KILL TONY - KILL TONY #355

Episode Date: May 26, 2019

Doug Benson, William Montgomery, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 05/20/2019 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly hey this is red band and you're listening to kill tony go to our website death squad dot tv there you have every past episode including video portions to the show if you click on tour dates you can come see us live we're at the comedy store every monday in the main room at the World Famous Comedy Store. And we're on the road. We're about to finish our summer tour. We have a bunch of dates still left.

And we're going to be starting on June 7th in Lawrence, Kansas. Then we're in Omaha, Des Moines, Appleton, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis, Poughkeepsie, New York and we finish in Brooklyn at the Skank Fest. If you want tickets go to DeathSquad.TV and click on tour dates Also, Ryan J. Ebelt the house artist, he has a website, he draws

all the posters, go to RyanJEbelt.com Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com there you can follow everything Golden Pony. And last but not least, ShopSquad.tv. There you have a couple of the Kill Tony t-shirts left, a bunch of Death Squad hats

and shirts and mugs. Go to ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the road famous comedy store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow. Come on, guys. Make some noise. You're here. It's the number one live podcast in the world.

Mellow ass beginning. How about a hand for the great Brian Redman is here. What is up, guys? How exciting. Feels good in here. We just got back today from fucking crazy touring. Hello to the thousands watching on YouTube. We are live all around the world, and we've been traveling all around the world. We just got back today after two sold out

shows in Seattle last night, Vancouver, Portland, Spokane, Boise, Salt Lake City. We've done nine Kill Tonys in seven days or something like that. And half these episodes are already on our YouTube page so you can watch it right now. The rest will be released this week. A lot of you come to Kill Tony every Monday.

We've been doing a Kill Tony every night since last Monday. Tomorrow night is going to be our first night not doing a Kill Tony in seven days. Thank you, Jesus. Very exciting. I love it. I love it, too. And we get back out there on June 7th. The second leg of the tour continues in the goddamn middle of the United States of America.

Lawrence, Kansas, Omaha, Nebraska, Des Moines, Iowa, Appleton, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis, Poughkeepsie, and New York, New York. Two shows at the Gramercy Theater. Get tickets for those at DeathSquad.tv, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Anywhere, really. You can just Google your city and Kill Tony and fucking tickets will pop right up. Go to CavemanCoffeeCo.com. Use the promo code KillTony.

Save 15% on delicious caveman coffee. I drink it before every episode. Turns me into a goddamn chimp. So, yeah, I'm excited about life, and the traveling has been absolutely insane. And, you know, it's one of those things where they were all great venues, they were great staffs at all the venues and it's hard to pull that off. Hiring is challenging

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Wow, yeah, they definitely check all the applications. And right now our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address. ZipRecruiter.com slash killtony. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash K-I-L-L-T-O-N-Y. ZipRecruiter.com slash killtony. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Heck yeah. It's important to have good employees. It's important to do good work.

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I had it delivered here tonight to the Comedy Store right before this show. Yeah, and when you're on the road or if you're out of town and you don't want to eat the Lobby's Pringles, you could Postmate it and get it right to your hotel because it's open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Postmates will bring you what you want within an hour. That's fucking crazy. Anything. No more trips to the store.

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the Postmates app. Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmate it. Download Postmates and save with the code KILLTONY. You guys ready to start this show or what, huh? Come on, guys. I don't know if you know this or not,

but we have more fun on Mondays than anyone else in the world. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show? I'm going to bring out a guest. Every single week we have one of the funniest comedians in the world on, and this week's no different. He actually was a surprise guest and just joined us in Boise out of nowhere. Shocked the Boise crowd by us bringing out the rare guest on the road. And he does a lot.

He's actually been on quite a few road episodes, and he's one of our favorite guests to have here in beautiful our home at the Comedy Store los angeles california and he's here for you tonight put your hands together for one of my favorite comedians one of my best friends it's the great doug benson everybody come on what there he is wow it's really him Holy moly. He's got sunglasses on. He's live on Instagram. He's streaming. We're streaming. We're crossing the streams like Ghostbusters right now. I'm making a periscope.

Oh, that's a periscope. Look at you, you little submariner you. Welcome back, Doug. How's it going? I just hit stop broadcast. Because that was enough. This is your show. How's everybody doing?

Hey. Are you ready for some awkwardness? I'm so high. Yes, you are. Yeah, I'm doing all right. I shouldn't be near a sword. Doug just started smoking pot today for the first time. I love it so far. Which reminds me, shout out to Speedweed.

They gave away $500 worth of legal marijuana merchandise last week. How cool is that? I love Speedweed. Like, if you need speed or weed, they will deliver. It's mostly weed. It's coming soon, though. Speaking of speed,

we flew in today with our amazing band. They did great work over this road trip. We have a band on this show. You know about this, right, Doug? I do know about the band. They are unbelievable. Unfortunately, the great Jeremiah Watkins couldn't make it. Hey, wow, look at this.

It's the one and only Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. Kiltoni Royalty. Look at her. She gets her own little entrance. Look at that shit. The band is one of my favorite things in all of comedy. Jeremiah's not here tonight, but I do believe we have an amazing

replacement that you may recognize from previous Kill Tony episodes. So let's just get right into it. Every single episode, they commit to doing different characters. We never know what they're going to be. There's a separate green room back there. Sometimes it's a brand new character that we've

never seen or heard before. We've had a lot of those lately. We had Southern Bells last night in Seattle. We had Puppeteers in Vegas. You never know what they're going to be. Maybe it's the return of some of the most famous characters. Let's see what they are tonight. Put your hands together for the best damn band in the land. The leader tonight, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, Chroma Chris, and Jesse Johnson.

Let's see what's going on here. Whoa! They're definitely track runners. This is hilarious. Track runners, for sure. I am pretty positive on this one Am I right there, Joel?

Hi, I'm Chad Gonzalez, Speedy for short Alright, Speedy I got that written down Joel, you're leading the band tonight How do you feel? You know, I think it's going to be a good one We're going to have a good run I can't believe this is what a Mexican guy looks like with white guy hair.

I had no idea that this was possible. Well, we just got off a marathon of a tour. I figured why not keep it going tonight. I love it. And then we have over here, we have what appears to be Bill Clinton, Jesse Johnson. Jesse, welcome to the show. You're playing a trumpet tonight? Actually, I'm Phyllis Watkins. I'm Jeremiah's sister.

I love to run away from my brother. And the trumpet. I'll be playing the trumpet. I love it. I love it. And then we have Chroma Chris, who sort of always looks like a marathon runner. But he's dressed like one tonight. How do you feel, Chris? Good. My name is Adolph Hurdler. Wait, what?

Adolph Hurdler? Hurdler. I run track and field, and I'm a great marathon runner. Tony. Okay. My goodness. I'm excited about this. This is the first time we've ever had track runners.

Are you guys excited to fucking track runners? I like to call him Shot Putin. Hey, I like that. Let me get a fucking... All right. Drummer looks like Anthony Kiedis on a sober day. Oh. I love it

Joel does, he looks like he's going to run for the border okay we're going to warm up at some point here so we have track runners, we got Doug Benson red bands here, the soundboard which leads me to this, the bucket of destiny

everybody, with the whole show's built around the bucket before the show, a bunch of people sign up for the chance to get called up on the stage sometimes it's a brand new comedian doing it for the first time sometimes it's one of the great comedy vets that swing through here

quite often you never know what's gonna happen if I pull your name out of the bucket you get 60 seconds of stand up comedy time you know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the Angry West Hollywood Bear. That's what that sounds like. Okay.

That's what that sounds like, so don't go over your time. This feels very mellow in here. I'll tell you, coming off of eight sold-out giant theater and rock club road shows, coming back home on a Monday to a tired, beat-up, sad audience, I can't tell you how much it warms our hearts that really you just bring that fucking L.A. energy.

Game of Thrones hangovers or something, right? Is that what it is? No, it's not. There's no fucking Game of Thrones. These guys don't have HBO. Look at these two daydreaming fucks in the front row. Jesus Christ, dude. You ever been called a daydreaming fuck?

Daydreaming. He said yes. He has been called that before. Yeah, he really was. Alright, you guys ready to start the show? I pulled the name out of the bucket. Alright, who gives a fuck? I'll just pretend like you're a better crowd throughout the entire episode. I'll just imagine it. Put your hands together for your first comedian of the night, Colin Chidsey.

Colin Chidsey. Wow, right from the middle of the crowd, he popped right up. Here we go. What's up, players? What's going on? I got problems, people. I got problems. Like earlier today, I was at my buddy's house, and I get weird anxiety when I go into other people's bathrooms. I'll be washing my hands and then I just won't know what towns to come into. Okay, that did okay. Alright, yeah, and I'm 28. I've lived in LA most of my life, which means I like hiking in the daytime and in the nighttime, cocaine. I like running trails and busting rails.

Okay, I'm Joey Rogan by day, Joey Diaz by night. Ho! Alright, that didn't do so hot. Moving on. Right now I'm living at home with my little sister, 23 years old, and my parents. My little sister just moved back home because she's going through a divorce. And I'm back home because I've never left. Serious problems. Serious problems.

Hell yeah. Bum, bum, bum. Bum. Colin, welcome to the show. Hey, Tony. First time, right? First time. First time ever doing stand-up comedy?

Wow, there you go. Heck yeah. Popped right up from the middle second row there. Heck yeah. A note for the future. Drop saying when a joke worked or when it didn't. Okay. Let's go to the next one.

Okay, nervous, but okay. Yeah. No, but it was charming. Yeah, I loved it. I wrote it down. I was going to say my favorite part of that show was when you said, okay, that did okay. Perfect. Beautiful.

That could be your thing. I might go against the grain and go against Doug's advice. I think you should stop doing what you thought were the jokes and just do the middle parts where you acknowledge how bad or good you're doing, which is probably pretty bad. Yeah. I think it's a great opener to say, this is going great. You applauded when I came out. You do not know who I am. And yet, somehow, this is working.

I love it. Is it true that you still live at home with your parents? I do, yeah. How old are you? 28. 28 years old, still at home with the parents. Where's home? I live in Santa Clarita, Magic Mountain, Six Flags, that area.

Wow, Magic Mountain. You just named a bunch of fucking more interesting things than yourself. Magic Mountain. Yeah, you left out wildfires. Exactly. Wow, so how are you still at home? What have you been doing with your life? You know what?

Don't finish college. Get a retail job. Can't afford to live in Santa Clarita alone. Right. Yeah, so it's pretty sad. Right. But it's my biggest insecurity, so I'm glad I'm talking about it right now. How old were you when you, that's what you should be talking about, first of all.

All of your instincts are wrong. Yeah. So how old were you when you dropped out of college? I don't know the normal age where you do that. I don't know. Maybe 20-ish? The normal age when you do that. No, I dropped out too. So, you've just been working retail. What type of retail

are we talking about? Well, you're familiar with this place, AutoZone. Ah, yes. Yes, I am familiar with it. Get in the zone. AutoZone. You know what's weird? I work for AutoZone Anything that has a jingle this episode You have to go right into it

I'll do every jingle How long have you been at AutoZone for? Get in the zone Not after you've already done it Only once AutoZone How long have you been working there? A couple years but in the automotive retail industry.

You like cars a lot? No, I don't. Oh, wow. My goodness. I don't like cars at all, really. Are there car parts? Just parts of it. Yeah, just parts.

Wow. So, I mean, working in an auto zone and not liking cars, that's got to be fucking horrible. You know what? It's weird how things work out because when I was younger, I feel like I always wanted to be in the entertainment industry or maybe an actor or whatever. And working at AutoZone, for some reason, I just ended up doing two AutoZone commercials. Really? Yeah. Complete by coincidence?

Well, they were like, hey, we're using employees. If you want to send in your photo, we'll give it a look. What did you do in the commercial? You know, just like hi. Wow, you really are built for show business. That was incredible. Hey, real quick, just do that again. I was at the counter. I was like, I had a paper.

I was like, get in the zone. Auto zone. Wow. Yeah. Is that which AutoZone? The one in West Hollywood or something? No, it's in Santa Cruz where I live. Right.

So is it true that you spend your AutoZone money on cocaine? You talked about doing a lot of hiking during the day and cocaine at night. You know what? I missed one part of that. I was going to say I don't really do cocaine. I have tried it two or three hundred times. Oh, there you go. That's when you worked at the Pep Boys.

I worked there too, actually. I worked there too. You did? Yeah. You used to be one of the Pep Boys. Yeah. And you switched to Amazon. Get in the boys.

Yeah, I worked there. Pep Boys. So you really do do it a lot. Are you addicted? No, no, I don't do cocaine. Wait, what? No, no. What do you think, I'm a cop all of a sudden?

I thought it was funny. Like I said, I have tried it a couple times, but I'm not an avid cocaine user. You didn't say, you can't say, like I said, because when you said it, you said two or three hundred times. So which one is it? It's not that much, really. Do you think I'm your parents right now? Do you think I'm going to kick you out of your house?

No. When you did it a couple times, did you at least give a go in each nostril to make sure that it went around as you think? Doing some coke. Auto coke. Joel might have some jet lag going on back there. So what do your parents do?

Well, my dad, he works in the industry, which is why I ended up doing that. Do you mean the city of industry? He works in the automotive industry. He really does work in the automotive industry. Van Nuys. What does he do? He's like a vice president for some company.

Is it a famous company? It's a car company? I feel like you would know. I feel comfortable talking about what I do, but I don't want to... Well, let me just ask you this. Final question on that. If you had to guess within $100,000 each way, how much do you think your dad makes a year?

Maybe $3 million. $3 million? Really? No, no, no. I thought we were talking about hundreds of thousands. $300,000? $300,000. Oh, so he were talking about hundreds of thousands. 300,000? 300,000. Oh, so he's the vice president of a company like that. Kia. Kia guy.

Oh, all right. So how about your mom? Does your mom have a job? She does not. She's obsessed with, we have four miniature dachshunds. Oh. That's her life. Yeah.

She's a gold digger. Yeah. She's constantly showing me pictures of wieners on her phone. Oh, you son of a bitch. I love that we get to hear all the jokes that he decided weren't good enough for his first minute. Yeah, no shit. Oh, I'm just going to shoehorn these in here. Mom just said, stop sending me wiener pics with your dachshunds.

Yeah, okay, that did okay. They love the dog dicks. What's the plan with living at your parents' man? You're 20, you're about to be 30 years old at your parents'. We've already started the countdown. He has a separate clock. Yeah. What's the plan?

You know what? It's just I need to... Do they like you staying there? They don't mind. Really? Yeah, I'm like a pretty good... Can we call your mom right now and ask her if she wants you to move out? All right, let's do that.

Call her, put her on speakerphone. If it goes to voicemail, pull the microphone away from the phone so that the phone number isn't read. And also say, hey, mom, you're being recorded really fast at the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Say, hey, mom, it's me, Colin. Yeah, you're being recorded. Hello? Hey, Mom, it's me, Colin. Yeah. You're being recorded.

Hello. Hey, Mom, you're being recorded. Oh, Jesus. Not like that. My God, Colin. You're going to have her freaking out, checking the Dotson's butts for bugs. Hey, I got picked out of the bucket, so I'm on Kill Tony's stage right now. And Tony wants to know if you want me to move on.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't get to ask the question. I don't get to ask the question. You don't get to ask the question. Hello, Mrs. Chidsey. Can you hear me? I can hear you. I love it. Loud and clear.

Listen to your beautiful voice. I love it. I heard about your four Dotsons. How are they doing tonight? They're awesome. They're sleeping. Oh, how cute is that? So I'm talking with Colin here here and we're we're talking

about how he's 28 he's working at an auto zone right uh and and and i asked him i go what's the plan to get out he's like i don't know and i'm like do your parents want you out of the house and he said no i gotta ask you we're here at the world famous comedy store packed main room on a monday night do you want colin to move out of your house sometime in the near future? It doesn't have to be the near future. What? Get in the zone. Get out zone.

Wow. Not the near future. How much longer do you want him there? You think you might be afraid of having some empty nest syndrome or something? I will definitely have empty nest syndrome, yes. Oh, my God. Are you aware that your son does cocaine? That's what it's supposed to sound like on a Monday night.

Right there. Now we're there. Can we restart the show? Postmates. All right. Mrs. Chidsey, you're absolutely killing it right now. You're so much funnier than your son. This is incredible.

Maybe you should come. Will you come one of these upcoming weeks and swing by, see the show live? Oh, I actually brought my mom. No one cares what you're going to say, Colin. Oh, you brought your mom to the show before? one cares what you're going to say, Colin. Oh, you brought your mom to the show before? Is that what you're going to say? Ron White with my aunts. Wow. Why do you go like that when you say aunts?

Because I don't even really know if they're my relatives, but they say they are. Was it just four Dotsons stacked up on top of each other? Wearing a trench coat? They're from the South. I'm 21. Get in the coat. Trench coat. They're from the south. I'm 21. Get in the coat. Change coat.

Okay. When you say that, I keep hearing Dotson instead of Doxon. Is it Doxon? How many? Yeah, Doxon. Doxon. What are the dog's names? Good question.

What are the dog's names, Mrs. Chidsey? Foose, Fancy, Chip, and Reason. Oh, Reason. Oh, I like that. Reason? Reason. Is there a reason that you named your dog Reason? I kill it with moms.

All right. Well, I guess with one of the other names, I think. Yeah. Treason. All right. All right.

Well, uh, any of them named fleas in them. Oh my God. Uh, all right, Mrs. Chidsey.

Well, thank you so much. You're an instant Kill Tony legend. Will you come back again soon and come see another episode of Kill Tony? Yes, absolutely. Great. We'll save a booth for you for when you come back. There you go. There's Mrs. Chidsey.

And how about one more time, his first time ever on stage, Colin Chidsey. He's on Instagram at Colin Chidsey. All one word. C-H-I-D-S-E-Y. How fun is that? A little fucking mom talk. Hell yeah. That cocaine shit is what's so hilarious. He's gonna get a text message right

about now. Colin, you know I love you, but I just hope they were kidding about the Uncle King thing. I know a 28-year-old that's living at home with his parents shouldn't be doing that. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Sam Jones, everyone. Sam Jones. Here we go. One more time for Sam Jones.

What's up, guys? I memorized my set. I just don't know what to do with my hand. So I'm colored, huh? I'm Mexican, and it comes with a lot of teeth. I have more teeth in my mouth than family members in my house. Or in my apartment. But we call it a house because we're Mexican.

Man, I look like shit, huh? I got the mustache, the glasses and the hat. They're, like, alone they're fine, but all together they're like the Lord of the Rings of sexual assault. One in three of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Hell yeah, Sam Jones. I love it. Hell yeah.

Did you just come in from a winter storm somewhere? What's happening right now? Please don't go, Akbar, and blow us all up. Oh, wow. Redband. Okay. What's the deal with that jacket? I don't know.

Could you open it up to show us whether or not you have dynamite strapped to your body? He's Mexican. He's not that type of brown, guys. Yeah, it's just fireworks, not dynamite. Yeah, come on. He's adorable. For those of you listening to the podcast, this guy looks like a young Mexican Ben Stein. Anyone? Anyone?

You are a young-looking man. How old are you? I'm 21. 21 years old. The exact age that you would have to lie and say that you are if you-looking man. How old are you? I'm 21. 21 years old. The exact age that you would have to lie and say that you are if you were under 21 and had a fake ID. Where are you from? I'm from San Pedro. Wait, what?

San Pedro. San Pedro. Heck yes. That's like an hour drive or something like that? About. Yeah. The last time I was on here, actually, I made a joke about not being 21. And I was talking about my dead mom. And I was in the hallway after my set. And the waitress

who sat me, she said, hey, I'm sorry for your loss, but you have to leave. Is that true? That's true, yeah. When was that? When were you on? Like two months ago. And are you 21 now? Yeah, I was 21 then. Oh, you really were 21. Yeah.

Did you show her your ID? Did you have to leave still? No, I showed her my ID. Oh, wow. There you go. You should have told that story during your minute. Yeah. It's true.

Pretty sweet. Yeah, it's good. Okay. You also had some other a couple of jokes were good, right? Yeah. Yeah started started strange He's tried a try to go that awkward route I'm just like I know when I went when I came up here was gonna be super anxious So I just try to work with it, I guess yeah Yeah You know what you know what helps is is doing a different joke first than the one that you did That'll help with your anxiety because then you joke first than the one that you did.

That'll help with your anxiety because then you'll be doing better than what you did. Could you try doing good jokes first? Yeah, exactly. But also... You said I look like shit. I'm Mexican. I have so many teeth. I have more teeth in my mouth than family members in my house. I don't even get that.

Because I'm Mexican. It's just that. Does that math work out? Yeah. No. You put your phone down on the table and it had your jokes on it. What if I had just grabbed it? I would have had to go. You wouldn't have known what to say? I would have went acapella, I guess. Acapella? That's not what that means.

Go acapella. Do your jokes without the band. That's what you just said you'd do. You'd do a non-musical version of your jokes. You're 21 years old. You live with your parents still? Yeah. In San Pedro?

Yeah. And what does your dad do? He's, I don't know, he's a mechanic, I think. You don't even know? Wait a second, wait a second. For an AutoZone, perhaps? Some type of, maybe he's the vice president? I think we're figuring something out.

Does your mom have dachshunds? What are they called? What are your hobbies? Growing a mustache? I know, that's one of my favorite hobbies. Yeah, you're working on it too. It's a nice faint one. That is what we would call a 7 a.m. shadow or something like that. Just bright and barely existing at all.

That was like you four or five months in, though, when you grew out your mustache, Tony. Okay. Roasted. Does Brian ever push the bear sound on himself? No, unfortunately not. So you said you have a dead mom. Is that true? Yep.

When did she die? Two years ago. Oh, Jesus. How'd she die? She fell on her head. She fell on her head. She fell on her head, that's right. She was working at Burlington Coat Factory and she fell off one of those ladders, right? Okie dokie.

Back to the show. So there you go. All right. Hang on a second, Tony. Burlington Coat Factory. You probably won't die. So Sam, what do you do? I run food in a restaurant.

You run food at a specific restaurant. I like that job. Yeah, we got some food runners right over here. Mostly protein packs and whatnot. So what do you do for fun, Sam? You're 21 years old. What's a 21-year-old up to nowadays? What are you guys doing? other than collecting all the Pokemon?

That's it. Nothing, really. I just... Come on. There must be something. What do you do to take your mind off the fact that everything that we know about you? You fucking? Yeah.

You fucking, dude? Yeah, I'm fucking. Yeah? Yeah. Who are you hooking up with? My girlfriend. Your girlfriend? Yeah. How long have you fucking, dude? Yeah, I'm fucking. Yeah? Yeah. Who are you hooking up with? My girlfriend. Your girlfriend? How long have you two been together?

A year and a week. A year and a week? Wow, you count the weeks. A week and a half, isn't it? That's incredible. A year and one week. So you celebrated your anniversary last week. What'd you guys do?

Oh, no, a year and a week. Sorry. Oh, so what are you going to do? Do you have any big surprises for her? You could always take her to a magic mountain in beautiful Santa Clarita. I have no idea. Something,

I don't know if I want her to mention this. If you see this, Athena, I'm sorry for mentioning this, but I've never told her I loved her and it's been almost a year. Are you serious? You should call her and tell her you love her right now, dude.

You won't do it? I can't do it. How about we call your dead mom, then? What is going on here? Are you guys all just trying to pick up the... Sayonara. That was from the internet. Are you guys all trying to fix what happened earlier?

You know, when I call myself the food runner, it's because I have diarrhea. Can I tell you something, Sam? I am very, very disappointed in Joel Berg for even suggesting that we call your girlfriend and you tell them that you love her. But now I must ask you, why won't you call her and tell her that you love her?

Oh, fuck. No, this is great. You guys like what we're talking about right now, right? Show Sam some love. He's closing it. Look at them, Sam. Why are you looking down at this blank-ass fucking red floor? These people love you.

Okay, so why won't you tell her that you love her Look at them tell them After a year You need to break up dude all right red band okay, okay, so I I I Love her yeah, just not in I don't think I'm how do you know what love is Wow? Okay, so I love her. I'm just not in, I don't think I'm in love. How do you know what love is?

Wow, you're not breaking up with us right now, by the way. How do you, what do you mean you love her but you're not in love? Can you explain that to us a little bit from your own 21-year-old perspective? I just, I like hanging out with her. She's, you know, the best. Uh-huh. And you like having sex with her. She's, you know, the best. Uh-huh. And you like having sex with her? Yeah.

And you like, what type of hanging out do you guys do? We go to comedy shows sometimes. We do whatever. Uh-huh. Okay. And so what do you mean you're not in love with her? Well, I just, I guess because I wouldn't feel comfortable saying, like, I love you. Why wouldn't you feel comfortable?

Because I don't think I'm in love with her. Oh. Wow. So it just goes both ways. It's just an endless circle of you just don't want to say it. Okie dokie. Have you ever said it ever in your life? Yeah.

You have an ex-girlfriend that you were in love with? Yeah. So you're still in love with her, your ex-girlfriend? No, no, no. Okay, right. Okay. So the thing that I don't get is you told her, but you won't tell this one. So then why stay with her?

Because I enjoy being with her. It sounds cheesy, but I love her as a person. So what don't you love her as? I mean, there's a difference. Sweet, sweet, young love. Oh, fuck. There's a difference, I think, between, like, loving someone and being in love with them. Yeah, what is that difference?

I don't fucking know. You don't know? It's a feeling. what is that difference? I don't fucking know. You don't know? It's a feeling. It's a feeling? I think. My God. So are you telling us that in a week your big plan for the anniversary

is just lie to her and tell her that you love her? Is that the plan? No, no. No. What are you going to do for the anniversary? Are you going to take her anywhere special? I'm broke, dude. I don't know.

Wow. So saying you love her is way cheaper than getting her a kiss. Hey! Roma Chris out of nowhere with a grand slam. Silent but deadly as always. Have you thought about this? Have you thought about being thrifty and telling your girlfriend that you love her? Give her that. You could pick a flower out of somebody's garden, tell her you love her.

It'll blow her fucking mind, dude. Pussy is going to be wetter than your back. Why? Why? You guys want to be quiet crowd? I'm going to push it. I have to do these jokes. What are you going to do? Complain about it? Hopefully your girlfriend doesn't have the internets. You know, like, are you scared that she's going to watch this episode? She knows?

I don't think she knows, but she'll see it eventually, I know. Yeah, she definitely will. If she gets really mad at you about it, will that make you love her? Has she told you that she loves you? She has. She has told you that she loves you and then you just looked back at her and you're like,

I have a lot of teeth in my mouth. I have more teeth than family members in my apartment. Or my house, I mean, which is an apartment. Because I'm Mexican. Anyway, see you tomorrow. Man. Your girlfriend's not like 75 or something weird like that, by the way, right?

Why would she be 75? Because then all this would make sense, you know? It would. I don't understand what you're talking about at all on a live show yet again with so many people watching. Write it down. Alright, I'll write it down and I'll look back at it later and

we'll do our homework to understand. If his girlfriend was 75 then I'd get dating her for a year and not loving her, right? You're just waiting for her to die or something Mexican. Wait, what? Oh my God, Brian Redband. Thank god he explained it. I'll just

take it from here. There he goes, Sam Jones everybody. Let's just get out while we're ahead. That microphone is your mic's loud tonight, Redband. I think you're louder than me. I project my voice. That's definitely not it. I'm a professional so often and you're louder than me. I project my voice. That's definitely not it.

I'm a professional so often and you're more quiet. That's right. Sound better already. Yes, sir does. Very good. Maybe I was hinting at your talking too much on the fucking show tonight.

How about that? Your microphone's too loud. You know what? I need another drink. Me too. I'll take a Crown. There you go. Crown and Coke. Turkey ginger. There you go. Period's going to be your next comedian, Michael Robert, everyone. Michael Robert. Here we go. Let's rebuild momentum from scratch on this show that we've accomplished twice. We're going to start again. Michael Robert, live

on Kill Tony. Wow. Recently moved out here from Philadelphia. Yeah. Been with the same girl 15 years. Decided I'm not having sex anymore, though. It's my choice. Free will.

I just don't want to do the work, man. Like, if I want to have sex on Wednesday, I got to start the process on Sunday. She calls it an emotional foreplay. So, like, on Sunday, like, I got to come home with the flowers. Monday, special dinner. It's got to have, like, capers and shit in it or it doesn't count. Tuesday, massage. Wednesday, if I'm lucky, maybe, maybe I get to have some standard Christian missionary sex. Yeah, it's not worth it.

Got five kids. I don't even like kids. I don't, man. They're weird, man. These fucking kids are weird these days, man. Why are they so thirsty all the time? Like, every two minutes, like, I need water. They're sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing. Nothing. Watching TV.

They're like, I need some water. Yeah, go in the backyard. Run around, you fat fuck. Maybe I'll get you some water. All right, Michael Robert. Fuck yeah, Michael Robert. Laying down the law. That's one tough daddy right there. Hell yeah, that's a way to make sure your kids

still aren't living with you when they're 28. Right? Be tougher, right? Yeah. That's amazing that you have five kids. How old are you? 39. 39 years old. I got five adopted kids through foster care. Wow, look at you. Goddamn American hero.

Is that because you're not having any sex? Everyone's like, how do you do this shit with the comedy, you know? I'm going to check in with Phyllis Watkins over there. Is that because you're not getting any sex? No, well, you know, I got to do the work. I got to do the fucking work. But no, if I want to do the work, I'll get the sex, you know? Jesus Christ.

Are you going to fuck our trumpet player? What was that all about? Oh, and the pooper. Wow. So, Michael the pooper. Wow. Michael, how long have you been doing stand-up? About five months. Five months. What made you start now? Five months ago, I went to an open mic.

My friend brought me, signed me up, got up there. I was like, fuck, my OCD. I was like, fucking, you got to do this shit now. Are you sure it's OCD or is it Tourette's? You just said fuck twice in four seconds. It's both. Is that why you have so many kids? You have OCD. You adopted one? You just said fuck twice in four seconds. It's both. Is that why you have so many kids? You have OCD.

You adopted one and you're like, I need four more. No, dude. Dude, it's not my wife. It's my wife, man. My wife. She's an atheist, bro. She believes in hard work. That's why I'm allowed out.

I'm Mexican, dude. I get it. Dude, I got two Mexicans. Whoa. Jesus. Wait a minute. You talk about your kids like they're fucking delivery orders or something. I got two Mexicans, two pizzas, and a Chinese. I got a brown or two.

I got a white one. Are you trying to be the top Bill Burr impersonator in the country? Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. Fuck you, man. I'm from Philadelphia. He stole that shit from us. Fuck you, man. Fuck you.

He acted like he don't like us, but he stole our attitude. But we forgive him because we're the city of brotherly love. I love that. So I'm interested. I'm going to go back to this whole real life thing. You have two Mexicans. What else? What do we got there?

We interrupted you. I got two black children and a white child. Wow. Two Mexicans, two black children is what we're calling them. There's five total. You can't just throw the S on the

end of black, can you? You got two Mexicans, two black children. There was a little transition there. I heard it. What's number five? He's white. Come on. The oldest one, right?

You had to get the... The first one was the white kid, right? Is that right? The first adopted kid was white? You had to make sure it wasn't too crazy or whatever? Then you're like, I'm ready. I'm going to go extreme. Let's get some blacks and Mexicans.

It's like Chrome delete. Go ahead. Ask the questions. I guess I know who your favorite one is. Never mind. Is there one that you wish you had the receipt for? Yeah. Do you wish you could return one of them ever? No, you had the receipt for? Yeah. What was that?

Do you wish you could return one of them ever? No, you don't return them, bro. No? No, you don't return them. How about voting for Trump? You fucking love them. You do your best. You know, like everything you see happening in the world,

like it's happening in my house on a micro level. Like the white one's fucking building a wall to keep the two Mexicans out. They're trying to climb under. He's flying fucking drones and shit. What? That's incredible. Wait, the white kids flying drones?

Yeah, they fucking build the wall in the hallway. I gotta tear it down every night. Keep the kids out of his room. Is this minute two if we let you keep going? Yeah, it is. What do you do for work? I'm a preschool teacher. Preschool teacher. Look at you. I run a daycare center.

Everything about you does not match the way you look. You look like you got dishonorable discharge in the Marines. Meanwhile, you're like this super nice guy just loving kids and whatnot. What were you showing me there? What were you doing? Well, I was going to come up

because I got the running fucking thing on. I ran here. Wow. Jeez Louise. My goodness. What are you running from? Not child support. What does your wife do? She stays home with the kids. That's amazing. And you teach preschool. Yeah, I'm with kids all fucking day. My God, that's amazing.

You sound happy about it. What do you do? What do the kids call you? Mr. R? Daddy. No, they just call me Michael. How old are your adopted kids? So we got two, three, eight, nine, and 14. Wow.

Wow, dude. Those are all the best ages. Yeah. I'm not fucking around. Give a high five to your wife. She must be like... Fuck yeah. She's going to see this shit.

Oh, great. Yeah. There you high five to your wife. She must be like... Fuck yeah. She's going to see this shit. There you go. I like that. She must be pretty happy to not have given birth to any of them. Yeah, she looks fucking great, man. She's 34. You know, I mean... Yeah, like I said, it's all her, man. She's an atheist. She believes in hard work.

That's why she lets me out here because I fucking believe in this shit. Fuck yeah. Wow. Look at you. Jesus. She's an atheist that She believes in hard work. That's why she lets me out here because I fucking believe in this shit. Fuck yeah. Wow. Look at you. Jesus. She's an atheist that does believe in something. I'm not fucking around. Heck yeah. My God.

I love this shit, man. Jeez. You're more uptight than your wife's pussy. Because she only adopts. Yeah, right. All right. So, man, that is so interesting. So what do you do to get away from all these kids in your life?

You teach at a preschool. You have kids all over the house. What's something that you do for fun to get your mind away? I'm not a big fan of fun. I take walks. You take walks. On the mountain. Yeah.

I hate fun. I'm going to adopt as many children as possible. Right. I fucking hate this coloring shit Where do you like to Fucking finger paints and shit Where do you like to walk to Away from the preschool I live right in the mountains so I just

Go right outside What mountains Santa Monica mountains I'm out by Ventura I saw you at the fucking That fucked up Chinese restaurant place Why are you cussing so much? Jesus. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

You fucking son of a bitch. Away from the kids. Is that a problem? The fuck spout opens. You cuss a lot in front of the kids? Absolutely. Yeah, I do. Yeah.

I love it. Jesus. You would be an interesting preschool teacher. Any fun things that you ever do? Oh, shit. You ever do anything fun to entertain the kids? Anything sort of? Yeah, I do like, you know, I play the drums.

I beatbox. I fucking do gymnastics. Can you give us a little example of some of your beatboxing skills? Some of your preschool beatboxing? Yeah, I'm just like, come on, kids. I get them going. I do a little gymnastics with them. I do backflips and shit.

You know, I do shit like that and get them all pumped up. Wow. Is that it? You just do a few bars of the theme of Seinfeld? What the fuck, bro? What's in that? So you said that you play the drums.

I don't know if you know this or not. I don't know if you know this or not, but on this show we have a little contest called the Mexican Drum Off. You guys don't seem excited about this whatsoever. During the Mexican Drum Off, Michael, you have a chance to become a full-time member of the band and be the new drummer of the band if you can only beat the returning champion Joel Berg

in a drum solo competition to where anything goes trying to have a great drum solo and be entertaining and have the audience love you all at the same time. Are you down for the challenge? Yeah, I am. I'm

lefty, but I don't give a fuck. Alright, sure. Okay. Well, going giving you a little drum solo. Trying to become the new Kill Tony drummer. You can leave all your kids. It's the way out. You could go on tour with us. Put your hands together for Michael Robert, everyone.

Am I getting up there? Yeah. He has such a tough look on his face. I don't understand what he's so angry about. Every time he passes me, he touches me. I don't like it. Ladies and gentlemen, giving you a little... He's getting rid of some of the drums. Oh, he's switching things around a little bit.

Heck yeah, left-handed. He's going for it. He knows one day his kids are going to grow up and watch this video and go, that guy's not my real dad. No. Here he is, Michael Robert, everybody. Oh, ooh. Wow, that's actually really fun.

The crowd's going wild here. Michael worked it out. Yeah, that was pretty good. Left-handed, switched it over. That's incredible. That's a pretty good performance there, Michael. Switched it over. That's incredible. That's a pretty good performance there, Michael. It's going to be tough to beat. It's going to be tough to beat.

But a little fun fact. Joel Berg all-time is undefeated in Mexican drum-offs. It is his world. Michael, step on up here. Come on back up here. And I'm going to bring out the... Have a seat on one of those stools right there. Yeah, just have a seat over there.

And I'm going to bring out the reigning, defending drummer of Kill Tony, undefeated all time, here to defend his throne. I present to you, in a Mexican drum off, the one and only Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. He's got no ass for you podcast listeners. He has no physical butt whatsoever. All right. If I win this, I'm the father of all his kids. Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, defending his throne, it's the one and only Joel Byrne. Wow. Wow. My goodness. Andy's getting a track medal for that performance by the other band members. That was just beautiful. How many of you have the child lover Michael Robert winning this one? Raises kids, teaches them in preschool.

How many of you have Joel Berg winning that one? Wow. He's butt clapping. Hey, you did really good, though. Wow. He's butt clapping. Hey, you did really good, though. I've never seen somebody effectively twerk with just skin back there before.

It's incredible that you can make your skin jiggle. Mexican square butt, man. Sure. But Michael. He just hit them harder than you did. He hit them really hard. He really went for it. Maybe next time, Michael.

You were great, though. It was nice to meet you. Welcome to the comedy community. He's on Twitter at Michael Robert Comedy. And you just saw him here for the first time on Kill Tony. Live at the world famous Comedy Store. I like that guy. You guys having fun out there? I'm going to dig deep in this bucket.

All right, this looks like a familiar name. Put your hands together for Eric Stanaford, everyone. Eric Stanaford. Oh, lucky corner. From the far corner. Here he comes. Here he comes. Here he is. One more time for Eric Stanaford, everyone.

How's it going, guys? So I recently became single. I'm not hyped about it. Last time I became single, we all had flip phones. So I don't know how things are working anymore. The apps are teaching me a lot about myself. Apparently, I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Too hot to put my dick in.

The kind of hot where if I do put my dick in for some reason, it's coming out with blisters for sure. I was on a date recently and figured out that I was the dumb one. I confused Warren and Jimmy Buffett in conversation. That's not something you can backtrack from. Like, if he was in charge of the economy, why aren't things more laid back? Thank you.

Heck yeah. Eric Stanaford. How's it going, man? You've been on this show before. Yeah, back in November. Heck yeah. Welcome back. Very fun set.

How long have you been doing stand-up? This week makes one year. One year anniversary. Wow, that's so fucking cool, man. Are you willing to tell stand-up you love it? Yes. Indeed. What do you do for a living?

I work at the Los Angeles Public Library. At the Public Library. Wow. That's so cool. What do you do at the library? Just tell people. Shh. I'm in the training department, so I train the employees how to deal with crazy situations that arise.

Do you get a lot of cam girls having sex shows and stuff like that? You know what I'm talking about. Red band. That's get a lot of cam girls having sex shows and stuff like that? Red band. That's a real thing. They'll go down an aisle and just get naked and do Instagram videos and shit like that. It doesn't happen frequently. But you have had a... I wouldn't be surprised.

Just agree with them. Free Wi-Fi. Just agree and move on. Heck yeah, exactly. Did you have such confidence in that hot dick coffee joke that that's why there was so much set up that seemed irrelevant before you got to it? I had to try and set the... Wait, don't woo me.

Try to set it up a little bit. Yeah, but I mean, that joke, if you just straight up said it, then it would have exploded immediately because that joke's perfect. Thank you. I don't know. I felt I needed to build a little bit. It doesn't need I'm single.

Well, what does that have to do with it? Like, why do we care? A very, very, very common thing that's hard to believe, but you don't really, no matter how many times you hear it, you don't believe it until you're four, five four five six seven years in to this is you don't need as much setup as you think we think that but you really don't and he's absolutely right you could have easily have said i like my women like i like my coffee too hot to put your dick in and the and it would have even i know it's hard to believe that it would have been even bigger but you got to try it that way to realize that it can be bigger. The less on the front, the more you get, because the more it's a surprise,

and you just don't need it. It's all needless information, especially since it's such a great joke. Yeah. When you said the whole coffee thing, I think all of us was, oh, here's another one of those generic coffee jokes. But you've heard every one of those before.

But when you said it, it was like, whoa, there's another one. There it is. Exactly. Yep, there's another one. There it is. Exactly. Yep, there's another one. Busting the myth that there's too many of those, which is crazy, because you look like both of the Mythbusters at the same time. Smushed together.

Not many people look like both of them. A lot of people said, hey, look, it's friend of the show, Bobby Lee, everybody. Bobby. Hey, Bobby. Bobby, what are friend of the show, Bobby Lee, everybody. Bobby. Hey, Bobby. Bobby, what are you doing? Bobby, take your shirt off. Take your shirt off. Come say hi, Bobby.

What are you doing? Jeez Louise, just walking through. I mean, maybe the gong sound made him leave. Yeah. Oh, my ancestors. Come on, Brian. Jeez Louise. So, Eric, you work at the public library.

How long have you done that for? About eight years now. Eight years? That is so interesting. And you're the trainer. I got promoted within the last two years. A lot of librarians are like, sort of like, I think the stereotype is that it's a lot of older white ladies. Is that true?

Sort of. It's changing a lot now because things are getting more digital and stuff. You ever hook up with anybody at the library? You ever get yourself a little book cougar or something like that? You know what I mean? Not lately, no. No. You really have never been like, she's like, no, not here.

And you're like, shh. No, no, not here. And you're like, shh. No, no, no. How about girlfriend? Anything like that? I've started dating recently. I've been recently dabbling. Yeah? Like what?

What was the most recent date that you went on? What was that like? I'm dating a lady now. Does she know the Dewey Decimal System? She does Alright, things are going good Yeah, that was my in She likes books, so that's how we met You met at the library?

We met at a Mardi Gras party A Mardi Gras party? It was a Mardi Gras party for books So we were reading about Mardi Gras The. It was a Mardi Gras party for books. So we were reading about Mardi Gras. The conversation went to books pretty quick. Wow. Jeez Louise. And what does she do? She works in marketing and stuff.

Alright. And what did you guys do on your date? We went and had barbecue in Echo Park. Barbecue at Echo Park. That's cool. Was it like someone else's barbecue? No, it was one of those restaurants on Sunset Boulevard. Oh, cool. That's cool. Was it like someone else's barbecue or what? No, no. It was one of those restaurants on Sunset Boulevard. Oh, cool.

Well, that's fun. What did you do after barbecue? Went and both shit your pants? Got really tired. Wanted to lay down probably. Give or hear me. Yeah, the itis and Netflix comedy specials pretty much. Oh, there you go. All right.

Anything else that we should know that's a fun fact about you that's interesting uh i'm a photographer i've been shooting a lot of photos of some of the open micers here lately um i shot photos for uh william montgomery and malcolm hatchett um you actually shared one of my photos on your instagram of william montgomery with the the the wrapped in the american flag oh that's one of my favorite pictures ever. Thank you very much. Wow, that's incredible. You, like, directed that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's beautiful.

I begged him for weeks. American flag, Pabst Blue Ribbon can, like, there's something like that. It's just classic William. I'm so relieved he has a skill outside of comedy. Eric is the designer of the Kill Tony band skateboard grip tape. Wow. That guy brought up the last time I was on stage, and I've been doing that.

So we've been raising money for the five bucks from every sheet goes to the band's costume fund. So realitygriptape.com. That is so cool. And you could use the tape for other things, like sidewalks or stairs up to your house. Yeah, if you wanted to get fancy with some home decoration, you could do that. Did you really dip into the costume fun this week? You don't even know. Get in the fun.

Costume fun. And where again can they find that band tape again? Realitygriptape.com or on Instagram, just Reality Grip. I love it. Eric, a great set, great jokes, man. Thank you very much. There he goes, Eric Staniford. He's on Instagram at

E-S-P-E-R-I-C. E-S-P-E-R-I-C. All one word. How many of you like it when comedians do good during their set? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show?

Wow. That's pretty good. Felt like a lot of the same people. Yeah, probably was. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Elmer Saenz. Saenz. Saenz. Here he comes.

Again, from right in the middle. Here we are. Here comes Elmer, everybody. Hello. What did one pedophile say to the other? Good morning, padre. Okay. That's a Catholic joke. It didn't go well when I told it to my parents and my brothers.

My mom threw holy water on me. Yeah, it didn't go too well. So I've been thinking about what it would be like to date a blind person. Wouldn't it suck? No offense to anybody that's blind. You know, you're at a party, you want a drink, but you're always a DD, you know? I feel like a motherfucker. He's having a blast, just fucking, just knocking him down, all blind. I have an uncle that was blind, so it's okay for me to say this.

He's dead now, but he gave me the okay ahead of time. I'm also 28, but I don't live with my parents. No offense. I'm sorry. And I'm Mexican, and we have a house. Alright, Elmer Saenz. Saenz?

Saenz. Saenz? Saenz. Saenz. Like signs, like... Elmer Saenz. Like signs, like Mel Gibson. Okay, signs. Jesus. You know the word.

What happened in that first, what was that first joke? Pedophile, say to the other pedophile, good morning, padre, as in like they're both Spanish priests. Or just Catholic priests. It's either that or scout leader. It depends on which pedophile you're talking about. Right, right, right. I mean, he's just calling priests pedophiles. Yeah.

Or scout leaders is the alternate. Yeah. Elmer, how long have you been doing stand-up? First time. Hey, that's what I was hoping to hear. There's the goat. Thank God it's your first time. Yes.

Tragic. I love it, man. How old are you? 28. 28. Here you are starting out at the comedy store. Is this something you think you're going to do again? You're going to keep trying?

Thinking about it. Getting tired of my day job. Where are you from? Here. And what's your day job? Born and raised. Construction worker. Construction worker.

How long have you been doing that? Three years. So what do you been doing that? Three years. So what do you do exactly for construction? We do water main, like the water pipe that goes all to the houses. Right. Yeah, fun stuff. Yeah? Yeah.

I mean, so like if those break, you're the guy that goes in there? Correct. Wow. And we replace, most of the pipes are about 60 years old. So we've got to replace them every once in a while. I love it. Look at you. Did you always look like Mario or only when you started working with all these pipes?

Like Luigi. I love it. Yeah. Thank you. Mamma mia. What else about you, Elmer? Tell us more fun facts about you, Your real life that we might find interesting Let's see, I broke my jaw once

Yeah, how'd you do that? Wasn't looking at the batting cages And I was right next to the net And the ball went straight through the net Wow I used to be as fat as Red Band But now I'm a little thinner Because what?

They wired your jaw shut? Six weeks. My goodness. What else, Elmer? Tell us more fun facts about Elmer. Oh, shit. I saw Doug Benson drop a drink once. Can you fix that? Can you put that in a pipe? I saw Doug Benson be too high

and drop a drink once. I don't think that being too high made me knock over my drink. Elmer, tell us more about you. Born and raised in LA? What part? It's called Bell Gardens. So not really LA.

Off of 5, 7, 10. It's near LA. How long was your trip here today? About 25, 30 minutes. Really? Yeah. Which direction is that? It Yeah. Oh, wow. Which direction is that? It's right there, man.

Oh, okay. Jeez. You sound like you're trying to get a girl to come over to your house. You're like, it's right there. Just fucking Google it. Two hours later, she's like, where the fuck do you live? It's like 25 minutes down the street. Just come on.

Let's go. It's a little Mexican town 25 minutes away from LA. What do your parents do? Construction and sales. Construction and sales. Your dad's in construction? My mom's in construction. Wow.

What is your – No, I'm just kidding. Oh, you got a good one in there. Good job. There you go. Yeah. Dad's in construction. My mom sells – it's called –

Papaya. Yeah. All right. Now, what does she sell? She has a cart. She sells a watermelon and everything. What does she really sell? No, she sells – it's called Papaya. Yeah. I know. What does she sell? She has a cart. She sells a watermelon and everything. What does she really sell?

No, she sells it's called Princess House. Princess House. Tell us what that is. It's Tupperware for Mexican people. Oh, what's I don't know.

I don't know. It's all glass. You don't know about this? Hey, I got some Princess House full. You want to buy some? It'll keep your shit fresh, homie. Yeah.

What's the difference between regular Tupperware and Mexican Tupperware? It's mostly Mexican people who buy this. But why? Why do they do that? I don't know, man. They only take pesos. It's pretty pricey, too, which is weird. Have you heard of

princess house, dude? Never heard of it, fool, but I got some if you want to buy some. It's right here. It's right there. It's in Bell Gardens. It's only fucking two hours away, fool. No, 20 minutes away. God damn it. How many quinceañeras have you been to?

Honestly, I go like once a week, but I sell out every time, eh? Heck yeah. Joburg is Mexican light Alright Bell Gardens Is this the Mexican drum off Without the drums I'm more Mexican than you You don't even know what Princess House Tupperware is

You don't know about the Tupperware Mexican light What do youware even know Mexican light my Yeah, I mean, what do you mean? Mexican light other than princess speak Spanish see no Pablo bien. You can't end up on bien. Okay. Well, okay Suck you lose you fuck. Yeah I'm sorry. People don't like how they get angry. I'm trying to attack everybody on stage Sorry, people don't like it when I get angry. I'm trying to attack everybody on stage.

You know there are people that speak Spanish that aren't Spanish. They're not Mexican at all. That's not a proof of being Mexican is being able to speak Spanish. That's a good point. Thank you, Doug. Gracias.

Getting alto with Doug. You're calling him Mexican light. Is there anything that you would consider super Mexican about yourself or super white about yourself? No. His mom sells princess. Yeah, my mom sells princess house in Bell Gardens. Princess house.

It's predominantly Mexican neighborhood. So it's like glass containers with plastic lids that fit over it. Yeah, it's different shit. Cups, plates. It's got the Virgin Mary on the top of it. Pretty much, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, Elmer, you know, you did it. You went on stage for your first time ever. Feel free to come back any time. It was nice to meet you. Thank you. Appreciate it. Elmer signs, everyone.

Elmer Sines, everyone. Elmer Sines. How about a hand for the band tonight? I got to say, I love Jesse. I love Phyllis Watkins on that trumpet. It sounds beautiful. Yeah, amazing. Much cooler than your brother. And you didn't get the weird nose that runs in the family,

that gigantic beak that your brother has. I got a surgery. We keep telling Jeremiah to get one, but he won't. Whoever comes up next, it might be a little slippery. Yeah, don't fall. His back was wet. Oh, second wetback joke. That's not why I said that.

Put your hands together for your next comedian, Teddy Westside. This is a new name. This should be interesting. Teddy Westside. Oh, Teddy Westside. I don't see anyone. Unless it's this guy. No movement happening.

Is that Teddy Westside? Nope. Doug's going to do a minute. Hey, how's it going, everybody? I live on... I live on the Westside. A lot of crazy things over there. OJ killed somebody.

I mean, allegedly. And they got I get it now. A minute is hard to do. It's really hard to fill a whole minute up here. Let's do some crowd work. Has anybody tried that?

Where are you from? But seriously, I'm going to cede the floor to we need to bring more people on. But that was fun. There you go. A little Teddy West side for you. Give me the bear, Brian. Give me the bear. Give him the bear.

No bear? Oh, it doesn't have to be the exact time, but alright. Red band sticking by the rules for some reason. Now he'll play it when we bring up the next comedian. Put your hands together for Bridget Dow, everyone. Bridget Dow. She's here.

Here she is. Bridget Dow, everybody. Hey. Oh, man. Hey, thank you. Okay, so there's a... What? There's three suicide bombers, right?

And they're group texting because that's what they do. Yeah, I went there. They're at the airport, and it's lunchtime. They're at different airports, and they're group texting on their thing. The first one goes, fuck, man. If I get tuna salad sandwich for lunch one more time, I'm just pushing the button. That's it. We're done.

And the second guy's like, dude, I'm bored and I'm irritated and I feel you. If I get egg salad sandwich one more time, dude, that's it. I'm pushing the button. We're done. And the third guy goes, yeah, for sure. If I get peanut butter and jelly one more time, dude. That's it, I'm pushing the button. We're done. The third guy goes, yeah, for sure. If I get peanut butter and jelly one more time, that's it, I'm pushing the button. We're done. So the next day, they reconvene.

Said airports, different ones. I don't know how it works. I'm not a suicide bomber. They're texting together, sure enough. The first one gets tuna salad. Push the button. There goes Jacksonville or whatever fucking state. Second one, same thing, egg salad. Boom, done. There goes Jacksonville or whatever fucking state. Second one, same thing. Egg salad. Boom. Done. Third one, peanut butter and

jelly. Boom. Done. They're all at the fucking funeral and they're with their 40 virgins and all the wives are together. First one goes, I don't understand. He loved tuna salad sandwiches. And the second one goes, I don't understand. He loved egg salad sandwiches. And the third one goes,

I don't understand. Boop, boop, boop. I'm't understand. He loved excellent sandwich. And the third one goes. Okay, okay, hold on. Boop, boop, boop. I'm in trouble. She was so close to finishing. Holy shit. That's what they said. So close. That's what they said?

Is that the punchline? No. The punchline is the wife turns and goes to the peanut butter and jelly sandwich one. I don't understand. He makes his own lunch. I don't understand. He makes his own lunch. Right?

Oh, suicide bomber. Yeah. Why would you? You know what? I'm going to get through this with you, Tony. I know. I'm not scared. It's fine. Jeez Louise. Only 90 seconds to get to that punchline. Tony. But it's also

it just sounded like a joke that you'd hear somebody saying in a bar that just keeps having all these beats that are unnecessary. Eventually, when you get to the punchline, they go, okay. There was a lot of set up there. I mean, Jesus, we were trimming

seven, eight extra words off of one guy earlier. I would cut all the way. All the way. All the way. It also doesn't feel anything like about you or your experience or life. No one wants to fuck about that. Let's be real.

All your jokes are gonna be like three things walk into a bar and one says this and another says that and the third one says I don't give a fuck anymore. Tony, it's funny. During your three guys walk into a bar joke, three guys walked out of this bar. Let's check in with

Joel Jimenez back there. It's just funny that you howled after because she looks like Michelle Wolf was actually part wolf. There is a little Michelle. Attacked by wolf? I'll deal with it later. It's cool. Yeah.

Okay. So welcome to the show. Is this your first time on? It is. Thank you. Yes. Welcome to the show, Bridget. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

It's Brigitte. I've been doing stand-up for like a year. All right. I've been called worse. Thank God. But I just want to get it right from the jump. It's Brigitte. Yes. All right. French for both. And what was your answer there? for like a year. I've been called worse, but I just want to get it right from the jump. Brigitte.

Yes. All right. French for bull. And what was your answer there? How long have you been in one stand up? A year. One year. All here in Los Angeles?

Yes, sir. Where are you from? L.A. Born and raised? No, I was born in Cincinnati. Bell Gardens? Very close. Cincinnati.

Cincinnati, Ohio. Yes. How long have you been in LA? Since I was What, nine months old? I don't know what, I'll take nine months old So what do you do for a living? Comedy full time I quit my social work credential to do comedy full time

How do you How do you make money doing comedy? I'm on social security disability So that's how. My job is not killing myself. Social security disability. Yeah. So how'd you get that?

I applied for it when I was 18. But what did you have to say to get it? It's a road. It's a journey to get free money from the government. It took a year and a half. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a series of tests. People from the government. It took a year and a half. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a series of tests.

People are judging. They're just mad they're not getting free money from the government, I think. But yeah. It's okay. Just plow through it. Ignore them. Oh, I always do. Free money from the government.

Remember that guy that used to sell those books with dollar signs? Like, there's a bunch of money out there. Just come and get it. They're not telling you everything. So it's like an SAT test and you just choose zero the whole time. Sort of. You just have to... I mean, I have a

disability. I mean, I don't... Do you not want to talk about it? We can. No, we absolutely can. Okay. If you don't want to, we don't have to. Yeah, no. I have borderline personality disorder. Awesome. Yeah. I went to my first psych ward when I was 11, and I tried to kill myself several times. Uh-huh.

So, yeah. So that's interesting. What's the longest you've ever spent in a psych ward, if you don't mind talking about it? I don't mind. I spent 33 days in Los Encinas when I was 17. Wow. Yeah. So tonight you were the suicide bomber.

Maybe. Maybe. Hello. Somebody called Jeremiah telling me he can take the whole month off. Boom, boom, boom. Wow. Wow. Phyllis Watkins. Anything her brother can do, she can do better.

Incredible. So as you were saying. Was I? So borderline personality. So how does that affect you? Can you give us an example of a time recently where like you had like an, what we maybe call an episode. It's weird because,

uh, yeah. Uh, the bus maybe, or, uh, Oh my God. It seems like borderline personality hits a lot of people on the bus.

Um, yeah. The public bus system is just basically fucking, uh, borderline personality Uber. You know what I mean? It's just one big... More of a Lyft driver. So what happened on the bus?

No, I just think that people tend to just... God. Is it happening right now? No. Not at all. No. Oh, it's me? Is that mine? Is that on me?

I don't think I've ever activated one of those before. That seems exciting. It's weird because I think, I don't want to get all weird, it goes back to is it the environment or is it me? Is it people around me that made me feel pressured and pushed into acting triggered? Or is it just me and I, is it people around me that like made me feel pressured and pushed into acting triggered or is it just me and I can control

my affect and emotions? I feel guilty about being on Social Security Disability that I look at who our president is and I'm like, fuck you, pay me. That's how I feel about it.

So like if anybody else has an issue. You think it's coming from his wallet? No, not at all. But I feel like everybody else kind of has an opinion

He's basically the only one out of all of us that doesn't pay taxes. Right, right, but... There you go. Are you taking some of that wall money? Because we need that wall. Well, I think that's all very interesting stuff. Have you ever had a real job? Yeah.

Like what? Oh, fuck. I worked at rehabs, paramedic. I was an ambulance driver, EMT for four years. Wow, that must have been a lot. You can be on social security disability and still work. Is that true? Let me be perfectly clear about that.

Yeah. Aphrodite knows. Hell yeah. I've worked. You're just like, how do I make a living? And I'm like, well, right now, just that. So I thought I'd tell you the truth. You ever save any?

I love it. Of course. You're doing a great job, Brigitte. Thanks, Tony. Absolutely. So you ever save anybody's life as a paramedic? Yeah, several times. And I've also seen people die.

So I don't think I'm. you ever save anybody's life as a paramedic yeah several times and i've also seen people die so right is there any one uh one instance that you really felt the rewards of being a paramedic was the one time that pops in your head that really you know yeah like helping a person die somehow actually that's exactly what it was what happened uh these these uh there there were these twins they were born very pre-me to the point where when we showed up to transport them we knew they weren't going to last very long like their blood pressure was like 2 over 4 and we

got them in the rig to the other hospital and while we were in there well while we were driving before we drove off the lady was the mom was like just if they die just give us flash us high beams and we were driving, before we drove off, the lady was, the mom was like, just if they die, just give us, flash us high beams. And we were like, there's no pressure there. Don't worry.

We're like, yeah, sure. No problem. And then we get to the hospital and then they die in the elevator. And when we go up. Okay. Right. When we go up, the mom's already there waiting. And we open the door and then the nurse sits with us.

Do they haunt the Overlook Hotel to this day? So wait, so you're in the elevator. It's the Hollywood Hotel they haunt, because we were on the way to Children's Hospital, and that's where they died. But when we got off, she just put her hand on my shoulder. She goes, I know it's not your fault. Which is like the weirdest thing to say to someone, because I'm also getting paid, and also her kids were born like three months early. So it's like, no, it's not my fault. But thank you for reassuring me.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It was a weird moment where I was like, man, I needed to hear that. But I also didn't need to hear that. Wow. Yeah. Jeez Louise. That's a lot.

Were they identical twins or were they? It didn't matter. Yeah. Didn't matter. Fuck him anyway. Those loser twins. Am I right? It didn't matter. Yeah, it didn't matter. Fuck them anyway. Those loser twins. Am I right? She didn't get a good look at them.

Could have been fraternal. All right. Tony, I got a question. Yes. Is there anything you do every day to kind of like maintain and feel good every morning when you get up that try to keep it at bay? I do. Good question.

I try to do at least 30 minutes of exercise. So like I'll go outside for 30 minutes. That's like a walk or a jog or a run or roller skate. I played roller derby for seven years. Whoa! Hello! What was your roller derby name? A lot of backside. Wow!

Those are always good. A lot of backside. That is incredible. I could see why. That would never be Joel's roller derby name. That's for sure. Lost my backside. His name's not a backside. I'm sorry all the weights in the front, Tony.

Look at that. Wow. My goodness. Well, Brigitte, I'll tell you, the Comedy Store, a place like this, it's always a lot of people compare it to a land of misfit toys, and I just want to let you know I think you fit in very well here. I really appreciate that. Thanks for signing up and being part of the show and doing stand-up comedy.

Have a great night. Thank you. Stay healthy. Have fun. There she goes. Brigitte that, Cody. Thanks for signing up and being part of the show and doing stand-up comedy. Have a great night. Thank you. Stay healthy. Have fun. There she goes. Brigitte Dow, everybody. Brigitte. Heck yeah.

Okay. Yeah, okay. We can do that. We have a regular on this show, everybody. He writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. Not easy to do, but, man, he's just so gosh darn funny. I really love this guy. He's got a really wacky style, and he's so much fun, always entertaining.

Put your hands together for him. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only William Montgomery. Here he is in the flesh, everyone. He's focused looking down in front of him come on guys you gotta make some noise for William Montgomery my brother's

been having a sexual relationship with his teacher the weird thing is we're homeschooled I'd like to My brother's been having a sexual relationship with his teacher. The weird thing is we're homeschooled. I'd like to do a cut scene from that, just MIA paper planes playing, and I bust through the door, just like,

The ancestor, Mom! Oh, Emo said you live in the swamps. That is my impression of Swamp Thing in the new Avengers movie. Hell of a superhero. I think I realized I was addicted to magic for the first time when I brought a rabbit out of the top hat and saw the kid smile.

I'd like to do a little cut scene to that. Just, am I a paper planespling? And me just saying, hold on, where's Richard Sabalas? Heck yeah, William Montgomery, everyone. The sound of two premature born twins dying just rolled down the street, so at the end of his set, heard some sirens there, some medics. Suffocation. Another fun set.

How about another hand for William Montgomery, everybody? Very funny jokes. God, I really messed up that final. He opened strong, but with each sentence, it made less and less sense to me until at the end I had no idea what was going on. Wow, you broke his formula. It's like me when I read Shel Silverstein poems.

What are Chuck Silverstein poems? Shel Silverstein. What's Chuck Silverstein?? Shell. Chuck. Shell Silverstein. What's Chuck Silverstein? Yeah, I heard Chuck. Chuck is Shell's not his articulate cousin. Channel one's no fun. Yeah, hold on. Where's Chuck?

No, there is no Chuck. I heard Chuck. You never even said Chuck. I didn't. I'm just worried about there's been this one guy on YouTube just talking. Oh, yeah? Is there anything? I'm just worried about there's been this one guy on YouTube just talking. Oh, yeah? I'm sure he's loving this after the Edwards about,

I was feeling good about the set tonight, and then, God, I messed up. William, you've been letting these commenters on YouTube really, sometimes you really let them work you up. Is there anything you'd like to say to the guy that's been talking shit about you on YouTube? If you want to look right down at that camera, right down the barrel, is there anything you'd like to, if the guy that's been talking shit about you on YouTube? If you want to look right down at that camera, right down the barrel, is there anything you'd like to, if you'd like to send him a message, is there anything you'd like to say? Yeah, Edward Sabalis, I don't think you realize I can skate. I don't know if you realize I don't know how to read.

It's funny you keep bringing that up. Yeah, you are right that up. Yeah, you are right about that. You did your research. I failed out after fourth grade. The first grade? The first grade never learned how to read,

so you did your research. I'll give you that. Who are you talking to? What's his name? Edward Sabalas. Oh, Edward. I thought you were calling him N-word. That would not be nice. What kind of YouTube screen name is Edward Sabalus? There's

no numbers in that or anything? What kind of weird troll uses his actual name? Just Edward underscore Sabalus. Yeah, I have no... Stop saying N-word. Wow. hey. Have you ever said the N-word before, William?

Y'all don't repeat this, but there was a time I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. I was a big Project Pat fan, and I'll be quite frank. There was a time, 10th, 11th grade, I was with my buddy Jay Martin and his silver 4-1-er

just pounding Coors Lights, just, yeah, singing all of Project Pat's lyrics. Yeah, I've said it before. You sang it along with songs. How's that? We missed you this week on the road. I know. That would have been so much fun.

So many people asking about you. We had to give a little disclaimer How's that? We missed you this week on the road. I know. That would have been so much fun. So many people asking about you. We had to give a little disclaimer just to make sure people knew at the beginning of almost each episode. We told them, you know, William couldn't make it and there was a lot of groans. Aw. Yeah, like that. We don't know where William is. He was in Maui, Hawaii last week. You were?

Looking for Tony Chen. Yeah. How do you get to Maui, Hawaii last week. You were? Looking for Tony Chun. Yeah? How did you get to Maui? On a boat. It took three weeks. It was more than a four hour tour. I was a big Gilligan's Island fan growing up.

Hold on. What happened to Jeremiah? Jeremiah? William. Oh yes, Phyllis. You want to answer Jeremiah? Hold on, William. Oh, yes, Phyllis, you want to answer that? I don't know. He's got, like, class or something. How are you doing?

Whoa, William. Hold on, how's it going? Wow, William. How long have you been playing, though? Damn, we found your type. By the way, this is exactly a... Are they making out right now? What the hell just happened? This looks like a young Bill and Hillary Clinton meeting each other for the first time in Arkansas.

Pick a black and white picture together. Jeremiah and I are almost genetically identical. Hold on. Hillary? No, I am a villain. Wait, William, what are you doing? Stop sexually assaulting the poor trumpet player here.

What's going on here? You guys know each other, right? You guys are friends? I thought so. William, what's going on? You a little bit horned up tonight? I don't think he knows I'm wearing a wig right now. William, are you... Y'all don't repeat this.

I've gotten back on AOL chat rooms. You've got mad. Cat106 at AOL.com. Seriously, y'all don't repeat this, but I've been on the cat chat room recently. Having fun. And yeah, Tony, I have been just sort of getting on edge to some extent. Recently, it's a horrible, horrible nightmare. I've been playing Brick Breaker a bunch.

Maybe she'll let you go home with the trumpet. This is a very expensive job. William, do you know how to play any musical instruments? I've never asked you that before. Before we get you out do you know how to play any musical instruments? I've never asked you that before. Before we get you out of here. Do you know any musical instruments? I used to play the synthesizer. I need to get it out here.

First time I ever went on stage was at Memphis University School. I think that's where it all started. I was in the 10th grade running for a student council position running against a guy named Ronnie Curry who his sort of shtick was he would fall from the top of the steps and everyone would laugh. I was

against him. I had my synthesizer out and I just told everyone my life's been going pretty hard. The only thing getting me through this is a song. And then I read the lyrics out to Karma Chameleon. And then I played my synthesizer. I need to get it back out here.

Wow. How did you make it to 10th grade if you failed 1st grade? I cheated. Ah. Truth comes out. Don't repeat this, but yeah. But I don't know how to read.

Y'all don't repeat that. Is that true? Yeah, I see those red signs everywhere, the hexagons, I think. I don't, what do they say, stop? All right. William, always so much fun. Always one of my favorite parts of the show. Thank you.

Make some noise for him. Another new minute and another great interview by William Montgomery. Yeah, there he goes. You guys want to go back to the bucket one more time, huh? Let's do this shit. Your final comedian of the night goes by the name of Bobby Jimmy. Bobby Jimmy. Hey.

How about another hand for the band, too? Oh, my God. Hell yeah, one more time for Bobby Jimmy, everyone What up? So I just rode my Harley out here from Colorado My arms are tired Thanks So I live in a small mountain town in Colorado, and we don't have any traffic lights,

but I think they still mean green is go. Here in L.A., it seems to me, watch the fuck out. I don't know if anybody drives a car built before 1940, but that was the last year they were made without turn signals. I haven't done comedy before, but I think traffic comedy might be a thing. Might kill with traffic comedy. I saw a high speed chase here in LA last week

where a guy was hanging out of the window and shooting at the cops at the same time. There was a pursuit vehicle full of Japanese tourists taking photos at the same time. Traffic here is like Disneyland or the Walk of Fame or the Glory Hole here at the Comedy Store. It's a tourist attraction. And I think that's my time.

Hell yeah, absolutely. Bobby Jimmy. Yeah, keep that mic out of there. I want to talk with you, Bobby. This is very, first of all, this was your first time ever doing stand-up? Yeah. I fucking love it.

Put your hands together for Bobby Jimmy. We're about to have a nice talk. I'm excited about this. Sweating, shaky voice. It's all good. You're comfortable now. We're going to just talk with you. I'm excited about this. Sweating, shaky voice. It's all good. You're comfortable now. We're going to just talk with you, ask you some questions about your life. I want to find out more about you.

We've never really had a Civil War reenactor on this show before. This is very exciting. So you're from Colorado? Yes, sir. Born and raised? No, I've been out there for a little while, like 30 years. Yeah. What have you been doing?

Can we ask how old you are? Snowboarding, road and weed, and skateboarding. Man, look at you. That's basically like our entire band all in one. That's the things that they're into. Yeah, the rim shot was slow, so there's got to be some reason. Yeah, we're usually not paying attention. Hold on.

Anytime Joel gets to take a break, he likes to go lay under the bushes with his sandwich and a lunchbox. And his hat. A lot of people don't know that's how Joel actually sleeps. A very Fire Marshal Bill approach. So Bobby Jimmy, hell yeah, the Daniel Day-Lewis of the open mic scene. Let's talk about it. What made you want to start stand-up comedy? What made you want to do it?

Like everybody in the world just grew up watching comedy, love it, and this place is iconic, and given the chance to do it, I signed up. Damn right, absolutely. How long are you visiting L.A. for? I come out here once in a while. I'm here for like another week, I think. What are you, you ride a motorcycle out here or something? Try to as often as I can, but it's dangerous as shit.

Is that what you brought this time? Yeah. Yeah, and you come out time? Yeah. Yeah. And you come out solo? You have a sidecar or anything like that with one of your buddies? No, no sidecars. Solo, yeah. That's so fun.

It's a one-person thing, a motorcycle. Yeah, I know. Motorcycles are a one-person thing. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. How many people do you get on that motorcycle? In this country? Just me.

I mean, my bike probably holds five or six. What about other countries? Yeah, in the Philippines, Thailand, something like that. Yeah. Bobby, tell us more about you. What have you been doing your whole life? Tell us, like, other than the skateboarding and snowboarding. Yeah, that's about it.

Skateboarding my whole life. So I come out here to Venice to score heroin and skate around a little bit. I love it. Is that true? You do heroin? Not often, but that's the place I've found. I love it. That is so cool.

Yeah, I went in Venice. How does heroin make you feel? I got a pilt on if you want to borrow my wrist. What's the first 10 minutes of heroin when you feel it? I'm just BSing. I can't join it. Oh, I was so excited. I thought we were finding out that you do heroin sometimes.

Well, it's a Venice thing, right? We were hoping you would tie off right here. Yeah, that would have been pretty epic. You got a belt. You have any kids, Bobby? Not that I know of, no. You ever been married? No.

No. You have a girlfriend? Yeah. Back in Colorado. Sure, yeah. How's the relationship? A little bit rocky right now? She wants to put a...

You ever tap the Rockies? It has its highs and lows. Yeah. Hey, I like that. So how long you been with her? Off and on about a year. It's Colorado, so you get your turn, like a doorknob. Wow.

So you're saying, like, women get around. They sleep with multiple men in Colorado. And the guys do, too. Yeah, it's tough. You've got to be a player. You've got to be able to do a backflip on a snowboard or else you're not getting any action. Damn, look at you.

That's a whole different world out there. You excited about the mushroom? I know I've never gotten any action in Colorado. You're big in Colorado. I thought it was just because I was breathing too hard You excited about the new legalized mushrooms? It's decriminalized already I don't think I'm excited

I go into places and I have to wonder now Who might be tripping a little bit Microdosing You go into a restaurant now and the staff ignores you They just hide and giggle and you got to think like half of them are. Is that true?

No. Yeah. People are eating shit out of you at P.F. Chang's. Yeah. I know a lot of people micro dosing

and that's like weird because you could take like, like I know a guy micro dosing acid. Like you could just have like a little piece of acid and be tripping your ass off

and you're working at Panera Bread and you're like-dosing. I've never been a fan of micro-dosing. If you give me a bag of mushrooms, I'm going to eat them all. I'm not going to be like, I need a cap. When's the last time you ate mushrooms?

A couple days ago. Are you fucking with us or are you telling the truth? A couple days ago. What did you do? I went to dinner. This is here in LA, Colorado? Again, you got a little bag of mushrooms, and you're supposed to only eat one,

and then you end up eating the whole bag. I mean, for some people, they might have gone to the hospital, but I've tripped before. I know what some people do. I'm asking you, when you ate them a couple days ago, what did you do? What were you doing? Were you hanging out at the beach? I went to dinner.

I went to a restaurant. I went to dinner. And once I felt like I needed to leave. Can I ask you where you were eating dinner at? Somewhere in Upland. I don't even know where that is. Just like a diner? No, a nice restaurant.

Oh, you went to a nice restaurant? I love that place. Not that place. The other place. Oh, the other nice restaurant. That's so... But yeah, if... You know, comedy kind of involves details.

That's what he's going for here. I honestly didn't know the name of the restaurant. Right, but it's like an upscale restaurant, and then all of a sudden the mushrooms really kicks in. They had linen napkins, yeah. Wait, what? Linen napkins. Oh, yeah, linen napkins.

So did you get to finish your meal, or did you trip so hard you just, like, left? No, it unfortunately didn't kick in the way I wanted it to. I think the microdosing, you have different species of mushrooms now, so you can get, like, you know, the kind you're going to see God with, or maybe the kind you can go out to dinner with. Right, right. What do you do when you see God? Do you like –

Ask him for forgiveness and be showered with his love. For what? What do you need forgiveness for? Anything interesting? You ever commit a crime? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I grow weeds, and before it became legal, that was a crime.

Have you had a bad trip before like a really bad trip? Not a really bad one I think you know we've zoned out pretty hard. Remember those talking coke machines back in the 80s that kind of freaked me out after a Pink Floyd concert. You know you put the money in and they would talk to you and

I actually had to have somebody help me with that. How long were you how long have you been growing weed in Colorado? In Colorado, 30 years. Oh, how long have you been growing weed, period? What year is it? 84 I started. Wow, that's interesting.

I am old. 34 years. Yeah. Thank you for your service. It's pretty good. Incredible. No problem. My goodness.

What else? There must be some more about you. I can tell there's some interesting shit underneath this tough guy exterior. I've traveled around the world racing skateboards. That's been pretty cool. Wow. I used to come out here and race. You race?

Glendora Mountain Road. You go downhill? Yeah. What's the fastest you here and race. You race? Glendora Mountain Road. You go downhill? Yeah. What's the fastest you've ever gone on a skateboard? Over 70. What the? Wow. Okay, now we're getting there.

That's fucking interesting. You wear like a leather suit and a helmet when you do it? That's what it looks like. Oh, don't do that. Wow. That is incredible. Yeah, there's Glendora Mountain Road out here is a big one. GMR.

This is a birthplace. Signal Hill was where it started. Is there any video of you out on the internet? You know what? Yeah, there is actually a video of me where I'm high on acid, and we were talking about skateboarding. Oh, you're just talking about it. No, no.

There's video footage of me skateboarding. They didn't know I was high. Speed skateboarding? Is there any video of you going over 50 miles an hour on a skateboard somewhere? Vice. It's on Vice. Shut up. Do you know what we would search, just so that people listen to the podcast?

There's a show with Rick McCrank, and it's... Abandoned? No, that was the one he did with the empty buildings. It was another one about skateboarding that they did after that. And they were supposed to interview me on Friday, and it didn't happen. Saturday, it didn't happen. And then Sunday, I started partying with a bunch of my friends, and the producers came over and said, hey, we're ready for that interview.

Oh, wow. And all my buddies were like, good luck. That's awesome. So the episode actually closes with me saying something philosophical because that was out of my head. I love that. That's so cool. Rick McRae on Vice. I'm getting applauded for. I love that. That's so cool. Rick McRae on Vice.

I'm getting applauded for tripping on acid. That's great. Mom and dad. You ever been injured? Many times. What's the worst injury you ever had? Waking up in the hospital was pretty bad. Head injury?

Yeah, right to the back of the dome. Had a helmet on. That explains a lot. Woke up, yeah. to the back of the dome had a helmet on that explains a lot woke up yeah woke up in the hospital and um said where the hell am i my buddies are like you've been talking to us for the last half hour dude wow really so that was yeah there's thumbs are going the wrong way and and that that was a skateboarding one, the head injury? Yeah. Because that's cement. Probably a lot easier to have a traumatic brain injury from that than snowboarding. Yeah. There's, you know, CTE runs rampant through that whole extreme sport industry.

You know, you got the, especially the fringe sports where you're doing stupid stuff like that, going 70 on a skateboard. You can get messed up. I don't do it too much anymore. Right. How old are you? 48. You can get messed up. I don't do it too much anymore. How old are you? 48. Oh, okay. Cool. Heck yeah. I'm going to say something and then you say, yeah, you know me.

C-T-E? Yeah, you know me. Alright, Bobby. Well, I mean, so much fun. Nice to meet you. You think you're going to come back next time, sign up again? I don't. I know this was awesome. I had a chance to do this at the Comedy Store.

This is fucking cool. I don't know if I could ever top that. There he goes. Bobby Jimmy, everybody. Thanks, Bobby. Thank you. Come on, make some noise for Bobby, everyone. Your final comedian of the night.

Look at this. Hey, look at that drawing from Ryan Shea Ebelts, everybody. Look at that. Incredible, beautiful, red band, Benson, Hinchcliffe and the band. How about another hand for the great Doug Benson, everybody? Thank you. Getting Doug with high. You're going a bunch of places.

Doug Benson, Doug Loves Movies. Douglovesmovies.com. And I'll be on tomorrow night, for those of you here, I'll be on Bon Appetit on Viceland. Ooh la la. Bon Appetit. It's a lot of fun. Heck yeah.

We love you, Doug. Thank you so much for always being one of our favorite guests and coming around on the road and here to the Comedy Store. Yeah, to all the comics that come up here, good for you. Absolutely. I always say that if I was starting out

or anywhere near my first few years, I would be definitely signing up every week for this show. Lord knows, I begged, I bent the knee to people running open mics to give me a janky three-minute spot before. So how about a hand for her first time ever in the band, Phyllis Watkins, everybody. Jessie Johnson.

She's on social media at what? Jetski Johnson. Is that right? J-E-T-S-K-I. Is there an underscore there? No, Jetski Johnson. All one word. You did amazing, by the way.

Yeah, you sound so damn good on that trumpet. Thank you. So awesome. How about a hand for the legendary, bat the way. Yeah, you sound so damn good on that trumpet. Thank you. So awesome. How about a hand for the legendary, bat at 1,000 tonight, Chroma Chris, everybody. Chroma, what did you think about tonight's episode? It's going the distance. Hey. How about a hand for the leader of the band tonight and Mexican drum-off winner, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, huh?

You know him, you love him. He's on social media at Mostly Sorry. Joel, you just went to six or seven cities you've never been to in your life doing sold-out shows. How do you feel about that? Oh, I'm so jet-lagged. I can't wait to sleep, but I love you guys. Thanks for coming out.

There he goes. Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez. So honest. So much fun. We're going to be back next week with a guest. And then June 10th, we have Jeffrey Ross here. And June 17th, for the first time ever, comedy store legend Brian Holtzman will be a guest. What?

For the first time ever. That's going to be amazing. I can't wait for that. You can get a Death Squad pin or a Tony Hinchcliffe pin available at Rockin' Pins. Check out Infinite CBD if you're into CBD. Pre-order the new Reagan and Watkins album. You can do that now. That's released June 7th, but you can pre-order it now.

Or you can come to the official release party on June 6th right here at the Comedy Store. The first ever Reagan and Watkins album, self-titled Reagan and Watkins comes out then. How about another hand for Red Band, everybody? So much fun. We love you guys. Thank you for coming out. We'll see you again soon.

Thank you. Good night. Bye. ស្រូវតែរាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� you