Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 274 - Dana Gould

Episode Date: June 17, 2013

Comedian Dana Gould joins us to talk acting method, taco spills, and conspiracy parents.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 274 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's fun for all ages, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's right. What does that refer to? I don't know. Toys?

Oh sure, yeah. Or theme parks? All right. Well, three and up. Yeah, no, that's not all ages. I know, but I got a lot of things in my pockets that people can swallow and choke on. Oh, absolutely. You know kids, they put everything in their mouths I know, but I got a lot of things in my pockets that people can swallow and choke on. Oh, absolutely. You know kids, they put everything in their mouths. Ugh, they're the worst.

Or the greatest. And our guest today, very funny comedian, writer, host of the Dana Gould Hour podcast, Mr. Dana Gould. Good morning. Hello. How are you? I'm good. How are you?

Good. Thank you for being a guest on our podcast. Thank you. I say morning now, although people might be listening at night. A lot of early risers. I'm cognizant of the evergreen nature of your show. And all shows. Time for you.

Good listening time, audience. Do you want to get to know us sure now that's a weird have you ever like because now everything is kind of evergreen like have you ever watched saturday night live on like on a sunday wednesday afternoon uh no i haven't i don't watch not not a patch on saturday night live i can't watch i rarely watch comedy just because it's it's like work is it ruined for you the whole comedy thing that's something because then occasionally i'll watch something and i'll go oh wow that's really funny like somebody was like have you seen portlandia i'm like no i no, I know Fred. I don't have to watch Portlandia. And then I was like, oh, this is great.

Portlandia actually reminds me of Kids in the Hall. Like it really does zero in on a very specific social subset of which I am a part. So I really like it. But it's just I have so little time to do anything. And my television viewing habits are really arcane. Nine times out of ten, I'll watch Perry Mason on MTV. Whoa. Yeah. Nice.

I'd much rather watch Perry Mason. Who is – And watch him get fatter and fatter and fatter. By the last season in 1966, he's the SS Burr. I mean he's – Yeah. He literally gained like 100 pounds over the course of the show. He's buried around here, isn't he?

Yeah, he's from here. There's a theater in kind of one of the smaller cities around here named after him, the Raymond Burr. In New Westminster? Yeah. Really? Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, yeah. You should take a trip.

There's a fascinating story about Raymond Burr that Tom Kenny told me, the voice of SpongeBob Squirpence. Yeah, that's how they say it in England, right? Squirpence. Spider-Man. Squirpence and the Richer. My favorite balloons at the parade were Spider-Man and SpongeBob Squirpence. that he was gay and that his publicists at the time to cover up the fact that he was gay because you couldn't be openly gay in the late 50s, early 60s, invented a wife and child that died in a private plane crash.

Oh, wow. What? And they basically just said, don't bring it up to him. He can't discuss it. He'll never marry again. He's –'s in. And everybody back then was like, got it. No sweat.

Sure. Yeah. So like they would tell the press, like, here's this thing. Don't bring it up. Yeah. Wow. And the press was like, all right. Yeah, sure.

All on board. Then they were very, very. That's that's a great way to be a confirmed bachelor. Yeah. And that's what it was back then. You just when we were kids, it was just like Paul Lynn and Charles Nelson Reilly. They were just guys that wore ascots. Yeah. These guys know how to have fun. Exactly.

Exactly. Roddy McDowell, Paul Lynn, and Sal Mineo just heading down to Palm Springs to rage. Meet some ladies. That was, I feel like that was a mainstay on kind of 80s sitcoms. There would be a neighbor or a friend or whatever that was just like a swinging single guy except that they made him like he was always with ladies.

But you never saw him with ladies. Yeah, yeah. Well, there was always – there was Howard Borden on the Bob Newhart show and then there was the guy on Three's Company that was always at the Regal Jiggle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Larry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Larry. Yeah, Larry. Larry. You know, like you never saw Larry or you'd see Larry with his arm around a lady, but he never had like a girlfriend or anything.

But you know late at night when no one was around, Larry was riding the pole and then crying in the morning out of guilt and shame. Would we put David Leisure from Empty Nest? Because he was like a captain of a cruise ship or something? I'm pretty sure he was in a Suzu salesman. What am I thinking? You're right. You're right. He would always come over in like his captain regalia.

By the way, cruise ships, the worst places on earth. Really? Oh, I've never been. I've never been. But I can imagine. I did a Disney cruise with my family last summer and it was just ghastly. So what happened? What's the difference between a Vegas with no escape and a lot of chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese?

Still sounds pretty good. All the things you said sound great. What is it like? Are there mascots and stuff on a disney oh yeah it's yeah it's a lot of that but what the weird thing is about a cruise that you don't realize or certainly the cruise that i went on is like i thought you know what it'll be really good is that at night when the kids are in bed like we can go out on deck and hang out on the cruise ship. No, you can't because at night is when they make up their speed. So literally when you go out on deck, it's like stepping outside of an airplane. It's just like – it's just a hurricane. You can't go on.

So you're sort of stuck in this thing and it's a lot of kids in a confined space. And then when you do go to a port, it's just that ghastly tourism. You're with a group of people on a bus and you go to a terrible beach and you get a paper cup of orange drink and you just want to blow your brains out. It's like the – whatever the one that – like where the toilets overflowed and stuff. Carnival cruises. Yeah. All the elegance of a real carnival.

Yeah, an inescapable carnival. When I think of a carnival, I think of a guy with a bad tooth running the Himalaya. Himalaya, Himalaya, Himalaya, do you wanna go faster? Sounds of the Midway.

Yeah, I wanted to be that guy. Me too. I love carnivals. Creepier the carnival, the more i wanted to be that guy me too i love carnivals yeah creepier the carnival the more i want to be spreading sawdust all over the deck yeah yeah and just uh i remember they they they were the last of the guys that would roll up a cigarette pack in their sleeve dave kechner and i did a show in la called carnival which was just like a weird carnival nice but we stopped doing it because it took effort. And that's not something carnies are given to. No.

I was given an offer of a job to work for a carnival at one point. I went to college instead and I don't necessarily like, I still kind of regret that decision. You could pass. There's a tradition of I I'm really attracted to – because basically all show business is carny work, especially when you're on a production that you think is the apex of your career. But you're living in a trailer.

Yes, sleeping under a thing. Yeah, it's everybody's eating together. Yes, sleeping under a thing. Yeah, you know, it's everybody's eating together. But it's a beautiful familial camaraderie that you get that you don't get when you're just touring as a stand-up, which is just like being alone and watching Perry Mason and going on eBay. So, you know, that is funny, but it's just a lot of mud and trailers. Yeah, it's true. You're eating candy all day.

Eating candy all day. A lot of people in cargo shorts with a big thing of duct tape hanging off their... That's right. Weird tattoos everywhere. Oh, yeah. People with a bag of clothespins. Everyone's wearing jackets that they were given from their last job. Yeah, from old other jobs. See that guy with the Back to the Future 3 jacket?

Go over to him and see the guy with the underneath baseball hat? Make a left at Stargate. Yeah. Make a left at Stargate SG-1 and then go to the guy

with the NCIS TB-5. And everything is a show. I was on Titanic. That was a long show. And I did the different strokes reunion movie. People just jump from thing to thing. They don't really. To them, it's just a show.

They have no discernation about the quality. Discernation, a word I just made up. And Leonardo DiCaprio was on both. So they could see how people would get confused. When I talk about TV. Bad actor, by the way, Leonardo. When I talked with them about TV, they say things like, oh, no, I can't watch that. You know, when you're into sets and set craft, you know, I can't watch Portlandia.

I'm friends with Fred. Not Fred Armisen. Fred, the guy who designs the sets. So Leonardo DiCaprio, bad actor? I think he's a bad actor, yeah. He does what we would do. He was such a prodigy, though. But he, yes, and because he's a prodigy, he hasn't had to work on his craft.

I think that he does this thing that we call indicating, which is he tells you with his face and his voice how his character feels. When a lot of times in life, you don't actually telegraph how you feel. You kind of. You use voiceover. But you bury your feelings and people don't like, you don't always, if I'm angry now, I don't always do this. I, you know, sometimes you, yeah, you just go like blank. Do a little thing called the new truth, which is what is the truth I'm going to show you.

just go like blank do a little thing called the new truth which is what is the truth i'm going to show you and uh i just think he's very if you look at al pacino in the godfather part two he's very still he's very quiet but there's a hurricane going on inside of his character that is very compelling and then over the time all of these people turn into vincent price you know i i don't know what movie it was with Al Pacino, but around Scent of a Woman, they get to the point where all they do is they talk quietly, and then they yell!

And then they talk quietly, and Nicolas Cage does the same thing, where he'll talk quietly, and then he'll go upside! And it's just every Vincent Price movie where it's like, I understand your car broke down. Please, I insist that you stay here in the castle.

Don't talk to any of the paintings. And then he goes back. It's a date again. It's all a very – they're just schools of TV acting. Now, like if somebody just doesn't react, right, is that – you know that experiment um they would show a bunch of people the same footage of a guy just staring off yes that's the uh crew you know german it's a russian woman uh did it and it was one of the earliest film exercises and i want to say it's like it begins of the cave and i don't know her name it's it's actually a brilliant it was a woman staring flat

into space unexpressionless and then they cut that with a child and they showed it to people and people thought oh my god she loves that child so much what a great actress and then they showed it with a cake and people thought oh my god she's so hungry she really wants to eat that cake and then they showed it with a casket people oh she's so sad right she loved person so much. Then a cake in the casket. And then a dead cake. Yeah. And then people were so confused. I went to a cake funeral today that went on forever.

And that's what you do. The less you do this, you know, there's a really brilliant thing called acting in film that Michael Caine hosted where you, you know, the camera is a machine that photographs people thinking. Ooh. And you don't need to show them anything. You just need to think it. And I'm only now learning this. And so like – In my advanced age, in my dotage.

Because you act. You've acted in a bunch of different – I do act but I'm getting ready to do very, very serious real acting and I've had to unlearn a lot of terrible comedy habits with a really brilliant acting teacher who's taught me all of this like what's a terrible like for example indicating indicating like is indicating like thing how how is the best way to say this line right well i don't know i think he came over there but right that's not what you're supposed to comedy is your line my line your line my line that's typical comedy but the way to really do it is your line what i think right my line and don't have any architecture to how you say your line just ride on the theory of what your line was um right like uh here's an

example you can edit this if it's really boring i know i think this is very we're learning uh let's say you're gonna say um uh the podcast is gonna go four hours today okay and i'm gonna say oh that's great sarcastically so okay Here's a bad way of doing it. The podcast is going to go four hours today. Oh, that's great. See, that's bad. Oh, that's bad. That's bad. Oh, this is what a real, okay, here's to really, what a real actor would do is, I can swear, right? Yeah.

Okay. Say it again. The podcast is going gonna go four hours today so my thought to that is fuck you so I'm gonna think that and then say my line give it to me again uh the podcast is gonna go four hours today oh that's great nice yeah yeah see one is real and one is performed it's like uh what was his name robert mitchum is he the real tough guy yeah yeah he uh he said it was just like his acting method was just to memorize the lines and then just like have a conversation that's all you have to do if you're rehearsing and people know you're rehearsing you're doing it too much what if uh yeah i don't know if someone was joking

but i had heard that christopher walken gets all of his lines without the punctuation in them. Oh, that's very true. That could be true. That could be true. Really? Marlon Brando used to have his dialogue written down in cards where he could see it because he was so into his head that he knew if he didn't – he knew the only way to stay in the moment and to really be in the scene is if he didn't know what he was going to say next so it kept him in the moment and then he would

see his line and then he would say it but that was literally it was just like because he was so supernaturally gifted now are you supposed to yell line on set you can i have oh really yeah oh that's uh does that not take everyone out of it oh yeah but if you gotta get it if you gotta get it you gotta do it i feel like i heard a story and there's some i'm sorry no go ahead no i just like there's like there are iconic performances that like are are like bad performances and they're iconic and there are some that and and then there are some that are bad that actually work like um there's a there's a really funny thing and uh this is really nerdy sorry no you're in the right you're on a podcast yeah that's true yeah please apologize for those of you for those of you who listened to the director's commentary on Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan, sorry, ladies, taken. William Shatner talks about the news when he finds out that his son has been killed.

And he goes, I counted the steps back to the captain's chair and took just the right amount of steps back that I would slip. And Kirk would never slip. That's the worst thing in the world. He made it so mechanical and unfeeling. But it actually kind of works because. kind of works because well it's like isn't it like uh like you were saying al pacino's whole second half of career has been all these crazy like explosive yeah performances but that's what everybody kind of knows them that's what the impression is now yeah but the great for a camp for to be on film you can really be like my favorite comedy of all time is Dr. Strangelove. And Peter Sellers, for all his brilliance, never once upstages Sterling Hayden.

Right. Who barely raises his voice. But he's just, he's there. Yeah. And he's doing it. And he believes it. Yeah. There's a great line.

There's these small lines that are so wonderful. At the beginning of the movie, Peter Sellers comes into Sterling Hayden's office and Sterling Hayden has a Colt.45 pistol, not a drink. He's sitting there with Billy Dee Williams. And he has the gun pointed right at Sellers. And he goes, Mandrake, you realize as we sit here chatting so amiably. He's got a gun pointed at his stomach. He has a great line in one of my favorite movies, The Killing, a Stanley Kubrick film where it's basically the blueprint of Reservoir Dogs but it was made in 1957 or something. Right.

And they're all – the guys are planning the heist. And Elijah Cook Jr., this is a really amazing character actor that was in every movie ever made, his wife wanders in to the meeting looking for him because she's a harpy. And then she finds out the plan and then she wants her cut and then she wants to to leave and sterling hayden goes look at you you got dollar signs where your eyes ought to be sure i'll let you leave but if you did you might talk and if you talked i'd have to slap that pretty face of yours into hamburger meat they just don't write dialogue like that anymore no but he also just like he doesn't i'd have to slap that he just throws it off. I'd have to slap that. He just throws it off like I'd have to buy some shoes if I step in dog shit.

You know, he's just like, yeah, I'd have to do that. Now, like. Turn down the role of Quint in Jaws. Really? Said I'd rather go fishing. And then he went fishing. Hmm. He could have done both.

He put his money where his mouth is. Yeah, that's true. But, you know, if the offer on the table was Jaws or Going Fishing, they could have said, hey, you know what? We're sitting on set. Yeah, we're open to both. He was a hardcore dude, Sterling Hayden, man. He was this big, crazy film noir icon, oddest looking leading man in the history of Hollywood, looked like a shoe. Best-looking leading man in the history of Hollywood, looked like a shoe, and then became like a real Ken Kesey, like old-school hippie, like grew his hair really long, smoking giant spleefs all the time.

Huh. Just as crazy, went out of his mind. Did he live on a houseboat for a long time? Yeah, like lived on a houseboat for a long time. And they said, do you want to pick one? And I was like, nah, I'll just go on my boat. Wow. He just had no – he was a man. Nothing says I'm checking out like living on a houseboat. Yeah, I'm checking out.

Yeah, like I'm not even going to live on land. Yeah, it's like not even shed in the woods. And I hate boats. Like we go to Hawaii and I go on a boat every time. Like we're going to go out to Molokini and I get sick every goddamn time. And I go every goddamn time. And we went once. We're going to take a submarine and look at fish.

All right. That's the best way. And the first thing that I think is I don't want to go on a submarine. I'm kind of – I'm not claustrophobic in small spaces, but I am claustrophobic when a door is locked. Yeah. And when you're under the sea. Yeah. Like if I can't get out, if I can get out, I'm fine.

But if I can't get out, I get a little weird. Yeah. And so my first thought is, I don't want to do that. And so, of course, I say, great. Yeah. And then we're on the boat out to the submarine and I'm starting to slowly panic. And I'm with my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law and their kids, my wife and our kids. And I'm slowly getting a little.

And my daughter is like, dad, the mermaids have tongues. Like just like throwing. I'm trying to like I don't know. I'm trying to like meditate, like calm down. And then I get on the – and it's literally – it's like, all right, we're going to seal the boat. Five, four – I can't be here. I got to get out. I got to get out.

And then so they stop and they say, really? I go, yeah, I'm not kidding. I i gotta get out of here um i'm gonna have a panic attack and i bet you they get that at least once a day yeah and so they let me out to get on the boat with the people that just got off the submarine and i acted like i had just fixed something all right you're all're all set now. And then the people on the boat, I was like, what was wrong with the submarine? It was nothing. You were never in any danger. But my sister-in-law said, you were green. Yeah, I bet. Were you always that way?

I can't remember. I think when I was a kid, I would have been like your kids, asking questions about mermaids and stuff. But now the idea sounds miserable to me. What? Mermaids? Going on the ocean. There's nothing miserable about mermaids.

They're majestic and beautiful. Majestic and beautiful. From what I understand, when I was two, my grandfather, who was a cock. Like professionally? No, just an a-hole who is dead and who I do not miss. It took me shopping when I was two and left me in the car while he went shopping. Oh, okay. You're not supposed to do that.

Yeah. This was 1966. So it was a different world. And I'm hoping he cracked the window. But I was two or three and I just – my mother said, you just flipped out and he brought you home and you were like hysterical because you're not supposed to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that permanently like imprinted because when you're that young, all that stuff gets put right on your hard drive. Yeah.

And I think that that like you said, like you're not supposed to be where you can't split if you need to split. Airplanes are OK though? For whatever reason yeah because i only just recently was on an airplane and it's the first time i've ever had that thought like i want to get out of here and it was you know you can't we're all gonna die together yeah i don't know why there's no reason that i shouldn't have a problem on airplanes but i don't and i've never had a problem and i've never had that thought before where there's been still like an hour and a half left of the flight, and my brain was like, all right, let's go. And I was like, no, no, no, no.

There's only two halves of your brain going like, no, you can't. Well, because it's like necessary, but like the idea of going on a submarine for fun. Oh, that's true. Yeah. And these people in the submarine corps do it for like six months. I don't know how they do it. Oh, they go crazy. Don't they?

They all go crazy. Yeah, they get sea madness. Sea madness sea madness wow that's awesome not unlike space madness yeah well that's what's the isn't it like what's the guy that just came back from space there's like a chris hadfield yeah canadian guy that was like he had you know he was sending uh videos back on youtube of him like covering um dav David Bowie songs and stuff. Oh, I saw that. Yeah. Yeah.

And so now I could see it because you've got constant access to people. But yeah, in the 60s when they were first going up, it would have been just you and then like whatever radio. Yeah. And that's it. And they all had cyanide capsules that they could chew out of the lining of their helmet in case they got stranded in space. Really? I've heard of cyanide capsules hidden, yeah, but I didn't. I think they're, yeah.

For astronauts? I've never heard of them. It makes sense. Like if you get stuck in orbit, if you can't get back, you can do yourself a favor. Here's a pistol. So you don't like starve to death in space. Yeah, exactly. So you don't like starve to death in space. Yeah, exactly. So you don't slowly suffocate.

Although I imagine having seen the last James Bond movie, a cyanide capsule can go terribly awry. Right. And if you don't have access to designer clothing,

you can't become a supervillain. You're just stuck. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. If I, if I, I don't know. Would I want to starve

to death in space? Probably not. But I'd be one of the only people ever to have done it. So, right? Everyone's kind of gaga over this astronaut guy. Yeah. I think I'm the only one who doesn't like him. Oh.

You're like being in an enclosed space. Like think of your first day of college and you show up and your roommate is playing an acoustic guitar. That's true. And then you're trapped in space for six months. he not alone is he with a dude he's probably with two or three people who never you never see yeah they're like maris or vera so yeah if i was in the thing i would be in the background of every video going how do i poop teach me again Teach me to poop again. I've been holding it since Cape Canaveral. This is worse than the submarine.

That's what people want to know, right? Oh, it's a terrible procedure. Yeah, there was an astronaut that came to my school when I was a kid. And showed everyone. They said any questions and every kid in the assembly's arm shot up. And he was like, all right, here come the bathroom questions.

Because that's every kid was like, how do you pee in space? Mary Roach wrote a book on that. Really? She writes books on like the science of sex and the science of digestion. Oh, how do you sex in space? And she did one all about space stuff. Has anybody had sex in space documented? I'm sure.

With a space woman. Yes, James Bond at the end of Moonraker. Next question. This NASA panel is great. And there's also, well, there's also, yeah, there's like a vacuum seal involved. I know that. And also that the people in their EVA suits, when astronauts have an EVA suit, they basically have a diaper on. One quick question.

What does E stand for? I don't know. And what about VA? We could look it up. It's when they're outside the ship. Okay. Probably extravehicular activity. Nice. Extravehicular activity. There you go. We could look it up. It's when they're outside the ship. Probably extra vehicular activity.

Nice. Extra vehicular activity. There you go. And they have a diaper on. Oh, yeah. Well, of course. There's no port-a-body. Port-a-san.

And if there was. So it's nice to remember one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Probably had a full diaper. Done by a man in a diaper. Yeah. Ah, yeah. A lot of great things done by men in diapers. And it would be great. One small step.

I just made. Yeah. But I don't want to go back to the ship. You don't have to. Yeah. I've delivered my payload. What are you talking about? I think you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, there's a lot of... I had some strange carrots on reentry. Your mission was just to pick up rocks. And I did the opposite. I planted a little more than a flag up there at Tranquility Base. These NASA scientists are really big into pranks. If I went on the moon like that, I would have. You mean went on the moon?

If I was one of those dudes, I would put Easter eggs down by rocks. Oh, my God, the Easter Bunny's been here. If you guys go up there there there's a special treat waiting for you um yeah or you leave some kind of treasure up there or a bunch of a bunch of uh orphan socks like this is where they go yeah oh yeah there's a portal that goes from the dryer to the moon a bunch of keys that don't keys combs chapsticks a couple of wallets it's all here you it would be a good gag i left my keys on the moon how do i get back yeah exactly you show up at your house make sure there's lots of reporters around so you can do that gag um do you think that the

what what do you think the astronauts get to keep from these missions? Like what – because we all steal office supplies, right? Memories of terror. Yeah. Like what would you – if you could take one thing, I would take the suit I guess. Yeah. I don't know. I think they take rocks.

I guess they all had a rock or something. Yeah, probably. Maybe they're bark bags. Again, to go back to our pet topic of Planet of the Apes, at the beginning of Planet of the Apes, he's inside a spaceship smoking a cigar. That's true. I can't see how this is a good idea. Now, do you – Planet of the Apes came out before the moon landed.

Yes, it did. We didn't know anything back then. I still think... We had pressurized cabins. Nah. You could smoke on airplanes. That's true, yeah. But, like, people...

I remember that, too. It was horrible. What, smoking on an airplane? Yeah, yeah. Ugh. I think you still can. And then you go back into the smoking section, and it was just like this horrible cloud reeking. It's so funny how things change so drastically.

Now the concept of smoking on a plane is so foreign, but it was not that long ago. Yeah. You could smoke on an airplane. Smoke in a hospital. It's horrible. Smoke at a funeral. Throw a cigarette butt in the casket. That was all fine.

Comedians would go on The Tonight Show, and they'd smoke, and they'd finish, and they'd just drop it on the floor. It seems rude. It is. There's a video of Alan King on The Tonight Show, the Ed Sullivan show, and he finishes his butt, and he just drops it and steps it out and continues his set.

Yeah. It's five minutes. Can you not smoke for five goddamn minutes? Rudeness didn't exist back then. You could eat, like, fried chicken out of a bucket on the show. You could go, yeah, the president, several presidents ate sandwiches during the State of the Union. That's right. Reading an Archie while giving your oath.

I do know that, yeah, I do know that Carson would always smoke. You could see Carson when he'd come back from commercial. And cigarettes aren't litter, by the way. If you know anybody that smokes, they'll just throw those on the ground. For some reason, they're classified as not litter. Where if it was a soda can and you just threw it on the ground, people are like, what the hell are you doing? Or even that much paper.

Like if you're throwing a candy wrapper on the ground. But cigarettes are not litter. People used to throw cans out of windows, right? Like that used to be a thing. Yeah. There was a really funny thing on Mad Men. They were at the park and they were having a picnic and he just finished his beer and chucked it. And I remember that.

They shook off the picnic blanket. Yeah. I remember all that. But yeah, like now you would be. Not that long ago either. No. No. Recycling.

I mean recycling still doesn't exist in some places. Yeah. You go to Las Vegas and you're like, where do I throw this beer can that I can drink on the street away? Oh, yeah. Oh, just throw it on the street. Yeah. Just drop it. Yeah, that's right.

That policy, just drop it wherever you're finished. Vegas is so overbuilt that there's no sense of geography to it whatsoever. Like you never know where – I think that's by design. You never know where you are or what time it is or how – there's no sense of geography to it whatsoever like you never know where i think that's just by design you never know where you are or what time it is or how there's no it's like or whether you're inside yeah it's like the city in logan's run it's like where are we is there a street did i get on the wrong tram yeah it's so insane it's weird in vegas when you because like i never thought of vegas as being you – because I never thought of Vegas as being a city. I just thought of it as being that chunk of street.

Yeah. And then you get outside of that. A boil on the desert. Yeah. And you're just kind of like, ah, this is really boring. There is nothing. There is nothing going on outside of the – The few times I've gone to Vegas, in my mind, when I think of Las Vegas, I hear this music.

And then you go to Vegas and this is what you hear. It's totally different. And I still trick myself into thinking it's going to be 1966 when I go there. Yeah, you're wearing a skinny tie. Yeah, and everybody's going to be groovy and look like Don Draper and it's not. I wonder if it ever was. Yeah, sure it was. I mean, there was always filthy mob money and people dead everywhere. But they make it seem like it was very romantic back in the early days.

like it was very romantic back in the back in the early days but well it wasn't romantic but it was if if i could use this word it was it was not as uh it was classy in the sense that it wasn't uh it wasn't as grotesque right okay it was smaller and sparser and and it was like adults only it was adults only it was yeah it was adults only and everybody wore everybody's dressed so nobody in shorts and no no no yeah flip-flops and say no you were a yard of margarita around your neck yeah yeah no there's none there was none of that i was i kind of admire that kind of like old school yeah but i always just wonder like if the people that you know tell the story make it sound like classy. Of course they do.

Yeah, of course they do. I mean it was always also like – and if you stepped out of line, the mob would kill you. The big things were terrible. The small things were nice. Yeah. We'll never know. Right, guys? We'll never know.

No one will ever invent a time machine because they haven't already told us. Exactly, right? They haven't come back to tell us. Oh, man. Yeah. And if they did, we'd kill them, right? It would immediately be used for porn. Like every other scientific advancement, it would immediately be adapted for porn. Hey, do you guys want to go back and hang out on the set of Deep Throat? Exactly. That's exactly what it would be. I invented a time machine. Can I meet Sika at her prime? for porn hey do you guys want to go back and hang out on the set of deep throat exactly that's

exactly what it would be i invented a time machine can i meet sika at her prime yes yeah we can only go back once but let's do it oh man uh sam kinnison was hanging out with sega who was the big porn star in the 80s and he thought it was so cool and i was always like but sam she slept with 10,000 people you're just the 10,000th and first now if you were with nancy reagan that would be cool yeah that'd be impressive oh man you should be with mother theresa she doesn't even have a boyfriend go back in time and meet young n Reagan. Look who I'm with. She's had sex with more people than live in Wyoming. Nancy Reagan?

Nancy Reagan in her day. Nancy Davis at the time. She was sort of blowjob queen of Hollywood. That's not a joke. She was... Read it up. Look it up. Don't take my word for it.

Okay. All right. Blowjob queen of where? Hollywood. Oh, Hollywood. Oh, my. Also, Pat Priest, the first Marilyn Munster,

very famous fan of the art of fellatio. Wow. Oh, man. Does that change my feeling about this? And oddly enough, the guy that plays Doogie Howser. Oh, there you go. He still plays him? Neil Patrick.

That's sad. Is there a museum of some sort in Hollywood? A museum of great logos? I bet Doogie Houser. We were talking about how Leonardo DiCaprio hasn't gotten better

with age. Like, he peaked at 16. Do you think if in the Doogie Houser universe, Doogie Houser is just a shitty doctor?

Yeah, there's no way to not improve. Yeah, I agree. There are very, very, very few cases of people who continue to reinvent themselves and to continue to stay relevant yeah yeah it's a terrible thing to peak when you're

young it's like guys all the guys i knew that were hot shit in high school are all kind of sad now but like if you're hot shit it is just like having a nice car in high school it's sad but if you're hot shit was being in Titanic, it's still pretty good. Sure, sure, sure. But he's never had a performance since then that I thought was like, oh, that's good. No, I take that back. He was really good in that Catch Me If You Can. Oh, yeah.

He's a great – this is my opinion, one man's opinion. Here we go. He's a really terrific, light, comedic actor like Jack Lemmon. Oh, yeah. Rock Hudson. He's great at that. He's lighter really terrific light comedic actor, like a Jack Lemmon, Rock Hudson. He's great at that. He's lighter than air. He's terrific. But he wants to be a real actor and yell all the time. And it's just – it falls flat.

Yeah, he has only made like really that movie. Like what else has he made that's kind of a light? Yeah. Django Unchained. Yeah, he's good in Django Unchained. I think he's okay. I don't think he's great in Django Unchained. Django Unchained really puts the lie to it because for all of his reputation,

Christoph Waltz blows him off the screen whenever they're together. Yeah. blows him off the screen whenever they're together yeah because christoph waltz is a grounded actor who who's doing he's living the part of his character really deeply you know the um yeah he plays the nazi in that right he plays the nazi in jangle and chain he's so good in that movie he's so good in that movie and he won the movie. An Oscar for both? Both, I think. Yeah. As well he should. As well he should.

Because you're right about Leonardo DiCaprio being kind of a fun actor. And Brad Pitt was the same. He was really funny. Yeah, he was really great in True Romance. He was amazing. Yeah, and he was really funny in Snatch. And it's like, hey, you know what? It would be great if he was just funny all snatch uh yeah and it's like hey you know that would be great if he was just funny all the time but he's like too good looking to be funny well

then it's just they just like if you're a real actor now and people equate being a serious actor with being humorless which is ridiculous jack edmund was a great actor he was and jack nicholson was a great actor and he was funny i mean if you look at the movie jack nicholson if you look at the movie inception yeah the movie Inception, is that the movie that Leonardo DiCaprio did? That movie would have been 100 times better if he had smiled or cracked a joke in the movie because people don't behave like this. Even in serious situations,

they crack jokes and they're funny. I mean, if you look at Jack Nicholson in any of his early movies that are serious movies. But he's still kind of funny and wry and kind of sarcastic. He needs a comeback, right? Jack Nicholson? He needs to become sane. But like if in the middle of like when the sidewalk becomes the sky and the building becomes a toilet.

If he just went pretty crazy, huh? Literally. I mean if he just behaved like like a real person it would have been so much better i that would be great if he said that to the camera that that movie just needed gags yeah no it's true because because real life is funny people there's a great you know no one no the whole movie they're dreaming no one wakes up with a boner. Yeah. There's no funny character in that movie, is there? Like the guy that's driving the van is kind of funny for a second. Horatio Sanz is in it, too, I think. He does a character.

And Dana Carvey is the church lady. No, it's just like real life is funny. There's that great line in Apocalypse Now where they're at the Dolong Bridge and he's like, who's in charge here? The guy goes, ain't you? That's a really real moment. I mean that's something that would happen that's funny. Yeah, you're right. It was like very – when you leave a movie where it's like completely humorless, you don't feel like you like connected.

I don't know. I felt that about Dark Knight Rises. I feel that about a lot of chris nolan's movies they're just like bane was funny it was kind of funny he had a lot of good one-liners um but you know i just felt like i get it you're taking it seriously i get it no because because what's his name heath ledger was really funny yeah he ledger was and you, the biggest laugh in that movie was an incredibly small, real moment. Not when Two-Face wakes up and the Joker just goes, hi. But it was an incredibly real and it was just a minute moment. And when he's hitting the button and it

doesn't work for the explosion yeah that's great and you know the biggest laugh and uh you know the thing the funny thing about ghostbusters the first movie is you know they'd have this four trillion dollar special effect and you just go and then bill murray would like raise his eyebrow and you'd laugh. But yeah, like, yeah. How do you go through a whole movie without making like one joke? Bless you. You'll edit that out, right? No, no.

We're going to amplify it. I'm going to put an echo effect on it. Dave, what's going on? There's cocaine everywhere now. Oh, what's going on with me? Not a heck of a lot. No? The greatest thing ever happened to me the other day.

What? You said not a lot. How is that not a lot? It was a small thing. A cloud blew me. What? Yeah. It came down.

Pure vapor. Like you read about it. I was in a taqueria having a taco, and it was lunchtime. It was really full. And I was sitting at the counter, and there were two young parents next to me. Nice. And a van. And it was delicious.

We had a great meal. So far, this is a very unremarkable story. And the mother had the baby on her lap, and it was like one year old. It was old enough to sit up and grab at food with its little hands. And so the mother's eating, and she spills taco all over the baby's head. Oh! And the baby doesn't care. And everyone... It sounded like hot taco.

No, no, no. It was nice. It was room temperature taco. They're playing, by the way. Oh, room temperature. Are they playing this weekend? Hot taco? They found a drummer.

Room temperature taco? They're putting on the Ritz. And yeah, the baby just had the greasiest head after. And the parents were trying to wipe it off, but they couldn't make any progress. I bet you the baby loved it. The baby was not bothered at all. No, yeah. Babies and dogs like to be in a mess.

Like, they like to just, like, you know, put food all over their face and in their ears and stuff. My four-year-old just gave herself the nickname Monkey Taco Shell. That means that nickname is taken. I know. Because I had named my friend – I think the origin of it was at my wedding, my friend Jen Perry, she got a little drunk and the heel came off her shoe. And her nickname since then has been Drunky Broken Shoes. And I think somehow my daughter heard Drunky Broken Shoes and misheard it as Monkey Taco Show.

It's just as good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, is your name Monkey Taco Show? She goes, oh, Taco. You call me Taco. Oh, that's nice. Like she's already figured out how to shorten it. Oh, yeah.

Nickname of a nickname. She's a good kid. She doesn't know that you can't give yourself a nickname, though. It'll never stick. I'll give you an example. Sting. Right. I think he said, Dana Carvey used to have a really funny joke about that.

One day he was just with this guy. He goes, gosh, I'm now on. Could you call me Sting? What? That's mad yeah i'm trying to think of well the legend behind that is that he used to wear a yellow and uh a jumper a yellow and black striped jumper i saw great why wouldn't you call him like bumblebee man. Because I was taken. Bumble. Yeah, there's just a... Hey, Waspy.

Yeah. There was a really... I heard two things about the police. One, that on that last tour... The reunion? Yeah. Like, the money split was something along the lines of Sting took 70% and they split 30%.

I'm surprised it was that generous to the other side. And that was a rumor, but I'm sure it was along those lines. Funny sidebar, Stuart Copeland started the band. Stuart Copeland lived in London because his father was the head of the American attaché to the CIA there. london because his father was the head of the american attache to the cia there whoa his father was smuggling dissidents in from eastern europe while he was in the basement with andy summers and with andy summer and sting doing police demos his dad ran the cia is that why they're they're not called the police because of that? I don't think so. Are you telling me the band Interpol isn't actually – But the band The Hive are actually bees.

And so there's that. But then not long after the tour, I was – I do TM. Jensen Denton made that T-shirt. Oh, okay. And I was at the – Trademarking. Yeah, that's what I thought. Trademarking.

No, and I was – I belong to the David Lynch Institute and it's a TM thing. And I was at an event for TM. It sounds a little bit like MS or – Yeah, yeah. Like you're trying to cure. Yeah, we're raising money to cure tm and uh i saw stewart copeland walking around and he points and i look and he's pointing to andy summer and andy summer gets up and they like cross i'm like do these guys like each other i

hate each other yeah and then they like hugged and like was like talking and i just said what a weird moment like it was like he didn't know he was there then he's like hey how are you it was so it was just remember that band we used to play yeah i know exactly but it was really weird it was like oh they're friends look at them they like each other yeah and at a transcendental meditation thing you'd expect to run into sting yeah he was not there. I don't think there's a lot of love lost between those guys and Sting. No, but, like, of course those two get along because they have this one thing in common. They're Peter and Bobby.

They both hate Greg. Right. Also, the Hives never opened for Sting, which seems like a missed opportunity. What? The Hives and Sting. Oh, yeah, you'd think. And Interpol never opened for the police. Yeah.

There's a lot of missed opportunities there. So that's me. I saw a kid get grease on its head. That's as good as a week gets. I know, right? So that was the greatest thing that ever happened to you? Small victory. I once had a three-way anyway. Was there a messy baby yeah me and two babies um how about yourself what was your big week

nothing big but i have a like a family-based anecdote um because i was at a restaurant and there was a family there. And usually I only ever notice a family if the kids are like really badly behaved. Like my family. Do your kids run around and hide under the tables and that kind of stuff? They're horrible. They're apes. So that's who I would pay attention to.

My kids are horrible. Even Monkey Taco Shell? No, Monkey Taco Shell is a delight all right um but this one family was so together well behaved that i was like i'm taking notice of what what are these parents doing right are you mormon yeah that's exactly what i was thinking that is exactly what i was thinking they're all in magic underwear that's why why they're there. So they – the kids were so well-behaved and the mother at one point said like, go wash your hands. The kids just went and washed their hands and there was no like – came back with the soap dispenser like, look what I left on the wall. Like it was just – everybody was so well-behaved and mannered. So I got up when I went to go pay. And when I was walking back, I wanted to take a nice look at this family to see kind of – just get a photograph in my mind.

And it was just four of them, two kids, nothing remarkable about the kids, nothing remarkable about the mother. But the father was wearing a T-shirt that said 9-11 was an inside job. Yay! Yay! Keep them. Home fires burn. Which I've never seen anybody outside of a group of dudes wearing something like that. But it was a 9-11-04.

Yeah. That's right. That third reunion. But usually, right? that's right that's their reunion yeah but uh usually right that's on a flag or a bumper sticker on a bus yeah oh yeah a bumper a bumper sticker on a never a great car yeah i mean if you're putting a bumper sticker on a great car what are you doing with your life those are the people who believe that george w bush is at the same time a buffoon and an evil super genius. And a lizard person. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, I don't, and like, is that the good shirt? Like, is that the going out to dinner shirt? I guess so, yeah. Like, this is not the laundry day shirt. This is like, we're going out. I'm putting on my good shirt. That's like, for a while there at Disneyland, you'd go to Disneyland and you'd see everybody.

There's a lot of like, never forget. It's Disneyland. It's the happiest place. This is where we go to forget. Goofy has to see that. What happened? Found some planes flew in the bill. What? Yeah. We didn flew into a building. What?

Yeah. We didn't get that here. No, it was the happiest place on earth. They didn't tell you. What? Garsh. Then they go scrub his memory at the end of the day. Yeah, then it's just like the end of Cuckoo's Nest.

Oh, Cuckoo, bite on this thing. What? But it's super funny. He does it all Goofy style. You can see his skeleton through his skin. Goofy has electroshock therapy to erase the memory of 9-11 that somebody told him at the park that day. What happened, Walt? Somebody told Goofy about 9-11.

Again? God damn, idiot. Is there anything left of his brain? He was Goofy to begin with. You know what? You know what, Walt? I think that was an inside job. I know, Mickey.

Can't wear that t-shirt. Many think so, too. Is that something that you teach your kids, too? Yeah, maybe to get them to behave. Yeah, exactly. I know some other inside jobs that if you don't go to bed on time, I know

the guys who wired that place for bombs. Is the 9-11 was an inside job guy, the same guy who never lets his kids believe in Santa? I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah. You really just want to go to him. Really? Really?

But I was like, oh, he's doing something right because those kids are really quiet. Random bad things happen. Yeah. But that doesn't make as good a shirt. And coordinated bad things happen too. Yeah. Yeah.

But like – I disagree. So you're saying 9-11 wasn't any kind of job? I think it was a complete – Fluke. Yeah. I was like, are you telling me somebody else is also hijacking a plane and they're going to fly into the World Trade Center? That is a coincidence.

Oh, no. The building we were going to fly into is on fire. There's only one. This is embarrassing. Oh, man. What are the odds? But seriously, guys, it was an inside job, right? Then they called the other plane, you nutball.

You taco shell. You taco. Je taco cheeks you owe me a pepsi but yeah so like anyways uh i didn't know that those people conspiracy theorists i don't ever think of them having kids yeah it doesn't seem like a thing that they do my friend was at comic-con and saw a family of klingons oh yeah mom klingon a dad klingon and a kid a glum kid like what age probably like nine or maybe younger yeah who i don't think was digging it yeah of course he's not gonna dig the thing that the parents are into and so my friends are like they're like animators and they're just like, and they just kind of snickering. And the Klingon guy gets up and walks to the table and begins accosting them in Klingonese. And he wouldn't leave. And then finally my friend who's pretty savvy goes, yeah. Richard O'Hara. And he wouldn't leave.

And then finally my friend, who's pretty savvy, goes, this is a Federation table. And the guy, Putriho Federation, walked away. That's scary. That's quietly terrifying. That kid is like, my parents only speak Klingon at home. That kid's going to grow up to be the biggest Space 1999 fan ever. I go to a Klingon immersion school. A Klingon immersion school?

I've got to go to Klingon school after class. Of course he's glum. If you're nine, I'm just thinking back to like, oh, I've got to wear church pants. This is the equivalent for this kid. Yeah, I'd have to go fishing. Yeah. I hated it. Oh, really? It doesn't hurt the fish. How is that possible? Did you learn how to

bait a hook and stuff? Did you club a fish? No. I tore the hook out of its mouth. Doesn't hurt the fish. How is that true? I just ripped its lip off. Aquaman says. Aquaman speaks to them.

It's cool. We don't love it. They actually love it. It's like rebel fish getting lip piercings. It's how they get off. Yeah, and you're only in the fish fraternity if you've had a hook in your face. It's like a spanking. The fish loves the attention.

The fish feels cared for. Have you ever been fishing? Yeah. Yeah? I don't think. Not my thing. Yeah. I think I went once and I don't.

Man, I did not get it. It's not fun when you have to be patient waiting for these fish. And then it's not fun when there's action happening and you're catching fish. So when is it fun? It's fun shopping for nautical wear. You wear a full Thurston Howell Admiral's outfit with an ascot. Of course.

Gold buttons on a double-breasted blazer. No, I wear a Waterworld outfit. Full leathery eye patch. We're drinking our pee. Yeah. Perfect combination, water and leather. Yeah, exactly.

It's all we can find. I think Kevin Costner would have looked good in one of those French stripy sweaters. Oh, yeah. Just give him a chance. He interrupts my wedding. Do you want to move on to Overhurt? Yeah. Happy summer, everybody.

Griffin McElroy here, the youngest of the McElroy brothers. I'm Travis McElroy, the middle-est brother. And I'm beloved performer Jimmy Buffett. He is not. But we do do a podcast together called My Brother and My Brother and Me. It's a comedy advice show. You can find it at mbmbam.com, maximumfun.org, or just search for it on iTunes. I love you, Sacramento!

You're not even on a stage. Griffin, are you watching this shrimp? They're beginning to boil. So join us this summer as we waste an hour of your life that you'll never get back ever again you know i know something about wasting away again in margaritaville i'm beloved i know you are overheard so overheards overheards yes things you've overheard yeah something hilarious you've overheard um if uh we usually start with the guests but we could start with dave and work our way around yeah all right i will i'll get our feet wet um mine it takes place uh at a grocery store i was at

the grocery store yesterday and there was like a mother and she was checking out and there was her eight-year-old daughter who um i guess she i think she was eight she was old enough not quite old enough to know not to be obnoxious okay and she had a uh an orange in a plastic bag and she was spinning it around weaponizing um like a mace. Yeah. And then people are walking around this girl. Sure. And. Natch. Yeah.

And she's. People, like, I took the long way around so I wouldn't get hit by this girl spinning an orange in a bag. If it was in a sock, it would be like prison. Yeah. And she, and the mother, the mother speaks up and i'm expecting the mother to be like cut that out and because the girl's like look at me look what i'm doing and the mother but the mother says but what is it doing olympia the girl's name is olympia

and the girl says spinning and she the mother says but what is it building she's trying to give her like a physics lesson what is it building and the girl goes wind and she says momentum and the mother's trapped in line and this little girl's just running around and later

just like 10 seconds later I had walked away but I heard the girl yell from across the produce section. Did you see that? I would be quietly waiting for the orange to hit her in the back of the head and knock her unconscious. Teach her a lesson. Like that guy on YouTube with the nunchucks. Yeah.

You just got juiced. And the mother was wearing a 9-11 was an inside job. Oh, yeah, yeah. So it's not all good parents. I would like to get a T-shirt that says 9-11 is not about you. You had a funny thing in your act last night about that. How somebody says, oh, yeah, it really affected me. Yeah, where were you on 9-11?

The University of Ottawa. It was at a public library in Ottawa. yeah, it really affected me. Yeah, where were you on 9-11? The University of Ottawa. It was at a public library in Ottawa. Yeah. It's true. Because I know people that were two blocks away and they've gone on with their lives. Yeah. And it's always kind of a boring story. It's like, I was homesick, so I got to watch it.

Or I was at work and somebody told me. Yeah. They canceled all the classes. Yeah. Yeah. It's not anywhere anywhere but new york it's kind of a kind of boring story typical example of a uh um tactical success strategic disaster right wait what tactical success in that what they did was successful beyond belief.

Strategically, it decimated their entire operation. Yeah, that's true. You know? Yeah. Pearl Harbor being another example of a tactical success that was a strategic disaster. Right. So kind of like throwing a rock through somebody's window, waiting for them to see you, and then giving them the finger. Yeah.

Right. Kind of like that. So that you're like, I rule. And then you're like grounded for the rest of the year. You're like, duh. Then they walk outside your house. You figure, oh, yeah, they have a door. They can leave this house. They pound you into the pavement.

I would, you mean Pearl Harbor the movie? Yes. Tactical success. Came back in sale. My- Overheard. Overheard. Is courtesy of the public My – Overheard. Overheard. Is courtesy of the public transit, which I take every day.

And there was – there's seats at the front of the bus that kind of fold up if somebody comes on with a stroller or somebody in a wheelchair gets on. And it's just like – Or a fat dude. Yeah. Well, the fat dude would sit in the seat, I guess. But they fold up so you can be. No, no. So he's got a little above ground pool that he puts.

Some people need an extra chair for their fat. And so they fold up and you have to pull a latch to fold them back down. Yeah. And there was a crowd of old ladies that got on. And, man, they could not figure out this latch business. Like they were trying all different ways. And it became like the monkeys in the beginning of 2001 A Space Odyssey. Like a lot of just like hitting it and like jumping back and just watching them try to figure this out.

And there was people saying like just lift up the yellow hook. The yellow hook. Just lift it up. And just – it was that group think like nobody could get past the group to kind of like – So a guy got up out of his seat, walked over, pulled the latch, and then pulled the thing down. And all of the women in sync went, oh. And then one old lady started clapping he was like he was like the monolith in 2001 touched him and scampered back it was just yeah it was very it was very sweet when uh

when the seat went down it was like oh i'm not good like i was thinking as you were telling that it was like, oh. The car. I'm not good. Like, I was thinking as you were telling that, I was like, oh, what's the one piece of technology where, like, I'm just going to be left behind and then all technology after that? I think Instagram has been my bedroir. I just can't master it. I think for me it's. You tried to use it and you're just like, nah, it's not.

I can't have it. It's hard. Yeah. But then as you were telling that story, I nah, it's not, it's hard. Yeah. But then as you were telling that story, I was like, I have trouble with latches. Yeah. Latches are tough. Like I would have been,

I might've been left behind when they invented the latch for that seat. I feel like the technology that you see that like, you know, like Tony Stark uses in Iron Man where you're like, it's like a screen, but you're not actually touching anything yeah when that comes out I'm in trouble in big trouble I here's a little gripe go on about the new Star Trek film have you seen it I haven't but I know somebody

told me how it ends so don't worry about it's a remake of a previous Star Trek film which I find like you've only made two new Star Trek movies and you're already remaking the previous Star Trek film, which I find, like, you've only made two new Star Trek movies, and you're already remaking the old Star Trek movies? Is it Wrath of Khan? Yeah, it's basically a weird remake of the Wrath of Khan. It's like an inversion of the Wrath of Khan, but can't you make your own movie?

Is it that hard to come up with a story about people on an adventure? Yeah, it's true. In space, no less. You guys can make up worlds. And the first movie was sort of like, it's true. In space, no less. Like, you guys can make up worlds and times. Well, and the first movie was sort of like, it was just like their origin story. Yeah. Yeah.

I would like it if they made a Star Trek movie where in the first scene they go into the holodeck and then the rest of it is just a Western. Sure. And like all the Star Trek fans are like, oh, what? It stinks. The holodeck, by the way, if there was really a holodeck, the ship would not operate because everybody would be in there fucking.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. We got to get a mop to the holodeck. The holodeck would be the most jizz-encrusted part of the ship. It would be like an adult movie theater. And they just dock the ship somewhere. Everybody in the holodeck. Holodeck. part of the ship it would be like yeah and they just they just dock the ship somewhere but uh the bridge is so full of lens flare and lens for a lot of lens flare and a lot of graphics there's no sense of geography to it right i never feel like i'm in a place there's all this winky blinky yeahodad stuff.

You just walked through my screen. Does that happen? That's the thing. There's a scene. Did you see the latest Iron Man? I have yet to see it. So this doesn't spoil anything, but he's like dissecting a crime scene. And the whole crime scene comes up in this 3D thing.

And he can pick up things and magnify them. And even making something big on my iPhone is like... Do private citizens have access to that? To go and see their eyes, Tony. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of... He built a fake heart in a prison camp. That's true.

That's true. There's a lot of stuff in it where you're like, oh yeah, I guess the government would kind of have to be okay with... No, they would throw Tony Stark in jail, right? They would. Good luck. They would villainize him. Yeah, that's true.

He does have that Iron Man. I have a very good friend who is a political strategist, conservative political strategist, but a very lovely man and not a lunatic. But a very lovely man and not a lunatic. You know, he as he says, he was kicked out of the Republican Party for his unswerving belief in algebra. Unwavering belief in algebra. No, he's fine. He doesn't care who you sleep with. He just has different views about the role of government. Yeah.

And he was in Washington, D.C., at the Smithsonian Museum, where they had the Star Wars exhibit. Yeah. And he was in Washington, D.C., at the Smithsonian Museum, where they had the Star Wars exhibit. Oh, yeah. And saw an elected U.S. congressman hectoring one of the docents about how it is that they were allowed to keep the lightsaber technology from the government. Ah, yay. that they were allowed to keep the lightsaber technology from the government. Ah, yay. We should have this. You guys, if you're good American citizens, you'll turn over this technology immediately. Yeah, it's amazing.

Also the Darth Vader breathing suit. Yeah, it's like Michelle Bachman. It's like, no, these people are certifiable and they get elected. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right? Also, can we. It's like, no, these people are certifiable and they get elected. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right? Also, can we get access to that gold bikini? Yeah. But I don't want Carrie Fisher to wear it now.

Yeah, yeah. How many Wookiees do you have access to? Now she looks a lot like Star Trek's Cyrano Jones. Come on, people. Can I get a wah-wah? Now, do you have an overheard? I do have an overheard from yesterday. I have several overheards. My overheard from yesterday, though, was too poignant.

I was in the coffee shop, or as you would say, coffee shop, or however they're called. That's our Canadian accent. Oh, yeah. Coffee shop. Coffee shop. Everybody sounds like, I just do Bruce McCullough. I was getting a coffee. Coffee shop. Coffee coffee. Coffee shop.

Coffee shop. Coffee shop. And I love it when British people make fun of American accents. They just really lay on the – how are you today? I'm going down to the football game, which is not football. It is actually soccer. They're making fun of americans love of soccer what's amazing is like the best fake american accent on monty python was done by terry gilliam who was american

but uh long story longer so i'm in the coffee shop and the the trending news stories on yahoo yesterday among the headlines were uh kim kardashian toilet water coffee and dog pack murder and i knew there was a joke there and i thought i can tweet this if i could just come up with a joke because i like to tweet at least a joke a day yeah and i'm sitting there and i'm keep you young racking my head this is a mental exercise yeah absolutely people it's like sudoku yeah yeah and i'm racking my head and i'm sitting there's two guys next to me in surgical scrubs that have come over from the hospital and we pronounce it hospital hospital and i'm working i'm working and i just hear this one guy who's probably younger than me going yeah before i went to med school i was a pilot oh trying to write a joke for twitter

people yeah i'm trying to come up with a joke to send out on the computer for free can we quiet down please somebody's working yeah and uh my friend, just another aside, my friend Alex Reed, a very funny comedian and writer, was standing at a crosswalk. And there were two old women speaking. And she heard, well, of course, he only had one thing on his mind. Antiquing. That Raymond Burr's dead one? Yeah. He's all hands when he gets around you know him when he gets around

uh love it um now we also have overheards sent into us uh by listeners from around the world if you uh want to do that same thing, you can send it to SPY at maximum fun.org. The first one is. First one comes from Margaret G from parts unknown. Did not give a location. Margaret G overheard in a Chinese restaurant. Disney Channel show is on the TV and two little boys are watching it.

Four-year-old boy. Aw, I want a girlfriend. Six-year-old boy. You have one. Four-year-old boy. Oh, right. Pretty good. That's like one of those, like, do you think the kid was pretending that he forgot he had a girlfriend

just so the other guy would bring it back up again yeah oh that's right I do have a girlfriend yeah I forget that at least once a day it's hard when your girlfriend is six because you're like have you had your period no suspense fall down the stairs You're like, have you had your period? No.

Suspense. Fall down the stairs. What constitutes a four-year-old girlfriend? Oh, okay. Like, do you, is that just you hold a hand or you just declare? Yeah, I guess you declare. You're a girlfriend. Yeah, yeah.

Then you never speak to them again. Yeah, exactly. Until yeah until you break up yeah we're not girlfriend and boyfriend anymore i want to go to uh i want to uh work on a nickname i've got a lot of things i want to do um this next one comes from britney g in philadelphia pennsylvania my boyfriend and i went to see Oblivion, which Tom Cruise went to see Oblivion and got a great overheard when we were leaving. We're walking to our car and we're behind a couple that were in the theater with us. I hear the woman explaining the major plot twist. And at one point she paused and the man says, who cares? Yep. Oh, boy. Yeah. twist and at one point she paused and the man says who cares yep oh boy yeah i would much rather have oblivion explained to me than have to watch it uh yeah somebody i know was at the movie

pocahontas the disney cartoon and uh overheard the woman in front of me when the character of john smith was introduced you think they think they came up with a better name. Lazy Disney bastards. The only historically accurate part of the movie. I know. I know. She wasn't really built like a praying mantis. Oblivion, and then there's another movie where it's earth yeah why why two of those films

why i heard that uh m not uh that will smith and who now casts his family in his movies very exciting you can't wait to see the uh family Robinson. Yeah. Their next movie is a remake of This is 40, which should be interesting. But it's in the future and there's no humans left on Earth. Yeah. And it's all about keeping your Scientology secret. Yeah. It's about a family that buys a mirror factory. And this last one comes from Nick in England.

And this last one comes from Nick in England. I was walking to my next lesson at school when I heard another student talking about one of his teachers. All I heard was, she talks more than an elephant on steroids. That's a pretty good analogy. That's awesome. That's a pretty good analogy. That's awesome. That's so terrible. That's awesome. She talks more than an airplane from hell. On acid.

On acid, yeah. That's great. An elephant on steroids. That's fantastic. So, yeah. And do we have other overheards? Yeah, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our number is 206-339-8328.

Don't ever invite people to call you. We don't answer. That's kind of safe. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Nathan, and I'm calling in with an overheard from Old San Juan, Puerto Rico. We're walking behind another couple of tourists, and we only caught the end of it, and the woman said, well, if you saw a child being hit and abused, would you step in? And the guy says, that's a totally different situation.

And the woman says, yeah, no, it's emotional abuse. It's emotionally terrifying. And the man says, well, she says, emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. And the guy says, a pigeon flying around a kid's head and the kid screaming is not emotional abuse. It is if you can control pigeons. That's hilarious. A pigeon flying around a kid's head and the kid screaming is not emotional abuse. So she's like, how come you didn't step in? Yeah, you should have said something to that pigeon. Perpetuating the cycle.

That's hilarious. That's really good. Oh, man, being in a couple sounds great. Yeah. All right, here's the next. Well, here's one. My children were fighting. My daughters were fighting, and they're a year apart.

And my office is at the end of the hall, and their bedrooms are across the hall from each other, so they go back and forth like a 30s screwball comedy. And my one daughter left my daughter's room and slammed a door, and my other daughter went into her room, opened the door, and slammed it behind her. And then the moment later, she came out and screamed, well, you don't even know the truth about mermaids! Seems to me like mermaids are the major topic in your household. Major topic. Yeah, and a source of constant fighting. We watched Splash, and we watched The Little Mermaid. The facts are in.

The Little Mermaid was an inside job. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Wade calling in from Pennsylvania with an overheard. This has actually just spoken to me at the grocery store. I had just had a woman ring out my purchase. When she looks at me while I'm paying and goes holy crap.

A little puzzled but I look at her and I don't say anything. She says to me looking straight at me I have to go to the bathroom so bad. That's all. Pretty good.

Holy crap. Don't you want to ask me about what? Anyway. Holy crap. Speaking of which. And here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. I work at an office and go through a lot of paperwork.

And it finally happened. I got paperwork from the Butts family, which is great. And the topper, their daughter, Cleopatra, was named under paperwork. Cleopatra Butts? Cleopatra Butts. Yeah. Please report to the front desk. Cleopatra Butts.

When you're doing paperwork, do you ever do prank paperwork? I mean, I'd like to. I'd like to have enough paperwork in my life to be able to separate it into prank. To throw a few away. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that's overheards. If you want to send in your own, call us at 206-339-8328, which does bring us to the end of the show. Ta-da!

Do you have anything in particular you would like to plug? Yes. This summer, look for my new special entitled I Know It's Wrong. Okay. Most probably on Netflix. Cool. Although we're still doing the deal. Yeah.

And then in the fall, please look for me on TNT on the series Lost Angels. And also your podcast is great. And I have a podcast. Yeah. I really enjoy Lost Angels and also your podcast and I have a podcast yeah it's I really enjoy it I have a podcast SpongeBob Scrippins entitled The Danny Gould Hour which has never come in at an hour always over an hour it's usually two hours

and it's great it's kind of a different format it is a different format it's kind of like This American Life. People say, why aren't you doing a podcast? It's mandatory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a human, aren't you?

Yeah, exactly. But I wanted to do something that was different. I didn't want to do my version of Marc Maron came up with this sort of concept of doing two different interviews and editing them into pieces and then interweaving them. So it's like you're following two conversations with two different groups of people. And then I have other standard segments. It's a treat, man. I love the – Sounds nice. Yeah.

You really took apart Bigfoot in a big way and I appreciate that. Oh, yeah. That was Bobcat. Yeah. I like that a lot. He like apart Bigfoot in a big way, and I appreciate that. Oh, yeah. That was Bobcat. Yeah. I like that a lot. You like him, Bigfoot. Thank you so much for being a guest. Thanks, guys.

Dave, anything to plug? No, sir. Do I have anything to plug? I don't know what week this is coming out. All right. So maybe I do. Maybe I don't. Maybe I'll keep that close to the chest.

Maybe we'll put our plugs over on the recap blog at StopPodcastingYourself.com. Yeah. If you go over to the recap blog that Dave does each and every week, pictures and videos relating to the content of the podcast. Maybe a picture of SpongeBob SquarePants. Yeah, sure. Paul Lind. Paul Lind. Yeah, sure.

Paul Lind. Paul Lind. And yeah, if you want to get in touch, stop podcasting. Or no, spy at MaximumFun.org or 206-339-8328. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.