Plumbing the Death Star - What Would You Do With the Flash’s Powers? with James aka Mr Sunday Movies

Episode Date: July 2, 2023

In this very special episode of Plumbing the Death Star we talk about the very special movie Flash and are joined by very special guest James aka Mr Sunday Movies as we’re all hit with a very special lighting bolt that gives us very special powers, but mostly the power of be quick. Jackson passes on the dangerous knowledge that most people survive getting struck by lightning which has now set him on a dangerous life trajectory, Zammit lays down on a beach and eats all his stolen Coles chickens, JD commits the perfect crime and James tells Jackson he has to yell at children. So with our newfound powers let’s all mess with the multiverse, see how badly we can ruin a horses day and learn about the sperm knock-on effect. Remember kids, it’s not alternate realities, it’s just alternate cums.James probably hosts a podcast or whatever, but more importantly his wife, whose name is Claire Tonti, has an album out you can listen to right now! Matrescence is available on all good streaming platforms AND she’s going to be in the UK all July so go check out clairetonti.com to grab your tickets. You can also listen to his wife’s podcast Suggestible where Claire and her husband chat about things to read, watch and listen to. They have never once suggested this podcast nor should they.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem, ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel. And today- What?

Sorry. No, no, no. What? I just realised I'm not officially part of this so I have to wait for a bit. You're officially part of this. You know what? Here, this can be the moment. You're the shadow member of Plumbing the Death Star.

You're always in the room. Sometimes you just don't turn the mic on. He's a ghost host. James, you can introduce yourself since you wanted to. I didn't, but I will. My brain just took over. I'm James. I have a podcast, Weekly Planet.

I also have a podcast, Plumbing the Death Star. We're doing it right now. In fact, Plumbing the Death Star is a podcast where we ask the important questions like, what would you do with the Flash's powers? So we got struck by lightning. Awesome. And doused in chemicals. I learned recently that most people that get struck by lightning survive. Yeah.

That's bad for me to hear. Where are you going, Jack? It's storming. Doesn't matter. Why are you holding that big rod? Because there's a good chance I'll survive. You don't need to worry about it. It's also when people get struck by lightning twice.

Yeah, that's crazy. How unlucky, or lucky, do you have to be? Have you been, had's also when people get struck by lightning twice Yeah that's crazy How unlucky or lucky do you have to be Have you been struck by lightning? No Have you had an electric shock before but like a proper one? Yeah when I was a kid we had this This is going to be really hard to describe An exposed wire?

Yeah you know how sometimes the wall puts wires out? Yeah I had this lamp right And do you remember I think it was really popular in the 90s, it was like kind of- Lava lamp. No.

It was in the shape of a pig and it's like made of plastic and kind of crackly, sort of. What the fuck are you talking about? Would you touch it and it would crackle? No.

It was like made of plastic. It was like a rubbery plastic and yeah, it was the skin and it kind of was like crackly. I don't know. I think I've tried to describe this in the past.

It's really hard to describe. Was it like one where you pressed into it and it became more crackly? Or was it kind of like paper mache-y kind of crackly? No, it was made of like rubber. And when you touched the rubber, did the rubber make kind of crackles? No. Okay, okay. By crackly, I mean the specific pattern of the rubber.

It was like bitsy. No. This is hideous, whatever I'm just saying. I know it's not the time to be doing this. No, it is the time. Anyway, you know what? Keep going because we're not going to get what we should have. So I had this lamp.

And I remember once I wanted to pick up the lamp, but when I was like eight and I picked it up with both hands and got a horrendous electric shock that rocked through my body and I was saved by my friend at the time doing a karate jump down in the big between my two hands and knocking it to the floor. Oh, wow. So you were locked into this thing.

But I was locked in. You straight up made a circuit. I made a circuit. I was unable to take my hands off it. They were fucking... Oh, yeah, because you would have... Yeah, it was like a full circuit, and he had to go down the middle,

and it basically saved my life. I don't think I thanked him. Whatever, I was eight. full circle and he had to go down the middle and he basically saved my life. I don't think I thanked him. Whatever, I was eight. Did you still have contact with that friend? No, he moved away. I don't want to be friends with a guy whose life I saved and he didn't even thank me. Fair enough.

Yeah, because I was going to say, electric shock feels fucking crazy. I had one when I went to the cinema where the popcorn machine had broken and where the button to dispense the oil was was just a hole and uh no one had told me so i just stuck my thumb into live wires why'd you stick your thumb in the hole because that's where the like i wasn't looking oh right that's where the button usually is yeah i see i see i see what does it feel like to be

electric yeah uh you get apparently too responsible for my own existence. It actually happened to me twice at work. I am very responsible. Another time I was vacuuming a cinema and the extension cord I just spurs wires which then got caught on a chair which was metal which then Stop. Once me and my dad were looking at a horse.

This is way better than whatever I was going to say. And he had the electric fence. I would have been very young as well. Touch the electric fence? I was holding his hand. And he had the electric fence. I would have been very young as well. Touch the electric fence? I was holding his hand. I've done that. And he was touching the electric fence. And then I touched, or something. We both touched it.

We made another circuit. And it was so intense, we actually got flung backwards. Your dad is beautiful. Both have no thoughts. Only hold fence. That's so interesting that you were holding hands and you both grabbed the fence and saved it all. I think that's what happened.

I remember both of us, it's like there's a blank, like a, you know, 50, I don't know, like no time at all, but there is a blank. And then all of a sudden both of us are like, what felt like, I mean, it was so long ago, but what felt like a meter away from the fence, on our ass in the dust. And I was like, what happened happened because i was like six and he was like we should keep cows out what it feels like it's

like pain wherever you've touched it but like a like literally like a zap like a kind of almost like the feeling you get like if you've touched something that's been charged with static electricity whatever that pain wherever you've touched, then you feel it literally go through your body, which feels weird. It's like a hot thing. You have a lot of energy, but not for very long, like 10 or 15 minutes.

And then often you get like, what? This only happened to me one of the times. Apparently it's common. Cause like they had to do first aid on me. Yeah. You then just get the fucking worst headache. Oh wow.

Cause you like burn through your energy. Yeah. Your body's like, you honestly, for like 10 or 15 minutes that you are like supercharged. You feel amazing. Because you, like, burn through your energy. Yeah, your body's, like, you honestly, for, like, 10 or 15 minutes, you are, like, supercharged. You feel amazing. Yeah, you feel so good and, like, you're, like, really focused. Interesting.

So imagine how good getting struck by lightning is. Until the comedown. And that's assuming you're, like, you know, in one of the 60% of people that survive. Yeah. Hang on, you said most people and now you're saying 60%? Well, 60 60 is most technically yeah it's right i think it's 60 might be 70 i don't know i know it's most though

i think that's an irresponsible use of most anyway so we get struck by lightning yeah we realize we're quick yeah now what is the first thing you would do let's say we figure it out we like oh i'm fine yeah i was gonna say i think that the best place for this question to take place is not like we've just got our powers because then we're going to do whatever, like what we see in the fucking movie. Oh, man, look at me. I'm faster than ever. I'm fast.

Big flopping in the wind. Oh, my shoes came off. We get it. And then, yeah, because the Flash gets the powers of speed, can phase by vibrating their atoms. Lightning powers. Yeah, can phase by vibrating their atoms. Lightning powers. Being annoying. Do we become

more annoying? Well, for your sake, I hope not. I don't think so, right? Because he's just already annoying before powers, and then he just becomes the same level of annoying with powers. But light. Which is annoying.

It's a weird thing with having flash powers because there's a lot you can do but a lot of it is sort of like a dick move. It's like stealing a hot dog out of someone's mouth.

Yeah, yeah. So like, do you think you're gonna are you gonna rob people? I think it's okay to snatch a hot dog. Oh yeah. I think it'd be perfectly fine

to like run into say a cop. Yeah. And run out with a hot dog. I think it'd be perfectly fine to run into Sayaka. Yeah, run out with a roast chicken. I basically do that now. If you do that, is the chicken going to catch fire? Oh, no, I've cooked this chicken. You have to start stealing frozen chickens. By the time you get home, it's defrosted and cooked,

and you can put it on a plate. Well, it doesn't catch fire because he also grabs hot dogs. But his clothes catch fire when he runs really fast. Yeah, but he grabs a hot dog And then he eats it You just gotta be quick But then he makes himself vomit Or if he touched babies They would have vomited

Yes Because a hot dog is not alive Is that Is that part of it I mean What happens I mean he ingested it So who knows what it's doing

Yeah That's true Yeah He ingested the baby Who knows Yeah Because if you put a bunch of hot dogs Inside a Say a trolley Yeah And then push said trolley Yeah, that's true. You ingested the baby, who knows? Because if you put a bunch of hot dogs inside a trolley and then push said trolley, that's fine?

Well, no, but say you got... This is a great question. Where the flash? You got a trolley. We got a watermelon. We put the watermelon in the trolley and we run at supersonic speeds. Now, does the watermelon move at supersonic speeds

or does it get sort of diced by the grate of the trolley because of the physics of that it wouldn't be going with you it would roll and then be pressed up against it and then you'd stop and have watermelon all over your foot or is it you holding the trolley presumably whatever

thing that you have to stop everything from just smooshing against you I guess you would have to because otherwise in the movie when the Flash picked up a baby, the baby would not have done... No, he doesn't do it. No, but even with a little touch, he's going so fast in that moment that if you moved a baby even a tiny bit at that speed, you'd break its ankle or something.

Its skin would come off. The baby's not strong. Yeah, it has to move at the same... Like what we saw, because if he had the same powers as A-Train in Amazon Prime's original series, The Boys, anytime he touched anything, it would just be mush. It would be demosh. Which is actually edgy and cool.

Thank you, The Boys. I'm aware. I'm aware how edgy and cool that is. Well, then what would you do? What if the Flash was so fast he minced someone's girlfriend? Damn. He minced them. Apparently, by all accounts, the boys is good.

And I like Invincible, so I can't, like... Yeah, what are you doing? What is this? I don't like you. I'm making fun of the good things, so that when we make fun of the bad things, it's an even playing field. Everyone's annoyed with me.

He hates the Flash, but he also hates the boys, which is critically acclaimed. And he's not seen the boys. No, I've seen a lot of GIFs. He's seen it in GIF form. He understands the vagueless of what's going on. Homelander sucks. See? Yeah, he's a Christ. But if you

watch this show wrong, sometimes you actually think that they wrecked Homelander by making him weak in season three. He likes to suck milk from Tooties? Yeah, but that's actually... That's baller. It actually changed his power from... Well, that wasn't his thing. It was Mother's Milk's thing.

Is that his power? No, it's not. Look at me here. It's not his power. Hi, Professor Xavier. I have an awesome mutant power. I love to drink the milk of a lactating woman. Uh-huh.

Then who does it? In some kind of special way. Does it give you powers, or...? You bring a woman in here who's lactating, Professor X, and I'll show you how I do it. This is a school. All right. Mystique! When we go up against Magneto, how will that help?

Well, we'll have to wait and see. Put him off his game. That's true. He's like, the X-Men, you are destroyed, and you just immediately turn around and go... He's going to be like, what the fuck? Hit him in the brick or whatever. You X-Men will never defeat me. I've got the...

What is that one doing? This is my mutant power. I was born different. Cyclops can just hit him in the back of the head with an optic blast. That's killing him instantly. Perfect. All right, let's go pal by pal. All right.

Super speed. What are you doing? To the point of time travel. No, no, no. We're just going to start with super speed. Okay, we'll just start with super speed. Time travel we're going to treat as a separate power. I will be stealing from supermarkets.

Well, yeah. Okay, yeah, me too. Duh. Duh. Yeah. I'm going to like Fiji. Yeah, traveling. Traveling, that's true.

Like, okay, I'm just going to run to, let's go to Fiji, to a beach. Yeah. Maybe where there's like a hammock. Nice. I'm going to lay down. Spend a lot of energy just to then lie down and recharge for like a month. A month? Yeah.

Years. I'm not moving. Gone for good. Used his powers once and that was enough. What do I need now? Yeah, that's lying. I'm not moving. Gone for good. Used his powers once and that was enough. What do I need now? Yeah, that's a great point. You only need the powers of like one time. Yeah.

Like that's all. You don't need the full set. You just need that one. But you're not setting yourself up on your trip to Fiji. No. Well, then I guess I'm stealing chickens from Fiji coast. Yeah, okay, fair enough. What's the cost of living if you just live in a hammock

on the beach in Fiji? Yeah. Well, good point. And I'm stealing, like, a lot of chicken from, like, other sources. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. Fair enough.

If you retain your flash powers, you could do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess, like, I'd probably go on something real high that I haven't been on, like Everest or something

to see what's going on. Yeah, you'd just have to, wouldn't you? Yeah. To be like, I guess I should do this, but it'd feel like an obligation. Like, how quickly

can I go and run, like run across the Great Wall of China? Okay, that was all right. Oh, yeah, that was pretty cool to see, I guess. I guess I'd try and have experiences that a regular human could have. So I don't think running across the Great Wall of China at the highest speed possible would satisfy me. It's not the way to experience it, is what you're saying. But if I could go to the top of a mountain or something and be like oh yeah i can

feasibly explain to someone why this was good not like i set the record for fastest guy on a wall yeah yeah like i did i did the great wall of china and in one second and what did you did you learn anything about it yeah what did you see nothing that's interesting because like yeah a lot of experiences are like it's about the process. It's the journey. You build up to it and whatever, but you're just like zip. No, it's not losers. It's the destination and I'm here. Just went to the Great Wall of China. Done.

I'm not even that good. I'm clocking traveling. I think I would spend a lot of time. I don't know if The Flash can do this, but you know like in a cartoon where somebody can like jump through a wall and leave like an outline of their own body? Okay. So if I ride really fast and then leapt and pulled a funny pose... Okay, you're getting pasted. That would kill

you instantly. Because you're not... I'm not strong. Invulnerable. Isn't he strong? He is strong. Well, I guess he's using momentum, right? Yeah. So even if like something that's quite like, you know, weak, but you're going at, you know, a billion miles an hour, we'll have enough force behind it. So even if something that's quite weak, but you're going at a billion miles an hour, will have enough force behind it. So I was sort of imagining that I would run...

I guess you would have enough force behind it so that you would go through it. Yeah, I'd run it like a mountain. I guess you have to be... And then I'd just, whoa, ride through it in a wacky pose. I guess you have to be somewhat invulnerable, right? Well, not invulnerable, but at least...

When he's not moving, he is vulnerable. Like how he got shot in the knee. Oh, that's true. You kicked out one of his knees. Do you think if I'm running at supersonic speeds? Yeah. I jump. Yeah.

Okay. So I'm moving now, but only it's gravity and momentum that are pushing me, not my own super speed. Yeah. I go into the side of a mountain. Will I go the whole way through the mountain? No. Or will I end up halfway in? It'd be like if you shoot a mountain.

That. That's awesome. So you'd have to shoot a mountain beforehand. Yeah, I'd have to pull out, you know like how you break the water tension or whatever? I shoot the mountain, then run into it. Yeah. Get killed by my own bullet. No, get killed by the mountain.

No, if I shoot the bullet, and then I run into the bullet. Yeah, you run through it. I'll back, it's like a tenet bullet. That's crazy. Except if you then ran through the bullet and stopped, you wouldn't heal. Your bullet would just go straight through the hole again. Yeah, that's true, that's true. Well, probably at a slightly different angle.

It would really fuck you up getting shot twice with the same bullet. Do some serious damage. Yeah, because by also going through it, you're also changing the momentum of that bullet. It's going to end up with a totally different path. How many times can I get shot by the one bullet? I reckon twice. I just keep moving back and forth. Two, maybe

three times. I saw my body enough with just one bullet. If you're going back, you're then going back in time. If you run reverso. Yeah, but can you not just run reverso fast? I don't know! I think so. Yeah, but he doesn't in the movie.

But that's when he's going back in time, though. Oh, yeah, but you can probably do it regularly. Yeah, because he runs so fast that he starts going back in time. I don't think he's actually running backwards when that part happens. No, I think he's running forwards, but the world is going... It's tenet again. Yeah. Because he looks like he's going...

I can't believe it's teneted. Yeah. Well, I think his lower half is going but the world is going... It's tenet again. Yeah. Because he looks like he's going... I can't believe it's teneted. Yeah. Well, I think his lower half is going backwards, but his top half isn't. I think you could run backwards as good as you could run backwards, right? Yeah. Yes. So it would look slightly worse. You're going to trip over and fall through the bullet.

Yeah. I'm going to get full of holes. There's one bullet that I fired from a gun. So yeah, I think if you did jump at a wall, because you have enough force and power, presumably but this flash that we see isn't breaking his hand, you have enough. I could make a hole in the mountain. It's not injuring you, right? I'll be alright.

But he does get shot with a bullet. Yeah, but that's when he's stopped, right? But then Zod also like, hits him, like trips him up when he's running. Yeah, so I can still get physically damaged. But I heal quick. Yeah, So I can still get physically damaged. Yeah. But I heal quick. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So. Not if you're dead. Yeah. Well, yeah. If I'm killed by the mountain, I'm just killed by the mountain. Yeah. I know this is one of your favorite bits, but imagine how much shrapnel you could get

in you. Oh, I would be full of shrapnel. I loved that moment in the movie. I think you'll end up full of like stones and stuff. You'll be covered in like... Like I'm not moving quite fast enough to... You know what you should do? You love the shrapnel part so much.

You should just run through a tip. Yeah! Just get full of knives. Knives. Some rubbish. Rubbish. Banana peel. Yeah, you'd be awesome.

Well, that's probably something I'd try as well, put a banana peel down and see if I can trip on it, you know? See if I could slide on a banana peel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See if I'm going too fast for putting my roller skates or blades or whatever and see if my powers still work, realize they don't. Look embarrassing. In high school, I once saw a guy slip on a banana peel

trying to prove that you don't slip on banana peels oh my god it was awesome and this wasn't a bit no he hurt himself it was even better he wasn't like

this is a funny thing I'm doing no he was like I'm slipping ironically it was like a it wasn't like a theater kid guy it was like a

nerdy type of guy that was like actually you can't do that and then he was like look and then slip and hurt himself oh that's awesome yeah was like look and then slip

Tried to pen and tell a banana No, he just fell because he wasn't to fall Stealing stealing going somewhere stealing and pacing themselves on a mountain seems to be where we're at with super speed at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it'd be cool to try different foods, and you'd need it. So you could quickly burn off something and be like,

I'm going to try something in Turkey or wherever. Actually, that's a good idea, using it to do a round-the-world tour where you're running the whole time, but also just eating the whole time. Anthony Bourdain, but the flash. I can imagine a supersonic across the waters while you have a whole

link of sausages. Like a naughty dog. Anthony Bourdain had a heroin period I think. You could do heroin. You could do heroin. I was thinking heroin. I was going to say heroin makes you slow

and Bourdain travelled the world doing heroin and tasting food, so he did a slow version. Flash would be like the opposite. That's interesting. That is interesting. He can't get drunk. He can't get drunk. But heroin's a little bit stronger than alcohol, right? But will you only get a mile of it from heroin?

It wouldn't really hit the way it's meant to? Flash is doing heroin. As far as he could get. I i do heroin then i guess yeah i do heroin too you can't get drunk at all right yeah can you get drunk at all or is it like if i know because his metabolism's so quick but what if he drank like pure ethanol and didn't move yeah yeah movement, nothing in his stomach. Well, no, because he's at the bar in the post-credits scene and he's been drinking with Arthur. I almost said Arthur Fleck, but that's the Joker.

That would be a twist. Wouldn't that be a twist? I would run into the Arthur Fleck universe and go, wow, look how grim it is. This is so real. Comic book movies are actually serious. They're actually from cool art guys. Whoa this universe feels like it was created by an auteur.

I don't even need to see the king of comedy I get it. Ah did someone try and do a facsimile of Scorsese? I'd bring Scorsese in I'd be like look at this. Look at this homage to you. You'd like this, yeah? This is from the visionary director of The Hangover 1, 2, and 3. And Due Date. And Old School.

He loves to make a new version of an old movie. Todd Phillips has made so many movies that are just previews. Like another movie. Yeah, it's so funny. Because Old School is Fight Club. Apparently Fight Club. Due Date is Plane, Train, and Automobiles. What's the War Dogs Because old school is Fight Club. Apparently Fight Club. Jude Data is playing trains and automobiles. What's the War Dogs or whatever it is called?

War Dogs is a movie that lost some money. Yeah. That's good. It was an alright film. Yeah. And then obviously Joker is King of Comerica. King of Comerica. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you were saying you'd go into the Arthur Flick. No, before that. Aquaman, they're drunk together. Oh, yeah. He is just Barry there, so he's probably Arthur Flick. No, before that. Aquaman, they're drunk together. Oh, yeah. He is just Barry there, so he's probably not moving fast. Yeah, that's true. Because he's not. So you'd have to do some hardcore shit if you wanted to buzz.

You'd have to be drinking, like, lizard poison. Yeah. Just munching down on rat poison. Yeah. Or the buzz you get from rat poison. Just, like, huffing in chemicals. Yeah, is rat poison an upper or a downer? Whatever's under the sink.

Yeah. I don't know which lizards have poison in them, so if I was trying to do the lizard poison... You're just eating a lot of poison. Oh, yeah. Just sucking on the back of a car, just like... Smoking a car.

That's not what you expect when you get flash powers. I think I have super speed Give me five seconds Do you smoke a car? Yeah! You're incredible! With poisons or toxins or whatever If you have a higher metabolism

Does it go through your system quicker And it doesn't hurt you as much? That's a great question I don't know Is that relevant? Would it just kill you? If I was like watch this and get a cobra, and just like stab myself in the leg,

I'm like, doesn't even hurt. Can I process it like quicker and it'll be out of my system? Or do I get killed? Yeah, well, but isn't the flash instantly? Everything's moving so quickly that the cobra venom would hit Sam's heart within a millisecond. Yeah, yeah, but isn't the flash, everything's moving so quickly that the cobra venom would hit Zama's heart within a millisecond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because your heart's beating so fast and then just pumps the cobra poison throughout your body.

I have cobra venom everywhere. But you do have a healing factor, but is that just because your body's going faster? But my blood is now pudding. Yeah. Zama's blood's become very thick. That's so funny as well to be like, check this out. Dabba's helped me to go for a dive. But it's thick, but it's spread throughout, right?

You would blow it up horrendously. Because you've seen it where it coagulates like a little, like a peach, just a blood or whatever. But like it's going so quick, it's going all throughout and diluted. So if alcohol can't get him drunk, is it still doing damage? Like if he just drinks like a... 40? Like a liter of vodka. Yeah. Will that still fuck him up, but just not

get him drunk? Can you poison the flash? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like if he's not aging, I feel like that must mean something, right? Yeah. His cells regenerate really quickly. Because he should. He should just be like, and immediately die. It's like He cells regenerate really quickly. Yeah. Because he should. He should just be like and immediately die.

It's like he turns 90. Strike my lightning and become 90 immediately. Huh. That lightning made that guy old. What the fuck? I guess I don't know

enough about lightning to get this out. Oh, I went through chemicals. The chemicals made him old and lightning killed him. Would you want to get struck by lightning if it made you old?

Is that something you're interested in? How old? I don't know, 80? Do I hold a flash for all this? What's the benefit? It's funny that the benefit in that is

you get struck by lightning and the downside is but you're 80 now. I do it when I was 80. Okay, so you're 160. I do it when I was 85. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, smart.

Go backwards in time. Get your spirits 80 to 85 again. The good years? Eternal youth? I was 85 yeah yeah smart go backwards in time get spirit 80 to 85 again the good years yeah eternal youth yeah I think that

out of everyone I know Jackson you're the one most likely to get struck by lightning yeah I think that's really that's almost like

not worth saying it's obvious yeah do you think I'd survive it mmm no I'd climb to the top of a tree to get like

honey like Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. And I guess overshot the beehive and got to the top of the tree. It's a thunderstorm. You're excited. I'm excited. I'm like, oh, wait a second. Lightning's awesome.

I extend my hands up to the heavens. Crack. Am I dead? From the fall, probably. And also because you're standing on a tree, probably. If you're on the heavens. Crack! Am I dead? From the fall, probably. And also because you're standing on a tree, probably. If you're on the ground, because you know you've got to make a circuit with Earth, yeah? That's true, yes.

But the tree's making the circuit. It goes through me, into the tree, into the beehive. Bees get angry. Honey gets cooked. Honey gets cooked. Boiled honey. I fall out of the tree, crack my neck, and dead. Here's how I think. Boiling honey drips on your leg.

Here's how I think you getting struck by lightning would happen. I can imagine you being on the top of a hill or something, getting struck by lightning, like falling down the hill a bit, rolling down, somehow your pants fall down, your ass is out, you do a fart. Yeah, yeah. And it smells kind of cooked. And then you're like. Yeah, yeah. And it smells kind of cooked. And then you're like...

And you're like, hoof! Oh my god! And I stand up and I'm like, what the fuck just happened? But you know. I know, yeah. What the fuck? That was awesome. I do this because I got the beehive in my head. I just put my fingers, I poke

a hole so I can see. Bees flying out. Big puffy eyes for the bee stings. Guys! This is the best day of my life! That is how it works. It's funny that out of the Flash powers

the thing you're most excited for is not any of the powers, but just the concept of having an excuse. Yeah, the process of the powers, but just the concept of- Getting struck by lightning. Having an excuse. Yeah, the process of- Well, it's about the journey. Yeah, exactly. All right, what about being able to phase through things? I think I'm robbing a bank.

Yeah. Me too. Yeah. Because this is the thing. In media and stuff, it's like, wow, they really crossed the line. They robbed a bank. But if you can rob a bank without having to deal with a person- Yeah, who cares?

Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Insurance or whatever. If you go into a bank and having to deal with a person, who gives a fuck? If you go into a bank and you're waving a gun around, yeah, that's bad, because you're threatening people. But if you can just phase through a wall, take the money, why not? Have it, who cares? Fuck the bank. How would you do it? Talk me through your heist plan with phasing. It's night time. I phase

through the wall. Which wall? The side of the wall of the bank. So you don't mind getting caught on security cameras? I'm fast. Oh yeah, okay, fair enough. Also, you're constantly moving, so you're constantly blurry. Also, wear a mask. Yeah, whatever. I was just checking

because I was like, I don't know where the vault is in a bank. I wouldn't know either, but you just keep vibrating through. You could probably guess. Yeah, you could probably say the back somewhere. If you're looking at a bank, it's not where the tellers are and it's not where the people, the customers go. I know vaguely the shape of the building.

There's not that much to search. And I'm very fast. Underground, whatever, whatever. It's not a maze. It was a maze as well. Let's keep phasing. Get some cash. I might do a maze with the phase Let's keep phasing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get some cash. Yeah. You're right about that.

I might do a maze with the phase powers. I think I can do it. The only thing is I don't know how to disable or what to do with ink blot pack things. Yeah. Getting sprayed with the paint. Well, phase the money out. Do they have them in the vault, though, with the money? I don't know.

Isn't that a separate thing that they give you? Oh, when they grab a bag and then they put the... Yeah. I don't know. That's true. No, I think it's for like, if it's like one of those Armagard trucks, that money will be inked. Sure. But if it's in a bank, I don't know if it would be.

So there you go. But also... Surely if it's in a bank, though, there would be bank employees that fuck up and get covered in ink all the time. Yeah, you would think so. Yeah, so I'm guessing there probably wouldn't be ink. Plus, can you phase off the ink? I guess so. Probably, yeah.

Oh, I could phase off the ink if it got me, though. Yeah, yeah. Phase it out somewhere else. Or if you've got all the money, just grab the money and, like, phase the money out of the ink. I'm robbing a bank so quick. Oh, yeah. And then people will be like, wow, you're a bad guy. I'm like, no, this is a neutral thing.

Yeah, yeah. It means nothing to rob a bank. Yeah. Like, I mean, I don't even... Robbing a bank seems almost too much work. Why don't you just zip along and just grab any old wallet? Yeah, yeah. I'll be on the train and I'll just phase my hand into someone's wallet.

No, but now you're stealing from people. Are you stealing from people in a bank? No, I'm not. No, you're not. What if... Actually, hang on. Fuck this. I can do everything all in one shop.

Yeah. Calls. Oh, yeah, that's true. Rob the calls. I'm getting my chicken. And then I'm phasing through all the registers, grabbing the money, phasing through wherever they keep all their money,

grabbing that money. I'm sweet. I'm done. I'm just PG with my chicken and Kohl's money, living like a goddamn king. It depends how much money you want, because Kohl's would probably only have, like, they'd have thousands of dollars,

but they wouldn't have, like, hundreds of thousands. They would have life-changing, yeah. How many coals are there? Well, you could be quick. There's a lot of coals. I'm very quick. Bankrupt coals in one day. Do you need money if you're the Flash? No.

Like, what are you buying? A house? You can just steal a house. Yeah, you need enough for a place. Yeah, that's true. House. You'd have to get the money from different places, because they'd be like, why do you have so much cash?

You've got to launder it. Yeah, you've got to launder it. No, you don't need them for holidays. You don't need a car. Why are you driving? Is there a way to place a bet by seeing the race happen and then get back to a terminal?

So you place a bet, you're at the dogs. And then you do a backwards run? Oh, I was thinking I place a bet, then I get on the horse. You get on the horse. You get on the horse. I push the horse as fast as I can. Also, what I'm describing is just like looking at a TV, and you're seeing the race, and then you put a bet in. So, yeah.

You would move the horse. You're down to the dog, you pick up a horse. Going down the track, seeing the dog win, zipping down and making the bet. I don't know the delay. Oh, yeah, that's true. Probably not much. No. But pushing the horse.

But if you get behind a horse, you grab it on the rump and you run really fast. Yeah. Put your hands right into it. And then the horse wins, throws up. Real bad. The horse is sick for some reason. Also, that horse had the strangest run we've ever seen

where its back legs were getting pushed into its front legs. Like a wheelbarrow. Yeah. What the fuck is that horse doing? But it's so quick. And it never wins again. I go over the crosswalk, you just vomit, keel over, dash.

But I won! Is it okay to kill a horse for money? Maybe. Maybe for the flash it is. I don't And how much money What's the safest way to move a horse quickly Cause it would just look like an accordion I think that they would void the bet

I mean You could grab it's rein I was imagining briefly grabbing it's head And then running to the end But then I just drop all horses Fuck Everybody watching is like That horse is just

Detached and appeared over there fuck everybody watching is like that horse just detached and appeared over there and then I'm at the bookie like does that does that count no

a bit that horse is scratched now what if the nose of a horse because whoever's nose gets there first

I don't know it was the nose you'd be taking this to court yeah I'd be like I don't know I mean like yeah take a bookie to court.

That'll go well for you. Well, they'll never figure out I was responsible for the horse's death. Yeah. I mean, there is ways without absolutely ruining a horse's day. Yeah. What you could do is, like, stop the other horses a little bit. Oh, that's true. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Or just trip them up. Yeah. Spook them. Once again, now you're ruining many horses' days. You can take their heads off. The granddaddle void the race. And also ruined a lot of horses' days.

One horse survives, the other horse is all beheaded in one second. Would that void the race? Yeah, it's just like a natural thing that happens. So believes everybody at the horse track. If a horse's head fell off in the race, they would probably void the race. I think we're stopping this. We need to investigate.

There is foul play. It's got to be an inquest. If you broke every horse's leg on a horse, no, the race would continue. You're right. But if you did anything that seemed unnatural, they'd be like, something fishy is going on. I guess you could go to a race car

because then you wouldn't have to kill anything that is true that's probably the better option yeah I guess I mean you could play poker and just zip around

and see who has cars oh yeah that's true that's a way better way to do it instead of killing a horse well that's actually an even easier roulette yeah that's true

it looks like it's going to go on oh never mind double zero okay fair enough. Yeah, that's true. So I just play roulette. Actually, I just do roulette.

Yeah. Done. I'm still robbing the bank. Yeah, that's fair. You can do both. Yeah. Then I'll launder it. I'm sure there's a quick way to launder money if you find it.

Yeah, roulette. Casinos. That's where we rob the bank first, go to the casinos, bet big, win big. And FTs, also good for laundering money. Oh, yeah. Now's a great time to get into them. I think so. Well, I mean, it still good for laundering money. Oh, yeah. Now's a great time to get into them. Well, I mean, it still works for laundering money, surely. Yeah, like at this point, who cares?

Because you just say, this picture of a fucked ape is worth $10 million, and people could be like, no, it's not. And you're like, that's what someone paid for. Yeah. That someone was me. All right. So I guess, yeah, phasing also good for stealing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess lightning powers. What are we doing with lightning powers? I'm going to shock my good friend Jackson because he wants to get struck with lightning so bad. Oh, then we can do it safely. Yeah, that's cool. That's nice. How is it safe?

Well, it's safer than getting struck by light because you can control how much electricity goes in me. And he's also, at this point, I'm imagining also the flat. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You're actually killing me because I killed all those horses, but I don't realize. This is going to be awesome. I'm going to take you down to the lake at Ofmison Menu.

Just doing that weird flash symbol behind my head. Jackson, look out of the lovely lake. Hey, well, I killed so many horses today. Yeah, dude. That was so soft. It's really fucked up I didn't win the race. That's okay. You did a good job, buddy.

I think so. That's far less dignified. That's a crazy thing to say. It's less dignified to be electrocuted in the head than shot in the head. It's true. It is true, though. Yeah, it's kind of messy. There's a certain dignity to being shot in the back of the head.

I think because it's sudden. Yeah, exactly. Electricity, I'm in pain for a lot longer. And the chances of me pissing myself are way higher, I think. Yeah, you might do a little throw up. Yeah, yeah. Okay, then. Well, what about time travel, then?

Running so fast, you go back. Remembering that there is dire consequences to changing anything. I'm changing so much. Exactly. Literally anything. Everyone's George Clooney. At this point, if I go back in time, I've got to do this one thing. I've got to save my good friend Jackson from getting shot by a pig.

Shot by a pig? Killed by a pig. Killed by a pig. Killed by Dusha. Yeah. Go back in time do the karate chop when you're piggy. You were my friend.

See there we go. He's bringing it back. He's bringing it back and I'm like well I did my one good thing but then that ruined like reality. I'd be like

well what else can I do? I can't get back. You can do short things right? If you're like if I just go back like five ten seconds that's okay right? That's what like maybe but well The movie doesn't really make it clear. I can't get back you can do short things right if you're like if I just go back like 5-10 seconds that's okay right that's what

like maybe but well the movie doesn't really make it clear but if you go with the spaghetti theory that's just a kind of like

similar-ish universe not quite the same so I'm just hopping down through different realities I guess do you think

that there's you know cause like that comes from that you go back in time you step on a bug you're gonna change everything do you think

there's something small enough you could do that it would have no consequences? Like if you went back in time, assuming we live back to the future rules or whatever. Kill you with lightning. No consequences. Nothing changes. No funeral, no amour. The weird. No, there's nothing that you could do that would affect, like that would not affect anything.

Even if you buy just like staying still and then going back back forward you're breathing in atmosphere you're breathing in air you're breathing in molecules what if i go back in time to a cave yeah stay in the cave for a second come back to the present well you've already changed those atoms and stuff that's in that yeah is it gonna have any real effect well i don't know but probably like it'll have some kind of i'm gonna risk it Yeah So hey People have found a For some reason

A new balance Footprint That is millions of years old Yeah that's true Viral marketing is horrible now Well it's that thing about like Sperm right Alright

It's like the chances of You know Go on I know many things about sperm which one is this thing that changes the sperm we've also recently heard about the old cum is good uh this is going to jackson okay well that's more mutations yeah yeah which i was right about whether or not you're right about it you're right about it and the moment that any so in a previous episode jackson claimed that al pacino having kids now is good because he's got old sperm which means that the amount of mutations this child is

likely to have is higher which will further the human species yeah i think it's the opposite i claimed i read this in an article this wasn't my isn't old sperm like bad well no it's bad because it leads to genetic you're not good mutations you might be like you're gonna get something sick it's gonna al pacino's going to have a weakness or something. Well, no, I mean, it might, because any type of mutation could end up being beneficial. Could be beneficial. Could be a gills?

We don't know. We don't know. Al Pacino, hero. Yeah. I'm glad he's having sex with his 28- or 9-year-old wife. So, yeah, so when you go back in time and you change something, so you change someone's day. You touch anything, anybody, then it's a sperm knock-on effect.

Suddenly the kids that they are supposed to have or anyone's supposed to have is, like, slightly altered, and the chances of any of us being here is ridiculous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that will be wiped. It's like, yeah, if my dad had come, like, just, like, a moment, you know, like a day later, a day before, if he knocked one off that morning or if he didn't,

such a different person. Or even the same time in different positions. Different sperm wins the race or whatever, you know. An extra pump. Yeah. Exactly. We're going to hold it in one more thrust. There would be a whole, you'd get back to the present and there would just be, everybody would be different.

Yeah. Like literally everybody. Yeah. Which, you know, okay. Yeah, whatever. I've lived 30-something years on Earth as is with all these people. Why not try it again with different people? I come sit down and it's Jojo and Jackson.

Oh, well. Give the other sperm a bit of a go. Yeah, that's true. Well, is there anything you go back and change then? Like, Xamarin's just going crazy. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to exit people, whatever. You're doing like

Year 12 muck-up day. I bought a goat into the school. I bought three cows into the school, label the one, two, and four. I can't find the third cow. Anyway, here's a greased pig. I dacked the principal.

Anyway, here's the principal's heart. I was doing a face thing and I got too far. I dacked him really bad. It's killed him. Well, good luck catching me. Into the future. It is tricky because I do like the idea of traveling back in time and just fucking everything up.

But then you can't go back to your old life ever. No. The moment you go, like, I'm going to do something good and noble. Oh, shit. Well, the die is cast. I'm going to go into the future? Yeah, I was going to say, that could be an idea. Which is something that the Flash movie doesn't seem to think.

No, he can, though, because he goes back to the future. No, he goes back, which because he goes back to the future. Yeah, yeah. Which means he can go into the future. No, but he does go into the... We'll see what's going on, because I feel like it's harder to fuck shit up in the future. Actually, yeah, what if I just went back in time and just stuck my head out and had a bit of a geese? Yeah, you could have a sticky beak.

Oh, yeah, you need to get out and have a look. I might have a sticky ass. I'll do that and scare me as a child. I'll stick my head out as little baby me is lying in the crib and I'll be like, and then take my head back in. That'll affect nothing, I reckon. I think I'll end up normal. Get really sick, shrink a foot, and also don't have flash powers.

I'll start crying. Somehow my posture becomes way worse. Oh, whoops. I'm so sick. It just made me ill. It just gave me like a stomach ache. Oh, fuck. A time tourist could be a good use of that.

Yeah, that's true. You better be scaring yourself as a baby. I can scare my friends as a baby. That's true, yeah. It wouldn't have to be you. It doesn't have to be me. To fuck them up. Everybody's posture's bad now, you know.

I feel like you could just scare a baby at any point. That's true. You can do it now. Yeah. If you wanted. Yeah, when you're walking down the street, someone just walks in with a pram, get yelled at by the parent.

Why would you do that? It's science. I'm doing it for science. I'm the Flash. Or I was in an episode I did. An episode? Yeah, yeah. I do this podcast.

We're popping the desk. No, I don't. Yeah, I did it. We were being the Flash and I scared a baby. The baby was me, though. Yeah, and it made me sick. Anyway, I'm trying it out on your baby. But Mr. Sunday Movie said I could scare any baby I wanted to.

He also does a podcast. I said could. I didn't say should. He also doesn't podcast. I said could. I didn't say should. He gave me permission. He gave me permission. Or he's a mission. Maybe you should be mad at him. He told me to go out here and just scare all the babies I can,

but now everyone's yelling at me. I'm the victim here. My baby is crying. You're just yelling. It's also funny because it sounds like it also ends with you crying. And feeling a bit sick Yeah Gives me a stomach ache Yeah

How about you James You change anything I don't think I would I mean it's not very exciting But like what a disaster And then I'd never be able To fix it Oh no yeah

Not in many years I hate to go back to this Like oh I've got kids Like yeah who cares right I care me Yeah But like Check out this guy

Loves his kids What a loser Boo But like I feel like I'd fuck that up And then I'd have different kids And then I'd spend the rest Of eternity trying to get back me but like check out this guy loves his kids but like I feel like I'd fuck that up and then I'd have different kids

and then I'd spend the rest of eternity trying to get back to those original kids I'm about timing myself you're about timing yourself I can't deal with this best to stay put

go to Fiji and just eat stolen chicken going forward though sure what's going on see what's going on would it fuck you up seeing what's coming for you

like if you knew how you were gonna die would that affect your life? How far in the future have I gone? Why would I go? Because that would definitely affect me. It'd be like, oh, 40 years, sweet. Well, 10 minutes.

40 years in the future and it's just an old grave? Oh, no. Die. Oh, no. The idea of being like, oh, I'll be safe. I'll just go five years in the future and then being like, oh, I'm dead. Well, you technically would be because no one would have seen you for five years. So in that initial timeline, like you'd go back and then that would.

Yeah, but in that timeline, I was missing presumed dead for five years. And my kids, who I love, as I mentioned, would be like, my dad just disappeared for no reason. He went and did a podcast with some boys. He's like, I'm done for, I'm gone. And then he just never came back. Yeah. It's also funny to be like, with seeing how you die, fuck you up. Of course.

Yes. We're not affecting you. We're not fucking you up. Why would you be like, no big deal, whatever. Well, would you go then, well, I know how I'm going to die. So basically until that point, I'm invincible. Well, that is good. No, because you're falling for the trap of. Yeah, it's how you die. Because you know. No, because you know, you're like point I'm invincible. Well, that is good. No, because you're falling for the trap of...

Yeah, it's how you die. Because you know? No, because you know you're like, I'm invincible, but you're not invincible because in that reality you didn't see how you died, so it changes. Yeah, that's true. You didn't know, yeah. So the moment you step out to the road,

hit by a bus or something, I thought it would swim! Come on. It really makes you realise how stupid The Flash is. Yeah. When you think about it for like a minute. It's dumb as hell. Don't do anything.

No. Don't movie dumb guy. Yeah. He really just should have stolen chicken and just had a sit. Yeah. I think you're right. I love how he's like, Bruce Wayne, I could save your parents. And you end up just completely erasing Ben Affleck.

Oh yeah, that's true. Well, it's also that he goes back in time to save his mum, ends up having to make sure his mum dies, and also kills his best friend. So the message of the movie is that that was right? So, sorry, going back to

he erases Batfleck, but then we get Clunefleck. So does that mean, that's the alternate sperm theory, right? I guess it is, yeah. But he's older. So it's an earlier pump. Yeah.

Or a later pump. Do they have the same parents? Presumably. I don't know if they're the same parents, but it's Martha and... Oh, yeah, because it changes the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. At some point in the past.

It would be someone called Martha and someone called Thomas. Yeah, that's true. They had a kid and they called it Bruce. They're always going to have a kid the past. It'd be someone called Martha and someone called Thomas. Yeah, that's true. They had a kid and they called it Bruce. They're always going to have a kid called Bruce. It's different now. This is all just different cummies. Okay. Well, because, yeah, when...

Because, like, Bruce Wayne is still Bruce Wayne, even though Bruce Wayne's really old in... Yeah, yeah. Like, when they get the Keaton Batman. Yeah, it's not alternate reality. It's just alternate cum. Yeah. That's...

Wow. I mean, I'm assuming... Hang on. Yeah, yeah. What am I even saying? I don. I mean, I'm assuming. What am I even saying? I don't even know what I'm going to say. Say it. I don't know. Just keep going. Just keep going.

The Flash has fucked with all of our brains. Yes, I think you're right. The thing the Flash should have done, don't worry about going to the future or the past or saving any, just rob a bank. Rob a bank. Steal some chick. Run around a bit. Just be bank. Steal some chicken. Run around a bit. Just be happy

you got struck by lightning. That's the message. He got struck by lightning and then put a baby in a microwave. Imagine how happy you'd be if you got to do those things.

He actually got struck by lightning twice, dude. Three times. Four times, actually. Four times struck by lightning in his muggins over here. That happened to me once. He got struck once.

The worst thing that's happened to me is I got electrocuted by a pig lamp. And he's gone back for more. Hey, it's pretty fucking crazy that not only did you almost die with a pig lamp, but then a real-life pig gave you testicular cancer. You've got to stay away from pigs. Pigs are dangerous for me. What's that about, dude?

A pig's going to kill you, dude. A pig will kill me one day. That's what I was going to say. There must be set points or what I was going to say. There must be set points or set people that have to exist. Yes, that's true. So you have to have pig interactions. That's your, like the fulcrum. Like that has to happen in some way.

Those are my canon moments. Like Supergirl had to die. You had to get stepped on by a pig. Yeah. That's inevitable. I can't avoid it. I'll push Ninja, the pig that stood on my nuts out the way, and another pig will come in.

Karate, the pig will come in. A week later, I'm sitting there at the petting zoo or whatever, and I'm like, oh, my nuts popped out my shorts. Oh, no! Hey, yeah, because it was Ninja the pig, and the kid that saved your life used to- Karate! What's going on? Dude. What the fuck?

You need to be wary of pigs. Do I need to see a psychic or something? Yes. Yeah, might as well see what's going on. They're real. They'll just be like, let me do a tower reading. The pig, the pig, the crush nuts. Is that something that has happened or will happen?

I don't know. These cards, I've never seen those before. These are not part of a traditional deck. To be honest, I was expecting whatever card meant new beginnings, but the bad version. Okay, let me just say that. Another pig? Another pig? Oh, god damn.

Did you pig my cards? Yeah, do you have like a trick deck that's all pigs and one crushed nut? That's scary. But yeah, so the flash, the more you think about it, the less it makes sense. But yeah, I guess certain people have to exist in time, but also should you travel back in time if you've got Flash powers? Probably not. Unless you just plan on fucking everything up. Why not?

If you're on chaos mode anyway, who cares? Yeah. Well, if you want to experience, I guess, two lifetimes, you're just like, okay, I'm going to hit a hard reset on my life at age 35. Then yeah, sure. Yeah, I want to see all these ultimate comes. Can you erase yourself, though? The Flash doesn't explore this. Well, and also,

if you hit 85 and then go back in time, you don't go back in... You don't de-age. No, I know. That's why I said 35. Yeah, okay. Yeah, fair enough.

Also, maybe I just see another version of me. Yeah. Like another Flash will just be there in that universe because I will be jumping to a different universe.

The movie makes a huge deal about the fact that the Flash should meet another Flash and they teamed up for the whole movie and there's no explanation if it's true.

They're like, we should do this. Whatever. The one went bad? Is that a thing? But he got away good. He got full of shrapnel. That's why he went bad.

And then his world ended anyway, so who cares? What's going on? Anyway, I reckon we'd use the Flash powers better than the flash

as discussed in this episode please see attached episodes that episode you just listened to that's proof and Jackson's

gonna go scream with some babies now so we're gonna end the episode now and on that note James said so I said could you need to

it's your destiny I reckon you're gonna go outside go and try and scream into a pram said so. I said could. He told me he said you need to. It's your destiny. I reckon you're going to go outside and try and scream into a pram and it'll be a pig in there. It's going to be

like someone's going to have a Peppa Pig sticker on the side. Oh, that's true. And that's how you're going to get startled by that

trip of a back that's hit by a bus. Death is coming for you in the shape of a pig. And on that note, note don't know how but it's gonna happen I've been Joel

I've been Jackson I've also been Joel I've been James and where can we find you James wow great question I have a podcast it's called The Weekly Planet we talk movies and comics

and TV shows I also have a YouTube channel called Mr. Sunday Movies and also my wife Clay Tonti she has an album it's called Matressence which is touring through the UK during the month of July

and it's an incredible album. If you like good music, maybe give it a listen. It's on available all good platforms and whatever. ClaireTonty.com also, but, you know, Spotify and the like. Hell yeah. And that's how I've always done it, haven't I? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Big time. Don't see previous episodes. No, no, no. No, no, no. See this one. This is the only one that counts. Yeah, it's the flash. We went back in time or whatever. No, no, no. No, no, no. See this one. This is the only one that counts. Yeah, it's The Flash.

It went back in time or whatever. Yeah, that's right. It all comes together. But we all agree The Flash was a good movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was awesome, dude. Oh, my God. It's finally a win for comic book fans.

Yeah, yeah. Cinema's back. Not at all dead. Yeah, yeah. Cinema's risen from its grave. Big time.