Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - Episode 64 - Tarrare and Charles Domery: The Men Who Stare At Cats

Episode Date: August 19, 2019

Tarrare and Charles Domery were soldiers who fought in the War of the First Coalition. They were also afflicted with a never ending, voracious hunger that cannot be explained. What if Eli Roth created a gritty reboot of Kirby? Support the show and get bonus content: https://www.patreon.com/lionsledbydonkeys Get a shirt: https://teespring.com/stores/lions-led-by-donkeys-store sources: https://allthatsinteresting.com/tarrare https://io9.gizmodo.com/what-caused-these-men-to-eat-cats-and-candles-1685293458

to yet another episode of Minds Led by Donkeys podcast your only history podcast that is fueled by booze is it the? I don't know. If the other historians, fake historians, who have a podcast are alcoholics, they at least keep it on the down low. Anyway, I am Joe. From every other episode of this podcast,

with me is Nick. Thank you, Nick. Good intro. So, last episode, I told everybody we were going to talk about the history of the M16 rifle today I lied we're not going to do that we're not going to do that the script needs a little bit more work and I'm

going to work on that so instead I did something that I have not done yet and that is purposely make a script and research a topic that is just horrifyingly disgusting. I feel like you've done it before. Well, I want to make everybody kind of uncomfortable. Okay.

So don't listen to this episode on children. Actually, you shouldn't be doing that anyway. Yeah, is this not a take your pants off episode? Take your pants off. Sweet. Yeah. Pants already off. not a take your pants off episode uh take your pants off um sweet yeah uh well that's already off the characters in this episode probably never wore pants so just starting off have you ever eaten so much you like felt physically ill yes i hated myself like a few times have you ever gone

past that or like you almost kind of vomited a little. Oh, when you powered through? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've definitely done that. So I used to work in Oregon over the summers as a wildland firefighter. And one of the things that I did is when we came back from a fire, I'm going to eat dog shit because I lost like 20 pounds over the last month or whatever because we're not eating and we're just hiking a lot. It's working your ass off. I ordered a Little Caesars or Domino's, whatever it was. It was a large pizza with the pretzel crust. I ate the whole thing in one sitting.

I puked. I ate so much, I actually puked. I felt disgustingly ill for a day afterwards. disgustingly ill for like a day afterwards um i think most um irresponsible people listening to us have probably done that at least once maybe not come all the way to the point of vomiting but like they've gotten close i've definitely vomited over a domino's pizza well was it because you're eating a domino's pizza or like a whole pizza yeah like a pizza they'll do it uh i mean any pizza is a personal size pizza if you're brave enough. Yeah.

Same rule goes for dildos. So have you ever heard of polyphagia? No. So polyphagia, it's also known as hyperphagia now. So that is you eat that much, but you feel like this undying need to do it. Like it's a compulsion, a baser need in your head that like you absolutely have to eat like that all the time.

And you simply cannot stop yourself. Really? Yeah. Oh wow. Um, instead of being now, instead of feeling, feeling sick,

ill, or wanting to curl up in a ball and die like I did, you're just still hungry somehow. No matter how much you eat, no matter what you eat, you always want more. Now, we are going to be talking about somebody in the 1700s, 1800s. So keep in mind, nobody understood what this was. It's actually a really, really easy explanation for most cases. It's diabetes. It's a symptom

of diabetes. Now, these guys almost certainly did not have diabetes because nowhere else in recorded history is shit like this. This just doesn't happen. And I would not believe... People eating a shit ton of pizza back in the 1800s? Oh, uh now i would not believe what i'm about to tell you is true if i did not

find actual medical studies documenting it keep in mind these are from like the 18 17 1800s so like they're not the most medically sound but like everything i'm going to tell you was has eyewitnesses i love like medical shit from back then it's so awesome and we slapped leeches on his eyeballs and he still died i don't believe it next time we're gonna pump acid up his asshole we cut his legs off so hopefully all the fluid drain out the bottom yeah he seemed to need more blood so he just dumped it into his mouth yeah um i'm trying to explain if I've seen polyphagia anywhere. You ever watch Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Yes.

You remember the episode where he had them eat the raccoon meat, thinking it was human meat? And they ran around saying, I need more meat. I have the hunger. It's like that, but without the worms. Oh, man. Good show. Yeah.

So this episode, we're talking about two different individuals who happen to fight in the same war uh from two different countries who suffered from i guess what you could call a real life zombie hunger affliction zombie just because like you never see a zombie get full they're just no just kind of shuffle around, and their only base or instinct is just finding more food. That's pretty much what these guys ended up doing. Oh, okay. Now, they didn't feed on brains, but, you know, like, kinda. So the first guy we're going to talk about is Charles Domery, sometimes known as Charles Domers.

We're just going to call him Charles. Charles works. That's super close to come from? Charles works. That's super close to Dahmer. Yeah, right? I think that means something. It's actually Dahmer's great, great, great grandfather. Charles was born in Poland

sometime around 1778. And from what anybody can gather, he was a totally normal kid for at least a while. That's what everybody says, though. Yeah. Then at the age of 13, when some kids start going through the throes of puberty, young Charles began to go through other changes.

His appetite began to grow, and no matter what he ate, it would not go away. He claimed to have nine other brothers who experienced much of the same problems. Nine brothers? Jesus Christ. Apparently they just give birth at litters. Serial birthers. According to Domery, he would

try to go to bed around 8pm and he didn't begin sweating. Fucking scrub. He began sweating profusely. He would try to ignore this. He said he was sweating so much from being hungry. He's kind of like going through draws. That's crazy.

He'd try to ignore it and go to sleep, but by 1am it'd become intolerable. You think he blended his food and shot it up like heroin? No. That'd be awesome. No. It's actually more horrifying than that. Oh. By 1am his hunger would become intolerable, forcing him to wake up and find something,

anything to eat. If he couldn't, and I'm going to assume he didn't because he lived with nine fucking people who are all bottomless pit zombies like him uh they're just like human sharks like just walking around nine people yeah um if he couldn't find anything to eat uh he would just start chain smoking until the sweating stopped nicotine is a appetite suppressant i didn't know that yeah that's why a lot of people lose weight when they start smoking and gain weight when they quit ah okay uh eventually the uh enough cigarettes would make the uh the hunger pangs going to be

able to go back to bed for at least a little bit okay just eat the side of the bedpost or something. Just nod on the wall. That is kind of what happened. Yes. Due to chronic food shortages at home, or maybe because he was afraid one of his own brothers would eventually just fucking eat him, he ran off and joined the Prussian army. Now, more guys. Right.

Well, he thought, well, the Prussian army sucks. Like, living in the army in the 1700s is terrible, and the Prussian army has a reputation for being brutal. They would at least feed him. By the way, he was 13. Holy shit, just chain-smoking. Just chain-smoking and joining the army at 13 years old. What were you doing when you were 13 years old?

I think I was finding out if I could masturbate. Possibly. I was definitely playing a lot of Pokemon, but also yes. I don't think I was playing any Pokemon my mom wouldn't let me have a game system. It's the tools of the devil. Every time you cast out a

Pokeball, you cast out a little bit of Jesus Christ too. So unfortunately for young Charles, the Prussian army was balls deep in the War of the First Coalition. So, I'm not going to go into the details of the War of the First Coalition. Just know it was a botched attempt

to smother the French Revolution in its crib before it could spread through the rest of Europe. Generally, armies did not eat well on a campaign. And in the 1700s, and the Prussian one was no different. Charles found this totally intolerable

so the problem was he wasn't actually dying he wasn't starving to death but his brain was telling him he was starving to death he was just eating the same amount of food as everybody else admittedly it was not a lot but he wasn't going to die

but his brain was like you need to eat that guy do something you see those toes? need to eat that guy. Like, do something. You see those toes? You should eat that shit. Mm. Plot in the future here. So when his unit surrounded the town of Thionville,

he simply walked up to the gates and surrendered to the French Revolutionary Army. Do you guys have better rations? That is what he thought. Yes. He thought and he had heard that the French army was eating better, which is really, really dumb because at this point,

the French Revolutionary Army was just slapdicked together. And they hardly had enough officers to go around, let alone food. So to welcome their new captain, their new captive, a French officer gave him a melon.

Like a whole melon. Which Charles then promptly consumed, rind and all, in front of his new buddies, who immediately probably had to be freaked the fuck out. Like, who did we let in this town? Just devours an entire watermelon rind in front of him. Have you ever accidentally eaten a little bit of rind? Kind of gross?

Yeah, it's not the best. It makes you sick. didn't make charles sick like the people that take the banana out and just eat the banana peel yeah he'd definitely do that yeah i feel like he would throw away the banana um now the french uh were hard up for people so they enlisted the hungry boy promising that they would feed him did they keep him in a cage too? They probably should have. Charles was granted double rations in an attempt to staunch his never-ending hunger. And as you guessed,

the double rations were just kind of like a drop in the bucket. He spent his meager paycheck on whatever food he could afford, which was not enough. This dude's expensive. He's literally a bottomless pit. It's like attempting to feed like a wood chipper until it's full. This is what expensive. He's literally a bottomless pit. It's like attempting to feed

a wood chipper until it's full. This is what my parents swore I did growing up, that I was a bottomless pit. This is what I do when I'm drunk. I just wander around and eat things. He would then troll around the army's camp looking for anything he could eat. Sometimes

that included four or five pounds of grass. What the Jesus. Just imagine you're on like sentry duty, like bored as shit, walking around at night like fuck is Private Domery dude just grazing across the field fighting the horses for food.

Just fucking And when that was enough, he would prey on the camp's feral cat population. He ate so many cats. I guess that's a service. He ate so many cats that people knows cats would not go anywhere fucking near him. That's a service.

So if you were to guess how many cats this man managed to snack. Higher. 100. Higher. God. 100. Higher. What? No way. 170 goddamn cats. That's awesome.

And that's just what they kept track of. He would leave behind only piles of skin and bones. What? And he did not use tools when he ate. He would just kind of chase them down, strangle them, and rip them apart with his bare hands that's insane

now again imagine you're on sentry duty and you're kind of bored and you're just chain smoking to stay awake and you watch this guy who's I'm going to assume naked running down a cat and then just ripping it apart and he's chasing the chicken

he's doing that. But eating the chicken. So, I'm kind of picturing, you remember 300, that terrible movie? The documentary, yeah. When they have that huge dude on fucking chains and they're holding him down. Yeah, and then Charles Dommer comes out of the crowd and starts tearing at him

with his fucking fingernails. I was thinking that's just him. That's what the French just treat him like. They're just trying to hold him down during battle, and then they release him. Take off the muzzle! Yeah. Imagine being his supervisor. So how is Private Dahmer doing?

Well, sir, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. He's really scaring everybody. He comes, like, we just hear shrieks of cats, and he comes in covered in fur and blood. He ate my pencil. He ate my pencil. He ate my wife. Probably because being around Charles was just simply terrifying. He was eventually exiled to the French Navy,

which I wasn't aware of something that happened. They just, like, sent him to the Navy. And then he was, like, sweet. He ended up aboard the ship the hotch um now i don't know how the fuck this happened because he had no naval training whatsoever but he ended up being pretty good at his job and that's good and unlike his time in the army he saw a ton of combat um he ended up being good at that as well except he was easily distracted for instance uh one time an incoming cannonball tore off a sailor's leg, which Charles dropped what he was doing and then attempted to eat it.

What? A crew member was forced to fight him off with a knife and throw it overboard. Who was thrown overboard? The leg. Okay, that's awesome. Because, I mean, this is way before you could reattach a leg. Well, I feel like they probably should have just given him the leg just give them the leg you're not you're not using it exactly i mean but like if there's one thing that's demoralizing while you're under

incoming artillery it's like watching the new guy just go ham on a leg in the corner he's just like just nod on that shit somebody wants some like now imagine you're playing tug of war with your dog and he's like you grab it the toys like He's a person it's a human leg it's like no private drop the light 14 year old sailor yeah, he's maybe 14 14 or 15 like somebody hit that boy with a stick Yes, but they're trying to spray water in his face Hit him over the leg with more body parts like him over the head and just Distract him with a body part. I don't know. Somebody rip off your finger and throw it in the other

direction. Yeah. Eventually, the ship was captured by the British Navy and the entire crew was thrown into prison camp near Liverpool. Oh, now he's not eating. About that. While there, his antics scared the British to their goddamn core that they decided to give him as much food as possible.

Feed him! Feed him! Just keep giving him food or he's gonna eat us! He's like, this guy has withstood musket fire and cannonballs and eaten people, like, eaten people's legs and torn cats apart. Like, at this point, he's just like a fucking, the Eli Roth version of the Highlander. Just give him food until he goes away. Just gnawing on their rifles. It's cutting his gums.

My bayonets attach. He doesn't seem to notice. So the British eventually put him on 10 people's worth of rations. That's a lot of rations. 10 people. Still, it did not slow him down. Okay. He ate all the candles and bedding the guards put out.

What? At least 20 rats made the mistake of wandering into a cell. And he also ate random medicine he found in the camp infirmary. How's he not dead? I don't know. He's like the dog that you own that eats metal and, like, fucking dirt and gasoline and doesn't die. I should take you to the vet vet but you seem to be fine you're doing actually really well you're actually way healthier than pre-gasoline yeah um now he's

eating like medicine which back then just probably all opium based so the whole now imagine he's running down rats and cats and shit but he's just chasing the dragon the whole time. Just high as fuck. Now, the magic trick of being a human garbage disposal and not dying attracted the attention of a guy named Dr. J. Johnson. I'm going to assume his first name was also Johnson. Dr. Johnson.

Which now makes diapers. Lotion? Baby oil? They make all sorts of... I don't know if it's for babies or made out of babies. Ooh. It's baby tallow.

Johnson decided to conduct an experiment. He decided to see what exactly Charles could do and decided to just give him as much food as he could physically handle or he died. Let's put him on our hot dog eating team. It's like that scene from The Simpsons where he goes to hell and Satan

has a donut eating machine. Just keeps cramming donuts in his mouth and he breaks the machine because he runs out of donuts. That's kind of what happened. Nice. So starting at 4am and going on until 1pm of the same day, this is the list of things that Charles was offered. Four pounds of raw liver, six pounds of raw cow udder,

five pounds of raw beef, 12 large candles, and as much beer as he could drink. To wash it down. So the udders. I don't know. Where did they So, the udders. I don't know. Where did they have all these udders, Leg? We have to go into our udder stores.

At this point, they're looking for the parts of cows that nobody wants to eat. I think it's just a joke. You want to eat the tits? Yeah, I think it's just a joke at this point. Toss that in. Toss that in. I bet he won't eat.

Oh, fuck. He's eating it. Yeah. Oh, you owe me money. Not only did this not even slow Charles down, the doctor ran out of food for his experiment. Though he did note in his medical notes that while doing all this,

Charles did not take a single break to take a shit, piss, or vomit. And after the experiment, he was happily dancing around and smoking his pipe. When it was all over, he was hungry again. He tried eating my notes as well. He tried eating one of the assistants. They just feed him like one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. Like on a hoist.

It's the whole cow. Yeah, like a fucking goat. Also, this whole time, he looked relatively normal. We're going to talk about somebody who was not normal next. He's normal. No. He looked like a normal person the whole time. I'm assuming he had teeth of fucking wrought iron because he's tearing through animals

who are definitely fighting him the whole time. But yeah. So after this experiment in Liverpool, nobody's really sure what the fuck happened charles domery he just kind of vanished he was on the english hot dog eating team i so he just vanishes from the earth but so do like most of the prisoners that were with him like the the accounts from the hush prisoners just end so i'm assuming he ate everybody and then himself and then the city of Liverpool because it just doesn't exist.

Liverpool's not really a place. So, I mean, Charles Domery ate it. That is the normal one. We're going to go to the not normal one. Okay. Our second star of the show, and this one is quite dark.

It brings us to a man who's known simply as Tarier or Tarar, depending on who is reading this. It's probably not his real name. I think he gave himself that name. Yes. There's a good reason to think that. It's because there's a French phrase at the time that was Bomb Bomb Tararié, which was somehow used as a description for explosions. So he probably...

I don't speak French, so I don't know. He probably named himself after that because of a future job, which we'll talk about. Now, our explosion boy was born sometime around 1772 in Lyon, France. Much like Charles, he was born to a large and poor family.

Around the same time as Charles, his cravings began. I guess there's two paths you can take down puberty. You become, I don't know, a biologically normal person, or you become Kirby. That's nasty. That's what's happened here.

The French have created Kirby. Just sucking in everything? Yeah. Unlike Charles, however, Tarier's family had nothing to do with this freak ass and kicked him out on the street as soon as he was 17. This kid's weird. Oh, gross.

Get out of here. Unfortunately for Tarier, his life only began to get worse. So I told you before that Charles looked normal. Yeah. Tariq grew to be only about 100 pounds. He had an oversized mouthful of rotten teeth and he could not stop sweating. And whatever came out of his pores smelled rotten as shit. Oh, God.

One person described Tariq as, quote, constantly covered in sweat, and his body a vapor arose, sensible to the sight and more so to the smell. Ugh. Yeah. Think about what I just said. He actually had fucking stink lines coming off of him in real life, like he was an old cartoon.

Oh, man. I mean, just like, I imagine it's like if you hang out around like a meth head, and he's sweating it out. That's what Tardier smelled like, but it's the if you hang out around a meth head and he's sweating it out. That's what Tardier smelled like, but it's just like cat organs or something. Also, he had huge flaps of skin, like extra skin. Have you ever seen the show My 600-lb Life? Yeah.

Have you ever seen what they look like after they lose all that weight? He looked like that, but he was never overweight. He was a flappy human weight. He looked like that but he was never overweight. He was just like he was a flappy human being. He had flaps. It should have been a mercy kill. Yeah I feel like in this

one instance like the Spartan idea of like let's just chuck this freak off a cliff. Yeah. Probably a good idea. No six pack no beard. We were going to drop

our standards a bit but he's got all these flappy bits. Let's just chuck him Unfortunately they throw that infant off the cliff And he's like a flying squirrel With all those flaps That's how Tarier was born

It's like goodbye dad The world needs me Just his skin Flapping People also complain he was constantly burping and farting. I don't know why that's so funny to me. I'm a child.

So you have this guy who smells like a detoxing meth head, constantly burping and farting. And he looks like Slenderman, or like I don't know, like an anime cartoon with a way too big mouth full of just teeth that look like they're standing in open ranks. This dude is fucking horrifying already.

The last story was better. It gets worse. That's where I get to say it. Wait for it. It gets much worse. that's where I get to say it wait for it it gets much worse so he kind of looked and what I imagined smelled

like Gollum or Smeagol from Lord of the Rings so if you were to pick one job that someone like this could do what would it be? I would imagine a garbage man well I mean he's kind of just a living garbage man maybe he has

to work the sewer system uh forever when he was on the streets uh when after his parents kicked him out he would just go around and eat garbage off the side of the road and like so he was the garbage man yeah yeah except like he was a little respected significantly less uh than garbage man garbage bin are currently respected which which is not very high. I salute mine every time. They're braver than the troops. If you've seen my trash, you know what they fucking do it. Yeah.

But yeah, so he was just one of the streets eating like rats, pigeons, and garbage. He's looking at the raccoons like, you're going to eat that? I know he would eat the raccoons too the right anything that he didn't disagreement yeah anything that he didn't eat is just because he couldn't catch it um so the one job he could get was a freak show performer they just throw garbage on him kinda yeah uh so everybody watched this guy it wasn't technically a freak show is more like a circus i imagine he didn't get paid. They just fed

him. Well, that's the thing. That's how he got paid. So the gig ended up being pretty sweet for Tarje because his gimmick would be he would eat. Fuck yeah. All I gotta do is eat? He would simply sit on stage and eat whatever anybody threw at him. Now, people are dickheads these days and they

have other forms of entertainment. This is the 1700s, where entertainment is throwing garbage at a man who will eat it. So you can imagine what they threw. So this ranged from entire baskets of apples, dozens of raw eggs. That's not that fun. Raw meat, and because people are assholes, wine corks, bottles, and gunpowder. That's a... Which probably explains how he got the nickname.

Explosion Guts. Ew. Like, maybe the gunpowder was seasoning for some of the food? I don't... I imagine he can't taste. Like, if I was starving to death, and I had to eat, I would not literally

eat garbage. I might pick food out of garbage. He was just eating garbage. Because you're going to taste it. He'd eat your homework. Yeah, he's the dog that eats your homework. And also your dog. And also you. Oh, man.

That's not cool. He eventually lost this job. Because during one of his breaks, he went off to the bathroom and took a shit that smelled so powerfully that nobody would go back to the show that's awesome what do they expect they're feeding him

literal shit do you think he ate that shit too I don't know he was like oh seconds in like perpetual energy machine I feel like that's the one line that he drew like even he was like too far

and it was noted for the rest of Tariya's life that I feel like that's the one line that he drew. Even he was like, too far. And it was noted for the rest of Tarje's life that his shits were toxic. He cleared out hospitals with them. Jesus. I mean, if you think about it. His diapers must have been fucking terrible. I mean, with what he was eating, he was just shitting at a landfill.

All I can imagine is what he was eating, he was just shitting at a landfill. All I can imagine is for some reason, from Robocop, the food that he has to eat, that's all I see just coming out of him all the time. Oh, shit. Because that looks terrible. It looks like astronaut food

going in and out. The only time I ever shit like that is in the field. Where it just looks weird, feels weird. When I eat an MRE, I just don't poop. And then when it does come out, you're literally passing a kidney stone to my asshole. It's weird because I don't. I shit. It's awesome.

You're one of the God's chosen people. It comes out like soft serve. Oh, God. It's awesome. You're one of the guys chosen people. Soft serve. Alright. Speaking of shit, we have to move on with our story. Now that Tariya was unemployed, he had to find another way to feed himself. And since he ate everything else, he had to go

to the one job that is below freak show performer. He enlisted in the army. That's below... That's below. That's awesome. That's us. They'll basically do the same shit. They'll gather around. Hey, hey, throw your fucking boot in. Eat it.

Somebody throw Jones in that bitch. Throw the new private. Now, even the French Revolutionary Army in such a dire need for manpower did not actually think this weird motherfucker could be a lion soldier. Remember how small and weird he looks?

Catching fucking musket balls. He just tries to catch them in his mouth like it's a treat, like a tic-tac. I mean, he is so small and frail-looking, if he fired a musket, he would just get folded in half. Yeah, so they decided to make him kind of like menial labor and kind of like a servant. He would

wander around the camp and do menial soldier work for other people and they would pay him in food. You can shine my boots. I guess that's just a uniformed slave. Don't eat the shine! However, due to his habit of eating things that were not food, he eventually ended up in a hospital. Finally.

Now, it's not really said how he ended up in the hospital, because like, if things could hurt him, he should have been dead by now. Yeah. But they kind of leave that part out. I think it was probably like a camp-born illness, like cholera or something. Maybe he just got beat. Also, yeah.

Somebody probably beat this guy's ass more than once, because he'd steal food if like, nobody would pay him. Yeah. He'd just steal your food. Or try to eat your finger when you try to feed him. Yeah, I mean, he was also eating clothes and boots. So he probably just ate somebody's dress uniform or something. Eat somebody's sword. However, due to his habit, I already said that.

Moving on. Once he was at the hospitals, doctors quickly became astounded at this tiny weird creature ate as much as an entire platoon's worth of soldiers. Oh, man. Do you think they opened his stomach up like jaws and they found like license plates? Oh, we'll get there. Yes.

They became more surprised when he ate as many rations as 30 men. And then when that was enough, began to eat the hospital's gauze and surgical tools that they left flying around. What? Yeah! Just eating knives! Fuck it! He ate the cleaver? I mean, like, that was a surgical tool. Yeah, just a fucking hacksaw. Yeah. And a butcher's

knife. But, like, that just... He's not eating. He's just swallowing. Holy... He doesn't eat like a pig. He eats more like a duck. Cause pigs tend to chew, just hawking it back. Um, they decided like Charles,

it is a great idea to see how much and what he could do. So like, let's think back to all these, these doctors, like when they're confronted by like, I don't know, Kirby, like,

uh, let's put a desk in it. Let's see what we can do. Not like, oh dear God, he's eating the gauze. Or like maybe. Still got blood on it. That is still on somebody. Their first two experiments were two large meat pies,

several plates of grease, piles of salt, and four gallons of milk. I think they're just being assholes. Like, eat this grease. Eat it. Sweet grease. Eat the grease. And then just like a grip full of salt.

At that point, they're just trying to make him do the cracker challenge, mid-experiment. Oh, man, that's not good. So Tariya ate all of this and immediately fell asleep on the ground. Nice, they tuckered him out. Yeah, he just crulled him up and fell asleep, which is exactly what I do. Yeah, just like a dog.

Let me just go ahead and turn into a donut. They decided they needed to step it up. Clearly, plates of grease and handfuls of salt were enough to turn him off from eating, so they gave him a live cat. Alright, I gotta ask,

how many cats were there just laying around Western Europe at this time in history? Because Charles Domery ate 170 of them in less than a year. I don't even believe if I gather all the cats currently in the city that we're sitting in, there'd be 100 cats. Yeah, no.

And also, like, if a doctor's like, I'm gonna go get a cat! And he just has one on hand. Yeah, just out of his coat. Oh, let me get this out of my eaten cat basket. These cats are for eating. They're... No.

So he tore it apart and ate it in front of a crowd of horrified onlookers. Oh, God. Like, what did you think was going to happen? You gave the man a cat? I swear to God, they're placing bets. They have to be. I mean, like, you watched him eat a goddamn saw and a knife. What do you think he was going to do to the cat? I mean, maybe vomit the saw and knife up and use it on the cat.

But after he got done eating the cat, he didn't. He's a utility belt. Inside of his stomach. I need a saw. After he was done eating the cat, he vomited up its fur and skin. Which leads me to believe he was, like, expertly engineered to be this freak of nature. Because, like, that's not something people can do Sorry I can't eat that stuff Oh but you can eat the saw

Yeah Also like how did he This couldn't have been trained It makes me believe that he just swallowed the cat Cause otherwise why is there so much fur attached to it Just like Alright down the hatch Yeah

Then came a collection of birds why is there so much fur attached to it? Just like, all right, down the hatch. Yeah. Then came a collection of birds, snakes, eels, and puppies. It should be noted, however, that he ate the eels without chewing and just kind of deep throat. Oh, God. Yeah. Because they're slimy too.

Oh, they'll go down easy. They're pre-greased. Yeah. You should have fed them electric eels. Yeah. You think he doesn't have a gag reflex? Definitely not. I mean, he swallowed a whole cat.

Yeah. He is eating the pussy. Nice. I've been sitting on that one for a while. Got it out. Actually, the original name for this episode is The Men Who Eat Pussy. Oh, yeah. I realized SoundCloud would totally not let that on there, and neither would iTunes. So it's going to be The Men Who Eat pussy. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize SoundCloud would totally not let that on there

and neither would iTunes. So it's going to be the men who eat cats. Oh, boring. Yeah. So after studying how he ate, they had to study how he pooped. Ugh. Yep.

He got fired for shitting. Yeah, the doctors went for a rude awakening. After feeding him tens of pounds... Let's see his shit. Let's see this fucking massacre, kid. So after feeding him tens of pounds of raw meat and watching him take a dump, a doctor described it as, quote,

fetid be at all conception. You're shitting this jar. Which is like the medical word of what the fuck. I wonder how they like did they wait for him to shit like an animal like they were waiting in the fucking around the backyard yeah with a with a bag with like clipboards and shit oh man what did you expect was gonna happen you watched him eat like so much cow udder when you see him shit and probably go, oh, God, there's an issue. It's like when the dog farts and leaves the room.

You know it's going to be bad. Oh, yeah. When like, Tari is like, you really don't want to come with me. I imagine his farts are probably really bad, too. His farts like to like boil skin. So what I used to do when I was really young in the army, during briefs and when it got real quiet in the room, I used to just let out,

if I could squeak out a little fart, if not, then I'd let out a fake one just because everybody will start, I just want to gauge the room on how mature they are. Everybody just start laughing. Everybody giggles. Yeah, everybody just giggles like, ah, ah.

Some grizzled Sergeant Major's like, heh, heh, heh, heh, good one. I can imagine his are just sergeant majors farts or tari's both I mean the sergeant major only farts dust he's old tari he's farting something close to nerve agent

I believe like it's like if you remember back to Iran Iraq series fucking around and handling mustard gas without protective gear it's like that except it's an asshole. Wearing stuff I clean my dishes with as gloves. This is

when the surgeons got an idea. If you're thinking... Let's dissect his shit. Well, they noticed a lot of his poop was not digested because remember... So the cat just came out? I've seen things! I noticed a lot of his poop was not digested. So the cat just came out? Meow. I am seeing things.

You have to imagine he's eating a lot of stuff that isn't food, so he's just shitting out knives and forks. How's that passing? Just remember, that gave them an idea. And if you're thinking this idea is horrifying, you are correct. A doctor wrote a letter and placed it in a small one box and then told Tari to eat it. Oh, magic trick.

Once he did, of course, I mean, like, he handed him a box. He's just going to eat it. You don't even have to ask him. Yeah, he's just like, all right, so this box, gone. All right, never mind. Okay. The doctors then waited eagerly for Tari to take one of his horrific shits when he did

they picked through his shit oh god found the one box, opened it, and then found the letter inside you think that was a magic trick in front of people like and this is my letter is that your card nope

that's my bicycle. Now remember, gloves and rubber gloves don't exist yet. Yeah. He's just finger-fucking through his shit, looking for his... Oh, God. And this is a small enough box where he could poop it out. So it's like the size of the palm of your hand.

And he found his letter unharmed inside. The doctor had discovered a perfect way to pass messages without being found out. Oh my god. Because if Tarier was searched, they would find nothing. I imagine they wouldn't even try searching him. Oh fuck, you smell.

Just go. You smell like somebody shit a foot. Get out. I did shit a foot. Get out. I did shit a foot. You have foot? So he alerted the generals of the Army of the Rhine, which probably rightfully did not believe the doctor for a fucking second. And the doctor's like, all right, I'll show you.

So the doctor brought Tariye to the commanders of the army and demonstrated his talents. Tariye ate another box with a different letter and in front of a crowd of revolutionary French generals, shitted onto the floor. I imagine the whole Coliseum real quiet. He just... Imagine all these people,

like legendary generals, all gathered looking ultra serious around a table as a manager straining... The aides have their notes fucking quill out. And at that, he proved his rectal delivery service

totally worked. So, the commanders arranged for for Tarier to eat another letter and take it to Prussia where he could shit it out and deliver it to a captured French colonel now you have to hold this shit now he was deposed as a German peasant and Tarier made it

across France fuck he smells like a peasant shit Tarié made it across the French border and into Prussia so far the plan is working flawlessly one problem though if you were to say pose as a German person what would you think that bare

minimum of you should imagine speaking some type of German right so if you were to guess what Tarié did not do ah he did not speak a type of German? Right. So if you were to guess what Tariq did not do, he did not speak a word of German. That's when the Prussian soldiers found him wandering around and began to question him. In German,

when Tariq stared back at them confused, they arrested him. They touched him? I can imagine they had to just hit him a bit. Hit him with a stick. Probably. Once he was brought to a Prussian army camp The Prussians began to search him Because they knew he was a spy

But no matter where they looked They simply could not find anything on the man So they resorted to good old fashioned torture His clothes are greasy They tortured him so severely That quote Tarier voided the wooden case. Yes, he was tortured so badly, he shit himself.

I imagine, yeah. It gets worse. They read it? Now, I know what you're thinking. This means he failed in his mission to smuggle a letter undetected. Tariay, it turned out, was incredibly dedicated to this mission, or more likely, just very, very hungry. No. As he immediately turned around, dug into his own pile of shit, incredibly dedicated to this mission, or more likely just very, very hungry. No!

He immediately turned around, dug into his own pile of shit, grabbed the box, and ate it again. Ha ha ha ha! So, did he clear out the torture room after he shit himself? Now, the captors didn't see what he did. They didn't notice the box, because it was small.

They literally just saw him eat his own did. Like, they didn't notice the box, because it was small. They literally just saw him eat his own shit. Uh, yeah. And they quickly came to the conclusion that they did not want to keep this man in custody! Uh, because immediately after he ate his own shitbox, Terrier escaped and

ran back to France. I meant it as more like a waddle, because he's trying to hold just so much poop inside of him. Imagine he probably didn't care. Here's the kicker for the entire mission. Like if you're going to eat, if you were a G-man or a spy or whatever. A shit man.

S-man. You would have to like assume like the fate of the entire army rests on you keeping this note. Like that's, you're going to eat it. That's the only way I could ever see him. All of America depends on you eating this box covered in poop.

That letter was probably some horse shit. Hey, what's up? What are you doing over there? That's exactly what it was. The general of the army of the Rhine thought Tariq was fucking insane and didn't trust him with any real military secrets. He was pretty right. Instead, the letter

he had him shit and then eat again was an order so the thing that he effectively nearly killed himself over because even he can't eat fistfuls of his own shit in order to protect the mission was a

simple letter to the colonel to acknowledge he'd received it. It was a test run. Okay. What was his grade? What? What was his grade for the test? I'm gonna assume he failed. Okay. Because the colonel did not get the letter.

Now after all his torture and eating his own poop and also Tari was terrified from further military service after everything he's been through, he immediately went to the hospital and began to kind of malinger around a bit. While he recovered in the hospital, to the surprise of the staff who had never met him before,

began to eat his blankets and clothes. Okay, yeah. Not surprised. Yeah, at this point, yeah, sure, of course he'd do that. Yeah. Nurses were horrified. Guy's hungry. Yeah, nurses were horrified when they caught him Skulking around the hospital And drinking blood

From a dying man's wounds Oh god Don't worry I'm a doctor So it was Don't worry you just have bad blood I need to get it all out Now the hospital decided they were going to be the first people

to cure Tariya how the fuck nobody had any idea what the hell was wrong with him they pretty much just pumped him full of opium and tobacco which that stopped him from pooping like when you're jacked up on opium you get really constipated

and so like so it worked at least they only have to deal with half his problem yeah they don't have to deal with this shit he's not shitting a napalm anymore so instead of curing and instead of curing him the now incredibly high tarry a would escape from the hospital at night and and fight stray dogs over scraps of food and break into the hospital morgues and begin to eat dead bodies now imagine doing all this he's just tripping balls. Fighting the dogs is fucking awesome.

Senators! Just fighting fucking... The dogs are like, what the fuck, man? What the fuck? God. This convinced the hospital staff that no shit shit they couldn't cure him after all he's eating bodies now i feel like you're able to kill these guys um especially back then we'll just like take him out back and shoot him

well they have like insane asylums and stuff and that's where the nurses and doctors wanted to send him um but the doctor conducting the experiments wanted to keep him because he's like I'm totally getting close to the cure how did how does he figure he thinks he's doing the opposite of a cure because like before now he hasn't eaten any bodies but like since you've pumped him full of drugs

he's started gnawing on dead bodies so we've somehow went in reverse whatever he's close and that was when one night a 14 month old baby went missing yeah oh uh now everybody immediately became convinced there's target that he ate it i thought dumpster baby uh he definitely need a baby out of the dumpster. Yeah. Now, everybody immediately assumed he ate the baby. It's like, oh, Tari-ay. Only Tari-ay.

Tari-ay's in the back like, nah. Man's got to make a living. Yeah. I don't know why that came out like fucking Flintstones. Yabba-dabba-doo. Yabba-dabba, I'm going to eat your baby. Oh, man. Even though they were pretty assuredly convinced it was him,

they couldn't find the evidence. He became the abortion clinic after this. No. Oh. No. No. Oh, okay. No.

No. No. Oh, okay. So, now there was no evidence because he ate it. So they have to sift through his shit. So they decided to chase off the freakish, ghoulish, fucking freaky, smiegel monster out of the hospital. They had him run for his life while chasing him with sticks. Torches and pitchforks.

Back, Felpys! Back to hell where you came from! They need to open up his stomach like Jaws, dude. And he vanished for about four years. When he re-emerged, he was dying of tuberculosis in a Versailles hospital.

Now, Tarié was not aware that tuberculosis was killing him. Instead, he thought it was because he ate a fork that went down bad. How do you come up with that? Because he probably ate a whole bunch of forks. I feel like it'd be like the cartoons where you could see it in their necks, like the whole fork. He just saw a fork and he's like, yep, that's a fork. So he ate some rich person's golden forks and thought it made him sick that was what but he had tuberculosis cool i have money

which and i can eat is as close as doctors of the day could probably get for diagnosing him oh you you have drop foot throat uh you you have mick welderson's wasting disease. It's a fork. I don't fucking know. You have the consumption, kid. Doctors wanted to find out exactly what was going on inside of him. So he died. Okay. Tari eventually just dropped dead. He died.

So they took Tari's body to an autopsy room. They finally figure out, just, bro, what the fuck? It turned out the worst was yet to come. The baby was still alive and five years old at this point in his stomach. Oh, God. I've been eating everything that came down that throat. I've eaten so many other babies. Thankfully, Tariq had creeped.

Thank God he ate silverware. He has a whole dorm room set up in there. Yeah, thank God he ate a womb. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to grow up in here. Now, when they cut into Tariq's body to conduct the autopsy, Yeah, thank God he ate a womb, otherwise I wouldn't be able to grow up in here. Now, when they cut into Tari's body to conduct the autopsy, it unleashed a horrifying stench that cleared the hospital entirely. So this is a direct quote from the medical study.

Quote, the entrails were putrid, confounded together, and immersed in pus. The liver was excessively large, void of consistence, and a putrescent state. The gallbladder was a considerate magnitude, the stomach in a lax state, and having ulcerated patches dispersed throughout it, covering almost the entire abdominal region. The dude was literally like a living infection full of ulcers. He should have died way earlier. He should have died at birth. infection full of ulcers. He should have died way earlier.

He should have died at birth. His stomach filled his entire abdominal cavity. That's not right. No. And doctors noted that his throat was so wide, if they tilted his head back, they could stare down his throat and look directly into his stomach.

Oh. I was thinking something else. He could see straight down to his asshole. He could see the light on the other side. Like when you... Hey, Johnson. Put your finger down there. And that's how Scientology was formed. How many fingers am I holding up?

Four. Holy shit. It is the tunnel to end all tunnels. Yeah, like that just defies biology. So like T tunnel to end all tunnels. Yeah, like, that just defies biology. So, like, Tari was a mutant. He's, like, the worst X-Men mutant. Yeah, he is. What can you do? I eat until I die. Watch this.

I eat Professor Xavier's chair. Oh, fuck. Magneto attacks. Everybody's fighting, like, what is Tari doing? He's eating the furniture. God damn it. He's trying to eat Wolverine's claws.

What the fuck? He smells terrible. So this whole autopsy only took a couple minutes because they did not have time to figure out the extent of his deformities. They didn't want to smell it. Yeah, because the stench was becoming so overpowering, people were starting to pass out. It seemed like the

paint was wilting off the walls. At that point, it was like... You remember Ferngully, when the oil monster was curling around and grabbing things. Yeah. That is what his stench is doing. They eventually had to abandon the room and the hospital entirely for a couple hours.

The plants in the area started to die. Yeah, it looks like Chernobyl's red zone. Yeah. The trees just wilted and died. Some say the fish in the area have two heads now. Yeah. That was the Simpsons. That was, yeah.

Everything goes back to the simpsons even history uh so simpsons did it simpsons did like the stare like the battle of the psalm people are choking to death from gas simpsons did it please sir i need a gas mask i would watch that simpsons episode of mo getting bayoneted by the Huns anyway so they dispose of his corpse the only way it was suitable for a man who ate a baby and smelled like a

goddamn pile of corpses they took it out to a ditch and set it on fire they didn't even have an oven they literally just threw him into a nearby ditch covered him in kerosene and lit it on fire and ran away because it smelled so bad i mean because it's like the cleansing burning of flames is the only way to get rid of something like tari i imagine that even smelled like shit oh had to oh my god it's like a burning corpse smells god awful and like a burning tari

corpse must just imagine they were like oh fuck light some rubber i don't know that's like a biological weapon going off everybody starts keeling over from that's some shit that were they would like put the dead bodies in the catapults and throw it over into people's like yeah that's what they should have done with him yeah just wheel him over to prussia and throw him over the border. Just right over the border. And that's how the plague started. Yeah, they cleansed his

unclean form with the glow of flames. And that's how our sweet boy died. Stinky boy. The real winners of this story are Terry and his parents who threw him out. That was definitely the right call. Oh, yeah.

Imagine I'd do the same. Yeah. And those parents? Albert Einstein. Oh. So that was my attempt of making the most disturbing, non-serious episode I could. I hope I made everybody intensely uncomfortable. There was some military in there.

Yeah, he joined the army yeah he's in the army so i i originally heard of tarry's story uh i had not heard of charles domere uh because i bought a really really shitty book when i was in british columbia that was like crazy stories from throughout military history the book ended up being fucking terrible and Tari got like a paragraph in the whole thing really and the whole reason I bought the book is so like I've heard of this like this story before I believe I originally heard it in Cracked

years back when Cracked was good and they didn't fire everybody but and I was really intensely interested because like I thought it wasn't true because like I never saw anybody cite any sources for it. There's literally a medical study that a doctor

who was in the room when they cut Tarje open conducted. I'm waiting for a movie to come out about Tarje. I believe that would be a Black Mirror episode. That'd be good too. What if your computer could eat you? See, Black Mirror, hire me. I got these all day. Yeah. Go ahead. Next episode, go. I got these all day. Yeah. Go ahead.

Next episode, go. I'll top your head. What if your parrot was also your cell phone? Your parrot? Yeah. That's a Black Mirror episode. Yep. Check this out. I got another one. What if your handgun was also

your dog? What if your iPhone controlled your dick? Ooh. I could do this all day. It's really bad writing, guys. You haven't been good in like five years. This is good stuff. But I tracked down the medical study.

And that was mostly done post-mortem. Charles Domere's story is much more interesting because his was way more his was fun for me. His was done via interview while he was in the prison in England. So like a doctor's like you ate six pounds of grass. Did you? Yeah.

Yeah. Because like, why would anybody fucking lie about it? Yeah. When that and we ate rotten pig assholes out of a dumpster. Next question. Like interesting. Fascinating. Next question. Like, interesting. Fascinating. Yes.

Please eat this udder. Anyway, that is our episode this week. I hope you all enjoy your four to five pounds of cow udder that you'll no doubt have today. I feel like it's real chewy. Some udder? It's gotta be like rubber. Yeah. It's like eating

pounds of areolas which i i think jeffrey dahmer made into like belt belt buckles maybe i'm getting maybe uh necklaces maybe it was ted bonnie i don't remember one or two yeah but thank you for tuning in i am sorry to do all this to you. The first one went okay. Feels better than the second. Hey, hey, hey. I never lie to anybody. I said, wait, it gets worse.

You know what? When you tune into the Donkast, you know what you're getting. And it never makes you feel good. It always makes you feel deep and sad. You almost sound like a FM radio talk show host. You're in with the donk. Yeah, hit a button to mix fart noises. A donk

in the cock. The Bethane cast. Sorry, Nate. Anyway, thank you for supporting the show. If you think what we do is worth a dollar, I don't know why you would at this point. I imagine we're probably going to get unsubscribed.

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but thank you. What? We don't. We're not eating babies. We'll see you next week. Later.