rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole For Telling My Sister To Stop Dating My Father?
Episode Date: February 12, 2021r/AmITheA**hole OP is the product of her mother having an affair, which the mother kept secret from the family. As a result, OP grew up without her father in her life, but she did know the identity of... her biological father. However, OP and her mom were the only people in the family who knew about the affair. One day, OP is shocked to learn that her older half-sister is dating a new guy... who turns out to be OP's biological father! OP wants to warn her sister, but doing so would reveal the family secret about the affair! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome to R-slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit.
Today's subreddit is R-slash Amai the Butthole, where OP finds out that her sister is dating her biological father.
Amai the Butthole for telling my sister that she was dating my biological father?
So my life turned into a soap opera recently and I could use some outside opinions here.
I'm a 24 year old girl and I'm the product of my mom having an affair.
Fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me and I had a pretty good upbringing.
But I don't really look like a lot of the rest of my family.
I'm the only redhead among other things.
And I did ask questions about it when growing up.
When I was 17, my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my biological father.
She said that she felt that I was old enough to know the truth and explained about her
affair while also making me promise that I wouldn't tell my older sister who's 27, and hammering home that my biological father would never be a part of my life and didn't
want me.
It was a lot, I won't lie, but I learned to suck it up and move on with my life.
Fast forward to the present.
My big sister has always gravitated towards older men, and two months ago she shared a
picture of herself and her new boyfriend. Who, to my shock,
turned out to be my biological father. I debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately
decided that she needed the truth, and I told her. My sister did not take it well and dumped him,
but she wasn't angry with me. Honestly, she's kind of amused, and she says that since she banged
my dad, she's my mom now, and she has extra power to boss me around. My mom, on the other hand, is furious. She says that I devolved something that
wasn't my secret to share and that I had no business telling anyone. That since my biological
father isn't related to my sister, it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they
were talking marriage anyways. It's been two months and my mom is still angry, snide,
calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments
about how I can't be trusted with anything private
or important so but where?
At the time I thought I was doing the right thing,
but I've never seen my mom this angry before.
And she sustained that anger for a solid two months,
so I'm starting to worry.
Did I actually do something really awful here, am I the butthole?
OP, your mom says that wasn't your secret to share, but she is dead wrong.
It literally is your secret to share.
She's the one who screwed up and cheated, not you.
You have an absolute right to acknowledge who your father is.
I mean, you just do.
There's like no other way to argue it.
You have a right to say, hey, that guy's my dad.
Your mom is just pissed off because she's the one who did something wrong
and she managed to keep it a secret her whole life.
Now that her dirty secret is out in the open,
she's embarrassed and ashamed and she's taking it out on you.
Also, the fact that she would allow this to go on between her own daughter
and the father of her other daughter is really messed up.
OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes, your mother, who's super toxic in this story,
gets 4 out of 5 buttholes.
I mean, honestly, how is she calling you the traitor when she's the one who betrayed
her marriage?
Am I the butthole for not rehiringiring the nanny that we fired over a misunderstanding?
I'm a 38 year old woman and I have a 17 year old daughter from a previous marriage and a six year old
daughter from my current marriage. My husband and I both work so we employ a nanny. This nanny also
takes care of my 11 year old nephew who comes over a lot with my brothers at work. A couple of days
ago my meeting for the afternoon was rescheduled so I decided to go home at 4.30 instead of my usual 6.30.
The nanny was supposed to bring my daughter home for a snack before dropping her off at
dance.
I walk in, and I'm surprised to find that the nanny isn't back yet.
I go to the kitchen, and I find a can of smear-noth poking out of the trash can.
All the alcohol in my house is in a wine cellar, and my husband and I don't buy smear-noth.
I was furious, because nobody in the house had any business drinking.
When we hired the nanny, she was told that drinking on the job was strictly banned.
I went into my 17 year old daughter's room where she was lounging on her bed and held
up the can.
I asked if this was hers.
My daughters were up and down that it wasn't hers.
She looked me in the eyes and said that she heard a can being cracked open by the nanny and that she saw the nanny drinking something in a can as she
passed by the kitchen. I called the nanny and she said she was on her way home and there
was traffic. She comes in and asks her about the can. She said it wasn't hers but she
kept not meeting my eyes. The nanny admitted to drinking from a can but she just boasted
of it elsewhere and it wasn't alcohol. I decided to believe my daughter, and I told the nanny that we were going to have to let her go.
After the whole debacle, I called my brother to tell him that somebody else would be caring
for his son when he came over next. A few hours later, my brother calls to say that his
son claims that milder daughter told him that she got an alcohol from friends and she
disposed of it before we got home. My younger daughter came up to me after dinner and said that she found the same cans under
her older sister's bed.
I confronted my older daughter and she finally admitted that she lied.
My older daughter apologized and said that she learned her lesson.
My brother and his son really wants the same nanny as before and my younger daughter
asked of this means the nanny can come back.
My older daughter said it would be humiliating to have to admit fault to the nanny and said I can't be so cruel as to make her see
this nanny again every day. She asked if this means that she has to grovel in front of the nanny.
I told her that while we're disappointed we don't want to put her through this and hopefully we
can find just as good of a nanny. I told my brother and younger daughter that it would be best if we
don't reach out to the nanny in any way, and that it would be rather humiliating
to make my daughter apologize given the situation and potential for awkwardness. My younger
daughter cried and said that she loved the nanny more than her sister. Him, I the butthole?
Alright OP, I'm gonna do my best to communicate with you, but I don't think it's gonna
work because to be honest, based on this pose, I don't think you're a very good person.
Your daughter lied.
She's the person who did something wrong here.
She deserves to be embarrassed.
She owes your nanny an apology.
She deserves to be punished.
So instead of punishing the one person who actually did something wrong,
you're instead punishing, what, three other people, your younger daughter, your nephew,
and the nanny. If my daughter did that, I would drive her to the nanny's house and force
my daughter to apologize to that nanny. Your daughter literally caused someone to lose
their livelihood just so she wouldn't get in trouble for one can of alcohol, that is incredibly selfish behavior and OP you
are absolutely enabling that behavior.
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Am I the butthole for not rehiring the nanny that we fired over a misunderstanding?
It wasn't a misunderstanding, it was a lie, a misunderstanding implies that no one was
at fault, when this story makes it perfectly crystal clear that your older daughter is at
fault.
OP, between you coddling your daughter, not caring about the plight of a working class
woman and having enough money for both a nanny and a wine cellar.
I kinda have the suspicion that you're an out of touch rich bitch.
Am I the butthole for kicking my friend out of my house after what she did?
I'm a 36 year old man and my wife passed away two years ago.
I have an 11 year old son named Sean.
I'm doing okay with money.
I have a stable income and support system.
I have a friend named Kate, we've known each other since we were kids.
She's like a sister to me, although she tends to boss me around.
She introduced me to her female friends hoping that I'll settle down again.
I told her that I have other priorities, and I'm required to focus on Sean and his health.
He has diabetes.
Kate thinks there's something wrong with me, but not everyone's circumstances are the
same.
I started noticing a pattern in her behavior after she introduced me to her friend of hers.
She told me to leave Sean at home when we hang out and meet her friends.
She told me to take down any pictures that have my son and wife in it because ladies
would assume that I'm a single dad or still married and that would limit my chances
in dating.
I told her to knock it off.
And she said that she was looking out for my social life, saying that I'm ruining it and exhausting myself. I stopped talking to her for days, then I decided
to let it go. She's been insisting on bringing her friends to visit me with her other friends.
I agreed to have them over as guests. Kate suggested I take Sean to stay with her relatives since
it'll be an adult dinner, but I refused. Sean is comfortable in his home and he didn't want to go.
Kate arrived at my place before her friends arrived. I checked on Sean and told him to tell me
if he needed anything before he went to sleep. A little after midnight, I was sitting and just
starting to chat with Kate's friend while Kate kept blinking at me with a smirk on her face.
I got a text message from Sean telling me he wanted to use the bathroom, but the door handle
was stuck and he couldn't open the door. I went upstairs to check and Kate followed me. I found that the door was actually locked.
I was confused and I asked Sean and he said he didn't lock it. I started looking for
the key and that's when Kate quietly handed me the key saying that she took it. I was stunned.
I opened the door for Sean, then I asked Kate why she locked the door and she said that
she lied to her friend about me not having kids, and she didn't want her to see Sean.
She said it was no big deal since he was sleeping, but I was furious.
I started yelling at her, and she just kept shushing me.
Everyone started leaving after I yelled at Kate and cussed her out for doing this.
She blew up after her friends left, and said that I was an idiot because most people don't
mention kids until after months in dedating, and that I didn't deserve her help to move
on when she thought that I was a decent sane person.
I called her stupid and told her to get out of my house.
She told me to wallow in my misery and left.
Then her friends kept blaming me for making a scene and treating Kate like that, especially
since she cooked dinner and helped a lot.
OP, in addition to Kate way overstepping her boundaries here, what she did was extremely
unsafe.
What if there had been a fire and you couldn't open the door because you didn't have
the key?
Also, what kind of person doesn't tell someone they're dating that they have a kid until
months into the relationship?
That feels like a date 1, 2, or 3 conversation.
Topps. OP, your friend is sending up some major red flags, so I think you're definitely in the right That feels like a date 1, 2, or 3 conversation, tops.
OP, your friend is sending up some major red flags, so I think you're definitely in
the right here.
OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes.
Kate gets 4 out of 5 buttholes.
Am I the butthole for going off on a mother in the toy store?
I'm a 28 year old guy who's my brother's caretaker.
He's 21, but he is the mental age of about 7 or 8. When I was 18, our parents decided to tell us to screw off, so when my brother's caretaker. He's 21, but he is the mental age of about 7 or 8.
When I was 18, our parents decided to tell us to screw off, so when my brother, let's
call him Bill, turned 18, I grabbed him and rolled him to get his GED since he didn't
finish high school and to take care of him. His chores are to clean his room, help with laundry,
and set the table for supper. I get paid by this date, and you better believe I make sure
his needs are met. He's my little bud.
At the end of the month, for each day he does his chores, he gets a sticker, and at the
end of the month that sticker gets counted as $5, and he uses the money for whatever he
wants.
Toys, special snacks, etc. He loves this. He's been so good lately with chores that I took
him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. My brother is big. Not fat, just tall and actually
big-boned. He gets really excited and stems by flapping his hands. You do you little dude.
At the toy store, he announced that he wants a Barbie. Cool, no judgment. So we gotta look at the
Barbies. He's stemming and rambling about what he wanted, and meanwhile a lady and a little girl
came to the aisle. Not even two minutes past and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look
at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out.
I tell her to wait her turn.
Not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at
something else.
Now, I'm pissed.
I told my brother to get what he wants and I looked at her and told her that her daughter
could use a better role model.
I'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag.
I took my brother to pay for his Barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of
a butthole I am for saying that in front of her daughter.
Am I the butthole?
Lady.
What?
Lady, you are being rude in front of your daughter first.
So it's fine if you're rude in front of your daughter, but it's not fine if other people
are rude in front of your daughter.
I mean, I hate to say it, but OP is right.
She does deserve a better role model.
OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes.
That other woman gets 3 out of 5 buttholes.
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