Quick Question with Soren and Daniel - QQ ep 93 - Take a Hike

Episode Date: June 12, 2021

In this episode the guys talk about Dan's awesome hiking trip to Utah, and Soren meticulously details how each member of his family was moderately injured in the last month!  And as always big thanks to our sponsors.  Thanks to skillshare,  go to Skillshare.com/qq and get a free trial of Premium Membership.  And Thanks to Hello Tushy.  10% off + free shipping HelloTushy.com/QQ

Hello again and welcome to another episode of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, the podcast where two best friends and comedy writers ask each other questions and give each other answers. I am one half of that podcast, author of How to Fight Presidents and staff writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Daniel O'Brien, joined as always by my co-host, Mr. Soren Bui. Soren, say hello. Hey, Daniel. This is Soren Bui. I write for American Dad and I'm a father myself, not to pets, but to an actual child, two of them in fact and uh that's about all there is to tell about me um dan i realized you didn't do the so this time and

i was thinking my name is essentially a beginning with a so oh that's pretty interesting yeah so now i think about the ramifications of that there's probably none no i don't think so i'm i'm always eager for things to think about yeah uh you're right i didn't uh so i didn't open with the so i also didn't have a third descriptor for myself no we're done i didn't have anything anything fun to toss to you well all of our couch bits have been couch bits for so long like we need a new couch like they're it's not fun to sit on anymore. Right. We've done so many couch bits and now I'm like, you know what?

I think I hate this whole fucking apartment. I need to move. Thanks to Skillshare for supporting Quick Question. Skillshare empowers you to accomplish real growth. Do something today you couldn't do yesterday

with classes designed for real life. Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash QQ and get free trials of premium membership. Thanks to Hello Tushy for supporting Quick Question. Forget the fishing gear. Ditch the gift cards. Dad deserves something that will last him a lifetime of flushes. Refresh your gift game and his butt.

Get 10% off plus free shipping and get your butt clean at hellotushy.com slash QQ. So I got, God, I mean, this is a very exciting time for me, Dan, because you recently went out into the dust from whence we came, the sandstone deserts of America, and found yourself there. And I'm so curious about a thousand things. of America and found yourself there. And I'm so curious about a thousand things. I did. I went to Zion National Park in Utah. It is a beautiful place. I spent several days there hiking with a couple of coworkers and buddies and had a blast. I highly recommend it to everyone. We were very, we were incredibly lucky because it just so happened that like the last, our last morning there, so not even a day that we were hiking a day that we were all leaving was the day where officially a bunch of

covid restrictions got lifted for the shuttles that take you up and down uh like the canyon of zion and that just means a lot of people could suddenly go for the first time in a while. Previously, you needed to either, uh, bike through the Canyon, which is very difficult and none of us wanted to do,

or get lucky and get shuttle passes months in advance. Like we did. And I just limited the amount of people who can go into the park every day. There were still a lot of people, but the limit was very helpful to us. And then as soon as like, again, the day that we were leaving,

it opened up to more people. And so we just barely missed that huge crowd, which was very nice. When you say us, you were considering doing this trip with your brother, right? Nope. That was never even on the table. No. I thought you would. So you did it with coworkers?

Yeah. Okay. That's awesome. That sounds like a lot of fun. And are you like like has the relationship changed now with co-workers sometimes when you do like a camping trip like things fundamentally change i think we were very lucky that we were smart to not do a camping trip because uh like we all got to go to our separate places and sleep privately at the end of things oh which is very like crucial for me personally i

like to have my own space and like recharge uh and it was smart because one of the co-workers is a guy i've known since day one since i started there and i hadn't seen him since the the pandemic obviously and another co-worker is someone who got hired during the pandemic that I never met in person before. And I could see this being a real, like, total nightmare if the three of us decided to camp together because it was like, hey, it turns out I hate you. Yeah. Right. Or you just, I mean, like, it's like, it's apocalyptic scenario in that case where, like, everybody has to contribute.

And if there's somebody who's not contributing, like, you will, you'll despise them for the rest of your life. Right. Right. Certainly. But I didn't. I got, we were very lucky. It was a good, good crew. That's very good.

That's wonderful. Now, you did the Narrows, right? Did the Narrows, yes. The Narrows is, it's like a quick mile through a canyon, just like a very basic, all but paved road down into this canyon and then you're walking through a river yes there's not like you're not like just crossing it and getting your feet wet you are in this water the whole time into like as the the the canyon narrows to a place called wall street at the end of it yeah so wall street is some of the best climbing in the world have you done it yeah oh did you so did you start from wall street and like go down in yes that's super cool um yeah so just all over uh utah and uh like some of the northern

tip of arizona like there's some great sandstone out there and sandstone climbing is like the best climbing the world. Cause it doesn't mess up your hands nearly as much. Your grip is great on it. You can get traction no matter what, but, um, it also doesn't destroy your hands. Like Joshua tree has a type of like quartz granite that just the first day you're done and your pads are all ripped off your fingers. And in the sandstone is just so, and there's a lot of and in the sandstone is just so and there's a lot of crack climbs in sandstone which is are also very much very fun um now so i gave you advice before you left under the assumption that you were going to be camping and like i was worried about you being wet at night uh i said don't bring any cotton now yeah you that's less

of an issue i assume when you're not camping when you can actually go home to a hotel or whatever you were staying in. A cabin? I don't know. A hotel. Nice. Is it in a town? Were you near Moab? How does that work? I was in Springdale.

Springdale is the town that is like the town of Zion. If Zion had a town, it's Springdale. It's this very small, very cute town that exists really for Zion. It sells your poles and your waterproof gear and your climbing gear, whatever else you need. There's all cute little restaurants and shops and coffee places. And it's for your before and after hiking adventures. It's like apres hiking. I like this a lot better than the actual rugged camping. Yeah.

And did you blister at all? Because you got new boots. yeah um and did you did you blister at all because you got new boots you know what i uh i really need some advice on this uh a thing that i've found because i had like my morel hiking boots and also rented waterproof boots and shoes for the narrows itself and in all those cases uh the biggest beating that anything on my entire body took this whole trip was my toes i could feel my toes slamming into the front of my boots and i don't know if the solution is thicker socks or a different sized boot yeah or what i need to do but that's that's like every day that's my two pain points were uh my my toes my little toes and uh another area we can revisit later like my my collarbone essentially right where the straps of my pack are going okay okay what's your what do you think for my toes you

bigger boot and you got to tighten the laces more bigger boot yeah bigger boot uh longer boot and you got to tighten the laces more. Bigger boot? Yeah, bigger boot, longer boot. And you got to tighten the laces more. When you're just standing normally, can you feel the end of the boot? I don't. You don't know. I can't remember right now. Do you know what your feet are doing other parts of the day? Usually they're with me.

So yeah, I have a pretty good idea of what they're up to. No, but like, can you recall how your feet felt hours ago? It depends. Yeah. Like if it's annoying where like I'm getting a black and blue toenail because they're banging against the front of my boot, then yeah, I would be like, all right, well, let's figure out what this is. Right.

You're asking me to recall what my feet were feeling when I was standing still in boots two weeks ago. And buddy, I'm sorry i would say i didn't write it down you if you can stand there wheel your toe and feel the end of your boot then the boot is too uh loose or it's too small for you and in which case like you want your heel all the way in the back and then to tighten down that boot pretty hard you won't cut off circulation you'll be fine uh so that it doesn't ever get near the front because yeah that's a that happens a lot with like skiing and snowboarding too where you're just it's just a little bit too loose and then you're just fucking up those toes thanks to skillshare for supporting

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this is, you're in a river, and on the bottom of the river is rocks. It's all rocks. You're not walking through sand. It's not paved. It's just like ankle-breaking rocks. You really need to be careful. We had rented sticks. Some people had poles, and you really need that

for balance. People are eating shit all the time in there because you're going against the current for at least one half of this no matter what direction you came in and uh you're in from your ankles to your waist definitely if you want to go even further you can go we saw people a little bit past wall street going into their neck. And that's where we turned back. We'd already been out for a few hours and just didn't want to do that. Yeah.

The wildest thing, though, we saw a ton of people in fucking jeans and tennis shoes. Just completely unprepared. People just trudging waist deep in their jeans. And I was like, you're in jeans. And she said, it's really not that bad. And I thought, eventually you'll get out of the water and it will be very bad. Now that you weigh 14 more pounds and your legs are cold. That's wild that they did it in jeans.

And so the deepest you get in the Narrows at this time of year i don't really know are you actually like down to your chest or are you no we went down to our waist was the deepest that we got okay but against the current that's that's gnarly which was so fun and there are like easy easier ways down the the river or up the river but anytime i saw like rapids that i could fight i was absolutely going against those rapids and having a fucking blast and being the only idiot who's uh taking unnecessary risks like that because because uh and my co-worker was like you're really taking all those rapids and i'm like what else am i doing here what is the when am i gonna do this again we don't have have rabbits in Hell's Kitchen.

I got to fight them. It's for the adventure. That's great. That sounds like such a good trip. It was a real blast. We did the Narrows. We did Angel's Landing. Did you do that one?

No. That's just a straight, difficult couple hour hike up. There are a lot of switchbacks. it's a canyon so it's very exposed yeah and you're going up and it's one of those um it's incredibly narrow and there's like a chain that is set up that you grab onto so you don't fall yeah and it's one of those things where like you really feel like you're walking on the like the the blade of a mountain like you feel like there's the there's a cliff on either side of you yeah the thing is as wide as you are and what's that a lot of exposure yeah the thing is as a little bit wider than you are and you can just see like oh

if i fall if i if the wind is too strong or if i let go of this chain or fall one way or the other that's just fully i'm falling off a cliff and dying kind of thing. And so you just climb up to the edge of a plateau? Yeah. Okay, that's very cool. It's super, super cool. That was the one we did on the first day. And then on the last day, we did something called the subway.

The subway is one that's on a lot of bucket lists, and it requires extreme diligence and exquisite luck to get a permit so soren naturally i got three of them and we did that on our last day that's a a nine mile loop where you go out around a canyon and then a very steep very abrupt 400 foot descent and then you're in a Canyon again in like a river for a while until you get to like the, this strange little hole at the end of the trip that takes you inside what feels like a cave. And that's what's called the subway. And it's again,

another thing like the narrows where there's lots of really cool pools and rocks to climb. And the only thing I felt, I felt really smart because I was walking through one part of this very slippery thing and i said this is where i'm going to break my ass and i continued hiking and then on the way back slipped on that part on my butt and as i was like sliding down because it's it's it's uh there's like an incline to it or a decline in my case and it's very slippery and as i'm hitting the ground and sliding down this ramp uh i have the wherewithal to say i told you you're just mad at yourself as you're hurt yeah that has to be someone's fault yeah but i i

like that that i i knew enough at the time to know to like even though i'm falling and i look like an idiot i should remind everyone i was right i predicted this so like not that embarrassing after all isn't everybody yeah uh that sounds like so much fun i wish it really was it was the the kind of trip that uh like i'm really not used to canyon hiking desert hiking exposed hiking at all and just fell in love with it also fell in love with springdale and utah because it's it's that kind of that big starry sky that i never grew up with that there's absolutely nothing like a giant ut sky on a clear night. Yeah. And my last day,

I was just sort of killing time because after that, I was going to Vegas to see friend of the podcast, Caitlin large and her husband, also friend of the podcast, Brian and, uh, do some hiking there. But I had time to kill that morning in springdale so i'm just like wandering around the

town and i i had to resist every impulse to just like go up to people who are waiting at a shuttle stop and like give them tips because it's all i wanted to do was talk to people about this and just like i just if i saw someone with poles i want to just like sit next to them be like doing narrows hey you're gonna do narrows you should went you should rent uh waterproof hiking boots and the and the socks too but don't get them right in the park they're 25 more expensive in the park get them just outside of the park here i'll tell you i'll tell you here i'm gonna i'm gonna write this down tell them you know me they don't know me at all but just like mention my name so i'm part of this please i want it out there i want it in circulation yeah what's that oh you want you're gonna wear jeans uh okay all right i've seen people like

you before um now there's an area of utah that we should do sometime honestly like if my children get a little bit older and either they could come or uh they'll be more autonomous and i can leave without them but there's an area called Slickhorn that is backcountry camping. It's like a week trip. And Slickhorn is just this long, long canyon. And it goes right past the San Juan River. There's petroglyphs that you see along the way. There are little pools that you can play in and swim in.

And then a lot of it's just very tight slot canyons. And there's a thing that happens with backcountry camping where at the very end of it, you don't realize at the time, because in a canyon, you're all very closed in, the sun sets a lot earlier and everything. But once you climb out of it onto a plateau, it's like getting out of jail or like out of prison. You feel like Andy Dufresne in the Shawshank Redemption. Like you're so free and the sky is so big and the world is so big in a way that you completely forgot in seven days where it just feels the most, it's like the most incredible thing in the world.

That does sound great. That also reminds me a thing that I don't think anyone should do is stay in Springdale and hike and explore Zion for several days. And then have your first stay back in society, checking into the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas. Because, man, you're not ready for that. What a culture shock. I'm realizing now that this is a different Wall Street.

I'm thinking of the Wall Street that was in Moab that's world-class climbing. It's the wrong one. But that's cleared up at least. Yeah. Now, I don't know if you know this, Daniel, but while you were asked the dusting out in the wilderness, I really, really badly broke my toe and can no longer run or do much. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Look at you with the patience of a monk while I complain about my toes. No, it's fine. I know where you're coming from. And honestly, this is not the most painful experience of my life. I'm pretty lucky, I think. So here's what happened. I was in my living room, you know, normally treacherous place in general. And I don't even go in there anymore.

Yeah. You get to a certain age and you just don't trust it. I clipped my toe on the edge of a couch. It was cushioned and everything. The fabric goes all the way down the couch. But somehow it just was wrong. And I don't know if the fabric caught the toe too and then it smashed at the wrong angle or what happened.

But my son was about to watch TV. I was like getting the controller and clipped it on the edge and immediately said, I broke my toe and look down at it. And it was, I mean, I don't even remember if there was pain because I was so horrified by what I saw,

which was just a toe that was like just going his own way. He was leaving the body. Oh, so that's, you can like see it's broken. Immediately. It's either dislocated or it's broken and it's just completely wrong. And I was, I was like seeing a body part, seeing your own body. Like it's such a minor little part of my body. But seeing anything on my body that's out of place and I'm like, the world is over. Like, let's all give up. Let's just cut it all off. And I was like, I broke my toe only much louder and on the verge of tears to my son.

And he goes, can you unpause the TV? And I hated him in that moment. I really, really like, I wanted to yell at him. And instead I went upstairs and told my wife that she needed to watch the children for a while because I had to take myself to urgent care. Went to an urgent care, signed all the paperwork and everything,

then got to finally see a doctor. And the doctor said, oh, we don't have an x-ray technician here. Did they not tell you at the front desk? And I said, no, they did not tell me that. And he said, well, it looks just like it's dislocated. Would you like me to set it? And I said, yeah, please. And is there any damage that could be done if it's actually broken? He said, not really. And so he's like, all right, well, breathe in deep. And he did this movement with the toe in one direction and then pulled it out and uh

made a bunch of terrible noises and it was very very very painful he made he made a bunch of terrible noises like a guy from police academy like lasers and stuff yeah he's doing sirens and things i didn't totally get but they were like stop it stop it yeah he was i think one was like a led zeppelin solo i mean it's good but there's no context so it didn stop it. Yeah, I think one was like a Led Zeppelin solo. I mean, it was good, but there was no context. So it didn't land. It was making terrible popping, cracking noises. And then he said, okay, it still doesn't look great. I'd like to try it one more time.

I was like, okay. Did it again. And it was like, you know, when you have one of those injuries where immediately afterwards you get very sweaty, it's like coming out of a fever. Yeah. Where you're like, I'm very hot all of a sudden. And it's a little bit of shock. And you get a little lightheaded. It was that.

And that was the first time that I was really like, oh, this is very, very painful. And he said, it still doesn't look right. I'd like you to go get x-rays. So I had to go to a different urgent care. They x-rayed me and they're like it is badly fractured i'll show you a picture of it um yeah it looks wrong and then all they did was this thing called buddy taping which they tape it to the toe next to it yeah and i was like okay well can i shower with this and they're like no you should keep it out of the shower but you should be able to keep that

on until you can get to a specialist in a few days. It came off in like 10 minutes. It's just like your feet sweat and like the tape doesn't stay on there. And so I started taping it with duct tape, went to a specialist and he was like, this is fucked. And I was like, yeah. This looks like, hold on. This looks like it was,

it had a minor sprain and then some guy just went nuts on it for a while. It looks like somebody intentionally broke your toe. Is that what happened? So got an x-ray, got to this other guy. And he's like, well, you got to keep coming back. You got to come back every two weeks to make sure that it's setting right. And in the meantime, you just keep taping it to the toe next to it.

And that's what I've been doing. I thought my whole life i thought i don't know where i i heard this urban legend that a broken toe was just one of those things they didn't do anything about i thought like taping it to another toe was was like a home remedy thing that everyone did because there's nothing else like it's not no one does surgery on a toe no one puts a cast on a toe. You just tape it and eventually hope it straightens out. And if not, it's just one of the other things in your body that hurts.

Which is like, it's part of being Irish Catholic, I think. Because parts of us hurt all the time. And it's your fault. I didn't know that there was actually like x-rays and specialists for toes. What could they do to it? So if it doesn't heal, if if it's not healing right then they have to do surgery on it they do surgery on toes now yeah yeah they'll fix it so you've got three bones in your toe and there's like one really there's three bones in toes now and there's one really long one that's the one that connects to your foot and then further on in the foot there's two tinier ones's the one that connects to your foot. And then further on in the foot,

there's two tinier ones. And the one that I broke is like the long one that connects to the rest of the foot. And if, if, uh, it doesn't heal over time, then yeah,

they have to do surgery. And I don't, I didn't ask the repercussions. Like if I was just like, what if I, uh, say no. And there,

I didn't ask that because I assume what it'd be. It would either be pain management after that point, or it be you don't walk right, you don't run right. I don't know. Now, are you going to end up being a person in a boot like a fucking homeroom teacher? No. They offered me a flat sole shoe. no uh they offered me a flat sole shoe you know like this is this will help keep it centered and keep it so keep it steady and everything so it doesn't ever turn or twist too much and uh they're like it will make you walk a little strange and i was like go elaborate please

and they said that what you basically do is like you can't you can't bend your knee and walk normally you kind of like walk with your foot out to the side, like you swing it around each time you take a step. And I was like, that's not for me. I'm not getting chicks with that is what I told him. But I said, is it, will it help me heal faster?

And they said, no, it's mostly for pain. And I said, then don't give it to me. And so now all I have is every single day, I just tape it up and tape it to the toe next to it. And I realized that in taping it,

that you can tape it wrong. You can tape it. So the toes kind of like tucked underneath the other one a little bit. And that's very, very painful. And so you have to like get it kind of just right when you tape them together. And I've got sort of a shy baby toe anyway,

and they don't really line up quite right because of the, you know, your foot has like an arch, not the arch of your foot, but like it has like a, it's, it's not shaped like a flat line at the top of your toes to the top, like a cartoon. It's like arched. And, uh, so they don't line up perfectly. So the tape doesn't always go on elegantly either. And it's just kind of a bitch to have to do for the next six to eight weeks yikes that's such a long time i know and it really messed up my running yeah and what other what other things

are impacted by it just walking around um yeah and then you're not you don't have to be conscious of uh like sleep positions or anything no i'm supposed to keep it elevated for the first few days because that's and i was didn't totally understand that until i started to get the blood pooling yeah it a trauma like that like bleeds a lot inside the foot and so the entire top of my foot is black and blue uh and kind of swollen like all the toes now are all black and blue nothing's wrong with them they just the blood all pooled into them and you're supposed to keep it elevated so that blood flows back in your body i guess i don't really know but uh anyway it was i the only thing i had to do is i had to be very careful around my kids because they

run around and they can step on it and when i'm going around corners now i'm not like nikki lauda anymore i'm taking those corners nice and wide and um other than that i'm not allowed to run they very specifically said don't run but there's not even much of a limp to my walk like i could see you today and i'd have to tell you that i had a broken toe probably you might if we walk somewhere long distance you'd be like oh there's something weird going on with you you would need to tell tell me because if you didn't tell me, I would hug that foot. Because I haven't seen you in like two years, man.

Yeah, and that's right for the foot is your first thing you go for. You're right when you said earlier that you have a shy toe. It's so shy and that's why I need to hug it because it has no reason to be shy. It's got a beautiful voice, a beautiful voice, and it's just so shy and it's so disappointing. And I want wanted to share its voice its gift with the world that's so that's very nice of you to say you got it um i have

headphones on so i can't hear but i will relay that message uh and it's i tried biking now so i tried sitting on like a just a stationary stationary bike because I got to get it somehow. Got to, got to get exercised for a bacon's big law thing. Yeah. And, um, I hate biking. It turns out I hate stationary biking. I don't understand how to do it. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I'm getting a good workout or not.

I'm just like, you can set it to random. So it will give you hills and it will give you uh i don't know veils and um i just set it and then i i ride around for 30 minutes or like 45 minutes and then i'm like okay i guess i'm done i think so i i have gone on like stationary bikes and gyms and everything like that and i've i've been on them for a long time like i would do in in college just like be on a bike for an hour before a proper workout and just trust that i'm doing some amount of cardio and then i i in my 20s took one spin class yeah and that's that's the real workout that's more of a workout than any stationary bike

thing has ever happened i don't know if it requires you to like have someone barking out orders at you or if there's a way that you could just figure out what the orders would be and do them but like that was one of the one of the tougher workouts that i had from uh our friend julie at burn fitness oh yeah good old julie um i gotta i gotta figure it out i think they're so i go to this uh this gym that's actually a castle in the sky called equinox are you familiar yes and uh they offer classes like that so i will i'll try and take one i think yeah dad wiped your ass for years years return the favor with the perfect gift for Father's Day from Hello Tushy. Father's Day is right

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Go to HelloTushy.com slash QQ to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners at HelloTushy.com slash Qq for 10% off that's hellotushy.com slash qq um i had other stuff but but this is becoming like the the fitness episode so i have another quick question for you about fitness stuff yeah yeah sure and like i i think you'll be excited to help me especially now that you're injured and you could just like, you could be the Mick to my Rocky. Just like, just really training me up. I impulsively, but still excitedly joined the last week tonight softball team. Yes.

There's a league out here that plays against other, both late night shows and also like news outfits like NPR and stuff. Yes. And I joined it because the idea of it seemed so exciting to me. I, at my physical peak, was not playing baseball or softball and was not good at it. In childhood, when we're all made of rubber, I was not good at it. And I haven't played i can't

remember the last time i have hit a ball with a bat i truly do not remember when that was i think it was before college i don't even think i went to like batting cages with buddies in college or any time after that uh i know this is going to be one of those things where i'm going to do it once and so many surprising things are going to hurt the next day so like tell me tell me two things i want to know what can i do in advance so what should i do in advance so i don't completely embarrass myself in front of my co-workers and two what can i be conscious of on the day so that i'm not completely worthless the next day well you came to the right guy daniel because i played softball with the american dad team and they are hell yeah a bunch of gifted adonises somehow like these people should have gone pro that it's amazing.

And I got there thinking I was going to be in the same situation as you, where I was like, oh, it's a bunch of people. And this is like a, not even like a secondary thing they do. This is like 10th or 11th down the list. This is just for fun and recreation. And that was not the case. They take it very seriously. And I missed a bunch of fly balls out to left where I was playing at first,

got moved to right. It was humiliating it was it was so humiliating and um what i would have liked to have done beforehand is you could go to cages by yourself that just that will help your hitting like it'll just get you back into the idea of like a ball's coming exactly when you need to swing uh and you'll fall right back into that very quickly all you gotta do is connect too like that's all they want from you and then run as fast as you can to first but the other things are uh you need if you can get somebody out in a field with you and throw pop-ups to each other because I don't know what position you're going to be playing. I am crossing my fingers for right field. Missing a pop-up is just devastating.

And it's really hard to read a ball if you haven't done it in a long time. And so the first thing that happens is the ball comes off the bat and your instinct is to run in on it. And that's so often wrong in softball. Because these guys can just crank these things. Yeah. And in a lot of cases, I mean, you're playing against other shows, but you're not playing against other writers most of the time. You're playing against crew. Oh, fuck.

I was really hoping I was going to get Ira Glass. Oh, that would have been really nice. Laxmin Schming. Laxmin Sching? Yeah, definitely try for that name terry the first time um so i it's a it's really like it can be pretty deeply embarrassing unless they're everybody else on the team is also not very good and uh it takes takes like a day to really fall back into it and remember how to play. Now there's different rules to softball than there are to baseball that you should probably know going in.

Will you tell me some? No. You're playing with a, let's see if I can remember this, a ball and a strike against you already. Really? Yeah, so the count's even, but you're only playing for two strikes and three balls in most slow-pitch softball leagues. Okay.

I mean, that seems like an arbitrary change. No stealing, no leading off. You can't even leave you can't your foot has to be on the bag until uh somebody can makes contact with the ball that rules i like that yeah so then you don't have to worry about like iq base running yeah that's so awesome um god i feel like there's other stuff that i fucked up too that i'm not remembering now um is this am i oh you get an extra person in the field usually you get like an extra person i want that position whatever superfluous position whatever is like the the bonus

make a wish position that's what i want there's a bunch of different ways that people play it usually it's four in the outfield and then like the the right field and left field play way off to the lines like they're like almost on the foul line and then the other two are kind of like take up the middle otherwise it would be three in the outfield and then one place kind of shallow behind second base okay um but yeah there's that i'm trying to remember if there's anything else that you're gonna need to know before you go it's very fun but it's it's just so embarrassing i'm looking forward to it but i'm very stressed about it as i am almost everything uh is there am i uh because in addition to not wanting to look stupid in terms of a lack of athleticism,

I also don't want to look stupid in terms of over-preparedness. Like I, there's no such thing. Is it insane if I show up with cleats? No, you should. Oh. You should be in cleats. That was another thing that I'm just realizing. I don't want like a bunch of people in T-shirts and jeans,

and then here I am with a batter's batting glove and cleats. Some people will be wearing polyester pants, pants that are specific for softball or baseball. People will be wearing long socks. Everyone will be wearing cleats. And a batting glove is no big deal like people are gonna bring their own bats and stuff people take it very seriously because it's it's what they still have like the doors on their athletic career shut a long time ago and so this is like the last refuge for all that stuff

they pour it all into it um i i'm remembering now that when i played it had been a while since i'd used my cleats but i kept them in my car because you never, all my sports stuff stays in my car in case an opportunity arises for me to play somewhere, anything. And had my cleats in there for too long, it turns out, because the heat of the car in the summer destroyed the glue between the sole and the shoe itself, the cleat itself. uh destroyed the glue between the sole and the shoe itself the cleat itself so as i was running to first my my cleats fell off at the bottom of my shoe fell away and everyone was like oh what do we what do we do and this is after i've missed two fly balls like on defense where i ran underneath them as opposed to just staying where i was and could have caught him. And it was the whole day was rough.

It was so bad. The only thing, the only saving grace was that I'm fast and I could get to, I could hit a grounder to like even short and I could beat that throw to first. And they were like, oh, that's good.

That's a good thing that he can do. But other than that, it was a very humiliating day. Oh, but see our fast guy. It seems he's run out of his cleats. Okay. Back to square one with him.

So then I had to put on just some tennis shoes. And then I was slipping and sliding all over the outfield. I was like, just fucking let me play second base. That's, you know what? The most helpful thing you've said, it's all been very helpful, but the most helpful is certainly the idea that a lot of people there are going to be good. Because that hadn't occurred to me as a possibility. I was really thinking, this is going to be a bunch of other people who think the idea of playing a sport is fun right now.

And not people who are like athletes, athletes, who would be playing softball with friends, regardless of the work situation. You'll find other teams have practiced together. They know their cutoffs and things like that. Like if you're playing outfield, it's fine. Because if you get a ball deep out there and you've got to go collect it, somebody's going to be raising their hands for you to throw it to. And that's the only person you have to look for. If you're playing infield, though, you have to know the cutoffs

based on where people are on the base path. And they'll be mad if maybe this team won't but ordinarily i'm my team they would have been mad at me if i didn't know if i was supposed to be playing cutoffs or if i was supposed to be backing up a base like whatever i was supposed to be doing but it's it's insane that my circumstance was so insane it's these a bunch of writers that have no business being this good at softball and the and the year before the pandemic happened they won it all like they got the trophy they did it all they went undefeated and it's just it's silly you play these other teams like we play fresh off the boat and uh fuller house and a bunch of other shows and it's occasionally you'll get like an actor from it but the rest is just crew and they are,

they can really send a ball into orbit. Well, I'm glad you came to me. This is important. This is important stuff. Oh, by the way, I,

one more thing I want to tell you about injury wise. Uh, I did this thing to my foot and went to two different urgent cares finally came back home and we were supposed to go out on a date where this was like the first date we were going to have in over a year uh and we were very excited we were going to go see kevin neal and do stand-up and one of you, whose idea was that of the two of you? She a big life comedy fan. If you could get Colleen to pick up Kevin Nealon in a lineup.

She loved him on update. I think you could show her a picture of Kevin Nealon. They'd be like, all right, now go through the book and find that same picture. She would not be able to do it. Well, he's so nondescript too. It doesn't help.

You'd have to like see his actual stature and how tall he is. But anyway, we didn't end up going. And part of it was like, I was like hustling through urgent care the entire time I'm cognizant of the time. And I'm like, okay, I can make it back still. We're just not going to be able to go to a talk with Por Favor. That's fine. Instead, we'll just go directly to the show. That's all. It's all going to work out. I'm back at home por favor that's fine uh instead we'll just go directly to the show that's all it's all going to work out i'm back at home and she's like should we cancel i'm like no way like i'm good i'm good we can do this and so we're changing gilly to get her ready for the nanny who's coming and i put new clothes on her i let her walk into my bathroom she immediately slips on the bath mat in the bathroom and falls with her face on a like her her eyebrow um falls on a cabinet drawer oh god yeah all her weight everything onto this

cabinet drawer and you just i watched her head crank back and the cabinet drawer is metal but it's like a cheap metal i guess because it shattered under the under her her fall so like this metal just shattered around her eye and i was like she immediately started screaming and i was like oh she like she's dead like there's this is gonna be bad i pick her up and facial wounds bleed a lot so immediately there's blood in her eye there's blood in her eye. There's blood in her mouth, like draining down her face. Good Lord. And Colleen hears me gasping and stuff. And she comes upstairs and I'm using a towel to clean Gilly up. And we're just like, stop the bleeding, try and get a sense of what we're dealing with. And I can't get out to Colleen what has happened.

Like Colleen just sees this all and doesn't understand like what happened. Like, you know, wants some information naturally about the circumstance and i can't do it because i'm i'm so preoccupied with like is she is she going to be okay and finally got her cleaned up enough we i have a brother-in-law who is a doctor who i felt strict crazy about going to urgent care twice and so we call him and we're like we did a FaceTime with him we're like does this look like it's still an okay kid and

he gave us some things to look for he's like alright you have to look make sure there's no fluid building behind the eye socket and when you you need to track her eyesight like if you have a phone something that she likes a lot and wants to look at uh move it to side to side up and down and make sure that her eyes are tracking properly and then the cut itself you need to spread it open and see

if you can see bone and i was like oh she is not gonna like that and i am not gonna like oh yeah i don't do well with blood naturally she'll forget that you will not no it's i'll live with that for a long time i mean i still see it sometimes the fall and it's like i flinch when i see it um but uh uh so the reason that she cut herself is like the metal split open and then it's just like these jagged metal that she cut herself on. And there's the, then you, above that you could see the blunt force damage from where she like actually hit it the first time and then slid down as she cut herself. And so, uh, I'm just like very, very nervous about it.

There's no way we're going to this thing anymore where we've canceled the date immediately and we're staying home with her and we're just kind of like monitoring her. It turns out that with a concussion, the idea that you can't put somebody to sleep after a concussion, that's like a wise tale. The brain does need to rest and the person won't go into a coma. You can let them sleep immediately after a concussion if they have one. So we weren't too concerned about that but there were other things we needed to be concerned about i tried to open it up she screamed a lot i didn't see anything and i said we're just gonna put a butterfly bandage on it and that's gonna be it and it's god it's so awful to see your kid blood come out of your kid like blood that belongs

inside of them come out of them it is like it's worse than yourself yeah and uh i can't i got her cleaned up facial facial wounds just bleed so much and i got her cleaned up put the butterfly bandage on she nursed and then we put her to sleep and then we would just check in on her and she was doing a lot of like falling in her sleep you know that like jerking um but she wasn't waking up. And then we went and every four hours we would go and jostle her and piss her off so that we'd see that all her limbs were moving properly and that she was responding properly. And it was just, it was just the worst night. The very next night, Colleen on a, uh, pan that she had put, There's a chicken meal that we make

where you have to do part of the chicken up on top of the stove. And then you take the whole pan and you put the pan in the oven for a certain amount of time. She took it back out and then the pan was sitting on the oven. And you're very, you know,

absentmindedly when you're cooking, your assumption is that the handle of a pan is not 450 degrees. Right, you're not used to that being the hot part. It was sticking out a little and she's like oh that could be dangerous for ronan and so she grabbed the handle to push it in and it was scalding hot and so she's just got blistering all over her palm from that and so we're just a sorry fucking bunch i'm so so sorry to hear all that. You sound like you're in good spirits, but that's a nightmare. I remember I was with my friends with their kid.

I can't remember. Certainly older than Gilly. Like an age where the child is safely running around the house. But still like very much felt like a baby. And he fell and split his face open around his mouth and there was so much blood and it shut everything down it was very traumatic and it was just like a kid running around having a normal kid accident like it sounded like this was with gilly and once they cleaned up the blood and calmed him down and put him to sleep just being around them for that

conversation afterwards where they were just like should should we just, maybe he's just never going to be allowed to run. Maybe we don't allow that because they're so shook by the image of blood coming from their kid's face that it's just like, well, I know I don't ever want to see that again. So maybe, maybe, maybe ours will be a child who doesn't move or go anywhere or see anyone. If you could just find a way for that, those first few years where they're like figuring out how to move their bodies, that everything around them is completely padded. I'd feel so much better.

But like now we're, it's terrifying to watch her Korean around the house. Cause she walks like a drunk person everywhere. And she's like, sure she could go over at any minute. And sometimes she's like, just like her head carries her for her head gets a little too far ahead of her body.

And then there's that kind of like run to catch up, but she has no sense of like putting her hands out or anything. And you just see her doing that, heading towards a coffee table or whatever. And it's horrifying. It's just the, it's taking years off of my life. And Ronan did the exact same thing. It's the worst. I didn't realize how bad it was

when I was younger my brother we were in Moab actually and he on some rocks fell and bit through his lower lip all the way through and they just my parents like calmly like took him to got him in some clothes took him to

the local hospital whatever that was at a time when you couldn't just find it on your phone got him in some clothes, took him to the local hospital, whatever that was, at a time when you couldn't just find it on your phone. Like you'd have to go into town and then ask and everything. And when I was younger, I was like, yeah, that's probably what you just do.

Now it's like, I'm in such a panic. I can't even respond to my wife. I can't answer normal, simple questions. I'm so freaked out by a nothing cut. Like this ended up being barely anything and I don't know how other parents do it I don't know

well I guess we're gonna wrap up now yeah I guess we have on our comedy podcast about writing and friendship well I did a whole episode about a dog dying in front of me almost that's right so it's fine. We can do this all once in a while.

And thank God everyone's fine. Everyone's okay. Your toe's going to heal. Your daughter's probably already forgotten, right? Yeah, she's over it. The only one who's really missing out, it sounds like, is Colleen, who I know, such a big Weeds fan. Couldn't wait to see her number one comedy crush, Kevin Nealon,

just deliver that. Ah, was he going to do Subliminal Guy? Oh, was he going to do? Oh, you got to see it live. Oh, I wonder if he still does Subliminal Guy. He must. Yeah, I think he probably does. Well, then let's wrap up the show.

And we want to thank our producer, engineer, editor, Gabe Harder, who has a website, GabeHarder.com, that may or may not exist. He owns the website. He owns the website. Yeah. That's what matters. You can find me on Twitter at DOB underscore INC or Soren at Soren underscore LTD. You can find me on Twitter at D-O-B underscore I-N-C or Soren at Soren underscore L-T-D. You can

find us on Instagram. You can find the show on Twitter. Twitter.com slash QQ underscore Soren and Dan. You can email the show. QQ with Soren and Daniel at gmail dot com. We have a Patreon. And if you subscribe to the Patreon, then you

get a bonus episode once a month where we answer questions from you, the listeners. And it's actually my favorite episodes that we do because the very light lifting that I do on this show is completely removed. And I love that. Are you still there? Yeah, I'm still here.

I just have nothing else to say so I like fully sat back in my chair away from the microphone did that not come across? because we're no more bits and it's I can't tell you how freeing it is this is walking out of the canyon for the first time ugh

we'll come up with other bits don't worry everybody okay bye bye we'll come up with other bits. Don't worry, everybody. Okay. Bye. Bye.