My Therapist Ghosted Me - One Hit Wonders, The Toy Show & How I Found Out They'd Cheated
Episode Date: December 2, 2022There's a LOT to cover this week. Vogue responds to all the hysteria around that picture on her wall, Joanne has done a deep dive on one hit wonders and HUNDREDS of you have been in touch with stories... about how you found out about that dirty rat bag cheater.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to hello@MTGMpod.comMTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a Global Player Original Podcast.
Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, DJ extraordinaire Joanne McNotty and her comedian
to the stars, Vogue William.
Thank you very much
to the stars
why are you holding it
therapist to the stars
Vogue Williams
bitch
my mom called me
beauties the other day
in a text
I was like
excuse me Sandra
vagoo
I naturally
have started calling you
vagoo in my mind
vagoo like ragoo but vag Vagu I naturally have started calling you Vagu in my mind Vagu
like ragu
but
vag
like a
vag pasta
I wasn't
going to say
that word
like she can say it
when she wants
I wasn't going to say it
that's the rules
yeah I've learnt my lesson
I know what I am
until I say
I didn't bring up
the V-A-G
God
you're disgusting
by the way
you're so lowbrow
We're going on tour
we need to plug the tour
so we've dates going on sale today
we've got Cardiff
Salford
Hammersmith Apollo in London
and also Liverpool
We're working on a website
for ourselves at the moment
so all the tickets for now
are available on Ticketmaster. If you just google
My Therapist Ghosted Me live
they'll all pop up.
Consider us for a Christmas stocking
present. As a main present actually.
Folks pouring a
essential loss when he sees me break out the vodka.
It's been a long day for mama.
He knows you're going to put out later, basically.
No, I'm not putting out later, honestly.
Honestly.
But that's why he likes you getting the vodka out,
because he knows that you won't really be in a position to consent later.
Spencer is in the
in the bad books at the moment
and he came home
when being
being in the bad books
and he arrives home
on Saturday
when I'm barely
talking to him
walking around naked
and I'm like
here we fucking go
I just want to have a bath
I just want to have a bath
and continue to ignore you
and then he's like
darling I don't suppose
you fancy a spin do you and I was darling, I don't suppose you fancy a spin, do you?
And I was like,
a what?
A spin.
Do I fancy a spin?
Oh my God.
The audacity of you.
I'm not even talking to you.
I was like,
we're not talking properly.
And he was like,
yeah,
but we don't need to be talking for that.
I was like,
no,
no,
no.
Go into the,
go into the other bathroom
and do whatever you need
to do
a spin makes it
sound like he
sits you on his
knob and spins
you around like
a teacup
you know
in Disneyland
let's be honest
it's rare
that I'd be
sitting on the
top
I know
the show off
days
the showing
off days
that was at
the start
that was the
start of the
seduction
I've been on
my back for years
Let me tell you
That's not going to change
Oh I love
Going on top of Pinocchio
Oh
Ask the girls
All I do is reverse cowgirl
I insist upon it
I have to be honest
Every time you bring up reverse cowgirl it's just like I'd actually
allow you to watch me try and do that I'm so bad I'm really I just don't have the it takes it's a
lot of like there's a god I hope my mom doesn't listen to this one it takes a lot of um I don't
know there's a lot of things it's like when you have to pat your head and rub your tummy to me I can't do it all hold on
what do you think
reverse cowgirl is
it's literally just
facing away
and like riding
I know
I know
but I just feel like
I just
I don't know
I just
I can't do it
do you rub your head
during a reverse cowgirl
oh am I not supposed
to do that
yeah Joanne
I rub my head
I rub my head
Folks trying to lick
their own elbows
during a reverse cowgirl
Spencer's like
fuck it
she's getting a spin
I'm not going to ask
what she's doing up there
when she's spinning around
up there
I'm happy
Why are you trying
to lick your chin darling?
Why are you trying
to lick your chin?
Leave her to it
I will
I'll whip out the reverse
okay girl
if you know
like that
if I've had a couple of drinks
oh yeah
because I have to
I'll be scarlet of my
I don't know
my bum you know
yeah
but he loves your bum
you have a great bum
oh no
no
now I've had to
we're getting up
downstairs
done up
and we've had to
as you know yourself
Joanne
when you arrive
looking to use the gym
I did
the gym I did the gym
I'm so out of the loop
Vogue's whole downstairs
is gone
I rocked down
she was away
I was like
Nigel the doorman
I was like
Nigel what the fuck
where's the house gone
he's like
oh they're
this is how out of the loop
I am
because I'm so in the
tour bubble
one of the girls
put up a photo
of her new baby
and she was like
I just had the baby
or whatever
and I was like
oh wow she had the baby because that's where she was pregnant then I kind of zoom new baby and she was like, I just had the baby or whatever. And I was like, oh wow, she had the baby
because that's where she was pregnant.
Then I kind of zoomed in
and it was a different gender.
She's had another baby.
No.
I thought it was the same baby.
She's had two babies,
like a Pez gun.
She's spat out two
since I've seen her last.
I'm actually shocked by that.
You're like,
what's a baby?
Okay, go on.
So the house is gone. Yeah. Yeah, so the house is gone. Jo's a baby okay go on so the house is gone
yeah
yeah so the house is gone
Joanne came to use it
so the house is gone
the gym's gone
my arse is gone
that's what happened
it all happened like that
a very downward spiral
yeah
you're falling to pieces
two weeks
two weeks
tell me about your week
well I've been on a lot of trains
and in a lot of car journeys
so I've been deep diving into my phone so I've read I've read some a lot of trains and in a lot of car journeys so I've been deep diving
into my phone
so I've read
I've read some
do you know what I did
a deep dive on this week
Gangnam Style
so you remember the song
do I remember it
I'm not even
that is one of my
all time
favourite songs
I swear to god
I love it so much
what
Gangnam Style
how can it be one of your
it's like
it's like Crazy Frog it's like an incessantly abusive ringtone oh no I think he's so I love it so much What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What when we put you in the oven to burn you imagine we play Gangnam Style wouldn't that be a great crack? That would be a good song
or
his follow up
that no one liked it
Gentleman
also a fantastic song
I forgot
you see
she's a DJ
Jo
see
she knows the music
I listen to a lot of music
she knows the music
so Gangnam Style
anyway
so I kind of
Jo can you guess
how long ago
Gangnam Style came out?
I don't know.
22, 8 years.
Yeah, you're not far off.
It's 10 years.
It's 10.
Isn't that mad?
Now, I guess it started 10 years...
It probably came out in Korea 10 years ago
and maybe didn't come out, didn't arrive over here
maybe seven years ago.
I don't know.
But maybe it's 10.
It just doesn't feel like 10 years ago.
But your man,
it's his name?
Sy, Sy, Sy.
Yeah.
I did think that might be
how it was pronounced,
P-S-Y.
Where the hell has he gone?
So,
this is,
so there was an article about him
and he was saying how
this kind of,
he was talking about like
one hit wonder
and that his,
his success has kind of
haunted him ever since
and he's been trying to
recreate that success
and now he's just kind of
resigned to the fact
that it's not going to happen
and he manages bands
back in South Korea now
but he moved to LA
and tried to give it a go
and it didn't happen
but it was saying
that it's the most
watched video on YouTube
ever
in the history of anything
ever
180 million views
or 108 million views
something like that
was that Wapum Gangnam
yeah yeah yeah
and in Gangnam
which is basically
Gangam is like
the Beverly Hills
of South Korea
and
people were saying
that it was some sort of
reflection of like
Korean society
and he was like
it wasn't
I was just trying to
have the crack
but there's like
a huge big statue
of the
you know the two hands
kind of crossing over
each other
anyway
it was absolutely huge
and he just never
never really
happened for him
after that
but anyway
then of course
I went down a one hit wonder hole yeah oh that's such a stinger you think you've made it and then
it gets pulled away from you no but you have made it like some people will never like sorry not some
people 99.99999% of people will never have that level of success like especially in music I find
music is a really hard place
to do well in.
Look at Rita Ora.
She's everywhere.
Can we say that?
I like to round up
an insult with a compliment.
She's looking fantastic.
She looks fantastic, okay?
She got a Vogue Williams
shit sandwich there, Rita.
Actually, it's not even
a shit sandwich.
That's just a panini.
A shit sandwich is a compliment,
an insult,
and a compliment.
You just insulted her and then kind of stitched a compliment to the end.
You just gave her a, it's a cracker.
Okay, name one of her songs.
Couldn't tell you.
Yeah, Joe.
Joe, you work in a radio station.
He works in a radio station.
But isn't she kind of an enigma in the sense that she kind of came in,
she was big in the music scene,
and then she kind of very much went into brands, really, didn't she? She was never big in the sense that she's, she kind of came in, she was big in the music scene and then she kind of very much
went into brands really,
didn't she?
She was never big in the music scene.
She was.
She wasn't really.
But she's a big celebrity.
Oh, she's a celebrity.
Ha ha.
Yeah, she's definitely a celebrity.
She has marketed herself
extremely well,
but she's like,
she seems sound.
I think that was this,
I think that was supposed to go
at the start of the shit sandwich.
That was how you opened that thing.
Jo, fix that up, will you?
Bit of time travel in the end there, Jo.
I love you, Rita.
Put that at the start.
She's an absolute knockout is what she is.
Oh my God, the bod on her.
She's going around in these dresses
that are completely sheer
and I'm like, you do that.
Don't ever wear anything that covers any
inch of your body. Speaking
of people who market
themselves well, and we'll come back to the One Hit Wonders because
they are fun.
But do you know the train
spotter, Francis Bourgeois?
I
love him
I am fascinated so for anyone who doesn't
know he is got over a million
followers on Instagram he is
when you look at his stories he has so
basically I think the quirkiness comes
from he's quite nerdy but this is how he presents
himself anyway he's quite nerdy
and he has a face camp
so he's a train spotter so
he's obsessed with trains and he goes to these train
stations and watches trains
What a lovely wholesome habit
Yeah, yeah absolutely
and he has this face camera so it's like a
reverse GoPro basically so
it kind of contorts his face so when he's laughing
and smiling he looks insanely cute
basically even though he is a grown man
but you know it's all very
innocent wholesome content.
However,
he's now doing collaborations
with Gucci.
He's,
there was some massive singer
was,
he just like bumped into her
at a train station.
You know,
it's obviously like,
kind of arranged content,
like pure content
for her to launch her album
via this lad's train spotting
Instagram account.
And I was like,
what is going on?
Is this,
is he trolling us and I think
I think he is
I think it's a bit
of a performance
because then
of course it is
yeah it is
yeah he's kind of
playing a bit of a
innocent person
I would say
it's a diplomatic term
would we say
he's playing an
innocent kind of person
because I googled
and in interviews
he's actually a bit
of a fucking riot
and a couple of years ago
he had a skinhead
and a chain
which of course
is music to my lab
yeah
yeah
oh
I'm sorry
too much
you know I love a chain
no
what
is that bad
I do enjoy a chain
I enjoy a chain
yeah
yeah yeah yeah
did you know
that Gucci
they went through
this whole thing
they did a
thing
a collab
with a farmer
too
like this 70 year old farmer
and he was just
decked out
in all this Gucci shit
see what's
yeah
you see it's smart
it's clever
I get it
Gucci are reinventing themselves
something
Balenciaga
should not have done.
I don't know.
I like a kid in a harness.
When I was in the 80s,
I was in a harness all the time.
It didn't look,
it wasn't black leather,
but it was, you know,
my parents used to have me
in a harness all the time
fucking leading me around
so I couldn't walk anywhere.
Oh my God, yeah.
I never had to,
I never had to leash
my kids in fairness
they're quite good like that
maybe Otto will be
the one to be leashed
your kids come back to you
I would have liked it
if I'd had the opportunity
so it was very clear
that I had to be kept in a leash
they come back to me
because they know
they've got it sweet
yes they do
excuse me
I started baking
with them at 4 o'clock
today right
4 o'clock
we had this at half 4
I got a banana bread in
and I got courgette and cheese muffins.
To say I feel like I'm nailing life today
would be an understatement.
I just sound out there
when you're talking about motherhood and bakery.
But listen.
I'd love to see Joanne cook me a meal.
You'd just do me a salad in fairness.
What would I cook?
I think, you see,
I kind of feel like
I'm always going on,
that I'm in this kind of
limbo world at the moment
where I'm on the road,
I don't,
I'm moving out of my place
in London,
I don't have a home,
a kitchen,
nothing like that.
But I have this fantasy
that when I do buy my place
that I will have,
I'll be hosting dinner parties
and I'll be baking
and I'll have
kind of glass jars
full of almonds.
No,
you 100% won't be like that.
You just won't.
John, I know you.
Come on,
it's a nice way
to think of yourself
but it's not you.
You're dead right.
I'll probably try and collab
with the local co-op
and just get all the shit
delivered to the house.
I know,
I like eating out of a box.
I like eating out of a box.
You do.
If you put a trough
of food in front of me
I'd probably have a go.
I like eating out of a box You do
If you put a trough of food in front of me
I'd probably have a go
Okay, system preferences
Oh fucking hell Jo
Honestly
Joanne
Can we write this in an email for her?
What was that course in school?
Was it ECDL?
Where we had to learn how to use a computer?
Come on Jo
Come on, come on, come on
Tommy
System preferences
Oh my god, we're really doing this Sound Don't have to learn how to use a computer. Come on, Joe. Come on, come on, come on. Tommy. System preferences. Oh my God, we're really doing this.
One Hit Wonders.
Go.
Where are they now?
Now, the original One Hit Wonder,
the OG,
from my experience anyway,
something that I remember vividly
was Chesney Hawks.
Remember him?
What was his One Hit Wonder?
I am the one and only.
Oh no.
him what was his one hit wonder i am the one oh no whoa no that's not it okay see okay do you want okay no you sing the rest of the words go on
i am the one and only he's having a day he's having a day with brent in the office when he
does his dance at the end it's absolutely horrific jesus you want to have a very bad cold
at the moment
okay
I'm usually a very
fantastic singer
do you remember that song
yeah of course
I remember that song
I didn't know it was
a one hit wonder
that's also a real stinger
well
it's an absolute
stinger
I don't know if it is
because there's people
out there
who would never have success
would you not rather
have one huge
single I think the key is to accept your status as a one hit wonder people out there who would never have success, would you not rather have one huge single?
I think the key is
to accept your status
as a one hit wonder
and don't see it as something
less than anything else.
Just be like,
do you know what?
I had huge success with this song.
I'm happy to just live off
the royalties and...
Yeah, he would be making
a lot of money on royalties
to be fair.
Wait, can I try and guess
some OMC how bizarre?
Walking down the freeway
in the hot, hot sun.
Suddenly red...
Well, sorry, they probably are,
but they're just not on my list.
Well, you missed it.
That's a fantastic song.
Oh no, I remember that song.
It's a great song.
Great tune.
Mamba number five.
No, it's going to be a very long record
if you just keep shouting out one hit wonders.
Should I zap some more vodka to my home?
She'll shout. It's like she's got Tourette's
she's just shouting
shit out now
pleasure
at the fair
that wasn't a one hit wonder
excuse me
that's simply
they're fucking iconic
I can tell
we've talked about him before
you would have had sex
at Mick Hocknell
defo
I think you still would
I think I did
pulling out of his curls
you'd be all over that
I think I had
I think I
when he made that apology
to all those women
I
my
what did he do
he wrote them all
do you not remember
he made
no it wasn't in a
Me Too apology
he made the apology
going I'm sorry
I was such a whore
basically
don't Mick
Mick
he's like you all
meant the world to me
it was one of those
he basically was a
pure stone
because he was
releasing an album
anyway
the fantasy
started in my brain
was like
I'm one of those women
so in my mind
we made love
yeah Joanne has been
with Mick
was it pleasurable
the fairground
is one of the best songs
ever written
when I was 12
I asked for three albums
for Christmas right I asked for Simply Red I asked for Oasis' new album 12 I asked for three albums for Christmas right I asked for
Simply Red I asked for Oasis's new album and I asked for The Prodigy very eclectic taste in music
I didn't get The Prodigy because I was too young and it was um it was uh bad language I was I was
the same it was Fat of the Land I think was one of the first tapes I bought along with like Kylie
and and Boyzone it was all very confusing at the time.
You were trying to figure out, you were basically coming out. You were just trying to figure out
what music you were into really. Yeah. Go on. I love Lampy Vogue. I love when she's lampy. It's
great crack. So it's kind of where are they now vibe. So Vanilla Ice. Now, do you know what
actually, right? Vanilla Ice, he flips housesilla Ice now do you know what actually right Vanilla Ice
he flips houses now
but do you know
what got me thinking about
stage names
and how you just
the only place
you can get away
with just going
my name is
blah blah blah
and people just respect it
like Vanilla Ice
like obviously
this is back in the day
when Vanilla
because now Vanilla's a bit like
basic bit I love Vanilla it's my favourite flavour ice cream day when vanilla, because now vanilla is a bit like basic bit.
I love vanilla.
It's my favorite flavor ice cream.
But it's, you know, it's not spicy.
It's kind of like calling yourself beige biscuit.
It's a bit basic, bitch.
But I was like, stage names are kind of fascinating in of themselves.
Like Meatloaf.
We just, no one questioned that.
He kind of looks like a meatloaf though.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah.
I would imagine him, is he dead or alive? Did I hear he died? He died this though. Yeah, he does. Yeah. I would imagine him.
Is he dead or alive?
Did I hear he died?
He died this year.
Oh, desperate.
Oh no.
Imagine I was just like,
my name's Cassarelle now and I will not answer to anything else.
You should change your name to wet chicken.
My name's wet chicken salad sandwich.
And it's a pleasure to meet you.
Cassarelle McNally.
My name's Onion Ring.
Onion Ring McGee name.
And that's just the name.
And you have to just respect that.
That's what,
that's the,
I think they're taking the piss out of us,
to be honest.
Batter Saucy.
My course radish.
My name is Pop Tart Squiggles.
Do you remember when,
Pop Tart Squiggles.
Welcome to the stage.
It's Pop-Tarts
squiggles
do you remember when Prince
was like
nah I'm not
I'm not dealing with Prince anymore
I'm a squiggle now
do you remember that
what the fuck
what the fuck was that about Joe
well I mean he was
I mean he was
on a few bits and bobs
I'd say that's
what it had to do with that
he got high
one night
it was like
I'm now
how many mushrooms
how many mushrooms
do you have to do
to come out of your
fucking session
thinking you're a squiggle
like that's
look at Puff Daddy
he couldn't make his mind up
for years
Puff Daddy
P Diddy
P Ninny
I don't know whatever
Puffy P
Puffy P
P P Meister
Dina Cancer
with someone else's
stage name
like people really
went to town on
and like I say
people just had to
kind of respect it
and go along with it
anyway so Vanilla Ice
was flipping houses. Coolio
went into cooking before he passed
Yeah but Coolio was still absolutely
nailing it. He didn't need to do it. That was
such a tune that like
he didn't have to do one other
thing in his whole life because that was the best
tune I've probably ever heard. But that's
was he not a one hit wonder? Is Coolio not a one hit wonder?
Yeah I'd say he probably was. Well he's not
JB from JLS
I don't know
he went off
and just set up a pig farm
MC Hammer
became a priest
yeah yeah yeah
fancy pants
tattoo
do you remember
do you remember
the baby lesbians
oh my god
all the things we said
all the things we said
running through my
do you remember the teen
at the Russian Lesbians show
do you remember them
of course you remember them
you dirty bastard
do you remember them Jo
he couldn't get enough of them
what about the cheeky girls
are they on the list
no actually
but Tattoo
so Tattoo were young
I think like
Richard of Richard and Judy
was trying to get the song banned
what
well it was too young
when scoring the face off
each other in the rain
so you know
let people love lesbians
anyway
we should consider something
well I'll tell you now
if the tours stop selling
you'll be putting on
a tartan miniskirt
and getting into the ring
with me
like a professional
boss lesbian bitch
we'll make it happen
for ourselves
anyway
tattoo then
split up
they don't speak anymore
because
it's Jo drinking a beer
what's happened
is it because
this is taking so fucking long
is it because we're taking so fucking long?
Is it because we're still on one hit wonder?
She wants to keep us going
because she's never looked better
on the pod
in her whole entire life.
She's like,
I'm going to drag this out.
Well, if you didn't,
if you'd stop talking for a second,
I could finish the fucking topic
and we can move on.
So tattoo split up then
because basically
one of them came out as
homophobic
yeah
can you believe
can you fucking believe
the neck of that
you're the one
who made a career
off being gay
fake gay
she wasn't even a real gay
she was a fake gay
oh
okay
a lesbian
a thespian lesbian
she was faking it
and she then came out
and she was like
actually if my son was gay
you know
they're Russian
I don't mean to be anti-Russian
every night
you know
but anyway
she's like
oh if my son was gay
I just wouldn't accept it
and then the other one was like
you know
Facebook status
love is love
anyway they haven't spoken since
so one of them basically
moved into homophobia
where you know
they're always hiring
from what I can tell
but
anyway oh so one of them basically moved into homophobia where you know they're always hiring from what I can tell but anyway
oh
I went onto Chesney Hawks
website
you can book them
oh okay
how much
oh I didn't ask
I didn't get that far
okay
now who's the next
one hit wonder you have
that's it
that's all
that's it
that's it
yeah
well that was
that was very interesting
yeah thank you
that's all from
that's all from that's all from
what did I say
my name was
Pop Tart Squiggles
this week
that's all from
Pop Tart Squiggles
join us next week
for more updates
from Onion McGee
Onion
Onion Ring McGee
Onion Ring McGee
I had a I had a
I had a little book signing
for my
Jump for the Stars
that was very cute
look
well
it wasn't until I spent
140 pounds in Waterstones
the lovely Zainab there
helped I know
well because I lost one myself
I thought I need to get off
this Colleen Hoover thing
it's getting a bit
it's getting a bit much
it's bringing me down
I need to
I need to venture
into other authors.
So I said to Zainab,
who was in,
I said,
I said,
Zainab,
what books are exactly
like Cullian Hoover's?
But aren't,
Cullian?
I've accidentally
outed myself
as a big fan
of teenage fiction
and I really need
to correct that.
So what else,
what other teenage fiction have you got at the moment that. So what else? What other teenage fiction
have you got at the moment?
What books are exactly
the same as
Colleen Hoover?
So I've been reading
The Seven Husbands.
Amazing.
Oh!
Do you know what I think
we should totally
incorporate into the pod?
I know but we've only
just spoken about this
because I listened to
our bonus episode
and we're talking about it.
We haven't done it yet
but we will do it.
Just like what we're reading and what we're
watching because I love listening to what people are reading
and watching. I love knowing what people are reading
and I'm telling you I got some really good
things off her. But I did my little
book signing and there was these kids on it and they were
coming up and helped me.
My book is interactive Joanne. I don't know
if you've read it yet.
Of course I've read it.
Sorry, I'm on the book.
What was it?
Magically Violent?
What did I say it was?
I wasn't sure.
I noticed that you
plugged Nick Grimshaw's book
the other day
and I have yet to see
Jump for the Stars on your page.
Maybe if someone sent me
a copy of the book.
Oh, okay.
Signed, sealed, delivered.
On the way.
Okay, honey?
Don't bother. I've moved. I've've moved i'm no longer in this dress anyway i had a lovely day doing my book signing today though
obviously i i've been uh i i have said i'm burning the candle at one end that being work
um and i was in cork twice this week which I was very happy about hold on a second
I have to
you do know that
that's not the saying
don't you
no I know that
but it's only been one end
it's only been the work end
I haven't been doing
the other end
I thought that was
like a stunning
other Joan of Arc
did you think that
yeah
guys I'm exhausted
I've been burning the candle
at one end all week.
I am absolutely wrecked.
Absolutely shattered.
I had to Google Joan of Arc after that.
I'm not even joking you.
I had mixed them up so badly.
It was like they were like my banana bread that I've just created,
mixed together up in a bowl.
I bumped into, oh, do you know what I did last night?
And I've got a big bruise on my face.
Punched myself in the face.
Go on.
Because I was pulling up the duvet,
you know in a hotel
when they tighten the duvet,
like they proper make the duvet.
They kind of cook you into it almost.
Like they kind of fold you into the bed,
you're stitched into the thing.
And my greasy little serum hand,
I've just put on my face serum,
slipped off the duvet
and I punched myself and I was like, oh my face serum slipped off the duvet and I punched myself
and I was like
oh my god
and then I couldn't sleep
I couldn't sleep for about
I only got about five hours sleep
I know we're not allowed
to talk about that
but I couldn't sleep
so pained
it throbbed
but Jo I bumped into
at the airport today
I do know who you bumped into
oh did she send you the picture
yeah she sent me the photo
Una Healy
yeah from the Saturdays
we love Una yeah
I think we should start our own band.
Just me, you and Una.
What would I do?
You'd be the backing singer.
I was going to say,
I'd be the upfront dancer.
Una's the only one that can sing.
She has to be the singer.
I could lip sync now or whatever
because I can read the autocue now
because I'm with the gift of sight because I'm with the gift of sight
I actually couldn't
think of anything worse
than being in a girl band
honest to god
although I will say
do you know what is
actually a fucking
great part of being
in a band
different than a stand up
stand up you do
one tour
and you can just
never do any of that
material again
if you're in a band
just fucking tour
the same shit
for the rest of your life
I know but wouldn't
you be bored
and there's nothing worse
I mean I do
I love the Arctic Monkeys
I love them you know I do
but I went to see
when I saw them
on Electro Picnic
they were playing
they were playing a lot
of their new stuff
and I know they have to do it
but like it wasn't
no one wants
the new stuff
I want the old stuff
that's it
I think if I was going
to be in a band
it would be Sugar Babes
oh god no
Spice Girls
we've had this conversation
no I think I'm a sugar babe.
You do kind of look
like a sugar babe today,
but like,
that's fine.
You can have less money
and like do more stuff
if you want
and break up consistently,
but I'm Spice Girls, okay?
I'm a spice up your life.
I'm pretty sure
they're not together either
at the moment.
Ah, no,
they go back and forth.
They go back and forth.
People from Cork, they go back and forth. They go back and forth. People from Cork,
they're just so familiar.
Did I talk about this last week?
They're just sound.
Yeah, they are sound.
They're handsome.
There's very few people
I'd want to talk to on a plane.
And I was talking to this fella.
I was talking to this fella
beside me, James, today.
Great crack.
He was great.
Do you know what I've been
thinking a lot about recently?
What?
What?
David Beckham Being a thirsty bastard
And taking that money
Off from Qatar
Do you know what?
It really doesn't sit well
With me at all
It does not sit well
Do you know what though?
He'll get away with that
And it's like
Do you know what?
He won't
No he won't
The respect is gone
No people thought
He was sound
And he's just
Outed himself now
For being a thirsty fucker
Sorry I don't want to keep Swearing on the part of Doing that because I'll do that again People thought he was sound and he's just outed himself now for being a thirsty fucker.
Sorry,
I don't want to keep swearing on the part of doing that
because I'll do that again.
People thought he was sound
and he's outed himself now
for being a thirsty bastard.
And it's not cool.
it's,
it's,
it's honestly,
it's not cool.
But people are going over
to like,
to their,
to like,
to be doing like these fashion,
they have this like
whole fashion thing
and it's fine,
but you can't,
like,
everyone is entitled
to their own culture
but not when you're like
discriminating against people
and just being
fucking horrendous
and what I will say is
I do
he was a gay
he was a gay
Dave Beckham was a gay
icon
not anymore
and I would not want to be
the one to piss off the gays
but you know what
I got asked to go to Qatar
they invited me over to the World Cup and to what I got asked to go to Qatar they invited me
over to the
World Cup
to do all this
like
to do
influencing stuff
what
I'll take my
sister
my lesbian sister
how would you
feel about that
are you serious
yeah they invited me
and I said
there's no way
I would go over there
not the way it is
no way
no
but yeah
very disappointed. I loved
what Joe Lycett did. That was funny.
It was so good. Yeah.
He was like, I'm going to shred 10 grand. What did
he call it? Bender's like,
this is so funny.
He's actually got... Do you know what Joe
was so good at? He's an amazing stand-up,
an amazing comic, and he's also sound.
I consider him a friend. He's absolutely sound. We have
pints sometimes. We get on very well. He's also sound I consider him a friend he's absolutely sound we have points sometimes we get on very well
yeah
he's also
a pure stunt guru
he's so fucking good
like even that jacket
he was wearing
I was like
that in itself
is memorable
you don't even need
to shred the money
I was glad he didn't
shred the actual money
sorry we
again we haven't explained
so Joe Lysett
basically
did a video
saying asking Davidckham to reconsider
doing his kind of qatar ambassadorship thing and saying if he did pull out of it joe would
donate 10 grand of his own money to lgbtq charities i guess yeah and if he didn't do it
he would shred the 10 grand um And it was just so well done.
Do you know what I will say actually though?
And Joe Lice has said this as well.
David Beckham should give like a portion of his money every year to an LGBTQ plus charity.
And then it wouldn't actually like, he could save a little bit of face.
Like, come on, you've got 110 million.
Donate at least 10 of that to charities because you know you're a shitebag.
You know?
You're a geebag now in our eyes.
You're a geebag.
Joe, the thing, Joe made me laugh so much when he was talking about,
he was sitting behind this desk doing this kind of like news report about David Beckham
and about why David Beckham's a gay icon.
And in fairness to David Beckham, he was because he leaned into the whole like gay scene
when footballers weren't really doing that.
And he was kind of doing shoots for gay magazines
and all that jazz.
But Joe's like, you married a Spice Girl.
It's the gayest thing you can do.
How could she let him do that?
I don't know.
I know she's got,
you can't blame her,
but like there were obviously chats had at home.
But yeah yeah not great
do you know
like
and I've actually
bumped into him twice
at a
he is an absolute
right in real life
I have to give him that
he's right
he's oozing
sex appeal
like a snail
oh my god
it was in
Barry's boot camp
twice actually
and he was very polite
and said hello to everyone
but now
do you know what
now
now I don't know
if I'd say hello back
okay, I don't go there
anymore but still
throw Amber at him
throw a lesbian at him
do you know what, I will throw Amber at him
after she's been on the piss
for two days straight, that's not a nice place to be
you'd rather be in a tank
of piranhas i actually wanted to bring up one thing as well
the picture behind me you can't really see it now because uh because it's dark but we recorded in
the light the other day there's been news articles about the naked picture behind me it's basically a
woman sitting with her legs open and a laptop in front of her it's been there for years since we moved in it's been there for when did we about five years now
five years and people have only noticed it now and people i actually i unfortunately read some
comments and it's like oh she'll do anything for attention look at that picture she's just placed
there i didn't play oh they think it's me I'll fucking take that where do you read this
where do you read this stuff then
the boobs on her
yeah that is me actually
that's me back there
that is me
you look
unbelievable Bebs
thank you very much
thank you
that was only this year actually
yes
where do you read
a month ago
where do you read this stuff
about yourself
oh do you know
I
where do you think
tattle life daily man no I where did you think tattle life
daily mail
no I wouldn't go
to your tattle life
I'm not that cruel
to myself
that's severe abuse
and then I let myself
get sad about things
and I was like
don't
don't
so I was
we did
I did
we I
us
the pod
did a shout out
for stories about
how you knew
your partner
was cheating on you
which
we actually got
so many of
that we're going to have to
fucking
go through them properly
we could almost do
I
I know
but I have
and some of them
some of them are so funny
like and that's
they're so funny
and the thing about it is
that I actually just
enjoyed so much
reading through them
was that they're laughing
so because it's
it's like
it's a it's like,
it's a great sense of camaraderie
and how stupid
you,
like the stories,
they're like,
and then I,
he did this,
she did this,
whatever.
And I stayed.
And I'm like,
I know,
I've done,
I've done that as well.
Anyway,
I think we could do a whole bonus episode
about just those stories
because there's so many of them.
Can we do,
can we not do a few today
because they were just
yeah we can
they were so good
but I agree with you
it is like a camaraderie
of like
why was I such a dumb idiot
and then you read them
and you're like
actually
we've all been there
because you know what
we're actually really sound
and it's them
who are the dumb idiots
but I
do you know what I was
I was actually reading
three of them all
and I was like, we're all,
human beings are snakes by nature.
Speak for yourself.
We're little creatures.
We're little sex crazed creatures.
Little pigs, basically.
Cut that, I love pigs. I have to say,
do you know what, Joanne, I have to be
honest with you. How's your meat free
life going? Not great, not great,
not great. But what I will say,
I've cut the pig.
I just,
because I know that they,
I know,
I know.
Now I know I've cut the pig before
and gone back to the pig,
but like,
I'm sorry,
if you're in a house
and someone's cooking sauce,
that is not your fault.
Okay.
If you truffle out those sauces,
it's not your fault.
I'm more disgusted
at the term sauce.
It makes me feel nauseous.
I don't know.
Okay.
Sausages. I can't stand abbreviations. I don't know how I'm going to, I don't know how I'm going to last six weeks in sausage it makes me feel nauseous I don't know okay sausages
I can't stand abbreviations
I don't know how I'm going to
I don't know how I'm going to
last six weeks in Australia
it's all they do
oh no
yeah
that's going to be a tough one
it's all they do
they're obsessed with it
I haven't
I'll be honest
I haven't done one meat free day
okay
I haven't done one meat free day
but I have not had
pig
in ages
well do you know what
that's a good start.
The Toy Show.
Oh, the Toy Show.
I have to say, Vogue,
I found it very cute when I saw Gigi and Theodore
watching the Toy Show.
I know, but they kind of,
they were so fascinated by it.
Joe, explain the Toy Show. The Toy Show is an Irish institution the toy show I know but they kind of they were so fascinated by it Joe
explain
the toy show
is an Irish
institution
where it's like
the late late
it's their national
chat show
one episode a year
is dedicated
to showing off
the new toys
of that year
it's basically for kids
it's like crufts
for kids basically
yeah and it's
like we've been
watching it growing up
our whole lives
you would sit there that's when Christmas starts they go through all the toys it. Yeah, and it's like, we've been watching it growing up our whole lives. You would sit there.
That's when Christmas starts.
They go through all the toys.
It's two hours long.
It's like they've got like pantomime dancers on
doing loads of stuff.
And you are just, you sit there,
you've got your pen and paper,
your list, you're ready to go.
You choose what you want.
It's like a shopping channel.
Remind me to talk about this before we finish.
It's a shopping channel for babies,
but it's also, everyone wants their kid on the the toy show so that's why it's kind of like
for kids to another kind of way you want your kid on there but then it's also it it kind of
obviously has an extra layer because it's christmas so your child goes on and thinks it's
going to show ireland how to use the new tiny tears but actually Ed Sheeran's pops out from behind
the kids
you know it's kind of
like
bucket list stuff
you know
it's amazing
I mean I think it's
Grant
like you know
people get a bit
obsessed with the toy show
I think the reason
that Irish people
like the toy show
is because
it's a throwback
to the time
where there was
two channels in Ireland
and you all watched
the same thing
and there was
it was like this shared experience
I know
everyone's still obsessed
with the toy show
come on
I'm absolutely not
I will
I have to say
I'm not into toy
like I'm a fucking
I'm nearly 40 years of age
I don't care about
the new Rollerblade
I'm sorry I don't
but look
but I understand
people really enjoy it
but it was so funny
I was driving to a show
I don't know where I don't know where
I don't know where it was
Newcastle I think
and
there was
I was listening
no it must have been in Ireland
I was in Derry
and there was
I loved Derry
oh my god
I had a blast in Derry
I'd go crack there
sound audience in Derry
those women
they get it
we put them there with Cork
but
there was a radio station
we were listening to like
techno trance music it was like
it's like Paul Van Dyke
and all the DJ comes on he's like
that one there 9pm till I come
going out for Gav
he's like listening going out to
Gav getting ready for the toy show and I was like
what what I was like
on every single request that came in
was like for this
hardcore like
transsexual music for these single request that came in was like for this hardcore like trans
techno music
for these gangs of people
sitting at home in Ireland drinking cans
gearing up for the toy
show
getting ready for the toy show
smack my bitch up by the prodigy
going out to the girls in Kimmich
getting ready for the toy show
I was like what is going on this isn't fucking Glmich getting ready for the toy show I was like what is going on
this isn't fucking
Glastonbury
it's the toy show
it was very bizarre
but very funny
you better have watched
the toy show
like honestly
it was so good
I didn't show
I was working
and also
like I'm not being bad
but like I don't have kids
and I'm a grown woman
there's not
it's not the place for me
she she
like all
all like I put on the toy show like I stood there for 15 minutes with them I'm a grown woman there's not it's not the place for me she she like all all
like I put on the toy show
like
I stood there
for 15 minutes with them
and I had to leave
because every time
mama
will you buy me that
they're on this phase
of like
will you buy me that
will you buy me
every single thing
that came on the telly
I had to write it down
that's what they wanted me
to buy them
I'm like
I've already done this right
they've already been
I've booked an order
they're gone
you're getting what you asked
for last month
Santa's been shopping
already guys
you'll be like
you do you know
how much easier
what you'll do
you'll grow up
get your own Instagram account
and collaborate
like a normal human woman
and
look after yourself
yeah exactly
mummy will keep her money
to herself
I've just ordered Look after yourself, right? Yeah, exactly. Mummy will keep her money to herself.
I've just ordered a bottle of vodka,
two limes and some fizzy water.
Spencer's going to be the one to get that because I'm not.
Two limes?
Would you not just get the bag?
We did a shout out for stories on how you found out you've been cheated on and oh my god did you deliver like i've never felt such a sense of like i feel like i got therapy from a lot of it i'm
like you know what i am not the idiot I thought I was.
Yeah, I know.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
So, well,
I think,
I think,
I think you should start.
Oh, about my cheating stories.
Shit, Spencer's in the bathroom.
Anyway,
it wasn't him,
so it's fine.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I once,
obviously there's a few times,
but
I'd actually found out
about this person
when we had just broken up
and I found out about three people
that he had cheated on me with.
And anyway, I found out about that.
It didn't matter.
I was like, like I actually said,
I was like, you absolute snake.
I did text him because I was like,
we'd just broken up.
And he goes, oh, we weren't together then.
I'm like, yes, we were.
We had gone on holidays like the week before.
That's not the one that I found out about though.
So how did you find out that they cheated on you?
I was told by somebody that they cheated on me.
But the same person, like a year down the line, right?
I got an Instagram mail off a girl.
Oh no.
I know.
And to the point where she'd mailed me, she's like, hey, I'm really sorry.
And I feel really bad about this.
I'm doing a little bit of personal work.
And I want you to know that this happened.
Basically, we were all at a party together.
You left.
We lived in the same complex.
And you left and went to bed
and when you went to bed i slept with your fella yeah and i was like oh my and there was loads of
stuff after that like i had his phone and like he had to get it back and i felt so bad like you
were asleep next door and i was asleep yeah why was firstly why
was I not asleep on the couch that is usually where I like to fall asleep anyway and I felt
and I was like oh my and you know when it takes you back and you remember exactly the night they
were talking about and I thought to myself what a what a nice girl to and then I thought actually you are not doing this for me you are doing it for yourself so I am not writing
back and saying thank you so screw you yeah no it's the horse you rode in on so that's how I
found out about the fourth the fourth one imagine being cheated on four times you didn't even know
about what an idiot until I read everyone else's messages. Thank you
girls. Look at the horse you rode in
on. She rode
out in your fella. She might have rode in on a horse
but she fucking rode out in your fella.
Listen, these lads
and obviously with men, like we're including
women in this as well but obviously the
responses were predominantly about men.
From what I can tell, slags
are like puppies. They are for life. There is no one recovers from being a male slag From what I can tell, slags are like puppies. They are for life.
There is,
no one recovers
from being a male slag
from what I can tell.
But some of the,
it's what I look,
and I know we kind of
touched on this before,
but some of the excuses are,
they're so funny.
I was like,
am I allowed to laugh
at this stuff?
I know.
Here's,
here's one.
I knew I was cheated on
because my boyfriend
came back from a weekend
with a huge bruise
on his neck.
I questioned the bruise
several times
because it was clearly
a hickey
but he insisted
it was from a
Hoover nozzle.
Oh, come on.
Which I believed.
Oh, no.
It's because you wanted
to believe it.
Of course, I know. which i believed for a while
until well i won't say what she called the girl let's be feminist here the woman
who had performed sad hickey messaged me on facebook saying it wasn't a hoover nozzle it was
me oh no i found out i was cheating on when his bit on the side text him asking him
to sign their baby's
passport forms
and I'd seen the text
yep
that's right
he had a four month old child
before I knew
he was cheating
and we'd been together
four years
and would you believe
history repeated itself
and he went on
to cheat again
on that girl
and have yet another child
with a different girl again
listen once a snake
always a snake
absolutely
snake for life
St. Patrick needs to get his ass
back into Ireland because he didn't clean up
the snakes
he was depressed
depressed in
inverted commas
he was depressed so I told him to start a journal
obviously I read it immediately
and the first line
was how he's addicted
to this other one's vagina
that she's like a drug
some of the stories
were about girls
who were like
turns out my boyfriend
came home one day
and he was really sad
about something
and he'd lie
and tell it was something else
and then it transpired
that it was that
this other girlfriend
had broken up with him
like these
it's oh my god
my story is awful
he was out for a walk
a new hobby of his
and I turned on the laptop
to download a new album
to his iPod
as a surprise for him
about 12 years ago
his Facebook messenger
started popping up
and I clicked on it
there I saw
in real time
came up messages
back and forth
he was sending to his
bitch on the side
oh well we won't say bitch
we won't say bitch
no we won't say
to his girl on the side
woman
woman
woman yeah
while he was on
his fucking walk
I just had to put our kids
to bed
he even said that
this was the worst
I must look like a right fool
I'm out here walking
with a big smile on my face
ick prick
is what she said
yes agree
this is the
this is dark stuff
I know but
but like honestly I just like,
I can't bear it.
Everyone has 12 faces, basically.
12 face McGee.
So my ex came home with hickeys on her neck
and then swore on her dead parents grave
that it was McGee's.
And then tried to talk.
She might have had her toes crossed.
Then tried.
Just saying.
That negates it all. Swear on my dad's grave. To she might have had her toes crossed. Then tried. Just saying. Not in the gates at all.
Swear my dad's grave.
Toes are crossed, toes are crossed.
And then tried to talk me into going to therapy
because I was so paranoid.
Oh, that's gaslighting though.
That's the worst.
Oh my God.
Because we have so much that we're going to do
a proper deep dive next week
because Joanne literally
couldn't stop going on
about her number one songs.
Wappum gangum style.
Sorry for doing the work, Vogue.
Sorry for doing the work.
It's weird when Joanne's
really on it with the pod.
I couldn't get her off
the bloody phone.
This is the last one
we'll
and then we'll save
the rest of the cheating stories
because
there's a
there's a huge theme to
like these girls
oh I have another cheating one
as well for the next time
then as well
I have another one
what the hell is wrong with me
why is everyone cheating on me
oh sure like everyone
cheated on me as well
I wouldn't worry about it
and I
and I knew
and I ignored
like coming home
fucking like
do you know what I mean like hair is in the bed and all and I knew and I ignored like coming home fucking like do you know what I mean
like
hairs in the bed
and all like
you know
and I was like
oh
if you didn't see it
it did not
like you know
just in denial
like an idiot
anyway
here's one
oh yeah
this one was
I was like
this is juicy
and I believe her
but it's kind
it's kind of a bit
mad but I do believe her
my dad's PA
came back to work
after some time off that she was a bit vague as but I do believe her. My dad's PA came back to work after some time off.
She was a bit vague as to why she'd taken it.
When she returned, she explained she had left her husband.
She then explained she'd popped home on her lunch to check in on the dog
because their dog walker wasn't able to do that day last minute.
Husband didn't know this.
Her husband was home, which she thought was strange.
He always got lunch at work.
She went upstairs and found him in bed with her dad.
No.
She was like, I'm telling you, it sounds bananas, but this is a hundred percent true story.
I was like, I choose to believe it.
Did she break up with her dad as well?
Imagine pulling a cracker with your dad on Christmas day
now when you're out
with your husband
like where do you go from there
well Joanne
this is why in some senses
we are lucky
that our dads are no longer here
I know
God knows what violence
they'd be committing
on our lives
if they were still alive
exactly
you gotta look on the bright side
the glass is actually half full
I'd be like the glass is actually half full I'd be like
the glass is in your face
you fucking
rowed my husband
oh my god
that's horrific
I wouldn't glass
I wouldn't glass anyone
no no
no way
thank you so much
for listening
to the pod
I've been Vogue Williams
she's been Joanne McNally
she's looking fantastic
she's turned up
she's showed up
she's absolutely shined
look at her go
in her little
denim coat
that I will be stealing
Vogue
are you joking
you gave this to me
this is yours
oh
no
no
yeah that's the Lee one
do you remember
you got it in there
I adore it
I hate
when that happens
like I have a you can share it I'll drop it down I have a makeup happens like I have a
you can share it
I'll drop it down
I have a makeup drawer
and I say to people
when they come over
I'm like I have too much makeup
because I get sent
lovely presents and makeup
I'm like help yourself
just don't tell me
what you take
because if I see it
I'm like oh no I need that
oh no no no no
I need that as well
so I'm like don't show me
just take it
she got a big delivery
from a brand
and she was like
look route around to the bag and take what you want but she left the room a brand and she was like, look, route around to the bag
and take what you want.
But she left the room.
I just assumed she was busy
doing something else
and she explained to me after,
I actually can't watch you do it
because
everything you take,
she'd be like,
no, no, no, actually.
No, no, no, I need that.
I'm the same.
Well, you look fantastic.
Oh, sorry.
Like, do you know what?
There's a
I've an absolute
I don't know
I have to give you
I have to give Ewan
I just have to give him a shout out
and I know
me and Vogue are trying to make an effort
to not talk about
Ewan
well Ewan
but also like facial treatments
as much
I'll tell you what
after seeing your face today
Ewan
I'll be into you on Sunday
we do
we are starting to
kind of sound like Desperate Housewives but so I face today Ewan I'll be into you on Sunday we do we are starting to kind of sound
like desperate housewives
but
so I went into Ewan
and he just did
what he does
and just injected
fucking sunshine
into my face
and
I mean
I don't
I sent my mom
into him
I sent my mom
into him
for her Christmas present
I got her a revive
oh nice
and I have never
seen someone
like she literally
was just
overjoyed
yeah
don't worry mom
that's more where
that came from
I just remember
hearing from the
dentist
I have no business
glowing like this
I do nothing
but abuse my body
I have no business
you don't
I have no business
you're defying
the laws of physics
no science
but yes
no business
well done Ewan
well thank you
everybody physics is this you after one vodka what the fuck is going on Physics. No, science. But yes, no business. Well done, Ewan. Well, thank you, everybody.
Physics.
Is this you after one vodka?
What the fuck is going on?
I'm going to get my ass up to clapping
and kick the absolute shit out of you.