Plumbing the Death Star - What Happens After Hogwarts?

Episode Date: December 8, 2014

In which our heroes pass their O.W.L.S, get a solid D+ on their N.E.W.T.S and wonder just how poorly Hogwarts prepared them for the real wizarding world. We struggle to understand the patronus spell, question how any of the defence against the dark arts teachers got a job and can’t comprehend the timetable. Jackson dreams of being a football star, Zammit wants to know which of his teachers are werewolves and Duscher just wants everyone to understand Harry Potter is immortal. Join the gang as they try to find everyone a job, do some table math then kinda just give up on everything all together. It's an education that goes nowhere as we realise that no one is prepared for a single wizarding job.To help us find a real job head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our wizarding lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. Talking you can hear. Do you need to impress your new girlfriend's parents? Make sure you go around with a brand new Sands Pants Radio t-shirt or hoodie. Head to redbubble.com and search for Sands Pants Radio. Or head to our website and follow the links. Sandspantsradio.com Hey guys and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Eaters where we ask important questions like

how does Hogwarts prepare you for the real wizarding world? I don't think it prepares you for the real world at all. Like, what do they teach in Hogwarts? How to look at, like, charms? How's charms going to help me? Exactly. Well, I think the best way to approach this is, all right, figure out what jobs you can get

after you finish Hogwarts. Theoretically, what can a wizard do? Because apparently they don't just get, they don't just fuck off into the Muggle world and just blend in. You can work for the Ministry of Magic. Why though? Why does Hogwarts prepare you for the Ministry of Magic?

Don't worry about that. Yes. Okay. All right. So you can work for the Ministry of Magic with like Muggle studies and all that kind of bullshit. Yeah. So you're pretty much a politician-y

sort of dude. Oh, you're a politician as well? Oh, hey, bonus one. Aurora. Aurora. Professional Quidditch player, I guess. Yeah, that's a job. Or a ref for a Quidditch thing. So Quidditch is a viable option.

Teacher. Shopkeeper. And I honestly cannot think of any more that's six and i kind of want to go through them because i don't think any of them are right and i'm i'm gonna just put through for the for those slytherin graduates murderer okay career criminal criminal okay so let's go through them okay ministry of magic all right so we'll start with number one ministry of magic how how does hogwarts at all prepare you to be a politician it doesn't it teaches you spells what hogwarts does is teach you how to be a wizard full stop that is a very good point is it wizarding university there should

be but i don't think there is there definitely isn't nope how do fred and george finish high school they just open they don't they drop out. And they open up a joke shop. You could open up a joke shop. But how do they know? You could become an inheritor of your parents' wealth. And what's that word I'm looking for? Heir? Heir. Rich guy? Rich guy.

Okay, so let's chuck Ministry of Magic out there. You could, but you'd have a hard time. They'd be like, okay, so so look you've got to do some public speaking you've got to say your thoughts on the latest magic bill I can turn a rat into a cop sort of

I'm sure there's like I learnt it when I was 12 is there English classes? no everybody has like a grade 6 education effectively because you go in for high school Hogwarts is pretty much a high school. Yeah.

Man. Alright, so that knocks ministry off my list. Uh-huh, what was next? Lawyers? Oh, no, politicians. Again, I mean, you could if you had some better politicians under you. You could be like the Prime Minister of the Wizarding World, assuming that all these other wizards were using you as a...

Ah, Slytherin. Notorious liars. Yeah. Politician prepares well for sentence not making good. I know political comedy is rougher than it's all. I'm like, ha ha, politicians lie. But you do need to say other things. I know that, but I'm saying Slytherin.

Hey guys, you're all rich now and everything is going to be fine. What a great politician. Generally, Slytherins are like confident Yeah but that's your personality Hogwarts hasn't helped you You could go into politics from 12 But it has like put you In a whole group of also People that where being a lying

Little shit helps It emphasises your If anything it just makes you not trust anyone Because you're just surrounded by people that lie to you. Everybody is fooling me. I'm getting constantly duped by these fucking slitherers. Politician off the table, what's

next? Astrology. What have you learned? That's not going to help you in politicians at all. How is astrology going to help you become a politician? I guess you can tell the future of the stock market. See? There you go. How is that a political job? Was that also seen... Wasn't astrology in Hogwarts also just bullshit as well?

Yeah, it was mostly lies. Yeah, it was just like... Professor Trelawney wasn't actually teaching. Might have been a squib. Never did magic. No, she told like two prophecies. Yeah, she told two prophecies in her life. Wasn't one of them that

Harry and Voldemort can't live? One will die, but one must die at the other one's hand. So effectively it was like you have to kill each other or you live forever. Then Harry kills Voldemort and Harry now can't die. He also dies. No, his horcrux dies.

No, that's still him dying. I'm sorry, but I'm not giving you this one. He's unconscious. He also dies. He doesn't die. No, he dies. Does his heart stop? Yes.

Who checks that? A doctor. Maybe. A wizarding doctor is a good joke. Basically, he does, in a sense, die. No, he's... He dies. Irrelevant.

Do you remember the scene? No, no, no. Shut up for a second. Remember the scene where he's dead and in his thoughts... He's proclaimed as dead. That could all

the fucking prophecy be. And who declares him as dead? Exactly. All the prophecy needed. He dies. No, the prophecy works out. You're wrong. By someone being like,

he's dead. Like, okay, Joel. You're dead. You're dead. I know. You've just you're wrong By someone being like, he's dead Like, okay Joel, you're dead You're dead If someone had said like, Joel's going to die tonight I know, I'm just like, you're dead See, prophecy came true It's not a great prophecy, but hey, it happened What was the next job?

I can't remember, what was the third one? Nope, not trained for that at all In fact, you get terrible training for that Defense Against the Dark Arts is the only subject that has a different teacher every single year One of those teachers is a known terrorist You are going to get the worst education

in Defense Against the Dark Arts Actually, let's go through the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher There's Quirrell, which has Voldemort, basically Second one's Gilderoy Lockhart Who is not good, who is a liar who is a sham and has been yeah just stealing people's lying he's a lying shit uh then you've got fucking werewolf joe lupin's legit lupin's legit i was sending my kids at hogwarts and someone was like i would like to

be informed that my teacher was a werewolf. Just saying. I feel like there should be a database. Yeah, so Lupin they think is crazy. I mean, he teaches them. Is Lupin the one? No, the next one, the one we're getting to next is the one that just teaches them fucked shit.

That's weird, but he's a cool guy. What a fool. Mad-Eye Moody is... Well, Barty Crouch. It's Barty Crouch Jr. An escaped convict So we've had the worst criminal in the history of wizards

Another escaped criminal and a werewolf and a liar so far Fifth year is Professor Umbridge Who is a sociopath Sociopath makes kids like cut essays into their arm

good sixth year is Snape eventually get it yeah Snape gets it in the sixth year I think and then turns out he's a death eater but then turns out he's not but turns out he kills Dumbledore regardless that would be confusing for your study and the seventh year well

who knows what's happening. Voldemort is probably... You jump in like... Voldemort's taken against... The dark arts. That's right. I like the idea of Voldemort takes time out of ruling the kingdom.

Alright, kids. We're going to learn how to defend yourself and disarm a wand. Use your boy. Come here. That explains why the essay. It explains why the Elder Wand never pairs with him properly because

he spends a whole class teaching people how to disarm him. Everyone disarms him. Like this 13-year-old kid is now the true Elder Wand. Sweet. He's actually a dwarf. That was not the voice of a 12 He's actually a dwarf. That was not the voice of a dwarf hero. Sweet.

Sweet. Sweet I am. Yep. No, so... So yeah, Defense Against the Dark Arts, fucked. So if you were an aura, you'd be like... It was cruel. They'd be like, catch that criminal. You'd be like, Avada Kedavra.

They'd be like, no, no, no, no. You'd be Expelliarmus. Yeah. Expelliarmus. All you have is Expelliarmus and Avacadearmus That's all you have Is Expelliarmus and Avacadeva That's all you got One of the teachers teaches them all three unforgivable curses

That's what I'm thinking That was the only one I saw that was ever very effective What Lupin did mostly was like See this Boggart This is how you defend against Boggart Don't be scared kids What about if there's a real criminal Don't be scared

I guess if there's a Boggart don't be scared well i don't know i guess if you got what it says really clearly you just turn into a werewolf and maul him yeah guys is the um harry's uh that's lupin patronus yeah patronus lupin oh yeah against the bog art because it's a dementor yeah because for some reason a bog art that is a dementor just starts acting like a dementor i do like that there is one particular spell which is just designed to be like, fuck Dementors. That's it, that's the only spell. It's pretty much like a fuck the police spell.

Yeah, and I also like that... It's powered by how strong you are as well, as in how emotionally strong you are. It's dumb. Surely people should realise at this point that Dementors are bad news. So what else does the Patronus do? Just defend against Dementors? He becomes an animal.

Could yours become like a tank? Isn't it sort of like a guiding? Like a tank or another guy? He just becomes like a slug. Damn. Mine is shit. Imagine you're just like your first time. Expecto Patronus? Expecto Patronis is just a giant disembodied wang

You'd be like I don't Somebody else comes in like Oh You'd be like I didn't mean to Was your greatest memory A lot of dicks What if it's like it's a Bogart

Something like just stupid. Just a chair. Apparently my spirit animal is a chair. Sit down on it. You're like, is this... I've learned a lot about myself. Is this good? Is this right? Or even just something

dumber, like just dumber than a chair. Piano. Ding, ding Shoe There is so many dumb things Put it on, Dementors can't catch you now It's a shirt Wrap yourself in it Button it up

Tie a tie around it It's odd that there's a spell No but that's how Harry Potter spells come about. There's a spell to just deal with boggarts in particular. Like, they're like, we've got this issue, make a spell for us. But it'd be kind of like, okay, we have alligators. Let's have a...

Allegata Patrona. No, let's just have, like, a gun that only kills alligators. Doesn't work on anything else. Got a crocodile? You're fucked. Get the crocodile gun. Alright, now we're talking turkey. Turkey's You're fucked. Get the crocodile gun. Alright, now we're talking turkey. Turkey's a different gun. Get a turkey gun.

It just seems a little bit ridiculous. Can it deliver messages? Can it? If I made my Patronus like me again, I'd like to think we'd just hide behind me. Damn you, Patronus. I'm hiding behind you!

I feel like yours would be you, but just sort of melted. Like a little bit dribbly. Just like melting. Kind of falling apart. I put my hand on my shoulder and it just drips through. You can't use it to send messages to anyone. You could, but then...

Harry once uses it to guide himself somewhere. You could use it as a Harry once uses it to guide himself somewhere. I guess you could use it as a torchlight. I was going to say, it's quite light. You could use it to read a book at night. Just to get rid of Dementors. Yeah, but it's him. Yeah, but it's just

getting rid of Dementors. The other him thinks it's a sign from his dad, but it turns out it's him. But he's using it again to get rid of Dementors. He's not using it as anything else. He's using it to like, again, you could use as a nightlight. A nightlight, yeah. You could use it to read books.

You could have sex with it. Can you though? No, I don't think it's solid. I think it's ethereal. I thought it was like gooey. No, I thought it was ethereal. Like when you get glitter paint. I thought it was like glitter paint.

No, it's like ethereal. It's like a spirit. Rats. There goes that. It's pretty much What's your spirit animal The spell P.S. it's good at fighting cops Okay what other jobs

Oh fuck Ministry of magic is off the table Politicians is off the table Aurora is off the table Teacher I mean you could Because all you're doing is emulating what you've been taught. So it's just a cycle.

I just need a volunteer to get up here so I can use the Avada Kedavra spell. Yeah, if you would like, oh. Defense against a dark arts teacher. That'd be bad if you would. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Yeah, but I mean, you know, like. Well, there's history class as well. That's not going to help you get a job.

I'm very confused as to why there's other classes. English, maths, no. History, yes. I'm sure there's history class as well. That's not going to help you get a job. I'm very confused as to why there's other classes. English, maths, no. History, yes. I'm sure there's... No, but here's the problem with being a teacher. So if you're going to be a teacher, you can't just go straight from high school to teacher. No. Because in high school you learn a variety of subjects, right?

Whereas at university you're going to specialise. You're going to be like, I'm not just... I mean, like, maybe you could be just a primary school teacher, but if you're going to teach at a high school, you'll want... Well, you can't be a primary school teacher because there's no primary school wizarding school. Yeah, that's true. So you'd want at least three different subjects that you're good at.

Like, I mean, Neville becomes a herbology teacher. And he was shit at herbology. No, he was great at herbology. Oh, that's right, because it's the thing you... Exactly, just pack some gillyweed in your mouth, you're fine. Yeah, you're good. If you're underwater, you're fine. That's pretty much all I got from Neville.

If you ate enough gillyweed... Would you turn into a fish? Just breathe underwater permanently? I feel like you'd poop it out eventually. Yeah, but if you, like, every time I have dinner, I also just pack in some gillyweed Well you just have gills all the time Would you just get immune to it

Wait if you have gillyweed out of the water You'd get gills, you'd die You'd be like Eating it with your meal You'd have to run into the bath Put your head in the sink So it's not like Waterworld where we get like

lungs and other gills in the back of our back of our head that's evolution and not even quite that so but Neville becomes a herbology teacher but he only did as much herbology as the rest of the class and it was only 6 years because his 7th year was disrupted by Voldemort

taking over the school why did Voldemort taking over the school. Why did Voldemort take over a school? That's just... Warp the minds of the next generation. His first move. Take over the school? Well, no, it's because all his biggest leaders are taking over the school. And he needs to get to Harry.

Yeah. So, does that mean that upon graduation of Hogwarts, I could teach any class? Apparently so. I could be like, look, I did shit in of Hogwarts, I could teach any class? Apparently so. I could be like, look, I did shit in divination, but I didn't. Kids, look in your cups. I don't know what that means. You're going to die. That's fine.

Sorry, what? That's pretty much what Professor Tawney did anyway. Also, does that mean that every time there's a graduating year, so every single year, all the teachers are worried they're going to lose their jobs to a student they just had. Except for the second year because there's no exams, so technically no one graduates. That's true.

Everybody's still in their second year, technically. Every teacher that year is like, yes! Dodged a bullet. Hogwarts is quite big. It's a large school. This is completely irrelevant to everything, but it's another little issue that maybe we can iron out here There's like 8 teachers

Nah there's many you just don't focus in on So there are other magical disciplines Harry just doesn't take I'm guessing there has to be So maybe Harry's just a shit one And because we only see this school Hog levitation You're an idiot Just imagine a whole bunch of students

on these peaks A plus Well done Hermione tries to do everything And they give her a thing that lets her travel for fucking time So again, that's clearly there's a lot that Harry doesn't take

Plus, there has to be the other subject. They would have to do math and English. Has to. We're following Harry in a whole school year. It might just be boring. Does McGonagall take Transfiguration for every year? Probably. That's it. That is a fuckton of

classes. And Professor Letwick is Charms, and Charms is the most basic thing about being a wizard. See, this is the problem I have. If they're all just taking a giant subject like that, one teacher. One teacher. Yeah, but you've got

five days in a week, let's say six if they're being real aggressively teaching. Okay, five days a week. You don't have any travel times, because they're all living there. It doesn't matter. Five days a week, seven don't have any travel times, because they're all living there. Five days a week, seven year levels. Yeah. Seven year levels.

How long does a class go for? Harry seems to have class every day. Yeah, so how long does a class go for? An hour? Wait, every day? He doesn't have weekends, does he? No. Oh, no, because they go to Hogsmeade, so there must be weekends.

No, that's just holidays. That's not weekends. I'm going to say there's weekends, as in they maybe have a Sunday have, like, a Sunday off. But I reckon they teach on Saturdays. Or at least they're playing Quidditch. Or there's sport. So every year level.

And you wouldn't just be taking one class because people have the same class at different times. Yeah. I would say you're working, like, a very long day if you're a teacher. Yeah, I'm saying you are. I'm saying it's possible. That sounds like a pretty shit gig. And all the teachers fit on one table at Hogwarts. Oh, that's a very good point.

But it's a very long table. It's not that long. It's pretty long. It's long enough that it encompasses four house tables. So let's do some table math. Let's not. Point is, it's not that long still. No, okay, big tables plus the gaps in between the tables.

Like, each table can fit at least, what, two roasts? Yeah, but the teachers have... Hang on, we're doing table math. This is table math. Each table could easily fit, say, four students lengthwise, right? So four times four, plus you've got the gaps either side. So two, four, six, eight. For any listeners out there that have just joined us

We're doing table math I reckon at least 25 or so That's still not very much 25 around the corner 26, I reckon 30 30 staff, easy And one of them is Dumbledore who doesn't teach class Doesn't he teach class?

And Hagrid does Filch also sits at the staff table Filch is in the corner like all the scripts should be fuck off Filch get off the table Filch but he does sit at the table so that's 28 teaching staff for an entire fucking school

that is a castle think about how fucking big Hogwarts is think about it think about how fucking big it is how long are the dinners for? Can I take it in shifts? Or having a class where there's like half

of dinner? Blah blah blah. Now that I think about it, that's actually maybe too many? Staff. Yeah. Think about how many students there are, though. There's not that many. End of the day, for the first year level,

everyone in the Great Hall is everyone in the Great Hall. Know what I mean? Yep. Do you know what's weird? The first years seem to be equal to the amount of the other six year levels. A lot of people drop out. No, a lot of people die. Die and drop out Quidditch is just

What other jobs? Let's get back to the point of this episode That's been table math Ladies and gentlemen, that's been table math Thanks for playing Quidditch champion Oh yeah, Quidditch Hogwarts could teach you how to play Quidditch

So could a lot of other things. But Quidditch doesn't... There's no class for Quidditch. Yes, there is. There is in the first year. No, it's just flying a broom. No, it's not Quidditch. But that still teaches you how to fly a broom for Quidditch.

Yeah, like it's sort of beneficial. That's like being like high school teaches you how to play football. Yeah, so seven people play... Yeah, they learn how to do Quidditch. So that's something, I guess. But Harry doesn't learn how to do Quidditch. So that's, you know, that's something, I guess. But Harry doesn't learn how to play Quidditch because he doesn't know how. And he has to like, there's like a whole big adventure. But he knows how to fly a broom.

Because they have training. It's like if I went to, if I'd never seen a football before. Yeah, now I'm back. No, it doesn't. It's an after school thing. It's after. Yeah. No, but if I wanted to be a football star, hold your laughter.

No but if I wanted to be a football star Hold your laughter And I Had never seen a football before A class that taught me what a football was Would be beneficial for me becoming a football star But it's not a football It's like making you a race car champion By teaching you what a car is

Making a race car champion by teaching you how to drive So yeah it does benefit But I would also say It's not the best yeah, it does benefit, but I would also say it's not the best benefit. But it does benefit slightly. It's like making you a really good polo player by teaching you how to ride a horse. Yes.

Yeah, that's useful. That's useful. And know how to ride its basics. Yeah, but there's a lot more. You know how to ride a horse. If you're like, I want to be a polo player, but I've never ridden a horse, you're shit out of luck.

You're more at a disadvantage than if you've never seen a horse before. You're going to come in and be like, whoa, what have I got myself into? Harry goes into Quidditch not seeing any of the balls before and not seeing the sport before. Yeah, he does. He goes to training being like, what the fuck? Yeah, he goes to training. No, Oliver Wood takes him out and he's like, this is this.

This is a quaffle. This is a this, this is a this. This is a blueja. This is the snatch. So granted that sort of, but if I was like... We'll give it half points. Half point. Okay, so is that it? No, shopkeeper.

Shopkeeper and career criminal is what we have left. Looking like career criminal is going to be the winner. Just saying. Shopkeeper. There's no maths class there's no economics class how much is this? I don't know 40 galleons

that's a lot, is it 10 galleons? that's not much, well you just take it frankly I can't be bothered the wizard fucking IRS coming in being like even the wizard IRS is like I don't know do you pay your taxes? huh like I don't know I'm out of control

Huh? I don't know Goodbye Is there a tax bill? Welcome to my shop How do you decide how much a wand costs? What is the standard there? Do they pay for? Yeah they do pay for wands They pay for books and wands

and cauldrons. Also... Yeah, in fact, Hogwarts doesn't prepare you. Fred and George drop out, and it's very successful. Yeah, so they didn't really need Hogwarts. Half a dong Hogwarts. I guess they got the customers from Hogwarts. So that's...

But they also opened a Diagon Alley, which is like a bitchin' alley. It's like if I opened a shop on... High Street? CBD. And it was successful. Successful? Successful. And it was success-ple. And it was successful. Tell this just because his mouth

fills with slugs. It was success-ple. Go on. Yeah, if I opened a shop in a really good location that was successful, it would be like 30% me, 70% accidentally opening in a good spot. So, I mean, let's say

no. I'm also going to go with it probably doesn't help you. Alright, so the last job that you can potentially come from potentially be in the Wizarding World is Career Criminal. And clearly the winner. It prepares you so well. Teaches you terrible spells.

Doesn't educate everyone around you which makes them very easy to steal from. Exactly. That's the best spell. Helps you out. Because we're a criminal, we don't have to abide by wizard lore. Which means that... What wizard law there is, which means that we could go and dupe muggles all we fucking want.

Yeah, I was going to say. It teaches you segregation. Yeah, always good. Very good. You despise muggles, think they're lesser than you. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So that helps, just makes you a dick. Makes you more than willing to, you know,

there's all this importance put in the fact that like, we're wizards. We're better. We're pretty good. See Filch, that squib over there? Fuck that guy. Here, child. Throw this at Filch. Okay. Here. You've graduated from Hogwarts. I sure have. I'm a robber guy. What do you do? What's your move?

Murder. What kind of socioeconomic background did I come from? Let's check the cards. Let's check the cards. Your parents. What's he say? The teachers.

Oh, God. I'm glad you have teachers because I was going to say you're an orphan. Did I do particularly well in any subject? I did average. You're a mud... Mudblood? You're a mudblood. That's outward.

Go on. Let's say you did really well in divination Stocks And probably Cheating at the track The rest of my life They're like that Jackson guy He always wins at the greyhounds Luck of the draw

He always comes in with a cup of tea Makes his bet luck of the draw love the dogs he always comes in with a cup of tea makes his bat number 26 that's a lot of dogs in one race lucia what are you what you've just graduated let's see you're you're uh you've come from a high high family i'm opening a record store because wizards listen to music. That's true, they do. On what? Actually, fuck.

Is it like you only ever see them in concert? How do you hear about them? How do they make money? They have radios because Harry and Hermione are listening to the radio. Yeah, they have little magic radios. So I guess that's how you hear them. And have a little sexy dance. An awkward sexy dance. But you can't buy CDs or nothing. I feel like I'm just

a record player. I feel, because they love their old shit for some reason. Yeah. Even though it would have been new shit. Not a record player, but one of those old, like one with like a gramophone. Yeah, gramophone. Yeah, that's meophone yeah yeah gramophones they can only play that one song yeah that's it that's like we're like oh but yeah i'm opening

a record store and my parents are rich so they can fund me i'm opening a diagonale accidentally successful well done you uh i'm i'm just gonna go into the muggle world and just dupe everybody yep con man uh and be a con man oh yeah yeah, that's good. What are you going to use your money that you... because that money is not worth anything in the Wizarding World. Are you just going to integrate into Muggle World and become a millionaire? Because that's an option. That's what I'm going to do. What are you going to buy? A house. What do you mean, a house?

Okay, a house. After you buy a house, what are you doing? You're just like trying to point out the error of being rich. You're trying to great Gatsby's Xamarin. No, the error of being rich when you're a wizard. The error of being rich? Yeah, yeah. I'm very good at it. Are you trying to great Gatsby's Xamarin? No, the error of being rich when you're a wizard. Like, the error of being rich in a muggle world

when you're a wizard. Because all of these, apart from a house, you can just magic yourself shit. Yeah, no. Food, babes. Yeah. Handsome suit.

Yeah, alright. Handsome suit. You can make yourself a, you can just be like, boop, handsome suit. I'm gonna be a grifter. Dog. Entertainment, I guess, would be like...

TV. I'm grifting not because... Are you going into the hookers and blow territory? No, no, no. I'm grifting not because I need the money or anything, just for the fun of it. Yeah, that's legit. Okay, I'm on board again.

I thought you were just going to be like, I'm going to be rich and everything. Nah. Just for the thrill and fun of it, because what else has Hogwarts prepared me for? Set yourself up nicely. Nothing and half a Quidditch playoff. Because I don't want to murder somebody.

Gotta be honest, Dusha chose the hardest gig after school. But hey, yours is probably the most rewarding. You've already invested, because you come from a rich family. Thanks, guys. Damn our mudblood half-cast, whatever we are. Not me, I'm pure and handsome.

Our word, but whatever. So Hogwarts doesn't really set you up for terribly much other than just being a wizard. It sets you up for failure and prison. It's sort of like if you were a chimp for the first six years of your schooling, then you became a human and they were like, okay,

there's some stuff you gotta learn. What happens to all your friends from primary school? You'd never see them again They're like what happened to Jackson? They're like I don't know He moved They're like who? Because the wizards wiped their minds

Yeah go and wipe their minds Don't go Because otherwise you just don't know what you're doing with magic But don't go to get an education When you go back do do high school again. Yeah. Billy Madison it. Yeah, it's probably a good idea.

And on that Adam Sandler reference, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Hogwarts. The place to be. Don't go. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?

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