Sex With Emily - Moregasms For All

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

While I believe orgasms are not the end goal of sex, who can blame themselves for wanting one? Whether you’re having partnered or solo sex, orgasms have incredible health benefits: boosted levels of estrogen and collagen, a huge dose of endorphins and oxytocin, better sleep and immunity. But namely? You want an orgasm because it feels good. That’s why on today’s show, I’m helping you reach climax. How can you still have numerous, deep orgasms? When you love anal play, but haven’t had an anal orgasm quite yet, how can you make it happen? And can all vulva-owners really have multiple orgasms? Find out all this and more on today’s orgasm show. Show Notes:Penis Issues & Innovations with Dr. KarpmanPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasurePromescent.com/Emily (use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can't we cover this stuff before we walk down the aisle? Like don't you think this is important? Do you want to be Jim at 58? I'm assuming they've been together for a while and he's like, yeah, I'm with a woman we've been figuring it out. You know, I want to figure my body out. Doesn't everyone? No, everyone does not want to figure their body out because, you know, shame, fear, trauma,

a lot of different things. But it's really just being open and figuring out what feels good to you. It's all exploring! You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Well, I believe orgasms are not the end goal of sex. Who can blame themselves for wanting one?

Whether you're having partnered or solo sex, orgasms have incredible health benefits. Like boosted levels of estrogen and collagen, a huge dose of endorphins and oxytocin, better sleep and immunity. But namely, you want an orgasm because it feels good. That's why in today's show, I'm helping you reach climax. How can you still have numerous deep orgasms? When you love anal play, but haven't had an anal orgasm quite yet, well, how can you make it happen?

And can all Lovato owners really have multiple orgasms? Find out all this and more on today's orgasm show. Integence with Emily, for each episode I want to start off by setting an attention for the show, and I encourage you all to do the same. My intention is to empower you with the techniques and mindset you need to explore your body's

orgasm potential, because when we're able to climax authentically, the entire journey of sex is enhanced, from start to finish. Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, Penis Issues and Innovations with Dr. Cartman is up at sexwithemily.com. Don't forget to check out my YouTube channel social media and TikTok. It's all at sexwithemily for more sex tips and advice.

And if you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily or call my hotline 559 talk sex or 559 8255739. Just include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. It's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Okay, before we get into today's show, if you haven't heard the news, I am coming out with a book. I am so excited. It's going to be released on June 13th. It's called Smart Sex. How do booster sex IQ and own your pleasure. I would love if you would pre-order it right now. It's a big deal. I'm learning all about this industry right now. And if you know you're gonna buy it,

just pre-order it now. I would be so appreciative. You can just pre-order it at sexathomely.com. Just go to the drop down menu, select new book. It's easy from there or go to the show notes. But you can also pre-order from indie book stores like Romans book store. You might not support your indie book sellers.

But what I can tell you is this book is truly going to change your life. If you think that this show has helped you, I'm really confident that when I teach you about the five pillars of sexual intelligence and you're upping your sex IQ, it's going to change your relationship sex. It's going to release shame and it's going to help you have better communication with your partner, all the things. So thank you for supporting the book and I can't wait to meet you when I take this book tour on the road. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. So you know that I am a fan of orgasms. I talk about orgasms a lot. And I want to be clear that I don't believe

that the goal of sex should be to have an orgasm. That's another one of those myths that we believe if I didn't have an orgasm. It means that I failed the sexual experience or I failed my partner because they didn't have an orgasm. And so one of the things I'd left in part is, not about all about that. Sex doesn't have to be so linear,

it could be about touch and connection and all those things, but I'm not gonna lie, freaking love an orgasm. In thinking about orgasms, you know, there is an orgasm gap, we know, like especially in the heterosexual couples, there's gap that exists, you know, men take anywhere from like six to 10 minutes to orgasm and women are like 10 to 40 minutes to orgasm and women are like

10 to 40 minutes. And so that happens. And as a result of that, there's a lot of women who are just kind of cheating themselves out of orgasms and partners who don't really understand it because what we see in porn or television is very different. So talk a lot about the pressure. As a woman, I can tell you that I felt so much pressure to orgasm and to be into it. Before I had this career, I thought, I didn't know about the orgasm gap. I just assumed, well, he's about to come, so shouldn't I be ready to go? And then you feel this pressure to have an orgasm, even if you don't want to have an orgasm. You know, you're not ready, you're like, oh, you know, I used to have this belief that

if it didn't happen by a certain time, like I remember staring at the clock when I was having sex with somebody, those red clocks with the red digital numbers, and there was like the blinking like lights in between, and they blink, and I used to think like, oh god, the blinking clock next to me, it's been eight minutes, nine minutes. Oh god, guess what I do, I gotta fake my orgasm. So I'm a reformed faker, my name's Emily Morse, and I used to fake orgasms. And the reason why I did it were a lot of reasons that I hear that you do it, especially as a woman, but let me tell you something.

Men fake orgasms as well. I remember that was shocking when I first heard that I was like, what? So I used to fake it, you know, partners fake it, and I realized that the reason, you know, they just didn't feel like fair after a while. And then I started doing this job and I'm like, oh, no, like, no, do not.

I used to be like, no one fake, oh, like if it was like a proposition on the ballot, I'd go around town being like, would you, if you vote no, that we shouldn't fake it. But a lot of the reason why all genders fake it and what I found is pretty much the same reason is because we want to stroke our partners' ego. We worry about, again, it's not even conscious, but we're like, I know that if I don't orgasm right now,

my partners are going to feel upset and they're going to wonder what they did wrong. And I don't have no, they have the words to tell them that I just, I need more time. I needed more for play. I needed more oral. Like, you were no near where the cl. Pounding away like a jackhammer doesn't do it. That's not the secret sauce. And before I had the language and the confidence to talk about sex, I would just think that that was like my option. And the other thing I would do is I know that sometimes I what I would do is I would start to quicken my like, it's called like the female like, copulatory, all the breathing. And I might

able to allow my breath to like, he's about to come. So I'm going to like, uh, like increase it. But it had nothing to do with my own pleasure. It's like, okay, this is going to get him to come. And it sounds like it feels really good, but it doesn't. You know what I'm talking about. And then I would also fake it because I didn't know how to orgasm with a partner. I didn't know how I would even explain to him. I didn't even know that he really wanted to really like figure it out. I'm like, well, I'm already doing something wrong here because I should already be orgasming. I don't want to be a burden. And I care about his pleasure more than mine.

That's the big thing that we do. We prioritize our partner's pleasure often over our own. And I'm not saying that men are walking around going great long as I had mine. I think the reason why a lot of us fake it is because I think that there's a lot of men who feel satisfaction. I know they do. The lovers that you want to be with are like, oh, I really want you to come. I really, I really want you to.

I'm so bummed. So there's just all this like misperceptions and confusion around pleasure. But let's talk to Rob 32. Has a question. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. role, uh, male friends in those years. Anyways, we're gonna ask you because you're talking to these orgasms, don't think they go, what's the best of this? This and they have like a really good orgasm. You're having anal sex to guess. Yeah. How do you have one? You just, you know, you have you ever had your prostate

stimulated or have you ever done any anal play? Oh, yeah. Okay. I've been all that. Yeah, I've done with Vildo, and I had vibrators and I don't that, but you know, you just can't get like, is it, you feel something that's coming but it just doesn't come as like it is. It's like it's right there.

Oh, you're saying that you get close to orgasm when someone stimulates your prostate, but you don't quite get there. Yeah. What about your penis? What if they're like playing with your penis and inside of you? Do they use their penis or a toy?

I can't, well, you see, I don't let the men bathe my penis by far, obviously. I have more like the sex for it personally. I would practice on your own. I know. Okay, so practice this stuff on your own. Even if you don't have a penis, use fingers, use a toy, use a vibrator. So on your own too, if you want to explore your prostate and see if you can actually have an anal orgasm, I would just do it on your own. And when you're masturbating, try.

Keep experimenting, keep breathing, and trying different positions. And I think you'll be able to do it, okay? Yeah, I've had several like lots of experiences, but I've always been like, like, little bit like little... Well, try on your own route, but every day for 30 days, thank you for your call route. I think that every day for 30 days, if you call in and you tell me that you want to try something different,

let's say you're like, I want to have a multiple orgasm, I've never had one. Then what I would tell you is that every day for 30 days for 10, 15, 20 minutes masturbate have one orgasm, breathe, breathe into your body,

explode if you would have an anal orgasm and just commit to it. Well, let's talk to Anna, 30 in Georgia. Hi, Anna, thanks for calling. How can I help you? I am, I'm struggled because I'm pretty sure I've never had a real orgasm and I'm 30 years old.

And so I've heard and read stories over the years of people who complain of this and they have anxiety or they were abused or there was some sort of connective reasons but I can't exactly diagnose that like I'm healthy, I'm exercise, I'm comfortable being physical with my partners and I'm an agamist relationship now. I've always been pretty honest with my partners that you know I have trouble orgasming but I've had to fake a few over the years that I felt like it was about them but I don't think it specific to my partners with I've been with a handful of different styles and sizes of men and and I've tried vibrators you know like all the things that

self-help articles tell you to do yeah so I just wanted to ask what you feel like women in my position should do if you had any other questions for me. It's a great question. And I mean, here's the thing. The good news here is very few women are an orgasmic. Like they just can't have an orgasm. It's not going to happen. There's something wrong with them.

So that's the good news. So I just believe that it's just going to take a little bit more exploring and a little more patience and to kind of go, you know, kind of explore your body without the goal of like a half-devin orgasm and here's what's supposed to look like because you mentioned, well, I've been with lots of guys and a lot of different penises but that's not how it happens for most women, the first orgasm. And I know your 30 hasn't happened yet. I didn't have an orgasm, a real one, I was like 25. And even after that, it took a while. So like, it's okay. You're on the path. At least you're curious about it. So my question is what's your masturbation practice like?

Yeah, I was gonna say if anything feels the best in me, it is masturbation. Great. I really enjoy like applying pressure to my, like my bone and my clip. Yep. Yeah, like your pubic mouth, like pressing down on that. It reminds me of like a massage on your back. Yeah, I know, I love that area. That area packs the pond. Yeah, that's great. So have you spent time really sort of exploring or just a few times? How much time have we put into this? I mean, I've been masturbating since I was a teenager, but I just think that what people

describe as an orgasm where it's just this ever-the-top release, or, you know, people have like a, like, Earth Day come or whatever. I don't do that. Like, I get really wet, even before I'm feeling anything. Like, I don't have problems performing sexually for anybody, you know, but I just don't get that over the top sensation. It's like I get 70, 80% there. Well, maybe there's a point where you just kind of breathe through it and you keep going when you feel like, like, how do you know when you're done? Like, you're like, it feels good and then I stop.

Well, I mean, I'm sure a lot of women listening would identify what always out to me is when the man gets off and. Well, no, I'm saying alone. I'm saying alone. No, no, no. Honey, you have to know that only 20% of women are going to have an orgasm because of a penis. 20%. It's mostly not with a penis.

In fact, we'll definitely the majority of women. So that's why it's on your own with masturbation, playing with your toy, pressing down on your pubic mount, using lube, fantasizing, breathing, like deep, deep breath. So, as we kind of oblock ourselves, because we're like, it's not happening, it's not feeling like this, I heard it's going to be like, this amazing, I'm going to see fireworks. I didn't see fireworks. What's wrong with me?

I better just give them a blowjob and go to sleep. So really, it's about like taking deep breaths. Like our breath can facilitate orgasm more than almost anything. Anneli, a few drops of lube. That really helps. Like slowing down, teasing your stuff, playing with your inner thighs and like moving your fingers up your labia, applying pressure, just experimenting. And without that goal of it, and you said you have a vibrator, listen, I had a friend,

Ana, and she decided that she really, she had not had an orgasm and she was like, I've got to do everything in my power, I'm going to go. And she went away, there's a college, she went away in an internship, I'll never forget this. And she's masturbated every single day for like 30 days, like the first week, she never orgasms. Second week, things felt good, she didn't really get there. And then third week, she finally had like an amazing orgasm because she took the time

and she was patient. And now now still one of my best friends Has like so many orgasms all the time because I really think it's about exploring because it looks different to everybody And I feel like you're close Anna. We've had a lot of great blogs on this We've got a lot of podcasts about it. So I just think that getting a little bit more inspiration Just I know that you're gonna get there. Not worried about you Anna, okay? All right. Thank you Of course, Anna. Thanks for calling right, thank you for my time. And thanks for calling. We have an email from Demonte 27 in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Hey, Dr. Emily, I am currently experiencing issues with bi-piness. The problem I'm facing is premature adeculation. But I don't think it's a typical premature adeculation after doing research and realizing that it may be from my nerve ending in my glands penis, having a hyper excitatory effect. This leads me to become stimulated too quickly.

I love having sex by partner and of my days where I have an extended period of time, but most days it's being stimulated too quickly. Also, marijuana delays my stimulation and I don't want to take any medications. I've had this problem for years and never understood it. All right, thank you so much, Demonte. I so appreciate your email here. You know, it's cool. It's a great time to be alive and to be sexual because there is so much new research that's happening right now with our genitals, whether it's our vulva and vagina or it's our penis and all of our glands. We are learning more and more now about pre-witcher deculation and you might have a nerve ending that is causing this challenge for you.

It's now commonly accepted that PE is a neurobiological phenomenon, so there are both biological and psychological factors that contribute to it. The psychological factors could be like anxiety or worry. There's many a man who it happened the first time they had sex or the first time they were with someone new and then guess what? They were so worried it was going to happen that every single time they had sex, they were ejaculating before they wanted to. And then something that keeps happening over and over again. And then you know, I teach a lot of different practices that men can do. They can practice edging, which is the point where you are masturbating until the point

of going over, like it's a skill of one to 10, 10 is ejaculating. One is your sleeping. You masturbate until you're about an eight, bring your bow to ejaculate, and then you can bring it back down to like a five, and then you bring it back up again to an eight or nine, and then you bring it back down. And this allows you to understand you're a ejaculatory control. So you know when you're about to go over. So that's a practice that I highly recommend. I also love a delay spray, especially promising. They're actually the only one I would tell you to use. I've been working with them for about 10 years and it's a delay spray that

helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed. You simply spray it on 10 to 15 minutes before you play with someone and it doesn't transfer to your partner. It lasts for up to an hour and yeah, you'll last 64% longer and I think many men just use it because they just don't have to worry about it either. They're like, I know if I'm using ProResident, I will not get there before I want to and there is no harm and it's easy to use. You can find more about that at promessant.com slash Emily to get 15% of your order that's PROMESCENT.com slash Emily for 15% of your order. And we'll put that link in our show notes. But also I want to say, if this is a problem with your nerves, you know, we did a great show with Dr. Edward Cartman. I would check out his website, which I believe is Healthy

Dash Mail. He's in Northern California. But what I love about Cartman and like minded urologists like him is that they're forever learning. They're taking advanced trainings, they're seeing what new technology is out there right now. So if this is a glands problem and you have nerve endings that become too stimulated, let's find you a doctor who can work with you. Maybe there's something you can do for this and you won't have to worry about it again. Also, to address what you said about marijuana, that definitely can help delay stimulation, but we all know that there's side effects from marijuana that aren't so great. So I don't love the idea of us relying on something like marijuana to take care of our sexual function. I'd rather have you try something that's like topical like a promising and I would love you to find a doctor who could work with you to get

the bottom of your premature regulation situation and see how we can help you make it to your sex life is satisfying every single time for both of you. Thanks so much for your email Demonté. I appreciate you. Let's take a quick break and when we're back I'll be talking more about all things orgasm and how to get yours. So don't go anywhere. Okay, we got a little bit of sex in the news here. Okay, sleep orgasms are a thing and they're spectacular.

All right, so I love this because 37% of women report having one 83% of men. And I was thinking, this is like, first off, I wish I had sleep orgasms. I had them years ago and it turns out, you know, usually we remember having them our teenage years. I'd like to bring it back if we get some out figure that out. And it shows that typically it is a hormonal influence. And now the other interesting about this, about having a wet dream, a sleep orgasm is that they can that that vagina have a report,

they can, they can climax only in their sleep. And I think that's interesting too, for people once we take away all the barriers of worry because we are so concerned about our partner's pleasure or what our body looks like, our orgasm phase we're way less mindful and there's all these inhibitions but when you're sleeping, well, there's nothing there, right? You can just, it's just your dreaming

and then you can have the orgasm. So you also know that it's promising sign that if you're not able to have in real life, you're able to have it in your dream, well, it's a physical, you are physically capable of it. And I just wanna say this, a lot of women think they're anal gasmic, but most women are just pre-organic.

Doesn't mean you can't have one. I just like to say you haven't yet. So yeah, so that's what happens. But I want, and thinking about this right now too, the sleep gasms, dreams about X's, that's been a whole other thing. What does it mean when you dream about an X? And I also want to say, if you dream about an X,

it doesn't mean that you should get back together. I think a lot of people are like, does this just sign? Does it mean that we should get back together? No. It does not mean that at all. In fact, it could mean that you have unresolved feelings towards your acts. It could mean that you want some closure with your acts.

It could also mean that maybe you're in a new relationship and you're worried, will this be successful? And what about, like maybe there's something that's triggering it's familiar to a current situation you're in right now. And sometimes it's just not about our acts, it's about us. I mean, this is what my theories and dreams are that

it's not specifically in small, like a youngy and model that Carl Young, the psychotherapist. It's about things that you dream about are like parts of yourself. If you're dreaming about a man in your dream, like, I don't really know that man, but you're a woman that it means that it was a part of your... It's like you're kind of like dreaming about a part of yourself. Like, they symbolize a part in you that's not resolved yet and that it represents something because a lot of times, James just make those hints. So, I mean, dream stuff is interesting because if you think about it,

you are creating that. Those are from your thoughts. That's from your pre-conscious subconscious. Let's talk to Jim 58 in Texas. Hi, Jim. Thanks for calling. Hey, O'London. I've been listening to your show here lately. And I love the discussions that's on it. Hi Jim, thanks for calling. Hey, I've been listening to your show here lately and the discussions that's on and I've got a question that I've been curious about for a long time. Every woman that I've been with, the exception of the one that I married,

they felt like when I've been with them, having an orgasm, you know, six or seven times, it's like, that's really cool. And I was able to, after spending a little more time together and doing toy play and whorel and contact and things to slow stuff down a little bit and have a more dasm and then back off where it's not too sensitive and kind of get to the point where it becomes like,

almost a way where they just don't stop and then all of a sudden have this super-organ. And I'm thinking this, is this just not that common for women to know how to experience that or is it just happen to be the people I've been with? I think it's, to be honest, I think that a lot of women, and I think a lot of people, all people don't experience, they sort of just accept where they're at with sex. They just sort of stagnate and they're like, this is how I can orgasm. And I think that the majority of women, especially, can have multiple orgasms, but it's just

trying it. It's just saying, oh, wow, I just had an orgasm and now I'm going to, you know, maybe breathe, pull the toy away, take a break for a few seconds, whatever, and then go back into it. I think a lot of, you know, breathe deeply that many women can actually have multiple orgasms. They sort of have this assumption, which, which we have to change that if they haven't had it before because they've had sex so many times, like when I say sex, I mean, penetrative sex has happened, I must not be able to, but that is just not true.

I mean, I can't tell you in all the years I've been doing this, how many women have let me know that they'd never had norgasm before. I have had multiples and then they listened to the show, they read blogs on our website, we have a lot of blogs on our site about it, and they can make it happen. I think Jim that it's possible.

We just gotta try it. I mean, I don't like me like I can make it happen. I think Jim that it's possible. We just got to try it. I mean, I don't like me like I can't have it. I'm like, have you tried? Well, no. How do you know you got to try? So I think many women can, but they just don't try or they don't know it.

Yeah, and I was just surprised. I want to know everything about my body. And, but anyway, it's been a fun journey getting there with them. And like I said, the one woman that kind of had it down as much as I did, I married her. So that worked out. I love that, Jim. That's great. I enjoy your show.

I'm so glad, Jim. Thanks for listening and thanks for calling. I appreciate it. Yeah, you know, you want I guess you want to marry that person That's the thing you want to cover you guys. Let me just tell you this You know people I know end up in marriages long term marriages were like we just don't My partner's not adventurous, but I want to try new things or they want sex all the time and I don't and Can't we cover this stuff before we walk down the aisle? Like don't you think this is important? Don't you want to be Jim at 58? I'm assuming they've been together for a while

and he's like, yeah, I'm with a woman. We've been figuring it out. I want to figure my body out. Doesn't everyone? No, everyone does not want to figure their body out because shame, fear, trauma, a lot of different things. But it's really just being open and figuring out what feels good to you. It's all exploring.

Okay, let's talk to Lauren 37 in Virginia. Hi Lauren, thanks for calling. Recently, so I've never enjoyed getting oral until this my partner now. And, you know, I enjoy it, it's great, whatever, but then it seems like not every time, but seemingly recently, like majority of the time, when I can tell, you know, we're in home stretch, all of a sudden my consistency goes away, or even if he starts to say like it's about to you know I'll tell him not to so that I just don't know that it's about to happen and I can keep the consistency and it's almost like the kick in the golf. I try to like focus on like a symbol in my head and that works like one time but I just want to know if there's something that you might suggest could help.

Okay wait are you saying let me try to understand Lauren there's something that you might suggest could help. Okay, wait, are you saying, let me try to understand, Lauren, are you saying that you're giving him oral sex? And then you tell him to let you know when he's about to come so you can prepare yourself. But then he doesn't. Okay. When he is about to, either he left like I can tell because he says something or I can just tell somebody language. like I can tell because he says something or I can just tell from body language, then all of a sudden whatever I'm doing, I can't get that consistent pattern.

Like in my head I just start doing it with a tiny bit of hair different and then it throws everything off. Oh, so you're saying he's like, I'm about to come, it's happening, I'm gonna come and then you like, when we're like, don't stop, don't stop and then you stop and you change the pattern.

Yes, I stopped the pattern. Oh, interesting. Okay, Lord, how many times does this happen? I mean, I typically make it happen, like I would say 95% of the time, but I mean, it's been happening recently a lot. Like, I can actually make it happen. It's just that it takes a lot longer because I just, you know, I skip the beat. So you happen, Lauren, how much are you moving what you're doing?

You're probably going faster, maybe applying a lot more pressure like with your tongue or something, and then you just like, stop. No, it's like the risk, like say, I'm freaking, like doing my risk in a certain way. Well, you know, I need to keep it consistent, but then I'll just like change it a little bit more, like twist a little bit more, or twist a little bit less. And then it's just the consistency's thrown off.

And it's just, it's like a little bit more. Just say it too, is he like, come on, Lauren, don't stop. Like, have you guys talked about it? Well, yes, we do. Oh my God, I got in my head again. So, you know, it's like, and no, he's fine. I even told him, like, don't tell me. And he's okay. But then, I don't know, I haven't avoided attachment style. Is that something? Maybe that's correlated to that. I don't know, like a month ago. Oh, I don't know. Avoid attachment. Maybe, and probably not.

Do anxiety. Do get anxious when someone tells you something and then you forget it like in the moment or you try to remember something that's important, you know, and then you, like when there's pressure. Not too often, but sometimes. Yeah, I guess that was sometimes I would say. Okay, this is so interesting because I get what you're saying that there's pressure, but maybe you're just being really hard on yourself.

I mean, I think that it's fine. Like I think that now if I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna give you permission, like, so what? No one's perfect, so maybe in that moment, maybe you just save yourself, I'm gonna you hear it, and you're like, I'm just gonna keep going. Maybe you just really be mindful. You know what helps me sometimes

when I forget something that I'm doing like a pattern, even when I'm like working out, right? And like, I'm with like someone at trig, and my, like, if I was in, when I was in Pilates, and they were like, do this move in the sense, I forget the move, I just really don't think about anything else. I focus on what I'm seeing, what I'm doing. Like I look at my body and like, how am I moving?

So I can remember the position. I mean, I think if you actually start to pay attention, and you get out of your head, and you think, hand going up and down, mouth up and down, and then you just don't, you're just focused in the moment. Maybe you won't be so distracted by, oh, I gotta change this up or something. Just really keep going with it, you know?

But I don't think it's also a big deal. If you don't, also I think you're being really hard and you're just like, he comes eventually, right? Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, they're not issued, like, but it's just like, I mean, I guess it's better because it's like a build up and build up and build up. And then, so I guess I am. It's like edging. It's like edging him.

It's fine. I mean, you just pretend it was on purpose. Honestly, my thing is to focus on the five senses in the moment. This helps ground me. You can even just do two of them be like, what am I feeling? What am I hearing? What am I feeling, what am I hearing, what am I tasting, what am I smelling right now. Whenever I focus on all the five senses during sex,

it helps me focus, so if you're like my hands on as penis, I am listening to the sound of my mouth going up and down. I am hearing my breath, right? And then you're like, in it, give like a mindful blowjob. All right, I see what you're saying, like ground yourself. Ground yourself in the five senses.

Yes. So what I'm saying is when I do that during like workout classes, the second I start thinking about something like work or something, I trip, I lose my step. So I just try to be focused and think of it that way. Just be in the moment. Be in with his pleasure of what he's feeling because I feel like with blowjobs,

when you're really in it, kind of won with the penis. Like, I know what it wants, and I can connect, it's energy. Like, there's no question that this penis needs this in that moment. I mean, sometimes I'm not focused, but when I am, I'm in it to win it. No, but you know, I made it and I'm focused.

So now, so maybe that's my second learning curve. It's a learning curve too, for sure. It's always a learning curve and also going easy on yourself. All right? Lauren, I think it's fine and I think that if you go in now armed with the five senses and just saying, what am I doing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and then you'll be like, when you're present in the moment, you can't be anywhere else. You can't be worried, you can't be thinking, you can't be in the past or the future.

So let's do some grounding exercise and let me know it goes. I'm here for you. Thank you anywhere else. You can't be worried, you can't be thinking, you can't be in the past or the future. So let's do some grounding exercise and let me know it goes. I'm here for you. Thank you, Dr. Emily. Bye, Lauren. Thanks for calling. I appreciate you. Thank you.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739.

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