Plumbing the Death Star - How Would You Use the Blue Beetle Powers?

Episode Date: November 26, 2023

Some of us saw Blue Beetle, some of us didn’t see Blue Beetle. Either way, we’re here to tell you that Susan Sarandon is a baddie. Susan, if you’re listening, please respond to Jackson re: horny like a cartoon wolf. We’re sure the moment you see him smack his own head with Zammit’s shoe, you may reconsider your stance on gross little goblin men, just like he’s reconsidering his stance on gilfs! Here is a list of reasons we think you and Jackson would make the perfect fit1. You starred in James and the Giant Peach and a movie about Lorenzo’s Oil. Jackson LOVES peaches, being little and is slippery like oil2. You’ve both called the Pope a nazi3. You own a New York Ping Pong Club and Jackson can fit at least 4 (maybe more by the time of release!) ping pong balls in his personIf that interests you Susan, you know where to find him. Love and kisses, forever and always, your boys.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. So everybody's seen Blue Beetle, by which I mean I haven't.

Well, yeah. Not many people have seen Blue Beetle. Well, fair enough. This room is probably in the minority of the world because two out of three people in this room, 66.66666 recurring percents have seen Blue Beetle. Absolutely. I'm not happy I saw it.

I wish I didn't see it, but here we are. Our boy Jaime's got a bug on his back and it's fucked him up. He's in trouble. I thought it was well-received. It's well-received by people who like comic book movies Like us

We're huge comic book guys The Avengers Batman I love Darth Vader Darth Vader X-Men Strangers in Paradise Mystery Bible

Wonder Woman Bone Dude Where's My Car We love it all Wonder Woman Bone Jeff Smith's Bone Dude Where's My Car all great we love it all the contract with God trilogy

and if you're listening to this in the audio thing audio cocks we're pointing stuff out that's on the set okay so you gotta watch it if you want this extra

over there lovely drawing Ethan did of us that's true who dares wins? The board game. A picture of a smoking rat. Someone, I don't know, it was in that PO box.

I don't know. They also said, I don't know if I made this part up about the smoking rat. In the set behind us, there's a smoking rat drawing somebody sent us. Now, I remember you saying, Zambit, that it came with a note where they were like, thank you for supporting my craft. Yeah, thank you for supporting

small businesses, basically. What? Did we buy the smoking rat accidentally? And it was addressed to you. It was. What did you do? In the fugue state, I guess. Smoking rat. I imagine

you were having A tired day It was probably hot outside You probably had your Belly on some cool tires Yes yes And then you were just Scrolling through

Facebook or something Yeah I'm there You got a suggested ad For a smoking rat You went Ooh Smoking rat

Awesome rats You googled Lying there prone Neck of the one of these ones Scrolling through That is an awesome rat I want that rat Buy that rat Rats, you Googled. Lying there prone, neck of the one of these ones, scrolling through. That is an awesome rat. I want that rat. Buy that rat.

And then here it is. Honey, did I buy a smoking rat painting? So, Blue Beetle. Yes. The plot of the movie is- Jaime's back from Gotham City where he went to university. Yeah, exactly. Was he in the- No, that was Nolanverse.

Did he see the football field that fell in whole? No, wrong universe. Nice try. If he watched The Dark Knight on television, he might have. Dark Knight Rises, sorry. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. I'm embarrassed for you, so I'm pushing ahead.

So he gets – he tries to get a job at Korg Industries, okay? Yeah, it is Korg. Yeah, Korg Industries. No,. Okay. Yeah, it is Korg. Yeah, Korg Industries. No, Kord. Kord. Not Korg. Like K-O-R-D. Yeah, because Korg is the guy from Thor.

Korg. And if he was related to the Kord family, his name would be Korg Kord. Fucking hell, Thor. It's me, the rock man. Oh, piss. That is what he says in the movie. Anyway, so then our good friend, he gets a package that he's got to look after.

It's not really a job, but they're like, look after this package. Well, no. What happens is- Is that a job? Jackson's glossed over a couple of things, but basically- It's important. It's a bit important. Let's see if it is important.

Okay. All right. So, Jaime meets a person that, Ted Kord's daughter. Yeah. Jenny? Jennifer. Sure. Let's call her the J-Dog.

Yeah, J-Dog. J-Dog Kord. Kord. Yeah. Meets her when he's a cleaner. Yeah. She's getting absolutely chewed out by the CEO of Kord, which is her aunt. Major babe Susan Sarandon.

Yeah. She's a hottie. She's so attractive. It's crazy, dude. Wow. Yeah. Va-va-voom. I'm losing my mind over here.

A wuga grabbing your shoe, hitting your head. Yeah, dude. That's crazy because off mic, you were like, I'm over gilfs. I did say that. We were having a conversation in the kitchen vis-a-vis my position on Gilfs. But actually thinking about it, Susan Sarandon, she's Gilfing it.

Maybe I've got to reconsider my position on Gilfs. To fill everyone in entirely, Jackson was like, yeah, unfortunately I don't like a lot of things that go against my brand. Like stuff you would imagine I would like. So things that me loving would be on brand, but unfortunately I don't like them. Eggs, jelly. You said eggs, jelly, and then pickled onions. Yeah.

And then you were like gilfs. Yeah, because I mean, I seem like a gilf guy. I think I have gilf guy energy. Well, yeah, if Susan's coming to knocking. Dude, I am opening the door. Come on in, Susan. Take a seat. Va va voom.

Va va voom. I really wish I could take off my shoe and hit myself in the head with it. It's killing me. Yeah, give me your shoe. I'll hit myself in the head with it like a horny cartoon wolf. Here you go. Here is my... Oh, my Lord.

Yeah, that's good. That felt awesome. I hope Susan sees this, man. Yeah, she's like, yeah, me too, dude. That guy's horny like a cartoon wolf for me. I've got to track that guy down. Wow. What a compliment, though, for somebody to be horny like a cartoon wolf for me I gotta track that guy down Wow What a compliment though For somebody to be horny like a cartoon wolf

Like tongue rolling down You know onto the table That man is so attractive to me That they are just Just throwing the laws of physics At the fucking window You're so horny That you need to hit your head

To calm yourself down Cause your brain's fizzing with sex hormones. Too hot. Too hot and full of cum. Too much sexual energy irradiating from you. You've got to whack it out of your head with a shoe. Yeah. That is awesome.

That's me with Susan Sarandon. Yeah, surely she uses YouTube and could come across this. I think it's possible. I think her people might. Yeah. She might get a memo on her desk. Susan, there's a guy who's horny like a cartoon. R-E, horny like a cartoon wolf.

For you. For you, and then a link. Horny like a cartoon dog. Not even a wolf. Horny like a cartoon dog is bad. That's a bad kind of horny. Cartoon wolf is whacking himself in the head with a shoe. Cartoon dog's humping your lap.

Yes. I'm both. Yeah. I'm both. Susan's surrounded. I'm both. There's the self-introspection there. I saw you go to the Jackson-shaped hole in your head and went,

Ah, shit, I'm both. That's me. That's me. Damn it. Anyway, Jaime meets J-Cord when Susan Sarandon-Cord is screaming at him. Jaime breaks it up. Yep. Damn you, niece. You're no good.

Yeah, exactly. And then, because of that niece is like come see me at work tomorrow I can give you a job at court because you showed her back

burn you interject you seem like a good person so that part not that important but this next part the Jackson Gloss what job does

JK have J Cord have I think she's just kind of nebulously because she's family she just nebulously, because she's family, she just nebulously works there as management. So it's a nepo company. Yeah, yeah.

It's a plot point. That's the reason Susan Sarandon's bad. So Susan Sarandon started the company with her dad and Ted was just like floating around Grand Korg

Grand Korg and Susan Kord started the company and it was like a weapons-y kind of thing and Ted was just interested in inventions because Ted Kord, he's the regular Blue Beetle Blue Beetle 2

the one who didn't. He couldn't hook into the. He couldn't honk. To use the parlance. Yes. Into the Blue Beetle. Yes. So instead he just made gadgets that were Blue Beetle themed.

His Blue Beetle. Batman basically. Okay. So who's Blue Beetle Un? That's a guy. Grant something? Yeah. Who got honked into the Blue Beetle.

Okay. And then we don't know what happened to him. And that's in the movies? Or is that in the comics? It's canon. But you don't see him in the movies. And that's in the movies? It's canon, but you don't see him in the movies. Right, right, right.

He's dead. I think so, yeah. Alright, rest in peace, Blue Beetle. Yeah, so Jaime rolls in to Kord the next day, tries to go have a meeting, but at the same time,

Ted's daughter, Kord, who Jaime's meant to be having a meeting with, runs out of the building and is like, I can't see you right now. Look, if you want a job, your one job's this. Take care of this box. Don't open it.

Don't touch it. Would we open that box? Yeah, me too. I'd open it right then and there. Did she say don't open it? She's like, don't open it. Don't look at it. Protect it with your life. Of course I would. Wait.

What's in it, though? How attracted am I to Lady Korg? Yeah, she's like don't open it. Don't look at it. Protect it with your life. Of course. I will wait on How attracted am I to lady Korg? I don't know if you're hitting yourself in the head like a cartoon wolf, but you you know, she's I mean I mean That is also a plot point am I currently single yeah, yeah Mingle and ready to mingle how long it been? What's the dry spell? It's been about five years. Fuck, I am not opening that box. Yeah.

It's been five years. You've had some tough times. I think the problem would be. My horny brain's kicking off. I am the cartoon wolf. And I'm hitting myself with not opening that box. That's fair. That's fair. I think the moment that says protect it with your life.

I'm protecting it with my life. I would be scared that opening it could end my life. That is fair, actually. But I would. I might not open it, but I might rattle it around. I might do maybe, yeah, you'd rattle around and be like kind of what you used to do, you know, in Christmas time when it was like, oh, look, a little corner's coming undone. Oh, my God.

Oh, no, the corner's a bit open. Oh, no, the whole thing came apart. Oh, no, it's coming undone. Oh, my God. Oh, the corner's a bit open. Oh, no, the whole thing came apart. Oh, no, it's an Nintendo 64. Oh, no, I can fit one figure in. Oh, and a second. Oh, it's just opening it up, and I'm just having a peek. Mom, I don't know what happened. The rats got out of it all.

It has to be the rat or something. Now that it's open, I better play Mario Kart 64. Yeah, Mom, the Grinch rats opened my present, but don't worry. I've saved Christmas by setting up Mario Kart 64. Yeah, Mom, the Grinch Rats opened my present, but don't worry. I've saved Christmas by setting up the Nintendo 64 you got me. Come watch me play Banjo-Kazooie. I'm so good at it. So, yeah.

Yeah, if I think there would be a chance of Mac and Al with this lady, I probably would do my best behavior to not open said thing and protect it. But I am a curious person. See here, as an outsider, I think what happens is, Zamit, you do open it because you would need to know. Jackson, provided that you survive the five minute window of putting the

box down, you will not open it because you will forget about it. Here's the problem though. Do I manage to get it out of the building before putting it down? Oh no, I better protect this with my life. I better put this box down to do up my shoes. Oh, a sandwich would be

good. Where's a nearest sandwich? It's funny because the place is getting into lockdown. Where's the nearest sandwich in this factory or what? I was getting locked down, but is the cafeteria still open? But if I want a sandwich, so importantly, the box is a hamburger box, like from a takeaway hamburger place.

So I'm going to put it down, tie up my shirt and be like, I can get my hamburger and then look and be like, whoa! Today's like the luckiest day of my life. So Shep, I'm just going straight to Macca's.

I'm like handing it in. No, I'm like, I will protect this. I'll go with burger though. Yeah, that's fair. Burger first, then we are protecting, well, we're still protecting the life. You are in a tricky situation.

I am definitely going to get a burger. Well, you might get confused as to which one has the blue beetle in it and which one has the hamburger in it. Yeah, well, then I'm up. Yeah. Time to take a nice bite out of my burger. Blue beetle. So, in the drive-thru. Yeah, you're in the drive-thru.

I'm still in the factory. Yeah. Okay, so, yeah, I guess. Sothru I'm still in the factory Yeah Okay, so yeah, I guess So what happens when you open the box? Okay, so Is it like a zipper thing? No, it's literally It's literally like a

Cardboard box I imagine like a donut Like a Krispy Kreme donut box Yeah And it's just loose in there With some chips So I might think it's the burger I would just have ordered

Burgers look weird now They look like Blue Beetle. Clang. Is this one of them Blue Beetle promotions? Tying for the movie Blue Beetle? Wait, what do you mean I'm in the movie Blue Beetle? Would you open it, JD? You know what?

If it was in like a secure box, no. But knowing that I could probably sneak a peek and there would be no consequences oh and the fact that it gets handed to me in a rough manner makes me think okay it's not fragile yeah not so or like yeah whatever's in there's not so precious when would you open it probably wait till i get home okay fair enough so exactly what happens except my family wouldn't be involved yeah basically what happens in the movie you go home and he's like they're like how was work and he was like that was crazy uh i don't know go home and he's like, they're like, how was work? And he was like, that was crazy.

I don't know. I just have to protect this. And they're like, what's inside? And he was like, I was told not to open it. And then the family take it off him and they're like, open the box. It's the blue friggin' middle. What the fuck?

Yeah. Okay. Well, okay. So when you're- And then they all take turns touching it and then Jaime touches it and it jumps on his face. And then they keep making jokes and it goes into his asshole. Yeah.

Which it might. Because it does go inside him. So actually, I guess that it goes into his asshole. Yeah. Which it might. Because it does go inside him. So actually, I guess it does go in his asshole. I would think that it phases through his back. Burrows into his skin, maybe? That's where it is when you see it. Oh, that's true. Okay.

So we have to assume, for the sake of the episode, that the Blue Beetle, because it must be. Chooses us. It chooses us. Didn't choose Ted. Suck shit, Ted. It chose us. In the different, three different timelines or whatever, it chooses us. Didn't choose Ted. Suck shit, Ted. It chose us. In the three different timelines or whatever,

it chose us. Now it scans you. It goes in you. Not up the butthole, probably. It goes in you. Then it's in your back. And then it starts sending wires up into your brain to interface with you.

And then it runs through a bunch of tests. Calibrations. Well, my car's ruined, I feel. to interface with you. And then it runs through a bunch of tests. Or it flies into the sky. Well, my car's ruined, I feel. I feel this is a, you know, I'm eating like, I'm just driving. One hand with a cheeseburger. Other hand being like,

what's in that box? Open the box. What's that? Eyes off the road. Maybe I'll be, okay'll okay yeah burger in my mouth yeah hand on the steering wheel picking up the beetle

well you crash your car yeah I'm getting I got blue beetled car veering off and then I go up blue beetles so

it depends on how quick you crash your car yeah because blue beetles whole thing is that it protects the person that it's paired with. But it does go up. So it depends on where you are on the road. You better not be driving at speed.

No, it'd be after Macca's or probably around maybe suburb area. I reckon like 40k. All right. But there's roundabouts. You're still losing your car. Oh, yeah. There's a big hole that I feel in the roof now. Yeah. But there's roundabouts. You're still losing your car. Oh, yeah. There's a big hole that I feel in the roof now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you fly out into space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You literally space. Where's the, what happened? You have like a Deadpool style mask

over your face. Okay. What happened to the burger I was eating? I would imagine you broke up on exit off the planet Earth.

I don't think the burger, unless, unless the desire for the Blue Beetle to protect you extends to the hamburger. Then it's in case it jumps on his face, right? Yeah. But then it crawls onto his back. Oh, it crawls onto... Okay, it would have smashed my burger.

I had a burger on my face. It's like a burger juice everywhere. A bit of tomato sauce dripping down my face. Or like coming out of the suit's fabric or something. What do you think going to space would do to you? He does it so quick that I don't think that would

be... Obviously the trauma of everything else that happened. I think the fact that you were in space for a couple of moments doesn't actually register. It does seem quite painful too to become the Bluebeard. I'm thinking my car about, like, to be honest, that's the first thing. I'm thinking of two things. One, my lunch.

And two, my car. And, like, I can't process anything else right now. This seems too much for me. The Bluebeard of Javago, your face. My lunch! My car! In his face, looking down. My car!

And then my car. And then looking into the horizon and being like, oh. I'm in space. Because then you rock it back down to Earth. That's the infinite nothing. Oh, no. Oh, no. Where's my car, though? Then.

Licking up a bit of sauce on my lip, yeah. The blue beetle lands, and a bus nearly hits him. But his wings come out, and they kind of bisect the bus to protect him, because you can't, well, you're a blue beetle. The suit will try and protect you from death. Thank God, okay. I think I would be too freaked out.

I'm stunned, like a stunned mullet. Yeah, yeah. I'm just in the middle of the road being like, ah! That's pretty much what happens in the movie. Okay. Interesting, though, that the suit does have upper limits. If it takes too much damage, it has to reboot. Yeah.

Okay. And it doesn't seem to be that much damage. No. You get punched a couple of times and you're fucked. Punched by a big guy, though. Yeah, that's true. Wings come out. It bisects a bus.

Yeah. I'm running. Okay, fair enough. I'm now fearful of maybe now I'm in trouble. Yeah. And I don't know why. I just am scared that I'm going to be fined. The public transport authority.

Yeah, I'm just scared now that my insurance doesn't cover this. So I'm just going to start hoofing it. Yeah, that's fair. Hilton Express, you're just going to run through the city. Yeah. Where are you going? You don't know wherever the bus

is going the opposite way so these are the powers of the blue beetle outfit it protects you in any way from dying to the best of its ability this can be with a shield it can be with an energy sword you can make any weapon you want so like green lantern style

it heals you it also kind of weapon you want. So like Green Lantern style. Green Lantern style. It heals you. It heals you. It also kind of fuses with your brain so you can be like take over and then the Blue Beetle suit will do stuff for you. Like if Jarvis lived in Iron Man's actual brain rather than

just in his helmet. Like if I said to Remy the rat Okay, alright. How about it? How about it, little rat man? My body is yours. My body, your body. That's a lot of responsibility for a rat.

What would a rat do with my ass? Just check out? Yeah, just turn your brain off. What happens? Am I present? You watch it happen. Like a Moan movie? Yeah, I happens? Am I present? You watch it happen. Like a Moan movie? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

You are present, and it will listen to your orders. What if I don't give it any orders? Then you'll probably just be stationary, I imagine, because it doesn't really want much in and of itself. It just wants to be bonded with you. And over time as well, it is a sentient thing. So over time, you become pals a little bit. And it kind of, it fuses with you.

So it kind of becomes like you, I think, in a way. My first thing I'd be running, and I try to, like, either deliberately or unconsciously, is run towards water. Okay. Again, water is very calming for me. I like seeing an ocean or a river. You do like the ocean, yeah, that's true. Especially in times of crisis.

It's just nice to put my feet in the water and figure out what I'm doing with my life. That's what I tend to do. I like doing that. I get it. So I guess I'm on a pier or at least on a beach. And if I can make a weapon, I'm making a fishing rod. Oh, blue beetle fishing. You're going to kill some fish.

The idea of just like a lot of yelling, cutting a boss in half, and then just running away and then just going and just throw. Oh, thank God. Okay, what's happening? Chaos happening behind you. Just like, yeah. Put it in my little toes into the water. Then the little voice may have been like, I can make any weapon you want.

Any weapon? Yeah, anything you want. Well, I guess a hook on the end of a fishing rod's a weapon. Does it need to be a weapon? Can it be anything? Because we could just have a nice- Well, it kind of can be anything because in the fishing rod's a weapon. Does it need to be a weapon? Can it be anything? Because we could just have a nice- Well, it kind of can be anything because in the movie, Jaime, he doesn't want to kill. Yeah, so what if-

So he makes like- Like stun blasts. Stun blasts, sonic booms. He makes like a, I don't know what you call it, like a staple gun. He staples guys to the ground. I'd be like, all right, yeah, let's go for a bit of a fish. And then it flies, right? Yeah, yeah, let's go for a bit of a fish. And then it flies, right? Yeah, absolutely.

Okay. And I'm guessing it would know and scan and stuff. So if I'm like, let's have a nice relaxing fishing trip, it might then maybe fly you to a beautiful tropical island or something. I don't know if I would be expecting this. Yeah, until you calibrate with it, it can be dangerous. Yeah.

Dude, I just wish I was somewhere relaxing. And then just start hovering an inch above the water. We will find the fish for you. Oh my god. Gigantic net goes out, just electrocutes all the fish, drags them in. I don't want this. 10,000 fish just for you.

Fish aren't in and of themselves relaxing. Actually, this many fish together is giving me a lot of anxiety. Yeah, it's the journey of being in a boat. Because he doesn't really get what's happening with the Blue Beetle suit. The idea of it rocketing you across the ocean to an island and then just stopping

and you're like, am I stranded? Am I going to die? And also, when does it I don't know, remind me, JD, when does it leave? Because when it leaves, you're just naked because it burns up your clothes when you go blue beetle mode. So the idea of it rocket exam it to an island, disappearing, and you're like, I am nude on a truck.

I can't remember what causes it to vanish the first time. I think maybe it just wants it calibrated. It just turns off. So there I am. My fishing rod is gone. I've got 10,000 dead fish. My cock's out. Wow.

I am not relaxed. I just had a passing thought like, ah, it's been a while since I went fishing. That would be nice. And now I'm here. Where am I? That's also a bad spot to be because Kord, so to further the plot in the film,

Jaime meets up with Kord again and is like, what the fuck have you given me? What's going on? It's on my back now. Okay. But you're on a desert island. No one knows where you've gone. Kord probably gets shot.

Yeah, I guess so. Beetle thing, where are you? And there's no mirrors, so you won't be able to tell it's on your back. And also, it seems really hard for Jaime To activate it intentionally I can't itch it No but it does itch apparently

I guess I'd itch it I'm ballooning it I'm going over the nearest tree And the moment you scratch against it You'll know you've got it That's a lot of metal in my spine What? Yeah what would you do That's a lot of metal in my spine. What? Yeah.

What would you do then? A lot of, okay, Blue Beetle, go. It looks like a, has it called itself Blue Beetle? No. Does it give itself a name? It's a scarab. It's a scarab. Does it call itself I Am Scarab?

I don't think it names itself. No, it does. It does have a name, like a kachim or something? It's got like a, one of those names itself. No, it does. It doesn't have a name, like Kachim or something? It's got like a, you know, superhero-y something. Superhero from ancient times. With a couple of apostrophes going on. Kalashim or something. It's from space.

Does it tell me that when we first met? No, unfortunately. When I'm like, okay, this is weird. It'll be nice to go fishing. And then does the voice kick in of like, oh, I got this. No, the voice says, calibrating. So it would, until, because it's not until the second time that Jaime activates it that he starts chatting to it. Okay.

I maybe think its name was Calibrator. Calibrating, take me home. Calibrating, on. Calibrating, go. Because it's not. Calibrator, go now. Go, go, gadget. Wing.

I'm driving by in a boat. I'm like, there's a crazy man. There's a naked man with 10,000 fish over there talking to himself. I am picking him up. Go, go, Gadget! Hide my cock! Captain, I'll tell you what, you are the most negligent captain

I've ever sailed with. He can go fuck himself and I hope he dies with those 10,000 fish. That man is the devil of some kind. I don't know how a completely nude man managed to get that many fish. I am not involving myself. Just smash cut to me at nighttime. A little fire that I've kind of crappily made eating a raw fish.

Calibrator! I know people say you have a moral imperative to save somebody in danger. I disagree. Yeah, I don't. Not me. Yeah, Calibrator! I know people say you have a moral imperative to save somebody in danger. I disagree. Yeah, I don't. Not me. Yeah. Calibrator, huh? That man is the devil.

I'm good. Mightn't be my devil, but he's definitely a devil. Calibrator swim? I remember, Dusha, in a previous episode, I don't know if it was of plumbing, but you said that when astronauts go to space, they get all fucked up. Get all fucked up. Would that happen to you, do you think? When you go to space.

Just to lay this on the table. So I made the claim, I was like, isn't there a phenomenon when astronauts go to space, they come back to Earth and they're really depressed. They think that everybody's ants and scum. I think I was like, they kind of see the big picture and realize that like, it's all kind of, yeah, it's all kind of worthless. And then I would have said like ants and scum. And then everyone was like, no, it's the opposite.

And then William Shatner went to space and exactly what I said happened to him. Would that happen to me if I was, no, not in the situation, the blue beetle goes to space. Yeah. But if I went to like Iron Man space, yes. Yeah, that. Would that happen to me if I was in... No, not in the situation that Blue Beetle goes to space. Yeah. But if I went to... He's not there for long enough. If I went to, like, Iron Man space, yes. Yeah, that's fair. Wait, what's the difference?

Iron Man goes more in space. Yeah, he goes to the portal. Fair enough, fair enough. You're just saying, yeah, I guess Blue Beetle just sees Earth. Blue Beetle literally goes, whoop, like, up, and then just straight back down again. Yeah, that's true. He sees a glimpse of space, like, oh, yeah, that's the Earth.

He sees, like, the curvature of the Earth. What? Well, fake. i thought it was flat what the fuck gotham university taught him wrong they're more worried about the batman yeah yeah they can't be bothered teaching or anything good today on uh today where the earth is like if you get a ruler come on teach the bat ain't out tonight I ain't even

believe in the bat educate me yeah yeah yeah yeah so if we get so you know horizon oh god

oh god I knew it was coming fuck it's the bat bat what was that? Oh, okay. Oh, my God.

Class dismissed. Batman hates that teacher. I hate the ruler. Have you done any crimes, teacher? No, he just fucking hates me. Maybe. I don't know who he thinks. He might be confusing me with someone.

I'm going to lie down. I think he thinks the Riddler's like an academic. I think it's not the Riddler. I'm fucking not. This guy's really brave that he keeps teaching. I believe in your education. So what was it about the horizon? It's a straight line.

Earth's flat. I'm going to throw up. Go on YouTube. Whatever you see first, that's true. Another successful mission for me Batman hold on Robin I'm gonna go beat the shit

out of that university lecture alright Batman I think this is getting unhealthy it calms me whaling on his stomach Robin assistant professor just there with his glasses on alright I'm just gonna check the roster who is he whaling on his stomach. Robin! Mr. Professor.

Just there, put his glasses on. I'm just going to check the roster. Who is he? Oh my god! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Pew! Oh god!

Kapow! Let that be a lesson to you. Listen to my voice! How do you do this? I think I'm bleeding. Christ! Just a lot of like, boarded up bits of wool. do this. I think I'm bleeding. Christ. Just a lot of like boarded up bits of wall.

Keeps doing this. He's a fucking menace. He's a lunatic. Every time I see that goddamn light in the sky I freak out.

I'm there I'm eating I'm goddamn like I'm eating beans and toast at home. I'm like he's coming.

And he usually is. You see in the sky you quickly start scrolling. Like, is Mr. Freeze doing some shit? Please. Please. Mr. Freeze, the Riddler Joker. Poison Ivy, anyone? Catwoman.

It's nothing. He's coming for me. With the police scanner on. All seems quiet in Gotham tonight. Why is the light on? Why is the light on? Door opens. Cape behind him.

Oh, hey, man. Your floodlight goes on. Oh, no. You know why I'm here. No, I don't. I don't understand. I'm a regular man. Your Batman punches do serious harm.

Also, you clearly don't think I'm a criminal Because you don't try and take me to Arkham You just beat me up Then go Go to the freezer Grab like another ice pack Hold it right there Alfred On the back of your computer

Just find the professor He's on a date I don't know why you do this, Master Bruce. Yeah, so what do you do for a living? I don't know. Earth's flat or whatever. Who are you looking for? Yeah, the Batman.

Are you a criminal? You didn't see the bat signal tonight, did you? No, no. Okay. He's a Batman after you. Foof! Enjoy your date. I don't know why he does this.

What did you do? I did nothing to him. He's a Batman. He does something. He beats up criminals. No, I did nothing. Alfred being like, this is the price. Save Gotham.

Batman is just going to beat the shit out of this one guy. Otherwise, he won't do it. Yeah. I think I would get tricked by when the suit the scarab is like, you can make anything? Yeah. Because I don't know You're going to make one of those arses you can fuck, yeah? I feel like that

would sort of laser off my penis. Can you make one of them fleshlights that's always on me? One of them sucky ones? Yeah, put that on now. That's something on my arsehole, too. The scarab gets out of my back. This isn't the relationship I want with you. Deep throat me.

I want to be all filled up. I can do anything. Every hole filled. Yeah, the scarabs, they'll find something else. The moment you try and recreate tentacle porn in real life. Yeah, onto my human body. The scarab's like, you know what? I don't need this.

I can find a better host, I think. I guess whenever Korg find me, they're going to just assume it's like a crime scene from Seven. Yeah, exactly. Oh! Whoa! Why is coming out of every hole? I don't know if I love the scarab.

It's one of the sins. Yeah. It might have been all of them. Can it make, like, money? No. You've seen the movie. Yeah, I know, but we've seen what it's capable of in the movie. So what does it make?

What does it ask for money? What does it make? Literally, a huge plot point of the film is that they need money. Well, he doesn't think to ask it. You think that if the Blue blue beetle could just make money? Maybe it can make swords. They're losing their house. Make a house.

I guess a projection would just disappear. Oh, so it's a projection? Because they can't make a sword. So what is it? Yeah, all right. So we eventually bonded. I'm finally off the island. Yeah.

Okay, beetle is like, or scarab is like, okay, we can make anything. I'm like, okay, what do you mean? Well, I can make blue weapons. Blue weapons. But sometimes real swords. What do you mean by real swords? They make like swords made of metal. Yeah.

Not like laser swords. They're like metal swords. Does he? Yeah. He's like, I can make weapons. I'm like, oh, yeah. And I make like a baton. Yeah.

What's in my hand? A baton. A baton. So it's like a made of made of what? Made of Blue beetle. It's like, where's it coming from? Think about it like the nano suit in Iron Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so a bit of my suit disappears? No, like think of the later Iron Man suits where nothing happens. Nah, a bit of his suit disappears. In the Iron Man's? Yeah. Whoa. Nothing happened. A bit of his suit disappears. In the Iron Man's? Yeah.

Whoa. Because he's got to go from somewhere. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, pretend that that isn't the case, but it still works the same. Scarab, we make it matter out of nothing. Are you thinking from my body? Where's this coming from? These nanobots were in our back or something, I guess. Do I have to eat more?

I don't think so. I think you've got to eat the same. Is he still in my body? or something, I guess. Do I have to eat more? I don't think so. I think you gotta eat the same. Where's he? Is he still in my blood? The back of the blue beetle. Where's my blood? It is in you. The blue beetle is...

You got my blood? It would have to be sucking on your blood. Yeah. That's probably what powers it. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night.

Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Blood and muscles and guts and stuff. Also say goodbye to sleeping on your back ever again. You got a lump there now, dude. Yeah, you're hunchback now.

Yeah. Well. You live in a bell tower. Can I make a bed? Fall in love with Esmeralda. Too bad. Die. She's falling in love with...

Handsome French man. That sucks. And you're an ugly fuck. But in the end, you have the moral victory. Yeah, because her elder falls off a thing and dies, and then you climb into her grave with her? Yes. I consider that the moral victory.

That is a moral victory for me. You're happy. Well, not happy. You're alive soon to be dead. You're buried alive. Is that a moral victory? No. But it's with the person you love whom didn't love you. You're buried alive. Is that a moral victory? No. It's with the person you love whom didn't love you.

Yeah. That sucks. Well, I guess it does. I like this moral victory angle. Could I make a bed? How's a girl to die? Doesn't old man kill her? Pushes off her cart? Yeah, it could be. Something to do with horses?

Trampled by a horse? See, in my memory, Notre Dame's on fire. But I might be thinking of that time Notre Dame was on fire. It is on fire in the Disney movie. Maybe she almost dies in that, and I just assumed. Well, she does in the book. In the story, she dies in the book. I know she dies, I was going to say, in real life,

which is what I consider books. That's fair. I know a lot about you. Yeah, I know in the book she dies, and I know that the ending I just said is the ending, but I think the reason I thought she died in a fire is because she

must almost die in a fire in a Disney film, and I just assumed in the book. I think Fallow gets hanged at the end of that, maybe. That's awesome.

Yeah, and in Tarzan, Clayton gets hanged. That's awesome. That's still a lot of Disney bad guys, yeah. Okay, could I make a bed? I think so.

If you can make a sword, it can make a bed. So could I do something where I'm like Well you could like Little kickstands or whatever So no matter what I am

It feels like I'm always comfortable Yeah I make my suit comfortable That's awesome Cozy beetle Yeah So yeah So I make a baton

He makes me a baton You were saying Sometimes he makes a real sword Sometimes he makes a laser sword What do you mean? So when Blue Beetle first fights Red Beetle Whatever

The bad guy Did you say Red Beetle Or Bread Beetle first fights Red Beetle, whatever, the bad guy. You say Red Beetle or Bread Beetle? Red. I said Red. I like this. Wait for me, though. I think I'm gonna become the Bread Beetle. Anyway, when Blue Beetle first defeats Red Beetle, the suit is like, let's eliminate him, and it manifests

two metal swords, or like steel or whatever. And it's like, stab and the blue beetle's like i ain't doing that i don't know how i'm not into it and then later on in the final fight as well makes two metal swords so it can make stuff that's not blue beetle laser powered but it just depends i guess on what you specifically want i don't know yeah i guess i want for nothing i guess i want to save a house well yeah um are you going to fight crime as the movie? No.

Who's taking away the house? The guy. I don't know. It's the cost of living crisis. Okay. But who do I owe money to? The bank? Yeah, I guess the bank.

Bank? Yeah. All right. Yeah, because cord industries. Pretty much a poor neighborhood is about to get bought by a rich neighborhood. It's about to get gentrified. Yeah. Okay.

But then in the end, get gentrified. Yeah. Okay. But then in the end, corporations are awesome. Yeah. There was only one bad lady in Cod, so everything's good now. Baddie Susan Sarandon. She got suicide bombed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now corporations are going to save the day, which is awesome. Says multi-million dollar movie, Blue Beetle. Who knows better about corporations than a corporation? That's a good point. That's why the police should police themselves.

Exactly. I agree. Makes sense to this guy. I guess the first thing I would be like, well, first of all, who responsible us not making rent and who's demanding our money? Because I'm going to come up to him and be like, hey, you want our money, do you? Hey, I'm a Blue Beetle guy, and this is a big sword. I'll kill you. So.

Extortion? No extortion, but it'd be nice if you didn't want our money. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so. Extortion. Extortion. Saying, hey, I'm not here to kill you, but you should consider letting us not pay.

Hey, this is a gun. I'd like some money. Yeah. I'm not robbing you. I'm not robbing you. I'm not robbing you. I'm not robbing you. I'm just hoping that you do the right thing. I'm just saying I have a gun, and coincidentally, you've got it in your wallet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I'm pointing out. I had a friend who accidentally robbed a man of his shoes in this situation. Where's he holding? Wait, and his money. What? Because he was very drunk. He was in a suburb somewhere out there. Where's he holding? Wait, and his money. What? Because he was very drunk. Okay.

He was in like suburbs somewhere like out there. And he went, it was one of his birthdays, I think. And he was pretty drunk and he was walking by. It was like an ATM. He's like, I need some money. Yeah. And so he's standing behind a guy who's getting his money out. Yeah.

And he was like a little bit tipsy. He looked, not tipsy, quite drunk. Yeah. Looked at that guy's shoes and he was like, hey, I really like your shoes. The guy was in like the middle of the night. The guy was like a little freaking out right now. Fair enough. And the guy, my friend, he's a big guy.

Okay. And he takes one look at him. He's like, do you want the shoes? And he's like, I wouldn't say no to the shoes. I wouldn't say no to the shoes. They look good. Three shoes. That's awesome.

So the guy went, okay. Gave him his shoes. And then my friend was like, you know, it's my birthday. And so then the guy was like, happy birthday and gave him some money. That's awesome. Then my mate went, oh, sick. Thanks, bro. And off he went.

That's the best. Woke up, but he's like, I have more money in my pocket. And more shoes. And more shoes that I left with. Could he wear the shoes? Did they fit him? Did he just keep the shoes? That's awesome, dude.

You got free shoes. That's the best thing in the world. He did do that. Yeah. I'm not robbing you, but your shoes are nice. Yeah, I'm big. He didn't even say, I'm not robbing you. No.

He's just like, I like your shoes. He was genuinely not trying to rob that man. That. He's just like, I like your shoes. He was genuinely not trying to rob that man. That's so funny. It was very, very good to be like. Imagine if he went to jail for that and he was like, I didn't actually do anything. I just said he had nice shoes. I just said he had nice shoes and it was my birthday. He gave me shoes and then he gave me a birthday present.

This guy rocks. I would never rob him. He's way too nice. This guy is dumb as fuck. He's my best friend there. This guy's my best friend, but he just takes out more money. Me?

Wow. Thanks so much, man. Thanks, buddy. I love that. That's amazing. Because he's my best friend. You'd never hurt your best friend, right? Of course I never would.

Here's 50 bucks. This guy loves giving me money. This guy rules. Which is good, because I love getting money. That's awesome, dude. Whoever is causing me the most grief and my family the most grief, now that I have a

sweet super suit, I feel I'm invincible. Yeah, more or less. It's iffy. Again, similar to Iron Man. If it takes enough hits, it kind of starts breaking. Who's hitting me? If you're living in the world of the Blue Beetle, they want the suit back. Okay, are they coming for me? Well, so if you're living in the world of the Blue Beetle, Korg, they want the suit back.

Okay, are they coming for me? Yeah. God damn it. And your loved ones. So I'm there at the bank being like, oh, it should have been strange if some banks got some. I just got laser vision or whatever. Those are nice kneecaps, bank.

Suck some habidom. Then Korg arrives and starts shooting you with a helicopter. So bullets are fine. The suit is bulletproof. But for some reason, big punches or hits of a sword. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm getting shot.

I'm like, ow. Yeah. You mostly just be standing there being like. This didn't hurt. This didn't hurt at all. Whatever. What the hell is going on? Blue Beetle gets shot a lot in the movie with regular bullets and doesn't do anything.

I'm laughing. Because now I'm like, they can't touch me. They send in the Red Beetle. Who are you? He's just some guy whose family died in the war. He's got robot parts. Why does he want to fight me? Because he's going to get your beetle powers down the track.

Which will make him, because you find out in the last 5-10 minutes of the film that right before he blows himself up, that his family and him were victims of war crimes. Yeah. And he lost his arm, his leg. That's sad. A bit of his face or something. Yeah. I feel sad for him.

Yeah. And he wants your Blue Beetle powers and Susan Sarandon's going to get your Blue Beetle powers. But they've already bonded with him, haven't they? Well, they have a whole device. There's a contraption. Yeah, that's right. Unfortunately, though, because it does bond with your brain, the only way for the contraption to work is that we have to kill you.

Okay, I think we're at an impasse. I would like to be alive. Why do you want him to have the blue beetle when I'm right here? Because he's the perfect soldier. Because he got blown up. Well, no. He was a child. He wouldn't have been perfect.

Oh, he was a child when he got blown up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I think. No, he wasn't. Well, okay. Why is he a perfect soldier? See, I have yet to be blown up.

That is true. He raises a good point. Tell me, Miss Betty Susan Sarandon, I see you're like, hey, I'm already bonded. Well, I mean, the thing is, Susan Sarandon, see you're like hey I'm already bonded well I mean the thing is Susan Sarandon well here's the trick they wanted code

they want that blue beetle code so that they can make an army of soldier robots so I mean but you don't know that so if you're like I'll do it then she might just

take you and kill you take the code but then how's she killing me she puts you in a device well I'm not getting in the device because it's already bonded with me well she knocks you out first somehow how's she knocking me out I've got the beetle then how's she killing me? She puts you in a device. Well, I'm not getting in the device because it's already bonded with me. Well, she knocks you out first somehow.

How's she knocking me out? I've got the beetle power. How does she do it? Doesn't he just gets knocked out by Red Beetle? Yeah, okay. Okay. Because your suit gets really damaged and your face isn't protected anymore

and Red Beetle could donk in your head. Okay. Then you're in the device. This sucks. But then there's like a tube in your back going into Red Beetle. But then you're in your mind palace and your dead father is like, brother, you got to be the Blue Beetle.

When did you die? Oh, wow, just a bit ago. Don't worry about it. Yeah, not that long ago. It's when Kord attacked our house. Remember that? No. You were at the bank.

Yeah, I remember at the start of the movie how part of the reason we're poor is because I had a heart attack and can't work. Well, I've had a second heart attack and it killed me. That sucks, dude. We did the Superman origin in this movie but not in the

Superman origin story. I kneecapped the bank, are you proud? Yeah, I guess. Anyway, you've got to really fuse with

the Blue Beetle if you want to fight the Red Beetle. I feel like I've already fused. Okay. You've got to really fuse.

Oh, okay. You've got to just vibe out. But I guess Am okay. You've got to just, yeah, vibe out. But I guess Amit never resisted the blue beetle. Yeah, that's true. Like, was there a resisting thing? Like, because I don't think I... I'm very... Well, you're in it to win it, though.

Yeah, like, I'm very gullible. Yeah. Well, immediately, Jaime's like, I've got to go see Kord because I hate this. I need to get rid of it. Oh, it didn't happen. I think the moment I realized that my family were in danger, I might just, like, cud didn't happen. I think the moment I realized that my family were in danger, I might just cuddle ties with

everyone I know. That sucks they're in danger, but I'm not going to talk to them ever again. So I won't even know if they die. I'll go up to court and I'll be alive. I'll go up to court and I'll be like, I no longer care about them. Killing them would mean nothing to me. The greatest gambit. They'll be like, huh, okay. You shoot them would mean nothing to me. The greatest gambit anybody's ever pulled. They'd be like,

huh, okay. You shoot them in the head, I won't care. Well, we're gonna try that. You upset? Nope. I feel fine. It's good for me, maybe. Okay, so, okay. It seems a lot of like, don't resist the Blue Beetle, but then become the Blue Beetle. Yeah. And so with the powers of Blue Beetle, of making gun

and making any weapon being protected always that's it? Pretty much. Yeah. I guess I just make my life well I don't have a car anymore. Yeah that's true. You're lucky

because you don't have one anymore. I know. So what would I do? Maybe I become like a daredevil kind of guy. Not like the superhero like as in You don't want to become

a lawyer by day and a crime fighter by night? Find ninjas? Find myself? Step one. You want to become a lawyer by day and a crime fighter by night find ninjas find myself step one you want to find some ninjas no I'll be like hey I'll go to Red Bull

and I'll be like Red Bull I can just fall off stuff and ride motorbikes and I will never die so like I'll do that for you yeah get sponsored

by Red Bull maybe well if you're a superhero yeah sponsorship's a big time on the cards what sponsorship would you pick if you're a superhero What sponsorship would you pick?

If you're a superhero, you're a blue beetle Say, what sponsorship Who do you want plastered all over you? BP Great choice Suncorp Everyone's like, you know what, this guy Can go fuck off, I think Another oil spill happens

And it comes down on your head. What are you saying, Blue Beetle? Sorry, Blue Petal. I think that, unfortunately, things like this happen. Goodbye! This is just nature, I guess. Couldn't be stopped.

Too bad. What if I just, yeah, maybe I just get sponsored by oil spills. Not even just... Is he advertising oil spills. Not even just, just in order. Is he advertising oil spills? Wonka, Wonka, like Wonka chocolate brand. Oh, all right, nice. Good choice.

Would you? Nerds. Yeah, Nerds Rope. Yeah, yeah, Nerds Rope. That's one of them. A Wonka bar. Is there something called a Wonkalicious, possibly? Cadbury's maybe?

Yeah. Cadbury's. And then they give me a gorilla suit. Oh, that's true. To play the drums? Yeah. Bluebury's, maybe? Yeah. Cadbury's. And they give me a gorilla suit. Oh, that's true. To play the drums? Yeah. Blue Beetle, make me drums. Blue Beetle, make me drumsticks.

Whoa! Cadbury, one of the least ethical chocolate companies in the world. I mean, Douche is doing oil spills. Darrelly. Go get Darrelly. Yes, come on. I'm going to go oak milk. Wait, aren't Darrelly okay now?

They used to hate orangutans, but now I think they love orangutans. That's good. They need Darley then. Yeah, okay. Good choice. Actually, you know what? They've always loved- Anti-palm oil?

Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I'm boldly making that claim, but I know that they are one of the only chocolate brands in Australia at the moment that's like, hey, we don't need palm oil. We love the tangs. What's the, Birdie Beetle. Birdie Beetle. I'll get him on board. That's awesome.

I get a lot of sponsorships by little known chocolates. Yeah. That's cool. Hey, look, I know I've knocked back Darrow Lee. I've knocked back Cabaret. And I've even knocked back Wonka himself. I was confused. I don't think Wonka is a guy.

I think he's just a company. You are Birdie Beetle, as you can see. I am but a simple beetle. That's true. While you're making that speech, I'm on the side being like, I said yes to BP. I said yes to Shell. I said yes to oil spill.

I said show me the money, and they did. Nice, nice. Can you give me, like, so when you're advertising an oil spill, what does that look like? So I wait for an oil spill to happen. Okay. Oil spill has happened. And then I'm like, it's okay.

I'm like, this is a penguin. It's covered in oil. That's fine. A little known fact about. It doesn't look fine. It looks real sick. Wrong. It's okay yeah sick animals just need to swim in like a different bit of the sea for a bit and they'll be okay okay i'm gonna dunk it in some like clean sea yeah didn't work the oil stuck to it yeah

fly away big oil spill being like i don't know if we picked the best sponsor For oil spills Big oil spill I hate big oil spills Big oil spills Trying to keep the little oil spills down Mom and pop oil spills Can't destroy the ocean anymore

Because the big corporation oil spills Take all the jobs I hate oil spills Bring back when that boat Blocked the river the old-fashioned way by getting stuck. Exactly. That's crazy that that real thing happened. It is awesome.

It's the best. You know what it is? Everything was just fucked up for like six weeks when it came to shipping goods because a boat got stuck. People were going around the Horn of Africa, which they hadn't done since like the 16th century. That's cool as hell. Because the boat was too big for a little haul. No matter how badly I have parked in the past,

I've never fucked up something that bad. I've got a couple of cars behind me honking because they're like, I don't care, you've got to power up, I'm busy. I'm like, in a minute. Not as bad as the Panama Canal freaking stock boat. Suarez? Yeah, whatever it was.

Yeah, yeah. Suarez, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, I'm going to go home and I'm going to look that up later today. I'm going to have a time of my life. That boat got so stuck. I guess with the power of Blue Beetle, you could do it again. I could put a bigger boat in there.

Yeah, you're a bit of a menace. I like that. Can you make the Blue Beetle suit be inside you? Not in a sex way. What do you mean? I mean, like, can I look normal, but the Blue Beetle stuff's, like, in my guts to make me strong? No. You've seen the movie, and

no, because then you'll be like Robocop, except that when you turned your suit off, your skin still wouldn't be there, and you'd die instantly. Yeah, because if you turned your suit off, it skin still wouldn't be there and you'd die instantly. Because if you turned your suit off, it'd be like a thin layer between, say, your muscles and your skin. What I was basically thinking is,

I was like, well, I'd like a milk sponsorship. And then I could say that drinking milk made my bones strong and people could hit me with bats or whatever. Why don't you just say that and wear the suit anyway? Because then everyone can tell, they're like, oh, it's a suit. He's wearing the suit.

It's not really the milk that's doing it. Milk made my suit strong. Yeah. Milk made my suit strong. This suit is made from calcium. Milk made my suit strong. It would make your car strong too. Milk makes machines strong. I pour it on a PlayStation 5. Look at the graphics. Look at it grow. You can take a bat to that

I think. Milk's great. Fill your car with milk. I've really taken the milk sponsorship and just run away with it. Pure milk or whatever. Being like, this maybe was not the guy for us, I think. Milk, it'll save your life. Drink milk and hit by a train.

You'll be okay. Yeah, milk, it'll stop a bullet Look, look, look Yeah, see, here's a gun Fire at me, little kid Look, look, look Brap, brap, brap See, nothing

Goes to the power of milk So drink your milk Try it at home Every one of these 12 children Has been given a standard issue handgun I've drunk in two gallons of milk The kids are gonna shoot me And the milk has made me strong But I'm kind of doubled over Because drunk two gallons of milk. The kids are going to shoot me and the milk has made

me strong. But I'm kind of doubled over because I'm full of milk. Kids, actually, hang on. Stop. I'm really full of milk, kids. Stop shooting me. Is the suit like close-knit to your body with your belly

distended from all the milk? I've had two gallons of milk. Well beyond this recommended amount. I feel like shit. I'm going to be body laden. These kids are going to shoot me with handguns. And this is all due to the power of milk, I think. Don't drink this much milk.

What's your ideal amount of milk? Well, no, isn't it like two gallons will make you throw up? I don't know. There's an amount. I've never had to look up how much milk I've consumed in a day. What's the third thing? Maybe I'm making this up. But in like maybe 2019, there was something called the Milk Challenge.

This was way earlier than that. The dyed milk and then people spewing it back up. The one I was like- Why do I do this? I fall for this trap every time You give me a little bit And I'm like That sounds familiar as it is

And then you look at me like I've invented a new language It was something like You might as well be like Hey Zamit Is my good friend Dushar okay? He just responded to something I put out there And then

I just don't know what's going on I think he's sick What the hell is happening? He answered my question out there and then I just don't know what's going on. I think he's sick. What the hell is happening? He answered my question in a way that I was not expecting. I had no response. He didn't just say no. He said, oh, I think I know what you're talking about.

Was it this? He gave me an example of a real old example. He's a UK. I only had a finite amount of information. Not any more was knocking out. I've already got the cat team on. He needs help from us. I'm excited to hear the second part of whatever you're about to say.

And me to be like, yes, that is what I was talking about. The challenge was, it was either a challenge or a trick. And it was like, you challenged your friends to drink. There was a certain amount of milk you can drink where you're okay. And if you drink any more, you'll throw up. And so you would say, hey, drink, say, three liters of milk to your friends as a challenge. Then they would drink it and throw it up. I don't know if it was died or not, though.

That I don't remember. That's not what I was thinking of. But the one I was thinking of was an actual challenge. Yeah, okay. And it always resulted in spew, and there's an awesome video of one of them on YouTube where a guy is listening to Numb by Linkin Park and then just throws up so much

milk. I did like that. Was it a challenge or a trick? You know, oh, I can drink one gallon of milk. I'll challenge you to three gallons of milk. Hey, want to see a trick? Give me three gallons of milk and I'll show you it disappear and then reappear. I'll drink one gallon, you drink two. There's an amount of milk and I'll show you how it disappears and then reappears. I'll drink one gallon.

You drink two. There's an amount of milk you can have. That sounds insane. There's like a limit. Like a hard number? Yeah. A hard number. Every single person on earth has a hard number for the amount of milk. Yeah, you know that number in your body where your body is just like, what is that?

Well, that was one liter. 1.3 liters of milk. That was two liters. If we have another milk. Yeah, you know that little number in your body where your body is just like, what is that? Well, that was one liter. 1.3 liters of milk. That was two liters. If we have another 500 mils, we've hit the number. We've reached our milk maximum. It's 50 mils. We're good. Oh, another 100 mils.

Oh, another 30 mils. Oh, we're getting close. Yes. One extra milliliter. Boom. It's like you can drink a liter of milk. Yeah. But you can't drink any more than that.

You can't drink 1.1 liters of milk. I think so. You can definitely drink more than one liter of milk. In one go? Yeah. Is it milk or liquid? Milk. And what do you mean in one go?

Like you got a liter of milk. Yeah. Unscrew the top. Yeah. And you're saying you're sculling. You can do one liter put that down you open another one this is the moment you get an extra little threshold you know the body has a very hard limit it's not like you are roughly between you have a milk limit if you go beyond the milk limit you're fucked okay oh yeah okay buddy yeah yeah yeah you ever hit that milk limit, you're fucked. Okay. Yeah, okay, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You ever hit that milk limit, buddy? No, no, no, I haven't. But as Blue Beetle, I think I would no longer have a milk limit. I could drink as much milk as I like. No, because what would happen is... But he's still human. What would happen is you'd hit the limit, and then the mouth hole would just close up.

The suit would be protecting you. Oh, yeah. No! You've hit the limit, and then the mouth hole would just close up. The suit would be protecting you. Oh, yeah. No! You've hit the hard limit of milk. It can't go beyond the milk limit. Okay, so I guess you're using the powers of Blue Beetle to consume more milk than you feasibly could. I'm then claiming you're strong.

It's funny that we've all decided we're getting sponsored. Me by oil spills, Which I'm not sure why So what am I doing to get sponsored? You know what I mean? Are you going to send an email? What makes me so special That they're like yeah I'm going to sponsor you Well I guess actually there's a step we're all missing

Where we become a public figure of some kind We fight crime Or we help construction Or you know stop stop disasters or something. Which, interestingly, doesn't happen until the end of Blue Beetle. Yes, that's true. So I'm all in because I didn't realize I could struggle against Blue Beetle. I'm all in.

And he's like, if you want, I'll take over. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah, done. And he's like, oh, but you've got to say some things. So I can be like, how vague can I be? What do you mean? Help people. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, I think you could do that. I think you could get away with being like, just help people.

Just help people. You have a fucking nap or whatever. Yeah. The blue beetle goes out and saves the day. I think you have to be conscious for it to work. Okay. Well, I'll just backseat. Watch. Put a podcast on. Yeah. Put on this podcast. Yeah. Wow. I guess I got to treat it like a computer podcast on. Yeah. Put on this podcast. Yeah. Wow.

I guess I got to treat it like a computer, right? Yeah. Because I'm like, help people. And then he goes out helping people. Then if he starts helping someone that I'm like, say he starts helping large corporations with their oil spilling, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop cutting a hole in the side of that boat. We've got to teach them about morality here.

Let's just don't help these people. In fact, stop these people. That's right. Well, you can slowly kind of that boat. We're going to teach some bad moralities here. Let's just, don't help these people. In fact, stop these people. That's right. Well, you can slowly kind of work out. So you're going to

treat you, your own body. Yeah. So basically what you've done is you've become Omnicorp. Your brain is Omnicorp

but your body is Robocop. Yeah. That's crazy. I can't stop imagining you saving my life and as you're carrying me out I hear a podcast happening. I can't stop imagining you saving my life, and as you're carrying me out, I hear a podcast happening.

I don't know how I feel. Or you say thank you, and then the response is, sorry, what? Sorry, I got lo-fi beats to chill and study to. What did you say? I was just saying, thank you for saving me. Oh, you're welcome, man. You're welcome. Anyway, I'm going to put the music back on.

Bye. You don't seem like you've been doing a lot with your eyes, Shod. I think if a superhero saves me and they're listening to music, I don't care. Yeah. I guess what if it's a music and a vacant expression? Mm-hmm. Like they're not right. That would sort of make me feel like I'm-

Am I bopping along? Saving my life was the equivalent of them doing the dishes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I guess I don't feel so bad about. I think I'm just stoked I'm alive. Yeah, that's true. You're safe from a burning building or whatever.

I think if I see a superhero and their expression's vacant, I'm like, they're not remembering this. I mean nothing to them, but I'm grateful I'm not dead. What about, okay... Unless it's a different circumstance, and I'm like, damn it! This is my one chance. I was going to make an impression.

I love the Blue Beetle so much. What if they've got a visor? I know this is not how Blue Beetle works, but they've got a visor, like Iron Man style, but you can kind of half see what they're looking at and it's like a Family Guy funny moments compilation. And they're clearly watching that while they're saving you and really not paying attention to you at all.

Oh, so I could do this? I don't know. I'm like, all right. Yeah, look, you help people. I'm going to watch Family Guy best moments. Put on a little vibe. Get some Google Glass type thing. And I'm like, oh, yeah.

YouTube search, Family Guy best funny moments. What's Peter up to? Yeah, Peter Griffin top 50 one-liners. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you feel getting saved by that? You can see he was watching Family Guy Funny Moments. I honestly don't think that would phase me. I think that the only differences would be if someone was like,

so say, I guess I can imagine someone like Captain America saving me and then being like- are you okay, citizen? Well, even spending a bit more time than that with me being like, hey, what was your name? Hope you're okay. Yeah. You know, like more than just one superhero sentence. But then one step down from that, like the, are you okay, citizen? To watching Family Guy in their suit and saving me.

I think that entire range of experience is the same. Yeah, I get that. If they make it personable, I'm like, wow, I'm special. Anything less than that, I'm like, I will not be remembered by them, and that's fine. I'm just stoked to be alive. I hope those Family Guy clips were awesome. They were.

The least personal one is Spider-Man who whips you just like away onto a wall or whatever to get you out of the way of a burning building. I would be worried if that happened. I'd be like, did he think I was a goon? Is this going to dissolve? Funny to get caught up in like, you know, Spider-Man hangs the goons from a light pole and you're there too.

I'm not one of these guys. I've never met these guys. Hey, Mr. Spider-Man, sir. I'll kill you, Spider-Man. I'm not with these guys. Spider-Man, before you go, I was just here. Well, I can't let you down because then I'd have to let the goons down. Explain it to the police.

You the goons. Oh, fuck. I'm not. Now he's, like, left with the goon and there's, like, if you talk to the cops. Yeah, when we get down, I will kill you. I don't know what crime you did. I was over. I was walking by

I was walking my dog Where's my fucking dog You see it just stuck to a train And you're like Fuck Did you see what train that was Do these dissolve eventually My dog's gonna be having an awesome time,

and I have lost that dog. Calling up the New York Metro, hey, have you found a dog on the side of one of your trains? He was webbed by Spider-Man. It's like a little fluffy dog. He would have been going really far. Yeah, I'm really concerned for him. His response to Crumpet.et Yeah do you call Crumpet

If you call Crumpet He'll come Just like the big You know where they have all of the trains In like the depot Crumpet You just hear a bark Distantly

Yeah we got your dog Okay when I get down from here I'll come get him That's your dog It's like fluffy But all the fur Is just Flung back

You alright Crumpet? Just like looking with huge eyes. Okay. Yeah, you had a big day, buddy. Me too. You were the fastest the dogs ever been. I was upside down for six hours. I have such a headache.

A lot of blood in my head. Time to go home, Crumpet. Time to go home and look at a house outside of New York City. Bloodshot eyes. Fucking pimple head. Your dog with the hair. Go home and look at a house outside of New York City. Bloodshot eyes. Ranted. Fucking pimple hand. Your dog with the hair. Dogs are keeping the city safe, Spider-Man.

Okay, Google. How much is rent where Spider-Man can't go? Put my dog on a train. I have such a headache. You've got to do anything about it, too. Because if you were like, hey, Spider-Man, you put my dog on a train, he's like, was that it? Your dog is going to die.

Like, what do you want from me? Yeah, I guess, but. I think you would be nice. Look how fucked up my dog is. Spider-Man fucked up my dog, and I had to say thank you. Feels awful. This sucks. That's why my Blue Beetle is just leaning into oil spills.

No gray area there. Everyone's just like, yeah Blue Beetle's just leaning into oil spills. No gray area there. Everyone's just like, yeah, that's okay. He loves oil spills. Oil spills checking out. Fucking up. Sponsorship's on me. What are you doing? Milk.

Milk. Milk. Oil spills, milk checking out. Yeah. Easy. It all makes sense. That's the best way to use the Blue Beetle palette, I think. And on that note, this is also the best way to end the

podcast. I think I agree. I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. And this has been another episode of Plumbing the Death Star. A good one, I reckon. Remember when I cheered at the start of the episode? I was right. You were right. It was a win. And this episode's sponsored, of course, by Blue Beetle, the

movie that everyone loves to watch multiple times. Available now on Max. Yeah, now on Max. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So check it out. Make sure you search for Max. That's M-A-X. Very, very obvious.

Absolutely. Don't search for HBO. That would be stupid. That would get you nothing. Make sure you tell David Zaslav that Plumbing the Death Star sent you. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details.

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