KILL TONY - KILL TONY #346 - LAS VEGAS

Episode Date: May 14, 2019

Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Jimenez, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 05/11/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv There you have every past episode including video portions to the show

and if you click on tour dates, not only are we at the world famous comedy store every monday at 8 p.m but we just started our world tour and we are going on the road this week to salt lake city utah boise idaho spokane washington portland oregon vancouver canada seattle washington so check out that big chunk of dates this week we are going to be in a different city every day and invite your friends to check out Kill Tony live. Also go to our website shop squad dot TV for official merchandise, including the Kill Tony shirt. There's a few of them left and dust squad hats and shirts. If you want to check out Tony's website, Tony Hinchcliffe dot com. There you have everything Golden Pony. And then last but not least, RyanJEbelt.com. He's the house artist. He draws every episode and he has books and posters. Check out RyanJEbelt.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band

coming to you live from the Dive Bar in Las Vegas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony Give it up for Tony Hinchman What? Vegas? We're here! We're back! Make some fucking noise. Wow.

Red Band's here, everybody. Hey, what's up, guys? We are back at the motherfucking dive bar from Las Vegas, Nevada. The only way we do it, we signed a lifetime contract with the dive bar. We made a deal with the devil and we gambled it away. And now we're stuck at the dive bar forever. MGM casinos called us. They're like, we need Kill Tony.

We're like, fuck you, dive bar. And we hung up the phone. We got John Boy on the sound, the Englishman from last year. We're fucking excited. This place is lit. Angie hooking it up. Fucking Nate. This place is nuts. We're fucking excited. This place is lit. Angie hooking it up. Fucking Nate. This place is nuts. We absolutely love it. It's the most ruckus fucking

roadhouse shit that we do across the nation. We do it a lot. We're expecting this guy here to run out of energy in just a couple minutes. You can tone it down about 30%, bro. Nope. Don't be that guy. Don't be Kie guy, bro.

Don't you do it. You got it out of your system. Now fucking start to think about how it affects everything and everyone around you. Because this place is tight tonight. I feel like the listeners at home might have some idea of the chaos that's happening. We are back.

I'm very excited about this because this is stop number two on our summer tour, the Kill Tony Summer Tour, which started two days ago in Phoenix, Vegas tonight, back to Kill Tony at the Comedy Store on Monday, and every Monday throughout it. And then Tuesday, we go to Salt Lake City. Wednesday, Boise, Idaho at the Knitting Factory. Thursday, Spokane. Friday, Portland. Saturday, Vancouver.

Two shows Sunday in Seattle, and then in June, Lawrence, Kansas, Omaha, Nebraska, Des Moines, Appleton, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis, Poughkeepsie, and two shows in New York City to close it out June 20th at the Gramercy Theater. Drink your Caveman coffee. You can use the promo code KILLTONY, save 15%,

cavemancoffeecode.com. Rockin' Pins and Infinite CBD. The new Reagan and Watkins album comes out June 7th, but you can pre-order it today on iTunes. Yes, pre-order that shit. Yep. Get it before it comes out. And also, we have Kill Tony official posters for sale,

drawn by the Real House artist Ryan J. Ebel, that specifically says Las Vegas, Nevada on them. They are our road posters for this length of the tour. And we're going to be selling those right after the show immediately. So what do you guys think? You guys excited to be here or what? I'm pumped. I'm excited.

As with all of our road shows, we're going guestless tonight. And, you know, we weren't able to get William Montgomery off of the self-storage unit. He's looking for Tony Chin right now. Remember, we had Malcolm here last time. But William Montgomery could not make it tonight. He is a special guy. Yeah. But couldn't make it to Vegas.

However, we do have a band. I don't know if you guys know anything about music, but a band is a group of players that play music together. It just so happens that we have the best damn band in all the land. Every single episode, they commit to being different characters. They try to stay in character throughout the entire episode while we meet people and have fun. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you

the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony band, Jeremiah Watkins and Joel Berg. Joel Jimenez. Wow, what is this? Oh my god. This appears to be a new character and I'm guessing that they are puppeteers? Master of puppets.

Master of puppets. Hello. Welcome to the show. Hey, Tony. How you doing? Wow. This is the first time we've seen the masters of puppets here. Hi. My name is Gerald Felt. How are you guys?

And who are you over here, this beautiful young Latina woman? My name is Vin, Tony. Wow. Ventriloquy. Wow. I like that you moved your lips when you said it. No, I didn't. Wow. I like that you moved your lips when you said it. No, we didn't.

Why don't you guys tell me, how do you get into the puppeteering business? And what made you come to Kill Tony here tonight? Well, we figured we're in Vegas, so why not? My ex-wife took everything. Jesus. What is your puppets' names? Do your puppets have names? Oh, Jesus. What is your puppet's name? Do your puppets have names? Oh, yeah. This is Brad right here.

What? I said my name's Brad. Brad? I grew up on a farm. Wow, that is some wacky improv going on up here. I can't believe I missed it. Had to go grab something out of the green room. Nice to meet you, Brad.

What's your fucking puppet's name? I didn't think that far ahead. Look at that. It's got a drumstick and everything. These are some of the wackiest characters I've ever seen in the history of the show. I'm excited to see you guys. Are you guys excited to have fucking puppets here tonight?

This is their debut. We've never had puppets on the show before. This is very exciting. We have Red Band and right here look at this. Look what I went to grab. The official Vegas Bucket of Destiny ladies and gentlemen. We kept the one from

home Ichabod's Bucket of Destiny made famous by Las Vegas' very own Ichabod. That bucket is back famous by Las Vegas's very own Iqabod. That bucket is back in Los Angeles. And tonight we are going with the Corona Extra, the dive bar official bucket of destiny. And before the show, a bunch of people signed up. How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show with their 60 seconds?

How many of you like it when comedians do bad? Wow, I see what kind of audience we're dealing with. I feel bad for these comedians that signed up. You know how it works, though. Some people fucking shine through the darkness and everybody's happy in the end. If I pull your name out, you get

60 seconds uninterrupted on this stage. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitten. Oh, you can't even hear it in the live audience. You can't hear it. There you go. So now the listeners and the audience are mad. Very good. Wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

There you go. Yes. Yes. That's how good the sound can be, everybody. That's max volume right there. We have an angry. We brought the actual West Hollywood bear with us. Turns out he comes to Vegas on Saturdays sometimes.

You guys ready to start this fucking thing or what? Yep. The stairs are right over there also. So when you come up, the stairs are over there. That's on the right side. Do not walk through the middle of the room and jump up on this stage. That is against the rules and you will automatically be disqualified and you're going to get dragged out

by John Boy, an Englishman over there. Look at that fucking guy. He's got a little mouse with him. You guys ready to start this fucking thing or what? I feel good about it. We're packed. We're ready to see some comedy. I know the fucking puppets are here.

Wow. I mean, we're doing it tonight. Fucking unbelievable. Hey, we actually know this guy. I'm sure he's been on this show before, I do believe, at least back in the original episodes. We've known him for a long time.

Put your hands together for Randy Valarba, everyone. Getting the show started tonight. Here he is. Leaving, leaving Las Vegas. Randy Valarba,

everybody. I love Vegas. Like, you could go out, eat anything, anytime. Like, I went down to Chinatown because I was homesick

and, uh, fucking, when I got my takeout, I sat there, opened it up, and I was sitting there, no chopsticks and soy sauce. You're assuming I have that.

Like, that's fucking racist. I mean, I do. It's just, it's fucking annoying. My phone started ringing and my buddy's like, where are you at? I'm like, Chinatown. He's like, like, that's fucking racist. I mean, I do, it's just fucking annoying. My phone started ringing, and my buddy's like, where are you at? I'm like, Chinatown. He's like, dude, get one of those handjobs, $25. I'm like, well, they're not Swedish,

you know, like Swedish massage parlors. They're always those Asian fucking massage parlors. And I, well, I'll tell you if you shut the fuck up. Like, through the fear and just the sadness, if I do get jerked off, it still kind of looks like my sister.

That's just not exactly what I wanted. Threw off my timing. I'm assuming there's a cat and a bear. First time I ever tried acid, I was already on mushrooms, so I don't know if it worked. Kind of like my second time on Kill Tony, I guess.

Randy Malarva. Leaving Las Vegas. Alright. Randy, how are you, buddy? Doing good. You feel good? You got heckled there by this coked up fucking idiot pile of shit? I know, let's hang out later, but not like when people are performing.

Just a human garbage pile. You really need to shut up, man. Didn't T.J. Dillashaw knock this guy out already? Dude, I'm telling you right now, you're literally already out of chances, so stop doing what you're doing. Standing right there, I don't know if you know this,

there's a lot of people behind you, and you're four feet away from the stage, and you're screaming like a fucking idiot. No, just completely stop. I swear to God, I will fucking drag you out of here myself. So don't do it. You're done. Don't do it again. The warning before was your fucking warning.

This isn't even a fucking – this is only because we're stuck in a fire hazard that you're even here. Or else any other venue in the fucking world, I'd literally be like, that guy gone. And then someone would fucking walk you out and you'd be like, I'm not even fucking. Then you'd be out. That's how it works. Idiots like you. We've seen it.

Dime a dozen, bro. What he's trying to say is stop acting like a bitch. There you go. Hey, I like the puppet. You stop it. You stop it, Brad. I don't know what's gotten into him. I'm sorry about that.

This guy's a taint. Brad. All right. Okay, Brad. Now I see. It means there's two of you now. All right. Great.

I don't know what's gotten into him. All right. There's four of us, Tony. Yeah, I guess so. Wait till it gets racist. Let's do that right now. We have an Asian talking about being Asian in front of us. It's all here for the taking.

There it is. This is what would have happened if Dr. Ken dropped out of high school. This is what happens. You end up at the dive bar spitting it out. Now, Randy, we've known you for a while. What have you been doing this, four or five years? Yeah, I met you originally at the La Jolla Comedy Store. The La Jolla Comedy Store.

Yeah, back 2014, I think. 2014. So, yep, about four or five years right in there. And you started stand-up then? Yeah, well, yeah, at the end of 2013 originally. And you lived in San Diego. Lived in San Diego. Now you live in Las Vegas.

Yeah, moved here about two years ago. Why do you live in Las Vegas? God offered a job to sell cannabis legally. Wow, look at that. Yeah, legal cannabis. My goodness, you sell it. Hopefully you're not the delivery driver. No, I actually do wholesale, kind of like a beer distributor.

I sell to the different dispensaries. Your people are great at wholesale. The fuck did he just say? I don't know. It's out of his mind. Wow. So what's that like? How's the weed business doing here in Vegas?

It's now approaching year two. It's amazing. People are not looking at it as demonized as it is. Is that the year of the rabbit or the... But I mean, like, even my parents are talking to me about cannabis now. They broke, like, 10 Jerome Baker bongs growing up in my life,

and now they're talking about CBD. I'm like, fucking, dude, that's how it helps. It's funny that they're talking about CBD because actually, so are we. Infinite CBD offers the cleanest, healthiest, and purest form of CBD available. It's become super popular and you're seeing it work everywhere

because it fucking actually works. People like your parents and people like us use it. I personally use the PM pills, the CBD plus melatonin to go to sleep. And the freezing point topical cream reduces inflammation and is great on sore muscles or anything that hurts. And this is the highest quality CBD you can buy.

You know, there's a lot of CBD out in the market right now, but this company actually had hired a third-party company to test the purity of the CBD. So you know you're getting the best CBD. Totally fine by that. And as you know, you sell it, but I mean, this is the actual place. I don't care what you're selling. I've been using Infinite CBD, and you could use it too. So check out InfiniteCBD.com.

They've got a lot of great products that will improve your life. And if you use the promo code TONY15, you're going to get 15% off. Oh, yeah. Your parents ever talk with you about that? They've talked to me about how the entourage effect with CBD in conjunction with THC actually unlocks it all. The terpene profile that you find in the different strains that exist in the hundreds of different strains that exist on this planet. That's the conversations we have. All right.

That's enough. That's enough. Wow. He found a way to make weed not cool. They just got approved to do a lounge here, though, in Las Vegas. Stoked for that. I would love to tell jokes having a bong hit instead of pounding beer and whiskey. Then you can rationalize why the audience was silent during your set.

Oh, they're so stoned. So is it easy to sell weed? Even though you sell wholesale to dispensaries, do you ever find that it's still sort of like an old school drug deal situation where, for example, you have to have the people come over and sit on a couch for half an hour so that people don't catch on? Actually, since you mentioned that,

since there are no lounges, yeah. I mean, you're only allowed to smoke weed in residences. What's your pitch? The conversations you have as you smoke. What's your pitch to sell pot? What's a good line that you use? What's your Wolf of Wall Street shit? The company I work for is organic,

hand-trimmed. Everything's hand-trimmed, no machines. That's very Asian. That's how they make my Nikes, too. Really good with the chopsticks. Not my family, but to be honest, it's all in the terpene profile. The terpene profile in cannabis is truly what everybody should look for.

Okay, dude, what are you doing? Jesus Christ, you are a fucking nerd, bro. I can't help it. I'm Asian. Nerdiest pot dealer of all time. I can't help but read and read. All right. This guy looks like he comes equations.

What do you got over there, Joel? Stop it, Brad. Oh, sorry. Oh, all right. I thought his sales pitch was, hurry up and buy. There you go. Okie dokie. Fuck yeah.

We're having a full communication breakdown up here right now, but this is what the people love. You know what I mean? Brought to you by weed. It's a completely raw, organic show, much like the weed that you sell. Tell us something fun that's happened to you about your life, Randy. Yeah, I got fun. I actually got punched in the neck at fucking the Golden Tiki Lounge.

It's a local bar here, and pretty much this girl just started digging into me, and I was wasted and knew I wasn't going to get laid, so I started kind of making fun of her. Is this a stripper? No, just some chick that was out there that was just yelling at me. I started riffing on her. Oh, you were doing stand-up at the time.

No, we're both outside smoking cigarettes. She's drunk and I'm drunk. She's talking shit and she punches me in the neck. She's like, you like that? Huh? And I was just like, kind of hiding my boner. I'm like, no. But she was like 110 pounds. So she's like hitting me and hitting me. And then when she hit me in the neck, I was like, okay, don't.

And I kind of got a little dizzy, but I just kind of had to stand there. So that happened two weeks later. Wow, that is the most Vegas fucking story I've ever heard in my life. Like I was getting punched in the neck. I just stood there. I was fucked up. I didn't give a fuck. I wake up the next day.

Who gives a fuck? Yeah, because you have weed and CBD. All right, okay. Jesus Christ, Randy. Well, we've known you for a long time. It's cool that you got the show started. Okay. Jesus Christ, Randy. Well, we've known you for a long time. It's cool that you got the show started.

Absolutely. There you go. A young Mr. Miyagi, ladies and gentlemen. Randy Villarba. Here he goes. One more time for Randy, everyone.

Get your fucking glass out of here. All right. Jesus Christ. So we're off and running here. We got the puppets are quite the dynamic here. It's an interesting addition

to the show. Perhaps some of the cheapest puppets we've ever seen in our lives, right? Yeah, where did you guys get those puppets at? Your mom's house. Hey. All right. We've seen the deepest puppets we've ever seen in our lives, right? Yeah, where did you guys get those puppets at? Your mom's house. Hey!

All right. I love the puppeteers just looking at his puppet all sad now. They called you ugly. He didn't mean that, okay? All right, let's keep this fun train moving along. Put your hands together for Logan Cuero's, everyone. Logan Cuero's. Logan Cuero's.

moving along. Put your hands together for Logan Cuero's, everyone. Logan Cuero's. Alright, Logan Cuero's. With me. Come fly with me. Come fly, come fly away. One more time for

Logan Cuero's. So I started dating recently, which is cool, but my mom's Catholic, so she wants me to date a Catholic girl, so I gotta go to 8 a.m. Mass. Because 11 o'clock Mass is for the whores, am I right? 11 is for the whores. 8 a.m. is for worship. 11 is to ask for forgiveness. We all know. We all know how that goes, guys.

When I was younger, I liked to go to movies. This girl asked me once. She's like, hey, Logan, want to come see a movie with me? I'm like, no, no, I don't watch girly dance movies. I'm not going to watch Step Up with you. And then Step Up to the Streets came out. Fuck that joke up. Whatever, hey, we keep rolling.

We keep rolling, guys. We keep rolling, baby. So one more, guys. The other day, this girl sent me a picture it was of snatch on snapchat of her and her vibrator i'm fucking up guys picture of her and her vibrator guys and i was Hey dude Fuck Okay guys I'm not gonna have time for this one Fuck There you go

Logan Queroz What were you I'm sorry that was fucking painful Face out that way don't turn all the way around like this You just look out there pretend like I'm across from you over there. I want them to see your fucking face. Oh, God. I'm sorry about that, guys.

Logan, shut the fuck up for a second, all right? No one wants to hear your bullshit fucking apologies, all right? What is that, your closer for your minute? Let's talk about it. What's the joke that you couldn't get out that you wanted to do? Take a breath. Fucking take a breath. Look out there.

Okay. And then do it. The last one I was going to do? Sorry. The fuck are. Fucking take a breath. Look out there. Okay. And then do it. The last one I was going to do? Sorry. The fuck are you looking at right now? Okay. Ah, fuck. Guys. The fuck you mean? Oh, fuck. Alright, okay, guys.

Shut up. You guys shut up, too. All of you shut the fuck up. Go ahead, Logan. Guys, so when I was younger, this girl asked me if I want to go see Step Up with her. And I was like, no, no. I don't watch girly dance movies, right? I only

watch cool tough guy movies about the struggle in these streets. And then Step Up 2, the streets came out. I was like, yo, sign me up. Alright, guys. Hey, I liked it. I liked it. I liked it a lot more than I originally did Do you have a lit cigarette behind your ear? Fuck

Welcome to another episode of That's the most Vegas shit I've ever seen in my life It's gonna get worse I literally took note of it I actually wrote it down so that I didn't forget Half smoked cig, it says on my piece of paper here. You're gonna wish it was. It's fake. What is that?

What do you mean it's fake? It's one of those puff cigarettes. There's cool guys out here, man. I'm confused. Does it have nicotine in it? No, it's literally just a fake cigarette, dude. Oh! Brad! prop cigarette? Cigarette, dude. Brad.

Brad, you are nine years old. You're not allowed to be smoking. I'll do what I want, you bitch. Whoa. Oh my goodness. Brad, you're out of control. This guy's like Andrew Dice Gay. There you go. He is like Andrew Dice Gay.

More like Enrique Iglesias. Wow. There you go. Actually, it's like Ricky Martin. There you go. Wow, for someone with such big muscles, your set was weak as fuck. Jesus, these puppets are pure evil. It was.

So, Logan, let's talk about it. First time ever doing stand-up? No, I've been doing it for like a year. This is the worst I've done at dive bar, surprisingly. And normally it's fucking empty. There's people threatening to stab you and shit. So you're saying that you do better when it's empty? Yeah. I was going to say you and shit. So you're saying that you do better when it's empty? Yeah.

I was going to say the same thing. I was going to say, you seem like you would do really good in empty rooms. Yeah. You're telling me that it was more silent during your set tonight than it is when the room is empty. Yeah.

Wow. At least you get heckled here. Sometimes there's like something. I fucked up my jokes. No, you still sort of got heckled here sometimes. There's like something. You know? I fucked up my jokes. No, you still sort of got heckled. It was okay. Which reminds me, I will say this again, is that there's no heckling at this show. There's way too much.

These guys don't know if they're going up, when they're going up. So if you heckled during someone's 60 seconds that they fucking waited for, you're a fucking pussy piece of shit. Just bottom line. I mean, I can't believe I have to say it, but I get fucking pussy piece of shit. Just bottom line. I mean, I can't believe I have to say it, but I get it. We're all having fun in Vegas, but other parts,

you can fucking boo and call them a faggot or whatever you want. You know what I mean? That's my job. Not during the 60 seconds. Very good. I'm glad you slipped that in there. Not an important part.

You fucking just interrupt whenever you want, you piece of shit puppet. So back to you, Logan. You seem like a douchebag. Convince us you're not. Look that way. I get that. No. Look that way and convince us that you're not a douchebag. I'm not gonna... Dude, I was wearing the same thing that guy, it was Hecklin, was wearing earlier.

I'm like that guy. We don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now. You're on a podcast, Logan. The dude that was Hecklin, I give off that guy's vibes. just i'm not i'm i'm kind of like shy you know reserved what and you just said you're a heckler and that you're shy in the same sense sorry dude i'm fucking gonna be a viral sensation or something no you're not no no it's the opposite This show is a viral sensation. I've already forgotten you.

Yeah. Brad. How bad was that scale of like... I did like your church joke. That's funny. The 11 o'clock service. That makes a lot of sense. You're waking up early from a night of partying probably.

Are you really single? I haven't talked to my girl in, like, a week, because I have commitment issues, and she gave me the silent treatment, and then we just, like, we just haven't talked. So you've been hooking up with other chicks? No, I'm really, like, bad at girls. Really?

A guy with a prop half-smoked cigarette behind his ear. You're telling me you're bad with girls. Do you break that cigarette out after sex? Where do you buy one of those, by the way? I've never even seen one of those before. Amazon. I got like a 24 pack in my car, dude.

Oh my God. Why do you put them out? Do you like step on them or something? Why do you need more than one? They puff smoke. He puts them out on little kids as he walks by them. That's incredible. What other douchebag things do you do? I mean, we found the cigarette.

Yeah, I know I look super douchey. I'm not as douchey as I look. Convince us otherwise, please. Tell us, again, tell us how aren't you douchey? Tell us things about you that aren't douchey. I wasn't in a frat I feel like you guys think I wasn't a frat. I look like I was in a frat. Nah, you don't we don't think you went to fucking college dude. We know you weren't in a frat. They don't have frats at fucking Surf City Community

Double fucking GED college. I was in college I should've been working on my set when I was in college because that was fucking atrocious, guys. Okay, stop criticizing your set. That is our job here, all right? So, Logan, let's talk about your real life. You're from here in Vegas, born and raised? I'm from L.A., making you guys not proud. I'm from L.A.

I moved here a year ago for work. Yeah, what work? Commercial real estate. I'm sticking with that, guys. What do you mean you're sticking with that? Like I said, a comedy. I was a commercial real estate. I'm sticking with that, guys. What do you mean you're sticking with that? Like I said, a comedy. I was... Oh, Logan.

I was into commercial real estate. I'm not actually... You're not a very good listener. Oh, work, yeah. Yeah, I got you. Commercial real estate? Yes, sir. So what do you do?

You sell houses. I lease out properties and kind of work in the financial side of it, too. You're a fucking slumlord, aren't you? I'm a douche, dude. I'm a douche, dude. Are you a slumlord? Is it bad properties? Yeah, I'm in the financial side of it, too. You're a fucking slumlord, aren't you? Are you a slumlord? Is it bad properties? Yeah, I'm in the cubicle.

I'm out there with, like, just showing properties. I'm that guy. All right. What kind of car do you drive? Dude, Subaru. Really? Yeah. Oh, you're a lesbian.

I knew I was going to get that. I knew I was going to get that. Man. All right, last chance. Anything that you can say to make us like you? You ever do anything good for yourself? I asked you what the least douchey thing about you was and you said that you work in

commercial real estate. Guys, just forget. No, no, no. Logan, you fuck. I just asked you a question. Oh, sorry. And you're doing it for the fifth time. You're criticizing your fucking sex. Yeah, I'm in my head. I'm sorry. Listen to me. Oh, sorry. And you're doing it for the fifth time. You're criticizing your fucking set. Yeah, I'm in my head. I'm sorry. Listen to me. Tell us something that's not douchey about you

that will make us like you. Fucking think hard with your fucking brain. Ooh, that didn't get the laugh I was expecting. Do you have a family? Anything redeeming about you? I have a family. Brad, help this guy out a little bit.

What was something kind you did for your mother recently? Brad, that's actually good. I'm the oldest of six kids, so I help them. I coach them. Okay, we're getting somewhere. So that's something. I help coach kids. You coach them.

How do you coach these kids? What do you coach kids in? Yeah, what kind of sports do you coach? They play a bunch of football, basketball, baseball. You coach them. How do you coach these kids? What do you coach kids in? Yeah, what kind of sports do you... Oh, they play a bunch of, like, football, basketball, baseball. You coach them. Yeah, well, I don't live near my family anymore, so not anymore, but I used to. Hannah, turn that camera off, dude. Okay, he has no redeeming qualities now.

This guy sucks. All right, Logan. Well, how many of you want to boo this man, huh? Okay, there he goes Logan Quiroz, everybody There he goes, Logan Logan, over here Look, look

Logan, Logan Logan, you non-listening motherfucker There you go Don't kill yourself And just to be fair That wasn't a real boo That wasn't Yeah, it wasn't them.

It was the sound effect, Logan. There he goes, Logan Quiroz, everybody. There you go. Come fly with me, Logan Quiroz. Shaky start. My guess is that things are about to pick up here any second. We've got... The pressure is eating these people alive.

Perhaps it's the nicotine flowing in the air. You know, we are... This is a high-pressure situation. This is basically a fire hazard on wheels, and the comedians are feeling the heat. Put your hands together for your next comedian. 60 seconds uninterrupted, right, audience? Goes to Jonathan Sifford.

Jonathan Sifford. Wow, front row. Holiday Row. Sifford. Jonathan Sifford. Wow. Front row. Holiday Row. Hey. One more time for Jonathan. What's up, Dybar?

Vegas week. We got Vegas' next mass shooter over here, so... Oh, come on, come on! Let's talk about October 1st, 2017. That was fucked up, huh? I mean, I understand it. I don't condone it. I don't like country music either.

But... Fuck, man, that was rough. Boo! Everyone that's booing didn't sign up so fuck you a lot of people think I'm part Asian I'm not I'm actually half white part Eskimo part Mexican

probably the most Mexican thing about me is my parents were 15 and 16 when I was born alright about me is my parents were 15 and 16 when I was born. Alright. That's all I got. Fuck yeah. Jonathan Sifford cutting out early at 56 seconds. Man.

Jonathan, you come out guns ablaze and you're the only guy to not get heckled so far in the show. And the first thing you do is you come out and you make fun of someone in the fucking audience. You call them a... No, it was that fucking... Yeah, I already handled him. He ain't fucking talking anymore.

And then you come in, you try to wake the fucking beast. This guy's going to do another line and be up all our asses for another hour. He's behaving himself. How about a hand for this guy? He's showing self-control. See that? We're helping people, not just comedians. We're making better audience members on this

show, too. Jonathan, why do you look like both of tonight's comedians mushed together at the same time? I can't tell what you are. Are you half Asian, half Freddy Krueger? What the fuck is this? I don't know what's going on over here. I watched this guy sit, and I was like,

ah, hell nah! Wait, what? Whoa! Wow, that is our first ever black band member. Holy shit. Leon, control yourself. I'll say whatever the damn hell I want. Wow. We figured

out a way to do blackface on this show. That's incredible. Hell yeah. Wow. Wow. Leon, this is very exciting. I'm going to write down your name, Leon. I don't want to fuck that up.

Leon, what do you think about... Quit jerking off, Leon. Why would that guy jerk off a lot? Man, I like sex. Oh, okay. My goodness. Well, Jonathan, wait, what the fuck is that over there?

Mmm, Tony. Oh my God, why? Yo, that's my girl right there. That's right, boo-boo. Tell him, boo-boo. Tell them, boo-boo. What is that, Tiffany Hand-ish? Yeah, that's my motherfucking name. She ready.

That is, this is incredible. Wow, she's backing that ass up on the symbol. Oh, my goodness. Wow, look at that. Oh, my God. These guys were raised on the streets, the Sesame Streets. Thank you. Thank you, Joel.

Okay, Jonathan, what are you, Asian or something? What are we talking about here? Face them and tell them. My mom's half white, half Eskimo. My dad's half white, half Mexican. Wow, okay. And you're a faux disappointment. So to break it down,

you're basically Eskimo and Mexican. Wow. I wonder how many Mexicans your family could fit in an igloo. That's one frozen burrito, man. Man, what would we even call that, a frostback? What is a Mexican Esk bag. Eskimo. Is that what that is? A what?

Sure. Okay. So what did you expect was going to happen with your Vegas shooting jokes? You thought because it's edgy, people are going to fucking eat it up, right? No, I really did. You just thought you'd fire it out there amongst the crowd,

see what it lands, and fucking worry about it later. That was the shooting of sets. Damn. Except you weren't prepared for it. There you go. Jonathan, how long have you been doing stand-up? This is my third time.

Third time ever. What do you do for work? I work in a customer service call center. Customer service call center. And your parents were really 15 and 16 when they had you?

They were. That's incredible. You close with them? Not even a little bit, no. No, really? Why is that? They divorced when I was like one.

Raised by my grandparents. Uh-huh. Dad a heavy drinker? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I know. I know. Those Eskimos, they fucking got down, right?

That's sort of like a stereotype of them, right? Eskimos are sort of fucking heavy drinkers. Everything on the rocks, right? Because it's fucking frozen up there. Frozen margaritas, you know what I mean? Got it. Hell yeah. Wow.

And you're not close with your mother either? No. So when they got divorced, they just threw you out the window or something like that? No, my grandparents basically adopted me. And your grandparents are the more Eskimo ones? They're on my dad's side,

so they're the... Polar bears! Oh my goodness. My grandma's Mexican, grandpa's white. Oh my goodness. My grandma's Mexican. Grandpa's white. Oh, okay. So Mexican and a white guy. All right.

So you ended up here in Vegas. How? I got out of the Navy in 2009. Came out here to house it for my uncle. Fell in love. You a gambling man?

You like gambling? No, no. No, not at all. What is a vice of yours? Give us an example. Probably the booze. The booze. You're a heavy drinker too?

I tend to be. Yeah. What's your favorite drink? Whiskey. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on a night of whiskey drink and anything fucking nuts? You ever go ride a bull in a parking lot or something like that? No, I'm not a crazy. When I get drunk, I don't get crazy.

I'm just kind of. Mellow. Mellow, yeah. Yeah, you ever get sad get drunk, I don't get crazy. I'm just kind of... Mellow? Mellow, yeah. Yeah, you ever get sad? Oh, yeah. All the time. Man, one time I got real drunk at Raw Dog Snuffleupagus, man.

Oh. What'd you do to him? At Raw Dog Snuffleupagus. Oh, my God. Jesus. I heard that guy's got a lot of junk in his trunk, but I didn't know that's... He's got a trunk.

Snuffleupagus jokes is what's happening here. I can't control him. Sorry. Jonathan, what do you like to do for fun? Any fun hobbies or anything like that? You seem like the type of guy that knows how to take the old jet ski out on the... Oh, no. Photography.

Videographies. I like that. You ever take pictures drunk? out on the... Oh, no. Photography. Videographies. Oh, hell yeah. That's about it. I like that. You ever take pictures drunk? No. Actually, at a wedding, yeah, I have.

Oh, wow. You got drunk before the wedding? During the reception. Wow. Drinking pictures and taking pictures. Do all of your conversations sound like court summons?

Yeah, I did that once. Yes, that is true. Uh-oh. My goodness. John, and this is probably your first time seeing puppets since you didn't have a childhood, correct? Correct. Yes. This is all new to you. They're just puppets.

It's the guys next to them that are making the noises. Oh, no, I swear. I can't control what... You ever have any kids? Nope. Man, I got lots of kids, man. All right. All right, Leon.

Let the guests answer some of these questions. You need to be paying child support with your broke, traveling ass. Oh, my God. This is... Wow. Even I am impressed at the level of racism happening right now. Oh my God. Wow. Even I am impressed at the level of racism happening right now.

Okay, Joel. Oh my God. So no kids. You've had sex with a woman before. Correct, yeah. I'm married six years. You've been married six years. Where'd you meet her at? I was working retail at the time and she came in for an interview.

What was the job at the time? That she interviewed for? Yeah. And what was the place that you were working? Levi's. Levi's, the jean company. Yep. Oh, my goodness. For a guy that we know for a fact has bad jeans running through his blood,

it's incredible that you sold fucking good genes. Yep. What was the job that you had there? I was an assistant manager. Assistant manager of a fucking Levi's. Look at you. Wow. Fucking.

My goodness. And what was she trying to apply for? Just seasonal help. Seasonal help. Fuck yeah. Is that what you call them? You're going to fucking stick it in her. Did you guys have sex at work the first time?

No, we didn't. No, you didn't just fucking fuck on a stack of jeans or something like that? You sure? You lying to me? 511s? Yeah. No, no. The fucking, what are some other ones?

What are some famous Levi jeans? 501. 501's the biggest one, right? Yeah, 505. What's up with the low-waisted guy jeans? Like the ones that show your butt cracks for guys? What is that all about? No one asked for that.

Yeah, I don't have this problem because I have hips, but Brian here... Yeah. Yeah, Tony, you have hips and Brian don't. That makes a lot of sense. All right, Leon. Thanks, Leon.

Leon, I think people knew what I was talking about there. No, the hell they didn't, man. They really... No, they didn't. You're really being specific, Leon. No, man. All right, Leon. My goodness.

Yeah, well, I'm talking about how bigger people are built differently nah man you trying to act like you got a fat ass and stuff no you skinny Tony

Hinchcliffe we can see with our damn eyes oh my god Leon you're out of control I haven't seen

someone like you talk this much since I was in the back of a movie theater anyway man that's racist as hell

what the hell are you talking about man how's that racist man quit being racist man This one's telling you to pay child support How am I being racist Alright anyway

These puppets are a lot of work tonight This is literally like having eight members of the band Man wait till you see the next ones we got Leon just the beginning man Alright Jonathan I'm gonna get you out of here Jonathan Sifford everybody Come on put your hands together for him Jonathan

You barely got to talk about his set But There's a lot of edge If you're gonna talk about something That's serious Jonathan Something good would be to mix in something A little fucking silly Or something that surprises us I just something good would be to mix in something a little fucking silly or something that surprises us.

I just wouldn't even touch that, especially in Vegas. Yo, y'all serve Hennessy here? Oh, that was here. That's right. Oh, my God. Let me get Hennessy. I need that Henny. Wow.

So everybody's just firing off six times for each thing here. Okay. We're digging deep. How about a hand for the band, everybody? They're here. We're live. They're playing different songs. A Vegas set list for you. We've heard Holiday Road, Viva Las Vegas. Whoa.

Whoa. Okay. This seems like it's going to be fun. This guy spelled his name properly. It's clear. There's even some bold letters here. Put your hands together for Frankie No Filter. Frankie No Filter. Here he comes.

One more time for Frankie No Filter. One more time for Frankie, no filter. I moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico last year in July, and I haven't had a solid bowel movement since I moved there. It's because of their world-famous green chili. I love it, but it fucks up your stomach. And the thing about eating green chili, it's a lot like fucking Dirty Horse. It's all good when you're doing it, but later on down the road, it's a lot like fucking dirty horse. It's all good when you're doing it,

but later on down the road, it's going to burn. You're an asshole. Anyways, I'm 30 years old. Whoa, whoa. Anyways, I'm 30 years old, and I can barely grow hair on my face. And when I do, it looks like a couple of pubes. I know what you're thinking. This is what it looks like when you take care of yourself at 30 years old. I'm worried about my health because I'm getting older, but I know I'm healthy because I wake up with a heart on still. When I wake up in the morning and I look down at my cock, it's reading the morning paper, drinking a cup of coffee, saying,

Yo, Frankie, get the fuck in the shower and get ready for work. I'm like, don't talk to me like that or I'll beat you off. All right, that's a wrap i think so goddamn goddamn frankie no filter what's up tony frankie no filter how are you man doing good look at you you fucking look at you you crazy little fucker huh you wear shirts like that all the time or just when you're doing stand-up? Just when I'm, actually, I don't really wear something too often. Is that you? You a little fucking Mexican John Lovitz? Is that what's happening here?

Well. I'm Mexican Johnny Lovitz, yo. Oh, okay. Gabriel Iglesias lost a lot of weight. Wow. Who's that? Some guy. I'm in Las Vegas, man. Come on.

Is Las Vegas enough for you guys? Yeah, you look hot. Oh, who's that? It's Cindy. Okay, we have a chick up here. Fuck yeah. I'm about to stick my dick where that hand is. Oh, you should have some kind of filter.

Yeah, my goodness. that hand is. Oh, you should have some kind of filter. Yeah, my goodness. Wow. My goodness. What? So Frankie. Did you just say you're gonna put your dick where my owner's hand is? Yeah, he did, Cindy. That's inappropriate, isn't it?

I'm inappropriate? You got your hand up her ass. What the fuck? Okie dokie. Alright. Yeah, but at least I gave him consent. Okay. I don't hang out at kids' parties. I hang out at the dive bar. Okie dokie.

So, Frankie, you're on a live show right now. How's it going? Going good, man. I love it. You feel good about it? I'm a big fan of yours. I bet you are. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

A year and a half. A year and a half. All here in Las Vegas? No, man. I love it. You feel good about it? I'm a big fan of yours. I bet you are. How long you been doing stand-up comedy? A year and a half. Year and a half. All here in Las Vegas? No, no. I started in Phoenix and then I moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Why'd you move from Phoenix to Albuquerque? Because it's hot as fucking Phoenix, man. So you moved to Albuquerque for the temperature.

Yeah, and it's cheaper. Cheaper. Cheaper. Have you ever heard of the rest of the United States of America? You know what's fucked up? You guys don't even go over there, man. What part of the Southwest? Go over where?

Albuquerque, New Mexico. Yeah, why the fuck would we? Yeah. It's the shit, homie. We were just in Phoenix two days ago, you idiot. We were there three months ago before that. Albuquerque is way better than Phoenix. Even Bugs Bunny doesn't want to go to Albuquerque.

Tell us how Albuquerque is better than Phoenix. It's cheaper. I love the weather. It's not too hot. You know that Detroit's even cheaper than Albuquerque's better than Phoenix That's cheaper I love the weather, it's not too hot You know that Detroit's even cheaper than Albuquerque That's not really a positive Yeah, but it's cold as fuck over there You ever hear you get what you pay for? Yeah, that's true

Everybody from Chicago lives in Phoenix Yeah, yeah, I know Everybody from the Midwest But you're from New Mexico, but your accent sounds like you're from just regular-ass Mexico. Regular-ass Mexico. It's cold over there, man. It's fucking cold, eh? The weather is cheaper.

The weather is cheaper? You look more picer than me. Hey, you ever bought weather? Weather's cheaper there, fool. You're like the second Mexican Dracula we've ever had on the show. And you're like my fucking uncles who think they're funny at the barbecue

and they're not. Oh, shit. Damn, Frankie. Wow. Joel, no filter over here. That's right. My goodness. Little Frankie, you're doing a good job.

I've never... Look out to the audience. You have your back turned to the audience. I'm sorry, you guys. Frankie, look at them the entire time. Don't fucking look at me. I won't look at you, Tony. Frankie, you are...

Don't hit me, Tony. Shut the fuck up, Frankie. Is anybody listening here to this episode? Is there something... Is there like a bad wire on this stage where like nobody's listening? I love it. Frankie, let's talk about it.

You are the first ever 30-year-old, 14-year-old we've had on this show. It's very exciting. I know. You're the first one ever. I'll be 31 tomorrow. Shut the fuck up, Frankie. No one gives a shit. You dress like it's your birthday every day.

No one cares. Frankie, remind us, what do you do for work? I'm a laborer. Laborer? Hell no. I don't believe that for a fucking second. Are you serious? Yeah. What type of labor do you do? Just demolition, construction site cleanup.

Hell yeah. Get women pregnant, put them through labor too, right? No child support, man. I ain't got no kids. I ain't married. Hell no, dude. I'm going to live in Albuquerque

and fucking wear condoms for the rest of my life. Fuck that shit. I don't know about the condom part. Whoa, you really do have no filter. Look at you. You're probably single because you say you want to stick your dicks in puppets. Cindy, that's a great point.

That's not the worst thing I've stuck my dick in. What is the worst thing you've stuck your dick in, Frankie? Just women who weigh twice as much as me Wow, oh my goodness Biggest chick you ever hooked up with, if you had to guess her weight, what would you guess that is? It was like 250 maybe Wow, look at that That's good

It's cheaper It is cheaper. Joel Burke. Joel Burke. There you fucking go. Hey, what's wrong with being cheap? Hey, what's wrong with it? I know.

I'm a Mexican Jew. Fuck it. Wow. Digging yourself a deep hole like a good laborer over there. Wow. Digging yourself a deep hole like a good laborer over there. Frankie, what do you like to do for fun, huh? Other than 250-pound chicks.

What else? Just go to the bar, pick up whores, fuck it. Wow, you have no respect for women whatsoever. What happened to you, Frankie? Are you close with your mom? Yes, I am. Really? Did you wish her you close with your mom? Yes, I am. Really? Yeah.

Did you wish her a happy Mother's Day? Yes, I wished her a happy Mother's Day. Really? Because it's not even Mother's Day yet, you piece of shit. You just fell for the trap. I got it before you said it. All right, Frankie. I'm getting tired of looking at the audience. What?

Weird. Nothing. Nothing. He said he's tired of looking at the audience. We don't give a fuck. Yeah, it doesn't matter. You can't face us. You have to look out at them, Frankie. Oh, no. Don't be audience. We don't give a fuck. Yeah, it doesn't matter. You can't face us. You have to look out at them, Frankie.

Don't be afraid. You're on a fucking show. It feels weird having somebody talk. Don't be scared, homie. I know. Frankie, this is show business, and we have a small stage, so you look out at them. Do you understand what stand-up comedy is? That's the whole point.

You look at the audience. Yeah, look at them right in their eyes. When was the last time you had a meaningful relationship with a woman? Good question. Cindy. Cindy. Oh, man. I got one right now.

It's kind of open, basically. It's open. What do you mean it's open? Open buffet? What are we talking about? How much does your current woman weigh? She weighs around the same as me. She weighs around.

Yeah? How tall is she? Is she a frumpy little one? No, no. She's like the same height as me. Huh. Around the same height, I think. A little short, like maybe an inch.

I don't know. You want to be specific. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Frankie, how about anything else about you? Anything else fun about you, Frankie? Anything funnier than the shirt that you wear?

I know. Let's see. No, I just travel. Yeah, where do you travel to? I travel to Phoenix. I'll be back to see your show. It's a cheap vacation, fool. It's a cheap vacation.

What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car. How'd you get here? The trunk of his friend's. What? In the do you drive? I don't drive a car. How'd you get here? The trunk of his friend's. What? In the trunk of a friend's car. Right, yeah. How'd you get here? How do you travel, Frankie? You're so cheap. I'm excited to find out.

I took a train and a bus here. You took a train and the bus? Yeah. My goodness. I had to hitchhike here part of the way, too. Really? Is that true? Yeah. What part? I hitchhiked from Needles to Kingman, and then I took a bus up here. My goodness. Yeah. You stood on the highway with your thumb out?

Yep. I got it on Instagram, man. Wow. Wearing a shirt like that, people were probably just thinking you were like, everything's okay. Actually, I dressed up like a construction worker. Because there's a lot of workers out there, blue-collar workers. So I was like, I'll get picked up quick. Wow, you put on an orange

construction safety vest and hitchhiked? Orange shirt and some dickies and the work boots. Damn, that's pretty fucking smart. Why did you stop there? Why didn't you dress up like a military officer or something? There is a lot of military out there and needles and king.

Heck yeah. There you go. There is a lot of military out there in Needles and Kingman. Heck yeah. There you go. There is a lot of military. Is that where you get your hair cut? I just get a shortcut. I'm from L.A., bro. This is how Mexicans fucking get their hair cut. Hey, cut my hair as high as Trump's wall. I don't have to worry about my parents getting deported.

They're American, shit. Not yours, look. All right, Frankie. All right, all right. We got to get you to get that shirt parents getting deported. They're Americans. Not yours. All right, Frankie. All right. We got to get you to get that shirt back to your father. All right, Frankie. Well, it was nice meeting you, buddy. You're really 30 years old? Are you sure you're 30? I'm going to be 31 tomorrow. May 12th

is my birthday. There you go. Happy birthday. Frankie no filter, everyone. Let's keep it moving along. The girl from Ipanema is calling. This is an interesting episode so far. This is what it's all about. You never know what's going to happen on this show, and it's raw, organic qualities that make the great moments that much greater.

You guys are having fun out there, right? They're enjoying themselves. All right. This looks like a fun name. I get a good vibe from just seeing this name. Let's see if my instinct is correct. Put your hands together for Jesse Hart. Jesse Hart.

Got them both right now. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go Hey, here he is Jesse Hart, everyone Now, before you continue onward with your judgment No, I'm not an extra in a Sons of Anarchy porn parody Vaginas! Huh? Yeah, those are pretty cool No, I'm not an extra in a Sons of Anarchy porn parody. Vaginas!

Huh? Yeah, those are pretty cool. Those things are resilient and non-destructive. I kind of forgot what I was going to say just now. Fuck me. I got it. Those things are indestructible. I see those things taking a beating online from time to time. Ah, fuck, I'm freezing. I'm sorry.

All right. This is an instructor from time to time. All the gadgets and toys those things have, it's impressive and a little unfair. My dick doesn't have an RPM rating, nor does it wag like a golden retriever's tail waiting for a ball to be thrown. But those things can be beaten down and drooling and numb

like Charlie Sheen on a Coke bender. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck right now. You're gonna do it. Both right now. You're listening to live. All right, Jesse. Let's fucking talk about it. Yeah.

Let's do it. So how long have you been doing stand-up? Is that your first time ever? Pretty much, yeah. Pretty much? What does pretty much mean? I started an open mic in my hometown, and so I've been trying to do it through that.

Where's your hometown at? Needles, California. Wow, Needles. Fuck yeah. You're going to need those soon for the diabetes that you have any day. It's coming up. Okay, so Jesse, basically your first show in front of a big audience, right?

You froze up talking about vagina. Pretty hard, yeah. Why do you think that is? What happened? What were you feeling up there? Honestly, I kind of forgot where I was going with it. I went off the gay porn thing that I was trying to go for. You're drinking a PBR right now.

How many of those have you had tonight? Surprisingly, only three. Really? Man, you look like you came from the same factory as that PBR can. You look like you have an Anheuser-Busch. It's a vicious one. Wow. You seem like a real man.

You're a big, stocky gentleman. You're like if Leonard Skinner got high on crumb cakes or something like that. He looks like if Gimli from Lord of the Rings rode a motorcycle. Wow. Look at that. It's a little country puppet, huh?

Yeah. My goodness. Okie dokie. Ha ha ha. Look at that. It's a little country puppet, huh? Yeah. My goodness. Okie dokie. Fucking country puppet. What's your name? It's Brad. It's the guy from earlier. Oh, it's the same guy. Now he has a little bit more of a country accent? No, you just didn't remember Brad from earlier. It's okay.

Oh, it's okay. I didn't realize he had that thick of an accent. So, Jesse, let's talk about it. What do you do for workout in Needles? I work for a cannabis cultivation facility. Wow, really? Yeah. So you grow pot?

Yeah, I help in part of it. It's a pretty big facility, so there's multiple departments for it. Yeah. Is that something that you were doing before you worked there? Were you growing pot and then you showed up and you're like, I can do that? No, not at all. I just got kind of fortunate to get a job with them, with the company I work for. So I've been doing it for five years now.

And that's in Needles? Yeah. And that's where you're from? Needles is sort of an empty, very scary place, right? Super, yeah. A lot of fucking, a lot of guys out there that look like you. Yeah, I'm kind of the only one. And these assholes over here.

Right. It's a very devil's rejects type of thing. a lot of guys out there that look like you. Yeah, I'm kind of the only one. And these assholes over here. It's a very devil's rejects type of thing. You look like a devil's food cake reject. You see a lot of scary things out there. That is considered the top right on the Grand Theft Auto map. It's very

scary territory. A lot of four-wheelers and fucking dirt bikes, right? Yeah, there's a fair bit of that. What's some of the trashiest stuff you've seen out in Needles? I mean, the place is literally called Needles, like one of the dirtiest things that you don't want to be around. It's a funny thing with Needles because there's always that type of tweaker that's out there that will always make the joke like, oh, you know why they call it needles?

Because you can't spill syringe. You know what I mean? It's the dirtiest type of dude that fucking makes that joke. And you're like, you're calling the pot calling the kettle an idiot as far as that's concerned. You know what I mean? That was hilarious. Yeah, I know. I'm not speaking for it.

So what else have you, like, what's something that you've seen that you think is trashy? I'm wondering if maybe you can't even recognize it because you're from Needles. Maybe it's something you do. Maybe one day you were fucking your sister on the front porch and somebody else saw it. You know what I mean? And to you, that's just natural.

It's family discounts. When you say fucking a sister, what do you mean? Yeah. And where's my motherfucking henny? Anyway. A funny thing I've seen there was I saw a girl bitching about

the fact that she had to choose between buying diapers and bottle like you know Similac or whatever or having to buy cigarettes or stretcher tickets.

Like she's pissed off to have to choose between the two. I can relate. My parents died in a tractor fire. My goodness. So what do you do for fun out in Needles?

You have a four-wheeler, right? No, I don't, actually. Okay, what do you do for fun? I try to do my comedy thing out there. I play music with some of my buddies. What type of music do you play? Metal, thrash metal. Yeah, what do you play in the band?

Guitar. Guitar. Yeah. Hey, look at that. You are Meatloaf, correct? It's one of the things I will do for love. How long have you played guitar for? About 15 years.

What's the name of your band? Regressor. Regressor. Huh. Super tough, right? Yeah. You don't ever sing? No, I bark every once in a while.

Yeah, can you give us an example? Can you look out there at the people and give us an example of your barking? Wow, that's pretty good. Tony, I just stepped on his foot. That wasn't him singing. Oh, no, yeah. Can I try it again? My goodness.

Well, that's fucking interesting. What type of trailer do you live in? It's an Airstream. We're hoping to get up to a bigger one later. Is it? I thought you were going to say a Game of Thrones trailer. Is it really? It's an Airstream. We're hoping to get up to a bigger one later. Is it? I thought you were going to say a Game of Thrones trailer. Is it really? No. You have a house. Yeah, I live in a fairly respectable house. Two bedroom, one bathroom.

Is it your house? I rent it. What? I rent it. You rent it? Yes. Right. How much is rent for a two bedroom house in Needles, if you don't mind me asking? We're paying about $500 for it. $500? $500 a month for a two-bedroom house in Needles, if you don't mind me asking? We're paying about $500 for it. $500? $500 a month for a two-bedroom house. I might move the Needles.

We'd welcome you down. My goodness. Yeah, is there any comedy clubs in Needles or anything? No. Electricity? The scene is popping there, Redman. Is there anything fun that they do do there? Is there a scene

for anything in Needles? Just the ones we're trying to get going. You know what I mean? But not stand-up comedy. I'm talking about is there anything there? Is there like a fucking...

Applebee's? Are they known for anything? The occasional rodeo. It's on Route 66, so, you know, we got that going for us, I guess, but... All right.

Not a lot of cool shit, though. We're trying to make it better, though. 500 bucks. 500 bucks a month. My goodness. You have a roommate there in your two-bedroom house? No, it's just me and my girlfriend. Just you and your girlfriend. How long have you been with your girlfriend? 12 years, this man.

Who's got the longer beard out of you and your girlfriend? You do. 12 years. Where'd you meet her at? In Needles. What? In Needles.

We went to high school together. I know, but what were you doing in Needles when you met her? Going to school. High school? Yeah. Wow, you met her in high school. My goodness.

And what does she do? She's an aspiring author right now. She kind of self-published her own book. Wow. So she's going for that right now. She's doing a rewrite of it. Goodness, an author in needles.

What is she writing, her name? Ooh, so impressive. Yeah, very impressed. You should be an author. It's cursive. You might be an author if you can write your own name in needles. What's the crime rate in needles? Is there a lot of crime or drugs?

There's a fun little sheriff report that goes on in that town on the Facebook for the local page. It's like the random meth charge. It's the occasional domestic abuse situation. The occasional domestic. Okay, it's every day. Every day.

Welcome to another episode of the Daily... Alright, Jesse. It was nice to meet you. I'm surprised that your last name is Hart since that's how you're going to die. It's just funny because it's true. You know what I mean? He nodded right back at me like,

yep, you're right. Hopefully, it won't be like diving onto a turnbuckle, you know, like other Harts. Whoa, look at you. A little pro wrestling reference there. All right, there he goes. Put your hands together for Jesse Hart. He's on Twitter at Jesse L. Hart.

Hashtag Frankie No Filter. That's so cheap. There we go. Let's keep this fun train moving along. 500 bucks. You guys said you like your comedians bad, and you are getting what you wanted here tonight. It is happening.

Live from Las Vegas. This is fucking... Now you guys know why so many comedians kill themselves. All right. Put your hands together. I guess I can laugh about that now. That makes me happy. Put your hands together for Jordan Underwood, everybody.

Jordan Underwood. Jordan Underwood. This should be interesting. He's got good handwriting, all lowercase letters. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Jordan motherfucking Underwood. How we doing?

I fucking hate famous people right now. Right now I can't send Nicolas Cage. All Nicolas Cage does in every single movie is he finds a map on the back of everything and anything, and they make a whole movie about it. I can picture hanging out with Nick, it'd be something like,

dude, Jordan, stop, there's a map on the back of that. And I'd be like, yeah, dude, it's MapQuest, it's my iPhone, chill out, everybody has one, you know? But I have to give it up to Nickelodeon. Because what Nickelodeon did was they took every National Treasure movie, and they casted a Mexican bitch to

play Nicolas Cage. And Dora the Explorer went on for nine fucking seasons. I'm super poor. I'm so poor, like, right now I wish I was a gay seven-year-old. That way I can go on the Ellen DeGeneres show

and get a check for, like, $60,000 for being the bravest seven-year-old in the whole entire world. All right. Thanks, guys. Hey, now. 58 seconds from Jordan Underwood. Staying in the pocket while the audio was janky.

Fucking pretended like nothing even shook him at all. Jordan, you've been doing stand-up for a little bit? Actually, my first time ever doing stand-up was... Wow. Look at that. You're like a natural. Look at you. You're like a natural. Look at you. You're like Louis C.K. before he found out about masturbating.

Got it all going for you. Your looks, the black t-shirt, black pants. Yeah, yeah. I look like a potato on toothpicks, actually. Wow, look at you. You tried there. My first time doing stand-up was in Boulder City on Christmas of 2017, actually. On Christmas of 2017.

Do you always put the cord around your neck like that just in case things go bad? Dude, what's funny is I sang in a punk band the majority of my life and it's a bad habit of mine. Really? What's the name of the punk band that you sang in? Nests. N-E-S-T-S. We've actually played here a bunch of times. Oh, really? Do you have anything on SoundCloud

or anything like that? We do. Do you want me to plug it? Do I want you to what? Plug it. No. Okay, cool. You just said the name of the band, and it's on SoundCloud, so. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's called N.E.S.T. It's like plural for nest. Nests. Why did you call it that? We were influenced by another band that wrote a seven-inch called N.E.S.T. I don't know. Punk is weird, dude. So the name of the band that inspired you was calledinch called Nest. Punk is weird, dude.

So the name of the band that inspired you was called Nest? The name of the band that inspired us was called Sexvid, actually. So why Nest? Because they wrote a 7-inch called Nest. Because they what? They had an album called Nest. Joel, he likes punk. He knows what I'm talking about.

I guess so. He also understands whatever fucking language you're speaking. Fuck. He's used to having to defend his parents' lack of green card while ice comes to his door. Yeah. All right. Anyway.

You got it. What's the name of your biggest hit song, The Ness? Hardcore is gay and I can care less. Hardcore is gay and I can care less. What's that song about? Dude, it's about how anal sex is dope. Yes.

Jordan, what is that song about? About the stigmas in hardcore punk and how there's too many racist people sometimes. What the fuck is that? Is that it? Fuck yeah. Can you sing us a little line?

Can you sing us a little line? No, that last dude was fucking punishing. I'm not going to try and do that. You don't think you could do better? You're going to call him punishing and then say you can't follow it? He is like a metal weirdo with Asperger's like i just wow you're taking shots at a crowd favorite how many you want to see this guy belt a line of punk music huh no but yeah so i was doing the whole what the fuck are you doing right now i'm telling you i was doing the whole punk rock thing. What the fuck are you doing right now? I'm telling you, I was doing the whole punk rock thing for a long time

and it's my passion and stuff. Joel and I got matching black flag tattoos and you know. So sing, you idiot. Yeah, sing us a line, dude. That's so whack. Do you ask me?

It's whack, no. Listen, so let me tell you this story, Tony. I did the punk thing for a while. You stop it right now. The fuck do you think is going on here? I have no idea. I don't understand what you're embarrassed about.

You think that it's going to sound bad if you say a line? No, I'm going to tell you because I have a pride. It's my pride and joy, punk rock. And you're not going to like... There's no talent in it. I'm not going to say... I disagree. Yeah, you're... I can't believe you're saying something.

No, no, no, as a vocalist. Watch this. Sure, I'm not buying it. I don't think you're the singer in the band, dude. I'm a fucking liar, dude. Jordan Underwood, you seem like. Actually, Joel, do you know... Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jordan over here.

You fuck. Dude, quit bringing Joel into this, dude. What is even happening? I'm a huge fan of Joel Jimenez, guys. I'm so sorry. All right, his name is Joel Jimenez, first of all, so you're not that big of a fan. You called him Jimenez.

Man, just another white man not knowing how to pronounce names, man. Oh, okay. Here we go. We to pronounce names, man. Oh, okay. Here we go. We have all the puppets. Jordan, so let's talk about it. You seem like you have good parents. They're still together.

They're happy. No, you know, I do have good parents. They're not happy or together. But, yeah, my dad was a comedian. Really? Yeah, he was. Out here in Vegas. And now he does punk music.

Now he does cocaine. Really? Yeah, he was. Out here in Vegas. And now he does punk music. Now he does cocaine. Really? Is that true? He was a comedian and he got addicted to cocaine? I mean, he's a great guy. I mean, he's just a comic and it came with the lifestyle. My parents are no longer together. But I do have great parents and

they're the reason why I'm a comedian. Jordan, what do you think is happening right now? Am I doing bad? Yes, Jordan. You're treating these interview questions like you're running for congressional office. I just asked you if your dad was a fucking comedian that got addicted to cocaine. And you're like, they're great people, great family, great times. And I will make changes that... It's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

That's good, though. Yeah, you're bad. Now you're out of it again. You just did it again. You're just out of it. Out of a whole other thing. So, Jordan, let's talk about you. Your dad was a comedian for how long?

From 91 to 2004. All right, I'll do the math. 13 years. For sure. Let's do it. Was he famous? Do you have a name? Probably locally.

He had residency at an old venue here called The Beach. He's done here with Stanhope back in the day. Oh, okay. Now we're talking. There you go. That's a good fucking thing. You see? And what happened exactly? Tell us about it.

He hung out with Stanhope and he started doing cocaine. To be honest, him and Stanhope have similar issues with the drugs and stuff. But you're not willing to talk about that because what? It's interesting and compelling? You don't like to go in that type of territory at all? He was a comic at a younger age and he actually killed really hard. He was kind of like half prop, half like...

I would love that guy. Uh-huh. Yeah, he just ended up doing drugs and getting out of the comedy. What does he do now? Dude, my brother's here actually, and if dad hears this, he'd be so fucking bummed. Well, if he's as big of a coke addict

as you like to think, he's probably never going to listen to this podcast. I got news for you. He listens every Monday. Really? Is that true? Yeah, for sure. So if he hears this, he's going to fucking hear it. Yeah. Cats out of the bag, dude. Spill it. All right, Jordan.

What can you tell us about you? What about you? What does a day in the life of Jordan Underwood look like? Right now, I work 50 hours a week. Doing what? I do restoration for flood and fire damage to homes. But I just design the homes on a computer and then

send Mexicans out to do it for me. It's cheaper! And then I do comedy. Actually I had a show in Vegas for like a year at the Center of Science and Wonder. And that was fun. So I do comedy. Actually, I had a show in Vegas for like a year at the Center of Science and Wonder. That was fun.

I do comedy. I work. What else do you do, Jordan? I have a girlfriend who I love so much. Yeah? Really? I'm so in love, dude. It's ridiculous. Yeah, she's cheating on you right now. How long have you been with your girl? A year and four months.

That's cool. What does she do? She weights tables. Like, really good, though. Wow. Like, really good? I like that. Look at that. Look at that.

She knows how to work it when she's weighting those tables. Yeah. Where does she weight tables at? She weights tables at the Sugar Factory. Ooh, the sugar factory. Damn. She comes home every day with complaints.

I like how you won't talk about your dad's former cocaine problems, but you'll give the direct location of where your girlfriend currently works. That's good. Sugar factory, go see her live. Wow. Alright, Jordan. That's good Sugar Factory Go see her live Wow Alright Jordan

She always comes home Complaining Because I guess A lot of people Order Like the fancy drinks That like You know

Make the effects and stuff And then once they Snapchat it They send it back To the kitchen Which is like Hilarious to me Jordan tell me something

Like fun and silly About you Something that we might Find fucking interesting Or something like that Anything at all You. Something that we might find fucking interesting or something like that. Anything at all, you know. I'm convinced that I have like Asperger's and autism, but like no one else believes

me. We believe you. We promise you. We truly believe you. If you ever need to convince a doctor, just show them the nine minute clip of you on this show here tonight. Thank you, thank you. You look like a thespian on the spectrum. Well, Jordan, I'll tell you this.

Is that, you know, I think that if you get honest and talk about, you know, compelling things, give the people what they want. You know what I mean? For sure. It's really interesting that you didn't sing a line from the punk thing. It would have taken 10 seconds, and then we would have been into the interview. And it's really weird that you're on a stand-up comedy show.

Second generation comedian. But it's a stand-up comedy show about comedy. And your dad is a comedian. And we're at the cokiest place that we ever do this show. And you wouldn't talk about your dad being on coke at the dive bar on a stand-up show. You know, you gotta sort of figure out. I feel you.

Yeah, like the real compelling stuff about you. Like the funniest thing that happened up here is when you said that your girlfriend's a waiter, but she's a really good waiter. Because you really believe that. You know what I mean? You accidentally were funny. That's a thing on this show she's a really good waiter. Because you really believe that. You know what I mean? You accidentally were funny. That's a thing on this show that's come up a lot. Accidentally funny, where you don't know why the fuck

it even worked, probably. That's good. There you go. So you just gotta listen. Give the people what they want. Talk about the most compelling things about you. Because as of now, we're way off base. Really? Yeah. I don't know. I'm a cool guy. No, yeah. I don't know. I'm a cool guy. No, yeah.

No, I had like the most sold out comedy show of last year for sure. No, that makes you a good promoter. I'm great on a skateboard. I can blow fire and ride a unicycle at the same exact time. Wow. There he goes. Jordan Underwood, everybody. Thank you, guys.

There he goes. There's a fist bump of Don't Kill Yourself. Fuck, yeah. It's a fucking legendary show. Almost reminds me of Detroit, Michigan. Danny Brown.

No, I think it's more of a Tiffany Haddish episode. Yeah, I'd say something like that. Wow. Okay. This is interesting. Your last comedian was Jordan Underwood. Ladies and gentlemen, this is sort of crazy. Put your hands together for Corey Underwood. Ladies and gentlemen, this is sort of crazy. Put your hands together for Corey Underwood.

This could be interesting. This could be the turning point. The likable brother, Corey Underwood. All right, hey. Any of you guys watch the show Intervention? Awesome, me too. It's my favorite show. It's my favorite show to get high to.

But I don't know if you've noticed the same thing as I have. Each episode kind of starts out the same way. It's with the parent not being able to comprehend how their loved one got to the point at which they're at. Specifically because they could always recall them being such a happy baby. Such a happy baby? Such a happy baby. But now Jimmy does heroin. I can't get it. But wouldn't

it be great to shake things up a bit and just keep it at the perspective of an addicted baby? As soon as goes wrong little jimmy couldn't kick the bottle then he had to move on to more pure hard brand name formulas and to start funding his habit you had to take up sucking binkies in the nipples of mothers and wanted to relive that time of their life again just feel the rush remember how it was the family's finally able to get him to an intervention he comes in kicking and screaming though just being a general fucking baby about it but he agrees to a 12 step program but just like everybody else in the show

the parents make a big deal about him completing the first steps and everyone gets on with their lives wow that was impressive actually I mean you had jokes that you wrote, and you did all into the microphone, sort of.

That was the part, but yeah. So far, I mean, god damn. This show, you're basically the fucking Dave Chappelle of tonight so far. Thank you. I got a bucket filled with names, and I'm going to go off on a limb here and guess that you are the last comedian's brother.

Yes, sir. Wow, that. Wow. That is incredible. Do you guys have any relation to Carrie Underwood? No, you're not. Second cousin. Very good. So moving on.

How long have you been doing stand-up? This is my first time. First time ever. Your first time. First show. Now, your brother says he's been doing stand-up for what? For like two years. Two years. Two years. Two years off and on.

And you just signed up tonight. Yeah. Your first ever time ever on stage doing stand-up. First show. 60 seconds. First 60 seconds. I played a show on this stage before. A music show.

Yeah, it was one of my best shows ever. Yeah, were you in Ness? I was in Ness. You were? Yes, I was the bassist in Ness. Wow, the bassist. Yes, and then another band, I played guitar with him, and then another one with one of my homies here in the bar.

Very cool. He plays guitar, too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very cool. My goodness. Well, Corey, very impressive. You're already better than your brother that's been doing it for two years. Tony, I thought...

I love my brother. I thought you were great, but you just proved my theory. Something about this show is a magnet for Bobby Hill-looking people. It really is. You're like the 14th fucking Bobby Hill we've had. It really is. We are the creme de la creme of Bobby Hill fans. So, Corey, let's talk about it.

Tell us about your life a little bit. You've seen the show so far. You know how it works. Yeah, I love the show. Do you have a dad with a cocaine problem too? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm working my way up to that.

I'm excited to see if you'll open up about it. But sure, let's just do it. Your dad was a comedian. Yeah, he was a comedian. He was like the Asian, we're Japanese. He's a Japanese Jeff Foxworthy. He kind of had the. Really? Yeah. Wow. So he was

big in Japan? No. Oh. He was okay in Las Vegas. He was okay in Las Vegas. Now this guy's honest. Yeah, this guy's honest and funny. See the difference? He was okay. He was big in Japan. He was okay in Las Vegas.

You're a funny dude thank you man how old are you I'm 27 27 what do you do nothing right now I'm kind of this is about

as much as I've done in the past like four years really why is that I had actually I was pretty sick I had leukemia

wow look at you give it up for leukemia. Wow. Look at you. Give it up for leukemia. It's incredible. Thank you. You got diagnosed with leukemia at what age? Right before, like three weeks before my 21st birthday.

Oh, my goodness. It was crazy. And you went through a lot of hard chemo? Yeah, a shit ton of chemo. Like six months. It goes like three weeks at a time in hospital. Then you, like, two weeks rest and go back. Holy shit. But then it relapsed, and I had to go back, like, a year later,

UCLA, do bone marrow transplant, all that shit. Oh, my goodness. Are you complete? You're okay now? Now under mission. Now, like... Wow. Thank you, thank you.

That is unbelievable. What was it like at its hardest point? At the hardest point, I almost died a few times at UCLA. I had a kidney failure really bad. That's why I kind of have the Bobby Hill effect. The chubby cheeks and shit. I don't take it back. Yeah, you wear it well.

You wear it well. Hell yeah. It's not Bobby Hill. It's Bobby Pill. You know what I mean? It was medicine that did that to you. Also, I did have a pill problem too. Oh, yeah. Well, that happens now a pill problem, too. Oh, yeah.

Well, that happens now in the American hospital system. Hell, yeah. As your brother would say, you know, there's a real problem in the hospitals that I want to improve on. Heck, yeah. So you're off work because you're a fucking cancer survivor. You ever get any hospital pussy? You ever get one of those naughty nurses or anything like that?

I always see it in porn, but I never see it in real life. Yeah, you ever get that leukemia dick suck while you in the hospital, what? No, no, no. I had a wonderful girlfriend, not my fiancee, throughout the whole thing. Wow! You were with her before you got diagnosed?

I was with her about a good year and a half before. And she didn't leave you. That's great. She didn't leave me. That's a strong woman. Right there in the front. You almost left her a few times. Fuck yeah.

I like your style, lady. That's a chick that knows how to bone on the hospital bed right there. Chick that knows how to get on top and get it done. You know what I mean? Insert one more tube into this motherfucker. All right. Wow, that's fucking cool, man. So what's your plan?

I mean, I can't even fathom what that must be like. This is fun. Yeah. I guess I got a lot of things. I took my job seriously before. Yeah, what was that? I was a manager at a movie theater here in Town Square. And you were good at it, too.

I was fucking awesome, man. Heck yeah. Well, you were tearing tickets then, and you tore it up here tonight. Thank you. It's very exciting. I'll say it. I'm going to say it right now. Is that pound for pound in my eyes, I think this cancer survivor so far has had the set

of the night. One more time for Corey Underwood, everybody. There he goes. Please keep doing it and come back. Wow. Very exciting. His brother's probably going to kill himself tonight, but he survived cancer

and had a great set, so that's very exciting. How about one more time for Corey Underwood? Okay, one-word name. I believe this guy might be some relation to some of the puppets that we've had up here perhaps tonight. Put your hands together for Chauncey, everyone. Chauncey.

Oh, here he comes. Here comes Chauncey. Nope he comes. Here comes Chauncey. Nope. Okay. Some guy just said shit. Is it you, dude? Wow, yeah. Just fucking do it, dude. Yeah, you're right there, bro. One more time for Chauncey, guys. Hello.

Fuck. Yeah. You know, when I was in the hospital for fuck, fuck, guys. Give me a second. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, Ollie's just we're gonna do a reset here all of you when you see somebody struggling and thinking don't fucking say you could do it that doesn't work in fucking real life you idiots that's in the worst movies ever made that's not how life works so just let them fucking gather their thoughts in complete fucking silence.

So how about this? One more time for Chauncey, everybody. You know, porn, I think porn has really fucked up a lot of people. At least me. Because, you know, when I wound up in the hospital with a brain tumor, all I could think about was the nurses and how nice they were to me and how bad I wanted

to get fucking laid. But that never happened. You know, I also think that motherfucker is a terrible, terrible insult, because if I'm out here fucking mothers, I feel like that's pretty cool. Yeah, uh, fuck. Yeah. This is my... That was my set.

Thanks, guys. Thank you. There it is, Chauncey. I learned my lessons. Now I don't drive. All right. So, Chauncey, you saw that being a cancer survivor works pretty well on this stage tonight. And then somehow you failed with a cancer survival story. Is that true, though?

You had a brain tumor? Yeah. Gleoblastoma. Stage four. Wow. Dude, look at the fucking... Oh, my God. I believe you.

Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. The cancer. Fight the cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.

So, Chauncey, how long ago was that? Just a little over a year now. A little over a year now. Yeah. What are your... Did they tell you your odds of remission or anything like that? Stage four. Yeah.

That's a serious brain tumor. Really fucking low. But because the glioblastoma, the way it works. Yeah. That's what John McCain had, right? I believe so. Yes. Yeah.

It grows like a spider web in your brain. And so you can't really get it all out. But a cyst grew around the tumor. Wow. And so you can't really get it all out. But a cyst grew around the tumor. Wow. Yeah. And so doctors aren't sure if it could spread to my brain. But according to my timeline that I had, I should have been degenerating, and I haven't been at all. Wow.

That's great. Well, there you go. Absolutely. What was your first symptoms when you first got it? Eyesight, your vision got a little bit shaky right I can't see out of my right eye anymore And I'm like color blind And

Red band what you What did you just ask We were asking you what the symptoms were The original the first symptoms that you noticed Was it blurry vision or something like that Bad migraines Really really bad migraines bad migraines really bad migraine yeah for how long every day for a long time months years yeah years and years and i always thought it was just my vision uh-huh look out that way to the audience so that you're looking at i always thought it was like my vision that was

fucking with me uh-huh like that made my head hurt yeah it turns out it was a fucking tumor right uh and uh so for years you had migraines and then you finally go to the doctor and they're like holy shit dude well um no i uh i came back home from reno uh down here and uh i like i don't remember

well but uh i passed out and my dad tells me that i was like on the floor from how much pain I was in. When did Arnold Schwarzenegger come in and go, it is a tumor? I don't know. When did he do that? When did Arnold Schwarzenegger do that? He hasn't

yet. No, he still hasn't. You had a full-blown tumor. Do you know how big it was? What I know is, so it was over here on this side of my head. Yeah. And my left side of my brain was on the right. That's just how much pressure and fluid built up. It smushed it over.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. My head was filling up with fluid. Right. Because it couldn't drain down. Okie dokie. So, Chauncey.

I'm fucking here, though. How about the rest of your life? What else do you got going on? Did you retire? You one of those retired cancer guys? I don't work anymore. I got cancer. I can't work ever again.

No, I want to work. I'm on disability, you know. Right, of course. I want to work. I want to go to school. I want to do something. I'm just kidding. What are some of your hopes and dreams?

I don't know. I really like helping people. So maybe like being a teacher or something one day. I don't know. Helping people that have disabilities worse than mine. Yeah. Hopefully they would be worse than yours. Yeah.

You know. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Because if there were people like smarter than you, then that'd be fucked up for them. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Is there anything that you did to pass the time while in the stay at the hospital? Anything fun? Did you figure out how to jerk off with the left side of your brain or something like that? No. Yeah, it was a lot of fucking laying down and rehab. Yeah.

Like trying to figure out how to walk again, how to talk again, how to brush my teeth and take a shit. Well, you're from Reno, so you didn't really have to learn how to brush your teeth. That was the first time you learned how to brush your teeth, right? Wow, not a lot of love for the Reno jokes here. I didn't realize we were live from Reno, Nevada here tonight. I'm from Vegas. I'm from here, yeah. I'm from Vegas. I'm from here. I went up there for a semester of college.

Was one of the symptoms of the tumor coming back looking like a tiny Chuck Liddell? This is what I was going for. Awesome. Hell yeah. That's right. Well, Chauncey, you fucking got through it, dude. It was a rough set at the start, and then you fucking reloaded, and you did it right down the barrel.

You fucking did it. Thank you. Chauncey. Thank you. How about another hand for Chauncey, everybody? Come on. Two cancer survivors back to back. Stage four cancer survivor.

Heck yeah. This guy survived what killed John McCain. Think about that. John McCain was a fucking prison hero, and this guy beat the same exact cancer that he couldn't beat. Oh, he had stage four, and I thought Brian was going to do

stage two at the ice house. Oh, wow. We just say everything you think. There he is. Iceberg. Iceberg. Vin, what happened to your shirt? Wait, what?

Okay. Moving on. How many of you are having fun out there? Seems like you guys are enjoying yourselves. Even fucking John Boy over here in the sound booth. It's very, very exciting. Let's see what could

possibly happen next. Put your hands together for Cody Glale. Glale? Glale? Cody Glale. My Maserati goes 185. But sometimes I still do. Life's been good to me so far. One more time for Cody Glale.

People that talk about their house being haunted are really just bragging about that they can own a house. And on top of that, they got a bunch of, like, people living there with them. That would be nice. Have you ever watched those ghost shows? Like, it's never a couple moving into a tiny shithole apartment somewhere, right? Like, what kind of ghost would even be haunting that?

You're sitting in your bedroom slash kitchen slash bathroom, and a dead college kid appears in front of you, and he's like, bro, it's your turn to buy the toilet paper. Or, like, you leave to go to work in the morning and there's just a dead meth head passed out in the bushes and he's got his dick in one hand and the 7-Eleven hot dog that killed him

in his other hand. Booyah! Comedy! Holy shit! Jokes! Wow! My mind is blown at the fact that we just got jokes in a 60-second set. One after the other, Tite edited a really good comedy set on this show.

Woo! Yeah, Gerald felt here. I think we all collectively, after watching his set, went, thank God. That was amazing. You did it. You prepared. You executed.

Very fucking good. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? 60 seconds. Really? That was your first time? That's insane. Holy shit. Look at this.

Maybe this could be a fucking A Star is Born scenario. Oh, hi. Oh, wow. Cindy's interested. You single, Cody? No, I'm married. Married? How long you been married for?

Two years. Wow. But can your wife do this? Oh, Cindy, you are a dirty girl. Yeah. Goes forever. She could suck all the way down the side of your leg. My goodness.

Cody, Cody, Cody. That is incredible. How old are you? 26. 26. This is something you've always wanted to do. Try out stand-up comedy or what brought you here? Yeah, I like to watch a shitload of comedy, and I listen to all the podcasts.

I just thought I would give it a shot. Fuck yeah, look at you. He's a natural. He's looking out to you while answering the question from me. I don't even have to tell him. Look at him. He's fucking built for this. You don't live here, do you?

I do. Oh. You were born and raised in Las Vegas? No, I grew up in Massachusetts. I came out here for college. Hell yeah. You went to what, LVU? Is that a thing?

UNLV. UNLV. Oh, yeah, that's right. What'd you study there? Engineering. Engineering. Hell yeah. You do anything with that degree?

Yeah, I'm a design engineer. Wow. Look at you. You're so different than the fucking other 10 people I've pulled out of this bucket. You're answering the questions. You're fucking playing to to the crowd i don't even know what to do with people doing what the fuck they're supposed to be doing on the fucking show i don't i'm out of my comfort element i'm used to being yelled at from eight different fucking puppets at a time saying a bunch of fucking half shit and then just sometimes the puppeteers talk. Anyway.

So, Cody. Cody. I'm about to break this motherfucker off, man. Don't talk like that. All right. Cody, where did you meet your wife? High school. High school. My school. What does she do?

She's a social worker. Look at you two. She wears glasses too, doesn't she? I can tell you're into that nerd puss. You guys fuck. Clean glasses. Yeah, you fucking... You guys always laugh every morning.

I put on your glasses, babe. They have their baby shower at LensCrafters. Yeah, man. So she's a social worker. So she helps people. Right. And you're just out there making the fucking engineering money. She actually makes more than me.

Really? Wow. My goodness. Social work. What kind of cancer did you beat? The last two better hope this motherfucker didn't beat cancer. Tiffany. Now if you want to have a good set on tonight's show, you have to beat some type of cancer.

I don't know. This guy doesn't look like he even has a mole on his body. You don't. You don't have any moles. It's incredible. You're a healthy dude, right? Yeah. Take care of yourself. You exercise? I do. What type of exercise do you do? You fucking...

Heavy weights. You a fucking... You a speed reader? You look like a speed reader. You ever do that? No. I hate reading. Speed reading? No? Remember that? Remember that bullshit? I actually hated reading. You know it turns out that was a fucking con all along. These

motherfuckers already knew the book. I can't believe it. My mind's blown from that old info. Where do you live? Spirits? There we go. Alright. Alright. So Cody, what the fuck else man You're 26 what do you like to do

You seem like a canoeing type of guy right Kayak I do some music producing Yeah what type of music Like electronic and hip hop and stuff Ooh really You ever rap or anything like that I have but

Can you give us a little example I mean just you know what I mean. We don't need much. There you go. Joel will play a... Yeah, he's got you. Is that good? You want a different beat? Oh my god. I'm gonna read the lyrics, though, because I don't memorize anything. What are you doing?

What type of beat do you need? If you tell us specifically, we can bring that up for you in the actual sound system. So whatever the fuck. How about a beat I made? Yeah, okay. Search Kid U Not on SoundCloud. Kid U Not. One word?

The letter U or spelled out? No spaces. I don't know about you guys, but nerds rapping is one of my favorite things on the planet Earth. I'm excited as fuck right now. Man, I don't like it one damn bit.

Come on, there must be some white rappers that you like, right, Leon? What is it, Eminem or something like that? Yeah, he alright. Kid you not. What song? No, he all right. Kid You Not. Yeah. What song? No, it's One Word.

One Word, Kid You Not. My goodness. How long have you been in the music field for? A while, high school. A while, high school. I also play drums. Whoa. It's going to be a lot more fun.

Honestly, wow. Well. You know what? You know what? It's going to be a lot more fun. Wow. You know what? Wait. Everybody relax. Everybody relax. I got this. Okay. Everyone relax. Why don't we listen to a rap from Cody, everyone? And if

we... How about this? If we like his rap, maybe we'll do a Mexican drum off, huh? But I told you before, I fucking like nerd rap. The bar is set extremely low. No pun intended. But if you rap at all, I'm going to be very impressed.

Here he is rapping, Cody Glale. You podcast listeners, picture a fucking nerd. Yeah. There's a really long intro on this beat. Lil Cindy on the track. Oh my god. Okay. Let's let Cody fucking rap please

Jesus Christ These days I'm just always on a bad move I'm just always on a bad move So don't call me with no attitude Send emojis if I call you These days I'm just always on a bad move I'm just always on a bad move So don't call me with no attitude Send emojis if I'm just always in a bad mood. I'm just always in a bad mood.

So don't call me with no attitude. So I don't know Jesus if I'm not a Jew. Girl, I'm sad. I don't do the verses. I do the choruses. What happened there? Oh, okay. I thought the puppet threw you off.

I'm sorry. Sorry, there? Oh, okay. I thought the puppet threw you off. I'm sorry. Sorry, Jeremiah. It's Gerald. If that fucking puppet interrupted your rap, I was gonna fucking break her neck. It's gonna be the first time I hit a woman.

It was gonna be Lisa the whore puppet. I don't know if we were listening to the same track, but that was weak as shit, man. Oh, I completely disagree. A complete misdirect. That was fucking romantic as fuck.

It was romantic. I cannot believe that. I liked it a lot. It sounds way different with the auto-tune, just so you know. I bet it does, Cody. But I'll tell you this, you definitely earned yourself a Mexican drum-off. Let's fucking do this shit live from las

vegas nevada lives could change here tonight now wait a second cody while i explained to you i want to make sure that you know what the fuck's going on here right you've seen this show before but maybe there's someone out there who hasn't seen the show before. Now, this is a crazy thing that we do where potentially, potentially, Cody can become a full-time cast member of the show. We're going on a 24-city tour here around America. We play at the Comedy Store every Monday. He would have to leave his wife, leave his job, move to Los Angeles. And Joel would start fucking his wife. He'd stay here in Las Vegas and would take over his job, move to Los Angeles, and Joel would start fucking his wife. He'd stay here in Las Vegas and would

take over his job. So potentially, Cody can win this thing. Now let me remind you, a Mexican drum-off is a drum solo competition in which performance, beat, drumming, overall being funny, being silly perhaps

at some point, taking a chance. All these things play into the vote that you, the audience, will eventually give, giving Cody the chance to become the new full-time drummer. But I will warn you, Cody, Joel Berg is undefeated at this. And Joel is an audience favorite. He's a favorite of everyone up here. We love Joel. It's a tough position for you,

but Cody, so far, you've killed it here tonight. You guys ready for this shit? This is a Mexican drum-off. And... Whoa! Wow! And drumming first, going for the throne. Put your hands together

for Cody Glow! Wow! Cody, before I bring Joel out, since he's had the advantage of being up here this whole time on stage before you, is there anything that you would like to say on behalf from the black female puppet that's on your cymbal drum?

If you were going to guess what she would say right now, what would it be? You can feel free to put your hand up her ass if you want. Treat people good. Wow, that's the whitest thing I've ever heard a black puppet say. Yes. Sorry, I threw my voice from over

here. All right. Cody, stand up and stand I guess right behind there. Right behind, yeah. Stay right there. Ladies and gentlemen, I guess, right behind there. Right behind, yeah. Stay right there. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the reigning, defending drummer of Kill Tony, undefeated in the Mexican drum-off, the one and only,

Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. He's wearing underwear and suspenders. He had a puppet in his underwear. He looks like some type of Australian tourist for some reason. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, defending his throne, Joelbert Joel Jimenez, everybody. Unbelievable. Oh! Oh! Wow! Wow, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit.

That might have been the best one ever. Unbelievable. Get the fuck out of here, nerd. Wow, one of the greatest Mexican drum-offs ever For those of you listening that didn't watch it Cody took his shirt off before his drum solo And Joel Berg made out with the little black puppet in the middle of it Throwing the drumsticks in the air, catching them

Getting jungle puppet fever halfway through it all How many of you got... did we just lose lights? How many of you got Cody Glale winning that thing, huh? How many of you have Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez retaining? Here we go. We think we got John Boy coming over to fix the lights, right John Boy?

Hell yeah we do. I'm positive of it. How about one more time for Joel Hell yeah, we do. I'm positive of it. How about one more time for Joel Berg? There we go. Lights are back on. See, what these people don't know is I'm ready to die for this shit. I'm a high school dropout. Suck on my dick.

Yeah, I love that. That's called motherfucking owning it right there. I love that shit so great man I don't know I don't know we love you too right there um okay uh alright

um why don't we uh what do you say we go to the bucket one more time huh someone buy me a beer Why don't we, what do you say we go to the bucket one more time, huh? Someone buy me a beer. You think so? You think we should do that?

All right, that's a good idea. Then let's do that. We're going to go plan one. Ladies and gentlemen, even though our regular William Montgomery could not make it here tonight, we do have a little something up our sleeve for you. I think you're going to be very excited to know that a man who a lot of the reason

why we are at this venue is actually because one of the great anomalies in the history of Kill Tony, a gentleman that goes by the name of Ichabod, he actually, I guess he DJs here sometimes for free soda pop or something like that is the, is the story. And he hooked us up with the, with the venue a while back and we just fell in love with it. And we've always loved Ichabod. He is the creator of the Bucket of

Destiny, but he lives like an hour away from here now or something like that and we weren't able to get him here. However, he was able to get himself here and it is pretty crazy. I don't know if you guys know this but there's a famous thing way back on the show

called Tweets from Ichabod and I started getting direct messages from Ichabod. And I started getting direct messages from Ichabod in anticipation of this Vegas show about a week ago. A message which I almost never respond to any of these. But I get a message from Ichabod once

every two weeks or so usually. But about a week ago I got one that says, seven days till Vegas. By the way, I've been thinking about trying prop comedy. Four minutes later. Like carrot top question mark? Five days till Vegas. It's going to rock.

You want to go on that giant wheel? Open bar. Can fit plenty of people in there. Four days to Vegas. I'm scared. Next day. Three days till Kill Tony Vegas and I got a zit forming on my nose.

Sucks! Exclamation point. I responded, LOL, gonna be fun. The next day. I've been trying every kind of chemical I can get my hands on. The zit keeps getting worse. Oh my God, two days to kill Tony three exclamation points

oh my god it's still spreading my nose is red and it's starting to bubble up and uh oh it's dripping it should be okay though right 1.39am last night oh no it won't stop bleeding 3.28 today okay I woke up and my nose came off

but my entire face is melting but don't worry I'm on my way in about an hour I'd be on the bus and then at 6.47 p.m. tonight I got a message that said, this bouncer won't let me in. Help. Ladies and

gentlemen, I present to you Las Vegas' own, the reason why we are here, a legend on the show, the one and only with a brand new minute, Ichabod! I was laughing so hard I'm crying. Hey everyone. Hey. I like hookers.

Yeah, I like hookers so much, I invited one to my hotel room, and six of them showed up. And this wasn't the Bellagio Hotel. No, this was on Fremont, across the street from the Western. $299 a month. But I like the local humor there.

All these hookers offer to say, Hey, Ichabod, if you go run some errands for us we'll get you as high as fuck I'm back do you ever get so high you're like shit I think I got too high I'm gonna die here in this sleazy hotel room with all these hookers fuck wait a minute that'd be the best way to go. Surrounded by the people that I love. Well, there you go. A new minute from Ichabod. Who loves hookers.

This is surprising to me, Ichabod. This is something we did not know about you, Ichabod. Ichabod, look. What are you doing? Ichabod, let's something we did not know about you, Ichabod. Ichabod, look. What are you doing? Ichabod. That puppet was on my dick, man. Ichabod. So, Ichabod, over here. Hello.

There you go. Just stand still, Ichabod. You're literally spinning around in circles right now. Oh, you gotta take the jacket off? Hell yeah. Alright. Let's just do that. Leon? Can I just say that we all know that you're not staying at the damn Bellagio. We all know that, man. Yeah.

You're definitely not near any fountain, especially the fountain of youth. No. You look great, Ichabod. This is probably the best I've ever seen you. Is this true you really get hookers? Oh, I love hanging out with these gals. What do you do?

What do you get from them? You have sex? With hookers? It's okay. Up here. See, you're a little bit different. Everybody else I want to look around. I feel like any time you're not looking at me,

you just go into a daydream about nothing. Flashbacks, Tony. Flashbacks. What does that mean? That's some lingo, Vegas lingo. Well, what I remember is being this one gal and a bunch of guys took off their clothes after she took her clothes off and I ended up being the foot

guy. You were the foot guy? Yeah. What does that mean? It means I get the foot. What does that mean? Oh, hell no! Describe it with your words. I wanted to be nice about the whole thing

so I said, well, I'll massage your foot, right? And I go, I might as well lick it, right? So wait a second. A hooker's foot. Yeah, yeah. Wait, and you said there were other guys in the room? Yeah, she wanted me to watch.

She wanted you to watch, but you ended up licking her foot. Yeah. Did she see you licking her foot at any point? Yeah. And what did she say? She sent me off to go get vibrators and stuff. I bet she did. So you're postmates.

I've heard of a cock blocker, but a footlocker. My goodness. She sent you to go get vibrators and stuff. Yeah, I fooled around with hookers and stuff, but mainly it's just a camaraderie. You like cheap hookers around with hookers and stuff, but mainly it's just a camaraderie. You like cheap hookers or expensive hookers?

It's an easy question. Basically. By the way, that's the first time anybody ever said that they hang out with hookers for camaraderie.

It's like comparing apples to oranges. I think he said camaraderie. It's when your cum rots in your innards of your underwear. I feel like apples and oranges.

They're almost two different breeds. Two fruits that you probably know nothing about, Ichabod. Apples and oranges. When's the last time you think you had an apple or an orange? Oh, God. More than a year. More than a year. Absolutely. Maybe two or three. Get than a year. Absolutely.

Maybe two or three. Get your life together, man. Three. I don't know. So I'm curious to know, because my guess is that you've been with some pretty cheap hookers, Ichabod. Have you ever paid them for sex? Not that I remember.

Nah, I just like camaraderie. You really just hang out with them? Yeah. What's the most hangout thing you've ever done with a street hooker before? Anything like you ever take one to Denny's or anything like that? Pick a year. 1993. Oh, this was

right before we started fooling around and they would pee out in public. That was just the beginning of it. It was a good year. Another year? Yeah. Somewhere between 1995 and 2012.

2013. If you just pick any year, maybe we can... Sure, how about any of the fucking years, Ichabod? How about your favorite story from any of those years? Anything ever stand out to you, Ichabod, at all? Oh, Tony, it all blurs together. Hey, how's our friend... All right, forget it.

This is clearly... I didn't realize I was asking Elon Musk how he built the fucking Mars rover or whatever. You just said you love hookers. I'm asking you about one fucking hooker story. But it's okay. We got the toes thing. Let's move on. How's our old friend Uncle Ron?

He's here tonight. Is he really? I haven't talked to him in a long time. Uncle Ron, why don't you come up here real quick? Where's Uncle Ron at? Let's get Uncle Ron up here with Ichabod. Yeah. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

Another Kill Tony legend. Here he is. Uncle Ron, everyone. Hell yeah. An admitted drug abuser. Hell yeah. Over there. abuser. Hell yeah. Over there. Grab the microphone, Uncle Ron. Legendary Uncle Ron. Uncle Ron, say hi to this audience.

Say hi to them. Hello, audience. Uncle Ron, why do you look like if Hitler survived? What's going on here? What happened here today? Is that your real hair? Yeah, it's his real hair, Uncle Ron. I fucking love this. Yeah, man's his real hair, Uncle Ron. Yeah, man, and I'm a real person.

Uncle Ron, how you been, buddy? Well, I've been to California to kill Tony many times. Kill Tony, I'll tell you. He's the greatest up-and-coming young comic. All right, Uncle Ron. Oh, young comic. All right, Uncle Ron. Oh my God. Is there somebody hitting everyone in the head with an aluminum bat as they come on stage

here tonight? Is Bill Cosby bartending at the dive bar now? What is happening here? All right. You were just behaving yourself.

Don't tell anybody. Yeah, Uncle Ron. We're not going to tell anybody. Tell us. I'm a dealer in Vegas. Yes. So come see me after the show. You're an actual dealer.

And how old are you, Uncle Ron? I lost count at 42. Oh, come on, Uncle Ron? I lost count at 42. Oh, come on, Uncle Ron. 52. Uncle Ron, we were just talking. 62. Okay, we were just... Okay, there he is.

69. 69. For those of you that don't know, Uncle Ron played two out of the three grumpy old men. Uncle Ron, you get any ladies lately? You get any sweet, sweet fucking young puss? Oh yeah, for a guy that just picks up random

cans of beers, I'm sure that you've been drinking all the pussy, huh? Pussy. Pussy. Pussy, yeah, what about it? Okay, I got that's an old joke. No, don't do an old joke. All your jokes are old jokes, dude. You're fucking old.

Uncle Ron, I want to know about your real life. Have you gotten laid at all lately? It doesn't need to be a joke. No, the old joke's the best. The hooker, I got the... Just like he got a hooker, I got one last year. It was so hot in Vegas.

She gave me $20. It was so hot in Vegas. She gave me $20. It was so hot out that day. She gave me $20 just to suck my dick. She just wanted to get in the shade. I got to tell everyone. All right. Hey, man, this is my favorite comic tonight, man. There he is.

Some guy just bought Uncle Ron what appears to be a bottle of Pedialyte. I'm trying to get some electrolytes in your system, Ron. That's a Bartles and James. Ron clearly came all the way here via stagecoach. My goodness, Ron. I am a dealer in Vegas. Do not tell what casino I deal at. Okay, we won't mention it.

I do deal blackjack craps roulette. And cocaine. And cocaine. All right. Okay. How about a hand for Uncle Ron, everybody? Get something? I'm curious why Ichabod and Uncle Ron haven't spoken in so long.

Yeah, that's a good question. Ichabod and Uncle Ron used to be besties, and we heard that they haven't spoken in a while. Ichabod or Uncle Ron, would either one of you like to answer that question, Ichabod? Well, Ichabod smokes a lot. Of cigarettes.

And I had to admit, he gave me lung cancer. I'm a survivor. You're a lung cancer survivor? Yes, I have lung cancer. Does everybody have cancer in here tonight? How long you been dealing in Vegas

for, Uncle Ron? 10, 12 years. Wow. And when did... When's the last time you had lung cancer? About a year ago after 12 years of... Hanging out with Ichabod. Ichabod smokes two packs a day. He thinks he only smokes oneod. Ichabod smokes two packs a day.

He thinks he only smokes one pack a day. He smokes two packs. Somebody explain to Ichabod, man, we're going to make up here. Ichabod and me are going to make up. Are you sure he's actually smoking two packs of cigarettes, or does he just have a bunch of fake cigarettes? He thinks he only smokes a pack a day. He's down to three-quarters of a pack a day. He's down to three quarters of a pack a day. Wow.

Ichabod, what do you think about Uncle Ron busting your balls about smoking so much? I only smoke three-fourths of a pack a day. No way do I smoke that much. You guys want to give each other a little peck on the lips? We don't even move together. Why don't you guys make up right here? Give each other a little kiss.

How many of you want to see these two make up right now? Come on, let's do it. The crowd wants it. Making friends again. Come on in and Uncle Ron. Hey, it's happening. Come on, Ichabod.

This show is chaos. Man, there's some gay white people shit right here, man. This is one of the creepiest shows in our history. Kiss me while a vampire kisses Father Time? This is crazy, man. I love it, man.

How many of you love Uncle Ron and Ichabod, huh? Ichabod, look out there. Take a bow for these people. It's Ichabod and Uncle Ron alright there they go this might be the last time you see them let me tell you how great Icabod is oh wow now that he kissed you

you want to suck his dick stay here stay for a second Uncle Ron wants you to stay he's so famous I gotta tell you he's so famous if it wasn't for Icabod, stay for a second. Uncle Ron wants you to stay. He's so famous. I got to tell you, he's so famous. If it wasn't for Ickabod, who is the DJ every Monday night. I'm going to plug the dive bar.

Every Monday night, he's the DJ right there for young comics on this stage for 10 years now. He does it for free Coke. $2 Coke. $2 Coke. $2 Coke. He's serious. Coca-Cola. And he's instrumental in getting Kill Tony here last year

on this stage. Instrumental for getting Kill Tony on this stage again this year. This is true. That's him right there. He might look a little stoned. I love it.

What a send-off. One more time for Ichabod and Uncle Ron, everybody. Here we go. Uncle Ron introduces me to people. What is this, a TED Talk? Ichabod, it's okay. It's okay. Okay, go ahead, Ichabod. Fucking bring us this, a TED Talk? Ichabod, it's okay. It's okay.

Okay, go ahead, Ichabod. Fucking bring us to a big close here, Ichabod. He introduces people as his retarded nephew. I don't appreciate that. Oh, wow. Looks like we're going to have more next time you guys are both on the show to talk about. There they go, Ichabod and Uncle Ron, everybody. There goes Uncle Ron, everyone. One more time for Uncle Ron.

What do you guys think? Should we go to the bucket just one more time? There we go. Gotta do it We gotta fucking do it No doubt about it Put your hands together for your final comedian of the night Brad Goldby everyone Brad Goldby

Here comes Brad Goldby, everyone. Woo! What's up, everybody? I'm Brad Goldby. I'm the inspiration for the first puppet. The first one, not the racist caricature. I'm 24 years old. I figured at this point in time in my life,

I'd have, like, at least, like, a deeper voice or something. Like, my voice is so light, white rappers are hitting me up to do hooks. And no, before anybody asks, I can't sing or play any instruments. I have no... I know I look like Avril Lavigne transitioning, but... No, just a comic, which means I just deal with mental issues. Drink and fucking, you know, talk shit.

Making you proud, Mom. No, she's not dead. I'm just... She's in Reno. I'm just really bad at directions. That's... That's North, right? Fuck, man. That's my time. Right now? Fuck yeah, it is. That's a minute. Brad Goldby. Brad, great set, man.

How long have you been doing stand-up? This is actually my 11 months today. Wow, that is so cool. By far one of the funniest Top Young Rising female comedians in the world. I mean, you are a beautiful, beautiful woman. Just keep facing the audience. I'm checking out your bod.

Normally I don't like to compliment women during this whole Me Too movement, but your ass is hot. You look like that Snapchat filter that makes you a woman. Have you seen that? Brad, yeah, Joel? Oh, you and Ichabod look like a before and after.

I'm only at a half a pack a day. Wow. This is what meth can do to you in three months. My goodness. Brad, you got a little bit of country in you. Are you from Reno? No, Mesquite, Nevada, man.

Mesquite, Nevada. Wow. How weird is it that we sound the exact same and my name is Brad as well? That is crazy. We're cousins, man. You need to stop hitting on me, all right? Wow.

If you guys are really cousins, you're probably about to make out any second. You ever kiss a puppet before? Sometimes. I don't like to talk about it, though. My goodness. I like your style, Brad. You remind me of Larry the Cable Boy. Yeah.

Brad, what do you do for work? I work in the Las Vegas Arts District at a private gambling supply company. Wow, my goodness. It's pretty cool. They hired me off Craigslist so I can, you know, move out here and try comedy. They hired me off Craigslist, see? I'm from Mesquite, Nevada, Tony. You talk with just like your teeth.

It's just like, I'm right up all up here, right in my mouth. I do all my talking here. My voice box is right in front of my two front teeth. Yeah. People say I sound like a banjo. Yep.

Yeah. Sure. So, so, uh, Brad, you're from Mesquite, uh, Nevada.

What the fuck's out there? That's some area 54 shit. Where's that at? Nothing. There's a retirement town. That's it, man. It's a retirement town.

Tony. So what are you doing there? You retired? No, I was just, you know, raised there. Yeah.

Sadly. Yeah. My old parents. Yeah. Raised there. What do your parents, yeah, raised there. What do your parents do? What Walmart do they work at? Tony, you nailed it again. They work at the one on Tuscaloosa

Avenue. No, my mother does property management and my father's an engineer or something, right? Why'd you do them air quotes for Pappy? Because I don't even know what an engineer is, to be honest with you. I think he must be working on a train or something like that. Are they your real parents? Because you look like a Jodie Foster kid.

Wow, you didn't say anything. Silence of the lambs. Hello. All right. Brad, tell us something fun that you do for fun. You seem like the kind of guy that, like, throws a Frisbee in the air and catches it yourself. You know what I mean?

Like, you've gotten really good at that. I turned a Frisbee into my only special boomerang, Tony. You're actually right again. You nailed me. Tooth and dagger. No, when I'm playing with myself, it's usually other activities and shit well once i learned that i can masturbate i got busy real quick what's your favorite thing to masturbate to

i feel like you still read magazines got a hawaiian tropic or something like that with this accent bro you think i can read i think the straightest part about you is your hair. What's your favorite type of porn to watch? You got any guilty pleasures? I bet a guy like you with an accent like that my guess is probably interracial. Am I right? Oh yeah. Nothing I like more than watching one of those big

black men molest a woman. What are you into? What's your favorite type of porn? Man, what the hell was that about, guys? I be hearing all of this trash. Lisa is, it appears to me she's giving you oral sex right now. No, this is

Brad over here. I just knelt down for a second. I got a little bit of girl hair, but it's okay. I'm like my other friend Brad over here. That is incredible. All right. I thought that was Lisa for sure. It was Cindy down there anyway.

Very good. Favorite kind of porn? Oh, shit. Whatever pops up. Lesbian porn, man. Yeah, because then I fight the demons. No dudes on screen. Do you believe in, do you believe in,

you believe in like religion and stuff? Are you a Christian guy? You go to church ever? No, the only religion around my town was like hardcore Mormonism. So it's pretty easy to resist that. No Pepsi? I don't know.

Right. What else? What else are you into? You seem like, you seem like, you know, you fell out of one of Leonard Skinner's carry-ons or something like that as a child. I'm actually here to promote my Def Leppard cover band. Is that true? No.

You have too many. I have no musical talent. How about in life? Is there anything that you do for a hobby? Anything like that? Other than dumping all my time into comedy and a day job, no. There must be something that you do to relax, something that you do out in Mesquite. You have your own spittoon or something like that that you try to make spit into from the back

patio? Ride around on my dirt bike and shit. Yeah, man. Avoid the cops. What's your living situation? Stay with my sister. Single wide, double wide? A couch. Usually whatever couch works is that true yeah my sister's couch and if i do good enough i get taken home i sleep somebody else's couch wow comedy how long have you been sleeping on your sister's couch like four months what does your sister do she works at um she's a manager at

a mall i can't remember she's at a clothing store she does manager at a mall. I can't remember. She's at a clothing store. She does upper management stuff. You know you don't know anything about your own family? Yeah, I know, right? I don't know. She does something. She's like an engineer at a mall or something like that. I don't know. I don't know what any of this means. She's got cancer. My goodness gracious.

Do you have a girlfriend? No. I just have a dog, man. You have a dog? Yeah. And you sleep on your sister's couch? Yeah. Which means your dog sleeps on your sister's couch, too? Yeah. What kind of dog do you have? A big lab. A big lab. Hell yeah. A lab seems like what you

probably cook meth in. That's where the double Y comes in. How long has it been couch surfing again? About four months. Four months ago, where did you live? In Mesquite. In Mesquite. With your parents?

Yeah. They're still together? No. No. You lived with your mom? My father. Oh, okay. Why did you end up with your dad, not your mom?

That's just how the shit went down. They separated when I was like super super young. I can't remember. I think I flipped a coin. Make a bad decision since day one. I don't know what the fuck that meant. You prefer your dad over your mom? Most of the time, yeah. What's your favorite thing about your...

Yeah, you ever want to fuck your dad before? That's the category of porn I look up. Yeah. Favorite thing about your dad before? That's the category of porn I look up, yeah. Uh-huh. Favorite thing about your dad? Just all the shit he taught me about engineering, you know? You're real sarcastic about that. Yeah, I didn't really get it.

Is there like a white trash meal that you and your dad like to have a lot when you're in Mesquite, Nevada? Is there something like straight up cheese sandwiches or something like that? Just a slice of American with some mayo on white bread? The most white trash thing I remember eating growing up was like Belvita mac and cheese.

Yeah. What about spam and crackers? No. I was never into spam. You into spam and crackers? No, I was never into spam. You're into spam and crackers? Yeah. Alter ego? Yep. All right, well, Brad, last time you were with a woman, how long ago was that?

Maybe a week ago. Yeah? Who was that? Someone from a venue. Someone from a venue. You were doing comedy? Yeah. What person was she at the venue?

She was just there to watch. She was just a fan. Yep. She was a fan of yours. Yeah, did well enough, hung around the bar, drank late, and then it's like, you going home? I'll take you home. Was she, were you excited?

Good looking girl? Excited for the couch. Hell yeah. Different couch every night. Wow. You had sex with her and she still made you sleep on the couch it didn't go over well yeah it didn't go really is that true no okay tell the truth uh i slept in her king-size bed and afterwards and then went to work and did

anything stand out to you about the sex did she have like a smelly vagina or anything like that no nothing really stood out just Just another... Just missionary position for five and a half minutes and then you're done. Missionary from behind. There's a lot, yeah. Look at you. Try to do something. Yeah, man. You gotta try to get invited back when you're sleeping on couches.

Have you talked to her since? Did you get invited back? Yeah. Did you suck her toes? No, I didn't suck her toes. You ain't getting invited back? Yeah. Did you suck her toes? No, I didn't suck her toes. You ain't getting invited back, dude. Yeah.

That's right. You gotta learn from Uncle Lickabod. I love it, Brad. Well, I mean, great set, dude. You fucking did it, right? We like him.

Brad Goldby, everyone. There you go. And that is it. Extra long. This might be one of our longest episodes ever We did it for you Bearing the heat Bearing the insanity

How about another hand How about another hand For the great Jeremiah Watkins everybody He puppeteered a great episode here tonight. You can pre-order the new Reagan and Watkins album right now on iTunes. There's a special album release party on June 7th at the June 6th? June 7th? June 6th.

June 6th. And the album comes out on June 7th, June 6th. We're all at the Comedy Store to win stand-up comedy. You can follow him on social media at JeremiahStandUp on all platforms. And pre-order the album on iTunes. Anything else? Subscribe to my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash Jeremiah Watkins. There you go. How about another hand for

Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Wow, there he is. The man under the wig. There he is, the real guy. Joel Berg's on social media. Mostly sorry he's going to be with us on a lot of these road tour dates. What else, Joel? Shout out to Ludwig.

We love you guys. Thanks for coming out. Peace. There you go. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. Don't forget, the chaos continues next week. Salt Lake City, Boise, Spokane, Portland, Vancouver, and Seattle. Anything else, Jeremiah?

Yeah, we have original posters from Ryan J. Ebel that we're going to sell that pool table right over there. We're going to be selling them very fast, but I will say this, is that even though they're only 20 bucks and we'll sign them and we'll take a picture with you, when you get in front of us just sort of make it quick because we're going to hit the road tonight and drive back to

Los Angeles tonight instead of staying the night. And I got a Feminist Stacy t-shirts if you want those as well. So there you go. Las Vegas, this is the craziest venue. You're always a fucking hot crowd. Thank you guys so much

for coming out tonight. We absolutely love you. See you guys. Brian Redband, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye.ご視聴ありがとうございました you Thank you.