rSlash - r/AITA for Sending My Brother to Jail?

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:06 Family mess 3:38 Fired 6:34 You go to jail 9:21 Birthday party 12:40 Crazy mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole where a mother ruins her family by adopting a boy? Am I the butthole for telling my sister that it's her own fault her family is a mess because she wanted to adopt? My sister Lucy, who's 38, has always wanted a big family. She and her husband Tom had their son Logan, who's currently 9, but due to complications Lucy couldn't have any more kids. Lucy was devastated. About three years ago, she and Tom decided to adopt. Tom never outright said that he didn't want to go through with it, but it was clear that he didn't care one way or the other and just wanted Lucy happy.

Logan said that he did not want a sibling. Lucy brushed over all these concerns with the, they'll get on board eventually attitude. Long story short, they were eventually matched with this boy, Jack, who's now 11. Lucy is said that they all bonded, but Jack had behavioral issues. Whenever I saw them, I picked up on the fact that over time, Tom seemed to be getting less and less keen on the idea. And many times, when it was just the adults talking, Tom commented on his worry that Jack had latent issues because of his traumatic past. Lucy adored Jack and ignored these concerns.

I brought up Tom's hesitation to Lucy, but Lucy said that it was just taking longer for him to bond. They officially adopted Jack about a year ago, and since then, things have fallen apart. Jack's behavior has either gotten a lot worse or Lucy wasn't speaking about it as much before, but it's clear that Tom is at his wit's end. According to Lucy, he works late constantly and whenever Jack has a tantrum, he helps Lucy calm him down, and then he takes Logan and leaves the house. Logan now hates Jack and won't play with him which causes more issues and he started to act out.

Logan spent his last school holiday with my family and is set to spend Christmas with us again because even the family therapist says it's good for him to have space. Having seen this all unfold has been heartbreaking. Tom and Logan look more miserable every time I see them and though Lucy would never admit it, she does too. Whenever I speak to her, she talks about how hard it is, but she always blames Tom and Logan. She has never taken any accountability for the fact that she didn't listen to anyone's

concerns. She called me a couple of days ago to discuss plans for Christmas, and when Tom would be dropping Logan off at my house. She started ranting again about how Tom has basically shut down at home and how she thinks that he's going to leave. She was calling him every name in the book and then started saying that she was disappointed that Logan doesn't love Jack and she can't believe that she raised a bully. I lost it.

I told her the real bully was her. She bullied her family into adoption as a form of wish fulfillment, and Tom shouldn't have indulged her, but most of the blame falls on her for destroying her own family. She screamed and cried and called me evil and hung up. My parents are now saying that I was the butthole for telling her that, even though we all think it. But I think that she needed to hear it, and stop blaming her own child for being unhappy living in the chaos that she created. Man, that's wild. This is crazy. Blaming a 9-year-old kid for being a bully is ridiculous.

Lady, if you're kids a bully, then it's your fault that your kids a bully. Now, to be clear, I don't think Logan is a bully at all. I think he's just suffering because of a chaotic environment. Clearly, Lucy is a type of person who can't take accountability for her mistakes and just blames everything on everyone else. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your sister 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for canceling my best friend's bachelor at party after she fired me as a bridesmaid, I'm a full-time student, so I'm currently living off student loans in what little hours I can work outside of school. I've spent around $1,000 on my best friend's wedding so far, $350 for a bridesmaid's dress,

$350 on the flight home to attend the wedding, and about $100 on the gift that I sent for her bridal shower. The maid of honor is currently very pregnant and having a rough time. She asked me to plan the bachelor at party. I agreed. I planned it perfectly, and it had a surprise. I messaged the other girls the plan. When they all agreed, I went ahead and booked my idea.

I spent $400 on a limo to go bar hopping, this bride loves bar hopping, and another $700 on an Airbnb to crash at afterwards. This is on top of the one cave that I already spent. As of right now, the other bridesmaids haven't shipped in. This money came out of my own pocket, but they said that they would pay me back later. I've had a month later, me and two other girls got kicked from the bridal party group chat, along with a paragraph from the brides saying that we were no longer invited because we weren't honoring her wishes.

When asked, she didn't answer what she meant or what we had done wrong. Two days pass and she adds us back to the chat and apologizes saying that she's just stressed. We all talk about it and made up. Yesterday, the same thing happened, except this time I was the only one removed, along with the paragraph going off on me, telling me that I'm not respecting her or her wishes, that she wishes she never invited me or asked me to be a bridesmaid. When asked what happened or what I did wrong, again, radio silence. Today, she messages me apologizing, saying that she's sorry for

lashing out and that she liked me to be there, but not as a bridesmaid because that would make her uncomfortable, and that I'm not allowed to wear the dress that I already bought because it's a bridesmaid's dress. I told her I respectfully declined because I couldn't afford another dress because I already spent too much on this wedding, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable on her big day. She then lashed out at me, telling me that I should take more money out of my student loans to buy a second dress. So, with that, I canceled the Airbnb and the limo. I told the other bridesmaids what had happened, and they agreed that it was fair. One of them must have told the bride about the secret bachelorette party because the bride

messaged me telling me that I'm a butthole and that I've ruined her entire wedding because she now doesn't have time to book a new Bachelorette party. Nor does she or any of the other bridesmaids have the money or savings to book anything. I also managed to get a refund for my flight, so really, I'm only out about 400 bucks for a wedding that I'm no longer invited to. So am I the butthole for cancelling the party and getting the money back? OP, not the butthole. This is basically the same thing as your boss firing you, and then your boss calls you on the weekend expecting you to come in and work for free, you know,

because you're fired. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving the bride here two out of five buttholes. Am I the the bride here 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my brother I guess she'll go to jail? I'm 32 and my brother Tim, who's 24, has been trying to go to film school. In July, I got a flag on my credit report that someone tried to co-sign my name on a private student loan. I found out that my brother somehow got my information from my mom thinking that I wouldn't notice. Tim is on the spectrum. He doesn't have great judgment.

My wife was pissed because we're living with my in-laws on the other side of the country saving up money for a home once the interest rates drop. I've been keeping my credit flawless. So I did the thing that you're supposed to do, report it for fraud. I told my mom and she doesn't say much. I found out that my brother couldn't get alone, and he found some paperwork about my parents' will that had my social security number on it. He couldn't get alone without a cosigner and put me down. It took months for all this information to come out, so my wife and in-laws are pressuring me to file charges on Tim.

I told my mom that what Tim did was wrong and illegal. My mom started crying and handed the phone to Tim and I explained to him about what he did and that he needs a lawyer. Again, Tim is autistic, so he started panicking about what would happen to him and I said, I guess you'll go to jail. Since then Tim went into a bad state and his meltdown caused him to be on psychiatric halt. He's in bad shape and my family blames me because he keeps saying that he's going to jail. I don't know if he would actually go to jail for what he did, but after what I told him, he's regressed badly and he's been in a panic for weeks and is not getting any better. My parents did get him a

lawyer to try to calm him down, but he's back in the hospital again for another stay. Down in the comments, Montana Wild Wymons says, not the butthole. Identity theft and fraud are serious crimes. Has he ever been held accountable for his actions and OP replies? Not really, my mom always covers for him saying that he's autistic. He knows right from wrong because he always acts like this when he gets caught doing something bad. Okay, OP, it sounds like the problem here isn't that your brother is autistic, it sounds like the problem is that your brother is just a jerk, that he steals from his loved ones

and then emotionally manipulates the people around him to get away with it. I mean, maybe he really doesn't know what he's doing is wrong but I kind of have to take OP's word here at face value where if he says that he does know right from wrong then I mean he knows the brother better than I do. OP I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your brother 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my daughter that either everybody comes to her birthday party or no one comes at all? My daughter is 11 going on 12 and her birthday is coming up in a few weeks. For her birthday, she wants to go swimming, so we rented the local community center that has a pool and a giant activity room where we'll have lots of treats and stuff. We asked her to make a

list of invitees so we can get everyone coordinated. She asked if she could just invite her whole class of 20 or so kids. It's a big activity center with lots of room so we said that was fine. So she goes to the kitchen and about 10 minutes later she comes back with her classmate's directory. Her school puts together a small binder that lists the names of the students by each class, the names of the parents, and a phone number or an email address. She hands the list to me, and I quickly noticed that three names have been crossed out. I asked why, and she said those are the ones that she doesn't want to invite. I started asking her other questions, like if they had an argument, or if they were mean, bullies, etc. And she maintained that, no, she just thought they were strange and didn't really like them. I told her that she can't just invite the whole class with three exceptions.

She just kinda looked at me and said that it's her birthday. I explained that this could be hurtful to them and that if she was so staunchly against the matending, then it would be better to have a smaller party and invite just a handful of her closest friends. She said that she doesn't want a small party, she wanted a big party, and I told her that everyone in the class is getting an invitation. She said no, they aren't, and I told her okay, then no one is, and she ran out of the room crying. Ever since then, she started crying and running away whenever she sees me, and I'm starting to feel guilty. My wife is frustrated with me and says that she gets where I'm coming from, but it is my daughter's birthday and she should only have the people there

that she wants. I tried to explain that I don't want our daughter to be the reason that these three kids have a bad time in school. I can't in good conscience let her exclude other kids like this. Am I the butthole here? My wife says that all we need to worry about is our daughter having a fun birthday, and I'm already ruining it for picking a fight over something no one will remember years down the road, but I don't agree at all. If they were bullies, that would be one thing, but they aren't, so to me it's cruelty, and cruelty sticks with people. Man, this one's tough. I mean, on the one hand, it's her birthday, so anyone should be able to invite whoever they want, or not invite

whoever they want to their own birthday party. But at the same time, it is kind of like bullying by exclusions, so it's not really right for your daughter to have a birthday that sort of inadvertently bullies these three other kids in class. So man, I kind of feel like either way has its justifications. Oh man, I think I'm gonna land on saying that OP is not the butthole for feeling this way, but he would be the butthole

if he cancels his daughter's birthday just because she's not close with three people in her class. I don't know, this is a tough one to be honest. What do you guys think in the comments? I think I'm leaning towards, it's her birthday, right? She can invite whoever she wants and if she doesn't like three kids and she doesn't like three kids, I think that's okay.

Am I the butthole for telling my mother that she made her bid, so now she has to lay in it because she's upset that our relationship has changed. Two years ago, my mother started dating a man. Despite expressing our reluctance to meet him because she was serial dating, we didn't want to get to attached. They forced a situation, making me and my sister's uncomfortable. Shortly after, he began staying over regularly. My mother's personality changed significantly after meeting him. Like, he would make disgusting

comments about my mother in front of us, and she would just laugh. About a year ago, they came home from a date, and I, being busy with the timed online university assignment, just shouted hello from my desk. 20 minutes later, with not a word to me or my sister, I heard the outside gate slam and them leaving just as I finished my assignment. I went out to check what was happening, but they were already gone. 10 minutes after they left, me and my sister received

a horrible voice message where my mother accused us of being disrespectful and ungrateful and how we don't want her to be happy. She also accused us of not disrespectful and ungrateful, and how we don't want her to be happy. She also accused us of not greeting either of them when they came inside, even though we both did. She left us for a week and a half, leaving us with four days worth of food in the freezer, and no money for electricity, or any way to get my sister to school during this week, and also no return date.

She wanted us to apologize for being brats and not greeting them before she would consider coming back. When we finally talked, she insisted that we were being disrespectful for not dropping everything and meeting them at the front door to greet them when they came back, and also that neither of us greeted them in any form, which isn't true. Mind you, this subject has never been broached previous to this incident, and in all the years, my mother never required us to greet her at the door

like a butler. The power was running low as well as the food, so we bit the bullet and apologize, even though we clearly weren't guilty of what she was accusing us of. My sister was still in high school, and I was a first year university student, so neither of us had the financial capacity to keep a household running.

During this talk, I told my mom that our relationship would never be the same. Recently, my mother started questioning why our relationship remains distant. I reminded her that I'd warned her about the lasting impact of our last arguments. Our trust in her as a reliable parent was shattered. And I couldn't simply forget the two weeks she abandoned us based on false accusations. She urged me to move on, but I emphasized that she created this distance between us. And I couldn't force a connection that no longer existed. Now she's calling me a butthole for holding this over her head.

She says that she's still my mother and deserves forgiveness, but despite her being my mother, I believe the trust has been irreparably damaged. She's given me no indication that she's changed. So am I the butthole for what I said? Man, it is unbelievably ironic that she expects you to just move on and forgive her. When meanwhile, she abandoned you and your sister for two weeks. She clearly wasn't willing to let that go. Also, OP, you said your mom expected you to greet you at the front door like a puttler.

I'm thinking more like a dog. Like, what does she expect? She walks in the front door and you and your sister come scrambling to the house. Mommy, mommy, you're back! Hooray! We missed you so much! Wagging tail, wagging tail. Like, is that what she actually wants?

Opie, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mom three out of five buttholes. That was our slash of my The Butthole. And if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.