Morbid - Episode 129: Kelly Anne Bates

Episode Date: April 5, 2020

Today's episode is a tough one, but it is one that we think is important to share. Kelly Anne Bates was a 14 year old child when she met a much older Dave Smith. While her parents helplessly looked on, she slipped further and further into his grasp until finally, he snuffed her out in one of the most gruesome murders to date.  During this uncertain time, we know a lot of people have found themselves quarantined in a dangerous situation, quite possibly with their abusers. Kelly's story is an extreme case but it is a reality for those in abusive relationships. If you find yourself in trouble, here are some ways to reach out for help: Advocates at the National Domestic Violence Hotline are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in more than 200 languages. Battered women’s support services 604-652-1867 or send us an email at [e-mail] Call 604-687-1867 or 1-855-687-1868 or text 604-652-1867 Last week, local authorities in Spain and the Canary Islands have advised victims of abuse to go to their pharmacies and to use the code word ‘mask 19’ for help. In the UK, the Independent Office for Police Conduct advises anyone who feels afraid of being overheard when dialing ‘999’ to listen to the questions from the phone operator, respond by coughing or tapping the handset if you can and press ‘55’. https://www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/a32015540/domestic-violence-covid-19-code-word/ Visit out sponsors! First Leaf Sign up today to get 6 bottles of wine for only $29.95, plus free shipping for a year! Just go to Try Firstleaf.com/MORBID. Causebox Our listeners get an exclusive discount- go to www.causebox.com/morbid and use the code morbid to get your first box for 30% off- as in you can get your first box worth over $250+ for less than $39.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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of your home. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's ANGI.com. Hey weirdos, I'm Ash and I'm Elena and this is a whole length quarantine morbid. It's COVID-morb team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the last the time listening to us. I hope so. We've been listening to you. We have. Just kidding. Just kidding.

I was dumb. No, actually, we've been mourning the sad rescheduling of a lot of our shows. Yeah, we've been weeping a lot of wallows. But you know what? Like, we're weeping it at the time just because we want to get back out there because we have so much fun at live shows. So I just like have so many fancy pants to wear and what's the point of wearing them

while I'm just sitting on the couch. I'm saying, but you know what? They're being rescheduled and that's all the counts. And let's talk about those. We just have more to look forward to. So Philadelphia has been rescheduled to August 11th. Not bad, not bad at all. Not bad at all.

Uh, Washington DC has been changed to the 16th of September. The monuments are gonna wait for me. I bet they'll still be there. Nashville is going to be September 23rd, two shows at Zainese. We're bringing fall. It's gonna be great, Nashville. We're in. Yes, yes, yes. September 24th is going to be Huntsville, Alabama at Stand Up Live. Alabama will coming at you for the spooky, spooky season. Yeah, and then June 2nd we're gonna be at the Good Night's Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina. Raleigh hope to see you.

June 3rd the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina. Charlotte you too we're hoping to see you. Hey yo. Hey yo. June 11th and 12th at Talia Hall in Chicago. Be there, be square. It's gonna be awesome. July 8th at Comedy Work South in Greenwood Village, Colorado. Colorado! And July 11th at the Wilba Theater in Boston. Guys, the Wilba with special guest, Emily Wall. The comic stylings of one, Emily Wall. And guys, make sure you're buying up tickets

because no matter what happens, we're gonna try to reschedule any shows that any further shows that are gonna be postponed, they will be rescheduled. For the most part, I mean right now everybody who bought tickets to any shows that are already postponed, your tickets are gonna transfer to the new dates. So you don't have to worry and if you can't make it to the new dates, you'll be refunded. So it's all gonna work out. But make sure any of those shows that we have tickets left for, make sure you buy it linked to the Wilburne stuff by the

tickets so that if it's postponed you already have your ticket and it'll transfer. Right? So make sure you go to morbidpodcast.com and I'm going to make sure that everything's up to date for you on there. But go to morbidpodcast.com, all the ticket sites are going to be there. Make sure you buy tickets because there's some love by tickets while you're at it. Buy a shirt if you want to do it and about the shirts. So I know some people have been waiting a little longer for shirts. It due to this whole pandemic craziness, the place where we have been having our shirts made has been kind of backed up.

We're just kind of waiting. You know, everybody's understaffed, everybody's, you know, dealing with this however we can. So we, everybody, if you've ordered a shirt, it's coming to you, it just might be a little delayed because of this craziness. And other than that, we are going to be changing the place where we get our merch, and that's a very exciting thing that's going to be happening in the next few weeks. We're changing a couple things for really weeks exciting thing that's going to be happening in the next few weeks. We've changed in a couple of things, the next few weeks. Things are really going to be changing.

So we're really excited. It's going to be awesome and we can't wait to roll out all these changes to you. Like I wish I could just like scream them all out you right now. We can't, but we can't yet. So just hang tight. Make sure you're keeping a lookout because we're going to announce it when it comes. And let's see. Any other next week, not this current episode, but next week we do. Make sure you're keeping a lookout because we're gonna announce it, you know when it comes and Let's see any other next week not this current episode, but next week we do have something cool and fun planned for you

Guys, I tell you what it is because who likes the spoiler? No, buddy, but you know what? What? It's awesome. It's fucking rad is all hell real awesome. All I'm gonna say is that I'm freaking out a little. And then next week we actually have something just as cool planned and you are gonna have a really great next two weeks of morbid. Yeah, we're just trying to make your quarantine as lovely as possible. Why can't I combine the word quarantine and party? Quarantine. No. Quarantine. Quarantine. No. Quarantine.

Partine? Partine. No, it all sucks. I don't know. I like Quarantine. I don't. Quarantine. I like that. We're trying. We're trying. Okay. Anyways, what do you just know that the next couple weeks are gonna be pretty fun. So pretty fucking fun. Hang on. What's not gonna be fun? This case, this case that I'm about to tell you, but who boy? I feel like it needs to be told. It's very important. It's fair warning. Brutal. This is a very brutal one. It also involves domestic abuse and domestic abuse ending in murder. So just know that ahead of time. It's not everybody's cup of tea, so if you wanna skip this one,

we understand, and you know what, you'll be getting a mini by tomorrow. So there will be more of it for you if this is not yours. But you know what, I think this is kind of important. Just to begin, I'm gonna be ending this podcast with some like hotlines and some places that can anybody who is in a situation of domestic violence

where they don't feel safe right now, we'll be able to contact for help. Cause I know in quarantine right now, one of the biggest things, and one of the things that none of us really think of, I didn't think of it until I saw an article about it and was like, whoa, is that not only are we all stuck in isolation and we're all kind of freaking out just being like bouncing off the walls, there's some people that are now trapped inside and quarantined

with their abuser. I can't even imagine. Yeah. So I think that this is kind of pertinent for the situation at hand. And again, if you are finding yourself in that situation, first of all, know that you are not alone. And we all are here for you, and there's people that are there for you. And at the end of this episode, I'm going to try to give you some way to at least try to get out of it. So, hang in there everybody, feeling like my hair is so heavy already. It is. So this is the really tragic case of Kelly and Bates. Okay. Kelly and Bates was born May 18, 1978. She was born in Hattersley, which is an area in Greater Manchester, in England. She was born to her mother Margaret Bates and her father, Tommy Bates. She was very close to her parents, very good daughter by all accounts.

Just a sweet kid she was known to be athletic, spunky, fun to be around, often described as bubbly and energetic. She was going to school, had a part-time job at a graphics firm, and she had dreams of becoming a teacher. Oh. Yeah, so she's just like this regular, just bubbly kid. At the time of in 1992, she was 14 years old. I was just about to ask you about what she was. Yeah, 14 years old.

That's when she met a guy named Dave Smith. I bet I hate him. Yep, you're really going to hate this guy, for sure. At first, nothing seemed to miss with this relationship, but then Kelly seemed to change a bit. Okay. She was change a bit. She was acting a bit more rebellious. She was sneaking out, not checking in with her parents.

Sometimes she would be gone for like a couple of days at a time with no word. At 14. Yeah, at 14 and her parents were obviously concerned. It seemed like she had just fallen into the classic teenage love-six situation to them, so they were kind of looking at it as like, they're not happy with this, they're concerned, but they weren't thinking anything dangerous. They were thinking like, we gotta get our way from him because she's obviously becoming too...

This is very connected. Jeremy Stanky-esque. It really is. So you think, you know, when you're a teenager like this, you think you're in love, you spend every second together and suddenly you're like flaking on your responsibility, you know, and then you get the root awakening. When I look back at what I thought I loved at 14, I'm like, oh, honey.

Oh honey. It gets better. Oh honey. So then at this point, they hadn't met Dave. They've talked to him on the phone, but they had not met him. Okay. Then they met Dave. Okay.

Dave was 32 years old. Oh, okay. So that's, well, okay. Yep. So Dave was 32 years old. She was 14. I'm just going to go ahead and say that's not okay. Oh, no, that is absolutely not okay. Yeah, okay. Cool. And like, if you, if right now you're getting ready to send us an email to tell me that that's okay. Can you call out delete that? Yeah, don't do it because it's not okay. It's just not. If you believe it is, that's your prerogative, but I don't need to hear it

That's all I need to know so when they met him They were shocked obviously correct because again, how the fuck do you even meet somebody that's 32? I I guess they met when she was babysitting for someone. He knew. Oh, no Not him friends with the dad. I think he was friends with whoever they were. They were ba she was babysitting for someone. He knew. Oh, no, not him. We were friends with the dad. I think he was friends with whoever they were, she was babysitting for and they met through that. Yeah. So she had made him out to be like a schoolmate,

but he was a grown-ass man. Now they had answered the phone when he called previously and somehow they didn't catch his voice as not being a 14 year old boy, but I haven't heard his voice, so it's very possible he has a younger voice or was able to disguise it as such. He was like a couple years older.

Well, and again, you're not thinking your 14 year old is dating a 32 year old. That is not the first thing you're going to think of. What the fuck? You're 32, aren't you? I'm 34. Holy fuck. I wouldn't even date somebody 34 right now.

I'm saying. So they both, both of her parents said that when they met him They sensed something off about him immediately Besides the fact that he was dating the 14 year old So and obviously and what's really creepy about this is he had groomed her like all predators do of course He had clearly done that Her parents said that they tried everything. Everything they could to get her daughter away from this man.

But we all know that sometimes this just pushes them closer to them and she resisted all of their help. One of their biggest fears was that they were gonna lose her so they were trying to play their hands carefully. And you have to. And it sucks because that must have been horrific for them because as parents you just want to lock her away and be like, no, you're staying home forever. And I think it's really easy for somebody to be like, well, like, you shouldn't have let her do that.

But it's like, exactly. Do you want to completely lose her? Well, that's in they, in every interview I've seen with them is like, you don't understand unless you're a parent. And you're like, your biggest fear is losing your kid. Now you feel like you're losing your kid to this horrific predator. But'm gonna hang on to any little fun. But you don't wanna lose them by pushing and it's like so to there in this rock and a hard place. Really, their only option would be to like lock her up and not let her out of the house.

And obviously she's gonna be pissed off at them. Because honestly, in this situation, I don't know what I would do. I can't tell you what I would do to fix this. Yeah, I don't know. Because in my head, I'm like, I'd lock her up. But would that work? I don't know.

She's 14. Or would it put her in a chair? Yeah, it's like, I feel bad that you could do this. I really do. I feel bad for Margaret and Tommy, really bad. I do. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of Wondery's Podcast American Scandal.

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And it's like you just don't want this backlashing on you. And I think they were thinking, okay, this is going to end. This is going to end like we're just going to try and try and try. They're like, he's going to meet someone who's going to meet a nice, you know, 25 year old or something. So Dave and Kellyanne would break up sometimes for like a day or so. And she would come back home. He began to be, and this is when he'd begun to be outwardly possessive of her. When she would spend time at his place, he would physically put her on a bus home when she would leave. And then call her mother to tell her she was coming home. Then Margaret said that he would call the second she walked in the door. Jesus. Because he had timed it down to the minute. And if she wasn't walking in the door at that time, he would fly into a fucking rage because he was like, she's somewhere else like freaking out.

What the fuck? Yeah. So then she started showing back up back at home with huge bruises all over here. Well, I was fucking, I know obviously I'm not saying they should have, but I would murder the person that touched any of my children. Yeah, and this is the part where it's like, again, I'm not saying I know what it feels like to be in these parents position I don't, and I can't say it. No, I would literally have to get you home. But I'm just saying if anyone hurt my child, I would kill them. This is just how, that's just how I would do.

I didn't even have kids that I'm rage. But again, I'm not judging these parents because once again, I don kill them. Yeah, this is just how it like that's just how I didn't even have kids and I'm ready But again, I'm not judging these parents because once again, I don't know I've I this is just how I would react, but I can't tell people what is right and what is wrong So she was saying that you know she was the classic stuff. I walked into a door I fell I was just on the stairs. She had an excuse for like all of them The classic abused person answers. I you just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs.

I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs.

I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs.

I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs. I was just down the stairs, I was jumped by some girls on the way home from the bus. And an older couple brought me home and helped me. And her mom was like, no, that's bullshit. Like, no, a bunch of girls did not like beat your face and like this one. And two of an older couple got you?

They would have like come in. They would have called like, hair medics or something. Like, you know, maybe like this just doesn't make up. And every time she would say like, no, this doesn't make sense, Kellyanne had no answer for it. It was clearly Dave. Then one day she came home and she had a deep, like very deep, almost infected bite wound on her hand.

Oh my God. She claimed it was something totally different like that she like hurt her hand somewhere else, but her mother was like, it was a perfectly formed bite mark. Like there was no. And it was deep and like vicious, so whatever had, like, however she got it, it was very intense. Oh my god. Yeah. So the act of biting another human being, I think that's talked about it. Yeah. During the West Memphis period, we talked about it during Ted Bundy. Yeah.

It will never cease to amaze me. It's such a specific pathology of a person like that bite someone you're an animal. You really are. And it was at this time that she had begun to physically deteriorate. Obviously because he's breaking her down slowly. Yeah. And I mean at this point she had lost a ton of weight. She was not bathing anymore. Like she wasn't taking care of herself. She was wearing baggy clothing. Because it's like you become a shell of herself. She was wearing baggy clothing. Because it's like you become a shell of yourself. Exactly. And she and she just seemed like down in quiet. They said she was like keeping her head down a lot.

And again, remember, she was a bubbly energetic. Everybody said fun girl. Like this is very different. So this was, I mean, this was clearly the result of severe domestic abuse going on. And again, this is classic because the abuser will make it, make it a point to demolish their victim's self-esteem. Right. They'll make them feel worthless and also make a point of trying to make sure no one else wants them. So they'll be like, you know, they take your beauty routine away from you if you have one because they're like, why do you need to get beautiful for someone else?

Right you should only be being beautiful for me You can't walk out the store looking like that who you trying to impress, you know, I mean like they Totally remove that from them and that's why they'll suddenly stop You know tanning stop doing their nails stop doing their hair because they're like I can't do this for other people Oh my god, that's I can't And the baggy clothing is classic to hide wounds and also to hide their body, because they're not allowed to flaunt their body at all. flaunt quote unquote.

Again, there's no reason for them to look or feel beautiful for someone else according to their abusers, only for them. And before we get into the really terrible end results of this whole thing, I feel like it's important to discuss why abusive relationships can end this way. Yeah. Because you're right. Like we were talking about this earlier and many people say like why didn't you just like try to get out? Yeah. Like why did she stay? Why would you

stay? Well, what would you do? You don't know what you do until you're faced with that situation. It's so easy for any of us who have not dealt with it to sit there and be like I would never let someone do that. And it's like I've honestly I I'll be fully 100% I've said that before. Yeah. Like I would never get into that situation. Of course. I think we all have before we've all just ignorantly been like, of course. And then the more, but that's the thing, it's like you need to educate yourself. Yeah. Because you don't realize like,

No. All of the different tractors that go into that. Exactly. And that's, it's like, and I've heard people like, why would you let somebody abuse you? And it's like, well, no one lets someone abuse them. It's very complex and very complicated. It's not letting someone do that to you. The whole term abuse itself is like, they're taking it. Yeah, exact.

It's removing control from you. Exactly. And often, what people don't understand is that they don't walk into these relationships and they start these guys or women, but mostly men, but there are women abusers, of course, yeah. These people don't automatically show their stripes right away. They should not show their stripes.

They will seduce the shit out of you. That's their whole game. It's like they win in time, you first. Oh, yeah, they're gonna charm and make make sure that they they're going to make you feel like you are in complete troll control. They're going to make you feel like you're in complete control. That's their first thing. They're going to give you all the control. Here you go. It's all yours. And then they're going to pull that rug out from underneath you just when they have you absolutely enamored and unable to just cut ties

Right because they're gonna get you so wrapped up in them that you're not gonna be able to just be like whoa fuck this You know like it's gonna be such a more complex situation and this topic always really bums me out because Everyone else seems to be able to see it but the abused person and that's just the unfortunate reality of it But it's psychological. That's the thing. That's the thing. Exactly. It's so psychological.

And on a surface level, think about a bad relationship that any of us have been. Even just a bad, not necessarily a full on abusive one, but just a bad relationship. Are you sad that you stayed a little too long and you were like, what the fuck was I doing staying that long? Yeah. It's a similar part of that that you got wrapped up.

You weren't able to just cut ties because they did something shitty. Right. Like, I had an ex-boyfriend who was like, not physically abusive at all. Yeah, but he was for sure psychologically abusive. And like, he cheated on me a ton of times, like I found this out. I stayed way too long. And I think we all have been in that situation.

But it's weird to think back on it because I'm like, wow, I was legitimately brainwashed. And now it's like I totally understand how somebody could get. And he wasn't like abusive, but he did have a classic things like Like, nobody else really liked him, but you were like, no, there's somebody good parts to it. Exactly. He has you being like, oh, you don't know him like I know. And I remember you saying that. It's like, I was too young to understand.

Exactly. You remember it. Yeah, and for one, you feel like they're gonna change. You're gonna be like, I feel like you're a person. I'm the person who understands them the most. I will change them. And I also felt like, you know, he's just so in love with me. And that's why he's so aggressively jealous. And why he's so intent on sticking with this like it's us against the world. Yeah. Like mentality that he kept pushing. And I thought it was like Bonnie and Clyde,

romantic thing. But in reality, Bonnie and Clyde were in a toxic relationship as well And Bonnie was too enamored with Clyde to realize that he was just fucking hell in a hammock It's really end well for them, you know? It's in stop romanticizing Bonnie and Clyde, everybody did work out Bonnie's own sister said that Clyde knocked Bonnie across a room once and she just popped right back up for more So it's not like they had this like, beautiful fairy tale romance. They weren't out there dancing in the movie. No, they certainly weren't. But just as like an example of how these people

can be so charming and so many of you'll have, which is why I just wanna push this. So people are doing the like, why would they stay? Why would she stay? There was a time I caught my ex like red handed. There were two times. One time.

One time. Let's purpose this with everybody knows what a bad bitch really is. We all know. This is what, because I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent human who would not allow very intelligent. But it's like it shows that like even when you think

of yourself as a very in control, very intelligent, rational, very rational, which is like, how I see myself, that you can easily be put in this situation if you are, meet the right person. Um, or the wrong person. But he had lied to me about like seeing a movie and we saw this movie together and he guessed the ending. And it was like a weird ending that I was like, how the fuck would you guess that? Like what? And I was immediately suspicious. But he was like, oh I'm

just lucky. I'm just so smart that I just came up with the one and I'm like, oh you're a giant dude. Well, I found a ticket stub for a different day where he had seen the movie well before we did. And who the fuck was he seeing the movie with? Not me. So when I confronted him, I had the ticket and he convinced me that the movie time and day we had seen it was the same movie time on that ticket, even though I knew it wasn't. Wow. And he convinced me it was. Yeah, I fucking hate that too. And I had the proof in my hands. And then there was this one's even worse. There was a night he said he had to go to the bathroom. I listened outside as he had a full conversation and made a date with another woman. Listen to the

entire thing. Fuming outside the door. When he came out, I'm standing there with my arms crossed. I'm trying, I'm trying to be tough. I'm like, you're a fucking asshole. I was leaving. He somehow convinced me that he was listening to a voicemail. And when I, but why are you talking back to him? I had heard him speaking back to this woman and he told me,

that's just my jealous brain making things up. He wasn't cheating. I'm being crazy. That's insane. Yeah. Thank God you did it. And I stayed for much longer.

And again, I consider myself a very rational person but he was able to manipulate me that way because he was psychologically abusive. That's just what it is. So Kelly being a 16 year old girl at this point when this was happening. Also now it's two years old. Yep. Oh my god.

Was way more vulnerable in age, mind frame, just average, she was so much more vulnerable. And this is her first fucking relationship. Exactly. You don't know anybody. That's it. This is what love is apparently. Like this is just what it is. Especially when being groomed by an abusive older man.

Right. That's just so much working against her. An abuse like hers is so severe and so complex. So in her situation, it was likely a case where, you know, the abused person is gonna live for those few really great moments. Right. And they will bask in the highs

and then live through a series of punishments just to get to that next time. It's the honeymoon. Exactly. It's like when they're great, they're so great. But it's like only that one time. And then you'll go through months and months of punishment. I still remember like freshman or sophomore year of high school. We had a whole obviously you go through so much of that in health class. Yeah. And there was like there's a chart that the woman drew. And it was like the honeymoon phase where he buys you flowers. And it starts off like that. And he brings you nice dinners.

Yeah. And then he hits you. Yep. And then like something worse happens like right across from that even phase. And then he slowly will say, I'm sorry and everything will get to back together and everything will be okay. And then he hits you. I guess it's like this whole pattern of behavior. And when you're in it, I'm assuming you're, you know, and everything will be okay and he hits you. I guess it's like this whole pattern of behavior. And when you're in it, I'm assuming you're, you know,

because again, I was never physically abused and I've really shibbed and been in. But I'm imagining. I'm imagining, you know, these poor people that are in those situations are living for those few times where this person makes them feel like they are worth it. And that they love them.

Not even in a romantic relationship, people go through that with parents. Oh, absolutely. Like, my mom was never like actually physically abusive, but when I was going through everything, I would live for times where my mom was actually in a good mood. Exactly. And that's when you'd be like, okay, it's fine. Yeah.

And then they'll, they will remind you of that too, like when they're trying to wear you back. They use it. What about the time we did this and I did this for you? Remember when I did that for you? We did this. Yeah. They're like, okay, they do love me.

Yeah. And then it also justifies, you know what, I didn't appreciate that. Exactly. That's why they're being so mean. Which is shoving you down a step for me. And it's just making you feel like, oh, I deserve this and like, I pushed them.

So I understand now. And then it just starts back up again. And again, it's like, you can't really know this until you've like lived it, really. And so after all abusers again are notoriously charming and manipulative. That's how they get you in the first place. So they can turn it on in a second. Like you know my ex could charm the skin off a snake, but he could also shut it off with the snap of his finger. And then he was a cold mother fucker. And it was like two different people. So that's, I imagine this is how Dave probably was.

It sounds like it. And so Craig Malkin is a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School. And in a time magazine article about domestic abuse that I found, I'll link it in the show notes. He said, quote, the person being abused is focused on the positive and waiting for the next positive. There's a psychological effect like gambling. The moments of tenderness and intimacy are unpredictable, but they are so intense and fulfilling

that the victim winds up staying in the hopes that a moment like that will happen again. Eventually, there's sort of this wearing down for people on the receiving end of their abuse where they continue to tolerate more and more over time and they feel less entitled to being safe. And it's so true. So abusers can also do psychological warfare, as it means means to keep victims around with holding food, with holding sleep deprivation. Threatening family members or pets, rape can be involved, which is obviously

physical and can lead to a sort of like Stockholm syndrome thing where the abuse starts to become attached to the abuser. Abusers also isolate. They remove you from your home base, your family, your friends, so they can convince you at the darkest times They're all you have yeah, and that's it and I think with Kelly She was taken out of her house, you know, she was slowly being brought into his home Which eventually she moves into so it's like that's exciting like that You think you're like it's this big romantic playing house You know what I mean? And it's like and he knew that and as we'll see I'll get into it

He has a history of choosing younger more vulnerable victims and abusing them for the entire year He was shit probably an expert. Oh, he was a full-on expert by this point And Kelly likely felt again like she loved him and it's hard to tell love from dependence sometimes. It is. And an interesting and really sad note is over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the relationship has ended. Because now the abuser has nothing to lose. One the person actually gets away from it.

When they actually show their control and that they take control back, that's when it usually snaps. And I'm sure it just puts like a fucking rage in the room. Oh I'm sure they have no control over you. They spiral. Because that's what they live for as the control. Yep. On November 30th 1995, Kelly did move into Dave's home in Gordon. No one friends or family spoke to her after she moved in.

Oh no. He isolated completely. And they did her parents received like random cards Oh no. He isolated completely. And they did her appearance received like random cards like on their anniversary and stuff, but they were written by Dave. Not. They didn't have any writing by Kelly. That's awful. So once his crimes came to light later, which will go over, it was discovered that he was not 32 years old. Oh my god, is he older? He was 48 years old. Yep. And his name was not Dave, but James Patterns since then. What the fuck? He was a

year older than her father. What the fuck? And again, she's 16 at this point. And he's 48. Oh my god. Yeah, so he lied twice about his age. He was also unemployed. He was divorced and he was a piece of shit that beat every girlfriend and wife he ever had. How did he- how was he even able to live on his own if he was unemployed? I don't really know. What the fuck? He got divorced in 1980 after 10 years and he had beat that woman, the entirety of their relationship. He then dated a 20-year-old named Tina Watson from 1980 to 1982. She said she was a literal, quote, punching bag for him. And even abused, he even abused

and beat her when she was pregnant with their child. Oh, no, no, no, no. So he's a literal monster. Yeah. Anybody who abuses a pregnant woman should, I mean, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just you know, she's a picture. And what she said was quote, at first it was now and again, just a little tap. But in the end, it was every day, he would smack me in the face or hit me over the head with an ash tray. He would, he would kick me in the legs or between the legs. He also tried to drown her while she was in the bath. She escaped luckily. He then dated 15-year-olds Wendy Moder's head. He beat her all the time too and also tried to drown her. But this time he held her head under the sink in the kitchen. Oh my god.

To try to drown her. April 16th, 1996. Dave strolls into a police station to say he accidentally killed his girlfriend Kelly. Oh, no. In the bath after an argument and he had tried to revive her but couldn't. And he claimed that they had been quote, going at it in the bathtub and she accidentally swallowed water. No, that's probably not at all. Actually, that's just not what I thought Dave. Well, when the police arrived at the home, they found Kelly naked in the bathroom

and the state they found her in was Nothing like any of them had ever seen. Oh, no, and it begs the question How did he think he was going to pass this off as she drowns? Because people that's the thing people like that are so scary Because they think they can convince anybody of anything. Because they think everyone is below them in intelligence. So they think that they are smarter than everybody. And they have an answer for everything. But when you see her injuries, you're like, bro,

how were you gonna, how was that happening? So how are you gonna hold on to this? It was clear that she had been extensively tortured. In the end, it was discovered that she had spent about four weeks being completely tortured for four weeks. She had over 150 separate injuries. According to the Guardian, the pathologist was William Lawler. He said, quote, in my career, I have examined almost 600 victims of homicide, but I've never come across injuries so extensive. Oh my god, by somebody that she was dating. She had been, now I'm gonna go through these injuries.

They're really bad. Trigger warning, this is bad. Oh God. She had been starved. She lost around 44 pounds in weight. Oh my God. She had not had water for several days at least. Her knees had been crushed, so she couldn't walk.

She had scalding to her buttocks and her left legs with boiling water. There were burns on her thigh that were caused by her branding with a hot iron. Oh God. She had a fractured arm. She also had multiple stab wounds by knives, forks, and scissors. What the fuck? She had stab wounds inside of her mouth. Oh my god! Both of her hands were crushed with something. She had medilation of her ears, nose, eyebrows, mouth, lips, and genitalia. There were wounds that seemed to be caused by a pruning shears and a shovel. What are pruning shears? Those large glubb clippers that you prune with. Yeah. Oh my god.

Both of her eyes had been gouged out. Wait. What? Yep. There were also stab wounds in the empty eye sockets. And this is really bad. Now it was later revealed by the pathologist that her eyes were removed before death. Oh my god. And he said they were removed, quote, not less than five days and not more than three weeks before her death.

So she could have been dealing with that for up to three weeks. Oh my god. I don't even. They also said that it appeared that her eyes had been ripped out with hands. Now she was also partially scouted. At times she had been tied by ligature to radiators and furniture or she was tied by her hair. Her cause of death was drowning and this was after weeks of torture and abuse and after she had been knocked unconscious with a shower head. I like can't even breathe. Yeah, I think I know I had to take a deep breath.

Yeah. So she went through three or four weeks of, I mean, the worst terror any of us can ever imagine. And that's just what they could discern. I need, I like can't get a deeper breath. The eyes were the thing that got, that she, it was one before death. She did not die of having those eyes removed.

So she lived with her eyes gouged out. And then he stabbed the empty eye sockets. How do you do that? In stabbed in her mouth. That's it. And then hobbled her, crushed her hands so she couldn't leave. And he claimed, now his claim, when they were like, oh, she just drowned in the shower?

Like, are you really sticking to that story, bro? And he said, I didn't do anything that she didn't ask me to do to her. What? And they were like, she asked you to gouge her eyes out. And he was like, well, she liked to be hurt. And it's like, so wait, you're trying to paint this as an SNM thing, which it is fucking

clearly not. None of this was conceptual. I've never heard of SNM involving eyes being challenged. Because it does not. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? Wait a pain SNM as this like fucking as murder. Like that is ridiculous. And her blood was found in every room in his house. Oh my god, this poor girl. Her father had to ID her body. Oh God. They said, quote, people called him an animal, but an animal wouldn't do that to another animal. He's a very, very evil man.

I think about how much pain she must have been in, how she must have thought we didn't love her. Ooh. Yeah, because she, how she must have thought we didn't love her because we didn't save her Oh my god, that just like that this case is all right I'm like a moment because I'm thinking of like these poor parents. They're sitting there being like my This was happening and I didn't know my baby

Like was being tortured and she was probably thinking why aren't my parents saving me like to have that in your brain I can't I can't, I can't believe I'm like tearing up right now. No, I mean, you're a mom. That to me was like the hardest part about this was thinking of these poor fucking parents. I mean, this poor girl, obviously. And like, so I know this is a podcast.

I don't even know what the fuck to say right now. Yeah. So it's so beyond. Peter Openshaw was the prosecutor and he said, quote, it was as if he deliberately disfigured her, causing her the utmost pain, distressed, and degradation. The injuries were not the result of one sudden eruption of violence. They must have been caused over a long period, and were so extensive and so terrible that the defendant must have deliberately and systematically tortured the girl.

The cause of death was drowning, immediately prior to which she had been beaten about the head with a shower head. He said, quote, her death must have been a merciful end to her torment. My God. Which it's true. That's all I could think of as death must have been a welcome end to that. He went on trial and again denied any wrongdoing. He actually blamed Kellyanne saying she

would put me through hell winding me up. So he was literally like she pissed me off a lot. Clearly, but like are you kidding me? Because you're just I don't I can't. Well after only one hour of deliberation he was found guilty. I can't even believe it to him that long. He received a 20-year minimum sentence. The judge said quote, you're an abuser of women, and I intend so far as it is in my power that you will abuse no more. Which is like, yeah. For the first time, during this,

this is really telling of how bad this was. For the first time, every juror was offered counseling after and during the trial, every single juror. Because did they have to see photos? Yeah, they had to see everything. And every single juror accepted the counseling, every single year. Because did they have to see like photos? Yeah, they had to see everything. And every single year accepted the counseling for the first time. This had never happened before.

I feel like I need counseling after listening to this story. Like they were so traumatized that by seeing the evidence and hearing the evidence that they all took the counseling. Because that's the other thing, like this is, it's almost like what we said in the Jamie Closter because she was so young. This is like what we know, how it to act like what they're allowed to put on

What they're allowed to say I can't imagine what they couldn't say in putting pictures to this I'm picturing in my head what she looked like. Yeah, and it's bad enough Seeing it must have and seeing her parents in the room You're you're just adding all this like level of humanity because it's saying and it's like that's so true An animal wouldn't do that to another animal. No, no animal would not cause another animal deliberate pain in that kind of methodical Just it is astounding to me that people exist like this. It's It's not even father. I mean he is truly and he had been doing it for people. I mean he had been doing it those kind of injuries I'm like you I mean you need to be cemented into a wall for all eternity like like works like we should

Brick him up in a wall like they did on a American horror story hotel when like James Patrick March like to like Brick people up in his wall and so did H Homes We need to do that to him. I think that's what he deserves just to live out his days in a wall after we rip his eyes. Because then just like in just scream and cry for the rest of the life. We should rip his eyes and like his tongue out. Yeah. I think so. Oh my God.

Yeah. So unfortunately that is the end of Kelly and Bates' story. But like I said in the beginning, I know this has a lot to do with domestic violence, domestic abuse. Like I said, I know people are in this situation right now. Probably somebody who's listening to this podcast right now. If you find yourself in the situation right now where you are quarantined with your abuser, there are different methods to get help. One of them is advocates at the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

They're available 24-7 at 1-800-799-SAFE, which is 7233. And it's available in more than 200 languages. There's also battered women's support services. You can find them at 604-652-1867 or you can send them an email if you can't get 604 652 1867 because again if you can't get on the phone. Also last week local authorities in Spain and the Canary Islands were encouraging domestic abuse victims to go to pharmacies and tell someone of the abuse in the way they were telling them to do it

is to use the code word mask19 and that a pharmacist will get you help. And in the UK, the independent office for police conduct advises anyone who is in this situation to dial 999, listen to the questions from the phone operator and then respond by coughing or tapping the handset. And if you can, press 5.5. So if you find yourself in a situation where you need help, hopefully one of those can help you and stay strong. And you're loved. So many people love you. If you're in a bad situation, do not feel like they are all you have.

Because they're not all you have. And they don't deserve you. If somebody is hurting you, they do not love you. They do not have your best interested heart, whether they're hurting you physically, mentally, emotionally, anyway. No one who loves you should be intentionally hurting you

in any way. And I promise you this. And don't let them convince you it's unintentional because it's not. Yeah, and I know it's hard when you feel like wrapped up in someone, but you do. Nobody deserves to be treated like this man. No, and there's so many good people that would treat you the right way. Exactly. And you deserve to meet them.

So, you know, stay strong, everybody. Oh, shit. And if you feel like you know someone in this situation, like, try to help them out, try to maybe call one of these hotlines and try to help. So that's the tragic tale of Kellyanne Bates. And I'm sorry, it's such a bummer, but I felt like it was an important one, especially with, you know, quarantine happening right now. I just feel like somebody needed to hear how bad it can get.

So hopefully you're all doing okay after that. Yeah, and we'll have something a little lighter for the many up. We will. The mini's going to be lighter, I promise. We're going to take it to a more spooky, spooky place. Yes, exactly. You know, if this bummed you out too much, just wait for the spooky, spooky mini. And if you need to go contact any of those numbers that

Elaine mentioned. And we'll also put them in the captions. Yeah, I'm gonna put in the show notes in the caption on Instagram. We'll put the numbers just so that they're in multiple places. So you can go ahead on our Instagram and find that at Morbid Podcast. We'll tweet them out. A Morbid Podcast. If you need help, please Gmail us more bid podcast at gmail.com You can join the Facebook group anybody that's going through a hard time right now. I've seen so many people on that group Like so many people rush to help them. Oh, yeah, I love them and just it's the most delicious little community of people Anything negative to say about the Facebook group? Yeah, so I don't want to hear it.

Yeah, because I've seen so many people just say I'm having a bad day or I'm having a really dark time right now. And I've seen so many people rush on in thousands. Cover them in support. So if you feel like you need a boost, that's definitely a good place to find it because there's some awesome people in there. And that's morbid, colon, a true crime podcast, Facebook group.

And if you, like we said before, just on a lighter note, if you need to get tickets for the shows, you can find that on our website at morbidpodcast.com. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Morvid, Early, and Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen ad free with

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