rSlash - r/TIFU by Trying "Adult" Star Trek Roleplay

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Go to PrizePicks.com/reddit and use code reddit for a first deposit match up to $100! Visit BetterHelp.com/RSLASH today to get 10% off your first month. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Role play 4:22 Drink 7:39 Rice sock 9:16 DnD 11:42 Older man 13:48 Unflushed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And with your business platinum card from American Express, you can access spending power and payment flexibility to fuel your growth. Sarah, the contractor is here with the plans. American Express, don't do business without it. Terms and conditions apply visit mx.ca slash business platinum. Welcome to our slash today I F'd up, where OP ruins his relationship by pretending to be Spock in the bedroom Today I F'd up by getting two in character during roleplay with my girlfriend My girlfriend and I are both 19 and we're quite avid Star Trek fans She recently asked me if I would be down to roleplay in the bedroom as characters from the original series that

would be down to roleplay in the bedroom as characters from the original series. That being me is Mr. Cock, I mean Mr. Spock, and her is Captain Kirk. To be honest, I'm pretty neutral on roleplaying, as it doesn't really do anything for me, but it's not like I find it disgusting, I just think it can be awkward, so it's not typically my thing. However, my girlfriend seemed really into the idea and I like to make her happy, so I thought why not? And agreed to it. The basic plan was for us to dress up and then be in character for a bit. Then she was going to complain about her back, so I would give her a hand. So I would give her a back massage. Okay, I like Star Trek 2, so I'm wondering, I'm just curious if OP's gonna say Vulcan

Nerve Pinch and then Pinch or Shoulder, which is supposed to knock around, then he's gonna go at it because that'd be super funny. In my defense, I know this whole thing sounds incredibly cringed, but please bear with me. Anyways, during the back massage, I was supposed to get a bit touchy, and then you can guess where I'm going with that. We also decided to have a say for it precisely so that we would know when to break character because she wanted me to take this seriously.

Here's where I screwed up. It was going alright and I was giving her a back massage for like 10 minutes at this point and she was being kind of suggestive I guess. My problem was that I just didn't know how Spock would actually act in this situation. Like, I know that I was supposed to initiate things, but I also wanted to be true to the character. Eventually, she starts whispering for me to go lower and stuff like that, but I still responded characters saying stuff like, that is inappropriate and unbecoming of a Starfleet officer. Low.

She starts getting a bit mad and accusing me of not really being into it. This is where I think I took it too far because I started talking about how it was just a back massage and I didn't know how I was supposed to be into it. Then she started yelling at me that obviously we weren't still in character and I was being purposefully dense, which I suppose I sort of was since I'm not stupid and I just kind of felt like taking the piss a bit. This turns into a massive argument where she tells me like she feels like I'm not attracted to her and that I don't try hard enough and eventually she ends up crying. And we barely spoke for three days after that.

After that she came over and we talked a bit about it, and I still wasn't being super serious because the whole situation is a bit ridiculous, really. She gets mad again, so I start getting a bit mad, and eventually we're really arguing and shouting and bringing up things in the past to hurt each other, and it turns toxic pretty quickly. Then she just gets fed up and breaks up with me right there and then. I know that it may not come through in this post, but I really did love her, and it really sucks that this is how it ended after all this time. I've been super depressed the past couple of weeks, where I'm not eating or doing school work, and I'm obviously not enjoying Star Trek like I used to.

The more I think about it, I just embarrassed her in such a vulnerable moment, and I'm struggling to forgive myself for that. But then I remember that it was Fing Star Trek roleplay, and I keep going in circles. Anyway, F my life, I should have just taken it more seriously. Opie, what's so sad about this is, I mean, I'm not even, I'm not into roleplay at all to be clear, but there are, I can think of so many ways to progress this forward. The first option is the Vulcan Nerf Pinch, which is supposed to like render her unconscious, and then you can do whatever you want with Captain Kirk's helpless body. Or of course if you want to go more consensual, you can just say, if you're getting enjoyment out of this back rub, it would also be logical that you would get enjoyment out of a butt rub. And then you just go and

then you progress that into, I have advanced Vulkan massage techniques that massage you from the inside. Then even better than that, you got the Spock hand gesture, the live long and prosper. So you split your fingers, two in the pink, two in the stink. That's why it's called the Spock, man. Today I effed up by ordering an irresistible fruity drink and becoming father of the year. When I order drinks, I usually keep it simple. Burbin and Coke, genitonic, Scotch on the rocks, the occasional old fashioned, that kind of thing.

But on the date of this screw up, dear readers, I decided to mix it up. So I'm with my family at a non-descript casual restaurant chain. You know the type. They're all over suburbia, decorated with kitschy local sports stuff, music memorabilia, antique ads, and populated by perky wait staff, who most likely secretly hate their job. The waitress asked for my drink order, and instead of going with one of my usual standbys,

I feel whimsical and order something off the menu with the words tropical in the name. When she brings our drinks, mine is an explosion of colors, with a cornucopia of tropical fruit adorning the sides. It's super sweet, but tasty, refreshing, and stronger than I would have initially expected. After drinking about a quarter of it, I go to hit the gentleman's room. Upon my return from the facilities, my four-year-old daughter has this mischievous and somewhat conspiratorial look on her face. She leans in and says to me, almost in a whisper, Daddy, I tried your pretty drink.

It tasted a little weird, but I liked it. My eyebrows raised a little, but I know that I shouldn't overreact, as she probably just had a tiny sip. I try to calmly, but assertively explain that this is a grown-up drink and not for kids. My wife, bless her heart, realizes what has happened, and is a little less reserved in telling our daughter in her serious mom voice, don't ever drink a grown-up drink. It'll make you sick. They're only for grownups. Our daughter seems suitably chasing and our food arrives.

Then she starts whining. I feel really sick now. My stomach hurts. Part of me thinks this is just psychosomatic because we put the idea in her head of her inevitably getting ill. But then, blah! She threw up all over the table, and it was projectile.

While my wife was dealing with a vomit soaked table, I rushed her to the bathroom. Then, I am suddenly reliving freshman year as I'm holding my daughter's hair back as she vomits more into the toilet. All the while I'm thinking, parent of the year, I wonder when child protective services is coming. Needless to say, we never return to that restaurant. Okay, a four-year-old throws up, but is that because she's just a crazy lightweight? Because she's never had alcohol before? Okay, well, obviously there's lots of good reasons to

not give alcohol to kids, but it turns out it's actually lethal to them like it's poisonous. In a super young kid around four years old, alcohol affects their blood sugar and their central nervous system and it can slow down their breathing. As a result of these symptoms, even just a few sips can be toxic. Wow, it can even put them into seizures and a coma.

Geez. Man, I always thought that you don't give alcohol to kids because, you know, drunk kids is child abuse, and it's not healthy for kids to, you know, develop a substance addiction at the age of five, but turns out it's much, much, much worse than that. Today I have to, by eating my girlfriend's period rice sock, whatever that means.

My girlfriend has painful periods, so for cramps she uses a rice sock. Basically she puts uncooked rice in an old sock, then warms it up in the microwave to help with cramps whenever she's on her monthly, then puts it away when she feels better. She's been using the same sock for a while. It's easily forgettable because it makes an appearance only once a month, then goes back into hibernation. She hasn't replaced the rice or the sock in a long time. So, when we found ourselves with nothing in the pantry but packets of condiments and having to choose who ate between us or the cat, the cat obviously won. I then remembered the sock full of rice.

My girlfriend flat out refused because she didn't want to eat rice that was constantly marinated in a sock. She also didn't trust that it was safe to consume considering it had been there for a while. I felt like it was perfectly fine. Rice takes a long time to expire. After I finished cooking it, she changed her mind so we ate it with packets of sweet and sour sauce.

I was trying to sleep when I got terrible stomach pain and proceeded to have the worst poops of my life. I was sweating and shivering at the same time. I spent the whole night going in and out of the toilet, but for some reason my girlfriend wasn't affected. 10 out of 10 would not recommend. It's so funny to read a post that is obviously the worst idea I've ever read and then someone would be like, well, turns out that was a bad idea. Yeah, no kidding OP.

Today I f'd up by intentionally getting an in-sales character killed in Dungeons & Dragons. He flipped out and is stalking me and my girlfriend online. Me and my girlfriend are not big on Dungeons & Dragons. He flipped out and is stalking me and my girlfriend online. Me and my girlfriend are not big on Dungeons & Dragons. But after playing through Baldur's Gate 3, we both wanted to try it out. We went to the Meetup app to find a group and we settled on one that was running a beginner level campaign called the Death House. Come the day of the Meetup and we meet the other players. In total there was five of us. The dungeon master was pretty chill, albeit a bit of a pushover. He was also new to D&D and wanted to try.

Then there was me, my girlfriend, and finally, the Ensel. The experience was miserable. The Ensel was polite, at first, but my girlfriend made it pretty clear that she was not interested in him. The Ensel took it as a challenge and started flirting with her character in-game. The whole situation was just super uncomfortable at the table. My girlfriend, Blesser Soul, was too introverted to tell him off. The dungeon master didn't stop it either.

I stepped up and telling him off. But he had the audacity to say that it was just a game, brah, things went too far when his character got possessed by the ghost of a kid who made him way more aggressive. Long story short, he got into a fight with everyone. He essentially sexually assaulted my girlfriend's character while ranting about females always picking the wrong guy. The Dungeon Master called him out on that, and I straight

up killed his character on the grounds of him being too dangerous, but really I was super pissed. The guy storms off from the table. The campaign goes on for another hour, and the campaign lived up to its name and total party killed us. The mood was thoroughly spoiled. After that, my girlfriend didn't want to try Dungeons & Dragons anymore. I was sad since I wanted to give it another shot with her, but I respected her decision. I thought that was the end of it. That is, until the Ansel started stalking us on LinkedIn. More so, my girlfriend. This effing moron forgot that LinkedIn let you know when someone visits your page. My girlfriend is freaking out and is scared that'll try to find out where we live.

I tried assuring her that that won't happen, but internally I'm not so sure. The guy managed to figure out her other online handles. He sent her a friend request on LinkedIn and on Facebook, but for the most part he hasn't done anything yet. Today I f'd up by going home with an older man from the bar. This happened Halloween weekend and I'm honestly still reeling about the events of this weekend. So it was a normal Halloween party for me. I dressed up in my lingerie devil costume at some bar. I was intoxicated, not too intoxicated to give consent and I started chatting with some guy in his 40s. I, a 23-year-old girl, decided to go home with him.

The passionate hucking was incredible! As someone who's always been into older men and dadbots, it was nice to be man-handled low. The next morning I got up, called an Uber, and left after exchanging numbers because I most definitely wanted to ride that ride again. I noticed some kids' bedrooms. Last night he told me that he has two kids, an 11-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy, and this was his first night out since his divorce. Some backstory that I might have forgotten to mention.

I'm in school to be a teacher, and I currently work at an after-school program. While leaving his house, I realized that he lived in the area of the afterschool program I work at. I didn't think anything of it, so I went home to sleep off my hangover. Does anyone see where this is going because I sure as hell didn't? We text back and forth throughout the week, and we're planning to meet up again on Sunday after his ex picks up his kids. So I'm at work at this afterschool program when this kid, let's call her Bailey, says

that her dad is here to pick her up. I walk down to do the ID check, and guess who's there to pick up his daughter. It's my fantasy feeling Saturday night Halloween hookup. Mortified is too small of a word that I would use to describe this incident. Horrified looks were shared between the two of us as realization set in. I sent noods to the father of one of my students. This dude bit me over a kitchen table on Saturday night and by Monday morning I was helping his kid read in French. So yeah, this is my colossal screw up. But I'll still be seeing them on Sunday night. Obi, if it makes you feel any better, you're probably fulfilling his fantasies too.

Today I effed up by using the bathroom after a hot girl. So today I was eating lunch at this awesome Mexican restaurant in my area. I absolutely love their food, and they served their chips with the enchilada sauce on top with melted cheese. Oh my god. Anyway, I get up to use the bathroom, and they only have one, which is a unisex bathroom with a wooden door. I'm standing behind the door, waiting for my turn,

and up behind me walks a hot girl. Being a gentleman, I naturally let her cut in front of me. At no point in time was I hitting on her or expecting anything in return. I was simply trying to be a gentleman. However, I will note that she was pretty attractive. The person in the bathroom walks out and she goes in. A few minutes later, she quietly walks out, smiles at me as if she's thanking me, and then I go in. Good God, Father Almighty Maker of Heaven and Earth, I completely fell to the ground.

The smell was absolutely horrific and could best be described as soggy saltwater sand mixed with rancid meat. I immediately started to gag and breathe through my mouth. That only made it worse because I started to taste the smell which only made me more sick. Then I looked in the toilet to see the crime scene. She didn't even flush. It was like accidentally clicking on the worst,

not safe for work picture in a sleazy, underground, unmoderated form, or clicking to open the mysterious AVI file that you downloaded from LimeWire back in the 2000s. I kid you not that by this time I was having trouble keeping my eyes open as I flush the toilet. My mouth began to water as I gagged and dry heaved. I'm over two years sober and I hadn't felt that feeling since I quit drinking alcohol. I throw my hand over my mouth as my delicious Mexican food started to come out and expand my cheeks like two balloons.

I emptied the contents into the toilet and flush, unlike the girl behind me and bolt out the door. I go up to the restaurant staff and pull an ace finchura, shouting, do NOT go in there. Of course, they're going to think that it was me, so I tell them that I swear that it wasn't me. Followed by demanding that someone empty a bottle of for breeze or air freshener in the bathroom. Mrs. Chernobyl butt was gone by this point. I also learned today that someone small, innocent looking, and pretty is capable of making the worst smell ever created in mankind. Typing this, I still have remnants of that lingering smell in my nose, and when I got home, I threw all of my clothes in the washer and took a shower.

Opie, the fact that she didn't flush when she knew that you were waiting to use the bathroom behind her feels so personal. Like she left this specifically for you. That was our slash today I effed up, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.