Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 283 - Jane Stanton
Episode Date: August 19, 2013Jane Stanton joins us to talk about the economy of doll hairs, Great Wolf Lodge, and bachelor auctions....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 283 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's not even wearing socks today.
He's a barefoot and pregnant Mr. Dave Schumke.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
No, I love it.
I'm sorry. It's so hot.
It's a very European.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Put on some leather shoes.
Mm-hmm.
Sockless.
Yeah.
Loafers and bare ankles.
I'm really going to, you know, ride a Vespa.
Yeah.
Would you like your water with fizz or with gas?
Italy.
Yeah.
And our guest today, one of our very first guests, repeat offender, a very funny comedian.
Very glad to have her back.
Miss Jane Stanton is our guest.
Hello.
Hello.
Your hair's so red.
Yeah, I just did the ombre.
I don't know what that means.
You don't.
You should do it on your beard.
Yeah, absolutely.
Blue ombre beard.
Yeah, okay.
We'll do it, guys.
Thanks for joining us. And should we get to know us yaha
now jane what is an ombre do you want me to explain this yes an ombre is like a ghost haircut. It's like when you get your hair transplanted from a ghost.
Okay.
And their shadow is with you always.
Okay, yeah.
That's where it gets its name from the French for shadow.
Ombre.
Is that what it is, Jane?
Yes.
Is that accurate?
That is correct.
What is it?
Is it just teasing your hair out, making it big, making it happen, coloring it?
What is it?
It looks like right now, making it really big, Jay.
1980s.
It's light, as you can see, and then goes up to darker.
This is two years late to the party.
Yeah.
Well, sometimes they do them real drastic with dark, dark roots that look like you've
dyed your hair.
Yeah.
You just did a bad hair dye job, but now they do it on purpose.
Oh, really?
Does that cost more than just doing a bad hair dye job?
Yes.
Weird.
They figured it out like chip and pepper with the rips in the jeans.
Oh, pre-ripped jeans.
Yeah, yeah.
Chip and pepper invented that?
Well, invented is probably a strong word.
They did it.
They did it.
They did it.
And they were like designer level.
I thought Chip and Pepper was like a Canadian surf company.
They were originally wetware. They were designer level wetware.
Now, Jane, you were saying before the podcast started that you were thinking about getting a tattoo.
It's just a midlife crisis, I think.
But you don't have any tattoos.
I have none.
Dave doesn't have any tattoos.
I don't have any tattoos.
Why the holdup?
I think all my freckles, they're all fake.
Is that a new thing?
Is that like ombre?
Yes. O're all fake. Is that a new thing? Is that like ombre? Yes.
Ombre?
Yeah.
Periodically, I see people with freckles and are not freckles with tattoos.
And I like them.
They're different.
Yes, they're different.
And I'll like it.
But it would be someone that's like, I don't want to use them as an example.
It's not a jolie jolie.
But like someone that's, you know, looks good with fucking tattoos.
Okay. I can't get tattoos
on my arms, shoulders. I have freckles there.
Why couldn't you get a tattoo to
cover up your freckles? It would look weird.
Hmm. What if you connected all
of them and they get made like a shape?
Like a giraffe.
Giraffe's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fun. I don't, it's just
a huge commitment are
your freckles the same all the time no as you can see they're darker there right now and here but
that's a different story that's laser hair removal and it burned the crap out of my arm
laser hair removal isn't supposed to do that is that what laser hair removal does
yeah it makes you a real cat but it's not supposed to burn the skin no she screwed up and the whole time i'm like this is
hurting was this a discount thing this is two laser school that you went to it was group
was it really yes do if you get a group on thing like, do you have to go with the group? No. Or you're just...
Maybe I'm a little hazy on how Groupon works.
Groupon works by volume.
Okay.
Like, you'll get an email and it says, if 200 people...
All get the laser.
All get this done, then it's a go.
But if we fall short of the goal, then this coupon doesn't happen.
It's never falling short of a goal.
No, it never does.
Oh, okay.
Oh, like what if it did?
Then it would be really embarrassing for the company.
If it was like nobody.
I don't think it works that way.
I know people that have done it, like restaurants, and they've lost money because I guess they're the fall guys.
And because Groupon never pays them.
Yes.
Oh, is that?
Is the money goes through Groupon to the whatever.
Okay, let's use this as an example.
My hair removal.
Yeah.
All, everything, body.
I see you're indicating the lower half.
It's all body.
No.
And my beard.
Your un-umbrageables.
Yes.
And that could be like $300.
That would be $300.
No, I'm saying for the whole year, right?
To get it every five.
How many treatments?
Every five weeks.
Every five weeks?
You say this like we go to a laser.
Look at me.
Come on, look at me.
Okay, Graham, when you get your lower legs done.
So, wait, you go every five weeks?
Yes.
Every five weeks for a whole year?
Yes.
Jesus, wow.
Okay, it was $1,000.
Okay.
That seems reasonable.
But they only get usually 40%, like the company you go to, and Groupon takes 60%.
They take usually 40% to 60%.
So I don't know.
Maybe they're making money because I'm not supposed
to go back.
So what would it have been?
This Groupon was $1,000 for a year.
I just did the math.
Every five weeks, it's $100 of treatment.
What would it have been
without
the Groupon?
What would it have been like?
Over $5,000.
I'm getting like full legs bikini. without the Groupon? Would it have been like... Over $5,000. What?
I'm getting like full legs bikini.
That's why when you said in a group,
I'm like, not with my bikini or not.
No, that's why I thought it was so weird
that it was like, oh, you wouldn't go.
Yeah, yeah.
A group of ladies get together and all.
And every five weeks, the same.
You all get on a bus together.
Hey, Midge.
So somebody told me that if you do the laser treatments that then the hair
uh does not grow back that's correct that's the point ah or it grows back finer and lighter my
underarms are like three hairs each oh i say laser around that i want to keep those ones
what if they come in finer and lighter
but they go super long
so it's just like you've got these
crazy jellyfish.
What if I was Jane?
Oh man.
Okay, so you've got all this skin. You're prepping
all this skin for your tattoo.
Yes.
This will be the canvas. What type Oh, man. Okay, so you got all this skin. You're prepping all this skin for your tattoo. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This will be the canvas.
What type of... Because sometimes I see, like, someone in their, you know, who's like...
Usually people get tattoos in their 20s and 30s.
But sometimes you'll see someone in their 50s or something, and they've got a fresh tattoo.
And you're like, that's crazy.
It looks so strange.
Your skin's not tight enough for that.
That's my biggest fear.
They have to put like clothes pins on it.
Like trying on a wedding dress.
That's going to happen to me on my arm.
Oh, man, that would be a pretty good tattoo show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Old people tattoos. Well, isn't there like be a pretty good tattoo show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old people tattoos.
Well, isn't there like America's worst tattoo?
Yeah, yeah, but mostly that's young people getting, you know.
There's the inked one, too, where it's a competition.
And, like, they can pick and be like, oh, you're doing Asian ones.
Just watching this.
Yeah, yeah.
Asian tattoos?
Yeah.
Whatever they're called.
And this person didn't know how to do a dragon.
Like, it just looked like a child did it.
And that's, it's on their body forever.
Like, I was like, oh, my God.
It was big.
Like, it was the size of the thigh.
And it was so bad.
Oh, you said dragon.
I thought you said bacon.
Oops.
Bacon would have been better.
Same shape, sorry.
This is going to be, this is not not gonna look like what you thought it was
gonna look like um where would you get a tattoo like on the arm on the back neck tattoo yes
that's a good first tattoo this is the neck i don't know maybe back but then like then i think
lower back no No. No.
Come on.
Leg?
No.
Yeah, no.
The leg seems like if you're going to get a tattoo, don't put it on your leg.
That's when you've run out of upper tattoo space.
Yeah.
Somebody who just has something on their leg, you're like, eh.
Yeah.
I have the cool, sexy little garters.
But no one sees them unless I wear shorts.
And then the sexy line down the back of my stockings. Oh, the old school.
Yes.
With a little bow on the back thigh.
See, that's nice.
And a tiny little derringer.
Yeah, I just do the sock garters.
That's what I have.
Sexy.
Yeah, very.
So you would get it on the back?
I don't know.
Or on your finger, but then there's nothing that's been done.
The mustache?
Yeah, I wouldn't do it.
Or like shush.
Yeah.
What else could you get?
Behind your ear, that's one that's good that you can hide hair down.
Yeah.
But it's always pretty alarming when you see it because you always see it by accident.
You never look behind.
Yeah, you should get something hidden behind your ear, but it should be like a tiny little goblin.
Yeah, yeah.
Like peeking out.
Yeah.
Or a spider.
So someone like hits me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's not bad.
Oh, yeah.
Like the fly in the ice cube. Yeah. Oh, get a fly in the ice cube, Tata. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Oh, yeah. Like the fly in the ice cube.
Yeah.
Oh, get a fly in the ice cube tattoo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And get fake vomit.
Get a fake dog doo.
Okay, yes.
Done.
It's just there's that.
I look.
I spend hours doing this, looking in cherry blossoms.
They're super popular.
You spend hours looking at cherry blossoms?
Tattoos, different tattoos.
On the internet?
Yeah.
There's nothing. Wow, that is an upset. You're going to get one. No, I'm not. What, are you going to at cherry blossoms? Tattoos, different tattoos. On the internet? Yeah. Wow, that is an upset.
You're going to get one.
No, I'm not.
What, are you going to get cherry blossoms?
No.
What are you going to get?
Nothing.
You're getting one.
A bowl of cherries.
What about cherries like in a slot machine?
I'm like, is this a surprise tattoo artist comes to the door?
It's time!
That's always been kind of a disappointing radio gambit when they're like, somebody's going to get a tattoo on that right here.
That looks pretty painful.
Yeah, that sound sure is annoying.
Could you cut it out?
Broadcasters.
Would you, like, here's the thing.
I have a friend who got a tattoo when she turned 30.
Here's the thing.
I have a friend who got a tattoo when she turned 30.
And so she didn't have any tattoos but did a lot of research to find out the best tattoo artist that she could find.
That's the other thing too because like – You don't want Bacon Dragon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
Or do you?
But you look – all the people too that i researched in vancouver i looked at their
portfolios most of them i'm like oh okay and then it was just like a piece of shit
like a fake piece of shit it'd be like just a shitty tweety bird but like a bat like oh this
is your first tattoo who's getting tweety bird tattoo my mom
she just got it when she turned 75.
What?
I know.
Because she's cranny from the cartoons?
She has a red crossing chest, one of those crazy...
Those are meant for drawing the eye, right?
When a lady has a giant tattoo across her chest.
I've never really seen one that's across the chest.
I've seen two, at least
two this summer. Maybe three. Like, very
giant. Yeah, are you not supposed to look?
Yeah, well, that's what I'm wondering.
Where is average Joe
supposed to look? I'm a gentleman.
Am I supposed to not look at this
skeleton devouring your breasts?
This
goblin peeking out from between...
Yeah, like the uh you know uh past cast uh shlomo mcpeakowitz yeah he uh he got a tattoo
from somebody it was like the last tattoo that they did like they've been they were a tattoo
but it was i can't remember he told me it was like
somebody who had been doing tattoos in vancouver since the 50s and kind of like you know did him
a favor by like doing this last like was functionally retired and did this last tattoo
one last job pulled out of retirement to do one last tattoo getting too old for this yeah yeah exactly
I wouldn't
shaky hands
yeah I wouldn't even
get a haircut
from that situation
from a barber
who came out of retirement
yeah
what happened
huh
what happened
this tattoo looks good
oh
but it's very
it's very
like
old school
style tattoo
like just one color oh like the anchor those type of yeah yeah
like like this was a person it's an anchor on his forearm but when he gets angry and eats some
spinach it turns into a locomotive or an anvil what did your friend get uh i can't i can't
remember the design it was that wasn't the design so much as the tattoo artist that she was researching.
Maybe you just really love research.
Maybe you should get a tattoo of the Dewey Decimal System.
Yeah.
Or just a Google search bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, now, do you, has there ever been a time in your life when you considered getting a tattoo?
Like, what would 20-year-old Jane have gotten a tattoo of and how glad are you you were you were a rebellious teenager i was horrible
yeah i was the worst when when i don't know if i've said this uh this is a fun jane fact uh
when i went to jane's childhood home ancestral Ancestral home. Yeah, ancestral home.
Her parents took the door off of her room.
She had no door because she couldn't be trusted to have a door.
And it's still not put back.
And the blinds just got put back on.
They were taken off, too.
Oh, yeah.
Blinds and door.
Yeah, no blinds.
She was not to be trusted.
She was a wild child. What did the blinds do?
Because it's... I don't know.
The sunlight would wake me up, because then every morning my dad would be like,
Hi, Jane.
Like, try to wake me up.
I'm like, hello.
And I'd just go back to sleep.
Like, you're not allowed to get privacy from the perverts on the street?
Yeah.
Did you have to change it?
Or from the walker?
Yeah, the man on the moon.
Leering at you.
Yeah, anyway, so you were a wild child you probably wanted a tattoo
i didn't i went with my friend who got the butterfly and i was like oh god like on the hip
and like i just watched i was like oh it's forever and i remember i was maybe going to
and i was looking it is you were looking through the binder? Yeah. And my nickname
used to be Frog.
I don't know why
I just told you guys this.
My dad,
every trip
would bring me back
frog stuff.
So in my room
there was no door,
no blinds
and frogs hanging
around the room
and always frog stuff
and I was like,
but I don't want
a frog tattoo.
Like,
in my head,
even then,
even though I was horrible, I still didn't want something.
I'm like, that's forever.
Yeah.
Huh.
So there was some wisdom mixed in with that rebellion.
Maybe 1%.
Yeah.
I once saw a thing on Celine Dion, like, behind the music or something like.
I thought you meant like a tattoo on Celine Dion.
No, no. on like a behind the music or or some like i thought you meant like a tattoo on no no like
just like a like a feature on her and like her fans send her frogs all the time which i think
is racist for a french speaking person like that's the thing that that uh yeah people send her like dead frogs no no like stuffed frogs her fans
send her frog heads
you're next
I was so horrified
just like you were talking about
all your frogs
did you have dead frogs
I had little pet frogs
did you have pet frogs
yeah they were adorable
wow
they are adorable
the tiny ones
the tiny little ones, yeah.
So you've seen your friend get a tattoo.
Yeah.
Have you ever done that?
Gone to a tattoo party?
Yeah.
Like and hung out while a friend got a tattoo.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, me neither.
I watched my friend do one with like a needle.
Jay Halstead.
Yeah, yeah.
At a party.
And boy, I was like, oh boy, oh boy that's gonna get infected i remember saying
that so many times like oh you should really be sanitizing that needle after every stab
um and it turned out so bad like it just uh because uh you know if you don't use a proper
needle like it just kind of uh bleeds your skin. But I want it now.
Yeah.
And so it just looked like a green blob.
Kind of like somebody would be like, hey, you should get that checked out.
Like a weird green blob on your arm.
Yeah.
There was a guy in high school that did that.
It's a frog.
He had a crush on a friend of mine, and he wrote her name.
Like, I don't know if he did.
He knifed it.
Oh, Jesus. Yeah jesus yeah that's
i remember looking i was like oh is that fake yeah well what was she supposed to do like oh
yeah i guess we'll day yeah i hope her name had a lot of like like you know jags i hope it was a
lot tamra oh shit i was gonna say i hope it was like a. Yeah. At least like the T. You run out of room. Straight lines.
You're like a.
By the hand.
The straight line of the T and the A and the amp.
It's the circles that are hard to do when you're, you know, cutting.
Yeah.
Cutting anything.
Have you guys seen Looper?
Yeah.
Have you seen Looper?
No.
Nah.
There's a kind of a funny cutting into your arm sequence.
Oh, yeah.
Until recently, there was this magician that I watched when I was a kid named the Amazing
Jonathan.
Do you remember the Amazing Jonathan?
I think you talk about him every week.
He did a thing where he like, it's like you see a lot of magicians doing it now, but at
the time, I'd never seen anybody do it.
I was like putting a knife through your arm and then you like go back and
forth.
You pretend it doesn't hurt.
Yeah.
But,
uh,
it doesn't hurt.
Yeah.
It doesn't hurt,
but I didn't know it was so convincing.
And then they did it on that.
Like world's magician secrets revealed.
That's just a trick.
Yeah.
It's just a trick knife.
That's all it is.
It's like solid,
but it just has a thing that just opens up yeah he
wasn't giving himself a tattoo well i just uh yeah yeah no that was so gross watching that guy do
that but uh yeah like uh i don't know i don't know yeah i think you should get a tattoo no you
shouldn't if i if you guys had to get a tattoo though you had to yeah in the next three months
in the next three months oh you'd have time to discover oh i would uh get a big though you had to yeah in the next three months next three months oh you'd have time
to discover oh i would uh get a big one across my back that says will any of them
because i feel like that's the that's the era that we're living in now that you're giving me
like a three-month deadline i'm like it reminds me of american pie when they're like we all have
to get laid by the end of school
well I have to have sex with a tattoo artist
so it would probably be something
American Pie related
yeah
at Jason Biggs
just his Twitter handle
getting a Twitter handle is pretty good
yeah no definitely
what would you get? Cherry blossoms?
No. Frog.
Frog blossoms? Celine Dion with a
frog head. Yeah, it's holding it dead.
Frog head.
It's holding it dead.
Oh, man.
So you're undecided.
Understandable. What else is going on with
you? Yeah. Nothing.
I got heat stroke on my birthday.
Now, you are-
When's your birthday?
June 30th.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
Yeah.
You don't look a year older.
You look a year younger.
You're of English or Scottish stock?
Sure.
You're of not-
You're not in the sun worshipping family.
I've been in the sun a ton, though.
Yeah.
Well, that's why you get heat stroke.
You can't fight the moonlight.
Yeah, especially without blinds.
But, no, you can't, like, I don't think you can condition yourself.
I think I could.
Well, I thought I could.
I've been to Yerbatan on the beach.
I wear like 50.
Well, that's not conditioning yourself.
That's covering yourself up.
I don't ever wear a hat, which I think that needs to start in my old age.
Yeah, yeah.
And I didn't drink enough liquid.
I usually drink like two liters of water.
And I realized that day.
What were you doing?
Were you at the beach?
Working for my brother in Edmonton for the Spartan race.
Now, your brother is the organizer for all of like Western Canada, right?
For the Spartan races.
Owns the rights to it.
Which is like, oh, he owns the rights.
It's 5K or 13K, like crazy obstacles.
And people get hit by like gladiators and they pay money for this yeah
and it's better than the tough mudder or it's worse it's better
so you were outside no hat sunglasses were you even wearing sunglasses yes i was wearing sunglasses
um topless though so you're wearing those giant sunglasses over your boobs?
Yes.
I had worked Saturday the day before, probably 6 in the morning until 12 at night.
So it was just too much.
That's 18 hours.
Yeah.
And I'd worked until 1.
Time and a half.
No.
What?
And I drank that night.
Not a ton, but a little Jane style.
So too much.
So, what are we, the Jaeger bombs?
We were drinking some sort of college beverage.
Slippery nipples.
Yeah.
White Russians.
Sour apples.
Neutron bomb.
We did the ski shot where you put shots on a ski.
It is the season.
You're in that resort town.
Yeah, exactly.
If I don't do this ski shot, I'm going to regret it forever.
Yeah, we lose some resort.
The race was at the ski resort, it's called, and it was a hill.
And it was the smallest hill.
It would be like Main Street from 2nd up to Broadway.
Little Mountain.
It was not a ski hill. This was in Ed. It was not. Yeah, there you go.
A ski hill.
It was in Edmonton?
Yes.
Yeah, there's no mountain up there.
And it was, they had to go up and down the hill.
Like it looked hard.
I didn't do it.
Yeah.
And then I was sitting beside my friend who's a nurse, Alexia, and I'm like, I'm getting
shivers.
And it was like 40 degrees.
And she's like, you probably have heat stroke.
I'm like, never had it.
And then I started shivering.
You're wrong, nurse.
And then, yeah, it carried on to the next day.
So it was all, I had Gatorade, Gatorade, water.
So when your friend.
I had migraine yesterday.
Who is a registered.
Gatorade, Gatorade, lemonade, around the corner, fudges, man.
So your friend who is a registered nurse said, hey, you've got heat stroke.
You said, nah, and stayed out in the heat.
Shut it, Poindexter.
And stayed out in the heat for the rest of the day?
No.
I came in and sat with her for like an hour.
Yeah.
And drank liquids.
What kind of liquids?
Off of a ski?
Off of little shots.
Yeah.
It lasts longer.
I thought it was just for like that period that you're in the sun.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, you keep it for that period that you're in the sun. You keep it.
It stays with you at least all day.
You should get a tattoo of a sun to remind yourself.
A sun with a cross through it.
Yeah, like the ghost bus.
To remind yourself.
What is it that really takes you down?
My hand, like a watch. Oh yes, get out.
Is it possible to get like a mood tattoo that changes with the sun?
If everybody would get that, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you could get ink that changed color with the heat?
I would get like a thing that looks like a thermometer, but it would say horneometer.
I would basically get that pen that you turn upside down and a naked lady comes out.
Yes. So the clothes disappear in the heat. That's fun. I would get I would basically get that pen that you turn upside down and a naked lady comes out yes
so the clothes disappear
in the heat
that's fun
but in the freezing cold
the
like
if they find you hypothermic
they just warm up that area
to see the loops
yeah
get his arm warm
so we can see those tattoos
what do you think about that Jane?
I think I
found my tattoo
so you had heat stroke
you recovered yeah how is your little dog Lulu? she's awesome I found my tattoo. So you had heat stroke. You recovered.
Yeah.
How is your little dog Lulu?
She's awesome, but the worst.
She just cost me probably $3,000.
Did she get heat stroke?
Yes.
Did she just get laser hair removal?
I did.
Her whole body, except for under her eyes.
What?
To make like a little mask?
That's cute. that is super cute
like the lone ranger yeah yeah yeah oh that's great yeah because you love the popular movie
yeah you should send army hammer a picture hey this is you look i'm crazy
oh man um so what's wrong with your dog she got sick in the beginning of June. I don't know. It just was, she pukes periodically.
Yeah.
And I'll be like, oh, she's a dog, whatever.
It's true.
And then she puked again.
And that time she puked like six times and she weighs like eight, seven pounds to 10 pounds.
She's very tiny.
Yes.
And she was puking, puking.
And then I took her and she was in for like four days.
They didn't know what was wrong with her.
It was like the same.
It would be the same as what I actually have, which is celiac.
They're like, oh, she can't have weed or all this stuff.
I'm like, no.
And she didn't get it.
And then I picked up – this is just like – when was this?
A week ago.
I picked up my sister's dog's medication.
It's like a 70-pound 15-year-old dog that takes arthritis pills.
And it's half a pill a day.
And it was in the container.
And I left my dog for two seconds.
And I didn't think she was going to do it.
Yeah, because you usually have to force feed pills to a dog.
You have to hide them in peanut butter.
My dog's like, get me out of this, master.
Ate all of them.
I had to take her to 24-hour just to go in there. It's like $ get me out of this, master. Ate all of them.
I had to take her to 24-hour just to go in there. It was like $1,000.
Wow.
And so, but she puked.
I didn't know she did this.
That's why.
She was just lying there like, hey, the pills are fine in the back.
So I didn't know until like six hours.
Do you think this was a cry for help?
Maybe.
Yeah, exactly.
And, yeah, my sister coming in. She's like, your dog ate the fucking pills. yeah exactly and uh yeah
my sister
came in
she's like
your dog
ate the
fucking
pills
and I had
to take
take her
to the vet
24 hour
did I have
dog proof
pill jars
it was a
normal
did you wait
to see if
there was a
group on
for dog
overdose
no I have
insurance
thank god
so I
paid
insurance
do you have
dog insurance
no
Dave
I have a well thank God. Dog insurance? Do you have dog insurance? No. Dave?
I have a well-behaved dog.
That's true.
And high counters.
Now, how did Lulu get into the container?
She ripped, like, chewed it open.
Of course.
Dogs love chewing. The worst is she's never-
It was shaped like a bone.
Yeah.
They're the flavored pills, which I found out afterwards.
I didn't know that.
I thought they were just normal medication.
Dogs hate that.
My sister's like, oh, they're beef flavored.
I'm like, good.
Good to know now.
They're like, but Lulu only ate half of them.
Jane, where's the other?
I'm like, oh, I got a bellyache.
My bones feel great.
My coat is shiny.
She could go for a run.
Yeah, I was worried that Lulu found some magazines that created an unrealistic dog body.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was throwing up.
Lulu could use some Dove ads.
Yeah, exactly.
She should, yeah.
Yeah, when was the last...
Yeah, what is the new Dove ad?
When was the last time?
Why do women stop thinking they're pretty or something?
I don't know.
Who gives a shit?
Those dove heads are made by the same people
who make the Axe body spray heads.
It's true. Are you serious? Same company.
Yeah, Unilever.
Or I guess the same products.
If you had to make up a name
of like a giant... Unilever.
Yeah, Unilever sounds like
really made up. That sounds like LexCorp.
Yeah. Omnip LexCorp. Yeah.
Omnipower.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't like their commercial stuff.
The sketch one was like, did you ever see that one?
Where the woman has to describe herself to a sketch artist and then everyone else describes?
Yes, but they'll be like, I have a really pointy nose and sad eyes.
Really droopy eyes.
They don't.
They all are sort of models.
He's drawing like spy versus spy.
Like that?
Like that kind of pointy?
Yes.
Yes, that is my stupid face.
I am a puddle of mud with eyes
there was a a british show that i think they tried to make kind of like an american version of
where a british guy would take a woman and like photograph her and then put it up on like a giant
jumbotron and like piccadilly circuscus or whatever. And then ask ladies on the street like, what do you think of this lady's body?
And it was always, it was basically like a whole show.
I thought they did the picture and they tried to get them to have more confidence, these women.
Well, no, this was like, this was a British show.
It was called like Feel Good Naked or something like that.
Yes.
But then they tried to make an American one.
They've changed it around a bit.
It didn't work because fanny means something else. Ciao, it's your f that. Yes. But then they tried to make an American one. They've changed it around a bit. It didn't work because fanny means something else.
Ciao, it's your fanny.
But yeah, always the people in the street were like, yeah, whatever.
It's fine.
Leave me alone.
That's why the show didn't work.
Leave me alone.
I don't want to be recorded.
I'm not signing that waiver.
I'm signing the release.
Yeah, so...
That would be a good show.
Like, will you sign this release?
Yeah.
Oh, that would be a good show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just all crazy things.
But what for?
Just sign it.
Yeah, sign it.
You don't know when we were taping it.
Yeah.
Ah, that's pretty good. There's $50 in it. Yeah, sign it. You don't know when we were taping you. Yeah. Ah, that's pretty good.
There's $50 in it.
I said doll hairs.
Yeah.
What was the other one?
Doll hairs and...
Bucks?
Bucks, but what's a buck?
People would just hit you on a matter of...
You want $10 and the person would just hit you 10 times?
Yeah.
Doll hairs was the best.
Yeah, doll hairs. Whatever kid Doll hairs was the best. Yeah. Doll hairs.
Once,
whatever kid realized that that kind of sounded similar.
I got a Tonka truck when I was like in grade one.
Cause I was like,
I'll give you a hundred doll hairs.
And the kids like,
yes.
I'm like,
ah,
I had to go return it.
My mom was like,
where did you get it?
I'm like,
and your mom's like,
why did you ruin your doll?
Our precious antique doll hairs.
These are worth more than $100.
These were $100.
Do you even know what you've done?
You bankrupted us, Jane.
You don't get a door for the rest of your life.
That's what happened.
Oh, man.
How did we get on the dumb ads?
Oh, we were just talking about dumb ads.
Yeah, there's a...
I don't know.
I had nothing else to add to that.
Anyways, you guys.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Oh, boy.
This past weekend,
I, along with my wife
and my brother, his wife and kids, both my sisters and their husband,
well, no, one of their husbands and all their kids, and my parents, we all went down to
Great Wolf Lodge.
Oh, man.
So jealous.
No, you didn't.
I know.
That's what I said.
No, you didn't. The commercial ad one? what I said! No, you didn't! The commercial
ad one? I've never seen the commercial.
It's on the radio!
Going to lunch
at Grateful Flodge.
Yeah, so great. About an hour
south of Seattle,
this...
I had never heard of it before.
My parents suggested we all did
a family weekend.
Yeah, me too. I couldn't get over it before. My parents suggested we all did a family weekend. What? I'm losing my mind.
Yeah, me too. I couldn't get over it. Did you kill anything?
Did I kill anything?
Yes, like a wolf.
A deer.
I feel like it's a hunting lodge.
It sounds like it is, but it's not.
It's water slides.
It's a water park.
There's a lot of kids.
It's like a casino for kids.
It's like everything is on theme.
Everything is wolf.
There's wolf everything.
Wolf comforter.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, awesome.
The gift shop is full of wolf stuff.
There's wolf characters walking around.
Oh, really?
It's like a Disney cruise with characters you've never heard of.
Wiki Wolf.
Yeah, yeah.
Crazy critter.
Every ten minutes in the restaurant
it's someone else's birthday who's getting the
birthday song. Oh, yeah.
And it's not the normal happy birthday, is it?
It's like, happy birthday, happy, happy birthday.
How loose is your moose? How crazy is your
Wait, no. How crazy is your critter?
How loose is your moose? Come on, everybody
and shake your caboose.
Birthday.
I don't remember the second half.
But it was my sister's birthday while we were there.
Yeah.
And I tried to, like, her kids, of course, sold her out to the wait staff.
And so they came over and sang.
I tried to get her out of it, but I couldn't.
No, you've got to sell somebody. I tried to say say oh no it was the person whose birthday it was already left
yeah he's deceased we're here for a wake um so uh here's what this place is you go it seems like it
would be a great place to go in the winter because there's nothing to do outside.
Everything is indoors.
The water park is enormous.
But the moment you enter into it, it is so loud and so humid.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And there's like a waterfall, right?
There's like a thing.
There's like this sort of treehouse thing.
And then every 10 minutes, a giant bucket of water falls over the entire thing. There's like this sort of treehouse thing and then every 10 minutes
a giant bucket of water
falls over the entire thing. That's in the
commercial. Yes.
There's a wave pool.
Yes. There is. And then
there's some small slides. And then
there's some slides where you have to be over 4 feet tall.
So there's some adults.
Some adults only slides.
Yeah. Here's your swank magazine. So there's some adults. So some adults only slides. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, here's your swank magazine.
You must be this legal to slide.
And so Abby and I went on.
There's this one that we really liked a lot called the Howling Tornado.
Were they all howling, moon?
No, they were all like one was the Alberta Falls.
One was the Canyon Run.
That was the only real.
Although whenever the waves started up in the wave pool, there would be a howl that happened.
Oh, that's fun.
I don't believe you.
I sure have a lot of information.
But I saw a lot of tattoos as well.
Oh, yeah, I bet.
Some real regrettos.
Yeah, but there were some, and I saw a lot of regrettable children as well.
Sure, absolutely.
Gotta take them somewhere.
No, it's weird because Abby and I don't have kids.
And so the guy... Yeah, you know, uh...
The border guard was like, oh, the border guard knew the place.
And it's like, why are you going?
Because we just went down by ourselves.
He has to stamp your passport with a special like paw.
There you go.
Have fun at Great Wolf Lodge.
Here's your wolf passport.
But it's exhausting.
Like we we, you know, going down water slides shouldn't be
it's not exercise i mean climbing the stairs up is a bit but it's just that it's so loud and so
humid like it just drains you was there music playing in the in the uh wave pool um i don't
think so there was one water slide where there's like techno playing
inside the slide
Awesome
Yeah
Oh cool
How long did you go for?
Just two nights
Too much
Yeah
Wow
But just enough
It's funny
Did you have fun
Sorry
Did you have fun though?
It was
It was fun
being with my family
It was fun
That one water slide was really fun What was it? It was fun being with my family. It was fun.
That one water slide was really fun.
What was it?
It was just like it was a really steep drop, and then for about 20 seconds you're screaming.
Oh, like Cultist Lake.
I don't know.
Have you heard there's one that does like the crazy drop?
And your swimsuit goes up your bum.
Yeah, I've done a similar. Oh, there's like a really, really long drop.
This wasn't that long.
And perverted guys sit by it.
Because you have to stand up and pick it out.
Guys just backing up their Buick.
Would you ever go back?
If I had 10-year-old kids.
The problem is all the kids in my family are like six, I think is the oldest yeah, and they can't really do anything
Like the except be terrified by all the wolves walking around and be terrified by like water splashing on them when they weren't expecting it
So like it's it would be a perfect place for like an an eight or nine year old kid
But I think the kids were a little too young, but we enjoyed it.
Yeah.
The,
it seems like a place that could only like it's,
there's no other,
I can't think of another place like that.
That's like a kid based resort.
That's out in the middle.
I thought that was an Alberta,
that place.
Well,
they have a bunch of lodge.
Oh really?
It's a chain.
Oh,
there's like six or seven. That's crazy's a few in canada a few in the states
where are they in canada let's do this well there's niagara falls yeah yeah yeah that's
where it's in the hotel with a comedian stay oh what what the comedian stay at the great
wolf lodge i don't think so no no no no way you, no, no. No way. You're like, it's too fancy.
It's got to be a casino that the comedians are staying at.
This place seems like a casino.
Yeah.
Also, the comedians would just throw up down the slides all the time.
They would lose their slide privileges so fast.
When you're checking in, you're a comedian, you can't even go down the slide.
Sorry, slide privileges have been revoked.
And there's not really anything else to do.
Like there's, you know, mini golf.
We didn't do that.
There's a bunch of stuff for kids.
Yeah.
Like what?
Like crafts?
Well, there's this one thing called Magic Quest.
I'm listening.
Continue.
Where we, my sister who booked this, fortunately learned about Magic Quest because the first five floors of the hotel are all part of this thing where kids run around with a magic wand that costs $40.
And they have to like solve clues and go like, oh, the next, it's like a scavenger hunt.
The next clue is over on.
Floor three.
Or like at the, and all the floors have a different theme until you get to the sixth floor, which is where we were staying.
So no kids, I mean, kids were still running around on our floor, but none of them were like trying to trying to solve this dumb magic thing.
Did her kids do?
No, no, no.
Wow.
So, like, you couldn't just, like, check in there.
It's like just a dude, like, I'm in town on business.
One room in the Great Wolf Lodge.
You don't even have a briefcase.
Well, I mean, Great Wolf Lodge,
it's like, I didn't do any research.
I knew it was a thing that had kids stuff,
but I didn't know it was only kids things.
Yeah.
And like, here's what the outdoor activities were.
Lying outside.
There weren't even like tennis courts.
Lying outside, rolling downhill.
Yeah, going to the gas station.
Oh, man.
Was it like all buffet all the time?
There was always an option, but they had a menu.
Oh, yeah.
Only kids menu.
We had like two adult menus.
They were really on top of the kids stuff.
They were like immediately, you know, the kids get lids for their drinks and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Like a casino resort for kids.
That makes sense.
It's basically how I imagine a Disney cruise would be.
That would be the worst cruise in the world.
Yeah.
And that's saying something.
Yeah.
And there was also they had like animatronic animatronic like story time show
three times a day was it did you watch one no but my niece she was like i don't want to see it again
and she did i don't like them because all the characters do this and then she just shifted her eyes back and forth. That's all they do. It is like, it's weird that like that's still a thing that like kids like this, right?
Yeah.
You know, animatronics.
Kids go crazy for it.
Wiggly arms.
Out of sync mouths.
It's great.
Great fun for kids.
Crazy suspicious eyes.
There's a guy that I think maybe maybe do we talk about on the podcast the guy who bought like the old uh animatronic playground amusement park
he bought it uh it was like uh it was like a down market version of chucky cheese called
the rock-a-fire explosion oh. I think you told me that.
And he bought the band
and he like syncs it up to popular music
and puts the clips on YouTube.
Well, because we've talked about the...
Isn't that in Calgary or something like that?
No, that was Bo Linkles.
Okay.
Well, because now there's the Chuck E. Cheese band
that does versions of other songs about other...
They do basically Weird Al versions.
Yeah. My prerogative is now My Kar kid yep oh that's right yeah no this is this is just like popular modern songs
that this guy is plugged into the rockafire explosion like if you put soundboard if you
put a bobby brown tape in a teddy ruxpin yeah absolutely absolutely teddy ruxpin was really
the only animatronic toy wasn't he well? Well, his friend, the caterpillar, that one, they would sync up.
They would talk to each other.
Oh, wow.
And Chucky.
Using Bluetooth.
Yeah.
And Chucky.
Chucky was never.
And Bride of Chucky.
Yes, those two.
Although I gave away a Furby last night at the Laugh Gallery.
Oh, that's right.
Of course.
How stupid of me.
But Furby doesn't have a
i mean it might somewhere inside but doesn't have an on off thing it just stays on and it falls
asleep and then like it was on stage and you tap it and its eyes open up and it starts chirping and
saying things but it gets like if you leave it alone again then it starts like going like hello
hello yeah he kept doing it at my
house i'm really glad to see you go popular furbies years ago yes when they yeah yeah it
was it was the the like that was the christmas christmas shortage toy yeah the trampling special
yeah because it was uh tickle me elmo one year and then Furby was like the next step.
And then I don't know if that exists anymore, if there's like a toy that all kids want.
I mean, it probably does.
It's probably worth like $1,000 now.
It's not something cheap when we were younger.
Well, Furby's wasn't cheap.
That was like – Furby's wasn't cheap.
Yeah.
Yeah, Furby's weren't cheap.
But it would be like $40, and then people would charge you $1,000 for it.
Yeah, that's true.
Because they have the last one.
Yeah, somebody I know bought up.
And if your dad really loved you.
That tickled me almost.
And sold them on the sly in the early days of eBay.
See, how did they do it before?
How did people get the carefree?
The bears. I got that for Christmasmas and my parents like when the carefree care bears care bears carefree bears carefree
i got like two or three of them but they were like sold out everywhere and like it wasn't an
ad in a newspaper i think so yeah yeah yeah cabbage patch
kids carefree bears carefree car free day yeah um yeah the care bears were a toy first oh yeah
and then a tv show i think they were the probably the same time uh yeah but no it wasn't it was the
toy first and then it was so popular as a toy
like that's what he man was a toy no yeah yeah yeah he man was a toy i know it was a toy but
they made the the cartoon to sell the toy yes that's right but they they didn't just make the
toy with no plan of making the cartoon no but they but it wasn't like a popular cartoon show
that then they made a toy out of it.
They were like, we're going to sell this toy.
I think that's what they did back in the day, though.
Yeah.
Like it was toy.
Reagan allowed it.
That's right.
But He-Man was supposed to be a balancer to Barbie.
They were like, we would come up with a Barbie for boys.
And then they came up with She-Ra, which was He-Man for girls.
Yeah, He-Man for girls. If only we could, which was He-Man for girls. He-Man for girls.
If only we could think of a He-Man for girls.
Yeah, and then they had to come up with a male version of She-Ra, and that's how they came up with the Smurfs.
Hey, Graham.
Yeah.
What's all going on with you?
Nothing is entertaining as the Grateful Lodge.
Oh, boy.
The Grateful Lodge.
Go.
I would go again if it wasn't
i'm just gonna go by six hours away you will be arrested i'm just gonna go by myself i'm gonna
wear a bathing suit under a trench coat just go swimming with the trench coat yeah and have a
camera yeah it was weird because it's uh it's like so um they're so like, they know what kids do.
So like on outside the pool, it's like, do not pee or poop in the pool.
And then they know like kids spill juice, I guess.
I, I assume this is why they had this sign.
Like you, as you're heading to the pool, it says beer and wine only beyond this point.
It's like only adult drinks.
And then the, all the adults are spilling it everywhere.
Oh, we got to change that dumb side um i uh this past week um instant theater uh had a fundraiser
uh and one of the things they did for this fundraiser they had a silent auction things
and i performed at it but they were doing a bachelor and bachelorette auction what yeah
which was the bachelor and bachelorettes all a lot of past guests uh warren bates nicole passmore
ember uh conor packy uh adam pateman oh boy mcneil i would date all these people wait brad
mcneil's not a bachelor yeah no a lot of them weren't but a lot a lot of them like you would go you know like
you're buying the date as well like it's not just you're just not just buying them and then like
you get to you know yes here you get six sex tokens don't spend them all in one act yeah
so yeah exactly every act has a certain value yeah yeah that's one sex token i don't make make change, so that's half a sex token, but you have to give me a whole one.
I'm not giving you back half a sex token.
So they were like the date came with The Bachelor.
Okay, so you get dinner and a movie.
Yeah, or so-and-so will take you to the aquarium.
or in a movie.
Or so-and-so will take you to the aquarium.
Yeah, it was nothing.
Brad McNeil's was probably the favorite in terms of the date.
I think it was,
I can't remember what the other things were,
but the focus of,
he would make any uncomfortable phone call
that you've been avoiding making.
Oh.
On your behalf.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah, it's like there was an audible like
oh like a lot of discussion in the room about how good that was so uh he fetched a handsome price
and sex tokens do i hear six sex tokens there was uh i was just like i don't know like i know
it's for charity uh it It was for a good cause.
But it would be tough on the self-esteem.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Knowing what your value is.
Yeah, because like – Were you part of it?
No, I was –
If no one bids.
Yeah, well, that was the thing.
There was a – one of the people who was being bid on brought her parents, uh,
as,
as,
as,
yeah,
as insurance.
And,
and I was like,
you know,
what's going to happen.
Your parents are going to be outside when you go up to bed,
like they're going to wander off.
Cause this night's kind of going on and on.
And that's exactly her mom wandered off.
And,
uh,
she made a deal,
I think with Nicole Passmore,
like you bid on me and we'll sort this out later.
Like, you know, get me up to at least 100, which is, I would do the same.
I don't think I could just fly by the seat of my pants.
Like, what if you only got 50 bucks or something?
What if they had to go down?
Like, what if they're like, here, 50.
Nope.
Okay.
45.
Two dollars.
Doll hair.
Two doll hairs.
If it was you, what would you offer as the date?
I said on stage that I would get drunk with a person in a kiddie pool, like filled with ice, you know, on a lawn.
And then we played Nicky Nicky Nine Door in the neighborhood of their choice.
That's a great one.
Yeah. I didn't – obviously I didn't put any thought into it but
i don't know what like because it's something where it has to be you know like uh it's something
that anybody can do like it's not going to be like a hike because maybe the person that bit on you
doesn't have legs why did i say that they still go on hikes yeah
and i think enough of the population has legs that you you would take those odds when you're
accepting bids yeah yeah that's true um i think the nicki nickniders is good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And hanging out and just hanging out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hanging out, talking about cars.
I don't know a lot about cars.
What do you teach me?
But yeah, like I think Warren Bates and Nicole Passmore were a double date.
Oh, okay.
And they went for the most of of the evening 300 bucks wow yeah
what were their dates the dates so did the two people who bid on them know each other
um no it's one person like won the the date and then gets to bring along a second oh okay
date and then gets to bring along a second oh okay so so only one bidder bid the 300 that's right okay and uh and yeah like i felt like it could have was it one of those situations where it was
like uh do i hear 50 300 no it went up wow like it was the first bidding of the night.
And I don't think anybody knew how it was going to go.
Because I've been to auction auctions, and they go so fast.
Like, you put in one bid.
They're like, I'm not getting that.
Yeah, your top price goes by so fast.
Oh, yeah.
But this one, it was like, once it got past $100, it was like, oh, wow, that's pretty good.
And then once it got past $200, it was like there were two people kind of going back and forth.
But I don't know.
Were they a man and a woman or were they both men?
Both men.
Of course.
Stop me.
I'm becoming a lady to buy a date.
Yeah.
Because.
Did the men typically pay more than the women in this evening?
Hmm.
I can't remember, but yes.
What's happening?
Would you bid?
Would you do something like that?
A bachelor?
Like if it was a say. Say Antonio Sabato Jr.
From Melrose Place?
Yep.
He's up for auction
at Local Improv Hall.
Yeah, he will do,
he will take you out
for pasta dinner,
but like gluten-free pasta.
Gluten-free.
To my nails.
He will show you
how to make a lean-to.
He will laser your body.
$5,000.
Oh, yeah.
What if it was like
the date was just like
with a guy who's a laser tech?
He's like,
we'll get a sandwich
and then I'll laser your whole body.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Small talk and laser.
And if you want your sandwich toasted,
bring it on up.
I'll laser the sandwich.
He eats his sandwich
while he's lasering you.
Oh, there's a hair in my sandwich.
I'll take care of that.
Yeah, do they just play like sound effects from Star Wars?
No, I just do that the whole time.
It's a trap.
It'd be the worst job.
Because do you know what it's... It doesn't smell like burning hair.
I was just going to say.
Do you know what it smells like?
Oh, let's guess for an hour.
Go.
Cornuts.
Oh, that's not the worst.
You were excited, didn't you?
Yeah.
Like, well, it would be disappointing if you walked in with a beer.
You're like, corn nuts in there?
No.
I got a big bag of corn nuts upstairs.
Yeah.
Oh, we can reenact.
Yeah.
When I was in Denmark, I bought a chocolate bar with corn nuts in it instead of like almonds.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
That'd be delicious.
Does this make you want corn nuts more or less do you bring
corn nuts to the tree the whole time oh that's why it smells like corn nuts in there could you
dip the laser in ranch um uh how many do you have to do a whole year's worth you said yeah i've done
it before though but like you you keep doing it, I guess.
No, it's less and less and less.
So next year it'll be every 10 weeks?
Yeah.
Oh.
Or no, like, less than that.
Have you ever had threading?
Yes.
That seems crazy.
It seems very old world.
What is that?
It is, isn't it?
It's like you have to have a special it's uh it's for uh eyebrows mustache
or all of the above and they get thread that you would sew stuff with and they do it super tight
they put it through their teeth yeah and then they like why do they put it through their teeth
i don't know though they like to multitask. They're flawed.
At the same time.
That is flawed.
And they rip the hair.
Yeah, they like lasso each hair and like rip it out and they do it super fast.
But it is.
It's not like that's not like a new technique.
I feel like that's the only way they had until wax was invented in the Middle Ages.
Back in the day, they didn't care.
People were just hairy.
People cared.
You know, you look at those old oil paintings.
You think they just didn't paint in the mustaches and goatees that the ladies had?
Wait, I've got to get the hair.
It's ready.
Or did they just say, please don't.
Please do not.
If you met Mona Lisa.
Yeah, she had mutton chops.
A lot of people don't know that.
That hair's covering these giant mutton chops.
But she whispered to Leonardo.
She's like, hey, come on.
You're a party dude.
Wait, no, that's Michelangelo.
Raphael is cool but rude.
Yeah.
Michelangelo's a party dude.
Donatello does machines.
Leonardo.
Leads.
Leads, yeah.
leonardo leads leads yeah um now uh where where are you at an auction oh yeah anyways i've never done a uh an auction like that uh and i think because i think my uh self self uh confidence
where was this at the instant shop this is at Mountain. Oh, okay. And it was...
The site of my shooting.
Yeah, that's right.
And it was like a success.
It was like a really successful idea,
but it seemed like something that was out of like,
you know, Saved by the Bell or...
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
What was this?
The Max.
Like a Bachelor auction doesn't happen in...
Anymore at all.
No, like you never...
Like used to do. Like Fireman, I think, probably still do it a lot.
But can they do that in high schools for, like, their grad?
Because we had that for, like, a fundraiser.
But now is that, like, sexist?
Do you know what I mean?
There's so many PC things now.
Yeah.
I guess.
I guess.
I don't know.
Blind date.
Like, a dating game.
The bachelor number one.
Yeah.
That's fun. But it's weird because you know. Blind date. Like a dating game. The Bachelor number one. That's fun.
But it's weird because you know everyone's voice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also it's just every answer is like, doing it.
Woo!
Yeah.
Go number one.
No, wait.
Let's hear what number two has to say.
Doing it.
Yeah.
He's good too.
What's your idea of a perfect date?
Doing it. then corn nuts
yeah
so
did you participate
in this auction
when you were in high school
no I was the MC
oh really
yeah
so did you do the actual
did you do a lot of
freestyle rhymes
yeah pretty much
oh that's right
Jane was a rapper
there you go
that's what you meant
by MC that went viral did it really oh yeah
i forgot about that ian bagg posted that and i was up late like 1 30 in the morning and he's like
check out this that i found back in the day and i was like that's the rap i did on much west in
like 1986 what's up much west did on Much West in like 1986.
What's up, Much West?
It looks like Switchback or something.
It might have been Switchback.
Oh, it was Stu Jeffries.
I thought he did Much West, too, though.
Anyway, if people haven't seen this, I don't think we talked about it the last time you were on the show.
But there was a bit like, it's this super square white dude, Stu Jeffries, who's the cool guy, talking about rap.
It's like 1984?
86.
86?
It's pretty much like, guess what, guys?
You haven't heard of this.
Yeah, yeah.
He's bringing rap to Canada.
Yeah.
Wow.
And they've gone to some high schools and gotten kids to rap.
Not high schools.
Elementary school.
And we had a competition to do the rap.
How did you know what rap was?
He was just winning it.
Because I used to listen to Ice-T and stuff and the Fat Boys.
Ice-T and the Fat Boys.
They were never on the same.
She can listen to two things.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
So Ice-T, but Ice-T, he was like a gangster rapper.
I was gangster.
Yeah.
Your parents let you listen to that, but they wouldn't let you have a door?
I was the worst.
I put it in the car.
My mom's like, Jay.
It was horrible.
I was like, fucking kill that bitch.
He's talking about you, mom.
So anybody can, well, maybe Dave will include it in the blog.
Oh, I will.
Absolutely. At the end of that, when you're done, well, maybe Dave will include it in the blog. Oh, I will. Absolutely.
It was –
At the end of the – when you're done – well, right now, pause this episode.
Go to StopPodcastingYourself.com and watch this video.
What do you rap about?
Safety?
No.
I think you rap about who's better at rapping.
We're the preppies and they're supposed to be like punk rock.
Yes.
And my one friend that's like the same height, she was like five foot ten in grade six.
They put like black mascara under their eyes and black lipstick.
And she's like, should I do this?
I'm like, yes, you have to.
And I was like, you have to do it.
Everyone will know.
And then the other friend's like, I'm not doing this on TV.
So I took the makeup on and I'm like, and go.
And go.
We only have one take
because it's 1984.
And it was so bad.
And everyone,
the best is the comments
because it was maybe 300 people
and then it went up to,
I think it's over
easily 300,000.
But it's so bad.
I know the rap,
the parts that I said.
It's horrible.
Can you say them for me?
Yeah, I can.
All right. Graham, can we have a beat? Beat, ba-ba-beat, ba-ba's horrible. Can you say them for me? Yeah, I can. All right.
Graham, can we have a beat?
No.
Beat, ba-ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-ba-beat.
She won't do it.
She won't do it.
No.
Go to YouTube.
You can see it all.
Let's move on to Overheard.
Happy summer, everybody.
Griffin McElroy here, the youngest of the McElroy brothers.
I'm Travis McElroy, the middle-est brother.
And I'm beloved performer Jimmy Buffett.
He is not.
But we do do a podcast together called My Brother and My Brother and Me.
It's a comedy advice show.
You can find it at mbmbam.com, maximumfun.org, or just search for it on iTunes.
I love you, Sacramento!
You're not even on a stage.
Griffin, are you watching this shrimp?
They're beginning to boil.
So join us this summer as we waste an hour of your life that you'll never get back ever again.
You know, I know something about wasting away again in Margaritaville.
I'm beloved.
I know you are.
Overheard.
Overheard. Overheard.
Things you may have...
Now, Graham, do you need any interruption?
No, I'm good.
Okay.
You know, so far in the future, God only knows what will be happening with Hulk Hogan.
Oh, hopefully we'll all be serving him.
Yes.
In every day, in every way.
We are pre-taping this episode.
As Graham is...
As we are releasing this, Graham is in Edinburgh at the Fringe Festival.
That's right.
And all that that entails.
The Fringe and Minch.
Yeah, the Fringe and Minch Festival.
That's what I'm at.
The dirty version of the Fringe.
Now, we always like to start Overheards with a guest.
And Jane, you know who you are in this equation.
That's you.
The guest.
Okay, it's me.
I got a really good one.
It was a pocket dial from my sister.
And I had just dropped her off at the airport in Edmonton.
And right before she was getting out, she's like, are you thirsty?
I'm like, no, I'm fine.
She's like, do you want my Coke Zero?
I'm like, well, maybe.
She's like, you can't have it. I'm like, no, I'm fine. She's like, do you want my Coke Zero? I'm like, well, maybe. She's like, you can't have it.
I'm like, okay.
And then she left.
So she pocket dialed me.
It was like 30 seconds of just talking, waiting in line, about to go through security.
This is amazing.
She went through security.
And then they go, is this your bag?
Yeah.
Is there anything in there? No. Pull out the Coke Zero. They're like, is this your bag? Yeah. Is there anything in there?
No.
Pull out the Coke Zero.
They're like, is this yours?
She's like, yeah.
They're about to throw it.
She's like, don't throw it out.
Grabs it.
Drink some.
And they throw it out.
She's like, well, you could at least recycle it.
Because they threw it in the garbage.
She got mad.
They go, is there anything else?
She's like, no.
They pull out water.
Is there anything else? She's like, no. They pull out water. Is there anything else?
No!
They pull out another water.
Is there anything else in there?
At this point, I have no idea.
How long is this phone call
at this point? It was the full entire message.
But like, how many,
what are we into, minute three at this point? Oh, probably, yeah. At this point. It was the full entire message. But like, how many, what are we into, minute three at this point?
Oh, probably, yeah.
At this point, I have no idea is what she says, which is the worst thing you could ever say to a secret.
Is there any more liquid?
I have no idea.
They pull out two more coconut waters.
And then.
They ask. I think they said, is there any?
No.
And then they pulled out a knife that I had given her on the Friday to cut muffins for breakfast.
Wow.
That's why you have security.
It's the best, though, because she bitched the whole way and then it went dead.
She was bitching.
You know, I just can't believe they threw away the Coke.
You had a knife to go on a plane.
Do people ever get away with it?
People must.
I assume. Because people are still trying to bring a giant thing of Gatorade on a plane.
Yeah.
I don't – well, I feel like – I don't know, man.
Because like I worked at Comedy Club this weekend and right where you go in to buy tickets, the whole desk was full of people's bottles of water.
And people just feel like they need to be hydrated, constantly hydrating.
And that's okay to bring in a drink from the outside to an establishment that serves drinks,
which has never been okay in the history of drinks.
I feel maybe this was because I was a child and I never was interested in drinking water.
Unless I was like in gym class and I could hog the water fountain for 45 seconds.
But I feel like before water was available in bottles, like before that was something that they would sell you for a buck 80.
Yeah.
You would never think to bring water with you no yeah it was never like okay i need some water like you'd never like fill up
water at mcdonald's or you would go if you went on a cycling trip you would have right a water
bottle because there was a water bottle holder that was the only people but that literally was
the only water bottle my dad used to run two marath only people. But that literally was the only water bottles.
Because my dad used to run to marathons.
They would stop at McDonald's and ask for like the glass,
like a free thing of water or use people's hoses.
No one brought like gel packs and like the water.
You're totally right.
No one did that back in the day.
And that was not weird to go up on somebody's lawn
and like disconnect their sprinkler and like fill up your thing
and then connect the sprinkler back. And now I'd be horrified if i saw some what are you doing yeah get away
from my hose uh but like i i don't feel like i guess i guess we are drinking 10 times as much
water as we did back then yeah yeah and but we're also way more unhealthy yeah i don't like there is a point
where your body's like hydrated right and unless you like exercise it just keeps that water
in there like it doesn't you don't lose it unless you're sweating a lot like after you've peed like
that's it like your body is like we've got enough water we've gotten rid of what we don't need
and you don't need to keep just putting it in because we'll just keep flushing it out.
Right?
I mean, you're supposed to have eight glasses for your skin.
Eight glasses like a glass like the size of the glasses we're drinking right now?
That's a glass and a half.
It's like a cup.
Eight cups.
Eight cups, sure.
Eight cups?
Like baking cups?
Yes.
Eight cups, that's two liters.
Two liters a day you're supposed to have.
Because you see people walking around with one liter bottles just anywhere.
So how many are they drinking?
Three, four liters a day.
So they're just making pee.
That's all they're doing.
That's their job.
They don't work.
That's it.
They make pee.
Oh, wow.
No, you're right.
It wasn't a thing.
And even the metal, like, canteen bottles that people have from, like, Mountain Equipment Co-op, that wasn't a thing either.
They're, like, having water on you was not a thing.
Yeah, only camping, too, when you had the round.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah.
And maybe, like, they pour you water at a restaurant, but then you order something you want.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, oh, I had to drink some water.
I was so thirsty.
Yeah, and you put your cigarette out in the water.
Waiting for my drink.
Do you have an overheard, Dave?
I do.
I spent the weekend at Great Wolf Lodge.
Grateful Lodge.
Grateful Dead Lodge.
It's a hippie resort for kids.
They learn all the stories about
Casey Jones
driving that train high on cocaine.
Don't take the brown acid, kids.
All the security at the at the great Grateful Dead Wolf Lodge is the
Francisco chapter of the hells yeah all right there are many stabbings okay so I
described this magic West game to you where kids...
Five floors, four floors.
Kids, five floors.
Kids waste time with a dumb wand doing this.
Do the kids keep the wand?
I assume, yeah.
Forty bucks.
I saw a kid break his wand and just start crying.
He was being a real shit with his wand, too.
Waving it around at a dinner table, and it snapped
in half, and he cried
like he was the victim, even though he did
it to himself. Yeah.
Gotta buy wand insurance.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
So this thing is like a knock-off
Harry Potter thing.
Bare bones.
Bottom of the barrel. Low budget.
Piece of garbage.
Harold Potman.
And I saw, only at one point did I see what the actual thing was,
where a kid went up to this tree trunk in the hotel that had a TV in it
and pointed his wand at it
and this woman came up on the screen
in some dumb costume
and she talks to the
It's just Nancy Grace.
And she
it's a woman in some costume
and she's part of this wizard thing
this magic quest
and she says to the kid I, it's pre-taped, obviously.
And this kid was a little too old and kind of uninterested.
But she says, so she goes, can I trust you?
And the kid goes, no.
And she says, I mean, really trust you?
No. and she says i mean really trust you no
i'm gonna give you the original recipe for coke
oh yeah and then the kid just like throws one in the garbage this is dumb this is dumb i want
to go back to the wave pool yeah yeah i want to drown some kids my hands gotten unpruny oh did
you get pruney hands no i was never in that long there was my favorite part in the wave pool yeah yeah i want to drown some kids my hands got unpruny oh did you get pruny hands
no i was never in that long there was my favorite part in the wave pool was there was this one guy
who was my age maybe a little younger and uh when the like for five minutes there's no waves and
then the waves start up and the guy went crazy and he was like here i go baby oh i'm going in baby and i looked around he wasn't talking to
anyone he was he's got a bluetooth on yeah he's by himself saying like he kept going
like by himself i looked around later he had a like a wife and two kids they were nowhere around
when the wave was going did you you hear me calling you, baby?
I was calling you when I was out there in the waves.
I did it for you.
Yeah.
That plunge was dedicated to you.
I was really brave.
Oh, Lordy.
Now you?
Yep.
I got a collector's phone call.
What? Somebody who was collecting money on an overdue bill that needed paying.
And this guy –
Do you need a little help, buddy?
No, I'm fine.
I just forgot to pay this bill.
And I thought that the number was something else when I answered it.
And then as soon as there was a pause, I was like, dude, this is a bill collector.
And the guy was in montreal and he was calling and uh i settled up and then i just said like
uh while he was waiting for it to process i was like oh what's the weather like out there i'm
gonna be there in about a week and uh he was talking about how it's muggy there but he doesn't
you know he doesn't like uh going out to the west coast because it's too dry it's muggy there, but he doesn't, you know, he doesn't like going out
to the West Coast because it's too dry.
It's too dry out on the West Coast.
And I was like, yeah, he's like, I was in California and it was so dry.
And then he's like, yeah, it's so dry out there.
Your skin.
I had to cream myself.
And I was like, oh, yeah.
And then he kept saying it.
He's like, sometimes I cream myself two times a day.
So it was pretty great.
Yeah.
Good for that guy.
Yeah.
He really doesn't like the dry climates, and he creams himself.
Mostly in the jeans area.
Cream the uncreamable jeans was that was that a conan o'brien thing it was like campbell soups cream of jeans
i don't know anyways cream the uncreamable jeans um What is that from a song?
Cream my jeans?
Is that from Grease?
No!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it is.
I cream my jeans.
No, he says... With a robot.
He says, the chicks will scream something, something.
The chicks will cream.
Yeah, the chicks will cream.
But creaming your jeans is not from Grease.
Why is that such a funny expression?
Oh man, I creamed my jeans.
Can I give you my one memory of the term cream your jeans?
Yes, please.
John Popper, the lead singer of Blues Traveler.
When I used to subscribe to Rolling Stone in the 90s,
there was a story about how John Popper of Blues Traveler,
who wears the giant
vest filled with
harmonicas. Yeah, it's harmonica
bandoliers. Every key of harmonica.
He was at
some party with Quentin
Tarantino, and Quentin Tarantino
grabbed one of
his harmonicas and started playing
and was really good.
And John Popper's reaction was, he was so good, I creamed my jeans.
I think that was in Greece.
But is creaming a jean, is that something that a fella does?
Or is that a lady activity?
I think a fella creams a jean. No that something that a fella does? Or is that a lady activity? I think a fella creams a jean.
No, a lady could cream her jean.
It's a special time in a lady's life when she creams her jeans.
It's the cream of some young guy, though.
Yeah, but, you know.
But, like, I feel like the chicks will cream, isn't that?
Yeah. They were talking about her jeans even
if they didn't say it implicitly oh such a great expression i know you know what if anyone has a
copy of roger's thesaurus no way bartlett's quotations yeah look up to cream your jeans
to cream your dreams or not to cream your jeans that is the question
that is the question absolutely whether just no um so uh we also have overheards sent to us from
around the world if you want to send us an overheard you can send it into spy at maximum
fun.org uh this first one comes to us from Richard in Chicago.
I am riding on a suburban Chicago commuter train.
There are a half dozen teenage girls behind me mocking a music video playing on a smartphone.
Girl one, she's on the Disney channel.
She's like supposed to be a role model.
Girl two, she can't even twerk.
Yeah.
How are you supposed to be a role model if you can't even twerk?
Was it Miley Cyrus you you assume uh oh i guess yeah because she did that video where she twerked oh okay i was
thinking selena oh right sure absolutely who's the other one from i carly
i cream of genie
cream of genie eye cream of genie
yeah
that just popped into my head
pretty great
my song of the summer by the way is
by a young gal
named Ariana Grande
I believe is how it's pronounced
she's on a Disney or Nickelodeon
show called Victorious
I don't know what channel it's on but the or Nickelodeon show called Victorious. Oh, yes.
I don't know what channel it's on.
But the song's called The Way.
It's featuring Mac Miller.
If you're only getting it now, you're not too late.
Summer's not over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You still have a lot of time to just get down with some funky jams, find some tasty waves.
Yeah.
What's your song of the summer, Jane?
It's got to be the top 41, Alan Thicke's Son.
Oh, yeah.
It's the worst video.
James Cameron?
Yeah, yeah.
Have you seen the video?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With all the topless ladies.
Yes, it's so bad.
And then it sounds like a song from the 80s. Like what kind of song? Aruba, yeah. With all the topless ladies. Yes, it's so bad. That's... And then it sounds like a song from the 80s.
Like what kind of song?
Aruba, Jamaica.
Part of it in that song has a bit of that in it.
Yeah, you're right.
Well, the controversy around that song is also that the lyrics are like misogynistic.
I don't take them as that.
No, they totally are.
But I don't think any men like that song.
I think the only people buying that song are women.
Yeah, and they're like, ah, I believe in this song.
It's my life.
I believe in this song.
This is that song I believe in.
I'm going to get married to this song.
By Kirk Cameron, Olympic's TV son.
Yeah, not James Cameron, as I previously stated.
Alan Pick's TV son.
Yeah, not James Cameron, as I previously stated.
All right.
This next one comes from Phil A. in downtown Cincinnati.
I stopped at a crosswalk to wait for traffic to pass when I heard two guys in front of me say the following.
Guy one, you doing that thing in August?
Guy two, yeah, I think I will this year. It's been on the list for a while.
Guy 1.
You're going to have to start training for it.
Guy 2.
I only need about a week to really prepare.
Guy 1.
Oh no, you need a lot longer than that.
Races take time to prepare for, dude.
Guy 2.
It's really more about pacing than racing.
I'll be training like Kobayashi the week before. Guy kobayashi for the warrior dash guy two oh no i thought you were talking about the hot dog
eating contest oh yeah you how do you train for a hot dog eating contest uh well i told you about
that thing that i watched with the competitive eater that he like put all the tootsie rolls
together and like made like a softball and then he would swallow it without chewing to like stretch out his esophagus.
Roadie.
So stuff like that.
To the max.
Yeah, to the max.
Absolutely.
And I think probably you take a lot of stuff to make your like bowels empty out so that you can fill it up with hot dogs.
You don't want to happen that on the day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you probably wouldn't want to practice with hot dogs
because then you'd be so sick of them.
Yeah, that's true.
You'd practice with the bratwurst,
and then a hot dog goes down super easy.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know why no one copies that lady that usually wins.
Like, she puts the hot dog in the bun in water.
Yeah.
And it's like, whoa.
I think everybody copies that.
Do they?
Yeah.
I said one of them, and then I watched.
No one else was doing it.
Like, I would have just dipped it in her water. Like, whoa. I think everybody copies that. Do they? Yeah. Because in one of them that I watched, no one else was doing it. Like, I would have just dipped it in her water like, fuck.
Her water?
There's some guy just putting, like, tons of sauerkraut on his.
Yeah, I'm going to enjoy this.
Free hot dogs.
That's true.
Do you have to pay to get in the hot dog contest?
I think usually you're sponsored.
Yeah. Like by a lap band surgery company
or
a Rolaids.
Yeah, some sort of girdle, girdle co.
Girdle works.
The unbustable girdle.
And you're supposed to wear it through the whole thing
and if it busts
you get a free girdle.
I guess so. I mean, you probably a free girdle i guess so i mean you
probably got that girdle yeah who's the spanx candidate uh what do you mean what was the
question i mean who's running in the spanx party yeah who's like the sponsored by spanx
uh the guy that used to be on uh uh man versus. I think that guy wore a lot of Spanx.
Okay.
Right?
Spanx aren't for dudes.
They got ones for the belly.
Yeah, yeah.
Cinch in the belly.
Oh, I thought they were only for females.
That's weird.
Why?
They have a hole so you can pee out of them.
Well, that makes sense.
Is that not disgusting?
Just roll it down.
I got a pair.
Yeah.
For a wedding dress. And I was like, what's the hole? And they're disgusting? Just roll it down. I got a pair. Yeah. For like a wedding dress.
And I was like, what's the hole?
And they're like, so you can pee.
I'm like.
So you can pee on your wedding.
But like, you just like, it's your waist.
You can just pull it down.
Yeah, but.
But someone's so lazy, like, ugh, on the toilet.
Yeah, they're like, how come there's not two holes?
Cut a hole.
Or I pee.
This last one comes from Meredith W.
Also, all men's underwear has a hole for you to pee.
Yeah.
It's a little flap.
That's so weird.
Yeah, it is weird.
I don't use it.
Yeah, no.
I don't know anybody who does.
In fact, if I saw somebody using it, I'd be like, what the fuck?
Wouldn't that be weird?
Why would you be watching someone close enough?
Well, yeah, that's a good question, I guess.
Well, yeah.
What am I supposed to do when I'm at the Great Wolf Lodge?
I don't like this one.
I was going to say, hear the wolf.
Yeah.
This last one comes from Meredith in Boston.
When my co-worker stepped away from her desk a few minutes ago, I walked over to steal some tissues from her desk.
And her iPod was just sitting there with earbuds plugged
in uh like she just paused the music while she left her desk and the image on the screen where
it should have been the album artwork she's listening to the cheetos podcast
new this week crunch crunch chester cheetah presents oh yeah yeah oh chester cheetah
like radio play series i'd download that yeah oh he's just skateboarding away with
our cheetos again yeah it's forever not easy being cheesy
oh yeah i forgot i forgot what he was he's called he called cheetah with the
sunglasses yeah and a backwards hat yeah skateboard maybe yeah absolutely skateboard high
tops kind of cool like like, you know, low pace.
Not like a cheetah at all.
Yeah, no, he was cool.
Like, as in, he smoked pot and ate cheetahs all the time.
Like, cool, Chester.
Squandered his speed.
In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us to do a rap from the 80s or with your overheards, our number is 206-339-8328.
Hi, Dave and Graham and guests.
This is Ben from Boston calling with an overheard.
I was just out buying a table, and as I was looking around in Target, this guy wanders up to the lady who works there and asks where the onesies are.
And she says, well, the baby section is over this way.
And he says, no, I want onesies for adults.
over this way and he says
no I want
one piece
for adults
that became
that was a
like a thing
I feel like
a couple years ago
like
hey it's a throwback
to when you were a kid
no I think it was
I think that guy's a perv
I think that guy
wants to do
well not a perv
I mean
we all do our own
weird dumb sex things
but that's this guy's
do you think like
he wants to be dressed up
like a baby
yeah but could they do have adult they do right I just work sex things, but that's this guy's. Do you think he wants to be dressed up like a baby? Yeah.
But they do have adult...
They do, right?
I want one.
Speaking of the holes, that's butt flap.
The red ones.
They're at Mark Hart Warehouse.
That's crazy. It'd be good for wintertime.
I wouldn't use it. I'd unbutton
it, but they're just cozy. Would you, Jane?
Jane, once you've figured out how to use the butt flap?
I'd be fine unbuttoning it.
You have like a quick release cord.
Yeah, it is.
It does seem comfortable until you have to, until you're drinking, you know, eight glasses of water a day.
Yeah, exactly.
And then you're taking it off.
Like, you've got to take the shoulders off to go.
Yeah, it's a whole costume.
Like, you basically have to take the entire thing off to do anything.
They don't do for adults now the foot.
Remember that was like plastic.
The footie pajamas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was so hot.
I think they don't have the foot part now.
For gripping.
Oh, like, yeah, footie pajamas?
Is that what they were called?
No, like the onesie when we were younger was like it had the foot as well,
and it would just be the plastic.
Like babies don't have the foot thing anymore?
It's just material.
It's not like.
I do remember like.
It was white plastic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Weird.
Why was that?
In case it had to hit the streets?
Like why?
I don't know.
I don't know.
It was just so you knew where the feet were, I guess.
Uh-oh, we got his head in the plastic.
I want to get a pair of those just like matching top and bottom.
Like the Huxtables?
Oh, yeah, like a classy dad.
Yeah, yeah.
Smoking a pipe, reading a newspaper.
Yeah.
LBJ died.
LBJ is still dead.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
But it's the whole idea of like the top and bottom pajamas.
Even when I was a kid, I was like, this is so uncomfortable.
It's like an outfit, you know?
Like I had to switch it up.
I had to wear a T-shirt with the pants.
I forget where I was. I was somewhere where like I had to be overnight somewhere with other people I knew.
And everyone made fun of me because I owned pajamas and I wasn't sleeping in my boxer shorts.
Like a vagrant.
Vagrant.
I think when my dad left home,
my grandmother gave him a pair of pajamas
in a box, like sealed in plastic.
He still has them.
They're still sealed in plastic.
Oh, wow.
Antiques roadshow time. Yeah. He still has them. They're still sealed in plastic. Oh, wow. Yeah. Antiques roadshow time.
Yeah.
He's like, this is what your grandmother gave me on the way out the door.
And I've had them ever since.
Still in the plastic thing.
Never worn.
People have to wear them.
But anyone I know does not wear pajamas.
Like guys, top and bottom.
My grandfather did.
He wore top and bottom.
Real snazzy maroon color.
R-A-G.
Yeah, I wear bottoms with a t-shirt.
Yeah.
But I want the top and bottom.
I wear like a Tarzan kind of shirt.
See, when I was younger, girls would wear the dress.
It was like a cotton dress, but they stopped.
They don't make them anymore.
Wouldn't that have been super uncomfortable? It'd go up here. You'd wake up and it was like a cotton dress, but they stopped. They don't make them anymore. Wouldn't that have been super
uncomfortable? It'd go up here. You'd wake up and it was
like, straggling
you like a scarf.
Yeah, because I remember when I was
the first girl that told me like,
oh yeah, girls don't sleep with bras on.
And I was like, what?
I was like, wowie, wow.
Yeah.
Some girls do. You're. Yeah. Some girls do.
You're like 28.
Some girls sleep with bras on.
Really?
No.
They fall asleep drunk.
They pass out with a bra on.
Yeah, but I don't know why that was such a, like, you know, whenever I found that out.
That blew your mind?
Of course.
I didn't know how bras worked.
I didn't know when they were on, off.
I said they were always on. I shower in mine.
I just assumed they were like
a multifunctional...
What did I know? That would be like a guy that plays
baseball. Like, wears his jockstrap
all the time.
You never know.
Yeah, exactly. Do they?
You might get an
inside pitch in your dreams.
Here's your next phone call.
Cream your dreams.
Hey, this is Laura calling in with an overheard.
I was walking in downtown Chicago,
and there was a group of maybe four or five teenage girls,
and then one sort of dumpy teenage boy sort of
falling behind them.
And one of the girls was saying,
oh, it's so annoying.
Everyone has to pay attention to her.
She's really self-centered.
Everyone has to be paying attention to her when she talks.
And then the sort of dumpy boy
in the background said,
well, to be fair, she is the teacher.
And then all the four girls
turned around and gave him a big look.
Who are you anyways?
I'm your conscience.
Oh, man.
I'm trying to think if I know
that dumpy boy.
I'm trying to picture him in my head as
somebody... Oh, yeah.
He's in love with one of these girls. Yeah.
But does one of the girls
kind of think of him as a brotherly type,
and that's why he's allowed to hang out?
Yeah, I think of you as like a brother.
That's why you can watch me change.
Right?
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Girls don't wear bras. A sports bra maybe a friend of mine used to sleep with a sports bra in her 20s why because she had big breasts okay all right she's tiny like
100 pounds and double d's what so it just hurt i guess while she rolled over or something
yeah i guess all right well. Well, good for her.
Best wishes.
What was that?
I don't know.
Here's your final phone call.
Hey, Dave and Graham.
This is Benjamin Bates
out in Halifax
with an overheard for you.
I worked down on the waterfront
in a little t-shirt shop
and I was overheard a young, a little girl saying bye to some jellyfish
that she'd seen in the harbor.
She says, bye, jellyfish.
And then she sees another one.
She says, oh, there's another jellyfish.
She says, bye, jellyfish.
And at once, the mom and dad who were with her say,
that's a garbage bag.
Bye, garbage bag. My garbage bag.
There's so much beauty in the world.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I'm going to cry.
Now, if you out there in the world want to get in touch with us with an overheard, you can call us 206-339-8328 or spy at maximumfund.org.
Now, Jane, this brings us to the end of the program.
I know you're thinking about tacos.
I can see it on your face.
I was.
Yeah.
Legitimate embarrassment that we read your thoughts.
Yeah.
You got a real tell. You got a real tell.
You got a real taco tell.
I was drooling.
Just holding your hand like in the shape of a taco.
Where can people find you if they want to find you online?
Or find you at your house.
I live at.
I'm in the house with no blinds on it.
Or doors.
Or doors.
You can just walk in to my house.
My parents insist that I live in a house without doors.
Can't be trusted.
My car has no doors.
I drive a Jeep.
I run Corduroy on Wednesday night in Kitsilano.
That's a comedy room, a comedy show.
Comedy show.
On Cornwall Street.
1943 Cornwall.
Yep.
Wall.
Wall.
Yeah.
A wall.
That's about it.
Not a well of corn.
That's about it.
Twitter?
Can people find you on Twitter?
No?
Yeah, not Jane Stanton.
Not Jane Stanton.
So anything, any other name but Jane Stanton.
Add Bill Clinton.
We'll get you to Jane Stanton. So anything, any other name but Jane Stanton. Add Bill Clinton. We'll get you to Jane Stanton.
So Corduroy, every Wednesday, 1943 Cornwall.
And do you have a website?
Not right now.
Do you have it?
I haven't done it.
iCloud happened, so then it went away because it was through my MacBook Pro.
Oh, and now gone.
These are rich people problems.
I need someone to make it for me.
I don't know what to do.
Your website is in heaven.
It's in the iCloud.
We don't have anything to plug.
We don't even know.
When is this coming out?
August?
August?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, mid-August sometimeust oh yeah yeah uh mid-august
oh yeah uh head over to uh maximumfund.org check out the blog recap to see pictures and videos
relating to the content of the podcast uh james rap video yeah yes um you know uh i don't know
some sort of reference to creaming of jeans. Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, the ad for Great Wolf Lodge with the theme song.
Sure.
It's a great wolf lodge and here we go.
Rap solo.
There you go.
And yeah, you can head over to iTunes, leave us a review if you enjoyed the show.
Tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Maximumfun.org
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