's the section chief. He can't have dinner with fucking Matthews. Imagine if that would took a photo of this. He'd be fucking it done. What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing?

What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing?

What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing?

What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? ends on a perfect like, what are you gonna do? Face. I think what's occurred here is that like, there's no way we'll let you get involved with our fucking daughter, right? I don't care. I don't care about any of this anymore. This is fucked. You're gonna be a badass.

So look, doesn't get pussy for the whole thing. No, pussy. Jesus, that's true. No, but this is what Zero Pussy does to an IMF. No, the only person who gets pussy in this movie is fucking Ilya. And it's a this movie is fucking Ilya. He gets that non-consensual pussy, which is not what you want. Yeah, regarding Ilya also, I do have what final consensual non-consensual person, which is Dave McCallum in the ripped soaking

web, like, T-shirt. Hello. Ah, yes. I did write down, he does have the long fight scene underwater with like, and I did also write down fewer and fewer heterosexual explanations for this. The canyon, as well. For the like, the like protagonist meter is moving towards the other half of the roulette with all which is between solo and. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because Solo doesn't fucking do anything. He is the one who sabotages the missile. He is the one who strikes the deal with Dijkton to get out. Solo fake dies two times. In this movie. He's just around. So he's not like a bikini at all test. And he's not seen for 10 additional minutes.

Illia Power washes a member of thrushes fucking ruling body off of the face. And because of this, I and his reward is a spaghetti. He's buried at sea like a summer fucking bin Laden. I think there's a very fucking death. I think there's something you notice in the like the Waverly briefing scenes, right? Which is that they're all wearing the security to readers. M Waverly, his one says one, Ilia's says two. Napoleon Solo's says 11. There is an explanation for that though.

Some dipshits. It was in Roman numerals in the first film they did, and he didn't realize that they changed it to actual numbers. So he just picked up the 11th assuming it was two, and they've just stuck with it the entire time, and then given Ilya two, they're just like, the hierarchy generally goes wavily Ilya, nine additional guys, Napoleon, so.

He's got nine partners, better partners, he'll get down to his left. I'm an explanation for this, which is that, and that also explains why Eelia is often so exasperated with Solo, which is that Solo is a junior agent and Eelia is training him. I genuinely believe this. The training office of fuck, yeah, no, I believe this. So, but that is the movie. One statistic that I want to end with is that the number of hats Scene Christy a green hats on anyone 49 and I counted all of them

49 non-green 49 not green hats At least that's right. This is a nice round number, but it was the 50 of hat seen on screen. That's true. That is true. And say, maybe the bright blue one would be the 50. Mm. We have a science-based system on this part.

Yeah, it's called the scum system stands for SMAM cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence and misogyny. How SMAMI is the spy in the green hat? I think it's definitely getting a couple of points for the stuff about, like, I'm in the arms of a beautiful Italian lady, you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no lines. It's not written as well as some of the previous ones, which means it's perversely written to be less mami because they don't really get the jokes off. I would say this might be like a tourist. Can I give you a point for trapeane grassy ass? Yes, that's pretty good. Yeah, you absolutely can. Three sounds. Three

sounds about right to me. Let's do three. I'm not sure on a sensitivity. It's 11. Yeah. All right. Partial sensitivity, 11. Yeah. For the, maybe something like, there is one thing, but I'll say in its favor, is that because it's like, you know, readily available as a language to have actors speaking, they do have actually Italian speakers speak Italian, and they don't sub-title it or like dub it or anything.

Like the fucking, the non-speaks like actual Italian and it doesn't really add anything. No, I think it adds to it. There's a great deal of like actual Italian actresses like here is played by a genuine Italian actress and Tisha Le Mans. Like who is sort of made to be like, oh my culture is the horny thieves Barbarously from women Spagacy yeah, Marlboro and this is live in land-iphritalians Six yeah, seven is pretty solid

Then we'll be taking a position that racism against Italians is worse than any other kind of race that's happy to take it. Which I only believe when I'm attempting to hit on an Italian woman. It's that and have you seen the hand of God or any other Palo Sorrentino movie.

Those are my lines, right? Unprovoked violence. I mean, it's getting high. The only guy we shoot out of hand is a Nazi. So, feels pretty justified. That's pretty provoked by virtue of the Nazis. In terms of unprovoked violence that we are asked to accept, there's very little.

The only major act of unprovoked violence that we are asked to accept. There's very little. The only like, major act of unprovoked violence is, is then being like, well, we'll just glass the fucking island. I don't care anymore. There's that. That's really bad. slap is bad too. He fucking power washes the, the spy in the green hat. At no no, that's unprovoked. He's thr is thrush but it it is but it is still an assassination and he just yeah it institutes that in she's like flyer you got to give it like one point for that just because he'd

like it seems like a pretty unpleasant death yeah yeah he just drown in an armed old man yeah true yeah yeah all right who is on vacation mind you yeah and then misogyny. It's going to be pretty. Oh, women are either horny psychos, aged grandmothers. I think that's it.

In insanely strong pizza real. Yeah. So those are the three. It's a very funny phrase. Like like, like, pretty, and eventually straw racist. And also like the fighting, the violence between the women is meant to be sort of sexually titillating in a way that the violence between the men is.

Yes, exactly. And that's like, a collection of real estate emails. It's like, I'm going to show it off. Yeah. I think it's going to be pretty high. I think it's going to be like a six or a seven.

I would do a six for this, certainly. Yeah, 100%. That gives us... It has enough malice in it to be seven, because it's just... Like, there's a total score of 17, which isn't the worst man from Uncle Phon, which is still the spy with my face sitting pretty at 19,

but it's one of the worst... That's down there. I do. I want to give a cronstein to Mr. Lineread Captain fucking Captain Lineread. Yeah, Captain Lineread. I want to give him a cronstein. Otherwise, no, nothing. And God, that's the spy in the green hat.

Long last we found the spy in the green hat at long last we found we're picked up with the title With the title the next one is the helicopter spies I think if there's not fucking helicopter spies in the next one is like let me check just to make sure because they'll have the same fucking names The karate killers is our next one KILLERS is our next one. We've got karate killers. We've got to spy on the fucking devoured zone paper. We've got to steal the world, which is the one my brother wants to come on. Then we've got the 15 years later affair,

and then we've got the mud and the mud and the mud and the mud and the mud and the mud and the mud. We've got like, we've got to save more of them. There's so many mud and the mud and next one and quickly, I will not be held responsible for my actions. It seems that there are at least two people who are credited as Karati killer in this server. It's looking solid. Let's go. Let's go. I've certainly loved one. Yes, I love it so much. It's so good. It's fucking great!

The next bonus episode, I think is my pick in which case we're gonna do all about my mother, unless we can do something else which I might have lined up which involves the words old and connery. You can subscribe to that on the Patreon, you don't have to, but we'd like it very much if you did, and we will see you next time. Bye! Yep.

Thank you for listening to Yet Another First Episode of 2023. Next week, on the free feed, as indeed, all of these movies are for now as it is the winter of content. Still winter, so it's still the winter of content. I actually don't know what the next one is, it's Alice's pick and she's still trying to grab between two so you'll find out when you find out when you're. Other than that, we're after next on Free Feeders. That's going to be another man from uncle that's going to be the karate killers. Sounds good to me. Sounds good to me. Obviously during this

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