My Therapist Ghosted Me - Shyness, Hypnotherapy & Self Serve Checkouts

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

Joanne is extremely excited about the football. She doesn't care about the games, the teams or the results, but she's noticed a lot of rough and ready football fans about and that's enough for her. Meanwhile, Vogue is considering hypnotherapy, but she needs to get her moneys worth. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. McNally that looks nice what's that it's nice isn't that Glossier yeah they had a big they had a big shop when I was in LA so I popped in and splashed out a lip gloss the only thing I'm buying in America is those

eye drops that turn your eyeballs white that are probably like bleaching your eyes are they bad for you and the crest strips for the teeth

and the crest strips yeah and Joe if you want some melatonin I don't like melatonin it gives me nightmares I've heard it gives people dementia what?

not a medical podcast we have to say allegedly it's not fair on the melatonin community but that's what I heard that there's something about it that gives you dementia how was your week? how was my week?

something did happen hold on I gigged in a garden yesterday I saw that that looked nice yeah it was nice it was a very wholesome event the Brighton

open garden gig or something it's called and I was I was flown in last minute because Sarah Pascoe couldn't do it because of a family emergency

so I basically saved the day you saved the day you're welcome Brighton and did they know that you were going to be talking that much smut at a night

at a garden party I arrived and I said hmm how am I going to handle this? Because there was a lot of kind of older people with folding chairs and it had a bit of a picnic vibe.

But Stephen the promoter, I mean, you know, you have to trust the programming. I started off and I said, I am here to lower the tone. Once you let them know they're ready. I said, once you're all informed and I have your full consent,

you're free to leave now if you want all informed and I have your full consent anyone can you're free to leave now if you want and then I just went for it and they wouldn't hear most of it anyway depending on the age you know

my mum didn't hear a lot of what you said no nothing nothing Sandra my mother says the same but I think she does when there's stuff

she just doesn't want to hear with those hearing aids she's going to go into her thing with the hearing aids but anyway so yes that was me gigged in a garden at Brighton stayed in all day Saturday

I was actually fuming with myself it was only Sunday morning I realised the Euros are on what's that the football? yeah do you want like come on oh for going out

and meeting people yes oh there was an article in the Telegraph the other day I don't know if that's who you want to meet hooligans are back hooligans are back

and that was the that was the headline I did see a man with blood running down the back of his head and I thought where where where Joanne would like him it's like hooligan soup

out there at the moment with all those lads watching the football and that's where women need to be you need to be in the pubs because you're going to see them at their most vulnerable if they win

they're going to be celebrating you can attack if they lose they're going to be celebrating you can attack if they lose they're going to be vulnerable you can attack you can see the ones that are comfortable crying you can see them

at their lowest point or their highest point I think you've got a good measure of a man I've never really been into a few when I missed it into football

I don't give a fuck about football or tea I took him to football because I don't know anything about the Euros the guys were like oh and he sat down

and they were like who are you up for in the Euros and I was like to tea because I don't know anything about the Euros like the guys were like oh and he sat down and they were like who are you up for in the Euros and I was like to tea haha say Ireland like just assuming and then your mum was like yeah Ireland didn't get in and I was like oh

I mean say England then fine say England yeah I think we would have known if Ireland had gotten in I think we would have been aware there would have been well I don't know

there would have been more of a hullabaloo I suppose Scotland well Scotland are really talking about it anyway I obviously don't give a shit about the Euros per se

but what I do care about is that they're it's basically hooligan soup at the moment in those pubs and I was fuming that I missed that opportunity

because I was too busy passing out in the cage watching Bridgerton like a fucking loser well actually what you were too busy was I knew you were going to bring this up

Joanne now I told you, right? I don't mind when people cancel on me. I don't mind. You see, I don't like to cancel, so I just don't turn up. No, you double cancelled on Saturday. Actually, you cancelled twice. Go on, what did you do?

You cancelled in the morning when you were meant to come down. You said, oh, yeah, I'm not feeling great. I'm not going to come down, but I'll definitely be down later. I could play you the voice now if you'd like to hear. There's really no need for that. A double cancel in a day. So you won't even notice this but I'm not going to

invite you to anything for at least two months okay that's fair are you hosting or is something happening am I missing out no I'm away for a month as well

so you definitely won't notice but just so you know it's happening and it's starting now I'm not inviting you to anything I know it's just that flat

it's because it's so light it's so bright that even when you do nothing you feel like you're in Clapham Common just kind of getting amongst it being outside in nature yeah you feel like you're outside

healing and exercising even though I'm not doing any of those things I'm just lying on my couch I did think about you on Saturday because I thought boosting myself on hinge again

I thought to myself Joanne is so lucky because it was such a miserable day on Saturday. There was literally nothing else you could do. You just had to sit and just do nothing. Was Saturday not roasting? No, Saturday was lashing rain, rotten day. Oh, well, that must be why I did that then.

Oh, that was why you decided to stay in, yeah? It must have been. You don't even watch Bridgerton, by the way. You've only jumped on a bandwagon. Have you seen the first season? Of course I've seen it. No, you haven't I have

do you not remember when I was having a breakdown in the first house I lived in in Clapham and I was doing all that saging and everything because I was like I was going to throw myself

out the window do you remember I listened to the Bridgerton soundtrack every morning while I burned sage to calm my nervous system ah the good old days the good old days

yes I don't think the sage works to be honest it's more just the kind of the mental calmness of it well i thought you'd be proud because i went down my first insta hole like it was i think instagram's trying to turn into tiktok because it was the same thing flick up flick up flick i couldn't stop and before i knew it i was an hour and a half looking at shite on my phone i I was looking at cats and tinfoil. Yes. Huge at the moment.

I watched a girl. She had this car. I don't know what it was. She was in Japan and she had this huge car and she set up a campsite for her and her cat. The whole car turned into basically a bed in the back. Then she had a sitting room set up. Then she had a toilet with a shower set up. It was a three minute

long video. I watched the whole thing. The Japanese women are women are very enticing I spoke Liv Davey who does my hair and makeup in London she is also we talk about kind of these Japanese videos where they have they come in in the evening and they clean their shoes and they have all their gadgets yeah it's intoxicating did you ever see that one of the Stanley Cup where this woman has a Stanley Cup and she basically puts like all of this stuff on the Stanley Cup to take out with her for the day but she must have put like 24 see I went really deep

yeah yeah yeah no I know yeah yeah soon you're going to be looking at like the little add-ons for the Crocs we're all getting served the same shit I need to

yeah but I'm I like I need a way out like I was watching this woman clean her cat her cat tower and I was like and she's like

this cat tower I never do this side because it's facing against the wall and I'm like why am I why can't I turn it off I do believe and I did read this before

that apparently China they twist the algorithms they're trying to make us stupid so they can invade that's what I heard it wouldn't surprise me

yeah because I have the same I was saying to you yesterday or this morning I was texting I was like Instagram is ruining my life I can't get off it

I'm just scrolling it's mind numbing and I need to get back to education back to education back to learning something but I did now there is two accounts

right and they're kind of good smartens but they're doing it obviously for Insta as well but there's this man and he basically there's an overgrown garden and this woman was saying

she was a dinner lady and she didn't have time to do her garden and he spent the whole time doing her garden and then this other woman who goes around dinner lady and she didn't have time to do her garden and he spent the whole time doing her garden and then this other woman who goes around cleaning for people

but like people who are hoarders yes I watch her and she goes in I love her she goes in like this isn't just cleaning she wears a hazmat suit

yeah like she goes into people who are probably mentally not very strong sometimes they find dead bodies in those houses what?

yeah sometimes hoarders have you never heard those stories where they find actual bodies that those houses what? yeah sometimes hoarders have you never heard those stories where they find actual bodies that have just been buried beneath

all the shit because they have so much crap is that not like murder? some of the hoarders get killed by their own shit someone comes to visit them

oh sorry the hoarder themselves no but sometimes the hoarder could live with another person and then they don't even know what happened to the other person and it turns out the other person is dead. I swear to God it's dead in a pile of newspapers

and they're mummified. That is hilarious. Yeah. In a dark way. Not hilarious in a classical way. I'm telling you, it's true. So it's like someone comes to visit you for coffee and then they just never leave.

And you're like, oh, well. They went to the toilet and then everything just fell on them and they just suffocated. They're in the dining room somewhere. They've been there for years. I'm sure they're fine. And you can't even notice the smell because it stinks so bad everywhere else. These people are not well. They're not well.

No, I know. Well, I went down a little Instagram hole myself. Now, I am a little bit more disgusting than you, I believe. So I go down these kind of thirst pages where these men are pretending to chop wood and stuff. And then the comments, the comments are, women, there's, I tell you, the internet, sometimes it really gives.

Did you see your man I was posting about at the weekend? Like, I just, the wood man? The wood man and the comments are like. I just do not find that attractive at all. My pronouns are tree, trunk. And the comments are like. I just do not find that attractive. My pronouns are tree trunk. I'll actually get his name. Hold on a second. Because we might have

thought you the whole story. It's like your man with the horseshoe that you liked. Oh yeah. Your man who's pretending to. The farrier. The farrier. He is.

I think he is actually a legit farrier. But my God. He knows his angles. I'll tell you what. I put up Spenny I'm going to do it more often Spenny's body

as a cover photo for when I was away in Zanzibar and I've never had like it's nearly 1.5 million views just because it's Spenny's body and he has all these comments.

Well he is working hard on that bod. He is working hard and he deserved his own beep beep moment and you gave it to him and I think it's very kind of you. Thank you very much.

You know. It was for myself on my own personal gain of course it was for your own personal attraction on your page absolutely

sex sells who knew Thor Bradley is the is the tree guy right of course he's called Thor Thor Bradley

it's probably a stage name he is divine he is ripped and sweaty and tatted and all those sexy sexy things

but the so he talks about this chopping down these trees and he's like oh look the way it opens like a flower and then some girls

run into the beach I too I just opened like a flower it's just so funny because he knows exactly what he's doing we're all in on it and it's just great crack to objectify exactly what he's doing we're all in on it

and it's just great crack to objectify these lads on the internet but you know what the lads are not allowed to do that to us not at all

but you remember we can do it it's feminism remember we said what did we say about Colin Farrell something like and someone was like

I remember I got a couple of males being like you shouldn't be speaking about Colin Farrell like that and I was like what did we say we were talking about

wanting to ride him? Oh, come on. Colin's a great friend of ours. A fantastic friend of ours. He's a great pal of ours, isn't he? Imagine you sort of going out with Colin Farrell.

Why don't you go there? I was only with Colin at the weekend. We're more sister, it's more brotherly sisterly thing with me and Colin. Do you know what? The last time we spoke of him

you weren't able to do anything because you were in a relationship Colin does not know that you have gotten yourself out of that relationship that must be why I haven't heard from him

he's embarrassed he doesn't know that's what it is I was going to say he was shy he's been shy again he does seem shy he is a shy man.

Oh, a better poem. A better poem for you. I'm quite, do you know what I've learned I'm quite shy too you know are you yes

yes in what way well I'm so I'm kind of what a wallflower my friend is don't look at her certain situations

certain situations like I'm kind of texting this guy at the moment and then I didn't text for a couple of days because I just

will not initiate any contact and then eventually today he was like are you ever going to fucking text me are you ever going to initiate contact with me excuse me I'm playing a game here

and I was like I just I said I'm playing a coup and he went he went at your age I was like

okay you little sass pot oh my god you have to play it good maybe that's not the rules anymore I don't know I don't fucking know but that's why I knew I could never use Bumble

because I'm like I'm never going to initiate anything do you know what I mean oh no no no is that what that is Bumble is where the woman has to initiate it she has to say hi first

or whatever I was like I just am never going to do that no ever I'm old school yeah I like somebody to be chasing me now instead yeah I'm lazy I was like, I just am never going to do that. No. I'm old school. Yeah, I like somebody to be chasing me now instead.

Yeah, I'm lazy. I still like that now, even within my marriage. I'm like, oh no. Yeah, you have to play it hard to get sometimes at Spencer. I will never initiate sex. Ever.

Never. Why would you? I don't even remember. It's not your job. I'm going to be honest, I don't actually remember one single time that I've initiated sex.

No. Never. As is your right. It's literally always there on a plate for me. I was given out that I wasn't actually remember one single time that I've initiated sex. No. Never. As is your right. It's literally always there on a plate for me. I was given out that I wasn't getting any matches. So loads of girls then got in touch with me about various hacks that they've learned and all this kind of stuff. But that one girl, she actually wrote an article about it. She was saying she went to shut down her hinge.

No, she didn't write an article. Sorry, it was a TikTok video. I've made the same mistake again. She went to shut down her hinge and hinge didn't write an article sorry it was a TikTok video I've made the same mistake again she went to shut down her hinge and hinge said are you sure is there nothing we can do

what if we rebooted you from the motherboard or whatever so it's like you're new again yeah so so it clears all your caches

or whatever they're called and she was like cookies cookies whatever those things are yeah yeah I know what you mean it clears your

it clears your internet web and then she said yeah okay go on so they reboost her and she said she was flooded with them they were coming in

through the walls all the matches have you done that yet you're still boosting you'd rather pay to boost well I mean I'm more than happy to pay £14.99 a day

to boost myself just for the fun of it I'm going to lose all my money this is why I have to get back on tour I'm going to lose all my money to boosting I think it's one way

to spend money though surely at this stage Hinge will be like here we'll do you a discount if you want to boost yourself all week we'll give you seven boosts for the price of five

like something come on I could lose everything I'll be putting the flat on it and everything you're already doing you're doing well though you're doing well

do you know what my plan was by the way for Instagram because Joanne texted me about it today as well so we're actually kind of concerned about our Instagram usage. Yeah. I'm buying myself a camera. I'm going to buy a camera for when I'm on holidays.

So I'm not constantly on my phone taking pictures. And then when you take pictures on your phone, you're like, oh, I'll just have a little snoop. It's the camera. That's a great idea. So that's how I'm going to not like be on my phone all the time. I'm going to buy a long lens. I want a full SLR'm going to go full pack. I want a full SLR

just this huge camera pack. I've even brought myself a little I've already got the little printer. I've got a camera printer so I just need the camera now. Oh my God.

This is how you're going to get into Buckingham Palace. Get a press pass and everything. Little perv. You're the creep who's on Instagram nine hours a day. I need to get off it honestly

I think we should I think we should make an effort to reduce I don't know why I'm like a neutered dog I don't know why I open it all the time I don't know what

I'm looking for I've put it on the last page of my phone you know that we have to scroll across makes absolutely no fucking difference to me you'll sniff it out anyway

someone said that you put a timer on it a friend of mine puts a timer on and it tells you after you've been on the app for 30 minutes and it's like basically

telling you to get off you can just say no thanks snooze snooze it's not going to stop me no I've somehow accidentally

set up a daily limit for my usage of YouTube which I don't know how I did it and how to get it off it doesn't stop me are you a big YouTuber yes

I listen to it at night. Oh yeah, I forgot that you did that. I was thinking of hypnotherapy. Good. For the flying. Because it's like therapy. We as Joe have been wondering when this penny was going to drop. We would love that.

We have a list of things to bring to them. Well, because I wouldn't go to a therapist with just one thing. I'm scabby. I want to have a few problems saved up and then I'll go yeah and that's

into your bloods and everything while you're there yeah so I was like right hypnotherapy what have I got a vape sometimes

I have to stop vaping yeah well I have to stop you do I vape every second of every

day if I could yeah I saw Jonathan Ross in there with a vape and I was just looking at it like oh god

I love a vape it's dark behaviour Jonathan Ross is like he's like the father he's like the he's like a father figure to me

if your father completely ignored you that's what Jonathan Ross is to me I just I would love him as a new dad well you are on the market

for a new dad I am happy father's day to you and Freddie oh god yeah oh damn I missed a moment to post a picture

and get a few extra likes you know imagine a topless photo of your dead father Oh, damn. I missed a moment to post a picture and get a few extra likes, you know? Imagine a topless photo of your dead father. That's a double whammy. Sex sells and dead fathers. Come on. No one could not like that post.

They'd be cruel not to. I actually have the perfect shot. I've ruined it. I'll have to wait till next year. Damn it. Sadly, my father wasn't big on it. I'm going to wait until next year damn it sadly my father wasn't big on I remember being like why are you posting

that picture my auntie Sharon keeps posting a picture of my dad and she posted about twice a year because I don't know it's like she's

run out of pictures he looks like he's done about 20 ecstasy he's done about 20 ecstasy tablets his eyes are like looking in different directions

I'm like Sharon is that really the only one you have it's not great please stop posting that of my father and then she called her dog Freddy at least she's trying to keep

his memory alive you didn't even remember it was Father's Day I didn't actually did you remember do you even remember he was dead okay I'm sorry

I text Neil there's a new kid on the block I text Neil right Neil I text him and I said that he's my favourite dad at the moment at the moment

but anyway I'm just if Jonathan's listening I am open to being bothered. Well, we just asked to go to his Halloween party. He told us it wasn't happening. I'll be watching out. We'll be keeping it close. If I see that fucking party in the Daily Mail, I will go spare.

Snubbed again. Speaking of getting snubbed. I know what you're going to say. Have you seen these? The Pope. We spoke about this. Has he opened a comedy club or something? We spoke about this last week, but I knew.

Did we? Yeah, but I knew it would upset you when you saw the actual pictures of the comedians. I was absolutely appalled. I was actually behind him taking that video, by the way. I was invited. Of course you were. He said I was a hoot. I heard you did a solid 20

he said you were a hoot a holy hoot a holy hoot well I do have a Catholic child I have a Catholic child okay holy hoot by accident

Luke Williams anyway not a single woman on the line up maybe Oprah who was there I don't actually know who was there I just saw Jimmy Fallon

and Conan O'Brien and people like that I honestly wouldn't go neither would I no I'm sorry couldn't be arsed no but like

what are we going to do there Catholic Church I don't even think does he speak English they don't have a great reputation in Ireland they don't have a great reputation so I don't think

sorry globally they don't have a great reputation well globally but very very well Joanne I'm sorry people still go and see the Pope so it's not everywhere

that it happens He's very popular in Rome I don't know if you've noticed that For older people older people But in Ireland Panicking older people are panicking

I will find religion when I hit 83 trust me but for now I'm flying atheist I'm not even going to be scared of dying anymore because that's another thing

I'm going to talk to my hypnotist about dying flying vaping what was that other thing oh and Instagram all the important things Yes Great out of dying anymore because that's another thing I'm going to talk to my hypnotist about. Dying, flying, vaping. Yeah. What was that other thing? Oh, and Instagram. All the important things.

Yes. Great. I think this is great. I do. Listen, I think you should, I might be able to get a two for one deal. I don't know if hypnotherapy would be, I don't know.

But I'd be scared to go on my own because I don't want them doing something weird. That's something you need to look at as well. Going alone. Your fear of being alone. No, I'm not talking, well, actually weird that's something you need to look at as well going alone your fear of being alone

no I'm not talking well that's actually that's another one for this this is great I'm really gonna fuck you Joe I'm gonna get my money's worth

for this but I meant I don't want to go alone because what if he hypnotizes me to I don't know like eat dog shit or something eat the white eat the white dog shit or something. Eat the white dog shit, Vogue.

I know. I'd be scared of something like that. Oh my God, imagine. Imagine we're just walking through Battersea Park. Just following Winnie and Bertie. Go on. I prefer it warm, boys. Oh, Vogue.

Vogue, come on. It's gross. I would love if we went for a walk through Battersea Park and he just dropped down without saying anything just started chewing dog feces

you're like but at least I'm not vaping hey what it was worth it waiting gold haven't vaped in weeks is it supposed to be that far away from me

from you yeah yeah you fall for it is mine is mine being moved we sometimes put yours outside the room just so like

where's the mic guys I've put a news you know the way I like to look at these what's hot and what's not tan lines are back oh they've always been in now have they

yeah they're sexy tan lines tan lines are sexy were people not covering up tan lines apparently Bella Hadid didn't do it once now it's where everyone's

fucking freaking out everyone wants a tan line there's no if I knew who Bella Hadid's surgeon was it once now. It's where everyone's fucking freaking out. Everyone wants a tan line. If I knew who Bella Hadid's surgeon was, he like transformed her whole face. She says it's just a bit of like filler in the eye now. She's like a gazelle. She is unbelievable.

Do you know who else I'm having a bit of a fizzy feeling for? Who? The Weeknd. The duet that he does with Ariana Grande. Oh, save your tears. Yeah, that's amazing. It's unreal. And I went down a hole.

Yeah. Alone. I was going to say something really gross. Go on. I don't know what's wrong with you today. It's because it's my first day of my period.

I'm weird. No, you're always like this. This is no different to any other day. I've got a dirty mind I watched their collab no not a fucking collab oh my god it's also the first day

of Joanne's period we've synced duet duet yeah and it is quite spectacular I'm in a real Ariana Grande chapter of my life

I'm scared to say this because I don't want them to come after me but I'm not a huge fan of hers and I'm sorry a real Ariana Grande chapter of my life I'm scared to say this because I don't want them to come after me but I'm not a huge fan of hers and I'm sorry sorry she's the best singer I didn't say I didn't say anything about Taylor

I love Taylor I love her forever I just Ariana not really my bag not my bag I'm sorry well she isn't a fan of yours either according to Ariana

she doesn't know oh well if she knew who I was I'd be thrilled about that obviously so will I tell you about my week hit me so obviously yesterday

so I had a lovely two weeks without my kids but like I was with them every second of every day for two weeks too much it's like very full on and Spencer would be

how if it was helpful you'd say huh he'd be huh yeah so just a little bit like

so like by the end of it I was like oh my god I'm gonna lose my mind and then obviously he went to Jordan and then I had the kids all weekend as well and I was like too much time with the kids too much and I texted the group yesterday this thing that I saw in New York they put up a public art installation and it's a punching bag yes in New York and I honestly I saw and I was like that would be so perfect for me today but like I just in New York I just don't think that you would

have enough of them because in New York it's quite stressful because New York is so stressful everyone would be so stressed all the time London isn't as stressful

as New York but like being with children is like one of the isn't it Jo it's one of the most stressful things in the world especially three that and Theodore

has started doing this thing where he starts screeching and stuff, and yesterday I was just like, I actually had to go to my room, I had to, I had to, like I had to deprive myself

of anything sensory, right? I wasn't even asleep. I put in my earplugs, I put on my white noise, and I put on my face mask, and I just sat there, and I didn't even think of anything.

I think that's what's meditating. Is that meditating? I don't know. I had to turn off my brain because I was like oh you know and you're like I'm going to explode.

Just for half an hour because I thought I was about to explode. This is why parents lose their minds. I did say to you over the weekend I said those children

are there a lot. They're there all the time. They're always there. They're always there. Yeah. It's a lot. They need to get their own lives.

They certainly do. They need to get some sort of hobby or something. Oh well they do have hobbies. I just have to take them to them. I had to go to gymnastics. I had to go to swimming. I had to, they certainly do. They need to get some sort of hobby or something. Oh, well they do have hobbies. I just have to take them to them. I had to go to gymnastics, I had to go to swimming, I had to go to football. Would you really though if you came across that

kick the shit out of this bag in the middle of a street in New York, would you use it? I just feel like. Oh I would, yeah. I like to have my mentee bees in the privacy of my own home. I just don't know if I could Well to be honest with you Call me old fashioned, but I like to have my physical breakdowns alone.

I felt like what I had yesterday was a form of a physical breakdown. Oh! Because there was nothing in my brain. I literally, my eyes were closed and nothing, I wasn't even thinking about my Okada order. Nothing. There was nothing there and I actually just had to sit there and be completely silent and then after it I felt great. Yeah I think

you accidentally meditated. Yeah I think so. I think it think it works I think you sat here slagging it for for years I think you accidentally transcended yourself to something by an accident and it saved me yes and I really needed it but then it turned out right so I woke up this morning and I was in amazing an amazing mood I got my period today that's what it was yeah I lost my mind because I got my period and then's what it was I lost my mind because I got my period and then obviously I felt terrible

and I missed them and I went out and saw them yeah and you regret it but you didn't you didn't strike them nothing bad happened I didn't strike them I did a little deep dive

then on public art installations so I just didn't want to talk about my absolute rage do you remember Chat Roulette? yeah it was just basically just lads wanking I just didn't want to talk about my absolute rage. Do you remember Chat Roulette? Yeah. It was just basically just lads wanking. That's literally what it was. Like, what was that whole thing?

You just press roulette, roulette, roulette, and these people just pop up. It was naked people the whole time. But they had this thing where there was a random phone and you picked it up and it was linked to somebody and that was another art installation. That's fun. That made me think of

chat roulette which was meant to be like an ice thing of everyone all over the world waving at people you just have dicks in your face it always ends up like that

because we were only I think we must have been about 16 when that came out and like I just remember just like click click click click click until I got like a dick or someone naked

or anything it always comes down to that doesn't it doesn't it it always comes down to dick really at the it? Doesn't it? It always comes down to dick really at the end of the day, doesn't it?

It just does. Yeah. Anything else? There was the hitch. There was a kindness library and everyone stole all the books instead of just like

taking one and like and you have those honesty bars and the honesty bar wasn't down there but you know, have you ever come across an honesty bar?

Yeah, I usually had a wedding. Like what are they thinking? And you're like, I've paid to fly to Rome you can fuck off sure I'll be dipping here's a euro you're lucky

you're not taking money out of it do you mind just clinking on the way out no that wasn't me I paid for that we're six grand short

in the margaritas girls are we indeed margaritas I think I'm going to go on a cocktail tour somewhere I need to go somewhere to get a margarita

should they fucking sell them everywhere yeah but where's a nice one you have to get a nice one so our house does a nice one really I bet you that's from mixed a mix

I don't want a mixed one from like a can I know what you mean you want the OG yeah I want a proper margarita Japan have the vending machines

where you can smell women's used underwear of course always yeah classic on my TikTok not my TikTok my Insta scroll did you see this one

where there was this boy drunk people doing things do you follow that no it's the most ridiculous Insta page but I follow it and some guy was like he was interviewing drunk people and he was like follow that no it's the most ridiculous insta page but I follow it and some guy was like

he was interviewing drunk people and he was like to this young boy he was like tell us like something that you've never told anyone before

and he was like I used to sniff my mom's underwear and your mom was like what oh my god I nearly spat yes

have none of you seen that you have to follow that page it's so funny and it's on the internet it's on the it's not even that old and he thought he was being really funny

I mean it is kind of funny but the I just assume it's true because I think he was locked he thought he was being really funny and like it's like

oh no hopefully he isn't hopefully I just feel like hopefully his mother didn't see it of course she did like you'd be so freaked out when that now and your son

I know a guy he used to they'd be like Darren's got a great sense of humour have you seen him on the internet talking about sniffing my knickers I mean he's absolutely gas he gets it from me here's another prayer

for you darling shame you wouldn't wash them after as well you lazy bastard I know a guy who used to do a thing called a danger wank right

oh yeah he basically used to call his mom from downstairs he'd be like mom and then he'd try and wank and finish off the job

before she got up to his feet. What the fuck is wrong with people? Sorry, not what the fuck is wrong with people. What the fuck is wrong with boys? Yeah, no, what is wrong with lads? There was no women

doing anything like that. Well, no, because you could never finish yourself that quickly. We're a little more complicated. Oh my God, I can be quite quick depending on what I'm watching.

Really? With the extra tension of Sandra coming up the stairs. I mean, I knew you were good, but I didn't know you were that good. It's so disgusting, actually. It's very strange. And then to do it is one thing thing but to certainly to tell everyone about it is a different thing altogether lads are gas aren't they

I used to sniff my mom's knickers what a sick little bastard I bet he did you see I just think when it comes to you that quickly no he definitely did I'm going to try and find it when I see if it comes up I used to sniff my mum's knickers don't use that

as a soundbite either it sounds like I've said that drunk people doing things it's so funny oh do you ever watch Influencers in the Wild that's what you tell me

to follow yes that's very funny so when we were in Zanzibar I forgot to tell you but like there was this girl in the toilet I'd brought Gigi up and like she had a suitcase

open on the ground and I was like oh maybe she had to check out of her hotel room. And she's wearing this all white outfit. And then I walked out and there's this boy who I didn't think they were together because I thought he was batting for the other team. And he was in all white, too. And I was like, oh, wow, they look great for the beach in San Siro. And all of a sudden they walked out and I saw them like he started spinning around.

They were like dancing and stuff on the beach. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here? They had a drone following them, just getting all these shots. Weirdest. It's always it's when you look at the videos, it's always fine and enjoyable. But if you really break it down and think it's the people crying, they're the ones that I find odd. Like in that moment that you're whipping out a camera, I find a little bit strange. I find odd.

Like in that moment that you're whipping out a camera, I find a little bit strange. I like, I honestly, it's nearly, it's way worse than the birthday retweets for me. It's the,

like, but some people like having a full break down in front of the camera. It's like. And then they put music, sad music to it and everything. It's a bit, it's a bit much,

you know, but like we are, we're, you know, we're obsessed with ourselves at the best of times, but that's a little step too far for me, for my tastes. I've got a quiz question for you.

Is it one question again? Yes. Oh, Joanne, no! Then it's not a quiz. You just have a question for me. I called it a quiz question. I did caveat it by saying it's one question. Okay, fair. Okay. But it's just a question. me. I called it a quiz question. I did caveat it by saying it's one question. Okay, fair.

Okay. But it's just a question. It's one question. Okay. I thought maybe I'd put together a quiz but it just finished with one question.

Okay, go. Can you guess how many years it is to this year how many years ago? How do you ask that? What? I don't know.

Is this a riddle? What? How many years ago did the first self-serve till arrive in the UK? How many

wood, how much wood could a woodchuck cut if a woodchuck could cut wood? In the UK, what's the, what's the year

now, Jesus Christ? It's 2024 now. I get the year confused so often now I don't know the I'm going to say 1992 it was

Jo could you have a guess 2003 you're quite close oh god I'm not good it was 21 years ago that was 20 2003

is it I don't know 2004 no you know I don't engage in numbers years ago that was 20 2003 is it I don't know 2004 you know I don't engage in numbers 2003 yeah yeah it's 2024

2003 yes you were banging the money did you say 2003 I can't remember I said 1992 what a great quiz I think this is

going really well I think this is one of our best quizzes when they ask those questions on House of Games I'm like I'm so off like but Alexander my little brother

Alexander because he works in finance in interviews they will ask him questions like how many cups of coffee do you think a Londoner drinks why every day so you

have to work out how many people would drink coffee in London then how many people would would purchase a coffee when they're out and how many coffees they might purchase during the day

so you have to try and think about it because it's numerically like I don't know AI is coming for everyone so I don't know why they're bothering asking questions like that but when I read that

I was like oh my god I can't believe it's 21 years ago that to me feels like I cannot believe we've been working in Tesco for 21 years Vogue unpaid and uncredited I can't believe it I working in Tesco For 21 years Vogue Unpaid And uncredited

I can't believe it I can't believe it's 21 years And I still have to call someone over Every single time Stop it's getting worse It's getting worse Like sort it out Do you have 21 years

It's getting worse If a scallion Is not heavy enough To register On the Fucking plate Sort out the scallions Someone is coming It is And then what I can't To register on the fucking plate. Sort out the scallions.

Someone is coming. It is. And then what? I can't. You can't pack it. You have to leave it all there. So it's just like extra jobs. Matt Rudd was slagging them off.

Your man who writes for the Sunday Times. He's one of my faves. I actually opened up my Twitter account. I downloaded my Twitter account to tweet Matt Rudd to tell him how much I loved him and he completely burnt me. Oh no. I know. Did you have a drink now at the time? I don't like him how much I loved him and he completely burnt me oh no I know did you have a drink

now at the time I don't like him as much now isn't that terrible I mean it's his lot I'm sure there's people who have tried to contact me and I have not re-engaged

with them so I fully understand the frustration but it was a great piece Bye. Roy McIlroy oh my god what is he up to Rory McIlroy say no more I honestly

because I was like I love a bit of juice and like I don't mind a divorce as you know but when Roy McIlroy announced less than a month ago

that he was getting divorced from his wife of seven years they have one child and I actually thought that's actually pretty sad. They've been together a long time and they have a kid together. But I needn't have been sad because

less than a month later they're back on. What's going on? People are saying that he basically would have had to give her a shit load of money. If I was her I'd be pushing for the divorce. I'd be like no sorry Rory. A hundred percent. You're like you started this like no sorry Rory 100% you're like you started this

yeah Rory I'll have that 250 million thank you very much what but he would have known that that was what was going to happen so why change their mind

they're saying it's been resolved call me call me suspicious I just feel like nothing has been resolved I don't know why they've backtracked they've said that they've had

but like okay so here I do I like this sounds really bad I don't know if this will sound too bad They said that they've had, but like, okay, so here, I do, I like, this sounds really bad. I don't know if this will sound too bad to go on, but anyway, like, if I have a fight with Spenny sometimes, I'm like, actually,

do you know what I just don't think? I actually, I don't think we're going to work. Sorry. He might have left the fridge door open and I'll be pissed off. I'll be like, there's absolutely no way we can find our way through this. We're going to have to break up.

Yeah, it's the straw that brought the camel back. My cousin in the tree said to me, he was like, Vogue, you've got to stop using that as, it's the straw that brought the camel back. Michael was in an interview and he said to me, he was like, Vogue, you've got to stop using that as a thing whenever you fight with Spencer over fucking nothing. And I was like, really?

So do you think something similar happened here? They just kind of, they played chicken with each other and then they ended up announcing it. Yeah. I think that that must have happened. He must have been like,

I'll show her. Yeah, I'm actually going to go ahead in public and say this now. You will never say something like that to me again because look what I'm going to do now. I'm actually going to say ahead and publicly say this now you will never say something like that to me again because look what I'm going to do now I'm actually going to say it

do you know what maybe that's actually that's a good that's a good point I was thinking maybe and mine is a little more cynical that

because he announced the divorce didn't he yeah she's really said nothing as yet at all no she hasn't said anything no because she's obviously

just like I'm not getting involved in this shit show even though it's my marriage she'd be 250 million in well 100% but also she's like now you have to

backtrack on this because you because you threw a tantee with the papers it sounds like something I would do you threw a tantee yeah

a tantee you threw a tantee have we traded places that's the second time you have tantees allowed okay sorry I just never know

which is allowed yeah that's okay but just check the been Tanties allowed okay sorry I just never know which is allowed yeah that's okay just check the rules Tantie and Mentee Mentee B Saucies allowed Saucies are anything that sounds cute

like that is not allowed I do have my old divorce lawyer in my phone Emma divorce and like honestly sometimes I'm like I'll skip her

I shout see if she's still working I love just the kind of the constantly erode at Spencer's mental health it's great that's what a marriage should be

never let he's always on eggshells you could go at any time with a day or night of a bag packed I just don't see a way through for us I'm really sorry

as much as I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but not after that now not after you've forgotten to lock the door downstairs there's no way we can get back

well I think the Rory McIlroy thing was either a tantrum that got out of hand or... The money thing. Well, no, I don't think it's the money thing. I think it's that... Because he would have known that that was a thing. I think it's that maybe, because as we know, and again, sweeping statements and absolutely stereotyping...

We know nothing about this, but anyway. We know nothing and we're not known for our nuance, so this is completely allowed. Yeah. Men usually only leave if they've something else ready to go. So maybe...

Tiger Woods had like 15 ready to go. Exactly. So maybe Rory had something ready to go and then that fell through. You see, I have to say, I wouldn't say that's just about men now. I wouldn't be like jumping out of something unless I had... If I had something else to dip my about men now I wouldn't be like jumping out of something unless I had

if I had something else to dip my toe into I'm fully willing to make that absolutely sweeping statement well you know I don't like to be alone so I'm not going to leave a relationship unless I have a bit of a relationship

to come to yeah yeah yeah yeah fair fair 100% but like a lot of people leave they won't leave until they literally have another home to go to

oh no they don't want to be alone they're like oh no no no I don't know if I can still kind of pull the birds or whatever it is anyway you just want a little love interest a little interest literally have another home to go to. They don't want to be alone. They're like, oh, no, no, no. I don't know if I can still kind of pull the birds or whatever it is. Anyway.

You just want a little love interest, a little interest. Yeah, something just to keep you going. By the way, I went running in Battersea Park today and there are a lot of hot guys in there. I'm just telling you. It's because it's the summer.

You're bleeding. So I'm not talking about for me. I was talking about for you. Oh. You're bleeding. you're in heat that's why you're like john i have a husband for god's sake oh come on we know that's not really a thing yeah he was walking by me today and i like overly looked at this guy but he was really good spencer yes benny was walking by me oh Spenny was walking by me and there was this really hot guy

and I was like god I looked at him for too long I hope Spenny didn't notice it's because you're in heat it is that's it for this week I've been Gerard McNally

she has been Vogue Williams he's been thanks for that buzz he's been that's Joe he's been thanks for that bud he's been that's Joe he's been that guy in the corner

that's me Joe Attywell and also while we're here we're going to we're going to be in Boston on October 10th we're going to be in

New York at the Town Hall on October 11th and we're going to be in Toronto on October 12th and we cannot wait and all those tickets

are available to buy on my therapist ghostedme.com 12th. And we cannot wait. And all those tickets are available to