Plumbing the Death Star - Who Thought Quidditch was a Good Idea?

Episode Date: November 24, 2014

In which our heroes get on our Nimbus 2000s, let the golden snitch slip through our fingers and get hit by a bludger while while wondering who thought Quidditch was a good idea? We look at the proud sport of Boulderhead, the problem of height, and the danger inherent in using cleaning equipment as sporting equipment. Jackson accuses Madame Hooch of having a drinking problem, Zammit wants to introduce some basic necessary regulations, and Duscher just wishes he could do a Scottish accent. It's a brutal, airborne, game of champions, that can only end when someone grabs a snitch.Want to help us get the newest Firebolt? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our quidditch career. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sanspans Radio, you should get that checked out. Today's episode is brought to you by Alex Barnes. Hey Alex, we should hang out sometime. Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Eaters, where we ask the important questions like, who thought Quidditch was a good idea? Why would anyone ever play Quidditch? Wizards, you know, like, they get bored.

They need to play some sports sometimes. They have wizard chess. That's pretty brutal. Also, they're wizards. They could literally do anything else. They could be like, hey, I have a dragon. Let's play dragon polo. Fuck, why not?

Or they could just be like, let's play soccer. Or let's play... Let's just play wizard soccer where the ball has wings or some whatever let's just wrestle like let's just get together in a big pile and wrestle but no my issue is not that like they're wizards they could do whatever they want it's just that quidditch is such a convoluted piece of shit of a game it is oddly specific like there's so much to it that you're like, what are they doing? It's not specific. It's basically, all right, so we've got baseball. Sweet.

Let's also have... Hoops. Hoops involved. Yep. Okay, cool. And let's just throw in a greased-up rat into the stadium. Someone catches that. We have one guy catching that greased-up rat. And this is...

And also people... So these are three different games? No. One game. And to tie it all together, people that are trying to hurt everyone. You know what's also missing in games? Just people with sticks to try and break your kneecaps. Yeah.

That's what I miss in my game. That's such an odd, because they're not really necessary. I mean, none of them are necessary. It could just be the seeker looking for a snitch. Like, that is effectively what you're watching. Yeah. And think about it as a spectator sport, actually, because you barely see the seeker. He's just up in the clouds. It's like, you're watching it, you're watching. And think about it as a spectator sport, actually, because you barely see the seeker.

He's just up in the clouds. It's like you're watching it, he comes down, they're like, oh, he got the snatch. You're like, oh, okay, good. That came out of nowhere for me. I didn't get to see that. It was in clouds. But just think about it.

Sitting in a sports stadium, like a giant sports stadium, like a lot of people watch Quidditch. So just like a stadium to see 65,000 people and a guy just running onto the just, like, standing in the seat, 600 and, like, 65,000 people, and a guy just running onto the field, picking up a marble, and then holding it above his head, and cheering. That's not exciting for anyone.

That's just like, oh, he got it. Okay, what team is he? All right. Okay, neat. Good. My problem with Quidditch is it's very dumb. Like, very dumb. Yeah.

Because, like we just mentioned, it's a bunch of sports put together and made worse than just elevated. Yeah. Because, like we just mentioned, it's a bunch of sports put together and made worse than just elevated. Yeah. See, my issue is the lack of rules. Like, there's a ref, assuming there's a ref, because there is definitely a ref. I know Madame Hooch is like, I am refing this.

Madame Hooch is a ref. But she doesn't give a shit. Madame Hooch is a good name. Is Madame Hooch called Madame Hooch because she drinks heavily? I hope so. Is everyone like, Madame Hooch? I hopech because she drinks heavily? I hope so. Is everyone like, Madame Hooch! I hope she high-fives them. Hooch in the house!

Hooch in the house. I would watch that, whatever it is. What's the balls at the bludgers, yeah? Yeah, bludgers. So, fucking, what's his name? Dobby curses one just to be like, hey, thing, ball, just chase the fuck out of Harry, destroy him.

And that's just thrown into the field. No one cares. There's no ref going, hang on, someone's clearly meddling with that, tampering with that ball. Stop the game. Everyone, pause. Let's just grab this so it doesn't destroy Harry.

Is that like steroids? It's like ball tampering. It's just grab this so it doesn't destroy Harry. Is that like steroids? Like if that happened in the World Cup, would we be... It's like ball tampering. It's ball tampering. Which is... You seem like a man that isn't very familiar with sports. Ball tampering just sounds like a good time. Okay, so for an example,

like probably the best example of ball tampering... Ball trampling. Ball trampling. Ball handling. No. Ball tampering is... It happens a bit in cricket every now and then because it changes the way the ball bounces.

It confuses everyone. If you have a nail or something, you scratch up one side. Oh, okay. So it's like a weight thing. Sports talk. But in Quidditch, it's more like we're going to make this ball

literally kill a kid. Yeah. And he'll give us an advantage. Well, Dobby does it. Why does Dobby do it? Dobby does it because he wants Harry Potter out of Hogwarts. But that aside, anyone could, in a sense, do this.

Yeah, because they're all wizards. Also, another thing is where Quirrell is just like, I'm going to fuck up Harry Potter, and just starts muttering a curse. Yeah, if it is that easy, if it is that easy to interrupt a game of Quidditch and kill a guy, the World Cup would just be like... Murder.

They kind of fly in, everyone's like, yeah, and then they just all fall off and die. It's equivalent of watching the World Cup of Soccer where I'm allowed to be in the stand with a sniper rifle, just like shooting at their feet. Yeah, it's like you enter the stadium and they're like, here's your sniper rifle, don't shoot them.

It's like, hey, sniper rifle, can I shoot them? Well, it's frowned upon, but no one's going to stop you. You won't get in trouble. And the game will continue. It's more like, you're like, look, can I shoot someone? It's like, you can, but everyone has sniper rifles. We won't know who did it. No, it's like, you can, but everyone has sniper rifles. We won't know who did it. No, it's like, you can't, but you'll probably get away with it.

But I think on an even more fundamental level, like imagine playing soccer up high on something that you could fall off. Like that's fundamentally... We're talking about safety issues now? Yeah, like the safety issues of Quidditch. At the fundamental level, the thing you are playing Quidditch with is a broomstick.

Holding onto a broomstick cannot be easy. That is not designed for a man to sit on. I mean, one, like Harry's balls must be shredded when he gets off the field. He must hop down and like one of the little fucking water boys just comes up with a thing of ice and just chucks it on his junk Like any cyclist that goes through like that kind of problem Quidditch players have it worse

So much worse It's a broom They are not having kids Let's put it that way And what if like you're just playing and the bludger swings past your head Nearly misses you like Ah let go fall die Well the thing

Dad dumb There are so many times where they do fall And like Yeah there's falling from a great height Go fall, die. There are so many times where they do fall. There's falling from a great height, which is a problem in and of itself. Has been known to hurt people. Has been known to hurt. It happens. People break bones.

No one seems to die. I think there was a mention that no one's died in a couple of years playing Quidditch. A couple of years, and that's good. Two years. Let's be honest. That actually is a pretty good stat considering the dangers of the sport. So apart from just the broomstick problem

of just being up high in height, you then again, as we've mentioned, the bludgers, which are designed to just seek out players and hurt them? I've never really understood bludgers. Do they seek out players or is it the job of the beater to swing a bat and smack the bludger into another well both the beaters don't are the bludgers i don't think just home on to players they mentioned just like fly around like craig it's pretty much like i thought they hone in on at least no that's what because

that's what dobby does he hones in on harry it's like, fuck Harry. I think Douche is right. I think it's just chaos in the field. Yeah. So what if it hits someone and nobody smacked it and they die? Who's to blame? They hit. Like, Harry's hand gets smacked. Also, Oliver Wood gets smacked and he falls. All right.

So we've just discussed two things. But, okay, so heights in any sport would be dumb because everyone would get hurt. Bludgers in Quidditch are dumb because people get hurt but you've come like separately in actual sports they would both be individually terrible ideas that would result in deaths because one one is let's play it you've already combined the like bludgers hitting people in the sky it's just like i see what you mean yeah like if it was basketball and there were also bludgers, that's bad. Yeah.

And then if it was basketball up high and there were bludgers, that's worse. It's way worse. But with bludgers, they're not like a basketball. It's like playing dodgeball but with bowling balls. Isn't it like a medicine ball? I always imagine like a big medicine ball. It's wooden heavy. I figure there's at least an iron core.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And you have a bat you're smacking to people And they also make weird sounds Which kind of makes me think that they're somewhat sentient On an animal level, they're a bit aware They're aware what they are And I think that's why They may be not honing in on people

But they do want to cause pain At least the bludgers do How do you store your Quidditch balls? In a giant chest That's weird Chained up Literally chained up Because the snitches are sort of alive as well

Also chained up Yeah So they created a bludger And they were like We've got a spell on this ball And it'll just fucking gun around And they were like That's enough

Let's not make it stop when we want it to Chain it up You know how the transmuting How you can say Change a bird into a cup or whatever into a like they do that in one of the classes. Yeah. Neville fucks up and has like a furry cup.

Yeah, yeah, he's a rad cop. That's a pretty rad cop. What if they were like some sort of thing like a badger that they have all just transmuted into a ball and then keeps the sentience. Like if you had a badger in a flying ball form i think it would act similarly if not exactly the same to a bludger we're just assuming these are just like manufactured balls they're wizards there's

nothing to say there's like i don't know it could be a criminal student like maybe hey ask a bear overcrowded let's just turn this into a fucking bludger. Dangerous criminals hurting children in the form of balls. There's nothing to say that they couldn't. What also is weird about Quidditch is that it's not a very athletic sport. At all. The only people who are going to get any actual... You're going to throw shit. That's going to take effort.

Muscly fucking arms. Also, you can hip and shoulder people. Again, dangerous. Smack them off a broom, kill them, and you win. Just imagine this team of Quidditch players walking in. Two people on brooms, just trap one person and just drive them into the stadium.

Also, that's what bugs me. There's no out of bounds. There's literally no out of bounds. You be like flying in the stadium In the stadium chairs Through everything And also it doesn't end It doesn't fucking end until the golden snitch is captured There's been like games that have gone on for fucking years

Yeah I'm sure that there's mention of like The longest Quidditch game being like A year and a half or something If you're playing Quidditch and you're the seeker And you're like really up high and you're looking at the snitch and then you see it and an airliner just smacks into it and you're like, I guess I'm following that plane.

Otherwise the game doesn't end. If you go down and you're like, we need another snitch that will hit the plane, they're like, go get it. You know the rules, go get it. Also beat that guy who's already going after it, you better hurry up! Come on! A year and a half game! I would be so angry go get it also beat that guy who's already he's already going after it you better hurry up come on like fucking

a year and a half game I would be so angry at that fucking imagine your balls imagine your balls Jesus red tomatoes they take it in shifts

apparently but for their balls for the year and a half game or whatever it was I guess it's like every other sport there'd probably be a bench

there's a bit of a bench Harry should be on the bench every year if I'm in the stadium and it's been like the whole day and it's not ended, do I get free tickets to every subsequent game? Does everybody get to go home and sleep? I'm assuming. No.

Wait. Forever. We've already established that money is sort of irrelevant in the Wizarding World. Yeah, that's true. Whatever, just stick around. Come back. Come back. But if I was one of the team captain

and the game was going on, even for maybe two days, let alone over 300 days, I'd be pretty pissed off at the seeker. Like, why haven't you caught it? Do your job. Do your fucking job. Your job is to catch the fucking golden thing.

Just find that golden thing and fucking catch it. I'd be so angry. Also, the thing if you haven't... The thing about the snitches, it isn't like at the start of the game either. It just randomly appears. Yeah. Because there's nothing... Because again, there's nothing containing the snitch

to the field. It just kind of hangs around. So it could just... I'm sure it's charm to just stick about, right? How do you fucking... How does a game go for a year and a half again like surely there's yeah but imagine neither play neither seeker sees the snitch snitch just troops off yeah like just fucks off lands in someone's coffee they're like oh let's just throw it away yeah to the dump off to a landfill you could literally spend years years trying to find this

you'd have a you'd like graduate from high school, find your wife or husband, raise some kids on your deathbed, still haven't found the stitch, still technically playing the game. Like, what's your one regret, Grandpa? I still haven't caught that motherfucker. And he's still in his robe and on the broom the whole time. What I like about it is that if you're a critic player, the way you'd look is like a boxer

because you'd be bruised and fucked up from the bludger with these one buff-ass arm. You'd have like cauliflower ears, split lips. Just bruises everywhere. Another thing about Quidditch that is dangerous that even Harry Potter deals with in the first book is the snitch is small and you're flying around quite fast. Harry almost

chokes on it. It's a choking hazard as well. They've just disregarded every possible safety precaution. And there's when you get the quaffle so that goes through the hoops 10 points or whatever. That's the only part of Quench that makes sense.

If that was it, that was great. But then you've got that, but the golden snitch is worth 150, so there's almost no real point to scoring. You might not as well just sit and watch, frankly. There's some times when the math works out. I think they mention at first when they're explaining it to Harry,

because in the book, they do have to explain it to Harry. And he buys into that bullshit way too quickly. Way too quickly. He's like, that's dumb. Have you heard of football? They're like, on the ground? They're like, what about cricket? We're in England.

Yeah, exactly. But yeah, the teams have caught... I think they've played cricket with... Anyway, go on. People have caught the snitch And the team's lost Surely there's a strategy of If you're down by over 150 points

Don't catch the snitch Keep it in your field of vision Try to smack the other guy Who's already seen you chase something Try and kill some of the team Knock them off their broom Grevious bodily harm I think when you knock them off the team

If you don't have enough people to sort of fill your team You're like several men down Yeah yeah But okay I actually did a little bit of research Into how Quidditch came about So Quidditch is like a combination of lots of different sports We established that

No no but like wizard sports Oh oh So bludgers came around because there was this Scottish sport Wizard sport Where you're on brooms And you enchanted boulders And one team was supposed to hurl the boulders You had a bucket on the back of your head

And one team was supposed to make the bucket The boulders fly into the bucket On the back of your head And that was the game A problem of safety again. That's just like knocking people out of the sky like flies. But not a bucket or your head with a boulder very close. A boulder implies really large.

Like bigger than a bone. Not like a rock. No, no, no, no, no. A fucking boulder. We're talking at least the size of a decent table. Yeah. Pearled at your head. To try and get that.

Oh, we're just trying to get your bucket off. Come on, lad. Don't be such a faggot. Why are you such a pussy? It's just a boulder. Come on now. Come on. You fly up that way.

I'm going to try and get off your head. It'll be fine. Everybody's like, all right. All right. I'm down. Nobody can call me a f head. It'll be fine. Everybody's like, all right. I'm down. Nobody can call me a faggot. Do you know, in your research,

did you come across a name of it? Like, does it say? It's got some stupid fake Scottish name. Okay. Boulderhead. Boulderhead. You want a quick game of Boulder Head before bedtime. No, I don't want to get concussed again and forget who my wife is.

I'm sorry, miss. Your husband, he's concussed. He doesn't know what's happening. He got ABI again. We're playing Boulder Head, you know, it's a risk. She'd be like, oh, well, that's Boulder Head. What can you do, eh? It's not a weird game of Boulder Head. The snitch came about because somebody enchanted a little bird. She'd be like, oh well What can you do?

The snitch came about because somebody enchanted a little bird and was like, catch that That was a game That's a boring fucking game The Scottish knew what we were on It's like a transmuted little bird There you go I think transmuted is not the right word

You've been saying it this whole episode Isn't it transmuted? Transfiguration Also why is it a This is completely unrelated but just while it came up Why is it a first year subject? You're 12, turn this living thing Into something that is dead

Because you give them trauma early on And if you fuck up It's like half Like we were saying before, it's like a rat cup Kill me, kill me But the snitch wasn't introduced Until later on Hang on, so you're telling me that

The early games of Quidditch were played with an actual bird? No, no, nothing Oh, okay No, no, I mean early games were with a bird But before the bird was introduced It was just like, you gotta throw the quaffle through the hoop and you might get bludged that was the game I am on board with that

why would you ever adopt when it was some lady called patience I don't know something patient snitch comes in and is like this is a good game you've got it could do with two things a snitch and some patience but like why would you Great game. It could do with two things. A snitch and some patience.

But, like, why would you... Okay, let's do a little role play here. All right. I'm going to be Patient Snitch. Not her name. And I'm going to come in. You can be, like, the head of the Quidditch League. The board of directors. I'm going to be like,

Hi, how are you doing? I'm Patient Snitch. Remember that name? It's going to come in handy later. All right. So I've watched Quidditch. I've watched you play it. I've watched you play it.

It's a good time. It seems like a lot of fun. It's one of my favorite hobbies. Something that I've noticed is that you don't, like, have a really quick way to win the game. Well, no, because you've got to divide it into quarters. You know, it's like quarters, 20 minutes each, 25 minutes. I play this.

Well, yeah, that's all well and good. So, you know, it's a 25 minutes. I play this. Well, yeah, that's all well and good. So it's a time thing? I play this. No game finishes like, you know, it's like, hey, it's an hour long game. Don't you think it would be improved if there was a little bird on the field and you got another guy and it was his job to like catch that bird and then he got, say, 150 points and won the game? What do we think about that?

So we're taking away the time limit. Yeah, just if you catch this bird I found, because I just saw the bird and it was like, ding! Just ding! Ding! There's an idea. That's, you know. So does it like...

We'll see you for a second. I've got some questions. Okay, shoot But Before any questions Like This is a question actually So what

What happens if No one can catch the bird? Yeah, that's a good question So is it like Alright, so we've got an hour To play this game If no one catches that bird In an hour

It's fine I just think if no one catches the bird You just keep Kind of going Just like Keep on and on and on until somebody eventually gets the bird. Okay, so it's not like a, hey, we have this extra thing. It's worth some more points.

No, no, that's the only way to end the game. Get this bird I found. No, so it's just... It's just catch a bird, you win the game. You end the game. Otherwise, game forever. What if a... Wait, sorry.

Did you say game forever? Yeah, I mean if nobody catches the bird. Look, I'll just leave this bird with you. I'll just put it on the table. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. What if the bird goes up and there's like an airline that just I'm a wizard. I'm a witch.

Don't know what an airline is. I'm pretty sure you do. Enjoy the bird. Good idea, gang. Good idea. Fuck. i guess we have to now it's puzzling because we'd like say with boulderhead uh was there like i guess it just didn't finish until there was one person supreme boulderhead um champion i like you can't't say Boulderhead without a Scottish accent. Boulderhead. Boulderhead.

It's like Highlander, but with like fucking really large boulders. Throw them at your head. I have no idea if I can do a Scottish accent or not. Try it. Try to say Boulderhead with a Scottish accent. I'm very scared. Boulderhead. No.

That was terrible. I don't even know who you sound like. Boulderhead. Yeah, I need to practice. I'm not going to do it on you sound like. Boulderhead. Yeah, I need to practice. I'm not going to do it on mic. You have Boulderhead, you have the snitch. Where was the other one coming from? Was that another sports sport?

That was pretty much just, you know, like... Hey, soccer. Hey, soccer, three goals instead of one. Done. Move on. Next question. Or it's like, hey, soccer and basketball, just turn the basketball hoops upways.

Upways. Upways, just turn the hoops upways, make three of them, go for your life. How many quaffles is there? That's dumb. There's five, isn't there? Why is there so many fucking quaffles? Is there one quaffle? There's more than one quaffle.

Is there five or is there seven? I know there's two bludgers. There's two bludgers. I don't know. Yes. There's two bludgers. One snitch. No, or is it three bludgers, but there's two beaters on each team? Yeah, there's two beaters. No, I feel like there's a dumb amount of balls in this game. I know there's an uneven amount, certainly.

This is going to bother me, so keep talking. I'm going to do some quick research. But the mind does boggle, because why did you need to incorporate three sports to make one sport? It would be the equivalent of us going, all right, I like polo. Polo's fun. Polo's fun.

So let's get some horses in there. Go for horses. All right, so we've got horses and what else do we need? Grease up a mouse. Grease up a mouse again. Chuck that in. Chuck that in. So someone, not on a horse

Just running around Has to dodge the horses And try and grab the greased up rat And Two guys with BB guns Yeah And like dodgeballs But again, with your boulder

Yeah Alright, I'm back. I'm back in. That sounds alright. I'm back in. I'll answer my own question that I raised. Surely I know everyone's waiting with bated breath. Turns out I was super wrong. There's one quaffle, two... One quaffle, two bludgers,

and one snitch. There's only four balls. Which is the right amount of balls. Alright. Correct. Four. Teams of seven also. All right. Correct. Four. Teams of seven also, just in case anyone was wondering. Teams of seven, so two beaters, one seeker. And the rest are chasers.

And a keeper. Because, you know, a keeper is going to be able to do a fucking ton. You can only get score when you get the quaffle to the hoops. Like, he can't, like, like, hey look, smack a beater Into the keeper I think there should be more Does the game stop after you Get a quaffle through the hoop?

No Why can't you just fly, like get someone on the other side of the hoop Well as we pointed out There are no rules because the ref doesn't give a shit. Also, another thing that would easily fix one of the biggest problems we have with Quidditch, which is the height,

and is done in the Harry Potter series, but they don't actually bring it into Quidditch, is just to make the floor magically padded. Yeah. Or magically trampolines. Anything. No, magically padded. Yeah. Or magically trampolines. Anything. No, magically padded. Let's go with it.

I want trampolines. Trampolines is like you fall off, bounce back up, get hit by a bludger, die. Die. Yeah. Severe spinal trauma. I guess I don't know why they need a field at all. Harry falls off his...

Harry gets KO'd. They fall into sand and it sort of looks semi-padded. No, they fall onto a pitch, isn't it? I thought it was just a pitch. Yeah, it's like a grass pitch, which makes no sense. Do you reckon somebody mows that and hates their job? No, it's definitely grass because they walk onto it. No, it has to be magic.

Is there no gardeners in Harry Potter? Exactly. There'd be no gardeners. Just magic it away. Done. Think about it. If you're a gardener and you have like say you're a magician. Wait, magician? A wizard gardener.

Magician. Hey, want to see? Pick a card. We hired you as a gardener. Pick a card. You're a wizard gardener. I know. Yes. You have say a lawnmower or a wand and there's probably some sort of spell. Am I a magic?

You are. You're a wizard. You're a wizard gardener, which was established in the first sentence of this. All right, then yes, the wand. What are you going to do? Of course the wand. I'd be like, the fuck is this terrifying little dragon? Actually, I'd probably enchant the mower. And then have a nap.

Yeah, because also as wizards, they are reckless, as we've sort of established, so if, say, a small child or something Went onto the field It's another hazard Which I'm guessing would be entertaining for everyone I suppose I think the wizarding world would be down with I mean they're like Quidditch and that's child abuse So Quidditch is fucked

And it's a combination of two sports Three sports No two sports and a bird Two sports and chasing a bird Who came up with Let's spots and a bird yeah two spots and chasing a bird um who came up with let's just chase a bird

why the hell would you do that let's just chase a bird you're like on your brooms chilling about and you're like hey look at that bird

like yeah this is pretty I want to catch it say what no I want to catch it sorry what oh okay

watch me catch this bird zoom at it another thing there's also another problem I have with Quidditch Is that with the brooms There's no sort of uniform level of broom If you have enough money And you want to purchase a Nimbus 2000

Which Harry gives That's fine You're like fucking Malfoy Who's like hey whole team Let's have Nimbus 2001's That's fine Everyone else can have the shitty brooms. Yet they kicked that guy out of running when he had robot legs

in the Olympics. What's up with that? There's no uniform standard and it's really frustrating because if you're trying to have a friendly game of Quidditch, there's no rules. You can do what you like. Is there anything against, say, the bludgers

just walking up or flying up to the keeper and just smacking him in the face? I doubt it. Until they're dead? Frankly, I just don't know why you would ever decide to play Quidditch. You keep going back to the beaters and their bats. They're all wizards. Why not just smuggle your wand up there and the old

Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! We win! I'm guessing there's no wands while you're on the field. Ah, so that's a fucking rule in your world. Stabbing hazards. However, if you're like, hey, spectators, here's 100 bucks. Add Avacadabra every fucking one on the other team. Avacadabra.

Avacadabra. Avocado. Hey, Avacadabra. Avacadabra. Sweet, thanks. I got all these dead bodies lying around. Avacadabra. Avacadabra. Sweet, thanks. I got all these dead bodies lying around. Avacadabra. Put them on brooms.

Fucking send them out. All right, so how would you pick, if you could make one change to Quidditch to make it better, what would it be, Joel? I'm going to go either a time limit or like a boundary. So time limit or boundary, pick one. Come on, mate. To make it better, I'm going with time limit.

A time limit. A time limit. So time limit, which means it's not over when you catch the golden snitch. That means that you catch the golden snitch, you have to let it go. Someone else can catch it, so it's 150 points. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of stuff. Time limit.

No robes, because that's dangerous. Like robes is potentially the worst uniform you could have so like somebody's flying behind you and you just take off your robe and it lands in their face blinds them kills them not naked just no robes fucking sports clothes shorts you idiots shorts shorts how do the robes function like dresses? Are people up there and you're just like, there's their underwear. I can see a dick. Or they wear... They're wearing a school uniform

or they're teaming. They have Quidditch outfits. They just chuck a robe on top. That's dumb. Hot. It would get hot. What about you, Lucia? More bludgers. Everyone dies. Yes, yes.

I think that's a solid plan. Yeah, I solved it. Yeah, so, well, if we combined all three, a time limit, so 20 minute halves or 40 minute whatever. Yeah. No robes, normal sports uniform, and way more bludgers, I reckon we've got a better sport. I think we do.

Good job, team. Well done. Good hustle. We've solved that Quidditch problem, or made it worse. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Quidditch is dumb.

Let's go play some Boulderhead. Yeah, Boulderhead is much better. Boulderhead. He was just so angry if you think this show is worth at least a dollar why not donate to our Patreon account follow the links

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