Rooster Teeth Podcast - The Spooky Hand Towel - #398

Episode Date: October 18, 2016

RT Discusses Sex in Strange Places Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motor-mouthed outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

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Gus invited me. Gus is, I think, he just returned from Korea. Korea. Yes, which really cool story. His wife's family has not been back to Korea for like 20 years or longer maybe. So they got to go back. Man, I bet that is completely yeah He said that like every place they went is like completely different than it ever was before well

What was Korea like unrecognizable? 6 yeah, I Soon he's in South Korea. Yes, Chris just just checking although they visited the DMZ though. Yeah, I guess it's pretty pumped about that I told him to go give me a prop, give me a poster. I was like, oh, the classic place you go in Korea, the DMV. Well, wait, oh, that's what I say, don't have that. Yeah, wait, what is?

DMZ. DMZ, DMZ, oh, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. I just saw the line where they're like, no shooting. And then he was like cool on each one picture. You remember in the hit classic James Bond movie, is it to the world's most famous?

Do you remember? I don't know, is it? I don't know, it was the worst of the Bros. and movies. Man, I feel bad for Pierre's Bros. I feel like he was a good bond. It just got bad bond move. Golden Eye was, oh. Golden Eye was good.

Oh, it was good. It was great. Have they ever made the joke Gold Bond? Like, how would that joke go, Barbara? Because it's Golden Eye and it's a Bond movie. Gold Bond, it's like Like, how would that joke go, Barbara? Because it's gold and I, and it's a bond movie, gold bond. It's like a, isn't that a bond? Gold bond, stairs directly into camera. I hope not.

That's what we never reach that day. I just like, I just made that connection in my brain right now. I realize that there's never been any reference to it. I'm also a reason. There's some like struggling writer and Hollywood watching the podcast right now. Like any reference to it. Probably also a reason. There's some struggling writer and Hollywood watching the podcast right now like, this is it! Why am I writing in 2016?

Whatever inspiration I get provided for people. I apologize in advance for all the coughs. I had strep throat and a virus. You just is why you wanted to switch chairs to me. I don't know your talking about. I don't know your microphone. I'm coughing in a bunch of little. Yeah, which is facing me. You, you, you, you.

Look, so I got back from New York Comic Con, which was great. Thank you everybody that came out to see us in New York Comic Con, holy shit. Yeah. But I got back and was feeling kind of poopy. Tuesday morning, I woke up at like 5am on Tuesday, coughing up.

I was way too poopy. And I was coughing up just grossness. So I, you know, sent in the email saying like, hey guys, I think I might have something, I'm not coming in today, but I'll work from home. Everything should be fine. I don't feel sick. It's confident a bunch gross stuff.

And Carrie immediately responded to this, he woke up. Go to the fucking doctor, because I'm an asshole that's like, well, my immune system will take care of this. That was cool. Yeah. What is that mentality? I think it's so many people like that. I feel like, you know, there's like the whole, like, guys won't ever ask for directions. So guys, whenever do this, I feel like there's like the whole guys won't ever ask for directions. I've got guys will never do this.

I feel like that's the one masculine stereotype that applies to me. Is that if I'm sick, I'll be like, oh, I'll be over this in a day. I'll be fine. It'll be fine. Even if it's worse in your typical sickness, like a cold or something. So I normally don't realize how bad it is until four days in. It's still too bad. But I went that first day because Carrie was like dude Ruby force coming up

We cannot have people coming in getting people say go to the fucking doctor forget what it is So I went to some like ready clinic right around the corner and I went in and the lady was like okay Well, you know the headache. You know of this you know that but I do see some irritation We'll do some tests run some tests and you know she's making small talk. She's like, I'm pretty sure it's a viral infection. We're gonna do the strep test just to be safe, but it's probably not it. Timer's up, she checks the test. She's like, yeah, you're negative.

Oh. And she like did a double take, and she looks on him, and she goes, you're gonna have a bad week. I was like, oh! She was really cool about it, but she's like, I'm gonna be real with you. Was she like a younger doctor?

Yeah, she was, what was it? I had a viral infection and I had strep throat. Shit. And, but. He's fine now. I'm fine. My fever broke, like Wednesday night, I think. And anyways, she was like, you'll 100% be safe to return to work on Friday.

You will not be contagious anymore. It's Monday. I haven't had a fever since Thursday. Chris, do you want to sit on Blaine's lap or something? That's making you feel better. Oh no, he's got farts for days. You're like already, you're like... Come here Chris.

I'm not going to switch to self over the backing coach. Rock in a fart place. Oh! Start out strong. So I'm not sick, but I do apologize if I cough a lot. That sucks. I've started like... Good drink, it'll make it better.

Good on carry for telling you to go to the doctor. Because I'm the same way, I'll just like try to power through and find out how. There's a fucking plate going on right now. Like a third of animation was out last week. Wow. Sickness. It was, I might have been patient zero for that. What did you do?

What handle did you lick? I don't know, but I came into work one day. I felt like shit. It was actually a podcast that we recorded. The first one on this set where I was really sick and it was just a really bad cold it wasn't the flu or strap or any infection but I was the only person sick and then all of a sudden now all these other people are sick. Did it was like bringing that back from New York? No it was like two weeks before New York Comic-Con. Yeah if you walk through animation right now you'll see hand sanitizer on every single row

because we just like grand them just went out and like hand sanitizer everywhere, vitamin C everywhere. We cannot get fucked right now. Yeah. They've been bust in their balls for the- Maybe we should. Maybe we should. We probably shouldn't hang out in the bathroom like we do.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Wait, what? Well, so like before the show, I walked in- So I- Chris Texas. I just went to the, I took a shower before the show. Because Chris and I did the pre-cut podcast, Pomp. At the showers here.

So where we go work out before the podcast. We all work out together before the podcast. Yeah, I'd just, I'd never done that before, but I did it with Blaine this time. Went to the gym and then we both had to take a shower. So I took a shower and then he, while he was taking a shower, I was getting dressed from the shower.

And then we're having this conversation, yeah, in the bathroom, next door. And then while we're having this conversation, yeah, in the bathroom, next door. And then while we're having this conversation, I came in a poop. But you were already in there, and we were like making jokes and stuff. Well, Lane is in the shower, and then all of a sudden,

you started making one. So when someone chimed in, and they're like, yeah, that'd be funny. And we're like, is that Miles? And you're like, hey guys, I'm just having a poop. But it's funny, because there's this moment too, where all of us were like, wait, are you on the podcast today? Yeah, you're just having a boot. But it's funny because there's this moment too where all of us were like, wait, are you on the podcast today? Yeah, you were on the podcast tonight.

And then Grey came in, we're like, Grey! I was like, we should be barbring here. Yeah. And then John came in at some point and they was just like, bimon-less, all hanging out in the bathroom. And the miles of poop in, I'm blazing the shower. You jumped over and peered in on me.

Yeah, I did it like a pull up to see over the stalker. Hey, what's up? You hit it like a champ, normally everybody's like, Oh God, I'm pooping! Most like you're like, enjoy my dick! Wait, someone looked at you while you were shitting? Yeah, that one. Did you see his dick?

No, I wasn't looking at it, I looked at the eyes. He's like a Stardom straightened eye. See who at the eyes. He's like a theorem straightened out. See who would bring it. That's like the cleavage test. If a woman shows up in a low cut dress, and you maintain eye contact, you're a classy gentleman. You're not objectifying person. Same thing, look, if I look at blame in the eyes

and his dick is down, I'm being a gentleman too. I also just get a rouse when I see a man who has shit coming out of his ass while he's looking at me in the eye. Let's go. Man, this got to a weird place. What were you wearing the other day? I wasn't. I wasn't fist bumping you.

I was just stretched, I put my arm out like this. There's no taking that back, Chris. You're an accessory to that shit talk. You were wearing something recently. Shorts. Oh, it was to the beer Olympics, I think. Yeah. And like, you're just like, I could tell everyone's looking at my dick.

Well, no, no, I come down. Well, like, including me. We were supposed to be- We were supposed to be- We were dressed as like different countries, and I think, for whatever reason, we got Mordor, which isn't a country- I know, you didn't, for a lot of a reason. I picked Mordor.

What do you think you got it? What do you think you got it? Yeah, check ass. Look, it was on your team. Fucking idiot. So anyways, I show up and I had a red like really tight red shirt in these like Sophie women shorts And I didn't wear underwear underneath and like I come down in Barbara and Aaron are both just like Emile looking

And then I was just like I just called it out because I was just gonna Everybody's looking at my game. That would be like a woman with huge tits not wearing a bra off Well, let's let's let's it wasn't a woman with huge tits not wearing a bra off. Well let's let's let's let's it wasn't. So see I mean, a woman with, you know, moderate sized boobs. So anyways, average size, five to six cups. Better just fucking own it. Like as soon as I got outside, I was like, I put my foot on a table like when someone's face and was like,

Hey, you know, so you just got to own it. So glad we just got this new table oh we should destroy it well guess it's gone I'm sure you're with the sledgehammer lonely island in it we can do it we're almost as cool as them yeah almost yeah almost super class those are good times how do you guys this weekend go because mine was what the fuck was that and so I'm not gonna say who's it was but I went to I already know what this story is gonna be. I already know what this story is. I went to a birthday party this weekend, and I'm not gonna say who's.

Nope, not exactly. But it was a karaoke party, which is not my forte karaoke. What? I thought you were gonna say it. Oh wait, I just remembered the rock band event. Yeah, so I don't like singing, and I also don't like being sober while other people are singing. So... Why the first off question, why were you sober?

Oh, because like, well, I drove out there, I was on the cart from my house. Oh, okay. You know, good man, good man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's just, there's reasons. So, I drive out there and I, I decided to show up like fashionably late, you know, because like, I don't wanna show up on time

because no one's gonna be there. So I show up like an hour, hour and a half late. That was a mistake because as soon as I got there, everybody is fucking wasted already. And I walk into this room and there's like 10, 12 people just like, ba, you know, singing fucking piano man or something like that. And I just like sat down in a chair and it was just like, I was just dying inside.

So this girl came up and she was wasted. Girl that you knew? Uh, yes, kind of. Okay. She doesn't work here. No, I just didn't know if there was like a girl at the bar or no No, no, we were our own private room. So the girl walks up and she sits down and I was like immediately knew what was going on there Like she starts like touching up on me looking at his day. She was like, yeah, she's like grab my arm wearing his

More outfit. I was I was looking through like the the playlist thing and she was like, oh, you should sing this one She's just like waste I, I get to smell it. Point of breath. Nice. So I immediately move seats and I move next to Tyler Co. Cause he's there and he's also kind of sober. So like, at one point I turned back and she's like, I'm never getting fucked.

Like she said the two of friends. So I was like, oh, God, I move seats. Oh. So the night goes on, everybody's drinking and having a great time except for me. And said girl starts vomiting. And I was already by the playlist thing, picking out the next song. And I looked back and then I picked Adele's hello.

She's like, oh, to this really tragic song. And I was like, laughing with tears in my eyes. Hello. It was so sad, but so funny at the same time. Oh God. Listen, you don't have to sell every detail of my night, okay? Okay. But it's just like the-

I'm never getting fucked. The piano came in and stuff like that. She was just like, oh! Hello, from the end. What was she puking into? I think on the other chairs Yeah, she's like puking on chairs. Oh my god. That's not absorbent throw up on a like a you know one of these chairs No, you want to throw up on one of those because he can easily clean up. Why do you think me and Blancet on these chairs? Yeah

On the spot chairs. Yeah, you throw up pretty well. Don't they blame? on the spot chairs. Yeah, you can throw up pretty well. Don't they blame? I don't want to talk about that. Are you allowed to talk about that yet? There's edits that exist. Oh, I've seen them. Everybody saw one.

Like, everyone saw my episode. Oh, I was there. And yeah, I remember. Everybody saw the episode of me getting black out drunk. Can you talk about the episode? I don't know if we have that. I really just want to tell everyone what Miles said to Blaine though. Well, they were trying to keep you quiet.

I said to Blaine. Oh God. Could I? Okay, so we've already talked about this. Basically, we filmed ourselves getting Blackout drunk. I've talked about it, Bernie's talked about it on the podcast. Yeah. We filmed ourselves getting Blackout drunk.

We might release it. We're still deciding. I got Blackout drunk. Like, that's the drunkest of urban in my life. And Miles was like my father. I hung out a little extra time after work because I heard what was happening, what you guys were filming.

And I wanted to see. I was at the office until one in the morning taking care of you, taking care of you, and trying to keep Ashley from punching people. It was a shit show. It was. I wasn't that bad. You were pretty rowdy.

Chris. I thought you were, yeah. I thought you were, yeah. Chris, you get very huggy. You're an enabler. Blaine was on the table. Like that. Fucking trash can't underneath them.

Horribly in a bad place. And you fucking barge in. Why isn't this fucker drinking? I'm like, he's not feeling good, Chris. And you go, ah. You're like, how to glass, which I don't know how the fuck you got.

You go, ah. Give him, give him mine. And we're like, no, he needs that water. And you're like, ah. Ah. Oh, was he? And then you started kicking animators' desks

and we had to pull you and sit you down. And I had to, I had to, Oh my God, Chris. No, it was desks, it was desks. You were kicking desks. You guys are the complete opposite then. And then, blame is going around hugging people.

Blame is going around hugging people. I hug a lot of people. Oh, you hug a lot of people. I'm very lovable. You talk to Grey about Star Wars or about half an hour. Yeah. You pointed at Kyler, our script supervisor who has long hair and is generally very quiet.

He came in to get coffee and you were like, fucking a rampaging through the break room and you point him, you go, and a maiter! You're hair! And you ran up and just hugged him. And Kyler, who is just the most soft-spoken, just, yeah, a little bit more. And you left him and then I was just. And Kyler, who is just the most soft-spoken, just, uh, um, yeah, we'll see.

And you left him and then I was just staring Kyler, he goes, well, okay then. And he's just like, skittered away. Didn't he like grab him by the shoulders? He's like, you work so hard. Yeah, yeah. You're such a hard worker. And just hugging him and not never letting go.

Here's my favorite part of that night. I learned just how much you trust me. Yeah, I trust you a lot. It was, oh, the sweetest thing that I have ever seen. It was one of the most touching moments I have ever had with anybody. Which I didn't know you were thinking about because I heard something that I said that I was like,

oh shit, I said that. Oh, you said some real gay shit. Yeah. But, no, I'm specifically talking about, so I was dealing with you. What was I, you were kicking desks, Chris. You were walking around kicking things that just didn't belong to you. For whatever reason, I don't know why.

But Jessica, Jessica, hold you out of like our stage five area. And she was like, I'm so sorry, he's like kicking computers. And you were like, they were desks. And we sat you down on the couch in the break room And you're like she was like can you please just watch him? So I watched you and you and I got into a discussion about the importance of friendship To which my favorite part of the whole thing like we're discussing we're discussing something that it happened at work That was like it's kind of borderline series

Um, and you didn't really want to talk about it But I could tell you wanted to talk about it So you set up you like inferred to't really want to talk about it, but I could tell you wanted to talk about it. So you set up, you inferred to what you want to talk about, and you went, because, I mean, you know what I'm saying. And I smiled, and you went, nah, but, but, but you know what I'm saying. You said, but you know what I'm saying about seven times. Without me, without me, without me adding anything, it was incredible. It was like, it was like a fucking action figure that has like a line that he says is over again.

But did you know that he was saying? Oh, I knew exactly what he was saying, the first fucking time. I kept saying, yeah, I know what you're saying. And you go, yeah, you know what I'm saying. We should. My favorite, could I say my favorite line for that whole thing?

Sure, I, I, I, I, I only saw a few parts of it because I was watching the raw footage online on our network. It was behind the scenes footage. Yes, it was Miles and Blaine sitting in the kitchen and I guess they were filming something with Chris in the broadcast area. So they wanted you guys to be quiet and Blaine kept yelling obviously and trying to be a fucking crazy guy. mile said to you all right all right Pretend that it's Nazi Germany and were the Jews and then Blaine went the Jews It worked immediately and then I saw that I was filmed and I went well Okay, and then at one point you went over and picked up a or plushie and you're just like

It's Barbara Oh god, but the best moment for me was was when I knew what you were saying you kept telling me that I was like and Ellie came over and was like um miles Blaine needs you. I don't know what happened. She goes. I don't know. He just keeps saying he needs you And you go You were like again you were passed out head down What is it blame and you go I go what do you okay? What do you mean you go?

And your hand, you go, don't leave it. Do you want me to hold your hand and you nod? Oh god. So I held your hand and you go, it's trusty so much. It was, I'm my fucking heart melted. But apparently you just kept saying, as soon as I left, you started whispering to Ellie and Jessica, I need miles and a miles.

And I was like, what is it? And you were just like, I just trust you. I don't trust them. And you're like, I do miles and a miles. And I was like, what is it? And you were just like, I just trust you. I don't trust them. And you're like, I do, I do, but. And then you just like, and then you just went to sleep, you took the dream land. I'm like incredibly, incredibly paranoid.

So whenever I'm in a state of intoxication, then you sort, then I immediately latch onto the first thing I'm closest with. So that's a big sign of our friendship. I was really, I was really, it made my day. My favorite part of that is my key chain has a boba fit action figure at the end of it. And someone took my keys at the beginning of the night

because obviously, but I didn't drive to work. I took an Uber, but they just wanted to take it. Just in case I got away, they didn't want me to be able to escape. So they couldn't find my keys. And apparently I was like Boba vet Where's Boba? Where? I kept saying Boba's and no one knew what the fuck I was talking about.

The worst part was we finally got you into the car to drive you to your apartment which I apologize because I remember we had to call you and Aaron. Yeah, that was a whole thing I love what I get into that because he doesn and Aaron. Yeah. That was a whole thing. I love to be first because he doesn't have text messages. Fuck you, Aaron. And then I called the back and then he was all like, oh, well, are they trying to reach me or you? And I was like, well, you so call him.

We felt terrible because Aaron had just gotten back from some trip and we knew he was going to hang out with you that night. And we were a nice dinner. And we were just like drunk blinds about to cock-block the shit out of Aaron and Barbara. Because we were just like, we can't leave you in your state so like Aaron hung out with you or something all night I third wheel of the wheel. We took you to your apartment

Jovi all the way your apartment and then realized that bobo fat was still back in the office I had to drive all the way back get your keys Yeah, cuz I remember like I oh Aaron you freaked Aaron out I remember throwing up and then the next like two, four, five hours are just gone. From what I hear from Aaron, getting me up the stairs and walking me, like apparently I was just completely bow like, bow like it.

And I was hitting every wall along the hallway. But yeah, so I wake up, and I'm sitting up in Aaron's chair, and I wake up in all the lights on it and I'm like, what the fuck am I? And I'm still like really drunk at this point. So I get up and I start to recognize it. It's like, okay, oh, this is Aaron's apartment. So I walk into Aaron's bedroom and I just like stare at him.

And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, should I wake him up? I need to let him know that I'm okay. And he's a good friend for taking me in. And I'm like thinking about this wake him up? I need to let him know that I'm okay. He's a good friend for taking me in. And I'm like thinking about this, and then Aaron wakes up. And he's like, ah! And I was like, hey!

I'm all right, I'm gonna go. You're a good friend. And then I just like, waddle like. Oh my god, I was right. I would do that as a kid. Like, I would remember as a kid, I'd wake up from a bad dream and like go to tell my mom cause I guess that's what my child brain said I need to do

whenever I'm a bad dream. But I would always be conflicted about waking her up. So I would just like stand there. And I'm sure that's not, you wake up to just a child and watching you say. That's basically what it was. Good Lord. Yeah, I was just standing over him and he, yeah, he,

he like, he literally yelled. And I was like, Hey, it's okay. Did you think I was over there too? Were you? I don't know. No, I wasn't. But did you think I was?

Because didn't you say you cautiously went in? Like, oh shit, I don't wanna wake them up. Yeah, yeah, I didn't wanna like, you know, but hey guys, I like peaked in. And I was like, oh it's just terrible. Did you steal any of his foods? No. Well, you could have a you had nature box maybe.

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That's naturebox.com slash Ruchitith for two free snacks. Delicious. Take it, naturebox. That whole drunk experience was a nightmare. So I don't know how much I can talk about this, but you know what, the adults aren't here, so I'm gonna. Okay, what? This is not, that was not the first time I witnessed

just how poorly this company handles alcohol. Oh, are we allowed to talk about it? And broadcast is laughing right now, because they know exactly what the fuck I'm not talking about. I was there that night. Yeah, you were. I saw you and I saw everyone, and I saw all the glass on the floor.

So, for those of you that may not know, Red versus Blue season 14, officially under today. Woo! Thank you everybody that worked on that. Everybody that collaborated on it, all of our animators, our fucking producers, that thing was a nightmare. So it's about four hours long.

It is the longest season of Red versus Blue ever. Is that the longest season of anything we've done other than J5? I think so. And it was, that season in and of itself was 16 different shows. Because of all the different people that we worked with, the different pipelines that we had to deal with.

Also, you guys did 2D, 3D, like that. Yeah, it was, it was, Cohen asked asked me can we never do this again? That's it was it was crazy and you know some people liked it some people didn't it was we just kind of wanted to just do weird shit this season So hopefully people enjoyed it, but um There was supposed to be another episode That never got made are they never gonna do anything with it? Oh, they're gonna do something with it. That's part of the reason I'm telling the story is so that Bernie sticks to his word

and puts this out. Shit, yeah, I'm calling you out, Bernie. I was confused as to what was happening. I knew that they were filming something at the studio and I dropped someone off back at the studio after Daron here and I saw Gus's car in the parking lot and I was like, what are they doing here? So I came into the office and witnessed this.

I think it's okay if I talk about this. Well, you've already done it. So, no, no, I'm trying to sign how much information to give away. There was a Bernie had an idea. Bernie had an idea for an episode. He had already contributed this season with the 2D animated piece that we started with.

But he had another idea. And that idea was, hey Miles, I wanna get the original Blood Goldch crew together. I wanna get them shit face drunk. And I wanna see if they can record Episode Two from memory. With prompts though. With prompts.

He wanted me to be there to prompt them as an narrator and be our resident Vic. And they all received scripts that said like, it was the first half of the scene, and then from that point, it would say like, Sarge gives Griffin Simmons an order. Simmons retorts with a joke. Like that was essentially the extent

where they had, I was the only one with an actual script. And he said, what do you think? And when he pitched this to me, he was already way over his deadline for what he was supposed to give us for his episode. And we were under a lot of pressure. And I said, Bernie, I think that's a terrible idea or has the potential to be terrible.

And the potential will be really funny. And he was like, I think I really want to do it. And I'm like, you don't tell Bernie Burns about it. So you're like, okay, all right. So we do it. And I'm like, you don't tell Bernie Burns about it. So you're like, okay, all right. So we did it. And Jeff was there and Gus was there and Jason was there and Matt was there and Bernie was there and then I was there in the corner like,

Keke out. No, no, no, Joel's not in. Oh, he's not, Joel's not in. Episode two is Red gets a delivery. Right, okay, yeah. So it was all the talk about the warhog or the Puma. And Bernie had scheduled two and a half hours of drinking Right, okay. So it was all the talk about the word hog or the Puma and Bring it scheduled two and a half hours of drinking before we started recording

but he scheduled it on The set in the broadcast area where we had lots of cameras and I asked everybody hey, I know we're not you know We're not recording yet. You know, we're not doing the episode yet What anybody have a problem if we just rolled the cameras on this and everyone was cool with it So all of broadcast right now is smiling right now holy shit. You remember That was the sloppiest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I tweeted pictures out about it There was broken glass. How many glasses were broken? Does anyone remember?

Oh. Six glasses broken. Four bottles were broken. Four bottles were broken. Well, I have a video. It's just the end, holy shit. Of a Jeff throwing a full bottle of Jack Daniels at me. So it wasn't down there.

Nobody, now let me clarify. Not Jack Daniels. None of this was like, there was no big fight or anything. Nothing bad happened. Quite the opposite. I thought it was one of the most incredible things I'd seen cause it was essentially a bunch of friends who have each been doing their own incredible things,

busy in their own worlds, sitting down just to chill and drink. For the first time, like Jeff was like, I haven't hung out with you in X number of years. And it started off kind of like, ah, you know, joking. And then it got like really real, particularly that. Oh my God. As I would describe it, was trying to have a moment

for about 40 minutes, but kept getting interrupted by Jeff and Gus. But it was cool, it got really emotional at one point. It was really fucking funny. We learned about secret Gus. But my fucking God, that thing fell apart quicker. I, I only showed up after everyone was drunk. So it was probably around like nine o'clock.

You guys started at seven? I think so. I don't show it like nine, nine, 30. It's like that, yeah. And I walk in and Matt sees me and he goes, Bebs! Bebs! And he's motioning for me. And Gus turns around and he sees me and he goes, Bebs! Bebs! And he's motioning for me. And Gus turns around and he sees me and he goes,

No! No! And he's going, Stay, stay, stay, like, no, no, no. And Matt's like, get over here. And then brings like, Hey, Barb, get over here.

And I'm like, well shit, two out of three. You're telling me. So I walk over and I like, I kneel down next to Matt because you guys are in these little chairs and there's no other chairs next to him. So I'm kneeling and he puts his arm around me and he goes,

I have a story to tell. And he's holding me by the shoulders and he goes, Jeff, do you remember like this one time you called me? And we were talking about this thing and you didn't know who I was. And he's just rocking me back and forth all the time.

He tells a story about Jeff, too, Jeff. Not even relating to you at all. Something to do with me. For half an hour. And I'm just like kneeling there, like, I keep adjusting myself because I'm so uncomfortable. But I'm like, maybe he has something to tell me

or this has to do with me. Related to you, see what happened to Chelsea? I got there just after Chelsea. You were essentially Chelsea too. Chelsea was off in the sides and Matt does the same thing, he goes, Chelsea! Miracek, when she comes over, she's like, hello Matt, she's laughing, he's like, she's like, don't laugh. He goes the same thing.

Chelsea, and then his eyes get real misty and you're like, oh shit. He goes the same thing Chelsea And then his eyes get like real misty and you're like oh shit like oh my god He's about to get real hard to heart right now. Yeah, yeah, and he does like he looks to Bernie and Jeff and guys He's like 14 years guys 14 years This is crazy. It's just like this is crazy. Yeah, he goes He gets quiet and he just goes, Start track. He made something like, he ended up meaning something later,

but at the time it was like, what the fuck did he do? And Jeff keeps on him, why the fuck do you have Chelsea here? Will you just let me start track? And he goes on and on for about 20 minutes. And then Jeff goes, for fuck's sake, You just let me start track and it goes on and on for about 20 minutes. Yeah.

And then Jeff goes, for fuck's sake, why do you have Chelsea sitting right fucking next to you? He goes, who next there's a Chelsea? Chelsea, you were a fan. She nods. What's your deal? Yeah. He just like folds his arms like, what's your deal? And she's, what's my deal? Yeah. He just like crawled his arms like, what's your deal?

And she's, what's my deal? Yeah. I was a fan. He's just like, yeah, you were. But I don't know, God, it was a beautiful, the best way I can describe it was a beautiful catastrophe. And then stuff happened with Gus trying to leave. Yeah, there was a whole thing, I don't wanna spoil it.

So essentially, after all of this everybody had left chair Jeff flipped his chair and left Jason disappeared. Gus left. Shit was broken everywhere. And Bernie just looks to me. He goes, Miles, what what did you tell me when I pitched this idea? And I said, he said it was a terrible idea. I go, did I? He says, yup, you've never been more right. And he got up and he walked off. And there's our picture, yeah.

So, the next week, we told him we were like, yo dude, you said you're gonna give us an episode, what are you gonna do? And we gave him a week to sift through all that footage and he came back like, tail between his legs and says, I can't get anything out of this. I can't, I'm sorry. But he did say that he does want to release

some version of what broadcast recorded that night because I, look, we all, there was blood blood sweat and tears that went into that all of you suffered. I just think there was so many moments in there that a fan of Rooster Tease would love I cried for a lot of that because I was freaking me out because like so nostalgic yeah and just there was so many great moments and great things that happened that it's too good not to release in some capacity. It felt really special being there. Yeah.

Like as a fan of what those guys did and what they've built, I was like unbelievably moved. Yeah. So. It was like a whole moment with you too. Yeah. Jeff was going on and on about you. He was like, when I met you, I figured you were a kiss ass.

And I was like, that sounds about right. Um, but yeah, no, it was, yeah, no. I spent a lot of that night just hiding my tears behind the script. It was a really beautiful albeit destructive evening. And yeah, Bernie does want to put it out at some point, maybe like for first numbers or something, I don't know. But somehow.

So now there, now you have to do it. I'm gonna make you fucking stick to your words, Burns. I'm fired. I'll do the podcast. I'm fired. I'm gonna make you fucking stick to your words Burns Fire But no, I think I do really think it was beautiful and hilarious and Man we had to throw out the carpet because of that. Did you really? So here's to you guys Thanks for our cast and thanks to put up with a lot of shit. Yeah, thanks again. Thanks to everybody to watch season 14

I've got my do you remember when we went to FanExpo together, Babs and I made my fucking reversible covers in 2011. Yeah, I wore them today because yeah, yeah, my way of saying goodbye to the season. That's adorable. Future of RVB is gonna be crazy as to how it all happens. You know, we'll see season 15 is coming. Don't worry. I still remember that fan expo. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. That was fun. That was the first convention I ever went to and first time in Canada And my first time in Canada We went to Wayne Gretzky's like house of Poutine. We're the most Canadian fucking place a bar called Gretzky

Yeah, so cute you and we ate Poutine. I like my version I'm in bed these house of Poutine and beaver. They serve it up to you like a puck They're in the house of Poutine and Beaver. They serve it up to you like a puck. Dukywout. That was great. It was Yumi Marshall, Kathleen. Who else was it? It was just us four.

Yeah. There was the just dance thing. I just remember I'd never been in an atmosphere like that before. I think I took a picture of every single cosplay. I was like, oh wow, Mario. Oh wow, Mario. Oh wow, Mario. Because it was so foreign and alien to me. Oh wow, Mario. Oh wow, Mario.

Because it was so foreign and alien to me. I fucking love conventions. God, I love conventions. It was amazing. Also, I remember we were so tired and delirious one night because that was back when we, like, I mean, Richard Heath was this way for a really long time

where the people going to work the booth also set up the booth, sold the merchandise, and then cleaned up and packed up the booth. It was that way up until like two years ago. Yeah, I was still around in the world. Yeah, it was recent. So we were all delirious and exhausted one night, and we were in the lobby of our hotel. And it was me, Miles Marshall, and Joe, who was helping out with the booth, a community member back in Toronto. And we were just sitting around in a circle, not talking, just making faces at each other and laughing so hard until we cried. Like a lot of this. Why? Because we were tired. No. It was just funny, man. It was just funny. Your brain does go to like weird places whenever whenever you're just fucking tired. It's when everything is funny.

Yeah. Yeah. You're just like me. Yeah. Hey, you had a speaking cosplay. You had a soldier 76 thing. You soldier 66 for Halloween? Yeah, dude.

I'm going as dad 76 for Halloween. I'm pretty stoked. What are you guys doing for Halloween? I don't have a Halloween cut. Well, I, I'm, yeah. I realized I hadn't done a big costume thing Well, I, I'm, yeah. I realized I hadn't done a big like costume thing since. God, what was I think 20 love? I want a John.

I think I had John Coswine. I was John. Oh, is that back in the 636? Yeah. It's just a picture of you, me rising or and Aaron. Marquis. No, no, wait. What were you?

What was he dressed as? What were you guys dressed as? I was dressed as an elf. Oh, like Zelda? Wait, what were you, what was he just I was what were you guys just I was dressed as an elf. Oh Like Zelda like a I just had a long fluid dress on and elf ears. Okay. I was like, why did you specifically pick Zelda? Because I'm trying to spot you. You were you were Zelda another year. Yeah, not a research. He'd go back in college And then rising her was Clark Kent with the open shirt. This party was that I can this was just as the office Okay, I remember the party at Jack's that year Oh, is that the same thing? Yeah, he made Halloween party. I want to show you. Yeah, was that a kid. This was just at the office. Oh, okay. I remember the party at Jack's that year. Oh, is that the same guy?

Yeah, he beg Halloween party. I want to show you. Yeah, you're a hunts solo that probably. I imagine you go with Hans Solo every year. No, I just am my husband. No, no, he's like, it's either Hans Solo or Indiana Jones. Well, this year, let's say I'll be exploring unsharted territory. I don't get it.

Laura Croft. Wait, is it Alana of going as Lora Crop? I don't want to say, I'm going to take that. She's going as Lora Crop. She's going as Lora Crop. She's going as Lora Crop. She's going as Lora Crop. Don't laugh at that, Andy.

Let's say that you're better than that. My girlfriend's costume is, she is rather crafty. Okay. Keep going. I'm out of my mind. You know, you're just something with a raid, maybe? I don't have anything on my radar. I'm out of my mind.

You what? Radar? Radar? Oh, it's good. Really? I had to explain mine. She fuckers. I don't have a costume.

Last year I did a, um, I was a taunt on from... You won the fucking Halloween costume contest at Griffin's house. I was so happy. I was so happy I was not expecting that it was a great costume But I just like for some reason I was like oh, I was surprised. I was it wasn't very great I had to backhand it was inventive. I had to like and I cert I went around town Like to like three different costume places and like order stuff online and like printed it and Photoshop. He has a lot of effort he put into it. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah. I'm excited. I'm like, because I'm kind of building it. Like I've got, I've been having a, I didn't, I didn't just want to buy like a fully made 76 outfit.

So I've got like, I bought some big Batman boots. I got the Black Cargo pants, the Black Turtle neck, did get the jacket, but I'm also getting like his holster, he's like this. The only thing I'm not gonna have, I don't have his big like cylindrical grenades. I thought about taking like, natty light. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, oh, it's like,

I'd be like, bro, your 76 or something. That'd be great, do you? But, then I have to make that. No, that's super easy. I might, I might, I might, I I might I might fuck around with that and then For the mask I ordered a mask it showed up all bent and fucked up so I returned it But then I realized I don't really want to spend my night at a party like in a sweaty mask anyways Yeah, so I just got these like one piece red like cyclops looking glasses

So I'm really fucking excited. It's been a long time and I've put a lot of money and I had to put together some extra. How many questions are fun though? A lot of people knock on people for spending a lot on them, but it's just like it's one to year off. It's good, it's a lot of people. It's what the year is. It's what the year is. Yeah, and I can wear it to cons.

That being said, you don't want to, yes you can. That being said, you don't want to go two over the top with makeup or whatever because I did go one year. It was the first year that I had like six pack habs and I was like I'm gonna paint myself green. I'm gonna be the incredible Hulk. I saw that picture you were worst howling in my life because like for once in my goddamn life I was attractive and all the girls were like oh blame you know he's a person now I couldn't that's Christ I couldn't fucking dance with anybody I basically stood in the corner people would come up for a hug and I was like no

I'm gonna paint you green all the girls are like he's angry But it sucked because like I couldn't make like I couldn't interact with humans Fucking green The girls house did that it was she hosted it at she was like I've been finding so much fucking green paint in my house I was like I'm so sorry Everyone's like the blue man from Rensitif out I'm an obvious. No, I did never mind. It's hard to paint yourself unless it's like the really good quality Body paint something you get. I've never painted myself

Not many people have it's not a very You have not common thing. No, it's a pain the dick because I remember I found a pain It's a pain the dick because I remember I found a pain dick. It's a pain in the dick No too long is I didn't even go there. I found paint in my belly button and my nostrils in my ears Especially for like just your girlfriend. Yeah body paint is like it's up there with like glitter Like glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts You just can't get rid of it's ever it spreads like that now Like that happen to me you guys know Jessica Negri, right? Yeah.

So she was kind enough to send me a costume that she had made that like I complimented her on it. And she's like, do you want it? I'll send it to you. She's so fucking nice. She's the best. Degree is the shit. She's so sweet.

And so she sent it to me. And I was really excited. And I brought it home and I opened the box. And I started taking pieces out, not realizing that the entire costume was covered in glitter. And so like my entire bedroom is like sparkly now just because it was just a glam. She's really close to my girlfriend Alana and we got to hang out with her and her

boyfriend Ryan and they're the weirdest couple like I thought Ryan the fucking shit. Oh my god they are. They like to each other. So great. Amazing. Yeah like we went and got like, yeah, we got drunk and stuff like that. But yeah, they're fucking great. And she does that. She's like, hey, do you want a costume? You know, like you got your cosplay and stuff like that.

She's like always like throwing a costume. She's very cool. Yeah, she sent me like a spring fairy costume. And she said that she's going to work on like a fall fairy and we could do a shoot together. Oh, cool. And it was like, I would die. Because I like look up to her so much. She's an incredible cosplayer. And she's beautiful and funny. I know it's like, I would die. Because I like look up to her so much.

She's an incredible cosplayer and she's beautiful and funny and I'm just like, to be my friend. See, I'm trying to get her in another rooster teeth production that isn't Ruby. Let's just say that. Oh really? Yeah, I'm just working on that really hard. Oh.

Just put her with me, whatever you do. What's that? Put her next to me at all times. Okay. Like, if we could just be hugging and stuff. Like the entire same episode anyways. Oh dude, so okay, you and I were both at New York Comic Con. We were also at PAX West,

and I had a weird thing happen to me at PAX. They told me about that. I talked about this on... We're on the main stage. On the thing that's not sponsored play anymore, we have a new name for it, it'll come out soon. But I'll talk it. So I can't tell if a guy was trying to mug me or not.

What? Exactly. I, I, I, okay. Who are you, was anybody with that? Nope, it was just by myself. So I gave myself a rule. I was in, I was in Seattle for like a week because I had a meeting with Microsoft,

Pax, and then another meeting with Microsoft. So I was there, it was like the longest I'd been away for a work related trip. It was great, I loved Seattle, holy shit, Seattle's cool, it's great. That was your first time there, though, wasn't it? No, but the other two times I'd been there before, like the one time I was to work on RVV Music with Nico,

and like we never left this house, I decided to just go get coffee and food. And then the other time I was literally there to go to Microsoft, look at Halo 4 and then come back. So I never been in PAX West and I never, I felt like I'd never really gone to Seattle proper. So I gave myself a rule. I said, I am not going to make any plans.

I will, and I will say yes to anything that somebody asked me to do. So like, if I woke up in the morning and nobody had texted me about doing anything, I was just gonna walk around town and just see what happened. And it was great. It was one of the best times I'd ever had a convention. I ended up like, the first day I walked around,

I found an art museum, I was like, oh neat. I'd like to buy a ticket, please. And they went, it's free ticket day. And I went, oh wow! And I went to the museum. And then I found out there was an aquarium. And we all went to the aquarium. It was fucking amazing.

Yeah. I love aquariums. Anyway, sorry, that was weird. I really, I really, I'm pretty sure it's not this. I really like the aquariums, my favorite thing. All right, so. I like to watch the fish. I do.

At this swimmer, right? Bethany went on this big tirade about how otters rape, too. And she would not shut up about it. Yeah, they do Wait, what did they really apparently they do and then she wouldn't shut up She's like let's go see the otters so I can prove to you the girl evil rapist I'm like shut the Bethany stop saying rape and aquarium and then when we when we fucking got to the auto exhibit They were fucking and she was like I told you I told you no, yeah, but then they stopped and they cuddle

And she was like, I told you, I told you. No, yeah. But then they stopped and they cuddled, not like that. But that's the essential. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't sound like. Yeah, but no, there was nothing worse than having to tell Beth and either shut the fuck up about auto-rape for an hour and then showing up at the auto-exhibit

and seeing them just bang in. Um, anyways, um, so one morning, I decided to go to the Pikes Place market. Yeah. I got a really early walk there, had a great time, super cool, got some parogies or whatever. You see the fish? I did see the fish.

That's awesome. And I was walking back and I went down like a shady street and this dude is crossing the street making a b-line for me in a hoodie and looks super disheveled. And I'm like, all right, this guy is probably going to ask me for money or whatever. And he said, excuse me, 30 seconds. I was like, hey, he's like, I'm so sorry, Bob, I'm so sorry, Bob, this is real embarrassment,

man, I'm not really from the area, you know, but I got mugged last night. And then like he pauses, and I was like, I'm so sorry. He says, yeah, yeah, it's real terrible. I need money to catch the bus, but all I got to sell is this knife. Think you can help me, and he whips out a knife, and I went, no, sorry, it's real terrible. I need money to catch the bus, but all got to sell is this knife Think you can help me and he whips out a knife and I went no sorry I only have a credit card and I just kept walking and then as I was walking away I remember thinking G that guy put some weird emphasis on some words and then pull the knife on me Trying to mug me no

I don't know was it like mid know. Was it like midday? It was pretty early in the morning. It was pretty young in the morning. There was no one else on the street. But I remember thinking, if he was trying to mug me, that's how you get friends zone, man. You just need to make what you want very clear from the beginning.

Yeah, you know, be more forward with it. Yeah, well, that was his thing. It's like I wasn't trying to muck him. I was trying to sell him my knife. That's my thinking. Is that like had I like, like pointed this guy out to the cops, you would be like, I never once did that. Yeah, I never once was mucking him.

I was asking him if he wanted my knife. So smart. But it was easy though, because I walked away with a skip in my step. No, but now I start to think about like, what if he was just trying to sell you his knife? What if she had done a better job? What if he was like, would you have bought the knife,

say you had like a five on you, be like, hey, I think I've got that knife for a five. No, absolutely. What do you think he would have said if you're not gonna check a bag in my back? Is that a nice knife? Well, I was okay, knife. What have you been like,

I'll give you five dollars for your knife. What do you think he would have said? Well, then he would probably, when he took it as well, he probably would have just asked for it. He probably would have taken it all, maybe. I don't know. I have no idea.

I just didn't know he was mugging me. You probably did a good thing by brushing him off as if you didn't know you were being mugged. Well, yeah, a good thing I pretended like I didn't know that. My good thinking on my part, when I was little, we had to go to downtown Dallas for whatever reason. My mom took me down there and I was like, little, little. And we went to spaghetti warehouse

because I fucking love Biscuetti. At Spaghetti Warehouse. Spaghetti. Spaghetti. It's what they call it in... When you're in the shadows. When you're in the shadows. No, what we do in the shadows,

it's a really funny mockery. Anyways, Biscuetti. Spaghetti. That's joking. We are going in this homeless guy, pop set or nowhere and he's like, you know, he's spirit change and my mom was like, no, thank you. And then she's screamed and then said no thing. Yeah, as if he was like offering her money. He was like,

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Yeah, I in college when I was in the dorm, I built a doorbell It was the worst it was a worst mistake of my college experience. What did so so so so it's like you can order like you can buy I like Home Depot doorbell parts and so like me my roommate like oh be really cool We the only dorm room with a doorbell So we like rigged or did you live dorm did you live in? And Jester. Oh, what the fuck? Okay.

Alright. So we like rigged this thing where it's like a little red button next door door. So we have a doorbell. And then it was just like we'd be sleeping at night and all of a sudden like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and just dropped people one of the fucking colors. The fucking color was gonna, of course. The color was just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just,

it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just,'s the worst. Do you remember we had doorbell at six three six? That we used to fuck with Kara We've talked about that I think it's been like an RTA I can remember the hidden doorbell. Yeah upstairs on the second floor where live action

So there was also like someone figured out I think was Marshall figured out there was a remote to ring the doorbell. Yeah. And so... And he rigged something upstairs. And so... That's terrible. Okay, any time Kerry came upstairs, he'd ring the doorbell, and she'd be like, oh my god, just to fuck with her. Oh my god. That was amazing. There's a, we realized at my house over in Ottawa,

the doorbell rings a sensor that's in the basement. So you could hear the basement doorbell. So if you're not upstairs, you could hear it. We realized there's a frequency you can make with your own voice to set off the sensor. Whoa. It was really, like we would play with it all the time. We'd be in the kitchen, we'd be like,

ah! And then you hear, playing. So bizarre. The basement. Yeah, it was great. Jervading Dung Dish when you were kids. No.

I think maybe once. What's it's wise? I don't know. It's one of those lame pranks. Yeah. I used to like do all the stuff like teaping houses. Oh, you're perfect for Nerf pushing portafotties over and yeah, you didn't absolutely push the Shit no, but the shit was in the porta-potty like who did you do it to I

Basically or a strange basically every construction I Fuck you Gibson You push it over porta-potty is that's horse shit literally no like I probably like in my day probably like 20 porta-botties Why? That's such a Sputance cuz it was funny. No, what you know? Alan Texas. What is there to do in Alan Texas fucking? No, okay? That's why that's why it's a blessing that you didn't succumb to hard drugs Okay, yeah, that's what I've got anybody that grew up in like a small town is normally either like oh

Yeah, I did some fucked up shit back of the day or they just like had sex with a bunch of people. I mean, it's like a suburb of Dallas and I was not having sex, but no, we just pushed us over all the time, but there was this one time though. All that does is just, there's some dude who just has to clean up people shit.

I'm not thinking about that in a way. That's like, I'm employing people to shit slush around here. Yeah, just making someone clean up. I'm generating jobs for the market. Did you ever do it with somebody inside? Oh, no, no, okay I'm not slightly better. Well You're a little bit more still well

There was this one time though where my friend had a crush on this girl and He was like we should ding dong ditch her and was like, fuck yeah, so we So we we drive out to an, we spot out our house, we park his car like three blocks down, we're like planning it all out and stuff like that. With ding-dung ditch, we run away, we sit in some bushes across the street, and we're like, your dad comes out,

but you know, like doing that whole thing, wait, you know, like five minutes, the window curtain goes away and it's like, all right, he's no longer watching. So we run across and we do it again, ding-dung, we're like five minutes, the window curtain like goes away and it's like, he's no longer watching. So we run across and we do it again, and like, ah! So like we run instead of going back to that spot, we didn't wanna risk it, we just ran back to his car.

So it's sitting in his car and we're like, oh man, that was great. Shit. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. We look over, he was, someone was knocking on his window with a bat and he was the fucking dad. And he was like, my wife is a nurse. She has to get up at 5 a.m. every morning.

Are you fucking kids? Are you in my goddamn doorbell? And we're just like, you know, like, eyes are saucers. Wow. He's the right guy. It was the scariest fucking thing. I ended up like really being good friends with that girl, and I helped them move out of their house because I felt so bad about it But her dad every time I saw him

He just kept the bat. It was like two a.m. Oh wow. Yeah, you assholes A piece of shit Devin told the store in high school I might have told the story before I don't know if I have stopped me. There was a stop. No, no, no, no. So it is like me and this girl, we were like, you know, driving around, we're like,

hey, let's go to the park and like hang out. So we're like in my car parked and then we're like, making out, doing, you know. Are you having sex? Well, no, because at some point the light comes up. So she's like what is that? Oh like a flashlight. And there's like a flashlight in the window and this cop comes up and and it's like you know did it and we're like we're just talking in officer. And he's like yeah yeah okay you just so you know the part closes at 10 you guys

need to leave. And we're like oh yeah sir yeah, okay, you just so you know the part closes at 10 you guys need to leave and we're like oh Yeah, sir. Yeah, yeah, we're just talking we're just talking is like yeah sure don't make me call your parents And we're like yeah, so we drive like you don't have their numbers Yeah, and then I'm like don't worry. I know but no let's go tomorrow's so we drive somewhere else Don't worry. I know another children's playground So we go to another part and we're like, you know, continuing doing whatever we were doing. And the windows start to get a little steamy

and then... Oh, that's a tannic. Flashlight comes. Oh my god, what? Flashlight comes waving in and I'm like, uh-huh. We're all done with it. It's the same cop. Did you just follow the unit? It's the same cop. Did you just fall in the way?

Did you just fall in the way? If the same cop and he goes, all the parks are closed. Ah! You need to leave. He probably patrols all the parks. I'm sure he does. He went back to his car and looked as part of his like, I'm gonna cock block the shit out of this kid.

Oh, man. I was falling to his house. Ugh. I used to do, like, because when your kids, you don't have anywhere to go, so you got to do it in your car. So, like, I used to have a lot of experience like that, but there was this one time, and I'm not gonna say whose car it was.

Let's just say I was borrowing a car. What, you were just, what was it? Don't worry about it, I'm not gonna be specific. This was borrowing, it was your car. There was someone else's car. And I- Was it Aaron's? No.

And a lady and I did things and the windows steamed up. Well, I didn't want that person's car that had borrowed. I didn't want them to know. So I ended up going out to Walmart and buying Windex in paper towels to clean out the windows. What were you doing? You were doing all the different campers and stuff? There was no, it was like steam everywhere

and then you try to get rid of, no, because it was like sticking. There was like condensation and it was like dripping down. Did you like, did you whack your dick against the window? No, mushroom stamps. Stamp here, stamp there, stamp there. There's just like a long stamp. No, but I just like, it was like Mr. Wolf

from Pulp Fiction. Like I like would through and thoroughly cleaned up the car to make sure no trace of what, what's, okay. Who's car, wait, don't worry about it. It wasn't, it's not, it's none of your concern. You're fine. I've never been more suspicious. I'm trying to go to the toilet.

No, I have to remember who's partying. It's not a big deal. It's so cool. We'll just send it on everyone email later. And the blame never brought you to your car, Chris. He was, no, I don't think so. So you brought up an interesting thing, which is like, when you're a kid, if you're in a relationship,

you want to do some, like, you want to suck some face or whatever. Yeah. You got to find places to do that. Where is the most inappropriate place you ever fooled around? Aside from a school? Was it an elementary school? Holy shit, I think I have a story, but no, it was like very obviously one of those fields that you go to get murdered in. Like we- I'm sorry.

What? We drove off of a dirt road. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. Because I was like, at any moment, I'm gonna get a fucking axe in the back or something. Was it hard to get hard done? No, it was exhilarating. You got a fear boner. You were like zoinks? Yeah, then you just went for it.

Oh, go ahead, Barb. I probably have the worst one. I'll save mine first. Well, are you talking about in high school? Or just as a threat? I've got a fear boner as an adult. In general. Oh, just the Well already talking about in high school or just In general in general. Oh, oh As an adult

I use T library church UT library what you do in the UT library that sex What where how quiet were you What is she like oh and you heard no We just I'm so proud of you. Oh Man Chris. I didn't know you had it in you she just like and then she had it in her Explain um no, it's just like like snuck into a it was like a server room or something and then just So they were like computers and shit and And they could rent study rooms in that place. You also have a room that you can use.

Well, there was no reason. The exhilaration though. Yeah, it was just about that public fucking. No, not about it, but I'm like, if I'm just about having sex, so if it's like in public, then I'll go. I'll go. And then you know, like, was it, can I ask?

Can I ask, was it a, y'all just can't find a place? Was it, you saw it out like, exclusively? Or was it, hey, everybody's kind of horny right now. Let's fuck. I think it was a mix between, it was like, hey, let's go, we were out and about and doing, wondering around, it's like, hey, let's go find a place, and then we wondered in the library with the intent of finding a place.

One of those things. And you found, did anyone catch you guys? No. Oh, nice. Discreet. So did you go back there to check out any books on the Nathamate? Did you teach her about the newy decimal system? Oh!

That's the name of your penis. And then it's lame at a parking garage downtown. And that was just one of those like that happens. Yeah, a moment. If I were serial killer, I'd be like the park fucker. Like, you know, like that would be my name. I've had sex in so many parks. And I've killed so many people. I'm actually fucking a part of it. I don't think I talked about this before. I uh... Fuck, my parents are watching this.

I uh... Yeah. My parents watched mine too. My parents don't have a UC internet. I got head to chicken little. What? What? Wait, what?

I was dating a girl. I was dating a girl at high school and we needed a place to go full around. So we got, we bought tickets to an 1130 PM screening of chicken. Wait, A.M.? PM. Because we were like, surely no one was gonna be watching chicken little at 11.

And some little child, no, no, no, it wasn't children. It wasn't children. But it was chicken little. It was an children, but it was chicken little it was an elderly couple There was one elderly couple You're like the front of the theater and we were in the very back and she started undoing my belt and I was like We can't the old people and she was like they can't hear That was that was a low point I can't watch that movie I can tell you get a boner when you watch that movie.

No, but I couldn't tell you what the fuck happens in that movie. I assume there's a chicken in it. Oh my god. I got a driving movie theater watching Jack and Jill, the end of Samler movie. It was a fucking worst. I couldn't even joy it because the movie was so good.

I wish her name was Jill, so then she'd be Jack and Jill. Jill. All right, Barbara. Barbara, you're turning. You claim to have the worst. I found his bed now. That's pretty bad. I want to know. Well, this is when I was dating my boyfriend in high school.

Okay. We were guests at his cousin's wedding. And I feel so bad for telling this story. His cousin asked him to go put something away in the bridal suite for him and I went with him and We had sex in the bridal suite of someone else's wedding. What hey, we christened their Barber Sweet

Here's to you, bats. So you fucking win so awesome. I know I holy shit that It was bats. That's sooo... You fucking win. So awesome, I know! I have to... Holy shits! That... It was bad. That's bad, but no! I know that's incredible. I don't know, no, no. You shut the fuck up. That's the coolest fucking shit I've ever heard.

Not your thug is fuck. That's pretty gangster, yeah. That's good. Did you use their bed? Dude, we all like like here comes the bride Dresser and white Holy shit, I'm getting another yeah, we had to remake the bed. Oh Holy shit, I'm getting another drink. Yeah, we had to remake the bed.

Oh, god. We shouldn't take the covers off for anything, but when you move around enough. Yeah, they're not monsters. Jesus. You just, you can't get it. Oh shit. So, you want to do an average? It's not time yet.

We're just going to draw this one out as long as possible. There was this one time, and I'm not going to say what school or school district it was. Just all about secrets, Blank. But there was this one time where me and my friend, we're going to call him Jay, we're like really bored. And at this specific school, there's a radio tower that they built next to the school. So you could hop the fence, climb up the radio tower, and hop onto the roof and be on the

roof of the school. You're like, oh, it's fucking great. We walked over. It was fucking great. No, we didn't have sex. We walked over and we looked down and they're like, the skylights and it's like, oh, there's a school down there. We actually did that to three schools.

We hopped on the roof of three schools. I don't know why. God, you really did grow up in a poor town with nothing to do boring. Oh, no getting when you're in a small town You get on top of buildings Right right. I'm I'm absolutely here. That's like there was like a build there was a building I remember in high school that people were like oh yeah, just go on top of that building yeah Nothing try to see the horizon where you can escape to. There was like three elementary schools

in middle school that I hopped on. Did you have, okay, I'm trying to gauge how small your town was. Did you have a dairy queen? Every town in Texas has a dairy queen. Did you have a sonic driving? Yes. Every town in Texas.

Those are the only two things that exist in small towns. Sorry. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're helping prove my point that I'm not fucking weird because you just climb on the floor. You climb things. that exists in small towns. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just super high. And the school's a little bit shorter. But at least it was for the specific school. So they had this crosswalk. So we got a running start across the crosswalk. We jumped, we were able to get on top of the gymnasium.

School district didn't think you could do that because they left these fire scape entrance thing open because we went over to it and we're like, oh my god, we can get inside of the gymnasium. So we go down and we walked down a couple of flights as tears and lo and behold, we're in this basketball court for this school. All right, all right.

We're like, wow, this is crazy. No way in or out. Let's teepee it. So we went into the bathroom. We took paper towels and cold paper and we just fucking just everywhere, everywhere. And while we're doing this, I look up and there's a blinking red light.

Oh, everywhere. And while we're doing this, I look up, and there's a blinking red light. Oh, no! And I was like, and we were referring to each other. The reason I'm calling them Jays, because we're actually referring to each other as code words, so I was like, Jay, Jay! And he was like, oh, God! So like we immediately run back up the stairs, go up in this roof, climb down.

There's a sprinkler system on top of the school, because that's how they, you know, the fires and stuff like that. We're going to have to like the building on fire. So we're running into the pitch blind night and Jay hits the sprinkler and just face plans. It was like laughing, but also terrified and we just like got the fuck out of there. Anything ever happened?

No, we were fine. Yeah. You are a little hooligan. I also did take a shit in that that part playground for that school You are perfect casting for Nerf you son of a bitch. What the fuck were you doing as a kid? What is it eat my ass, but no Jesus This story about the guy, you know who set the library on fire and took a shit?

He looks at DNA. Single laugh from Patrick and Broadcast. I know. All right, no, I guess not. In college, I had one of my girlfriend's. I know your lots. Lived in Mizzou in Missouri. And her roommate was dating this guy who was like crazy.

Okay, I like just crazy. Sure, no, like crazy people exist. Like, Coptomaniac, crazy. Like you can tell he was crazy. Yeah, yeah, it's like he gave a weird vibe. You know, her roommate's relationship didn't go well with him because he was crazy Like a year later after they broke up They were like oh hey, hey your ex-boyfriends on the news. There's a security camera footage of him

Apparently he lit the library on fire and shit on the desks Like all the desks and shit on the desks. Like all the desks? I think just one. How did he have a shit? He held it in for a week. And it is one of those things where I feel like a rabbit pellet. So I know this guy who's like in jail now for shitting on a library and then setting

it on fire. What would you like the fuck? Wouldn't the fire burn up all the shit? Well that's the thing is he got really upset in his case, in his criminal case, because they didn't keep the shit. And he was like, that's my, that's how I prove I'm innocent.

Because they didn't keep the shit, there's DNA evidence of me, that's not my shit. That was his like, I don't know. But there's like security camera footage of him in the library. Just leaving little Hershey kisses. What was his motivation for that? Did he have any? He hated most.

Or should he was just fucking crazy? I mean, what motivation could you pop it in that? I don't know. Hey, you know what? I'm gonna go shit in the library. I'm gonna go shit in the library. I'm gonna go shit in the library. This is like he didn't like the school or somewhat like the library.

I talked badly in him. I talked to some men like to watch like the school or somewhat like the library. I talk to the family in him. I talk to some men like to watch the world burn. Like quite literally, watch the world burn. And watch their turds burn. Yeah, it's scary when you're like, you think about, they're just straight up crazy people in this world. A lot. Yeah.

A lot of crazy people. Has anybody dated a crazy person? No. No. I mean, unless you're talking about currently, just kidding. Oh, let me think on that. I feel like you guys would have more stories, because I feel like it's a stereotype that like there are more crazy women in the world than crazy.

I don't know about that. I think just, yeah. But just in terms of like when you're dating people, you might find some crazies. I have a story, this is not my story, but I trust you to tell it. Yeah, so. I got you, Chris.

I got you. A friend of mine was matched with this guy on Tinder. Mm-hmm. And, uh, 28-12-18. Yeah. A female friend was met with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A match was guy on Tinder, but she was like, I don't know, you know, I don't really know because he's like not really my type He was like the type of guy who's like, you know got hunting pictures Nice like, you know like of him like with a gun like whatever and she's like, but you know, I think you know I think he's cute. So she gave her her number and he called her and And she was like hello hello and she's like, hey, how are you doing? And she's like, she's a good, good. And then she's like, so you're from California, right? And she goes, yeah, she goes,

does that mean you're a hippie? And and she's like, how did it? No, no, I don't. What do you mean? And she's like, well, tell me this. Do you smoke weed? And she was like, I mean, sometimes, I don't know. Not whenever. And she was like, he's like, oh, well, I think a woman who smokes marijuana is very unattractive. And then she was like, I'm sorry, that sucks for you.

And then he was like, all right, well, are you a racist? Because I am. And then she was like, no. And then it was like long pause. And she was like, well, I don't think we have anything in common. And then hung up on her. How did they get that far that he had her number? Like, you don't think she have anything in common. And they hung up on her. How did they get that far that he had her number? Like, you don't think she would have been able to

like, what were that? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't think, I think he called her like pretty soon after giving a phone number. You, yeah, it doesn't take long. I guess it was like, I can give the number. Yeah, get number right away and you call it.

Please, you'd be surprised. It was blank. Man. I don't have many dating stories just because I haven't dated a lot of people. I think I, I, I, people are tired of me telling my dating stories. I have that thought. But the thing about you is that you have endless stories. It's because of endless dating stories.

Exactly. I have, I have another, I have a dating story. Or I don't, it's more not a dating story. God. Great story, Chris. So it's every story besides a dating story or I don't it's more not a dating story. God. Good. Great start Chris. So it's every story besides a dating story. Yeah, it's it's pretty much all my stories Barbara. And I was I was out and there was like this really cute girl and she was but the whole

night she was like talking to these two guys and I was like, ah, there's two guys like competing for this one girl. And I'm like, how am I going to throw my hat into the ring? And then I'm at some point, it kind of naturally kind of bump into them. And then I'm talking and I'm like, oh, I realize the two guys that were there, there are two gay guys with this girl. I'm like, oh, cool. This is like, this is like two. This changes everything.

I'm like, okay, cool. So I'm like talking with them, this is like, this is like two. This changes everything. I'm like, okay, cool. So I'm like talking with them and hanging out for them bit. And then, and then like, hey, we're gonna, I think we're gonna head out, they're leaving the bar. And I'm like, oh, well, we should meet up later or something. So I'm like, this is a cute girl, you know. And I end up like talking, like in my effort to like try and figure out how to meet up with them.

I ended up like just getting the number for one of the gay guys. And then I was like, and how did that happen? I don't know. I was like, we should hang out later. And I was like, and I was like, here, well, let me, you know, and I was like, how, like, where y'all, where are you going? Oh my god. And then, and then he was like, well like here, well let me you know, I was like how like we're y'all where you going? Oh my god, and then and then he was like well here

Let me give you my number and like meet up later. I'm like yeah for sure And I'm like so then I get his number and I'm like cool. All right. I'm gonna send you a text right now So then we meet and then in my head I'm like yeah cuz I'll meet up with them and I'll talk to the cute girl and then I and I'm walking away. I'm like oh wait That's not exactly what I was intending to do at all. Well, you couldn't have just met up with them later and the girl would have been with them? Well, I don't know, but we know because it ended up

that thing where it felt like I was having connection with this guy. Oh. When I was really trying to just like, it just, it went, it went, it did not go as plain because I was, it went exactly as plain. You're a bumbling idiot. There was one time that you and I were at Barbarilla,

like ages ago, and I remember we were both just kind of like sitting there having our drinks on the side of the dance floor, and we see this like really beautiful girl dancing with like a couple of guys. Guys, thank you. It wasn't, it was not Barbaro. And you're like, oh yeah, she's hot. I was like, yeah, yeah, she can go dance with her

or something like that. So I'm just kind of sitting there and then you start dancing with her. And the entire time you guys are dancing, I'm like, look over her now. They're like, what are you gonna do? Go Chris. Go Chris.

And she would look at me. And she would look at me while she's dancing with you. And I was like, huh? No, no. So then I'm like in the dance floor and then I'm and then you're just like gyrating like a drunk idiot and she's still looking at me and then eventually she walks her to me and I'm like hi I'm but where she starts kissing me? I'm like the love voice entire.

Oh no. She starts kissing me. Oh no. And then she pulls away and I was like, uh, yeah, so what was your name and she walks away? She just disappeared. You literally had to do nothing. No, he might eye contact with her.

That's something. No, that's very true. She was the one that got away. Holy shit. That was Chris's future wife. Yeah. And that's how I met your mother. That is.

All right, we're going to read one last thing. I have no good segue for this one. Dis-wanted. I know. I'm sorry, guys. What's it for? Squarespace. It sound like Chris, you're was a square in that space.

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Yeah? Yeah. I did a portfolio. When I was back in school for marketing, one of our assignments was to create an electronic resume in portfolio. So I used Squarespace to make a whole website about myself and put my resume up there. Electronic resume.

Electronic, we are living in the digital age. Oh, I was just gonna talk about songs. No, please go. They're just weird and I don't know how girls wear them. Because it's like a constant wedgie. We had to wear that for the Rocky Horror thing. Yeah, dancers belt or whatever it's like a constant wedgie. We had to wear that for the Rocky Horthy. Yeah, dancers bell dancer whatever it's called so Great I was at AFF this weekend and there was someone I bumped into in line and she was looking and she was like, oh, hey

You look really familiar. I'm like, yeah, you look really familiar too. And they realized she was on a short in which I was naked. Ha ha ha ha. Wait, what's wrong with that? Is it one that's released yet? No, it's nothing that we've released. Okay. I turned into porn.

Was it the one you just showed Blaine before this? Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, Chris conversation. I've never heard one. So sometimes whenever I do my laundry, I just grab it all up, put in the laundry basket, don't mess with any of the stuff, fold it, whatever. So one day I was like, interrushed to get to the gym, I'm underwear, I'm wearing my pants, I'm wearing my shirt, running the gym, and then like I was sitting down and it's just like, it's just like a wedgie and I just like kept picking and I was like, what the fuck is going on? I was like, did I shit my pants? Like there's something obviously up my ass. And I didn't know what it was.

Is that your first thought too when you feel something uncomfortable or you question if you shit yourself? Yeah, because it was like this weird feeling that was like something was just in my ass and I was like, oh I accidentally put on my dildo today. I think there's nothing there. And it was clean and everything's fine.

So then I like, I just like went the rest of the day and I like did my workout and then I like got home What fuck is going on? So I sit down and I'm going to the bathroom and I like and there's a thong in your I reach back. It's like when those dryer sheets And I was like I don't understand why like a girl would wear a subject yourself to that with like a Well, all right, all right. Well, there's a difference between my assholes. My assholes smell great. It smells so good. It smells so good.

It's summer breeze. Snuggles. Snuggles. No, let's just roll in it in my asshole. God. I don't know how to explain it, but you don't even feel it. Really? Yeah.

There's literally no other woman here. Oh, is Anna still here? Maybe not. Anna. I'm just. Oh, it's honest still here. Maybe not. A-na. I'm just, well, I kind of like part of you. I don't know if you two were thongs, any dudes? Thank you. Part of me wants to like, and suppose to like, yeah,

I'll walk a day in your shoes, and I'll see what it's like. But I don't want to wear a thong for a day, because that's weird. I will do it if you do it, and you do it. Well, the differences you guys have, a whole other bit in front. Well, you just swing that aside. I guess you get a size bigger or something if you want to.

I guess Dancer Bell is about the same. I feel like Dancer Bells aren't the same though because it's like a thick tube. Have you ever closed the door with an erection? Yeah. I've done things with my dick with an erection. I don't know if I've closed the door. It's great. I've opened doors with it. I've done

You're what you say Yeah, this thing where it's like it's it's like that scene from Jurassic Park with it It's just fun to have Sometimes just having a penis is just like you just you just got a little extra frame You're just like yo, let's just what's's fucking close this door. Proud of you. I read an article because I wanted to be better in bed. So it was like, buddies to make your, you know,

what? Could you wait? I need you to take a moment to imagine a world where somebody writes an educational sex article, but they don't want to use actual terminology. So like, take your, you know, and put it in her, you knowware. So one of the things that it recommended was putting a towel over and then doing kegels while you're direct. Doing it in

a push-ups and then I remember like putting it on and standing in the mirror and I was like, it's like a little ghost. I was just, I've done that. I put my little hand tell over my dick after I got a shower day. I think but I went There is I've never felt I haven't felt this close to you since you got blackout drunk and asked to hold my hand Oh, man good times. I once downloaded a Kingle app a Kingle app that was and it was like it would like remind you do your kiggle Is it like drinking water like reminded you like it's that time of day do your kiggles and that's I only I downloaded it and then I like undowload it for week a kiggle for a guy even feel like I mean it's just like stopping the flow I mean, we're all probably all doing them right now

There's a moment during sex ed glass where the teacher was saying it's just like stopping the flow. We're all probably all doing them right now. So, oh my god, I get it right now. There's a moment during sex ed class where the teacher was saying, it's like basically all you have to do is flex this muscle and then like, I was looking around and there's like a look of concentration on everyone's face. No one has ever concentrated that hard in class ever. And then I called out and I was like,

everyone's doing kiggles right now. And I was like, no, no. I'm doing them. So I was on, I was like waiting for a plane to take off and I was, and I was, I was flying with Zach Anner and I was like, and I was like, I was like on my phone and then like the kegel thing popped off and I'm like, I gotta do my kegels and I was telling Zach about this app. I was like, hey, you wanna do it again? That's like, no.

He was like, no. I don't. We're also on a plane and you're talking way too loud. What does that do for guys though? It makes you less longer. Does it? There's like some benefits to it. Cause I know for a minute, like, help strengthen the,

it's just like a vaginal floor. It's like a muscle I mean, I mean it makes it makes your orgasms more like yeah like a lot of benefits to it There's no there's yeah Yeah for women it makes be able to squeeze tighter. Yeah around the the penis the pen line, which is It's good. It's good. Good all around. You gotta work everybody in your muscle and your body. Everybody in your muscle. You gotta work everybody in your muscle.

I like to see you go to the gym and like, you're in the locker room. What? What? Hey, hey bro, can you spot me? There was this guy, this new dude that works at one of the gyms that I go to, I have a membership to two gyms now. And one of them is a ball-during gym though.

So it's, yeah, we've been going in. We go, yeah. Hold a bros? Hold a bros. So this guy, I remember, oh god, I can't remember what we were talking about. Oh, I was actually talking about the ball-during gym. I was like, yeah, and he's like, where have you been?

And I was like, oh, well, I'm split in time between two gyms now. I'm going to this one. And you know, you're a boulder. And I don't know if you're ever been climbing there. Like, it's great. It works for arms and stuff like that. It's like really good forearm strength. And it looked at him and he's like, give me this weird look. And it's like, I don't know if you're ever in climbing there. Like, it's great. It like works for arms and stuff like that. It's like really good for arm strength.

And it's like, give me this weird look. And he's like, the only exercise that I need to work my for arms is jerking off. And he's like, ha ha. I'll see you later. And he touched me with his hand. And I was like, ha ha ha ha. Did you know this guy at all? Uh, I'm not going to say his name.

I know his name, but like, I've interacted with him like, 10 minutes in my life. Okay. And he thinks that we're best friends. Jay. Again. It's A, his name is A. A, it's Aaron, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you know, I don't see much anymore, so. Oh, it makes sense. Jerk enough, right? Just kidding. Jerk enough. You're not. Ugh, ugh. That's what it felt like.

Ugh. It was like not cool. I'm sorry, man. That's rough. I don't want to hear about people jerking off. Drashy's in the ass. What it felt like. Ugh. It was like, not cool. I'm sorry, man. That's rough. I don't wanna hear about people drinking off. Drash eats in the ass. Yeah, I don't know how to explain it.

I used to think thongs were so weird as a kid, but then the reason why women have to wear thongs so much, or some of them do at least, is because women have tight pants. And if you wear underwear, you could see the line, and it kind of cuts your ass in half, and gives you that weird flat, bulgy thing, that you see sometimes. I get that. I get that. That's why it's just so one thing. I wear tighter

minz pants. That's why I either go athletic like where it's like really tight. Yeah, we've got no underwear at all. Wait, you wear no underwear with jeans. Sometimes. Oh, it's a worse. It's not bad. It might the quality of life did not change at all. What if you what if you get an erection? Uh, I'm not a middle schooler. So, well, no, but like, do you, I mean, jeans are so rough. Yeah, that's not bad. Wouldn't you, chief? I didn't notice anything about it. He has a very callous head. Yeah, my, my, my, my dick is hard. I mean, you're rubbing it on car windows all the time, yeah. I'm sure to get a little chase. My quality of life was unchanged,

which was like, I don't even know why we're on car. Quality of life, yeah. Odd wave. Go on, Camando is a woman is very weird. Yeah? Just doesn't, it just, it's very, parts give rubbed. Dude, have you ever been bossy enough to go commando while wearing a skirt?

Yes. Long skirt. Not short. I am, though. Yeah, that's, it's like not gonna fly up or anything. You're okay. It actually... You don't know, gust of wind. It feels quite nice. I'm sure it does. It's breezy.

I bet people wearing kilts all the time back in the day were like, this fucking rude. It's just nice, like the wind's flowing up all crevices like flapping I was gonna date with a girl Go on Who is going commando in a skirt on on her first date? How did you know did did you did she tell you or did you ask her or did you see something? I'm not gonna get it specifics. Why not? You're not revealing this for the lady. How did you find out? How did you find out?

Were you fingering her? Whoa, Barbara. You're being too bold with your approach. You're going to scare him off. He's very skittish. What happened, Chris? Tell me as your friend. No, I was.

You know what I'm saying. Well, we were hanging out or something. And there was a moment where she adjusted or something. And I was like, man, is she not wearing underwear? I hit my head where it's like, she's not wearing underwear? Hit your head, huh? Yeah.

And then later she mentioned she was like, oh, I'm not wearing underwear, I, and I was like, Did you marry her on the spot? No, no, John Reising wasn't around at the time. But, you were the way, all right, Chris, I know you. The way that you just fucking stumbled through that story, that is not at all how it went down. You fucking liar. I'm calling you out. You guys hooked up and that's how you found out.

There's her adjusting and stuff like that. She at some point opened up her legs and did the whole, what is it, what's the sudden impact or what's the movie where she lethal, what's the movie called lethal weapon? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, basic in the basic in sync where she went like this. That's what happened. That's what happened. Chris, no. That's the least believable denial I've ever heard. Did you guys hook up that? Chris, where are your friends? Just tell us. What did you want to tell us? No Did you guys hook up that Chris?

Anything this is a very recent date. No, was this the crazy girl that you're Sorry, I mean one Not that one. What is that one? Can you tell us about that one? No, I don't know again. You don't want to? This is just people just like, just, yeah. That's fine. I'm taking off all my podcast stories tonight. This is great.

Like, like, crazy people, I, go on. I briefly dated a crazy girl. I've dated several crazy girls, but this one, this one takes the cake. This was one that she was one of the reasons I stopped using Tinder. Oh, no. So, you know, after Erin and I separated one of our separate ways,

I went through a little phase, I was like, I'm gonna try this Tinder thing. Tinder's great for your self-confidence, by the way, because every single time you get a match, you go, that person thinks I'm pretty. Yeah, yeah. It's great. For our school, I mean, I did meet a bunch of legitimately very cool people on dinner

Except for this person. Let's call her Bell we'll call her Bell the bell of the ball you to be crazy Bell Bell Star off great our poor was fun. I, I love being able to have like little witty text conversations with people. I fucking love flirt text. I'm a huge flirt. Yeah. Um, it's fun. She's great. First date, hit it off. And I'll never forget. I've never felt more bold in my life. I'd never once tried this. Like, I hadn't been on that many 10-a-dates. But like, I just felt right. It felt like it

was a great first date. I'll never forget like, I haven't been on that many 10 or days but like I just felt right it felt like it was a great first date I'll never forget like having a drink and I was like hey you want to get out of here she's like I would love that I was like oh my god it's happening what do I do like a movie and you know go back to my place great awesome times great thanks yes great time. Thank you, both. I just say it. So, you didn't need to clarify. They f***ed. Intercourse. So, one on another date.

And one of the very important things. Children. One of the very important things about that first date was, I stood like, it got to the point where I was like, you know, we're having a good time. And I wanted to make my intentions clear. I said, hey, you know, I wanted to make my intentions clear. I said hey, you know, I Just got out of a very serious thing

Not quite ready for another various serious thing But you seem cool. You know if you're down with this, you know, just maybe some casual fun That's cool. And if not that's totally fine. Like not everybody's about that. I'm not asking to be about that Like just I just want you to know like I think this is even before the first thing like we were having this talk and she's like Totally fine. This is the same story for me. I'm like cool. Everything goes well This goes on like maybe like another week or two. I'm like every now and then we'll like hang out things are great And then one night she was like it's Friday night you me fucking Fuck party 2015 or whatever year was and I was like

Okay, she's super aggressive. It was something similar to that. It was she's titled it something to which I went, I would love to take part in that. And we're like, okay, cool. And I remember we were gonna make a fun night, we were gonna have like PJs, we were gonna watch some movies too, we got some drinks.

Cause it was literally like, dude, let's hang out all night. Okay, we're gonna make an event out of it. Okay, that's cute. And I was like, dude, let's hang out all night. It'll be, we're gonna make an event out of it. Okay, that's cute. And I was like, cool, yeah, awesome. Yeah, no, she was super cool. She's like, let's get some fucking bagel bites. I was like, fuck yeah, let's get some bagel bites.

Love always makes me. So we have a really good time. So I got my apartment, we were making out. And so, let me back up just a second there are a few times prior to this or like a few slightly weird things that happened Little red flags look. I call them yellow cards I don't even like just yellow cards But like she kept talking about her friend Ryan how like Ryan like she's no Ryan for years He's so great like a brother to her and I'm like that's cool Ryan seems like a cool dude

I don't want to get between you and Ryan Ryan sounds great She can't count about his Ryan dude. And then every now and then she'd be like, I like you. I'd be like, yeah, I like you too, you're cool. But like she said it a lot. And I was like, hmm. Like as the shoe was reshuring herself.

I don't know. But it's something about the way she said it. I went, hmm. Gave her those Clint Eastwood Donald Trump like, hmm. The lip eyes. So we're making out in my kitchen, and she pulls back, she says, I really like you. And I was like, yeah, no, I like you too.

This is one other important thing. She had mentioned that she was about to move. So like there's, this. Like cities are a part of it. City, city, city. She's about to move to like Santa Antonio, which albeit isn't that far away, but it's another city.

So she was like, yeah, no, this whole casual thing totally found him about to move to like San Antonio, which albeit isn't that far away, but it's another city. So she was like, yeah, no, this whole casual thing totally found them about to move. I'm like, great, cool, cool. She's like, I like you a lot. I'm like, cool, yeah. She's, maybe we could continue this thing when I moved to San Antonio. And I went, maybe.

And then she stopped smiling. And she went, maybe. I said, well, I'm sorry, I just wanna make, like we're still, this is just a casual thing, right? And she goes, oh yeah, it's super casual. Oh, that was the first red flag. I went, and then before I could say anything, she was like, anyway, she goes,

anyways, where were we? And suddenly she's like, back on to Perky Sexy. And I was like, yeah, that's right. And I was like, okay, and I'll never forget, in that moment, I thought back to something that both you and Bernie told me. Both you gave me advice when I re-entered the dating scene, which was Miles.

Here's how you need to tell if a girl's crazy. If she says some sort of weird out there hilarious joke, you need to laugh and go, you're crazy. And if she responds with, no, I'm not, she's fucking crazy. Yeah, yeah, Bernie notice him. And I thought about that moment and I was like, she really not.

So she's like, so where were we? And I was dumb and a little intoxicated and was like, we were making out. That's where we were. Things are great. She like changes into PJs afterwards where I like put the bagel bites in the oven, pull them out, everything's great. And then I notice she's being a little quiet

and I say, hey, is everything cool? She said in my couch and she turns to me and she says, you're a selfish dickhead. And I was like, whoa, excuse me? Well, I mean, you are, but I was like, this, I like, it came out of nowhere. I was like, excuse me? She's like, you're so full of yourself.

I was like, what, what? As I'm holding like a trade of fucking, just bigger, I got like, I got like, I got like, I said down the bagel and I was like, what did I do? She says, oh nothing. But I mean, this is just casual, right?

I was like, I, um, and I remember I was like super awkward because I like admittedly, I'd, I've never done casual, right? Like it's so hard. It's like, it's like, I'd never, I'd always, I'd gone from like relationship to relationship to relationship.

So this was new territory to me. So I'm already like, all right, so how did I fuck this up? What did I do? What did I do wrong? And she goes, I'm like, what did I, what did I do to make you think that? And her response is, I'm a communications major. Like I can just read your body language.

I was like, what? What did you say when you slapped her after that? I did not, I did not do that. And I went, oh, and then there was- Just kidding. This is not fun. So I was like, I don't, I'm, I, I, I look, all I could think to say was I'm sorry you feel that way.

Clearly, I did something wrong. Um, I guess you should probably go. And she was like, yeah, I guess so. And she like got up and fucking like smack the fucking bagel bites like on the floor. I'm like, she did not. No, she did. I remember cause I had to fucking clean pieces.

Not the big one. And I remember being like, and in that moment my brain went, you drove her here. Oh, fuck. So I go, uh, you gotta go. She says, yeah, I, uh, I'm just gonna call an Uber. Thus began the longest 10 minute wait of my entire life. She just wait outside your apartment.

Because I don't know I'm an idiot. Like any sane person would have been like, you can fucking wait on the curb. But I was standing there with my fucking like bites all over the floor Like you should have cleaning them up. No, no, no, no I remember I just putting him in your mouth at this point in time. He waited till after she was about to At this point in time Miles of that moment decided to go

Let's just do a whole post mortem on this thing and find out what went wrong So I lean I go okay, can you please explain to me what has happened? She goes, oh, what has happened? We would never work. Like I thought this was a casual thing. And again, she goes back to casual. She's like, we both been drinking a bit. And she's like, she's like, please, Fucking, you wouldn't make fucking bagel bites

for some of your just casual with. And I remember thinking like, I would make bagel bites for anybody because bagel bites are fucking delicious. Thank you very much. I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't know if I'm giving off date vibes. I don't know, I'm sorry.

I'm new to this. Like, what the fuck? She turns away and she's like, love is bullshit. She goes, she goes, bullshit My dad cheated on my mom and they're still together and they hate each other and I'm just like Where is this coming from like I don't know what to say inside inside? I'm thinking where is this coming from but I'm awkward as fuck and just like okay And she goes but I love Ryan What at this point my couch might as well be a fucking therapy session. It's like I love Ryan

We've always loved each other. We're gonna be together and I'm like, but you just said love doesn't exist I don't know what the fuck she's going on. I don't know what to do with you. There's big bites on my floor Like and it was it's just it's just getting worse and she just starts venting about shit that like I Feel like she's been repressing her entire life and then finally goes my ride's here I feel like she's been repressing her entire life. And then finally she goes, my ride's here, Sia. And she leaves. And I'm just like, that was the worst, that was the most uncomfortable I felt in years.

Oh my God, fucking clean up my bites. I remember like the few that she hadn't knocked off. I ate. And I was just like, that was, I like, I text a carer's like, dude, the craziest fucking thing just happened. I like talked about it and, you know, whatever. The next day,

Oh shit. That morning I woke up to a text and it was, hey, I left my pants at your place. Fuck. They're like my favorite pants. Burn them. I know things got a little heated last night and I'm sorry. But can I please give this pants back?

She was talking about heated, burnt the pants. I was like, because again, I'm dumb. I was like she should have been like she knew she knew where I work too So like she like she worked in a very similar area. So I was like Sure come by I'll meet you outside the gate. I'll give you your fucking pants. She's like a cool things So I'll like pack up the pants I go to work and she's like yell. I'm here. I walk on my meter like hey I give you the pants. I turn to walk away. And she says, hey, and I turn around, she says,

I feel like I owe you an apology. I got a little weird last night. I'm like, it's fine, whatever, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, if I'm ever in San Antonio, give me a car. And she drove away, and I immediately took out my phone, pull out her number and relabeled her crazy bell. So I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever respond

to that number if she ever calls or texts me ever again. And that is the craziest person I have ever dated. Or like not even dated, it was just like, but that it was casual. It was casual. It was casual. Oh, super. It was like, man, I've, was like, man, that was a nightmare.

That was a nightmare moment that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I feel like you, the storyteller in you, wanted to drag out some of those situations because you're just like, I don't know, see where this goes. I just wanted to know, because like I said, I was like, I hadn't done the whole casual dating thing. So I was legitimately like, this cannot get any worse

unless she picks up that knife that I'm not letting her near. Like this can't get worse, let's do some fucking investigative journalism here and see what fucked up. Yeah. And yeah, I don't know. Somebody, I think I can't remember who was telling about this, but they were like, their whole view on it,

it was maybe she wanted something more, and then when I called her out, that it was just a casual thing, she got embarrassed and kind of weird about, I don't know, I don't know. I wish her the best. I hope called her out that it was just a casual thing she got in barris and then kind of weird about I don't know I don't know I wish her the best I hope that her and Ryan are very happy together I hope Ryan is still a lot I think you owe the audience a text to Bell fuck you absolutely I'm not doing a bad thing I'm in San Antonio want to get some big a nice no that's I'm in San Antonio. Want to get some big lights? Nope. That's, I'm never talking to her again.

Well, I'm not. We got a round. She texted me once. No, she, hold on. You, you do your thing. We got to wrap things up soon, because we got the, the Tri-Hard podcast that starts now. What's the Tri-Hard?

We can, we can show this. Let's keep them on a cliffhanger, that way they have to come around. We can talk about it in the post show. Yeah, we'll talk about the post show. So, if you're watching this, you want to see what happens. Sign up for first membership. You could get a free 30-day trial. So, yeah, watch the post-show. So if you're watching this and you want to see what happens, sign up for a first membership. You could get a free 30-day trial. So yeah, watch the TriHard podcast.

It's the ScrewTag Game Attack, but guys, new podcast. Up! And I'm gonna see if I can get Miles to text her tonight. I'm not texting her. I'm not. You will free post-show. All right, well, thanks for watching. We'll see you on the post-show.

It's not Stream Live, so check that out on Wednesday if you're a first member. Love you guys. Bye. This is like the post-show. It's not stream live. So check that out on Wednesday if you're a first member. Love you guys Do you like apples? Alright, example. Together in trepid hosts, Characombs are free of Diaz of nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster teeth's cryptic podcast, f*** face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short. Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts.

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