Plumbing the Death Star - Midi-Chlorian Testing and You

Episode Date: January 5, 2015

In which our heroes line up, hold out their wrists, and let a bunch of Jedi check their blood as we ask why isn't midi-chlorian testing mandatory. We look at the dangers of mid-chlorian filled moss, the potential of Jedi blood transfusions and the seemingly unnecessary rules surrounding Sith numbers. Jackson discovers he has only seven midi-chlorians, Zammit is pretty sure the Jedi are a cult, and Duscher just wants to be the one to bring balance to the force. So join the gang as they traverse a galaxy far, far away and hope they don’t end up drinking Hutt blood. It's sentient, it’s all powerful and for some reason it lives in your bloodstream. Be concerned.To help us screen for midi-chlorians head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our force sensitive lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, I demand you call me father. This episode is brought to you by Easton Francis and Ben Smith, who are 10 out of 10, A+, would bang. They donated on our Patreon account, and so could you. Cheers, boys. Hey guys, and welcome to the very first episode of 2015 for Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, why isn't midichlorian testing mandatory? Okay, so we all know what midichlorians are, yeah? No, explain it to me. So, little men, little tiny men.

Midichlorians are intelligent microscopic life forms that are actually in literally every living thing in the universe. Every living thing. Like, I thought it was just the Jedi that have these, but no, it's every living thing in the universe. It's sort of like the life force, I guess. Yes. Yep. So, when of like the life force, I guess. Yes. Yep.

So when they're in sufficient numbers, they allow the host whoever, so a human or whatever Kit Fisto was, or a Twi'lek, to use and be able to use the force. Hence, someone is strong with the force. They got a lot of midichlorines. A lot of midichlorines in there, right?

Cool, cool. So there's an easy way to detect how of midichlorians. Cool. There's an easy way to detect how many midichlorians one person has. A blood test. Very simply, you can see Qui-Gon. It's actually harder to figure out if someone has glandular fever than it is to figure out if they have what their midichlorian count is.

It's just like, oh, clearly it's this. I like to imagine with Jax, it's just like, seven. That's low. You have a very low midichlorian you have seven midichlorians in here am i dying no you're just not alive a bit so if we look in the the prequels when the jedi order were a big thing my favorite thing to look at now the biggest problem with training anakin sky Skywalker was that he was just too old. Anakin is how old in that film?

Ten? Ten? Nope. He's eight or nine. He's like a four-year-old. He's a toddler. Jesus Christ. He's a baby.

So, yeah, he's eight years old, right? Yeah. And Yoda's like, no, he's too old, too old. So, clearly, there's a problem they have with people who are over eight learning how to use the force To be trained to be a force Fucking Luke learned that like Moody 6th grade

I know But I'm saying you know We take it to society So the Jedi have this big Jedi Council Had this big issue with like No no no no We need to be able to

Train them at a very young age Because I kind of think maybe the Jedi Council Were a bit of a cult The only thing I can think of The reason why that Anakin Was considered too old Is that The Jedi Council were rapidly bit of a cult? The only thing I can think of to the reason why that Anakin was considered too old is that the Jedi Council were rapidly

approaching a breaking point for Jedi's I feel at that point, which we saw in the prequels happen. So maybe they're just like, hey, maybe... Well, it's just like, don't even, like, no more? Well, that's sort of like, no, it's more just sort of like there's so many rules now that it's just way too hard to get in so

that, like, they sort of did that to sort of cut down on the intake. But at the same time... Because if everyone has midichlorians, that means that there's a lot of Jedi probably. But wouldn't you want more Jedi? Because I'm guessing if you have an unchecked Jedi in the wild, that'll cause some... Wild man Jedi.

Wild man Jedi. That would cause some issues. Not really. Have we ever seen any evidence of a Jedi that hasn't been trained all of a sudden being a Jedi? Not once in the films. Hey, everything's got midichlorians, yeah? Yeah.

Every living thing. So like trees? Yes. So like moss? Yes. So you could have like a Jedi moss? If it was very high in midichlorian count. Is anyone checking that shit?

Well, no, and this is why I... Well, no, they're not, but I think they should be because if you can get, like... Think of all the living... And I'm Moss Chacker. Yeah, think of all the living things in Star Wars universe. They're just checking everything.

I think they should make it mandatory. Make it, you know, going out to all the different star systems and all that and trying to just test everyone almost from birth because, again, you need to see just how many people can be force sensitive so they can give them proper training if they need to see is how many people are you know can be force sensitive

so they can give them proper training if they need to because even though we haven't seen a jedi in the wild fucking shit up i feel that if you had like an anakin skywalker in the wild who didn't but like how many systems are there oh there's so many like how many jedi are there yeah but very easy to make mandatory testing all you need to do is like when a baby is born they get a blood test at the hospital and they usually do that anyway what about in shitholes like naboo naboo is not a shithole you mean tatooine you idiot all right tatooine man yeah whatever well again same thing i mean i'm sure you could implement a system where you get a little bit of money.

The Hutts would be interested in it because they hate the Jedi. They'd want to know if any... I don't know if a Hutt was like, yes, tell me if a baby... Why don't you have a Borat? What do the Hutts even talk like? Like that.

Yeah, well, like Borat. But if a Hutt was like, yeah... Very nice. Many midichlorians. And if he was like... I want to know how many midichlorians in your baby yeah i would be like i know just hate jedi what if he's a jedi is he gonna would you want a jedi no it's sort of not like that because i feel like the huts wouldn't be like he's got enough that he could

be a jedi we'll kill him it's like let's like, let's look after this one. Yeah, good point. Hot trained Jedi? Hot trained Jedi. Hot trained Jedi. That's sick ass. Jedi hot. So I think for the Jedi Council, it makes a lot of sense to make them testing mandatory.

Is there a reason they didn't? I don't know. Like, could there be? Like, why would you not want to know? I feel like it brings me back to my original point of there is too many Jedi and they can't be fucked dealing with that shit if all of a sudden it's mandatory

maybe something like 1 in 10 babies are force sensitive, imagine that oh god then you have to set up a whole fucking education school system which in the long run would probably be better probably good for them because you get both of the Jedi ranks, teach them more

Order 66 wouldn't even fucking matter the Jedi would probably out better. Probably good for him because he can bolster the Jedi ranks, teach him more. Order 66 wouldn't even fucking matter. The Jedi would probably outnumber the clones. Yeah, yeah. And that's just the good guys. That's the Jedi Council

and that's just so they get proper training because again, I know we haven't, I'm going to keep harking back on this but I think an untrained Jedi in the wild

who's clearly very powerful in the force could fuck some shit up. I don't know if you're saying untrained Jedi in the wild. I imagine like a wild man. Someone who's raised by wolves but has the force.

Kill an elk with electricity. I feel like you're playing your favourite game, Zamet, of applying other fictional universes to ones that we're not thinking. I'm using the term wilder, so anyone who is a fan of Wheel of Time, hi, how you going? Good times. No one's a fan of that series. No one's a fan of Wheel of Time. That, how you going? Good times. No one's a fan of that series.

That's a wilder. So it's basically someone who has a lot of magic but unchecked because they haven't been trained by the tower. These words mean nothing to you. Nothing to anyone. It's like a Jedi. No one's read that series but you. Did you write that series?

Stop fucking referencing your own work um so i've got a more relevant uh comparison you're thinking of it in sort of like harry potter terms like how harry is quite a powerful wizard and he makes fucking glass disappear and he's talking to fucking snakes even though he's like yeah nine because anakin does show some uh little really when when he can pod race good yeah he has good reflexes in pod race that's the only reason Because Anakin does show some Really when? Pod race good Yeah he has good reflexes in pod racing That's the only reason they're like Is that all he does in that?

But like how easy is it to make a Sith? Is that just a bad person Who's also a Jedi? No it's just corrupt, a corrupt Jedi Do you have to be a Jedi first? Not necessarily Darth Maul wasn't a Jedi Sick There's no evidence to say otherwise I just feel like the universe is so big be a Jedi first. Not necessarily. I don't think you train up a Sith is what I'm getting at. Darth Maul wasn't a Jedi. Sick.

There's no evidence to say otherwise. I just feel like the universe is so big that on the outer rims, like, who's to say that there's not Sith just training up an army of Sith, like, with these random tests? They're like, oh, sick, this guy's got heaps of midichlorians. Get him in, train him up, fucking Sith army.

I feel like, actually, maybe that's a reason why Jedi have an age limit, because they're trying to get children before they're young enough, before they're old enough to realize that Sith are jerks. Little kids can't be jerks yet, because they're just little kids.

Is a Jedi council a cult, guys? Yes, of course it is. It's like a crazy religion. Yeah, it's like it's a crazy religion, but a real one. Make sure, like, no contact from family. Yeah, but it crazy religion. Yeah, it's like it's a crazy religion, but a real one. Make sure, like, no contact from family. Yeah, but it's legit. Like, I'm into it. Like, I get it. Like, if I knew there were people out there that had magic,

I'd be like, we're training you because you shouldn't be left to your own devices. I'm fine with that, but the whole cutting off from family. Yeah, because I don't want... Haven't you read the Wheel of Time series, Zamit? It's like a wilder. You don't want those fucking guys out there. You need them to get trained by the tower.

But they can have... I have no idea what I'm saying. I know. But he's got a good point, because if you had just somebody with Jedi powers and you're taking away from their family, it's like a monkhood. Yeah.

You're just purifying them. It's literally like a religion. I know that. It's just a monkhood, Zamit. It's like a monkhood yeah you're just purifying it's literally like a religion it's i know that it's like a monastery let him go home for christmas don't let him send a tree let him send it they have to find the force a life day card if you want a bunch of piece of shit weak jedis go nuts that's how you get sith which literally happens in family connections that literally happens in fucking the prequel series if anakin didn't go home he would be fine he'd probably be sweet like if he found out his mom died but it was just like if someone's like he's my dad but he's got a good support network with the council and they're like hey that's cool if

you want to come just rap about it up here for you. Like your fucking, whatever, Samuel L. Jackson's character. Mace Windu, you piece of shit. I nearly said Count Dooku. That's Christopher Lee's character. Mount Windu. I always called him Mount Windu. So Mount Windu. Climbing Mount Windu.

Named after the famous Jedi. He discovered that mountain. On his way down from the Coruscant window. Does that mean you could transport say Zammet was just chockers with midi-corner. He's just like to the brim.

And I was like, Zammet, cut open a vein for me. That's also another kind of question. If I had a whole bag of Jedi blood and then just scald that, would then I be... You'd be sick because drinking blood is bad for you. Would I be midichlorian-powered?

But how long would it last until you digested it? You'd have to do a blood transfusion to make it worthwhile. I guess. Because if you're just drinking the blood... Come on, man. Okay, so if I go crazy, I could get a jedi uh intravenously grab his blood and yeah it's mine um yeah would i be force well okay midichlorians are they specific in the human body we got bacteria but we have bacteria that isn't part of us but is also like unique to us

so if if i took out that bacteria and I chucked it in Douche's stomach he'd have a shit one literally I'd probably go to the bathroom and shit myself yeah and then die well to give you some numbers here apparently the average human has 2500 midichlorines per cell

how much does a Jedi have? and the highest known one which is Anakin had 20,000 I feel like that they did not make a big enough deal about it if it's the highest ever recorded level of midichlorian don't let him go home i feel like if you get never like joe jedi coming in he's like hey can i go home they're like no you gotta fucking train and he's like i can barely pick up a shoe fucking anakin comes in do something about it don't let him go home Also fuck, Qui-Gon's just like

That's high, like I was expecting him to be like Maybe the upper 20% Not like this is literally The highest rating we've ever had ever And ever will And hang on, how much was just a regular human? A regular human was 2,500 20,000 is not that much higher

Not that higher, but per cell So it is a lot higher, Jackson. Yes, yes it is. He didn't say per cell. Yes, he did. This reminds me of the Wheel of Time series, Jackson. Could you top that with intravenous

fucking midichlorian transfusion? Even that, if it's a microscopic life form that is appearing sort of naturally, could we synthesize it? Make a synthetic? Make it into a fucking drug. So either like a pill. Oh, man, imagine going out, taking a pill,

and you just get Jedi pills for like four hours. And dilated pupils. Not just that. Yeah, there's a whole party aspect of it all. Intense hallucinations. But what about in wartime? What about if you're like a Jedi and you want to increase your force power?

It was like, you know, rip a midichlorine bong just before battle. Just be infused with that force power. Can you just imagine like some gross fucking cantina alien just chuffing his tentacle around a bong? Yeah. So either a midichlorian bong, midichlorian injections, or midichlorian pills.

Put some midichlorians in a spoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A midichlorian inhaler, like a... Whatever. No, I'm on board with some midichlorian pingers. Yeah. Little pills. Go nuts at a club.

Shooting lightning and shit. Because if I'm, say, a Jedi, on board with some midichlorian pingers yeah little pills little pills nuts at a club shooting lightning and shit because if i would be if i'm say i'm a jedi and i have say 10 000 midichlorian count yeah uh so half an anakin yeah and then like i had some other things that'll you know i had like a you know some more pills uppers that would up my midichlorian count by another like you know 10 20 for an hour. Yeah. I can do a shitload of time in that hour if I'm in a battle. I could take down a fuckton of clones.

But I don't think they'd ever legalise it for general basic use. I don't think the Jedi's... Well, no, but black market, man. If I can get me some sweet death sticks, I'm probably going to be able to get me some midi-chlorine. And plus, that'd be like your high-class drug. People would want that. People would demand that. Because can you imagine being a hut or whatever Wado's species is?

Yeah. Because who aren't? Trebuchets? Trebuchet? Trejogen? That word. I think it's trebuchet. No idea.

I think it's the ancient siege weapon, trebuchet. I think you're correct. Plow? Yeah, a plow. That ancient siege weapon I think you're correct Plow? Yeah a plow That ancient siege weapon The plow What if one of those who are not Who can't use the force Who the force has no control over

And how does that make sense if it's in everything Are they undead? Anyway They've probably just got some immune system blocking it They've probably got a natural bacteria That fights the midichlorians in their system. Which means, why not take the blood out of Watto, inject it into Anakin,

Anakin is gone, Anakin is a normal human, and now we can punch him in the face. And no one brings balance to the force. Because Anakin is the one who brings balance to the force. We fucked up. I feel, if we can inject him for an hour and clock him in the face,

it'd be a good time. The old potato in a sock trick. Yeah, just for like, you know, it doesn't affect anything, just to clock him in the face. Just Hayden Christensen, just in the face. I'm starting to feel like this is less of a plan to help out the Jedi and you just wanting to punch Hayden Christensen in the face. Let's go to the source, George.

Why don't they just take Wadah's blood? Or a hut. You'd think that if there's something in there. I would not want hut blood. But if there's something, or even just, again, you synthesize it. I just don't understand. Hut pingers?

Well, no, the Jedi would have to take that to... Settle down. To stop them. Settle down. Well, being a Jedi, you see a lot of you can see force ghosts right yeah that's a that's a side effect of being a you said that like you were seeing them it's like you can you can you can see force ghosts guys because i'm seeing so many like after order chlorine pills you're popping after order 66 yeah um there's going to be a lot of dead Jedi ghosts just floating around.

But apparently it's a new thing in the prequels, because they make it sound like Qui-Gon's the first guy to properly do it. Oh yeah, true, true. So if I ship you like 100 Lorian pills, there's just like Force ghosts around you You're like Everyone else Seeing this shit So I was reading up about One of the Skywalker Descendants Cade Skywalker

In the EU Which is now No longer canon He does no longer exist No longer exist But like he had This big problem Where he's like

Fucking seeing Force ghosts Everywhere apparently And so he was just Taking a lot of Death sticks Just so he'd be like I don't want to

See that bullshit Wait does death sticks Numb you? Apparently Death sticks made of Watto blood maybe they were numbing uh the force seeing ghost ability or some bullshit i don't know i spent too much time at wookipedia today wookiepedia yep yes so i i'm guessing you would be able to see a lot of

So I'm guessing you would be able to see a lot of Jedi ghosts I'm guessing if you don't want that Just pop a Huff a few death sticks Huff a few Hutt blood Hutt pingers guys Or could you huff a bunch of

Hutt blood into a paper bag Could you just huff a hut Huff a hut Maybe the reason there's no mandatory blood testing is because what a good way to inject everyone with Wado blood. Like, I don't want to sound like an anti-vaccination guy because I realize that's where this is going. Go on, Jack.

And there's a difference between being crazy in this world and a world where we could literally stop your powers. If the Sith in the outer rims are testing and they're like we don't want any more jedi and they just start injecting water blood into you yeah and then slowly they just like literally work away any midi chlorians like is that could that happen well i guess if it's shutting off their connection to the force because it's the it's the with the midichlorians like you might have them but you need training to access them yeah which would then just should live my wilder argument yeah exactly because otherwise you just argument that neither jackson or i or any of our listeners understood

sorry sorry guys um just wait a little time it's a good series no one's gonna fucking read it carry on fair enough so I guess if it's you have the potential there is that what mini-chlorines are just a potential? I suppose so I mean I suppose that's what they mean I mean Anakin like we said he had fast reflexes

he was literally the most powerful Jedi in the entire universe all through time and it made him good at pod racing. But at eight, you don't know what it's going to like at 15. Also, that's at eight, and it's also sort of suggested that Qui-Gon is sort of helping him. Some of the sneaky, like... Oh, yeah, that's true.

So he's basically doing shit all. Nah, because he could do pod racing beforehand. No, and he'd never finished a race. That's true, he could never So having the force means shit all Unless there's someone to train you So is it sort of like Sort of like in Dragon Ball Z

I was going to talk about real life How we could all be world class athletes If we had trained from a baby But we never did Also not necessarily Athletics and stuff is also genetics Okay, what about piano, playing an instrument? Or is that also genetic?

I feel like you can probably get kind of good at stuff, but again, mostly genetics. But if you start... I see what Sam is saying. If you start doing something from a baby, you're going to be better at it than if I started now. Like, I'm done for potential guys. People who are virtuosos at fucking playing piano or violin,

they're like, when did you start playing piano? I cannot remember a time where I that fucking playing piano or violin they're like when did you start playing piano i cannot remember a time where i wasn't playing exactly piano or violin so i started at maybe you know two years old my parents were like play this those are such instruments that are so like typical of i've dedicated my entire life to them no one ever talks about dedicating their entire life to like guitar no guitar look out some sweet riffs Guitar's like the third one on that list But things just like fucking Sousaphone Theoremon No the theremon

I've dedicated my entire life to the fucking tuba I'm pretty sure because baby minks can't get around tuba Yeah it's too big for them Too big Cute Tuba's too big Anyway Oh fuck Too big. Cute. Too big. Anyway. Oh, fuck.

What was I going to say? Yeah, no, okay. So in Dragon Ball Z, a reference that you're both looking at me like you don't understand, but I'm going to power through. This is how I feel when I mention Wheel of Time, but go on. Good.

No, Jackson seems like he at least has some idea what I'm going to talk about. Nope. You guys never seen Dragon Ball Z. I liked that guy that was fat and pink and could make people biscuits. Boo. Yeah.

His name is Boo. You spooked me. Boo. Yes. Yeah, in Dragon Ball Z, it's a similar thing where people can shoot, they shoot those fucking energy balls

out of their hand or whatever and can fly. Yeah. Apparently everyone has the potential to do that. They just need to concentrate really hard. Yeah, but thing it's different because in star wars not every like well everyone has midi chlorines but not everybody has a lot of them yes true but i feel like that surely if you got if they trained anyone you could be able to get something but then again if everyone has midi chlorines do you even need a jedi blood to drink to consume what if i just what if i got

like a lot of living things and just got all their blood and mix that all together and drink that? We've already told you that mixing blood and drinking it... Oh, no, we didn't even mention mixing blood. Don't drink blood, Sam. It will not do anything except make you sick. Just intravenously put it in your face. It's like Billy's dumb fuck wannabe Jedi.

There's a lot of blood, shitty blood mustache guys I'm very ill I think I have so many blood borne diseases also with the mixing blood you seem to have misunderstood that it's midichlorians per cell so mixing blood would not increase the midichlorians you're getting

it would just be different types of blood harvest the midichlorians off a lot of people somehow. How would you harvest cells? Uh-huh. That leads me back to what I was going to say. Like, yeah, you can take as much as you fucking want, but it's still just going to be different types.

What do you mean? Different types of midichlorians. If you're like, I'm going to get some cells from that guy, I'm going to get some cells from that guy, you might as well just take them all from one lad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why is it mixing things?

He's got 20,000. He's eight and a ninth. Jackson has seven. Yes, get a free balance of the fours. Oh, no, I corrupted. Jackson has seven. You have, say, 20,000. I can get your cells and his cells, combine them.

Why? Just take my cells. That's what I'm saying. Why are you combining? No, you're not getting 2,007. Because it's per cell. It I'm like... Why are you... Just take my cells. That's what I'm saying. But I have 2007. No, you're not getting 2007. Because it's per cell. It's not like... It's not a total.

I have seven each in my cells. See, I knew you weren't understanding this and you just made it obvious. Taking a cell from me and a cell from Jackson, you're getting 20,007. Just take two of my cells and they got 40,000. Better question. What if I grafted an arm to my body of someone else?

Then I have all this just underneath my this arm. Yep, underneath your left arm. And another one under here for evenness. The old Goro effect. The old Goro effect. Do I get that midichlorians? The moment that happens to some Jedi, like... Somebody's got a little more midichlorians in this room than they used to. What's wrong with you?

Sir? I'll be like, yes, and I'll wave one more arm. It's sort of like your favourite topic of your cult. How there's a good bacteria, you drink it, it spreads more, that kind of stuff. It's great. You get a small little bit of your cult, you pour it into like a two-liter bottle of milk, two litres of your cult. Could I get the same thing with midichlorians?

Like, could you grow a midichlorian culture? Is that what you're asking? Yeah. Basically, like, have like, you know, a small little bit of midichlorians poured into a two-liter bottle of milk. Depends if midichlorians work like bacteria, which I do not think they do. Microscopic lifeform? Like a

like a microbe? Yeah. No, because if it were... Oh, that's bacteria. They're sentient as well. What? What? Deal with that.

What? Apparently they're sentient. So they're thinking? They're like, I'm giving this guy some rad powers. There's 20,000 of me and my closest friends hanging on this one cell. Well, they are a microbe.

Oh, dear. Oh, no. This brings up so many more questions. So was I correct? No. Or very wrong science, guys. Kind of. I don't know.

It could be either way now. Yeah. Because my reason for bacteria is because there is a set amount per cell they're not reproducing, so therefore it wouldn't work like a bacteria. It's not like you put them into a thing that doesn't have them

and it would just go nuts. Yeah. But it also- If they're bacteria, that means they should exponentially grow. Yeah, exactly. But they're a microbe. But they're not. Which I don't know what's happening.

But it also doesn't mean that like, oh, fuck, I wish you didn't read that to me. It changes so much, and it's so much for my brain to handle. Because now that they're a micro are... Because they don't reproduce. Or they might, but only to replace dead ones, because there seems to be a set amount per fucking cell. Also, they're sentient, so what if they just don't like you? What if they just decide to up and go?

They'll be like, we're in Jacksonville! There's only seven of us. All up. All in one eye. Which is still not impressive. It doesn't mean shit. It's not like I can force with one eye which is still not impressive it doesn't mean shit it's not like I can force with one eye you could like force things into the future

but only maybe like 10 seconds not even like.006 of a second not even because 7 in your eye when the average person has 2500 per cell so really you'd be less like forcing into the future you'd be force retardant you'd be sort of not even seeing reality as it happens you'd be less like forcing into the future You'd be force retardant You'd be sort of not even seeing reality as it happens You'd be delayed a bit

No, it'd be sort of like a flame retardant, but force retardant Yeah, like the force wouldn't work on me, but that's not a problem Because I'd just be brain dead Yeah, fuck, midichlorians Oh boy Okay, we'll go on, how does this change things? Because it means that they can... Well, all of your theories about getting more midichlorians

into your body probably won't work because they're sentient. So it would just be like, we're rejecting this. Yeah, your body would probably just reject any new midichlorians. But that also means that surely... But if I can synthesize them? No. Well, I mean, you could. You'd have to synthesize them, but to not be sentient.

Yeah. It's doable. So you'd have to giveize them, but to not be sentient. Yeah. It's doable. So you'd have to give them all little lobotomies. Done. Little tiny lobotomies. Just a little pin. Yeah. Doable.

I mean, and I guess if you're going to make it a drug, that's the better way to do it. Yeah. Otherwise people are like, where are all these Jedis going? Oh. But then, oh, man, but cells die and reproduce, so midichlorians would be doing this. But midichlorians aren't even cells, they're microbes. No, but they live per cell.

Look, they live in the cell. That doesn't mean they're not microbes. No, I'm not saying... They are microbes. They said they were microbes. They are, and I'm not saying they're not. I'm just saying that cells die and reproduce, that means midichlorians are reproducing. Yeah. That means surely, over time,. That means midichlorians are reproducing.

Yeah. That means surely over time you get more midichlorians. Yeah. An old man has more midichlorians than a kid. So you know how you shed shells? You know how I shed my shells, guys. You shed cells every day sort of thing. Are they also just high in midichlorians? Dropping midichlorians everywhere I go?

There's midichlorians everywhere, so you could try and create or invent something that harvests them? If they're per cell, then an elephant has more midichlorians than me. No. Right? Oh, yes. Because an elephant has more cells. But it doesn't seem to be like per cell. It has more like...

No, it's per cell. No, I mean, it's not like that... It's not how many cells a person has makes it more powerful It's how many midichlorians per cell So an elephant has maybe 7 per cell It's not a lot But if he has say 40,000 He's going to bring balance to the force And then some

But if an elephant had the same amount of How good Does an elephant win a fucking lightsaber Oh my god I feel like in it's trunk it would have a Darth Maul fucking lightsaber oh my god I feel like in its trunk it would have like a Darth Maul style lightsaber

double ended motherfucker I was thinking it's a single one but that's so much better also just an elephant doing like flips and shit oh yes

so good having an existential crisis about who's its daddy is oh no what a time okay I'm on board I'm so into it

so yeah no it doesn't seem to matter how many cells a thing has just how many midichlorians per cell about who's its daddy is. Oh, now what a time. Okay, I'm on board. I'm so into it. So yeah, no, it doesn't seem to matter how many cells a thing has, just how many midichlorians per cell. It's almost like that, however,

you're powered by your most populated cell. In a sense, yes. That is so ridiculous. This has stopped being a question of more like,

three men try to understand these crazy things they're hearing. Yeah, I mean, like, if we start off being like, hey, how does, like, why are they not mandatory a question and more like three men try to understand these crazy things they're hearing. We started off being like, hey, why are they not mandatory testing? And we were like, I don't know, they should be. And they were like, that's fine, sorted.

Midichlorians, though. The fact that they're sentient is the scariest bit. Because it also means every time Anakin's shedding a cell no wonder he went mad. Every time he's shedding a cell, 20,000 sentient things are dying I'm also getting pissed off at him But does that mean that the Sith who are using it Are also like

Are the sentient midichlorians and that just dicks? Are they just evil midichlorians? Does a microbe have cells? Could you have a midichlorian Like a Jedi midichlorian? Well yeah Because if all living things have it, yes, it's an infinite loop. This midichlorian has 20,000 midichlorians per its own cell.

This midichlorian will be bound to the force. What the fuck? Someone design me a very tiny lightsaber. You wouldn't even see it. You just wouldn't even... There's this whole giant microbial fucking space opera happening that we just don't even know. Also, because it means if a midichlorian is a cell...

Well, has cells, and that means there's midichlorians on a midichlorian, that's just an infinite... There's just midichlorians on those midichlorians and those midichlorians on those midichlorians. Well, I guess that's how you get... Maybe that's how you get 20,000 per cell kind of thing. If you're lucky enough for your midichlorians to have midichlorians,

you're going to be pretty good with the Force, but this guy only has midichlorians. That's it. His midichlorians are weak with the Force. The reason they don't test is that it's just such a hassle. They're like, we don't really know what's going on in there. Fuck it. Because I've always kind of think, like, how cool would Force vampires be?

Like, vampires? Sucking up the Force from cunts? Not a thing, because midichlorians are sentient, so they just wouldn't let it happen. But how? Because they're sentient, but does it mean that, like, they might have control over it? It hurts my head so much to think about. No, but if your cult was sentient, but they have properties that they can't help.

We breathe in and out, we can't help that. So midichlorians are always making the force. Yeah, so just because they're sentient doesn't mean they necessarily can control it. But it's not even like midichlorians make the force. It's like midichlorians... It's like if we had a thing in us that gave us muscles, right? And then you could get people that could make your muscles stronger. You got midichlorians that are like,

hey, yeah, whatever, if you want to use the force, go nuts, you can. Just because they're sentient doesn't necessarily mean... Because we're also ascribing morals onto a microbe here. What does a microbe feel well it's sentient so you can ask it cause again like you know we're asking you know with a Sith using the midichlorians of a Sith

like oh no we're using it for evil they're like we don't we're being used good I am a microbe I have no morals right or wrong are meaningless well no cause it's not like they're sentient it's not like they're sentient. It's not like one joined consciousness. They wouldn't know.

But let's remember that guys, I'm scared and a little confused. Sith are just bad, right? No. Yes, yes they are. They use the dark side of the force. Which is the bad side. But they're evil. But they're using it for like selfish reasons generally

why did they blow up Leia's planet well that that was to make a point that was moth why did they make

the Death Star that again this that was just the Emperor that was one dude yeah but he was a Sith yeah but he was a Sith

there's only ever two so it was 50% of the Sith it was like most of the Sith no well and Vader was helping the rule of two which is a very dumb idea, which I want to get back to

eventually one day, but that was a recent-ish occurrence in the Sith Order. Yeah. Because I fucking killed all the Sith in Knights of the Old Republic so they had to recover. Exactly, see? All of them. The order of two was to prevent the inviting of the Sith, to prevent

it was Darth Bane that did it, and it just... It seems very dumb. Why did no one do a Bane voice then? Darth Bane. Perhaps you were wondering why you wouldn't shoot around before. I'm Darth, but yeah, no, fuck it.

Your Bane sounds like there's a lot of saliva in his mouth. A little bit. It's gross in here. This mouthpiece is making saliva production really just everywhere. It's very damp. Just drooling. Yeah, so there have been like good Sith. There's never been a good Sith, no.

It's just the philosophy of the Sith is different to the philosophy of the Jedi let's take a step back I'm more on team grey let's think about every single time Zammett has said something about

a bad guy in a thing ever being like no I can sort of see where they're coming from Zammett sympathises with the villain it is a known fact

all the time I'm sympathising with you know Jolie from Knights of the Old Republic I am familiar with him him he's a grey Jedi. He's not a grey Jedi.

Yes, he is. When you meet him, yes, but that's because he's been fucking living in fucking Kashyyyk for ages. Yeah, but he's not good, he's not dark, he's not light, he's just grey. That's his point of view. And there is this weird subset of people who are Force-sensitive, who are like, no, no, no, we're grey Jedi. Yeah, but Sith are bad. Yes.

Okay. Long story short, there is Grey Area Jedi. But Sith are villains. Yes, regardless of what this... Sith are pure... Well, yes and no, because again, it comes down to how much you're using the extended universe. Not at all.

Which I know has been like... Not even touching. Because if you look at the Emperor, how he's sort of like... It's an extended universe? A universe. Yeah. I need like a universe a universe yeah i need like a um

yes a combined army to fight off the big giant invasion i always don't give a fuck i always felt the jedi were like for the sith were basically for the greater good no matter what they're the bad guys not everything is black and white all iushan. All I'm saying... But in Star Wars, it literally is. Quite literally. Exactly. Because the Star Wars is you got the good guys and the bad... The Star Wars is. The Star Wars is by Jackson Bailey. You got the good guys and the bad guys,

which means that there are just bad midichlorians. No. But they're sentient. Oh, yeah, you keep forgetting they're sentient. It's sort of like they are a tool Maybe they're sentient but they're just living their own lives in the cells They're like a tool It's sort of like a screwdriver

You can either use it to repair a thing Or stab a cat Yes, essentially that's what a midichlorian is But if that screwdriver had a sentience... Wait, isn't bacteria sentient? Not the same way. Bacteria is alive. Bacteria is... So this bacteria would be aware of itself.

It would know it's a bacteria. A dog is sentient, but a tree, not so much. But both are alive. But a tree could have midichlorians in it. So what if you had a really, again, going back to your moss, a very powerful... Could you then train this tree?

Does a tree know? Because it doesn't know what's going on. Because the tree's not sentient. The tree would have had fucking good reflexes, though. Could win the fuck out of a pod race. With the help of its Jedi friends. I think the reason that they don't have midichlorian testing is either it's too complicated

or the midichlorians are like, yeah, nah, nah, please don't. Cheers, but nah. Or it's just too much of a hassle. Yeah, it's like a hassle. Either way, this answer is going to be upsetting. I think mandatory testing, either for the Jedi Order or for the Emperor, the Galactic

Empire, good choices. One, to see how many Jedis are out there so you can start training them. And for the Emperor, to see how many potential Jedis are to either convert to Sith or drown in a lake. I guess that's what the Empire would do. Trucking a sack with puppies. I think that's pretty good for the man into it.

Well, not good, but I think that's necessary in testing. I just think fuck going to that amount of effort. They seem to be doing fine. But could you go to a test, and if they're sentient, could they hide themselves? Yeah, I don't know, because they wouldn't know what's happening. They can't see.

Oh, wait, it's just who they have eyes. If you're taking them out to test them, are you then also killing a bunch? But they don't know what's happening But they don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening. Guys, we will never be able to comprehend what a microbe feels. That's beyond us. Let's accept that.

Okay. The reason they could have mandatory testing, sure. But who's going to fucking go to that amount of effort? I feel the Empire would to stop. I wouldn't. I would be opposed. Well, you're not the Empire. Well, I feel like...

Like the Jedi Council, because they're all good and shit, yeah, fair enough. They're like, can you please? As a suggestion. But I feel the Emperor Palpatine would just iron fist that. Okay. I feel like that midichlorian testing shouldn't be mandatory, but if you were the Empire,

you'd keep an eye on families that have been known to be Force-sensitive. Test those cunts. Is it passed on through genetics? It's fucking midichlorian. It's hard to say, but the evidence we have is yes I'm going to base that on the fact That Anakin is quite a powerful Jedi Who was conceived by midichlorians

Yep And his two Kids He's two children He's twins And his brother, Owen Peter shit, no Jedi at all. Wait, Owen's not his

aunt and uncle? Step, sort of. No, he's aunt and uncle because they buy his mum. No, but didn't Shmi give birth to one of them, or did she just become a family in that? No, I'm pretty sure... I forgot that movie.

Owen and thingy bought Shmi, I'm pretty sure. Nah, because Owen's Joel Edgerton. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Isn't he in a wheelchair? No, no, no, it's Owen's dad. Didn't Owen's dad buy Shmi? Owen's dad buy Shmi.

But did Owen's dad have those kids before he met Shmi? I think so. Because the ages would be way off. Because Anakin's younger than Joel Edgerton. Is he? What is going on? Episode 2, you idiot. Attack of the Clones. Or 3. Really? Star Wars.

I have questions. Yeah, it makes me think that... Anyway, sorry. Anakin. Very Force-sensitive. His two kids, Luke and Leia, also Force-sensitive. So is it passed on, like, Anakin, very force sensitive His two kids, Luke and Leia Also force sensitive So is it passed on like You know how with babies

Yes, with babies With babies when the mum gives birth She ends up shitting herself And the baby gets in the poop And you end up getting the poop of your mum in you And all that good bacteria Mum poop Is that sort of like

midichlorians? So like mum poop is full of midichlorians? Is that what's happening? Padme wasn't force sensitive though. Did Anakin just come in and shit on the kids? Maybe they need mandatory testing because there is no fucking

rhyme or reason to what has midichlorians and what doesn't maybe it's just a fucking stab in the fucking dark they want to get kids but can they? No it's just like hey we got reports out on fucking Wagugu that somebody

some fucking tree was knocking over cunts with lightning and then they go over there and they're like alright well it was just a tree so fuck that and they go back and they're like it's just not worth it disband if that tree is teeming with midichlorians but no sentience so it could just be lightning fuckers they're just like chop down the tree back in the spaceship put in a fucking wood chipper. Fuck this! Oh, Jesus. I still don't understand midichlorians, and on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.

And I've also been Joel. Chop down all the trees, just to be sure, I think is the... what we've come to. Being a Jedi sounds like the fucking... Fuck it, I just... No, being a Jedi sounds like being tested for being a Jedi is fucked. I think being a biologist in the Star Wars universe

would just be the shittest time. I'm a little bit mad. Hey, if you enjoyed Plumbing the Death Star, you should check out our sister show, Shut Up a Second. Let's get your two favorite boys. Me and Jackson. Sort of like Plumbing the Death Star,

but without the dead weight. Oh, you mean me? Rude. Fuck off, Joel. Anyway, as I was saying, search for Shut Up A Second on iTunes and Stitcher. We look forward to being in your ear holes soon.