Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - How do we teach children its OK to be DIFFERENT with Lliana Bird

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

Kelsey Parker steps in as our guest host this week to speak to DJ and now AUTHOR Lliana Bird. Both are self-proclaimed messy mums and so.. have messy children! We chat about challenging gender stereotpyes in children, encouraging them that its ok to be different and to always expect the unexpected. You can get Lliana's new book, Baboo the Unusual Bee from all good book shops from the 14th September. Get in touch with us at [e-mail] or on whatsapp on 07599927537.---A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Mums the Word, the parenting podcast. I'm Kelsey Parker and I'm your guest host for this week. I'm mum to Aurelia, age four, and Bodie, age two. One of the most surprising things I've found from becoming a mother is the fact that we underestimate our children's intelligence. Like I felt that when I had my children, I started off with doing the baby talk, but they understand so much. And it has surprised me how intelligent these little mini humans are. One of the most challenging parts of being a mother is it's relentless. Guys, it's honestly relentless from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed. It is relentless and it is a challenge, but we somehow put a smile on our face and we get through.

And the most amazing thing about being a mother that I found so far is the strength that my children have given me I have had the toughest three years that I think anyone could go through and my children have given me so much strength and so much hope and I don't think I would have been able to get through these past three years without my beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, intelligent children. Now that's enough about me, let's get into this week's chat. This week we have radio presenter and now author Leanna Bird. She's got the record for the longest standing female DJ on Radio X how cool is that and is mum to Dali and Iggy who are five and three she's just about to release her brand new children's

book Babu the Unusual Bee welcome to the show what was the most surprising thing for you when you became a mother? Oh my goodness. That is so difficult to say because I feel like until you, until you really are in it, until you do it, you just, you can never really prepare for it fully. I think, I think I, I really wanted to be a mom and do all the kind of fun mom stuff,

the playing, the arts and crafts. You know, I was so ready for that. When I was a little kid, I used to pretend I was unwell when we were on holiday so I could stay back in the hotels and look after the little kids in the creche. I just loved being around little kids. And I think that side of it has been, you know, what I kind of expected. But I suppose what was the more surprising side was all the kind of very domesticated stuff

you end up having to do when you've got the kids you know the constant tidying up after them the constant being a chef and making meals I was watching um below deck the other day love it's the show yeah it's amazing but they're on the super yachts and I suddenly realized I was like I'm basically the stews and the deck crew for my children 24 7 yeah they are the rich guests sitting there demanding I'm like this meal please can you clean this up entertain me and it's my job to just run I think sorry are you okay are you happy um so I think that aside of it like the amount of running around and the amount of like domestic side of it I was a bit it took me a bit by surprise and you know what that doesn't stop I've got teenage brothers who are 16 and 18 and they

will call my mum they'll be sat up in their bedroom they call my mum be like can you bring me a drink up I'm like have you not got legs it is it is relentless and I think we've got it until they fly the nest I think even after I'm terrible you know what it's calmer though because I'm terrible if I go and see my mom now I'm still like really bad at doing things just like after a cup of tea like taking the teacup to the sink I just you know you go back into that mode and I do think in a way I'm getting what I deserved a little bit because when I was a kid I was so messy I'm still quite a messy person now which is I think why also it's been quite a shock having to type after other people I'm like I can't even look after myself I can't even organize my own life um but my mum was saying to me the day you know I

was I would just leave clothes all over the floor I was really you know she had to really really ask me a lot and her and my dad were just constantly saying please tie your and in the end they just sort of stopped asking went okay if you want to live like that live like that and I think my bedroom floor you know was just like layered I feel like me and you are actually the same person I feel like we're the same person because everything you're saying is how I feel as well with my kids like that's what I struggle with just the mess and how they're like get the dollies out and they'll get something else out and then you're then the one at like you know seven o'clock in the evening then putting it all away and you're like can you just not touch anything but then also you really want them to play and have a good time

I I feel like I've never despised felt tip pen lids as much as I have since I've become a mum it's like there's a bane of my life just lids everywhere and pens drying out and I can't I just I feel so sad for these pens I'm like they're just drying out and you love them you love drawing and it's like that just those little things but you know I feel like as I said maybe we've got the kids we deserved if we were messy kids too because it's just it goes in a cycle doesn't it maybe if I'd been a very organized tidy child then my children would have been the same they probably got it for me. I do think it's probably their environment as well because yeah I'm quite

messy then I think the kids think well you're doing it so why why am I not going to do it? Yeah and in our house the felt tips are actually banned because we've had some nice murals on the wall and I had a nice bit of pyro on my sofa the other day and I said to Aurelia why did you do it and she went well you left me on my own mum. Fair point do you know what we've sort of just made a decision in our house to just embrace that because we've got quite an arty house anyway my partner paints and we're very creative in the house and they started doing the thing you know we'd come down and there'd be something on the wall or on the fridge and we were like you know what let's just make that part of the house decoration love their drawings even when they're scribbles so we've just gone rather than getting stressed and trying to control that environment

just just enjoy it and it's like yeah this is the the mural house it's just like I love that did you find it hard to jump from one to then two yeah so all my because I was probably later having kids most of my school friends I was mid to late 30s geriatric mum technically I loved being called when I was pregnant thanks for that but a lot of my friends had had you know two or more kids and so they did kind of say to me look you know at the beginning when you've got this a baby and a toddler it's tough for that first year really um but the payoff you get when they start to play together and entertain each other obviously the love they have for each other but also from a practical point of view you know my five-year-old plays so beautifully now with my nearly three-year-old they do fight of course you know they

fight over silly things but they love each other and they play so well it just it actually gives me a break now yeah so i think i was quite I was quite prepared for the I was quite prepared for it my best mate Phoebe you know I'm god godmother to her kids and so she really did like prepare me for the leap but I think you know what we weren't prepared for was having a baby during a pandemic and then lockdowns and having our then two and a half year old at home 24 7 with us um and i mean we stayed locked down probably longer than a lot of people because i was pregnant and having a newborn baby we were really anxious it was so early on in the pandemic and we were just really worried about it so we stayed in a bubble for a very long time so our toddler didn't

go to nursery till quite late on my oldest daughter so having both of them at home and managing that that was that was quite a lot but I also I wouldn't change it now looking back because you got that time that you'd never get with your children and I think also the bonding between the two of them so we had to basically say to my then two and a half year old Darlie we were like look you know you're part of the team and she really was part of the team. She really helped with Iggy. And I think that has helped create an amazing bond

between the two of them as well. So did you have Iggy? You actually gave birth in the pandemic. Yeah, yeah. So she's a pandemic baby. Me too. I had one as well. Did you?

Yes. How did you find him? So I've got Bodhi and he turns three in October. Iggy's going to be three in a week. A couple of months, a couple of months between the two of them. It was just tough, wasn't it? You just felt so alone. Yeah, I think I was lucky my partner was allowed to be there for the birth.

And I know a lot of moms had to do it alone. And I think that would have been really tough. So we were quite lucky in that respect. And, you know, having, you know, people talk about the beginning bubble and like having the first couple of weeks, just you. So you just get an extended version of that in a way. I find that quite nice as well. The fact that you couldn't have everyone come around and see the baby. So you did have that time. Cause obviously when I first had my my first it was like everyone then comes and you feel really overwhelmed because especially you've just had your first baby and then everyone's coming in I found that really overwhelming and I have preeclampsia with um

Aurelia so I was actually really ill and I probably shouldn't have had anyone come to the house but you know everyone wants to see the first born don't they so I really enjoyed that with Bodhi that I could sort of ban people yeah like hibernate in yeah I think I think also if you're a bit of a people pleaser like me um you know even when you've got a newborn if someone's coming to visit you sort of get that that feeling of having to host which I wish you know I wish we didn't have that and I wish I didn't have that but you're sort of worried oh do I have to tidy up do I have to make them a cup of tea and obviously people try to help but if you've got that in you yeah you just can't help it you're so tired yeah and you're so tired you just what you really want is for someone to come around and

this is like top tip one of my friends Paloma came to visit me and she did the most amazing thing because I had baby and I was all thinking like right okay we're gonna do this and I'll make a tea and she walked in she gave me a massive had the baby and I was all thinking like, right, okay, we're going to do this and I'll make a tea and she walked in, she gave me a massive bottle of water. She'd made me some lunch, like a lasagna. She just put it in front of me

and she just went, you just sit there and she just went and did the washing up in the sink, took a bin out and just did all that stuff and I was just sitting there like, you are the most,

she was like, well, I've had babies, so I know. She'd had a- And that's all you want. You just want someone to come in and do your washing and hang it out for you and sort the baby clothes out and make you a cup of tea.

Like that is the ultimate friend right there. Sorry, guys, no cuddles for the baby. There's the bins. Yeah, and they go out on a Monday and a Wednesday as well. So if you can hear me out the front. How was your birth experience with both your girls how did you find it because I just feel like and especially for me I felt that I wasn't I wasn't that prepared to actually give birth like and I've found like talking to a lot of my friends is

that you don't actually know what birth is so what you sort of you know I know there's one born every minute and stuff like that but when you're actually in labor it's quite intense and I was really overwhelmed by how you know hard birth actually is in laboring well how do you feel what was your what was your birth stories and your birth experience? I mean, they were both quite different. I will say I knew to expect the unexpected because, again, a lot of my friends had had kids and they all said like, yes, make your birth plan, but be prepared to screw it up and throw it out the window on the day because things change and let yourself off the hook.

I knew that putting too much pressure on myself to do things a certain way was not gonna be the right way for me. And I just wanted to kind of slightly go with the flow. I had tried to do the prep with the hypnobirthing and I thought maybe I'll be like, you know, earth mother in a pool giving birth. And I literally, I remember listening to the tapes of the hypnobirthing and I was like,

she's gonna do my head in this lady if I was listening to her. I was like, honestly, I just wanna throw it out the window. So I stopped that sooner. And that was just me. Like, I just I was like she's gonna do my head in this lady if I was listening to her I was like honestly I just want to throw it out the window so I stopped that sooner and that was just me like I just honestly was like felt irritated by it yeah I was like that was out the window that was gone and I had the tens machine and all that kind of stuff and my waters broke first so um they knew that if the baby didn't start coming within 24 hours we'd have to induce yeah so i went home after my water's birth this is with my oldest daughter dali

and you know we thought you know we knew we had time um and it was a kind of 11 o'clock at night so we went to bed but i didn't fall asleep because the first the first um contraction started and i remember thinking well i'll let i'll let him sleep because you know what's the I'm it's going to be a long haul right and I'm just going to go take myself off these men they need their rest yeah well I also just thought you know what I'm just I just want to kind of like chill and just like do this first bit and just figure it out a little bit because I knew it was going to take time and I just thought also if he's had some sleep he can be running around doing advocating for me better and getting what

I need more so so I went took myself off to the living room and I remember thinking well what should I do what does one do when one is in contractions and I just had a deep urge within me to watch Queer Eye and I was like that's what I want that's what I want and so I put it on and I got through a whole series and I basically watched Queer Eye for about 10 hours straight with my first birth that was I actually love that it was just so joyful and so easy you know reality tv can be so chilled and so easy and you don't have to think much you can just kind of watch it and it was so joyful and lovely and I just yeah it just distracted me from what was going on but my partner woke up and he could just hear me like mooing in the living room

and he like ran in and was like what's going what's going on and I was like oh yeah I'm just having contractions he's like why didn't you call me so then we went to the hospital because they were getting quite um quite close together and they were like it's been 24 hours since your we're gonna have to induce because there's a risk of infection to the baby after 24 hours. And at that point, I was still coping with the contractions. I was thinking, I'll see. I'll see what happens. Maybe I don't need any drugs at this point. And so they induced me and I went from being like, yeah, I can handle the contractions to literally be like, go for it, drugs. And I got an epidural and it was all fine after that I was like okay love you epidurals

thank you very much and I had it I had I was quite lucky I had a very chilled out I was you know I didn't have much pain because of the epidural so I couldn't feel anything came in a couple of pushes she came out so I feel like I was quite lucky I had quite a good quite a good experience yeah that's incredible and then do you feel like your second was as good? Yeah. I mean, I didn't, I didn't get induced, but I, cause I'd been through it the first time. I was just like, you know what? I'm, I'm, I'm fine with just like saying from the get go that I'd really like an epidural. Cause I was like, I really, really enjoyed it. I was very, I had a really nice time once I had an epidural. I was very relaxed, had a good, like a good chill. So I

was like, why not? So I kind of already knew I was going to go down that route and I'm watching Mrs. Maisel for Iggy. I love that you were just watching these series, but do you know what? I think that's such like, that's a good, that's a good little bit of advice for people because you're taking your mind off what's actually happening. And I think, you know, from some of my friends that they've really over thought the fact that they were in labor. I mean, with both mine, I was, I, again, Bodie broke his waters. I feel like we're the same person. Bodie broke his waters, didn't decide to show up, got induced. And then again, it just, it hit me like a ton of bricks was like, oh my God. And then with Aurelia, I had preeclampsia,

so I was just really ill. And I think with mine,lia I had preeclampsia so I was just really ill and I think with mine because I had preeclampsia the first time I didn't realize how ill I was until I had Bodie and was like oh that was a normal birth this wasn't a normal birth and a normal pregnancy we all have so much focus on the birth as well because it is such a massive thing in your life right and I remember even when I was young being quite terrified of it and thinking this is going to be this horrific thing I'm going to have to go through at some point and I do think like as I got closer to the day and you know there is so much pressure on women like to do things a certain way or like you know well done if you do it without without any pain control you know congratulations you know and i just think that actually if you get a healthy baby at the end and you're okay that is all that matters like nothing else matters and i

think it's wonderful if you can have an amazing experience and design your experience and have whatever it is that would make you feel like this is a beautiful moment that's fantastic and go go for it but for me i was just like i just want to be okay and i want the baby to be okay and everything else like the baby at the end i'm going to have this relationship with for the rest of my life and the birth story is just it's just one day for most people you know it's just one day so I yeah I think taking the pressure off a little bit I remember my my best mate Phoebe when she gave birth her first daughter she didn't have any um epidural or anything like that because she came quite fast yeah and i think the midwives afterwards said to her something like well you

know well done because you did it without painkillers so we're going to give you a private room as a kind of pat on the back which is obviously it's quite a sweet thing to say i understand why they were saying it but she was a bit like oh gosh that's it's quite like it's almost like saying if you if you if you had some help then you've not been as strong or as brave or as much for women and I think that that is problematic because ultimately all our bodies are so different the babies are so different they come we all have different challenges and we all have different pain thresholds as well of course I quite like what a doctor told me at the time she said to me you know what it's great if you want to give

birth naturally fine but if you've got pain control and you're relaxed and calm there's also something to be said for a baby coming into a calm environment with a nice relaxed mom as well so there's benefits to both I completely agree with you there and I just think that message that you're saying is you have to do what's right for you and if you want pain relief you take the pain relief like and if you don't and you want to be a hero then do that too let yourself off the hook basically whatever feels right for you do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal brace yourself for the supernatural world is about to reveal all of its secrets on the Paranormal Activity podcast. And who better to guide you through this hair-raising journey than myself, Yvette Fielding, renowned paranormal investigator.

Every episode of Paranormal Activity takes you on an unforgettable adventure into the unknown. It was so vivid. I saw a white figure move towards the end of the corridor. The first thing I tried to do was, I got my phone out of my pocket, I tried to film it, and my battery, the line on my battery, it just went to zero. My phone went straight off. We have witnesses that were in Smilow Woods that night

that were assaulted and illegally searched and detained by the military. No! And they saw the object on the ground. Will you dare to join me? Listen to Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. So how have you found it raising girls?

I love raising girls. I really do. And we wanted girls. And there's no shade on boys because boys are fantastic and wonderful and gorgeous. And we've got some amazing godsons who we love and adore. But we both really, really just wanted girls. And so far I've loved it I mean they are completely different as well you know temperamentally and personality wise they are they are polar opposites my girls I also think you know

girls and boys it comes so much down to the individual personality yeah a hundred percent and do you know what this is part of what what one of the reasons I wrote my book, Baboo, The Unusual Bee, was because I did want to challenge these kind of gender stereotypes we put on kids. And before I had kids, I remember people saying, well, boys, if you have a boy, you're going to be exhausted when they're toddlers because their energy is wild.

Yeah. But with girls, you're going to have difficult teenage years. And you know what? I just don't know. Maybe they, I mean, I've found both of them to be so different to each other that I just can't imagine that there's a pattern like that and I know there's hormonal differences between boys and girls of course but I do just think like yeah maybe we push certain toys and certain activities on girls and boys differently but I also think it just

comes down so much to the individual but I have to say with the clothes with girls that we have as a society you know they to me I love I completely agree with you because there's so much in the shop for girls and whenever I go shopping for Bodhi I'm like I don't know what to get him I don't get him I quite like plain clothes as well so I find it really hard to actually find him clothes and the girl stuff's so gorgeous that I end up spending so much money on hair and being like here Bodhi I got you a few t-shirts plain do you know what and I feel like we do need to challenge that a bit as a society because why shouldn't boys be able to wear as many bright colors and as many beautiful things you know or

girls to be able to wear more practical more plain things I just think obviously when they get older everyone's going to have their own choices but with little kids we do we do have these very stringent boxes of what they should wear and look like and I think I mean there's a little boy in in my in my daughter's Dali's class and he he likes pink tutus he's actually quite a kind of boyish boy in terms of yeah quite boyish and he's quite he's quite um you know he likes his football and he's likes playing with the boys but he just really likes pink and I remember she was a little bit upset that one of the boys had said well that's a girl's color and I was like give him my book he'll see that it's all about like you know colors being for everyone and that's what

I do love about your book when I read it I was like I want to read that to the kids because um with with mine as well Bodhi obviously does have a big sister so he does like wearing pink and he likes bright orange and he does like he does play with babies and and everything and yeah I just think the message in the book is so brilliant oh thank you I'm really glad I I really, really hope it resonates with some kids who feel othered or are made to feel lesser for the things that they like, either the way they look or the things they like to do and the things they like to play with. And I just really, you know, I grew up feeling different.

I think we all probably did in our own ways. You know, I just really, really hope that we can also, as adults reading that book as well, be encouraged to see that, you know, kids don't fit in a box dependent on their gender and that actually, you know, whatever they like is valid and they're not less of a boy or less of a girl because of the toys they like to play with or how they like to dress. And yeah, I hope some kids reading it do get that message as well and feel like it's okay to just be who they are. Yeah, I feel like the message as well. So we lost my partner last year.

And I like the message in the book as well for my children is they're not going to be the same as the other children at school. Like they haven't got a dad. And I liked that as part of the book because it's not even just about the color. dad. And I liked that as part of the book, because it's not even just about the color. It's about, it doesn't matter who you are and what your background is and where you are and what you're doing in your life. And I think that's really good for my kids to read that to say, you know, you're not going to be the same as all the other children in your class. Yeah. I'm so glad that resonated with you. Thank you so much for saying that. And I think, you know, the people that I've asked to read it so far, friends and family, they've all had a different thing that it resonated with them.

And obviously for you, it's with their dad and your partner. And I've had other people reach out and say, you know, they're from an ethnic non-minority. They felt othered or even like they've got they grew up with ginger hair and they felt different because of that. And so I really hope it's something that we can all appreciate that just because you're different from the other kids that you, you're just, you know, the thing that makes you different can make you, can be your superpower, can be what makes you stronger. And I'm so, thank you very much for saying that resonance. Yeah, I love it. And I just love the message. And also I just loved the end of the book. And I think it's so important to share the message about bees because people don't know how important

bees are and in this book you know you're messaging and then the end of the book you're explaining you know after I put it down I thought oh my I need to make a little bee house in the back garden that'd be a great thing to do with the children like it's fantastic because we don't realize how important bees are to the world we live in. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, there is, you know, without bees, I think it's something like a third of all the food we eat we would not have on our tables anymore because they are so important to our food processes, recolination. But, you know, also they're just so intrinsic to the natural world and to our world as well. And they are so a threat. And I really hope that kids can feel empowered reading it to understand why we need to protect

them and do little things, whether it's planting certain flowers in their garden, or like you said, the little bee bars and things like that. Yeah, I really hope that message gets through as well. I wanted to say as well, Kelsey, because you mentioned your partner, that I actually have to say we've been talking about motherhood and the challenges and all the rest and I sit and sometimes feel like oh you know this is so hard and this day's tricky and I do think like people who are doing it you know single mums who are doing it on their own for whatever the reason and I know they had an amazing dad but I just think you're an absolute superhero I really

do and just want to give my like full respect to you for what you're doing, raising kids and being a phenomenal mom for them and still finding the time to do stuff like this. So like full respect to you. Oh, thank you so much. Like it is, you know, it is hard and, but it's hard for every mom. And, and that's what I was saying. You know, it is, it is relentless for us, isn't it? And I am doing it on my own, but they give me so much joy and happiness at the end of the day. And then when I put my little girl to bed, we do a little girl called Ray Ray because her little nickname is Ray Ray.

And just we go through what she's done during that day. And I think, wow, what have I achieved today with her and with the children? And, you know, life is tough tough and we're just trying to get through it aren't we as best as we can definitely you definitely put it in perspective you know if if I'm ever having a bit of a like day I feel like moaning I just have to remember how lucky I am and I and I think you know like you said there's all different parents in the world and all different families and shapes and sizes but it does put it in perspective and I just you were talking about the relentlessness but you know when you're doing it

you know when you're when you're the you're their world and that's just uh yeah it's a whole other level of um respect there so oh thank you right so we've got we've got some messages we've got a message from Nikki on whatsapp who needs our help she's's saying, send help. At the moment, I'm feeling so, so overwhelmed and that I have completely lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I have two under two and unless I'm holding the little one, she cries and cries. And then my older one just wants to spend time with me and play. I feel like I'm being split in two. I'm really mourning my old life and I feel like motherhood just isn't something I'm good at play I feel like I'm being split in two I'm really mourning my old life and I feel like motherhood just isn't something I'm good at I feel like all of this has happened so fast

how can I feel a little less shit of being a mum any tips for the baby that I how I can put her down I'm desperate oh bless her it's so hard I think like the first thing is that you're not alone in this and like feeling like you're sucking at being a mum. Like we have all been there a million times. So you're not sucking as a mum. You are probably nailing it in many, many ways. You don't see, but we all feel like that. And I think to know that you're not alone

and to find some support from some other people in a similar situation could be really key, whether that's, you know, friends in real life, groups, you can join like little play groups where you can find parents in a similar situation. Or, you know, even online, you know, following mum Instagrams, listening to podcasts like this, just finding a community and realising like you're really not alone. But also practically speaking, you you know if there's anyone in your life that can come and give you some support and give you a little bit of a break see I always talk about the village and like what we were saying that you know I am doing this on my own now I didn't pick this life this life picked me um but mine is the village like honestly

I wouldn't be able to get through it without having people come in and help. Like today, my kids are with my auntie. So they're great auntie. They spend a lot of time with my mom. But I wouldn't be able to do it without my village. And I just think if she can help, like, you know, if she can get anyone to come in and help her with the two children, it would massively help. help. Even getting half an hour to go outside on your own without the constant need, need, need, need, want, want, want, want from little kids, which is just, you know, that's, it's normal for them to be like that, but it can, it can wear you down so much. And especially with the crying, I do feel like if you, if you have a crying child and then you just feel so bad that you're putting

them down, but then you've got another child who's under two who also needs you to help them I am feeling her pain but I think I think getting out even just to have a moment to have some fresh air be around some treats like go to park on your own if you can get someone to come and give you like half an hour support and just get that breather like things feel just a little bit better again and also it it is such an overused phrase but it's so true it is just a phase things will get better promise and then they'll be on to the next thing and you'll be going that was nothing but I think when when like you said when it's that crying relentlessness and then you've got the toddler as well like your nervous system can get so overwhelmed and just getting out like just be amongst nature

half now breathe some fresh like just be on your own like find that minute even if it's five minutes it will make a difference just try and like build in that and don't feel bad to ask for help do you do you feel like because she said here uh i'm really mourning my old life do you did you feel like that i i think it is when you first have your baby and you come home. And I remember my friends all went to a hen do and Aurelia was like seven weeks old or nine weeks old. And I was like, I can't come. And I really want to come out and I really want to drink with my friends. And then I looked at this baby who I'm breastfeeding.

I was like, no, I'm here and I'm doing this. And I love being a mom. But I do feel like you do get that little, you do mourn your old life because you can't just go out and do what you want now. And you've got children who rely on you. Yeah, I think that's life, isn't it though? Everything you gain in life, you give something up. It's the same like when you go into a relationship with somebody, like you gain something amazing, but you do give up something as well.

Like you have to suddenly take someone else's feelings into consideration and you know if you're asked to go away for a weekend maybe you're going to check in with your partner it's like it you know there's just there's always compromises and obviously having kids is a huge change I remember the other day like just thinking like wouldn't it just be lovely just to literally walk out the house like what a dream and I don't think I ever appreciated how lovely it is to just walk out the house and now it's like you know oh I've got the wet ones have I got the water have I got a change of clothes just in case this and then like have they been there's just so many there's a thousand it's like having a thousand tabs

computer tabs but opening your head at all points my friend Esther said this to me she went to London she visited London she went Kelsey the kids stayed at my mum's. I woke up and she said, I didn't actually know what to do with myself. I was walking around the house and was like, what do I do? I think when you get that moment, you just miss them. When the kids are gone, I sit around and think, well, I'm not even doing anything productive. like I miss the kids being here but you're looking through photos of them yeah I think it also depends you know how much you change in terms of your work life so I was on XFM Radio X um for 16 years the longest serving female presenter there you go um but yeah I I decided um to stop doing that um because it was Saturdays and Sundays. And, you know, when you've got kids, the weekends do become really precious, especially when they start nursery in school. So that was quite a big shift for me. I was also very involved in a charity that I co-founded. I shifted that work life balance to be more present with the kids quite a lot. So I was missing working a lot and that kind of like consistent working so the work

I do now is much more sporadic it's lovely and it's great to be able to do that and I'm very privileged to be able to do that but I did miss that like consistency like the you know going into work having adult company adult brains to talk with so I think there was a lot of that for me so depends again on the situation you know a lot of women will go straight back to work um and that'll bring with it its own challenges as well I actually spoke on Instagram the other day about what I call disappearing women which was a feeling like and this was talking about something that was going on in my life at the time but about a feeling like after you've had kids that you sort of people sort of stop considering you as as important or as valid especially within the

workplace yeah and how that made me feel a bit of shit about myself um and sorry my language it's okay me and you nikki potty mouths together um and i can't tell you the response I got it was I couldn't even I couldn't get through all my inbox because these it was just like a swathe of women across the globe reaching out and being like oh my goodness I felt the same like I felt passed over the promotion I feel like people just don't think my opinion it just people feeling like they kind of disappeared or they were erased after they had kids and you know I think that is something that uniquely happens for women I'm not saying there's no men in that situation but it is a challenge that we as moms face um predominantly and it was just it what was

quite amazing to me was how many women are in that same position and who feel that way um and I think that goes back to you know Nikki earlier as well is like, however bad you're feeling or whatever you feel like, whatever challenges you're facing, there are going to be so many parents out there who are feeling just like you are in that very moment. Yeah, I completely agree with you. Do you want to do one last little plug on your book

and tell everyone how amazing and fantastic this book is? And please, can I have a copy yes absolutely of course it's going to be out on September the 14th written by myself and illustrated by the amazing Aisha Tengiz she's an incredible illustrator which it does look absolutely incredible it's so colorful it looks amazing thank you so much um yeah it's amazing it's out on rocket bird books i wrote the book when i was breastfeeding my second daughter iggy and i was in a bit of a down state and i was feeling like there was nothing more to me than producing milk i was sort of walking talking cow and i kind of did it as a little protest of no i can still exist um and i'm really just gonna write a book I'm just gonna write I

literally did it with her on me there's a pump on here her on there and I was on my phone bit going I will write something um and yeah it's just amazing to see it come to life it's about a little bee with pink stripes instead of yellow and he's made to feel othered and I hope it appeals to anyone who as we discuss whatever the the reasons who feels perhaps a little bit different to other kids. And it's about his journey to discover that what makes him different is what actually makes him really, really special. And it can be your superhero. So, yeah, it's going to be it's going to be out in September, but you can pre-order it now. And I really I really hope that kids love it.

And it is absolutely fantastic. And you need to go and get it, it everyone because it will be a good read in the evening before bedtime. And it's called, I should probably say, it's called Baboo the Unusual Bee. I can't even remember if I said that but that's the title. Baboo the Unusual Bee and it's absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much.

Thank you Kelsey. It was lovely to chat to you. Thank you so much. It's been brilliant. And enjoy your shopping this afternoon. Kid free! Thanks for to chat to you thank you so much and enjoy your shopping this afternoon kid free thanks for listening to mum's the word the parenting podcast make sure to hit the subscribe or follow button so you never miss an episode we love to hear from you so get in touch on whatsapp where you can send us a voice message for free and we don't even need to know your name on 075-999-27537 and email us at askmumsthewordpod at gmail.com or leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. We'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week. I've been Kelsey Parker and thank you so much for listening to this week's

episode. You can follow me on my socials at being underscore Kelsey.