rSlash - r/AmITheA**hole I Just Found Out I Have an 19-Year-Old Daughter

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP finds out that he has an adult daughter from an old relationship with his ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend recently passed away, so the daughter sought out OP to try to build a relationship with him. But here's the catch: the ex told the daughter that OP abandoned her, when in reality OP had no idea that the ex was even pregnant. The ex lied to OP! After OP told his daughter the truth, the ex's family is upset that the dead mother is revealed to be a liar. Is OP the butthole in this situation? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do I love getting my last minute gifts at shoppers drug mark? Well, lots of stores, many open late, great selection of gifts, and let's not forget the PC optimum points. I get gifts for them and points for me, and so can you. Go to shoppers, exclusions apply. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash and My The Butthole, where OP discovers that he has a 19-year-old daughter that he doesn't know about. Am I the butthole where OP discovers that he has a 19 year old daughter that he doesn't know about. Am I the butthole for holding a text that I read by snooping against my dad and stepmom for six years now?

When I was 13, I was using my dad's phone and I was dumb and very clearly wrong when I opened a text that popped up for my stepmom. She was a few months pregnant at the time. A few texts up, I saw that my dad had sent a text saying, Alice, that's OP's mom, is being a B word again. I'm so glad I get to have a baby with someone I actually love, to which my stepmom replied, and I can't wait to have a kid without her awful genes mixed in, which my dad found very funny based on his response. The reason I remember these texts so clearly is because I sent a copy of them to my mom. I knew that my dad and mom hated each other, but I felt extremely insulted and betrayed by the text because they directly involved me.

I refused to say it my dad's house ever since, and when my dad took my mom to court, I told the judge that I can't live with him anymore. My dad and stepmom spent a very long time apologizing. He does seem genuinely sorry because he's cried in front of me, but I can't really bring myself to forgive him. I also know that I shouldn't have snooped, but I can't unsee those texts. Am I the butthole? Opie, I do have to give you a butthole rating of like 0.5 out of 5 for reading text messages that weren't meant for you, but outside of that, no.

The way that your stepmother and your own father talked about you is disgusting. I get that sometimes people get divorced and sometimes end up hating each other, but tearing down your own children just so you can tear down your ex is disgusting. If I got divorced from my wife and my new wife said that my kid from the previous marriage had awful genes, then that would be the end of that second marriage. Am I the butthole for accidentally calling out a new colleague online about her language skills? I'm a 25 year old woman and last week a new colleague, Kathy, who's 33, started working at my workplace. She instantly stood out in the team because she seems like someone who's very, I don't know, loud and assertive.

Me, Kathy and two of my colleagues were having coffee in the break room and the subject of travel was brought up. My colleague said that she wasn't booking trips anymore because it'll probably get canceled because of COVID anyway. Kathy immediately cut in about how sad she is because she travels so often and she goes on these exotic trips to Europe as her hobby. When I think exotic, I think the Bahamas are something instead of Europe, but whatever. Kathy then jokes about how all this no travel nonsense is making her afraid that she'll lose some of her foreign language skills.

I ask what languages she spoke. She claimed to be fluent in three European languages, including French and Dutch. Cathy said that she was at a native speaker level and went on about how people in Europe were always surprised when they found out that she wasn't from there. I was excited because I never get to speak Dutch over here. I was raised in Belgium, which has three national languages, French, Dutch, and German. It's quite common to be pretty fluent in at least two out of three of the languages in Belgium, because you're required to learn them at school from a young age. I told Cathy,

and I'm sorry about the pronunciation here. Oh, Luke! Then, hubb and we- it's ghem and shoppish-ligek? Which roughly translates into, Oh, fun, we have something in common then. She immediately pulled this sour face and asked me if that was supposed to be Dutch. I said yes. She laughed awkwardly and said that she couldn't understand me because I have a terrible accent and I must not be that good at speaking it. Now see, I don't have an accent. I speak Dutch more fluently than I speak English.

I told Kathy that I grew up speaking Dutch and speak it to my family all the time. She got miffed and asked what languages I speak and where I'm from. I told her I'm from Belgium so I also speak French and I added, well you said that you also speak that as well. Cool, we can speak French instead. I acknowledged that I was being a bit of a dick here because by that point also speak that as well. Cool, we can speak French instead. I acknowledged that I was being a bit of a dick here, because by that point I knew that she probably lied about speaking French as well. She then shoved her chair back and angrily got up and said, whatever, and stormed off. It was awkward. My other colleague just kind of shrugged and said

that she shouldn't have lied. However, she later approached me and told me that I embarrassed her by acting superior about my European heritage. I told her there was no way for me to know that she lied about speaking those languages. She rolled her eyes and told me that I was immature. Another colleague told me that Kathy had called me a little beward who enjoys bullying new colleagues behind my back later. I don't think I was bullying at all, but I don't want this to turn into a huge thing. So I just apologize to keep the peace. Am I the butthole? OP, I think the point of keeping the peace has long since passed.

Kathy has already proven herself to be vindictive, someone who talks behind your back, and a liar. I seriously doubt that she's a type of person who would just bury the hatchet. Just accept the fact that you'll never get along because you're the person who called her out and just move on with your life. O.P., you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Cathy gets 2 out of 5 buttholes. One for each language she lied about. Am I the butthole for telling my daughter the truth about why I wasn't in her life? To start, my ex and I were 19 when she got pregnant. We had recently broken up, and she found out a couple of weeks later that she was pregnant. She said that she planned to get an abortion, but she only wanted her sister there.

So I was always under the belief that she had aborted. She only contacted me once saying that it was done, and we didn't speak again. Fast forward 19 years later, I found out a month ago that that was a lie. My ex passed away three years ago, and my daughter, Cara, has been living with her uncle. He was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. He and I spoke at length because I was feeling some pretty strong emotions, like rage, for never being told about her. My ex had backed out of the abortion, but didn't want me involved because we were broken

up, so she decided just not to tell me. But he told me that Kara doesn't know about that. Apparently, my ex told Kara that I wasn't ready for fatherhood because we were both so young, so I bailed. I couldn't believe it! Rob, her uncle, told me he knows his sister was wrong for that, but promised me that Kara doesn't have any negative feelings towards me, and that my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew that he couldn't properly care for.

He asked me not to tell Kara this when we talk if she asks because it could hurt the way she saw our mom. I never actually confirmed that I would. Caromessage me and we've been talking. I've met her twice and it's been crazy emotional. I have looked at this girl who looks just like me and it hurts that we're just barely getting to know each other. So far, our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants in future goals are and getting to know each other. We met again Tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me

not want to be involved. She asked how I felt, what went through my mind, did I ever think about her, etc. I had been thinking about what to do in that moment and I just didn't have an enemy to lie, so I was honest. I told her that I was told about the abortion, that I had no idea that she even existed until now. But that I really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father, if she wants that. Kara was a bit emotional, we talk some more, and she said that she still wants me involved. That night, my phone was blowing up.

Not just from Rob, but from her grandparents as well. They're all outraged for telling Kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. Yes, the lie was terrible, but I just ruined the image that she had of her late mother for my own benefit. Rob called me a selfish dig for not taking into consideration how this would affect Kara finding out about all this. So right now I feel like garbage.

I get that honesty is the best policy, but in this case, I don't know if I was the butthole for doing it. I'm still learning this whole dad business, so I don't know if I drop the ball here. So you think you know sports? Points vet is the sportsbook for you, because we've got the features for true competitors like live same game parlias. Use your sports marks to make picks live on the players and teams you're watching and qualified bets can use our early cashout feature so you could take your winnings to play live blackjack on the same points vet app. The platform that gives you everything you need. You know what to do.

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which helps you identify whether to buy, hold, or sell. So you can trade with confidence. Switch today and get up to $50 worth of free trades. Visit questray.com and use the promo code Quest Conditions Apply. OP, I'm actually angry on your behalf. This lady lied to you. Lie to your face about you having a daughter. You went your whole life without getting to know your own flesh and blood.

Then she lied to her daughter about you being a dead-be-dad. So down the road, like Rob says that this didn't affect her opinion of you, but he doesn't know that. How can he possibly know her innermost thoughts about her own father? You have a natural right to know your own daughter, and your ex robbed you of that. That's something that can never ever be restored. And this guy has the effing audacity to get upset at you for telling the truth to your daughter about how you want to be in your life, but you never had the opportunity because it was stolen from you. What an absolute grade A douchebag.

There's the added layer of, we don't know how much this guy knew. Like clearly your ex is a brazen liar. She lies about everything. So it's entirely possible that your ex also lied to the brother as well and the grandparents so maybe they also assumed all this time that you know you didn't want to be involved so that's why you weren't around. But it's also possible that Rob and the grandparents knew that she lied to you about the daughter. That means that they intentionally kept that secret from you for 19 years.

In which case, in my opinion, they are just as much of a douchebag as your ex-girlfriend. I'm giving your ex-girlfriend the rare 5 out of 5 butthole score. I'm giving Rob 4 out of 5 buttholes. If he knew that she lied, then yeah, he gets the full 5 out of 5 butthole score too. And on top of all this, I'm upset on your behalf OP. This like makes me angry how much these people like ruin your relationship with your daughter, but there's also the daughter to consider. She's a grown 19 year old woman.

She has every right to know the reality of her situation. She has a right to know that her mother made that decision. She has a right to know that you were robbed from that decision. In fact, I would say that you owe her that truth. OP, you get less than 0 out of 5 buttholes. You get like negative 1 out of 5 buttholes. You're the victim here. Well, you and your daughter, you're both the victim here. Am I the butthole for kicking my friend out of my car and telling her to never call me for a ride? A little backstory. I'm a 24-year-old guy and I have a car rock. It used to be my grandfather's, and he would always have it in his car as a lucky totem.

And he had it for about 30 years according to my mom, but he passed away when I was around five. I don't have much to remember him, besides a few pictures of us, his ring, a knife, and this rock. When I turned 18, my mom gave me the knife, the ring, and the rock, because my grandfather wanted me to receive these on my 18th birthday. I keep his knife in my room where the ring every day, and in the past six years, I've kept the rock in my car too and keep it as a lucky totem as well. Sometimes when I drive, I'll have the rock in my hand, and I just rub my thumb over it and it kind of gives me peace of mind.

I don't really know how to explain it in words, I guess. So onto the story, this happened last night. My friend, Jane, who's 26, has a car that's currently in the shop for repairs due to an accident. So this past week, she's either been ubring or asking for him to pick her up when her ship is done, and that's at around 7.30 pm. Her work is about 30 minutes away from me, and she loads about 10 minutes from me. So last night she called me at 7 pm and asked if I could pick her up and I said sure, no big deal. So I pick her up and everything was fine until I picked up my rock and started rubbing

it. Jane asked what was in my hand. I showed it to her and said, this is my lucky rock, I sometimes rub it whenever I drive. She asked to hold it and I gave it to her. She told me that the rock is stupid and before I could say anything back she threw it out the window. I screamed, what the f, why'd you do that?" Jane said. Rax is stupid and lucky items don't work. At this point, I'm probably five minutes away from her house so I pulled over into a grocery store a lot and asked her to get out. Jane asked why I was

making a big deal about it so I told her the meaning behind the rock. And I said, until you find that rock and give it back to me, never call me for a ride and you're never allowed in my car again. She ended up getting out of the car and I drove to the area where she threw it and I spent about two hours trying to find it. During those two hours, friends from our friend group called me to ask what happened and I explained my side. Most of the group knew the significance of the rock because I'd given them rides before when they asked about it. Those ones are on my side, but the last few are calling me the butthole because I left a woman alone to walk home in the dark.

I do feel guilty for kicking her out and I felt like I could have handled the situation better. So, Reddit, am I the butthole for kicking my friend down to my car and banning her from ever entering my car over a rock? First off, OP, let's get one thing straight. At no point in this story did you endanger this girl's life. You dropped her off at a grocery store and you said yourself that she uses ubers, so if she really went into, she could have waited inside the grocery store and gotten an uber.

Second, you didn't kick her out over a rock. You kicked her out over the complete lack of respect that she showed for you and your property. So this reminds me of a story for my life that's actually kind of personal. When I grew up I was really really close to my grandma and my grandma loved buying just random little knickknacks. Her house was absolutely filled with like bottles and dolls and little pieces of glass art. If you were walking around her house and you had a cup of water, there literally was not a surface where you could put that because all the shelves and cabinets, they were all completely filled with these little knickknacks. Her refrigerator was the exact same way. The front of her refrigerator

had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of these just random magnets. And what's crazy is that my grandma was so organized and had such an amazing memory that if even one of those random little knickknacks was out of place, she would immediately recognize it and put it back where it belongs. Well, my little brother and I being, you know, just mischievous little kids. Whenever we came over to our house, one of the things that we would do is we would rearrange her magnets. Really, we would just, like, change maybe two or three of them, and, like, keep in mind, hundreds upon hundreds of magnets all over her refrigerator. And we would just wait to see how long she noticed, and inevitably she'd be like, wait a minute,

something's not right here. Did you change my magnets? And then she'd get up all in a huff and put all the magnets back where they belonged, and we were like, you know, kids, eight, 10, whatever. My grandma acted like she was really upset about it, but it was all like in good fun. She was just kind of, you know, joining the game with us.

And my grandmother passed away this year. When it came time to to pick things from her house that we wanted to keep, the only things that my brother and I wanted were some of those magnets. Even though those magnets don't have any real monetary value, they're still really important to me. And if someone took those from me just because they said they were stupid magnets, it'd be really crushing. So OP, I really feel for you here. I'm sorry you lost your rock and I'm sorry you lost your ramp, mother.

You get zero out of five buttolls. Your friend gets three out of five buttolls. That was our slash of my the buttoll and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.