Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Extra! Extra!
Episode Date: January 18, 2023Hello Smas and Das,We hope you enjoy this bonus episode! Extra Extra is our fortnightly bonus episode that our SMA+ subscribers receive!For January & February you can subscribe to our Lucrative Lucrat...ive Sponsor Tier on SMA+ and get 50% off for 3 months. No adverts and fortnightly bonus content for half the price!Just use the code BEEF . Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.
Witness the birth of evil.
It's all for you, no don't.
The First Omen.
I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Mother of what?
Is the most terrifying.
Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.
Movie of the year.
It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.
Who said that?
The First Omen.
In theaters Friday. Get tickets now.
Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?
Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for
CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental
Health to support life-saving progress
in mental health care. From May 27th
to 31st, people across Canada
will rise together and show those
living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.
So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.
Hello, smars and dars. Hello. Hi, hope you're all all right out there. Now, what you're about to hear is a mini episode.
This is what we call Extra Extra.
It's the fortnightly bonus segment
which we gift to our lucrative, lucrative sponsors
who support us via Shag Married Annoy Plus.
We thought we'd give you a little taste of the shenanigans
that are happening over there
and let you know that for January and February,
we're offering 50% off the price
of a lucrative, lucrative sponsor
subscription for three months for new subscribers.
Just click the link in the episode blurb to sign up using the code BEEF.
BEEF.
That's B-E-E-F.
They all know how to spell beef.
Just checking, you know.
Some people, you know, very silly.
Very silly.
Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.
Well, auld angzyne and a happy, happy new year
to all of our SMA Plus listeners on ACAST Plus.
Thank you so much for subscribing.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
This is...
Extra, extra, read all about it.
Happy new year.
What accent is that?
It is American.
It's not, but it's supposed to be like,
extra, extra, read all about it.
But you're like...
That's exactly what I do.
It's not. It flutters. It goes up and down oh because i because i deliberately put a bit of a
reverb on it you put reverb like not a reverb sorry ed sheeran's loop pedal
speak negatively about ed sheeran's no i was not but i love ed sheeran's loop pedal i love
everything about ed sheer. I was speaking negatively
about the fact that you think
you can just hoist some reverb
on your voice like you're
a bloke from Police Academy
or Kanye West singing anything.
Weird.
Yeah.
So there we go.
Can't remember Police Academy.
It's been a long time
since I watched that.
Can't remember Police Academy.
Has it got something to do
with The Simpsons?
Sorry?
Has it got something to do
with The Simpsons? Is one of the people who's in police
academy a voice on the Simpsons? Maybe. I think that's a fact. But you remember the
two main people from the police academy that everyone. Not really. Right think of give
me now two characters from police academy go. I couldn't. Come on just two characters.
Chris I couldn't. Everyone is screaming characters Chris I couldn't everyone is screaming
right
it wasn't a big
part of my life
unbelievable
I'm so sorry
this whole marriage
has been a fucking lie
well tell us some
quotes from it
I don't have any quotes
oh such a big fan
but all I'm saying is
the two people
I can remember
the two main ones
whenever anyone thinks
of Police Academy
the two people
that come to your head
is the guy who
fucking screams all the time
and the guy who does
all the sounds
they're the two
that come to your head
wow there's about six Police Academy films and the guy who does all the sounds. They're the two that come to your head. Wow.
It's about six
Police Academy films
and you just let them
all pass you by.
Yeah.
Oh, what's his face
with the blonde hair?
Oh, Jesus.
I want to say Steve.
Steve with the blonde hair.
What's his name?
Not Steve Martin.
The other one.
The tall man.
American man.
This is horrible.
Oh, God.
God almighty.
God.
Delete all that.
People have paid for this.
People have literally fucking paid for this. I'm deleting this, is gonna no don't no so as you all know listening here this is extra extra that we are doing now thank you for being
here thank you for sticking with it the hard slog of the first six episodes where we didn't know
what the fucking rules were um two rounds uh i've been scouring up and down the news.
I say scouring,
saving weird news stories
that pop up on my Instagram feed
because I was reading one today
and I accidentally clicked on the main page
of a news website,
saw a couple of bits of news,
put us in a depression hole
for like 20 minutes.
Oh no.
I can't look at it.
I can't look at it.
Did I tell you just how quickly
I went to a pub the other day?
A pub?
Daytime drinking with the girls.
It was a Christmas day.
Well, it was meant to be a night out, but kids ruined it,
so I had to go out during the day.
And in the pub, whilst we were having our Christmas night out,
day out, just the news was on.
And I was like, this is so sad.
Was any music on?
Oh, very faint.
Very faint.
Wasn't good music. Was there a dad in the background? No, it wasn't Christmas music. It was just somebody? Oh, very faint. Very faint. Wasn't good music.
No, it wasn't Christmas music. It was just somebody's
Spotify who works there.
So the news being on, that, to me,
that smacks of arrogant
bartender who's like, well, I know it's people's
days out, but fuck them. I want to watch the news because it's quiet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so annoyed.
The only thing I think more annoying than
that would be if they had some kind of YouTube yoga
class on and they were just doing it at the bar. I think more annoying than that would be if they had some kind of YouTube yoga class on and they were just
doing it at the bar
I would prefer that
I would actually prefer
that than Sky News
and Sky News is a
very aggressive colour
it's like very white
oh there's lots going on
there's the bit on the
bottom
it's like
whoa
jeez
yeah
I believe
Ross Noble the comedian
used to do a bit about
it years ago
and he was like
the whole fucking screen
is just bad shit happening
in the world. He's like doing the really
good routines. Bad shit.
Bad shit happening. Very good.
Yeah that basically sums it up but again
that's not what you want on your Christmas deal. No and there was three tellies
pointed at me.
They were massive.
Honestly.
Were you in a pub or were you
in Curry's PC World in the TV session? Had you took some cans of gin? were you in a pub or were you in Curry's PC World
in the TV session
had you took some
had you took some
cans of gin
it was definitely
a pub
and I was like
I think the football
is probably on here
a lot
right okay
turn one of them off
Sky Sports News
is depressing isn't it
oh people who watch
Sky Sports News
non-stop
I don't know
have we talked about
this before
I think so
because my ex
used to absolutely
love it
people have just
constantly got
Sky Sports
deadline day oh it's getting sold not someone being have we talked about this before? I think so because my ex used to absolutely love it. People have just constantly got Sky's boards.
Deadline day.
Oh, it's getting sold.
Not someone being sold.
Oh, fucking hell, man.
It was the golf that used to get me, man.
Oh, no.
Oh, jeez.
No, no, no.
I wouldn't have the golf
slagged off on telly.
It's relaxing.
I like the green.
Same as Snooker.
Yeah, I suppose it's a bit nicer.
The green.
It's nice.
Oh, Snooker, no.
Yeah, it puts you to sleep.
It's lovely.
Lovely.
It's boring as shit
quiet
little balls hitting each other
like that
oh he's lifting himself
on the boat cushion here
that is a good
that is a good snooker
yeah yeah
it's always on deadly
and you just go to sleep
should we do this quiz
oh go on then
let's do it
why not
I'm too excited
because we haven't done
the proper podcast
episode 200 will happen
on Friday
this comes out on Monday
episode 200 will happen on Friday so we've got on Monday. Episode 200 will happen on Friday.
So we've got nothing exciting planned for that.
Just going to do another episode.
But we'll talk about that when the time comes.
But anyway, extra, extra.
Round one.
Three headlines coming at you.
Rosemary Ramsey.
Yes.
Nii Winter.
Coming at you.
Two real, one fake.
Don't question it because you know that's the fucking,
that's the crack.
Two real, one fake. Two real, one fake. I'm glad we finally got you know that's the fucking, that's the crack. Two real, one fake.
Two real, one fake.
I'm glad we've finally got that.
Okay, are you ready?
I'm ready.
Got a couple of things I spotted over...
So I was saving loads of headlines and stuff and stories over the Christmas,
and then I just went through them all on my phone and forgot about most of them,
which is quite fun.
Oh, that's good.
I saved them when I was drunk.
So now I've got to experience them again and read them again,
and the ones I made up as well.
So there's a couple of festive ones thrown in here,
just to get out of the festive season here. um oh that's annoying because once christmas is done
i like to not talk about christmas at all okay well we'll just okay no no extra extra this week
guys she's put her foot down fucking hell man right you ready yes headline one doctor is warning
people of the dangers from viral holiday trend of masturbating with Christmas ornaments.
What kind of ornaments?
Well.
Baubles?
Yes.
Alright, with baubles.
How do you masturbate
with baubles?
Is this man or woman?
Carefully.
It's women.
It's women?
Mollying them up.
Oh, of course they are.
Of course they are.
The idea of a glass b bobble shattering inside a
vagina makes us want to die horrible makes us want to horrible so uh according to data from
the uk's national electronic injury surveillance system that's why oh god well i think i mean
they made a right mess of marv's feet on Home Alone when he climbs in the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've broke about three over Christmas.
Just by dropping them.
Or was he?
According to data from the UK's National Electronic Injury Surveillance System.
Yeah, UK.
Right.
It was a UK doctor who issued the warning.
There were, drumroll please,
13,213 cases in which people aged 25 to 64
inserted decorating
festive items in their bodies in
2021 alone. Oh my
God. So
13,213
13,213
That's disgusting.
Disgusting. Stop
putting things up your backside
and over vagina.
Yeah.
What?
Get that on a t-shirt.
What the hell?
What goes through
people's brains?
I'm horny.
This is the closest thing,
however.
So,
candy canes
have been used.
I can understand that.
Well,
the sugar
can upset
the delicate
ecosystem
of inside the vagina and give you a thrush. Well. Because the sugar inside there the delicate ecosystem of inside the vagina
and give you a thrush
well
because the sugar
inside there
if you are sticking
glass baubles
up your vag
I don't think
you're that fazed
by the occasional
bout of thrush
now this is one of the
most disgusting things
I've ever said
and as I just thought of it
I was a little bit sick
and it's maybe
people are going to say
maybe you holl your bauble
up the bauble shutters
and you just stick
the candy cane up
to hook it all out
oh Jesus Christ
I feel sick
you know like
an old play
with a ship
and a crew comes
on and pulls
someone off who
doesn't know
their lines
sorry everyone
this is a horrible
way to start the
year but listen
you fucking
signed up it's
your fault you
knew what you
were signing up
for
tree ornaments
shouldn't be used
because they can
break and smash
inside causing
trauma and turkey
basters were used, which is just...
I'm after a new turkey baster, actually.
Well, yeah, because you've had it, that would be funny.
Big, nice, thick one.
But turkey basters have already been used, but that's just disgusting for your guests on Christmas Day.
This gravy's a bit...
Don't say fishy.
It's a bit fadgy.
Oh.
I was going to say a bit fadgy.
So what do you think do you think a doctor
issued a warning
saying don't put
holiday stuff up
your vagina
before Christmas
this year
I think
I kind of do
did you see
on Twitter recently
when they released
like some new
sort of glass
Christmas tree
decorations
right
and they were like
pointy
it was really
posh ones I think
and some doctor
retweeted it
going,
do not stick these.
For fuck's sake.
Anyway,
basically,
because they just look like dildos.
And he's like,
please,
for the love of Christ,
do not.
So yeah,
I kind of do.
Great.
Great.
Okay.
That's that there.
Next one,
coming at you.
UK pizza shop accidentally texts thousands of customers on christmas eve
telling them that they are fat festive pigs and should lay off the pizza until 2023
how'd you do how'd you accidentally do that so um the story is uh it's a you know how basically
domino's and Pizza,
Papa John's and all them will text you with deals and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah.
I would have had a Domino's once and they've messaged me every week. I don't even like pizza.
I still get them.
Stop saying you don't like pizza.
I don't, honestly.
You do.
I wouldn't choose it in a line-up of fast food.
It would be last.
Right.
You went to the pantomime the other day.
Where did you go after?
Pizza, please.
There we go.
Right.
Whenever I've got a pizza, what do you steal?
Pizza.
Slices of pizza.
Shut up.
Stop saying you don't like pizza.
Stop saying you don't like cheese.
I don't mind a pizza.
There we go.
There we go.
So in 10 seconds.
Not my favourite.
In 10 seconds of cross-examination, I've took you from I don't like pizza.
I'd rather have a Chinese.
All right. I will do, Brendan. I'm sorry. I know. have a Chinese. Alright.
I'm sorry.
I know that was
a prefer a flan.
Now listen.
The small pizza shop
in Woking
has set up a text
service to customers
for deals and offers
similar to what
the large pizza chains
do.
But they have proved
that it is not easy
to hang with the big boys.
Just over
1,300 people on their list were text on Christmas Eve,
Christmas Eve, with the festive message.
It's been investigated, but they think it was an accident by an employee.
He doesn't know how to use the system.
Do you think it's a begrudged employee?
A disgruntled employee, I believe is the word you're looking for.
Yes, disgruntled employee.
Or maybe someone who was like, look, typed in the system,
when she was sending them all this
and then like
pressed enter by accident
yeah
did you know that
a place in America
text
doctors
text everyone
saying that they had
cancer
Jesus
yeah
when
not long ago
oh my god
why
is it
no
no no
that's awful
I've seen that
back on Twitter Chris you're Back on Twitter, Chris.
You're back on Twitter?
Yeah.
I'd rather be called a fat festive pig, to be fair.
Same.
Next one?
Yes.
Okay.
Next one is, fans warn Samuel L. Jackson after he spotted liking hardcore porn on Twitter.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I saw this.
Ah!
I had a feeling you might have seen this one. I can't lie. I had a feeling you might have seen this one I can't lie
I saw it
you know this was true so we'll just discuss this anyway
it was his birthday
it was his 74th birthday
and he was on twitter just watching a bit of porn
and he was liking stuff
and his fans were like
stop everyone
can see
what you're liking!
Why was he liking it?
Can you imagine
sitting on Twitter
just going through
he's cool as fuck
and he's a good actor
and he plays amazing roles
and he's
you know
he's fucking
almost ageless
mainly I think
because he's
basically been bald
for years
and every film
is like a fucking
different cool wig
he's got like a wig guy
Yeah that's true
I'm a very big fan of Samueluel you know 74 sitting on twitter you've got to understand
there is going to be like you know unless you're a 74 year old who fucking invented twitter or works
for twitter there is going to be parts of you where you don't really know what you know you
don't know what's going on it's technology and i'm not being horrible here but why is he watching
his porn on twitter rosie i was i'm shocked and appalled every time I see porn on Twitter.
There is a lot of porn on Twitter.
It frightens.
So much porn.
Yeah.
It frightens us.
Hardcore as well, isn't it?
You know, just...
Like, obviously, I've got mates in Shields who like stuff like that,
and it'll pop up on your thing, and I'm like,
this is full-on hardcore stuff popping up.
But he liked...
Yeah, he liked some seriously hardcore stuff,
and everyone messaged him going,
you need it.
So he didn't like it.
He didn't like them all to be fair,
but it was his birthday as well.
Oh, happy birthday.
74.
74.
He's still got a wanker at 74.
Hey,
don't you ever
put an age limit on wanking.
Don't you ever.
Yeah,
they've since been deleted.
He's stopped liking them.
Has he been back on Twitter?
I don't know.
I don't.
He probably just went straight
to go to a porn site.
What's wrong with you?
Well, you don't know. He's maybe old school. I don't know. Doing it on Twitter? How don't know. I don't. He probably just went straight just go to a porn site. What's wrong with you? Well,
you don't know.
He's maybe old school.
I don't know.
Do you know on Twitter?
How's that old school?
I don't know, man.
It's not old school.
Well, then he's very millennial.
He probably put Twitter down
and went and got his DVD player
of all porn DVDs
and put them in.
But this makes,
this makes the quiz
a lot harder actually.
Because now you know
it's only 50-50.
So now I know it's right.
Okay, so that is true. Sorry for everyone for ruining that but that is true yeah now and then you are going to look
at stuff you're yeah i did both inhabit the same world oh yeah i don't know what so on my instagram
i think fitness stuff and some of the stuff i follow there's a crossover with lasses getting
their tits out and now and then a lass getting their tits out. Well, you know when you click
on this magnifying glass.
Look at him trying to
come up with these excuses.
Oh no, hey,
I'm not saying I didn't look at it.
A lass with her tits out
pops up on my phone.
I'm watching it, right?
Look, big fan of boobs.
Yeah.
And I've said it before
and I'll say it again,
big fan of boobs.
But I often think,
do people know
that I've just looked at that?
But I think if you don't like it
or you don't comment,
I think you're arid. I've got no idea. But I don't, don't like it or you don't comment I think you're arid
I've got no idea
but I don't
it's like your phone
goes oh I see
you watched someone
doing some
bicep curls
oh you've watched
someone do a squat
he has more of that
oh that was a girl
doing a squat
oh you like bums do you
he has a big bum
in your face
but it depends
so the algorithm
the way it works
is that I love
like food videos
so I like a lot
of food videos
so that I get more of them
but I don't like
and it might
do you know what it is
it might be extra extra
I might have liked
some weird news articles
or you don't even
have to like them
if you're spending time
reading them
oh Jesus
the length of time
that you spend
reading or watching
them videos
they'll show you
more of that shit
you need to watch
The Social Dilemma
on Netflix
that explains it all
right okay
I've asked you this for years.
You've never watched it.
When someone over eggs
telling us to go watch something,
I don't want to watch it.
Right.
You went on about it too much.
Fuck you.
I'm just going to continue
watching porn on Twitter.
Great.
Right.
Great Samuel.
That's them three.
That's them three.
So that's two now.
So get rid of Sam.
Get rid of Samuel L. Jackson.
Right, okay.
So that was true.
That's gone, right?
So it's 50-50.
Yeah.
Doctor is warning people of
the dangers from viral trend masturbating with christmas ornaments very on brand for the podcast
and uk pizza shop accidentally text thousands of customers christmas eve called them fat festive
pigs in the chile of the pizza in 2023 so i've got a theory here i think that you have seen
that article where the the doctors text everybody telling them they had um terminal cancer
and i think you've gone oh i'm gonna change this to a pizza shop and we're walking walking right i
think you have said good i'm gonna i'm gonna change this to a pizza shop okay and i think
so i think it's fake and i think the doctor warning people not to stick up baubles up their
vaginas i think that's true okay okay well i doctor warning people not to stick up baubles up their vaginas
I think that's true
okay okay
well I can officially reveal
that you started the new year
with a winner
yes
completely true
yes
and me method
you've got me method as well
I wrote down the lung cancer one
and I was like
this is so fucking morose
I'm gonna have to change it
to something else
it was in Doncaster
the lung cancer one
oh was it not America
it was on the 23rd of December
the sentence people
yes
the sentence in that aggressive lung cancer yeah yeah yeah not America it was on the 23rd of December the sent them to people yes so did you see that as well
aggressive lung cancer
yeah I had it the day
I had it written down
but I was like
this is a comedy podcast
talking about aggressive lung cancer
well see
I mean ironically
we actually have been
talking about that
I know how your brain works
Ramsey
but it was
yeah the real story was
UK Medical Centre
accidentally texts
thousands of patients
telling them that they have
aggressive lung cancer
instead of wishing them
a Merry Christmas so bad really bad so bad imagine that imagine if you just beat the doctors
as well well that's the thing for most people that i went well this is just wrong but there
will have been actually people waiting for oh jesus i know just before christmas as well i think
the the the hide of a fucking text out straight away going look yeah sorry about that by the way
merry christmas but the damage was done by damage way damage was done babadoo babadoo babadoo
right next one
you ready
yes
three more coming at you
here we go
let's dive right in
see sorry listeners
you've got to be clever with this
I'm trying it out
smart smart
honestly it's like
a game of chess you know
sitting coming up with these
it takes me ages
to come up with these
because it's
with picking them
and putting the right mix in
I can't have two
really boring stories and then like mix in I can't have two really boring stories
and then like
man fucking
I don't know
I don't want to say
anything off the top
of my head
because I might
use it next week
man eats own feet
here we go
man who spent
£12,480
to become a dog
worries his friends
will think he's weird
how do you become a dog worries his friends will think he's weird.
How do you become a dog?
How do you become a dog?
That's what I... And how is it only £12,000?
Wow, you think he's had a fucking...
You think he's had a bargain?
Well, I'm sorry.
Like, has he got fur?
Right.
Okay, so that's your initial thoughts.
A man with a desire to become a dog
has fulfilled his lifelong dream
after purchasing a £12,480 human-size collie costume.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
But worries his friends will think it's a peculiar habit.
So, hang on.
So, I went really, really, like, sci-fi film.
You went...
In my head, I was like, really like sci-fi film. You went...
In my head, I was like, right,
so he's had a full body hair transplant.
A dog-ostopy.
Yeah.
A dog-oplasty.
And he's had like, you know,
do you know the man in America
who looks like a cat
where he's literally had whiskers
like put in his face and everything like that?
Right, okay.
So that's why I said...
Or did you think that this guy
maybe jumped into a teleporter with a dog so that when he came out the other end... No, I didn't think anything like that. Right, okay. So that's why I said... Or did you think that this guy maybe jumped into a teleporter with a dog
so that when he came out the other end...
No, I didn't think anything like that
because that's ridiculous.
But he's just bought...
He's just bought a dog costume.
Right.
He's just bought a dog costume
and he'll probably just make his van
into the dog of Dumber and Dumber.
This is stupid.
Of Dumber and Dumber.
So, sorry.
Why would he become a dog
and then get inside a bigger dog to travel? I don't know. There's rules here. Did he have a dog costume on in that? He did, why would he become a dog and then get inside a bigger dog to travel?
I don't know.
There's rules here.
Did he have a dog costume on in that?
He did, didn't he?
Yeah.
Yeah, so that's what I'm seeing now.
I'll be honest with you, it's a bit better than his dog costume.
A Japanese man named Togo is sharing updates of his life as a giant dog
after he spent 2 million yen, which equates to £12,480,
on a human- sized collie costume
he's always dreamed
of becoming an animal
and now he dresses up
as a dog
a few times a month
to live his childhood fantasy
well
he shares videos
on his YouTube channel
he's learned
he can feed dog food
and roll over
for belly rubs
and lie in a hammock
you know it's going to
turn to his tiddler
you know it's going to
turn to his
they're telling you
all the nice bits
but you know two paragraphs down it's going to be saying like tiddler. You know it's going to turn to his... They're telling you all the nice bits, but you know two paragraphs down,
it's going to be saying, like,
Toco, court and pog, shagging dogs
against their will.
Or should we call him Toto?
Oh, very good.
Little Toto.
Oh, very good.
It's horrendous.
Well, I hope, for Toco's sake,
I hope this one isn't real
because he's just been fucking dealt with.
Okay, he also said he rarely tells his friends
because I'm afraid that they will think I'm weird.
My friends and family seem to be very surprised to learn
I've become an animal.
You haven't, though.
You're just putting your way in a costume.
I mean, you know what it is, right?
You could have thrown out, right?
Pun intended.
Could have thrown out a couple of bones at first
to try and gauge their reaction
before he went and spent what seems to be
his life fucking savings on a dog costume.
Oh, jeez.
Jeez Louise.
Okay, look, if it's real
we'll talk about them later.
Now listen.
Yeah.
Next one.
A study finds
wasps are more likely
to sting you
if you're horny.
Well,
there's me.
There's me
never getting stung again.
How do they know
if you're horny?
It's a pheromone,
isn't it?
This is ridiculous.
A study carried out
in the summer of 2022
has found that a human
in a state of arousal
attracts wasps
and angers them more.
That's ridiculous.
How's it ridiculous?
This is science, Rosie.
No, nah.
I don't think you give
anything off when you're horny.
Maybe if you were
just about to have sex or just after sex. Right. But I don't think you give anything off when you're horny. Maybe if you were just about to have sex.
Or just after sex.
Right.
But I don't think people walk around horny, do they?
Never know.
Some people do.
No, you have to be in a situation to feel horny.
Right.
You can't just be like walking down the street going,
oh, I've got the horn.
You have to be, surely you have to be around someone.
Maybe you might not.
Oh, well, clearly not.
But flesh and blood blokes like me,
maybe I walk down the street horny all the time.
Every time I get stung by wasps.
Fair enough.
Listen, what's your initial thoughts?
Bollocks?
Bollocks.
Right, okay.
Candidates taking part in the research
were asked to become aroused
and then enter a controlled area
filled with some 300 wasps.
Well, the blood's probably pumping more.
Oh, so there is science behind it then.
Right, well, but I don't think it's horny though is it i think it's just like listen to the fact
other candidates were asked to enter the room in a normal state brackets not aroused the study found
that in all cases the aroused people attracted over 68 percent more wasps than the non-aroused
people so don't be getting horny at picnics all right okay then i'll save me horniness for after
november what if you turn what if you're turned on by wasps well then you're fucked nightmare
isn't it well you'd probably love it yeah but then then it'd be a vicious circle and they keep
getting you then you're like oh god this is horrible but i was fucking loving it yes yes
final one you ready? Mm-hmm.
Okay, so that's two out, you're there.
Final one.
Burglars in Florida call 911
to get help moving stuff from the home
they were burglarising.
That doesn't surprise us.
That would probably happen, yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah, possibly.
But it's like the same old story
of when
people burgle houses
and then get beat up
and they're like
oh
I'm a Syrian
you're like
you are burgling
the fucking house
well
this one's a little bit
further than that
so two criminals
who robbed
I'm taking the word
allegedly out
because they keep saying
allegedly in all of these stories
and it's fucking annoying
the shit out of us
because there's no
because it's the media
and there's actually
no truth behind anything
that's how they get away with it.
Yeah.
Two criminals who robbed a convenience store
and then took the stuff back to an empty house
that they were robbing,
called the police to get help
shifting the stolen stuff.
So they robbed a shop.
Then they went back to this house.
Went back to a house that they were robbing as well.
Which, an empty house,
so it was like almost an abandoned house
for people on holiday or something. Right. So think of, house, so it was like almost an abandoned house or people on holiday
or something.
Right.
So think of,
again,
Home Alone.
We've used it a lot
as a reference at this point,
but think of that,
right?
I can't,
it's after Christmas.
Great.
I think of Walking Dead.
Excellent.
They also wanted a lift,
very different,
they wanted a lift
to the airport
to go to New York
for the weekend.
Who are these people?
Lunatics.
The 911 call was made
but no one spoke
and the female admitted
after that her
was her intention
to get the police
to help them move the stuff
and drop them off
at the airport
with all the stolen stuff.
Imagine robbing a house
and phoning the police
to get them to help you
move the stolen shit.
Imagine being that much
of a fucking idiot.
Yeah, but there is people like that. I think that, oh don't know i don't know this is hard yeah maybe maybe maybe this next
bit i'll help you because when reading the article um which i may have made up um can you remember
that old sort of traffic cops american show on on Channel 5? What was it called? I can't remember what it was called, but it was Sheriff John Brunel.
Sheriff John Brunel.
And it was always like, the suspect ran another stop sign,
but the Alabama State Troopers were hard on his tail.
I do remember, yeah.
So the end of this, it's like he wrote it, right?
Deputies did help them with their belongings and did give them a ride
but it wasn't
to jail
but it wasn't
to the airport
it was to the state pen
I'll listen to it
I've been listening
to a podcast
at the minute
from
Deadline
oh god
I've heard of them
do you know what it is though
the stories are really interesting
but the narration is
It's so American.
It's so fucking American.
I kind of love it though.
Yeah.
Kind of love it.
I used to love that
Sheriff John Brown.
Those two old ladies
weren't so old
after all.
Oh God.
Brilliant.
Okay then.
In summary your three in this one that you have are Man Who Spent £12,480 brilliant okay then in summary
your three
in this one
that you have
are
man who spent
£12,480
to come a dog
worries his friends
will think he's weird
study finds wasps
more likely to sting you
if you are horny
burglars in Florida
call 911
to get help
moving stuff
from the home
that they were
burglarising
which is a great word
right
I'm
one is real sorry one is fake two are real i
really want uh the dog want to be real because i want to see a picture of him okay in his suit
okay so i'm gonna say real okay dog real fair enough um ridiculous but i'm gonna say real yeah
i'm gonna say
do you know what you watched Home Alone 4
over Christmas with Robin
right
and they were in an empty house
right
squatting over the road
right
no Home Alone 3 was that
Home Alone 3
you did watch Home Alone 4
I watched Home Alone 3
which was actually not
as bad as I remember it being
wasn't too bad
Home Alone 4 was like a fucking
a nightmare
I've never seen it
it was like an acid trip
right
if anyone listens
who's involved in that
anyway
I'm really sorry
and I don't like
slagging off other people's art
but fucking hell
it was like
it was like
I felt hung over
watching it
it was mad
do I need to watch it
no
no
it was mental
okay
it was like someone
had told you about
Home Alone
when pissed
and then you would
went and told
someone else at the story right fucking mad okay so i'll not bother um but you watched home alone
three when they were in an abandoned house over the road so i feel like you've made and and they
had to go to an airport and they were and something got picked up in an airport so i think that one
with the burglars i think you've made that up. I think you've made that up. But I think, what's the other one again?
Wasps more likely to sting if you're horny.
Okay.
I can reveal that at the start of 2023,
you're one for one.
You are wrong there.
You are wrong.
Wasps making you more likely to sting if you're horny.
I made that up.
That was from my silly little,
sick little brain.
Oh man.
Don't know where it came from.
Dog is real.
Yes. Dog dog is real yes
dog man is real
is there a picture
and the burglars
that is also true
but it was a fucking
absolutely nuts story
but here we are
right
hang on
is he a collie
is he
an old school collie
like the black and
he's Lassie
he looks like Lassie
ah god
right
I've got to be careful
turning the laptop around no okay so it's brown and white yeah this is like a Lassie he He looks like Lassie. Ah, God! Right. I've got to be careful turning the laptop around.
No, okay, so it's brown and white.
Yeah, this is like Lassie.
He basically looks like Lassie.
Yes, I'm so excited.
I'm going to be careful
turning the laptop around
because I don't want to pull
the things off of the mic, right?
This is 12 grand.
Normal reaction.
This is like 12 and a half grand, right?
God knows how much it was to post it.
Right.
I want you amazing.
Everyone listening,
pause it,
get the photo up now
and listen to Rosie's reaction
when she sees it. Are you ready three two one fuck me i don't say that he'd be up for
that no that's that's really real oh isn't that terrifying if he honestly if someone was walking
him down the street i would have to look for a good five minutes until I realised. That's unbelievable. Oh, there's a video.
There's a video, yeah.
No, that's a real dog, Chris.
I'm telling you it's not a real dog.
That's a real dog.
Isn't that absolutely insane?
That's... wow.
There he is eating his dinner.
There he is in a hammock.
In a hammock.
Chris, that's a real dog.
It's not a real dog.
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It's not a real dog, but I'll tell you what,
he's fucking done well, like, because you think it's a real dog. I'll tell you what he's fucking done well
because you think
it's a real dog.
I think they've had your life.
Shit.
Amazing isn't it?
Sorry Toto.
Honestly
next tour
I might come out
in one of them costumes.
12 grand?
Business expense.
Business expense.
Fair enough.
Can I have one as well?
You can get one each.
And then only the people who listen to smart plus i'll
know what's going on and most people will be going what the fuck is this shit
okay thank you very much for listening guys rosie very well done 50 50 there
awesome stuff right thank you so much for subscribing we bloody love you bye