rSlash - r/Bestof I Just Found Out I Have an Adult Daughter

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Visit BetterHelp.com/RSLASH today to get 10% off your first month. 0:00 Intro 0:12 Tough situation 5:19 Awful husband and SIL Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shut up, Amazon, for last minute gifts. Great deals for everyone on your list. Gifts for mom and gifs for dad. Even for your sister and your brother, Chad. Ah, shoot, we didn't realize you were supposed to get a gift for our dog, what her guy, we almost forgot about her, that just got to occur. We didn't expect to get a gift from her. Or our cousin might forget his name.

He got us something nice, better as it pertains. For last minute deals I give to people you forgot Get past the free shipping at Amazon Metrolinx and cross links are reminding everyone to be careful as Eglinton Cross Town LRT train testing is in progress Please be alert, this trains can pass at any time on the tracks Remember to follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks, and only make left turns where it's safe to do so.

Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. Welcome to R-Slasht best of Redditor updates. We're OP Discoverers that he has a daughter, and he learns a dark secret about his daughter's family. Our next reddit post comes from our slash relationship advice. I found out that I have a daughter who thinks that I was her mother's abuser, but it wasn't abuse. What next?

And to be clear, OP didn't use the word abuser. He used the word that starts with the letter R that I can't say on YouTube. I received an email last week from a woman claiming that we're a DNA match and that she's my biological daughter. It was a long and emotionally charged letter. She said that she knew that she was a child of blank, and while she had no desire to form a relationship with me, she wanted me to know that she existed, and to understand the pain and anguish I'd caused her and her mother and grandparents.

The letter was gut-wrenching! I was shocked, but also skeptical. I've been married 25 years and I have three great kids. I've never blinked or abused a woman ever. I thought this had to be a prank or a scam. I'd done home DNA ancestry testing two years ago and it had not shown a child that I wasn't aware of. But when I logged into my account, there she was. I did some sleuthing and I found out that her mother was this woman, Terry, that I dated for about a month during our first semester of college in the mid-1980s. We broke it off mutually and remained friendly. The very last night of the second

semester, we hooked up at a dorm party and went to my room to passionately hug. It was a casual hook up, and I remember it as 100% consensual and very passionate. Also, unprotected. Afterwards, we went back to the party and had a great time dancing and mingling with friends. We both went home the next morning for summer break. Terry didn't come back to college the next year, which I gave very little thought to since we weren't close and hadn't bothered to communicate all summer. One of the reasons Terry and I were incompatible was religion. She was Catholic and I'm Jewish. I wasn't religious, but she had grown up in a very strict household. My supposition is that when she discovered the pregnancy, she told her family that she had been blanked, rather than admitting to pre-marital passionate hugging with a Jewish ex-boyfriend.

But who knows, maybe she had other reasons. It kills me that I have a daughter in her 30s who's been fed lies about her father. I can't imagine growing up thinking I was a product of blank. That has to be so hard psychologically. I'm in pain for a child that I didn't even know existed just a few days ago, and who hates me? I've been debating what to do. I haven't written back to my daughter. I badly want to tell her the truth in a way that she can believe, but how? My wife, who has been a rock the past few days, keeps telling me to give this some time and thought, my best friend says that I

should hire a lawyer. I don't know what to do and it's eating me up. Please give me advice. Then, about 10 days later, OP Post had an update. I hired a lawyer. He recommended that I respond to my daughter's email to unequivocally deny the blank allegation. I wrote her a short message and described how and when Terry and I met. I was careful not to attack Terry and to offer sympathy. I explained that our night was consensual. A week went by with no response. Two days ago, my daughter wrote me and said that Terry now claims that she was blanked a month after she and me and said that Terry now claims that she was blanked a month after she and I passionately hugged, and that she was told by her doctors

that the baby was born premature eight months later. She's basically saying that she was misled by her doctors. I find that very hard to believe, but if it's true, it's awful, and if it's not true, I guess it gives Terry a way out without exposing her big lie Which is maybe best for everyone yesterday? I spoke to my daughter for the first time She was crying and so was I so it wasn't easy to say much before we hung up I told her that I loved her because she's my flesh and blood and I hope that we could get to know each other And that I could meet my grandchild. She sobbed so much after hearing that, and said that she had been waiting her whole life

to hear those words. My wife and I told our kids about a week ago. They're teenagers and took it really well. All three are interested in meeting their new sister and niece. My wife, my beautiful, caring, best friend ever, she's been nothing but supportive. She's even offered that we invite my daughter and granddaughter to visit over the Christmas holidays, even suggesting that we pay the airfare and offer them our guest rooms. My daughter is going to call me again tonight and I'm going to propose she come or offer

to fly to her if she's more comfortable. We have a lifetime of catching up to do. Meanwhile, as for Terry, I feel like my daughter and I were robbed, but I don't really want to dwell on it. She hasn't reached out to me and I don't plan to either, though I'm prepared to be cordial if she does and to listen to her story and be open-minded. Oh man, this story is sad. I'm not sure if I'm more happy that OPN's daughter are finally able to bond after all

these years, or if I'm more sad that their lifetime of being a father and daughter have been stolen from them. The story is so bittersweet. Am I the butthole for yelling at my pregnant sister-in-law and telling my husband to choose me or her? See, I know the title sounds wrong, but please hear me out. I'm currently typing this up while my husband's entire family is sitting downstairs. So, I'm a 29 year old woman, and I've been married to my husband for 8 years.

About 2 months ago, I had my third miscarriage at 31 weeks. I won't be talking about it because it makes me feel so depressed, but you'll need to remember this. About four months ago, my sister-in-law, who's 20, came crying at our doorstep telling us that she's pregnant, and her boyfriend didn't want anything to do with the pregnancy and had nowhere to go. My husband and I openly took her in and welcomed her into our home with open arms. For the first few weeks, it was really hard for her, understandably. I sat with her for hours, holding her when she cried, binging our favorite TV shows, eating so much ice cream we quite literally fell into a coma. It was really bonding for

us, or so I thought, here's where things start going downhill. I take pride in my neat, clean home. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, does not. She would leave her clothes all around the house, leave her dirty dishes wherever, and even when as far as leaving her adult toys on our living room table? I tried to talk to her directly before I talked to my husband, and she immediately started crying and told me she would try to be cleaner. I hugged her, told her it was okay, but this is a clear boundary for me. She told me it wouldn't happen again, only it got worse. She told me I was expected to do her laundry dishes and clean her room daily because I'm

the pregnant one. Well, I do understand how hard it is being pregnant, but I just can't allow feeling like a maid in my own home. To be clear, I bought this house, not my husband, it was all me. Not to mention my recent miscarriage. So I expressed this to my husband, but what he told me shocked me. His exact words were, honey, she's going through a lot right now, we really should be helping her out. Plus, it might make you feel better to take care of someone who's pregnant. I was pissed to say the least.

Make me feel better? She's going through a lot? We need to help her. Letting her stay with us wasn't enough. While I don't want to invalidate her pain, my husband and I were also going through our own problems. Anyways, we moved on. I did my best to maintain work in the household chores.

Work and household chores? Whoa, I assumed OP was a stay at home wife with the way that she was talking, but she's also working and doing all the chores. My husband works seven AM to seven PM, so he's not around to help much. I work full time from home, so it's been super stressful. When I even try to ask for help from my sister-in-law, she always makes an excuse, even if she's

just watching TV. The one thing that pushed me over the edge was I went out to buy my one food that I actually enjoy eating after my miscarriage. I wrote my name on it and directly asked my sister-in-law to not eat it. Well, I went to go to my fridge and you'll never guess. She ate it. Now you might think it's just food, but I buy all the groceries, basically pay all the bills.

I don't mind people having some of my food, but the one thing I ask to not get touched gets touched. I told my husband and of course he rubbed it into my face that she's pregnant, I need to be less selfish and life is about sacrifices. I was so upset that I told him that I feel like him and her are the horrible roommates that people talk about on Reddit. He did not take that well, low, which leads us to the title of this post. My sister-in-law planned a random baby shower party thing at my house. Honestly, with my miscarriage, I didn't even know if I could stand to be home when that was happening. I felt so hurt that she wouldn't talk to me about this knowing everything

that happened to me, and that she would just invite random strangers into another person's home before even asking. My husband urged me to go, saying that if I went, it would permanently affect my relationship with my sister-in-law. So I told him I'd go. About halfway through the party, my husband and sister-in-law announced that they went in to show the nursery to everyone, y'know what the f**k. I was confused. Nursery? She was staying that long. What room did she turn into a nursery? They told everyone to hit upstairs and that's when it hit me. They were talking, oh my God, oh my God.

They were talking about my nursery for my baby that I just lost, yo. What the fuck, guys? A wave of emotions hit me and I saw everyone in the baby's nursery telling her what a good job they did setting this up. But it's MY setup, for my baby that my body failed to give me.

I just lost it. I started sobbing, then that sadness turned into pure rage. I started yelling at my sister-in-law, telling her that she's the foulest human for putting me through everything she has for the last few months, making me feel like I was a maid or an object for her convenience. Through choked up tears, I turned to my husband, whose jaw was on the floor. I turned my head to see his entire family just staring at me. I lost it again, yelling, I looked at my sister-in-lawlaw telling her, how dare you use my nursery for my baby!

How dare you think that you have the right? What she told me made me fall to my knees sobbing. It's not my home, my god, you guys. It's not my fault you couldn't produce a child why let this go to waste, you're so selfish. My husband tried to pick me up off the floor but I yelled again and stood up on my shaking legs.

I told him, pick. He had this dumbfounded look on his face. I yelled again, pick me or her. He couldn't even muster up anything to say. I just looked at him, pure betrayal. I push past the crowd of his family and ran straight up here to type this out. Even if no one sees this, at least typing in has helped me get these emotions out. Now's the point where I ask. Am I the butthole? Alright, there's an update. I don't know if the

questions that I'm asking here are going to get answered in the update, but is anyone else wondering what exactly the husband contributes to this family? Because Opie pays for the house, she pays for the groceries, she pays all the bills, she does all the chores, and then the husband is gone for 12 hours a day working, and what exactly does he do with that money? If he doesn't spend it on the house, or bills, or groceries, where does it all go? There's so, there's so much wrong with this pose. It's just that one thing is like really glaring to me. I don't understand what's going on. If Opie's paying for everything and doing all the chores and taking care of their pregnant woman,

what the f**k is the husband doing? What is he doing? Opie, why are you with this guy? What does he contribute? He doesn't give you money, security, love, basic respect. He seems like a worse roommate because at least a roommate pays rent. Alright, let's just see what happens. 17 hours later on the same day, Opie posted an update.

After posting my story on Reddit, I sat on my bed, wiping my tears, and telling myself that I will not take this disrespect. I walked downstairs, shutting my nursery door on the way, and I was greeted with everyone comforting my sister-in-law. I kindly asked everyone besides my sister-in-law and my husband to respectfully get the f*** out of my house. After all the dirty looks and shaming, it was just my husband, my sister-in-law, and myself. They sat down on the couch, not saying anything. I sat with them. The silence felt like forever. None of us had anything to say. I knew that I'd have to start the conversation. I looked at my husband and said, did you decide? He looked at

me just staring. I asked again in a firm tone this time. He ended up mumbling some sort of insult and I couldn't really make out what he said. Something with the word, bitchy. I stood up and told them both to get out. Then they wanted to talk, telling me this was all a misunderstanding, they're sorry, blah, blah, blah. I grabbed a backpack from my shoe closet and told them to pack their stuff. My sister-in-law told me that I couldn't just make her leave and I was a horrible person. I laughed in her face and told her this is MY house, and I can do whatever I wanted. My husband stood next to me and told her that it was only for a little while. I turned to him and said, oh, you too, get out.

He got all mad and told me that we're a married couple, and this isn't how marriage works. I told him, no, it's not. Marriages were two people to support each other and not treat their wife like garbage. They both ended up leaving after throwing many insults towards me. Oh, but wait, it's not over. This morning, as I was getting ready for a Zoom meeting with other co-workers, my husband showed up. I let a man telling him to get whatever he needs and go because I had to work.

He starts apologizing, telling me he wants to make it right. I told him that I just need a time away from him. Then he threw in my face. Well, it's not my fault that you lost our children. Maybe this would have never happened. My sister was right. You are selfish. I have never, ever made my husband feel like he can't grieve with me over this.

Never made him feel less than because of his pain. I turned around and slapped him in the face. I never condoned violence, and I'm very upset that I would ever do that to another human, but I just couldn't deal with this. He took a step back and threw all my makeup on the floor, which I get, but then he started breaking all of my decor in my bathroom. I yelled at him to stop and that I was sorry, but he just kept going. Even going as far as punching a hole in my bathroom wall, it was like I was seeing all

of this bottled up emotions from our children's death come out at once. He even went as far as trying to grab me, yelling in my face. I kicked him off and told him to get the F out. He walked out to the bathroom and I watched him break a few more items as he left. The second he left, I had a panic attack looking at the mess he made to even just seeing how much he hit his pain. I called my mother and I told her everything that had happened. I don't talk to my family much due to some past trauma with them. She told me that she was on her way. The second she got there, I just broke down and she held me. Then she stood up and started taking pictures of everything that he broke.

I asked her what she was doing and she turned to me and said, We're suing that piece of garbage. I honestly didn't even argue. I was so hurt by everything my husband did to me. My mom packed up my computer and I grabbed a few outfits. My mom and I drove to a hotel. She insisted on staying with me. While I was finishing up my work, my mom called a locksmith in my attorney.

I'll be divorcing my husband. So there it is, here's the update everyone's been waiting for. I feel guilty for just giving up on my husband and eight years of our marriage, but it's time for a divorce. I can't live like this, and neither can my husband. I wish I could say that we moved on, forgave each other, and I got to see my sister-in-law have her baby, but that's not the reality. If anything else happens, I'll let you guys know. I were on episode was this're on episode 1,750. It's not often that I get legitimately shocked by a story on Reddit, but this story

shocked me. Your husband and your sister-in-law just kept getting worse and worse and worse. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Also, someone in the comments pointed out that if you do the math on when OP said that she had her miscarriage and when the sister showed up in the house, comments pointed out that if you do the math on when OP said that she had her miscarriage and when the sister showed up in the house, it turns out that the baby shower happened right around OP's original due date, which just adds so much more insult to injury.

This is brutal, this story was savage. The insult that like pure soul-wrenching disrespect that these two people did, OP, is unforgivable. I could not be in the same room with these two people. OP, I am so relieved that you're getting a divorce. Throw away the husband, throw away the marriage. There is no coming back from that. I literally don't even know what you're gonna lose from this marriage because I can't

even fathom the value that this man brings to a relationship. I have to wonder if in some weird way of coping with the miscarriages, he just transferred all of his love and affection from his wife and his future baby to his sister-in-law and her future baby and he was just kind of imagining her as his wife and this baby as his baby and suddenly his wife was just some random roommate who pays the bills and you don't really care about. I don't know, man, this story was something else. That was our slash best of redditor updates. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast

because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day. every single day.