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PKN464, how are you boys?
Doing good. We got the audio issues worked out.
Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, you never know.
You never know.
It's so weird. Maybe I'll just buy some new equipment.
Like, get a new... I don't know what...
I mean, I don't think it's the microphone making this noise.
The computer's brand new. All my wires are brand new.
The mixer's a year old.
So, I don't know. I don't know.
I would happily spend more money if it meant not occasionally having some random fucking staticky hiss.
After I've changed nothing, after I literally played, like, did the show, played Diablo, turned the computer off, like, watched YouTube Shorts.
That's what I do with this computer.
It's YouTube Shorts and fucking Diablo.
That's the only thing.
It's not like I'm taking it apart when you guys aren't here and rigging it up for
fucking stealth dude sometimes i don't use this pc at all in between pkas and so it's like time
to boot up the 4090 for to do impressions
i'll be like sitting here like doing the voice and I can just hear it.
It's like it's begging.
It's like, give me something to do.
Please.
I was with you.
I had a 3080.
I was playing games.
I think the 3080 went bad.
Maybe it was the power supply that went bad.
I ended up asking for help, taking it to a pro.
He brought it back with a 4080.
So I upgraded the GPU and a new power supply.
But I haven't played a game since.
I'm not convinced that this computer is actually stable.
So when I tried to use three monitors, it didn't work.
So I just buckle down to one extra wide one.
I think if I ask this thing to work harder, it will fail fail it is part of what's kept me out of gaming
but I'm not sure I just don't want to know
I didn't have a
Schrodinger's gaming PC
idealistically
I have a gaming PC but we'll never know
until I start it up and smoke comes out
that poor GPU
it wants to run it's like a fucking
like a thoroughbred racehorse
that I keep in a turbo cage yeah it's not even that it's in like That poor GPU. It wants to run. It's like a fucking thoroughbred racehorse.
And it's just locked away.
Yeah.
It's not even that.
It's in like a German Shepherd's little dog cage, just cramped in there.
It's little snoots all pushed against the wires.
Let me go, boss.
Let me go.
No.
Then I put in Diablo, and I turn everything to Ultra. And it's like, oh, now I'm cooking.
Now I'm having a fun time.
Diablo is, it runs the,
I get full frames the whole time,
but it's definitely an intensive game
as far as the GPU is concerned.
Brand new.
Oh.
Yeah, so Diablo's,
I've learned more about Diablo this week.
I remember being in Walmart as a kid
and like walking past the PC games
and I didn't know what they were
or what pc gaming was
i don't understand all that silliness but their bot their game boxes were huge like you'd buy a
nintendo game you got this little like paperback book size game cartridge holder but when you
bought a pc game it was like they were giving you the the collector fucking influencer edition at
vidcon or some shit it was eight times too thick and it was bigger than
the... What's that
Bible that everyone likes? The Gutenberg Bible?
Is that it?
The real big one?
Anyway, it's fucking huge.
Most people don't ask me about the Bible.
The good book, as it were.
Show me what
the Gutenberg Bible looks like, Zach.
I'm curious now.
The Little Lisp Bible.
But anyway, it's...
There it is.
That's Diablo.
Oh, I don't know if that counts.
I'm liking it a lot.
He's doing what video games used to look like.
Like, that's what...
Like, yeah, when you bought a PC game,
you got a big, like, chest.
Chest.
And there was a whole book in there
that was thick and spelled out, like, play how to like i remember feeling like i was
cheating with some games like when i got age of empires and it had that booklet in there that
like told you what to make to other stuff just being like man they're really just selling the
formula here like not knowing obviously it's about timing and like strategy but yeah it
was it was they were intimidating i remember playing like the first real like complex game
i played was age of empires and all i played up until then was like mario party and stuff on
like super nintendo or uh dreamcast all that shit like easy sonic or crash bandicoot style games
another excellent game and then going to pc for the first time after that was like easy sonic or crash bandicoot style games another excellent game
and then going to pc for the first time after that was like oh my god i didn't realize
when i first booted up the first age of empires and it was a top down game like that i remember
like sitting at that family computer and being like oh like this this is a possibility of games
this can be done like i i was so blown away by it and then i found out
about battle for middle earth one when i was like 12 which was the lord of the rings top down rts
which aged incredibly it really did like i hear about it on the internet all the fucking time
people reminiscing about that game i don't know how you get a key for it if you were a hacker man
you could probably set something up now but uh yeah, anyway, Diablo is an ARP.
Is it an ARPG or something?
MRPG?
It's something else before RPG.
Maybe M for massive.
Because multiplayer RPG, which is what I've always dreamed of,
a multiplayer RPG where you'd be slaying the big dragon,
getting your ass kicked,
and some random guy would stumble by and go,
hey, man, I could help you with that dragon. You going to to fight dragons and he can just jump in there where you become buddies and together
you actually can slow the slay the dragon i had a an ice princess flirting with me last night it's
pretty cool she was blown away by my druids wolf skills she kept saying i'm in yeah yeah she was
wearing this this little blue number it was pretty hot we. I invited her to my party. Well, yeah, that's how we...
I invited her to my party
only because I wanted the free 5%
XP. I just invited the nearest...
You know, Woody,
almost certainly not.
Almost certainly not. The odds of her
just having a girl character and being
a girl are like one in a...
I don't know, a thousand, probably.
So there's a chance there's a chance
when you see a female avatar online it's almost assuredly a guy i always use the female avatar
uh except for this time with the druid the druid in particular the lady druid is just as big fat
and thick as the man druid she looks like rosanne barr you gotta have a big muscular
rosanne barr so i just went with tom arnold instead and called him vigo but now i'm playing
a rogue a little bit and it's a hot chick like a skinny little hot white chick with a ponytail
that's the way to go that's the way to go fuck yeah why small and rust if you're a girl you can
like like what guys will do sometimes they'll have a girl on their team. Usually it's somebody's wife or girlfriend
who comes in and does the...
There's actually house cleaning work in Rust.
Bitch work to do. The organization is
insane. You have chests and chests full of loot
that needs organizing so in a pinch
we can find what we need.
It's like we need to fight a fire outside but the hoses
are mixed in with the fucking suits and none of the
suits match. It's that sort of shit.
But they'll send their girl in to sweet talk people hey yeah i'm new i'm becky i just bought
no it's not my pc it's my ex-boyfriend it's mine now though he he and before you know it she's got
the base codes oh that's good stuff i like the manipulation in that game and you just need one
female friend
that you can call in a favor from.
Or someone who sounds like a lady.
I feel like you could probably do a convincing lady
if you really put your heart into it.
I could...
You know what?
I'll put my nose to the grindstone,
and I'll...
You know, my instinct is to try and go British with it.
Mmm!
And think irrationally.
Would you like your tallywhacker sucked?
Mmm! Oi, brother, how about those codes, eh? Would you like your tallywhacker sucked?
Oi, brother, how about those codes, eh?
This needs more work.
A couple of cards?
Oh, you'll make me laugh.
You sound like a Monty Python actor.
I'm not encouraged at all by where this is headed. This is actually watching me.
Bad!
Dude, you can fuck me.
If you give me the cards.
You'd be over there with your video game titties out that's the thing i like about rust that no other game does as far as i know you've got dick and balls just hanging out you know you show
somebody your dick if they they give you a hard time i can't think of another game unmodded that
does that yeah that's a plus it's huge like like and i and and your character is permanent the
first time you log in you don't get to choose a character.
You're assigned one.
You become.
You are born into this world as...
What's your character like again?
I'm an Asian guy, and I used to be hung,
but I'm 90% sure they updated it to make all the penises the same
so as not to be racially intolerant.
It used to be a variable, and I had lucked out.
I got the unicorn cock, and everybody I met in the gang would be like,
whoa, look at the wang on that chink.
And it would be great.
But now no one says that because, you know, it's a different time.
And you get assigned a dick and like muscles.
So you could log in and be like, fuck, I wanted a muscle guy.
And my guy sucks.
Oh, Mitty is a black woman, I think.
Is he hot?
You know, in a pinch.
Okay.
That's a no.
You know, I mean, we live in a stone hut near a swamp,
and we hide from raiders during the day, so yeah.
So you get bored in there.
He's a lot hotter than what's on the outside world,
but he wears nothing but leather and smells awful.
Not as bad as Scum's character,
who's like an Eastern European potato-headed goofball.
But I'm a little burnt out on Diablo.
I think I've done everything there is to do in Diablo.
At this point, it's like, what do you do?
Just play a more difficult version of the same?
Have you done all those fucking side quests and everything?
Like, you've done all that shit?
Like, I think they just keep making up new ones eventually.
They're just remixing the old ones, like, with some AI algorithm or something?
You maxed out your Valor or whatever it's called.
Oh, yeah. I did all the Renown.
I'm on to the last stage in all of them.
I collected all those fucking statues.
That was...
I got literally every single goddamn statue in the game except for one and then like flew back to that area and was running around and
it was like hidden behind three trees in a way that like i only got it by like going behind the
tree area and just clicking yeah you're forced into a paper. Your
point of view is forced, Woody, like top
down and not like third person top down.
You're sort of in the sky looking down at
your guy and the battlefield
as it were and it'll zoom out and zoom in
on its own. So when you
sometimes you fight an enormous thing and it just
keeps zooming and you're like, oh my god, where
are we? And we're just like little
mice at its feet, all pecking
at it. That's the best.
But yeah, there's times when it's hard to find
anything. Yeah, that is
far and away the worst part
of the game is
the locked in zoom screen
where you pretty much can only be
18 feet above the ground
and you're at a goofy angle
so it's not like you're looking forward
and able to like you can't rotate it so you're really just kind of looking down like this so
you can see like 15 feet in front of your character and i'm sure it's because they don't
like they don't want it to have to render a bunch of stuff and and also to balance it because a lot
of the attacks are really really powerful and i guess they need to make it so that stuff can get
close to you before you start teeing off long range.
Everybody's trying to do the,
so there's a couple of end game things you can do.
They really tried to add a lot of content.
So there's Uber Lilith that's going back and beating the game boss,
but they just made her so much harder,
just so much harder.
There's,
um,
there are world bosses that go off every like three hours and a giant
boss descends upon the world, and
everybody flocks there on the map and slays
him. And there's a few more things
like that, like timed events that happen,
and they're coming out with a season soon, where
everybody has to start new characters, and
there'll be new balancing, and
we'll do it all over again.
But my thing is, once
the campaign's done, and you're not doing
campaign missions, I think you're not doing campaign missions,
I think you're just doing nightmare dungeons over and over.
Just going down to a dungeon, the same one you've done before,
and doing as fast as you can at the highest difficulty you can to try to rank up and get levels.
But what do I want the levels for?
So that you can do it again and get better loot
to do the same nightmare dungeon again.
That's probably what it's going to end up being i don't like how they're getting rid of like the entire character
so i can't play this character anymore unless i want to go to the fucking undying lands
like valinar some some bullshit like that and then play with people who are also retired in
their play like their accounts i think basically my get my guess is that season one will take place on
its separate thing, but when you log into the
game, you'll be in this eternal realm.
I don't really understand or know,
but that's the deal.
I'm not sure if I'll... I'm going to try to play.
I'm going to try to get back into it, but
I don't know if I'm going to
really love it because
I don't know what there is left to do.
I don't care. I've done everything.
Tarkov's about to reset. I don't know if you knew that.
The cheaters. That's what they told me in the hangout the other day.
I watched that video where the guy bought cheats and then he would wiggle
and the cheaters would wiggle back and he was like, check.
And kept score of how many cheaters there are in fucking Tarkov. And it was a shocking amount of cheaters.
It was crazy.
So many that, and here's the thing,
they're not always just bullying you.
They're not always,
hey, I see you in there, Taylor Murka Murka.
I see that your stash is worth 280,000 rubles, poor boy.
Why don't you come out of there so I can run your shit?
That will never happen, really.
Nobody cheats like that
because they've all got some ulterior motives
what'll happen is they'll sneak in they'll take all the good loot and just be gone before you
even know they were there and you'll be playing a 30 minute match biting your nails hoping you're
gonna get to the end and final edX and there's not one there because some cheater literally flew
in like Harry Potter in the first 30 seconds and took it so that for a game that requires so much of me i require just
a little bit more of it you know like you got it you got it let me verify with my cell phone
that i'm me and i'm not using cheats like something whatever it takes to put me in a server
with six you know 20 other guys who are also definitely not cheating i don't care if they
beat my ass all day i'm not that great at the game but i'm average i'm average but i just i can't deal with cheaters you just don't
want to die because someone lasers you through a bunker like it's not even that like that's not
even the the worst it's when you you don't even know you've been cheated it you'll be because
this match is gonna be long and you'll be in there for 30 minutes looking for a thing that was never there because a cheater came in and took it and you had no way
of ever getting it it's it's a real kyle knows this but for listeners and maybe taylor there
was only a 10 chance it was there right it's not there all the time if something if it's a really
good thing there might have been a one percent or less than that chance of being there so the fact
that it wasn't there when
you hoped it would be you don't know when you're getting cheated you just know that there's a lot
of cheaters in the game taking the good loot and you've tried all day and didn't see it are you
unlucky have you been cheated and it'll be a big deal to get quickly you'd be like yeah fuck this
like it would be like in diablo if you had a quest where they told you to go get the get werewolf tongues and every time you logged in somebody cheated and
went and took all the werewolf tongues no i wouldn't like that but there was no way for you
to know that there weren't any werewolf tongues left until you went in there and looked for them
and no none this time i guess i'm just not lucky but in reality some fucker from china's got a barrel full of werewolf tongues over there they don't know i have all the tongue
and he's selling for american dollar roos oh dory dory i mean like it's it's a fun game
but you're right about the diablo part of maybe bitcoin i don't know what else to do
like i i was doing a bunch of side quests
and shit to try and get my renown up and do all of those things and i'm to the point of quests
where it's like suzy q the daughter of the blacksmith needs you to go find uh biteberry
a million miles away and then talk to three people on the way back and you're like up there and
you're looking for the fucking plants that you have to harvest i did i i like had a george
costanza moment like last night like going like oh like just like being over it because i was
looking for like a sodden moss pile or some fucking nonsense quest thing it was called like a sodden
grass pile and it was in a
field and all the collectible
grass looks the same
as the regular grass
and so as you're walking you have to
like keep stopping because every four seconds
there's like you know the way
a glint will go on like a door
or a handle in Skyrim or something
to show that you can use this
grab here but it only glints every like five seconds and so if you walk through an area too
quick you don't even get an amount of time that it will glint that it is the real grass because
your camera angle is so fucking hog shit that you can't see anything and so I literally I collected
four of the five piles of wet grass and I was trying to find the last wet grass pile.
And I was walking around for like 15 minutes.
Like this is, I'm like, I'm having no fun.
I'm aggravated.
I'm actively thinking I'm going to go on my laptop and play magic.
The gathering arena right now.
I'm going to go watch something on TV.
I'll go read a book.
I'll go do anything.
You know, what's great about magic? You open it up and then you
click play and then within
10 seconds you're playing the game.
Diablo is
famous for that. I'm not ripping on Diablo.
I'm saying Magic the Gathering, I will
have no ripping of that. I can't get
on board with your card game anymore
that you lured me into. I still think
those people paid you off to lure
me in. It's a great game.
Magic is the most popular trading card game ever.
The most popular trading card game?
More so than...
Oh!
What's the second most popular trading card game?
Poker!
You know what?
It's probably not even the most popular.
It's the most popular strategy game that people play as far as cards. I would imagine Pokemon's probably not even the most popular. It's the most popular strategy game that people play as far as cards.
I would imagine Pokemon's probably bigger as far as the amount of people buying it, right?
I don't know.
No one rakes you over the coals.
Isn't it the most popular game with cards?
There is?
Three-card Monty where you bend the cards and you're like,
find the diamond, find the diamond.
Pay no attention to this man who looks like my brother who just got it right the simpsons are like oh dude you totally won the game oh bro
this is totally sick and he's like homer he looks a lot like the dealer i don't understand
three card monte either the one with if people don't
know this you probably do you just might not know it by name it's the you know you go to like some
tourist trap area and the scammer has a poker table in front of him with three cards and he
just shuffles them back and forth back and forth and asks you to keep the eye keep your eye on a
specific card but for some reason no one can
do it and it seems like it's very easy it's like a hand it's shuffling and slide of hand while
they're when they go to shuffle it are putting a black card down or hiding the red card with an
additional black card if you're trying to guess a red and so after that first shuffle there are no longer any red cards to guess it's all black now if you would have all three of those up at the end
without him being able to do anything you would see three black cards and probably a red card
slide out from under the gun one and then you would see a bullet maybe this is the thing i
didn't know he shuffles the cards no it's just three cards usually it's
just like it's supposed to be a red card and two black cards and they're like and then they
shuffle them but really the guy's a sleight of hand artist and right as soon as he starts
shuffling he switches out the red card or hasn't he really is holding either four cards and he
looks like three and he's just placing it on top very quickly so that you lose it you're focusing
on which card is going where so you're not focusing on like the little things he's doing
with his hand uh while he's he's doing his nonsense like it's one of those things where
they use like solo cups with say a little ping pong ball yeah and they either they slide the
cup around or they tilt the cup and pass it to another cup and it would seem like that'd be very easy to track but those
guys aren't even that bad like you you know that that's a magic trick when i've seen that the worst
is in vegas those fucking leeches on the what's not the boardwalk what do they call it i'm a
fucking sidewalk whatever the strip oh the strip thank you they are so i hate those people i wish
someone would...
What do they do? I've never been there.
Oh, all sorts. So there's lots of
scams.
Girls will
ask to take their... Hey, let's take a picture.
Let's take a picture together. They'll be dressed
up like the 50-foot tall woman or
some random nonsense
in a bikini. And you're like, okay, I guess.
All right, that's 25 dollars wait what
what and they'll harass they haven't done this i've seen it done they'll harass you and chase
you down screaming at you and shaming you publicly until you come up with money and there's a dozen
scams like that they're all real pushy about about that all those performers all those street people
i just wanted to see you run around in your Transformers shirt, dude.
Have you seen that guy who's like Optimus Prime?
He's like rolling around like a truck, and then he stands up and transforms.
That guy's awesome.
I've seen him on Reddit.
You see him coming.
Yeah, I see him coming.
He's a truck man.
Maybe I'm missing something, but I feel like the shame thing wouldn't work on me.
Maybe it would.
Maybe I'm not giving them credit I feel like the shame thing wouldn't work on me. Maybe it would. Maybe I'm not,
maybe I'm not giving them credit for how good they are.
But if they're like,
I took a picture with you,
you owe me $50.
You owe me 75.
I'm Woody's gamer tag.
No,
you just would yell loudly and be like,
this lady's trying to show me naked pictures of children on her phone.
I like that.
She's trying to fuck.
I don't want to fucking see that lady.
Jesus.
This woman is fucking trying to...
Dude, are you hearing this?
Look at this.
Now nobody's worried about me not paying $25 for a picture.
Now they're worried about the ladies there.
The pedophilia.
They're worried about that.
Yeah.
There's a movie about what she's doing right now.
It's a rumor.
I saw a news story last night.
Some sort of athletic coach left his phone at a bar restaurant
and I guess people went through it
and immediately the first thing they
find is videos of him raping
underage boys
while they're asleep.
While they're asleep?
Yes, he's cospeying children.
He was a coach?
Something like that, yeah, in athletics.
Like that.
Yeah.
Did his team win, though?
That's what matters.
They came from behind.
I fucking love it.
They were probably traumatized.
They never saw it coming.
And he thought he was just celebrating a big victory over South Elementary at Chuck E. Cheese, and then his life changed forever.
Another parent, can I use your phone to call someone?
And he goes, sure.
He left it unlocked on a table somewhere and drove away.
You would think if you had money.
He instantly went through his phone.
I love it when that's the real
crime. Baby, it's not me
cheating. It's my privacy invasion
that's the real crime here.
Dude, I thought that a little bit.
I heard my parents
have that one out.
I was like,
damn, I'm going
downstairs.
Did y'all get one of these?
It's supposed to be arriving for me soon.
I didn't get mine in my first shipment.
I got some clothing.
Was it in that?
That's from our friends over at Pharaoh Distribution.
That's the ionizer, the fancy atomizer.
I feel like I got a little little uranium core down here
yeah it's a dab rig yeah and it's a nice one i'm excited to get it i'm gonna get high as fuck off
that it looks sweet looks high tech the coolest thing about it is the way the dabs they sent came
they um came in this little capsule with a nipple on it. Is that a Delta-8 dab?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, this is...
Imagine a vitamin E capsule, but with a nipple attached.
That's what this is.
So I slice the end of that nipple,
and I'm able to, like, put little drops or little bits.
That's a really good idea.
I've never seen it done that way.
Normally, you've just got sticky shit in a container like this,
and you're using your uh your dabber
something like this to scoop around and then it gets really disgusting and there's stickiness
everywhere and you feel like every little bit of this was valuable and i've wasted so much so much
yeah but that thing was pretty good for not wasting very much of the product nice and that
thing is better than the puff co the puff The Puffco's, like, the premier product in that realm.
The Puffco's laying somewhere in a box,
taken apart because it's a piece of fucking shit.
This thing worked, and it's idiot-proof,
and it's stoned-proof.
Like, I got real high, and I didn't fuck it up.
I smoked all of that.
It was real good.
You took the whole, like, little bulb? Not at once, but over the course of.... It was real good. You took the whole little bulb?
Not at once, but over the course of...
How strong was it?
Because I'm excited to try the dabs.
Stronger than anything that I've smoked in a long time.
Stronger than anything I've smoked in a long time.
It made my mouth salivate, like flash salivate,
which is usually a sign to me that I just hit something strong.
Oh, you were texting me the other night that you took most of one of those 300 milligrams ones i did most and then i did all last night i did a whole 300 milligram one
um it's good and strong yeah it's good and strong you texted me like nine hours after you took it you're like i'm still so
fucking high yeah it was long lasting uh you don't have anything to do tuesday it's perfect
yeah oh well i mean that's edibles in general like like it's it's not sort of a puff this a
couple times and be high for an hour sort of shit it's it's a committal uh it was good and strong i'll say that it didn't blow my head off
it kept me it put me to sleep at one point i slept for an hour but i never felt bad or sick
again i'm pretty good at eating these i gave a little bit of one to my lady friend and she had dizziness and she couldn't stand
and that went on for several hours a little see you gotta you gotta take an accurate okay dose
yeah i gave i pinched her a little bit off it was mostly nerds but that's the other thing these
things are coated in uh and sour nerds yeah they're like little clusters and then there's
also a big um nerd rope of them
i haven't i'm too afraid there's no fucking way i'm trying the whole nerd rope that's 1250
milligrams you can like look through the package there see kind of what they look like they remind
me of the everlasting gobstopper from um you know charlie the chocolate factory yeah yeah i took one
of the 300s but i didn't take the thing. I took probably between two thirds and three quarters and I did not get too high, but I definitely got to the point where I was like, all right, this, if I were this high from smoking, I'd be like, I'm good for a long while.
be like i'm good for a long while like that yeah it it got me i wasn't uncomfortably high because i do enough weed i don't really get that way but it was absolutely one of those times where i like
kept going up and i'm like i'd be i'm cool i'd be cool stopping here i'd be cool getting off at
this floor right now i'm fine getting off at this and it's like no you're not bitch you're going up
and then yeah that's continue to go it's strong as shit. And we both have high tolerances.
My tolerance isn't quite as ridiculous as yours,
but it's up there.
Yeah, that's always the scary part of edibles when you're heading up that escalator
and there's no getting off.
No, there isn't.
That can make people panic
if you can't master that with your mind.
Like, look, we might go somewhere we don't want to go,
but what we don't do is thrash and scramble and panic
until we end up in the gears of the escalator that are taking us up there.
Because if we just sit still, we'll be fine.
That's kind of what it is.
Even if you end up laying on the floor, which I have before.
That's always...
Whatever fucking X-Jaws gave me that time.
Was that even weed? what the fuck did he get
what did he give me he was hanging out with some nefarious characters at the time it could have
been anything it was a blunt i always attributed it to that that it was in a blunt and that i
hadn't smoked for maybe three three or four months so i had no tolerance but man whatever i smoked with him and that uh that vegas hotel
bathroom was intense watching those crazy videos the monkey monkey i watched a um i watched a
couple nature videos last night that were excellent have you ever watched komodo dragons
eating monkeys and goats before yeah yeah they'll eat a deer whole yeah
gobble it up i it's shocking because they're so not snake like but they can still do all the snake
shit with their jaw that i watched like actually it was earlier today i watched another one they
it killed this goat and it was it tried to shove it into its mouth head first and it got like head down into
the gullet like to where the little the front legs were kind of like splayed almost folding
into the neck area and you can hear the goat like that it's like it's bleeding from inside
the komodo dragon and then the komodo dragon like shakes it out because it can't eat it that way
and the goat's like dying head is on the ground and then it tries to eat it from behind
and it quickly realizes like this is even harder than eating it from the front and so it switches
back puts the goat's head back in its mouth again and once it gets a good purchase on it within like
10 seconds it like chokes the whole thing down and it it's like, this is nature's so much worse than we think it is.
It's like bleeding from inside of a dinosaur.
And this thing is using its toxic saliva to eat little bits of it.
I watched another video.
I watched it kill a monkey bacteria.
It was this little monkey thing.
And the monkey, as it was being eaten you know like if you were being eaten by a big komodo dragon and
your arms are still out you'd probably be like no no like grabbing onto it's like top of its mouth
to try and not get eaten more it was like his little monkey hands are doing that and grabbing
it and trying to like stop and everything and so the komodo dragon shakes it out of its mouth grabs it by the neck paralyzes it by snapping its neck with its lizard jaws and then like just chokes down
a paralyzed monkey and it's like and there's some like cambodian guy laughing at it with a video
camera it's like this is wild man like this is such an insane video komodo dragon videos i can't
believe i haven't watched
those in so long such honey badger videos are amazing everyone knows about the honey badger
they eat cobras they get bit and venomized repeatedly they fall down like they're drunk
and wake up and just resume eating the cobra that they just killed um but i saw a video where this guy tried to keep
honey badgers as like pets so the containment area for honey badgers oh very hard to contain
they seem to be able to climb anything they jump did you see this yeah they use the stick and they
push yeah they move things they make like ladders and bridges and uh the thing is honey badgers don't
give back at all right like like there are some animals that just don't show any love towards you
even a fish i i know most people can't imagine that you might develop a relationship with a fish
because it's a fucking fish sure but um outwardly they express they allow
you to project emotions onto them like oh look at this fish he's always grumpy but when i come here
he sits on the rock and looks at me because he knows that i'm the food guy and uh you know but
you can be you can almost like paint dog emotions onto this thing where he's happy to see you and
goes into position when you go there.
Honey badgers don't give you that.
They give you less than a fish.
They don't like you.
They don't care for you.
They don't acknowledge you.
They're terrible.
I don't want a honey badger at all.
Not reciprocal.
They're pretty clever, seemingly.
So they would find ways to destroy your stuff and chew things.
And I bet that is one of those animals that I guarantee.
I guarantee that animal has of those animals that I guarantee. However, indestructible is a rough combo.
I guarantee that animal has some rough smell and piss,
and it's going to piss all over stuff.
You wouldn't want that.
You don't want a lizard for a pet.
They're terrible.
Lizards could be good.
No, no, lizard. I was meaning what Woody was saying as far as giving back to you.
The way Toby for you.
Toby gives back to you. You and Toby for you. Toby gives back to you.
You and Toby have a relationship.
You guys are good.
Yeah, but I've seen those big lizards.
No, dude.
The lizard literally does not have the capacity to have a relationship with you in that way.
It only has a hind brain.
It has no midbrain.
It has no forebrain.
It does not have the capacity for it.
It's a spinal column and a hind brain.
It's nuzzling you because it's a cold-blooded animal.
Okay, I mean, I wanted to,
you know, that's the same reason we nuzzle
each other. It's nice and warm and it feels good.
So you're telling me that it's seeking my warmth
because it craves it and needs it to live?
Oh, sounds like a very loving animal
to me. Come here. What was the name of the lizard
from The Simpsons? Patty and Selma, they had one.
Oh, fuck.
Patty and Selma's or something like
something weird probably is that the episode where bart frees that lizard and it eats all the
the eggs all the bird eggs i honestly don't remember i was going from childhood memory
it's weird watching it now as a man grown closer to homer than but to bart because as a child
obviously i i am homer's age uh as a child i identified with bart because i was
he's 10 yeah i was 10 or 12 when i was in my heyday of loving that show and now i'm 37 i'm
homer's fucking age and i'm watching i'm like man i need to treat homer better he's he's just always
they're working hard he's always they're working hard you know like oh he like they make fun of him because he has a beer or 20 on his day off 20 he always finds some way to support the family he went to space he knows
multiple presidents yeah he's a heck of a guy you know he gets shit done yes you've been to space
oh you haven't been like you should go oh you should really go it's great up there
You should go.
Oh, you should really go.
It's great up there.
It's just fucking funny.
I got to like season 14 and it started getting real bad.
Yeah, you got to cut it off for that.
Yeah, it's pretty rough.
That YouTube video you told me to watch years ago, that was like it kind of analyzed the downfall of The Simpsons
or the shifting.
I think that guy was like season 10 or 11 or so and he's kind of on point there
with like homer becomes a blithering retard instead of a well-meaning but often misinformed
or misguided guy like he goes from like well-meaning goofball to genuinely being like, fuck you, suckers!
Like that kind.
You can really see the Peter Griffin-ing of Homer
is what it is.
They saw how popular Peter Griffin was becoming.
Peter Griffin, a much more rough-around-the-edges,
dirtier character than Homer ever dreamt of being.
They see that taking off,
and they go, oh, Homer's got to get more intense.
Homer's got to be more like Peter oh homer's got to get more intense homer's got to
be more like peter griffin he's got to be almost because peter is not always a well-meaning guy
he's often a bad guy whatever the joke needs like whatever the joke needs is what uh he is and that
doesn't really work with homer because homer has more of a like if homer like attacks someone
viciously like that's not really the Homer you know.
Blanders is really the only guy that he despises and hates.
And Blanders is such a good guy.
Yeah.
I watched a bunch of it.
I watched the one where they built a soapbox race car.
And that's an example of Homer being incompetent but not retarded.
Yeah.
They show up with Bart's soapbox race car.
And the judge goes,
Oh, son, I mean, your parents aren't allowed to help.
Your parents aren't allowed to build the car for you,
but they can help.
Homer goes, No!
Because he built the fucker.
It looks like shit.
It looks so bad.
The other children's cars look way better
than the car that Homer and Bart built.
Yeah.
It's a real...
Martin has like a real looking one.
It's like, eat my breath, Bart!
It looks like the space shuttle.
It looks like the space shuttle.
And then...
Nelson.
Nelson has like a Roman chariot thing with spikes on the tires and shit.
Yeah, it's a good time.
It was a great show.
I wish there were more shows that I enjoyed
watching, like Old Simpsons,
King of the Hill, Family Guy.
I wish I hadn't drilled Sunny
out of my head so bad. I wish I could go back
to season three of Sunny
and watch it again.
I'm probably five years out
from being able to do that still. I just watched way too much
of it. Way too much.
You should watch the new Sunny.
The episode
with Aaron Paul
and Walter
White, whatever. The guys from Breaking Bad
was so funny
because... Wait, that's this season?
Yes, that just happened.
The show ended like 10
years ago. It's always Sunny in Philadelphia?
What are we talking about
breaking bad i know yeah yeah they're having them on now in 2023 okay so let me explain what the
premise of the episode is so those two guys have a tequila brand together in real life
and the gang the gang sees that they have this tequila brand and they want their own alcohol
brand and so they think the way to do that is to partner with them and they see they're doing some sort of a celebrity
event but they don't read they don't know any they don't know what breaking bad is they think
that's malcolm in the middle they think that's malcolm and his dad from the show they think
aaron paul is malcolm they're like man malcolm really really didn't turn out well did he
see that's a funny joke.
I like that.
He's like, that's the guy from Malcolm in the Middle.
Yeah.
Jesus, Charlie.
He looks worse than you do or whatever the fuck.
I got to say, hearing that the impetus of this episode is a marketing ploy for a tequila company does not give me high hopes.
But I'll give it a go.
It was good.
It was good.
I didn't mind that at all.
I didn't mind that at all because Aaron Paul and...
Are you going to try their tequila?
Are you going to go get some Breaking Bad?
No, that tequila's been out for years.
A Goday?
No, they even make fun of the idea of celebrities having their own alcohol
in the first five minutes.
All you got to do is slap your name on some product, any product,
and they'll buy it.
You make a boatload of money. Yeah gotta get on board with this like the the whole idea that
the aaron paul and malcolm in the middle and malcolm's dad so no enough about tequila to like
what i'm supposed to believe that they went out there and got a muy autentico recipe
is that it is their recipe better or oh no their agave is extra pure from the southeastern region
i don't think so i think so i'm pretty sure they just got paid to endorse something and they own
a piece of the company like everybody else what do you think of as the fanciest kind of like
booze to drink or like a drink that like when you hear it could be a mixed drink i don't really know
many mixed drinks but like like old-fashioned i think of that as like fancy i don't actually think it is though
and or like um what is that shit what's what's aged wine called brandy brandy every i think of
brandy is like a very classy very rich guy cognac maybe cognac is like sweetened though or maybe uh like if you're drinking a very old scotch
uh my alcoholic boy who had lots of money he always drank uh maker's mark manhattan's
so that's what i would drink boy yeah yeah like like i didn't know what to order you know worth
this fancy bar he's like give me a maker's mark manhattan with extra cherries yeah two of them yeah i'll
just have a cup of cherries that's a stiff fucking drink yeah uh something i don't want to drink
usually or something old you know like like a like an old mccallan which i just learned the
other day that if you buy say a 20 year old bottleyear-old bottle of scotch, right,
you might hang on to it for 10 years,
thinking you've got now a 30-year-old bottle of scotch,
but you do not.
No, that's not how that works.
Has to age in the cask.
In the cask.
Now, here's the question, Taylor.
Could I pour it out of the bottle into a cask and start adding years?
I say yes.
I think so, too.
Yeah, you sell it back to McAllen,
and they're like, this is terrible.
Like, this is, you've ruined our, why did you put grapes're like, this is terrible. You've ruined our...
Why did you put grapes in it?
Why did you get this cask, Home Depot?
Yeah.
It's made of plastic.
We're more of a jug, really.
It's aged in an old milk jug.
Scotch, I do think of that as a fancy pants thing.
I think of vodka as probably the lowest class of the mixed drinks because you
don't you don't think of people like sipping on vodka when you see that it's always in a movie
and it's some russian guy and i'm like i don't even think russians get it down that way yeah
i don't think anybody's sipping vodka no it's so weird to see people sip vodka because i understand that it can have some
like notes it can be vanilla like in some ways but in the end it has that harsh
alcohol burn that that's almost usually um i would always get it so cold it would be thick
and and not very much and i could feel that rock of ice hit my belly when i drank a big glug of it
i don't miss drinking
dude we used to like every night when i was on probation we would be playing pub g getting
wasted wasted playing pub g those are good times give me a little mitt
just getting hammered because you're like well can't can't smoke weed. I guess I'm a booze boy now.
I wasn't even supposed to be drinking.
I wasn't allowed to.
All right, so on state probation, you could drink, which made sense because my charges aren't alcohol related.
On federal probation, you can't even drink.
That's so weird.
You're not supposed to drink.
And they could give you a breathalyzer and they could test your blood
but they won't so i would just keep my liquor kind of hidden and they never don't like search
your place anywhere the first time um that we met me and the probation officer he like looked around
the place like just so he knew what all the rooms were i suppose or to say that he had performed a
search but uh that was it he never
looked around the place ever again he always just watched me pee and did his thing and uh
that's the time period i think that you honed the perfect amount of of vodka to guzzle to get
where you needed to go to to get drunk enough that you're feeling it, Mr. Krabs, but you're not unable to play PUBG.
Those were dark times.
Those were dark times in my life, the alcohol times.
I would get a handle.
I'd get a whole fucking handle of Tito's because it was so cheap.
I think it was like, jeez, a handle might be $28.
Yeah, that's not very much.
Maybe it was.
And, yeah. I was drinking
way too much vodka. I remember I would
pop that plastic piece of shit that's in
the bottle.
I got places to be!
I'd pour that fucking
in a glass like this, there'd be
that much vodka.
A nice little three-finger pour
of cold Tito's goes so cold it was
gelatinous so fucking cold yeah i'm glad i don't drink anymore that is just a hard way to live
that's i don't think you wanted to drink i didn't you were just stressed as shit and trying to deal
with a horrid situation yeah i just wanted to feel that, that when you're real stressed out
and you just feel that edge, just that sharp, every time your mind slips over to, oh yeah,
I might go to prison soon. I wonder if the PO is going to kick my door in, in the morning and take
me away. When you've got like thoughts like that all the time, you need to get, you need to have
a few beers or something to chill out. Um, so, so I had to get my mind off that. Did you, did you
start that process with
dosekis and then realize oh this isn't going to do it for me oh i think i started with grand
marnier because that was the only alcohol that i'd ever had that i actually enjoyed the taste of
that orange cognac but then i realized that that was and ridiculous and i found grand gala which
is like a cheaper bottle of grand marnier because i was spending way too much money on grand marnier like a shocking amount of money that's
that's such an expensive thing to be getting drunk on all the time yeah just like my little
my little 40 bottle of booze that's like this like a 55 dollar bottle of fucking alcohol like
i'm not swirling it in a cognac glass and taking it. I'm just
jug, glug, jug, jug, jug, glugging it down.
Yeah.
Eventually found Tito's, which was just
the cleanest way
to get just blitzed.
I have no intentions
of drinking anytime soon.
There's no alcohol in the house.
I don't want any.
I feel you.
I don't think I have anything here right now either.
Does any part of you think like,
a hot afternoon, a nice dose of Equis,
because that's always what you come back to,
but it doesn't...
Yeah.
No, I never really got that.
Wanting a cold beer on a hot day didn't make a ton of
sense to me because i don't find them refreshing i found them kind of off-putting and bitter and
gross it's like on a hot day i would really like like the best ice water or even sweet tea
or something like that yeah or sprite even but not a beer i don't want a beer i don't i don't
think of that as like a refreshing beverage to hydrate myself with on a hot sweaty day i think
of that as that's just people wanting to you know numb the pain of their hot sweaty day they just had
probably yeah so i usually don't go out there if it's hot and sweaty but then you know i like this
new place i can just let the dogs out and they can go do their thing.
Yeah, your new place looks sweet.
I saw, obviously, the video and pictures you sent.
They're all stoked.
They are having so much fun with all that room.
They're so fucking...
Toby's muddy.
I got him a swimming pool out there, like a little kiddie pool.
He's just going to town in that thing.
He brought in an eight-foot-long limb this morning into the house somehow.
As he's running through the house, he's quacking shit off tables
and knocking boxes over because there's still stuff unpacked.
I'm going to use TaskRabbit, I think,
is this app where you can hire people to do nonsense around your house.
And I'm hiring this fellow to come.
Yeah, there's a bunch of them that are similar apps,
but I'm hiring somebody to come hang all my
art and you can call it that.
And my pictures
and hangables and
everything because I don't want to do it.
Have you updated your hangables at all?
Anything new?
Nothing
funny.
Just actual stuff that looks good on a wall nothing silly i've got
my soprano shit and my seinfeld shit that'll go somewhere inexplicably mixed in with normal art
but i have all my silly stuff in this room my outside of this room it's a normal adult
aside from the enormous amount of board games i have on my shelf out there but yeah other than
that no i this this
is going to be perfect because i'm just going to take post-its and put it on walls like this
goes there this goes there this goes there and it'll get done i mounted the tv by yourself uh
yeah well you know i got girlfriend to pick up the other side of it so we could like hook it in
i could probably hang it by myself if it were sitting there, but there'd be a lot of blindly
trying to guide a puck into
a slot on the back while
holding that whole TV over your head,
which would be a nightmare. But no,
I put the mount on the wall and mounted it
and I've got
a stud finder.
Me too. Missed the first hole though.
Missed. Dang.
It's a little drill bit. It's covered by the TV.
Yeah, and it's huge.
Yeah, exactly. I'm drilling the hole,
and I'm putting these long
two-and-a-half-inch lag bolts
into the wood.
Missed the first hole.
Find the second one.
Perfect. Hammer it in.
Now I got the bracket by a corner.
Now I just got to straighten the bracket up,
put the level
on it find my new hole and i miss it fuck miss it fuck after the sixth miss and by the way every
time i'm missing i'm getting the stud finder back out and and like knocking on the wall and doing my
best i just went mad i just got mad and i started just drawing a line across the wall
and uh until i fucking hit it i drew i'll take a picture later
at least 15 holes i bet i bet i hit it 15 fucking times at one point i was like i'm gonna need to go
lower so i don't cut the wall in half.
Does the TV look good?
Oh, it looks great.
It's behind the fucking TV. Nobody will see it.
I did it in the last house, too, to be honest.
Did you put some toothpaste in there
before you moved out?
I went through the whole place with putty
and paint and sanded everything
down. I left that place better than I
found it. I did a lot of
that um the first place uh the place from two years ago uh i left that place in a fucking state
and they did not hit me for a bit of my uh what you call it deposit i was shocked uh they they
even said in the move out thing they're like, we want receipts that you had this place professionally cleaned.
Carpet's professionally done and the house professionally cleaned as well.
And I looked up what that would cost.
It's five, six hundred dollars.
And I was like, what's the fee if I don't like three twenty five?
Well, you've got a bit of a problem then.
Yeah, especially since I was in the process of cleaning this place, but now if you're
going to charge me $325
for not cleaning,
I'm not even going to flush.
I'm not even going to do the basics
anymore. And she's like, well,
but wait. Explain to me why
I should. Out of the good nature
of my heart from the people who just told me they're going to
steal $325 extra dollars
out of my pocket? You overplayed your hand, ma'amam dumbass now i'm gonna i'm gonna spit on my way out they overplayed
their hand i didn't leave like a garbage human being i i did clean the place i you know there
wasn't trash on the floor there wasn't dust on the floor like i i swept and mopped but i left
holes in the wall for sure there just wasn't enough time to patch and paint, and they didn't hit me for a bit of that.
And all that nonsense, like the toilet
roll
holder, that junky towel
holder that every rental place you've ever been
in has, all that shit falls off the first
week. So none of that was there.
I was also missing some of the drawers from the refrigerator
because I had used them for
some
marinating projects outside the refrigerator, because I had used them for some marinating projects outside the refrigerator,
I think. You just took the drawer, the crisping drawer out and filled it with brine and then put
like a pork shoulder in it? Yes, a turkey. I threw up the whole turkey. And then I left it outside
and it got all moldy and the sun made it crispy and it fell apart. And then I always do this awful
thing. It's probably the worst thing I do.
I, you know, I fry that turkey every year.
So I got like four gallons of oil and I intend to filter that oil through cheesecloth.
I have the cheesecloth back into the bottle and seal it up hermetically so that I've got
that expensive oil.
The next time I need, I never do it.
I just leave it in that pot until it goes rancid.
And there's a little hole
in the top for the thermometer to go in so you keep the oil the right temp water slowly accumulates
and leaks down in there and it makes this layer of water and it all gets disgusting and it smells
awful and then the night before i move i have to sneak into the forest behind wherever i live
and pour out this disgusting four gallons of turkey oil. Sneak into the forest behind where you live
and dump out all your oil
into the groundwater.
I was moving the other day and they were in the backyard.
I was like, you guys smell turkey?
And they went, see?
I'm like, yeah.
Just Captain Planet villain.
Me think you are maybe having a stroke.
Maybe.
Maybe you are.
Do you taste those also, sir?
I don't understand.
I guess I've had a couple of Mexican people
working for me recently, and none of them spoke English.
And it always surprises me.
It's like,
how do you not speak any, ma'am?
She's like, perro, perro.
She's talking about the fucking dog, not the word dog.
And I'm like,
you don't know the word dog? I it i said to her face what's she gonna do she doesn't even know
what a dog is i didn't say it i was just like yeah fucking pet the perro and then like but
toby i moved to a new country seen you by darker than me so he's losing his shit so mad toby we don't behave that way we're a
progressive family i'm petting him i'm like yeah boy in this house we trust the science
watcher keep your eye on it i show him those old videos from the 60s and right when they
they let those his favorite movie is american history x he watches kujo over and over but you
only let him watch the part
before Ed Norton has a change of heart.
You turn it right off.
Yeah, you turn it off when he goes to jail.
Right mid-prison, just boop.
Yeah.
You keep him only when he's still being racist
in the laundry room.
You turn it off right after that.
Isn't that the...
I feel like that's...
I have only seen that movie once ever.
Yeah, I think that's where the turn...
I've only seen it once ever too,
but there's a scene in the laundry with the black guy
where the black guy's explaining how he got there,
and he's like, well, I was walking down the street,
and, you know, I had a knife,
and I was with a guy who had drugs on him,
and they said that I was his accomplice,
and they charged me with assault because he hit somebody the night before.
He's like, what? What the fuck are you talking about?
They don't do that to people.
He's like, did it to me. before he's like what what the fuck are you talking about they don't do that to people he's like did it to me and he's like holy shit what the fuck i
curb stomped a fucker like like i belong in here this guy doesn't even belong in here he kind of
comes to him that black people really do get the shit end with the stick at least in that
you know fictional movie they do yeah that was uh i remember almost being taken aback like by some
of his nazi scenes like in his house where like like everybody's sitting around just like trying
to have a nice dinner and he's just like and another thing about nazis and it's like i remember
watching just being like i don't even know if actual Nazis are this much into it.
Like I imagine like at dinner,
a regular Nazi would,
would probably like,
is it everything is Nazis all the time?
I think you'd have to be a higher up to really care about it that much.
You'd have to be like Goebbels or some shit,
but the average Nazi,
you know,
you'd think it'd be like the average Republican real similar,
maybe even. And you'd have, you'd think it'd be like the average republican real similar maybe even
and you'd have you'd talk about it but at the dinner table you know you'd put that down
leave that you put it out of your heart you you put some concealer on your enormous 128 font
uh hitler rules tattoo that you have across your chest that's something i don't understand at all but like that's got to be like gang tattoos if you've got a hitler tattoo that you have across your chest. That's something I don't understand at all.
That's got to be like gang tattoos.
If you've got a Hitler tattoo,
you're letting the boys know that you're down.
Because if you had a Hitler tattoo,
I know you won't turn on me.
You live it.
You can't turn on your boys
if you have a swastika on your arm.
You're really in it.
The same way, I guess, if you had like teardrops
and like, I don't know, blood life or some shit on your belly.
You couldn't really if I'm if I'm the king Nazi or I'm the king communist or whatever fucking extreme radical group I'm the head of.
You think I have a special task that needs doing and I'm giving it to the not tattooed up lunatic?
No, I'm giving it to the guy who's got fucking little pictures of Stalin on his forehead because that guy loves the cause or I'm doing the guy with he wasn't.
This guy has fucking 50 swastikas on his chest.
Dedicated.
That's the guy you get.
You don't you don't because if you get someone else, you get some guy with a little hammer and sickle tattoo on his inner thigh.
You get some guy with like a little tat, like a little a little beacher swastika on your butthole.
That's how you get a fed.
That's like a fed tattoo.
Oh.
Yeah.
You can go full bore or nothing at all.
Yep.
You need to go full bore or nothing at all.
Jump in with both feet or don't even bother.
I felt like the avocado was a step too far.
But there's no way I'm getting a swastika.
No, I wouldn't get a swastika either.
I think it'd probably be negative.
I think it'd be a negative thing to have on you.
I think most people would see it and think,
I don't care for that.
No, no.
You'd have real limited opportunities in general,
you would imagine.
I would want to, if I saw someone,
I've never seen a swastika tattoo in real life. I have. to if i saw someone in i've never
seen a swastika tattoo in real life i have but if i saw someone well i believe you but if i saw
someone with one every night i wouldn't want to go talk to them because every night when i go to
bed i throw a little roman salute up and then i hop in my sheets and I pray to the Fuhrer.
That's my life.
Yeah.
I would want to ask them, though, like, what's the story here, man?
Like, were you in jail?
Did you have to get this for jail?
And I imagine a lot of people would be like, no, no, dude, I'm I'm real deal.
And it's like, are you really? or did you get turned out by a bunch
of nazis in jail and now you're you're like so stockholm syndromed i don't even know what their
side of things is like nazi for like neo-nazis that is it's just so i was always afraid to listen
like what if it made sense? You know what I mean?
What if they laid it out and it was just about prudent national economics?
Kindness to one another.
Love.
They start subtitling Hitler's speeches
on the History Channel and people are like,
uh-huh.
And we must live with our brothers in harmony!
And we must
live in harmony with our brothers!
I will not
suffer any bullying
in the Reich!
You there, I see
the bullying in your eyes!
You must...
This, today, we speak about
self-care! And how you must take many days off of work
to be okay it would be it would be worrisome if if any of that started making any sense at all
because what are you gonna do then you know we just laid out why you can't even have the tattoo
or really talk about it at all it's definitely definitely a Hitler fellow's persona non grata.
You know that African guy whose name is Adolf fucking Hitler?
By coincidence, his dad does not know who Adolf Hitler is.
He doesn't even know.
He doesn't know that there was an Adolf Hitler.
He just coincidentally named his son Adolf Hitler.
To be that guy.
Yeah.
To be a guy who's like, that is so funny.
Tell me of this Hitler.
Like, he's just like like doesn't get it at all
or like do you want like the ADL
is showing up at his fucking village
with cameras and everything like what did you
do what are you doing and he's like
who are you people and why are you in my village
why are you wearing a small hat
who are you
like just
no conception
just no conception
of World War II or what Jews orans are just fuck just living his life man
no more no more no more adolfs and really no more hitlers i've been living loddins they're
everywhere that guy had like yeah 80 goddamn cousins his his family's all living over here
they're in florida you can i guarantee there's like three of his kids in florida like two in
texas one in Cali.
They're just strutting around, living life up to the fullest.
Going to fucking Disneyland.
Yep, for sure.
Scoping things out, taking too many pictures.
Too many pictures.
They just want to know how to get up into the Tower of Terror.
They don't care how to get back down.
That was one of the worst parts of the post 9-11 hysteria is you'd have tourists and american landmarks taking pictures of them because that's what you do
when you go to another fucking country and see their landmarks but but for some reason we were
like look at this this dirty fucker's been taking pictures of the Statue of Liberty! The Holocaust Memorial!
Broadway.
I don't understand what
I did wrong.
I just wanted to see
a Book of Mormon
in New York City.
Yeah, he's Taliban for sure.
Mr. Mogatu.
Mr. Mogatu.
I grew third arm from radiation.
Just wanted to experience.
Stop squinting at me, you son of a bitch.
I know you're from Afghanistan.
Yeah.
Then he like is talking to his wrist and he's suddenly just like.
They're finding it out.
They're on the case.
They're going to get my...
That happened a lot, though, because some poor fucker,
like I said, was just taking pictures
of the goddamn landmarks, man.
He was going to go back to his homeland
and show them what the Statue of Liberty looked like.
You've seen that thing up close before?
Statue of Liberty? Never.
No, I've never been to New York.
I drove right past it twice.
Two or three times, actually.
I hear it's not as cool as you think
I hear it's very little
yeah, it's real small
the pedestal is most
50% of it maybe
I think it's well past time, France
refurbishes the gift
2.0
this is very much a
140 years ago sort of statue.
I think it's a little too...
We looked at the comparison.
We're getting blown the fuck out by India.
We're getting blown the fuck out by China.
We're getting blown the fuck out by Russia.
The Philippines.
Thailand has a bigger statue than we have.
Thailand.
Well, we've got to do a full redesign because I don't know how to put this,
but Lady Liberty is a bit too Anglo-Saxon for today's modern America.
No, I think she's fine the way she is,
but she needs to lose weight.
She should be a little thinner.
I'm going the other way.
I thought we'd get like a big, thick Lizzo-type statue,
like a big bitch up there.
Made of solid gold.
Bankrupt to the country.
She's doing this.
She's like wagging a finger, like about to snap.
About to have some choice words. That's what America is now? Yeah. A fat woman finger wagging a finger like like about to like snap but like have some that's what
america is now yeah that woman finger wagging for the rest of our days yes that's the world we live
in now i'm gonna talk to the manager we are the manager though i really like every time i hear
more uh about the u.s military i just love it just love it. I love all the money that we spend.
I love all the scary weapons.
They're going to give cluster munitions
to the Ukrainians now, Taylor.
Wasn't that a war crime last year?
No.
Well, we were very clear about what that was.
The cluster munitions are just very, very effective.
And most countries consider there used to be war crimes
but we are not one of those countries we are not us and russia are cool with cluster munitions it
turns out uh i think what it really was was there was a deal at some point about hey let's stop
using this let's stop using that and didn't work out they didn't want to give up something so we
didn't give it up to either either so yeah we use cluster munitions and now the ukrainians have them it's great though the problem is i guess
some of the little bomblets get left over and little janey or johnny yeah and little kids get
blown up and yeah you know they'll learn they're smart kids over there no you don't you don't get
to learn from getting blown up that's usually one strike and you're out well yeah you fucking see
what happens to jim and and now you fucking come to if i were to get if i were to get blown up
i hope it takes me out like those those pictures are you dude you disagree you're always talking
about how if you lost a fucking pinky nail you'd kill yourself i'm saying you'd survive you got
both of your legs blown off no i'd want to die i'd want you to like go on though
this is what i'm saying i'm like you shouldn't die no no you should live on we're both laying
there with our legs blown off and you're like killing yourself and you're like but you taylor
live on and tell people my story i bleed out as you're killing yourself
yeah you've i've lost both of my legs and you've lost three fingers and i'm just
and i'm screaming at god call him over my fingernails before before i even like fade
off into that great oblivion i look over at you going
blow your head off that's the last thing I see.
My last experience on earth is like feeling the warmth of your brains.
And the side of my face is I die in East Ukraine and I'm watching.
You know,
it's kind of like,
and that's PKN four 64.