Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - Christine Chiu

Episode Date: October 3, 2021

Bling Empire and Dancing with the Stars Christine Chiu joins us to chat about her journey with IVF, infertility and her journey into motherhood.---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

well hello i am back i'm not gonna lie guys i'm a very very tired mum today that is the joys of motherhood isn't it having to function and crack on when you've had no sleep it's still something i'm getting my head around i think alf had one of his worst nights last night, so I'm not quite sure what's going on, whether he's about to have some more teeth come through or if he was just having a bad night. But I think he woke me up maybe every 30 minutes. So I'm tired, but I'm here. And I actually have some really nice and positive news this week to share because not only did this week I get to meet my friend's twin girls I feel like Alf's getting to the age

now where he's starting to really want to interact with babies it's so nice to see and there's something about your child meeting your friend's children that just melts your heart, doesn't it? And my friend, she went through IVF and it's been a really long journey to get her little baby girls. So I feel like that made it even more special getting to meet them this week. And when she began her IVF journey, Alf wasn't even a figment of my imagination. So the fact that they now are in the same year and hopefully get to grow up together, it's just so, so special. And another friend of mine has also been going through fertility. I don't want to say struggles,

but it is struggles, isn't it? But her own fertility journey. And anyway, she has just announced her pregnancy. So I feel like there's just lots of good news amongst all the chaos that we're in in life. And I've been reading through lots of your questions. A lot of you are getting in touch at the askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com. And I thought it'd be a really good week to focus on this question from sarah so she said i was wondering if you could speak to someone who is going through or who has had ivf so i thought it would be a really good episode to chat a little bit about um ivf and about fertility struggles but because it's something that i personally haven't experienced, I wanted to get on a guest who is really open about her journey. She's someone who

spent a decade going through seven different IVF treatments, and she's also my first international guest. I'm so excited about today's guest. She is not only my first international guest, but she is a businesswoman, a philanthropist. She's a star of Netflix's brilliant show, Bling Empire, and she's also currently a competitor on Dancing with the Stars. And probably her most important role is she is a mum to three-year-old Gabriel, who I know you call or refer to as baby G. It's Christine Chu. Christine, thank you so much for joining us. Hi, good morning. Thank you

so much for having me. It's such a pleasure being on and can't wait to dive into all sorts of fun chatter. I know, me too. And I was just saying it's 7am. Are you currently in Beverly Hills? Or where are you recording from? I am calling from the set of Bling Empire. We are currently filming Bling Empire in Joshua Tree, which is just about 20-30 minutes away from Palm Springs. I love Joshua Tree. So I am very jealous because I'm looking at a very gray and rainy London. So yeah, I would love to be in Joshua Tree right now. How are you managing to juggle Bling Empire and Dancing with the Stars and being a mom? Well, you know, I'm really grateful that I have all of these great opportunities. The most important thing for me is to show baby G that if you work hard

and you dream big, that you will be able to accomplish and achieve what your heart desires. And, you know, bling empire was such an important project for me because it propelled in a very big way. It was able to propel Asian voices and faces and stories onto mainstream media and to increase the frequency of that in entertainment arts. to be able to kind of carve out some more space so that when baby G grows up and his generation can see more diversity on big and little screens. But Dancing with the Stars has been like a passion and a dream of mine for 15 years. So, I mean, of course, I'm going to make it work when I received the call that I would, that I was invited on. I maybe peed in my pants. I was so excited. I was in shock. I was screaming inside my head and also outside and, you know, I was running around just in pure joy because I used to stand in line just to be able to get inside, to sit in the audience and to watch these magical

dancers and performers kind of transform us and take us into this fantasy land through the art of dance and costume and sets. And to now, 15 years later, be dancing on that very ballroom floor is completely surreal. So, of course, that's a priority as well. That's like a dream come true. And, and then, but my biggest priority is being a mom because I've wanted to be a mom for so long. And we've gone through seven IVF trials and, and over the, over 10 years to have baby G. And even the pregnancy was very difficult. I was at high risk of death during the pregnancy and was put on bedrest due to blood clot situations. And so

to have this miracle child now beside me and to be able to watch him grow and just to spend time with him and then have him see a happy, busy mom. I think it's just, I mean, that really is the dream come true. And we can't forget about Dr. Chu. He's been the biggest cheerleader and supporter of all of these great coinciding projects. And we have such a great partnership. We've built Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery together 15 years ago, and we still run it together. And so I'm really grateful that we have this really easy synergy,

working and romantic relationship that we can balance. I think it's just amazing. There's so much to dissect with what you've said. I feel like especially for women like where we kind of feel so much pressure around age and stuff and I love the fact that you said Dancing with the Stars has been you know something that you've dreamt of for 15 years and it kind of is a nice reminder that you know it's never it's never too late for us to achieve our dreams and especially you know becoming a mom I feel like a lot of the time we feel like careers and things, we're like, oh, it's too late for us. But I love the fact that it's a really amazing reminder to

be like, no, we can still go out and achieve our dreams. And I love what you said that baby G gets to watch you being fulfilled and living your life and dreaming your dreams and making them a reality. And like, what an amazing precedent to like pass down to him and to instill in him. Yes. I think it's so important for kids to see happy, fulfilled parents. And dance brings me so much joy. Dance is really my love language.

And so baby G, even last night when I was FaceTiming him after we wrapped at 10 p.m. for Bling Empire, this is a bad mom move, but I did FaceTime Baby G very late past his bedtime. And he was asking me about dance and because he knows that dance is what makes mama so happy and he wants to be a part of it too. So he was asking when he could come into the studio, when he can show me his moves that he learned from preschool. Is he watching you? He is. He watches me on, we record our dance rehearsals. So I bring them back and we watch them together.

And then he shows me his moves that he would like me to incorporate. Christine, you touched on your own kind of fertility struggles. And I've watched the first few episodes of Bling Empire. And I think it's amazing that you're putting your journey to becoming a mother on such a huge platform. And I know it's going to help so many people many people actually I've just had a friend this week find out she's pregnant after her own fertility battles and I've just met my friend's new twins um after she had quite a long um a long journey with IVF herself so um I know how much your voice will will be helping so many people and you know I'd love if if you don't mind just um knowing more about about

that journey because you mentioned on bling empire that you know you you were married for 11 years and spent a decade trying to have baby g um and also you you talked a lot about um you know the expectation for a wife to provide an heir so do do you mind talking more about your IVF journey? Sure, of course. And that really is one of the main reasons for our joining Bling Empire was to be able to have this platform to share an open dialogue on more difficult topics and conversations to destigmatize them. But yes, I was married when I was 23 and never thought that having children would be much of a concern. I've always wanted to be a mother. And I used to teach Sunday school when I was single. I used to teach Sunday school when I was when I was single. I used to teach Sunday school in my church. I just I love, love children.

And so when we got married, I also did not know of my husband's, you know, familial dynastic kind of background and their expectations. I just wandered in through love. through love. And so we tried having a child naturally and it didn't happen. And so, of course, we explored medical routes. And as I had mentioned, there were seven rounds of IVF with six different doctors, all very, very top notch professionals around the country. And it was a very, anyone who's been through this process can attest that it's to say that it's an emotional roller coaster is a huge understatement, because not only are the drugs that they're putting into your body body really affecting everything mentally, emotionally, physically. Um, but I think on top of that, the exterior pressures and the confusion and the frustration, um, it, uh, it was, you know,

I never gave up hope, but there were certainly times when I was I felt very alone. And unfortunately, during that time, there were less than five people I could have confided in and who with whom I had these would could have these conversations with. So I did feel very much alone. We found midway through that the infertility struggles were not on my end. They were on my husband's end, which I mean, medically, it was a little bit more difficult to resolve. But family wise, it was impossible because his family, there was no way their golden son had any issues. any issues. So it was, it was definitely the lesser of two evils for me to hide that piece of information and just to continue allowing people to blame the infertility on me. I remember there were talks about me wanting to be, you know, not selfish, but, you know, me wanting to pursue my own career, not wanting to be a mom, me wanting to spend time relaxing or traveling, all of which were absolutely

untrue because all I wanted was to have a child. And I remember going to the park, going to the malls, grocery stores, and just end up staring at other moms and their children and wanting so badly to be able to have a child. But, you know, there's something to be said about timing and miracles as well. And after many, many, many, many experts and professionals told me that I could never be a mom and that Dr. Chu and myself would never be biological parents, we still pushed forward. And we didn't lose hope and we didn't want to. We had faith in both scientific advancements and in God and the combination of the two, I think produced baby G and so despite the chances of like 0.00001 percent

having a child um three years later now we have baby G oh I love that I'm so happy for you and um how did you manage to when you were going through this kind of like journey how did you manage to, when you were going through this kind of like journey, how did you manage to stay so positive and deal with the external pressure and also the kind of unfair judgment that was kind of placed upon you? Did you, was it something that you, that you felt or was it something that was actually said to you? It was, it was definitely said to me. And I, you know, I just, it's in our culture to just respect and, and kind of take the, the judgment or the commentary from your, not superiors, your, you know, your elders. So I just stayed quiet. I didn't want to argue and there was really no sense in it. But to how I stayed focused, I had to keep myself despite the negativity and the

negative commentary around me. I really had to find my place of happiness and my source of hope. source of hope. And that's a practice that I continue to do now, which is to find things and people that bring light to my life and to hold on to it and to increase my interaction with those happy places, happy thoughts, happy moments, happy people more frequently. And during those really dark times, there were things that I did that I, you know, that just made me smile, like dance, like dance by myself. I mean, put on headphones, go outside, watch the sunset and dance by myself there. There's something to be said about that kind of self therapy. And then of course, staying focused on just visualizing. I never lost hope in my, like I know it's a form of manifestation, but I never lost hope in visualizing a family. So whenever I closed my eyes, I visualized our family. I guess I visualized baby G coming into our family. I feel like this is really good advice for anyone who may be listening, who is going through their own fertility struggles. And also just for life in general, especially when there's so much uncertainty in the world at the out that you were pregnant

and you mentioned earlier that you did have quite a difficult pregnancy, how did you get through your pregnancy? Because I imagine there were so many anxieties that you felt and what would be your advice for anyone listening who, whatever their struggles have been, that they're now pregnant

and they're finding themselves overcome with worry and anxiety? You know, I'm glad you asked that because what I left out is I think the most important advice I can give to any parents undergoing fertility struggles is to talk, talk more often and more frequently to more people. Because A, it helps you emotionally and mentally. But B, science is, I mean, medicine is a moving science. It's advancing all the time. And what could have been impossible, you know, six months ago, nine months ago, a year ago, could very well be possible tomorrow. It's constantly evolving, constantly changing. And so the more you talk about it, the more exposed you are to other options. And it wasn't

in our culture. We kept these things to ourselves. So I didn't have opportunities early on to divulge. And it wasn't until later on when I started speaking with friends and colleagues where they started coming up with different professionals for us to see and different trials that were taking place and different options that we might be able to explore. And I think to know that there's a community of people who have either been through it themselves and can offer emotional support and also a community of medical scientific professionals who also have some solutions. Just that dialogue, open and frequent dialogue goes a long way. Hiya, we're here to tell you about the Loose Lips podcast. We, being me, Georgie Porter. And me, Sharon Carpenter. We're all about honesty and not holding back,

especially when it comes to what's in the news. Plus, we answer your questions and we give you advice whenever it's asked for even when it's not asked for we're all about what you're really thinking and what you really want to know you can expect to hear some of this i have to say come on people we're getting a little too sensitive here and also some of this she is plugging her entire career in that one moment. That's the Loose Lips podcast out every Tuesday and not forgetting Extra Lippy on Fridays. Find it wherever you found this podcast. We'll see you there.

Christine, you mentioned in your pregnancy you kind of had a life-threatening condition. How did you get through all of that? Because I feel like, you know, I've been pregnant and it's so easy to kind of get caught up in anxiety. So I can't imagine how it must be after, you know, a decade-long battle. So, yeah, how did you stay calm? And, you know, you obviously have like so much How did you stay calm? And, you know, you obviously have like so much positivity and optimism. How did you kind of make it through pregnancy? And what are your advice for anyone dealing with anxiety there? You know, ironically, I was so anxiety driven and so I was going through so many emotions and so much of a roller coaster ride during the attempt to get pregnant that by the time I was pregnant, I was the complete opposite. You would have thought that, you know, finally I'm pregnant.

I would have been so uptight about my routine and regimen and like very precise about every little thing. I actually, by that time, I don't know if it was intentional or it just, you know, I had reached the end of my tension. But by the time I was pregnant, I was completely kind of relaxed. I think I was maybe I was exhausted from all of the ups and downs. And so although I had a lot of difficulties during pregnancy, emotionally and mentally, I was very relaxed because I felt like, you know what? There is a miracle happening right now. The fact that I am pregnant, something greater than myself is something greater and out of my control is has taken place. And I'm just going to let it I'm going to let it take I'm going to let it take control and let it flow. So I think my ironic relaxation during that very difficult time

balance things out. And obviously, baby G was, the miracle baby. He's three years old now, right? Yes. So what was it like becoming a new mom? And especially after wanting him for so many years and was motherhood and becoming a new mom, especially when you're such a business woman and you've been so busy, did you find it like a shock of how much your life changed or did you adapt quite well? I'm only asking because for me, I've always been so career driven and I gave birth during lockdown and I feel like it's taken me so much time to adapt. Alpha's now nine months old and I still feel like I'm trying to kind of find my feet between the old me before being a mom and you know this new birth of myself and how much of my old self I can bring forward

and yeah how how was your journey into this kind of like new mom role firstly momhood is so awesome the the there ain't no better hood than momhood. So there are so many great moms surrounding me, always giving me wonderful advice and tips on how to juggle. As you know, the mom support group is very strong. But we're fortunate in that we own our own business. And I know that's not something a lot of moms are blessed with. But as moms, we're resilient. We know how to figure it out. And for me, I remember bringing baby G when he was an infant to the office. And I would do all of my conference calls and zooms and all of my meetings with him in his crib in my office. I just brought him everywhere. He was like my best sidekick. He was the Robin to my Batman. And we just went through it together. And that worked out. And then as soon as he started talking

and moving and running, then I had to find more clever ways to rearrange the schedule. I joined mom groups. I would try to take calls in the middle of mom groups. But just, you know, we do what we can to juggle. And at the end of the day, I think it's most important that we spend that will we that we find balance. For me, I've spent 10 years in my at least a decade in my career without baby G. So I felt pretty fulfilled in that regard as well. So I was able to prioritize a little bit more time for baby G. And I had a journal that I had been accumulating of all of the fun activities and things I want to do with baby G. So it was like a nice little way of checking it off each day. And we love going to museums. So I would break away from work and living in Los Angeles. We're so blessed with so many

cultural institutions and art museums. And we just take 45 minutes and go to the Natural History Museum or stop by the aquarium and and spend a little time before he goes on the play date. Or now he's in preschool, which helps a lot. I feel like it's a really good reminder for me because sometimes I'm like so caught up in the juggle that actually I forget that, you know, like so caught up in the juggle that actually I forget that, you know, I could take Alf to a museum for a couple of hours or take him on a play date and all of these things, especially now he's getting to the age where he's wanting to socialize a little bit more. So, yeah, I feel like it sounds like you kind of mastered motherhood like pretty well and pretty quickly with the juggle. Oh, I think the fun, the adventure of motherhood is you never get to master it, right? It's like, it's, it's kind of like that carrot in front of a horse, you just keep going,

you keep going. But it's the journey that's exciting. And it's, you know, every stage, I'm just in the toddler stage now, I'm sure things will change when he gets a little bit older, and I have to adapt and adjust, but that's what I'm excited about. Yeah, I feel like as soon as you manage to work out one thing in motherhood, it changes, but it's a good challenge. It's definitely the most challenging and wonderful thing that I feel like I've ever done. Christine, every week we get different questions through from people who listen. And this week I had one Sarah, and it's around IVF. So she said, we've been considering the option of IVF and have an appointment lined up in the next

few weeks. Are there any questions in particular I should be asking? So I thought that could be a great one for you to answer, because obviously, you went through it yourself. Oh, so many. If I, I mean, there are so many questions that she should ask, but one of which for me that I didn't think of right up front was the qualifications of the lab. Because a lot of people think that it's just the doctor and just, you know, the fertility doctor, but really so much of the work happens in the lab. fertility doctor, but really so much of the work happens in the lab. So I would direct questions on the statistics of the lab, who runs the lab, how is the lab run, what are the protocols. And then secondarily, the doctor, Dr. Kelly Beck, who was able to help us with baby G, something that I loved about her is that she works in a very collaborative setting with other fertility specialists, very advanced, prominent fertility specialists. So they meet and they talk and they come up with solutions together. So it's kind of a team effort.

So although you have one designated doctor, you're getting the brainpower of seven to resolve this issue. So I would love to, I would suggest that you understand the dynamic of that fertility practice and if there's feedback that they are able to get from colleagues. Amazing. I'm sure that's really, really good and worthwhile advice. Christine, I know that you've got such a busy day. I'm really grateful that you were up at 7 a.m. to even chat to me. And I can't wait to see what the future holds with you as we continue to watch your journey on Bling Empire.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I feel like I can chat with you forever. So I hope we definitely have another opportunity in the future. Yeah, me too. I definitely feel like we only just touched the surface, but at least we get to watch you and see how your journey develops. But I know

that chatting to you will have helped a lot of people. So I really appreciate your time. And thank you for being my first international guest. Oh, I'm so excited and so honored and thrilled. Thank you. Thank you. you thank you I absolutely love chatting to Christine Chu because she's filming Bling Empire and it was obviously a really short amount of time that I got to chat to her but I just love how open she is about her own journey her struggles of getting pregnant and I think it's obviously amazing that she's doing it on such a big platform on Netflix. I've had a lot of friends that are either going through fertility struggles or have gone through them. And I find what's really hard,

I think it's like anything, when you don't go through it, you really, really want to be a good friend and a good listener and to let people know you're there for them but sometimes it's hard to know the right questions to ask without being intrusive but to equally you want to ask questions and you know Christine mentioned that it was quite a lonely a lonely journey and I it got me thinking have I been a really good and supportive friend to my people who were and are going through it and I'd love to hear from you guys um you know for anyone listening who is either on their journey right now or who was on their journey and and has a miracle baby we actually have a podcast phone number now so you can ring up and leave messages. So if anyone does want to give advice

on how can we be supportive friends or family members or partners, the number is 07599 927 537. 07599 927 537. And I'd really love to hear from you because you guys make this podcast and i would love to know how how to be a better listener and a better friend and um i guess it's as well isn't it also being mindful of people going through journeys because like christine said

you know she she kind of you know lives this lifestyle and is known for being you know I think she calls herself like the queen of Beverly Hills she's a socialite and she travels and everyone kind of had this assumption that actually kids weren't for her and she was being selfish although I obviously strongly believe that there is nothing selfish about not wanting children yeah I'd love to hear from you guys around um your thoughts and experiences around infertility and obviously as well christine is a guest over in the states so maybe a lot of the advice is very different if you're if you're going through or considering ivf in the uk and i'm not sure if it's the same with labs and obviously if you go through NHS or not so yeah please please message in and a friend of mine has just recently announced her own pregnancy

after a long battle so definitely try to get as a guest if that is something that you would find interesting so yeah thank you for listening to Ashley James first time mom the parenting podcast um if you enjoyed the episode and you think it might be useful to any of your friends who you know are going through this then please send it their way and leave us a review on apple podcast if that's where you're listening as it helps other people find us and I'll see you same time same place next week with a different topic