Plumbing the Death Star - Would You Survive the Jake Sully Experience?
Episode Date: December 25, 2022The boys do their best by trying to walk in the footsteps of their hero, Jake Sully. Things go wrong straight off the bat when they're tasked to read the manual but don't worry, Jake didn't do that ei...ther! Jake, however, didn't get consumed by Eywa, form a life bond with his good friend or try to double team a panther with his new husband. We, however, do. This the fourth and final episode of Plumbatar, a Plumbing the Death Star miniseries to celebrate the release of Avatar: Way of Water. What better way to spend December than with ya boys as we all get collectively depressed that we can't be on the magical world of Pandora and being wet Na'vi. We See You.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to the fourth and final episode of Plummeter.
I see you.
I see you.
I see you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, this is correct.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is the Christmas episode of Plumber Talk.
And to celebrate the merry season of both James Cameron conquering the box office, I assume.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Santa Claus coming to town.
We've decided today to ask the important questions.
Like, would you survive the Jake Sully experience?
And I'm also Joel.
This is your first episode catch-up.
My name's Joel.
I think I said my name, didn't I?
Well, I'm Jackson.
Okay, so Jake Sully, he goes, he's like, oh, my brother's dead.
Okay, I guess that's the first time we got a deal.
My brother was killed by a random mugger.
Brother was killed by a random mugger, and also we've lost the use of our legs through war?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, okay, so we're-
We've survived war just. We're military.
Jar heads.
Jar heads. We're a bunch of jar heads.
So if military...
The brother I like, the brother I don't like.
Oh yeah, you got two. I got none.
So this is easy to imagine.
Oh no, I have no brothers
again. I think he liked his brother, so we're gonna say
it's the brother you like, tragically.
Now, the next hood, I guess, is when're gonna say it's the brother you like, tragically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay.
Now, the next hurdle, I guess, is when RDA come to you and they're like, hey, Joel,
Joel Zammett, Joel Dushan, Jackson Bailey, we have-
Your brother's dead.
Your brother's dead.
I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, in a moment.
But he's only freshly dead, he's only been dead a couple of days.
Got stabbed in a mug and put paper in his wallet.
Please tell me what you're here for.
We're here-
I think we're just here to remind you of the traumatic
memory. Oh, wait, no!
Sorry, I just remembered.
We made a blue fella
that your brother was meant to go in,
but it's matched to his DNA, and
he's your twin brother, so your DNA will work.
I'd like to imagine I slurp on my McDonald's
Sprite. Could you elaborate on that?
We've made an avatar. What?
You're familiar with Pandora? Yes.
I've heard the stories. I've been thinking about it since I was a
kid and I dream of flying.
Sorry, is that too much?
I don't know if flying can help because it doesn't
have wings. Okay.
Do you want to be tall and blue?
Yes. We're sending you to Pandora.
Do my legs work? Yes.
And if you do the mission for us,
you'll get paid out as well
You don't offer me that until later
Yeah, Stephen Lang offers us the fixed legs
So, now we get given
We don't have much time
But we do get given a guidebook
On how to be an avatar
Now, here's an important question
Do you read the guidebook?
Um, quest, okay
I honestly can say that I would Attempt it fuck. Well, the good news is- Do you read the guidebook? quest, okay.
I honestly can say that I would attempt it.
I would.
Good idea for being truthful.
Like,
then I would probably read the,
like the introduction part, and then I'd try and jump around and try and read like what was important.
Yeah.
How in,
how are you gauging what's important?
Well,
through the introduction. Oh, right. No, okay. I guess the chapter are you gauging what's important? Well, through the introduction.
Oh, right.
No, okay.
And the headings,
I guess, of each chapter.
And the headings of the chapter
the same way that
a fucking essay works, brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fair enough, fair enough.
University wasn't that long ago.
You've got to pay attention.
The introduction,
it was a while ago.
Man, I'm going to high school.
How important was it for me
to read that textbook?
Like, what did-
They say it.
What did they say?
They would have been like, this is- You need to read. Probably the way they would have done it? They would have been like,
probably the way they would have done it, they would have been like,
we're really sorry, Mr. Zalmut.
Unfortunately, your twin
brother Joe is dead.
Joe Zalmut.
Unfortunately, Joe Zalmut and Joe
Dusha and Joe
Bailey
have all passed away.
Rest in peace, the three Joes.
No, it's Joe Dusha,
Joe Zabot, and Jack So Bailey.
Rest in peace, Jack So.
I loved you.
I loved you like a brother, Jack So.
You were my twin brother, Jack So.
Mom named us Jackson and Jack So.
I got one more ladder than you.
Always made me feel superior.
But now you're dead.
Now I've got one more chance at life than you.
I guess I have a lot more potential than you.
Anyway, okay, so.
So the way they would have said it, they would have been like,
we're so sorry, you don't have as much time as we'd like.
You don't have any time to train, but we'll explain when you get there.
Read this book.
Yeah, but we need you to read this book
so you know how to operate the avatar.
And I can read it on the flight there.
No.
No, no, no.
I think basically you have like-
How often do I-
How long do I have to read this?
Like a couple of days, I assume.
When I get there,
do I have a bit of downtime
I can maybe read it?
No, no, no.
It'll be straight to it.
It's a very hip-hopping workplace.
There's no downtime.
It's like you go to bed,
you wake up, you get dragged there.
Yeah, because I would want to read it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm waiting for the last second.
I get given it and I definitely read the introduction.
And then that's where it's...
Then that's where my flu is.
Introduction.
I might be skimming it, see if there's diagrams.
Yeah.
Well, maybe if it's like my brother's,
hopefully Joe has highlighted a few things.
If he hasn't, I'm going to fucking curse his stupid name.
But Joe also did the training, so he probably doesn't need notes.
And a tricky thing as well is that Joe was a scientist.
So it's not like this guidebook is like big pictures or whatever.
How to be avatar for idiots.
Yeah, exactly.
Is there one with diagrams?
Do you have a dumb cunt version
do you have
a explain for
dumb cunt
you ever seen
the movie twins
yeah
I'm like Danny DeVito
and Jack Sobe
was like Arnold
Schwarzenegger
have you seen
the film
Dumb and Dumber
I could have been
either
have you seen
the film
Dumb and Dumber
no
neither have I
do you know
who is twins is it a clever twin and a stupid twin no oh Domo? No, neither have I. Who are his twins?
Is it a clever twin and a stupid twin?
No.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Have you seen the film Peter Pan?
Yeah.
Look for someone to watch on the plane.
So you'll be unconscious.
Oh.
Yeah, but you can still, I'm still here, yeah?
I need somebody to watch when I get home.
I mean, to the planet, wherever I'm going.
Yeah, because I like to go to, like, when I get home. I mean, to the planet. Wherever I'm going. Yeah, because I like
to go to,
like when I fall asleep,
can I listen to something?
Do you have a connection
to YouTube?
It's an instant tweet
just knock you out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With like a baton, yeah?
So I can listen
to like something, right?
Does it hurt?
I guess we can
put headphones in
and he'll be unconscious
for six years.
Is there an audiobook version of this?
No, unfortunately there's-
Can you-
Okay.
Can you read it out?
So if I was to give you this, as I subtly pull out my phone to record him,
if you could maybe read some of this.
Just give me the Cliff Notes.
It's actually not my department.
I just work for IDAA.
I didn't make the avatar program.
Thank you very much.
I hit stop.
Guess what I'm getting listened
to on loop.
Well, the good news is...
Welcome to Pandora. I'm sorry. It's not my department.
I know exactly what
to say.
The security guard.
Right? Not my department.
I didn't start the avatar program.
And then they're're looking at reports.
Did this man receive brain damage in transport?
Did he get transported a little bit wrong?
Was he upside down for too long?
Was he frozen but just the brain?
Spaceship hit something?
Yeah, what went down here?
Did they use a baton?
They had to use a baton on me because I tried to run.
Wait, how many years?
Six years?
I'm not that tired.
I'm getting out of here.
I'm going to wake up halfway through.
I can only sleep for three years max.
And they, yeah, chase me down and hit me with a pipe.
Drag you on board.
Instead of throwing me in the cryo chamber, Drag you on board. Put you in a chamber.
Instead of throwing me in the cryo chamber,
they just throw me in a fridge they're not using.
Slop out.
Yeah, put me in the cat or whatever.
All right.
I'm ready to rock and roll.
Do you pack my wheelchair?
I'm cruel.
I'm cruel in my belly, I guess.
Adam might crawl like a worm.
Life's cool.
I'm going to I'm a cruel mamella, I guess. Adam might crawl like a worm. Life's cool. I'm going to be a cat.
Well, the good news is that Jake Sully doesn't read the book either.
That is true.
He doesn't need to.
So that's kind of like a false hurdle for us to clear.
Because I would have done exactly what he did.
I would have skimmed the shit out of it.
Absolutely.
So the next step is we begin training with the avatar.
Well, we get put into an avatar,
and then they're like, calm down, don't run.
Now.
This is the second big hurdle for the plumbing boy.
I think in a situation like that, I don't run.
I think that if I wake up and I'm in another body,
I'm just lying there being like, holy fucking shit.
Do you think the moment you saw your big blue hands,
you'd have a panic attack?
No, see, I don't think I would be panicked.
I'd be very still, I think, being like,
oh, this is fucking crazy.
I'd be scared to move.
So I'd do the opposite of Jake.
So what I can imagine,
and the only thing I can kind of relate to this,
is when I've had dental work and they've numbed my face
and I start poking it, and then when like numbed my face and I start like poking it
and then when it gets back and I get that feeling back, I start poking it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I might punch the shit out of my own legs for a bit.
I'm like, holy shit, I can feel this.
Oh, that's true.
Fair enough.
Yeah, yeah.
I'd be like, oh my God, I got legs.
You start kicking.
I'm like, he's slapping my legs a bit and then I'll be like,
so who can I pay to massage my legs?
Is there a masseuse on board?
Do you have the time to massage these bad boys?
It's been a while. Three of the worst cunts.
I'll do Pandora.
At least this guy's being still.
Sweaty.
Okay, yo, I'm going to need you to move your hand.
You just like quietly shake your hand.
Well, you're going to have to move eventually.
Try to speak without moving your lips.
I'm scared to move.
I just don't want to.
Mr. Teldusher, what do you think will happen?
I don't know.
I'm scared I'll fall apart or whatever.
Will I blow up?
Oh, wait. I forgot we haven't used our legs
in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Actually, you know what? I'll probably be lying there and be like
okay. I'll just be very still for a bit
and then probably wriggle my toes and be like
ooh, weird. Maybe a little bit of
finger wriggling. Yeah, you gotta work up to it.
I think I would never quite get used
to how tall I was. Oh, I'd be slamming
into walls. Slamming through walls, absolutely.
Top of the door, bang, oh, fuck.
Damn it.
You constantly just have a red line across your forehead,
and like, oh, is that part of your design?
You're like, no, it's a lump.
I used to see big dogs where, as a puppy,
they'd try to get under tables,
or they'd try and jump on you,
and then when they grow up, they still think they're little.
That.
Yeah.
All the time.
I think I would get around it by crawling everywhere.
Everyone would hate it.
Oh, I hate imagining it.
Crawling like a big, horrible dog around the RDA.
I'm too tall.
I just don't want to bump my head like the Joles keep doing.
Yeah, I think I'll be running into things
a lot
how soon do they tell me about my hair dick
I don't really know
if you get an explanation
because there's a point where he grabs it
and he's like
I think maybe you get it and they're like
what's the first thing you do
you suck on it
I lick it like a battery I can safely say What's the first thing you do? Oh, dude. You suck on it. I suck on it. I put my tongue on it. I suck on my...
I lick it like a battery, you know?
Right?
Okay, I can safely say I'm not doing it.
I'm 100% doing it.
I'd probably, like, poke it with my finger.
That seems way more dangerous.
What?
A tongue is soft.
Your finger, you don't know the right level of...
What is wrong with...
Okay, if there is two things...
What?
Okay, so first of all, great news,
you're not surviving evolution
because you're going to lick poison
or something.
You understand? That's why we have the fucking
sense of touch. Yeah, I know, I just feel
like... If an ape is investigating
something, they will touch it,
they won't lick it. A baby licks things.
In Jackson's defense, a shark will often bite something to test it.
But also, it doesn't have fucking hands.
Apes do put stuff in their mouth to test it.
Yeah, but it depends.
With their little lips.
Like, I might touch it eventually, but the way the action you did seemed so damaging.
You just jabbed down at your honking tube.
I'm scared you're going to damage the nerves in there or something.
I'm sucking on that honking tube a little bit.
See what happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me too.
Me too.
I'm putting it on my tongue.
Then I'm going to loop into myself, seize out, be done, dead.
Short circuit my own brain.
I've touched it.
You've yelled at me.
You're like, do this.
Dude, what are you?
It's so dangerous. I've touched it. You've yelled at me. You're like, do this. Dude, what are you? It's so dangerous.
I wake up in the tube.
Wake up in the tube.
Grace smacks me in the back of the head.
I'm still in the lab.
I give you the thumbs up.
I hate you.
You're an idiot.
What went wrong?
Put me back.
We need to grow another body.
You just killed.
You can fix it.
So, okay.
When they explain what the tube is for,
they say that this is used to basically interface with the entire planet.
Oh, yeah.
What?
I'm trying it out on like a tree.
I'm dragging it on everything.
Like a tree, just slapping on that.
Okay, not on that.
You get to know the tree's memories, I guess.
Do I?
Yeah, you can inter-
Or is it only certain parts of the tree I get to
slap onto? It might be only certain parts of the tree that you can
honk at. My arm, your arm.
Oh, at what point are we honking
to each other? Well, okay,
I wouldn't know it was possible
at first.
When I found out about it, I would try and go for
an inanimate object, because I think that like
going for like a cat or something.
I feel like that I could handle being connected to a tree
yeah
like
it's just funny to say
like I don't think a tree is going to have many surprises
but also a tree's thoughts
a tree thoughts are very different
to man thoughts
like a tree is actually maybe more alien than a dog
to a man
yeah but no dogs and cats have tiny brains.
Yeah, but they think.
I don't know.
You're both mammals, you know?
Yeah.
I think a tree is going to fuck you right up, dude.
Yeah.
Because you're not expecting the tree to fuck you up,
where I'm like dragging you to the bug.
They're just like, well, a tree couldn't hurt me.
And then you live a million years as that tree.
Come back out.
Somehow, even though you haven't changed physically, your eyes just look deeper.
You okay, man?
Yeah.
I lived a million years as a tree.
Hey, um.
Whatever is it?
You know when you're a sapling?
No, not really, dude.
I might need some downtime.
Is there an R&R lounge?
Hey, boys, am I a tree?
No, you're a Na'vi, dude, but you were once a man.
You still are a man in there.
You're in there, but you're not a tree.
Yeah, I don't know about that.
I've lived longer as a tree than a man.
I'm more a tree than man, actually, at this point, technically.
No, no, no, no, no.
Technically, no, you're not.
No, I think technically I am, yeah.
I'm actually more tree than man.
Let me pause it a bit.
I've got a hypothesis.
If you lived 30 years as a man and then 1,000 years as a tree,
what are you moral?
I don't know. I would say whatever physically, but I don't know how are you moral? I don't know.
I would say whatever physically, but I don't know how to answer that really, dude.
I mean, like physically, maybe I'm a man, but mentally.
But if you truly believe that you're a tree and connect more with a tree, then maybe you're a tree.
Me and Dammit just like eating our lunch in the mess hall.
Grace comes in, she's like, how are you all doing?
We look out the window at you.
You've got your feet buried in the dirt and your arms out.
Mostly we're good.
Mostly we're doing really good.
Couple of hiccups for some of us.
I don't know how that
happened. Does that happen to anyone else?
No.
Interesting.
Do we at any point
get a bit of downtime where it is just us?
Because at that point, I think we're honking into each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think when they're like, so the Na'vi actually use this tube to interface with one another.
Oh!
Yeah, then we might be.
Hey, Jack, Jack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're honking into each other.
They're like, no, no, no, you're forming a bond.
Oh, God damn it.
Does that form a life bond between us?
Yes.
Don't you have to do it under the Iowa tree?
No, I don't think so.
Okay, that's slightly...
I think we just do them with...
No, no, no.
Whoa!
We experience each other's memories.
And also just on a pure cause.
Well, we don't experience each other's memories
because Nateri and Jake, when they hunk up, then it's a bit of a shock when it's like you've betrayed us.
So we just experiment.
We're experimenting, I guess.
Yeah, we're just seeing what feels good and what doesn't.
Here's a question.
So when Jake hunks with Nateri or the rest of anywhere in Pandora, those things have already hunked with Iowa.
Yeah.
But we've never hunked with Iowa.
Correct.
So, like, what's our OS at the moment?
You know what I mean?
Why?
You know what I mean?
Like, everybody in Iowa is operating under the Iowa operating system.
Yeah.
Right.
But we are blank at the moment because we've not had any.
Do you know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
I'm guessing as an avatar slash Na'vi, you were just genetically.
It's innate.
Yeah.
Okay.
I probably got mine from when I was full in Iowa.
Yeah.
I was being like, Joel Dusha, you got to kill these cunts.
I will.
Why is he just mouthing I will out there, buried in the dirt?
I will kill them all.
No worries.
I've got this.
Don't you worry.
I think Dusha's going to kill us all.
I'm going to kill for you, Iowa.
You're my mama.
Or I'm part of you
You really
You honked so prematurely dude
It's a big mistake
When we're out on patrol
Yeah so that's the next hurdle
We go out on patrol with Grace
On just a simple scientific mission
We get attacked by animals
Dusha the whole time has his finger on his gun
Just like a little too tightly.
I'll take the reed.
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
The scene plays so differently.
If we're like,
and...
Two, two, two, two, two.
Grace and her assistant
shot in the head.
For I was.
Then I just walk away.
Walk into the forest
never to be seen again.
That big panther
comes out of the forest
at me and Zabit
but just leaves you alone.
Starts chewing
on your corpses.
It's just
I don't think you've made it worse
for Iowa
because you killed Grice.
Yeah, exactly.
Maybe these are probably
the people that Iowa likes
to be honest.
When the panther attacks us
my first thought is not to shoot it.
It's to honk it.
Ow.
Just really in a moment of panic, grabbing its honk tube and my honk tube and mashing them together.
I had the same kind of thought process to be like, if we can wrestle it and then honk it.
And the thing is, a lot of these animals, they have to...
Oh, that's true.
We can double honk it.
Whilst Dusha 1 is off into the forests of Pandora,
lost to time.
I must go find Diowar.
Me and Xamarin are double teaming a fucking panther.
We just fucking try and wrestle control from it and each other.
And each other.
We just careen.
Who's in charge of the panther?
We just fucking careen off a water ball.
Grace is standing there being like... What the fuck? as we just who's in charge of the panther as we just fucking create up a water bowl
what the fuck
went so wrong
so quickly
they should have
read the book
all of this
is covered
avatars
do's and don'ts
and there's just
a tree
with a big
cross over
not straight away
trees are too old
day one
no
you need to have
like panther
with like you know
one person
hooking
two people
hooking
two avatars
hooking into each other
crossed out
and then just next
went life bond
I like to imagine
that in the
life bond
this might be easy
yeah that's true
we might ride the panther
with no issue I like to imagine that in trying to room. Oh, we're in life bondage. This might be easy. Yeah, that's true. We might ride the panther with no issue.
I like to imagine that in trying to hunk into the panther,
just our consciousness swap around.
I end up in the panther somehow.
The panther is in my body.
I'm in yours.
I run off into the forest.
When it's time to shut you down or go to bed,
Panther wakes up in my body.
I'm like, I don't want to wake up.
What the fuck is his body?
Grace has to go to the bathroom and have a little cry
because it's gone so wrong.
There's a Panther loose in a man body.
Back, back.
I think Jackson's lost in the Panther.
I think in the transfer, he's not in the facility at all.
He may be stuck in a Panther.
I just woke up in a man's body.
Row! Row! Row!
Oh my God, Jackson?
Row! Row! Row! Row!
I know that noise anyway.
That's a Panther.
Grace just shoots me in the head.
Pandora Panther shit.
I'm there in your
Na'vi body at the back of the fucking
base of the
waterfall.
Okay.
Okay.
Alright, so you're a panther running around.
The story has changed.
I've gone off and then Nateri
attacks me. Yes, Nateri attacks me.
Yes, Nateri will find you first.
That's true.
You left first.
She'll find you first.
I don't think...
She is trying to kill me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's those pollen bits that stop her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's right.
And Ivo loves you, dude.
You're a walking mummy of pollen.
She might even see you.
That's a weird
fucking
I would
blossoms
go on
yeah the pollen
blossoms have
become a man
I need to kill
them all
for Iowa
sorry
fucking the
blossom
just like
burrowing
into your
Narvi's skin
you're gonna
become like
fucking annihilation
you know
it's gonna become like a Navi tree thing.
I wish me and Zabot were in a position to help you, man, but we cannot.
Maybe Natiri will then take me to the chief.
Maybe they help.
They might pluck the pollen.
Well, they wouldn't because you're Iowa.
They might be like, this is great, this is good.
But they might plug me into Iowa,
or maybe that sorts me out a bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
At least it'll get a bit of Iowa out of you.
You can have a conversation.
Yeah, yeah.
You might even just make a beeline to Iowa.
You know where it is.
Yeah, I'm off.
You're off to that.
The theory's like, hey, wait, and I'm like, Iowa.
The theory's like, bow and arrow.
Oh, he's gone.
I guess Iowa's cool in my room.
That's fine.
Panther runs by screaming, help, help, help, help.
Help me.
She puts probably an arrow directly in your ass.
Something's wrong with that Panther.
Neytiri, help.
I don't know her name.
Ow.
You just guessed.
Natasha Neytiri.
Yes.
Yes. Whoa. Are you a talking Panther? Not really. Natasha Nateri yes yes
whoa
are you a talking panther
not really
I'm a
man
sky
so I'm actually
three things Nateri
I'm a panther
but I have an
avi body
and also a man body
where are they
I don't know
I'm lost
Flashes through your body
back at like
your human body
back at base
Grey standing there
with a gun
Yeah
Bleeding out of your head
Yeah yeah yeah
Big hole
I don't think I can go back
into my regular man body
I think that'll
I'll die
Don't go to sleep
Yeah
Okay
What happens next? Because the hurdles have changed Yeah so you're now die. Don't go to sleep. Yeah, okay.
What happens next? Because the hurdles
have changed. So you're now basically
like, I guess,
Nateri's
man-pet. Okay, nice.
I'm at the bottom
of the waterfall.
Just trying to do what Jake was
doing, which is trying to get back home, getting
hunted by little mini-panthers. Oh yeah, that's true. I guess this is really split into was doing, which is trying to get back home, getting hunted by little mini panthers.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
I guess this is really split into two separate paths.
Where I'm doing the Neytiri stuff, you're probably going to get asked.
You're getting the Tree stuff.
He's doing the Neytiri stuff, and I'm getting got by little panthers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but then you go back to the base because you wake up.
Oh, yeah.
And then they're like, hey.
What a thing. What a thing.
But I switched bodies with Jackson's Navi.
And where's Jackson?
Because his body just woke up without it growling.
That would be the Panther.
Grace put a bullet in its brain.
Okay, so the Panther, I guess, went into my Navi.
Then when I guess it went to sleep, it went into Jackson's body.
Jackson's in the Panther.
I feel like we've lost someone in this.
Hang on.
Where's, I guess, where's my Navi?
Where's my Avatar? Where's your Navi? Where's my Avatar?
Where's your Navi and who's in it?
Well, it was the Pimple for a bit, but then he came back in Jackson's party.
I don't know how that happened.
Who's in the Navi now?
No one?
Who's on first?
Where is Navi?
Well, I was in Jackson's Avatar Navi.
That may be eaten by little mini panthers.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
We got...
So can I go find my Avatar?
We don't know what will happen if you get back in that tube.
Yeah, we don't know where you'll go.
Put me into it up.
They put you in the tube, come out, and they're like, I don't know, the panther's den.
A couple of little baby panthers suckling on my body.
Oh my god.
Are you in your
Na'vi body in this?
Okay, that's cool.
Because I guess the Na'vi was the panther.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, Neytiri's taking me to the chief, and he's like,
what do we do about this? Do we kill him?
You're touching
the background.
I was away from that, aren't they?
Do we help them fight
RDA?
It's really outside of our wheelhouse at the moment.
You're going to get
asked to betray the Na'vi.
I haven't met the Na'vi yet.
I can betray the panthers
but I'm kind of bonded a little.
I've got two panther babies. I'm not betraying the Nathers, but I'm kind of bonded a little. Yeah, I got two panther babies.
What's the good in it?
I'm not betraying the Na'vi because I am Na'vi, but I'm too far.
You are tree.
Yeah, you are tree.
You are connected to Iowa.
None of us have fallen in love with Neytiri, which changes the narrative somewhat.
Which weren't for you either because you are a pig.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A panther.
Panther, pig, same shit. Okay, I'm a panther, so yeah, yeah. A pig. Panther, panther, panther, pig, same shit.
Okay, I'm a panther, so yeah, I'm not about to fall in love with Neytiri,
but maybe I will at least, but I can't go back to my body.
Yeah.
Or maybe I do very briefly and I just scream and lie back down.
You wake up, scream, wake up in your-
Back in a panther.
I actually can't go back, Neytiri. You then wake up in your... Back in the panther. I actually can't go back.
You then wake up in your Na'vi body.
It gets reset.
Oh, yeah.
Which has been chewed on by little panthers.
Okay.
Yeah.
I guess I'm slightly devoured.
Who's in the panther that we've left in the middle of the Na'vi tribe?
They'll take it down, I guess. It's empty.
It's just asleep in an empty vessel.
Because the panther got died with the bullet in his brain.
Yeah, that's true.
The panther got died.
Yeah.
Killed.
It's just a sack of flesh now.
I guess if any one of us hooked into it,
we'd get easy control.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, maybe I'll go find my panther then.
And we have two bodies now. Oh, yeah. yeah. Well, maybe I'll go find my panther then. And away I have two bodies.
Oh, yeah.
That's kind of cool.
Okay.
So I'm there.
Okay.
Two panthers
suckling on me.
Uh-huh.
So these are my babies.
I try and...
Okay, do I get
caught by avatars?
I honestly think
what kind of happens
is like we probably
skip a big part of the movie.
Yeah, it seems like it.
We don't get asked to...
I think it's just
the avatar program is deemed a failure.
And then they're just like, fuck it, let's try and get this.
Okay, smash cut.
Jackson as a panther.
Zammert as an RV, but slash panther mom with two panther cubs.
Dusha as a tree, sitting there in the big tree being like, okay.
Do not kill me, I am Eeyore.
Dusha full on got consumed by Iowa. Sitting there in the big tree being like, okay. Do not kill me, I am Eeyore.
They should have full on got consumed by Eeyore.
So we're there in amongst the tribe being like, okay.
Yeah, none of us.
We get to learn your biz.
Yeah, do they teach us how to be.
Yeah, they're like, you're an empty cup.
And we're like, yes. Yeah, teach us.
Well, Neytiri must in some way be endeared to us.
Otherwise, we're not going to get through this.
Well, we're very in touch with nature.
You have become a panther.
That's true.
Dusha has become tree.
Dusha's full tree.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've become a panther mom.
You've got panther cubs.
Yeah, all right.
Okay, so now comes the next hurdles.
Do you honk into your own cubs?
I reckon you would.
Give it a crack.
See what they're thinking.
Let's be like, I care for them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You doing all right, buddy?
I don't produce milk, correct?
Sorry about that.
I'm Narvi.
He is panther, but not your parent.
I am man.
Well, is it man panther
or lady panther?
Great question
I can nurse your kids
That's fine dude
Okay so next hurdle
Can we fly banshees in our current state?
I can
If I honk into a horse I'm scared I'm going to be the horse
I'm just thinking
I'm scared to do it again
And I'm a panther
Well you're a panther but you also have a hunk tube.
Yeah, that's true. Whoa. Alright.
Well, I'll get on a horse and hunk into the horse
at the same time. That's cool. Be a panther riding
a horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty
good. Yeah. I
probably hunk into something at this point.
I've become two hunks
and therefore just suck its consciousness out.
You kill the horse.
Oh, no. The horse's head just kind of comes out of the spirit whatever
right next to you.
It's like JD is sitting cross-legged, like attached to the tree.
We're like, JD, are you?
And then just like the leaves just form lips.
I'm fine.
Do you want to honk a horse?
Okay.
No.
Okay.
Are you going to?
He's fine. He said he was gonna
kill everyone, but now he's just a tree.
He kept talking about killing all of us.
He's been saying that like every night.
He makes the leaf loops and they
say, I will kill you all.
Which I don't know who he's talking about anymore, actually.
I've become less clear.
Who is the all?
Who's he gonna kill in this situation?
I don't know.
It's a worry.
Hey, guys, if my body dies in the tube, what happens?
My body's already dead in the tube, dude.
Grace shot it because it was growling.
I don't think she's a very good scientist.
She has a hand trigger, that one.
Yeah, man.
I'm not going to lie.
This kind of rules.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm happy as a panther.
Well, do we...
Okay, so honking the horse.
Yeah.
That's the next hurdle.
That's easy.
I can ride a horse.
We ride the horse.
Fine.
The banshee.
Let's see.
Well, you've got to survive a fight with it on the edge of a cliff.
Okay, I'm a panther, but I've never been a panther before. You're a panther.
What does that...
He's agile. I'm agile. I'm quick.
Panthers are... You don't want to be
agile and... Well, okay, agile,
good. You don't want to be quick near a cliff face.
Yeah, you do. Yeah, I would be careful, maybe.
Yeah, but would you say a panther
is famously careful?
Well, I mean... Well, that's what I
mean!
But that's why I said I've not been a panther for very long.
So I don't know if I'm very good at being a panther.
I would guess no.
You're barely good at walking as a person.
At what point would you give up and walk on four legs?
Well, you reckon I was walking on two that whole time?
I reckon you would have given it a crack.
Yeah, I would have given it a whack, yeah.
The theory of aiming a bow at this walking flower mound
looks over at this fucking panther on its hind legs.
No, Natasha!
I need some help, Natasha!
What the fuck?
I need some help.
Something's going very wrong.
Imagine seeing a panther in real life walking on two legs and said that.
You would have to kill it.
You would have to break its fucking neck.
Something's going wrong.
I need to kill it or myself or I don't know what's going on.
You're in tune with nature.
You're like, I guess I was trying to tell me something.
I've got to help this panther.
I don't know what's going on.
Who are you?
I'm Jackso.
Jackso.
My brother.
I've become really confused.
I'm Jackso the panther.
It's a pleasure.
Going between so many bodies has really fucked me up, dude.
I guess my trip here on the plane, I was in a fridge.
I just had a really rough go of it the whole time.
I think the last six years has really fucked me up.
My last six years were bad because I was frozen in a fridge,
and then the last three days,
I've had so much existential nightmare shit happen to me.
You're one of the sky people.
Who knows at this point, Aethery.
I think I'm a panther, actually.
I think I'm a panther named Jackson.
I'm going to either figure out what to do with you or shoot you with a bow, I reckon.
Figure out what to do with me, I reckon.
Pick that one.
Can you walk on all fours?
Well, maybe.
Oh, this is way more comfortable.
I'm low now, though. Hey, can is way more comfortable. I'm low now.
Hey, can you teach me
how to be a panther, Nathan?
Okay.
I guess.
Okay.
The best move for you
would be to find another panther
and hunk in.
Whoa.
Learn how to be a panther.
Learn how to be a panther.
How are you going to hunk in
as a panther?
Well, I approach as a panther.
I say, yo, I'm a panther.
Yeah, but a panther
doesn't have hair. Yeah, they do. That's how you hunk in. Yeah panther? Well, I approach as a panther. I say, yo, I'm a panther. Yeah, but a panther doesn't have hair.
Yeah, they do. That's how you hunk in.
Yeah. Do panthers and stuff hunk in?
Yeah, everything hunks in. Everything hunks in.
You can hunk into it, but you've never seen it hunk in
to someone else. Well, it's got a hunk tube. Yeah.
But I thought the hunk tube only went... Because they're short.
They're little on a thing.
It's almost like a port. Yeah, but
Nateri and Jake can hunk in.
Yeah, but they're not ports, though.
They're like long.
The horse has got the long little thing going.
I think the panther has long hunk tubes, too.
Plus, if you can't angle it, I mean, I can do this.
I just think it's dangerous for me to hunk into a panther.
I've been thrown around so much that I might just end up being a panther.
Do you want to get one of those little monkeys?
We can hunk you into that.
Maybe that's better.
Download me into the horse.
No wonder you can ride me.
Okay.
But don't hunk me.
Because if you hunk me, I might be you.
Yeah.
Wait, but we're bonded for life.
Do I think I'm immune?
Okay.
Or it makes it worse?
Start to tell.
If you're bonded for life and then you hunk your horse.
If you're bonded for life with your horse and then you hunk your horse, that's fucking your horse, surely.
Yeah, it could be.
So if we hook in, can you just go into mine?
Can we be two minds in one body?
I think I appreciate the offer, but I'll stay a horse.
It seems like they've got more autonomy of where I can gallop and shit.
Yeah.
Okay.
I would have chosen a banshee myself.
Well, when we get to the banshees,
maybe I'll go into one.
I don't know how well a horse is at climbing these cliffs.
Yeah, I would say...
I would say probably better stay in the banshee.
Well, you boys have fun on the banshees.
I'll stay down here with the rest of the horses.
Yeah, well, me and Jet...
I might nag a bit.
I guess it's me going up to the banshees. You're up at the rock face, and the douche's face just comes out of the horses. Yeah, well, me and Jeff. I might neigh a bit. I guess it's me going up to the banshees.
You're up at the rock face and the douche's face just comes out of the rocks.
I am the planet.
I'm the planet and I will kill you all.
You say it all.
Did you overwrite Iowa?
Doucheois.
Sort of. Face just disappears again. Well, that's not clear at all when he says all does he mean
everything does he mean he's gonna kill even the navi i don't know what his plan is
you ride a banshee oh that's good yeah i'm sure you could right you scared of heights
might make it tricky yeah yeah but the adrenaline might like, alright, it's all or nothing now.
Yeah, that's true. Can you ride a horse?
You can ride a horse.
How different could it be riding a horse and a big bird?
It's the same. You straddle it, you go
yeehaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta do that weird
thing with your hips. You gotta thrust onto it.
Yeah, exactly. You're fine.
Riding a banshee. You did it.
You're the only one of us who made it there. God bless.
Thank you.
Panther slash horse Jackson.
Do you want to hop on?
I don't know if a horse should go on a bird.
Did you want to be the bird?
I don't know how to fly.
And if I don't know how to be a horse, that's like, okay, because I'm on the ground anyway.
If I don't know how to fly, I might just fall out of the sky.
No worries.
Like if you suddenly became a bird now, you'd be fucked.
Oh yeah, that's death.
If you suddenly woke up as a pigeon,
what do you...
If I'm just waking up as a pigeon, I'm fine,
because presumably a pigeon's on the floor.
Well, in a nest.
On the floor.
There's a pigeon on the floor.
He's chirping at me. What do you want?
Who put this pigeon on the floor?
If you woke up as a pigeon, would you try to fly? Yeah. How would you do it safely What do you want? Who put this pigeon on the floor? If you woke up as a pigeon
Would you try to fly?
Yeah
How would you do it safely do you reckon?
Flap my wings
You'd have to get a run up
Yeah fair enough
What do you mean?
Well a pigeon can't just go from standing to flying
Yes it can
What the fuck are you talking about?
Doesn't a pigeon need like a bit of run up?
Are you imagining a plane?
What the fuck are you taking?
Doesn't a pigeon need a little bit of a run up?
No They will start walking
most of the time
just because
they'll flap out of the
way, they'll fly.
They glide and shit.
I didn't think a pigeon
could do that.
What the fuck?
Did you imagine a pigeon
just starts running?
Has to run and do a jump?
Like a fucking long jump.
I guess maybe they got
a jump to fly.
Can a pigeon go from
still to flying?
Like a helicopter.
What the fuck are you saying?
Can a pigeon just flap its wings?
It could be standing still and flap its wings.
How do you think they get out of the way?
Most of the time, though, if they are going to fly,
and I think this is probably why you're confused,
they will walk in the direction they want to fly
and then take off.
Get up a little bit of speed and then take off.
If you scare a bird,
it does exactly what you're imagining.
Yeah, it doesn't like,
whoa, whoa, whoa, in a run-up.
Give me a sec.
There'd be a lot more dead birds
if they had to have a bit of a run-up.
Fair enough, fair enough.
Okay, so I'm on a banshee.
You're on a banshee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How did you imagine pigeons took off?
Yeah, like you were saying,
like a little bit of a run-up
and then they were flying.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just from a little bit of a run up and then they were flying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just from standing to in the air seemed fucked up to me.
Why?
Seems like that's something only a helicopter could do.
Wait, just pigeons or all birds?
Most birds.
Most birds. Well, no, all birds, really.
Yeah.
Okay.
I have a lot more questions too, but that's all right.
We'll let that one go
you got it at a certain point
like a vulture
you think a vulture has to be able to run
an eagle
I think if a vulture was on the ground it might need a little bit of a run up
well yeah that's another good point
like what if a bird's fucking in a tree
well that's different because they get the speed
I don't know
they fall and then they're flying.
So you think that a bird falls out of a tree and then starts flying
because as it falls it opens its wings.
It has a parabola.
It never just goes up.
Whoa.
No, I mean, I guess they just take off.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
I've just never thought about birds, I guess.
You need to do more.
Think about birds.
Watch some birds. It's not like didn't think about birds. Made a claim about birds, I guess. You don't need to do more. Think about birds. Watch some birds.
It's not like didn't think about birds.
Made a claim about birds.
I'm going to learn some more about birds, clearly.
Like me being like, you know pigs can't walk backwards?
Yeah, pigs can't look up.
A claim that Jackson has definitely made many times.
I think they can, though, can't they?
Yes, they can.
You had a pig.
Yeah.
Looked up at you.
Yeah, yeah, it did. Yeah, yeah. And even after that, you're like, pigs can't they? You had a pig look up at you. Yeah, it did.
And even after that, you're like, please can't look up.
I'm in the business of making claims.
And business sucks.
Business is booming, boys.
Okay, so
while this is happening, RDA has been destroying
Pandora.
Oh yeah, whoopsie daisy.
But I haven't given them information.
Yeah, that's true.
So they don't know where.
No, but in the movie, they do know where the tree is.
What did I provide?
Or what did Jake provide?
Jake provides, I think, just like the inside of whatever this spirit tree is.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, don't worry.
When Zammett wakes up, goes to sleep as a Na'vi, he wakes up in his human form.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's not waking up. He just seems to be. Any second now. Any second. up in his human form. He's not waking up.
Any second now.
Any second? Maybe he's asleep.
He's asleep.
He went full Na'vi.
They all went full Na'vi.
Your body's in a hole.
I'm in a grave.
I know I'm marked grave because Grace
well, she murdered me.
It's hard for her to exclaim that you woke up a panther. Yeah, it's hard to prove that. I know I'm marked grave because Grace, well, she murdered me.
It's hard for her to just exclaim that you woke up a panther.
Yeah, I'd have to prove that.
I guess she got court-martialed, maybe?
Yeah, yeah.
People are like, where's Jaxton?
And she'll say, who?
You mean Jackso?
He died on Earth.
Yeah, yeah.
Sad.
We just had the two Joel's come up.
Jackso had no brothers.
We just threw his avatar out.
And if you meet a panther that talks like a man,
I don't know what that's about.
It's got nothing to do with me. That sounds fucked up, though, I reckon.
Why'd you bring it up, Grace? I didn't.
You did.
You were talking about this weird panther
that talks like a man?
Are you insane?
That doesn't sound like anything either.
And then I'm at the window scratching, being like, can I get my stuff?
What do you do
with my body? Where's my clothes
and shit? Why do you need your clothes?
Or like a hat? I don't know. It smells
like me, and I like it. I like,
you know, just to remember when I was once
human.
Shoo, weird creature!
Shoo! Every day more and more of me
slips away!
I think that if I got turned into an animal animal I wouldn't want to remember I was a guy
That's depressing
I guess
So you go full
Like say you turn into a chicken
You just go full chicken
I would much prefer to go full chicken
Than to be a chicken
And standing around being like
Remember when I was a person
Do you have
Can you talk at least
Yeah
Oh I can talk Yeah I can talk as a person Yeah But then who... Can you talk at least? Yeah. Oh, I can talk.
Yeah, I can talk as a panther.
Yeah, well, then who am I talking to?
Me?
Human beings?
Hey!
Ah!
Talking turkey, kill it!
The devil got in my chicken neck.
And then the farmer picks me up and rings me by my neck.
Yeah, eats you for Christmas dinner.
I guess if I were a Pandorian panther, I would be more happy to talk than if I was a chicken
because I'm like
I have no defenses.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
I'm weak to everything.
I'm a chicken.
I'm designed to be eaten.
I know I taste good.
Yeah, that's a fucked up
thing to imagine.
I'm prey.
I'm fucking prey.
I'm motherfucking prey
right now.
Sure, there's no foxes around.
I will be able
to do nothing
if one comes.
And even if there are what can I do? I can flap my wings. You can squawk I around. I will be able to do nothing if one comes. And even if there are, what can I do?
I can flap my wings.
You can squawk, I guess.
I can't even fly.
I can't even really squawk.
I can yell.
Hey!
Hey!
Fuck off, fox!
How am I scared of fox enough that he leaves you alone?
Fox is looking at a chicken that's like, fuck off.
And then it turns like, hey!
Fuck off!
Fuck off.
Fox runs.
Too scared.
Okay, so are we stopping RDA,
or is RDA just decimating the planet?
I might be able to,
because I have the planet on my side.
That's true.
In Iowa, I mean, it works out,
but Iowa comes late.
A lot of Na'vi die before that. But if we're doing it from the word go...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We provided no insights so yeah
so yeah what insights do i think it's legitimately just what's inside the tree because they know but
it's also like the inner workings of what they do their culture and how they yeah that's true
and like numbers and stuff like that yeah they're not getting that so they're kind of flying in
blunt but they do have a lot of high-tech um guns yeah i was gonna say infrared scanning that kind
of stuff they do they are surprised about the tree
in terms of how many people are in there.
So they can't see through the tree.
And they're like, oh, the levels and whatnot.
So they might be a bit surprised
by the amount of Na'vi force that is there
when they go to attack it.
And also when trees get shot out of the ground
into the fucking airships.
That'll shock them.
That will be, yeah, they will not be expecting
Dusha to fire tree missiles
at them.
Well, fuck off, I reckon
is what a big mouth will say.
But the problem is that Jake Sully becomes
a sort of de facto military
leader for the Na'vi.
None of us are doing that.
They're relying on the present chief and maybe
Neytiri. The present chief's dead.
Well, they've got to attack
the tree, and if they don't blow up the tree...
The chief lives.
Yeah, that's true.
Honestly, really. Me and you
are just having a great old time on Pandora
while our savior,
Joel Duescher, is just like
decimating R&D before they even
come close to us.
I have become the planet.
The moon?
Pandora's the moon, I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, it is.
We get that scene in the big final fight where all of the animals attack very early where
I'm just chatting to you and then I'm like, oh, I gotta go.
Hang on.
JD's telling me to do something.
JD's saying I gotta go kill a bunch of human beings.
Give me five minutes or like ten minutes or something.
I'm gonna bite off people's necks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I gotta join the other panthers.
You want to help with that?
Yeah, if you want to get on.
I forget when I was a man.
Are we still bonded?
Yeah, I think so.
That's nice.
I'm married to this panther, I think.
This is my husband's helmet.
We're gonna go kill all the human beings.
Yeah, I'm going to go kill the human beings with my panther husband.
Yeah.
Off we go.
Eeyore could, like, open up the earth.
Yeah, probably.
So I could probably just sink the city into the ground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because, like, Eeyore seems very much, you know, they try to help by, like, sending the animals, that kind of stuff.
But, like, if you have direct control.
Yeah, yeah. If you've somehow full- if you have direct control. Yeah, yeah.
If you've somehow full-become the planet.
You should know what you're doing.
Yeah, yeah.
A volcano here or there.
Open up just a big mouth.
Chasm.
Eat them.
Oh!
Yeah.
Stephen Lang.
Yeah.
Does he factor into this?
I mean, what can he do to a big mouth that eats him?
He could kill, like, Navi, but he probably wouldn't have a problem with us.
We haven't done anything.
He's not betrayed him.
We went AWOL immediately.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Once again, it depends how, like, much JD goes AWOL immediately
and what's your, like, immediate sort of, I guess, path of destruction.
Yeah, yeah.
Because if we're just being like, oh, sweet, we're meeting the chieftain for the first time.
What's that in the distance?
Is that smoke cloud?
Anybody else here a rumbling?
They're like, must kill them all.
I don't know why, but I feel like my body just disappeared.
Look over to Grace.
She's like, not like this.
Glassy eyes as she slumps down I'm like what happened to her
Oh no
I slumped down
I killed myself too
Oh no
Uh oh then it's left to me
Everyone just died around you
What the fuck?
Maybe then you just wander off into the woods
Live as a panther
Lips close around the arty base
And then just stop
Do, um
Neytiri, do you know what just happened?
I really don't
I barely knew what was happening to begin with
The next team What do you call R? RDA what just happened? I really don't. I barely knew what was happening to begin with.
The next team
of like,
what do they call
RDA?
RDA.
The next team of RDA
that come down.
It's like,
was there a base?
Didn't we have a base
here?
I'll tell you what,
where did everyone go?
Coming in from space,
it certainly looked
like a big mouth.
It looks like lips
to the clothes.
It looks like lips
made of earth
where the base was.
We like, was it Krakatoa or whatever,
where the whole group of people just end up disappearing.
They went to the natives.
It's another heart of mystery.
But yeah, who knows where they went?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That.
That again.
Instead of written words, lips.
Lips is the only evidence of the previous expedition
and the horrifically failed Avatar experiment.
It went really as wrong as possible,
is what they'll say about it,
and they'll shut it down.
So could we survive the Jake Sully experience?
No.
You know why?
For a bit, then no.
Until I accidentally eat myself.
Well, I ate myself.
You ate yourself.
You ate yourself and damn it on the side,
and I think by this point
my mind has been overwritten with panther.
I've just become one of the many
panthers wandering the Pandoran forests.
Yeah. I guess you get
cooked when Way of the Water comes
down and that opening scene
and the sky people are back.
The sky people are back and I am directly underneath one of their ships.
The fire doesn't
even get you. The ship just lands on you.
I'm looking up with just like dumb animal eyes.
My brain completely wiped clean.
Avatar, the way of water.
And there's no one there to help the Na'vi this time.
But we would have only caused more problems.
But Stephen Lang wouldn't be there to...
Well, he's not hunting Jake Sully
because he's not hunting us
because we're not there
also the Na'vi didn't really attack
in the
everybody was just a bit confused
for too long to do anything
just the world of Pandora 8
it was just a lot of like
wait what hold on hang on
what the entire base got eaten maybe the Dean Pandora 8. It was just a lot of like, wait, what? Hold on. Hang on. What? Maybe the entire base got eaten.
Maybe the Dean Pandora too dangerous.
Yeah.
We don't know if it'll happen again.
And what documents we have is really hard to tell.
We know it was somewhere related to the Avatar program.
We have one document here on like day five where one of the trainees touched a tree.
Then nothing, nothing, nothing, the planet ate our base.
He writes of feeling a lot like a tree,
but nothing could really have prepared us for what was coming.
Yeah, all the journals that we have to do.
Hi, my heart.
Joe Zammett here reporting in.
My life mate got turned into a panther, I think.
Anyway, I'm going to go back and try and tame a boog.
Yeah.
Joel Zammett out.
Jackson Bailey.
Jackson Bailey.
Head slams into the camera.
Grace just with a big pistol.
Sorry, that was a panther, not Jackson.
A panther's trying to journal.
I couldn't have it.
That's too complicated to understand.
That's way too fucking much.
That's insane.
He's not a guy.
He was a fucking panther,
so I don't know what the fuck just happened then
And Joel Dush's journal of just like
Nothing but staring and then
Occasional lips moving of
Kill them all
Must kill all of them
Those lips look remarkably like
They're remarkably similar to the previous
Basis
Well yeah okay
It went different from the movie.
That's my conclusion.
Yeah, it went different from the movie.
None of this happened in the film Avatar.
Some of it did.
We saved a lot more Na'vi lives.
That's true.
And took a lot more human ones.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well, yeah, Giovanni Ribisi and that
aren't going back to Earth
to tell Earth that, well,
the Na'vi went fucking, like,
they rose up.
Yeah.
No one's saying that.
No.
Next people come by,
they're like, oh.
Let's not camp on top of the lips,
I reckon.
They could open again.
I don't know.
It's bad to think about
the base down there.
Is it chewed?
I don't know. Is it just like it's the base down there. Is it chewed? I don't know.
Is it just like it's buried
or what? Did it go in his stomach?
It truly boggles the mind
to try and imagine. They start excavating
it where there was like teeth. This is
like a crushed Joel Douchapod.
At that moment, everything stopped.
Just, yeah, two teeth through it.
Two teeth made of rocks right through the middle of
your body. What does this mean? My corpse, mouth open through it. Two teeth made of rocks right through the middle of your body.
What does this mean?
My corpse, mouth open, like gritting my teeth.
Yeah, like your teeth just apart where the pod would be.
What the fuck?
Maybe in between your teeth is a big pumpkin seed.
What does this mean?
No amount of science will be able to explain this.
Goodness, no.
Why does this panther just hang around the base?
Staring at us like he's trying to remember something,
but his brain isn't good enough to remember it anymore. He's staring at us like he wants to wear a hat.
Tilting my panther head on the side, looking in.
Shoo!
Yeah, okay.
Wait, what?
Yeah, all right.
I'll head off, but like, man, something about this whole situation is weirdly familiar.
The Panther just talk?
I'm going to go back to my den and think about this.
I know that's what the spaceship went off.
Oh, never mind.
Oh, never mind.
We landed on him.
He's dead.
He was talking,
but it doesn't matter
because we'll never know why.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
None of it matters.
Maybe pandas
and pandaruses do that.
It'll just become a rumor
down the track
that we're like,
you know what?
I met a panda that talked.
No, you didn't.
No, pandas and pandaruses
I think some of them talk.
Yeah, I think some of them talk.
Maybe.
We certainly left more mysteries
for the next people who come along.
Yeah, the general from where the water gets to Pandora is like, huh.
A lot of fucked up stuff.
I think, but then on the other side, you got the Na'vi also look at this bit.
Fuck.
Yeah, what did the sky people do?
What happened here?
The sky people put a guy in a panther And then this guy He got consumed by
What was so special about him
And the guy that was able to ride the bird
He just
Died out of nowhere for no reason
Him and Grace just
Just went like a sack of potatoes
Sack of space potatoes
I don't know what the hell's going on
Marvy are like fuck the sky guys
This is annoying I hope they don't do this the hell's going on. Navi are like, fuck the sky, guys. This is annoying.
What the fuck?
I hope they don't do this again.
And they wouldn't.
Somebody might be like, we got an idea.
We're going to make a team blue, a bunch of former jawheads.
We're putting it to Avatar bodies.
Someone's like, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me show you footage of our former head of science shooting a man who has a panther in him.
And you tell me if you really want to make this project go ahead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As you can see from here, it looks like the panther is journaling.
The panther's trying to journal, but let me show you,
that's a panther's consciousness in a human body.
And just look at this day three journal.
I am tree.
This is what happens.
So I'm actually going to put the kibosh on this.
You're not doing it.
Day 48, I married a panther, I think.
It is the same panther that was journaling,
but also, get this, a different panther.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to say, no dice.
Yeah, me and my panther husband, we attacked a lot of
humanity. I think you planned
mechs. Mechs are good.
Let's stick with mechs. Can't go
wrong with mechs. Mechs are safe.
Mechs are safe.
We have a safety switch in there where
the person controlling it can't
be controlled by the mech. We all saw
Spider-Man 2. Yeah, we don't want that to
happen again. So we made sure it can't.
There's no way one of these mechs will become a tree or a panther, okay?
No way that could happen.
That'd be preposterous.
Avatar program, big stamp, canceled.
Done.
Done.
Bad idea.
Avatar 2, way of water.
Yeah.
Panther wakes up in a mech suit.
Ha! Avatar 2, way of water, panther wakes up in a mech suit. Is this normal?
Is it my shed?
My Jackso Bailey the panther?
Where's Natiria and Natasha or whatever?
Yeah, wow.
Okay, so would we?
Yes. Should we? No. yeah wow okay so would we yes
should we
no
and on that note
I've been Joe
I've been Jackson
and I've also been Joe
and this concludes
our Plummetar series
I hope you've enjoyed
this month of premium content
and until next time
I see you
I see you
I see you. I see you. I see you.