Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 278 - Adam Pateman
Episode Date: July 23, 2013Adam Pateman returns to talk marsupials, viral videos, and lying....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 278 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the muy caliente Mr. Dave Shumka.
Oh, because of my Spanish heat.
Yeah, that's right.
I got a case of the Spanish heat.
Did you put on Spanish heat before the podcast? No, the Spanish fly, sorry.
I poured some Spanish heat into some meat.
You pour Spanish fly into a drink.
Right.
And it's like an aphrodisiac.
But if you apply Spanish heat, which is like a dry rub.
You apply Spanish heat to some meat.
It makes any, like, if you get a dozen chicken wings with Spanish heat on them, she's good to go.
What if you put Spanish heat in somebody's drink
they'll just get sick yeah no it's poison oh okay right isn't spanish fly poison yeah
spanish flies is it like a well i mean it's roofies uh yeah or i think the original one
was like some like it was you know something that was just like a crushed up uh yeah like
and cicada or something. Yeah.
John Cicada?
Is that a guy?
Yeah, from the Miami Sand Machine?
No, he's not.
He's Miami adjacent.
He's Miami heat.
He's Spanish heat.
He's muy caliente.
We did it!
Our guest today, returning guest, we haven't had him on for a while, and it's nice to have
him back.
He's a very funny comedian.
He's on probation.
Yeah, exactly.
We'll see how this goes.
to have him back. He's a very funny comedian. He's on probation. Yeah, exactly.
We'll see how this goes.
Now making his home back in
Vancouver once again, Mr. Adam
Pateman is our guest. Oh, hey guys. How's it going?
Welcome. Yeah, we're good.
Yeah, we're good.
Everything's good. I'm glad to hear it.
Thanks for coming back on the show. Oh, thanks for
having me, guys. Oh, it's
a mutual pleasure.
Everything about this is mutual
three-way mutuality should we get to know us
adam what is new what tell us what's been going on since since your last appearance on the podcast
yeah oh uh well i can tell you what happened today, at least.
All right.
Yeah.
I cleaned a carpet in the downstairs suite.
Another comedian is moving it, too.
What was wrong with the carpet?
It had a big stain on it.
Oh, you actually, like, you didn't just vacuum.
You actually cleaned the carpet.
We had to go to the Ia and get the carpet cleaning thing
the steam cleaner the steam doctor okay it is the steam doctor you can actually you live nearby it's
fine do you remember the steam doctor ads with the he had a cartoon face on the vacuum cleaner
and he was steaming mad at dirt oh man those are the people that was for the marketers for that
they were probably so pleased with themselves like Like, I'm steaming mad.
That makes so much sense.
You're steaming mad at dirt.
That's a weird thing that they're available at grocery stores to rent.
Yeah.
Because how many times in your life do you need to rent one?
Once?
Yeah.
I mean, if you're lucky. Like, if you get to live in a place with a nice enough carpet that you've stained so heavily that you don't have to get rid of it, but you can clean it.
Do you know what I mean?
You could have a very specific lifestyle to need it every week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, if you need it every week, you'd buy it.
Yeah.
Can you ride it?
I tried.
I tried.
Is it like a little John Deere?
Oh, man.
I wish.
Like a carpet Zamboni?
It is Zamboni-ish.
I'm not going to lie.
I just wanted to use the word Zamboni-ish.
Yeah, I wanted to form a band called Carpet Zamboni.
So you go, you rent this thing.
How much?
I have no idea how much it costs.
Oh, it's $40.
$40 for how long?
For the day.
You could have rented a car and just driven around. In the house how long? For the day. You could have rented a car.
I know!
In the house, that cleans carpets, right?
They wouldn't even
rent to me because I didn't have a BC license
and I was like, is there any way I can do this without a
BC license? And he was like, no.
It's impossible.
Can you drive this thing or can't you?
Why do you need a license? Exactly!
Do you have a credit card?
Is that what you...
I did have a credit card.
And that wasn't good enough?
No, I still need you to have proven that you can drive in this province.
They just needed BCID.
But I was just like, what?
Like, people get this thing so that they can move out of a place.
Yeah.
What if they only sublet here for like a month from Alberta they're like nope
you can't clean your carpet if you're not from what did you do in that one month that you sublet
it like how much cranberry juice did you spill all over the guy man those Albertans in their
cranberry juice that's true I once had a landlord who part of the lease was we had to use the
specific carpet cleaning company uh-huh and company and have a receipt for them.
So it wasn't like you must use this company and then your landlord showed up.
The difference, yeah.
So how did it go?
Did it all work out?
$40 a day seems reasonable.
Yeah, I didn't think it was that bad.
It also didn't work.
It was working, but it was just bad. It also didn't work.
It was working, but it was just like it just makes your carpet kind of wet.
Yeah, what does it do?
This is what
happens when you shampoo your carpet.
We had to buy special
carpet shampoo.
Which is $900.
That wasn't far up.
Yeah, you can't just
put Pantene. oh you got such good
bouncing i use per plus that way i don't have to condition my carpet afterwards
so uh so you clean the carpet yeah dylan reimer came over we
we both had a carpet cleaning party and then then working backwards from that, what else has been going on?
I guess since it was last done here, a bunch of stuff happened.
Since I've been gone.
We're really on a Kelly Clarkson kick.
Yeah, every day we are.
A KKK.
I mean, no way.
Whoa, whoa.
Sorry, guys.
It's Clarkson with a C.
Technically, that's a different letter.
Yeah.
Things are good.
I guess I was in Los Angeles for like six months last year.
That's funny that that would take second place to the carpet cleaning story.
Well, I mean, that's more recent.
I haven't lived in Los Angeles for like a year.
So what were you doing in Los Angeles?
Because I think the last time you were on, you had just moved back here from New York.
Oh, yeah.
And I think the time before that, you had just been to Africa.
But I don't know that you lived there.
You blessed the rains down there, wasn't it?
Yeah, I was blessed the rains.
I only got that reference after that podcast, by the way.
You were making that reference, and I was like, what?
And then I went on the blog, and I was like, oh, that song.
Oh, Toto. Oh, Toto.
Yes, Toto.
So Los Angeles, when you were in New York, you were making...
Deals.
You were making deals.
Buying and selling.
You were making balloon animals in the park.
To survive, yes.
Making balloon animals in the park.
In the stock exchange.
Yeah.
Sell!
Blow!
Did you say sell blow?
Sell blow. Actually, that's what I was doing.
It was all but an elaborate ruse to tell you that I was selling blow.
On DVD starring.
Blow low, sell high.
Johnny Depp.
So what were you doing in Los Angeles?
What was that? What was going on?
Yeah, more of the comedy thing.
I just went down there to kind of try it out and do some Upright Citizens Brigade training there.
And it was really fun.
But that city is not for me.
I just missed clouds.
For some reason, that really got to me.
Very sunny down there.
Yeah.
For the first two months, I was like, this is great.
And then I was just like, what?
I fucking wouldn't give for some fucking overcast.
Sorry.
I swore
when you say
Los Angeles like the first thing that pops into
my mind I have a very specific picture
that pops into my mind do you have
like a very specific
it's the sequel okay go for it
mine is somebody like
Adam like roller skating down
Venice Beach
like that down that huge roller skating path.
That's what I picture.
You doing that.
Dave?
Oh, man.
Mine was the sequence
when they play
I Love L.A.
in Naked Gun.
Yep.
What do they do
in that sequence?
Baseball, isn't it?
Is that?
No.
It might be.
Yeah, I think they're
at the baseball game.
Maybe I'm thinking
when are they dating
and they're on the beach? Maybe that's a different montage. That's something tells me on what to say. Oh, Hermits. Herm be. Yeah, I think they're at the baseball game. Maybe I'm thinking, when are they dating and they're on the beach?
Maybe that's a different montage.
That's something tells me on a different time.
Oh, Hermits.
Yeah.
All right.
What a great movie.
Yeah, it really is.
So you missed clouds.
Yeah, that's what happened.
I went to LA.
I missed clouds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all I did.
Yeah, no, I did some shows down there And it was fine it was good
But it was only down there for like 6 months
And then
Anything weird or wild happened down there?
It's LA
I went to some really good parties
Like Hollywood parties?
They were Hollywood parties
I saw some famous people at these parties
Who
Like what level of famous are we talking about here?
I just turned around a corner.
I walked out of a bathroom and Drew Carey was standing in the living room.
Oh, wow.
That's pretty good.
It was pretty all right.
Did you go up to him and say, let's make it in?
Yeah, misquote it.
Yeah.
Let's play the feud.
Survey says hello.
I was at a party and Richard Karn was there.
Yeah, I feel like that's the level of Hollywood party I would show up at.
I was going to say the guy who played Wilson on O'Brie.
But he's a corpse.
Yeah, he's dead.
So I went to a graveyard party.
It was a graveyard smash.
Oh, yeah.
So you're at a party like Drew carries there.
Is this like one of those parties where there's like a pool?
It didn't have a pool, but it was like fancy enough of a place where you'd be like, I can't wait to see the pool.
And then there wasn't one.
What?
This place is fancy enough for one.
There's an elevator that opened in someone's bedroom. That fun that was jetson's oh wow yeah um i feel
like at a party in la you could have that's where you could have sold blow the dvds yeah um are
these parties in la because like in movies and stuff it doesn't look like a BYOB affair.
It looks like you just show up at the party and there's booze.
Well, that's every LA or anywhere on TV.
It's like, oh, yeah, there's beers in the cooler.
Yeah, I'm not at these parties.
Well, I think it's...
That would cost a fortune.
Well, I guess there's a certain kind of person who doesn't invite raging alcoholics to their party.
Yeah, everyone kind of politely drinks a beer.
And they go, well, I also brought my own.
It's fine.
Was it a BYOB affair?
It was a BYOB affair.
I wonder what Drew Carey brought.
Yeah.
I wonder what.
The thing is, in LA, everybody drives, too.
So it's like people will all go to a party, and then they'll drink a beer, and then they'll be like, I kind of should go home.
Or a lot of crashing at people's houses happens.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's a sexy possibility.
It is.
When we went to L.A., we noticed that you – because we – one night we tried to get a cab from – I think we had gone out to a bar.
Yeah.
And we wanted to get a cab back to the hotel.
And we had taken a cab to the bar.
And we couldn't get a cab.
And so we just walked.
And it took forever.
Yeah.
And it didn't seem that far.
But, like, we were like, oh, yeah, no one walks in L.A.
Everyone drives.
Everyone must be drunk.
Yeah. Because also, like, it seemed like everything was pretty, like, dead after, like, you know, 10 o'clock.
Yeah.
It's not a stay out late partying city.
Well, I mean, it is, like, in, like, the Sunset Strip a bit because people are like, we're just going to stumble home or, like, stumble to whatever, like, hotel or whatever.
We're just going gonna sleep on this thing
who's roy orvison's son uh i was looking up uh people who had dated kat von d
listing people in la like i think roy orvison's son but he was he was in a band
uh with a guy uh do you remember the a guy named cisco adler who was in a band with a guy. Do you remember a guy named Cisco Adler?
Who was like a...
They were in a band called the White Star.
Cisco Adler was the sort of like...
Song song?
No, he was in a like the Paris Hilton sort of clique.
I think he dated Rod Stewart's daughter.
Oh, man.
Big fan.
Big name drop.
This was like, we're talking in 2004 styles, classic Harmar superstar scene.
Absolutely.
Who else has dated Kat Von D?
Oh, the dirtiest looking people in the world.
Currently dead mouse.
Oh, right.
But we don't know what he looks like.
He looks like a dead mouse.
Yeah.
It's what it sounds like.
And then that Jesse James.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
And then like.
Noted racist Jesse James?
Is that what it came out to be? I think that was part of course. Noted racist, Jesse James? Is that what it came out to be?
I think that was part of it.
He was married to Sandra Bullock
and cheated on her with a Nazi.
That's right.
He wasn't a racist, but he had no problem with having sex
with a racist.
Rommel.
A Nazi named Rommel?
What a small world.
The Desert Fox.
Another Nazi named Rommel? Yeah, yeah. What a small world. The Desert Fox. Another Nazi named Rommel?
And then, didn't she also date, was that Nikki Sixx?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or someone with hepatitis.
Which is dangerous if you're a tattoo artist.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, no, I mean, if you got a tattoo from her, like, you're really just like, ah, you
know, this could be the last thing I ever do.
Yeah, what a way to go, though.
Getting my, you know, dead chihuahua's face tattooed on my neck.
Yeah, Wilson from Home Improvement.
That wouldn't be a bad tattoo.
Would you carry the craziest, most famous person you ran into?
Not at a party.
Just like at all.
Oh, at all?
No, I got to see Weird Al.
I got to talk to Weird Al.
Who's more famous?
I want to say it's Weird Al because he was my hero.
Wait.
Yankovic?
That weird Al.
Strange Albert. I wish in that weirdo. Strange Albert.
I wish in England they called him Strange Albert.
Is that Strange Albert?
That's what we call him.
So where did you meet Weird Al?
Oh, my friend...
County Fair.
My friend just texted me, like my friend here just texted me...
Did you meet County Fair?
Yeah, that's where you meet Weird Al.
Or Casino.
That's true, though though he did do a tour
of county fairs
he does them
yeah
it's
it's like perfect
yeah
yeah it works
yeah
but it was at an art
it was at an art installment
on
on La Brea
it was like
it was a bunch of art pieces
carpets
made to
it was really close
to the carpets actually
I thought you said
carpet. Do they have a tar pit cleaner
you can rent?
Yeah, I had to rent a tar pit cleaner.
Those are really expensive to rent.
It's got a steaming mammoth logo.
Is that what's in the tar pits? Mammoths?
Yeah, what's in the tar pits? I'll tell you what's in the tar pits.
It's horrifying. First of all,
it's made out to be this
family park, but it's literally out to be this family park.
But it's literally just a shitty, tiny little park that has, what you'd think, a pit of tar in it.
What's more fun?
The tar or the pit?
I'm more of a pit person.
I like the tar.
That's their advertising campaign.
Are you a tar?
It's a, okay, this is what it is.
It's a mom mammoth screaming, like, I don't know if they scream, but like making it like a face facing the tar pit.
And in the tar pit is just two statues of baby mammoths struggling for their lives and
sinking.
Oh God. Oh, that's terrible.
Isn't it horrifying? Oh, yeah.
When kids are taking photos of their parents.
They're like, now you be the mummy mammoth
and I'll go in the tarp.
Ah, now I'm mad. Is it, uh,
what's better? Like,
I mean... What?
Well, like the alternatives
of their mammoth
orphans.
Oh, that the parent is trying.
Yeah.
But, you know.
The mother can move on.
Well, the mother's had a good run.
She doesn't have feelings.
Well, they don't know that yet.
They're doing tests on mammoth DNA to see.
Can mammoths mourn their children?
Yeah. They're going to recreate them using DNA.
And then they're going to do a series of tests.
It's got dark.
Yeah. Here's a question.
Is the tar...
Is it hot?
It wasn't steamy. It was just literally
tar in a pit.
Like you could walk on it?
Yeah, with garbage in it.
People threw stuff in there
and it was just a bunch of food trucks across the street
and that was all this was.
That's what the people at the food truck are like.
We don't have an official policy to tell you to use that as a garbage can, but you get it.
Go for it.
Yeah.
Is it free, or do you have to pay money to go see this time?
It's free because it's nothing to see.
It's a hole in the ground with black sludge in it. Yeah. And a walking path.
But not hot sludge.
Not that I can tell.
There is a fence in the way, so you can't go in there and stick your hands in it like you'd want to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
Oh, between you and the sludge.
Between me and the sludge is a fence.
That is something I've always said.
And you said there's a walk-in bath?
What?
I did not say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. He said that. He said there's a walk-in bath? What? I did not say.
No, you did.
No, no, he said that.
He said there was like showers.
He said there was a steam room.
Yeah, yeah.
You said that.
There was a Dyson Airblade.
Were you going to say a walk-in bathroom, but you just stopped at the word bath?
No, he never said that.
What did you say?
A walk-in bathroom.
Luxurious.
You can walk right in here.
It's got Christopher Walken.
So what else is there?
There's just a tar pit and that's it?
Pretty much.
Oh, there's a separate art gallery place there, too.
Where Weird Al's hanging out all the time.
Separate art gallery.
Oh, okay.
Is that where you met?
I met Weird Al at a different art gallery that was close-ish.
This was like art gallery district kind of.
Right, right, right.
Mr. Brainwash.
Mr. Brainwash.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
But yeah, no, it was this art thing where a bunch of people had made paintings and sculptures
based on comedians that inspired them.
So someone had made a bunch of intricately made oil paintings of the kids in the hall,
the Upright Citizens Brigade, guys with those jackets and stuff, and a ton of Weird Al ones.
So he was like, sure, I'll come and sign autographs and stuff.
So wait a minute.
Is this your Weird Al impression?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's hear it.
Oh, God.
Yeah, I guess so.
I guess this is my Weird Al.
I don't know, guys.
I don't know.
It's kind of nard war.
Yeah.
But they're kind of there.
I feel like they would get along.
Have they?
Have they gotten along?
I want to see if there's a Nardwaur Weird Al interview over there.
I'm sure there is.
It's a lot of colorful clothing.
Yeah, I think, you know, quick trip over to your YouTubes or your Googles.
We'll figure that out for you.
I just want to know if Don Cherry and Nardwaur have met.
And they're like,
we've got the same jacket on.
Well, look,
Canadian show business
is only so big.
I've met all the famous people.
Yeah, yeah.
We've had them all on the show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Name a famous.
Yeah.
Strong Ballopolis.
Red Green.
Trailer Park Boys.
Oh, yeah.
Luba Goy.
Luba Goy, absolutely.
Don Cherry.
Repeat guest Luba Goy.
Bruno Gerussi. Yeah. John Diefenbaker. Luba Goy. Luba Goy, absolutely. Don Cherry. Repeat guest Luba Goy. Bruno Gerussi.
Yeah.
John Diefenbaker.
Wilfred Laurier.
The guy who played Wilson.
A lot of people don't know he was Canadian.
Diefenbaker, the dog from Doos South.
Diefenbaker, the park in Tawasin.
That's just for me.
Yeah, yeah.
What is the guy who plays the guy on Doos South?
Paul Gross.
Paul Gross.
He's been on here.
Oh, yeah. I forgot his name. I can't believe it.
It's so long ago. Yeah, yeah. He's a
good friend. Paul Schaefer? Yeah.
Paul Schaefer. Oh, that's right. Your famous Canadian
boss. Yeah, Lorne Michaels, Dan Aykroyd.
Lorne Green. Yeah, Crystal Head Vodka.
Rick Moranis.
Rick Moranis is my favorite, long time favorite
of the show. Wayne Gretzky.
Oh, God. Every hockey player. Every hockey player. I mean, we favorite of the show. Wayne Gretzky. Oh, God.
Every hockey player.
I mean, we could name them individually.
We won't, though. I think we are.
I think that is happening.
So, yeah, it's been
a good run.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, Celeste, I guess that's the last time.
Last podcast. Brian Adams, Corey Hart,
Alanis Morissette.
Yeah, Alana, Miles, Tom Cochran.
Candy in the backbeat.
Yeah, Moist, the whole band, Moist.
Yeah, Our Lady Peace, I Mother Earth.
Tea Party, they were here.
Wide Road Basin.
I love how much mileage you guys are getting out of this, too.
The Walkman.
You know.
No, The Watchman.
Oh, The Watchman, that's what I meant.
The Watchman, The Moffats. The Moff No, the Watchmen. Oh, the Watchmen. That's what I meant. The Watchmen.
The Muffets.
Yeah.
The Muffets.
I forgot about.
I always thought. Chantel Graviasa.
When I first heard of the Muffets, I thought someone was just mispronouncing Muppets.
Like, you idiots.
You morons.
It's Muppets.
Oh, oh.
It's just a bunch of totally weird looking teenagers.
He says he was screaming in the street.
You morons.
Can you believe that?
You blew it up.
The Moffats, what was their hit?
They had a few.
Okay.
I miss you like crazy.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Oh, yeah.
And then they had Bang Bang Boom.
And my heart goes bang, bang, boom.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the one.
Yeah, pretty good.
Misery is what I feel.
That was the theme song to the movie Misery.
Yeah.
Yeah, they played that over the credits.
I don't know if they were big outside of Canada.
They were basically Canada's equivalent of Hanson.
Hanson, yes.
They were four brothers, three of whom were triplets.
Yeah, and they all had four brothers, three of whom were triplets.
Yeah, and they all had the long, long hair.
With a little bit of blonde highlighting. Yeah, like blonde streaks, right?
I just remember them looking so weaselly and just like, really like, gah, gnarly.
Yeah, that was their original name was.
The Weasel Muffets.
The Weasel Muffets.
It's Muppets, guys.
Jeremy Moffat and the Weasels.
Mm-hmm.
Now, you're looking up something on the phone. Yeah, Nardwar has interviewed Weird Al. Oh, nice.ets, guys. Jeremy Moffat and the Weasels. Now, you're looking up something on the phone.
Yeah, Nardwar has interviewed Weird Al.
Oh, nice.
Oh, good.
Yeah, so you can check that out at your local library.
You can ask the librarian for...
Can you send me...
What's your Nardwar section?
Oh, boy.
Yeah, it's huge.
It's from D, doodoodle-doot.
All the way from doot to doodle-doot.
Good stuff, guys.
That's a very small section.
From doot to doodaloo doot.
Well, exactly.
It's comprehensive, but it is a small space.
It's on microfilm.
Drew Carey, Weird Al, do you meet any Hollywood starlets?
I guess in terms of rising comedian folk, Um, I guess in terms of like
rising comedian folk,
yeah, I guess.
No, like, you know,
I'm talking, you know,
Scarlett Johansson.
Yeah, starlets.
Starlets.
Okay, I didn't really
have that much,
I didn't have that much
rubbing shoulders
with the peeps.
What about rubbing elbows?
I did rub some elbows.
Uh-huh.
All right.
What did that feel like?
Pretty weird
because of that weird skin
that's there.
Oh, yeah. Isn't that supposed to be what it looks like? Pretty weird because of that weird skin that's there. Oh, yeah.
Isn't that supposed to be what?
Oh, elbow skin.
I thought you meant weird skin in L.A.
Because of that weird skin they got.
Yeah, because of Caravan D.
So you didn't like L.A. all that much?
No, I didn't see it as a place where I wanted to stay for a super long time in my life.
So I was like, nah, let's go home for a bit.
So back to Vancouver.
What are you doing now?
What's keeping you busy these days?
Cleaning carpets.
Yeah, cleaning carpets because I have to because tenants are moving in.
You're a landlord.
You're a super.
Yeah, so I'm just taking a bin.
Yeah, I run this apartment building.
It's pretty good.
I don't know why I picked up this accent.
Yeah, I started smoking some gas. I take out the gas. It's pretty good. I don't know why I picked up this accent. Yeah, I started
smoking some gas.
I take out the gas.
Comes with the job.
Yeah, that's true.
Even though every
landlord I've had
has been
very not that guy.
Have I ever had that?
Actually, that's not true.
I did have one guy
that literally was.
His name was
Manny from Brooklyn.
That guy.
Remember him?
But that was in Brooklyn,
though, right?
That was.
Not as weird. um yeah i've never
had the uh i've had a lot of you know oh no i had one really weird landlord i think i talked about
him a couple weeks ago that he like buried those barrels yeah he buried those barrels he found a
possum in his rain uh wait he buried barrels yeah you, in his backyard. Oh, you already talked about it on this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. He ate a possum that he found.
Oh!
I didn't know!
We have possums here?
No.
We have O possums.
Really?
We have possums, don't we?
Is O possum and possum different?
I don't know.
Oh, one's Irish.
Hey, O!
O possum, my possum.
It was in Maple Ridge, BC.
A possum drowned in a rain barrel yeah he's like rain
barrel yeah he's like wow you don't throw away a perfectly delicious but you're saying i ate a
possum that i found in a rain barrel is a very 1840s thing no it's a very ah it's a barrel of
white trash yeah i don't think i don't think that's time dependent. I think no matter what era, if you found a drowned...
It's timeless.
Eating opossums in barrels is timeless.
It's very Beverly Hillbillies.
Yeah.
Anyway, so he was like that.
But he wasn't from Brooklyn.
He wasn't like a streetwise level.
Dang, eating opossums in a barrel over here.
It's playing dead.
We have a barrel over here.
It's playing dead.
Sorry, that's me choking on possum meat.
Look at the tail.
Are they marsupials?
I think they are.
Or do their children just hang on to their armpits?
Marsupial, does that mean pouch? Pouches.
A pouch?
Yeah.
Kangaroos and then what?
I thought it was only a thing in Australia, but I think possums are the ones that got out and then they just exploded everywhere else in the world.
Like if we brought kangaroos over here, they might do pretty good.
Have you seen pictures of kangaroos with the big upper bodies?
Like they're juicing?
Yeah.
You know how usually kangaroos, we're used to them just having these kind of Tyrannosaurus Rex style arms?
Oh, we got used to that pretty much.
These ones have full human arms?
It's crazy.
These photos of these kangaroos that have these giant, they're like, I guess, what adult male kangaroos look like.
But we've just never seen photos of them.
No, but it sounds great.
It's terrifying.
I'm looking up right now.
Two things.
Kangaroo muscles.
No, I'm looking up marsupials.
Which was my nickname in high school.
Sub kangaroo muscles.
Is that because your giant legs
or because you have a weird pouch?
I was a boxer.
This post is way too big.
But koalas also. They're marsupials. See, I'm talking Australia. This post is way too big, but... Okay.
Koalas, also.
They're marsupials.
See, I'm talking Australia.
I'm talking Australia.
The common brushtail possum.
Okay.
Is it common?
The squirrel glider.
Oh, that's a flying squirrel, right?
These things glide on squirrels.
Gross.
The Virginia opossum.
A North American marsupial.
That must be what my landlord ate. This weird kind of dog thing called a thylakine?
Thylacine?
Oh, is that like a zebra dog?
It's from Tasmania.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is a zebra dog.
Yeah, the Tasmanian zebra dog.
I don't know if it's a dog.
That's awesome.
That's awesome possum.
Hey!
That was some awesome possum.
That's what you say after dinner at his house.
That's a good looking animal.
Let's see.
The zebra dog?
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
They're gone now.
That's a bummer.
And Tasmanian devils are like this weird.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, dude.
What happened to them?
Don't call me that.
We ran them out of existence, right?
Us humans?
I think so.
I think there's video footage of the last
one ever. It was one of the first
pieces of any footage
in Tasmania. It was really, really,
really old footage.
The first film in Tasmania.
Because they're like, we've got one more animal
left, and we're going to use the only film that we've got
to film it, and then
we're going to eat this duck.
Celebration dinner.
Roast zebra duck.
Yeah.
Do you want dark meat or white meat?
Oh, it's a striped.
They still have an animal, a devil.
They have the local devil.
That's right.
They do.
Tasmanian devil.
But they've got this weird, have you heard how their faces are falling off?
This is real.
What?
Tasmanian devils have this.
What are Tasmanian devils? this. What are Tasmanian devils?
They're like little tiny zebra dogs?
They're like, they're little, they look like little dogs.
They're really kind of creepy little.
Have you been to Australia?
No.
Okay.
You just.
I knew this because there was the Australia exhibit at Science World.
Oh.
And there was this whole thing about how Tasmanian devils have this weird degenerative disease that eats away at their faces.
So they're already kind of scary looking.
And it only affects Tasmanian devils.
Do they just have a bad name because everyone's scared of their deformed faces and maybe they have a nice personality?
Well, this is like a new degenerative disease.
Okay, yeah.
But I don't know know they are just kind of
devilish they're demonic looking kind of but they're also kind of cute yeah there's no oh
there's angel fish i was trying to think of what's the other side of the fence all i was thinking is
angel angel food cake yeah which is not an animal angel hernandez angel from buffy Oh yeah Oh yeah Yeah
He had a degenerative
face disease
Wasn't an angel
Oh
Wasn't he
Oh
City of Angels
filled with
Tasmanian
Yeah
Little known fact
it's actually part of Australia
That's why it's so hot
So
is there anything
that we can do
to help the Tasmanian devil?
I think there is.
I think there is a research lab that gets money.
Guys.
To help their faces?
To help the Tasmanian devil faces because they're in danger.
But what if you, like, what's the best case scenario?
You try to apply the thing to them.
Some makeup.
They bite your hand off.
They're devils.
Yeah, and they spin around in little miniature tornadoes.
I wonder if that has helped them or hurt them. bite your hand off. They're devils. Yeah, and they spin around in little miniature tornadoes.
I wonder if that has helped them or hurt them. Oh, yeah.
I wonder if people now hunt them and kill
them because of that wascally character.
He wasn't wascally.
No, he was the most wascally
of the wascally. He was pretty wascally.
Name me one
character in the Looney Tunes universe that was
more wascally than the Jasmine. Thatunes universe that was more rascally.
That wabbit was pretty rascally.
Well, he was pretty rascally, man.
I said rascally.
Look, I was dropping the accent
that no one has.
Yeah, the landlord accent.
You went to do it.
I need no damage to Ponset.
Fix the faucet.
Fix the faucet.
Oh, my God.
That is funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good riffage.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Guys, hello.
Hello.
Welcome to the podcast.
It starts now.
Here's what's up with me. You're pretty pleased with yourself after that joke. I'm always pretty pleased with myself. Pretty pleased. Here's what's going on with me. I did a thing at my work and I made a video that in the last few days has become what is known as a viral video. Yeah. Have you seen it?
No, I haven't.
It's a video of – I just – I took all these clips of David Letterman on his show.
The David Letterman Variety Hour.
Yeah.
The Colgate David Letterman Variety Hour.
What quite often happens when he's done – when a band is done playing is he will go up to the drummer first and compliment them on their drums and ask them if the drums are rented.
And I noticed this happening.
And he doesn't do it every time.
He does it maybe one every, you know, ten times.
And I noticed it happening. So I started just like making notes of bands that it happened to
and then I would look them up on YouTube and download the video from YouTube.
There's a secret way of doing that.
Yeah.
And then –
Go to Wikipedia to find out more.
And so I, yeah, put this video together and it's like 40 bands
that David Letterman is talking to in two minutes.
And yeah, I just edited it all together, and I put it up in a blog post at work.
And I shared it with some people, and it's everywhere now.
Yeah, it's a gigantosaurus, man.
It's just really stomping its way all over the internet.
You know how a gigantosaurus exists? It's like that. Yeah's like that yeah yeah fell into uh one of those tarpons one of those
rain buckets um so uh what happens because uh neither neither adam and i are just we're just
common folks we've never had a viral video yeah um what happens is this you get a letter from
youtube i made videos but
it's never gone past like a thousand how many hits you have um how many hits i have how many
hits you have i say uh currently uh 165 000 wow yeah that's a lot of thousands and it's been on
a bunch of uh websites and uh usatoday.com which i think is where everyone goes yeah yeah that's my uh home
page um and um yeah and uh well here's what happens is not much except you sort of obsess
over it for a couple of days and double check and and youtube doesn't update after every view
so it'll like stall out at a few thousand and then you check back a few
hours later and it's still at like 3 000 and then you check back another few hours and it's suddenly
at 30 000 what do you do in that time oh boy waiting is the hardest i cut myself just to feel
something um and uh it's very nice like people are, people when they see it on a blog, like it's been on Spin Magazine and the AV Club.
And when they see it on a website, the comments have all been like really nice.
But on YouTube itself, it's not even that the comments have been mean.
It's just that people, for some reason, like they think it's mandatory to leave a comment.
I know I can't watch a video without leaving a comment. It's usually something about sucking dicks
Why every time does that generate every time I know this time it is
It like it's this the most inane
Like it you're no one's adding anything. They're literally, like, people say things like, oh, he must really like drums.
There you go.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the type of comment I would leave. For me, can you do this to the video?
Just add in, like, a little annotation in the corner that says, if you like the song, click here for the iTunes download.
Can you do that?
Like, pretend there's an iTunes song?
But what would it go to?
Nothing. It would just go to a Rickrolling video or something.
I don't know. I think it would be
fun. This is why none of your videos go viral.
Because I'm always trying to steal iTunes
songs that don't exist.
Oh, God.
Trying to drum up iTunes business.
This is confusing.
When I was halfway through that business venture, I like you know what i wish i could rewind time
check out the itunes song um so yeah then like what happens after this wild ride oh
like once it's over i i mean i need to come up with something else for work. Sophomore jinx.
Top myself.
Yeah.
Like, top yourself?
Like, that's a...
What is that?
A slang phrase?
Yeah.
For kill yourself, right?
Top yourself?
Top yourself?
Top myself up.
No, not top yourself up.
Top yourself up is when you get more coffee.
Oh, I've been killing myself every time.
Sometimes a waitress at brunch kills me.
Can I top you off?
Yeah, so now is it like, oh, what?
What weird thing do I need to notice now?
Yeah, because that's the, it's a, what they would call a super cut.
Yes, it's a montage of like.
Do you ever find out why he was asking that to these bands?
I think it is just just he's either amusing himself
Yeah.
Seems to be his MO.
Got any gum? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
He's amusing
himself or he's, you know, gotta
say something. But I do
like how uncomfortable the lead
singers of the bands look when
like, oh, he's talking to the drummer.
No one ever does that. does yeah we put that guy
in the back for a reason um yeah it's weird because like there's not that many famous drummers
right like there's animal yeah from the moffats yeah absolutely from the moffats yeah well it's
weird because it was like it's i didn't have very high hopes for this. Like, I thought it was great to watch.
Yeah.
But it was so hard.
Like, whenever I told anyone about it, I was like, how do I describe this?
What's the elevator pitch?
Yeah.
How do I put this into, like, the title of a video?
But you did it.
Isn't it just like David Letterman asks drummers?
It's the video.
The title is David Letterman.
Are those your drums?
Yeah.
There you go. That makes sense, right? is David Letterman. Are those your drums? Yeah. There you go.
That makes sense, right?
It's so weird.
What a choice.
And I'm glad it's gotten the hits that it has.
But yeah, it's funny.
It's a funny video.
And like I was saying, I was telling you earlier, I cannot resist a supercut.
If I see a supercut of anything, if it's just like...
Well, it's because when you see it written down, it looks like super
cute. You're like, oh, this is super cute.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, anything where it's just like,
you know,
Kramer sliding through a door.
It's just like, I just want to see him.
I want to see all of them
in a row, together.
When you do it like that, it becomes this
hypnotic rhythm of
whatever you're watching.
Yeah. I'm trying to think.
What is my favorite
supercar? Because there's ones of
Riker from
Star Trek The Next Generation. Sitting on a chair?
Just sitting, yeah. Yeah, because he has
a back problem where he can only sit on chairs by
leaping over.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, like,
instead of
backing into a chair,
he steps over the chair
and...
Oh, really?
But it makes it look cool.
It's like,
yeah, he just does it
because he's Riker.
He's from Alaska.
And he's like,
he's 6'8 or something.
Which one was Riker?
The guy with the beard?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, he was
the black lady
with the funny hat.
Oh, yeah, that's the one.
Yeah, he was
a big ol' bird.
And then there's one of Shelley Duvall saying, hi, I'm Shelley Duvall over and over and over again.
That's pretty great.
Was it from when she was doing those nursery rhymes videos?
Yeah, it must be.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's right.
That was Shelley Duvall.
Yeah.
Weird.
I remember because we would only get videos from the library when I was a kid from the hardware section
Yeah, it's like every week we get like a different Shelley Duvall like bunch of like kids stories of all collection
Exactly, and then I had no idea that she was in the shining of course as a kid and then later on the shining one of these yeah the shining story yeah yeah but they did like uh
like pinocchio i remember they did pinocchio because peewee hermer paul rubin was in that one
oh i haven't seen that one yeah but i didn't know shelly duvall had anything to do with this
yeah i was like i had no idea she. You guys might be talking about different things then.
I'm pretty sure this, as soon as you said Shelley Duvall, I was like, oh yeah, I also
know her.
I saw like Goldilocks and the Three Bears presented by Shelley Duvall.
And it was on like PBS or whatever.
Peeps.
On the Peeps.
You only got stuff from the library.
Did you have cable growing up?
Were you one of those?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, I did.
Hmm.
What?
Why were you getting videos from the library?
I got, I think it was just a money saver
I didn't even know the library
had videos until
they got good videos now
until it was too late
until it was DVD
remember when people collected DVDs
oh yeah absolutely
I remember watching
no one collected VHS's
unless you were
oh you did I think I had a wall Absolutely. I remember watching. No one collected VHSs, like, unless you were.
I did.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
I think I had a wall of, you know, but yeah, when VHS was still like the.
I mean, Abby's family collected them because they lived in Switzerland and they didn't have English television.
So they would.
I had a collection of my faves, you know.
Yeah. I had a, you know, I had a Teen Wolf on VHS and Back to the Future and Ghostbusters and such.
But they were also super expensive.
Oh, no.
This was before DVDs came in, but after they were super expensive.
Where it was like, buy it today.
Because, yeah, in the 80s, they were like $80.
Yeah.
Every decade, it was equal to how much?
Except for every other decade.
That's why everything's so cheap now, because we're in the teens.
Yeah.
It's, yeah, it's weird, because I remember watching an episode of Cribs, and there was, like, I think, like, the bassist of some band, but he had this huge DVD collection.
And even at that point, I was like,
it seems like an unnecessary...
Like, you could just download those onto your computer.
That was him showing off his money.
Like, look at all these DVDs I don't need to have.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at this space that I could be using for all sorts of things.
And people would have...
Like, collectors would collect, you know,
they would, I guess, watch a movie every night to justify this collection.
Yeah.
Because they're buying two DVDs a day.
And they would all fit into their, you know, their racks,
except if they got whatever, the dumb.
Oh, the collector's boxes
or whatever. Yeah, the boxes like the
Lord of the Rings shaped like a mountain or the...
Yeah, Terminator shaped like Terminator's
head.
The Scarface shaped like a
street scavenger.
Like a pile of cocaine.
His face wasn't even scarred up
in that movie.
It's like...
He's pretty ugly, though.
Yeah, that's true.
Hatchet Face would have been more appropriate.
Isn't that the name of the character from Cry Baby?
Yeah.
That's such a weird...
I think it was the name of the actress who played the character.
Hatchet Face?
Really?
No.
No!
No, I mean, maybe she had a nickname that she goes,
Hatchetface, that's her stage name.
Like Rip Torn.
Yeah, but what's Rip Torn's real name?
Nobody knows.
Hatchetface.
Alina?
Good work, you guys.
Yeah, so that's me.
I made a video.
You won the internet. I did a video. You won the internet.
I did have a good week on the internet.
Oh, man.
How about yourself, my friend?
Hmm.
Nothing internet-wise.
You said you had things.
I did, but now I'm trying to remember what they were.
I'm pretty sure I wrote them down.
Adam, you got to stretch.
Yeah, stretch, Adam.
Oh.
Figure it out.
Should I talk about what you did this week?
Yeah, yeah. What did I do this week?
Oh, you did a couple shows. I was there.
Oh, God.
What's Graham up to?
When I'm under
pressure, I get high-pitched.
It's these UCB classes.
Yeah, the key is to panic.
I need someone to do a monologue first.
That's what they do. I need someone to do a monologue first so I can.
That's what they do.
I did a show last night at the Vancouver Theater Sports.
Uh-huh.
The improviser.
Yeah, the local improv theater.
Uh-huh.
And the show is called Pants on Fire.
Uh-huh.
So the idea is they bring in a guest.
I was the guest.
And they get, like, I was supposed to answer a bunch of questions.
And then they have a bunch of, like, so a bunch of things that are true.
And then they come up with a bunch of things that are lies.
And then all the improvisers ask me questions and try to suss out if I'm telling the truth or if I'm telling a lie.
And I realized that I'm not like when I know I'm lying, I have so many tells like I didn't realize until last night, but I'm like, my foot went crazy.
My eyes were going off in some weird direction.
And one of the lies was one that I like.
It was like, I can say all of the Lord of the Rings movies by heart.
I've never seen, I've never stayed awake through any of the Lord of the Rings movies.
So I don't know any, I don't even know one line of dialogue.
Oh, you shallant pass.
Shallant.
So, but I faked them out.
I faked them out on it.
They thought that.
Even though you were a bad liar?
Yeah.
But like, that was the one that I was able to just be coy enough.
Like, oh, you don't know?
Well, that's your fault for not knowing how many rings there are.
That was one of the questions.
He said, how many rings are there?
And I said, oh, so many.
But there's only one.
I know.
Oh, there's only one to rule them all.
Oh, that's right.
There was a bunch of... There were a few. Oh, there's only one to rule them all. Oh, that's right. There was a bunch of them.
There were a few of them.
Oh, there's one that rules the other ones of which there are plenty.
So, yeah, I kind of found out like I'm not a super strong liar.
Are you a good liar, Adam?
I thought I was.
But lately, I've noticed that when I try to just like – I was a chronic liar as a kid, and I thought I was amazing at it.
Like what kind of lies were you telling?
Oh, I would say stuff like – I don't know.
I was just like if someone brought – I just liked talking a lot.
So I was like, oh, felt.
So I'm like, oh, I used to make felt.
So we made our own felt.
Yeah.
You guys didn't make felt with your family?
Like I had no reason. Like why would I be talking own felt. Yeah. You guys didn't make felt with your family? Like, I had no reason.
Like, why would I be talking about that?
Yeah.
But no, I've recently realized that, like, oh, I have so many tells.
Like, as soon as I lie about something, I'm just like, I realize that the conversation just dies flat.
I'm like, what?
So you just keep talking.
Anyways, speaking of the truth which i am telling i don't i i sometimes i can like uh
do a really good deadpan lie yeah uh but most of the time i lying is so much fun that i'm just
beaming like it's so much fun to lie you got that post post-lie glow. Oh, man. You're like, I gotta have a cigarette.
I really like lying.
No, I don't.
Oh, yeah.
It's hard to tell.
Although you seem to be having a lot of fun.
Yeah, so I just, like, it was weird because I didn't think about it until I was on stage.
And then I was like, I'm not sure that I'm that good at lying, you know?
I'm not sure that I'm that good at lying.
And they didn't ask questions that were super difficult to answer as a lie.
But I still wasn't good at it.
You could never be on that show.
Lie to me.
Oh, yeah.
That scripted show.
You could never be on that show.
You could never play a truth teller. Well, you could play a truth teller. Wait, that's not The Mentalist, right?
No.
No, The Lie to Me is the one with Tim Roth.
Yeah.
And he just, he's like.
He's a human.
Your eyebrow.
Polygraph.
Your eyebrow moved when you talked about hot chocolate, which wasn't true because you were drinking hot chocolate at the time.
That's right.
So I know that when your eyebrow moves that it's truth.
And your eyebrow was still, so you're a liar.
Oh, Mr. Orange.
Was he Mr. Orange?
I think he was Orange.
He was one of them.
Sure, absolutely.
One of the colors.
Rest in peace.
Yeah.
You only need to remember one guy.
Yeah.
Michael Madsen.
Is that who that is?
Yeah, Michael Madsen.
Michael Madsen.
Is that who that is?
Yeah, Michael Madsen.
Apparently that whole, the whole kind of plot of that was taken from some like kind of chop sake Hong Kong film from the late 70s, early 80s.
But Quentin Tarantino doesn't like old kitchen movies.
Yeah, he doesn't like Sonny Chiba movies or anything like that.
It was weird that he, you know, because you think you know a guy.
I mean, I thought I knew Quentin Tarantino pretty good.
Quentin Tarantino.
Rubbing shoulders, elbows.
There's a guy.
Now, it's funny because this is not a viral video.
Only a couple thousand people at most have watched this video that that has cut uh scenes from that movie with
uh reservoir dogs and they kind of they story-wise they sync up so the the robbery that you don't see
in reservoir dogs happens in this movie and the after effect that happens in reservoir dogs
happens in reservoir dogs so it's like reservoir like Reservoir Dogs is in Reservoir Dogs.
Oh, it's always really suspected.
Mr. Blonde and LaVince Vega from Pulp Fiction, they were supposed to be brothers, and they
were going to do a prequel to both of those because they were both Vegas.
Yeah.
The Vega brothers.
Why don't they do it now?
Oh, because that would be hilarious.
They would need to cast.
They're both 80.
Oh, yeah.
Who is Mr. Blonde?
I forget his name.
He was like the cool guy.
He was already hanging out there.
Yeah, the guy you said.
The guy who drank a milkshake.
Madsen, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Are you going to bark all day, little dog, or are you going to go to bed?
Go to bed.
Go to bed, dog.
Are you a sleepy dog?
We're in a reservoir and uh oh the other thing that happened this week is um i was waiting for
a weird weird bus that i've never taken before and uh an old man came out like there's a little
wooden bench and i was sitting there by myself really trying to look like hey i don't want to
talk to you but this old man came with
just headphones yeah exactly head down staring at my feet bandages all over your face and hands
i was like hyperbaric chamber elephant man bones yeah i put a lot of extra stuffing in the head
part so it looked like i had a giant skull uh and he started talking to me your face was
melting off like a tasmanian devil yeah and he started talking to me about nutrition and uh you
know and i was like i guess i guess you know because he's old so he's like he's lived and
that's what a lot of people try to talk to you about yeah that's true yeah but then i noticed
he was missing quite a few teeth like more more
than you would want from somebody who's like going around uh telling people about nutrition
yeah it's like calcium is important take it from me scurvy joe yeah calcium is so important i ate
some of my own teeth um but the weird part was he had uh what I thought was a smartphone in a belt carrier.
Oh, God, I hope it was his teeth in a bucket.
That's where the story is headed, right?
It's like a photo album of him when he had teeth.
No, it was weird because at one point during him telling me about this, I was like, oh, I'll look up something on my phone to show him I'm uninterested in continuing.
Oh, old people don't get that.
They don't at all because he pulled out what turned out not to be a phone and started typing away at it.
It was a giant calculator.
Oh, awesome.
So he just carries a calculator on his belt.
Check out how many teeth I had.
Boobless.
You know the equation to make the boobless
thing. I thought everyone
knew that. Do you know it? I know it.
You know the rhyming? Oh yeah.
How does it go, you guys?
There once was a lady with 69 boobs
and she thought that was too, too,
too many, so she went
to 51st Street
to see Dr. X
and he ate all her boobs.
Okay, and now she's boobless.
Because we saw
Ember Konopaki.
That's right. She did like a math
Oh yeah. And you were saying
it along and I didn't know. But she did a different thing
with, she had like eight operations.
And what did you say he ate them
or what did you say? He ate them.
Which is more insane. Yeah yeah yeah of course
it is. Well it was 51st street
Well he's Dr. X. Yeah it was the
cannibal district. Yeah yeah it was a very
big city.
51st streets.
51st streets. Wait a minute.
How many 1st streets are there?
There's a 1st down there's not 50 first streets
49 first streets
oh I blew it
I blew it
I'll meet you at first street
but I've heard it was supposed to be
Dolly Parton had 69 boobs
nobody had 69 boobs
that's the most unbelievable part
of all of this.
Go on about your Dolly Parton.
Someone else had said that they knew the rhyme
but it started off with Dolly Parton
But she's not boobless.
No, she's got lots of...
She starts off with 69 boobs.
Yeah, but current Dolly Parton has two.
Exactly. That's why I'm like,
why are you going Dolly Parton?
And boy, what a set.
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, yeah, legendary.
She's a big fan of Billy Ray Cyrus.
I learned that watching TV before the podcast.
And just released a new memoir.
And we wish her the best.
She's got real country hospitality.
As we do, all boobless.
And her and Queen Latif kids are still making movies.
Oh, yeah. They're making joyful
noises.
Was that the one where Dolly Parton
dances on the bar?
She wasn't in Coyote Ugly at all,
was she? No.
She didn't play the manager who used to
dance on the bar? No, that's Maria
Bello. Hat cop.
Oh, Lord.
Anyways, do you guys want to move on to overheards?
Hi, everybody.
My name's Justin McElroy.
And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy.
I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy.
Yeah, you told me to introduce myself that way.
We're the newest addition to the Maximum Fun family.
Our show is called Sawbones.
It's a medical history program where we detail all the dumb, hurtful, stupid ways
that we've tried to fix people over the years.
Have you tried to put mercury on your syphilis shanker?
Or maybe you tried to drill a hole in your head
because you heard it would reduce your blood brain volume.
It probably didn't work.
But the good news is you're in great company.
You can hear all about it every Friday on Sawbones,
right here on Maximum Fun.
Overheard.
All right.
Overheard?
Yeah, okay.
All right.
You know how overheards roll.
You've been on the show before.
Shut up.
No, no, no.
Not this week.
You know how overheards work.
You probably know the theme song.
You can probably sing it.
Overheard.
There you go.
We like to start with the guest.
Sure.
If you would.
Sure, yeah, I'd love to.
Lead the charge.
Well, this happened years ago.
Oh, wow.
Well, so this one's-
The vault.
It's back in the vault.
I only just remembered this the other day, and I hope it's not derogatory.
If it-
Watch. If your race
is offended, I'm sorry.
If anyone listening is a member of
a race, then don't listen.
No, derogatory is the wrong choice of words.
Anyways, it's got...
I'll just tell it, and then you'll be like,
I think it's fine. So I used to live
a couple doors down from
these two French-Canadian girls.
And they were cool. We'd go over there every now andadian girls. Okay. And they were cool.
We'd go over there
every now and then and hang out.
And they were on the porch
and I was in the living room
and one of them was afraid
to go to the SkyTrain station
because it was like
a couple blocks away.
It's kind of a divey area,
like commercial Broadway,
that area.
And one of them was like,
oh, come on,
I'll walk you to the SkyTrain
if you're afraid.
She goes,
and this French-Canadian girl
was like, oh, good, because I don't want to be raped by a homeless.
Like, oh, that's pretty.
How can anybody find that offensive?
All right, good.
Well, rape was in there.
I don't know how he stands on it.
Let me say my stance on it.
And also calling homeless people anti.
I am also anti, right?
Hey, it's overheard.
It was said.
Yeah, exactly.
It's not unless you just made this up.
Yeah.
Nope.
Nope.
This is for realsies.
Don't shoot the messenger.
Yeah, man.
And that was a guy just trying to be chivalrous, right?
Yeah.
Or was it, were they both, was it a guy and girl?
It was a guy and girl, yeah.
It was a guy trying to walk a girl to the thing.
By omelette. Omelette to the thing. By omelette.
Omelette.
Wrapped by an omelette.
Omelette.
Omelette.
Yeah.
You can make an omelette omelette with a freaking view.
That's why in tennis they call zero love.
Oh, that is nice.
It's not not nice.
Omelette.
That's right.
It's the French word for zero.
Yeah.
When you start counting, you count down your omelet.
I was in French immersion and I was just like, for a second there, I was like, that was a pretty good lie.
I don't know.
Yeah.
You would have been good on this lying show.
Thank you.
Tim Roth would not have figured it out.
You guys know what it is, right?
Zero.
No, but why they do love and...
I have no idea.
What is it?
Oh, it's because in French, a zero is the shape of an egg.
Love.
Love.
Oh, my God.
Whoa, really?
Yeah, I thought everyone knew that.
No, I don't know any...
Like, I don't understand how tennis scoring works at all.
People have tried to explain it to me, but I feel...
No, it is dumb scoring.
You go to four.
But it's one love, two love,
three love, four love? Is that how it works?
Or is it only one love?
It's 15 love, 30 love, 40 love.
Deuce.
Really?
It ends in deuce?
If it's 40-40, it's deuce.
See, I was always confused.
I play Mario Tennis like that.
That's all I know about confused I play Mario tennis like that that's all I know
I'm gonna win yeah Waluigi was first appearances were there mm-hmm I love
that Wario's brother is just like it's not Waluigi it's Waluigi this is really
yeah upside down L on his head it's yeah he's L7. That guy who does the voice,
apparently
when they were auditioning for Mario's voice,
everybody who came in and auditioned
did the same voice, like
gruff.
He was the only one who did
a different thing.
I'm gonna win.
It's like a player.
He does Wario.
He does Luigi. He does Luigi.
He does Mario.
Oh, yeah.
He's also going to be at a Comic-Con in Westminster in like a week.
Destroy Mario.
That guy.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
What do you think that he gets requests most?
To do outgoing voicemail messages?
Call ex-girlfriends or boyfriends and say like,
Eat that goal!
Yeah.
What does Mario, pardon me, going to say to your ex-girlfriends or boyfriends and say like, Here I go! Yeah. What does Mario, pardon me,
going to say to your ex-girlfriend?
You made a big mistake.
I am not the father.
Let's go.
I killed your pet turtle.
Mario killed the turtle?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let the still be friends.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Who was the original Mario?
He was a wrestler, right?
From the TV show that they did?
That was Captain Lou Albano.
Yeah.
There you go.
Because he was kind of like, damn, I'm a rough and tumble kind of Mario. But that was, he was never in the video game. That was Captain Lou Albano. Yeah. There you go. Because he was kind of like, hey, I'm a rough and tumble kind of Mario.
But that was, he was never in the video game.
That was just some, I don't know,
somebody like lost the rights to the TV show in a gambling,
like in some gambling den or something.
But in the movie, it was clearly.
It was a British guy.
What was his name?
It wasn't.
Phil Collins?
No.
No, the guy from Rob to Rabbit?
Bob Hoskins.
Yeah.
Bob Hoskins and...
John Leguizamo.
John Leguizamo as his Italian brother.
What were their voices?
No.
Just regular, like, what all the people in the audition did.
Right over here, Lizard Breath.
That's what he said.
Hey, Lizard Breath.
Dennis Hopper as...
Dennis Hopper was...
King Koopa.
King Koopa.
Wow.
Also, who later became Bowser? How does that work? He was King Koopa. King Koopa. Wow. Also, who later became Bowser?
How does that work?
He was King Koopa, and then he was Bowser?
Oh.
Like, what, did they drop the King Koopa?
That's my, I don't know anything.
Okay.
Yeah.
I thought that was your contemplative face.
You lost me.
Well, I mean, I didn't have a Nintendo ever.
How did they ever?
I only ever liked sports games.
Oh.
That's okay. What about Mario Kart?
That's a sports game
How about Mario Tennis?
This is where we all start
15 love
Dave, do you have an over?
Deuce
Yeah, that's where to start
At my job At cbcmusic.ca, home of the David Letterman drum video, I get emails of press releases from musical things.
And, like, it's mostly independent artists, and, you know, they're doing their best.
Mostly bands and
such right so solo artists but like not uh not headlining acts surely um oh well i mean occasionally
like uh yeah all sorts of stuff but but i wouldn't you know there's there's nothing that really
sticks out about most of it.
That's not in a derogatory way.
I like it all.
I don't like all of it.
Are you really digging yourself a ditch here?
Well, I mean, what am I, just to like everything I hear?
No, that's true.
But, well, I mean, for instance, today I got a press release about Frank D'Angelo. I don't know if you watch hockey on television, but Frank D'Angelo is the purveyor of a company called Cheetah Power Surge.
Oh, yeah.
They sell a fictional energy drink that you can't buy anywhere. And he's not like a noted like he's not like a
ex-UFC guy. He's not like a guy known for
his brawn or his energy.
You know, he's just a guy.
He's a dumb spokesman for his dumb product
that they show on the cheapest ads
on television. Does it actually
not exist? No, it exists in Toronto,
but they do these national commercials.
I know. Don Cherry's all about it.
Well, they advertised during his segment.
At least that's what Nardwar told me.
Anyway, so he's got a song out now.
Yeah.
Cheetah!
Potwood Search!
He said, Dave sent me...
Oh, and a movie.
Yeah, he has a movie.
This is...
Called Real Gangsters.
This was from the soundtrack of Real Gangsters.
Yeah, his new song
dreaming and uh all of his songs are like that they're like you know um uh ballads about believing
in yourself but they're like uh throwback songs right yeah but a throwback what's the jersey boys
what's that band yeah jersey boys that's exactly's exactly it. That's the musical about the Frankie Valli.
Yeah.
It's that kind of era, except not.
And also all the songs are about like, you can do it if you try, that kind of stuff.
They're like uplifting Cap Class songs.
Yeah, but not.
Hang in there.
Cap Class.
I remember that.
Career and personal planning.
Yeah.
Capcom.
I remember that.
Career and personal planning.
Yeah.
And he's released several albums.
That's the crazy thing.
Anyway, so this has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. Well, it's a great story.
Yeah, we went down a rabbit hole, both Graham and I, today, watching Frank D'Angelo music videos.
He has a book out?
Yeah.
And it says it's the inspiring story?
That's bold. I'm looking
forward to the movie.
The Real Gangsters.
Is this the Cheetah Power Surge movie?
Like the coconut movie?
They probably drink it in the movie.
Part of the movie clearly takes place
in the
kitchen set that he uses.
Which is the kitchen of the restaurant that he owns.
Anyway, this is neither here nor there there my overseen is a press release um uh sometimes uh like a label or um
uh publicist will send out just like here's what's coming up in the next couple of weeks and
sometimes they do not need to do this, as one of these releases only included...
The only two standouts from this press release were Kids Bop 24 and Lou Bega's A Little Bit of 80s.
Whoa.
So what do you think that is?
Does it have a...
A little bit of walking on sunshine.
A little bit of video killed the radio star.
I guess that's 70s.
So do you know what that album is?
No.
Because it's very exciting.
I googled it but quickly gave up because it's apparently being released in Germany where he's from.
Lou Begg's from Germany?
Yeah.
Oh, did you know what his real name is?
Luther Von Bega.
David Lubega.
Oh, crazy.
His last name is Lubega.
But isn't the album that we all are waiting for from him?
Mambo No. 6.
Yeah.
That's the follow-up, right?
Yeah, it's just the next
number in succession.
Mambo No. 6 is kind of his Chinese
democracy. Oh, yeah. He keeps tinkering.
He's like, what, you know,
what girls
type? Is that like his symphony?
He's like, I don't do symphonies that
are numbered like Like Beethoven.
Holy mambo.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-Beethoven.
Yesterday we spent all that day doing the one track about a little Janet in my life.
Now he doesn't want to do Janet anymore.
Now it's got to be Jennifer.
Every day.
He's throwing out another name.
He's running out of names.
He just goes home and reads a Name Your Baby book.
He's like, well, that's good.
A little bit of sage in my life?
Oh, I wonder.
Oh, that seems like a missed business opportunity if he had a website.
Lubega Names Your Baby?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Yeah, just as a generator.
Just like gender.
Click.
Oh, Lubega.
Yeah.
Whatever shows up.
Yeah, your baby will be a little bit of Sarah.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Lubeganamesyourbaby.com. There's a lot of kids that cheat a little bit of Sarah. Yeah. That's nice. Lubeganamesyourbaby.com.
There's a lot of kids that cheat a power surge these days.
If someone in our audience wants to make that website.
You have our website. Go for it.
No, like, it's not going to make you any money.
No, and if anything, Lubega might try and come after you.
And it's going to cost you, you know, whatever, six bucks for the domain name.
Yeah. And you're hard-earned time.
Hard-earned? Well, from living.
Time takes a lot of...
I'm not saying time's worthless,
but you didn't earn time.
You're stuck with it, if anything.
That's true. Sometimes it's on your side.
You earn time by eating. You just don't
die. That works. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. It very sims of you to
think that way very tamagotchi yeah yeah tamagotchi is what i said oh stop um so okay i reacted very
loudly lubega names your baby.com or dot you know whatever if that's already taken we'll take like
dot tv if that's already taken, don't bother.
But yeah, I would like to see this website.
I'll do whatever I can to get you hits.
Oh, absolutely.
We'll try and make this.
Do websites go viral?
I think they could.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, we'll do it.
All right.
So this has been the show.
Absolutely.
Great work, everybody.
Thanks for coming, Dave.
Thanks.
I live here.
Yep.
Thanks for having me. Yeah. Oh, Dave. Thanks. I live here. Yep. Thanks for having me.
Yeah.
Oh, you're welcome.
I haven't overheard.
Come on.
Pass.
Aw, Dave.
All right, just this once. You can tell me.
Just whisper it.
Turn off the recording device and you tell me.
Okay.
Oh, Dave's falling asleep.
Get his key from around his neck.
We're going to go in his crazy DVD vault.
That was good cartoon sleeping sound.
Oh, there's a fly.
That's the horse sound.
My overheard was a group of ladies.
I like to imagine these ladies haven't seen each other for like the whole year.
And this was the conversation they were having.
They were on the train and for the,
I got on at like,
I was on for six stops with these ladies and their entire conversation was
about pickles.
The entire conversation was about pickles.
And we're talking about different types of pickles.
I like this type of pickle.
I like it.
It's crunchy.
I'm not,
I don't care about crunch.
I'm more about flavor.
And then this one lady started talking about these fermented pickles that she got at a craft fair.
And when you're done the pickles, you're supposed to drink.
The brine.
Yeah, because it's a fermented.
Oh, like booze.
It's like booze.
I guess so, yeah.
And she said you could just drink it,
and then the other lady was like,
well, I don't know about that.
Is that how she talked?
Yeah.
The way you say it is.
And then the third...
Was she French-Canadian?
Yeah, yeah.
And she also did not want to be attacked by an omelette.
Attack.
Attack.
The third lady in the triangle, who hadn't talked that much about pickles tried to get a side conversation going about fermented garlic.
She's like, hey, what about fermented garlic?
And the ladies just kept on going back to pickles like, come on, don't.
We've got a thing here.
We met for specific reason.
And then one girl, like like this was her last try at
starting up the garlic thing she said I need only garlic if it didn't make me
stink catch fire like she makes all of her steak not just her breath she's just
saying like and when I eat it just comes out of my pores my hair oh yeah never
weeks and it it really would like it's all you ate yeah yeah it would comes out of my pores, my hair. It's like that for weeks. And it really would.
It's all you ate, yeah.
Yeah, it would come out of your sweat.
Also, your eyes
would turn some weird colors.
And it wouldn't offer you any nutrition.
Yeah, right? She also said it's a problem
that has happened to her.
I used to eat only garlic, and it made me stink.
That's why I don't do it. If you just eat garlic,
it would be like, you'd have to pop them like Cheezies.
Yeah, well, I think she said it hoping that they would be like...
You know how you eat Cheezies a lot?
You pop them.
Yeah.
Once you pop them, you can't stop.
You'd have to have them in a bowl of corn pop cereals.
Garlic pops.
I think she thought that it was like they were going to be like, oh, yeah, absolutely.
Oh, I'm on board with that.
Ferment me some garlic.
Anyways, I don't know that I would drink
pickle brine just because
this dumb lady told me to. There's like
shots you can get where you're supposed to get a shot
and then a shot of pickle juice.
And then what? And then you have diarrhea.
That's it.
It's the bar like they turn on
like black light you can see
a line that goes straight
to the bathroom
for the next five minutes we're
doing pickle shots
and you race to the bathroom
and that's how they get a line outside
or inside that's how they get an inside line
why would that help a bar
a line up's a line up guys they have a live video feed Or inside. That's how they get an inside line. Why would that help a bar?
A line-up's a line-up, guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They have a live video feed going outside.
Look at the line-up inside.
There's a real big line-up in there.
What's the thing in the Yukon where you drink a shot that has a toe in it?
That's from Dawson City.
I used to live in Dawson City.
And what's that called?
You grew up there? For a year when I was a kid, I lived in Dawson in the Yukon. Wow. I used to live in Dawson City. And what's that called? You grew up there?
For a year when I was a kid, I lived in Dawson in the Yukon.
Wow.
I've been everywhere, guys. It's the artistic capital of the North.
The cultural capital.
There's artisans there for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, no, it's a thing where there's somebody lost their toe to frostbite and they-
Just tell me what the thing is called.
Oh, I forget.
Isn't it just called?
It's a club where if you take a shot and your lips have to touch the human toe that's in the drink.
Because it's preserved in this whiskey.
Isn't it just called the Toe Club?
Oh, fuck.
What's it called?
Guess what?
I'm Googling.
Oh, that zebra dog.
Yeah.
It's not Diamond Tooth Gertie's.
It's a different place.
No, isn't that the place?
It might be Diamond Tooth Gertie's.
I think that's a cabaret, though.
I think this is just like a bar.
But I was in grade six, so I didn't do a lot of-
The Sour Toe Cocktail.
That is it.
It's a Sour Toe Club.
But they've gone through like only 12 toes in the past 100 years.
Yeah, because a lot of people have-
Well, not a lot.
11 people have swallowed it, or it's just gone missing.
I think it's just rotten.
But how do they keep getting more toes?
People donate it.
Frostbite every year happens.
People are like, hey, I'm a member of the club.
Might as well get my toe away.
Oh, boy.
Hi, I'm from the Yukon.
This is how I talk.
Would you lose a toe to stay out of the army?
Oh, yeah.
I'd lose.
I'd lose.
I've already got flat feet, so no.
What?
I have very flat feet.
Check it out.
Look, people, they're pretty flat.
I think if you lost a toe, if they really needed bodies...
Wait a minute.
If they really needed toes.
Don't they call...
They used to call cops flat foot, right?
Yeah.
So you could be not in the army, but you could be a cop if you had flat feet?
I think we're confusing everything.
No, that was the foot clan.
Oh, right.
That's right.
And they were either robots in a cartoon series or hooligan kids in a movie.
Hooligan?
Yeah.
I said hooligan?
Yeah.
I meant to say hooligan.
Yeah.
Well, can't take it back, I guess.
We also have overheards that have been sent in to us from all around the world, as far as the north, diamond-toothed girdies,
as far as the south, where the proud zebra dog once roamed the earth.
Oh, it's so cute.
Its face is melting off.
This first one comes from Omaha, from Kimberly R.,
who I know from here, but this is from Omaha.
It's a different person?
Or you know her from –
I know her from Vancouver, but maybe she lives in Omaha now.
Is it the same person?
Same person, yeah.
Oh.
It's a weird two cities to move between.
Twin cities.
That's true.
Yeah, they are sister cities.
Omaha, Nebraska.
Yeah, it's a tunnel that leads from Vancouver.
Oh, it says my friend told me I had to send this over to you and Dave.
Oh, so it's from maybe her friend in Omaha, and she lives in Vancouver.
Oh, it's very confusing.
Sorry.
Sorry for the confusion, you guys.
This is at the Omaha Zoo.
Okay.
Just before I saw giraffes standing beside penguins in the same enclosure at the zoo
I heard a woman say
I'm not afraid of people
I'm afraid of animals
you can't handcuff an animal
especially a penguin
not especially
you can handcuff a monkey
but you can't handcuff a giraffe
you can handcuff a monkey
but you also need to foot cuff it.
That's true.
Because they got hand feet.
They can peel a banana.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If they can peel a banana, they can pick a lock.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They can pick a lock.
They can program a computer.
Yeah.
They can program a computer.
They can launch a missile.
And they can build handcuffs for me.
Hooligans.
When you're a handcuff.
You hooligans.
I'm going to handcuff the lot of you.
I think the hardest animal to handcuff is like, I mean, any cloven hoof one, because you can't get their hands behind their back.
I think a sloth would be easy to handcuff, because they already got kind of like a thing that looks like you could dip into.
You can slowly put it on.
Yeah, try to handcuff a giraffe.
It just steps out of your cuffs, brah.
Yeah, that's true.
Been there.
Yeah.
Like elephants, you've seen
elephants with the leg cuff, right?
Like attached to a wooden
stake in the ground. I wish that didn't bum me out.
Yeah. Oh, actually I'm glad it
bums me out. It should bum you out. It's hard to
handcuff a bird, because
they'll just fly away. Oh yeah, it's hard. Can you
handcuff a rainbow?
And he makes the proudest face you cannot have the mango um this next one comes from
jeremy d in greenfield ma massachusetts massachusetts um In a waiting room for a doctor, overly loud person on a cell phone.
Well, if you get a miniature pony, it's easier to throw your leg over it.
Oh, yeah, like Riker.
Yeah, I was going to say, like Riker.
So this Riker sitting down thing, it's literally because the actor has a bad back or the character has a bad back.
The actor has a bad back. I didn't get that that has a bad back or the character has a bad back
I didn't get that that was a bad back thing
I didn't read any of the comments or anything
I didn't look into it but
that's what I heard someone showed me the video because they were talking about
bad backs and that came out
bad backs maroo?
yeah you know him
the famous stripper bad back maroo
is that the same reason that one of the duukes of Hazzard had to enter the car through the window?
One of?
Yeah.
I think the doors didn't even open.
Well, did they both dive in?
Weren't they welded shut?
Yeah, maybe they were welded shut.
Like stock cars?
But it's not because he had a bad back.
He was like, I can't open up this door and sit down.
I gotta just slide in.
I can only leap through windows.
Yeah, yeah.
It literally is because it's pretty cool to do that. it's super awesome do you guys think how do you get in
a generally do you think that you could do it ah yay oh good that was um do you think you could do
that jump in jump in a window land in the seat i mean what i get to use my hands right like i'm
gonna have my hands on the hands, didn't he?
He didn't just take a run at it and just like
Ah! Slicing open
his forehead. Going shoulder
first. Window still up.
Wow, so clean I didn't see it.
No, of course I could. We all could.
I wonder. We could. I just
would do it with less confidence
the first time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The first time you feel like you would
have most confidence, least
confidence. Oh, least confidence. Oh, I see.
I gotta get wired to win to
get in there, man. I don't think that the guy
on the driver's side went in, because
the steering wheel would get in the way. You'd get
your leg caught in the steering wheel nine times
out of ten. Oh, yeah, probably. I don't
know. I didn't watch TV back then. I didn't
watch, you know, grown-up shows back then. But I think... That was a very grown-up show. I think I could, yeah, probably. I don't know. I didn't watch TV back then. I didn't watch, you know, grown-up shows back then.
But I think...
That was a very grown-up show.
I think I could, yeah.
Like, the first couple times I'd probably be stepping in, but then I would get comfortable jumping in.
Yeah.
Once you jump in.
I am going to try it, but I want to do it in a less classy car, like a Mazda.
I want to leap through the window of a Mazda.
A less classy car than one with a racist flag on the roof.
Yeah.
Is the Confederate flag racist?
Oh, absolutely.
Okay.
I mean, if you're a Southerner, you say it's about heritage, but it's racist.
Your heritage is racist.
I guess it represents some bad things.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, it's not.
There's nobody.
It's not like any
i could be way around i mean it's accidentally racist as brad paisley taught us yeah there's
no like professors of history who are like hang that in their office but maybe do you know what
i mean like at a university one university at least where there's a teacher being like, hey. Absolutely. Some history teacher.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Larry the professor guy.
I get you.
Yeah.
This last one comes from Patricia W. in Kansas City, Missouri.
P-dubs.
JC Moe.
I live in Kansas City and love to go to the Royals baseball games.
In the outfield area, there is a Royals Hall of Fame.
While at the game last week, I overheard this conversation between a friend of mine who works at the Hall of Fame and a young boy and his mother.
Boy, who is this?
Pointing at the retired jersey of Frank White.
Worker, he was a second baseman named Frank White.
He won eight gold gloves when he played.
Boy, but why is his name White?
He's brown.
Mother looks at him in embarrassment.
Worker, you're right.
He is, but White is his name, just like you have a last name.
Boy, but he's brown.
Mother then drags him away, extremely embarrassed.
So, you know, some lessons you have to learn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That kid probably had a Confederate flag on his wall.
Yeah, that's true.
Also, Brown is usually reserved for, like, South Asians.
Yeah.
Well, maybe.
You think Frank White was the superstar Bangladeshi baseball player?
Yeah.
I don't know that they're... I don't know baseball.
So for my knowledge, it could be all South Asian players.
I don't think it is, but I don't watch it very often.
You're thinking of cricket.
Oh, we watched, briefly before the podcast, Australian football.
Australian rules football, yeah.
And I don't...
Honestly, I can't figure out how the game is played.
But when they score a point, touchdown, whatever, they kick the ball into the stands.
It's called a wallacuppet.
In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.
Hey, you want to call us?
That's your prerogative.
Do yourself a favor and call us.
206-339-8328.
Hey, Dave and Graham.
This is Greg.
I'm from Omaha, but right now I'm in Tennessee at Bonnaroo.
It is day one, Thursday, at 9.40 in the morning.
I walked past a campsite and heard a man very certainly say the following things.
Don't crack the glow sticks.
Don't crack the glow sticks?
Yeah, don't crack the glow sticks.
Don't crack.
It's Thursday morning.
Yeah.
You want to save those.
Yeah, that's a nighttime fun.
They're so fun to crack, though.
I know.
And then throw them away.
It feels like you should bring an extra one just so that everybody can crack one.
Get it out of their system. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Daytime glow sticks. Find a crack.
You open your pack of glow sticks.
Those are, you know.
Yeah. You're using them all that day.
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like Pocky. You're not gonna
save Pocky for later. No, that's
true. Yeah, Pocky's in a one-go thing
because you have one and it's like
Lay's chips. I have not had Pocky in a long time.
Oh, you gotta. Yeah, I simply must. Get the strawberry's like Lay's chips. I have not had Pocky in a long time. Oh, you gotta.
Yeah, I simply must.
Get the strawberry kind.
It's different.
Well said.
Have you guys been to Bonnaroo yet?
No, I'd like to.
Is that the one in Los Angeles?
No, I think it's in Tennessee or something.
Which is the one in the south?
That all the Hollywood stars show up in.
Oh, Coachella.
Coachella. That's in April.
Bonnaroo is in the summer?
Bonnaroo is this weekend.
So yeah, I guess it's late spring.
Too hot. We're recording this
I guess a month before it comes out.
Oh, that's right, guys.
It's like a time release podcast.
So are you going
to Bonnaroo this coming year?
In 11 months?
Probably not.
I mean, if the opportunity comes up, I can't.
I don't know what's the future, guys.
Yeah, that's true.
I did go to Burning Man.
Whoa, really?
Years ago.
Yeah, why didn't that come up earlier?
Yeah, did you do a costume or something like that?
You kind of have to.
So I knew just days before it that I was going.
So a friend of mine got a ticket and I'm like,
sure, why not? It was on my way to
move to New York. So I actually took all my
stuff that I was moving to New York with.
I mailed some of it. Took it to the desert. I did.
Got it nice and sandy. So I essentially
moved to Burning Man on my way
to move to New York.
It was dusty. I feel like you told us
about this last time. Maybe. I may have.
What was your costume?
Oh, I just had a Vikings helmet that I walked around in.
Because it was like no commitment.
I needed something that would fit in a backpack.
Is somebody who shows up there in a suit with a briefcase, is that the extreme person?
Oh, yeah.
Well, funny you should say, they have a lot of CEOs and people that go down there to let loose and have a vision about their company.
It's a thing.
It's a thing.
Oh, man.
I need to burn a man.
I need to do some mescaline to rediscover how we're going to manage these statistics.
How am I going to put Bing back on the map?
It's a guy who makes
bulbs. He's like, hey,
was that Burning Man? And you know what? We're doing a really
good job, you guys. What if it's a guy who
runs a cremation company?
Yeah, he's like,
no, he runs
a funeral business that only
does caskets. And he's like, wait
a minute. Burning
man.
Just had my eureka moment.
Yeah, a guy from Pepto-Bismol. Burning!
All these jerks.
But was there anybody walking around
in a suit? Because that feels like it would be
like...
Not that I can remember, but the theme
of it, every year there's a theme and that one
was Metropolis.
So it was... Have you seen the guy with the goldfish bowl on his head? That shit is crazy. Every year there's a theme, and that one was Metropolis.
Have you seen the guy with the goldfish bowl on his head?
That shit is crazy.
It's a real, filled with water, has goldfish, and he's got a breathing apparatus.
Is it a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Anyways, it's great.
That guy's great.
It probably really gets hot.
Is he just some guy who walks around in this neighborhood? No, is it a great that guy's great it probably really gets hot is he just some guy who walks around
in this neighborhood
no is it a Burning Man guy
I think it's a Burning Man guy
oh okay
so you went too
okay cool
not
no
they take cameras
pictures
the guy who walks around
in this neighborhood
like
oh the Burning Man neighborhood
oh
Burning Man neighborhood
yeah what if somebody
goes there
like a CEO
and he's like, we should make this a permanent...
I'm going to buy this desert.
And then they show up the next year
and it's just like a housing...
It's Burning Man developments.
And they're like, you know what? People don't like the name
Burning Man, so we're getting rid of that as well.
We're calling it Shady Pines.
They do make it like a grid.
Yeah, I've seen it from space.
I mean, it's not picture-perfect. I've seen it from space. I mean, I saw a picture in space.
I didn't go to space.
First things first, we're here in space.
Is Burning Man on right now?
Look at that circle.
What channels do you get up here?
Oh, man. I want to go to space and just not look out the window and just see what's on.
Oh, the reception up here is great.
Yeah, do you guys get, what, TBS?
How do I get TBS?
I point one of those satellites my way, bruh.
Yeah.
Oh, ooh, Apollo 13's up.
Oh, I love this movie.
I know every line from it.
Harston, we have a problem.
Here's your next phone call.
Hi, Dave, Graham, and Gettys.
This is Matt from San Francisco and I haven't overheard
from a bar here
in San Francisco
I was going to the restroom
and I heard two girls speaking
and one of them says to the other girl
don't worry about him
he's a D-E-V-A
Diva
Diva it Diva.
It's rare that you hear someone spell it out for you.
Yeah, unless you're trying to, like, oh, don't say diva around the kids because they get super excited.
They think Whitney Houston's coming over.
She was probably confused with the band Devo.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, it's one lever up.
You want to stay away from Mark Mothersbaugh.
Yeah.
I noticed that, yeah, he's a total D- like, oh, it's one lever up. You want to stay away from Mark Mothersbaugh. Yeah. I noticed that, yeah, he's a total DEVO because of his crazy hat.
Yeah.
He's got a little pyramid hat.
He's appealing to you.
Am I not a man?
Whip it.
Those were...
He's got these uncontrollable urges, et cetera.
Were those the things they wore on their head originally?
I think they were like...
Flower pots.
Flower pots. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. That they just put on their head originally? I think they were flowerpots. Flowerpots.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That they just put on their head.
That's awesome.
Those guys are great.
Yeah.
Still touring, right?
Devo?
I think so.
Because they had an album that came out like 2009 or 10 or something.
And it sounded like they had recorded it in 1987 and put it in a vault and it was like,
it's here now.
Yeah.
It sounds just like the Devo.
Is it?
Lou Bega does a cover
Is it true that they're called Devo because it's short for D evolution and that every album was gonna get
Crazy, I didn't know that that was
We want every other to be worse
well
because at one point there was like you know like that you could get the album in stores and then
There was one album that you could only get through mail order.
Like you couldn't buy it in stores.
Well, they tell us that we lost our tails evolving up from little snails.
I think it's all just wind and sails.
Are we not men?
We're D.V.O.
Nice work.
D.E.V.O.
Nice work, you guys.
I only know that from the Weird Al poke coverage.
Poke is on 45.
Yeah!
Smoke on the water.
A fire in the sky.
That's my Weird Al voice again.
That's pretty good.
I'm a man.
I'm a boy.
All right, here is the final phone call.
Hey, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest.
This is Jacob from southern Iowa.
And I just was driving and saw a man in bright pink capri sweatpants. I think
they exist because I saw them.
He was shirtless, wearing a hat,
having a heated argument
with a very
obese lady in a navy top.
She was wearing pants too, I don't know
what color.
And they kind of looked like they were fighting.
They started walking together.
She reached over and tapped him in the penis.
He reached over and pinched her in the boob.
And they hugged.
Yeah.
So this is where I live.
That's love.
Home sweet home.
Yeah.
Nice to be back, you guys.
That's love as I understand it.
You know what?
An eye for an eye.
The prophecy is true, guys.
Now that I've heard that that's happened.
It's tit for tat.
Get your hands off my tat.
Tit for peen.
Why did you have to drag it
into the gutter? Peen is not the gutter.
That's like near the gutter.
That's like the G-rated side of a gutter.
What? G-rated?
Yeah, all peens go to heaven.
PG-13.
In a G-rated movie i don't say bean yeah unless they're yeah okay um what i think bean is there it's is pg-13 still a thing or
is it just yeah well in canada it's 14 years 14 yeah okay all right uh but it was it wasn't that
invented for like raiders of the lost Ark or something? I don't know.
I know it says it's in 17A, invented for showgirls.
Wasn't that the movie?
Oh, yeah.
They're like, we have to release this in the regular theaters, but we don't want anybody to watch it.
Otherwise, Mr. Belding will get mad.
Where's he now?
I know that people have sent pictures.
Funny you should ask.
I saw him in Los Angeles.
Dennis Haskins?
Yep, at Dimple's Karaoke Bar in Burbank.
Oh, was he singing?
He was singing when I was there.
Did he sing the new Bo Revere?
No, and apparently that's like a big place to see celebrities doing karaoke.
Why are celebrities doing karaoke? I don't't know don't they get enough attention isn't karaoke yeah doesn't dennis haskins from
saved by the bell get enough attention yeah he's doing he's on top of the world um what yeah what
he was on uh last season's uh mad men oh no not mad men uh was it mad men maybe he was on last season's Mad Men. Oh, no, not Mad Men.
Was it Mad Men?
Maybe.
He was on something.
It was Breaking Bad or Mad Men.
It was one of those two shows.
Yeah, it was.
It was Mad Men because he played like a guy who makes some sort of coloring for food or something like that.
Yeah, anyways, he's doing great. Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's good.
But I remember seeing his face recently.
He also, he's also playing a, he was researching for a role. He plays a karaoke guy in another movie. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's good. But I remember seeing his face recently. He also, he's also playing a, he was researching for a role.
He plays a karaoke guy in another movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever that Gwyneth Paltrow, Huey Lewis movie was.
The sequel of that.
Like, everybody who is passable at karaoke wanted to be in that movie, right?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah.
And I'm not even that passable.
I don't think, I haven't done karaoke for a long time.
That's a young drunk man's game
or an old drunk man's game
I haven't done it since they came out with Rock Band
and even then I haven't played Rock Band
in three years
still got the drums
still got the old skins
the one on Fraser and 20th
the Legion on Fraser and 20th
it looks like a cafeteria
is it public?
you don't want to get private
rooms? No, it's just like a big...
Yeah, I can't do that. No? You only do the
privo? I mean, I've only done...
Wait a minute. That's not
called privo. I wanted to slip it in there
to see if people would think that they...
Oh, is that what they call it as a privo?
At least you backed off immediately.
You're a great liar.
Am I stuck with it?
No, it's called Privo.
In France, they're called Privos.
I've only done Privo once,
and Privo's the way to go-go.
Privo seems like a sex dungeon, no?
Like you go in this weird room.
Wait, are we talking about the...
Oh, a private.
Are we talking about the fake word Privo?
No, the private karaoke booths.
No, they're not...
Right? Like you go in and they strap you down to a table and there's a guy in there with gloves, right? word privo? No, the private karaoke booths. No, they're not.
Like you go in and they strap you down to a table and there's a guy in there with gloves, right?
I mean, yeah. There's weird
trance music playing. This is karaoke, right?
Why would you do karaoke to trance music?
It's the only words I know.
Uhast.
No, it's great.
Private rooms, way to go.
All right.
Get a group of friends.
Sure.
Rent out the room for the night.
Sake bombs.
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, you figured that out, right?
Yeah, it's fun.
I've done those too.
Where is somewhere in Vancouver that has that?
Private.
Oh, on Robson.
Oh, really?
Yeah, like Thurlow and Robson.
There's a couple places there.
I've only done it.
I did it.
Was it called the Marble Arch?
That's where I did it.
Yeah.
That place does not exist anymore.
The old Marbie A.
Yeah.
The privo at the Marbie A.
At Archie's.
So that brings us to the end of this here episode.
Adam, this show comes out in about...
August? A month's time. Oh, July show comes out in about August?
A month's time.
Do you have anything to plug?
Well, it was my monthly show. This comes out July 15th.
The day after Bastille Day.
Yeah, so don't wish anybody a Bastille Day.
Uh-oh. What's happened?
That's going slowly now.
Yeah, the computer's slowing down significantly.
No, I've got my monthly show, Cluster Fun, which you guys are on this week, but that's
going to be in the past when this comes out.
But yeah, it is a monthly show.
We are taking July off, so in August.
Where is that?
It's at the Havana on Commercial Drive.
Yeah.
It's stand-up sketch comedy improv.
When is it in August?
I don't know the dates yet.
All right.
Then.
Is it the something Thursday of the month?
It's around the third Monday of August.
All right.
It'll be on eastvancomedy.com or adampateman.com.
I like it.
I like it a lot.
So check it out.
These guys are on it this month.
And adampateman.com.
That's where you can find out all the Adam Pateman trivia.
Yeah.
That's right.
I got videos you guys can check out.
It's fun.
It's a fun place.
And you're on Twitter.
I am on Twitter.
You're at?
AdamPateman.
You did a real good job scooping up all the Adam Pateman properties.
Yeah, it was all my parents they just chose
a very common
sounding name
that I only share
with one other guy
in England
who has my
birthday
oh wow
and what is that
guy in England
what's his scene
what's he into
what's his website
like
his is.co.uk
so what does
he do
well he might
like find out
that I'm talking
about him
because this is
like this is
an international
podcast right
sure
you have to pay a
levy if you download it in other countries.
All I know is that he has
a porno
subscription that I got
in trouble for from
a girlfriend years ago.
She's like, I was... Yeah, she went on
Google and she's like, I found your porno
thing. And I'm like, this isn't
me. She's like, he has your birthday.
I'm like, what do you mean? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
It was a profile for like a
porno sharing thing.
Oh, God.
What an asshole.
Who puts the real name on that?
Full name, birthday, it was crazy.
His address, home address.
And now I'm talking about it.
Fuck that guy.
He seems like a nice guy.
We Facebook messaged him.
I was like, hey man, we got the same name and birthday.
Why do you have to be a member on a porno sharing website?
When you sent him the message, you said, I found your profile on a porno sharing website.
No, I didn't say anything about that.
Okay.
Because I didn't find it.
But yeah, I mean, you know, your girlfriend, was your girlfriend, she should have been snooping.
Yeah, exactly. But, you know, on the other your girlfriend. She should have been snooping. Yeah.
Exactly.
But, you know, on the other hand, why are you using your real name?
Yeah.
You know, if you didn't want her to find out.
Maybe he's not.
Maybe he made up Adam Payton.
Maybe you are the only Adam Payton.
Maybe that's my part on Subscription Society.
And that's your birthday.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe you're doing like.
But it's two years off.
Like he's.
A Tyler Durden thing.
Is he younger or older?
Except with the same name.
He is younger by two years.
Yeah.
So like your personality split at age two.
Weird.
Yeah.
And ever since you've been English Adam Payton.
It was like a lost episode.
Yeah.
There's a flash.
A flash sideways.
Yeah.
So good luck to you.
And you.
Thanks for being our guest, man.
Thanks for having me, guys.
Always a pleasure.
And if you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at MaximumFun.org or 206-339-8328.
And check out MaximumFun.org to see the blog recap of this episode.
This episode, I'll put up that David Letterman drum video.
Oh, absolutely.
I mentioned whatever else we talked about. episode? This episode I'll put up that David Letterman drum video. Oh, absolutely.
You know, whatever else we talked about.
I can't quite remember.
That stripy... Tasmanian devil faces?
That stripy dog. Oh yeah, that stripy Tasmanian dog.
I also want to plug my website,
lubegababynames.com. Yep.
Or lubeganamesyourbaby, I forget.
Or.org if you want it to be a not-for-profit.
That's fine. Oh, sure. I mean it to be a not-for-profit. That's fine. Oh, sure.
I mean, it's guaranteed not-for-profit.
That's Lubega's whole deal at the moment.
Oh, man.
And, oh, yeah, we are nominated.
I don't actually know how long voting is open in the Canadian Comedy Award.
I think it's still August something.
Yeah, so go to CanadianComedyAward.ca. No, CanadianComedy.ca.
.ca.
You do have to register.
If you registered and you voted for us last year, that's awesome.
Thank you for doing that.
I'm sorry that they still email you.
Yeah.
But you know what?
You're in for a penny.
You're in for a pat.
Yeah, you're already in there.
Go ahead and vote.
And if you're somebody who gets annoying emails from them, we'll send you a nice email to
make up for it. How about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tit for tat them, we'll send you a nice email to make up for it.
How about that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tit for tat.
Just email us asking for a nice email.
Yeah, yeah, and we'll send one back, guaranteed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Within four to six weeks.
A lot of time for delivery.
Yeah, we really enjoyed winning the Canadian Comedy Award for Best Podcast last year.
Let's do it again.
Yeah, let's make it a three-beat.
Thanks for listening.
And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Let's do it again. Yeah, let's make it a three-beat. Thanks for listening.
And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
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