Upstream - S2E16.5: The Wind and The Lion

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

Gentlemen, Ladies, whatever else: It's time to finally return to Old Man Connery. This week, we're joined by Dr Arthur Asseraf, Lecturer in the history of France and the Francophone World at the University of Cambridge. Dr Asseraf is a historian of North Africa, France, and the Mediterranean, which makes him perfectly suited to explain to us the terrible movie 'The Wind and The Lion', a vaguely true story about the time a Moroccan Sharif kidnapped an American guy in 1904 (Except in this version the Sharif is Sean Connery doing absolutely zero accent work, and the American is a stacked 10/10 baddie instead) ------ THE WINTER OF CONTENT If you do feel you have money to spare, please consider supporting your local food banks with money or time! donate to the Trussell Trust here: https://www.trusselltrust.org/make-a-donation/ or the Independent food aid network here: https://www.foodaidnetwork.org.uk/donate Additionally, please consider joining a renter's union like ACORN, as rising mortgage rates will surely result in rising rent, here: https://www.acorntheunion.org.uk/join ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Let her be jihad. Let the swords run with the blood of the infidel. You all eat land and fire. Hello and welcome to the first episode of Kil'James Bond of 2023. I am Al School Dokeleon joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hey! How you doing? And we have tricked a legitimate subject matter expert into slumming it with three podcast idiots. We got Dr Arthur Astorath, Associate Professor in the History of France and the Francophone World at the University of Cambridge on the podcast. How's it going Arthur?

Hi, I'm Elijah the Mayor. Thank you so much for coming on. We got you want to talk about a terrible movie because you did a twist of thread about it and I was like, yeah, this seems like a cruel thing to make you recapitulate. Yeah. You have made yourself known to the podcast, and we've immediately... Yeah, exactly. You guys must have watched something else, because I thought it whipped ass. I'm going to get the fire wrong.

Yeah. We're going to, I'm excited to debut with no warning, a new segment entitled, Which host of Kill James Bond is racist and I'm turning the big spotlight in your direction. I mean, the podcast episode, I know that it's racist, the podcast episode just requires conflict, so that's good. That is very good of you. But this movie is The Wind and the Lion and you may have heard from the opening drop that

we have been, we've gone back for more old Sean Connery. We're just very susceptible to an old Connery. And I've just, the problem with this is that I've been walking around my house just saying things in Sean Connery voice. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This has been a lot of time. This So how does every time we do one of these things, we've seen this man play Russia Lithuanian man. We've seen him play English. Yeah Lithuanian. How dare you? Sorry For a moment I believe they were the same country at the time don't worry We've also now seen him play a quote well-educated chic and you better believe he has not

Made any attempt. Listen, there is one very important attempt, which is that he does manage to make a laugh rhyme with a lot. So it's like, I have the drop. Oh God, or is it yes? All right, he's very understanding. Thank God. It's very, very, very, very. Oh, no, not of this pronunciation, but of a lot of other things. So I do want to stress, by the way, this movie is racist from the first shot because it opens with the faux-arobic calligraphy font, which makes the credits really hard to read. Yes.

It looks like Sean Connery is spelled with a Q and it just sort of, it sets the tone, right? And we begin. That seems so coloruminami, yeah. Sure. Yeah. As in many of these episodes, my first note is, oh no.

Oh. I was excited to find out that the phone had been used before a lot of them. Yeah, I did. Yeah, before it. And we already got the last one. Yeah. Fucking agra-fuck.

This is like a, in 1975 this movie came out. It's truly vintage dated, and yeah. Also, another thing I should say by way of sort of setting up for this is that this was written and directed by a guy called John Millius. He also did the script for Hunt for Red October. I didn't bring that up. I love a classic of film. John Millius. For Sean Conray accent game.

Yes, yeah. But I think John Millius is kind of under appreciate it. I think he's up there with Tom Clancy as one of the sort of like weird fascist Americans who sort of like made pop culture of what it became. Because this is the guy who did Dersi Harry. He did Red Dawn. He did Conan the Barbarian. Oh, we're gonna have to watch that. We're gonna have to watch that at some point. Yes, he did the script for Apocalypse Now sort of largely against his will and then complain to everyone who had listened about how it was liberalized.

to everyone who would listen about how it was liberalized. Fully like Wandix fifths and esoterics of Nazi. Also, crucially, a giant weep. He branded himself for a long time as the American samurai and the Zen Anarchist. Incredible. Did he also write writing? He's trying to write. You know, I'm actually now the guy who said that I'm not sure. I don't think so.

But knowing that he is this kind of like esoteric racist, you just know going in, you're gonna get some like warrior culture stuff. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, he like. Yeah, this guy has a weight. He does not distinguish between her big people's and the klingons. This is the same to him. Yeah, and so we see, we begin with a bunch of klingons riding their horses down the

sands into Tanger. And the way this has shot it's into cut with European colonists having a nice sort of like a cup of bordeaux in their fancy mansion. Yeah, so it takes the bold step to like introduce our protagonist by having her be a snob about wine and I was just like, oh, is this a like this one with this? She's like, oh, at lunch time, it absolutely must be bored. Oh, and I guess I agree, but also like no. It's like the vibe you're getting from this is this is a sort of a gilded cage. It's a very

like, coseted imprisoning kind of like Europeanness. And meanwhile, outside the Klingons who are doing real masculinity. All birds are unclocking. And may I also say, presented in stunning definition. No height as a kid. Yeah, lots of very fast shots of foaming the mouth horses and stuff. I'm not sure so much horse or agar fusion.

Yeah, there's so many like horse movement. Yeah, I mean, I said one of the things. Some of the things I was tentatively going to submit in the film's favor is that the horse, the horse action is very well filmed. The horse acting is genuinely extremely good. Like the way they choreograph the horse fighting and like film it is very well filmed. The horse acting is genuinely, extremely good. The way they choreograph the horse fighting and film it is all very good, and it's all reaction-bye.

I'm pretty sure some horses probably died. Oh, there's some boys who are like, how do you film that film like this? They do not make them like this anymore, and it's because they realize you can't just blow up a horse and film it. Yeah, 100%. There's just a number of shots where a horse just like eat shit very, very hard and I'm like, I don't think the horse was trained to do that.

I think there was a rope involved in that. There's a few things where you can see the stuntman so like visibly get trampled by the horse. Very settled beat and mill in that way. like visibly get trampled by the horse, very cessal beat and mill in that way. But so our boys are clinging on, trample a couple of French soldiers, literally a horse tram was the French flag because French people are purses in the University of this film. And they sort of rampage towards the nice English colonialism, which puts up a bit more of a fight, but still not quite enough. The sort of like white-suited gentleman who is like having boredot with this lady shoots a couple of them as they rampage in with a pistol. The boys run in and then this guy pulls out the lunchtime gun that he just has that on him at lunch.

He just pulls out a gun and shoots and dudes. It's the boy do have a lunchtime gun. Yes, yeah. Yeah. This special lunchtime gun. Lunch, one must have a small. But like I don't have a lunchtime gun. It's like wine pairings, right?

What? You guys have a bottle and you have a webly bulldog with the bulldo. Because that's the pairing. This is the kind of thing that I imagined my grandpa did. Just walked around and saw what I was scung through with a white suit and a gun. This is a bulldo. This guy's my favorite character because he does exactly what

he shoots several guys one at a time. And then he runs out of bullets and he goes, M and then gets hit with a sword. That's it. Like, he just, that's what he was just like, ah, like, see, I knew, so there's a little boy in the mix here, William, who's like seeing all this happen. Yeah, a boy who I sort of perhaps unkindly described as having the most English-shaped head

that I've ever seen, but there's a lot of like filming of like the English people in profile. And yes, and let me tell you, as a nation, we have some weird-shaped craniums. Not to resurrect for anology, but I knew that Sean Connery was going to be in this film. And I was like, oh, this is child Sean Connery. We're going to do a kind of, even more racist dances with wolves, like he's gonna be raised by the lads and then he'll become one, he'll become their chief. I was like, that's how it's gonna work, but no.

Oh, you expected that to be a reason he was white, no, no. It's just, no, he's not the same. I would start off Scottish to begin with, no. This is William and I fucking love William, for this entire movie because he gets so into it. Yeah, William is the this woman, Edens son, she's got a son and a daughter and both she, the son and the daughter get kidnapped in the sort of like western way of a guy picks you up and puts you on a horse and then you just

you're just done. Horses, they ride through the house. It's a good horse action. Yeah. It's they ride the horses into the house. They destroy the house sort of on general principle. They get really into it too, which I approve of. Yeah. There's a guy who has no exposition. No. So we've never met these people. We don't know why they're doing this. They show up in a house and they blow everything off. They kill Chef Boyardee. They don't even get off the horse at any point. They're just hitting like paintings with their swords on the horse in a living room.

They spill the border. I have a favorite guy here, by the way. My favorite guy is the guy who we see just beating the shit out of a sort of a table centerpiece with a sword like forged and far. Yeah, yeah, that's my guy. I love that guy so much because for no reason, what possible offense is this centerpiece offering him? We don't know, we don't care. Do you use a sword like that? No, you don't. It doesn't matter. Are you telling me you wouldn't? No, you let me loose and sort of a big fancy colonial house with a sword and you just tell me go nuts, I'm going for the centerpiece, I'm doing it. Every time you come over, I have

to get a new centerpiece, it's terrible. But they are taken, they are taken to sea. Lieutenant Wurf. And then Sean. None other than Sean Connery holding holding a task be the least naturally I've ever seen anyone do it. And he tries to like flex on this woman by stealing one of her horses and like breaking the horse in front of her

and the horse just throws him. She laughs his men laugh, and he gets up and slaps her and hits her with his opening line. And when I shoot it, do not laugh at me again. Okay. He beats at a death with a shoot. I can talk to no. It's like, yeah, okay, I won't. I think at this point, we've now cut to America. Yes, we see. We see a guy who's thumb is on a globe. Teddy Roosevelt, he was introduced in

a sort of like fucking idol animation civilization leader portrait modes. And buddy, he doesn't leave that mode for the movie. No, I love this performance. I've got to say this actor, he's like, he's like chewing scenery. Yeah. Who is it who's playing Rose Felt in this? I don't know, I'd say right in Keith.

He's really good. Ryan Keith. Doing his great job. Um, you're also the only person who's having fun either in or watching this movie. It's like Mabbie. It's also the only person who's having fun either in or watching this movie. It's like Maby. It's also the most accurate, historical bit of it of the video.

Oh sure, yeah. I mean, like, because the thing Roosevelt did more and more or less react like the business. Yeah, and he was an absolute psycho. I guess this is the point where we should know, unless you did while I was laying the cat out and I didn't hear it, that this is based on a real event. Yeah, okay. So based on an extremely inverted commas here. Yeah, so what if instead of a sexy lady,

played by Candice Bergen, this was a 64-year-old heavily bearded, overweight Greek American fail-sund called Yon Perdacaris. Because, yeah, so this is a facet of colonialism, right, is that Morocco is in this sort of, like, I'm going to get this very wrong, so do please correct me. Like, transitional state between colonialism, where it was like caught between like French and Spanish spheres of influence. And so instead of like a formalized colonial rule, you had a sort of like, oh, well nobody really cares that much about Tangier, so it all runs through this one dipshit fail son,

who like his dad got rich in like the coal industry, and he dropped out of Harvard, and he was gonna be a painter, but the paintings weren't very good. And he was gonna be a writer, but the writing wasn't very good. So he just went to Tanya, built a mansion.

Yeah, and just sort of like hung out being the elder statesman of a community of like European dipshits, we deposited on Tangir. And they made a mesexilating for the movie. Yeah, and well, yeah, exactly. Predictably, someone had the idea we should kidnap this guy. Hard to be mad at that, I think. Yeah, he was kidnaped and this did lead to like a whole crisis with Roosevelt and the Germans and the French

foreign involved. So that bit of the movie is correct. You can also visit Puerto Carissa's house in Tendure if you want to, but it doesn't look anything like the house in the film. I've seen a picture of it. It's ridiculous. It's like a McMansion. He built like, he put tarots on this. It could date Courtney asked. Pretty much, yeah. I think we should do more films that are about historical figures and we made them sexy ladies. Like I would love to see a church

you'll buy a pick where it's just got like fat naturals. It's just looking, just played by a 10 out of 10. Oh, there's be fun. StaxJFK. Will mature, Cholium. Yeah, it's just called StaxJFK as well. Yes, I'm not even trying. My favorite aspect of this is that like,

it wasn't just this guy who got kidnapped. It was him and his stepson who was a British kid. Not even a kid at that point. He was like in his middle age, but he was called Cromwell Vali, which is what every single British person was called in 1904 was like Cromwell Vali. But so Jenny was like, geez, fantastic knockers. Getting, getting briefed by his secretary of state, John Hay, played by John Houston, Guy I love to see. Most recently, we saw in winter kills. Yes, we did. And he explains

to him that, well, first of all, he briefs him on what has happened and who his kidnapped Eden Perdekaris and is absolutely wrong about, I would say 90% of what he says here is wrong. Who play El Resuli? This guy says, Sheriff of the Riffian Burbers and the Last of the Barbery Pirates. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber.

Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber.

Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Bar. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. Barber. with a verb repy on its right like. So first of all, his name is not Mulei. Mulei means my lord.

I just wanted to go bird. I was like, I genuinely thought because there's a bit later on when he says that's his first name. And I mean like, that sounds a lot like Mowl that like Mowl that. Yeah, Mulei. That sounds like a title to me.

Exactly. That rules. That's the same. We didn't even try. We didn't even try on it. We hell. That rules. It's not meant. We didn't even try. We didn't even try when we were making this one. We didn't even look it up. We still didn't even look it up.

It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true.

It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not even true. It's not a, like, it's not a job. It's like, you are shitty for not. You are descended from the prophet or not.

And the people that are following him are not burbers. Like, they might have been burbers a while ago, but they speak Arabic, so they live in the reef, but they're not burbers. So most of that is incorrect, but that is how he was described at the time in the American press, and they were obsessed with the barbaric pirates thing, because America had a long history of sending military interventions against

Barbary pirates. So the Marines. From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli. Exactly. So that's the first over overseas intervention of the American army is when they go to Tripoli and Libyan. So it fits with some nice nationalism myths. So anyway, this guy tells Roosevelt, yo, there's this dude Sean Connery, he's the last of the parts of the Caribbean, and he's the member of the Claimon High Council. And also, it's like, this guy sounds cool.

He does. And he's a bit nervous. Roosevelt's like, based cool, sick, but it can't have him kidnapping American stack 10 out of 10 women. So I'm going to send a fleet. We'll use it as a propaganda tool. And he sort of coins this slogan in his head at this moment, which is, America wants better

carousel live or resolutely dead. And this goes over, as we later see, this is like a huge hit with Americans, the electric love it. Meanwhile, back in the riff, back in Morocco. Back on the cling on Homeworld. Yeah. Ethan is like and her children like sort of dumped on the ground to be menist by non-speaking but horny men. Yes, they kind of want to watch her under us. It's very like, it's quite disillusioned. She's also racist to them quite explicitly. Sure.

It's not good. And then we look across the way where Racerley is, he's just reading a book, which is... Yeah, he's, they are contrasted against him, the white man reading a book. Who speaks English? We don't know why, but they have no problem communicating with him. Fix Scottish, maybe. But it's such a like a weird flex on your captives to be like, you know, I benching, you know,

I'm lifting 350 pounds and that's with the right arm alone. What about the left? Writing poems. And it's like, yeah, it's perfect. It's fantastic. And he's, and fucking William is in like full on, boy, Mr. Yumi, that mode like wandering around this. He just wanders up to him and he's like, father figure.

Are you my father figure now? Are you going to be my graph father figure? Please God, I need's like father figure. Are you my father figure now? Are you going to be my brother figure? Please God, I need a brother figure. Is that how the Conor are you even interacts with this child very much throughout the film? He just ignores us. No, fuck off. Proofs that he is sort of like educated and civilized because he like shoes his, what's the word I'm looking for? Starts with an L means sexually perverse licentious maybe. Lacherous, lacherous men. Oh, yeah. Nice. Away from away from her and sort of like tells her that like,

I'm cool actually, not only am I cool, but I am, he makes a succession of claims. The true defender of the faithful, which, okay, who hasn't called themselves that, the blood of the prophet runs in me, and I am a servant of his will, which is theologically incoherent, script writing, leaving his own incoherent.

I don't have much kind of first-hand knowledge of Islam, but that's kind of, he's's not you're not supposed to do that Are you it's not going around puppeteering Sean Connery? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah It's not he also has the line your shell is strong like a turtles Listen You like it to listen. You can tell it's strong like a turp. Yeah. You're shell a strong.

He's like, I don't know. He's trying to do it. He doesn't have a lot of reverse. You're just going to tell it's a track. He's trying to do it. I found one piece of trivia about this, which is that they tried, they got a dialogue coach in to try and teach him to do an accent. And he spent three days on it, gave up, and went back to...

Your shell is strong like a turquoise. Imagine how fucking hard that job must have been to try to feed. Max and coach for Sean Connery. So it never wants not sounded exactly like that. It's incredible the way the films and stuff used to be made. As an actor, you could just get away with doing that. That is unbelievable. I think about the fucking time and the money

that gets put into dialogue coaching now on set. Most sets will have a dialogue coach there. And they work hard too. And to just be like, now fuck it, we're not gonna bother. It's just like, wow. That's fine. The vibe here is like, she is sort of like, alternately impressed and terrified by his rough ways.

He keeps calling her, every time he talks to her, which is weirdly the like most Roger Moore case, and so I've heard out of Sean Connory. What does me we have at least two ex-bond actors saying things about Allah. It's nice. Yeah, because we are about to meet a fucking guy. Yes. Our boy, our special boy.

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I'm playing the the basher of Tangier, the like the ruler, the governor of Tangier. And this role, I mean, how is we describe this as a stereotype? Basically, I would describe it as dude's rock. Sure. Yes. I loved describe it as dude's rock. Sure. Yes. I loved it. I was living.

It's good. It's sort of like those easy-nissing thoughts. Just fag areas. Yeah. Jafar, kind of, Lawrence of Arabia. It's great. It's not even the fag is valic shape bars ever looked, but they go hard on it.

Like, they for some real I'll be in the apple by the way, which you'll not do I the sort of the that if I had to give it to you in like a sentence Decadent if feet yeah Middle East and like potentators. Yeah, yeah, and it's specifically like it's kind of like racial like he's not very masculine Kind of a yeah, he's's not very masculine, kind of a, kind of a, yeah. He's like surrounded by beautiful boys.

Yes. Yeah. He's, he's literally, he's on a sort of a strict rotation. And this is my favorite part in this scene he goes from evil fruit bowl number one walks, well, minces to evil fruit bowl number two eats one date out of evil fruit bowl number two and then goes to smoke the evil hooker It's incredible. Yeah, and this is what I'm doing. This is my rotation every day. Yeah Complete with the fanboys

The Americans the American diplomat the American console in tangier is there to try and like threaten him into making Rasulgi give up The Eden either by paying him off or whatever. And it's just like, it's really loose way. Because they're, they're like, we need action. We've got to sell this out in America. Instead of this with kidnaps and he's just like, yeah, yeah. You're going to have to ask the cell phone.

He's genuinely like, I've been threatened by real countries, which is just, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it is just, it's sad. Exactly. But so he's like, okay, go and speak to him with some time, bring something he likes, bring, he literally sends him on a fetch quest, he's like, bring him two lions. Well, but he says you've got to bring the soul in the gears. Bicycles as well, and he says bicycles and a fucking way to go, bicycles. B Gaze cycles or something

Bicycle he says you got to bring the soul to the gift otherwise he's not gonna talk to you and they go okay like what kind of gift Would he like and he just struggles and goes lions? Just like the least effort possible Not not taking the mouthpiece off the hook out lines Back in the business like no, no, I can't do shit about this. Go and speak to the larger but also more flamboyant and a feat. Yes. Guy.

Go and speak to me, brackets, more so. Back in the desert, we go to an oasis where we see that rice only rules through rules through like fear right he beds a couple of dudes they stole his balls here yeah please in northern maracco there are no deserts so i just wanted to say that i did wonder there's no sand like they just wanted to reuse a bunch of sets from like Lawrence of Arabia or something but like it's like i don't know you said something in florida and you like take people through the death valley or something john but like, it's like, I don't know, you said something in Florida and you like take people through the death valley or something. John Millia said that he wanted to do like a David Lane thing.

So yeah, Lawrence of Arabia. And what's really funny is that the whole part of why the riff is like, so like impregnable at this time is this mountains. Like one of the, one of the, like American journalist journalist in tangier says it reminds him of Colorado It's I'm a fucking Colorado never mind Let me let me let me present us to you though. It takes place in North Africa And that's where the Sahara is so in many ways

Yeah, so Don't be extremely loud I think actually It's much more simple. There are Arabs, so there has to be sound. That's fucking what it is. Yeah, I know you're absolutely right. That's what it is.

Last of the Barbarian Pirates. But we also, we do see one other thing that I want to draw out, which is that just in case we are unclear from him saying things like, a lot, it's very forgiving all the time. We learn that Sean Connery's character is Muslim and we learn this because we see him and his boys sort of praying. They got the spirit. Right. There's there's there's Sedunipal, right? It's fine. They have maybe gotten some things wrong. That's fine. Right. Except that as they get up, they are interrupted by possibly my favorite drop

from this, even though it's only funny to me, the saddest tuck beer in the world. On the wall. Yeah. Me rolling out of bed, I'm pouring them out. At least I actually said it. Just make a make a noise like in James Bond.

He's like, no, just like is a whatever. And and she she calls him a barbarian for like beheading guys and he goes, you don't understand me. I'm the man of honor and because I only beheaded two of them.

I'm headed more guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, don't be so quick to judge our ways. And that night Connery makes her sleep next to him and kind of menaces her with a sword, which they didn't like. Kind of like jokingly. Yes, what if I kill you right now?

Just kidding. Yeah, I have this cool sword. I should also say, throughout these sequences, we're getting a succession of, like, pronunciations, right? He... Sean Connery, what's your character's religion? Dishlan. What are you doing, you misprous? Connery, what's your character's religion? off, converting. Yeah, they're loving it. Yeah.

This daughter character would not be given her British citizenship back by pretty Patel. I'll tell you that for fucking free. Oh yeah, for real. For real. She would be fucking shit. Citizenship. Drones engaged. William has started like wearing,

I believe the way you would describe this at the time is adopting Arab Garp. Right? He's gone in. Yeah, he's fully Lawrence Pilled. He's having a great time. He fucking, he's also like, I guess he's a man.

He's a man, he's like, also true. There's a brief moment where he talks to his mother regarding Sean Connery. I'm gonna be calling Sean Connery for out this by the way. Yeah, and he's just like, he does have a certain way about him, doesn't he? You know what?

Yeah! You're right! You're right! I did a bit of research, and the American press at the time did call him this bandit of gorgeous costumes. So they were living for the clothes clothes. I'm also described in the same terms.

He's a pirate, he's a bandit, but we cannot deny that man is serving Kant. Yeah. We love to do a bit of like orientalism, right? The dark eye is in the sort of the mascara and things of this nature and be like, ah, it's like a forbidden, interesting desire. So also one other thing is when he menaces her with the sword, he like takes off his turban for the first time and I wrote down alarmingly bald Conor. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking And so I'm gonna, I'm gonna like try and lead a coup to get rid of him. And my plan is that I'm gonna kidnap you. I'm gonna ask an outrageous price to ransom you and humiliate them.

And then they're gonna be so embarrassed and everyone's gonna see that they're weak and everyone's gonna come and join me. Um, yeah, that's the vibe. It's, it's so fucking, like it's so funny when they're like, all right, we're gonna have our guy explain his genius plan and he'll be playing chess throughout it So that you know he's like a fucking brains god Like yes, all right, we get the fucking thing and then Eden like checkmates his queen, which was a interesting sentence to throw to use

Which is what you're supposed to be like, oh, I see he is very very clever also, but even better, she's got something about it. She, she, yes, he neglects the Queen. Mm-hmm. Interesting. My, my favorite detail about this is that the chest pieces, the chest pieces with the form of which you are most familiar with are like Arabic by way of India chest pieces, right?

They're what you would be using, but because that doesn't look foreign they had to pick some like weird chess pieces to be like Not red blooded American chas. That's right. It's so much, he's like chess. One of the worst and most misguided musicals ever to hit Broadway. And yeah, and my aunt is in E. So we go back to America, we go to... It's the thesis, the thesis, the thesis. We go to... We go to Eosematos, where Rosalau is in nature, killing nature, as he is want to do.

Again, another scene of Roosevelt just doing shit. Perfect. Yeah. He just like explains bears to journalists. He has shot a bear and he's like, tell you what, I'm going to talk about this bear for a minute. They are wrong. They're fucking hanging on his own. This is the theme of the movie that we're in. The bear, the bear is like the American man, right? And like all men, it is like violent, lonely, impetuous, and doomed also because someone's going to shoot it. And he feels sad about this. But in many ways, it's a metaphor

and it says a lot about society. This is all obviously insane, but you know, stuff Roosevelt could have said he was like this. Yeah, I tell you what though, it's interesting that this film, and I was surprised actually that this film kind of critiqued American politics and the American character. I was like, oh, and from the point of view of a good guy, I was like, oh, you kind of wouldn't see that in a film now. Like even a current, even somebody like Captain America would not say, yeah, sometimes America's a bit shit

I stand for the ideals and I recognize the country isn't always good. It's like it was kind of novel to me I was like, oh this film actually does kind of have some criticisms of the US. It does. It's just that given that it's John Millius, they are coming from the right, but yes. It's yes, yeah. Yeah. So so we go to we go our American diplomats go and see the Sultán. The Sultán is a child. They bring him some life. He's a man child who has been sort of gifted Western technology, which he uses as a toy. There's a full steam locomotive that he has just in his house, because he doesn't know

how to make use of it. He's having his guys play like Polo on bicycles and sort of like clapping delightedly when they crash into each other. At one point, he fires a maximum gun, his servants. And it's just flatly like this is a sort of degenerate culture that is unfit to rule. It's fully like child-like race. just flatly like this is a sort of degenerate culture that is unfit to rule. It's fully like child-like rights. Yeah, very contrasted against Roosevelt

who's out there digging ditches and shooting bears and shit. Yeah, exactly. This guy has a golden carriage that's pulled by dudes. Yeah, whereas later on we see Roosevelt in his black tie in the White House having a party and he doesn't eat cakes. He's like, oh, it's bad for you. Make it soft. Like it's maybe unhealthy. Like he's rugged and powerful. And there's the creeping fascism. And yeah, so he sort of like, sulks when the Americans put their demands to him. He's like, you don't understand what it's like being being the Sultan of Morocco, which is very funny. Also, with the high use of dudes as chairs and footstools in this

room. Yeah, that happens a lot. I wondered, is that done? Seems in a first. I don't think so. I think it's really easy. So the Sultan at the time was an extravagant spender and he did do some pretty dumb things, some of which are accurate and he was encouraged by his European counselors to spend a lot of money on dumb things. The people's chairs thing and a lot of the looks seemed to me more like kind of British Raj inspired sort of like low budget, you know, Indian costume drama, but he was a very unpopular man. There are bits and pieces of, I think a lot of it reaches for sort of the, uh, like,

ideas of the Ottoman, particularly when we see Vladik Shobo, sort of like, towsling his boy's hair and stuff. It's like, yeah, I think this is reaching for the same stuff as Lawrence of Arabia's. But so the Sultana, like he refuses to pay them off, refuses to pay off, or certainly to free Eden. And the American diplomats begin to think he amongst themselves, oh well, you know, maybe. Also, interesting thing that I want to highlight here, as the American diplomats coming into the Sautant's palace, he talks about how there's no road to the palace at Fez and how Americans are going to build one someday because we have men that can do anything, we have men that can fly, right? And this is this curious sort of nostalgia for like a young, resurgent America that's full of possibility. For a movie made in 1975, that's... there's politics happening there. You gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps,

get over this Vietnam shit and be more like Teddy Rosefile. This is also the moment where we can't build any roads to fares because of all the desert, which is just not even fucking close. That is where the camels just don't really use in that bit of marker. It's like, you could have just looked at a map. I would have been a little bit more. I would have been a little bit more. Trenton, look at maps.

They had a map reading guy, but they fired a map to three days because Sean Conradon didn't want to do it. So the Americans send in the Marines who were like, well the Marines, we're going to, we're going to kick ass. Yeah. Oh, so they say it's pointless chasing Sean Conradon. He leaves on a merry dance all over the, the Moroccan desert question mark. And so instead, we're just going to go and fucking take over the Vladik Shabal city.

That'll fucking like shift the needle. That'll get some shit done. Consequences be damned. Because we see also that like the French and the British and the Germans are all in this country and people are like, you fucking march troops in here. It's going to start on international incident. And they're like, oh, we'll start a world war. And then our dix will be big.

And we won't be gay. That's the idea. Yeah, this movie doesn't know how it feels about the US government. It loves the US military and it particularly loves the Marines, but it doesn't really know how it feels about like the US doing great power shit because on the one hand, it's like, oh, it's shit, these guys are going to start World War Three or World War One. On the other hand, Oh, yeah, these guys are gonna start World War Three or World War One. On the other hand, gosh, don't the Marines look nice with their sort of like the dark covers, you know, the navy blue hat. Kind of like the rock in that regard.

And then it's like, US government, soy gay, don't like it. US troops love it, great. Sick. Keep it up. I'm so impressed with you guys are pulling like a plot out of this because it really is presented just as a series of baffling vignettes more than anything else. Yeah, it's just guys and rooms. It's really poorly made. It has no momentum.

Two other details. It's actually, I hope from this whole sequence. First of all, we learned that Vladik Shavol is like caught between Germany and Russia, the two European powers that could least plausibly be involved in Morocco. Oh, yeah. Germany was involved in Morocco and nearly did take it over. Russia on the other hand, they made it up. What's interesting to me though is that we hate right now. That's our Russia, for the men. That's, I mean, it's the 70s. Yeah, it's actually, I have some Russians. You can't put the fucking Russians in there. That Germany's, Germany's involved in this,

but it's Germany in front. Spain doesn't get a look in. And the reason I suspect that this is, is that this movie was filmed in Spain. And filmed in Spain at a time when Spain was fascist, till like it was filmed the year Franco died. And so I suspect that you are not going to make a movie in 1975 Spain involving Spanish colonialism, particularly failed and like disastrous Spanish colonialism.

Because I mean, Spain was handed quite a lot of Ls in the course of like colonizing Morocco. You can tell in a lot of bits that buildings in Tangerus are actually in in Seville and if you've been to Seville, they don't look that Maslow Max actually, but like they're quite nice buildings. We also get one, we also get a scene where Roosevelt is like, hell what? He's like fucking around with his rifle, his new rifle, his new Winchester rifle, he's been delivered. And he's like, this doesn't fit right because I'm in civilization and I'm discontented by it. I have to interact with this shit.

I bet this other guy, this right-so-only guy, he's got a good rifle. And I bet he's like, I bet we'd be friends in real life, you know, Matt. Let's go to the restaurant. I'll put the

genuisher. Genuisher. Genuisher. Not for my parachachal relationship with the right-so-only. But I wonder... Showing Jenny don't react well to the para social of it. I wonder if that's the film's idea about the American government and imperialism, which

is that it doesn't really know how it feels about imperialism in general. But if it's Americans, we're doing it. It's probably going to be more in touch with the people and more rooted in bravery like at Grizzly Bay or something. Yeah. Roosevelt keeps sending Sean Connery Tumblr asks about gender and kink. So, so it's like the marines. Not Tumblr asking break to Sean Connery.

This is my point where I'm like, I need like pyrons telling me who these fucking people are, because it's clearly supposed to be like historical figures that if you are an American, you're going to have some sort of understanding of. So there's just, there's a scene where they... I'm not sure. These are like genuinely unimportant historical figures.

I mean, French Enzo Chadwick is still not a household name. There you go. It takes a half an hour to pronounce, that's why. First of all, why would you be called French, ridiculous first name to have? Mm-hmm. French Chadwick. Hello, I'm French. I'm what's your name? I'm French.

Fuck off, then you idiot. She French on my Enzo to like chat work. I don't know. But I need like a death of Stalin situation where these people walk on screen and it tells me who they are and what their deal is pretty quickly. So that I can follow the fucking movie. So Eden escapes by bribing a cackling buffoon. This like, forgy looking motherfucker. We needed the role of guy who laughs in a sinister ethnic manner.

And let me tell you, the guy they got to play that, he's playing it. He nails it. He does, he's got one lying, and the rest of the time is just sort of like sinister, creepy laugh. Yeah. And he takes them to a rival warlord and even thinks she's bought her safety, but then it's apparent she hasn't. I'm curious about this.

So they get menaced again in a sort of like when you get menaced in this movie, what it is, is a bunch of dudes, like half crouch over and try to like touch you. These dudes are wearing a lot of like, sort of like long head wraps that are all in Indigo and I did wonder are these dudes supposed to be beddewing? Or is this just like, I think this is the twerring, which is a couple of thousand kilometers to the south, but you know who's coming really? Honestly, the blue head dress would be making fun of a little like this movie for being racist and inadvertently repeating its errors. So, this even pulls out her major big play, her chest move plan, which is she's going

to disguise her two children as Jarwhas and go and check the blue guys who like the big rock and see if they can help her out. Yeah. But, they can help her out. Yeah, but yeah, and this is a car work I think it's good to dress you. I think it's good to dress your children as Star Wars is a great fan rise Good good Disney plus Star Wars series For this point at this point the movie has like visibly lost interest Go right there for it. At this point, the movie has like visibly lost interest.

Yeah, no, it's filmed quite the funtually at this point. Why are you recording it? No, this all is about combat sequences, fucking sick. This is the bit where I started to write down animals were harmed in the making of this fucking... Oh yes, they were. Oh my God, were they harmed? Yeah.

I don't know. I'll just eat them. The whole sentence. Has even realized that these guys are a bit like, God were they harmed. I don't know. I was just eating the whole sacking. Realises that these guys are a bit like, hmm, this is when guys start getting domed off from the hillside. Why Sean Connery was right? I'm not. And then he comes and he does some fucking amazing like horseback combat sword fighting

shit. It's genuinely very well. Yeah. The horse acting is better than the people acting in this movie. They do need very well-forged. The horse acting is better than the people acting in this movie. Although to be fair, that's because there weren't laws about animal cruelty, so you could trip him over with a rope if you wanted him to fall over. And you can't do that to actors. Now that Spain is like woke and not fascist anymore.

You can't just horribly kill a horse. A guy gets the capitated. So having rescued Eden Sean Connry brings her to his house, his mountain fortress. And she says, she's like, what are you going to do? She's like, check out my call garden. Yeah, she's like, what are you going to do if they don't pay the ransom? And you're like, what are you saying? I'm going to let you go. I'm just going, I'm going to the right.

I don't kill women and children. That's not how we do things in Scotland. Could have saved a lot of trouble by like giving her this little speech about an hour ago. Yeah, man. No need to terrorize the poor woman. Sometimes you have to just like maintain an air of mystery and drama and I respect that. It's called K-Fape. All right, listen, and drama and I respect that. It's called K-Fape. All right, listen. It's gotta keep it up. And then the Americans arrive.

The Marines rock up. This is a good sequence if you enjoy marching and drill. This is where I wrote down American voice. Look at how our dainty fucking soldiers run. Check that shit out, boys. Yeah, this is clearly like a scene, like done and like choreographed and filmed by people with an eye for drill in that it's militarily. It's very precise.

I believe the Marines actually used it as part of like training films at some point. However, the fact is in real life, military drill looks dumb as hell. And so you showed this movie to a normal person and so like me and Abby are over here going down, it looks crisp as fuck. Yeah, every while everyone is fucking sitting here going like why are they taking off steps through the streets of Tangier? Why are they just, what is this, they've got army, femboy marines, bullshit, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, genuinely creased over double laughing at the Germans. There's one shot of two German guys leaning out of the balcony and one of them looks like fucking Dr. Eggman and the other looks like the corpse of Prince Charles.

Like one of them is like lurch from the Adam's family. It's unbelievable and everything. And it will be in the episode of by the way. He's just like, Mimot, Staller and Waldorf, brackets, German. He's holding a molecule to his eye and be like, by God. Mimot at the French consulate. It's a woman going,

Kiske said, how did it get so sexy? And it's, it's like, and Lee in Paris is leading out of the fracking. it gets so sexy. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it. So he says, it's interesting. Back in the day, when you marched your troops to something, you marched your troops to something like in at like information. And so this marine capital, the world population,

the world population at this time was like a million people. So like, everyone knows each other. You can embarrass yourself in front of the other countries. If you marched in your troops in front of like the three people from France, they see you. Like, this is the biggest army the world had ever seen at this point. Was this the most you've ever been in one place? One small detail that's just for us and you, if you have access to this movie, the guy at 1 out of 15 minutes, 35 seconds, spit to Milo Edwards.

Generally. Fuck sake, now I'm gonna have to go back. Didn't see that, I'm gonna have to rewatch it. What? So, the guys, I love the text here. They line up in front of the Bashar's palace and then they just just like, they just all in-unison just like point their guns at the guards and shoot them. There's no like running for time.

They just start the killing. And this is good as hell because they like, traips into here, again, they're doing a very impressive dainty little footfalls. And then they all stand out and the guy goes, all right, aim.

And meanwhile, all of the palace guards are going, what the fuck? Don't you like the multi-pif and guards when palace guards are going, what the fuck? They're doing like the Monte Pifen guards in the guise. Let's see what's going on here. Every palace guard is like two steps away from taking off their like work hat and going, listen man, I don't need this joke. And then they open fire and this is the point at which I

and I think everyone in the palace realized that this was actually happening. I generally thought this was just like a little show of strength they were doing, like a military parade and they just genuinely opened fire. Well everyone apart from the Pasha slash Vladik Shabo who just sits there looking like the caterpillar and Alice in Wonderland, like smoking the hook and being like, he's asking a great question. All of his guys get killed and the only thing he does

is he's eating like a, I think it's like a, fuck what is it? Like a tamarind or something. And he like moves the hand of the dead guy off of his like, she's long. And he's just like, oh well, seems like seems you've captured me, haven't you? Genio, it's so fucking funny. Because he's, because he's earnestly on like a silver platter for these guys to come and capture,

but he's just like lounging on this fucking chase long. He's like, you people are insane, your president is insane. And the guy goes, yes, he is. And then it cuts to the American national anthem, loud as fuck. And you're like, all right, okay, okay. Yeah, there is a little touch here, which I thought this was briefly brushed by a greater artistry, which is the moment

where they have the Navy band playing the star of Spangled Banner, like on top of the corpses of the guys they've just killed because no one's moved them away yet. That borders on the Selene to me. I like that as a sort of like, and again, Selene is also a fascist, right? So this is like sort of like acutely observed,

like sort of surrealism of war and violence. We now cut back to Roosevelt. Yeah, this is definitely around the point where I started scanning the Wikipedia article to find out if this was satirical. Like, I was like, what have they made in front of this? Like, what are they doing here? Yeah, it's like, you're the most via hoven at points, isn't it?

Like, it's like genuinely like a really solid satirical movie except they made it completely straight, which fantastic. The best kind of satire as far as I'm aware. Rosefalt has had a firing range, shooting guns, which he loves to do. And hey, the Secretary of State tries to convince him that this is madness, and it's gonna start world war three.

And if you see his shooting guns, the same guy who said he all played M in the 1967 casino royale and said, all he does, all day, every day, has played a Boosey. No. No. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I just played. I was just playing Boosey all day every day is played a Boosi no matter yes Yeah, yeah, just

Now the time I reserve I can see that guy before That we just we've seen him twice He's in winter kills he plays the dast in what's it? Speaks the M who mortared his own position. Okay. Yeah, but he says, gone cowboy again. And as we have seen, and only a scene that we didn't, we kind of skipped over, people, people love it. He gives this speech, you know,

Puerto Caros Alayev, Rasulid dead, and people lap it up because Americans love a cowboy. And Roosevelt Willen has been blinded in his left eye by a punch, because he likes to box, which I thought was the nice thought. He just hasn't mentioned this to anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he tells you how to understand the movie, right?

He just says this flat out. He's like, yeah, there's great men in the world, men of violence, to be one of these is rare and difficult, and to be one is inherently lonely. In the only comfort that they have is each other and recognizing each other at great distances. Here in the US, it's me and it's JP Morgan because finance has supplanted

this traditional forms of violence. But this very silly guy, him and me, we would get along, I think, and we would be besties. We need some kind of masculinist, international elite group, or ideology that binds us together. Because I think of the closing of the frontier, it's like there's the end of the West,

which Roosevelt was this big image of, and so it's like, oh my God, we're gonna become decadent like everybody else. So we need to find this like still savage place where there is this guy who still has these noble values like a cowboy. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And all of the, all like, I should have been like a West Act 10 out of 10, buddy. I've been saying this. Yeah. Yeah. So, Rose was fine as you say say sort of a dudes rock international

All of these like all of the toughest manliest men in the world can get together and like kill wildlife I think when dudes rock international the enemies of the Thunderbirds Yeah, and they're leader Mick Lynch. Yeah Dude and that leader Mick Lynch. Yeah. Dude talk international. Call it, dude talk international. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. So uncle is dude's rock international. Yeah, so back at Racie Lee's house. Oh my god, I fucking love this bit.

Racie Lee is like telling everyone a story about, about, it's it. And they're like tell us a story and he's like, well, I wish I'm prisoned in a prison by my, by my wicked brother, but the guards let me out because they saw that I was so cool. Yeah, and also everyone is, you're an expected, and I was taken in by Briggins,

and they made me there a chief because they saw that I was so cool. Also expects you to believe that Sean Connery and Vlad X Shabel are brothers, which is a stretch of casting, I'll say. And we sort of get this shitty extended sequence taking a back by her, sort of like perseverance and stubbornness. And essentially what happens is feminism happens to him. And he gets what I generally think is a really good line. He, he, like, puts his head in his hands after she,

like, humiliates him in front of his dudes and goes, it's been a bad year. Next one will probably be worse. Which I like. Um. I'm always saddened. At... Yeah. No, it's going to be like, yeah, Hitch.

His guy, whose name I don't remember, I'm not sure if the movie can give someone, but his, his, like, debtity-cling on shows up. It's like, okay, the Americans have successfully pushed Ladakh Shabar into this offer, which is to give you everything you want, gold rifles. I don't even remember the rest of it. Wait, is this the Shadyafu Wazan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm going Okay, later. Okay. Yeah, the fucking the team's so allah who

legitimately a is Jordanian, and you can tell when he speaks Arabic, because he sounds more like a TV announcer than a Moroccan person. But also he is the father of Julius Wauha who plays Safi, the daughter, and absolutely fabulous. There you go. Oh, I can go. He's also in the Avengers 1998, which we'd love to do at some point. Do you remember when we were gonna do that with age bombs?

I fucking remember. I've seen that motherfucker's on other podcasts now. He's what? I'm gonna fucking take it. I'm gonna suck. I'm gonna suck. I'm gonna fucking take it right now. This visualization what? I'm going to fucking take it. I'm going to fuck it. I'm going to fucking text him right now. This all-it-it kind of an hour rate. I'm going to fucking have a bug. He was just texting me today. I'm going to

forget texting now. Hey, you want to have fun? I'm going to have fun. So, it's really as presented with this, with like, yes, we accept your demands, bring Eden and the kids to not suspicious hand over points. Come alone, do not bring weapons. And everyone around him goes, this is clearly a trap you don't have to do this. To which he insists, yes, I do, because I have been faded to do this because I listen, the movie's gonna end in a minute. We've got to have a day and you're more mad. We have to do this. So, so they ride into Wild West town and, um, the Connery is arrested.

The Marines take pedagoras into custody. Connery's taken by Sir Charmons. Yes, Sir Charmons show up. And they pay. They pay his ally a bunch of money. And then his ally takes the money back to the ladder and is like, yeah, we're going to leave the money on the ground and we're going to go in there. We're going to rescue Sean Connery at dawn. William, the little boy has a dream about Sean Connery. Yeah.

William is wrong about that. Let's talk about fucking William for a. Yeah, William is wrong about that. Let's talk about fucking William for a second hit. Let's please talk about William. Like the Eden, William and daughter who cares, doesn't know the character. They're all been kidnapped and Eden actually says to William, he's like, William, do you have your dagger?

And I wrote, William, it's time to go sicko mode. It's time to fucking take all of these Marines hostage. She's black on doors. Yeah. She genuinely does. Although to be fair, the movie very much displays it like everyone is humoring her. Yeah, she does pull in. I have shot Grouse in Scotland and Quail in North Carolina.

Believe me, I know how to use this thing. It's very girl boss. It's like 51%. I'm always saying this. I have shots for the size. I have a shot for the pants. And I know how to handle it. The shoulder pads grow up off of her, she says it.

But what happens is that the captain of these Marines, because again, this movie loves the Marines, it's like, our shark's mammarole Americans here. Let's go do the right thing. He's just like, I'm a good guy now. Even though I was militaristic and murdered a bunch of people a couple scenes ago. So we do this sort of high-noon thing. And all of the gun planes movies, like, sort of discount Sam Pekkenport, like lots of dudes

going shot and falling out of windows off of balcony issue like that. Oh, it's fucking sick. It's cool. I got shot out of a window and and falling out of windows off of balcony issue like that. Oh, it's fucking sick, it's cool. I got shot at a winery for- To movies. You need to see better movies. My note at this point says movies were much better when you were just allowed to give horses PTSD. Because fuck me. He's horses having the worst time I ever seen.

Yeah, some of these horses definitely get bored. But while the Marines are setting up, it's America and the Arab world against colonialism. In 1975. Nothing will happen from here on out, don't worry. Yeah, yeah. The tribesmen are charging into the guns. The French 75 field guns that the Germans have brought with them.

And we get a lot of, I think this is actually well shot. It's sort of like, if you've seen the last samurai, they crib a lot from that with machine guns. Lots of shots of like shells being. We're gonna have to watch that too, aren't we? We're gonna have to get you back on for that one Arthur. It might be a rare event for tees, but we'll do it anyway. We have to watch a good movie. No! It's a famous expert of Japan.

Yeah, it's a good one. They blow up so many horses. These horses are fucking atomized. Yeah. Horses going up like castle bravo throughout this entire scene. The price of blue fell after this movie. I can't get this one. I'm like, it's like, wow, you could do anything in 1975. You could

kill any horse in 1975. Yeah, horses had no right. And all of a sudden Sean Connoi took him out of a shoe. Right at the very end, just being in a top. So even, even runs in, Sean Conner has been tied upside down and shirt low. Yeah, like Jamie Foxx and fucking Jano and James, but without the balls. Cuts him down and then he grabs a sword and then is like, see you later. He has to fight a mini boss on the way out, which is... This guy wasn't really set up as a villain. We don't really know what he's all about. And so I'm saying, John is just playing German. He's notting German, that's enough.

Yeah. It's one of the sort of film noir things where you cast a guy by having a very interesting skull shape. Right? A guy has unsettling cheekbones, and you just go, right, you are gonna be in every movie from now on. I think it's like, that's my whole career.

Shut up. Now we get a masterclass in subverting expectations, right? We all love movies, we love it when they subvert our expectations. So let me set up what happens here. German man, Sean Connery, oppositional. William has a fucking shotgun and he just like happens across this scene and he looks at it and you're like, I know what's going to happen here. William is going to use the shotgun to save Sean Connery from German.

Oh, man, this doesn't happen. Instead what happens is Sean Connery and German man fight for about three uninterrupted minutes while it keeps cutting back to show us that William is just watching the entire time. His face, no expression, staring straight ahead at him. He's like, oh, God. Sean Connery's like, do you want to help? You got to get involved. I'm nearly being killed here. Would you like to? Would you want to help? You're gonna get involved? You just don't have to be shit! I'm nearly being killed here. Would you like to?

Would you like to? Who else is like to jump in a really fucking point? No. Like second notice. This is clearly the arc of your character you have to help me here. And he doesn't. Not a fucking thing. No. It's touch and do. Check off scum. Leave that shit on the mantis.

It's straight up turtleneck. Check off gun safety. Willie of does not complete his character arc, in this wild west gun scene. And willie of you have most sympathies. Have some t- Sean Connery, like does the thing where he knocks this German officer down and he gives him like a fencing scar on the face

He's on his face Yeah Listen, because he respects it Listen to me, sometimes Sometimes you see something occurring and you're like, oh this is the apotheosis of my character rock and you just go Ah, I'm alright It's probably fine then, I'll leave it But it's because he's grown, isn't it?

Like, isn't the idea that like, he used to kill people and he was bad, but then because, like, Eden Prudakar has changed him and feminism. That's true. Now, he doesn't just kill people, he's nice. But I'm talking about Julio. I'm talking about William on this one. Sorry, I'm talking to him to be fair. You are correct, but that is the point of the show. He's woke now, he's performed. He's sorry.

He's honestly moving into making YouTube videos, just about like, make up woke now, he's performed. He's, he's, he's only seen he's moving into making YouTube videos just about like make up and content mainly now. It's less about the politics. He grabs the shotgun, rides off into the sunset. At which point we go back to the US. At which point my note is. Tell the Roseville. William followed that man into the desert.

There's no two ways about what he made me do. I'm immediately cut. Took off. But this is another subverted What do you mean by media? Like, I took off. But this is another subverted expectation because you sort of think that like, they might kiss something, might happen, and then no, it just looks they're kind of red-eyed. And boom, we cut to Roosevelt.

And it's a bit like one of those like consent memes, you know, where it's like, oh, we're gonna go to a certain place, like, we're supposed to be like, I wanna have sex, but did you check that Roosevelt consented to this? Cause we need to check it? It says someone you forgot to ask it is too much.

I was so sorry for that. I was so sorry for that. What's really, yeah, and like, I guess the idea is that like, they are, there's a love that can never be, right? Like at one point, he literally says, like, you're not one of my wives which sure. But so we never see who is being briefed on the situation and he sort of ruse Velsell goes I just give everybody medals. I got to get this fucking gun fixed it's driving me crazy. And then we see that he is he has had this bear that he shot reluctantly, taxidermied, and he delivers my favorite line of the movie, fully...

Now gentlemen, if you don't mind, I'd just like to be alone with my bear. It's so good that it's something I often find myself seeing. God. Oh, Judd likes to be alone with the sandwich. It's so good that the entire movie plays out, and then after it concludes, we cut back to Roosevelt. It just goes, all in a day's work, boys. And it's like, you didn't do anything.

We've kept cutting back to you. You've not done anything. It's like they got the fucking reels mixed up. Like there's just Roosevelt scenes in his movie. And I don't know why. I want people to know that like 25% film is Roosevelt talking about that. It takes them so much.

Motherfucker, they're trying to set up this thing. It's like, oh, that, and even Connery writes him a letter. I've been like, I am a liar, and you are the winner. Yeah, I saw the winner. He gets some judgment from a match. He gives him a tumble-ass, because it's like having some shots about my gender. And it's like pressure. Ah, no, it was the other way around.

Roosevelt was writing to Connery on something. And Connery really gives him a standard, like, thanks very much for watching the show, and like, fuck off. And then we see Connery talking to, we see Connery talking to his best friend, and his best friend's like, oh, we've lost everything in Connery's,

like, it was worth it for that. Quaruct up white girl Poogee. And then it, and then it, which, that isn't even the get. I should have the picture. It didn't even get. And, you the movie, which you didn't even get. And you can then do a sort of like, right, so he died on the way back to his home planet sort of thing.

In that, right, the actual guy was killed a couple of months later. Really? Ah! Bye. was killed a couple of months later by... Yeah, he was imprisoned and killed by Abdul Kareem, the guy who was a more successful version of him and who declared the Riff Republic, which insanely cool flag, by the way, but which was then crushed by the Spanish using

sort of like airplanes and chemical you know, like chemical weapons and all of this. And history just rolls on over it. But yeah, this has been sort of a historical footnote that has been blasted out to a two hour movie of, what if dudes who rocked, but were separated by history, could be friends and bros. Like,

like if what if Sean Connery was Teddy Roosevelt's bear? Like, yeah, what if that's like what if that's going to make a movie that this this far from reality in terms of what actually happened? Why not just have a meet up and be buds? Like, why would you still just be like stark, rosy lovers? I should have. I, yeah. This film is good. Why is it?

Yeah, that's a good film. Why, why not? Yeah. And what good, I'm just thinking that's actually fun to watch. Yeah. I would simply make a good film. What did we learn from the wind and the

lion? Other than the fact that the next prayer that I do, I will be struggling with all of my might not to speak Arabic in Sean Connery voice. Don't worry, Alice, Alay is very understanding. Eng in Shalah. The film is quite fascist. Right, I think we can all agree that it's like, yeah, like men need to be sort of rugged and like military good, but government bad and like you're just gonna do the violence. And yeah, it's like yeah. But so do women curiously. Yes. Like her, women's like virtue is, is if anything enhanced by the fact that she is willing to like do some epic shit. Her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, Absolutely ready to support the Mujahideen in Afghanistan a few years later when the Soviets invaded Afghanistan.

Because the whole thing of this film is, if you find the right Muslims who are rugged, empire is actually okay for Americans to do it. So I think this is the deep meaning of this film is that they were ready to support the people who would later become to Taliban much later It really does plug straight into the Mojahidin in the living daylights Which also features a lot of like biturban cavalry sort of like riding against My god, I go with the British accent and with the help of a British secret agent. So with the help of white dude. Yeah, no, genuinely, I think that has like cracked this case wide open. This, I didn't enjoy watching it. I'm glad it's I'm glad it's over, but I've had a great time

recording this episode. I did enjoy the action sequences that it it was, it's, it's, it's, it's kind of a quite exciting. We've got to get you to watch the Wild Bunch. We've got to get you to watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. We've got to get you to watch better Westerns than this. I'm going to get you to watch Sundance. I'm going to try him in, but I'll try this. But is this a bonus or is it regular? Bonus.

This is a bonus, I'm not. Okay, we're not going to, we're not going to scum it, you know. Okay. That's right. So Arthur, thank you so much for coming on. If people want more Arthur, where can they find you? Thank you so much for having me. You can find me mostly on Twitter at Arthur S. R. And that's excellent. In the description case, we will see you next time. I forgot how I end the show. Thank you for listening to the show. For the first episode of 2023.

Yeah, thank you. Fuck off. Yeah, sure, alright, fuck off. Let's do that. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Next week on the free feed, it's... oh god it's an uncle, it's the karate killers, I think it might be the helicopter spies, I think it's the karate killers, which, God is my witness, or indeed, with Allah as my witness, that better have some fucking karate killers in it or I'm gonna go spare.

The next bonus episode is still yet to be decided. Now, as this is the winter of content, you do not need to give us any money at all to get the full gamut of episodes released. However, some still choose to, and I would be remiss if I did not read out our 15 pounds and above patrons. And those are Gandhi Fox, Amanda Comet, Freyre Aloysius, Gustavo Lyra, Jack Holmes, Mike Berg, Thomas Oberhardt, Nick Boris, Kentucky Fried Commie, Yarrick, Nate Maury, Cohen N. Wright, Harriet DeCoc, Labour Dylender Est, Commissar Aussie Mandius, Thee of Thames, I read it out and full and I said I wouldn't. Library hitman, beef crime, Jack Drummond, Jonathan Gurdett, it's Callin'

Bernie, Max Gamerhardt, Jay, Martin Del, Kit Vine, Hell, Lysa Mesh, Jonathan Gurdett's Callin' Bernie Maxgamenheart, Jay Martin Del Kitt Vine Hell, Lysommage, Jonathan Seagull, Harrison Fuller, Big Titty Goth girl, Mothman, Tab O, George Rohack, Tripp, Clara has burned the closet, Alex, Violet Cybro, Ash, and Liz And Liz in Florida, a trans-robot men's room louie. Gas-frass, bro-nan, the spy who ruined my marriage. Annie Ruby, I support Gal, Elizabeth Cox, my jokes end up on the wrong episode. Listen, it's a tough life. Zoe Shepard, TERF's each shittin' di-lo alone, Quinn Valeri, Finn Ross, Alfredo, Wolfry, Big ol' boy, Al Erwing, Robert Greensmith, Millie, Josh Simmons, Lauren Baston, Roll

HistoryPod, Artemis Potter, And Elizabeth All. Thank you. Or being... Patrons of the show! The last one is of course Alice Abigail and Devon. Our producer is the wonderful Nate The Thay. Our podcast art is by Matty Lepchansky and our website is by Tom Allen. See you.

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