Rooster Teeth Podcast - RT Podcast #294

Episode Date: October 21, 2014

RT Discusses Plan B Husbands Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit goDaddy.com and enter promo code rooster30 to save 30% on your order. Some limitations apply, see website for details. You are next. Don't you have your juice everybody? No. No. You better put it in. Have you 100 in 95 podcasts? You've never introduced everybody. Brandon Schitt even Granny's like. I can go through every single one. featuring Gus Serella. Brandon from Mahini.

Barbara Donkelman. Buying Gibson. I think Gus Serella. Why do we do the last names this time? That's weird. I normally do last names. Really? Yeah. You say Gus. Gus. Oh, we have podcast 294. Yeah, this is 294 I believe that's awesome. Yeah, again, the nod. What we do for 300. We actually started talking about 300 earlier trying to figure out what you got

You write like how you raised your hand, Mr. Gibson Can we come in with like leather underwear and red capes and then like all be Leonidas? It would make just 300 references in entire time. So you're just suggesting this because you don't need to go buy any of this, right? Like this is just like, I can't even bother to pause it already. Wait, can you buy just leather underwear?

Sure, why not? Really? Yeah. I usually thought it would come in some kind of like bigger like tighter costume, but you can just leather underwear. I'm sure you can, why not? I'm pretty sure, yeah.

You want to fucking five pack down a target. You could find some leather underwear, that's probably easier. No, okay, I see that. Yeah, so we started talking about trying to figure out if we can pull together a special event for number 300. I'm not sure if it's going to work out, so I don't want to get into it too much, but we are working on something special. I will cosplay the Leonidas if you allow it.

Oh my god. You should just do that, I need to leave. Why, why are you hung up on this? What? This dressing up idea. Because I think it's funny, any opportunity to show off his abs. You've been giving me a lot of shit about that today, Brunnen. Today, when was I'm in a motion whatnot it's oh cuz you made a tweet about signing autographs yeah it's just and nobody cares cuz you get you have something like this weird bro charm where nobody cares about stuff like that you get some

kind of bro pass and I don't understand it I did before we played a game of smite and I was like All right guys, I got to take off Pretty podcast pump and then I went to the gym and then you actually went to the fucking gym before this Yeah, and you said you guys do kids getting his pre podcast pump on yeah, I was I would be like drinking out of a protein shake bottle like I would have my protein shake, but I knew that brainy will like crucify me also optimal time for getting protein is like 30 minutes after. Yeah, and I think you wouldn't justify that. You said that, Brandon was like,

how is it anyone else says this? They're a douchebag, would you say this? Like endearing, you get like some kind of pass-worth it. Like during the whole Disney thing, all like you got like a ton of pub for it. And everyone in their articles would mention how you told a story about one of the princesses was known as a bitch in high school

and nobody cared. Nobody met, like, at a problem with you. I don't get it. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, it's for like years of like... Blancing character. He's a character and people like that character. Yeah, it's because it's me.

They don't actually like him. They just like the character you play. So I walked in my, my earlier, right before we came live on the podcast, nerd sense they started tingling. I was sitting over here on my desk And I could hear like well count duke who was really listening. I was like oh there's some there's some nerd shit going on And I walked in and blame and Brandon are having like a heated discussion about whether or not count duke was really good at heart and whether or not He was working for the greater good. Yeah, Gus fluttered in. I'd like to sit down in the couch and it's like watching back and forth. Yeah.

Is the force. It's good talk. Yeah, but. In a place that your nerds sense the thing like you just heard them say count Duke. There's a star wars. A Sith Empire. I like to think you were somewhere in the bungalow as we were having that conversation. You just had the sensation.

I need it. Yeah. Ran over here. I need it ran over here. I was like observing like in the wild. Like I didn't want to interfere. I didn't interject my own opinions. I was like, I'm just going to listen. I'm just going to watch the nerd fight. Did it hold up to your expectations? All right. I've got a good discussion about Star Wars all day, all night. There should be a, you know how we're doing these specialized sponsor podcasts

Mm-hmm like we did one for sports and I think we did one for comics. There should be a Star Wars sponsor Podcast they're doing an animated one, but I would absolutely do one with Chris Demaris and whoever else you should do it I yeah, I probably you blame back in you You know that Star Wars enough check your email They'll go complain about the brackets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my jet No, I knew just rejected his offer I was so nervous to sit in between these two guys on this podcast because I knew it would come up

So you're probably gonna catch a face of the face because probably Strain blows. All right, so all right set it up set it up Brandon. So I can defend myself. There's no defending you Okay, so a little bit of a background here. I guess So if you if's no defending here. Absolutely. OK, so there's a little background here, I guess. So if you don't allow me to. If you don't allow me to. Yeah, we did discuss it. There's a slight tournament that was happening. And originally, Chris Jordan and I were scheduled

to go up against. I don't know what team. And Blaine was supposed to go up against the Adams and Chris Martin, who are by far the favorites to win. I think you're supposed to go up against. What did you Martin, who are by far the favorites to win. I think you're supposed to go up against... What, who did you play in the first round? Blaine. We played... In my show.

I think you're supposed to play them. And you can be able to put a background on that. Blaine was originally going to be on our team, but he told Chris the night of fuck off because he was going to go be on Chris Martin's team and then Chris told him to fuck off and then Blaine came back to us. I was like, yeah, it didn't work out. So I got it. If you want me on your team, you're like, no, fuck you fast forward a week. And apparently at the brackets come out, Blaine goes to Jack and cries about it.

And then all of a sudden, the brackets are changed. And we're going up against the atoms and then Blaine has like a cupcake match. It's not at all that what it happened. And don't sell the anime shown short. It's not at all that what it happened. Don't sell the anime shown short. No, don't try to distract the people. Don't try to distract the people. This is way of the Sith.

We beat him by like 120 or so. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so anyways, what had happened was Jack was going around. He had a piece of paper and he said, hey, I got the smite bracket. And I was like, oh cool. And he said, start to say, and he said, this is this is Tim But right now it's looking like you guys are gonna be playing the atoms and I was like, ah, damn it sucks And then I was your exact no, I was just like, oh, we can get Jack to to call in on this

So I was like, oh, that sucks and I said to him. I said I know that you know you guys want to boost as many of you as you can So I understand if you need to make the brackets to where the most talent will be there for most of the time. So I was saying like, if you need to put like the big faces of Rooster Teeth up, you know, like no offense to Cole and Josh, but they're not very well known among the most community. So I was like, if you have to get like, sorry Cole, did you flip me off? He did. He absolutely did. We're gonna do great tomorrow. It's okay. So anyways, um, I said I understand if you have to do that So then he was walking away and then I was jokingly out like haha hey remember I helped him move Jack And then he changed it and I was like well Yeah, I need to bring that up last week I'm not gonna drop that I have nothing to blame the benefit well okay

So apparently this the scathing rumor that's going around it's like plane did it plane slept with jack or something to play the brackets were away you go to somebody that's the the fifth work of secret through deals and negotiations the brackets are different it's okay sorry barber so he was saying he was saying like pretty much full disclosure

full disclosure full disclosure Full disclosure full disclosure This is temporary he said to me. This is temporary, but as of right now People see the brackets because he was showing him a rough draft I guess it had to do with scheduling or something but something didn't work out He decided to change it we played anime shown we're still in it you guys lost did he set the schedule before you helped him move? No, it was after I helped him move like over summer or something. I don't know. It's like whatever. So after the podcast like last week when Chris and I talked about this we confronted Blaine about it the next day and

He denied everything and then we would mention something specific about him going up and talking and then he'd be like well Yeah, but dot dot dot and then we would mention that part and he's like well Yeah, yeah, yeah, but dot, dot, dot. And then we would mention that part. And he's like, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, but, until eventually he just admitted the whole thing. I did nothing to admit. That's exactly what happened. I'm fine with whatever. And then like people started bitching me out on Twitter.

You put like a witch on Twitter. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no did I do? Even Emily was like, yeah, we've been talking about it at the bungalow, that's messed up. What? It's not that big of a deal, I don't know what it is wrong. All right, whatever. Girls, girls, you're both pretty. You know what? You're both pretty. You say I'm a douchebag and stuff, but like,

I use my powers for good, okay? I help Jack move. That's the easiest thing you ever play. If he wants to, you know, change the brackets, that's his decision, I didn't, you know, that's just, that's all on Jack. I need my powers for good. So. What are your powers in this scenario?

My three superpowers are strong. Super strength, super charm, and super humility. Super humility. Obviously. It's what Humboldt wanted the top three words. I think I'll find a finger you play. I will say our team did face yours and random matchmaking and we and we destroyed you it was yeah, that was kind of an off team I'm gonna spill out all these excuses and brands are gonna shoot them down

But we were missing one of our teammates who's job trying to make me the villain here and it was also I was testing a new god And whenever guys was a fk so it was like it was kind of shitty, but listen I'm gonna just settle this we've been playing you me Jordan Chris. We've all been playing smite I've been playing with Gus. Yeah, it's been a nice big. You wanted to hide your screen today, didn't you? Not real? Yeah, I did you okay I just happened to be in the real like I don't know if Gus should be watching us like and then you You're seeing you and Josh sitting next to each other. Yeah, and there's there's a good chance we might play you guys if you guys beat lads and if we beat Miles's team Then we were gonna play you and I think

that that's going to be a pretty interesting match. It happens. So I didn't, I was kind of sketched out about it, but then again, like if you go in Ellis' office and you try to watch him play Smite, he flip-chit. He'll turn off the monitor. He'll be like, nope, nope, nope, nope. He'll literally eat you. Yeah.

Oh, it's going to see you. We, our team plays tomorrow for the first time. Team Bam. Yeah, you, Meg's gonna see we are team place tomorrow for the first time team bam. Yeah, you make and Ashley. Yes Barbara Ashley Meg which is bam some people Barbra you were really good How did nobody understand what is it was podcast 300 reference 300 yeah, I've been playing a lot. I have a legit legit. I actually have gotten Carpool Tunnels in my left hand from playing so much. You've been killing it, is niece.

I've been trying. I've been trying. So hopefully tomorrow goes well. It's just fun, and Jordan even came in and said it today. And I've been thinking, but it was like, it's just nice to see everybody like, how we've progressed and how good we are at this game. We've all gotten really good.

We should have our company battle another company. I would, let's not go that far. No, I like how most companies have softball tournaments Things that are like involve going outside So let's call somebody else in yeah, hey Greg Miller and or Adam Kovic or Adam Kovic. Yeah, fuck. I love you, Kevin and or Adam Covick. Or Adam Covick. You fuck. I love you, Covick. Hopefully they play the game as well. Yeah, well, nah. I really want to go back in time

to when we played it on the gauntlet and actually be prepared. Have you gone back and watch the gauntlet footage to see yourself? I know, I don't want to go back because I didn't have any kills. I think I maybe killed a minion when we played. It was terrible. I guess you did really good though No, that was editing you're the only person who got any kills on our team actually. Yeah That's the longest we spent editing any game

Because I mean moba's like I was surprised how much fun that game was when I started playing it And I recommend anybody to play it, but it's hard to watch if you don't know what's going on So apparently the atoms and Chris's team team Souls, they have like all of these strategies played out. If we play this team, we're gonna use these characters, we play that team, we're gonna use these characters. Do any of you guys have that? Or do you just like favor a character?

I just favor a character. I just, I have a character. I have no strategy whatsoever. I mean, we have some strategies and we have like certain team builds, but they're like, yeah. Well, there's only so many, I feel like there's only so many ways you could go about that game You could either stick together and just kind of like you know target one person at a time or just like all spread out one person gets the creep one person

Starts killing. I don't know. Yeah, so Gus what? Some of you saw there was that study that mail- survey, where I think a thousand married women were male, male, male survey. Wasn't it a female and survey then? Yeah. And I'm successful. I think half of them had said that they have a backup husband in mind. Like basically if things go south with their marriage, they kind of know what guy they

might go back with, like either a past love or like a friend that they you know uh you of plan B like a plan B. Do you think at all do you like going to go through like Esther's history and see if she has one no I wouldn't I don't worry about that I don't care. No you got plan you got plan G right here. That's all you need. Do you feel like if there was like a solid one you feel like you'd have less leverage in the marriage? You do know that plan B is the name of a morning after all? That's going to joke when this plan B's not over the counter. It's not called plan B. Plan B is a morning after all. I thought that's just the like the street term.

Nope, there's been called plan B. The street term? My last name is street term in that way. Can I get a dime bag of weeds and a plan B? I don't want a wild night love. Oh no, it's morning after. That's like the, that's like when you have the snacks.

No, but that's what it used to be called for. Okay, I think they market both names. Like they'll put it on the box. I probably just different. Yeah, the plan B is a brand name, isn't it? It's a brand name. Barbara, do you have a plan B? I like the morning after pill or an actual plan B?

Either. Well, I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend, so plan A would be great. Nice. Well, I want to give a quick shout out to whoever someone sent us in these cluesies. Yeah, these are. And they got a bottom on too.

They're band made. Oh, I had seen the bottom. Yeah, I want to observe it. You're teaching bottom so much i was hoping you'd spill yeah i'm trying to be there so does the

survey make you uncomfortable yeah oh my god sure she like as i was going through i was like she's known a lot of nice boys Like And I started going through to see if I'm a plan B for anybody not nice men not nice men

It's funny because like she was talking about how her exploit talking about her ex-boyfriends And she was saying like yeah, you know the last guy dated. He was just like really he's super nice And I was like wait am I not nice Like is that not a attribute that you would use to describe me? I would use nice to describe you? Yeah, I know. I know, I know, but I would. Apparently not.

Just because one boyfriend's not, it just mean you're not. Oh no, she did mean that. Oh. Like she said it angrily, like. No, no, no. Because I think it was just like, he was like super like, oh, what do you want? Like, two subservent, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Like I'm generally curious because I feel like your history relationship or sex whatever There's so many great stories So a lot of the times when I tell stories about me and my exes because there's a lot of interesting ones

I just say my friend because I don't want it to like bother her But that's a huge part of like what you've been through. I think it's also important to to like establish Establish like or find out what not to do. It's like you figure out what the other guy did and fuck that on and then learn from his mistake Yeah, but you want to modify your own behavior to that no not necessarily But it could be something as simple as like you know He didn't put a napkin on his lap during dinner so fucking napkins on your lap. You don't do that Fuck that you're a barbarian sir Every single meal my parents that we will yeah, my elbows all over that fucking table my god

He's a tablecloth to wipe my mouth. Pluck them on, stone ones. Oh my god. Now I'm the same way. I don't give a shit what other people have experienced in past relationships. It's interesting. It was funny because I actually was dating.

I think she doesn't care. Let's just like, you just like, it doesn't. I like you don't even care to hear. No, I don't care if I do hear or down here. Like some people get really jealous when people talk about their exes, but I don't give a shit. Like I was dating someone recently and they had a bowl that their ex-girlfriend had made for them

with like her name in it. And I was like home and he was at work or something. And I found the bowl and I started like eating cereal out of it. And I was just like, I found this bowl today and I like I used it for cereal and he's just like, if you were any of my ex-girlfriends, you would have been like, you need to come home right now. We need to talk and I was like I don't give a shit

It's a fucking bull. Shut up. Bull. Fuck these memories. Yeah, it was just funny to me that anyone would care about that. I think some people are just really insecure. Yeah, that's what it is. You said the girl out of it. You live a life before other people and I think some people just don't get that. Have you ever asked about a girlfriend's

like previous sex life or sex with a guy that she's today? Yeah. I'm pretty like, I'm really transparent about that kind of stuff. And if they want to talk about it, then fine. I want to see a problem with him.

I don't want to get like weird about it and I don't get like jealous. I don't be like, it was just dick, but you know, like, it's just like. What's that Batman? It's just like, you think. Tell him, but a damn. What is that?

What is it? I want to know if like, they've had bad experiences or something that like, again, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, with you, I Where is it? Would you trust her if she talked about her ex-boyfriends penis size? I wouldn't ask and I don't think I would listen A girl should never talk about her ex-boyfriends penis size unless she's saying that it yours is thicker. Okay, so that's the only context Funny story That's all you have to take with a grand assault funny fucking story. I had an ex-girl girlfriend and I get a lot of shit for talking about ex-girlfriends and past relationships on Twitter, but it's like, it's whatever.

So anyways, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I had a girlfriend who, I don't know how it came out, but at one point she was like, yeah, you know, it was just kind of weird because my ex-boyfriend had like scars down there and I was like, it scars down there and it's like, oh, that's strange. She's like, yeah, you know, it was kind of weird doing stuff with it.

You know, I was like, well, I mean, like, why, what was what happened? Why did he have scar? And then she was like, well, he got penis reduction surgery and I was like, ah, ah, ah, my mind's like, someone is upset and laughing, that is like the last thing you want to hear And I remember she telling me this and I just went What she was doing? Was she the one who asked him to get the surgery? So surgery. So the next few times we're a little like disheartening, just kind of having that in my mind to knowing that.

Oh, fuck. I've never heard of the industry that I've been surgery before. It's a thing. You know who it is? Blaine's ex-girlfriend. It's a thing who has blin's eggs to go to the front end. But it was like, I was like, I was like, how am I supposed to bounce back from that? It's like, no, no.

I mean, it was just like too big. It was like, I'm comfortable. I was like, you're not helping. It was like, he would develop health issues. And it was just like, it hurt when he ran. And I was like, I don't want to know any of those Her what he ran we were talking about her boyfriend's junk for like the longest time. Oh my god I'm sorry. No, I's alright that

Yeah, that relationship crashed and burned. Yeah, why is that? Uh, she went back to it. She was originally from Germany. She was gonna say I thought you were gonna say she went back to that dude She went back to the gross female I mean the red purple bird Did you get monster energy drinking your eyes? No, no, it might you know Started oh it's like Too funny. So yeah I've never heard of someone actually getting that before.

You know, I kind of had a funny experience say at the gym. So I forgot my lock. You know, I normally bring a lock with you so you could lock your locker. Put all your stuff in there and say, if you're insecure while you're taking a shower. I forgot my lock.

So I had all my stuff in there. I walled my phone in my gym bag in my locker, unlocked. So I purposely got a shower that faced the locker. And I showered with the curtain open and just watched my locker. Because I trust no one. I've had money stolen from me at my gym locker. So I just sat there and there'd be people walking by looking at me and I make my contact with them. Just be scrub my balls. Just watching that lock here. There's another podcast going in Austin right now. I'm like, you won't believe it. The weirdest thing I ever did. So guys passed you and then

we just stare like look at your dick just now. Yeah. But I might as my stuff was safe. What Jim these go to can you tell the people? Your other stuff doesn't save. Yeah, you guys, if you go to an Austin Jim, you have a chance of seeing blank gifts in the kitchen. Is this the way we both go to? Yes. People are nice there. Yeah, but you can't, almost people go to that one now.

Not that homeless people are bad, but they use the, sometimes they pay that membership so that they can use the shower specifically. And it's got a pool. It's got a lot of nice services, but like, yeah, I just don't see anybody. Why don't you just use the lockers that have the lock on them. I don't think that those those are further down. I don't know. But they have a lot. Then you

wouldn't have been able to show off. Yeah, I just want to show everything up. I remember though, there was this one guy who just like I would just be watching it. He'd be like looking at me like incomprehensible He is like what is he looking? I feel I feel like that guy was gonna come up to me like you okay? Did he uh did he have penis scars? I didn't look I don't look at dude's dicks when I see him with the gym Just like I just like once I enter the locker room you see it that's just like they all eyes are up here It might be in your prayerful, but I'm not gonna look at you know, I, obviously I don't go to the gym. I don't work out. I don't have these kinds of experience.

But you know if you want to change that. One time I was in middle school and I had to take PE. And I assume it's a similar thing where you have your locker, you put, you know, your locker shut up. You go to the shower, except since it was middle school, there weren't like individual stalls. It was just like a big room with a bunch of shower heads and like no divider between other dudes. So you like, I was like in seventh grade. I'm in there. It's like my first time taking a shower after PE. It's like a room full of dudes. And I'm like, well, you know, I guess I got to do this.

I walk in there like whatever, you know. I've got a dick. I've seen my dick a million times. Nothing weird about this. I walk in and the dude next to me has the biggest birth mark. Like covers just like his entire dick. Like his super fair skin like me. Except he's got this really dark dick.

It's just a big birthmark. I couldn't stop I can't go back Was it that moment that you realized you were gay It was so it was so weird like it's like I can still picture I think I think you guys have mentioned this on like a really long like Pawscast like a long time ago put that if you heard of that thing where it's like shrinking Dix and No, okay, so apparently all right, I'm going into this. I know none of the science, but apparently it was a big problem.

And it's like, it's actually kind of like this wives tale in Africa where it's like these guys think that their dicks can shrink and it's all placebo. We're basically, your penis will just like retreat into its body. It's something, I don't know, the science behind it or anything, but being in high school football, there was a couple of guys that that would happen to them on a regular basis. They were just so timid in the shower

that it's just like, they didn't just... Are you sure they weren't just... They didn't make that sound like? They would make the noise. But no, like they just, it was like, it was just, it was like, it was just, it was just, it was like a thumb in a bush. It was like, it was weird. it was like a tendle. It was just, it was just, it was like a thumb in a bush. It was like, it was weird.

The best explanation is like a closed eyelid. It was just like, just like this little thing peeking out of like, yeah, there's nothing there. It's weird. I played a, I played football. Were they women? Sorry. No, they're, okay.

You're gonna have a fun time looking at this with the length up, but it's a thing in, they suffered from effort for it. Is it micro penis? No micro penis is Sounds like that. Is it my I don't know the signs behind micro penis tell me more about my Alan one of our actors in laser team was in an episode of New Girl where he played like this really douchy guy with micro penis. Oh, that's right.

You were told me about that. That's why every comment or like every other comment when we announced it was like micro penis. You didn't know how to sing those weird. No. I didn't know I didn't read into it. I did not even see that. Alan is a fucking man.

He's tall and handsome. I got a chance to go out and visit the set. I was at the set all day over the weekend. And he's really cool to hang out with. Yeah, he's super nice and down to earth. And I almost like him. He is a like well crafted man. I don't know what it is.

He's just, I'm not, I don't want to go on about it, but I'm just going to say, damn. There are very few things in life that I'm sad about. I'm very sad that he's married with children. And that he doesn't have a brother, my single twin brother. We are real fast. I have something actually a story from the set,

from over the weekend. So we were standing out there, and I was standing there with some of the cast, and one of our cast members is a woman who's done a lot of work. Her name's Irina, and this dude, this friend of Bernie's walks up, And one of our cast members is a woman who's done a lot of work her name is Irina and this dude this friend of Bernie's walks up because he wants to wear the set and Bernie's friend walks up He's wearing the St. Pauli's girl shirt and Irina looks at everyone says

Why did you wear that shirt and he looks like oh, I just really like beer and she said because that's me And I was like what you that's me. I was the same poly girl I was like oh So fucking weird like blue your mind. Yeah, it's like of all the shirts. I got good award. Yeah, he wore that shirt He didn't know she was gonna be there or that that was her anything. Nope. So what is she? What is she? She says on the loser team, I'm D.B.

She plays a scientist. Oh, there's the same Paula's girl. That one is not her. This is, I think this is the newer St. Paula's girl. I think she was St. Paula's girl a few years ago. But she's like, that's what she looks like. Yeah, they change it like a little bit. How does this St. Paula's girl that's on her side?

You don't know who Irene is? No. She is a beautiful woman. I will be sure to visit the list. All right, here's what we're gonna do. Alan and Irene. Okay, we break them up. Okay, we're gonna put them together. What are they married? We break them up. No, I don't know if she's married. Wait, wait, wait, who would you go for? Alan or Irene? That's a tough. I even met her this chick, but if she's the same polys girl, you know, but Alan though Right, yeah Did I tell you guys about my introduction Alan? No fucking awkward?

Yeah, I think that might be her. Oh, okay. Yeah, I will be visiting with your team. So I was in a green leotard for reasons It was that full-body suit green leotard And I just walk out from behind a curtain and Bernie's giving Alan a tour of the office. And I'm just in this full nude greenly atard suit. And he looks at me and I look at him. And Bernie's like, Blaine, it was like, hi, I'm Blaine. That's all of that, that's the complete interaction with Alan Rich.

That's it? Just that one meeting. Yep, he's super guy, you guys hang out. Me Blaine. But I told people that, I was like, I was like, Yep, just that one meeting. He's super guy. You should guys hang out Me playing But I told people that I was like I was like fucking awkward. I looked like a dumbass and they're like that's the best way to introduce yourself to somebody He's like he's never even forget that. Yeah, it's true Super humility super humility One of my three powers exactly that's some optimism going right there like that's the best way to do it they

He and some other people from the cast were here for that table read, and I was talking to him in the kitchen and then like everyone started to walk into the studio to start a table read. And I was like, oh, I guess we're starting. And I started walking, he's like, I'm just gonna follow you. And I'm like, okay, yes. Right this way, sir.

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Two free meals just for going to blueaprin.com slash rooster teeth, eat your free food. So I was talking about food. Okay, look what, okay, sorry. Bit of a segue. We, right before the podcast started, we were eating some pizza over here and Brandon ate a slice of pepperoni pizza and then he said, oh, I fucked up.

I said, why'd you fuck up? He goes, I shouldn't have eaten the pepperoni. Why not? I said, why not? He says, well, I'm up. I said, why'd you fuck up? He goes, I shouldn't have eaten the pepperoni. I said, why not? I said, well, I'm trying not to eat pork anymore. And I said, well, why not? He goes, well, pigs are smart animals, and they fear death. And I don't want to eat pigs as a result of it anymore. Yeah, absolutely.

And so then this burned a whole conversation about why do we eat the animals that we eat. We talked a way too much about it before the podcast. Basically, we ruined a lot of this conversation But I think where we left off and where I decided to stop talking was Brandon asked so why don't we eat dogs? Well, no not just that but I'm saying Brandon I feel like the only reason we don't eat dogs is because culturally we have an issue with it

But I feel like pigs are just as smart or maybe smarter than dogs So it's not necessarily a issue of we don't want to eat intelligent life as it is so much pigs are extremely delicious and Culturally we're just so attached to dogs. I also hear that dogs taste like shit Really? Yeah, I think it's something to do with carnivores don't taste as good as herbivores I don't know if pigs are completely herbivores or omnivores. But pigs are so sweet and they're so nice. They just come up to you and then you pet them. Bacon. I know. I know. Okay, I know, but it's so like when they're in the slaughterhouse, they're

like forcing these pigs and these cages and they're trying to like get away like a tower chicken they don't know circle of life they have no idea but the pigs they fear don't make me feel like shit for eating food no you're not going to feel like you're going to eat pork you're going to know I'm not no no no I'm not trying to tell anybody they shouldn't eat pork I'm not saying it's wrong I'm just saying I don't want to do it because all animals are smart and have feelings and all that stuff to different degrees Yeah, but you know so listen here Simba. Yeah, I would class apart like a fish on the same. Yeah scale Or like a snail you don't know fish can learn you've never been a fish you don't know fish

So I just looked up that thing barber just saw the picture. It's actually called Buried penis and they had a picture there. Yep, I'm not gonna show it. It's uh, I don't want to see it definitely thing though Very unfortunate thing very penis. That's bird penis. Yes. Are there any animals you would not eat? Human yeah, I mean, I think I've eaten just about every I think I've eaten just about every, like, culturally acceptable kind of animal. You're in kangaroo, right? Yeah, I've eaten kangaroo. Lost rich? I've eaten ostrich.

So, yeah, I guess I mean, I would eat just about anything. I think one of the last things I ate was like, escargot. Like, I was like, I really don't want to do this, but I have to eat it just to say I've done it. Yeah, you have to fucking good. You have to really fucking delicious. What do you have it? One time in Vegas, of course, right?

I was like, oh, I could totally eat the shit out of this. It's like, just a butter delivery mechanism. You get this much filling. Yeah, it's like, like, all the reins around in a place. Isn't that like a rich people delicacy? I'm a baller, man. I can roll in. Can you see Gus and Vegas?

It's like rolling that crap. You can get a risk cargo. It's a reddit and it's in crap. Yeah, instead of dice I think that's cargo shell This like in Vegas you can get I feel like a Vegas you can really get anything that you wanted I'm been yeah, Brandon's Brandon's apparently a big Vegas guy and I keep on trying to get a see a group to go to Vegas I go to Vegas. It's good Vegas. Yeah, I'm of a base. Yeah, Paul is like dying to see Brittany. Oh, every time it's convenient for us to go,

Brittany takes three months off. She's got that sweet gig you're talking about. Yeah, good for her, man. Where did she made it? She plays it at Planet Hollywood, which I thought was a trashy hotel, but it's actually awesome and really nice. I'm very experienced made it.

No, she made it, guys. Good for Brittany. If you get Vegas, it's like you're performing three or four times a week for like two months and then another month and a half off You don't tour you don't pull that's the big deal. It's like you you aren't going city to city It's like the people are coming to you. Yeah, that is Celine Dion still there Probably I don't think so Pen and color I mean

Carrotop has been there for 20 years Pen and teller Caratop has been there for 20 years. What the fuck is caratop is terrifying? Is he super demand? I know I've seen him. Yeah, he's like jacked up on Mountain Dew code red or something He's scary on something My goal is to make it in Vegas. Yeah, doing what? What's your song? It's like a performance singer shit singer shit. All right. Are you comfortable singing in front of people? No, I have an awful awful thing. I've only done karaoke once and that's because I was really trashed Where you go to karaoke songs?

I Only did a C'mon You're uncomfortable with your singing but you try to sing like Freddie Mercury. Yeah, oh because nobody can sing like Freddie You're right. Nobody so it's like no one can measure up So it's like I'm not gonna be that bad plus I really love Queens one of my favorite bands So if I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it right. Oh, yeah, I love karaoke. Yeah, you know Strike me as a karaoke type. No, I strike. Yeah, you just it's it's fun and you just get drunk and everybody's drunk

Who gives a shit? That's kind of like you know go to the gym? He'd get naked and your balls are out. It's it's fun and and you just get drunk and everybody's drunk who gives a shit Uh-huh. It's kind of like you know go to the gym. He'd get naked and your balls are out. It's whatever Yeah, watching your locker like a hawk. No, like I got it's like a few go-to songs He always picked the songs that either everybody knows so that everybody will just sing with you One of those songs that you can just yell the lyrics don't stop leaving You know or I pick a lot of country songs. Yeah, like what a lot of Merle Haggard and John Cash and that kind of shit. I hate karaoke I hate it so much because every time I've done karaoke It's been a group of people sitting in a room

Watching someone do this not being able to talk because it's so loud So it's just like this really awkward situation where one person singing really badly and no one could hear each other. I, yeah, it's not my idea of a good time. Whenever I go out we make it like really interactive when you know we get a few people on stage. It's like it's a good fucking time. I think we should get a group to go out. Farward is part of what you like. It's just like I have so many more ideas of things. Have you ever, has this ever happened to you where you get up to sing a song? You start like the first three lines and then you realize I don't know this fucking song at all Yeah, it's like you get really drunk. Yeah, I know that song. I love that song. You're like oh shit

I don't know the song at all. It's funny seeing like drunk girls go up and sing my humps because there's like a bit of a rap in there So then they just get lost and like look at that my Humps, but they just like lose the lyrics and you just kind of cringe for two and a half minutes. I'm ashamed to admit, I know all of my humps. Sing it. I'm not gonna snuff. Hey, karaoke, here we go. Patrick, let's get the music.

We should, we should, we should, seriously, go. Oh my god, Becky, look at her. Oh no, wait, that's so rough. I think I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I'm gonna go back is what I know. Sorry, my antibiotics are kicking in. Yep, we got native barks for? I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad.

I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad.

I think I'm so bad. I think I'm so bad. I think I get it now, I'll have my own suite in a hospital, like, and I'll have people waiting on me, but if it becomes super big, and there's more people that need treatment than, you know, that's available, then you're in trouble. It's a good fucking idea, actually. Yeah, I'm gonna get, I wanna,

what is wrong with you guys? No, it makes perfect sense. It's a terrible idea. And you almost become so lucky. And then I'll be immune for, I'll be, I'm actually for 10 years. For how many people in the world to be around you?

Yeah, but everybody knows you. When you have a bullet, it's like, oh, you know, like, you know, the names of the people from the first two patients were, what are their names? Blaine. Well, I don't know, because you know, that's how famous you become. You know, you can get your people to pay for.

What are their names, Brandon? Um, I don't know. I know that. I mean, I know it was a nurse and a guy who came back from Africa I want to tell so I my friend texted me the other day He works at a company the same company with another friend who will come into play later in the story He texted me and he said a girl just came into our office crying because she just found out she lives in the same apartment complex as Ebola patient to and I was like holy shit man

Be careful to be safe like you know Yeah, yeah, I'm scared for you like I hope you're alright and then my other friend texted me and he said look I just got from my apartment complex and he took a picture of a sign that said notice You know it's from the city of Dallas and he's like someone in your apartment complex is contracted Ebola You've no reason to worry bubble blah, blah, blah, blah. So I just had two friends in one day that are probably going to die now. I like the idea of giving someone a notice that's like warning. You have nothing to fear.

Exactly. Everything is okay. So calm down. I think people are, you know, you're m. Yeah, you think it's like swine flu too Well, swine flu actually was bad for a lot of people. Yeah, like in this isn't I mean it's bad for three people Indicating the people Worried before people had it in the US which is kind of shitty. There's a lot about our culture But because it doesn't affect you. Yeah, it's natural. It's just natural

Yeah, of course. Yeah, you need. You don't want to worry about that to be in I'm not worried about a fucking tiger mulling me Because there are no tigers here. It's the same thing. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, all of a sudden There's a tiger somewhere loose in Austin. You're a tiger named Ebola Yeah, I'm terrified of disease. That's why I think so that's it. It's like this plays into my biggest fear So that's why I think that's it's like this plays into my biggest fear. So that's it. So did you hear that I think it was it was Nigeria Which is finally declared Ebola free because they've gone 42 days without a new Ebola case being Being reported and since it's Nigeria makes me think is this some kind of scam like

What's the angle Are they trying to get money out of me? He's so happy with this. If you want a bull here, it's like you're happy about this. It's so shitty if you live in a country and ask what your country's known for. Oh, you're from the scamming country.

Yeah. Man, I bet. Jerry and Prince's are all comfy. Kazik stands, like got it pretty rough, because fucking Borat ruined their whole thing. The the worst is I don't know if you remember Like after the like a year to after the Borat movie. I think there was a it wasn't the Olympics It was like another worldwide Sporting competition some Kazakhstan athletes won and they played the Borat theme instead of the Kazakhstan national anthem Whoever was programming the music just like Google search has extended national anthem and that was the top hit

So you see the athletes like on the podium and then the music starts playing like no Probably to know is the board song either, you know if I ever win an Olympic medal and I start playing Blame Canada from South Park and they start playing Blame Canter from South Park. I'll be like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was funny. Yeah. The mini Simpsons marathon network. Which we missed. And, uh, the, uh, so they show it, like, they show all the old episodes, and they're also showing episodes of the Allie G show that were not broadcast in the US on HBO. Right. They're just like some that were just kept in the UK. And it's, it's still like super cringing, still super funny. I should remember that one where he got a dude from

What is real another guy from house or whatever and that was like a really awkward Why is that blind? Hmm. Why is that oh because you like made him hold hands because there I had a friend that served and oh god What's is really just fence force IDF? Yeah, so I know a decent amount about it. That's crazy Yeah, his interview with the UN I think was my favorite. Yeah solid solid program Mm-hmm. I mean it's sad. It's like I wish he could do more but it's like everyone New the joke after a while. I was thinking fuck you can't do it anymore My my favorite thing about Borat is I remember I ran the DVD and when I opened it It was just like it was like a disc that you could buy at Best Buy and then it was just

in Sharpie it said Borat and I thought someone had scam me but like that's actually how they made the discs. Like it looked like a boot like and I thought it was one of the most clever things that I've seen. There's a girl with the Dragon Tattoo the American version of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo did the same thing in the initial run then they had to stop doing it because too many people started taking the disc back to the store for an exchange or a refund. So the subsequent printings of the girl with a dragon tattoo disc look normal. Yeah, I see like what the motivation behind that was girl and dragon tattoo. It was like a hacker thing like a bootleg copy disk.

Yeah, I saw I ended up seeing what's on you movie that don't girl. Don girl. How a weird interaction in the bathroom. I don't know if it's a weird interaction. You just have weird interactions in general. I try to avoid interactions in the bathroom in general. What was your interaction? All right, so it was like all the guys that just got all the people

that I could just gone out of Gone Girl. You know, some of them were going to the bathroom. And I was at the urinal and there was like four or five urinals. And then we're all just taking a piss, you know, it's quiet. And then a guy, okay, what is that what is that why are we looking please it's natural all listeners are showing a picture of fan art that's you staring at naked anyways so a guy came in he was just quite broke the science like so did you guys just see gone girl and then like there's like

mumbles of agreement and I was like yeah I'm never getting married. Like I was they all started laughing but yeah that was that was a freaky freaky film. I love that movie. I won't say anything about it but. I saw it opening week and I never go to the theater. I was so shocked to hear that like when I was like oh yeah I saw

Gone Girl this week and you're like yeah me too. I'm like what? Yeah yeah I saw it opening week and I really want to go back and see it again. I feel like it's time to watch it. I just saw a fury. I'll probably talk about this on screen play tomorrow. Oh, how was how's fury? It's fucking good, man.

It's a bummer. Like, that's like, they kind of cast more of a Vietnam sort of light on World War II, you know? Like, normally World War II, you think of them as like the great generation and, you know, they're valiant and it's joined the Germans and they didn't really get into like the how fucked up some of that stuff was. I'm sure a lot of it was dramatized, but man, there were some really messed up shit in that movie. I heard that the last operational tank tiger was used in filming that movie, the German tank. Well, it's like the last one in the world. Spoiler alert, they fucked that thing up. Yeah, good movie.

I don't want to say anything because it just came out. Yeah, they might have, they might have had like stunt tanks. Like, fucked like the ones that don't run anymore. I mean, yeah, they had a lot of eras-specific vehicles and stuff. It was really well done film. Yeah, that big didn't explode speaking of uh... aerospecific vehicles i was reading like trivia about

raise a lot darker earlier today was it radars it was radars i think and they said that the nazi uniforms used in radars were actual nazi uniforms that he serious yeah i guess that they they had recently found a a cash of just like nazi paraphernalia so rather than the art department making them, they just used that. That's fucking cool stuff.

Would it be weird if you were an actor and you didn't know that? You have your story washed it off. Poltergeist. They used actual dead bodies during the pool scene when she's like in the pool. There's like stuff. Yeah, apparently some of those were like stunt dead bodies. Like that's a thing in Hollywood is sometimes they actually use real-cut advers.

I don't think that's true. I, okay, I read somewhere that they used real dead bodies and pulled her guys. I know that skeletons, that's like a- Well, here was that made, maybe in like 80 something? I think, pulled her guys like 80. Oh, there's no way they could get away with that in the 80s. Maybe it was like the 40s.

Fact check us, audience, please. I'm sure they will. I'm sure Maryl's looking it up furiously. Um, speaking of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have decided what I will be for Halloween. Maryl's just flicking off. Yeah, she man. She's she is assimilated into the room. I thought it was a flick off. Maryl. I was assimilated into the room. I thought it was a flick off of me. Maryl, I was assimilated into the room. What are you gonna be wearing, how? I'm gonna be Indiana Jones, traveling. I think I did not tell you that, Brenn. You started making fun of me for it. I didn't make fun of you. Well, why are you trying to paint me off

like this? No, just, you know it. No, Brennon. He's trying to turn the tables on you. Well, okay, what did I say? Jordan thought it was fucking funny, but I said, I'm gonna be Indiana Jones again, but it'll be like the first time.

And then Jordan was like, well, what do you mean? I said, well, when I was Indiana Jones Indiana Jones again, but it'll be like the first time and then Jordan was like What do you mean? I said well when I was Indiana Jones two years ago? I didn't have nearly as many Twitter followers so it's as if it didn't exist. Wow Wow See and it's gonna be like all that's blame That is kind of jerky. I know what I could be now. I'll be the Boulder After me no, no, no, no, I'm gonna be triple of doom in you know I guess that's the difference is because originally I was raiders and now I'm gonna be triple doom and yeah

What's the difference between raiders? Well, you see guys Temple of doom has his sleeve ripped off and his shirt is pretty much on buttons Oh, I'll be able to show off the goods Of course, and I'll dirty myself up. You know make it it accurate. Are you gonna have a little sidekick? Short round? I was actually gonna see if I can... He like K a little kid. I want to see someone who'd be my short round. I think that'd be fucking funny.

This is Gibson. Are you gonna go downtown now? That's the joke. What do you got in there? I'm gonna break a little, huh? Get a K-Capture. A K-What? Oh man, she's horrible in that.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh! Christ. She did for two hours. That is the worst of the Indian agents. Oh, never mind. No one talks about the other one. The four, yeah. That is the worst of the Indian Jones. Oh never mind. No, no one talks about the other one. The four. Yeah, that one doesn't count.

The one that's the. Yes, spoiler. So if there's aliens in Indian Jones fours, I mean Star Wars is, you know, do they coexist? Poltergeists two had real skeletons. Poltergeists two had real skeletons. Blaine was right. Oh no, there's there's seen skeletons and bodies Skeletons I I totally buy that yeah, I can buy bodies. It's like rotting like yeah, Barbara's loading there and like the water Why me you're you know, I bet they've used real skeletons on a lot of movies How I like in Indiana Jones even they had? Skeleton yeah, I bet those are real

Spielberg Indiana Jones even they had Yeah, I bet those are real I'm sorry spillberg Huh? They used real cursed skeletons Yeah, in the uniforms was from last crusade someone just corrected me Oh, he's real She had last crusade that was in the late 80s to Yeah, geez, yeah, where they find him? Uh-oh, sorry Some guys some guys attic

Some guys like some guys attic. Some guys like, hey, I have these, like, Bill, why did you have these? You beat up the wrong team. It's like when the super bowl they made both the bad, both victory teams. And it's like the Nazis were the losing teams, so they just like shipped off all the uniforms somewhere to, like a third world country. I know one of them will ever see those. Did you hear about that Dallas quarterback

or Dallas Cowboys running back who got arrested for shoplifting underwear? What? Yeah, that was so weird. It was so weird, because he makes like millions and millions of dollars. And so everybody thought this would be this big black guy follow, you know, follow him around forever.

But then he just signed a deal marketing an underwear company. So now he's the official sponsor of this brand of underwear. And it can completely redeems himself in the public eye. Like now it's like hard to make. What? Joseph Randall. Oh, for what? That was the guy that was the NFL player that stole these. Okay. Yeah. And I don't know what the name of the underwear company is, but they paid them based on like the fee to find that he was incurred.

I said that this was super stupid, and Brian said, no, but it's great because now the underwear company has their name out there and all the exposure. I know. I know. I know. Fucking prove my point.

Worthless. No, but this is not the only publication that matters. I mean, you were a bit. I'm saying as a consumer, it didn't work because you don't remember. You're right. As an underwear buyer. As a leather underwear, a potential leather underwear buyer.

To be fair, I do not buy any my own underwear. Who buys your underwear? My dad's girlfriend. What? Kind of, the other person is that. Is it like a trade thing like you buy hers and she buys yours?

No, no. Why, why, why? she works for a company? They buy me clothes. I they they just buy me a ton of clothes. Do they buy that shirt for you? No, not this shit about those pants, but yes these pants These are like seven what about those shoes? Yes, these shoes. Hey no, I think I notice that you do wear Calvin Klein underwear sometimes Those are good underwear. Yeah, they're nice underwear. Yeah aren't my going out on a different set underwear brands. Yeah, yeah, well Express I wear Express now. I used to wear through the limb Express is well

No, God, I'm just doing myself a little. I wear Express underwear when I'm Expecting something to happen to my fancy. No, no, they're my nice underwear So it's like I wear them out if I think that I might be in only my underwear later. Let's change this. But as far as comfort, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel?

When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel?

When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? When it's any different, is there any difference in what you feel? I feel confident. I feel confident in this That's what I was getting at. I bought a pair of Express underwear once they fucking right up your ass constantly I'm thinking I'm gonna get laid tonight, but I am wearing Express underwear No, I fucking I just buy the haines. I just got a target and buy like a 12 pack of haines underwear best underwear in the world Yeah, but I had a the same girlfriend with the ex-boyfriend with the giant dick She saw me in my like fruit of a boxabries and she looks like you're wearing a fucking

diaper. That was a weird relationship. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I Think that was the reason I started getting nicer underwear because I was like yeah, I do kind of look like an asshole in these Tidy whiteies. Yeah, it's a worse. Yeah, I haven't had a tidy white isn't while I just try those out see how it goes No, I don't I'll report my findings on podcast 300 are good in between Yeah, I remember before I feel like I remember a time before boxer briefs existed Yeah, it's like you had your choice between briefs and boxers

And then like one day was like the best of buzz. Yeah, someone put peanut butter and chocolate together And then it was like oh my god It was like some time in the last 15 years, right? It's awesome. Yeah, no, it's been it's been maybe 20 at this time I know I always wore boxers and now I do exclusively boxer briefs because I'm trying to like preserve Myself because I'm afraid hashtag our tea podcasts. What do you wear boxers of briefs because I'm trying to like preserve myself because I'm afraid hashtag our two podcasts. What do you wear boxers of breeze in my 80s? I'm afraid like my balls are gonna hang through my knees. It's gonna happen anyway really gravity You should get a ball lift is that a thing?

Can you get like surgery like women sometimes get like breast lifts? Gonna get like a ball talk. Okay, I'll give you my ex-girlfriends number. She can get you a guy You can probably get you surgery or some shift. So you mentioned the football player who stole underwear. I saw a new story. I think it was over the weekend about, I think it was a

share step. It is somewhere up in the Dallas area who lost his job because he was busted stealing potato chips from a convenience store. What? And they caught him doing it twice. Like the first time they warned him and the second time they just, they fired him.

It's like, and there's a video surveillance footage of it. Of a cop? Yeah, he's in uniform. He goes up to the counter. He buys, he pays for one bag of chips. Then you see him walking out the door with two bags of chips. Wow.

I guess it's, I hope it's not an economic thing. I guess it's just like the psychological thrill of stealing something Yeah, or maybe he thought since he's a cop they won't do anything Like he could just like shoplift it and like look the security guard in the eyes and walk out Oh, barely not hey, you guys stolen something Ever when I was very very young. What was it? Pack of smarties You say a pack of sigs

very, very young. What was it? Pack of Smarties. You could say a pack of SIGs. I was like, oh, years ago. I think my parents made me return it because I felt so bad. It was adorable. When I was a lot younger, we used to go to, Jeff and I used to go to like random parties around like North Campus.

And we would just steal stuff. Like, inside. We called it Klepto Club. Oh, like not from, it was just like a competition to see who could who could nip the coolest thing by the end of the night. Oh God, there's a horrible story about a kid renting thousands of dollars worth of film equipment from UT and just leaving it is living room and having a big party and it was all stolen. And there's insurance and he goes to UT and he's like, look, you know, all the stuff was stolen

because I had a party and somebody took it. And then UT's like, we're not covering that. Are you serious? You just like had a party, a bunch of random people, you know, people, like, because there's people like you and Jeff in the world. You know, and you have to like plan for that. You still feel like equipment.

Or you'll look like a bottle, right? Yeah, sure. You can still phone phone well, I guess No, no, they weren't like they wasn't like cell phones weren't I don't want to say that I don't want to like guess Maybe they're on cell phones back then and you know, it was like there were two It was like shitty. What else did you steal besides liquor? I have some sunglasses Rebans what yeah, Rebans a potted plants

Wait, whatans potted plants Planet plan it was funny. Is there anything you stole it you stole it? Did you ever exchange it? No You should did you ever like get a potted plan from one place and exchange it with another and wonder if like the guy noticed We did man. That's how guesswork we actually did that we actually did that one That's awesome so I'm two things in my life what one was it was like a CO2 cartridge that you stick in a paintball pistol I stole it because It's from fucking Walmart and I it was like one of eight and eight pack and And I needed it for a Han so it'll cosplay thing because he has these little I don't know That's whatever and then another thing was I was working whatever is whatever

It's Walmart. You know, I what is what's the statistic nine of their or 19 other stores can close down and they would that's when they would start losing money. I've never heard that statistic. There's something some crazy like they could. You're right. That completely justified stealing. Go on. Talk to Chris. He has some good. I was on why you should fuck over Walmart. Sorry Walmart if you're listening. And then there's another time where time where I was working at a specific grocery store I'm gonna name and I was the dairy boy and someone called it pigly wiggly no, and Someone was returning a chocolate milk gallon because it had like a slight dent in it or some stupid shit

There we go, yeah like that. There was there was some stupid shit wrong that and I went to the back of the refrigerator And I just like drank all this drink so good. I couldn't drink the whole gallon. I mean I guess technically of that's stealing. I used to work at Burger King and I would make myself food in the back and eat it all the time. All the time. I wouldn't assume they would allow you that like at a burger king. You're not really supposed to eat while you're working. Take a break. You do a quick break. But it was like if I worked like a Tuesday night or like a Sunday morning, it would be dead.

And so I'd just be like, I'm going to pass the time by eating wappers. Yeah. I'd been against 10 pounds a year. I'd been against the only free thing we could eat with the chicken fingers, everything else we'd have to pay for. Really? Yeah. I wonder why that one would be.

The chicken fingers are like the cheapest thing. It's at least money. It's all frozen. The chicken fingers have feelings, man. Lauren sent us a picture. She's quick. She drew a super-blame with a super-strength, super-charming, super-humility, and his super-exaggerated

package. That needs a reduction. I've got a scar. Yeah, you do. Good job, Lauren. Can I tell my shower story? I tried to. I never got a toilet. Another shower story. Go on. Yeah. I have a adolescent shower story

So he was also adoring your adrys like I never got to tell a shower story. Very penis syndrome No, um, so I was playing high school football and I wasn't great and high school football. Yeah Who are you? I was a defensive end and a receiver. Wow, okay. I'm fast Anyway, so yeah, I will absolutely beat you in a race tonight. You so I immediately regret that you tore off the bombs over shoes Yeah, all right. I'll race you tonight. Okay. Okay. I probably will lose anyway So it was after practice and you know went to the showers and there was this like, you know, popular slash really good guy, a really good football guy showering next to me and A lot of times guys didn't bring soap

They just kind of washed off but I had a big bar of soap and he asked to borrow it and I'm a weird germaphobe But I was like, oh man. It's like really good. He's really popular Maybe who like helped me out or invite me places, I gave it to him. And he like, you know, washes chess, washes legs, and then he just like rubbed it all over his dick and balls. And then he just like handed it back to me and put it in my hand. Did any of the Disney's like landed on his head? And I was like, uh, did you sniff it?

Oh yeah. That's right. I actually saved it. And I used it. I used it on special occasions for good luck. It's like, before game days, I was like, oh, I need to, when you want like alpha male pharaoh mongzani, you're like, oh, I'm gonna have a boss scent on me.

I don't know. I'll really be turning up. I don't know what it looked for. Pugh, huh? When I was in middle school, this is like pre puberty I don't know what it looked for Pubeh. When I was in middle school, this is like pre-Puberty Blanos and Lake Blumer. I was in a theater class and at one point this guy was very tall and very grown up for his age. I was like walking past me on an island, he's wearing basketball shorts. I felt his don't like flop up against my arm and was like

It's just kind of that same feeling that Brynn had probably When I was playing flag football once and I always play with my friends at the UT and a mural field And then one day we didn't have enough people and there were like these other guys playing but these were the guys who were Good in high school football, but not good enough in college and we always play tackle and one point I got hit to the ground and then a guy ran past me and literally stepped on my dick. That's he was running like not in the crotch but dick on ground stepped on it and kept going. It was like this is the ultimate humility. You're just trying to ask like a subtle humble brag about like having a big dick It's like yeah, I'm really under good. He didn't step on my crotch But he stepped on my dick

No, he's you don't have to like it's not bad. It's just like you're angled and it's there. I played a girls touch football in high school There's a lot of tit touching accidental. Oh nice. Hold on hold on hold on. Go on. That's the story. What? You just be like chasing after someone and you like reach out to touch them and you know you'd get a handful of tit or ass or something or vagina one time. Was there ever a squeeze? No. Okay. No. Okay. Did you you you were talking about Playing football and did you ever hear about that UT player last season who was on the football team and in the band? No, that's common my dad did really college

Yeah, it's a fact he did an AMA on Reddit. I've got a picture here Oh, yeah, and yeah, he would play I think he was a linebacker and then he'd run out and play Sacks during the half-time shows My dad was a obstacle and I think he's office. It's maybe center But he yeah, he would do half-time everybody be you know resting in the locker room and having meetings and stuff like that He'd be going out there with his whatever the fuck this thing is trombone trombone What that's full of stories was everyone in your family obviously didn't listen My mom not so much. Oh no, she was a cheerleader. She also did that twirling bullshit that I would never do

Oh, no, they're amazing at that. That was just girl you tea she would throw it about 30 feet in the air And then she would do flips and like heart wheels and then as she was cartwheeling she would grab it in the air. Hard for me to watch because I'm always afraid that they're gonna fail. My family is full of athletes and I'm just kind of like here. Yeah, but no, you're in good shape. Athletic. You're an offensive lineman, right? You're a big guy.

Yeah, it was big isn't fat and not like. I lost a lot of weight because of the problem. When is prom? Did you get it? You were excited for it this year? It was five years ago. That's a lot of weight because it's a problem. Oh. When is prom? Did you get it? Are you excited for it this year? It was five years ago. So you kept the weight off?

Yeah. I got a really hot date and I was like, God, I look slubby as fuck. I was like, I should start running or something. And then, yeah, I think I like, I got my suit fitted like, you know, X weeks before prom. And then when I showed up to the dance, my suit was too big.

I was just like losing it, like dropping fast. So Michael posted this before and after picture on his Twitter. Yeah. Whenever he was, uh, he's been working out. And I looked at it and I was like, Oh my God, that's amazing. Because he's only been doing it for like a month. And I've gone through like longer periods and I've never been in that good shape. So I was talking to Chris and Aaron about it. I was like, Oh, did you see like, never been in that good shape. So I was talking to Chris and Aaron about it.

I was like, oh, did you see like Michael's in such good shape? Like those pictures are so amazing and they were like, whatever, he was like flexing. Like they got super, super butt hurt and like, you know, sensitive about it. Yeah. And I was like, guys, they're saying anything about it. Yeah, look at that.

Because like they go out and work every day, but I guess like nobody's talking about it. You could tell the definition in his chest. You could tell that it's like it's that, but it's also the abs. I mean, he is flexing, but like, I mean, that's great progress, though. Three weeks. Fucking, and I was talking to Michael about this the other day, I know whenever Michael is going to the gym because he might tweet about it, and then fucking everybody tweets me about it. Are you going with bigibles? Are you as big as your trainer? And it's just like, I don't know.

The shitty thing about being the fitness guy at Rooster Teeth is people send me like pictures of themselves flexing and it's weird and I don't necessarily want that. Everyone gets their thing. People send me everything that has a pun in it or a dick in it. If anybody needs fitness advice, I'm happy to help them on the Rupert you know like site You know they mount a message me and I can tell them you know stuff, but like I don't want it

You know it's weird getting pictures of yeah, so that's your thing barb. That's what you get people tell me to die Is that thing? Some I like stick like oh Brandon why did you go? Don't tell yourself why are you alive? Jesus Christ. I like you Brandon. You're all right. We're talking the nicest thing you've ever said you Brandon You're all right. We're talking about Dix and Stepping on Dix and Dix and Dix and things

There was a sleepover one. He just ate that for that first New year. Speaking of Dix, let me tell you about this sleepover. So there's a sleepover, it was just me and like some of my friends. My friend actually just got married. He's Grayson, he just got married. I was just wedding in Arkansas. And we were thinking about stories the other day. There was this one time where we were at Josh's house.

And we're all just climbing around, you know. And Grayson's walking down the hall. And I jumped and I pants Grayson, but his boxers went with it So it's just like Everything and then right that moment Josh's mom turns the corner. It's like hey boys. You need me. Oh my god Everything from that point on Grayson's never been able to look Josh's mom in the eye. Oh my god She said everything cuz she'll only look at his dick Like you can't lock eyes with it,. It's just how old was he?

Was she was late middle school? Was she attractive? Was there a Mrs. Robinson? Miss Dalyan was not bad looking. Yeah. But middle school is still like 13? I don't know in the North School. I don't know. Could you just give her first and last name? No. No. Okay. Just her last name. Uh, yeah. Uh, I don't know. I can't remember ages. I was held back. I couldn't color within the lines. Now my parents don't like they knew I was gonna be a late bloomer because my dad was a late bloomer So they helped me back. So I don't know ages and in grades all that correlation shit Yeah, let me read this quick thing here read that wonder mind everyone Let me start over

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Some limitations apply, see website for details. They've got domains like.ninja.coz.training.menu.today. I'll get just register whatever you want. I registered in saying clownpossy.ninja, because I thought it was funny. I just put up like a single static image on it. I wanted I wanted ICP.ninja, but did not get it. So yeah, jump on that while you can.

It's like for so long, you were limited. It's like if you had an idea, you had to try to find like.com or.net. Now it's like fuck it. You can. Paul.com. And sold it for a bunch of money. I think there's a guy who's famous for domain, what is it called domain spotting or domain camping, who registered a bowl of dot com

squatting squatting and he's trying to sell it. Like he's trying to make a lot of money. Like I can't remember his name, but I mean, it's that's a little far. Yeah, it's like who who who who's the target audience? For your polo doc. I want to know what's going on with the bowl of people. People who have you. It's like your resource for coping with Ebola. Get the hell off your computer and go to a hospital. Go to your buy an ICP album. No, I don't know. I was gonna say I don't know if I've ever heard an ICP song but I've heard the one about magnets. How do they work?

Oh yeah, that's like super late. When I was like in sixth grade, I think I bought one. Really? Yeah, because they were in wrestling. They started it in like, like they went to the WWF and the WCW or whatever. I forget which one I was watching. And so like the wrestling companies were marketing their albums, and I don't think they'd ever listen to it. And that was before I think parents were really aware that much of like you know the adult mature like tag and it's someone like the worst most filthy horrible things I've ever heard but yeah I have that out I have that mark. Didn't they come out and they said they're like a Christian band or something? Yeah I think we talked about this on the podcast. I don't think so. Something is like, somebody about this. Yeah, they came out and said everything that they've said

is motivated by God. It was at the end of their, I forget what they call it, the carnival of carnage. Oh, the gathering, gathering of drug aloes. Oh no, like they have this whole idea that all of these clowns are gonna, these cards are gonna visit Earth and at the end there's gonna be a reckoning.

And at the end of that reckoning is They realize it's like God's ultimate judgment Like God is like the ultimate jugal Yeah, like pouring fego down on the earth Clown down That word makes me laugh so hard because I've always confused juggler with jiggle Too completely different things. I know, so when I heard gathering

of the Juggalo's, I'm like, that's weird. Something carnival. I was gonna kill me now. Yeah, I made a, when we did our episode of at Midnight, it was like, that was my recurring theme all night long, which is like just trying to make ICT and Juggalo jokes. I did it up cutting a bunch of them.

Really? Yeah, but- I think that like more of your stuff than not. Yeah, I mean, it's just for time Like you record in the episode you record for like an hour and it's like a 30 minute show So you end up you end up trimming a lot. Oh, South by right No, that was in May Well, the the on it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, you're right. I was thinking of the on it

No, that was a lot of trouble. Oh, yeah When you search for one of those guys, I forget it is with Violin J or the other one. One of the auto search completes is like when did Violin J get so fat. It'd be like super depressing to get to a point where there's something embarrassing about you where that's the most common thing that people ask about. What is the thing that when you search your name, what comes up on Google? It was the autoomplete. I don't know. Jesus, man, I had to lick this up.

I want to look brand from Haney. Mine is Gustarola Wife. Thank you, internet, guest there. Do you know who we're more interested in that than anything else? Esther's awesome. Why can't we hang out? We hung out before.

I love Esther. Your first thing is brand in from a Haney age. And then birthday and then Instagram, then Tumblr. Blaine gives some Disney. Wait, Twitter and Vine. Yeah Tumblr. Blaine Gibson Disney. Wait, Twitter and Vine. Yeah. Oh, that's not me. I like that age and birthday right next to each other.

Yeah. It's like two different ways to get to see a man and of course yours would be Disney. No, it's Disney because there was an old, I think he was, I don't know if he's an animator, a sculptor. They used to work for them. Like he sculpted like all the parts of the Caribbean stuff like that. He was like, one of Disney's right-hand guys bling Gibson and then I soiled his name with my cheap pictures There are no we're not getting that what what the

Fall out from the Disney thing What's the fallout? Oh, we're not gonna talk about it. What is that fallout? Oh, we're not going to talk about it. What is that? I don't know. I could see you having an internal struggle. Yeah, I may or may not have gotten in touch with one of the princesses. I'm not going to say who. Really? So Tinkerbell is not a princess? She's a princess to me.

That doesn't mean it's Tinkerbell. It was just one of them. Yeah, I have no idea about any of this stuff yeah yeah it was cool and I was like oh this is neat nice you know nerding out and stuff and then it just kind of tapered off so nothing to report guests damn sorry I'm not struggling so much with talking with that because I don't want to get them in trouble whoever I think Paula was more upset about it than you were upset about it tapering off. Yeah, cuz she wanted you guys to get married It would be a great story in a world great fucking story and the kids, you know, but uh, they work out

That's how life is, you know, I'm still single very single Speaking of which I had a bunch of people on Twitter being like I'll be your planet Nice another way to keep story could work out yeah Speaking of which I had a bunch of people on Twitter being like, I'll be your plan, eh? Nice. That's another way of keep story could work out. Yeah. Alright, so I got to randomize my Twitter and pick one of you. So I know that- I can get married and live happily ever after.

And I want this to kind of stop, but I'm going to perpetuate it because I'm going to tell a story on the Tinder guy. So I'm on Tinder. And Brandon met his girlfriend on Tinder and we've talked about how efficient Tinder is. I'm on the Got Blaine on Tinder. Tinder? Well, I've been on how efficient Tinder is. I'm not going to go blaine on Twitter Tinder. Twitter. Well, I've been on it before. Twitter.

You renewed my interest in it. Blaine was like when I first showed him, he was like on the computer, like doing work with one hand and the left hand, he was swiping. It was actually pretty impressive. Very efficient. So, I had met with a Tinder girl. And you could say that we dated for a brief amount of time and she introduced me to this great bar

And Austin is really cool, but she goes there a lot, you know, but that's fine Well things didn't work out between us, but I really like this bar. So whenever I want to go to this bar What I do is like go on a tender and I check her profile and it says how many miles away that person is So if it says less than a mile away, I do not go to that bar. So creepy. But it says like two or three miles away. I go to that bar. Oh my god. So you like check for updates. It's like five miles away, four miles away. Five miles away. I gotta get out. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait The hell is Blinking coming closer to you? You're a game over, man. Yeah. So she goes there a lot, like, we can't a lot or...

I don't know. We didn't really word together, whatever, for that long, but she, when we were hanging out, we went there like three or four times. Like you'd be awkward if you ran into her kind of thing. It would be fucking awkward, and she would call me out on my shit. She was a kind of a weird chick. Didn't Chris make out with her? No, he, no. She was supposed to, she was coming in for an audition for something and I introduced her to the guys and then I, it just didn't work out. So it was weird. She was a strange

girl. Yeah. It would have been for a work thing that ended up not happening. Yeah, it's not like she came by and like Chris said, mm, who are you? Like she was just locking out of the plane the whole time. You know, if what he should say that, it kind of, it was sort of like... Is that your makeup face? It was sort of like make-up That's hot. I was talking to somebody

We're getting in a conversation about like people who don't know how to kiss and how awkward that is to be with that person Oh god like I like I've Making out with a girl who didn't know how to kiss and she kept on like pecking She wasn't like it wasn't like a kiss like you used to, she kept on going like, she wasn't like, she was trying to feed. I don't know what she was doing, but every now and then I'd open my eyes to see what's going on around me while we were making out. And then at one point I was doing that, she kind of opened her eyes a little and saw that I had my eyes caught up.

No, it's not a normal thing. I was just curious. That's the worst. But the first one I was young,, first time I kissed a girl, my eyes were open the whole time. Like it wasn't like a movie where I was like, naturally in the thing in my eyes closed. It was like so many other mechanical things. I was like, there's a lot of things I don't want to see when I open my eyes when I'm kissing someone and that's brain and staring back at me. Demarice is telling me a story. We were just like exchanging like weird girl story

that just relationship stuff and he was telling me about a girl who would just like... That's all she did. There was no tongue. There was nothing. It was just like... And he would just be like kissing her but she would just be like... It's like some kind of weird alien thing. Yeah, I just like sucking your soul out. If you think of like it says in my street thatip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, it's 23. 24, first of all, and fuck you for bringing that up, second of all. You guys, okay, so we had a makeup artist come in recently to teach us how to do makeup, and then I think his brain in her hand was like, hey, how do you cover up hikis?

And even the makeup artist was like, what dumb fuck has hikis? And I was just like sitting there, just like, you know know past the age of 16 Geez It's the same chick with the bar. She was weird, you know, but it's whatever you get into it. I didn't know I like rhino skin I didn't think it would happen whatever Rino skin yeah I don't think I was just like that. I'm just like that. I told you it is just like that.

That's Chris's girlfriend, right? That's Chris's ex girlfriend, yeah. Wait, we're dating for a while. Oh, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. We're dating dating or just like was this a date? Oh, I don't know. He was just something he was kissing a girl and she just

I would hope that wouldn't be your girlfriend because like- She's trying to suck his soul out He's like because at some point then you have to have a conversation like listen or like the way you get a far It's a little weird. No, yeah, you can't do that if you're if you're gonna date with someone usually like if you kiss them within the first Let's say three dates. That's a typical amount of time right? If the kiss is terrible Doesn't go any farther Right? Yeah, I don a zone. If the kiss is terrible, it doesn't go any farther, right? You gotta balance it.

You don't give them a chance. You gotta balance it. All right. Well, maybe. Well, Facebook used to have this great thing called honesty box. So it was a way that you could tell somebody something honest without hurting their feelings.

And it won't point. I don't remember that. What was it? It was on the internet. You probably went there. It was probably when you probably weren't there. It was probably when you were starting university only. Like you were posted on them, so you just someone's profile?

Yeah. Okay. And so I had this girlfriend, you know, we were in love, you know, everything about her. But she had these shoes that made her feet smell. And whenever she took off her shoes at night, it would be the worst foot odor in the world. And it would drive me crazy.

And I was like, I can either throw away those shoes or I could go to her honesty box and tell her anonymously that she had a foot odor problem. And that's such a general thing. Because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but you don't want her to be the girl who has smelly feet. Because it's not just me who's gonna notice.

So I feel like that's the best solution. This is the best solution. No, people will say, oh you should address it direct. Oh, and I was like, oh this is like I'm tracking off these. It felt like I'm strutting. But no, because it's just, you can't tell somebody that. No. Because it's gonna crush them.

Especially if you're like dating and in love and all that stuff. Yeah, you can't tell them that. My space. So it's trying to find a solution. My space used to have an honesty box. It was like an addition that you could add in. And I remember telling something to my best friend on this honesty box is like, dude, you gotta do this.

Like I gave him like a shitty time over something that I didn't want to tell him in person, but I told him in this like honesty box. Well, we were sitting down in this like honesty box. Well, we were sitting down in my space and reading forums and we found out you could track people based on their IP addresses. So you could cross reference the person's actual name on my space and that IP address and then an anonymous

IP address and you can figure out who is what. So I just remember being there and he was like, oh my god, like let's go through. And we're just looking through and he was like, oh my god, like let's go through and we're just looking through and he was like, oh, that's that's Chelsea That's Hayley. Oh wow, we kept on going on a listen. He got to mine. He's like, what's you? And I was the most uncomfortable What did you say about him? I honestly cannot remember it was something It was it was pretty shitty and it had to do with girls and I was like fed up with it and it was it been pinting pinting up inside of me and I told him and

man we we had a Three days where we were just like how to piss at each other. What happened with the girl in the shoes? Yeah, she and throw away the shoes. Did she? They've got a reward of the story She said thanks, but she didn't throw away the shoes. It didn't work. Obviously. I mean you're out with you probably thought it was a joke Is that what you guys broke up? No, no, that's a very long and not great I'm happy you said no because that would be sad Next podcast you broke up with her over shoes. No, no, I would never do that

The older you get the more you're kind of like yeah, it's fine. I'll deal with that. Yeah, you realize like what are the really important things Are and what the stuff you can't just like like go like you can't obsess over the small things like the George Costanza mode where you just find like this one little thing you're like I can't be with this person their toenails are too long. Yeah relationships. You're the peakiest person here. Where? I'm so glad I'm so glad I don't have to do with any of that shit in your book. Yeah, you're glad.

It's been so long. It's like, if, if I have to your farts and it stinks, I can tell her. I don't have to go into her honesty box and to be like, sometimes your farts stink. It's like, you've married to someone for a long time. It's just like, who else would be writing that? It would obviously be you. That's why the shoe thing is like, who else would be smelling her shoes when her friend? That's why you know, it's her smelling her feet.

Sometimes when you're on your feet, it's out of people's house. Who else would be smelling her feet? What are shoes are off other than her boyfriend? Friends? I guess. Sure. Who's me?

It's an obvious. I don't know, my shoes are usually on around people. But I have to wait a little bit. Let me ask a follow-up question then How often do you hang out with friends and show your feet like often does that is that really yeah Because it's like maybe when I was younger when I used to go over to my friends That's not like sleepovers or whatever, but now it's like usually you're at a bar or a restaurant Right, yeah, I'm public somewhere. So yeah, that's why I'm always wearing sheep college is different Because you're always hanging out with people all this time like you're either at their house showing like it's a different it's a different

like five but I feel I feel a lot like you obviously I'm not married but being in a relationship because being single is awful I don't know why people like say oh it's so great it's awesome I hate I hated it I'm not a guy that just enjoys being single and going to bars and stuff. It's pretty shitty sex Yeah Intenders not helping actually really not at all So what I might just stop using it then well cuz like I work a lot So it's like my only other opportunities to go to bars and then what am I gonna do just like me like a really

Jerunque chick and then how's that gonna go talk? I think you have to not try. Well, I've actually started doing this thing now where I'll go to, I grocery shop at HB because it's like, you know, cheap and whatever. But I'll go, I'll go special grocery shopping at Whole Foods. You will fall in love on every aisle in Whole Foods. Yeah, every woman's wearing yoga pants and is like, beautiful. Beautiful and fit. And the first time I wearing yoga pants and it's like. Beautiful. Beautiful and fit.

And the first time I had this idea, we were like, we were on, when you go there, what do you buy, gum? You're just like walking around, you're like, it's expensive enough. No, again, we were there, we were having another social sort of shoot downtown, and we decided to eat lunch at HB,

or sorry Whole Foods, and I went in, and there was just like this beautiful girl, and I actually talked to her for a little bit. I was like, God, I should come here more often and they have like a lounge you could do laptop stuff with whatever See I wouldn't dare the other day to buy ginger beer to make Moscow meals and some bread and while I was there I was like I got like Smiles from like four or five different women and I was like this place is great. Did you get numbers? No, that's not good. Yeah. Well, how do you go up and talk to a

girl that's at a fucking grocery store? It's like food, right? I'm being told in a small room that there's like articles written specifically trying to help people figure out how to pick up people. Keep it doesn't let any of those actually key movies to me. Please. Thank you. Just go to a bar and say hi. talk about produce or whatever like whatever they're fucking shopping for We like which of these do you like the best? I see that you're buying tampons today, man Stay out of the tampon hot hell Oh, I can go to the produce section. Did you know that pigs fear death? There you go, Blaine. Bacon, huh?

You want to know how I got these guys? Oh, my dick was too big. Memories. Blaine, it was too big. Jesus Christ. It was a big. Jesus Christ. It was health problem. You have nothing to worry about. These girls are smiling at you.

They want you to talk to them. You're a good looking dude. You know that. You'll be fine. Just go and talk to them. You know what? I'm going to do a whole lot of foods right now. After this podcast. Paul ahead, like, very, very authentic advice. Yeah, be less bro. I'm not bro. I'm

bro in rooster sheet size because like that's like you know it's acceptable and it's funny but when I want to grow like I'm you know cast another. Alright let's set the snare up. Brandon is a lovely lady shopping for quinoa. Okay. You are you shopping for something. Hey, hey, I got I got Magnum Condoms in my grocery. You got to take a serious. I'm not going to buy roll play. My kids go for a sex point friend. We're trying to help you. No, we're not going to role play.

We need to go shopping for. We're talking with high and protein that was largely eaten by indigenous people and forgotten after Spanish. You could say that. Me talking about protein. You could say that when you were younger you used to think it was France queen wall or something. Queen wall or something. Or something quinoa or something adorable. Ask for help for you not how to pronounce it.

Oh yeah, make yourself look. Yeah, Casanova over here. If I could like, you know fast or rewind like four years and I was a big or should she fan listen to the podcast Hoping one day I'd be on the podcast and knowing someday that I'd be on the podcast getting dating advice Jesus I figured it out. Fuck you, I can't even read you. The little one, man. The bester is a fine gal, you're right.

We should all be listening to Gus. Well, that reenactment went portally, I will say. I didn't take it seriously at all. Yeah, everyone knows they don't sell magnums at Whole Foods. Come on. That is a Whole Food. It's probably like organic condoms or something. Lava skin rice.

All right, those are things to the really so lambskin Oh, cuz people are allergic to latex. I'd girlfriend that was allergic to real latex So we had to do with lamb skin or the other one What's the other one? Fucking expensive what that weird you out using a lamp skin condom It would weird me like I kind of fucking That's on my dick Which is scarier.

What a horrible life. Like an operating divinant. And now we're boaning. Oh, I think it's over. No! It's like considered a threesome. Oh my god. It's some sort of some form of a...

It's a piece of art. Yeah, exactly, right? Oh my god. It's some sort of some form of a... He's yelling, yeah, exactly, right? Oh my god. It's like a dark church. Oh man. It seems to me weird that those would still be made. If you feel like in modern times you would have another like non-latex alternative... But Lamp Scan is the brain you can trust.

Well, also there's so many like methods for females to use contraceptives. Yeah, but I think if it's first date, when you're standing out, no matter what, you're going to use a condom. Well, well, well, well. First date, you have sex? There's no rules. Yes. Well, it's like the alpex steak house.

No rules. I'm being up everywhere. I mean, you got a booming onion. It's like the albex takeouts I know rules Do you like the blooming onion is that a What's an a live thing that's good to I mean outbacks that I can every day for me I can't remember the last time I went to one now. I want to go to one. It's just like sex I can't remember the last time I went to one. Now I want to go to one. It's just like sex.

She's just crazy. Oh my God. Yeah, then they took those off the menu at Chili's, right? Like, you can't get, they had like the awesome blossom. Yeah, and that's just gone because they got written up so many times to be like the most unhealthy thing you can possibly eat because it's just like drenched in oil. Yeah, Benigan's was worse.

And it wasn't even that creative. They had a thing called the haystack Which was them just like piling a bunch of like you know a Pieces of onion that have been fried into a big pile so it didn't even have that wow factor And they also had the Monte Cristo which was giant and it was like fried Sandwiches that also have jelly full no the jelly was on the side you dipped it right No, I think you know there's jelly actually in it and. The jelly was on the side and you dipped it, right? No, I think either there's jelly actually in it and you can get jelly on the side.

And then one time this guy ordered two of them for himself. Cheese. And I hope you're out there, still listening to this, but good Lord, how can you do that to yourself? I went to Almodra, out to House last night, and I had like three alcoholic beverages in order of fried pickles and entire pepperoni pizzas with myself and I felt like an asshole after that. It was a lot of food. Yeah, by

yourself. Shit. Was that to see Gongerl or Fury? That was to see Fury. I want to see Valekrown. Gongerl, Valekrown. I love Valekrown. Yeah, I mean it's fantastic. It's fucking fancy. I ran into you at violet crown all the time Mm-hmm. We've never done it. I was like it's creepy like I'll be sitting there in the lobby and then every time I run in a brand and the same movie Sometimes yes, I didn't think it's been creepy recently Every time that I run that I see Brandon there and like we don't coordinate it He's walking up to try to buy tickets He's walking up to try to buy tickets

It's a theater with like 20 seats if you don't buy a ticket ahead of time He's like detected walking away In turn it walk out I felt like it was twice maybe it might have been twice But yeah, we run into each other a lot. We see a lot of movies. Yeah. Same something, Roons. Huh? You guys have the same stomping grounds.

Yeah, actually, I think we told the story in the podcast before, but I'd start working in Rooster Teeth at the Congress office about five years ago. And my girlfriend at the time, we were at HB, and I ran into Gus and Esther. Oh, God. And it was like, it was like, you know, seeing something out in the wild, you know, and it was the most awkward moment ever. And Gus and I used to sit next to each other, literally sit next to each other at the old office.

And I remember going back to my girlfriend being like, oh my god Gus is here and was the most awkward thing in the world. She's like, you're just imagining it, that's really stupid, you guys work together, blah, blah, blah. And then the two of us ran into the two of you and then we were all just like oh hey and then we all we're doing the same thing where we were going opposite ways down the aisle boy kept running into each other and then she's like oh my god you're right it's most excruciately awkward thing ever and then I had thought since then we've gone past the awkwardness, but apparently not. It's awkward seeing you and then like you not be okay into your movie and then leaving.

It was really sad. I walked around though, that's a fun part of town. I wasn't. Every time I see somebody in like the grocery store that I know, I'll like slam my cart into them or scare the shit out of them. I love seeing people that I work without it in the wild, you know.

I hate it. So wait, you like doing that? JJ did that to you on whatever that thing is. Vine? Vine, and you got all mad about it. Fuck JJ. That's the exact same thing. It's not the exact same, because I'm not filming it with my fucking phone in posting it

to thousands of people. What did he film you doing? JJ, I was editing and I had my headphones on and I was like really like into it and you know whatever. And then he's filming on a vine, he's like screamed, BAD! And I was like, what the fuck? I turned around and I slapped his phone.

I was like, the fuck are you doing? Like I was really mad. But it was like a brief like five seconds. I've actually gotten over it. Yeah, no, I'm fine. It was five seconds. And then I was like, you shouldn't have done that. Like I was just like back to blame, you know?

And I was like, now I look like an asshole to all these people. They think that I'm such a dickhead, but like really, it's just like that 10 seconds of anger. And then I'm just like, whatever about it. That legitimately is true, I think, for anybody who finds himself in some kind of limelight.

Yeah. If somebody just does get you in your face is just making the wrong face, you know, or you look tired or something like that all of a sudden now. That's one of the things you're sure. It's like a gun girl. There's a scene where, you know, an afflix by the missing poster for his wife and someone's like smile, any smiles for a picture. And it's like, then that's the picture everyone uses. Like if smiling experience, it's just a moment taken out of context.

Yeah. That's one of the most exhausting things about doing cons. It's like you're meeting so many people, and you have to be cheery and happy the entire time. Because if you're just like low energy for one person, that person's gonna be like, man, part was a bitch. Yeah, and Jeff's told that story before about when he met Charles Barkley.

He was a childhood idol of his, and Barkley was just such a dick. And I'll always remember that every time we go someplace interact with fans and it's like, no matter how tired you are, just push it. And if somebody does want to talk to you, like, that's amazing. Like, that's a privilege for us. Of course, yeah. But it could be like, at the end of the day, you're tired.

You just want to make sure that it doesn't come across inappropriately. Exactly. And that you're just as enthusiastic. So that embarrasses me. It's taking happening to me. Oh. Oh, let's go for it. So this is a day of the dead festival.

It's not the actual day of the day of the dead. I think that's in November. So your Instagram is great. It's makeup. But yeah, so I got makeup with my girlfriend and we took a cute picture. Dorable. Hello, fun.

And then went home, got cleaned up. And I went to watch the end of the football game at the bar, or at a sports bar. And it was just at the bar, it was just me. And I was trying to talk to the guys next to me because you know, you'll talk about sports. And the guys were just kind of being jerks. They weren't really talking. They were just kind of shaking their heads and going back to their own thing. I was like, this is weird.

I thought everybody's supposed to be, you know, from Rotary and, you know, just have fun in like comment. I would have thought so too, and I was like, this is weird, I don't really like this place. And then when I went to get my check, I looked straight forward, and there's a mirror behind the bar, and I still had my face paint on. And I was just here in this bar, in suburban auction, in this day of the dead face paint. It's not just not just like oh colorful mask. It's like a skull everywhere and it would have been different if if

Paula was there with me, but it was just me she didn't stop you when you walked out like hey aren't you gonna clean your face? No, she didn't know like she was like in I don't know in the shower or something and I just didn't realize it because I thought you know It was like super tired and I went in yeah, I thought I got it all but I just just wasn't thinking and it was All there the same thing happened to me. I was out. Hey, that's some cool makeup though I was out at like downtown Dallas or uptown Dallas in a Halloween like big festival or whatever and everybody's all in costumes and stuff And I was dressed as Aquaman and I started going up and talking to this cop and he's like really uneasy and stuff. And I was like, what's the fuck's that for guys problem? They're walking away and I realized,

I'm like, fucking bull just hanging out cause I'm in tights. I hate those moments where you don't realize like something's wrong with you and that's why they don't like you. Yeah. Cause you're big. It's every day for me.

You're big bull. All right. People know what's wrong with you though. It's about time to wrap up. Okay. So thanks for joining everyone. We're back tomorrow with an episode of Screenplay and Wednesday with an episode of the patch. And Saturday. With the extra life 24 hour stream. I'm so fucking excited for that. Screenplay tomorrow. I think it's... I was supposed to be on, but I have to do some shooting tomorrow. Okay. It's gonna be... It's gonna be...

It's gonna be me, John Reisinger, Adam Ellison and JJ. Cool. It's gonna be great. Yeah, I'm gonna be it's gonna be me John Reisinger Adam Ellison and JJ cool. It's gonna be great Yeah, I'm gonna be part of it. I watched the movie to talk about it fucking funny, right? Yeah, and uh just Yeah, and if you haven't yet definitely watch Kevin in the woods, right? Yeah, yeah My favorite movies of the year All right, well, thanks for watching. We'll see you next time. Thor's in it. Bye! Bye, I love you! Describe this show to a newcomer in a more familiar way. Do you like apples? Example. Together in trumpet hostsid Hosts,

Trapid Cones, Trapid Cones are free to do as nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster-teeths, cryptic podcast, f*** face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short.

Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts. It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no, you do yes?