Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 282 - Andy Kallstrom

Episode Date: August 12, 2013

Comedian Andy Kallstrom joins us to talk moving to England, baseball food, and plumbing.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 282 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the man that has my vote to replace Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, is she leaving? Yeah, this planet.

Oh my gosh, she's leaving this planet? What, is she going to, what's that, oh, okay. The Scientologist thing? The, whatever that thetans no what's isn't there a movie uh coming out this summer it may already be out by the time this episode is out by the district nine guy oh yeah with matt damon going going to like uh yeah i was gonna say silica. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt Damon travels to a plant where they dry out, make desiccant. Yeah, she's leaving for Fox television. Oh, good.

That's a good place for her. Yeah. Fox News television. Fox News television. Oh, good, good, good. So, Elizabeth Hasselbeck. But that means that, Dave, there's an opening on The View. Oh, boy.

What would be your catchphrase? Do they have catchphrases? Yeah. Barbara goes, can we talk? Yeah, yeah. And Joy Behar goes, can we talk? Yeah, yeah. And Whoopi Goldberg.

I can't remember what hers is. Child. Yeah. Ghost. There's a ghost. I can't remember what hers is Child Yeah Ghost There's a ghost I can see a ghost And then Elizabeth Hasselbeck I think she can't eat gluten

Or something like that Yeah yeah yeah She's down with gluten Down with gluten And Sherry Shepard lost a bunch of weight Yeah yeah yeah Yeah Through gluten

Yeah I guess Yeah most of them Through gluten Yeah Yeah What would guess most of them. Yeah, weight loss through gluten. Yeah. Yeah. What would be your catchphrase? Okay. So the thing is the view, they talk about women's issues.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine would be... Let's get a man's take. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's pretty good. Like you kind of just react. Yeah. Oh, I had no idea. Oh, that. That's pretty good. Like, you kind of just react.

Oh, I had no idea. Oh, that does what? Annika Sorenstam did what? Who's that? She was the best female golfer on the planet until I think she got pregnant. Oh, typical. Or, I don't know, maybe she just retired. I didn't see The View that week

She went up to the planet Silica I mean, I guess it's offensive of me to say that I don't know, she's a big listener of the podcast Like, I don't think feminists watch The View I think they may have somebody who watches it just to monitor things. Anyway, feminists are out. You know what? Feminists have jobs, so they can't be watching The View.

Absolutely. It's 2013. They're out of the house. Well, this has been Fem Talk. of our guest today, a returning guest, a very funny gentleman who is leaving Vancouver at least for a year, possibly forever. So we're – no, you look super worried. That makes it sound like I might die. He's going to Elysium. Mr. Andy Kallstrom.

Oh, also, he's quite a player. Thank you. Thank you for reading my rider. Hello, guys. Thank you for having me back thanks for coming back um should we get to know us yeah now you andy kahlstrom yeah you're moving to jolly old england yep the jolliest part yeah to pursue your London foggy Foggy London town. You're going to take up umbrella sword fighting.

Bartitsu. Yeah. That's right. Please. Please use the respectful name of. Yeah. We don't like it when you call it that. Is it Barjitsu?

Bartitsu. Oh, Bartitsu. Yeah. You're going to be like one of the Avengers. Not the popular Avengers. I'm going to be like Emma Peel. Yeah. You're going to be the Emma Pe the Avengers, not the popular Avengers. I'm going to be like Emma Peel. Yeah, you're going to be the Emma Peel. The attractive Avengers.

Oh, thank you, Dave. No, no, I mean that Emma Peel. Hubba hubba. What about me, though? I mean, Uma Thurman was okay, but whoever the 60s was. Was it Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes? Yeah. I forget who the 60s people were.

Tuong Phu and Julie Newmar? Yep. I don't know. I don't know 60s people were. Too Wong Fu and Julie Newmar? Yep. I don't know. I don't know anything about that show. I don't know what it was. It was a spy show. Yeah. London.

What are you doing there? Yeah. Well, I am doing nothing. All right. I have nothing lined up for myself, job-wise or anything-wise. My girlfriend is doing her master's degree okay so i'm just riding so you're just hanging out yep just wow well i'm gonna have to get a job what are jobs that uh that you would be able to apply for what do they do in england sweet

double decker bus driver yeah candy. Candy man, the candy man. Yep. Crazy frog. Yeah, crazy frog. Let's see. Spice girl. Yeah, spice girl. They're accepting anything. I would like to join S Club 7, actually. Oh, yeah. If they are still...

There ain't no party like it. I think, did I send you the clip of them on a British breakfast show? The surviving members? Yeah, there's only three of them. There's only three of the seven. Yeah. Still doing it. And even at that.

But not still as club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which three? Not that I would know. The ugly ones. Yeah, pretty much. I don't know. I never watched it.

Joe, who was... Boy or girl? She was a girl. Girl. She was the toughest. And the looking of the girls she was the sportiest racist she went last time i was in england there was a huge racism scandal with her i forget what it was i think she was mean to a cab driver but in a bad way well a race it's always bad what's the word

for cab uh no laurie is a truck lift Lift. Yeah. I don't know. I got to look this up because a lot of my, like I'm hoping to still do comedy over there. A lot of my materials can be based on different words.

It is weird when you see a North American go over to England and use their words. Yeah. Flatmate. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, it sounds weird saying it, doesn't it? No. Um, yeah. Uh, okay. So were the other two yeah i'm doing what i remember was rachel because she was the prettiest yeah she was

which one was rachel was she oh no my dark-haired one yeah i know who you mean i always thought hannah was the prettiest oh hannah was the uh the ginge. She was blonde. You guys, I feel like we shouldn't be too mean because I might bump into them over there. What if I do? The blonde guy and the black gentleman are the three.

John and Jafar, I think. Look at at you you're a regular joe from s club seven um i don't know i never heard anything about this scandal didn't cross the pond we didn't yeah yeah yeah they love scandals over there yeah that's true anything to sell their dumb newspaper maybe yeah i'm pretty sure are full of pornography. They do have, like, what is it called? Like, the Page Six girl is, like, topless. Yeah.

Like, over here, I think maybe they had sun girls? Yeah, here it's girls peeing. In newspapers. Have you ever been to London before? I've been to London three times. Okay. But just never to live. But did you... One time for each member of S Club 3.

Yeah. Each time I've been over there, it's been to like intentionally try and meet one specific S Club 3. And I really focus on that specific one. Which is weird because I'll walk right by the other ones. Not interested. This is not a Hannah trip.

Well, all of them are Hannah trips for you. A little bit. Yeah. Did you go over and like scout it out for this move? For the move? No. No? No.

The only preparation I've done for this trip is I've been watching Fawlty Towers. Oh, yeah. Good enough. So I think I might open a hotel. Yeah, sure. Be wacky. Have wacky stuff. Be uptight while everyone else is wacky.

Yeah. What else are you supposed to do? Are you speaking the language? Yeah. I'm thinking, you know, exchange whatever Canadian money you have for, uh, British pounds. Not a lot. Yeah. So that'll take, that's quick.

That's a quick errand. Um, buy an umbrella or bumbershoot. Or brawley. Brawley. Absolutely. They don't call it a bumbershoot. Where do you think that came from? Somewhere else.

Yeah. No, I never knew that. Yeah. Brawley, bumbershoot. I'm feeling even less came from? Somewhere else. Yeah, no. I never knew that. Yeah, brawly, bumbershoot. I'm feeling even less prepared now. Get some wellies. Yeah, you know wellies. Yep. Free willy, which is a porno movie over there. Yeah.

If you, oh, thongs are like flip-flops. Yeah, thongs are flip-flops here, too. Yeah, I don't think that's regional. Ugh. But thongs are flip-flops here, too. Yeah, I don't think that's regional. But thongs are also underwear, right? But not over there, I don't think. I don't know what they call them

over there. Yeah, they didn't have Cisco. I think the thing is, the thong is just the strap bit that is holding the flip to the flop. Exactly. Or holding your butt together oh the thong is the back of the underwear exactly so it's holding the front on the i've thought about this yeah yeah you're a you're a fashion plate you know terms of fashion right dumped like a truck

yeah um i never thought about a thong that way but But now that I am, I can't get Cisco out of my head. No. There were no thongs in that video, if I recall correctly. I don't recall. I think there were. Yeah, there probably were. Well, I want to say that there are, because obviously it's a... But I feel like it was a lot of people...

Oh, you think it's like one of those trivia things? Like, Cisco was actually allergic to thongs. like one of those trivia things, like, Cisco was actually allergic to thongs. Yeah, he was actually singing about the flip-flops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people just, you know, they made a video and he just went along with it because he was really dumb.

Yeah, so do you know what area of London you're going to live in? Well, we've applied for some student housing. My girlfriend's school is right downtown, so we're hoping to live right in the swing of swinging London and become swingers. Oh, cool. Cool, yeah. Yeah. Awesome.

When you say student housing, like bunk beds and stuff? No. See, that's what I originally thought. I wonder, we had to apply. It's like competitive to get in. So I'm wondering if I should mention the place, but I will. It's called Good Enough College. But no, wait, it gets better. Because when I first heard about it. Oh, is it actually called that? Yeah, it is called Good Enough College. That's the living quarters. Sorry, it's unrelated to where she's going to school. Just the housing is called Good Enough College.

Yeah, where did you graduate from? I don't know why we're moving over there. She can do the whole thing over the internet. It only takes three weeks. It's good enough. No, the student housing is called Good Enough College. How do you pronounce that? Good no? Maybe's good enough. No, the student housing is called good enough college. It can't be pronounced that, that way.

Good no? Maybe. Good enough. I've, I've heard it from multiple sources called good enough. The first one was my mom. And she was like, she was like,

I met someone who did their master's there. They stayed in good enough college. It was great. And I was like, there is no way. That that's what it's called. Well, that that's what it's called or that it can be any good

with that name. It's passable. More than one person mentioned it to me so I finally looked into it. It turns out it was started by a guy whose last name was good enough. It was adequate. I get it. So what is it? Is it

apartments? Is it one giant apartment it's just one giant they call them flats open oh gosh see I've already blown it it is flats yeah you're gonna stick out

like a sore thumb yeah no doubt while I study for my masters yeah it's apartments it kind of just looks like Hogwarts like everything yeah

absolutely oh it is charming but that's that's what your girlfriend's studying right wizardry yeah uh well it would be witchcraft wait a minute girls could be wizards no they're like hermione was a wizard i looked at the ceiling like i'm thinking about it no girls can absolutely be wizards. Yeah, Hermione was a, she was training to be a wizard. She was doing, she's doing her master's in wizardry right now.

So, why is it called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Oh, I don't know. Oh, you might be right. Yeah. Have you read any of the books? No. Oh, okay. Have you seen more than one of the movies?

Eh, probably not. Oh, boy. So, we're all like equally. We're real muggle-fucked. Yeah, we're muggle-fucked. Yeah, I don't... That's like a whole cultural touchstone that I'm, like, really...

I can feel my way around it. Oh, yeah. Peripherally, but... I don't have the patience for it. Oh, no, there's a lot of stuff to know. Oh, yeah. Peripherally, but. I don't have the patience for it. Oh, no. There's a lot of stuff to know. Like, I know the game. Mm-hmm.

That movie, The Game. Yeah, with Michael Douglas. I know the book, The Game. What's the game that they play? Quimbleston. Quit it, right? Yeah. There's Quit It, and I know Voldemort.

Yeah. And I know. Oh, shouldn't say it. Oh,, and I know Voldemort. And I know... Oh, shouldn't say it. Oh, absolutely. No face. No nose. No face. No name.

Ah, shit. And no nose. And then what's his name? Is it gay, right? Gumball. Gumball drop. You're being obtuse. No, is it Dumbledore?

Yes. He was a gay character right um wasn't that what uh the writer said well it's a bit of an issue because they never mentioned it in the book yeah so she wrote him as gay yeah yeah okay like she's like it was based on will from will and grace no my understanding is it was will from will and grace i think it's this a shared universe yeah oh what's the crossover oh jack yeah yeah jack is cerberus or whatever is cerberus in there or just some dog oh man i i have not read the books not because i don't have the patience i am worried i would just get too into it oh like i I've never had that problem with books. I'd be on book three and be making my own wand. Why make your own?

They've got perfectly good mail order ones. Are you a guy that likes fantasy? That genre of entertainment? Books, movies, etc. I am. Okay. I'm not saying it accuses. I'm not accuses i've heard you knock game of thrones i've never even seen it well exactly uh you have yeah no what i heard us or him knock it i don't

think so i why would i knock it i haven't even tried that's like that policy those were my sentiments exactly uh you said the books were too long. Well, that's true. Yeah, they look super long. Yeah, yeah. I read two of the books, and I actually agree they're pretty long. I agree they're too long. Did you make your own shield?

Yes. I have made my own shield. We're talking to a guy who who last time you were on the show didn't we talk about how you had a custom made Indiana Jones jacket? Yeah. Which is from London. That's one of the things I'm going to do because that one's worn out. I'm getting another one this time.

That's going to be one of your conversation pieces with London when you get there. You're in. Tuesdays with London. The dog from wasn't London the name of it? Oh, he was the little It's your in. Tuesdays with London. The dog from... Wasn't London the name of the dog? Oh, he was the little sobo.

The little sobo, yeah. That was the name of the dog that starred in the little sobo was London. Named after Jack London? No, after the city. He was British. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, actually named after the dog disposal plant where they... They threw out all the dogs from that show.

There can't just be one London. Yeah, it was a breed of dog. London brand dogs. You also fashioned your own Batman costume, like retro style Batman costume, yes? I did. While specifically Paul Pope's Batman from Batman Year 100. Paul Potts Batman? Paul Potts Batman.

He also works for DC Comics. Wow. Did you know that? From the Killing Fields? Yeah. So, who is that that you just said? Oh, it's just he is an artist. Okay. And it doesn't really matter.

That's just what I was going for when I made that costume. And where did you make that costume for? Halloween? Halloween. And then, as you may remember, I also performed comedy as Batman. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah.

Well, is it? How was it? Well, okay. The time you were there. Oh, I don't remember. Yeah. remember yeah oh exactly i've done it five times four of them were pretty good oh the time i was there wasn't you got it uh where was i uh what do you mean but where where did i see you i don't remember this at all um maybe you weren't there it would have been at a laugh gallery on New Year's Eve. Oh, maybe I was backstage.

Yeah. You did a lot of jokes about the Joker and Penguin and stuff like that. Come on! Excuse me! Dustin Ladd used to do Darth Vader, but he would just wear the helmet and the gloves and then a bad comedian jacket. Yeah, he'd wear a sports coat. But he did all...

No one's going to believe you're really Darth Vader like that. Yeah, well, no, it was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty fun. But you guys all thought I was actually Batman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember it happening, but I was pretty convinced at the time. So you have an Indiana Jones costume, which I forgot about until you mentioned it, Dave. And then a Batman costume.

You're worried you're going to make your own wand if you read these books? What did you make a shield for? Oh, when I was in university for a short film. What was the name of the film? Did you need a shield for this film, or did you just make a shield? No, I just wanted something to hold on to while I was shooting the movie. While you were directing. To balance your camera.

It was made out of a lazy Susan. Oh, that's pretty good. You know what? A Susan is as practical as a lazy Susan. I don't know how often I've been sitting at a table and been like, spin something and send me the ketchup. Yeah, lazy Susans probably were really exciting when they first came out. They're great in a Chinese restaurant when there's, like, food that you're sharing. Does that count?

Anything that spins that has stuff on it is considered Lazy Susan? I mean, in their culture, they probably have a different name for it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what a popular chinese girl's name is oh right yeah for especially and they're not very lazy as far as i could tell very a very industrious yeah and so industrious kim as good as i could more korean i tried i didn't hear you guys trying no we backed off. Man, I feel like I've once again come on this podcast and been painted like some kind of a nerd. Yeah, well, you're the one who brought up making his own wand.

Nobody forced you to say that. You brought up Harry Potter. You're the one who made his own shield after he got really into Michael Chiklis' The Shield. In that joke, does he carry a shield? Yeah, absolutely. He's like a knockoff Captain America. I thought that was about the guy who just maintained Captain America's shield. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. There's a... Have you guys both seen the Captain America movie, right? Yes. No. The scene where they... Don't worry about spoiling it i'm never going to the scene where they introduce the shield is very uh like sometimes comic book movies go too far

in explaining stuff and then sometimes it's like they don't go far enough and so when they're showing the shield uh the guy goes oh it's made out out of this indestructible metal that we found. And you're like, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah. Why are you making everything out of it? Why did you just make one dumb shield? Right? Like, he just kind of sloughs that off.

And he kind of says it to him, like, hey, you don't want that. It's just some indestructible shield. I feel like that was a wink. I think if we had read all the comics, we'd know what he meant. I don't know, but do I have to do all that just to get a wink out of this guy? Yes, you do. Time was, I just have to drop a handkerchief on the ground. Yeah, sure.

Pull your skirt up a bit. Maybe he'll pick up your hitchhiking thumb. Yeah, I don't know is anybody excited about the sequel to captain america probably nerds right oh i was gonna say his his sidekick right is that's the big thing like Like his sidekick is back, but now he's a bad guy, right? He had a sidekick, Captain America? Yeah, and Bucky is his name in the comic books. Are you thinking of Snowy, Tintin's sidekick? Yeah, Captain America has a sidekick, a little cute dog.

No, Bucky is in the movie. Bucky falls off of a train. Why are you looking at me like that? That's what happens. I don't remember any of this. And then, anyways, he's back. Not that you care. You didn't even notice he was gone.

Yeah, yeah. So you're going to London. Yeah, you're going to London. It's very exciting. Is it exciting? I'm excited. I've always wanted to live in London. How is the trip planning?

The packing and everything. Are you throwing stuff away? Are you keeping stuff here just in case? I've thrown some stuff away. Definitely thrown some stuff away. We're going to store some stuff and maybe sell some stuff. I should have prepared what that was going to be. I could have advertised it.

What do you think you're getting rid of? Yeah, a card table. Anything I want? Ooh. What's some stuff you want? Lazy Susan. Yeah, Lazy Susan. I'd really get into it.

Any kind of indestructible shield you might have lying around? Lazy Susan, dumb waiter, old-fashioned homewares. I think maybe any kind of jacket that a harrison ford yeah yeah do you have like a han solo vest or uh the uh president from air force one i have a replica his jacket from the fugitive yeah jack ryan's tweed yeah uh an ironing board oh actually i don't have an ironing board really that really you can have it actually some other stuff is getting dropped off at your house oh yeah one of your roommates is taking a bunch of my crap too uh what else is rosti uh i have a box of homemade film equipment

that i'm giving to them okay well now wait minute. What is that? Like your own rotoscope? I'm imagining more like your own tripod. No, but like just lights. I shouldn't say homemade. It's just like stuff I've gathered. Okay. So he's taking that. Is there iron?

I have a spare wheelchair. Well, we have a spare wheelchair. I know that, but you can double up. You can race him. Yeah, that's true okay you're going on record because ross said he didn't want the wheelchair uh ross doesn't make the decisions for the whole house re-wheelchair i don't think graham really went on record they're like oh yeah uh is this not the podcast of record yeah i think the old gray lady yeah

um now why do you have a wheelchair? For filmmaking stuff. Used it as a dolly. Oh, yeah. It's part of that same thing. Do you regularly make films? This is what I'm sensing. Yeah.

Yeah, you'd think, wouldn't you? All the stuff I have. Yeah. I've got a lot of guitar equipment I never play. Yeah. I used to regularly make films, but lately it's no. Yeah. Mostly it's uh i used to regularly make films but lately it's no yeah mostly it's just london prep what are you bringing to london like are you gonna just just minimal stuff i guess just clothes yeah we could i haven't given this any thought we could work it out right now yeah uh what should i bring hair dryer if you got one oh but, but you can use a different holder. See, anything electronic doesn't make sense.

Yeah, don't bring over your VCR. None of the tapes over there are playing. Yeah. Yeah, what would you bring? Clothes? Toiletries? No. Toiletries?

Like your leftover shaving cream? Yeah. Actually, that's an annoying... Like how much do you... Yeah, I guess maybe not toiletries. No, I'm pretty good at toiletries. Yeah. For the first couple of weeks.

A few weeks in, you're going to have to switch to their weird brand. Yeah. Boots brand cologne. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What else would you bring? I've never moved to another country for a long enough time to have to get rid of stuff or just bring a thing. Like, this is going to be all my stuff for the next year. Yeah, it's weird.

And then what if I accumulate stuff over there? Oh, you definitely will. Are you kidding me? Guy like you? Oh, yeah. How many costumes will you accrue yeah sure it's gonna be sure yeah uh that uh idris elba thing yeah yeah doctor who yeah oh my brother yeah you're gonna make your own police box luther that was the thing I was thinking of. Yeah.

Like, I don't know. Yeah, you'll probably pick up stuff. You'll probably pick up. Do you think you'll get into any, like, British stuff? Like football or rugby or cricket? You seem like a guy who could get into cricket. Yeah, I could get into cricket. Yeah, yeah.

Because that is mostly a clothes-based sport. Like, you're mostly scored on how white your uniform is. I don't know how white your team is, right? No, that's not true. Yeah, no, that's not true at all. Joe from S Club. Hey, I wasn't saying I agreed with it. Yeah, well, the way that you gave the thumbs up to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Aw, damn it. What about tennis? Tennis seems like something you'd get into in a big way. Tennis everyone. Yeah. I think this is good enough. We might get free tickets to Wimbledon. What?

Yeah. Really? What? Or maybe we're just allowed to go. I don't know. Well, you missed it. Yeah. Something popped up. Well, you missed it. Something popped up.

Yeah. We're fine. Someone screamed too loud. Do you mean next year's Wimbledon? Yeah. Wimbledon. Wimbledon. But why would you get tickets to Wimbledon?

I don't know. Maybe we don't get... Like, maybe we have to pay for it, but it's like a group thing. It's a groupon. Yeah, it's a ride share. Yeah. They've had trouble selling tickets to Wimbledon. They probably do in the early rounds. Oh, yeah.

And if it's really muggy, you know. It's not an indoor thing, right? Nope. No. The grass courts, you mean? They're not hydroponic? You know, like, most of the phone booths in London don't work. They're just, like, very cosmetic.

Are you trying to freak me out? No, no, it's true. Like, I remember... And the top deckers on those buses are useless. Yeah, yeah, they're filled with garbage. They put the garbage in the top. That's why every bus ends at the dump. Yeah, yeah. They're filled with garbage. They put the garbage in the top. That's why every bus ends at the dump. Yeah, exactly.

Last stop, the dump. That would be a great plan. You don't need those double-decker buses. That's true. And we do need a way to get the garbage to the dump. Yeah, and then you just get people to bring on the garbage with them. Yeah. Yeah. Or rubbish. Rubbish. Rubbish. Bins. Bins. um yeah and then you just get people to bring on the carpet with them yeah yeah not garbage cans rubbish bins not uh cans of things it's tins would you say a tin of soda

uh yeah oh or would you say a tin of fizzy pop yeah yeah fizzy fructose they call it oh yeah what would they soda i think they just drink lager yeah tin of lager though something you would say no yeah a tin of tin yeah something in a can i feel like that's a tin can but this is we're talking an aluminum can but you wouldn't say no but they don't say aluminum they say aluminum can maybe that's what they call it a little mini I'm tin urinal they've got lots of pay toilets over there oh yeah baller this is all pretty good stuff oh mind the gap oh yeah please mind the gap while you're there. And. Thanks for looking out for me. Now, I don't even want to say it, but I kind of hope I fall in one of those gaps now.

Oh, yeah. You'd be the first because everybody's very conscious of them. I wouldn't say mindful. I'd say conscious. Be conscious of the gap. Was that the gap slogan for a while in the 90s? Fall into the gap? Was that the gap slogan for a while in the 90s? Fall into the gap? Fall into the gap.

Yeah, Missy Misdemeanor Elliott taught us that. Yeah. Was Daft Punk in a gap commercial? Like recently? Since they've had those robot heads. I feel like... Have they not always had those robot heads? In the early days, they wore Halloween masks.

Oh, I remember that. I remember watching an interview with them on Much Music masks. Oh, I remember that. I remember watching an interview with them on Much Music and being like, I don't get this. What's the mystery? Are you guys

two prominent politicians? I don't understand what the idea is here. Yeah, yeah. They were Francois Mitterrand and Jack Charette. They didn't want anyone to know about it. They super into into house music yeah

you know politicking but yeah yeah but you know they just want to dance yeah that's true it was forbidden um yeah but then they started with this helmets i swear i think they were in a gap oh you know what it wasmet, what's his face? That famous guy named Helmet. Helmet Lang? Sure. Isn't there a Helmet Lang? Yeah, there is.

Who's the politician, though? Helmet Cole? Oh, Helmet Cole. Yeah. And then there was the band, Heavy Metal Outfit Helmet. The Helmet, yeah. Yeah. Oh, good stuff.

It's been great. Yeah. Anything else you want to add? Any plugs? Yeah. It's been great. Yeah. Anything else you want to add?

Any plugs? Yeah. Well, so it's very exciting that you're going. I mean, we're very excited. I'm winning the Is Andy Moving to London pool. Yeah. Yeah. He guessed August.

Update. Are you flying on like Virgin Airlines? I don't know. I don't know. Do you know how you're getting over there? You're going by boat? We booked it. I wish. Titanic?

We booked it on. It's on points. I don't. Why do you wish that you were going on a boat? Is that something that you think would be very classy? Because I think the opposite. Yeah. Is that something that you think would be very classy? Because I think the opposite. Yeah.

I wish I was going on a boat circa 1910. Yeah. But even as I say that, I don't want to drown. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. And it was women and children first, Dan. You would have been the last in the boat. Yeah.

And they would have been. I think I could pass for children. A child have been. I think I could pass for children. A child on children. I think I could pass for two children. Put on a raincoat. I'm two kids on each other's shoulders. Yeah. That's a great idea.

Let us on the boat. Carry a giant lollipop. Yeah. We were just sneaking into, you know, some Linda Lovelace picture. Yeah. Yeah. The onboard pornography theater. Titanic was the first boat to be equipped with an adult film theater.

It was very classy. All those French girls. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like boat travel travel like plane travel you know there was a time i think when they tried to pass it off as a really classy affair but that those days are gone wait you mean they tried to pass plane travel travel off yeah yeah well i mean it was because the people because rich people could do it yeah yeah and people wore suits and the stewardess is – it was like being a stewardess was like a glamour job. And flying was like a glamorous thing to do.

Like going on a boat at one point was. The food must have still never been good though. On the boats? On the plane. Oh, yeah. No, I don't – I think it was all lobster Thermidor. Yeah. Lobster Thermidor. And surf and turf, I don't. I think it was all lobster Thermidor. Yeah. Lobster Thermidor.

And surf and turf, right? Yeah. These are things I think were 60s foods. Yeah. What is it? Like a marshmallow something. Yeah. Jell-O molds.

Ambrosia? Ambrosia, yes. Yeah. What do you think the next classy travel mode is going to be? I mean, space. It's got to be space, right? Yeah, that's true. Now I want to go to London via outer space.

That's the longest way to go. Via the moon. Probably helicopters. Helicopters seem pretty classy, right? Only rich people get in helicopters. Or if you fell off a cliff. Yeah. Or people who are into traffic.

Yeah. Oh, yeah oh yeah yeah traffic reporters but then some of the classiest uh people around traffic reporters dave do you disagree oh they're not as classy as the people in studio who you know get to have a camera on them oh that's true well yeah oh that's well. All I'm thinking of is Frank Fontana from Murphy Brown. Oh, yeah? Was he in a helicopter lot? I feel like that's appropriate. He was doing traffic? Yeah.

What was he doing? Not traffic. Well, I don't think FYI had a traffic report. Yeah, I think it was like a 60 Minutes thing. 60 Minutes does, right? Don't they do the weather and traffic? On the ones, yeah. That's why they have 60 Minutes does, right? Don't they do the weather and traffic? On the ones, yeah. That's why they have 60 Minutes.

So you can keep track of when the ones are. I love the idea of a 60 Minutes style show that does feature length traffic exposés. Yeah. Then we throw Andy Rooney up in our traffic copter. The thing about traffic is... May he rest in peace. Yeah. Did they ever try to replace him?

Has he been replaced? I haven't seen 60 Minutes since he passed away. Oh, I wonder. Don't look at me. It's a good slot. Yeah. Elizabeth Hasselbeck might be good. Do you remember John Stossel?

Yeah. Give me a break. What do you mean, do I remember him? Is he still around? Does he still do you mean do i remember him is he still around is he still do give me a break of course he's i mean now it's the guy uh the what would you do guy oh yeah do you remember do you know john stossel no he was a guy with a mustache i did a mustache with my finger yeah but he would go he would go you know advertisements on on those things that separate your groceries.

Give me a break, Piggly Wiggly. You know, he would get really mad about things. Yeah, well, you just got to get mad about something. Yeah, absolutely. Got to fill that time. Obesity epidemic, give me a break, America. That was his whole thing. He wouldn't offer solutions. He just wanted a break from it.

He just would have a list of things he wanted a break from? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when my brother lived like a year in New York. That was the only celebrity he ever saw. John Stossel? Yeah. Oh, wow. Waiting for a cab. Give me a break.

Yeah, he would have been a good... I feel like that was his give me a break uh yeah he would have been a good i feel like that was his give me a break was his way to kind of push for the andy rooney yeah spot yeah um anyways if anybody knows where andy rooney is or if anyone has watched the last 10 minutes of 60 minutes lately even though he was only in the last three yeah but like was that his always thing or was he a reporter that they slowly demoted to just no i only at that time i was always watching the finalists on america's funniest videos what did you win ten thousand dollars yeah wow and then uh five and or three and two or something wow think about all the all the video equipment you could buy and then donate to my roommate.

But all my video equipment is from the hardware store. It's all like $8 clamp lights. So what I'm saying is I could fill your house. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. The lightest and brightest. What is the name of one of the films that you've made? What are these films about?

Jeez, you're really calling him on the carpet. I made the Tom Cruise movie, Oblivion. Oh, good. I didn't see it. I'm sorry. How many clamp lights did you use? We used a lot of clamp lights because my whole thing

with that movie was no CGI. I wanted it all in camera. All in camera. All the editing too? Yeah. We just shot it on one VHS tape when it was time for a cut. We paused the camera. You made that?

Yeah. That's super impressive. I heard it wasn't very successful. Yeah. But it must have made its money back if it was made on one VHS camera. Oh, yeah. I made it super cheap, too. Yeah.

So, we're laughing. How could you not? Yeah. I mean, Tom Cruise takes a fee. Yeah. But let me say this, too, you guys. That movie was really easy to make. I did not, like like extend myself on it so uh no cgi uh

no i heard that the script was all improvised i heard it just it's just the script from after earth yeah they stole it it was that is my dirty little secret about that movie that's how we saved a lot of money. Is that... You shot it at the same time and you would just watch what they did that day. And then quickly that night you'd be like, Tom, get over here. That's exactly it. Tom, get your son. He used their sets.

Except their sets are all trees. And you may remember our sets on Oblivion are all deserts. Oh, no. So that was the one difference. I remember their sets were all green screens, and yours was in camera, as you mentioned. Ten seconds. I don't remember what Oblivion was. Is it the same as Elysium type of thing?

Oblivion is to Elysium as Elysium is to After Earth. I see. I see. No, I think Elysium as Elysium is to After Earth. I see. I see. No, I think Elysium looks good. Is, uh... I might be wrong. No, I agree with you. I think it looks good.

I am planning to build that robotic arm. Not actually. Well, maybe. Yeah, we'll see how you like it. Yeah. If you get into the books. Yeah. But then when you go to London, all the movies come out there later, so

Are you trying to convince me to stay? Yeah? Well, I just say tell me about paying to go to the bathroom every time right every time every time Well movies coming out later. Yeah, I don't think that's still true it well, okay Why would the booth don't work no more? Yeah? Why would movies come out later? Because that is just... Everyone would have pirated them by then. That's why the movie industry is really falling apart. Yeah.

Because England's dumb. Yeah. All right. I'll stay. Yay! We did it, Dave. Cancel the podcast. I don't really hang out with Andy.

Don't you want him to stick around? Where? Eh, okay. I want him to be happy. Yeah, you're going to be happy in London. it's got all the things you like fleet street soho sure carnaby street yeah uh the circus that awesome circus yeah yeah scooters oh um bobbies and uh actually princess di lives there now i remember this may be the genesis of me being a genesis is from there yeah yeah that's true uh and i think sega genesis yeah yeah um but i think

when i was a kid i specifically remember seeing a picture of an english mailbox and being like that is way better yeah i'm gonna live in one of those i think that's why i've always going to live in one of those. I think that's why I've always wanted to live there. You thought their mailboxes are better than Canada's style, just weird boxes? Yeah. And I will go on record, on the podcast of record, as saying, get your act together, Canada Post. Probably London's got the best post boxes in the world.

I mean, arguably. What color are they? Red. Yeah, red and gold and black oh yeah they're very very pretty they are very pretty and i can't think of another like country's post office boxes being as i feel like england was good at having iconic just like stuff yeah there their phone boxes and all. Phone boxes. Is that what it's called? He's already using the lingo on us. Yeah, yeah.

Telephone box. A box of lager. Sorry, I meant the phone tin. Yeah, phone tin. Everything's a tin. So, Dave, what's going on with you? Well, we're recording this after episode 281, in which we described the terrible shooting. And I hope that sounded all right.

I don't have all the hearing in my ear. Yeah. I don't have all the hearing in my ear. Yeah. But I had, it's weird because before that happened, I had all, like I was doing summer stuff. Yeah. And I had like all this list of great summer things that I'd been doing. I'd been seeing movies.

I'd been, you know, I talked about the food cart festival before. Yeah. It's all these get to know us's. Yep. So I'm just going to return back to that list of things i've been doing um so uh about a week ago i went to a baseball game oh fun yeah yeah yeah thank you for using the english pronunciation for me a baseball game match baseball that's my english accent i'll put it right in, right? Yeah. And the only reason, like, I don't care about, it's a single A franchise, meaning they're four levels below the major leagues. It's the Vancouver Canadiens?

I guess three levels below. Right? Vancouver Canadiens. Yeah. And I believe we were playing the something Dust Devils. Oh, probably. Oh, Tri-City Dust Devils. dust devils tri-city yeah so just any three cities yeah any three uh that uh want to conglomerate and get a baseball team yeah

spoken um somewhere in california i think you need to be like a triangle of cities oh that's what it okay yeah yeah but any three points make a triangle. Mm-hmm. But you need to have a stadium within that. That people from all three cities can travel to. Okay, fine. Okay, so the Tri-City Dust Devils. And that's fine. I mean, I really prefer when we play teams with ridiculous names. Yeah.

From this Bush League League, like the Salem Kaiser Volcanoes or the Everett Aqua Socks. Isn't an Aqua Sock just a flipper? No, I think it's like those shoes that you wear in the water. Oh, I gotcha. Maybe put them on when you wakeboard. And

it was a fun game. It was one of the hottest days of the year. So we made sure we sat under the grandstand so we weren't in the sun. And a few years ago, you could just walk right up and get tickets. Now they sell out every game. Really? Yeah. I think people realize it's fun to get drunk.

Yeah. Yeah. I think people, like, they forgot about how fun it is to get drunk and then they remembered. That's been a really big awakening. Um, but with really the only reason we went, I mean, it's fun to go and spend a day outside,

uh, sitting around. Uh, but like we were most excited about the food. So, uh, did you buy food from the people that walked around? We did a bit of that.

Nice. Um, but we also, uh, Nice. But we also made a checklist when we walked in at the beginning. So we were like, okay, we're going to want one of those ice cold beers. We're both going to want pretzels. We're both going to want snow cones. And then when we got there, A&W Root Beer was doing a promotion where they were having... Andy's jaw nearly hit the floor. I forgot to say something.

When they were having $1 root beer floats. Oh. And so... Wait, how do they keep the cost down on that? Is it just shortening they put in the float instead of ice cream? Well, I mean, they are A&W, so they spend no money on the root beer. But their root beers were all in two-liter bottles, and it was just like teenagers frantically making these floats.

So sticky. The ice cream came in these, like, pucks. But it was such a hot day, and the root beer was room temperature that it never the the floats never really got cold okay um yeah and so i was waiting in line it was like a 10 minute lineup for these one dollar things as well um and then we got them and we drank them so fast that it was not worth it yeah but we basically just, Abby and I, we switched off who would wait in the seat and who would

go miss an inning of baseball and stand in line for stuff. Now, Rupert Float is not a refreshing... No, but a dollar is great. It's a refreshing amount of money to pay. I don't think I've had a Rupert Float since I was like a kid. Like really, I don't think I've had a root beer float since I was like a kid.

Like, really. I don't think. Because you don't go to a restaurant and see it on the menu and go, oh, yeah. Really? Well, I've had like several so far this summer. Oh, really? Yeah. I've been.

Like specifically root beer floats? Yeah. Well, I mean, can you not other sodas? There's 7-Up and Raspberry Ice Cream is another one. Is that a specific thing? I think 7-Up was trying to start in the 80s. That sounds great. Yeah, that does sound pretty good.

But where do you get Raspberry Ice Cream? Strawberry Ice Cream? You think it's Strawberry Ice Cream? Maybe I am. How many different types of ice cream do you have at your house right now? Two. Wow. Dave? Two. Wow. Dave?

Two. Wow. Graham? Zero. I've got zero ice creams. Zero ice creams. And even if I did, I probably only have one. I wouldn't have two styles.

I'll try not to finish any of my ice cream. I'll bring it over when I bring over that other stuff for Ross. Yeah, donate your ice cream. Hand me down ice cream. Or should I pack it? Yeah, pack it. Because it's, well, it's going to seem exotic over there. Yeah.

They call them lollies over there. So the highlights of this baseball game were as follows. Well, the $1 float. Outstanding. There was also a sign for a beer company. I think it was Granville Island. And it was in the outfield and it said, Major Lager. And I was trying to figure out what that was a reference to, and I assumed it was to the

like, that band Major Laser. I thought it would just be the like, Major League. Yeah, now I realize that halfway through the game. As I was typing it into my phone, like, oh yeah, major lager. This will be funny when I talk about how, for some reason, the baseball team is obsessed with the bubble butt.

So, yeah. And the other thing, this is an outdoor stadium. Nat Bailey. Nat Bailey. Famous racist, Nat Bailey. Was he racist? Didn't he start White Spot? Is that what he's famous for? I don't know.

I know that White Spot has like a Nat Bailey burger, but I don't know. I think that's it. I think he started it too. Okay. Two against one. But what? So why was that racist that he started a white spot? I believe it is a, I believe I had heard something about how like restaurants back in the early days of Vancouver would put white in their names. So you knew that there weren't Chinese people in the kitchen.

No. I believe what I heard. Wow. But I might be getting that wrong. But I want to believe. Yeah, absolutely. We I want to believe. Yeah, absolutely. We all want to believe. Do you have an explanation for that, alternate?

Or you seem very shocked. I'm just very shocked. Yeah. But I believe it. Okay, so I'm at the stadium, and Abby and I sit down, and there's a woman next to us. Very hot day. A woman is wearing shoes and socks. Until about the second inning.

And she's just wearing socks. These things are killing me. Yeah. So not barefoot, but gross. That's as gross, right? Outdoor wearing your socks around, yeah. Outdoor on a stadium where people are spilling stuff on the ground.

Yeah, you'd think the play would be to take off the socks and just put them back in the shoes. Yeah, or bring a sandal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, or go ask if you can get a couple of those ice cream pucks. Yeah. Rub them on your feet, cool things down. Oh, yeah. Sure.

Skate on them. And not only just having her feet on the ground, but occasionally like lifting her leg up and having her sock, you know, inches from my wife's leg. Covered in Cracker Jacks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do they still, they don't sell Cracker Jacks. I imagine they don't sell peanuts. Like, can you get. Of course they do.

From the guys yeah they throw bags like i mean i didn't see them but they do hmm i don't know i just have never seen anybody eat cracker jacks at a game i assume that it's have you seen people root root for the home oh never really um i feel like there was somebody, like a pseudo-celebrity was singing the national anthem at a Vancouver Canadiens game. Recently? Yeah. Oh, Gene Simmons' daughter was. Oh, really?

Yeah. She sang our national anthem? I think they sang both because we're the only Canadian team. Yeah, Gene Simmons sang our national anthem. Yeah. we were the only canadian team yeah gene simmons saying our national yeah um but to the tune of uh i couldn't think of a kiss so fast enough um i just looked up white spot in wikipedia it was founded by nat bailey congratulations and i cannot i don't know if it'll wikipedia will tell me it's racist but i'm hoping i'm gonna keep reading uh how have you been uh oh fine i um i tried my

hand at uh some plumbing today what yeah it was um uh past guest and friend of the show ryan beal told me one of the toilets at the little mountain is not working i was like i assume i can fix that what wasn't working about it i just wasn't flushing very well so i watched some youtube tutorials this morning and uh went and did a series of tests to see how the uh did you test flush stuff yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah um an ice cream puck yeah um a pair a pair of long johns um a bag of cocaine yeah baby crocodile um all your plushables yeah yeah some dearly departed fish yeah um a copy of the unflushables uh spoof dvd that I invented and made with Andy's equipment. I'm amazed that you got Charlie Sheen to star in them.

Are you? Girl. But, yeah, it's still not finished yet. Because we were doing it with not any tools not any tools per se like not the correct tools yeah um and that really helps getting a job done is having uh you know when you need a screwdriver like that there is one or if you need a wrench that there is a wrench or oh so you um you were using a lot of like leverage Yeah, using a nail file. But yeah, I'm confident that this time tomorrow the job's going to be complete.

That toilet's going to be a flushing. And why you? I volunteered just because I'm like, I feel like, it felt like I knew how to do it. I was like, I feel like I can conquer this. yeah yeah you have a strong relationship with a toilet absolutely your boyhood toilet yeah you still visit it regularly yeah Jonathan was his name I remember when my dad had to shoot him um yeah like uh i was telling ryan i can't remember if it was my brother's friends but they were doing uh like a bunch of them got together to help uh this one guy like renovate his bathroom and uh they had to like you know take out the drywall and stuff so they had a

sledgehammer and one of the guys first the first thing he did was hit the toilet with the sledgehammer. On purpose? Well, yeah, because they were going to get a new toilet. But it was the only toilet in the place. His horse was like, goose, just destroyed the toilet. I bet it was satisfying. The whole time that I was lifting the tank up and stuff, I was like, oh, this feels so good to smash. But yeah, I feel like I needed to get a saw.

And so there was no saw. To saw the toilet? No, I had to saw the toilet in half. This is what the YouTube tutorial told me to do. I kind of got to operate on the toilet. Do you need a scalpel? Yeah, I got to get into the guts of the toilet. Do you have a scalpel? Yeah, I got to get like into the guts of the toilet. Borseps.

Yeah. Wait, what's the diagnosis? Is something just jammed in there? No, no. Like the thing that refills the tank was broken. That was my diagnosis. Not the flipper. The flipper just not flipping?

No, the flipper, the flipper, the flipper, just not flipping. No, the flipper is good. The, the, the mechanism that where the water comes out the top and refills the tank was very slow. And so I took it apart, uh, by breaking it and said, uh, okay, we're going to have to get a new one of these. So, uh, we went and bought a new one of those. Oh, also at the, uh, Home Depot, Depot, like Vancouver is a very multicultural city, right? Not white spot. No, absolutely not.

I feel for all the multiculturalism here. I've never seen somebody, until today, wearing a soccer jersey for Team Iraq. Oh, good for us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just said it was, it was just notable. I was like, I don't think I've ever seen anybody wearing like an Iraq jersey.

I feel like that's like a, uh, an ironic statement or something. Well, I, yeah, maybe like, I mean,

didn't like if the team did poorly, didn't Saddam Hussein kill people who are like torture them? Wasn't there, there was like a thing, wasn't there like a football thing where like a ref stabbed a player and then the crowd like ripped the ref? And then put his head on a pike? Yeah, that just happened. Like not in medieval times. That just happened like this week.

In modern times? Yeah, it just happened in Brazil. Yeah, man. Isn't the origin of the game soccer that they were kicking a guy's head around? The origin? He's trying to British everything. Oh. Thank you, Grant.

You're welcome. I don't know. The origin. I know that, like, oh, yeah, like, the origin of golf is Scotland, right? Yeah, but it wasn't, like, a guy's head. No, it was a guy's eyeball. And then you were trying to hit it back into the guy's head. Oh yeah, he was lying on the green.

An early medical thing. Oh yeah, it was the way to first doctors. That's why it's so popular with doctors. Oh yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good, you guys. Yeah.

You want to move on to overheard? Yep. Hi, this is Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host a new show about being a mom. After you have the baby,

how long does it take before you feel like your old self? Will you ever get to be sick again and lose yourself overnight in a NyQuil fog? Will you ever again sit on sick again and lose yourself overnight in a NyQuil fog? Will you ever again sit on a toilet alone?

Join us every week to find out. And remember, you don't have to leave your baby on a checkout conveyor belt to be one bad mother. Subscribe for free on iTunes or go to MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we do a lot of listening and looking out on the streets. Now, Andy. Yes, sir.

You know from listening to the podcast that we like to start with the guest. I do know. Okay, wait, wait. Is Overheard something that we want to get to right away? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Let's do it. Sorry, I forgot.

That's fine. I forgot my role. Sorry, I forgot. That's fine. I forgot my role. Andy? Alright. Over to you. Okay. This is my overheard. I was walking downtown by the Scotiabank Theater. There was a... Across from the Jappadog. Home of Ice Cube.

That Jappadog is not a permanent fixture. It is. I mean, it's always there, but... Well, if that's not a permanent fixture then what is what i'm saying is when the japa dog drives away at the end of the night the theater doesn't go with it oh you're right it's on wheels yeah that's true oh my god what a make it wait does it go away yeah oh weird i've seen i've seen it get delivered weird but i feel like it must go away for like four hours. Yeah. Like it must leave from like three in the morning. Where does it go?

Do you think people have Japa dogs at 7 a.m. then? Yeah. Breakfast Japa dog? I think it's a breakfast food over there. Over there. Downtown? In England. Over there. You're already referencing here

as if you live over there. You people. Us. So I was walking by the Scotiabank Theater and there was a guy and a girl sitting out front. And they were just, I guess,

on a date. And the guy just just kind of apropos of nothing says um he goes the last movie i saw here was men in black pretty funny right yeah he screwed up when he said black he was like the last movie i saw here was men in black three i'm really having trouble with that men in black three and the girl didn't say anything. And he kind of went, do I regret it? No. Why would you?

Yeah. Nothing goes over better on a date than asking yourself questions and then answering them. Real, real, like, medium hard to answer. Do I regret seeing Men in Black 3? At Scotiabank, I feel it's an important part of it. Should I have gone somewhere else? No, that's as good a place as it gets.

Do they have an IMAX? Is Men in Black an IMAX? I think they might. I'm not interested in that. IMAX or Men in Black? Either. Yeah. It did have that cool Pitbull song. Yeah.

And also, it just makes me remember that cool Will Smith song. Perhaps his best ever song. His best ever creation next to Jaden, who's great. Yeah. I think he's probably my favorite actor right now. Jaden Smith? Yeah. I mean, if I had to rank them, which I don't like doing.

I don't like ranking my favorites but but your top 500 actors uh i mean you know certainly number one is jayden smith yeah and then uh you know i i'm not afraid to say that like the number three spot is probably willow smith but who's that number two jada pinkett yeah you know that or you know has willow been in anything lately um has she been in anything ever or do we just know maybe i think she's a music star yeah yeah she whips her hair back and forth she was gonna be in a uh a remake of annie yeah that's right the anne frank story yeah um i actually saw someone on the street today, and I was like, I've been feeling weird lately, the last few days. Yeah, sure. But I saw someone walking by with really tight red curls like Annie, and a short haircut like Annie.

And I was like, oh, that poor person looks like Annie. That's the thought that crossed my mind. Well, it's a hard knock life for her wait was it a female person i couldn't make it out yeah it doesn't matter though yeah well either way it's a bad haircut yeah and either way it's tough tough out there on the streets you were talking about um theotiabank Theater. Did I ever tell you, Graham, about the time a guy called up and said, and it was a guy called up and left us a message on our, I won't be able to find it, but on our message voicemail thingy saying that they saw you outside. They were talking about you like you were this cute old man. you outside they were talking about you like you were this cute old man i saw graham and he was walking with a girl and i think it was date a date and i just want to say hey buddy hope you had a good date it was probably most definitely was not a date no no it was i know exactly it was a block from the comedy club oh yeah yeah yeah and uh yeah the only the only time i've been to the Scotiabank Theater in the last while, I was there with my brother.

My brother and his girlfriend. That's like a date once removed. This was just a guy who saw you walking outside. Yeah, yeah. Not near the theater. Yeah. Yeah. It was in the Tri-City area.

He was walking outside. He didn't look deranged, so that's good. Yeah, he didn't appear to be knocking over parking meters. So that's one in the W column. Dave, do you have an overheard? I do not. Okay. Abby sent me a text message of some graffiti she saw today.

And this is racist graffiti. Oh, okay. All right. My favorite cat. Yeah. Also in the break, I looked up if White Spot was racist. According to their FAQ, they're not.

Is it on their site? Are you guys racist? Well, I Googled it and it said it was a Yahoo question saying, is White Spot racist? And the answer was, according to their FAQ, it means like a clean tablecloth. That's not very good. That's not very convincing. Yeah.

That's our cover story. Anyway, this someone posted a sign that their dog was missing. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's going in a bad direction already, isn't it? And it just says, have you seen this dog? Oh, no. Oh, no. And someone wrote.

L.O.L. Okay. Yeah. Joke's on you. Chinese people cooked him by now. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah right i don't like that i don't like anything about no it's wrong it's all wrong it's all wrong i don't like the people who did it i hope you get your dog back actually i think it i'm pretty sure they didn't yeah well

i mean when i talk i don't know what the pet being reunited with owner ratio is but i don't think it's very high oh no well i don't think so like when pets go missing it's because like a coyote ate it or something right it's not because the the dog like needed some time away to think about think things through like do i want to be a pet dog anymore i saw a couple coyotes this past weekend yeah they're just wandering the streets yeah they don't they don't care they don't care and you know they're looking for cats and dogs to eat i i told the guy i don't think they eat kids but i told the guy hey there's some uh you might want to keep an eye on your kids yeah if you want to get rid of your dumb kid yeah uh the dingoes in the north. What's up with you?

Do you have an overheard? I have an overseen that is also graffiti, which is I had to make sure that I saw it right because I was like, oh, maybe I'm reading this. I hope that I hope that it's somebody's tag because it's a great tag. Okay. It was in hot pink paint and it said uh rl stein it's pretty good well there have been um uh i mean i mentioned in the uh i guess episode 281 which was five episodes ago if you're downloading these. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. I mentioned that NecroButcher, who is a wrestler, that was a popular tag in my neighborhood for a while. Yeah. And then Mohinder.

Mohinder. It's a big one. Yeah, absolutely. And then I've seen one recently that's John Cusack. Oh, yeah, John Cusack I've seen. And sometimes it has a little crown on top, the little Basquiat crown. Yeah. But it's no R.L. Stine, I think we can all agree.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's a whole series. I've seen Nicolas Cage down in my neck of the woods. As graffiti, not the man. Down by the Jaffa Dock. I guess that's, I mean, they're more memorable than whatever, you know, Scumdog 45.

I don't think people have to number their graffiti tags. Well, yes, Cockmail the dude. My graffiti tag is Banksy3. I'm only the third Banksy, guys. Banksy underscore 3. Good.

What would you... What celebrity would you tag with? Who, me? Yeah. Oh, R.L. Stine. No, you know what I would tag? I would tag like a stencil of John Candy.

Just the words? Yeah. No, his face. Oh, okay. Like his visage. Just because it would make people happy. That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking, given this trend of R.L. Stine and Nicolas Cage and John Cusack. Oh, John Candy.

I would just put his name, John Candy. Okay. I would choose Daniel Radcliffe because I'm a real big Harry Potter fan. You're a real muggle fuck. Yeah, I'm a real muggle fucker. That's who they call. Well, you guys, technically we all are. Right? What? I don't know what a muggle is.

It's just someone who's not a wizard. Speak for yourself. Yeah, speak for yourself. Sorry, hon. Now, we also have... I think I would choose Mohinder.

Oh, yeah. Who would you pick? Shoes. Moe Hint. Oh, yeah. Let's see. Who's fun these days? Who's real fun? Big fun. Oh, the big show. He's big? He's fun?

I guess I would do someone where you had to explain what they were from. Oh, yeah. So it was three or four lines. It was like, Wallaceace sean from princess pride yeah from the princess pride uh the guy who said inconceivable yeah um who's the guy that plays a stabler on law and order oh uh chris maloney yeah that would be mine chris maloney chris maloney you know stabler also he was in Man of Steel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was pretty good in Wet Hot American Summer, too.

Yeah, that's right. Was he in Oz as well? He was also in Oz. Yeah, he was also in Oz. Dot, dot, dot. In Oz. Yeah. Now, you guys, we have overheards and overseen sent in from around the world. R.L. Stine wrote the Spaceballs novel.

That's not true. It is. What? Well, there's no way I can prove it right now. If you want to send an overheard... Under the pen name Jovial Bob Stine. Look it up. Prove them wrong. If you want to send in overheards, you can

send them in via email to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Kip. Fun. Kip R. What's it short for? Wait, Kipper? Yeah, Kipper.

Oh, yeah. You're going to be eating a lot of those. Yeah. And it's also, is that who you- Win one for? Win one, yeah. No, it's the Gipper. Oh, damn it.

The new Rockne story story he's from norman oklahoma what's kip short for kapowski capacity yeah um uh i was at uh the store oh no wait this is the i like the second one better i was seeing man of steel and before they showed uh the movie they showed a preview for pacific, which featured large robots and monsters fighting each other. As the preview ended, it got real quiet in the theater when a little voice from somewhere in the back sounded out. Roar! I am a robot! I've only seen the previews for that movie, but it's in a world where people had to build giant robots to fight giant monsters?

Yes. Why don't they build, like, the robots they build are the same size as the monsters. Why don't they build even bigger robots? Because they're afraid of attracting bigger monsters. Oh, right. Why don't they build the robots out of this uh out of uh the shield from uh the tv show the shield monsters grow to the size of the robot oh yeah that's true they're like turtles uh or fish is it fish i think both yeah uh i don't know uh like when is that movie like it's already out when this podcast has come out and it's a big hit slash flop i think actually it's already out as we're

taping this no a flop what i think no it's no it's not out lone ranger is what you're yeah that's the current flop yeah just i'm making a face like well we'll see we'll google this afterwards we will see i mean i could look up pacific room right now i have google nope guys it's better left unfigured out um i subscribe to google this next one comes from josh in prince edward island uh beautiful this time of year. Is it? I bet it is.

It's good potato season. It's a year round, right? Yeah. That's what they... PAI is famous for their potatoes. And of Green Gables. And they have red dirt. Right.

That's a thing. If you go there, you got to get a red dirt shirt. Yeah. Which then, I don't get it. I don't know what it is. It's just like a shirt that's pink, right? Yeah. Because then I don't get it. I don't know what it is. It's just like a shirt that's pink. Yeah. Because they soak it in the dirt. Which is, I guess

you could sell a shirt in anywhere. The same thing. Chinese dirt shirt. Lay off the Chinese. Alright. Indian dirt shirt. Thank you. You're welcome. Calling someone a dirt shirt sounds super... Yeah, look at these dirt shirts. She's referring to the shirt yeah i know not the um

it wasn't synecdoche uh so this is from josh and prince edward and i tutor uh french to uh two young chinese kids that's he just wrote it i'm sorry um aged 8 and 11 uh their family owns a chinese food restaurant, which is usually where I tutor them. Recently, during a session, the kids were splitting an egg roll, which was cut in half. The 8-year-old boy did something interesting.

He scooped the insides out of his half of the egg roll, picked up the empty shell like a cup, filled it to the top with plum sauce. He then said, cheers, and chugged the hollowed out egg roll before eating the shell too that's pretty good yeah i've never heard of that have you ever heard of something like that no they're very industrious it's like i don't i don't know how this country has come up ten times in this episode and never before.

Yeah, I feel like sometimes things are just in the air. Yep. It's like, whatever. Kismet, as they say in China. This last one comes from Nick in Michigan. Now, it's important to know that Nick lives near South Haven, which can be shortened to S. Haven.

I work as a cashier at a greenhouse. The front of the store is open so you can see out into the parking lot from where I stand. I see a lot of people with custom license plates, but usually they're just a name or something about their hobby slash job. Anyway, a car pulled up today and four old ladies

got out. The license plate read shaven. Pretty great, right? Yeah. Good gravy. Old ladies are doing a lot of great work. That was like, that idea, I remember, was very popular in the American Pie movie. What?

The idea of shaving something. Yeah, well, isn't that in the one where he gets married? Doesn't that, like... Oh, does he... He, like, shaves his pubes for the wedding yeah but i just remember like the magazine he's reading is called shaved or something uh you know it was like a time when gillette was really getting here oh yeah they were uh they were increasing the number of blades exponentially and uh do you think that that this whole like razors include increasing their blade count

is going to lead to pacific rim oh yeah yeah absolutely uh like it's like how the space program yielded a lot of other technology it's the same with gillette yeah i mean the monster that it's fighting now is um unkemptness. Scruff. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the number is 206-339-8328. Do not call us to leave a condescending message about Graham looking happy on a date that he's not actually on. Yeah. Yeah, you guys. Here is your first overheard hey guys this is matthew from seattle calling in with an overheard i was just at the farmer's market and uh there was a man and a woman buying

produce and the man said hey uh what should we make tonight for dinner the woman said um how about those pork tacos that sent me into labor? Yeah, just to relive that crazy experience. Yeah, or maybe she was pregnant. He didn't specify. Oh, that's true. Yeah. They work every time. Yeah, like there is a group of foods that they say.

Spicy. Is it spicy? I think it's spicy. Or umami. Like give early labor? Or induced labor? Yeah. Yeah, like, you know, Activia yogurt.

Sure. Exlax. Look, we don't really get the female body. But I bet, like, roller coaster, water water slide these are things oh yeah they yeah they don't let uh there's a lot like do they let pregnant ladies in a wave pool i guess well you know why not i don't know i think that's okay i don't i haven't been to enough wave pools that i know the rules that i've been like i know I've been on enough flights that I could probably recite where the exits are and what your responsibilities are. But I've been to one wave pool?

I feel like the waves and the natural warmth of the water would make the baby think, like, I could just swim out. Like, there's just more, you know, it's just like, hey, this uterus is expanding. Yeah, yeah. Like the monsters growing to the size of their... Your baby grows to the size of your wave form. Oh no.

Don't raise him in a wave form. Here's your next phone call. Hey Dave, hey Graham, hey probable guests. Overseen for y'all. Person in the car. Fuck. What did he say? Person in the car.

Fuck. What? He just gave up. Yeah. Did he give up or did he get hit by a car? I think he gave up. Yeah. Did he give up or did he get hit by a car? I think he gave up. We've had a few. I almost always put those ones on when someone screws up.

The try and fail. But I feel like that was a guy getting into a car and realizing there was someone in the back seat. And then getting strangled. Oh, yeah, the old R.L. Stine. Isn't that the stuff R.L. Stine wrote? Goosebumps? Yeah. Were there murders in Goosebumps?

I don't know. I don't know. Weren't there? Isn't there, like, the man with the wooden hook? I think there were, like, ghost stories. But you're talking about the campfire story, right? Where somebody's in the back seat of your car i'm talking about a serious crime we all just witnessed

oh man i uh how does that one go it's like somebody's driving and there's a truck behind them flashing their high beams because they're flashing the high beams uh to like let the person know that every like every time the the murderer gets up from the backseat, they flash their high beams so the driver will see the shadow of the guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. But the whole time the guy thinks, do you know the story? You've got a really glassy kind of stare. I've never heard of this. Did you ever go to camp?

Nope. Ah, there you go. No, I hate sleeping away from home. Oh, yeah. Me too. Ah, there we go. No, I hate sleeping away from home. Oh, yeah.

Me too. Like home is where the bed is, right? Yep. Yeah, absolutely. I got you. Yeah, I hated sleeping away from home too. So every time after camp, I would do the old walk of shame. Like down the highway to your house? Yeah.

Through the woods? Like homeward bound? Oh yeah, every day you'd show up at your parents' place to be like, ah, Dave keeps fighting his way back. He's really intrepid. And then they had to do the old Harry and the Hendersons. Yeah, go, we don't like you. Get out of here.

Heartbreaking. Yeah, very sad. Here's your final overheard. Hey Dave and Graham, it's Patrick Fleck from Omaha I have an overheard for you a guy in a taxi

just yelled at me at a stoplight hey I'll give you a hundred bucks for whatever's in your trunk and then when I didn't say

he yelled well fuck you but also I'm on a bike I'm not in a car or anything I don't have a trunk so I don't know

what he was talking about bye so he said I don't have a trunk, so I don't know what he was talking about. Bye. So he said, I don't think so. And the guy said, well, fuck you. That's how you negotiate. You put out an offer. If it's rejected, you just start swearing at the guy. Especially if the guy's on a bike and doesn't have a trunk.

Here's my opening offer. $25. No good. Fuck you. I don't have a trunk. Do you mean this? Maybe he was like, sometimes bikers have those trailers behind them. Oh, yeah.

I know a guy who used to sell those. I don't know if he's still around or if they're still around. A lot of questions up in the air. Maybe that guy had a fat butt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, $100 for that trunk. That's not a bad offer. If you got $100 a fat butt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, a hundred bucks for that trunk. That's not a bad offer. If you got a hundred bucks for your butt.

Or for what's in your trunk. I guess that's poop. Yeah. Maybe it was an elephant's trunk. I guess that's boogers. Or peanuts. Peanuts. Oh, yeah.

An elephant could store a lot of peanuts in a trunk. Peanut boogers. That's just peanut butter, right? Elephants must get self-lodged in there all the trunk. Peanut boogers. That's just peanut butter, right? Elephants must get stuff lodged in there all the time. Um, yeah. But then I think they can... Like, I get stuff lodged. I get, like, you know, certs. What? Yeah.

Dave's always getting certs. A couple weeks ago he got a crayon stuck in... It's amazing how far stuff can go up there. I got a bead stuck in my ear once when i was a kid so i was just playing with a bead near my ear well you're like oh no i was in the car waiting for my mom and then i came in she came in i said i had a bead stuck in my she thought i had a beast and then they made that into an episode of Arrested Development.

Oh, yeah. Now, was your mom super disappointed, like, we're in a rush, stop sticking fucking beads in your ears. Or bees, or whatever. I think she was more embarrassed because the doctor, like the clinic she took me to, she knew the doctor. Guess what Andy did.

My ex-boyfriend the doctor i'm gonna see me and my dumb kid but it's true being a kid is boring yeah and sticking stuff in there's a lot of time to kill it's hard it's hard uh yeah i don't know did i ever get anything stuck i definitely like put a q-tip in too far. You don't want to do that. Apparently you're not even supposed to put a Q-tip in at all. Well, that seems like good advice. But how are you supposed to clean your ears? You just get an elephant to sniff it really hard. Yeah.

You do that ear candling. Oh, yeah. I have the Dyson ear blade. There is a real earwax vacuum you can buy. What? Off TV. That seems way more dangerous than just sticking a Q-tip in there. Sounds loud.

Yeah. Yeah, it feels like it would suck your brain out. It's just like a regular vacuum. It's just super loud. Your dog gets mad at it. Yeah, if you don't stop barking, it's going in your ear, too. Well, that brings us to the end of this here show. Now, Andy Kallstrom.

Yeah. This episode is coming out. We're thinking it's August 12th. 12th, yeah. And you have a show. I have a show. In Vancouver. Yes.

I have a show. In Vancouver. Yes. August 15th at Little Mountain Gallery is, it's the first show being run by Ross Doak and Ben McGinnis. Never heard of them. It's also, they've both been on the show. I know that is a lie, Graham. It's their first show and it's my last show in Vancouver.

That is my farewell show. So come to that if you want what is that a thursday it's a thursday it's a thursday originally real busy on thursdays sorry i thought we were best now it's must see thursday thursday which was originally thor's day which is what the movie kept in america it's about the etymology of Thor's day yeah in part and his famous

green lantern ring now if people want to learn more about Andy Kallstrom and his ongoing adventures Tintin style

yeah in Britain you can you can read the comic books about me if that's what you're after

yeah and where can people find you online oh you guys what in Britain. You can read the comic books about me if that's what you're after. And where can people find you online? Oh, you guys. I just got Twitter. I just got it on the weekend. I just got it. On the weekend! My dad installed a Twitter. It just arrived by mail. A color TV and a Twitter.

What do you mean you just got it? I didn't have it before. It just arrived by mail. A color TV and a Twitter. Yeah. What do you mean you just got it? I didn't have it before. Why? But now I have it. Because I am intimidated by it. So far, I've just spent most of my Twitter time just talking myself out of tweeting things. So how many followers do you have currently?

Seven followers. Let's get him up to 14 followers. Yeah, yeah. We will double it. Can you have more than a dozen followers? Nope. No. We know a game genie code for it, though.

Awesome. So you can follow me there if you want. I promise nothing. What's your handle? Andy Kallstrom. At Andy Kallstrom. K-A-L-S-T-R-O-M. Nope.

Ah. A-N-D-Y-K-A-L-L-S-T-R-O-M. Nope. A-N-D-Y-K-A-L-L-S-T-R-O-M. Ah, it's just one L? It's just one L short? Yeah. I think if you Googled it, you would have found it. Yeah, but Andy Kallstrom with one L is a different guy. Oh, yeah.

How many Twitter followers does he have? 1,400. Ah, I'm going to follow him. Oh, boy, he must have the Game Genie code. Dave, anything to plug? I don't believe so. All right. Yeah.

I'm still in Edinburgh at this time. So if you're over there. How's that going? You mean over here? Yeah. If you're over here, if you're in Edinburgh, come by and say hello. Hey, the reviews have been good. Attendances have been steady.

And yeah, I went to a movie and somebody saw me and I looked really happy. Oh, yeah. You saw a movie that we got here months ago. You saw this is 40. It's just getting into theaters over there. Yeah, this is Tin, is what they call it

over there. Thanks for being our guest, Andy. My pleasure. Thank you for having me back. Best luck. Best of luck? No, best luck. Best luck in your travels. Best luck ever. Have a great summer. Tally-ho!

Don't look at me. I can't believe we made it this far. If you like the podcast, why don't you head over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap. Oh, yeah. Think of what we'll probably have. Photos and videos of S Club 7.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Joe. Specifically racist Joe. White spot. Yep. Racist white spot. Yeah.

A root beer float, perhaps. I don't know how. These are all perhaps spot. Yeah, a root beer float, perhaps. I don't know how... These are all perhapses. We're in the dog days of summer. I don't know how much of the blog is getting updated. Yeah, that's true. If you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at maximumfun.org

or 206-339-8328. Head over to iTunes and leave us a nice review. No nasty reviews. Keep that garbage to yourself. Me knows. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Zodbug.

See you soon. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.