Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You (For Financial Gain or Personal Profit) Exploit an Encino Man?

Episode Date: May 28, 2023

We know all you care about is nugs, chillin’ and grindage but we’ve gone and dug a hole in the ground and holy shit, we found a guy frozen in ice. Now how are we going to exploit this (Encino) man for financial gain or personal profit? While Dave thinks this thawed man will impress babes and he’ll be crowned prom king, we’ve got some bigger and better ideas. Zammit wants to take Johnny Caveman on a coming of age road trip to the Gold Coast, Jackson wants to keep digging and JD has a very quick get rich easy scheme. So let’s all stop being so crusty and start wheezin’ the juice bud-dy. Oooooooowwwwww!Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel. And we've heard you, listeners. We've heard you clamoring. You've been screaming. You've been filling up our inbox saying, Hey, when are you going to talk about the 1992 Pauly Shaw vehicle Encino Man or California

Man if you live in different parts of the world they called it that because they didn't know what Encino Man was anyway this is a podcast where we ask the important questions and this week it's an Encino Man one how would you exploit for financial gain or personal profit

an Encino Man. So, how do we exploit a man? I'm Encino. So, the plot for Encino Man, for what I have to assume is the 0.01% of people out there who've never seen this movie, is Sean Astin. Dave. Dave. And his best friend, Pauly Shaw. Stoney.

It's the end of high school. And Sean Astin, because he wants to become prom king, he does the only logical thing. And he tries to dig a pool in his backyard. You know what will make me cool? If I have a pool that's like the pro after prom should come to my house i dug a big hole in the backyard is a pool what the fuck like setting a cito man link aside for just a second here just all right so okay building a pool um it seems he doesn't have like a long time.

No. He's got maybe a few weeks. A few weeks. At most. But most a couple of days. But a few, let's give him maybe two weeks to build this pool. He's got a fortnight. He's still digging.

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't. And at the end of the movie, spoilers, it's just a dirty pool of water. He doesn't make a pool. He makes a horrible pond. of water. He doesn't make a pool, he makes a horrible pond.

Anyway, in digging this pool, what should Dave and Stoney chance upon but a frozen glacier, possibly a fossilized glacier, inside of which is the titular Encino man, Brendan Fraser in the dirtiest role he's ever been. He remains filthy for a lot of this

movie. He cracks out. They don't call him dirty they call him greasy yeah greasy although greasy I think is good is it good to be greasy no no

and also crusty bad as well you don't want to be greasy or crusty very crusty crusty anyway so Paulie Shaw talks like this

throughout the film we're gonna do it a lot get ready okay buddy so we're not trying to it's just gonna happen yeah it's inevitable we watched this movie we had to watch this movie we heard you i've been

i've been talking like that me and my wife have been doing the exact same but but let's just look at it over and across the room being like buddy it's good it's fun to say anyway the encino man he crack out of his his sort of glacial shell first Well, first off, Dave is like, we found a fossilized or a frozen man. This will impress a girl I have a giant crush on who hates me. Who has a boyfriend. That's exactly the same situation as the pool. Hey, come to my house. I've got a frozen caveman.

What the fuck? Yeah, come to my house. I've got a frozen caveman, and maybe this is good. What are you talking about? Because, yeah, basically he digs out a caveman. Caveman's frozen. His step is always get me to be prom king.

He wants to be popular. If I have a caveman, if I uncover a caveman, shortly I popular. But every plan he's got throughout the whole film is a two-step plan and the second step is always go to prom, be prom. It's, I get a pool. Become prom king or queen.

Find caveman. Become prom king or queen. It's just, I don't see the logical connection between a lot of his plans. Take Link to school. Become prom king. So, okay, I want to imagine the most crustiest, greasiest guy back in your high school and you're just like,

it's two weeks out of before prom. The next day, he comes to school and he's like, guess what, everybody? I found a caveman. I dug him up. Come see him. And everyone went over to his house and like, holy shit, that a caveman in ice yeah as someone from a medium to well-off popularity in high school someone says

that to me i say oh yeah cool and then i turn around and immediately make fun of you guys i'm gonna say like now now no you haven't got to that point okay say in this fantastical world you're like okay i'll go see this caveman. Before the bullying starts, let's go see this caveman. Actually, to be honest, that's also probably more accurate

to my character. I'm like, oh yeah, hell yeah, dude, I'll come look at your caveman. Because you've got two options with the caveman.

Either he doesn't have a caveman and you're like, and then you've got to watch him squirm. Yeah. Or he does have a caveman, I see a caveman and I can still bully him. Yeah,

exactly. Nice whole dickhead. And so he's like, right, I have a caveman. I see a caveman and I can still bully him. Yeah, exactly. Nice whole dickhead. And so he's like, right, I have a caveman. And the whole level, whatever, goes over to his house to see caveman. Everyone's like, let's just say it's a frozen caveman. Okay. Does he become prom king? No.

But I might be like, dude, you should tell someone about this. Yeah. Like, I don't think you can have this. It's pretty much equivalent of being like he it's also funny cuz Dave's like we cannot tell anyone and then he and Stoney's like yeah man we won't tell anyone man and then Dave immediately goes to school and is like hey I got a fucking caveman she's like what don't talk to me yeah. Yeah, so I don't

think that if I went there and saw Frozen Caveman I would think that kid was cool. No. I might think the caveman was cool. It's the equivalent of if someone's like, hey, come down to the river and I'll show you a dead body. It's like, you're not going to vote that person prom king. You're going to be like, we should call a cop maybe. I don't know.

I don't think whole cunt is a good representation of our year level at high school and we shouldn't vote I don't know. I don't think hole cunt is a good representation of our year level at high school, and we shouldn't vote for them prom king. I don't think he ever really had a chance, no matter how many cavemen he finds. If someone digs a hole, it doesn't matter what awesome stuff comes out, they still dug a hole. Let's re-examine the initial pool plan. Are you telling me Sean Astin, Dave, in his year level, no other kid had a pool?

No, I think everyone, it's kind of, it's Simpsons, right? So he was having a pool to keep up with everyone else. And he thought his dog should do it. I'm using Simpsons where Bart gets a pool and then Martin's like, well, hey, I need to be popular. I'll make a pool, right? So I'm imagining, is there something like that? Is there someone in that year who has a pool and everyone was like, we always hang out there because of pool.

You've got a pool. But Sean or Dave is like, well, if I have a pool, you know what that's going to mean? That's going to be sweet honeys. Yeah, it's going to mean babes. Which is maybe what nugs are. I'm not sure. Nugs is surely weed, right?

That's what I initially thought. But then he calls like um links wife also like a wife nug or something yeah he says this is your nug he says oh it's your nug and then he goes greasy yeah which is maybe good no it's because she's dirty because he says it like it's greasy though greasy like the same way you might say, nice! Yeah, but also maybe, because if you call someone dirty it can be like, yuck, or like, wow, you're dirty. Oh, okay. Oh, I see. Well, she is in the bar.

She was greasy. She knew to clean herself. If they had to clean Link, she knew to clean herself. Yeah, maybe Link, maybe cavemen are intelligent, Link's just a fucking idiot. He did like to scream at Skye. So Link gets out. Uh-huh, yes. He did like to scream at Sky. So Link gets out. Uh-huh, yes. He gets defrosted

and then he's just alive. Once again, their beautiful plan of this is a frozen corpse. Let's add heat to this to see what happens. And they do just melt it. They melt the ice. He comes out. He's a caveman. No bones about it. He's a caveman.

He's greasy. He's greasy caveman. Yeah. No bones about it. He's a caveman. He's greasy. He's greasy. He's greasy and crusty. Crusty. This episode's a nightmare for you, the listeners. Some of them are. No, I think everyone's like, yes, I also love Paul Weasel. Finally. It's about fucking time.

Exactly. He's the weasel. Yeah, he does that. There's an awesome thing they do in this movie where when Dave and Stoney so Sean Astin and Pauly Shaw, they do the best friend secret

handshake thing, but the movie edits a sloppy sound effect. I know. It's so funny. So they're like touching fingers but the movie's like like I'm assuming that Stoney's making that Off himself Yeah probably

That sounds like Stoney But anyway Link They name him Link Very clever Link to the past Link to the past Missing Link

There it is It's Linkovich Yeah Stone Well cause they Explain to their family There's a whole makeover sequence Yeah

They explain to their family He's from Estonia. And their parents are like, this guy eating dog food, I don't know what they do in Estonia. Maybe that's normal. He wrestling dog. That's good, I guess.

Yeah. Is there one bit where he attacks the dog and they're like, he's from Estonia. And they're like, yeah, why is he injuring the dog? No, no, no. He's bonding with the dog. Looks like he's attacking our dog.

No. Okay. Whatever. I just want to eat dinner. I'm your dad. Anyway, then they take him to school. Shenanigans ensue. The bulk of this movie is shenanigans.

It's happy hour shenanigans. Because the wonderful thing about Link is that he don't care about things. He doesn't give a fuck about anything. Exactly. He doesn't really know what's going on. He doesn't. He's there going on. He doesn't. He's there for a good time, but not a time

that he understands. You know, other movies, they might be like, well, let's teach him to talk. Let's get him, give him some dialogue, give him some stuff.

No, no, no, no. You really get the feeling Link is confused the whole movie. Link only cares about, like, maybe what? Several things, which is titties. Yeah, he loves gazongas. He loves gazongas. What are they called? Oh, maybe, what, several things, which is, um, titties.

Yeah, he loves gazongas. What do they call gazongas? Oh, yeah, gazongas, that's right. Wheezing the juice. He loves to wheeze the juice. Wheezing the juice. Even though the shop owner doesn't want them to wheeze the juice, they love to

wheeze the juice. Maybe that's all he cares about. He likes going on a roller coaster. Oh, and driving. He loves driving. He drives on two wheels. And there is one point. Where he goes on a roller coaster.

He likes that. He goes on a roller coaster. He has a great time. But there's one point where they go to a museum and he sees statues of other cavemen. And he breaks down. He's very emotional because he has this. He sees family. For the first time, he's like, I am a stranger in a strange world.

I get it. I get what's happening. Oh, no. But then Stoney and Dave are like, we're your family now. No., he's like, I am a stranger in a strange world. I get it. I get what's happening. Oh, no. But then Stoney and Dave are like, we're your family now. No. Stoney's like, we're your family now. Dave is like, how can I keep exploiting this man to be prompting? This caveman will make me popular.

Never happens. Just sidebar, because we've moved past it in the plot, and I just want to highlight it. Awesome pickup move by Dave to girl who has boyfriend that is an old family friend that he loves or whatever. Well no, he only loved because she got recently got hot. Yeah, she recently got hot. Dave sucks a lot.

Dave's the worst and I like when Stoney is basically like, brother you're just, no chance. Look at how hot her boyfriend is. He's got the beak. I love that. Big awesome nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the beak. I love that. Big, awesome nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the beak. He's got like, you know, 12-inch biceps.

Mine are like four. But Dave pulls out a photo of when he was a child with this girl. Yeah, naked in the bath. He's like, we've been naked together before, so it's fine. It would make sense. And she's like, oh. What? Do you carry this around? And He's like, we've been naked together before, so it's fine. It would make sense. And she's like, oh. What? Do you carry this around? And he's like, yes. And she's like, don't show

anyone. You want this? No, I don't want this. I absolutely do not. So, then it basically, Link helps them. He doesn't really help them get popular. They just do shenanigans. Link gets popular and they're just like

but also at the start of the movie you kind of get the feeling that everyone fucking hates Dave fair enough but Stoney exists in like a liminal state like Stoney is like he's not popular nobody hates him he's his own guy people like look people

either tolerate to even like Stoney I feel because they know his name. No one is stapling him to a wall. No one is picking on him. He drives a sweet car. He's cool. Not a car. A scooter.

And he's just like, everyone gets out of his way. No one's this piece of shit. Everyone's like, hey, what's going on? It's Stoney. But Link elevates them because Link becomes massively popular because he's hot and all the girls are into him. Yeah, there's a thing they establish at the start of the movie when they're talking about cavemen.

Yeah, cavemen will come in. Cro-Magnons, I think specifically they say. And one of the girls is like, wow, what a fucking hunk, basically. Yeah, what a hunk. He just takes what he wants. And the teacher's like, they would destroy you. And she's like, nothing. I want to be reamed.

Oh, my God. Send a caveman to fuck me into oblivion. That would be lovely. And then she gets one. Yeah. She comes close. Yeah, he comes close. He does come close.

He does a flip down like two flights of stairs to sniff her air. It's good stuff. He does a big job. He's very athletic. Link, happy to risk his life for... Kazonga. Yeah. Kazonga's in just climbing in general.

Yeah. The love of a game of climbing. And Robin, the girl that Dave is into, slowly starts falling for Link. Because he's so cool. Fair enough. He's awesome! He doesn't care what people think because Dave and unnamed boyfriend

he has a name. What's his name? Clint? Clint with Judy. Clint can't be Clem. Clemb? With a B at the end? Like somebody said climb really wrong.

I'm gonna Clem the jungle gym you know what uh yeah so clem uh obviously cares about being hot too and dave's like uh i want to be he's like he's not even there he's just actor nothing that's all maybe he doesn't have a name he's clem uh clem obviously he gets his girl stolen by Link. Matt. Matt. Okay. That makes sense. Matt's pissed. Yeah. And Matt starts to get a little suspicious.

We're just going to recount the plot of Fettino Man. Matt gets a little suspicious, and he does his research, and he finds out, holy shit, Link is an unfrozen caveman. Yeah. And then at prom, where it's all happening, this is the climax of the movie. Where Link, I think, is about to be prom king. Yeah, he's about to be prom king. Matt runs on stage.

He says, I've got huge news. Link is a caveman. And everyone's like, yes! Everyone loves it. That's awesome! Because it fucking is. And Matt's like, no, wait, what? Everyone loves that he's a caveman.

Also, if a guy ran on stage and was like, the prom king's a caveman, I would be like, what? Get him off. No, he's not. I wouldn't believe that. What do you think? Also, good? I don't know what you want from me.

Why is that bad in your mind, Matt? And then Link, Brendan Fraser, does a flip into the crowd, and then there's a big dance number, and the movie ends. Yeah. But not before his wife becomes unfrozen. Oh, yeah. Sorry. He does a big dance, and it's like the after party But not before his wife becomes unfrozen. Oh yeah, sorry. Does a big dance

and it's like the after party which is at the pool that is dug. It's filthy. It's a filthy, filthy pool. It's just a wet dirt hole. Yeah.

Somebody's gonna drown in that pool that night. That's alright. Get their foot stuck in the mud. Yeah, get their foot they're drunk. Rest in peace. And then yeah

Link's wife has been unfrozen and she's greasy and naked in the bath. And everyone's horned up about it at the end. Yeah. All right, so. We have a, maybe we're digging a pool for different reasons. Digging a hole to put those bodies in that we.

Are we killing people? For five bucks we have. Please explain. We're putting the body of Harry Potter and Jaws the shark. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. Continuing on

from that time we killed that shark we're digging a big hole to bury the shark. All our exploits and we're like maybe we're giving it up. Maybe we're giving up

to we'll kill a shark or you're a boy for five dollars. We're out of the game. You know what? We've got the We're going out of the top. Exactly. We're getting our little shack that we've built, which I imagine

of like with a couple of 2x4s and driftwood. We're breaking it up and we're like, what do we do with this wood? And one of us is like, what if we buried it? Now that's a clever idea. Smart. Yeah. So we've dug a hole. And oh my god, lo and behold, what do we find but a big hunk of ice.

We could be good in drinks. Oh, there's a man! Upon further inspection, we're like, oh, it's a man. After cooling our drinks for a little while, making them taste disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Putting our tinnies on top of it, so just by proximity, it makes it cool. This is old ice. This ice has man taste. This tastes old ice. This ice has man taste.

This tastes like dirt. Dirt and man. That's greasy. Stoney licks it, doesn't he? He does. Stoney knows how it tastes. So after we've licked our glacier, I'm like, well, past water's all right. I guess in the hot Australian summer, it just melts.

Oh, yeah, true. Oh! Oh! Oh, drinks! Oh, man! Oh, no, a corpse! Oh, it's talking! Oh, it's not dead.

No, it's not talking. Yeah. It's grunting. It's grunting. Would we... Would you put two and two together that you'd found a caveman? What? Are we watching it?

Or have we come back? What? Are we watching it? Or have we come back? What do you mean? Are we? Are we? Are we? All right. Let's just leave it. Let's just let it defrost by itself.

Would you connect the two? Would you be like, this is the guy that was frozen in the ice? Because people can't come back to life like that. Yeah, no. My question was, have we let it defrost and we leave and come back? We got distracted. Are we watching it? It makes sense. We're going down and we're getting a back or are we watching it? It makes sense.

We're going down and we're getting a burrito. We got a burrito to share. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to split it three ways because it's, you know. Budget's tied.

And then we see Link. Exactly. We get one burrito, split it three ways, wheeze the juice, get kicked out of a convenience store and be like, mm, my head.

Splitting it three ways means one of us gets the wrap, one of us gets the meat, one of us gets the fixings. I'm always stuck with the fixings. I imagine just cutting it twice, but all right. I like that we've deconstructed this burrito. Yeah, that's only fair. Anyway, what did you put when you came back

and you saw Link in your house? Wasn't there a guy in this That like Now he's got this puddle In our hole Yeah Also when Cause the ice gets a bit

Like see through Before Oh yeah you would see him That's why Yeah so like You kinda see him a little Yeah They're looking at his dick

And nuts at one point Yeah So like if they can tell They're looking at dick and nuts They can tell they're looking at dick and nuts They can tell they're looking at face Fickle, fickle I don't know, being able to see, say, Brendan Fraser in our room We share a room

I'm there We are not living in a house We only raised like 15 bucks Slim pickets In our room, make a fire We're like Do you reckon I could see that guy But also then try and make the link in our room, make a fire. We're like, oh. Do you reckon I could see that guy,

but also then try and make the link between that and the person in the ice? Yeah. Because it's a bit distorted, right? Yeah. I think. Would it look the same? Or would we be like, oh, no, it's true. It's true.

Call the police. I think I would be, I'm pretty confident. That's not a caveman, surely. No, I would be... I'm pretty confident I'd be. I'm pretty sure because, like, I mean, it's not like he's dressed. He's in a full loincloth. I would say he's in a loincloth. If he was fully nude, then that becomes...

I know that this is a wild claim. I get it. But if someone's fully nude, then it becomes harder to tell. We're having this discussion in the corridor we've closed the bedroom door smoke is coming I know he's

starting to fire but we need to figure this out you're right I just thought when the ice melted the guy melted and disintegrated

like you know when old shit is just like oh no and it's gone like he becomes lost I thought he'd

become a goo I can't wait to get so old I become gone yeah I thought he'd become a goo. I can't wait to get so old I become gone. Yeah. I thought he just is. Because he's like, how old is the Earth, guys? 100, 200 years old, maybe. I was about to be like 2000, but that's Jesus.

Well, it depends on who you ask. Oh, yeah, fuck. Okay, I'm a young Earth creation. You're in a relationship with Jesus? This guy must be like 1,000 years old. This guy must be thinking, maybe we froze Jesus. He didn't put an alien to a cross. Yeah, maybe when he went in the cave, he froze.

He's probably got a new gospel. I'll go ask him. Yeah, go ask him. Yeah, go ask him. He just screamed at me. He said, oh. He forgot how to talk. Yeah, when was caveman, guys?

Was it 3,000? No, it was a bit more than that. 4,000? It was like in the 20,000s, I think, to 30,000s. Maybe even beyond that. There were different guys. Yeah. Is he Australopithecus? Is he a Cro-Magnon? I think

that's the implication of the movie. Or is he a Homo Florensis? He was the tiny one. What's that? Is it Homo Erectus or a wee Homo Erectus? No, we're Homo Sapiens Sapiens, right? What's the Erectus one? Are they not talking about weeners? No, he could walk on legs.

Did he have an erect penis? He might have done. He was the first guy who lived on the ground, I think. So he climbed down or out of the ocean? Yeah. What? Which one? He climbed down.

From a tree? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd come out of the ocean already as like a mole. I thought they were like fish or something. They were fish in the sea, then they become a mole on the land. Oh, mole. I thought you said mold. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

So fish with legs became a mole And then they climbed a tree And then they came to live on the ground Some of them became like horses and crabs Some of them went back One horse went back and the ocean became a whale Yeah Emulation's cooked

But Hey That's on fire No I think that's just you The nation's cooked. But. Hey, that's on fire. No, I think that's just you. I'm going to go outside to our pool. Fair enough. That'll probably be cooler out there. Oh, yeah. It seems fine.

So, yeah, I think. Anyway, yeah, yeah. So, is that okay? Is that okay? Yeah, I think it's a game. I think... So is that a caveman? I think so! I reckon so it's a caveman. Do you reckon he met the fish? Yeah, maybe. Let's go ask him. He will have met a fish.

At some point in his life. Do you mean the fish? You know, the one that had the legs? He's burned to death. He did not control that fire. I thought cavemen know... I was on the assumption that cavemen know, like, several things. One being fire, other being tea.

Yeah, maybe he didn't know the house was flammable because in his time he lived in caves. You can't set a cave on fire. No, you can singe a cave a little, I guess. You can't, like, you know, full on inferno it. That's sad. Damn. Oh, he started on carpet, too. Fuck. little, I guess. You can't, like, you know, full on Inferno. That's sad. Damn. Oh, he started on carpet, too.

Fuck. Oh, bummer. Right over the curtains. I think in a real situation, yeah, it might be tricky to say if he's a caveman or not. But let's say for the basest of the basest. The question. I'm making up words today. For the concept of the question. I'm making up words today. For the concept of the question,

let's say it thaws out, we come home, and immediately have pretty much the same reaction that Dave and Stoney have where we're like, that's our caveman, and he's real now. Yeah, he's making paintings all over the house. That's our reaction.

A lot of howling. A lot of howling. A lot of howling Oh yeah A lot of howling Yeah okay A lot of that Alright okay So we have a caveman What are we doing? Okay well For financial gain

And personal profit Or whatever I said Initially I was thinking Well Because Link has a very Laissez faire attitude Okay And Link is a very

He's approachable Everyone seems to like him Yeah yeah yeah You know there's a scene where where that guy's like, if you so much as look at my lady, I will stab you in the eyes. And he picks her up.

And then the end of scene, you can fill in the blanks, I guess. And they're in a conga line. And it's great. It's good stuff. And the guy's like, I'm gonna cut you. And then he says, well, like, Spanish, this cheese is old and moldy. Where's your bathroom? And he's like, you know what?

You've got a good point, man. You're funny. Why am I worrying about my old cheese wife? I get it, Link. I get it. My wife is the cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, I didn't have to worry about that.

And then, you know, he's like, he's got a way with words and people just connect. People love him. My wife is the cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need to worry about that. He's got a way with words and people just connect. People love him. He's like the equivalent of... Dunstan in Dunstan Checks In. No, no. Everyone hates Dunstan. No, I was going to say... He's a jewel thief.

He's the human equivalent of an inkblot. He's like, you see what you want to see. That's deep. That's maybe the deepest thing anyone's ever said about Encino, man. He is exactly what you need him to be in that given moment. Stoney is like, this guy is family. He's family. Dave is like, this man is going to give me prom king.

He's going to get him prom king. Bad luck. Dave doesn't even get invited to prom. Yeah, that's true. He's on probation, isn't he? No, he... What do you reckon is more cool to get someone to be prom king? Hey, I dug a pool, slash I maybe found a caveman, or I got arrested

for drink driving. That's pretty cool. Or stealing a car. Yeah. Well, I think it's cooler to steal a car than find a caveman. I think. Although if I found out that he stole a car Yeah I reckon we lost one Well I think it's cooler to steal a car than find a caveman I think Although if I found out that he stole a car and then was digging a hole I'd be like what's important in the hole

The car Is he going to bury that car alive A failed car business I get it Dump the merch I.e. the cars So what are you going to do with Link Well it'd be good to using Link as a great idea as either as part of a motivational talk, like do the circuits where you're using Link as your subject.

Oh, okay. But to do that, I think I would have to have first gone through the whole Dave and Stoney's experience of looking at Link and how he interacts. So you're going to take him to high school? That's step one? I'm not going to do that. Yeah. So now my plan's out the window.

Where are you going to take him? Because, like, yeah, right. Like, what am I going to do first thing? Well, first things first, I'm going to say, like, you're probably hungry. Yeah, feed him. I'm going to feed him. What do cavemen eat? Meat.

Meat? Meat? Meat? Meat? Meat? I reckon. Alive animals? I reckon you go down

to your local almost a service station but I meant supermarket yeah you go down to your local supermarket you buy I don't know

eight sausages and a bag of four leaf lettuce and then you just cook up those sausages don't even need to cook them good just slam them all

on a plate don't cut them up leave them all in a sausage ling empty the bag of the four leaf salad on the floor no just on another

second plate it'll be so happy it'll be the happiest you've ever honestly that'll be the happiest a caveman's ever been him and most Australians

are very similar he'd make a sausage sizzle yeah he'll be loving it he's just gotta be careful because he will try and pick up the sausages from the barbecue

and he's intrigued by fire yeah well I don't think you even need to get him sausage I think he'd go down He'll be loving it. He's just going to be careful because he will try and pick up the sausages from the barbecue. He's intrigued by fire. I don't think you even need to get him sausage. I think he'd go down to the butcher and be like, what do you give to dogs? He doesn't know any better. It's like, give him half my burger. I don't know. He'll be jazzed.

I guess initially, to be honest, at this point, I'd probably just be like, right. Hey, there's today, tonight Tonight or what's the other one? Today Tonight and Carnivore. Do they still pay for stories? Man finds caveman in whole dog for body. No, in whole dog for wood. Yeah, of course, of course. Local shark killer.

Remember that man who killed that shark? Well, now he's found a caveman. He's doing all kinds of things. How do you keep him away from scientists? Well, why would I? Fair enough. Dave's worried that they're going to cut him up. Well, that's Dave's problem, not my problem.

Why would they cut up a man? Well, they want to know if his guts was different. Yeah, he'll be fine when he dies. Well, they do when he dies. People are going to just go and also slaughter him. No, because I want to know what's in his stomach. What do you mean? Well, because sometimes when they find an old corpse from history. Like Otzi.

Yeah, like Otzi the snowman. Yeah. They cut them open to see what the last thing they ate was because that gives us a lot of information about how they lived and he just unfroze

yeah we fed him but also fuck the daughter well he's gonna take a shit we gotta get him quick I guess we collect

the shit he'll take I reckon he'll take a horrible nasty black shit of course yeah because it's been in there

for thousands and thousands of years. Well, yeah. Okay, if I called up a scientist. Who do you call? Damo? Okay, Damo from the Scaredy Boys. Friend of the show and on Scaredy Boys. And also a podcast you can listen to and subscribe right now.

Just search for Scaredy Boys wherever you find podcasts. I call him up here. Yeah, the new episodes every Friday. So on Twitter, follow them at Scaredy Boys, I'm pretty sure. Three Scared Boys, I believe. Three Scared Boys and message them and be like, hey, if the Plumbing Boys found a caveman, would you be able to help?

Head to the Scaredy Boys Patreon. You pay them $5 a month to become a Scaredy Boy or the other tier that I can't remember. And then you message them. Hey, great show. Hey, Damo. If the Plumbing the Nest Hub boys called you and said they have a caveman, would you help? Would you be able to... Or would you cut up the caveman, Damo?

Or would you just hang up? Those are your three choices. I don't need this today. Yeah. Would a caveman, would a scientist pay for a cave? No. You donate it to science. But also, it might not belong to you.

Because isn't there, it's like finding treasure. I'm fairly certain in some parts of the world. I have heard that. In these days. Well, you may end up then in a 10 to 2 situation. You have to take Link to court and prove that he has the same rights as us. Despite being a K, he's a Cro-Magnon. He's a different species.

Whoa! That's complicated. He's not a person. Are you going to have to take him to court to prove he's better than an animal? I don't know, but it does sound like I'm on the opposite. It does. Well, again...

He's no better than a dog! That's why I've been feeding him dog food He loves it He's very sick, Mr. Bailey I don't think you're hearing me, Mr. Bailey Double Russians I hear You should take him to the doctor and feed him food

Take him to the vet to get him a science approvedapproved kibble. Got it. Yeah, done. That's good for his coat. Thank you, Your Honor. Yeah, but you could probably sell him to a scientist. I reckon.

Sure, you're a university or something. You wouldn't be able to sell it. Because he's a guy. He's a guy. Because otherwise, if science bought shit, you wouldn't donate your body to science. You'd sell your body to science. What about today, tonight, or a current affair? You could probably do that.

You could probably be... Because even if... Or... Okay, how about this? How about this? It depends. Is the angle of the story going to be, I found a caveman and he refuses to get a job

so the taxpayers have this burden? Or that he's mishandling your groceries in some capacity. Or maybe he's evicted a senior citizen out of a retirement home. Would you describe him as a bad neighbor or a neighbor from hell? He actually is a neighbor from hell. He's a roommate from hell. How is this the poor's fault? Yeah, exactly.

You've got to figure that out. Well, he's leeching off you. You're paying for his food. You're paying for his dog food. And vet visits. This caveman I found won't leave me alone. Yeah, there you go. You're paying for his food. You're paying for his dog food. And vet visits. This caveman I found won't leave me alone. Yeah, there you go. You're in.

Could I, instead of that, perhaps go on, I guess, a coming of age as a 36-year-old man, a coming of age adventure with Link, so that I can maybe do a terrible TED Talk about my adventures with Link. Where would you go? Where would you go for your coming of age adventure? I want to say a water park. Oh, okay. That's fair.

He loved the roller coaster. Yeah, only because of the roller coaster and the way, way back. And I think a water park is actually smart because I don't think there'll be anything there that would kill him instantly from shock. He will drink a lot of chlorinated water and piss and shit. We won't be good. I have a better idea. He'll get dysentery, yes. Boys, boys, boys, boys.

There's a place in Australia. A magical place in Australia. Where the sun's always shining. And there is three different parts. Maybe park multi-pass, baby. Three park multipass, baby. The three-park superpass, baby.

Three-park superpass. So we get in a car. I'm like, Link. Drive. He can't get on a plane. Yeah. He doesn't have a passport, idiot. That's true.

Not just that. Just Link. How's he meant to travel interstate without a passport? No. Putting Link on a plane. He's a caveman. Caveman aren't meant to be in the passport. No, putting Link on a plane, he's a caveman. Cavemen aren't meant to be in the sky.

Exactly. Caveman behind the wheels of a car is frightening enough. Yeah, that's true. I don't want him to like, you know, freak out that we're taking off.

Yeah, man, he doesn't have a passport. He doesn't have a passport. He left it at home. Yeah, he's not leaving his... But they check him at the border.

He will cause a nuisance going through security. Yeah, exactly. No, fair enough. He drives the Gold Coast. Oh, no, the Gold Coast. Again, nuisance going through security. Yeah, exactly. No, fair enough. So you drive to the Gold Coast. On to the Gold Coast. Again, we're going to have a beautiful road trip. That's like a two-day drive.

Yeah, maybe three. Stay in a hotel somewhere nice. See the big banana. Go to Sydney. See Joe in the Opera House. He's going to get stressed by the big banana. Oh, I know. Bananas were not that big in his time.

Yeah, he's going to think that he got small somehow, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. Then I'm going to be like, we all got small. You're right, Link. This banana is from your time, Link. Everyone's small now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you take him to the three.

You take him to. While we're driving, I'm going to load up a ton of Sesame Street on my phone so he can learn to speak. Yeah, nice. Going to leave that to Elmo and the gang. He speaks like Elmo in the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That's the way to look. Yeah, nice. Gonna leave that to Elmo and the gang. He speaks like Elmo in the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That's the way to look.

Hanada's got bigger. Yeah, they did, Link. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They did, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if I'd call him Link either. What would you call him? Yeah, that's a good name.

What are we calling him? Fire Caveman? I think I'd just call him Da Caveman. Yeah, I'd honestly be like, Caveman. I don't think I've named him. What do you think? He set my house on fire him Da Caveman Yeah I'd honestly be like Caveman What do you think He set my house Our house on fire

Johnny Caveman Johnny Caveman Johnny Caveman Is absolutely something Alright okay We'll do it by syllable Johnny Caveman

Johnny Caveman Johnny Caveman Sorted Phew That was easy Thank goodness we were all On the same page So yeah Taking Johnny Caveman Johnny Caveman sorted phew that was easy thank goodness we were all on the same page so yeah

taking Johnny Caveman I guess my boys yeah we'll come too I'd love to go to the Gold Coast Warner Brothers movie world Wet n Wild water world dream world

not part of the three park super parks fuck damn dream world's the one that doesn't count you gotta take him to sea world

yeah see the sad sea animals let that dolphin out yeah see this see this motherfucking orca that doesn't count. You gotta take him to Sea World. See the sad sea animals. Let that dolphin out. See this? See this motherfucking orca? It's sad.

It will kill its trainer. It will. Like, sad. He's like, why'd you take me here? Because he still sounds like a wolf. Yeah. Or would he be impressed that we managed to, like,

Well, yeah, true. He might try and eat it. He might be like, oh, a farm. Yeah. No! No, Johnny Caveman. I'm so sorry about Johnny Caveman eating the orca at SeaWorld. And then, yeah, have a wonderful time.

It was like a good bonding experience. Yeah. We get to learn a lot about each other. I get to learn about him. He gets to learn about me. And maybe I get to hear his life story. Yeah. Now we're going to pivot to some fiction, I reckon.

Maybe I'll write a fake autobiography from Johnny Caveman and try and sell that. You could do a My Octopus Teacher style Netflix documentary, My Caveman Adventures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny Caveman My Stories. Yeah, yeah. Oh, so you're still pretending to be Johnny Caveman. No, no, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny caveman my stories. Yeah, yeah. Oh, so you're still pretending to be Johnny caveman. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that's a pretty good way to do it. Yeah, yeah. And sell it to Netflix and try and get a movie deal. The caveman king. The caveman king. Yeah, you know. Yeah. I was thinking if we found one guy, there's got to be heaps more stuff down there.

That happens in the movie. So you're right. We'd find his wife. Johnny Cave Woman. Yeah, very quick. And then I keep digging. What if there's a mammoth down there or like some velociraptors? What would you do with any of those things?

I just want to see them. This is personal gain all the way down. Is that my take on Johnny Caveman off the movie world? Does he Donald Duck? No, Daffy. I'm digging the hole. I'm like, Dusha, he vowed Johnny Cavewoman. Dusha, he vowed a mammoth.

I'm really strong. Johnny Cave Elephant. Johnny Cave Elephant. Johnny Cave Velociraptor. Whoa. And they melt. And I get to see them. And that Elephant. Johnny Cave Velociraptor. Whoa. Then they melt, and I get to see them, and that's awesome. Then they melt. We're like, ah, Johnny Cave Woman, we met your husband, Johnny Cave Man.

He's gone now. He's gone to the Gold Coast. Don't worry. Don't be scared of the mammoth or the raptor. He can drive you. I'm Thor a mammoth. That's great. You're greasy.

Yuck. Now it's you alone with the mammoth, and then you alone with the mammoth and raptor. Well, hopefully the raptors go for the mammoth. Well, mammoth kills the raptor, raptor. Hmm. R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r- Who would win? Two raptors or one mammoth? Oh, there's two raptors. Yeah, there's two raptors. I think the mammoth would win. Yeah.

Yeah, the mammoth would. If two raptors were just nipping at a mammoth, though. He could crush him, dude. Yeah. And I'd just go inside and watch. But they're quick. They are quick, but they're not as big as we think they are from the movie Jurassic Park. Yeah, they're little.

They're little. That's true. Yeah, but how big is little? I think they did discover a bigger one. Yeah, they're little. They're littler. That's true. Yeah, but how big is little? I think they did discover a bigger one. Okay, they're big. So they can be the size of the ones we see in Jurassic Park. Would it come back to me when the raptors inevitably got loose and attacked the town? Got back to you as in like you're the reason or as in the raptors will hunt you down?

Because I got an answer to both of those. Time to kill that man who took us out of that hole. I know. That's right. Raptors are smart if Jurassic Park has taught me anything. If anything, the raptors might look at you, they might imprint on you like a mother duck. Oh, that's cool.

There you go, baby raptors. I'd dress them up like kids. Yeah. Then it will come back to you. Hey, I got bit by that raptor that's dressed like that man's kid. Those raptors ate my dog. Well, don't blame me. I didn't tell them to.

Did you tell them not to? I didn't know they were doing it. I didn't think they were feasting on a woolly mammoth cock. I don't think they'd listen to me if I told them, to be honest, dude. Sorry about your dog. I don't tell them. You sure you're sorry? Well, it's sort of maybe your fault for letting the dog play around in the front yard when there's raptors about.

That's all I'm thinking. Anyway, I'm going to keep digging in my hole. I found heaps of cool stuff. How many people? Because presumably what's happened is a glacier has collected a bunch of bodies, right? Well, it's at the start of the movie. Yeah, so how many people am I getting? Well, it's two. You see it at the start of the movie. Yeah, so how many people am I getting? Well, it's two.

You see it at the start of the movie. Yeah, two people. So I'm just finding Johnny Cave Woman. There's nothing else down there? Yeah, there's nothing else. No other animals. There's no woolly mammoth. There's no raptors, unfortunately.

Or fortunately, at this point. I'm going to be very disappointed when it's only Johnny. I'm going to keep digging, I guess. Well, no, you find Johnny Cave Man. Then you get excited being like, what other cool shit? And then you find a second person. But that's bad. That makes me think there's going to be heaps of people down there.

If I find another one. Maybe. I'm going to start a strip line. Yeah, it depends on their tribe. If they were part of a larger whole. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll ask Johnny Cavewoman if Zama's taking Johnny Caveman off to the park. And all right.

How do you expect this conversation to go with Johnny Cavewoman? Johnny Cavewoman. Johnny Cave Woman! Where's the rest of the cave people? Huff! Ugh! Ugh! I gotta teach her English,

I guess. And she screams at you. Yeah. Ah! I'll just keep digging. She can do her own thing. She's off. Yeah, she's off.

She can go to town. Scuttering down the street. That's fine. That's of no concern to me. Scuttering down the street, fighting garbage trucks. Yeah, it's of no concern to me. Scuttering down the street, fighting garbage trucks. Yeah, it's of no bother to me. She can do what she likes.

I'll get digging. I'll take out a loan. I'll build a strip mine. We're going to get down and find what's down here. What money are you using to build the strip mine? That's what the loan's for. Fair enough. Got you covered.

I'm on top of it. Don't you worry. And then... I've got a company now. Jackson's Digs. So you put all this money into Jackson's Digs, which entire purpose is to... We found two alive cave people in this hole. You don't think there's going to be more?

Okay, so money in is zero. Money out, a lot. Yeah, so you found a cave woman. We found a cave man. Look, I'm planning the trip, and you keep digging, and there's Johnny Cave Woman. I'm like, oh, we've got to get a bigger car. So at this point, you've got two cave people.

Yeah. And you're like, don't worry about it. I'm going to keep digging. There's got to be more. Yeah, but and? To what end? Where's the profit? Hey, Jackson, that hole.

The one you found Johnny Cave Man and Johnny Cave Woman. Where is it? In our backyard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what?

The earth? Yeah. No, no, no. In your backyard. Yeah, perfect. Nailed it. And you're putting in a strip mine. Oh, just dig down.

Big drill. Yeah. So a big drill. You don't think that maybe that will be- We'll excavate it bit by bit. Yeah. So you're going to have to purchase people's homes. Oh, just do it in our backyard.

A big square. Yeah. But I'm just curious. We've already gotten two of the things you're like, imagine having anything in the bedroom. Yeah. We've already gotten two. Yeah.

But you're not doing anything with them. No. So what- Well, I think in many ways- If you've gotten two things you're like, imagine having anything in a bed. Yeah. You've already gotten two, but you're not doing anything with them. No. So what? Well, I think in many ways... If you've gotten two things, why do you think... And you've done no things. So, not even that. If you have two things and you think there might be, say, five more things down there, so seven things, how are you

making money? Well, I think this is personal gain. And I also think maybe it's my moral imperative to free this caveman. Your moral imperative? Well, I think if I know this caveman down there that could be alive but are currently in a sort of frozen state, maybe I have to

dig these people out. You know what I might do? I might freeze myself. Okay. Go back to... No? Go back and down. JD, because you... Go back into... JD, do you know how time works? Yeah, if you get cold, you go backwards, hot forwards. He's not wrong.

That's why we threw people in volcanoes back in the day, so they could go to the future and see what was happening. Yeah, but maybe if I know that this works, I'll just freeze myself and be woken up in future times. What is the... Personal profit. Benefit. He's having a good time.

He gets to see the future. I get to see the future. That's true. Catch up on all those cartoons I would have missed. It would be crazy to just like drop down 30 years from now.

Well, I don't know why I'm saying 30 years from now. If you freeze yourself, it'll be... Well, you go, but I think... Bury me at seal. What does he want?

Where is he going? Okay, he froze himself, and now he's asking to be put in the sea. Salt water melts ice. Okay, he's gonna drown, I suppose. Interesting decision. He came back to see how the future changed, and he only saw ocean. It's very wet in the future. Oh no, I've woken up in water world!

I think you've gotta be really careful, though, with freezing yourself because I think there's got to be a point beyond which the world's going to be a blasted hellscape. So you've got to really thread the needle to find the right time to come back. Well, that's not up to me though, is it? Well, no. You might unfreeze when the sun

gets so hot. Boils the planet. And it'll boil the planet, which is cool because you'll still be underground, but the earth will get so hot it'll melt you, so you'll go back to life.

Crushed. There'll be enough time for you to realize your situation. Why is the ground so hot? Why am I covered in dirt? Meanwhile, back in the past, we're like, I'm so jealous of the flying cars.

He's going to drive. He's going to have the sickest time. He's going to meet an alien and a robot. Man. He'll probably finger an alien and a robot. Man. Play the Nintendo 76. Yeah.

I'm having sweet dreams of playing a Nintendo 76 with my mouth getting fingered by a robot and I'm fingering an alien. Yeah. Then I die. I can't wait to wake up and have this dream be my life. My mouth's full of dirt! What's happening?

Is this a side effect of the robot fingering? No! Oh man, those boys had it right. I should never have frozen myself. Yeah. It's myself. Yeah. It's true. Yeah, that's fair.

It's too much of a crapshoot. Yeah. If any listeners out there are thinking about freezing themselves because they want to experience the future, don't do it. Well, don't do it in the way Zama did. Yeah. Which was getting buried at sea. Well, because...

If you're going in a facility... Soil. Yeah. It freezes colder. That's what I'm thinking. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that with cryogenic freezing,

I think I heard this somewhere. This is a thing I think is a thing. I love what a thing you think is a thing comes up. This is good stuff for me. Welcome to Jackson's famous segment. Here's a thing I think about a thing that comes up. This is good stuff for me. Welcome to Jackson's famous segment. Here's a thing I think about a thing. So I think if you can't afford full

freezing, they'll just freeze bits of you. Like just the head? Yeah, like the head. Like Walt Disney? That's the thing that happened with the cryogenic companies where they were like, if you can't afford the full thing, we'll just do the head. Yeah, we'll freeze you at point A. Or just the torso.

Or whatever. Kate, can you just freeze just my nuts? Surely it's just that. If this thing is like a thing you think it is. I feel like it was like arms. So cut your arms and legs and head off and just freeze your torso. That's what you're imagining. I'm like, okay. In addition to your head.

In addition. So not torso standalone, it's head and torso. No, but separate. What do you mean separate? So like in one jar is your torso. Why? In another jar is your head. It's cheaper.

Show that's more expensive because it's two tubes. Or maybe it's just your torso. With your head. It's cheaper? Shoy, that's more expensive because it's two tubes. Or maybe it's just your torso. With your head. No. I want my tits to see the future. I don't know. That's why I said it's a thing I think is a thing. I don't think this thing you think is a thing is a thing.

Yeah, I think this thing you think is a thing is not a thing. I think the thing you think is a thing might just be your head and maybe you're thinking of Futurama No, we're poorly sure also guess. Oh Paulie sure that's good stuff. Yeah Well, yeah, all my ideas went to shit Yeah, I Think like me me and Johnny caveman

We're gonna team up and I going to take him immediately to stunt school because he has no fears of being hurt. Yeah. And also seems to be good at doing fucked up tricks. That's true. Maybe I can amend him to you, J.J. Wrestling. Oh.

Nah, because. He seems to love it. He does like wrestling, but he might snap someone's neck. But in the movie, because he's very much not a fighter at first. He gets punched in the head and he's like, I don't fight. He doesn't say that because he's a caveman who doesn't talk. He's a caveman, he just grunts, yeah. And then they show him wrestling to be like, no, you've got to defend yourself.

And he likes it, but I get the feeling because he thinks wrestling's real. Yeah. Would that be a risk with stunt work? Yeah, well, that doesn't matter because he's still doing the stunts for real. Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, make him crash the car or whatever. Don't. Because he's a natural.

He's a natural driving a car fucked up. Yeah, that's true. He drives that car so fucked up. He fucks up driving that car big time. He fucked it up so bad that it was great. Yeah, it was on two wheels. And he doesn't know what money is, so his salary, I can't. Yeah.

He's non-union, obviously. Non-union. He's I get. Yeah. He's non-union, obviously. Non-union. He's the agent. Yeah. Cash goes to you. I look after him. I use the money. It's like if he's a child star.

Yeah. I get all the money. I just look after him. I take most of the money. He gets him addicted to drugs or whatever. He gets dental or whatever. And he would love cocaine. He would love cocaine. He would love cocaine.

He becomes a real problem for you to manage. Because, I mean, Link now, sorry, Johnny Caveman now, hard to control. Johnny Caveman on coke? Are you kidding me? I just let him go at that point, I reckon. You've already made your millions. Yeah. Millions as a stunt worker.

Yeah. But yeah, I think he's got the looks. He's got the charm. He's got the charm. He's got the lack of brains. It's exactly what the industry needs. He could get hit by a car and survive. Yeah. Or like not be scared about it.

Do you think though, cause like, so if you're a stunt person, you get hit by a car. Yeah. You actually are getting hit by a car where you have the training to dodge or to roll with the car so but johnny caveman has no training yeah so when he does this there's a caveman sense though i'm telling you now if i drove a car to back in time and i drove into a caveman

it would not avoid it i would run that caveman down. I'm telling you right now, that's a dead-end shot caveman. That caveman is already going, Boom! Get out of the way, caveman! I'm coming in hot! As Link was trying to fight a garbage

truck with just his bare fists, that will happen. Boo! Huh? Fist raised, bang! Collected. You go up to the manager of the shoot,

do I still get paid? Your client is dead. At least he had health insurance. Yeah, absolutely he had health insurance. And, oh, wrongful death, a big payout. Yeah! Is it a wrongful death if a big fail. Yeah. Is it a wrongful death if the stunt person fights the car? Yeah.

It's not what was meant to happen, so it's pretty wrong. I guess. I suppose. It's just not the traditional wrong. I guess. It's a wrongful death and then it's an unfortunate accident, really. An untraditional wrongful death. Did the harness break or something? No.

His brain broke in many ways. Did you tell your client to roll over the top of the car? I seem like you were just smoking for most of the shoot. Yeah. That's how we communicate he seemed really confused no it's just really sad anyway i have to go now i said your friend and client is dead oh he was more quiet yeah um can you do me a favor when you're uh wrapping up the body,

if you just want to drop it off at my old house, I got a hole right in front of it. It's what he would have wanted. I need to call the car. No, no. A cop? Don't worry. Don't worry about that.

As long as we can sort out the wrongful death payout, I will take care of the rest. It'll be... It's my honor to help you in such a tough situation. Yeah, don't you lift a finger. Step one of my plan. Thor Johnny Caveman. Step two, get him hit by a car.

Step three, wealth. Cash, dollar bills. That's genius. Yeah. Yeah, I think we We all used them better Than they did in the movie Yeah

Not as much grindage though Oh yeah Our stories Our theories were lacking In grindage Yeah No grindage Not sure what nugs means

So it's hard to say Or chillin' I can assume chillin' Is just Chillin' Chillin' There was a lot of chillin' Especially on your car ride

To movies Oh I hated chillin' there Yeah Not Chillin'. Chillin'. There was a lot of chillin'. Especially on your car ride to movie. Oh, I hated chillin' there. Yeah. Yeah. Not much wheezing the juice. Didn't wheeze the juice a lot. No. Again.

You wheezed the juice a bit, but not us. Yeah, wheeze the juice. I might wheeze the juice in between digging. Yeah. Go down to 7-Eleven. Well, I mean, my guy was a movie star briefly. He would have been wheezing the juice in between takes. Wheezing the juice.

That's true. That's true. Good stuff. And now everyone can stop hassling us. Encino Man is conquered. The Encino Man episode is out. I guess, really, honestly, the best thing probably to do with Johnny Caveman

is to be his friend. That's true. Oh, Harry and the Handlersons him, which they almost do in the movie. Yeah, that's true. He's a good friend. He's a good guy. Oh, be his friend. I thought you said not be his friend. That's not the movie. Yeah, that's true. He's a good friend. He's a good guy. Oh, be his friend. I should not be his friend. That's not the lesson I got.

But okay. I was too busy thinking about how he died. Yeah. In mind. He's too busy to be like, get out of here. Onto that highway. We don't want you anymore. We don't want you anymore.

Go, go, go. Oh, my God. Oh, no. He died. He wasn't ready for trucks. Thankfully, he signed my life insurance or whatever. I think we were common law married. I don't know.

Either way. I get half his stuff. I don't know. I got a couple of rocks, I guess. It pays out a lot, you say, I think. I'm just greased how I grease. Yeah, exactly. My greasy husband's dead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Untraditional wrongful death. Yeah, that's the way to do it. Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah. Untraditional wrongful death. Yeah, that's the way to do it. Yeah. Yeah, no, but I think, yeah, just be arrogant, honestly. Just be his friend. Just be friends with him. Chillage.

Just have some chillage with him. Exactly. No need to be crusty. No need to be crusty. No, no, no, no, no. See, that's personal gain. That's profit because that's a friend you're going to have forever. Yeah.

Except he'll get sick and die because he's a caveman. Oh, yeah, yeah, dude. He's going to get the flu like that, and I'm going to get some caveman disease for all that making out I assume we need. Yeah, yeah. Plus, any time he eats processed meat. Breathing might be bad for him, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Especially when it introduces him to smoking oh yeah that's gonna give him problems yeah yeah yeah wouldn't have intolerance to alcohol I don't think no not at all the alcohol I give him is also gonna fuck him up so when he gets hit by the car he mightn't die

he might not feel it he might not die because he's been dead for three days yeah it's entirely possible we will kill Johnny Dave man this he's been dead for three days. It's entirely possible. We might kill Johnny Dave, man. This man's been dead for three days. He was just fueled by methamphetamines and cigarettes. Yeah.

I'm donating his body to movies. You can keep using it. Yeah, do what you like, man. Thank you, sir. We're good. I'll be seeing you. No, no, no. Thank you.

Bye-bye. He was a dear friend of mine, and it's truly a privilege that he's going to continue to be in the movies. You're welcome. Thank you so much. They're going to make Weekend at Bernie's 3 out of necessity. Caveman at Bernie's.

And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I will soon be Joel. Yeah, hey, everyone. It's a great episode, I reckon been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I will say me, Joel. Yeah, hey, everyone. It's a great episode, I reckon. See you around, buddy. Yep. Yep.

Yeah.