Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - Episode 80 - Philippine American War Part 2: The Machete of Freedom

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

The American Philippines War begins in earnest. America sets up a series of concentration camps and attempts to brutalize the Philippine people into submission. Enter the Machete of Freedom. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/lionsledbydonkeys Buy some merch: https://teespring.com/stores/lions-led-by-donkeys-store Follow us on twitter: @lions_by

Hello, and welcome to yet another episode of the Lines Led by Donkeys podcast. Yes. I'm Joe. With me is always Nick. It's Nick. I'll let you do it. And we're on part two. The Philippines-American War. Or the American-Philippines War,

depending on what your jam is. You left me on a cliffhanger. Go ahead and just recap it like my favorite soap opera. Last week on the Led Zeppelin Donkeys podcast. So we left you last week two racist soldiers from Nebraska. Opened fire on some Filipino soldiers who had the

fucking absolute gall to walk down their own street, sparking America's first overseas war of colonialism. A whole bunch of other stuff happened too, but that's all I'm going to talk about. Yeah. Now, I should point out

that Grayson, the soldier widely accepted to have fired the shots that started the war, was under orders to arrest any armed men who tried to cross his position and get close to American lines. What about unarmed? That's the thing.

He did not attempt to arrest the people he shot at, nor were they armed. Unarmed people were not addressed. You think he did that old, like, oh, yeah, see his knife right there and, like, pulls a knife out of his pocket and throws it on him? Yeah, they call that the Clint Lawrence. Mm. So, yeah, good job, Grayson. You really did your job there. Throws nail clippers on him.

Now, some argument persists today. Some people say the Filipino soldiers were or or not uh or both sides were arguing um or whatever it's a bit of a gray zone but i saw more sources say that they were unarmed than i saw that they were armed for me it's like why i don't understand how it's an argument well if they were armed it would make grayson not a war criminal which is important um but for me it's like i kind of buy uh if i'm gonna play devil's advocate i normally don't but if i'm a soldier i i've only been a soldier in you know since 2006 to 13 so it's like i only have that to go off of but like you'd expect them to have a weapon.

But at the same time, the war is over, they're in their own city, and they think the Americans are their friends. Why would they be armed? So it's like, eh, whatever. Either way, why'd you shoot them? But, yeah. Now, once the shooting began,

soldiers from both sides began to muster. Not entirely sure of what was going on or who started what. Tens of thousands of soldiers from both sides rapidly began to run towards their forward positions, began to shoot at one another. That escalated so fucking fast. The problem was the U.S. Army

at the time only had a few officers for a large amount of infantry. And the Filipino Army's officers were all away way for the weekend attending a mandatory military ball. Which is all something... That's why you don't make it mandatory, people. This is what happens.

When I read that, I started giggling because I'm like, yep, been there. This meant the Filipino soldiers were confused and without orders. And American soldiers were chaotic and unable to direct their attacks for about the first night of the fighting. One of the few captains of the Filipino army who had not gone to the ball

sent a telegram to Emilio and the president of the declared republic telling him exactly what was happening. Now, any feelings of warmth that Emilio had towards the Americans had long since passed and became clear they were not going to allow his people independence that did not however mean he wanted to go to war he was a smart man and he knew a war against the Americans would probably bring him nothing but destruction and death so Emilio immediately telegraphed back to the Americans to end the fighting he sent an emissary to speak with the commander of American forces in the

area. General Elward, Steven Otis Otis may have a dumb name, but he is not someone that was shy of bloodshed. He was a veteran of the United States of war fighting a place like Gettysburg, Chandlerville, Petersburg,

Spotsylvania. During his time, he was known as an Indian fighter, which almost certainly means he slaughtered men, women, and children and he was actually one of the first units to respond to the attack on Little Bighorn

so he was very comfortable with violence against brown people now all this is well and good but it had the downside of him thinking that he just couldn't be beaten. When Emilio's emissary went to him and said,

the firing on our side last night has been against my orders, which is the closest thing you could say to my bad in a situation like this. But at the same time, he kind of accepted responsibility. Even though the Americans totally started it.

He's like, look, I didn't want this to happen. He's trying to mop it up. Yeah, it was one of those like, you have two armed camps. This is eventually going to happen. And it was America's fault. But at the same time, he did what he thought he needed to do to end the fighting. America's not going to take the blame for it. No, no, no.

Good thing we don't do that anymore. Yeah. what he thought he needed to do to end the fighting, which America's not going to take the blame for. No, no, no. That good thing. We don't do that anymore. Yeah. Uh, yep. Now Otis had probably never seen a Brown person he'd ever respected in his life. So he responded,

quote, the fighting having begun must go on to the grim end, which is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. That just hypothetically is war. It can never end ever. Emilio knew his time as peacemaker was over. If Americans wanted war, that was exactly

what they were going to get. So he announced to his officers, quote, it is my duty to maintain the integrity of our national honor and that the army so unjustly attacked by those posing as our friends, attempting to dominate us in the place of the Spaniards. Therefore, for the defense of the nation entrusted to me, I hereby order and command peace and friendly relations between the Philippine Republic and the American army of occupation are broken,

and the latter will be treated as enemies with the limits prescribed by the laws of war. prescribed by the laws of war. As the Battle of Manila unfolded, the Filipino troops saw some successes, seizing some American artillery positions and pushing them back for a little bit, but the tide of the battle was quickly to change. The Filipino troops were used to fighting and were largely trained to fight the Spanish.

The Spanish did not have a tendency to stick around and fight. See, they kind of had learned their lesson about what happens when you campaign out far from strong points in the philippines which is you eventually just kind of get surrounded by the enemy yeah so they would kind of launch offensives from the fortifications win a battle then fuck off back to the fortification oh yeah kind of what we do in Afghanistan. You go out,

get in a fight, come back. Yeah. Um, yeah, they, they didn't hang out for too long, but they faced from the Americans was an all out assault in a 16 mile long front consisting of 13 infantry regiments.

Not something they were prepared for. This quickly, uh, sent the Filipino forces running. We're still, their battle plan was kind of resting on the Filipinos inside the city, rising up against the American occupiers. You can see why this would be a huge thorn in the American side. I mean,

as they would advance, they would be cut off by an angry mob or something. It would burn their supplies. Some kind of popular support. Right. But that never happened. Instead, the Filipino army withdrew as thousands of American soldiers

flooded into Manila. As if they were twisting the knife from the side of the Filipino people, the U.S. Congress officially voted to annex the Philippines just two days after the battle had ended. Really? Now that the islands were officially U.S. property,

the U.S. Army meant to go out and suppress the war that they had just kicked up, deploying tens of thousands of more soldiers to the islands. One of the soldiers deployed to the U.S. is a man named David Fagan. And just remember his name. It'll become important later. Just know that Fagan was one of hundreds and thousands of Buffalo soldiers from the West, black American soldiers.

So like they're going to be caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to their ethics. It's really interesting what happens. Now the Philippines opened the war, meaning to combat the US army in open warfare. This however ended up being an honorable, if not terrible, idea. The U.S. Army was not the imperial juggernaut we all know and accidentally end up serving in today,

but it is still a modern army built upon the back of an industrial monster of a society, and it was significantly stronger than the Spaniards the Filipinos also could not defeat. The Filipino Army was definitely none of those things. While they fielded around 80,000 men, they only had about half as many rifles. It's said many of their soldiers were untrained and armed with bolo

knives, which is kind of a machete. I love bolo knives. To make matters worse for the young nation, they had no navy, which turned out to be a real motherfucker when their coastal cities found themselves getting shelled by the United States Navy. But the army in tatters,

General Luna, all around badass motherfucker, decided an open war was just about the dumbest thing they could try. So he ordered layers of fortifications to be built around the Cordell Years. Yeah. So it's a really mountainous, rugged region,

kind of in the middle of nowhere. Right. He fortified it, and his plan was to suck the U.S. forces into a protracted, irregular war, knowing that they would have to launch an offensive there. It consisted of miles of trenches and lines of pits full of poisonous snakes.

Indiana Jones? So apparently General Luna is also a supervillain. Jesus. Can we get venomous snakes? Well, it's not in the budget. How about ill-tempered sea bass? At the same time, Luna was still running around doing badass stuff. He set up a purpose-built guerrilla force known as the Luna Sharpshooters,

who are also known as the Marksmen of Death. Nice. And another unit known as the Blackguard. Yeah. Dude's fucking straight metal, man. Yeah, dude, he's just coming up with even better names. He's like, how about this? Whoa, wait, wait, this.

What about the Scorpion Warriors of Volcano Mountain? That's amazing. He would find the best soldiers he could, and instead of training them or putting them through some kind of special forces selection that we know and understand today, he developed a different kind of initiation process. He would drive them to near where a U.S. position was and order them to attack it, all while he sat back and watched through a pair of binoculars.

What the fuck? If they returned alive, congratulations, you're a sharpshooter now. Like, by himself. No, it was like a group of them. That sounds like horse shit, dude. I would not want to be a sharpshooter. It's like, General Luna, I respect you

very deeply. I'm so glad to be part of the sharpshooters. Ah, not yet. Here, take this machete and attack those Americans. If you come back, I'll give you a cool hat. What? These units would train to ambush the U.S. Army and then melt back into the jungles and forests. The sharpshooters would become known as the most feared soldiers of the entire war and

spearhead almost every major attack by the Filipino army. Still more. I think that has to do with more of luck than skill, is that you got away. You know, I'll take luck over skill on the day of the week. Oh yeah, for sure. Especially when it comes to getting shot at. Definitely. As I can tell you,

I was not a very good soldier, but I never got shot. That's good. Still more, a Filipino private named Bonifacio Mariano, a sharpshooter in one of these units, would pull a trigger that would kill the highest ranking United States killed in action of the entire war. General Henry Ware Lawton.

So yeah, Bonaparte is a certified badass, I guess. Or at least he was for that five seconds it took him to shoot a general in the face. He probably didn't even know it was a general. He's like, oh, probably not. All right, got that guy. I would have a hard time thinking he was. I mean, they weren't...

At the time, America wasn't exactly known for its heavily decorated uniforms. No. So Luna would eventually, at the assistance, America wasn't exactly known for its heavily decorated uniforms. No. So Luna would eventually, at the assistance of Amelia, order a counterattack on Manila. This would become known as the Battle of Calo Can. I think I pronounced that right. Calo Can.

And it did not go well. For who? For the Filipinos. As I would point out before, the Filipino army was not built for open warfare, no matter how hard it tried. It turns out open warfare against a modern power is not something you can just grit your way through.

It requires certain things. That meant as soon as Luna pressed the attack, they got bogged down in fighting, and no matter how good they were at fighting, they quickly expended all their ammo, food, and water. Because remember, they didn't really have... He was attempting to modernize the army, but it would take time,

and he was not given that much time. To make matters worse for Luna, deep factional lines still existed in his army. These were mostly based on whatever town, city, or island you happened to be from. Sometimes it was personal loyalty and warlordism. Some units would only listen to certain commanders, while others insisted they would only listen to the president himself. What? In one case, Luna ordered a general named Tomas Moscardo to attack.

Instead, Moscardo told Luna he was going to inspect his troops instead before he was going to attack. Now, it wasn't like, fuck you, I'm not going to attack. He's like, I need to inspect my troops. So he's going to do that then attack. Yeah, yeah. But instead what he was really doing was visiting his girlfriend. Nice.

Yeah, he's like, I have to go hit up my side piece because I'm away from my wife. I got to go inspect that ass. The battle eventually fell apart as there's no functioning central command because some generals decided to log into Tinder instead of fighting the Americans. Luna was so mad he ordered Moscato to be arrested, but nothing ever came of it. Disgusted, Luna resigned, but then came swiftly back into the army a short time later, accepting another promotion from the president to commander of the entire armed forces, which is probably what he should have been anyway.

He was obviously like. He sounded like he was. He has the brain for it. He has the vision. He's going to modernize the entire army. About a month later, he was ordered by the president himself to go to a nearby city where he thought he was going to have a meeting with Emilio. Instead, he was promptly macheted and shot to death. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, he got shot like twice and then like hacked with a machete. And he still pulled out his sidearm and attempted to fight people screaming swear words at him as he went down. Because Luna don't fuck around. What? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I mean so there was

there's a certain amount of suspicion that Luna was going to attempt to overthrow Emilio. Really? But there's not a lot of proof. I think Emilio believed that Luna was going to overthrow him because he was so powerful. He was the only halfway decent military commander he fucking had.

And also, no one's entirely sure if Emilio ordered him to be murdered. So the soldiers that killed him were Moscato's soldiers. And at various points, like Moscato, whose career was effectively ruined after he was ordered arrested, held a grudge because he had him detained. And he eventually was detained and found innocent of going and fucking his girlfriend instead of launching an attack. But his reputation was ruined. of launching an attack. Right. But his reputation was ruined and it was kind of like,

it was kind of like Luna did when randomly challenging people to duels. Except Moscato didn't have the balls to challenge him to a duel and instead ambushed him and hacked him to death with a machete because he's a pussy. Wow.

So the American government was beginning to wrestle with this new thing called an insurgency. No matter how often they smashed the Filipino army in open battle, and they did, their ranks would simply swell once again.

I think you can kind of see where this is going, can't you? I feel like I can. Yeah. Drawn from their experience as fighting Native Americans, their decision was made to segregate the civilian population away from the resistance. Filipino civilians are torn from their homes

and thrown into villages and camps where they are set aside specifically for that purpose. The property they left behind was burned, their livestock was murdered, and their wells were poisoned. Once brought into U.S. custody, the civilians were forced to provide information

on the activities of local guerrillas real or imagined. You want to guess what the US government called this? Was it? Oh, no. No. Active friendship. Really?

Active friendship. This is worse than benevolent assimilation. Active friendship. We're not waterboarding you. This is just what friends do. This is our friendship being active. No, yeah, we're friends waterboarding you. This is just what friends do. This is our friendship being accurate. No, yeah, we're friends.

Trust us. Once inside these areas, the civilians would be unable to work as leaving would allow them to contact the resistance who were probably their family members. Many of them were short of food and water, and as they were not allowed to work, they couldn't till the fields or the farm, forcing them to rely on the U.S. government

to feed them and keep them alive. If you're thinking that it sounds an awful lot like the U.S. Army set up a bunch of concentration camps, you'd be right! That's exactly what they did! These camps soon became rife with disease and starvation, and in the end, around 100,000 people would be killed. How many of these were, like, a lot?

A lot, a lot. There's a couple on each island for the most part. Now, if that doesn't sound familiar for several ways, it should. This is largely how and why the native reservations were set up in the United States, and we would again use this in Vietnam generations later with the name of the Strategic Hamlet Program. This kind of simultaneous callback and foreshadowing of American Imperial Wars does

not end there. Things did not go much better for the people who managed to stay out of these camps. If an American unit came under fire while on a patrol, it would simply turn to the nearest local village called normally known as a barrio and burn it to the ground.

That's what we called our neighborhoods in LA. Yeah. I think we can thank the Spanish for both those things. If people happen to still be inside, they were beaten, raped, and murdered. So it should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody

when I say this only made the villages fight harder. This became known as Amigo Warfare because the villagers were nice to them during the day, the Americans, and then at night they would try to murder them because fuck those guys. They just burned down my neighbor's house. Fuck yeah. Amigo Warfare, dude. It's pretty sweet, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Amigo warfare. It's pretty sweet, right? Yeah. If American troops came upon POWs, wounded or otherwise, they were offered tortured and executed with full authorization from their command structure. One technique they used was known as the water cure. The water cure.

A funnel would be placed in their mouth and they would be force-fed water until their stomachs distended like a cartoon, at which point they'd be punched and kicked until the water was expelled or they died. This is actually something they learned from the Spanish. Really? Yeah, so they just exchanged one group of shitty white people for

the other. So, if I was gonna introduce another, reintroduce an asshole, would you guess it's Arthur MacArthur again? With that name, yes. Oh my god. So, Arthur MacArthur declared in an that name, yes. Oh my god. So Arthur MacArthur declared in an official proclamation that

guerrilla warfare was contrary to the customs and usages of war. Those engaged in it defest themselves of the character of soldiers, and if captured are not entitled to the privileges of a prisoner of war. Go fuck yourself. Obviously that order doesn't say everybody go on a

rampage, but that is exactly how it was understood. For instance, John Roberts, who's a bugler in the 13th Minnesota infantry, which was a thing that still existed at the time said, quote, we have been vastly more cruel than the Spanish. I have been given orders in writing that would read,

let there be no wounded among the enemy dead. I thought his orders would be like bugle the shit out of his ear. Just like Neil. Just in his ear. The wounded in turn is like, please just fucking kill me. I'm so sick of hearing hot cross buns. Fuck, I fucked it up again. Hold on, let me play some Smoke on the Water.

Leonard F. Williams, first Washington volunteers, wrote home, but a campaign in Luzon said, quote, in the path of the Washington regiment, there are about 1,008 dead N-words and a great many wounded. We burned all their houses.

I don't know how many men, women, and children those Tennessee boys did kill. They would not take any prisoners. One company of the Tennessee boys was sent to the headquarters of 30 prisoners and when he got there, he had about 100 chickens and no prisoners. Yeah, so consider it official policy.

Ugh. You know, it's hard to say. It depends on what you consider here. If you see something, and I'm going to ask for your opinion, and everybody else's too, because you're going to let me know anyway, which is fine. If there's no official policy in place of doing something, but an entire army does it, and it's not stopped. That's official policy, right? Like if it's in common usage, and officers know about it, and they don't stop it, you can kind of consider that official policy. That's almost like plausible deniability on an officer's behalf.

And this is even before they had to worry about that. This is in the 1800s. Yeah. They're not going to have to worry about war crimes. Yeah. Where you can be assholes for free. Yeah. It's awesome.

Yeah. And I mean, I think Arthur MacArthur's order is enough of a, yeah, go ahead and kill everybody because they don't recognize a standing army of the Philippines. Yeah. So everything is guerrilla war. Hmm.

Right. Technically. That's how I take it. Yeah. They're not, they don't consider, they're not technically fighting a war against the Philippine Republic under Algenaldo.

They don't acknowledge its existence. Yeah. So everything they do. Yeah. Everything is guerrilla warfare. So yeah, he's just like, yep, go ahead and genocide everybody. It's cool. It's fine. Scumbags. Yep.

During the fighting, vastly more Filipinos died than Americans. So much so, people actually began to ask questions at the shocking lack of Filipino wounded. Don't worry. American generals had an answer for that. MacArthur simply said that was because the Filipinos were in a fearier race

and they died of their wounds much faster. Yeah. I fucking hate. That's it. All MacArthur's. Not a single good MacArthur. No. If we have a fan with the last name MacArthur,

we apologize that you suck. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm sure some are good people. The atrocities became so horrible that one group of Americans would just no longer take part. Dozens, if not hundreds of Buffalo soldiers, David Fagan included, tossed down their rifles

and ran off into the jungle to join the Filipinos in their struggle. Oh, fuck you, dude. This became such a problem that the army passed a regulation or a policy, rather, that if any black deserters were captured, they were to be executed

because they knew they were fighting with the Filipinos. Fagund would rise to the rank of captain within the Filipino army, launching attacks on his countrymen and developing such a reputation that the president of the United States himself put a $600 bounty on his head, which is about 20 grand today.

Yeah, dude. You got fucking recognized, bro. i have to point out that nobody knows what happened to fagin he fucking vanished like a goddamn phantom no nobody should so they claim that they killed him but it's never been proven fuck no they didn't because kind of a lot like a lot of people in america claims to kill yeah they claim to kill him a couple of times yeah and they never yeeted his body into the sea. So, like, in my opinion, he's still fighting.

Oh, yeah, he's still fighting today. I'm 165, and I will not stop until America's destroyed. Yeah. In one area known as... Dude. This is, like,

the best part of this. Yeah, it's honestly the only bright side of this entire episode. In one area known as the Balangiga, American soldiers would force civilians outdoors whenever it rained. Actually, there's two bright spots. Oh, okay. When American soldiers force people outside, it gets better. This is the one time I get to say,

Oh, so, all right, it gets worse for somebody, but not the Filipinos. For once. Furthermore, the commander of the area was an asshole named Robert P. Hughes, who was brutally harsh on food deprivation and property destruction whenever the locals questioned his rule. He used it

as a punitive measure. If he thought that they were getting specifically rambunctious or something that they might rebel he's like yeah burn their crops so it's like he's using starvation as a weapon which is something African warlords do so like fuck that guy

eventually the guerrillas moved into the area and began to plan an attack because before the civilians were not sympathetic towards them. Because they're like, you know, maybe if we're just cool, the Americans will eventually fuck off and leave. And if we help the guerrillas, that won't happen. But once this started happening, they're like, yeah, come on in, guys.

Yeah, fuck it. Which is exactly what happens in a counterinsurgency. exactly what happens in a counterinsurgency which is why like every time say a lieutenant whose name might be clint lawrence orders the killing of two people uh you just created several more generations of insurgents which will then kill american soldiers which will then cause more atrocities which will then cause more you don't win a counterinsurgency you just don't win it it's fucking impossible you don't win it you don't start it it's the only way to not win it which is what america should have learned a hundred years ago so guerrillas moved into the area though as always they were outgunned they knew they'd

have to smuggle a ton of weapons in thing is they didn't have guns well you don't need them you want to guess what they used can we get a live guitar guy can we pay for one of those just to hang out here play guitar every time we record just hang out here and we're like all right this is your cue that's our new patreon goal we're going to hire someone from the local high school to just shred on their guitar in a recording room. Of course, his parents have to sign. They can come too. Yeah, please, yeah.

We don't want any underage kids here. Oh, God, that sounds awful. He's not going to be an underage high school kid. He's going to be a kid that's kind of failed a couple times, so he's like 18 or 19. Oh, cool. So like us. Yeah, exactly.

Cool. But they knew just randomly bringing a ton of machetes into a village would raise some fucking eyebrows. So they disguised themselves as a group of casket-carrying mourners. The casket, of course, was full of machetes. Oh, the irony! Yes! Now, machetes. Oh, the irony! Yes! Now,

machetes bring death. Machetes are the harbinger of happiness or death, depending on what side of the machete you're on. When American soldiers began to grow suspicious that this is a rather large gathering of workers,

There's a lot of coffins. they checked the inside of a casket. They did not find machetes. Instead, they found a corpse of a small boy that the gorillas have dug up and threw into the casket to hide their haul of weapons. Good cover. Jesus fucking Christ, that is dedication to the cause.

Good cover, dude. Like, imagine being in that meeting. It's like, all right, Amelia, how should we hide the weapons? It was like, a tarp? Uh, dirt? Someone's like, baby corpse? My sonp, uh, dirt. Someone's like baby corpse. My son died last week. Yeah.

Everybody's like, are we, are we the bad guys? Dude. Oh, you know how bad it would be. We're smuggling weapons among a baby corpse. Some bad-ass assassin,

assassin gorilla was inside it with a machete, just like with it crossed. And once he opened it up, just started fucking like they did that in the Punisher video game did they yeah I think it was like for PS2 there was a mission where you hid in a casket and they brought you into

a wake and you waited for this mafia family to show up and you popped out of a casket but you had an M60 yeah that's basically what the gorillas were doing yeah yeah I mean honestly be cool with machetes. Everything's cool with machetes. Yeah, for sure.

It's not really said where the gorillas got this corpse. And I'm not going to go into it too much. I don't even want to think about it. When the soldier saw this, he must have felt like shit. Because he immediately waved the rest of the mourning group through without searching them. It's like, oh, God, dead baby. Yeah, you just don't do that. Yeah.

If he had searched them, he would have found that the around 30 odd group of women he thought he was looking at were actually all men in drag smuggling themselves in. Yeah. The next morning at about.30 a.m., the mourners sprang into action. As almost the entirety of C Company 9th Infantry Regiment was eating breakfast, 500 machete-wielding guerrillas

stormed their compound, quickly overrunning the sentries. The men inside had become aware of the attack, but now they had a practice at the time. You stacked your weapons outside in a

little yeah I guess you'd call teepee teepee yeah yeah and then because you didn't bring weapons into the chow hall which meant as soon as the machete wielding groups of people came in they were now had a 500 people in between them and their guns

oh my god it's like imagine like I fucking told you we should have brought our guns had a 500 people in between them and their guns. Oh my God. It's like, imagine like, I fucking told you we should have brought our guns. So they were almost completely, there was some, like officers were allowed to keep their sidearms.

So there's a couple. Yeah. There's a couple of pistols floating around in there. As the fighters streamed into the chow hall and began to hack them to pieces. Sold soldiers began to defend themselves with their cutlery, metal plates, and in one case, a baseball bat, which makes me, why the fuck was there a baseball bat? I can't bring my rifle, but I can bring this goddamn baseball bat. In the end, around 54 Americans were slaughtered, including every single officer in the company, which I only see as a bright spot. The enlisted men who survived... I don't see anything wrong.

The enlisted men who survived were like, Thanks! We didn't like those guys anyway. The American response was quick and about as bad as anything Reinhard Heydrich could ever think of. General Jacob H. Smith ordered his men to turn the island into howling wilderness.

That is a direct quote. And they can now bring their rifles in the chow hall. Yeah, they probably changed that policy pretty quick. Yeah. He said, quote, I want no prisoners. I wish you to kill and burn. The more you kill and burn,

the more you please me. I don't know. These guys suck. They don't learn anything. Yep, yep. Going one step beyond super villain level I don't know these guys suck they don't learn anything yep yep going one step beyond super villain level

villainy he ordered his soldiers to kill anybody above the age of 10 this was a written order wow now

this is where I actually get to point out that General Smith got court-martialed what did he get it for? All that. Really? Yeah, he was found guilty.

Oh. You know what his punishment was? He had to retire early. Get the fuck out of here. Oh my god. There's no justice. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, you killed an entire island above the age of 10.

Show me your hand. All right. island uh under the age of or above the age of 10 show me your hand all right just go home to your manor where you probably used to own slaves and think about what you've done yeah okay i will like they literally rubbed his nose in it and sent him home yeah yep god unfortunately this iron fist of the amer Americans was working. Many wealthy former revolutionaries decided to throw in with the Americans because, remember, there is no war but class war. Many of these wealthy Filipinos were angling for a spot in the coming colonial government and kind of wanted to save their own money

because if the Americans found out you were supporting the insurgents, not only were you probably going to die, they would take your money if they didn't kill you so you're like well i can't possibly be poor monocles drop everywhere the poors are at it again which like it always makes me laugh because without fail throughout colonial history this happens a lot with the exception of a few places like belgian conga where like they still didn't allow black people to go to school yeah but like in india you see stuff like this happen and in obviously the philippines you see stuff like this happen where the colonial power allows the culture to oppress themselves eventually um this happened in rwanda and culminated in the Rwandan genocide.

It happened in the Middle East. They allow them a certain amount of power and wealth to think they're almost equals when they're not. And they turn them against each other. And that's exactly what happened here. And largely this worked, unfortunately. William Howard Taard taft the future president would come to the islands and become its governor general he promised the rich of the islands if they came to the

american yoke they'd be given high office and allowed to retain their titles riches and property also slaves fucking bastard i left that part out they're a bastard they were called uh indentured servants though so yeah which are slightly different they were they were not allowed to uh left that part out. God bastard. They were called indentured servants, though. So, yeah. Which are slightly different. They were not allowed to... It wasn't like chattel slavery, but it was like the same kind of indentured servitude

going on in America at the same time. Yeah. It's slavery with extra steps. Fuck that guy and his tub. You fat fuck. I'm not one for fat shaming, but when's william howard you're a piece of shit though you can you can point him out for being a fat this guy came to an island full of starving

oppressed people and then turned them against each other fuck him i wish he had a stroke actually he may have i don't know how he died. He probably did. Yeah. Anyway, this ended up being the end game for the majority of the resistance. General Frederick Frunston, aided by many Filipinos who had joined the American side, launched an operation to capture the president

of the insurgent republic, Emilio Algenaldo. The Americans pretended to be POWs, captured by their Filipino allies, who were wearing captured Filipino army uniforms and marched directly into Emilio's camp. Once inside the camp, they quickly fell upon him, who immediately gave up.

After years of fighting and running, he simply could not do it anymore. Now, if you remember, this is literally exactly what happened to Windtalkers! Yeah. What the fuck? So I apologized to Nicolas Cage for all the horrible things I said about him. This is based in fact. No.

No. Yep, it is. It's historical fact. No way. On April 1st, 1901, Emilio Algenado swore an oath, accepting American authority over what had been his first republic saying quote let the stream of blood cease to flow let there be an end to the tears and desolation

which yeah of course the surrender of the president did not mean the end of the war one man named Miguel Malvar pressed on refusing to surrender and launching attacks against the US till finally starvation and disease forced him to give up the fight as well. In 1902, Teddy Roosevelt had his mission accomplished moment.

He decided that the war was over with one important caveat. He said, quote, the insurrection against the authority of the United States is now at an end and peace has been established in all parts of the archipelago except the country inhabited by the Moro tribes, to which this proclamation does not apply. Which brings us to the Moro Rebellion, and where we will pick up next week. God damn it.

Yeah, and let me tell you, Moro Rebellion jumps... The shining moments? It jumps into the present in ways you will not expect. Really? Yep. Oh, yeah. That is part two.

I hope you're all sad now. I enjoyed part two more than I did part one. But part two is so sad. God. Yep. Unfortunately, it's what we do here. It is. It's like, welcome to the show.

I hope you brought your crying clothes. Or not wearing any clothes. Shouldn't be. This is why everybody's like, you know, your show would probably be better if you weren't drunk all the time. Who says that? I've heard it more than once.

And it's like, have you ever tried to study history sober? It's like talking, it's like talking to mental health. It's sad and horrible, but necessary. Yeah. It's just hard.

And if I wanted to be depressed a lot, I would, I don't know. I don't even know where I'm going with that. I don't know. Read a history book, read an American history book about the West. Fuck. I don't know. It,'t even know where I'm going with that. I don't know. Read a history book. Read an American history book about the West. Fuck, I don't know.

It would sound good. You know, it's... This war is really... I keep saying this war is really interesting because of... You know, the joke... I think I've joked on this show a dozen times. Time is a big, flat, dumb circle. But, like, time is a big, flat, fucking dumb circle,

and this war proves it. Oh, yeah. Because this is the very first time where America dipped their toes in the overseas empire pond. And it should have been an eye-opening experience. Oh, yeah. Nope. When we came up with another insurgency,

we should have been like this seems familiar hold on it's like that comic where the guy they're all sitting in a boardroom and like what should we do differently like have we tried burning their villages how about killing their wives and someone at the end's like have we tried giving them independence and he just gets kicked out the window yeah yeah god which now i don't understand what are we gonna fucking With this high school kid What is he gonna drink I drank in high school I mean I did too but

A nice tall glass of water Nice Cause he has to be well hydrated To play metal music I think most metal musicians Drink Jack Daniels and inject heroin Oh yeah So I guess that That too Will we supply that With the Patreon Metal music. I think most metal musicians drink Jack Daniels and inject heroin. Oh, yeah.

So I guess that. That too. Will we supply that with the Patreon? Donate to our Patreon and we'll buy children heroin. No, I'm kidding. Kidding. We will simply fund our militant group. Our arts program.

Yeah, our overseas arts program that builds ak-47 uh but thank you for tuning in to part two if you think what we do is worth a buck you can throw it to us on patreon get all sorts of bonus content uh if not our show will always be free thank you for rating subscribing and sharing um smashing and crashing that like button god damn it what are we logan paul we're gonna have to go fucking videotape somebody committing suicide in sharing, um, smashing and crashing that like button. God damn it. What are we? Logan Paul. We're going to have to go fucking videotape somebody committing suicide in the forest now. And until next time later.