Kill James Bond! - S2E21: The Man From UNCLE (2015)

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Well lads, this is it. We're finally at the end of the UNCLE films. A bittersweet send-off as we watch a genuinely quite solid reboot movie, but one whos' sequel hook will forever remain unfulfilled. CIA guy Napoleon Solo (Massive) finds himself forced to team up with KJB operative Ilya Kuryakin (Massive, also) to find some nazi guy or whatever. I think. ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

I decided to have some fun with three young Italian boys in the men's room. Hello and welcome to the final Man From U.N.C.L.E. Oh. Phil James Bond. I know. Tr.C.L.E. Oh. Phil James Bond. I know. Tranchant. I am Alice Gould O'Kelly.

I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hey. How's it going? How you doing? Good thanks. Sad times. Sad times. Requiem for an uncle.

I know. I know. It's the last one. And that's really sad. We're coming to the end of an era. And, you know, it's just for us to say our uncle's gonna go sleepy by forever yeah it's we're out of the 60s we're even out of the 80s we're into 2015 2015 those halcyon days remember before the fall remember 2015 didn't know how good we had it

and this this movie is weirdly like before the fall yeah before 9-11 like the bad guys are nazis and that's just like yeah that's just like they're bad like it's not like a even like a political thing it's like they're just like oh yeah the nazis obviously they're evil we can kill them and it's fine whereas now that would be like oh it's political like yeah what if what if those nazis are defending women you know you never know why do they smell of soup i remember this movie when it came out and i remember seeing it and enjoying it and thinking this is a solid action movie give me 10 more of these yeah it was good i actually agree with that statement now i i just watched it and I was like, yeah, this was fine. I do. I still do. I talked myself back

into it, but like, I was like, no, give me 10 more of these, give me a franchise of these. I would quite happily consume them. But what happened was, this was a massive box office bomb. Really? It lost, like, a hundred million dollars really wow and then how it became i had people didn't like it people didn't go and see it people didn't pay money for it and then cancellation happened to it because this movie has an interesting cast right uh it's got henry cavill it's got alicia vicando it's got hugh grant oh yeah and it's got Henry Cavill, it's got Alicia Vikander, it's got Hugh Grant, and it's got Armie Hammer. Somebody tweeted some shit at the British Medical Journal and the film lost 100 million

dollars! It's fine, I wouldn't worry. If you're not familiar with Armie Hammer, Armie Hammer was cancelled for, I guess what we can describe as BDSM-flavored sexual misconduct, allegedly. And he was cancelled so comprehensively that it was one of the cancellations that actually stuck, at least until now. Like, he's, right now, Armie Hammer is selling timeshares in Bermuda, I think. He's working as a tour guide part-time. Like, that really did, at least at time of recording end his career which is

kind of like very inappropriate messages there were i think allegations of sexual assault and rape he was never charged emotional abuse in a sort of more complicated bdsm sort of framework too but yeah so that's a problem given that they cast him as one of the two leads in this movie but we don't we don't know that yet it's 2015 it's before the fall we don't know that men can like you know abuse anyone right we think that nazis are bad um that's i should have looked that up before we started recording this good question i think that was like contemporaneous or after yeah it's contemporaneous right because yeah it, like, there had been a couple of- Yeah, it starts 2017. Okay.

Is when it started, so yeah, this is two years prior to finding out that men can be abused. So this movie, this came out, and we were like, all men are, like, sort of, like, earnest and upright. Nazis are bad. Yeah, uncontroversial point in 2015. Yeah! We probably didn't even know that climate change was happening. I don't remember what I was doing in 2015. Watching this movie,

maybe. I was definitely a twink in 2015. Definitely was not as hard as I thought I was. I thought I was a twink too. I had a goatee in 2015. It was a weird time. Genuinely, every time I genuinely like every time I shave my face I consider

doing a goatee for just a second to like send the photo to you thought I buried you motherfucker but so this movie I mean first of all this is a Guy Ritchie movie, as well. And Guy Ritchie in 2015, he was coming off of a long, fallow period of making dreadful movies. Lucky Number Slevin, Rock and Roller. I remember all of these films and and this was his sort of like step back towards

uh sort of like respectability i think it works i mean i think there's parts of them like oh okay and there's parts for them like oh all right cool i get what you're doing here it's definitely if you like guy ritchie's style it's definitely like distinctive yeah that's that's sort of my problem with it but we'll get there first all, we begin, after actually very nice opening titles, not enough 60s retro stuff like this, in my opinion. I like this stuff, yeah. We begin sort of at the border between East and West Berlin, where Henry Cavill enters the frame, and Henry Cavill...

Here's the problem, right? Henry Cavill enters the frame and occupies all of it! Yeah, yeah, he got distractingly huge for this. Here's a problem, right? Henry Cavill enters the frame and occupies all of it. Yeah. Yeah, he got distractingly huge for this. I think he already was, cause he was already Superman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you- maybe he was like, coming down off of Superman back to like, normal man, but like, if you've seen him in The Witcher, right, he's smaller in The Witcher than he is in

this by a lot. Like, you would have to, like, add out the shoulders. He's like a third, again, more Henry Cavill than you would get. Because, you know, the economy or whatever, you know, everything's contracting, including Henry Cavill's. Yeah, hearing that- I remember when Henry Cavill was ten feet! Henry Cavill is expanded by 11% this year. One massive Cavill that would, like, feed a family for uh for you know four seasons but also the fact that he's in suit for pretty much this entire movie and the suits have like big shoulder pads

and like narrow waists he is shaped like the security dorito he is shaped like a trivial pursuit wedge he's a very triangular looking man this is this is the movie that i would um send to everyone who wants him to be the next bond is just like watch this this is this is the movie that i would um send to everyone who wants him to be the next bond is just like watch this this is him giving bond a solid go yeah yeah this is his bond audition and like he does a decent job he does pretty well he does pretty well he does he does pretty well he's too famous he doesn't need to be bond now yeah that's true he's not set up to do like 10 years of the kind of abuse playing bond is you have to pick a relatively unknown young actor and uh ruin their life for a decade yeah yeah i i'm just imagining though on set for

this movie because this was back when like henry cavill they were still trying to pass him off as a jock right when you know we know better now yeah on the set of this movie you just imagine or at least i do henry Cavill trying to get Armie Hammer into Warhammer, and he's just fucking DMing girls his cannibal fantasies, you know, kind of like half listening, just like, yeah, Space Marines, cool. Henry Cavill like, earnestly taking a supermodel back to his trailer, and then just like, earnestly explaining Warhammer to her for two hours, and she's like, what is this? Yeah, I like to do the weathering like this it's like she's like i

would love that chat oh yeah so he enters into east berlin it's just funny to me to imagine like army hammer just like in his dressing room he's looking at his phone he's got whatsapp open he's got like 10 unread messages from henry cavill that are all paragraphs of lore about Warhammer, and then he's got like, ten chats with women open where he's like, yo, I wanna eat you. Portray it to the man! Rapidly, rapidly closing one tab

that's about how in serious injury, but before death, the Space Marine is welded into a dreadnought to serve their chapter to go back to his like consensual non-consensual he's trying to he's trying to harass women and he just keeps getting messages from henry calvis like yo i saw that you were online so so here's the thing. Forgot to set my Steam to invisible when I started playing shit, and now Henry Cavill is messaging me to ask if I want to play.

It's his special interest, like... Henry Cavill legitimately just seems like a lovely man. I'm so glad he's getting to make a Warhammer movie now. Hell yeah. Are you kidding? Yeah. But, so, they cast him as Napoleon Solo. They crammed him into this suit. He is going to East Berlin.

He goes to East Berlin to meet a mechanic. And he speaks German. his German accent, I know I'm one to talk, it's atrocious, but then the woman under the car goes, oh yeah, German accent's excellent, pops out of the car, it's Alicia Vikander, who is in this movie, and let me tell you something about this movie. Everybody involved in the making of this movie wanted to fuck Alicia Vikander so bad it made them look stupid. It's legitimately too much.

She's a beautiful woman, right? I said that sort of in a Trump case, she's a beautiful woman! One of the most beautiful of all time, folks! She's hot! We're not disputing that, right? But, it can begin to feel a little exploitative in this movie. Yeah, I mean... that right but that it can begin to feel a little exploitative in this movie um yeah i mean it's they're never just like she's in luxury in this scene like it's never it's never like that

explicit they definitely treat other women worse i think but um yeah it's kind of it gives it gives the vibes of just like they're like constantly asking i'm making this up by the way i'm not sure whether this is true but it gives the vibe of we're on the phone to her agent asking like how much nudity can we do like this is and this is 2015 it was before intimacy coordinators were yeah yeah oh wow god yeah you're right but like this is this is gabby teller she works as a mechanic and solo is going to try and get her out of east we get a classic man from uncle plock because because napoleon still is like hey your father uh is a nuclear scientist who worked for the nazis but crucially was not one himself yeah it's interesting he's gone missing we need

to find him and it's like oh great like they sort of acknowledge operation paperclip four minutes into this movie it's just like oh yeah, all of NASA was like former Nazis, but then kind of hedge it a bit and go, he wasn't really... She's the sexy 10 out of 10 smoke show baddie daughter that an original Batman film would have introduced at the 20 minute mark. This is right to me. It's accurate.

He beelined directly for the smoke show daughter. That was like a reverse cinema sins ding for me. I'm like, yes, uncle. Uncle moment. And also, we don't know I'm like, yes, uncle, uncle moment. And also like, we don't know where he is, but your uncle might know. So we need to find him in Italy. And I'm like, great, great.

And when Solo starts speaking English, we see that Henry Cavill has spent a lot of time perfecting his Robert Vaughan. And it's really, I have a drop here to give you a sample. Well, I can get you over the wall. Do you consider that important, Fraulein Schmidt? The vowel sounds in wall and that are pure Vaughan, and they're like really well done. I really like his performance in this. He's like... I know, it's a sexy voice. Yeah, he really has gotten like, what if Robert Vaughan was huge what if that fuck

it's like finally after 40 years of the man from Uncle they've actually cast a sexy charismatic man as Robert Vaughn yeah it took them a while but they got there in the end Henry Cavill could have pulled off the shot in the first man from Uncle film where they introduced Napoleon Solo

and he's just standing normal Henry Cavill could have been in it so much man from local film where they introduce Napoleon Solo and he's just standing normal. I think about that shot so much. Henry Cavill would have to be standing like that because of his muscles getting in the way of his other muscles and like crowding. I'm just, I'm now imagining Henry Cavill as like other Robert

Vaughn roles. Like I'm imagining him like walking into the Magnificent Seven sideways to make it through the doors. I'm imagining him playing that surgeon who who like botches the trans woman's ffs and then gets murdered by oh yeah let's remake that so gabby gabby this mechanic alicia picando gabby doesn't want to go with him uh but he sort of forces her hand because he notices that they're being followed by the kgb and she better fuckin' defect with him, otherwise...

Hang from a pipe, having your toenails removed. Which brings us once again full circle... Come over here, Mr. Solo, you're about to be chained to a pipe. Which, you know, I don't count it as a formal callback. It's like poetry. A rhyme. Yeah, rhymes! It rhymes, it's all being chained to pipes which is i guess also what army hammer

was trying to like dm women in between getting invites to like dnd games and shit um trousers a time man if only he'd picked that that route instead of the so we see that he's being followed by army hammer we don't yet know this is elia kuriakin but it is um and uh we get this ridiculous we get this very tense scene where uh gabby schmidt is driving in the car and robert vaughn i said robert vaughn because i just referred to the character henry cavill is basically he's lying down in the back seat hidden with a gun and it's it's very very tense and like you know elia pulls up alongside them and we get this like tense moment and then there's like a build-up and then henry cavill like shoots him but elia like dodges it and yeah it's very

kind of yeah it's very well done we learn that like elia is is like fast and physical and very determined thing about the pipes like it's a stupid little thing but it did make me realize something which is having just watched a bunch of the old Man From U.N.C.L.E., we are coming to this from a perspective closer to the actors than most of the audience. Like if you went to go and see this in 2015, you didn't watch all the made-for-TV Man From U.N.C.L.E. movies, but I bet you Henry Cavill did. He had to get the Robert Vaughan voice from somewhere.

So it's interesting, having that sort of like, different perspective to the one that we usually have. But so, we get a chase scene. Elia drives the Trabant faster than I think is possible, which is very fun. Solo is shown to just try and kill him, like, by shooting him in the back and we get a long sort of close-up on solo's eyes as if to emphasize oh this guy's a fucking killer which is cool we also we see throughout this that like elia is extremely determined like he gets beaten and like thrown off the scent many many times i mean that he comes back and solo's just like jesus this guy

like doesn't quit there's even then there's a really nice moment. It's a good way of using action to establish character where Schmidt and Solo are driving away and Elia runs after them like fucking Terminator 2 and hangs onto the back of the car, which is futile.

He's not going to stop the car. And Henry Cavill's just looking at him and Schmidt goes like, why don't you shoot him? And Henry Cavill's like, it doesn't seem like it would be the right thing to do. And Elia rips the boot off the back of the car.

It's such a nice moment. It's just like, huh. Most of what's selling that for me is less sort of Armie Hammer's physicality. Although he does have a lot of that. He's also a big dude in this movie. It's a big dude movie. He's a bigger dude than Henry Cavill. You get a

couple of shots of them next to each other and it's like, Henry's a big boy. Armie, he's a big dude movie. He's a bigger dude than Henry Cavill. You get a couple of shots of them next to each other and it's like, Henry's a big boy. Armie, he's a big boy. This is Armie Hammer's audition for Bond as well. He's doing Daniel Craig Bond in this. But it's Henry Cavill's sort of like, wry, amused, like Robert Vaughn

smug tone that really carries it, where he like, looks back out of the window, sees him rip the, like, the trunk off the car and goes like, oh where he looks back out of the window, sees him rip the trunk off the car, and goes like, oh, he's trying to stop the car. Which is like, I could listen to this all day! You know? This is great stuff. Ultimately, after this chase scene, Gabi, Napoleon make their escape, leave Ilya humiliated.

We also see, by the way, that he gets briefed by his kgb handler about napoleon solo which is how we find out about napoleon yeah we have a bit of a different backstory to napoleon the normal um yeah which is that he was a very famous art thief who then ended up getting caught and recruited by the cia yes they actually give him very very close to robert max Maxwell's youth being in the US Army and like occupied Berlin and sort of like double dealing and stuff.

Every time I'm recording one of his episodes with you, I zone out very slyly and I always come back to Alice being like, Robert Maxwell or some shit like this. I'm like, huh? Wait. I have a real Alice moment for you later on in this one.

Christ on a plane. This one, it took me out of the movie entirely, and I wrote down a long note about it. But so Solo takes Gabi back to West Berlin, and we meet with his boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Certified guy I love to see, Jared Harris. Jared Harris.

Fucking done. Jared Harris. You may remember uh lane price from madman valerie legasov and chernobyl i love this guy i love to see him one thing i don't love to see is when they make him do an american accent oh i loved his accent in this because it's so it's kind of a little bit cartoony and i kind of like that yeah it's wrong in the right way to me yeah it's not an American accent, but it's fun. He takes him to a public toilet

where he immediately makes a sort of double entendre about drinking piss. Nice, yeah. Where he unzips and goes, What I'm about to feed you, Solo, might taste a little bitter. Nevertheless, you're going to have to swallow it. It's a very

very sort of like double entendre movie. It's an immature script in a lot of ways, I find. I like it. That's kind of about as immature as it gets. I know, but like I don't know. I'm not saying it has to be sort of like Zero Dark Thirty or anything

but like, I have a large number of bizarrely horny drops from this movie. You decided to have some fun with three young Italian boys in the men's room. You know. The surprise is not that he has to drink Jared Harris' piss. The surprise

is that Elia is there and you're going to be partners, you have to work together. Yeah, they have this fight in the men's room and then Elia's boss comes in, the kind of M equivalent who fuck Gogol, I guess comes in and is just like don't kill your partner on the first day

and it's like what? we're working together? whoa yeah I like that they just get that out of the way right at the very start I just appreciate this it's an efficient script they have a briefing outside in a cafe. No projector, sadly. A crowded cafe in the park.

No. Instead, they just hand them pictures. And the first thing they do is they go, and this is really an uncle thing. Here is a Polaroid picture of a 10 out of 10 smoke show baddie. Yes. This is the other actress appearing in this movie and guess what lethal combination of beauty brains and ambition yes like this podcast uh yeah brilliant uh yeah so this is the villain of the film uh her name is she's also she's also a nazi

and this is i i i'm holding the spray bottle i brought this from home and i still have this from the last live shows yeah yeah i've been keeping this thing like taped to the underside of my desk like a sink down. Just in case. And I needed it. She's also not American, she is British. Although I have been also known to simp for British blondes named Victoria. But, so, there are fascists, Nazis.

Yeah, this is Victoria Vinciguera, who is the daughter of an Italian fascist, who is working with, like, Gabi the mechanic's uncle, who is also a Nazi, and her father, who was not a Nazi but has been coerced, in order to obtain a nuclear weapon for the secret fourth Reich. Yeah, because her father, Gabi's father, has found a new way to enrich uranium really easily. And he's storing that method on a computer disk. So find him and the computer disk, or the Vincigueras and whoever they work for are going to have nuclear power, basically. And also, because this is such a threat to the world,

we have to work with the KGB to do this, hence you two are together. And then they go, okay, they put them into the big sort of get-along shirt, and then go, great, have fun. And then, in a visual gag, I really like, everybody else in the restaurant gets up with them and splits in half,

and you figure out that everyone else there is working for them. That was really nice. It's a good gag. The moment Armie Hammer starts speaking, I wrote, oh no? Because that's not a fantastic

Russian accent. Russian Gajowicz. I mean, what was David McCallum's accent? He didn't do one, but that was the thing. It was a character choice I appreciated, that David McCallum didn't really try and do a Russian accent. He inflected things a bit, but mostly it was just his regular voice.

And Armie Hammer instead talks like this, he talks like Milo Edwards' impression of a Russian man. Well, Milo Edwards has lived in Russia, and therefore presumably his impression is like, reasonably accurate. And is also, you know, a professional comedian who does impressions. Sure, I'm not disputing that it's like, probably a fine accent, right? But it takes you out of the movie a bit. Yeah. It feels a bit sort of like... It's one of those ones where it's like, well, it's like Downton Abbey, right? The accents they use in Downton Abbey aren't

accurate to the period, because if you actually did an accurate one it would seem weird um so this might be very accurate but it's still nevertheless a bit like oh it's it's not screen accurate it's my contention is obviously cavill has prepared for this one he's doing an impression of um vaughn robert vaughn that's that the voice. Army, he's not doing an impression of Ilya Kiriakhin. He's not doing, like, McCallum. He's sort of, he's doing Russian Gaevich. Well, because as

we learn, there's a very different take on Ilya for this film, because we, they have this banter, and they've each read each other's files, so it's just like, I've read your file, you're like this, this, and this. And Solo kind of runs circles around Ilya here,, because Eli gives him some very mild banter. And Solo reveals his backstory, which I quite like. Solo goes, step one, your mom's a hoe.

Right? Yeah, just like, out the gate. Like, fully just like, oh, you know, a bunch of Polar Bureau guys were fucking on your mom. Fully, just like, oh, you know, a bunch of Politburo guys were fucking on your mum. Second of all, your dad was, like, a big Stalin hardliner, and got gulagged by Khrushchev, which is, sort of, politically intriguing. And therefore, because of the shame of this, that presumably drove you to join the KGB, and be the best killer they've got

and be super determined. He also says, and suffers from psychotic episodes. Now, one thing that a psychotic episode is, in the movies, is it makes you really angry.

You know what else it is in this movie? Nothing else. You get mad you get angry sometimes psychotic episode is when someone provokes you and you're upset by it yeah um it's gratuitously wrong and insulting what is it in having never known anyone who's to my knowledge had a psychotic episode what is the accurate version of this? It is sort of like, you experience very florid and immediate delusions. You're like, oh, you know, the walls of this bus are covered in like, blood, which is also electrified, kind of thing. It's like, not a pleasant experience,

as I understand it, it's an intense one. It's also not something irretrievable, or something that makes you worth less as a person. Some of my best friends have experienced this. It's like, I don't know, it's all part of the broad spectrum of human mental health, right? It's an unpleasant thing, but one that's like you know yeah like it's it's more hallucinatory than like emotional um yeah you just kind of like take leave of like consensus reality for a bit yeah um and it's like certainly it's not always like a violent thing it's not even always like an like-inducing thing, it can be frightening, certainly.

But like, yeah, in this case what it means is, he starts hearing ominous Russian music when he thinks about his parents, and then that makes him get mad, and he goes kind of like Kyle mode, and he like breaks drywall and stuff. Yeah, yeah. He has like rage problems with this. This is like a very different take on Ilya, but I kind of, I kind of like it because I suppose for introducing our two characters as an origin story,

we need them to conflict. They can't both be kind of like suave people. So we've got Napoleon Solo, who's like very suave and controlled. And then it kind of makes sense that like Ilya is absolutely out of control, furious, not at all kind of like polished or anything um so i'm not

wedded to like mccallum yeah i'm not i'm not wedded to like mccallum's depiction of of ilia koryakin as a character at all i think this is fine aside from you know the mental health part which isn't yeah uh but like yeah an angry ilia fine cool let's do it and we also continue this into the next scene where where Solo and Schmidt are talking about what her cover is going to be when they go to Rome, she's buying dresses to fit into the cover, and Ilya comes in and he's not at all smooth with her. He's very, just kind of, sexist. He's like, oh, we are going to be married now. But there is one little detail here, which is, Alicia Vikander, when she's trying on these dresses, she's like, sort of like,

forcing herself into these heels and stuff. This movie has a huge foot fetish, by the way. It's like Tarantino-esque. But she's like, struggling to walk in these things. The problem with this is that Alicia Vikander looks too much like Alicia Vikander to sell me on I don't know how to dress femme. Right? Like, it just doesn't work.

Yeah, you can put her in the mechanic thing at the start, but she looks more out of place in that than she does a list to sign a dress. It's like, no, high femme. No, it's like, no, sorry. So the cover is that Alicia Vikander Schmidt and fucking Armie McCallum, they're posing as a couple to go to Rome, right? So she's going to be like,

oh, this uncle Nazi, this is my new fiancé who doesn't, who isn't a spy. Like, tell us where my father is. Yeah, he's a Soviet architect who's been sent to Rome to study the architecture. Meanwhile, Solo has been told, go and fuck Victoria somehow. Just make it happen. Yeah.

Get in there. Go and, like, put your dick in things, you know, have fun with it, be yourself. Go get a king. Yeah, exactly exactly and we see that elia has one thing that we carried over from the previous ones which is back in back in the previous generation of uncle when he was designing clothes for the dolls you know yeah he's still got it he's still like a bit of a fashionista he's still like fashion minded i i like this again that's another reverse innocence thing it's quite cute that they like disagree they have this like little argument

between them about women's fashion it's just quite a fun yeah it's like oh that dior doesn't work with that belt yeah uh and it's it's fun it's not supposed to she's an architect's like fiance she's not meant to be super fashionable it's meant to clash and it's like that's quite good yeah um and so we go to rome and i think this is the first point at which hugh grant stumbles across the screen shouting i'm mr waverly i'm gonna be mr waverly my name is waverly like from the previous things get a little like cameo there we also we get a nice little i mean another another movie might not have done this but we get a nice scene where gabby and elia are strolling around room posing as a couple and uh even though there's no need to he bullshits her because she's like

you're a russian architect all right tell me about the architecture you've done your research and he like bullshits her some story about how the steps they're walking on were designed and she like obviously sees through it and it's it's quite a cute moment actually yeah at which point arriving on a vespa is napoleon solo to destroy this man's self-confidence napoleon has adopted a policy here of following the guy around raz razzing him, like, from a Vesper. On a movie! Which is... That's basically what he does, like, after the movie. Perfect, like, on board...

I would have watched an hour and a half of just this. 100%. Just like... Turns up on a V you, but you can't defend yourself, because you're supposed to be a Soviet architect, not a Soviet spy. It's a test. They're trying to find out if you're a Soviet spy. And then we get a kind of a line that I think is out of character for Napoleon, where he just says...

Take it like a pussy. Which, again, curiously suggestive, doesn't really fit with the suaveness. Doesn't gel. On the other hand, it's very funny that he's just trash-talking him like that. You know, he's got a sort of gamer headset on, he's on a Vespa. He's like, your mum's a fucking slut, dude. Scott Cady is on the headset. Yeah.

Femboy Henry Cavill gamer, is it? No. No. No! It's so good. Another life. Yeah. So, Ilya goes with, uh, um, with Gabi to go and get robbed. And he kind of holds it together.

I like this scene! It's good. Yeah, it's like a classic in the genre of, oh, they're fucking with the wrong guy, but he has to like, you know, not show them his like, power level, but they like, take his wristwatch, and this is his father's wristwatch, and this makes him hear the Russian music and he like, effortlessly punches one guy in the throat and like, breaks his cover. Also, they take the fake engagement ring that he gave to alicia vikander and he's also upset about that and they spit in his face and he does like effortlessly punch one of them in the face but then like the

other guy pulls a gun and he has to kind of control himself and leave it i like this it's like a like change his mind and it's like you know he doesn't really, sort of, and it's a bit inconsistent, but so, they make off with all this stuff, Solo arrives on the moped, and he's like, that went like shit, didn't it? What's up, cunt? Ah, fuck. This guy. He's like Bugs Bunny, to just own Armageddon. It's a better implementation of Bugs Bunny than Shoot Em Up was.

It's great. But Ilya gets a fun line here, which is like, a Russian architect would have beat them up, a Russian spy would have killed them, what do you want me to do? He's upset, he's sort of like Russian mode about his watch at this point in the film we need to be like but does Napoleon get pussy though so we kind of he do get pussy

this is kind of unnecessary because the concierge he gets like hotel pussy like Bond trying to make a reservation at the hotel pussy they don't take British debit cards it's really annoying so the concierge he's obviously a 10 out of 10 Trying to make a reservation at the hotel, pussy. They don't take British debit cards. It's really annoying. The concierge, she's obviously a 10 out of 10, smokes her body, brings up some

champagne, and Solo's just like, it's a nice bottle of champagne. It'd be a shame to drink it a lot. Obviously, he gets pussy. Later on, we see this woman's ass from behind in lingerie, and it's like, I don't think they had that kind of lingerie in the 1960s

for one thing like all bullet bras and like giant slips and stuff kind of gratuitous nudging out the M score but meanwhile it's a desperately horny movie and it's gonna get hornier in the next scene which is

but I think the next scene kind of does it well which i quite like this is a difficult ceiling to play but the two actors in this do a good job i think well this is only for character development whereas the other one was only for character establishment just slightly different yeah elia's trying to have like a nice quiet game of chess and you can tell that they think they're being so clever with the fact that he's Russian, but he doesn't drink. He, like, refuses a glass of vodka, like, a bunch of times. Because Alicia Vikander is trying to get turnt.

And she is also trying to get the Kuriak and dick. And he is not interested. Yeah, it's interesting, because, like, I think this is partly in the way it's played and partly in the way it's been written. Is that he turns down the drink, and we understand, oh, he knows he can't get out of control he's like trying to fucking keep a lid on this and it's like oh interesting yeah and she's like provoking him she's like you know like ah what if you had sex with me right now what if i made you so angry every bottom who has ever like fucking tried to do this shit and he he does get a little top in his voice, he gets a little like, Don't you make me put you over my knee.

Which is an interesting line, cause I wanna talk about this a bit, cause, Don't you make me put you over my knee. Don't you make me put you over my knee. Armie Hammer had kind of like, positioned himself in this space, where, between like, this, and like, enthusiastically talking about auditioning for Fifty Shades of Grey, and the time he accidentally reblogged a rope bondage tutorial, I had friends who had massive, massive crushes on Armie Hammer, and it was because he was trying to be like, the BDSM hunk, right, at a time when that was becoming more acceptable.

And, you know, part of... Disguided branding. BDSM hunk, right, at a time when that was becoming more acceptable. Um, and... Disguided branding. Yeah, and part of being the BDSM hunk was like, the enthusiastic consent BDSM hunk, something which would then be, you know, thoroughly put the lie to, but it's something that is like, bolstered in this scene by him like getting to like put alicia vikander to bed when she like falls down drunk because he's like he's good about consent he's like a trustworthy hunk he's like a big nice dude who maybe wants to tie you up and it's like there is this well maybe not this moment where they like play wrestle and we get a shot which is in a lot of films but i think

this one's particularly good where like she's on top of him and they're like getting closer and closer it's like oh are they gonna kiss are they gonna kiss um and they handle it really really well and then she like is just about to kiss him and then she like falls asleep over his shoulder and we see him go god damn it and then kind of pick her up um and it's like oh it's it's really it's a really good example of that kind of scene and i think credit to the actors involved there for selling it. Yeah, absolutely. And everything else ignored.

The Trustworthy Hunk is a great screen name. That's true. I had a sort of a brutal joke here, which you may have to cut, which is, yeah, it really does credit Armie Hammer because he had to really go out of himself and put... Ooh, that's... Yeah, we will be cutting that one i would just bleep over just bleep over the punchline and then audience you can imagine what that joke was yeah yeah like i'm just i'm just doing this i i'll do i'll do a sort of like uh uh libelous joke it's fine uh but so the next morning it's okay to do a room

joke solo solo like kicks this woman out of bed and immediately starts finding tracking devices fucking everywhere he's got one like in his alarm clock like it in his you expect him to like find one like under his foreskin and be like oh damn the fuck? Goddammit. Yeah, he's pulling them out of everywhere, and then he like... Yeah, yeah. Goes to Ilya's room and is just like, these are Russian... He like, throws them at him. Which is really funny. And then Ilya like, goes back in the room, brings all of the bugs that he has planted

on Ilya and like, throws them back at him. It's a really fun gag. It's fun. Um, and yeah, it's, it's really petty moment. As Solo's walking away, he goes,

that bow tie doesn't work with that suit. They, they land this joke because the next shot is Elia outside and you see he has changed his tie. It's really good actually. It's just a catty little thing it's beautiful we also get another nice moment where Alicia

because they're going to go to a big villain party and see Uncle Nazi and Elia has a new engagement ring for her and she's like, it's this kind of sweet moment where like, she says, but it was stolen last night, I wouldn't be wearing an engagement ring it doesn't match our cover and he goes, you know your fiancee in the cover story loves you

so much that he went out first thing got you a new one it's like oh sweet so um at this point we go to evil party and i think first we see gabby and and kuriakin and they meet with uncle nazi and uncle nazi predictably cannot go five minutes without saying some nazi shit yeah yeah he's like oh man eugenics it's just like that guy in the fucking roger moore bond film was just like have you ever thought about breeding the superhuman like it's like an opener to roger moore um so yeah that's really funny yeah he's like he's like he genuinely his opening gambit is like, where some, like, uncles or whatever would be like, you know, sort of like, assembling a gun on the coffee table or whatever. He's like, ah, have you ever thought about like,

your inferior Slavic blood? And this, of course, sets off the Russian music. Yeah, yeah, because he's insulting his parents, which we know is a sensitive point. The whole of, like, the whole of, like, both reels of Come and See are playing on the inside of Ilya's eyelids at this point. He is, uh, like, yeah, Come and See, it's a, uh, like, Belarusian, well, Soviet Belarusian war movie, uh, like... Oh, C-O-M-E-R. Genuinely, genuinely misunderstood. I thought it was C-U-M-S-E-A. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The battle of the Russian war movie about cum, cum and C. Yeah. Sex on a submarine. Uh-huh. And he excuses himself because he's like, oh, I have to go and be psychotic somewhere else now,

because one major feature of psychotic episodes is you can exercise a great deal of control about where you have them and you can just kind of go i'm gonna go and take this out on some italian twinks which yeah i don't advise hey first of all um i do want i do want to acknowledge though that this is as far as i can tell the first movie that i've ever seen where they go you're too huge to be your cover yeah because i watched the fucking the rock movie about him in a skyscraper and he's just like an insurance guy and it's just unrealistic because my boy is wide as a fucking barn and everyone he's across from in any scene isn't just going hey man you're fucking massive i don't know if you noticed yeah yeah at one point the uncle nazi even says

to him just like you're an architect you built like a power lifter and he goes exactly i like to jog it's so good it's like brother you're huge though i have made you almost as like schwarzenegger delivery of uh like i like to jog nice guy sally Sally, I like you. So he goes into the bathroom, there's three Italian twinks in there, just Italianing it up. And, you know, he fucking kills them. Like, well, he beats the shit out of them off-screen. He does the Casino Royale fight scene, the opening one, to these twinks. And, you know, just to get it out of his system.

Meanwhile... Solo is sneaking into the party we see that he bumps into hugh grant on the way in it's like oh i'm sorry and he's like oh i'm sorry i'm in the film uh hugh grant like stumbles over so it's like oh i'm alexander waverly oh man it's waverly i'm in the film and it's like oh okay okay yeah yeah cool i'm really entering my silver fox phase you know devon Devin's going to have some feelings about it. I'm holding off. No, you don't have to. We can get into this now. Turning a big spotlight Devin-wards.

Me? Devin? Just because I'm unbelievably horny for Hugh Grant? That seems like an unfair thing to do to me. On the record. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can't say things. Talk about a guy

who's into BDSM. I don't have to worry. I'm not. We are now back in having finished the Bible portion of the podcast. And at this point, Napoleon Solo, man after my own heart, meets a blonde woman named Victoria, and is very horny and does everything he can to impress her.

She is a Nazi, and more than that, she looks like if Lady Gaga had like too much buckle fat room. Like, I simply do not see it. I mean, no, she's, you know, a beautiful woman. She looks like a film star. Anyway, I think it's the attitude. I'm not feeling the urge to rent. I'm simply not. I mean, neither am I. I think that...

We have to bleep that. What we get, though, is... I mean, neither am I. I think that... We have to bleep that. But what we get, though, is Solo does a sort of job interview, right? Where he just steals a bunch of shit. Solo steals a bunch of shit in front of Victoria and then hands it back to her like, I'm a thief, by the way. He just closed up magic shit way you can tell by the way i stole that shit oh this is where the movie reveals it's like most annoying foible which is

yes showing you shit you've already seen like seconds ago to be like actually something clever was happening here but you didn't catch i'm like fuck off fuck off it's because you didn't show it to me it's it's a visual and so you're in charge of what i's because you didn't show it to me. It's a visual medium. Yeah, it's... Show AND tell. You're in charge of what I see, man, I don't know how to tell you this. Don't show me, tell me later. Like, what? It's like, what? The sort of Guy Ritchie touches, the flashbacks, the on-screen subtitles for Foreign

Languages, not being able to hold a shot for more than three seconds, like, they all weaken the movie far more than any of the like guy richie shit that he adds adds to it and like the thing about guy richie right is that at some point in his career he may have to confront the fact that he is a guy who had one movie in him and he made that movie twice and it was good the first time it was okay the second time and then everything else has been a commercial and it's edited like a commercial it looks like a commercial i don't know i disagree i think there are parts of this film where the guy richiness of it really works and we'll get into this later later in the very kind of final half hour um but anyway uh so uh solo meets uh victoria and she's

immediately like horny because she's like will you come over and fuck my pussy? Yeah. Like, she basically says, it's like a sub-Bond level entendre, she's like, uh, why don't you come over to my office tomorrow and we can talk about filling the gaps in my collection, and by collection I mean pussy. And by filling I mean fucking with your penis. And he goes, oh, okay, sure. And he goes, ah, okay, sure.

Meanwhile, Alexander, who is a fascist and is Victoria's husband, hits on Gabby. Hits on Gabby. And that obviously makes Elia mad, and then they leave. Yes. Elia figures out that Elia's got special camera film and figures out they've been standing near something radioactive. He's like, right, they're definitely enriching Uranium. But also, crucially, this is the point at which this movie is like, yo, Alicia Vikander, she got feet.

Like, this whole scene. She's got two, yeah, they're at the end of her legs and she's got them right up there. Probably why I didn't notice, my eyes were going the other way. Yeah, well, I mean, different strokes, right? But like, she's fully unedited dialogue. Feet. Expensive feet. Man. Oh, shit. Sorry.

The end of the previous scene is where we get a fucking sound clip to end the scene. A little sting that caused me to have the podcaster's equivalent of PTSD because it makes this noise. Fuck off! You're not

fucking Bond! You can't end a goddamn scene with the fucking like, ooh Bond shit just happened noise. Motherfucker. You think I wouldn't catch this? Guy Ritchie's audition for Bond. Yeah.

So they look at the film, and Anelia, who has just opened a perfectly good door into a dark room where the light is on, goes, yeah, okay, fuck it, boys night. Yeah, don't know what the fuck he was doing there. Yeah, we're going to break in. They don't tell each other, but then they go to break into this factory, and then they they find it's quite cute they both find out that the other one is breaking in and they have a kind of like well i'm not going home like i guess we're gonna

have to break it together dick measuring contest where solo is like clipping through the wire fence with clippers and then elia just like is using a laser it's an interesting recurring bit in this that the soviets always have better, that the Soviets always have better technology. But the Americans have better skills, is the vibe. So Ilya's trying to pick a lock and Solo just does it effortlessly. And we see the beginnings of them working together, it's nice! They give each other nicknames, Peril and Cowboy, respectively. Also at this point, Kuriyakin calls Solo a suka, which I think they did not know how

intense that is in Russian. What is it? No. Fully dropping like a hard F slur. What the fuck. Really? Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, close enough.

It means bitch, but like, in a context of like, a prison bitch. But so, Kuzma Suka finds a dude he thinks has his watch, like, perfectly slaps him unconscious on his feet, which is a fun bit. I like the fact that that happened, yeah. Yeah, it was fun. They get to a vault, and Solo gets to do his Master Safecracker thing, where he opens the vault very smugly. Don't open that vault!

Don't look into the vault! He sets off the... Yeah, fuck me, yeah. This is where he got his fear of vaults. don't open that vault don't look into the vault fuck me yeah this is where he got his fear of vaults that vault is like Alice's husband is in there he becomes inseparable from the vault

like there's just no way to draw the distinction I like the way the camera's on the vault door so when he opens it it swings around to show Ely's reaction I think that's nice Ely goes what about the alarm and so he goes this model doesn't have an alarm and then and it's like nice yeah yeah so then then we get sort of like what is i guess sort of part gunfight part chase and there's a moment that both incapacitates devon and me man oh my god when i was watching

this fucking movie i watched this movie and i put in the group chat hey i need you to go to exactly 57 30 and let it play for a few seconds um because there's there's a freeze frame and i don't know if it was intentional but as as napoleon solo is like running up the staircase, it's like a dark room, there's a gunshot, and that muzzle flash lights the room up. But for some reason it holds on that frame for half a second, and it makes this cartoon bullet ricochet noise. It's so weird. I'm not doing a voice.

It literally sounds like me going like like and it's just like all you see in the shot is the bullet hitting the wall and solo's ass yeah perfectly in focus just like from a dark room like one white frame just like holding the whole it's it's i cannot express to you how funny this is. If you have a spare moment, please look at this. I'll see if I can find where to post it. Maybe. If this is on YouTube, I'll be able to do it. I can't do it on Amazon because of their fucking...

Yeah. ...black screen shit. We get a boat chase, and Solo immediately goes overboard. Hila doesn't notice. He's doing, like like powerboat shit. And we get what I think the film intends to be like a big comedy scene, which is Solo makes his way into a truck, intending to just leave Elia to it. And he finds a guy's lunch, and because this is Italy it's got like a nice bottle of Chianti,

and like a beautiful sandwich, and he like sort of tucks the napkin into his collar, and he's like really enjoying this, and then he sees like Ilya's in trouble, and like his boat has sunk, and he sort of like very reluctantly he like sacrifices his lunch that he's like really visibly enjoying. And it's fun, but it's like, it's so pleased with itself too. It is, but it's- In a way that's sort of like, out of character. He like drives the truck over the pier onto the enemy boat and squashes them. It's nice though, because it is, it's starting to show character development.

Again, it's using action to show the development of the character that he's like, okay, I will give up this thing that I, and we also know that because we've seen it established that Napoleon Solo is a fancy bitch. Like he grates truffles into his pasta. Like he likes the finer things. He loves his food. And it's like, okay,

I'm going to give this up to save Elia's life. And it's like, oh, that is actually quite nice. Like the writing for this is quite nicely done. It was, it was done by Guy Ritchie and also the guy who wrote like a lot of the other Harry Potter films after like Goblet of Fire.

And it's like, oh, like kind of weird. This, this script like really, really works, I think. I guess the other thing is this is, fire it's like oh like kind of weird this this script like really really works i think i guess the other thing is this is this is the origin of one of my favorite pieces of film

criticism which is nathan rabin's review of this uh in in the av club where he uh says that this this film doesn't like this scene doesn't make sense to him because henry cavill looks like he only eats creatine yes that's true i'm like there's no way this man eats a sandwich. This man's never had a slice of bread in his goddamn life. A single carb. No, absolutely not. Yeah. But so, what happens then is they have to rush back to the hotel, because Victoria's

suspicions are aroused. And she's, like, calling Solo to find her. It's not the only thing of Victoria's that's aroused in this scene. Yeah, her suspicions and also hers are aroused. Victoria's that's aroused in this scene! Yeah, her suspicions and also her are aroused. And her pussy is aroused. So she's trying to call Solo to figure out if he's the one who like, fuck you, broke into her fucking vault.

They gave me access to it again, baby. And he makes it home at the last second to like, play it off nonchalantly and have sex with her, which is fine. The movie kind of drags at this point, there's a little Guy Ritchie bullshit touches, like, there's a lot of soundtrack montages that scream car commercial to me, and then she like, silences the soundtrack and so on. Yeah, there's a lot of little touches like that and it feels a little bit like okay i guess you kind of this is a this is clever and it works but i wonder if this is like

you didn't or wouldn't get the coverage that would have made it stitch together like continuously it kind of seems like a way of getting around that as you film a lot of very disparate things and then you kind of edit them together in a way that works and like you've got a very good editor so it does work but i'm like all right second she's also wearing the second act structure she's also wearing big um big like ball earrings and i wrote look out napoleon she's got potara and i just don't know if that's funny or not but i liked it sure Sure So at this point We're set up for Alicia Vikander

To be like almost naked again And she's like I have to go You're taking me to infiltrate this thing But the tracking device attached to my pussy is deactivated Can you reach up onto my skirt And like switch the big bone Next to my clit on

No she walks into the scene And then steps up onto the table and it's like I need someone to touch my pussy now for the movie and I was like alright it's like on her thigh and it has like a big switch on it and it's like turn it on yourself

or better yet, sort of like taking it off your thigh giving it to him, he switches the switch and then you put it back on your thigh but instead we have to have this moment where, um, where like, Elia is like, reaching up her skirt, and they have like, a moment of intimacy, they almost kiss. There's like a Connery-level line here, where she's like, I like this. What are you doing down there? And he's like, trying not to get loshed.

Because your pussy's so massive, what? Yeah. What? That guy might be in your uterus. I'm gonna get losh be in your uterus. I'm in the lush of your uterus. Interesting. Then Solo gets a much better line when Solo comes back in and he goes, all turned

on? I quite like. So, Solo's gonna go meet with Victoria, Gabi is gonna go meet with her Nazi uncle again, to try and find her dad, and like, Ilya's gonna follow her, and like, listen to the recording device in her pussy. And at this point, we find out that she gets to the meeting, and she's been using sex to misdirect them! 2015 feminism! She like, gets in the thing, and she goes, uh, yeah, actually the guy is

a KGB agent. Yeah, but we do it in, this is where the Guy Ritchie doesn't work. This is fucking annoying. In the fucking flashback shit, where like, she says, uh, like, what she says is cut out, and then we see Ilya running, and then we flashback to her saying it, like, two minutes after. Yeah, it's kind of weird. It's not even the worst offender of this, but it's really annoying. Yeah, it's an unusual decision, given that we immediately find out what's happening.

There was enough suspense already. Anyway, meanwhile, Solo is meeting with Victoria, and she's on the phone. Victoria has activated femdom mode at this point. Mother. Sorry, I've got the mother drop. I need to stop

hitting the mother drop. He says it in this scene. She's mother. She goes, pour yourself a drink. He drinks the drink, goes, ah, I see you've roofied me. I'm gonna lie down on this couch now. And she, like, lies down next to Slash on top

of him. There's a really funny moment where he, like, puts a pillow under his head and lies down on the couch and she says what are you doing he says I've been in this situation before last time I fell and I hit my head so I'm just gonna lie down and she her riposte of that is oh well you know nothing's gonna save you from getting hurt this time which you know

diamonds so she yeah and then her voice work wears off because he's getting drugs So he hears her go Mummy says hello Pitch control always difficult I hear Yeah

When When Vittoria says mummy It's good shit Because he says She says goodnight Napoleon He says nobody calls me Napoleon except my mother And then he wakes up and she says, mummy says hello. Yeah.

Yeah, hello. You get a fun little moment, which is he's like, how did you know I was going to drink the whiskey? And she's like, oh, I roofied every drink in this room. You were going to drink something, big boy. What if he just said no thanks? Really, really needed like a sort of like an outtake or something over the credits where she like you know

Sees him fall unconscious dusts her hand Pours herself a drink by reflex and knocks Herself out too But so yeah She goes The clothes in there And I turn the spray Bottle on myself

You'll find it's empty I've already used it all Holding up the spray bottle and it's empty i've already used it holding up the spray bottle and it's empty like fucking daniel craig at the opening to casino royale i've been like i know where you keep your spray bottle so so solo wakes up like uh what is it now we're gonna be fucking like handcuffed to a pipe uh like fucking putting a steamer what what this time and and the answer is nah i'm just gonna like remind you that i'm a nazi like attach you to an electric chair and then bring in like this girl's uncle who is by the way like a nazi torturer and he like explains that he's a nazi torturer with a montage of hitler in case you didn't know who hitler was he says the words world war ii and

then it has a world war ii montage just to like catch you up i guess and i'm like now i know what world war ii is yeah because you're a you're sort of a scholar of history a gentle them and scholar i'm a very uh attentive watcher of these, so I actually happen to know a thing or two about World War II. We approach the big Alice note here. Because. He shows Solo his, like, torture scrapbook, and he's like, oh, this is where I've been torturing people, this is where I tortured people when I was a Nazi, here's the blank

page where I'm gonna torture you, it's sort of like a bargain basement marathon map. And then he says, ah, but it's not gonna be in black and white like all these other pictures. Because of the miracle of Kodachrome. Oh, no. I didn't even pick this up. Alright, go on. Weimar and Nazi Germany! World pioneers of color film agfa color noi introduced in 1936 discontinued in 1978 after

this movie is set if you look up agfa color you can see color film photos of 1930s europe which is the most fucking hauntological shit you can imagine this is meant to be a scientist man you'd like you don't buy domestic you're a nazi like you're going to fucking the code at the eastman kodak corporation to be like vows these americans who really knows their stuff about the color film you didn't watch fucking ufa like what kind of nazi are you for fuck's sake mr z. Solo this one will be in black and white again because Portra 800 is fucking arm and a leg these days no but it's like this is a movie

this is a mistake that like fucking Tarantino wouldn't have made because he's the kind of dipshit who at least likes movies whereas Guy Ritchie is sort of like an overgrown hobbyist. 2023 version is like you see Mr. Solo I shall yassify you to preserve your anonymity. Yeah, see, he straps into the chair and he yassifies the fuck out of him.

But like, the running gag is the little pedal that he's got for electrocuting him doesn't work very well, it keeps getting like a short in it. So every time he tries to electroccute solo like sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't he's like oh for fuck's sakes this is very embarrassing and so there's henning veins there but elia appears and rescues him um and they i i quite like this because there's the obviously like they can't they can't really show the heroes just like killing this guy even though he is a nazi and a torturer and he definitely deserves it and obviously that the thing that we want to see is the audience as we want to see his own creation turned against him right so they put him in the electric chair and he without being

tortured immediately gives up he's just like i will testify in court i will tell you anything i will like inform on anyone anything you want to know i'll tell you anything and then like so yeah either you're in solo uh then kind of leave the room and they kind of like have this discussion what are we going to do with this guy and so it's like well you know if we do if he does inform in court they're gonna let him out in six months and i really don't want to see that like he even says he might end up getting paper clipped like he might end up working for the us like this guy's gonna go free i'm not really sure what to do about this and in the background the short has happened and like he's being electrocuted to death just like by chance and it's like ah okay that is kind of quite no it's really good i really like

it actually it's such a good way to get around the limitations of the heroes i'm surprised that they even did the like oh the cia would hire this guy but it's cool that they did um and what happens is he like yeah he like catches fire from being electrocuted too much uh and and like they both turn to look and they're not at all remorseful and solo really selves are sort of like damn left my coat in there it's like it's good like it's actually really good i like i like it a lot i also appreciate seeing a guy about to be tortured being like hey buddy you don't need to do shit i'm gonna tell you everything i know right now because like that's me baby don't hurt

me i don't want to get hurt i'll say anything people people like to quote tweet people talking like about torture couldn't get into their life it's like you you would not be able to get this out of me with torture wrong Wrong. Yes, they would. I would say this shit without torture. They would get shit out of you with torture. You wouldn't say. I would hate to be hurt.

All the lively stuff we cut out, we'd say it under torture. That shit would suck. Are you kidding me? I'll do anything, whatever, you know? Alright, bleep that one. Yeah. I was going to say, even in those sections where we libel, that was not what we said.

I'll call bleep a bleep. That's simply not what we said. Very precise bleep. Yeah. So, listeners, just as a peek behind the curtain, we sometimes post the episode in the group chat before we publish it and we, like, review it. I'm going to be reviewing this one very closely fine toothed fucking comb i'll be

going through this one so gabby has like made friends with the nazis because they think she's a nazi because she's betrayed ilia who has like escaped with that with solo at this point yeah yeah um and they go to fucking specter island in the middle of the Mediterranean. Yeah, this is so Bond! A disputed island between Italy and... Russia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at this point she meets her dad, and a special feature at this point for German guy I love to see, because I end up watching a lot of German movies and German TV, so I just

like have in my head a bunch of German character actors. Christian Böckl, from fucking like Downfall and a bunch of German character actors. Christian Berkel from fucking Downfall and a bunch of other shit. He's her dad. It's like, great, fantastic. He's doing glorious bastards, actually. And also, we learn that Gabi's actually good. Yeah. She's double bluffing him.

Don't worry, I'm here to help you dismantle the bomb, father. We're going to set this right. And at this point, we get the reveal so uh solo and elia both get a call from their respective m's it's like go and meet hugh grant um and uh they get a helicopter he's like yo i'm mr waverly i work for british naval intelligence um yo infiltrate the island you're working for me now so is gabby infiltrate the island find the scientist find the computer disc which we forgot about from act one rescue gabby um and uh also secretly we see

both solo and elia get a message from their boss being like retrieve the disc at all costs kill your partner if you have to in the multiplayer of splinter cell but like yeah i i enjoyed this hugh grant does this all in a very sexy way which is uh i'm not sure if the script calls for that but he does you you try to get hugh grant to not act a scene coyly he can't do it he doesn't know what to do at this point he's in his silver fox era i'm unbelievably horny for hugh grant please go off just speak on no no i don't need any more than that just just fantastic just fantastic he also gets a great line with uh with el where Elia sort of like, fluffs something obvious and he's like, I think you have this, don't you?

Yeah, I do. It's a special agent. Special agent, you're not having a very special day, are you? It's just nice. It's great. Ah! Btfo! You know, it's over.

It's a nice line, but it's a little bit too clearly for the trailer, to me. Yeah, well there's a few in this sort of like in this third act um so that he takes him to an aircraft carrier at which point i go oh it's so cute britain thinks it's a military power adorable you got a special boat that's so sweet at this point we kind of forget that we're in the 60s, because a lot of the military tech and the technology and the cars start to look very modern. Fucking Spitfires, come on. Get a grip. And we also see that he's got some Marines with him, commanded by a guy inexplicably named Jockelson.

Very SBS name. Yeah, and they're like, essentially the briefing here is, do the last 20 minutes of like a Roger Moore Bond film. You know the one where Roger Moore and a bunch of like, Navy guys like, shoot ever-living fuck out of the volcano base? Just do that. That's right. Do that.

But the thing is, two things happen. First of all, the way that this is filmed, Guyie montage split screen bullshit why pick one shot when you can have 50 and they're all on screen well at the same time i disagree is my contention i think it's good i think it reminds me of oss on this set right like it's it's clearly like they're having fun with it more than anything else no i i like it because this action where the the marines are infiltrating the island it doesn't actually matter we don't care about this action because our main characters and the psychological conflict of the script are not involved it's just a kind of like we need to get to the next thing so we can have this very slick bloodless montage is for well

yeah but you can't cut this out right so we need to have a kind of excitement like here we go Cool turning up the excitement of the action But we don't really need to like Understand much of what's happening Whereas the action that we get in the final confrontation Is very like fucking visceral And it's very choreographed And it's such a totally different style

I think this works I think it's a good smart decision I don't think so We're quarreling for it being good by the way thank you i don't care um the other beast that i have is like yeah i do i know i do so bad i also wrote down when they intercut one scene with another i clap um because they love to do it like i see it i'm like oh a cinema! It's not cinema. Small detail that only will bother me. The weapon handling. It's all modern.

They moved like Zero Dark Thirty, but if you go back and look at movies in the 60s, they didn't know what gun safety was. We saw Robert Vaughn pick up a pistol by every part of it, including the trigger, and pointed at himself for an entire scene they didn't know or care about this shit they were just running around and like now everybody's fucking like operator style they've got like shit at the high ready or whatever and like it looks weird it should be doing like wide legs like leaning over one hand like doing the dip shit posture shooting like shoot through the legs like Sosley's dances oh yeah back in that day

they were still shooting by like thrusting the gun forward in one hand oh in the meantime Gabby and her father have been found out

by Victoria Victoria kills her dad and is just like you will not sabotage the bomb actually because we're gonna take the bomb and you

and get away ba da ba da setting up a whole new chase scene pretty sure this buggy that solo drives is not 60s no it's i don't even know what's happening anymore at this point hey it's very yeah reverse cinema sins ding drags in the third act well done very accurate to uncle starting to get quite annoying even even so we get like a car chase Elia follows on a motorcycle it's Alexander who's the guy who's

driving it, Victoria's husband who we haven't really known much about, he's kind of a minor villain, he's kind of a dipshit as well, they get run off the road, this is where we get the very visceral action, we get like a fist fight in the rain and like Solo and Elia manage to beat him it's a really good ending for the movie his feet um yeah it's a shame but it

isn't the ending of the movie they like recover the bomb and then hugh grant goes not so fast dipshit that's not the real sorry guys we got actually 10 more minutes we need to film that's what i wrote down hugh grant walks in and goes i'm sorry guys there's a bit more movie left and they're like oh fuck yeah it's more movie everyone puts their head in their hands they recover the warhead but it's the wrong one it's not nuclear coupled to it but it's like yeah whatever fine they go back to the the aircraft carrier i go oh um always very undignified to show a naval officer in shorts um and we do the classic cop movie thing of we can trace the call, but you gotta keep them talking.

You gotta keep them on the phone. Where Solo has to, like, in order to, like, fire the one non-nuclear bomb at the nuclear bomb and kill Victoria, he's gotta keep Victoria on the phone. And we get the ultimate line that's just put in for the fucking trailer, um, How's that for entertainment? That's right before she blows up, by the way. It's like, really smug and annoying. Also, the other thing, he does the ultimate Guy Ritchie flashback here, which is, he shows

us how they're gonna do this, and then, 30 seconds later, after having shows us how they're gonna do this, and then 30 seconds later, after having shown us how they're gonna do that, does the like, ah, this is how it's gonna happen. And what really annoys me is he plays what I've come to think of as the Guy Ritchie Thinks You're a Moron flashback music, that undergirds every flashback. Yeah, oh, it's fucking annoying, is what it is. It's this. While you've been telling me how dangerous you are, we've been locking on to your radio signal.

Like, any time you want to convey, oh, this guy's outwitting you, like, anything, fucking hustle, leverage, any, like, scam show, it's like, this guy's smart. You missed this because we didn't show it to you. Aren't you an imbecile? No, you didn't show it to you aren't you an imbecile no you didn't show it to me yeah i'm watching again i cannot stress enough that you're in charge of what i see that's the whole deal that's what i pay you for like it's literally the point of this as a visual art form it just you just showed me it i put it together and then you went

ah i bet you didn't put this together, did you, dipshit? And I was like, no, I fucking did! Why would you give it to me? If I had put this together, I would be some kind of, like, psychic genius. Yeah, there's absolutely no way you'd put this shit together. They foreshadow the, like, coupler thing! They show the guy who took the coupler thing out of the thing, putting it into something, and we don't see what, like,

how would that not... It's... Well, yeah, whatever. Listen, give me this one and I will concede that the other one is well shot, or whatever. Also, when... Yeah, I'll give you this one, yeah, yeah. When Victoria gets blowed up in this scene, she's wearing a Versace headscarf, iconic, I love it.

All her fits in this, beautiful. Yeah, no, She's wearing a Versace headscarf. Iconic. I love it. Like, all her fits in this. Beautiful. Yeah, no, she's absolutely serving. Come start to finish. Nice work. Sure. So, this point. Solo has the little disc thing. Kuriakun doesn't.

They go back to the hotel, and Kuriakun is told in no uncertain terms by his M, go and get it, otherwise you're just like your dipshit father, and he like, hears the Russian music, and he goes Kyle mode, and he smashes up his hotel room because that's what you do when you're psychotic. Before this though, Gabi comes to him and says, okay, goodbye, you're going back to Russia, I'm obviously not going back to East Berlin, I'm a spy, and she gives him the engagement ring back um which we have established has a tracker in it and he says keep it um and we get this moment of like oh they're

about to kiss but they get interrupted again um and she leaves and it's like oh they would have been nice i just wanted to highlight the fact that um she leaves this is her like i'm leaving the movie now goodbye just wanted to like put a pin in that um yeah false endings we love to do them but so the thing is a psychotic episode is when you get really angry but you're also able to stay composed-looking. So he like, stays composed-looking. He does not. No.

He walks himself down to Solo's room, so like, visibly fuming, but not like, you know, punching holes in drywall. Sees the disc, but not like, you know, punching holes in drywall, right? Seize the disc. Having a mental illness means that you just, like, get a bit weird for a minute or two. That's true. It's like, it's just like, I mean, if you're going to put it in your movie, you should probably check what the symptoms are. Just like, I don't know, step one, maybe, looking at that.

That guy Richie doesn't give a shit. I know he doesn't. And the guy who wrote Harry Potter movies doesn't give a shit. I know he doesn't. He doesn't give a shit. This scene is good. I like the tension here. Well, Elia comes in and it's like, oh, we're saying goodbye, shaking hands, we're friends. And Solo realises that Elia

is probably here to get the disc and Solo's pretending to pack his suitcase. I'm surprised they didn't flash back to the phone call. He's arranging his gun and stuff. it's it's it's really tense actually and then we're drinking johnny walker black label which they make sure to point towards the camera like eight times and i'm like all right i get it i think that solo's about to pull out his gun and shoot ilia but then he pulls out his watch that solo found he found his

father's watch on a goon in order to set this, they have to have a shot in the middle of the gunfight where he just sees it on a dude earlier and is just like, neat! And he's like, I'll be having that, which is really funny. I'm surprised that we don't flashback to that at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And flashback again to the, like, he took my father's watch thing. Flashback to the beginning of the movie, show it all again, I forgot who these people are Don't you trust what I'm watching?

Guy? Do you not believe what I'm watching the movie? Guy makes movies for people Who are also on their phones Yeah, that's true But so We don't see the compromise they come to But we then come to them Which is really annoying

Because I'm like, that is the completion of the character arc you can't not show that that's a bothiosis that's the most important one there wasn't space they had to have the 50 different shots at once did you lose that page of the script like what happened that's the most important bit of the film doesn't matter doesn't matter they're drinking their johnny walker black label on the terrace they have set the little cassette tape thing on fire and hugh grant comes out and it's like i see you've kissed made up cool also gabby is now back also she's here again she's here you know she left the movie and i was kind of like oh that's a shame it's really sad now she's just here no lines back. Also, she's here again. She's here. You know how she left the movie? And I was kind of like, oh, that's a shame. It's really sad.

No, she's just here. No lines in this scene, but she's here. It's time to do the sequel, because I've been allowed to borrow you some more, and it's called Uncle. Where are we going next? And this actually, by the way, manages to include a fine uncle tradition, which is ending on a Waverly non-sequitur

where, if you remember our classics of, I suppose I'll be dead soon, this is kind of up there because it's both out of left field and also racist. He goes, ah, we're going to Istanbul next. You'll need your curly worded shoes.

What? You'll need your curly-whirly shoes. What? You'll need your curly-whirly shoes. A good movie should leave you, like, with questions, right? The second it cuts to black, you should be in the cinema, like, thinking about the movie. And the main thing you want to be thinking is, what? Curly-whirly shoes. That's what you want to cultivate in an audience.

People wear those in Istanbul. It is earnest and genuine confusion. Then the editor has to include a shot of the curly whirly shoes in the credits. Just to be clear. The one thing I do like is that the final shot of the movie is the reverse shot to them and all three of them are like

oh fuck not again. Which I do like. Yeah it's the same as the previous Man From U.N.C.L.E. movie where they were like sequel coming and everyone involved went oh and then they didn't do the sequel here's the thing right i still really want a sequel to this because we don't let movies suck ass anymore right like we don't on a crit on a critical level like sure everybody like everyone who can like write a review hates a Marvel movie, but they make like infinity trillion dollars, so that's the only kind of movie that gets made, right?

We don't have the sort of like, economic boom times of, you know, fucking 2015, if that's saying anything. Where studios would be like, no, this is gonna lose a shitload of money, fine, whatever. It takes you three movies to learn how to get good at making movies uh we'll just like eat the first two and we'll just kind of like drive brand loyalty whatever the truest like the most honest like studio system thing you could do with this would be recast army hammer's role explain nothing about it say nothing and just make another one yeah yeah i'd be really interested to

see like why this film bombed because sometimes films bomb for reasons that are like nothing to do with the film it's because oh actually something else came out this that month or because like it got like fucked by the marketing department that's like a that's actually a really common thing for minority-led films is the film will be really good, but because it's minority led, the marketing department will get like five P to market it. So no one goes to see it. So I'd be really into all like, because there was a fucking pandemic or like,

because it came out like the same as this. So I'd be really interested to see a post-mortem. I'm like, well, was it the brand? Was it because the film wasn't good? I mean, they really tried.

They really tried to hype this up as a franchise in the movie itself. I don't know about the marketing. They lost like, they lost like $80 million on this. It as a franchise in the movie itself. I don't know about the marketing. I think it could have worked. They lost like $80 million on this. That's a lot of money to lose! And it's like, is that because the film is bad, or what happened? Worse movies have been more successful at starting franchises. And I think the thing is, right, that there isn't really diversity.

It's difficult to see a mid-movie made on this budget anymore, in the sort of $100 million dollar range. Because everyone wants sure things, and everyone wants sequels, and so you can either go see like a zero budget indie thing, you can go watch like an ulrich seidel movie and then you know want to kill yourself or you can watch you know like avengers ant-man endgame and want to kill yourself um you know no it's fine do not watch an ulrich seidel movie do not watch sparta you will want to kill yourself yeah i just went to either you want to kill yourself just went to a movie inside us find uh the other movies that released in august 2015 um and obviously this thing was never going to bang because it was released at about the same time as hitman agent 47 which obviously soaked up

most of the titans of the box so i'm looking it up as well apparently there was like almost no marketing for it. There was no other good movies that came out at this point. Fantastic Four. Oh God. Oh no. Grim. Grim.

I can pause you. Resurrection F. Come on. I mean, you know. Yeah. Was it because of Armie Hammer? Had he been cancelled by then? No, no, no.

Not for like a while afterwards. He was only cancelled like... He filmed Death on the Nile. He filmed his parts in that. It took like two years. But he was filming that in like 2020 and then got cancelled in like, I think, 2021. I mean, I gotta be honest with you, man. I'm looking at this right now.

There was no other movies. No, it was. It went up against Mission Impossible Rogue Nation. Oh, fuck me. It came out in August in like summer When everyone's outside Tom Cruise and his fucking feet Yeah you're right Oh I love movies piece of shit

Killed the man from Uncle I can't believe he killed the man from Uncle And apparently some people are saying Maybe they overestimated Henry Cavill's star power at the time but now he's got a lot of star power but at the time people went to see superman because it was superman and people kind of mistakenly smosh the movie sorry i'm gonna close this tab i need to not look at this anymore listen henry henry assuming you're listening right you are just first of all dm me regarding Warhammer, I'll talk for hours. Yeah, exactly.

Get Avi cast and everything, but also, just fucking like, have him make... I realise you have less power to do this than I think you do. Just fucking have him make a sequel, please. Yeah. Have Steve's own Warhammer. We need more middling shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll write it!

Cast us! Because this is a niche in the cinema that needs to exist, it's like a healthy part of the ecosystem this sort of bumbling, taper animal that it's fine, you don't feel bad

after you've seen it it's okay genuinely, right now we are like those posts that for like i made an ai watch a thousand hours of x and now they've generated the script i've seen all the man from uncles within the last like two months they're all fucking right here i could spit a script out in like 10 minutes no problem oh yeah yeah i always feel bad for people when they put a lot of effort and time into something like this and then it it doesn't do well for reasons that have nothing to do with that it's like it's about the marketing or the release schedule it's like because somebody in

an office somewhere who doesn't understand art fucked up and it's like it's so sad shame it's it's it's frustrating but it's sad too like, it's sort of borderline hauntological to watch a movie that's like, and here's the sequel hook, sort of really optimistically, and then just kind of falls flat on its face, and it's like, no, I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you! I wish you would have had a different director, but we were rooting for you. You know? I'm sure they'll try again at some point.

Sad. I hope so! I really hope so, and I hope it doesn't take another, like, 15 years, like it did with this one, you know? Or 25 years, since the 15 Years Later affair. The rights are out there, you know, they're floating around, and I hope that people can sort of like, drive it forward. Cause I'm not really done with the Man From Monk, even though even know we are you know i would quite happily go back to um so i mean that sort of leads me to closing thoughts both for this movie and also for this dare we call it a season of kill james bond yeah this series

yeah season two hey season two completed i i don't i don't imagine so I think there's still more spy movies I think season 3 is when we move genre Oh robbery season So this is like a little micro section I still want to do Mission Impossible at some point even though that might be difficult because everyone's still working I think it's been good to do a season that

started and essentially wrapped up in the 60s because it lets us all talk freely um i have other ideas for scenes we can do but like this yeah this has been an absolute treat first of all thank you abby for sharing these movies with me absolutely and i'm completely first and i shouldn't have been i've been so i was so wrong you know i'm glad guys yeah i really i was like oh this is like silly tv stuff but i was i was i was completely i have been uncle pilled comprehensive so they're so close to bond like yeah yeah oh they're just good it's a good

time and i i really have a weakness for this kind of like retro 60s aesthetic stuff i like and like you know there's and there's a lot of stuff that really like goes with it even like i played the fuck out of death loop even though it was kind of like yeah hit or miss because again it was you know retro 60s and kind of middling and kind of like in a middling budget niche and i think that's you know that's just something that really really appeals to me i love the silliness of this series and And I also think that this podcast, to get my content creative brain on, I think this podcast works really well when we do silly on one feed and serious on the other.

And sometimes we swap those around. So we've been doing a run of, well, not including My Little Pony. We've been doing a run of quite serious films on the bonus feed. We did Lives of Others. It's about 9-11. Yeah, we did the Lives of Others and a bunch of other quite heavy ones like all about my mother and so on so i i like getting that contrast in yeah i agree what are we gonna do next do we know um not a hundred i would like to do mission impossible is is the thing i realize it might be the thing is abby might be you might be a bit

hamstrung by that but the thing is i really want to talk about tom cruise and his fucking thetans and you can just kind of like remain tactically silent this is maybe an off mic yeah yeah yeah it's difficult when people are like major producers i'll simply bring a strategy it's hard to put it together that here then that's fair I'll simply say then that we have a science based system we have a science based system we have a science based system yeah we have a science based system

just flashing back to us saying it we have a science based system science based system it's called the SCUMM system it stands for Smarm Cultural Insensitivity Unprovoked Violence and Misogyny how smarmy is this movie System. It stands for smarm, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny. How smarmy is this movie?

I count flashbacks for smarm. I count the lines that are in there for the trailer for smarm. Yeah, you're right. A great deal. A great deal. I mean, honestly, I think about flashing back to something you showed 30 seconds ago,

and I think that takes it to a seven. I think I agree. Yeah, fuck it, 100%. Cultural insensitivity. It kind of doesn't really have any cultural texture whatsoever. It's like Italians are either fascist or rude in

bathrooms. Germans are Nazis. It's pretty fucking white. Pretty accurate. It is. Regarding Italians and Germans. Yeah, sure. I'm not sure Nate Bethea nazis pretty accurate it is regarding italians and germans but yeah yeah sure are there any characters of color who like get to do significant things i don't even think there are any unnamed characters of color uh is what about the the uh concierge lady i don't know no i guess i don't know we're not sort't know this is a peril of cultural insensitivity so we get into sort of like phrenology

on like actors are Italians white this day, let's consult the man from Uncle Tyler what shape is your skull once again are Italians white yeah it's one of those things where it's like this is set in the 60s in europe which was not

a fantastic time but also at the same time if you uh if you look at people most people aren't white um so a lack of anything else anyone who is non-white in a movie is i will point out that the man from uncle series in the 60s i was about to say this it was more diverse than this they had like black agents on screen and the guys from the foreign country who were portrayed as having nuanced takes on colonialism and in a way that is kind of how white supremacy is perpetuated

through whiteness being seen as the transparent default so I'm inclined to give it to judge it quite harshly for that reason. For a sin of omission. As always, by omission is baseline four. But by the 20 teens, we should really know better for this. Yeah, it is remarkable that it's 2015.

I mean, what are we thinking here as a sort of baseline? I don't think I can go lower than a four. Yeah. Yeah. As always, omission is baseline four, at the very least. All right. If it's not actively maintaining bad stereotypes, it's hard to go higher than that.

Like, it's bad, man. Unprovoked violence. Also, I mean, how could I forget? Of course. You'll need your curly-worded shoes. Yes, of course. Just gotta put it up to a 5. Alright, nope.

Just don't. Yeah, that's 5. So like, there's a fucking... Unprovoked violence. Alright, alright, yeah, that's fine. So like, there's a fuckin'- Five? Five it is. What? Unprovoked violence. Um, I mean, like, they accidentally kill Mr. Torture Man. He's a Nazi, that's fine.

Solo's about- Solo's shown trying to, like, kill Ilya in the first thing, and it really, like, lingers on that one. And he doesn't really, like, get confronted with it or anything. It's just part of his job. It is part of his arc that he ends up saving his life. He goes from being quite cold and a loner to being... So the film in any way does kind of pass judgment on that, given that it's something he moves away from.

I'm struggling to think of anything. Nothing's really coming to mind. Don't kill a guy if you end up being besties with him. It's really coming to mind. It's like, don't kill a guy if you end up being besties with him. It's like, not a great lesson. But yeah, I think pretty low. It's like a 1 or a 2. 2? Yeah, I can do 2.

Misogyny. Misogyny. Ooh, it's high. Both in omission and commission. It's sort of like, very much trying to do the 60s misogyny, but again, you go back and look, the 60s stuff, often less misogynistic, insanely. Yeah! Every woman in this only uses sex for deception, or like, for fun, admittedly,

but they don't really have that much depth beyond that. And I guess as well, it kind of gets to me as an actress. I watch films like this and I'm like, you are only allowed to be in films like this as a woman if you are sexy in a very specific way. So I like to think I'm on occasion a fairly attractive woman um however i am not sexy in the way that these women are sexy because i am like six foot one and broad-shouldered and you know they don't make designer clothes that have like my body shape um so it's like you have to be sexy in the very specific way that men like um and that is like sort of 90 pounds five foot three yeah yeah being

able to like put your feet on stuff kind of way yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's bad it's real bad and i don't i don't want to sort of like even take points off of it for being like no fuck no yeah women only exist if they could have they could have fucking made Waverly a woman And it would have been as progressive as a James Bond movie Made in 1997 You know Yeah that would have been a fucking reveal If like we think Hugh Grant is Waverly

And then it turns out he's just like Mrs. Waverly's husband And is just a normal dude And Mrs. Waverly is the Yeah again I'm like 2015 Let us write this shit Let 2015, we should know better. Let us write this shit! Let us cook! Yeah.

We should know better by 2015, really. I'm inclined to- I'm in a bit of a nasty mood with this film now, so I'm inclined to give it at least a 5. I'd go 6. You wanna go for a 6? Alright. Yeah, it doesn't show any sexual assaults on screen or anything, which is what we've typically given 7s and 8s for, but it's

up there in terms of casual disregard. In that case, that gives it a total score of 20, which isn't good, and definitely makes it, I think, the worst of the Man From U.N.C.L.E. films? Yes, it does. I think that's fair. It does.

In terms of politics, at least. I did have fun watching it, but yeah, when you stop thinking about it i'm like i still i still enjoyed it i remembered it sort of more fondly than i ended up feeling about it in hindsight but yeah yeah i think this is one of those things though where you gotta like give it a few movies to like get good and it never got the chance to do that yeah it never found its feet properly i never found this little niche i think i think going forward i'm gonna i'm gonna be a little bit more harsh on films for the way they depict kind of female sexiness because especially

like current day or like yeah as as someone you know i'm starting to get to know my casting a little bit better and like the kind of roles that i'm going up for the kind of roles that i'm going up for and not getting as well i mean like oh okay like this is the kind of woman that you have to be in the industry and it is still in some ways very limited yeah yeah absolutely oh that's us for the man from uncle yeah uh we're done with it we will return with a new series once we figure out what that's going to be um and you know we might have to like fill time and sort of in the meantime well yeah we could do like a bit of like you know attack each other physically you know bite each other's wrists things of this nature backstage when does when does this one come out this one comes out on wednesday the 29th and it'll

be a bonus on wednesday the 5, then the 12th is the day before we do our Austin Powers live shows. If we, like, vamp for one episode, we can just release the Austins for next season. Is there, like, a one-shot spy movie we could do? I'll find you, like, a

one-shot spy movie. We could do a Golden Professionals and shit. Yeah. Alright, well, in that case um it only remained only remains it only remains for me to say in that case it only remains for me to say oh it only remains for my side of fucking we've got patreon bloody patreon i don't know flashing back to see the patreon flashing back to the first episode hello and welcome to the very first episode of kill james I'll show you the Patreon. It's all set up from the start. Flashing back to the first episode.

Hello and welcome to the very first episode of Kill James 1. Yeah, we have a Patreon. You got a bonus episode. Wait a second. Did you just fucking... Mummy says hello. Stop it. Stop it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Yes, she does. Cease. Cease.

Goodbye. Okay, fine. I command you to stop. Bonus. Just it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Yes, she does. Goodbye. Okay, fine. I command you to stop. Bonus. Just fine. Bye. I've been spending a lot of time in bathrooms recently. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Final uncle. Oh, what a tragedy we leave it behind with nothing but love in our

hearts we're probably gonna vamp for one episode and then release the austin powers live shows as the the next free series over the next couple of weeks so uh tune in in two weeks time to find out what we decide to go with as our one-off free episode but if two weeks is simply too long for you to wait you can head on over to our patreon where we have another q and a coming out next week. You have asked your Qs, we have already A'd them, and that is ready to be released. It's a good one, we have a nice chat, I think you're going to enjoy it a great deal. And it's one that we can't

ever unlock because we do too much industry chat. You know the way of things. And of course that can be found on our Patreon, patreon.com slash killjamesbond. And I would be remiss if I did not say thank you to our 15 pounds and above patrons. And those are Candy Fox, Freya Aloysius,

Gustavo Lira, Jack Holmes, Mike Berg, Hannah Oberhart, Nick Boris, Kentucky Fried Commie, George Rohak, Yarek, Nater Mori, Cohen Enright, Devon Secret, Nemesis, Drone Lover, Labor Delenda Est, A Girl Named Cat, Peter McDonald, Have you considered that enough people have subscribed now that I'm really struggling to maintain the sort of low-key vibe that I tried to cultivate with the jazz outro because now I need to read out 67 names. Jonathan goes hell, Jay Martindale, Lysa Mache, Harrison Fuller, Tarp O, Mothman, Trip, Big Titty Goth Girl, Kit Devine, Isopod Gal, Clara, Alex, nailed it, spawn. Army Hammer Presents Cannibal Corpse. Nice. Nice. Nailed it. Spawn. Elizabeth Cox. Josie. Finn Ross.

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Wolfie. Millie. Robert Greensmith. Josh Simmons. And Lauren Aston. Killer James Bond is Alice, Abigail, and Devin. Our producer is the wonderful Nip Thay. And our podcast art is by Matty Lubchansky.

I've done too many recordings and I'm now like sort of 48% drunk at 1241 in about midday. So now I have to go on with my life um so let's see how that works anyway see you next time love you