Plumbing the Death Star - Is Doc Brown an Idiot?

Episode Date: September 8, 2014

In which our heroes wonder why anyone with a time machine would be in such a hurry and start to realise that Doc Brown may be an idiot. We look at his plans and notice that they’re never thought out, he’s constantly wrong about the time stream and goes to great lengths to ensure the McFlys benefit and the Tannens have a shit one. Jackson wants to know why Doc keeps bringing Jennifer on time adventures just to knock her out and put her in some trash, Zammit argues that Marty Jr going to jail might not be so bad and Duscher just wants to know what happened to the terrorists. It’s a dark climb as we uncover the secret shame of the Tannen family tree and wonder why people keep shitting in their cars. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, listen to us while you drive your kids to school. Are you mad at me? Email us at sanspenceradio at gmail dot com and we promise to reply. For everything else, including links to our other shows, our Twitter and our Patreon account, head to sanspenceradio dot com. Hey, welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, Is Doc Brown an idiot?

Because, okay, Okay, let me lay this out for you. I've been thinking about everything Doc Brown does in the three Back to the Future movies. And it seems like none of his plans are ever thought out. So you know in the second one, he goes into the future and he's like, Marty, I've got to

take you and Jennifer to the future because I have this crazy plan where you're going to impersonate your son and it's just goingy i gotta take you and jennifer to the future because because i have this crazy plan where you're gonna impersonate your son and it's just gonna be the best because you know how you look exactly like your son when he was yeah that's how it works whatever come to the future it's gonna be the best bring jennifer she needs to come too but then they get there and he's like oh i didn't need jennifer at all let's just knock her out and put her in some trash. And then he gives Marty the clothes. Doesn't tell him what he's doing, really.

Just sends him off. It's like none of Doc Brown's plans are ever thought out in the slightest. He's like, I think my fucking time car works. Let's give it a fucking go. No, the time car thing is scary as well, because he's like, I think my time car works. Let's give it a fucking go. I'm going to steal uranium from terrorists. Yeah, yeah.

Who thought that was a good idea, Doc Brown? Well, that one, I'm pretty sure Doc Brown is a suicide wish because he's like, I'm just gonna steal fucking uranium from terrorists because if it works, I've got a time machine, fuck, who gives a fuck? If it doesn't, fuck, who gives a fuck, I'm dead. Surely there was a more legitimate way, though,

for Doc Brown to get uranium. Doesn't he stand in front of the car? I think he does. I think Doc Brown kind of wants to die. It's all or nothing. Or he's just, what I think, is he's just an idiot and is like, hey, it'll probably work. Come on, Marty, it'll be funny.

Also, going back to getting like... He doesn't know if it'll work, but he gets his dog. I don't know if it'll work. I he gets his dog. I don't know if it'll work. I don't care about my dog. Sweet, it did. I don't care about mine. I'm going to get this like what? Teenage kid involved in terrorism.

That'll be great. If you commit terrorism on terrorists, is it still terrorism? Is Todd Brown a terrorist? What, was that his plan from the get-go? Get his fucking time machine and commit some time terrorism? Doc Brown time terrorist. That's a movie I'd watch. I would watch that.

Much better than Back to the Future 2 and 3. Yeah. Getting back to Back to the Future 2, like going like, Marty, you know, your kid does something fucked up, we've got to stop it. Couldn't that be stopped before going into the future? It's like, hey, look, I'm just going to go into the house, grab Jennifer, I'm going to

talk to you about parenting. You're going to have a kid, and he's got to get a little weight, you've got to just raise him properly. Not like, impersonate him! It would be great! What's the dumb thing the kid does? He gets into a fight with the bully. No, no, no, no, the bully's pressuring he like he gets into a fight with the bully no no

no no the bullies pressure him to do something oh yeah the bullies pressure him to commit a crime of some variety and he does but then he winds up in prison yeah but then they send marty to do it and and i don't think marty does much better he gets in a fight he gets into a fight with the bullies and he gets arrested yeah before the future because again being a being a prick is genetic yeah exactly but before the future he gets shit in his car yeah he does every birth does because, again, being a prick is genetic. Yeah, exactly. But Biff of the future, he gets shit in his car. Yeah, he does. Every Biff does.

That is the curse of the Tammans. Somebody's going to shit in your car. Is that just like Doc Brown's elaborate scheme? It's like, I fucking hate Biff. Keep going, Biff. Well, to be fair, Biff, rapist. Yeah, Biff is a rapist. Let's not argue too strongly for Biff here. Rapist.

Is a rapist. Well, only in one timeline, though. Not that we know of. Fucking, like, Wild West Biff. Yeah, but that's not Biff. That's Ancestor Biff. That's a Biff. Well, no, it's a Tannin.

Yeah, it's a Tannin. Or Biff. So, like, we see three different tannins and... Basically the same thing happens to all three. So, are all tannins... All tannins are rapists. Are genetically predisposed to rape. Are all Biffs, like, rape babies?

I don't know. That explains why they're so fucked up. I'm pretty sure Biff lives with his grandmother in the first one. Oh, they are, right? His... I don't know what Biff's got a weird backstory this is really off topic but in the first one

he leaves his house and his grandma's like goodbye and he's like bye Nat he just lives with his grandma and loves her why has he got parental issues I don't know, his parents dead? it's very strange I always get confused with Biff. Biff is... The bully.

Yeah, but who's the one that works for George Senior? Also the bully. Wait, which timeline? Because in the one timeline... Yes. Oh no. Because in one timeline it's basically where he wasn't the attempted rapist.

Yeah. He's just picking on George the whole time and whatever. And then the second timeline where he was a rapist, George is like, I'm going to hire him to detail my car. He could still be an attempted rapist in the first one. It just doesn't explicitly show it. I suppose. I suppose, yes.

I mean, in every film, if they don't show the characters not raping someone in theory they could be rapists off camera if a film shows the character being a rapist in a slightly altered timeline

I kind of got to agree with you if the same thing happens to all the Tannins to the point where it's so specific that each gets shit in whatever their equivalent of a car is yeah yeah yeah i think they're probably all rapists let's be honest all right so biff terrible person doc brown probably an idiot let's go back to that like a like a big idiot like he a big idiot all right okay okay jackson jackson you have you Jackson, you have access to a time machine. Yes, I do.

You know in the future that your asshole kid fucks up. I'm going to go back and kill me. So what is... And you want to prevent that happening. Yeah. What option do you have? What would you... So I've got this time machine.

I know a friend of mine, his kid's gonna fuck up. Yeah. I just... You know what I'd probably do? I'd go to the kid and be like, hey, just don't.

And he'd be like, oh, okay. The kid would be too frightened, I think. If someone came... Who are you? Like, why doesn't he... Marty's son!

Marty's son! Marty's son! Get into my car! I love your dad, it's son! Marty's son, get into my car! I love your dad, it's fine! I knew your dad when he was a kid! Better question, why doesn't Doc Brown also tell Marty the fact

that he's going to commit a crime himself in the future? It's like he just goes with the future, sees the son do that and is like, oh god, I've got to go back in time! Because, why doesn't... Stick around, Doc. Stick around. Or do what...

Somehow gain Marty's trust. Gain the trust of a teenager, invite him to his time car, and show him the future of him being in jail. Here's another question. Why the fuck was Doc Brown in that year? I don't know. He was off doing time adventures. Was he like, I've got to follow up Marty's life?

When does that happen? Because... Well, obviously Doc Brown is dead. Let's be honest. He's old age. After he got a train in the third one, he died. Wait, hang on. Yeah, Doc Brown isn't in that future. He just fucks off. Doc Brown is like an anomaly. He no longer exists. Yeah, he's not part of time.

He's sort of outside of time. He's magic. No, but like... No, but still, when does he go into the future? After the first one, maybe? No. No, no, no. He can't go after the first one. Why not?

Because Marty literally gets back and then in the same scene, the car comes back from the future, pretty much. Maybe... That's a fucking good point. Because, Hank, okay, so at the end of it... The only thing that could possibly have happened That's a fucking good point Because Hank Okay so at the end of it

The only thing that could possibly have happened Was Marty goes home Doc is like straight away Just like future And then comes He's like I want to go see what happens to Marty's kid And he turns up and sees the kid getting in a fight He's like oh no

Ignores the fact that yeah Marty Plus I mean Doc Brown can time travel. He's not Nahari, let's be honest. Like, he's far too stressed. And it goes back to the fact that Doc Brown is an idiot. He's not, like, clicked about time travel. He's like, it's happening all at once. Yeah, also, again, rather than say,

hey, let's just grab Marty and Jennifer and talk about parenting, and there's some specific incidents which you probably should be aware of yeah yeah go maybe not go like or go into the future on the day that that's happening maybe maybe go go on the day it's happening and actively stop it yeah but he's like oh you can't just drop the time thing but i'm going to but you can't but marty i'm going to make you do it it doesn't make sense doc brown is he's just very dumb like wait his theory is about like you can't interrupt with your future self he doesn't give a fuck whatever also he keeps thinking he needs jennifer and then realizing he doesn't like when they go back is it gonna be good to have like they go back to the

evil biff future yeah like we need jennifer oh wait no we don't put her on the balcony why doc why would you ever think you need jennifer jennifer just causes problems in the future surely you would have seen that coming doc brand doesn't know anything he doesn't know what he's doing as someone who has he's doing something which is like very delicate about time i think it's all a fucking fluke i think Doc is like whatever this car is powered by uranium also back to Doc Brown goes back in time

wears a bulletproof vest terrorists assault rifles you'd think he'd still just die also terrorists is like one shot in the chest? We've got him guys, we've got him And it's like a whole truck full of terrorists

And all that happens is the truck gets like Sort of dinted At worst, they're injured He's got a time machine Doc Brown's also like I'm gonna wear a ballproof vest What if they shoot you in the head? So if Doc Brown of the past has...

He's killed by terrorists. Wait. As in, like, the past past. As in, like, 1950s. 1950s, Doc, yeah. So he opens a letter sometime in the 60s. Goes, okay,

so I get a time machine. It works. I've got to wear a bulletproof vest. All right. There's nothing to say that he doesn't test out the time machine

before that night because he knows it's going to work, and if he's built it, he may as well. That's a good fucking point. Like, what if he went back to the future, killed the terrorists himself? Fucking, why not just, like,

and it's the same issue that I had with the Terminator thing. Because he knows it works. Why doesn't he just go back in time, like a minute, and then he's got two DeLoreans, and back in time again, then when the terrorists come, there's just an army of Docs and DeLoreans and they're like, just turn around and drive along.

Because they'd get to a point where the DeLoreans start popping out of existence. Yeah, because it's only a minute, so they can only exist together for one minute. Do an hour then. A day. No, actually, no, no, no. Jackson's also right here because if it's one minute, you just have one No, actually, no, no, no. Jackson's also right here, because if it's one minute, you just have one minute, alright, doc,

don't go do whatever you're gonna do, because that's why the DeLorean would pop out of existence. So, say three minutes, because that's enough time to be like, look, I'm from a minute in the future where we're building an army. This is gonna happen. Yeah, okay.

That's fucked. But you know, Marty's a bit of an idiot as well. Because he's bulletproof fast. That'll solve my problem. But he's 16. Not like, Doc, in the future... I'm still from terrorists? Yeah, or Doc, in the future, don't do it in this car park.

Go to a different car park where the terrorists aren't. But that's 16. I can't fault Marty because he's 16. He is 16. That's dumb 16-year-old logic. Doc Brown is putting a lot of pressure on a 16-year-old kid. Yeah. You know.

Yeah. And Doc Brown doesn't give him any proper way he does, doesn't he? Training? Yeah, like, yeah. Like, he's like, oh, we're going back into the past. Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything. Can he even drive a car?

Like, he's 16, right? How old is... Hang on even drive a car? He's 16, right? How old is... Hang on, how old is Marty? He's like 16. Or he's 17. Whatever, either way, he probably shouldn't be driving a space car. Space car?

Time car. Time car? Certainly not in the Wild West. Time and space car. You notice in all of the Back to the Future movies, they drop hints about what's going to be in the second one, right? Yeah. The next one after.

You know in the second one, Doc Brown keeps talking about how he wants to go to the Wild West, and then, lo and behold, he goes to the Wild West. Yeah. Was Doc just... Accidentally, though. It doesn't go on purpose, does it? Was it, though?

Or was Doc just like... Bum, bum, bum. So maybe he... I'm just done. Maybe he's not an idiot. He's an idiot savant. Yeah, well, clearly. I mean, he made a time machine.

So does he make a time machine and then he's like i'm gonna save your future marty but he doesn't he just fucks it up and then he's like oh okay i gotta get out of here yeah how does he get some back i i another there's like loads of cars just kicking it in the wild west one's been in a cave for like years but still works no no no i mean like how does he end up in the wild west one's been in a cave for like years but still works no no no i mean like how does he end up in the wild west i can't remember exactly because i actively dislike number two so i never watch it i'm pretty sure the car just gets struck by lightning yeah yeah and he's like but he's like it's you but that that doesn't make sense because the only way you travel

to a point is if you've inputted that so clearly Doc's yeah that's what I mean so clearly Doc's like I'll go to the fucking Wild West times puts that in, lightning strikes boof, he is to have a nice little Wild West time because he was going to probably go 88 but then the lightning strike happened and he's like

oh well, what are you going to do Marty? but then Marty does go back to the past to help him out. So I guess Doc Brown's playing again. Why does he invent a time train? Where's he going next? Because with his kids, Jules and Vern and the teacher chick, they're like, hey, let's do some time adventures.

Then why live in the Wild West? He doesn't. They literally just have time adventures wherever they want now. Then why are they dressed like the Wild West? He doesn't. They literally just have time adventures wherever they want now. Then why are they dressed like the Wild West? Why do they pick a train? Because... None of this makes sense. What else have you got in the Wild West? No, no, no, no. Okay, so fine. Like an old-timey steam car? No, no, no.

Because the train just gets up and flies off. Jesus Christ, let me finish my fucking sentence. Train. Go to the future. Get something more compact. Maybe that was their plan after they fucking buzzed Marty and Jennifer. Also, you know,

the wife is from the past, so maybe it's just more about... The frontier is a terrible place to live. I want to do something for you. They're not going to... They don't have to go to the frontier. It's more of, I want your comforts being a train. That wife again is another instance of Doc Brown being like, don't worry about the timeline. Yeah, fuck it. Well, in the timeline. It's more of, I want your comforts being a train. That wife again is another instance of Doc Brown being like, don't worry about the timeline.

Yeah, fuck it. Well, in the timeline, she's dead. So he can just take her away. No, but what happened to her before she was dead? Uh, doesn't matter because in the timeline,

she dies. She dies, so he can, Doc Brown could just go around collecting dying people. That's true. That's right, saving people from death. Or people who are dying

in accidents and be like, whatever, they're still dead. He could who are dying in accidents, and you're like, whatever, they're still dying. He could create a whole fucking train of dead presidents. And it's less about going to the frontier,

it's more about, I'm designing a train because she likes trains, and this is how we get our fuck on. He keeps talking about He loves trains. This is how we get

our fuck on. Also, he's like 60. How is he producing to get like a kid? Maybe they're dressing up in that kind of outfit, because again, that's how Doc gets his fuck on. But Doc is producing to get like a kid? Maybe they're dressing up in that kind of outfit because again that's how Doc gets his fuck on. But Doc is going to the Wild West to just

get his fuck on? Yes. To get diseases? Sure. Gross Wild West STDs. Well really that'd be fine. It'd be more of him bringing diseases back which is a problem. Again, Doc Brown doesn't think things through. Ever. And that's probably how we get the common, you know

What, Doc Brown causes disease? No, no, no, the big diseases Maybe Doc Brown caused AIDS Well, I mean, if he's taking diseases from the wild That implies that he's just going around banging people Wherever he ends up Which he certainly isn't doing Because he's a gross old man

I'm surprised he got two kids What, so no one wants he's a gross old man. I'm surprised he got two kids. What, so no one wants to bang a gross old man? Nope. Even if he could. Maybe someone wanted to bang a gross old man. He's firing black, Sam. He might be like very, very, very like time virile. Time virile.

Even the time stream's like ultra virile spam. I also love that- That's a scary thought. That means that Marty is impregnating Jennifer very soon. Just to bang. That's why they have like a kid. That's why they have, like, a kid. That's why the kid grows up to be in prison, because it's like, obviously it wasn't planned.

It wasn't exactly a good pregnancy. No, but they saved what you have in the future. No, you know what I reckon happened? You know how, like, every one of Marty's kids looks just like him? Yeah. Is that, like, a result of all the time travel? Is that what time spoon does you basically just having gross clone babies like when it grows up is jennifer like that that is literally just

you that's just you in a wig and he's just like i don't know i don't know what that's about jennifer she's like is this is this because you time traveled that one time yeah one time jennifer One time One time Jennifer I'm just curious If you go further From the future What if Marty's kid Marty Junior Going to prison

Was a good thing What do you mean? Like oh yeah So Marty Junior Goes to prison Has his time in prison Or whatever Gets out eventually

Has a kid Tells him about My time in prison Blah blah blah That kid learns about You know To do the right thing Or else you're gonna end up in prison teaches them to his kid and that kid becomes like i mean that goes back to doc brown just being a fucking dumbass because he just sees that one kid doc brown even though he puts himself out as this time expert doesn't

know shit what make the two lines on a whiteboard man yeah. Yeah. He's like, I can draw. Also, what makes the fucking McFly so goddamn special? I know. What about the Tannins? I know that Biff is a rapist. All Biffs are rapists. All Biffs are rapists. But, I mean, why doesn't he grab like Tannin and go, look, you're an arsehole. Yeah.

You raise your kid to be an arsehole. Why don't you fucking have some responsibility? I don't know why Don't Grow Up is so focused on Marty. I'll tell you what'll happen if he tries that approach with Biff punch in the face, raped oh poor Doc Grime whoa Biff does not care who he goes for okay then

all holes look the same in the dark let's go to maybe then future Biff's mother anybody fucking anybody and she'll be like I didn't choose to have Biff I was raped Biff is let's go

I'm scared of the tannins why doesn't Dr. Brown just wipe the tannins if that's the case then let's just no he pretty much let's look

let's just go back to like the ancestor of the tannins and let's just get a bit of a coat hanger he pretty much castrates the tannins

by like taking away anything that makes them. Everything that happens in the future actively benefits a McFly and destroys a Tannin. Yeah, but he's not going further enough. If Tannins are the biggest problem of Doc Brown's future that he can foreseeably see,

just wipe him out guys It doesn't take much to go That's murder It's actually so fucking confusing It's non-existent, not murder Because you're right, everything Doc Brown does Is to make a McFly do well And a Tannin do bad

What do the Tannins do to McFly? Is Doc Brown trying to bring some kind of balance What is he doing? Does Doc Brown trying to bring some kind of balance? What is he doing? I don't know. Does Doc Brown even know what he's doing? Also, there's that high school thing how Biff is hated by the teacher because Biff's great-great-great-grandfather shot the teacher. That's some weird grudge holding right there.

Yeah, that's so strange. Yeah. I feel kind of sorry for not 1950s Biff. Yeah, alright. Like a classmate of 1980s Biff.

Son of Biff. Yeah. Son of Biff. Why are they all called Biff? Are they all called Biff? I'm just calling them all Biff. They're basically all

I think the Wild West one is like Wild Biff Tannen or something. Wild Bill. Wild Bill Tannen. Bill Biff. It's just who's the difference. Whatever.

Because that's why I was so confused in the first one. I don't care that much. I haven't seen him in ages. But the Biff that is pretty much a house slave for the flies. His name is Biff. Yeah, that's Biff. He has a son. Also called Biff?

In, I don't know. In high school. In high school with Marty. Okay. Also called Biff? In high school with Marty Also called Biff? Sure why not Really? Are they both called Biff? I don't know Or is Biff not their name

Biff's a nickname I think they're all called Biff Because Marty's not his real name He's Martin McFly Mortimer McFly Is Doc Brown just really petty then is he just like i really like this mcfly character fucking hate this biff character everything within my power to make because doc brown is like you got to preserve the timeline yeah but not at all we

have to preserve the timeline but only if we can make the mcflies yeah because everything doc does is just to make mcfly's life great yeah like that literally everything he goes into the future he stops his son going to prison he goes in the past makes george mcfly awesome and i'm pretty sure he makes george mcfly a very influenced sci-fi writer yeah yeah he does he does so what why and then he just fucks off and duck brown is like i've done enough you're pretty good now Marty fucking Tannen's having a shit one success that's a Doc Brown success

what the fuck what the fuck was Doc Brown's plan or did this just come about naturally what is going on I genuinely don't have an answer for why that is all... What?

I feel like... Sorry, not again. I feel sorry for the tannin, not the rapist tannin. Yeah. But the tannin that was at least in Marty McFly's year level, who I guess... Whose dad is just this... Whose dad is a rapist.

Or also... No, because his first one, his dad's a dick, and the second one, his dad's just a sort of emasculated man. Like a mutant slave. Oh, okay. Which then, okay, so if his dad's emasculated, he then would grow up to hate the McFly's, push that hatred onto his son, who then grows up...

I don't think Doc Brown would allow it. I think Doc Brown would just go back in time and do the fucking same thing to his son. No, this is what happens in the... Systematic destruction of Tannins. No, but if we go to the timeline where T where tannin where biff is a slave basically yeah uh a emasculated slave wait let me finish okay i just remembered let me finish but keep going um he would basically be like dad why are you such like yeah not even a man why are you this and he'd be like well

you know the mcflies did this he'd grow up going those fucking mcflies he'd grow up have a kid that kid would also then grow up and he'd be like he put all his hatred of the mcflies onto that kid who then would grow up and be like oh there's that fucking mcfly junior hey mcfly junior you're a chicken piece of shit let's rob this bank that's true so basically it's all just been Doc Brown's fault. And he's kind of mopping up after himself because Doc's an idiot. Because he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

He's making these problems in the time stream which he's then trying to rectify and fix even though he created them. Maybe just don't fuck around with time, Doc. You don't know what you're doing. You're an idiot. Anyway. Well now that we've sorted Doc Brown an idiot or not I've just solved the bigger situation here.

Biff. Uh-huh. I remember because they're such dumb names. Biff, Marty McFly's classmate. Yeah. Kid is his dad. Griff is his son. They all have dumb fucking names.

Griff, not a name. No. Biff, not a name. So 1950s is Biff Kid It's Kid Kid His name is Kid

Pretty sure it's Kid It's not Kid It's not Tannen Fuck right off I'm fairly sure it's Kid I refuse to believe that anybody's called Kid Tannen It's Kid Tannen

Wild Bill Tannen Kid Tannen It's Biff Tannen Griff Tannen If we're to take anything away from this it's don't name your son a rhyme of your name because there's no way that ends well

for anyone You have a kid called Baxon Farty McFly Beautiful That's a dumb joke It is And Doc Brown is a dumb man I've been Jackson Bailey

I've been Joe Samet I've been Joe Dusha Doc just stop fucking with the times Doc Brown just Just stop Be a regular person Biff Fuck you

Maybe just cut out the rape Yeah There is a terrible problem with that Tannen family. Probably more doc meddling. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.