Plumbing the Death Star - Could You Capitalise On Hearing Johnny B. Goode in 1955?

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

While Marty McFly has only one thing on his mind (making his parents fuck pussy from behind style) the boys are gobsmacked by this new sound they didn’t even know they were looking for. With little to no musical talent, these three idiots with dog brains have 3 years to capitalise on what will be the feel good hit of the summer! While badly remembering the lyrics Calvin Kline sang, the gang ultimately convince themselves the theme of the song was crawfish and lean in hard and thus the band Crawfish Daddies is formed and comes out with the very relatable (at least in the South) single ‘Crawfish Car’. Sing along as Jackson gives his past self a puzzling message, JD isn’t impressed by you hearing a song and Zammit instantly tries to glom on to any fame and fortune using the only thing he has going for him: his mouth. Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Now let it be said that Plumbing the Death Star is good or clever. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. This is the podcast where we ask the important questions.

This one's a doozy. Like, could you capitalize on hearing Johnny B. Goode in 1955? So in the movie Back to the Future, okay, little boy Michael J. Fox, he go back to the past. He's gone to make sure his mom and dad fuck. He wants them to bone down hardcore style. Doggy style pussy from the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pussy from behind is the best pussy.

You gotta make your mom and dad fuck pussy from behind. I know. I know, Doc. It's the best way to fuck. Of course, Doc. I'm not an idiot. Anyway, as part of his plan to do this, he performs Johnny B. Goode on stage for the,

whatever it's called, Midnight Under the Sea dance. It's not its name. Prom? I think it's just a dance doesn't matter anyway now so the three the three plumbing boys in the audience in 1955 yeah getting uh i was gonna talk i was gonna say we're doing the best head we're recreating that meme at the back of the hall. We should be kicked out.

Getting chipmunks to blow them up. Thank you. What do they call that kind of dancing? What kind of dancing? I need like sock hop kind of do-up dancing. We're do-upping. We're woo, doing the whatever. Not the Charleston. That's earlier. Well, we could be doing the Charl dancing. We're do-upping. We're woo, doing the whatever. Not the Charleston.

That's earlier. Well, we could be doing the Charleston. We're doing the twist. Whatever. And then Johnny B. Goode comes on, blows our frickin' minds, blows our little pea brains. Now, do we know it's good because we can just tell? Or do we see, do we hear?

Well, we're in the audience, so we're also freaked out. What is this? This music fucked up. Actually, everybody in the movie quite likes in the audience, so we're also freaked out. What is this? This music is fucked up! Actually, everybody in the movie quite likes it. Well, here's the thing. Do they? I think the band like it. It's like, this is going to be fucked up for you, but your kids are going to love it.

But then everybody gets into it. Do you know what's awesome about that statement, though? And everyone loving it, or not being confused, and then him him being like but your kids are going to love it so that scene's set in 1955 Johnny B. Goode is recorded in January 1958 we have three years to capitalize on it we gotta go quick

but do we know it's good because we just have an ear for music or do we hear what his face be like hey it's your cousin listen to this and we're like this guy's tryingFace be like, hey, it's your cousin. Listen to this. This is the new sound. We're like, this guy's trying to capitalize on it. We got to do it first.

In 1955, that was when rock and roll had its very first hit. Yeah. Rock Around the Clock. Right. Oh, okay. So we've heard Rock Around the Clock. Well, that's coming up. And that's going to skyrocket to number one.

Yes, that's true. Okay. So if we're like, maybe. We're like, you know what? Rock Around the Clock kicks fucking ass. Yeah. This reminds me of rock around the clock in a way in a way better i think i think it's it's an improvement okay well the first question is can any of us play the guitar no but if i was like hello guitar man that's true okay i'm gonna i'm gonna try and do can you do it? Okay.

Can you do that? Do that. Oh, yeah. Fuck. I didn't even think of the fact that we're going to have to recreate Johnny B. Good with our mouths. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, do you remember the lyrics? Johnny B. Good.

So it goes something, something, something, something. Johnny B. Goode. So we got to come up with the lyrics. Rock and roll, rock and roll, rock and roll, Johnny B. Goode. Yeah. Full song, rock and roll. Rock and roll around the clock, Johnny B. Goode. So we get the singer, I guess the artist that did rock around the clock.

And we're like, could you do a Johnny B. Goode song? And he's like, what? So it goes... And it's gonna, the thing is, unless we keep repeating the melody to ourselves, it's gonna become so distorted by the time we ever pitch it to anyone. Deep down in Louisiana where the cool kids

hang, that can't be right. Deep down in Louisiana where the crawfish are. Driving around in my big red car. Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Johnny B. Goode. Funny that that's not. Yeah, that's what we call our do-up. Have released a song, Crawfish Car, to no critical acclaim. Somewhere along the way, we get confused from Johnny B. Goode to ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Crawfish car To no critical Yeah Somewhere along the way

We get confused From Johnny B. Goode To Crawfish car I think I almost went to Batman territory Somebody gets on stage

Just the Batman thing Crawfish car Oh wait I remember It's cause like Um Yeah Crawfish car

No Johnny B. Goode The moment you start doing that I'm going to forget Johnny B. Goode So it's all on you JD What is it that Before they say Johnny B. Goode I had the lyric in my head for a second Because it's just a repeated thing of

Go Johnny go Go Johnny go Go Johnny go That's right We're piecing it together. Johnny be good. You sure they don't think about a crawfish car? Yeah, I know that it was like, yeah, good, G-O-O-D-E.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's out. That's valuable information. That's what I remember. But we wouldn't know that from hearing the song. No. We don't know it's called Johnny B. Goode.

No, no, no, no, no. He's bringing more queens to Crawfish. Crawfish car. Right. Guy Who Wrote Rock Around the Clock. It's about a guy whose car is full of crawfish. The song's called Maybe Where the Crawfish Sing. Yeah.

We are from the future and have got some stuff confused. Yeah, and she is the murderer i think yeah yeah that's the twist because he's a piece of shit are you is this a song you're pitching me or a movie yes yes and the book no no no no no don't get in the crawfish car because the cars full of crawfish lady. No, Johnny, no. Yeah. Yes. No, Johnny, no. Don't get in the crawfish car. Because the cars full of crawfish are going to snip his balls or whatever if he gets in the car. It'll get sick.

I'm going to snip them all. They all have crawfish illness, dude. Their claws are filthy. Okay. We're down in Louisiana where the crawfish live. Okay. I like seeing crawfish small smaller crawfish, big. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, crawfish.

No, Johnny, no, no. No, Johnny, no, no. Johnny, don't get in the car. Oh, my God. Would anybody write this song for us? When did the beautiful song, Hey, Jump In My Car, come out? That's way late.

Okay, okay, okay. I was just wondering if it was like, can we steal from that? Well, okay. So maybe the strategy is not to go and pitch Crawfish Car to somebody. The strategy is to track down Michael J. Fox and get him to do it again. Yeah.

Because after he goes on stage, we're like, that song is going to be huge. And maybe we see that guy be like, hey, it's your cousin. You know, listen to this.

And we're like, people want that song, but I've already forgotten it. We track down Michael J. Fox. Yep. Mikey. We don't know his name.

Guy at the sea under the sea dance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who really wanted to have these two people fuck pussy from behind style. Pussy from behind style. Pussy from behind. The best way to see fucking pussy.

And you get the butt right there. Yeah. That's why it's awesome. It's tough. We get lost talking about this. Michael J. Fox disappears. We also, unfortunately, have perhaps a limited time because it was Chuck Berry's cousin, right? Yeah.

So Chuck Berry currently Right now in this three year period Is writing this song Because the cousin held up the phone So Chuck heard it But he heard it through the phone We were there Can we go to Chuck Berry's cousin and be like

Brother, who'd you tell So there's a band There that's playing. Yeah. Is it Chuck Berry's cousin? Is he one of the band members? I don't remember. No, because he's in the crowd being like, brother.

No, he's not backstage. There's no phone in the crowd. Why the fuck is there a phone backstage? I guess that makes sense. It's the 50s. No one had mobiles yet. Yeah, exactly. If you need to call somebody from the back of the stage,

hey, is the play good? Was he a stage manager? No! Stay home! It stinks! In my mind, I was calling somebody in the crowd. Yeah, you get the crowd phone at the back. Hey, double checking.

The play still good? Yeah, keep going. Oh, it's getting bad. It's bad because you can't do anything. Play's happening. Yeah, I see. I imagine that's getting bad. It's bad because you can't do anything. Play's happening. Yeah, I see. I imagine that someone was calling from the street to backstage to ask if the play's good. I don't know.

I'm backstage. But I'm hearing bad things. I'm hearing a lot of boos. Don't talk. Save your throppings. Go to the shoe shop. Go to the Odeon. Watch a movie film.

Come on. Yeah, okay. I think he was in the band or an emcee or something like that. Stage manager? Either way, he was backstage and he could be like, hey, this. My first instinct would be to perhaps approach the band because they were playing with Marty McFly. That's true. And I don't know if they were keeping up with him exactly because there's a lot of stuff that goes on in Johnny B. Goode.

And I'm assuming it can't all just be lyrics and one guitar. Well, no, he tells them to play like a standard. Yeah, he's like basically follow my lead, right? Yeah, which I don't know enough about. Hey, Chuck, it's your cousin Irvin. Is that right? Irvin Barry? Yeah.

Irvin Barry. Hey, Irvin, do we know Irvin? We go to this school. Is it Irvin? Let me. Irvenberry. Hey, Irven. Do we know Irven? We go to this school. Is it Irven? Let me quickly do a good... Marvinberry? Marvinberry. It can't be Marvinberry.

That's an absurd name. Because if we go to the school, we might know Marvinberry. Yeah, it is Marvinberry. Oh, my God. Marvinberry. He was the lead singer of Marvinberry and the Starlighters. Okay, so he's the band. Alright. So why'd he give it to Chuck?

Marvin, you idiot. Marvin, come on. Well, he knows Chuck is looking for a new sound. This is the new sound you've been looking for. Yeah, I'm watching the clip on my phone at the moment with no sound on, so no one can tell where I'm up to. Yeah, good. And yeah, I think... Okay. Okay. So Marvin

cut his hand on a screwdriver, and that's why Marty McFly comes in. Right. Okay. Yes. Okay. I'm remembering that now. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. There's also a guy on stage that he replaces anyway, who then just stands side stage and is clicking. That's funny. But then he's gone again. Where'd he go? Who's the clicking man?

The crowd also do love it. They go fucking bananas for it. This is good to hear. This is good to hear. I would be concerned if the crowd love it that we would not be the only people in the crowd looking to capitalize on Johnny B. Goode. That's true. Because. Okay, how about this?

We don't capitalize on Johnny B. Goode. We capitalize on Marty McFly. We capitalize on that band. We become groupies. Marty McFly, I will suck your dick. He's so popular and famous right now. I will fuck, you have no idea.

They're going to be like, which fucking Zama was sucking your dick? And it's going to be three bits of you at different times a day and that's going to be the same. You're going to not so fucking much, Marty McFly, in my mouth. And you give me a bit of this money. Or just to be basking your presence is enough.

Yeah, yeah. Just keep me accustomed to the lifestyle that I want. One performance at a school dance is enough that you think it's worth it? It was that good. Dude, it's Johnny B. Goode. By the end of it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no't know. Yeah, don't play your scary guitar again, and then I'll suck you off. Because he does lots of moves from bands from the 80s in his performance,

and everyone's like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's a bit scary. Bit much. Bit intimidating. But also, I mean, we could become Marty McFly's manager. We're like, this guy's got talent. Yeah, and fear. Yeah.

We're scared of him. I'm like, hey, man, I fear you. I'd like to represent you. He's like, I'm from the future. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, dude, scared of it. I'm like, hey, man, I fear you. I'd like to represent you. He's like, I'm from the future. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, dude, I know. I heard your song. Anyway, whatever. Oh, so looking at the whole thing with reading up about in the futurepedia, which I'm guessing is a Back to the Future fandom Wikipedia.

Yeah. So when Marvin calls his cousin Chuck, he's holding up the receiver. But by the time Chuck is listening, that's when Marty had segued into his heavy metal, like, guitar. Guitar solo. Like, chunky guitar solo that no one was ready for in the 50s. So wait, does that mean that in the back of the- Hang on. I'll go back to the clip and I'll play it with sound

because that is very important. Because if Chuck Berry doesn't hear Johnny B. Goode, we have a head start. Yeah. Because he has to rely on his brother. Yeah, because, well, cousin. Because Marvin then will be like that really weird, chunky thing. Like, no, no, no, no, no.

Before that, he's so, he's doing what we're trying to do. Yeah, he's doing, no, no, no, no. He's doing crawfish car. He's doing crawfish car and his cousin. Yeah. So, yeah, so I'm guessing we've got a little bit of time. Now, granted, Marvin is perhaps a little bit better at us because he himself is in a band. Yeah, he I'm guessing we've got a little bit of time. Now, granted, Marvin is perhaps a little bit better than us because he himself is in a band.

Yeah, he's already famous. And evidently remembers it. He's, again, not necessarily famous, just in a band that's playing at a school dance. He just knows Chuck Berry, his cousin. And from history, he nails it. He gets it right. That's true.

He doesn't get confused with Crawfish Car, or maybe at least maybe initially he does, but then he realizes that's not it, or maybe Chuck Berry is like, why don't we change this? Because the situation is not can we do it first, it's can we do it better? Because he will still try and do it. Chuck Berry is going to still do Johnny B. Goode. Yeah. If he's heard Johnny B. Goode. This is what Chuck Berry will hear.

So I'll play this loud so audience, you can hear this too. It's a watch along. Yeah. So this is still Johnny B. Goode. But the phone call hasn't happened yet. The phone call. It's good for us to hear it too. I didn't realize how bad the miming was in this song until right now.

Okay. Called. I didn't realize how bad the miming was in this song Until right now Okay Called So it is Yeah but it's kind of It's not the main riff Oh yeah nah it goes crazy Yeah So what Chuck Berry just hears fucking to him nonsense

on the other end of the phone. He's like, oh, well that sucks, Marvin. I'm not going to play that. No, no, no. It was real good beforehand. And then he'll have to explain. So how many,

I guess, verses do we know how many verses Marty got through? I think we only really hear... He plays the song for... So before he segues, it's a minute and 45 seconds, roughly. Okay, so I'm guessing...

So that's not the whole song. He's probably got the first verse. And I think the bit we're going to really remember is, Go, Johnny, go. Go, Johnny, go. Go, Johnny, go. To the crawfish place. Crawfish car. Driving in your crawfish place. Crawfish car.

Driving in your crawfish car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, because the actual song is, oh, it's not that long. It's only two minutes 40. Okay.

So we definitely got to at least a good chunk of it. If not all three verses, at least one. At least one. At least one verse we get out of Marty McFly. Okay. I reckon it's probably just the first one. Yeah, I think you're right. I think that's all we're really getting.

And I don't know what's in that first verse. The first verse is, Deep down in Louisiana, close to New Orleans, way back up in the woods among the evergreens, there stood a log cabin made of earth and wood, where lived a country boy named Johnny Begood, who never ever learned to read or write so well, but he could play the guitar just a ring and a bell. Go, go, go, Johnny, go. Well, I'm not remembering any of the-

You're remembering Crawfish. I remember Louisiana, but I was like way down in Louisiana. Way down in Louisiana with a Crawfish. Driving around in my Crawfish car. Getting nipped on the balls by the crawfish claws. Bad for Brady Young because I spout about my balls. Whoa, Johnny B. Goose. Was America ready for a song about getting snipped in the balls by a crawfish, do you think?

The South would be. That's very relatable. That's an occurrence that happens, especially way down in Louisiana. Well, Rock Around the Clock's B-side, so the single came out, Rock Around the Clock, and the song on the other side was 13 women and only one man in town. So I think they were ready for anything.

Because as long as it's still the melody and the music of Johnny B. Goode, lyrics don't really matter. We could sing about the crawfish car. I honestly think it would be like, way down in Louisiana was where the crawfish live? I think so. Yeah, okay. And there was something about a guy, his name was Johnny B. Goode

and he went hunting crawfish. Yeah, he was hunting crawfish, maybe like, didn't go to school because he was hunting crawfish. You know, something like that. So he didn't go to school, playing craw hunting crawfish you know something like you know something one of them so he didn't go to school playing oh maybe we do something with like playing guitar good attract the crawfish so he's like a he's like a a crawfish whisperer kind of like how they play a flute and the worms come out of the ground you know i'm so sorry. This is like a sidestep.

But this is the most insane. We're talking about 13 women and one lad? Yes. All right. I'm glad. This is the first verse of this song. Yeah. Which was a single when rock and roll was first starting.

This predates Elvis, predates Johnny B. Goode. Opens the first verse with this. Last night I was dreaming, dreamed about the H-bomb. Well, that bomb went off and I was caught. I was the only man on the ground. There was a 13 women and only one man in town. 13 women and only one man in town. As funny as it may be, the one and only man in town was me.

Well, 13 women and me, the only man around. So the H-bomb dropped in his town? The only survivors of a nuclear apocalypse. It's crazy that we, okay, the H-bomb dropped over there, but I've survived with all these 13 women. Don't worry, radiation poison hasn't quite got us. So we can have an orgy? We can have apocalypse sex.

Well, he goes through with what he's going to do in the second verse, which is, which is wild. I had two girls every morning seeing that I was well fed. And believe you me, one sweetened my tea while another one buttered my bread. Two girls gave me my money. Two girls made me my clothes. And another sweet thing. He's getting rimmed, right?

Another sweet thing bought me a diamond ring, about 40 carats, I suppose, while 13 women in the only man in town. That's the rimming one. That's the rimming. Any reference to a ring is a rimming reference. Whoa, you had three girls dancing the mambo, but three girls bowling the jack. What is bowling the jack? One either side of the penis, one on the balls.

Duh, come on. One on each ball, one on the knob. Whoa, that's awesome. And all of the rest really did their best. Boy, they were a lively pack. I thought I was in heaven. This starts with him being like, nuclear apocalypse. He was having a dream about a nuclear apocalypse and all the babes he could bone.

Yeah. We've all had that fantasy. Body bread, I think, is he's getting rimmed. Diamond ring is he's doing the rimming. Body bread is a really good euphemism for eat my ass. I think that's really solid. Yeah. Thanks, man.

Buttered muffin and whatever is like a different thing. What's a buttered muffin? That's like... Butter my muffin? Is that just come on my pussy? Yeah, I think so. Butter my muffin. It's more of a...

Come on my pussy or eat my pussy? Eat or just fuck. Butter my muffin for fucking doesn't... Butter my muffin feels like you're really slurping up down there. Let's check with the internet because it's late 90s, early 2000s slang. Butter my muffin. You spreading it? You spreading butter?

Spread butter on your clitoris? Butter's butter. Unhygienic. Don't be doing that. Don't involve butter in your lovemaking. Okay? I butter my waffen. Butter my waffen.

Ooh, butter my waffen. The expression butter your muffin is a slang phrase that can have different meanings depending on the context. In some cases, it can be used as a euphemism for sexual activity

or even arousal. While in other cases, it may simply mean to add butter to a muffin. Let's go to Urban Dictionary. That could be much better. Come on. I know this is just using it in a sentence. Yeah. Term used to describe a male ejaculating on a vag.

Oh, I see. Yeah. You're buttering a muffin. From behind. Oh, I see. So, yeah. You're buttering your mouth. From behind. Yeah, of course. The best way. That's how Doc Brown wants it done. Okay.

So, the Crawfish Car song. Yeah. Provided that the band, we can speak to the band. We just need to get into a studio. Yeah. With someone that knows how to play guitar. Marvin, help. A screwdriver hole in your hand is going to heal pretty quick.

Yeah, okay. So Marvin can do it, but he also knows Chuck Berry. So maybe if we can try and just really infiltrate that. Okay, so we start working with Chuck. I'll suck your dick. Okay, we've sucked off. Which Chuck Berry is getting the best head from plumbing the next time. Yeah, okay.

Chuck Berry in 1955 is a musician at this point. Oh, shit. He only died like five years ago or whatever. That's crazy. That's crazy. But can't we try? I mean, Marty McFly's right there, and he's the guy who played the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So in my head, I'm thinking, this is this guy's song. Yes. because i don't know marty mcfly's from the future that's true could it also then if we say that was an amazing song fuck i wish i could remember it i wish and like maybe we'd like pick up guitar we try and tool around we are bad yeah yeah we don't know what we're doing several years later oh but what do we hear johnny be good being played played on the radio and not by Marty McFly? That's a great point. Would we then be like, I can capitalize this by going to a newspaper and being like, he stole this from this kid in this dance that we did? Or is it the opposite and we find out that, because he could be like, no, he stole it

from me. We're like, yeah, but we were there. And he's like, yeah, just because he played it in front of you doesn't mean he was the first one to play it. But your cousin, your cousin, but we were there. And he's like, yeah, just because he played it in front of you doesn't mean he was the first one to play it. But your cousin, your cousin, he went to our school. He was there performing. This seems, I'd be sus. But I think what's going to be tricky for us is that if we.

Yeah, music conspiracist. Yeah, yeah. Conspiracy theorist. Yeah. Jimi Hendrix famously covered Sgt. Pepper's The Day It Came Out. But if we take this to court, say, if this becomes investigated, we're like- Why are we taking it to court? We're trying to capitalize the best we can.

On what grounds? But if it starts to get investigated, people are like, okay, who sung it originally? And we're like, a guy named Calvin Klein from our high school. And they're like, let's look into him. And they're like, there's no Calvin Klein at your high school. And we're like, who was that kid? Who was that guy? And then he'd go to the McFly's. You're right, because it wasn't

Marty McFly. He's killed himself, Calvin Klein. We go to the McFly's and we're like, who was that guy? And they're like, we don't know either. And we're like, who are you? And then maybe, we wouldn't be doing this, but an investigative journalist might go and interview, what's his mom's name again?

Mama McFly. Mama McFly. Mama McFly. Because then, yeah, and then if she's devolved information, it's like, oh, yeah, you know, this guy is a bit of a peeping Tom, whatever. But yeah, he had the Calvin Klein

like embroidered on his underwear. And that would be like, I don't know, in 1958, say, hey, like, that's strange. That's weird. Because like, you know, when you embroider something, but this was like printed on and she describes in a way it'd be like that is like what the fuck was happening in 1955 okay okay and then real life calvin klein exists at

that point too but he's not famous yet well he's a teen yeah yeah and he does he hasn't got he would be the same roughly the same age as Marty. That's so funny. We're like, we don't know. Mystery Man made this song. He infiltrated the high school, and they're like, my name is Calvin Klein. They tracked down this Calvin Klein. We're like, he is the right age. Can you find a photograph of Calvin Klein as a teenager so we can see if he looked like Michael J. Fox?

And he grew up in New York City. But it could also just be like, in an interview, Johnny B. Goode yeah about Johnny B. Goode with Chuck Berry oh yeah my cousin Marvin he was playing at this thing with this like one guy

we don't really know much about this guy his name was like Calvin Klein he came up and he performed this song or at least like

a verse of this song and then he kind of went a little bit crazy he started like you know kicking the speakers around or whatever but Marvin he played like

I caught the tail end but Marvin was able to tell me like enough of the song and I started like you like, you know, doing some riffs, he was like, yeah, like that, and that's how, well, Johnny B. Goode came around, and yeah, we don't know who this guy is. Calvin Klein, man's a ghost. Because this could be, like, you know, like the MTV's behind the music, almost.

Yeah, yeah. Because it's kind of like, yeah, we, maybe never taking as much credit as, like, you know, like, oh, he's done this song, because, like, music is mostly just built upon, like, you know, other musical things from the past. Yeah, but it becomes a piece of music trivia where they're like,, you know, like, oh, he stole that song. Because like music is mostly just built upon like, you know, other musical things. But it becomes a piece of music trivia where they're like, did you know Johnny B. Goode was based on a riff by a mysterious, you know, phantom visitor to a high school in 1955 or whatever. And then it comes like, you know, 1955, what do you do? You'd have maybe George McFly and Mama McFly. Lorraine?

Lorraine. Is it Lorraine? I think it is Lorraine. Yeah. Lorraine McFly. Andraine? Lorraine. Lorraine. Is it Lorraine? I think it is Lorraine, yeah. Lorraine McFly. And then they're interviewed. Yeah. But also, how long... It's going to be like, how long are we living? How long are we in the past?

No, so eventually we will age and we will be old men in twin pines or whatever. Has the original, I guess, Calvin Klein, is he dead? What, in real life? Yeah. In now times, is Calvin Klein dead? When did Calvin Klein die or is he still alive today? I think he might be still alive. Because that would be us.

Because if Marty is the same age as him, we would be roughly the same age. So roughly we're going to die when Calvin Klein dies. Calvin Klein is currently 80 and alive 80 and dead we're dying yeah okay we're 80 and dying yeah but we still live in wherever it is twin pines single pines whichever timeline we're in yeah whether it's the fucking um buzz porno future or whatever but anyway that we would see Marty McFly, right? Why? Because he lives in the same town as us.

Yeah. Oh, you look like that Calvin Klein guy. If you saw someone you hadn't seen since high school today, would you recognize them? Today, I probably would. If they looked exactly the same as they did. No, this guy. Oh, yeah. Actually, that's a good point. We're in the 80s, right? Yeah. So we're not 80. No, we're not 80. That they did. No, this guy. Oh, yeah, actually, that's a good point.

We're in the 80s, right? Yeah. So we're not 80. No, we're not 80. So we're 60. Yeah. I would remember. Oh, no, wait, yeah, we'd be 50.

We're literally like Lauren and George's age, right? Especially if- I'm the one bullying Marty's dad, whose name I forgot immediately. I think if we saw Marty McFly- Get a real job! Hang on a second. If we went to that high school, we loved Johnny B. Goode. Especially if it had haunted us for 30, 50 years.

We saw Marty McFly, right? As growing up or whatever. We saw him in the streets and we're like, holy, that looks like... Remember Calvin Klein? That looks like him. I can't forget him. And then we find, who's that kid? Oh, that's Marty McFly. What? Yeah. George and Lorraine's kid. I know what happened.

Oh, yes, that's true. Oh, I see. He made sure that his dad fucked his mom from behind. Yeah. Okay. So Calvin Klein, you know, he sleaze. No, but Calvin Klein's the youngest. Yeah.

Because I would have been like, oh, yeah, he slept with Lorraine. And then they like, you know, she got pregnant. And then George McFly married her. And they could they covered it up like a little small town secret, right? But no, it's the youngest. Scandal. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Lorraine, you dirty dog. That's what I'd be thinking.

Oh, that means Lorraine knows him. Yeah, he's around somewhere. At least she saw him. How old is Myna McFly in Back to the Future? I don't know, like 16? 16 or right? So 16 years ago. So she has definitely caught up with

Calvin Klein before us. After the prom event. So we'd be like, Lorraine, do you want to grab a coffee? And then we'd sit it down and we'd be like, Lorraine, no judgment. Who cares? Your husband sucks shit. And he's such a dweeb. He's a big loser.

It's funny if she's like, is this why. He's a big loser. It's funny. She's like, is this why you've asked me to lunch, to just insult my husband? Partially. Mainly, it's because we want to know, it's haunted us for these last 30 years. Calvin Klein, he sang that amazing song when we were in high school. How's he doing? And she'd be like, what are you talking about? Well, because you've seen your son

Marty He's a speeding image He looks identical to Calvin Klein I don't know if George knows, I don't care Do you have his contact details? And then I guess she would be like Yes, he does But I haven't slept with Calvin Klein

And then we'd be like Did Did George McFly come Calvin Klein, and then we'd be like, did... I'd be like, oh, okay, look. Did George McFly cum Calvin Klein's comedy? I don't know if I would go that far. I would just assume she was lying. I'm like, did George McFly cum Calvin Klein's comedy? And you're like, Jackson, could you go pick a song on the jukebox?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Sorry about him. Yeah. Crawl, fish, crawl. Remember the okay. Sorry about him. Crawl Fresh Crawl. Remember the song Crawl Fresh Crawl? Please ignore him. We think he's sick.

That was our version we released in 1957. To Noah Clapton. A lot of boos, really. Write a good song, they say. Yeah, Chuck Berry actually included us one interview. He said, yeah, so those lads that also went to Marvin's school had a crack, but it wasn't good.

When we accepted this. Swing and a miss. The South, they charted in the South. People understood what it was like to have a car full of crawfish. Very, very relatable. Especially when they got loose. They followed it up with some novelty albums

about more crawfish related things but it never really got the same success as crawfish car which arguably wasn't that

it was kind of I guess successful for a small town if you want to like look in terms of it did not go platinum no it did not they're not going to be

in the rock and roll world of fame for crawfish car anytime soon what's a craw dad same thing as a crawfish. It's like a big lobster. That's sick.

Yeah, it is. Why did they name it where the crawdad sing rather than where the crawfish sing? I don't know. It's probably just like a regional dialect kind of thing. Do you reckon people would take it more seriously if it was called where the crawfish sing? Crawdad does sound stupid. It sounds like it's your dad, but he's a lobster. No, but I think it sounds

more like old-timey, like as in... With a crawfish thing versus with a crawdad thing? If you like, with a crawfish... The crawdads is good more, it feels more southern,

I think. Yeah, with the crawfish, I'm like, do they mean crayfish? I suppose crawfish probably is like a corruption of crayfish, right?

Like just with an accent? Yeah, probably. Look at the crawfish. And then probably just becomes craw. I don't know what crawdad. Yeah, how did crawdad happen? How fish becomes dad? Should have just called it where the crabs sing.

Yeah. Do they call them crawdaddies? I don't know. Crawdaddies sounds familiar. That would be what we'd call our band. The crawdaddies. That actually already might be a band. Yeah, well, it should be.

Well, we came up with the first in 1955. Exactly. Well, we moved quickly. Yeah. The Crawdaddies. They started in 1977. Yes. A bit late. Our failed band. Well, we were probably under by that point. Do we think Lorraine,

like, when we reveal, I guess we just assume Lororraine's lying about not having seen calvin klein we move on with our lives being like whatever we don't care but you don't want to talk about it and lorraine is forever puzzled by what happened there potentially i'm just gonna say uh so the the crawdad the dad yeah ending is uh may have come from a similar ending of the word found in like a doodad. Oh, okay. Yeah, get that doodad. Get that crawdad.

The crawdad. So you get like multiple craws and you can't remember which one you're referring to? Yes. The crawdad, whatever. Win. Yeah. But yeah, so yeah, go into Lorraine. I can't believe she killed that man.

But yeah, if we go to Lorraine, we're like, your son looks like Calvin Klein. You had sex with Calvin Klein 16 years ago. She's like, no, I didn't. We're like, you're lying. That's fine. I just don't think I would remember someone looking like... It's only been 30 years. It's only been 30 years. But then you're seeing someone's son and being like,

oh my God. Well, yeah, because it doesn't... You know what? That's weird. He doesn't look really like George. He looks like Calvin Klein. Remember Calvin Klein? No, but he does look like George. Yeah, but he also looks like Calvin Klein exactly like Calvin Klein. He looks identical to the man from our childhood. I think I'm way more likely to see George and Calvin Klein together as a teen and be like, you guys are related. You look related.

Yeah, maybe. Than I am to go the other way around and be like, 30 years ago, I met a boy for one day. Oh, then it's just like Calvin Klein. Because that's another thing. We see this guy for 45 minutes. It haunts us. It haunts us a lot, apparently. If we see Johnny B. Goode and we're like, who is this guy singing the greatest song we've ever heard?

And we think about it for the next 45 years. He plays the greatest song we've ever heard for a minute 40 and then fucks it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a very impactful minute 40. Yeah. And even if we, yes.

So, okay, you're like, okay, I saw George and Marty back in the 55 and I was like, they must be related. And then when you go to Lorraine, I'm like, hey, so, well, clearly, you remember Calvin Klein? Like,

he was, so he was, he was like a cousin or something of George. Do you know where he is? Yeah. And then he's like, well, what do you mean?

Well, like, I always thought they looked alike, and look at Marty, he looks exactly like Calvin Klein. Remember that? Yeah, yeah.

So like, where's- You're stirring up shit in this neighborhood and breaking up a family. I don't understand how that's an accident. That makes sense. I'm so obsessed with this song. I'm trying to get with Lorraine.

I'm known as a horn dog in town. Hey, hot stuff, your husband. You cheated on your husband? Want to do it again? You had one cool kid. Want to have a fucked one? It depends how haunted we are by this song and depends how much you want to look into the history of this.

Because if you do look at this and be like, oh, Chuck Berry has said that it was from his cousin's band saw them perform. We were at that thing. Oh, I remember that. It would kind of definitely start the clogs turning. I don't know how we capitalize this. I don't think we can.

There's no way. Maybe I'll sleep with Lorraine. I don't know. Yeah, that could be't think we can Maybe I'll sleep with Lorraine That could be awesome Lorraine Abadi At what point could you say Hey I was at Woodstock and you got laid Is that a thing that ever happened in life Probably

I don't know if you can just walk up to anyone And say one line and that immediately turns to shag Not one line But you slip it in and then... You impress somebody with the fact you're at Woodstock. Could you impress someone to be like, has it ever happened in the history of sex? Yeah. Where someone has used the fact that they might have been at Woodstock in a way to kind of cross over the line for a certain person. Could you then?

But also Lorraine wouldn't care about Woodstock. Not Lorraine. I'm trying to sleep with Lorraine. Who are you trying to sleep with? There's a difference between Woodstock and the dancing under the sea dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was at the, where this song was like first came into this world. I was there.

I saw it happen. Could you use that, spin that in a way we could just get over the line? Maybe you were with the right people. If I could get Chuck Berry's groupie scraps. But also, like, all you did was... I'm just trying to see how I could use this for my own benefit. If you are at a party, you see a baddie you want to boogie down with, and you're trying to impress her

You've run out of stuff And you're like oh you know the song Johnny Be Good that we were listening to earlier And she's like yeah And you're like I was actually there when that song Let me tell you a cool story I was there when it first got played into the world It could get you over the line It could be impressive but then they're like oh really

And then what But then what You gotta put in the work to get to that point. It's not like there's no magical phrase. No, I know that. That's what I'm saying. But I don't think you've got a follow-up. As someone that has been in conversations with, like, impressive-ish music stuff,

you have to have a follow-up to that. Well, I mean, you can't be your first. I don't know if it can be your last. Yeah, because you'll be like, oh, yeah, cool. An easy part of you may be interesting stories that have happened to you in your life. They say, oh, yeah, cool. Yeah. Where was that?

They don't sound very impressed with me already. Yeah, they don't sound very, like, the vibe is off. Well, yeah, because hearing a fucking song, it's not impressive. And again, it depends on the situation. We've been together all night, Jusha. Yeah, Jusha. Think about it, Jusha. All night I'vea. Think about it, Jusha. All night I've been putting in the work.

I have thought about this. It's not going to... Okay, you know what? You want an answer to your question? Will that line get you over the line? No. Because it's not impressive. Well, it's going to be good.

Just come out. Everybody loves it. Impressive is a certain type of person. It's a bit impressive. It's not going to get you over the line, maybe. But it's going to help. Yeah. You think it's going to do nothing?

Yeah. Nothing at all. Nothing. Or you think it's going to do nothing. Yeah. Nothing at all. Nothing. Because you can start talking about music. It's like a little conversational starter, I guess, if we're talking about music. Yeah, but Sirs Hay heard any good songs recently. I mean, that's going to work.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you heard any new songs, you two, sir? Well, I was a goddamn sorry. You didn't join in. Be good. I honestly think. I'm trying the same impact in the conversation. Hey, heard any good songs? In fact, heard any good songs is better because it's not huge.

That's a good opening. Heard any good songs? I was at the first time. Oh, no, you can't combine them because then it looks like you're searching for the... Yeah, Johnny B. Good. I'm not combining. I'm saying, heard any good songs? Yeah.

Comma, space. Hey, oh, that song we just listened to? Yeah, I was at the first known playing of that song. Or I was at Woodstock. I was at Woodstock's Farmer Impressive because that's like lots of stories in one. Yeah, okay. All right. Because Woodstock, you're like, oh, you stood up for peace and love and whatever.

Yeah, I guess. Also, lots of things happened at Woodstock and lots of impressive performances where you saw a cunt play a song for a minute and 40 seconds. Yeah, we saw a glad player play a song and also the school bully got punched by the nerd and then that nerd got pussy from my line. And later that night, the clock tower caught that nerd got pussy from my line. And later that night the clock tower caught fire. That's a crazy day.

All of that? Yeah, okay. You don't like that story rules. I like this kind of three on right. It's not really a conversation

you're having. You're just telling this person three things you know. Marvin, you know Chuck Berry's he got his hair got by a screwdriver

or something. I was at a party and I heard the first singing of Johnny B. Goode and the clock tower caught fire and the bully got punched in the face

and Marvin Barry got his hand cut we have sex now and then the nerd got pussy from behind which has got me thinking of how much I love pussy from behind

it truly is a gift. Yeah. I think you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were almost over the line, yeah, I guess I would buy it. Yeah, I got a rule. Okay, what about if we try and follow Marty McFly?

Okay. To ask him more questions or whatever. Holy shit. He fucking got killed by a goddamn lightning. Holy shit. First off, I saw this guy. He's kidding. He's a criminal.

He played this song. Then a bully got punched in the face. And then George, he got pussied from behind. He's a criminal. He's the same guy. He got fucking shot by lightning. I saw a guy die. I saw a car get so electrocuted it disappeared.

He befriended the crazy scientist, man. That's so funny as well, because that means Doc Brown's like we did it and then we immediately run up and we're like a boy has died and Doc Brown has to be like yeah! How sad! But what did you do? Why did you electrocute Doc Brown? He was a

musical genius! You electrocuted the boy and you're happy about it. You made his car disappear and leave behind a fire trail. Would Doc Brown explain to us the time travel that happened? I think he'd send us back in time. Get eaten by a caveman. We'd be like, this man killed Calvin Klein.

And then there's like, there are no records of Calvin Klein. And then like, what did you do to that boy? Well, that's funny. We're like, Doc Brown, the crazy old kook in the town, we just saw you kill Calvin Klein. And he's like, who's going to believe you? Yeah. You're like, oh, my God. No one would.

We go to the authorities. He's like, what happened? And you're like, we saw a car disappear. And he's like, that's impossible. And we're like, I guess it is impossible. Maybe there's a timer. No, there's not. It could be from anything.

And we're like, okay, I guess. Fuck. Is this man going gonna try and kill us and then we just forget it ever happened move on yeah yeah I would be very well if we saw Calvin Klein disappear

and die yeah when in the future we see Calvin Klein again then we'll remember you've got the face of the boy who died we like hey guys are you being haunted too? I keep seeing... You have a ghost son.

I remember, you know that boy we saw got killed by Doc Brown? Yeah, I remember him. I mean, I don't really look at his Doc Brown. Do you see him too? Sometimes I see him and he goes to the same school we went. It's like he's waited 30 years to haunt it. Did we kill him and he's haunting us because of that? Well, he hasn't come and spoken to us directly.

See the DeLorean have fucked us up in 1955, though, like just the car itself. It's a fucked up looking car. It's a fucked up looking car. What did, yeah. We might think some sci-fi shit was, ah. I think they were like. 1955, what's the side of bullshit sci-fi going on? It's like your Ray Bradbury, you know, people are breathing on the moon kind of shit.

Everybody's got spiky rings around their arms and wrists, you know. Not Doc Rogers. What's the way it's based? Buck Rogers. Buck Rogers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of Buck Rogers stuff. Sci-fi is ridiculous in the 50s.

Yeah. So I guess I'd be like, we're livid in a sci-fi bullshit. Yeah, but- Doc, send me back in time. To get eaten by a caveman. Do we think- Is the DeLorean crazy enough? Or do you just think it's a fucked car?

Maybe you think it was a bomb? I don't know. Because it's not just the DeLorean. It's like the DeLorean plus shit. Yeah, that's a good point. And it does disappear in an explosion, right? Like, yeah, the DeLorean. It's like the DeLorean plus shit. Yeah, that's a good point. And it does disappear in an explosion, right? Like, yeah, the lightning comes down.

He was driving a bomb. I think I would be like, this is science, sci-fi bullshit. Yeah. I don't know if I could maybe link time travel. There's a clock there. No, I would. And also, we know Doc Brown's like an inventor. It's just that his inventions suck. Yeah.

So maybe I would think that this was a failed invention that killed the boy. Nah. Because I look at the clock, and for some reason that's all it takes for me to build a narrative of time travel. Well, I get it. If you're building a time machine, you've got to put a clock in there. I'd be like, Doc Brown, you used the time energy from the clock, and that's why it stopped, to send our beautiful Kelvin musical genius Klein into the future.

He's taking all the time out of that clock. He took all the time. Guys, he took the clock. That's what I've been thinking. But if you figure it out. The clock doesn't move anymore. No, but if you figure it out. All the time's gone.

No, no, no. I understand that. I'm there. He stole the time. I know. I understand he stole the time. But if you saw that and have put all of this together and been like time travel, would you then realize based on what the fact that he was like,

you might hate this, but your kids are going to love it. Would you be like, oh, that song is from the future? Mate, I think, yeah. I'd be like, he sent him back in time. But then if I was like in like spooky flashback, I'd be like, your kids are going to love it. Your kids. He's from the future.

Your kids. He was a, he was a, he. I thought just to like, you know, the body snatches. Body snatches. And then you'd fuck everything up when it's 1983 and he started looking like Marty McFly and you'd be like, hey, fuckhead, you go to the future. Past.

You go to the past. You go to the past. Can you tell my good self a couple things? Oh, we've got a great opportunity to change our future. This is how we capitalize on it. What is useful to know in 1955 that could change the present day 1985? Invest in...

Apple. In Apple? In the 80s? Well, this would be like, because it's not about what happens in the world. It's what happens about you personally. So depending on how hard

our times have fallen, and if I know anything about us... Oh, yeah, it's not about what happens in the world. It's what happens about you personally. So depending on how hard our times have fallen, and if I know anything about us, hard. Oh, yeah, it's grim, dude. So there's probably some key moments where we're like, go back in time and tell our future, like our past self, don't do X. Here's what I do. I say, hey, you're going to go into the past. Are you going to sing Johnny B. Goode?

I've written some new lyrics. And then he sings Crawfish Car. That does really well, because then... Same problem. Give my past self this letter, which is the lyrics to Crawfish Dad.

Crawfish Dad. I've updated my memory. Crawfish. This is have updated my memory. This is a song about a man who died. Back in Louisiana had a crawfish dad. Crawfish mom and a crawfish lad. Mommy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Johnny B. Goode is worse than Crawfish Dad. That's so funny. Marty McFly, before singing Johnny B. Goode, worse than Crawfish. That's so funny.

Marty McFly, before saying Johnny B. Goode, finding me in the crowd, hey, somebody important wanted you to have this. What the fuck? Crawfish, dad. Johnny B. Goode. But I'm not even listening to that because I'm like, what the fuck?

Back in Louisiana, had a Crawfish dad. Crawfish mom and a Crawfish lad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Jackson listen to this guy I can't I'm too scared to hear I'm gonna go check my car for crawfish all three of us just like just enraptured by this letter miss the whole song

we're walking to your car maybe there's fish in it I think I'm gonna knock it in my car in case it's a bomb and just push it into the room or is this

maybe there's like diagrams that we can turn your car into a fish car is it a ransom note is it like a can we can we your car into a fish car. Is it a ransom note? Is it like a, can we make a submarine car? What? How does that affect our future if I become scared of fish?

Well, we don't become obsessed with Calvin Klein. No. We do become obsessed with crawfish. We miss Johnny B. Goode and just live a regular life. But then we don't grow up to then see Marty McFly. It doesn't matter because we know that. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a different timeline.

Different timelines. Because, well, yeah, we'd be like, we've had a genius idea. Give this to our past selves and then our lives wouldn't change. Because that's not our- Yeah, we'd die in an alleyway or whatever. Yeah. From a heart attack. Damn it.

Yeah. Hopefully that version of me did well. Yeah. No. That version of me was eternally haunted By Robbie's dad I became a shadow of my former self Yeah

Yeah Well, okay Damn I still think the only way really Or the best way But maybe the only way to capitalize on this Is if we remembered enough about Johnny B. Goode That when Chuck Berry makes Johnny B. Goode

that we maybe get a small snippet of the MTV's behind the music where they start tracking down people who were in there. That were there for the first time. And we have a small clip of us back when we're now, what, 55, 60. Oh, yeah. I remember that. That was pretty damn good. It was a good night.

And I looked directly at the camera. Who the fuck was Calvin Klein? Yeah. Who was Crawfish Dad? I pulled out of my jacket the note Marty McFly handed to me. We were there, but we didn't actually- He gave me this note before I played this song. Let me read it to you now.

Yeah, we didn't actually hear the song, but the singer of it, he gave us this. Down in Louisiana had a crawfish dad. Let me read it to you now. Yeah, we didn't actually hear the song, but the singer of it, he gave us this. Down in Louisiana had a crawfish dad, a crawfish mom and a crawfish lad. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- He said, somebody important wanted me to have it. That's a very strange wrinkle to the Calvin Klein mystery. But one we can never solve. I would listen to the 12-part serial of this, of who was Calvin Klein. Best of luck to whoever puts it together and tries to get an answer.

Four-fish dad, the Calvin Klein story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, this would be enough little breadcrumbs to eventually spark someone in the year, like, you know, 2020 or whatever, to be like, do you guys know about the history of fucking Johnny B. Goode? I'm bored in lockdown, so I'm going to start a podcast about Johnny B. Goode. The story of Johnny B. Goode is crazy, right?

So in 1955, a random kid, his name was Calvin Klein. Yeah, like the underwear magnate. And this is a weird thing, right? Lorraine McFly was interviewed she was like a friend of this guy interviewed by him and she says

he was called Calvin Klein because that was the name on his underwear yeah that's true and this was before Calvin Klein he was a teenager like the Calvin

anyway and I guess you would also so I think maybe even anyway so he made this song. He performed this song.

He did like the first verse. Chuck Berry, his cousin was there. Yeah. Like played that song to him. But by the time that Chuck heard this, it actually wasn't what we know is going to be good. It was something else. But that was the initial like instigation of it.

And then, so, right. So, then Marvin goes to Chuck Berry. He's like, that actually wasn't the whole thing. Kind of tries to perform it. Chuck Berry did his own spin. That's how he could try to be good. But then so right so then marvin goes to chuck berry he's like that actually wasn't the whole thing kind of tries to perform it chuck berry's own spin that's how we're trying to be good yeah then right but then people start asking who the fuck was this calvin klein and this weird fucking guy brings out a piece of paper so this is weird thing so first off calvin klein says you might not love this but your kids will yeah which is a weird thing to say right strange thing to say and then but before he did this he handed one of the students there a note. It was like, someone important wants you to have this.

And it's maybe demo lyrics to the song he sung? Yeah. And if you look at it, it is in the same kind of like, you know, it's all Johnny B. Goode. It has the same opening lyric, which makes me think of the same phrasing to Johnny B. Goode. So it's like the same phrasing, but it's Crawfish Dad. I presume Future U has written the whole verses of it. Absolutely. There's a whole song, Crawfish Dad, but it's in the same as Johnny B. Goode.

Because Chuck Berry was like, he did Johnny B. Goode, but I think this is the original song. Crawfish Dad. But then get this right. The clock tower. But there are people in that audience who say he didn't sing Crawfish Dad. He sung Johnny B. Goode. So why would he give this random student who's been haunted by this for 45 years- The demo lyrics to Johnny B. Goode.

But he sung Johnny B. Goode. Johnny B. Goode, not Crawfish Dad. But we have, you know, like a Chuck Berry tribute band here, like we've got, we paid them money

to perform Crawfish Dad. For the first time ever. For the very first time ever, this is what this sounds like. Johnny B. Goode as it was meant to be played. This is the original lyrics to Johnny B. Goode.

Crawfish Dad. A crawfish mom and a crawfish lad. And then the second verses are about a crawfish car and getting your balls sniffed by a crawfish lad. And then the second verses are about a crawfish car and getting your balls sniffed by a crawfish. Oh no, like yeah, way down in Louisiana when I was a crawfish lad.

Got my balls sniffed by the crawfish in my car. It's gonna be like my parents were crawfish mom and crawfish dad, but okay, you know, okay. What with that? Yeah. I'm a crawfish, they're a crawfish, they still hate me. And then, yeah, you'd be like, and then in further investigation, right,

it was the same night that this small town had like a once in a lifetime lightning strike. On the clock tower. Stopped the clock in its tracks. Which was the last time anyone ever saw Calvin Klein, because there are some vague reports that he got into, get this, a future car, and then he disappeared. There was a fucking local inventor.

But then, yeah, because I guess people would start interviewing Doc Brown, who is still alive. Doc Brown would have to cover it up? Oh, but it depends when this all sort of came out. This is in 2020. Doc Brown is long dead. Oh, that's true. Doc Brown goes back in time and dies in 1885.

Oh, yeah, that's true. Doc Brown, he was an inventor, right? He was an inventor that was seeing this brown goes back in time and dies in 1885 oh yeah that's true dog brown the yeah he was an inventor right he was an inventor that was seeing this and we like the last time he was seen was in like 1985 yeah but we've also seen this wild west wanted poster for him yeah somebody is gonna it's funny because he got a fucked up train or something maybe it'll never have a satisfying conclusion to those investigating it but we'll make a great podcast it would just be like i don't know what the fuck this sent me down like a wikipedia rabbit yeah i love as well that's what podcasts say they're like i was on wikipedia for 20 to 30 minutes for this i love as well that there's like there's a very reasonable podcast documentary

about who was marty mcfly yeah but it's sullied by Crawfish Dad. The whole time they're trying to connect it to Crawfish Dad. Yeah, who was this Calvin Klein who had the original lyrics to what eventually would be called Donnie B. Goode? Oh, was that the updated lyrics and he was killed tragically by the

time clock before he could re-record it? Yeah, it's very strange. it's a mystery we'll never solve yeah depending like you might get you know like uh i try and track down like uh we couldn't actually find you know george mcfly or like lorraine but we have their kid marty mcfly he's a businessman about to make some terrible deals yeah i just yeah, unless there was this, like, this way of, depending what happened with Chuck Berry, and if he was to be like, oh, yeah, we were open about, like, oh, yeah, my cousin did this, right? And if there was enough little nugget of truth there to be a very niche music journalist. And somebody was very bored during lockdown, they could crack the case wide open.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, not even crack the case, just be like, yeah. Well, not even crack the case. It'd just be like, there's a weird thing happened. Some strange- Welcome to Jackson Bailey Spooks America, where we- Crawfish Dad. Have you guys heard of the song Crawfish Dad?

Well, you have, but you don't know it yet. So what do we think happened? I'll find out Wikipedia for five to seven minutes. If we were in the audience, the only way we could capitalize

would be maybe on MTV behind the music if they paid us for an interview. Or in this time, if we

did a subpar JBS Hangout episode where Jackson scrolls through the Wikipedia for a good 30 minutes. Or we'd laugh

at Crawfish Dad. Oh yeah, we'd laugh at Crawfish Dad. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we laugh at it a lot. It'll be funny. It'll be a funny episode if I'm not very well-researched. Like every episode of Jackson Bailey Spooks America. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it might be used to how we capitalize it. That's the only way we can do it.

Yeah. Otherwise, I have no idea. It's not getting me over the line. No, no, no, no, no, no. What about if Crawfish Dad get me over the line? I'm at a party. I'm at Crawfish Dad get me over the line? I wrote Crawfish Dad. I'm at a party. I pull out the lyrics

from my top pocket where I keep them permanently. Hey, babe, you know Johnny B. Goode? It was going to be Crawfish Dad. What about if you know... I feel like if you're saying, hey, babe, I hope you're already over the line.

Otherwise, no, you're not going anywhere. What if you just know that trivia? It's a bit further in time. You're not Jackson Bailey with the lyrics, but you're like, Hey, did you know that Johnny B. Goode was actually originally meant to be Crawfish Dad? Hey, this has been explored before. You know how Pac-Man was actually originally called Pac-Man? Yeah.

Crawfish Dad's a way better bit of trivia. Either of Pac-Man, Crawfish Dad, get way better bit of trivia. Either of them. Pac-Man, Crawfish Dad, get you over the line? Over the line? Under the line? No. Ramona Flowers of the situation is leaving, and you're saying goodbye forever.

Whoop. Never mind. Time to go fall down some stairs or something. Back on the old dusty trail. I did my best, I guess. Well, there we go. We got on the old dusty trail. I did my best, I guess. Yeah. Well, there we go.

We got to the bottom of that. Could we do anything with Johnny B. Good? Not really. Not really. We could sit on the story and be like,

what the fuck was going on and then tell someone later for money. Gotta be able to capitalize this. There's definitely a way. Definitely a way. Yeah.

Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. Sometimes plumbing the Death Star is this. You're not wrong. See you next week.

That is true, yeah. That is true.