rSlash - r/Pettyrevenge I Recruited An Army of Ants To Destroy My Neighbor!

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

r/Pettyrevenge OP has absolutely awful neighbors who harass him constantly. They finally go too far when they secretly poison his tomato and jalapeno plants in his backyard. So, OP decides to wage war... against his neighbors by recruiting an unlikely ally: ants. He uses a very clever strategy to get all the ants in the neighborhood to swarm his neighbor's house, transforming their house into a house-sized anthill! If you like this content, be sure to subscribe for more daily Reddit videos! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:26 Conditions Apply. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Petty Revenge where OP recruits an army of ants to get back at his obnoxious neighbors. Her next Reddit post is from Katia V. Once, many years ago, we innocently bought a house right next door to her retired marine couple. She was about 6'2", and strongly resembled Arnold Schwarzenegger, and she was about 5'7", and probably weighed 130 pounds. They were very house proud and yard proud, and thoroughly obnoxious about it. After living next to them for a short time, for some genuinely unknown reason, they decided to mount a campaign of general obnoxiousness against us.
Starting point is 00:01:08 It started small with a note on a friend's car that he was three inches over on their side when parked on the street in front of our house. Then it escalated. Rapidly. They reported us to animal control for having farm animals inside the city limits. We had two shit suits. They were not used to pull a plow. They reported us to the health department for leaving our pool with a small amount of
Starting point is 00:01:31 water in it and breeding mosquitoes. But it wasn't water. It was hydrochloric acid being used to wash the pool in prep it for repairs it was dare lecturally moved in. Alright, I just had to stop the story real quick and comment on that last sentence. I just looked it up, and apparently people use diluted hydrochloric acid to clean algae off the walls of swimming pools. And for those of you who don't know, mosquitoes lay their eggs in pools of standing water. So I for one relished the idea of a pregnant mosquito flying around it being like, oh look, a nice pool of water
Starting point is 00:02:05 to lay my eggs? Landing in a pool of hydrochloric acid and then being melted alive. Because let's be honest, melting alive in a pool of acid is a fate that all mosquitoes deserve. Anyways, back to the story. Our neighbors reported us for repairing our fence without a permit, not moving it, not tearing it down or replacing it. We merely nailed some boards back up. They reported us for loud parties and quiet parties and no parties. They called City Hall on a
Starting point is 00:02:38 so often that it became a joke amongst those hollowed halls. All the while, they continued with the small harassment as well. We ignored all of this, and just made sure that we had an extra plates set for whatever official they called out that day. But then, then, they committed the ultimate crime. We were having breakfast on the patio one lovely morning when I happened to look over and see a sprayer nozzle come through the fence slats. Then, they sprayed poison on my tomato and jalapeno
Starting point is 00:03:06 plants. Now we love our salsa and I make absolutely exquisite fresh salsa. And they dared spray poison on my tomato and jalapeno plants? Poison my tomatoes and peppers will you? In Texas that's a killing offense. Sadly we don't live in Texas so I was forced to devise my own punishment. One thing about their house is that it must have been built on an ant hill. They constantly fought ants. We regularly heard them complaining about ants that they tried to rid them from their backyard. Our homes were built on a golf course, and since they were all patio homes, they had lovely large patios with huge kitchen windows and sliding glass openings onto a pass through serving counter.
Starting point is 00:03:47 So I made a very, very large patch of simple syrup and frozen and ice cube trays. So my friends, I would sit on our patio and toss ice cubes. We had a point system that ranged from getting the cubes in the patio to getting them up against the base of the sliding door to getting them onto the counter and up against the opening of the window. We gave them ants, lots of ants. Since we weren't particularly close to the neighbors, the Marines gave us no warning when they went on vacation. We did notice that it got quieter, and I didn't overhear any further discussion between them about the sticky mess that regularly showed up on their patio. But I didn't really think about it. Besides, I was behind on points, so the bombardment continued.
Starting point is 00:04:31 The ants celebrated. There were tiny black ants, larger brown ants, and big red ants. Hosanna's were a song, which for those of you who don't know where Jewish songs of celebration. The ants built themselves an entire ant neighborhood. Ant Rockets did the can can across the counter. They held parades. They were Friday night PSAs with live ant Mariachi bands. It was beautiful. I went through 15 pounds of sugar.
Starting point is 00:05:00 We knew exactly when the Marines got home from their 6-week cruise. We could tell by their screeches of anguish. Apparently the ants had made their way inside. There were screams from the kitchen and the pantry and the laundry room and the bathroom. It was ear-shattering. Who knew a 5'7 guy could even make those sounds? War was started. The army ants dug foxholes and hunkered down.
Starting point is 00:05:25 The fire ants formed special forces teams in close protection units. The war raged for months. Despite regular resupply, the ants were decimated. The Marines were seen collapsed in patio chairs, hollow eyed with exhaustion. Their once pristine backyard closely resembling the aftermath of the beaches of Normandy. Peace talks were held, De Tant was achieved, the war was finally over. Until the Marines got their second breath of reinforcements in the form of their son, with Marine Junior further shenanigans ensued. And yours truly discovered that raccoons are not only exceedingly dexterous but also incredibly fond of overripe figs.
Starting point is 00:06:07 But that's another tale. OP, when you said that you made a simple sugar, I was trying to figure out how you would deliver that sugar to their yard without getting caught. The Ice Cubes was a genius idea. Bravo OP, 5 out of 5 Petty Revenge Story. Our next read of post is from writer fighter. This technically wasn't my petty revenge, but that of a coworker of mine that I was witness to.
Starting point is 00:06:31 I worked in a call center for a credit card company. At the time, there was a $10 fever processing of payment over the phone. I'm not here to justify it, that's just what it was and it was perfectly legal. It was one of those things that a customer service representative could choose to waive, but were definitely not required to, and in fact, would have to justify their reasoning for waiving it. If you waive too many, you'll get a lesser raise, worse shift choices, etc. So not a lot of people waive them. Anyway, I was sitting with a girl listening to her calls part of my job at the time, and she received a call that went like this, verbatim.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I want to make a payment over the phone. The customer said roughly. That's no problem, replied the rep. It does have to be with the check, and there's a $10 processing fee for that. A fee? I didn't know there was a fee. Well, I can waive it for you as a courtesy, since this is your first time paying by phone. Just remember, you can always pay online or in the store. A courtesy? He shrieked, cutting her off. It isn't a courtesy. You can't consider it a courtesy if there's no other way to pay the dang bill. I'm going to wave it for you, sir. She pleaded, trying to talk him down from his unhinged fury. It's no problem, but there are other payment methods as I was saying you can, this isn't right.
Starting point is 00:07:45 He continued to berate her. How dare you say it's a courtesy! I want to talk to your supervisor right now! At that point, she was required to transfer to a supervisor, getting someone I knew quite well and who had little patience for jerk customers. I didn't hear that call myself, but I talked to the supervisor after. Upon getting the call, the customer screamed at the supervisor for the word courtesy being used, and demanded an apology and to pay his bill. She apologized. She was required
Starting point is 00:08:15 to, we all were, regardless of fault or logic when talking to a customer, and she offered to take his payment. However, because he was being a butthole, she refused to waive the $10 fee, which was her prerogative and totally allowed. The prior rep had made a judgment called to offer to waive that fee. That was that individual's decision, and since he didn't allow her to process the payment, thus he didn't accept her offer.
Starting point is 00:08:40 So, the next person wasn't bound by that, and the way our phones were set up, it was impossible to transfer back to the original customer service representative. It was definitely a fine line that she towed, but it was still allowed. He ultimately made the payment with the extra $10 fee, and that was that. Let that be a lesson. Don't be a dick, and just set your ego aside. Down in the comments, we have this story from Dipper Poop.
Starting point is 00:09:04 I had a customer before who flipped out because I used the phrase, we're working with you to get the issue resolved today. She responded with, working with me, this is your problem, not mine! Like, yeah, it's our problem that you broke your phone screen. We're working with you to replace the whole phone instead of just a screen because we're out of screens. We ended up just ordering the screen for, which takes 3-5 days instead of replacing the whole phone on the spot.
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Starting point is 00:10:27 Our next breaded position, Pataco CR. My girlfriend's brother, my brother-in-law, has been seeing his girlfriend for a few months. She lives in a four- apartment complex with four-in-sheltered parking spots. Each tenant is entitled to use one parking spot for his or her own car or for a visitor. Also, there are two special spots under a roof with an individual lockable gate that are closer to the apartments. If you want to use one of those, you have to rent it for an additional monthly fee. Since my brother-in-law is now a regular visitor and one of those special spots was available, he and her girlfriend decided to rent it.
Starting point is 00:10:58 She would park there on a daily basis and he would park in the regular spot. However, this one neighbor decided that he could use a special spot if it wasn't occupied when he came home since the gate was now open. The first time they talked to him and he apologized. The second time he said he was in a hurry and just about to leave. The third time the landlord was informed and they had a long talk about it. Well, last Saturday when my brother-in-law and his girlfriend arrived, my neighbor's car was parked in the gated spot. My brother-in-law just closed the gate and locked his car in with his own padlock. Coincidentally, they decided today would be a nice day to take a trip. They grabbed some things from their apartment and left for a weekend trip. Of course, they had to block their neighbor's number on their phones. On Sunday night when they came back home, they found the neighbor was pissed.
Starting point is 00:11:48 His car was locked, they wouldn't answer his calls, and the landlord didn't give an F about his problem for the entire weekend. Our next reddit posted from glittering reviews. I had a coworker who took all the donuts that I made for the whole team. He polished off the whole plate of 25 donuts within an hour. I was angry as hell and thought to myself that this can't go unpunished. A few days later I made new ones and I also made two big eclairs. They were covered with a sugar frosting and look delicious. However, the eclairs weren't filled with vanilla cream like usual. Instead, I used Vegemite for the cream.
Starting point is 00:12:27 To hide that, I used whipped cream to cover the ugly and disgusting brown cream. Vegemite is a used extract that's very popular in Australia, but it tastes horrible. I put the two Eclares on a separate plate and hid the rest of the pastries. My coworker couldn't hold back and took the acclares. After he took the first bite, I heard coughing and something like projectile vomiting. I saw him coming out of our kitchen with a snow white face and tears in his eyes. He got his just desserts and never took anything without asking. My God, this guy ate 25 donuts himself. That's like beyond greedy, that's dedicated selfishness.
Starting point is 00:13:10 You'd think that maybe it like donut number 14 or 15 you might think, wow, I've had a lot of these donuts, maybe I could share like one or two others, but no, the guy eats all 25 donuts, what is wrong with this guy? Our next reddit posted from the lemur name Simon. My last day at work was last week. I had been with this organization for 2 and a half years. I loved working here and always gave my absolute best. But unfortunately, I had a supervisor who was extremely biased and favoring competent
Starting point is 00:13:41 employees over me. The problem is, before this supervisor, I worked under another supervisor and he trained me in all sorts of tasks before he left. When my current supervisor took my old supervisor's role, she didn't train each team member evenly and instead made each work of specializing certain tasks. This would then lead to me receiving more work than others because I know how to get everything done whereas my team members didn't. I realized that I'd had enough and I should move on to another job. Because this was a federal government job, I had to fill out so many forms and get a lot of things
Starting point is 00:14:13 done on my last day. On that day, my supervisor was working from home and on top of the stuff that I had to complete before I leave. She decided to give me two big tasks. Booking travel in accommodation for two trips and this requires a massive formal process and so many forms to sign. No one else in my team does a travel task because they were always assigned to me. After being annoyed for a couple of minutes, I decided to just leave it and not start the task. Otherwise, I would have left work two hours after my normal finishing time. That same evening while I was having farewell drinks with my colleagues, I told them how
Starting point is 00:14:48 I had two outstanding travel tasks that I couldn't attend to because I was already busy finalizing everything. One of my team members said, why didn't the supervisor get that task to me? I literally had nothing to do today. As if that didn't annoy me already, I also remember that my supervisor didn't even send me a thank-you-slash-fair-well email before she logged off. Oh well, doesn't matter. The next morning, my supervisor would have to clock into an unfinished task with no one to assign it to, because no one else is fully trained on it. A good start to a Monday.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Down in the comments, we have a similar sort from CH-BAR. I recently left a job for extremely similar reasons. And I took great pleasure in telling people who asked who was going to take over such and such part of my job that I don't really know because it was never formally part of my job description, and watching the look of shot across their faces. See ya suckers, now you gotta pay someone for that mess. That was our slash Petty Revenge, and if you like this content, check out my Patreon where I publish extra episodes.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Also, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

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