Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 283 - Jane Stanton

Episode Date: August 19, 2013

Jane Stanton joins us to talk about the economy of doll hairs, Great Wolf Lodge, and bachelor auctions....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 283 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's not even wearing socks today. He's a barefoot and pregnant Mr. Dave Schumke. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:00:37 No, I love it. I'm sorry. It's so hot. It's a very European. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Put on some leather shoes. Mm-hmm. Sockless. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:47 Loafers and bare ankles. I'm really going to, you know, ride a Vespa. Yeah. Would you like your water with fizz or with gas? Italy. Yeah. And our guest today, one of our very first guests, repeat offender, a very funny comedian. Very glad to have her back.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Miss Jane Stanton is our guest. Hello. Hello. Your hair's so red. Yeah, I just did the ombre. I don't know what that means. You don't. You should do it on your beard.
Starting point is 00:01:21 Yeah, absolutely. Blue ombre beard. Yeah, okay. We'll do it, guys. Thanks for joining us. And should we get to know us yaha now jane what is an ombre do you want me to explain this yes an ombre is like a ghost haircut. It's like when you get your hair transplanted from a ghost. Okay. And their shadow is with you always.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Okay, yeah. That's where it gets its name from the French for shadow. Ombre. Is that what it is, Jane? Yes. Is that accurate? That is correct. What is it?
Starting point is 00:02:00 Is it just teasing your hair out, making it big, making it happen, coloring it? What is it? It looks like right now, making it really big, Jay. 1980s. It's light, as you can see, and then goes up to darker. This is two years late to the party. Yeah. Well, sometimes they do them real drastic with dark, dark roots that look like you've
Starting point is 00:02:23 dyed your hair. Yeah. You just did a bad hair dye job, but now they do it on purpose. Oh, really? Does that cost more than just doing a bad hair dye job? Yes. Weird. They figured it out like chip and pepper with the rips in the jeans.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Oh, pre-ripped jeans. Yeah, yeah. Chip and pepper invented that? Well, invented is probably a strong word. They did it. They did it. They did it. And they were like designer level.
Starting point is 00:02:53 I thought Chip and Pepper was like a Canadian surf company. They were originally wetware. They were designer level wetware. Now, Jane, you were saying before the podcast started that you were thinking about getting a tattoo. It's just a midlife crisis, I think. But you don't have any tattoos. I have none. Dave doesn't have any tattoos. I don't have any tattoos.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Why the holdup? I think all my freckles, they're all fake. Is that a new thing? Is that like ombre? Yes. O're all fake. Is that a new thing? Is that like ombre? Yes. Ombre? Yeah. Periodically, I see people with freckles and are not freckles with tattoos.
Starting point is 00:03:34 And I like them. They're different. Yes, they're different. And I'll like it. But it would be someone that's like, I don't want to use them as an example. It's not a jolie jolie. But like someone that's, you know, looks good with fucking tattoos. Okay. I can't get tattoos
Starting point is 00:03:48 on my arms, shoulders. I have freckles there. Why couldn't you get a tattoo to cover up your freckles? It would look weird. Hmm. What if you connected all of them and they get made like a shape? Like a giraffe. Giraffe's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. I don't, it's just
Starting point is 00:04:04 a huge commitment are your freckles the same all the time no as you can see they're darker there right now and here but that's a different story that's laser hair removal and it burned the crap out of my arm laser hair removal isn't supposed to do that is that what laser hair removal does yeah it makes you a real cat but it's not supposed to burn the skin no she screwed up and the whole time i'm like this is hurting was this a discount thing this is two laser school that you went to it was group was it really yes do if you get a group on thing like, do you have to go with the group? No. Or you're just... Maybe I'm a little hazy on how Groupon works.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Groupon works by volume. Okay. Like, you'll get an email and it says, if 200 people... All get the laser. All get this done, then it's a go. But if we fall short of the goal, then this coupon doesn't happen. It's never falling short of a goal. No, it never does.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Oh, okay. Oh, like what if it did? Then it would be really embarrassing for the company. If it was like nobody. I don't think it works that way. I know people that have done it, like restaurants, and they've lost money because I guess they're the fall guys. And because Groupon never pays them. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:21 Oh, is that? Is the money goes through Groupon to the whatever. Okay, let's use this as an example. My hair removal. Yeah. All, everything, body. I see you're indicating the lower half. It's all body.
Starting point is 00:05:35 No. And my beard. Your un-umbrageables. Yes. And that could be like $300. That would be $300. No, I'm saying for the whole year, right? To get it every five.
Starting point is 00:05:50 How many treatments? Every five weeks. Every five weeks? You say this like we go to a laser. Look at me. Come on, look at me. Okay, Graham, when you get your lower legs done. So, wait, you go every five weeks?
Starting point is 00:06:05 Yes. Every five weeks for a whole year? Yes. Jesus, wow. Okay, it was $1,000. Okay. That seems reasonable. But they only get usually 40%, like the company you go to, and Groupon takes 60%.
Starting point is 00:06:22 They take usually 40% to 60%. So I don't know. Maybe they're making money because I'm not supposed to go back. So what would it have been? This Groupon was $1,000 for a year. I just did the math. Every five weeks, it's $100 of treatment.
Starting point is 00:06:37 What would it have been without the Groupon? What would it have been like? Over $5,000. I'm getting like full legs bikini. without the Groupon? Would it have been like... Over $5,000. What? I'm getting like full legs bikini. That's why when you said in a group,
Starting point is 00:06:48 I'm like, not with my bikini or not. No, that's why I thought it was so weird that it was like, oh, you wouldn't go. Yeah, yeah. A group of ladies get together and all. And every five weeks, the same. You all get on a bus together. Hey, Midge.
Starting point is 00:07:03 So somebody told me that if you do the laser treatments that then the hair uh does not grow back that's correct that's the point ah or it grows back finer and lighter my underarms are like three hairs each oh i say laser around that i want to keep those ones what if they come in finer and lighter but they go super long so it's just like you've got these crazy jellyfish. What if I was Jane?
Starting point is 00:07:39 Oh man. Okay, so you've got all this skin. You're prepping all this skin for your tattoo. Yes. This will be the canvas. What type Oh, man. Okay, so you got all this skin. You're prepping all this skin for your tattoo. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This will be the canvas. What type of... Because sometimes I see, like, someone in their, you know, who's like... Usually people get tattoos in their 20s and 30s.
Starting point is 00:07:59 But sometimes you'll see someone in their 50s or something, and they've got a fresh tattoo. And you're like, that's crazy. It looks so strange. Your skin's not tight enough for that. That's my biggest fear. They have to put like clothes pins on it. Like trying on a wedding dress. That's going to happen to me on my arm.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Oh, man, that would be a pretty good tattoo show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old people tattoos. Well, isn't there like be a pretty good tattoo show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old people tattoos. Well, isn't there like America's worst tattoo? Yeah, yeah, but mostly that's young people getting, you know. There's the inked one, too, where it's a competition. And, like, they can pick and be like, oh, you're doing Asian ones. Just watching this.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Yeah, yeah. Asian tattoos? Yeah. Whatever they're called. And this person didn't know how to do a dragon. Like, it just looked like a child did it. And that's, it's on their body forever. Like, I was like, oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:08:52 It was big. Like, it was the size of the thigh. And it was so bad. Oh, you said dragon. I thought you said bacon. Oops. Bacon would have been better. Same shape, sorry.
Starting point is 00:09:03 This is going to be, this is not not gonna look like what you thought it was gonna look like um where would you get a tattoo like on the arm on the back neck tattoo yes that's a good first tattoo this is the neck i don't know maybe back but then like then i think lower back no No. No. Come on. Leg? No. Yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:09:30 The leg seems like if you're going to get a tattoo, don't put it on your leg. That's when you've run out of upper tattoo space. Yeah. Somebody who just has something on their leg, you're like, eh. Yeah. I have the cool, sexy little garters. But no one sees them unless I wear shorts. And then the sexy line down the back of my stockings. Oh, the old school.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Yes. With a little bow on the back thigh. See, that's nice. And a tiny little derringer. Yeah, I just do the sock garters. That's what I have. Sexy. Yeah, very.
Starting point is 00:10:04 So you would get it on the back? I don't know. Or on your finger, but then there's nothing that's been done. The mustache? Yeah, I wouldn't do it. Or like shush. Yeah. What else could you get?
Starting point is 00:10:19 Behind your ear, that's one that's good that you can hide hair down. Yeah. But it's always pretty alarming when you see it because you always see it by accident. You never look behind. Yeah, you should get something hidden behind your ear, but it should be like a tiny little goblin. Yeah, yeah. Like peeking out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Or a spider. So someone like hits me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not bad. Oh, yeah. Like the fly in the ice cube. Yeah. Oh, get a fly in the ice cube, Tata. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Oh, yeah. Like the fly in the ice cube. Yeah. Oh, get a fly in the ice cube tattoo.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And get fake vomit. Get a fake dog doo. Okay, yes. Done. It's just there's that. I look. I spend hours doing this, looking in cherry blossoms.
Starting point is 00:10:59 They're super popular. You spend hours looking at cherry blossoms? Tattoos, different tattoos. On the internet? Yeah. There's nothing. Wow, that is an upset. You're going to get one. No, I'm not. What, are you going to at cherry blossoms? Tattoos, different tattoos. On the internet? Yeah. Wow, that is an upset. You're going to get one. No, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:11:08 What, are you going to get cherry blossoms? No. What are you going to get? Nothing. You're getting one. A bowl of cherries. What about cherries like in a slot machine? I'm like, is this a surprise tattoo artist comes to the door?
Starting point is 00:11:19 It's time! That's always been kind of a disappointing radio gambit when they're like, somebody's going to get a tattoo on that right here. That looks pretty painful. Yeah, that sound sure is annoying. Could you cut it out? Broadcasters. Would you, like, here's the thing. I have a friend who got a tattoo when she turned 30.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Here's the thing. I have a friend who got a tattoo when she turned 30. And so she didn't have any tattoos but did a lot of research to find out the best tattoo artist that she could find. That's the other thing too because like – You don't want Bacon Dragon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Or do you? But you look – all the people too that i researched in vancouver i looked at their
Starting point is 00:12:06 portfolios most of them i'm like oh okay and then it was just like a piece of shit like a fake piece of shit it'd be like just a shitty tweety bird but like a bat like oh this is your first tattoo who's getting tweety bird tattoo my mom she just got it when she turned 75. What? I know. Because she's cranny from the cartoons? She has a red crossing chest, one of those crazy...
Starting point is 00:12:33 Those are meant for drawing the eye, right? When a lady has a giant tattoo across her chest. I've never really seen one that's across the chest. I've seen two, at least two this summer. Maybe three. Like, very giant. Yeah, are you not supposed to look? Yeah, well, that's what I'm wondering. Where is average Joe
Starting point is 00:12:53 supposed to look? I'm a gentleman. Am I supposed to not look at this skeleton devouring your breasts? This goblin peeking out from between... Yeah, like the uh you know uh past cast uh shlomo mcpeakowitz yeah he uh he got a tattoo from somebody it was like the last tattoo that they did like they've been they were a tattoo but it was i can't remember he told me it was like
Starting point is 00:13:26 somebody who had been doing tattoos in vancouver since the 50s and kind of like you know did him a favor by like doing this last like was functionally retired and did this last tattoo one last job pulled out of retirement to do one last tattoo getting too old for this yeah yeah exactly I wouldn't shaky hands yeah I wouldn't even get a haircut from that situation
Starting point is 00:13:51 from a barber who came out of retirement yeah what happened huh what happened this tattoo looks good oh
Starting point is 00:13:57 but it's very it's very like old school style tattoo like just one color oh like the anchor those type of yeah yeah like like this was a person it's an anchor on his forearm but when he gets angry and eats some spinach it turns into a locomotive or an anvil what did your friend get uh i can't i can't
Starting point is 00:14:20 remember the design it was that wasn't the design so much as the tattoo artist that she was researching. Maybe you just really love research. Maybe you should get a tattoo of the Dewey Decimal System. Yeah. Or just a Google search bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, now, do you, has there ever been a time in your life when you considered getting a tattoo? Like, what would 20-year-old Jane have gotten a tattoo of and how glad are you you were you were a rebellious teenager i was horrible
Starting point is 00:14:49 yeah i was the worst when when i don't know if i've said this uh this is a fun jane fact uh when i went to jane's childhood home ancestral Ancestral home. Yeah, ancestral home. Her parents took the door off of her room. She had no door because she couldn't be trusted to have a door. And it's still not put back. And the blinds just got put back on. They were taken off, too. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Blinds and door. Yeah, no blinds. She was not to be trusted. She was a wild child. What did the blinds do? Because it's... I don't know. The sunlight would wake me up, because then every morning my dad would be like, Hi, Jane. Like, try to wake me up.
Starting point is 00:15:31 I'm like, hello. And I'd just go back to sleep. Like, you're not allowed to get privacy from the perverts on the street? Yeah. Did you have to change it? Or from the walker? Yeah, the man on the moon. Leering at you.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Yeah, anyway, so you were a wild child you probably wanted a tattoo i didn't i went with my friend who got the butterfly and i was like oh god like on the hip and like i just watched i was like oh it's forever and i remember i was maybe going to and i was looking it is you were looking through the binder? Yeah. And my nickname used to be Frog. I don't know why I just told you guys this. My dad,
Starting point is 00:16:10 every trip would bring me back frog stuff. So in my room there was no door, no blinds and frogs hanging around the room
Starting point is 00:16:17 and always frog stuff and I was like, but I don't want a frog tattoo. Like, in my head, even then, even though I was horrible, I still didn't want something.
Starting point is 00:16:27 I'm like, that's forever. Yeah. Huh. So there was some wisdom mixed in with that rebellion. Maybe 1%. Yeah. I once saw a thing on Celine Dion, like, behind the music or something like. I thought you meant like a tattoo on Celine Dion.
Starting point is 00:16:44 No, no. on like a behind the music or or some like i thought you meant like a tattoo on no no like just like a like a feature on her and like her fans send her frogs all the time which i think is racist for a french speaking person like that's the thing that that uh yeah people send her like dead frogs no no like stuffed frogs her fans send her frog heads you're next I was so horrified just like you were talking about all your frogs
Starting point is 00:17:16 did you have dead frogs I had little pet frogs did you have pet frogs yeah they were adorable wow they are adorable the tiny ones the tiny little ones, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:27 So you've seen your friend get a tattoo. Yeah. Have you ever done that? Gone to a tattoo party? Yeah. Like and hung out while a friend got a tattoo. No, no, no, no, no. No, me neither.
Starting point is 00:17:36 I watched my friend do one with like a needle. Jay Halstead. Yeah, yeah. At a party. And boy, I was like, oh boy, oh boy that's gonna get infected i remember saying that so many times like oh you should really be sanitizing that needle after every stab um and it turned out so bad like it just uh because uh you know if you don't use a proper needle like it just kind of uh bleeds your skin. But I want it now.
Starting point is 00:18:05 Yeah. And so it just looked like a green blob. Kind of like somebody would be like, hey, you should get that checked out. Like a weird green blob on your arm. Yeah. There was a guy in high school that did that. It's a frog. He had a crush on a friend of mine, and he wrote her name.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Like, I don't know if he did. He knifed it. Oh, Jesus. Yeah jesus yeah that's i remember looking i was like oh is that fake yeah well what was she supposed to do like oh yeah i guess we'll day yeah i hope her name had a lot of like like you know jags i hope it was a lot tamra oh shit i was gonna say i hope it was like a. Yeah. At least like the T. You run out of room. Straight lines. You're like a. By the hand.
Starting point is 00:18:46 The straight line of the T and the A and the amp. It's the circles that are hard to do when you're, you know, cutting. Yeah. Cutting anything. Have you guys seen Looper? Yeah. Have you seen Looper? No.
Starting point is 00:18:58 Nah. There's a kind of a funny cutting into your arm sequence. Oh, yeah. Until recently, there was this magician that I watched when I was a kid named the Amazing Jonathan. Do you remember the Amazing Jonathan? I think you talk about him every week. He did a thing where he like, it's like you see a lot of magicians doing it now, but at
Starting point is 00:19:20 the time, I'd never seen anybody do it. I was like putting a knife through your arm and then you like go back and forth. You pretend it doesn't hurt. Yeah. But, uh, it doesn't hurt.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Yeah. It doesn't hurt, but I didn't know it was so convincing. And then they did it on that. Like world's magician secrets revealed. That's just a trick. Yeah. It's just a trick knife.
Starting point is 00:19:40 That's all it is. It's like solid, but it just has a thing that just opens up yeah he wasn't giving himself a tattoo well i just uh yeah yeah no that was so gross watching that guy do that but uh yeah like uh i don't know i don't know yeah i think you should get a tattoo no you shouldn't if i if you guys had to get a tattoo though you had to yeah in the next three months in the next three months oh you'd have time to discover oh i would uh get a big though you had to yeah in the next three months next three months oh you'd have time to discover oh i would uh get a big one across my back that says will any of them
Starting point is 00:20:10 because i feel like that's the that's the era that we're living in now that you're giving me like a three-month deadline i'm like it reminds me of american pie when they're like we all have to get laid by the end of school well I have to have sex with a tattoo artist so it would probably be something American Pie related yeah at Jason Biggs
Starting point is 00:20:35 just his Twitter handle getting a Twitter handle is pretty good yeah no definitely what would you get? Cherry blossoms? No. Frog. Frog blossoms? Celine Dion with a frog head. Yeah, it's holding it dead. Frog head.
Starting point is 00:20:52 It's holding it dead. Oh, man. So you're undecided. Understandable. What else is going on with you? Yeah. Nothing. I got heat stroke on my birthday. Now, you are- When's your birthday?
Starting point is 00:21:09 June 30th. Happy birthday. Thanks. Yeah. You don't look a year older. You look a year younger. You're of English or Scottish stock? Sure.
Starting point is 00:21:22 You're of not- You're not in the sun worshipping family. I've been in the sun a ton, though. Yeah. Well, that's why you get heat stroke. You can't fight the moonlight. Yeah, especially without blinds. But, no, you can't, like, I don't think you can condition yourself.
Starting point is 00:21:42 I think I could. Well, I thought I could. I've been to Yerbatan on the beach. I wear like 50. Well, that's not conditioning yourself. That's covering yourself up. I don't ever wear a hat, which I think that needs to start in my old age. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:59 And I didn't drink enough liquid. I usually drink like two liters of water. And I realized that day. What were you doing? Were you at the beach? Working for my brother in Edmonton for the Spartan race. Now, your brother is the organizer for all of like Western Canada, right? For the Spartan races.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Owns the rights to it. Which is like, oh, he owns the rights. It's 5K or 13K, like crazy obstacles. And people get hit by like gladiators and they pay money for this yeah and it's better than the tough mudder or it's worse it's better so you were outside no hat sunglasses were you even wearing sunglasses yes i was wearing sunglasses um topless though so you're wearing those giant sunglasses over your boobs? Yes.
Starting point is 00:22:47 I had worked Saturday the day before, probably 6 in the morning until 12 at night. So it was just too much. That's 18 hours. Yeah. And I'd worked until 1. Time and a half. No. What?
Starting point is 00:22:59 And I drank that night. Not a ton, but a little Jane style. So too much. So, what are we, the Jaeger bombs? We were drinking some sort of college beverage. Slippery nipples. Yeah. White Russians.
Starting point is 00:23:11 Sour apples. Neutron bomb. We did the ski shot where you put shots on a ski. It is the season. You're in that resort town. Yeah, exactly. If I don't do this ski shot, I'm going to regret it forever. Yeah, we lose some resort.
Starting point is 00:23:31 The race was at the ski resort, it's called, and it was a hill. And it was the smallest hill. It would be like Main Street from 2nd up to Broadway. Little Mountain. It was not a ski hill. This was in Ed. It was not. Yeah, there you go. A ski hill. It was in Edmonton? Yes.
Starting point is 00:23:48 Yeah, there's no mountain up there. And it was, they had to go up and down the hill. Like it looked hard. I didn't do it. Yeah. And then I was sitting beside my friend who's a nurse, Alexia, and I'm like, I'm getting shivers. And it was like 40 degrees.
Starting point is 00:23:58 And she's like, you probably have heat stroke. I'm like, never had it. And then I started shivering. You're wrong, nurse. And then, yeah, it carried on to the next day. So it was all, I had Gatorade, Gatorade, water. So when your friend. I had migraine yesterday.
Starting point is 00:24:12 Who is a registered. Gatorade, Gatorade, lemonade, around the corner, fudges, man. So your friend who is a registered nurse said, hey, you've got heat stroke. You said, nah, and stayed out in the heat. Shut it, Poindexter. And stayed out in the heat for the rest of the day? No. I came in and sat with her for like an hour.
Starting point is 00:24:30 Yeah. And drank liquids. What kind of liquids? Off of a ski? Off of little shots. Yeah. It lasts longer. I thought it was just for like that period that you're in the sun.
Starting point is 00:24:45 Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, you keep it for that period that you're in the sun. You keep it. It stays with you at least all day. You should get a tattoo of a sun to remind yourself. A sun with a cross through it. Yeah, like the ghost bus. To remind yourself. What is it that really takes you down? My hand, like a watch. Oh yes, get out.
Starting point is 00:25:05 Is it possible to get like a mood tattoo that changes with the sun? If everybody would get that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you could get ink that changed color with the heat? I would get like a thing that looks like a thermometer, but it would say horneometer. I would basically get that pen that you turn upside down and a naked lady comes out. Yes. So the clothes disappear in the heat. That's fun. I would get I would basically get that pen that you turn upside down and a naked lady comes out yes so the clothes disappear
Starting point is 00:25:26 in the heat that's fun but in the freezing cold the like if they find you hypothermic they just warm up that area to see the loops
Starting point is 00:25:33 yeah get his arm warm so we can see those tattoos what do you think about that Jane? I think I found my tattoo so you had heat stroke you recovered yeah how is your little dog Lulu? she's awesome I found my tattoo. So you had heat stroke. You recovered.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Yeah. How is your little dog Lulu? She's awesome, but the worst. She just cost me probably $3,000. Did she get heat stroke? Yes. Did she just get laser hair removal? I did.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Her whole body, except for under her eyes. What? To make like a little mask? That's cute. that is super cute like the lone ranger yeah yeah yeah oh that's great yeah because you love the popular movie yeah you should send army hammer a picture hey this is you look i'm crazy oh man um so what's wrong with your dog she got sick in the beginning of June. I don't know. It just was, she pukes periodically. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:27 And I'll be like, oh, she's a dog, whatever. It's true. And then she puked again. And that time she puked like six times and she weighs like eight, seven pounds to 10 pounds. She's very tiny. Yes. And she was puking, puking. And then I took her and she was in for like four days.
Starting point is 00:26:43 They didn't know what was wrong with her. It was like the same. It would be the same as what I actually have, which is celiac. They're like, oh, she can't have weed or all this stuff. I'm like, no. And she didn't get it. And then I picked up – this is just like – when was this? A week ago.
Starting point is 00:26:59 I picked up my sister's dog's medication. It's like a 70-pound 15-year-old dog that takes arthritis pills. And it's half a pill a day. And it was in the container. And I left my dog for two seconds. And I didn't think she was going to do it. Yeah, because you usually have to force feed pills to a dog. You have to hide them in peanut butter.
Starting point is 00:27:19 My dog's like, get me out of this, master. Ate all of them. I had to take her to 24-hour just to go in there. It's like $ get me out of this, master. Ate all of them. I had to take her to 24-hour just to go in there. It was like $1,000. Wow. And so, but she puked. I didn't know she did this. That's why.
Starting point is 00:27:33 She was just lying there like, hey, the pills are fine in the back. So I didn't know until like six hours. Do you think this was a cry for help? Maybe. Yeah, exactly. And, yeah, my sister coming in. She's like, your dog ate the fucking pills. yeah exactly and uh yeah my sister came in
Starting point is 00:27:46 she's like your dog ate the fucking pills and I had to take take her
Starting point is 00:27:50 to the vet 24 hour did I have dog proof pill jars it was a normal did you wait
Starting point is 00:27:56 to see if there was a group on for dog overdose no I have insurance thank god
Starting point is 00:28:01 so I paid insurance do you have dog insurance no Dave I have a well thank God. Dog insurance? Do you have dog insurance? No. Dave?
Starting point is 00:28:06 I have a well-behaved dog. That's true. And high counters. Now, how did Lulu get into the container? She ripped, like, chewed it open. Of course. Dogs love chewing. The worst is she's never- It was shaped like a bone.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Yeah. They're the flavored pills, which I found out afterwards. I didn't know that. I thought they were just normal medication. Dogs hate that. My sister's like, oh, they're beef flavored. I'm like, good. Good to know now.
Starting point is 00:28:33 They're like, but Lulu only ate half of them. Jane, where's the other? I'm like, oh, I got a bellyache. My bones feel great. My coat is shiny. She could go for a run. Yeah, I was worried that Lulu found some magazines that created an unrealistic dog body. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:53 I was throwing up. Lulu could use some Dove ads. Yeah, exactly. She should, yeah. Yeah, when was the last... Yeah, what is the new Dove ad? When was the last time? Why do women stop thinking they're pretty or something?
Starting point is 00:29:03 I don't know. Who gives a shit? Those dove heads are made by the same people who make the Axe body spray heads. It's true. Are you serious? Same company. Yeah, Unilever. Or I guess the same products. If you had to make up a name
Starting point is 00:29:17 of like a giant... Unilever. Yeah, Unilever sounds like really made up. That sounds like LexCorp. Yeah. Omnip LexCorp. Yeah. Omnipower. Yeah, exactly. I don't like their commercial stuff. The sketch one was like, did you ever see that one?
Starting point is 00:29:35 Where the woman has to describe herself to a sketch artist and then everyone else describes? Yes, but they'll be like, I have a really pointy nose and sad eyes. Really droopy eyes. They don't. They all are sort of models. He's drawing like spy versus spy. Like that? Like that kind of pointy?
Starting point is 00:29:58 Yes. Yes, that is my stupid face. I am a puddle of mud with eyes there was a a british show that i think they tried to make kind of like an american version of where a british guy would take a woman and like photograph her and then put it up on like a giant jumbotron and like piccadilly circuscus or whatever. And then ask ladies on the street like, what do you think of this lady's body? And it was always, it was basically like a whole show. I thought they did the picture and they tried to get them to have more confidence, these women.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Well, no, this was like, this was a British show. It was called like Feel Good Naked or something like that. Yes. But then they tried to make an American one. They've changed it around a bit. It didn't work because fanny means something else. Ciao, it's your f that. Yes. But then they tried to make an American one. They've changed it around a bit. It didn't work because fanny means something else. Ciao, it's your fanny. But yeah, always the people in the street were like, yeah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:30:55 It's fine. Leave me alone. That's why the show didn't work. Leave me alone. I don't want to be recorded. I'm not signing that waiver. I'm signing the release. Yeah, so...
Starting point is 00:31:11 That would be a good show. Like, will you sign this release? Yeah. Oh, that would be a good show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just all crazy things. But what for? Just sign it.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Yeah, sign it. You don't know when we were taping it. Yeah. Ah, that's pretty good. There's $50 in it. Yeah, sign it. You don't know when we were taping you. Yeah. Ah, that's pretty good. There's $50 in it. I said doll hairs. Yeah. What was the other one?
Starting point is 00:31:34 Doll hairs and... Bucks? Bucks, but what's a buck? People would just hit you on a matter of... You want $10 and the person would just hit you 10 times? Yeah. Doll hairs was the best. Yeah, doll hairs. Whatever kid Doll hairs was the best. Yeah. Doll hairs.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Once, whatever kid realized that that kind of sounded similar. I got a Tonka truck when I was like in grade one. Cause I was like, I'll give you a hundred doll hairs. And the kids like, yes. I'm like,
Starting point is 00:31:54 ah, I had to go return it. My mom was like, where did you get it? I'm like, and your mom's like, why did you ruin your doll? Our precious antique doll hairs.
Starting point is 00:32:06 These are worth more than $100. These were $100. Do you even know what you've done? You bankrupted us, Jane. You don't get a door for the rest of your life. That's what happened. Oh, man. How did we get on the dumb ads?
Starting point is 00:32:26 Oh, we were just talking about dumb ads. Yeah, there's a... I don't know. I had nothing else to add to that. Anyways, you guys. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, boy. This past weekend,
Starting point is 00:32:39 I, along with my wife and my brother, his wife and kids, both my sisters and their husband, well, no, one of their husbands and all their kids, and my parents, we all went down to Great Wolf Lodge. Oh, man. So jealous. No, you didn't. I know.
Starting point is 00:33:03 That's what I said. No, you didn't. The commercial ad one? what I said! No, you didn't! The commercial ad one? I've never seen the commercial. It's on the radio! Going to lunch at Grateful Flodge. Yeah, so great. About an hour south of Seattle,
Starting point is 00:33:17 this... I had never heard of it before. My parents suggested we all did a family weekend. Yeah, me too. I couldn't get over it before. My parents suggested we all did a family weekend. What? I'm losing my mind. Yeah, me too. I couldn't get over it. Did you kill anything? Did I kill anything? Yes, like a wolf.
Starting point is 00:33:32 A deer. I feel like it's a hunting lodge. It sounds like it is, but it's not. It's water slides. It's a water park. There's a lot of kids. It's like a casino for kids. It's like everything is on theme.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Everything is wolf. There's wolf everything. Wolf comforter. Yeah, exactly. Oh, awesome. The gift shop is full of wolf stuff. There's wolf characters walking around. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:33:59 It's like a Disney cruise with characters you've never heard of. Wiki Wolf. Yeah, yeah. Crazy critter. Every ten minutes in the restaurant it's someone else's birthday who's getting the birthday song. Oh, yeah. And it's not the normal happy birthday, is it?
Starting point is 00:34:15 It's like, happy birthday, happy, happy birthday. How loose is your moose? How crazy is your Wait, no. How crazy is your critter? How loose is your moose? Come on, everybody and shake your caboose. Birthday. I don't remember the second half. But it was my sister's birthday while we were there.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Yeah. And I tried to, like, her kids, of course, sold her out to the wait staff. And so they came over and sang. I tried to get her out of it, but I couldn't. No, you've got to sell somebody. I tried to say say oh no it was the person whose birthday it was already left yeah he's deceased we're here for a wake um so uh here's what this place is you go it seems like it would be a great place to go in the winter because there's nothing to do outside. Everything is indoors.
Starting point is 00:35:07 The water park is enormous. But the moment you enter into it, it is so loud and so humid. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And there's like a waterfall, right? There's like a thing. There's like this sort of treehouse thing. And then every 10 minutes, a giant bucket of water falls over the entire thing. There's like this sort of treehouse thing and then every 10 minutes
Starting point is 00:35:26 a giant bucket of water falls over the entire thing. That's in the commercial. Yes. There's a wave pool. Yes. There is. And then there's some small slides. And then there's some slides where you have to be over 4 feet tall. So there's some adults.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Some adults only slides. Yeah. Here's your swank magazine. So there's some adults. So some adults only slides. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, here's your swank magazine. You must be this legal to slide. And so Abby and I went on. There's this one that we really liked a lot called the Howling Tornado. Were they all howling, moon? No, they were all like one was the Alberta Falls.
Starting point is 00:36:08 One was the Canyon Run. That was the only real. Although whenever the waves started up in the wave pool, there would be a howl that happened. Oh, that's fun. I don't believe you. I sure have a lot of information. But I saw a lot of tattoos as well. Oh, yeah, I bet.
Starting point is 00:36:29 Some real regrettos. Yeah, but there were some, and I saw a lot of regrettable children as well. Sure, absolutely. Gotta take them somewhere. No, it's weird because Abby and I don't have kids. And so the guy... Yeah, you know, uh... The border guard was like, oh, the border guard knew the place. And it's like, why are you going?
Starting point is 00:36:50 Because we just went down by ourselves. He has to stamp your passport with a special like paw. There you go. Have fun at Great Wolf Lodge. Here's your wolf passport. But it's exhausting. Like we we, you know, going down water slides shouldn't be it's not exercise i mean climbing the stairs up is a bit but it's just that it's so loud and so
Starting point is 00:37:14 humid like it just drains you was there music playing in the in the uh wave pool um i don't think so there was one water slide where there's like techno playing inside the slide Awesome Yeah Oh cool How long did you go for? Just two nights
Starting point is 00:37:33 Too much Yeah Wow But just enough It's funny Did you have fun Sorry Did you have fun though?
Starting point is 00:37:39 It was It was fun being with my family It was fun That one water slide was really fun What was it? It was fun being with my family. It was fun. That one water slide was really fun. What was it? It was just like it was a really steep drop, and then for about 20 seconds you're screaming.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Oh, like Cultist Lake. I don't know. Have you heard there's one that does like the crazy drop? And your swimsuit goes up your bum. Yeah, I've done a similar. Oh, there's like a really, really long drop. This wasn't that long. And perverted guys sit by it. Because you have to stand up and pick it out.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Guys just backing up their Buick. Would you ever go back? If I had 10-year-old kids. The problem is all the kids in my family are like six, I think is the oldest yeah, and they can't really do anything Like the except be terrified by all the wolves walking around and be terrified by like water splashing on them when they weren't expecting it So like it's it would be a perfect place for like an an eight or nine year old kid But I think the kids were a little too young, but we enjoyed it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:46 The, it seems like a place that could only like it's, there's no other, I can't think of another place like that. That's like a kid based resort. That's out in the middle. I thought that was an Alberta, that place.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Well, they have a bunch of lodge. Oh really? It's a chain. Oh, there's like six or seven. That's crazy's a few in canada a few in the states where are they in canada let's do this well there's niagara falls yeah yeah yeah that's where it's in the hotel with a comedian stay oh what what the comedian stay at the great
Starting point is 00:39:21 wolf lodge i don't think so no no no no way you, no, no. No way. You're like, it's too fancy. It's got to be a casino that the comedians are staying at. This place seems like a casino. Yeah. Also, the comedians would just throw up down the slides all the time. They would lose their slide privileges so fast. When you're checking in, you're a comedian, you can't even go down the slide. Sorry, slide privileges have been revoked.
Starting point is 00:39:43 And there's not really anything else to do. Like there's, you know, mini golf. We didn't do that. There's a bunch of stuff for kids. Yeah. Like what? Like crafts? Well, there's this one thing called Magic Quest.
Starting point is 00:39:57 I'm listening. Continue. Where we, my sister who booked this, fortunately learned about Magic Quest because the first five floors of the hotel are all part of this thing where kids run around with a magic wand that costs $40. And they have to like solve clues and go like, oh, the next, it's like a scavenger hunt. The next clue is over on. Floor three. Or like at the, and all the floors have a different theme until you get to the sixth floor, which is where we were staying. So no kids, I mean, kids were still running around on our floor, but none of them were like trying to trying to solve this dumb magic thing.
Starting point is 00:40:46 Did her kids do? No, no, no. Wow. So, like, you couldn't just, like, check in there. It's like just a dude, like, I'm in town on business. One room in the Great Wolf Lodge. You don't even have a briefcase. Well, I mean, Great Wolf Lodge,
Starting point is 00:41:05 it's like, I didn't do any research. I knew it was a thing that had kids stuff, but I didn't know it was only kids things. Yeah. And like, here's what the outdoor activities were. Lying outside. There weren't even like tennis courts. Lying outside, rolling downhill.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Yeah, going to the gas station. Oh, man. Was it like all buffet all the time? There was always an option, but they had a menu. Oh, yeah. Only kids menu. We had like two adult menus. They were really on top of the kids stuff.
Starting point is 00:41:39 They were like immediately, you know, the kids get lids for their drinks and stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like a casino resort for kids. That makes sense. It's basically how I imagine a Disney cruise would be. That would be the worst cruise in the world. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:58 And that's saying something. Yeah. And there was also they had like animatronic animatronic like story time show three times a day was it did you watch one no but my niece she was like i don't want to see it again and she did i don't like them because all the characters do this and then she just shifted her eyes back and forth. That's all they do. It is like, it's weird that like that's still a thing that like kids like this, right? Yeah. You know, animatronics. Kids go crazy for it.
Starting point is 00:42:38 Wiggly arms. Out of sync mouths. It's great. Great fun for kids. Crazy suspicious eyes. There's a guy that I think maybe maybe do we talk about on the podcast the guy who bought like the old uh animatronic playground amusement park he bought it uh it was like uh it was like a down market version of chucky cheese called the rock-a-fire explosion oh. I think you told me that.
Starting point is 00:43:05 And he bought the band and he like syncs it up to popular music and puts the clips on YouTube. Well, because we've talked about the... Isn't that in Calgary or something like that? No, that was Bo Linkles. Okay. Well, because now there's the Chuck E. Cheese band
Starting point is 00:43:19 that does versions of other songs about other... They do basically Weird Al versions. Yeah. My prerogative is now My Kar kid yep oh that's right yeah no this is this is just like popular modern songs that this guy is plugged into the rockafire explosion like if you put soundboard if you put a bobby brown tape in a teddy ruxpin yeah absolutely absolutely teddy ruxpin was really the only animatronic toy wasn't he well? Well, his friend, the caterpillar, that one, they would sync up. They would talk to each other. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:43:51 And Chucky. Using Bluetooth. Yeah. And Chucky. Chucky was never. And Bride of Chucky. Yes, those two. Although I gave away a Furby last night at the Laugh Gallery.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Oh, that's right. Of course. How stupid of me. But Furby doesn't have a i mean it might somewhere inside but doesn't have an on off thing it just stays on and it falls asleep and then like it was on stage and you tap it and its eyes open up and it starts chirping and saying things but it gets like if you leave it alone again then it starts like going like hello hello yeah he kept doing it at my
Starting point is 00:44:26 house i'm really glad to see you go popular furbies years ago yes when they yeah yeah it was it was the the like that was the christmas christmas shortage toy yeah the trampling special yeah because it was uh tickle me elmo one year and then Furby was like the next step. And then I don't know if that exists anymore, if there's like a toy that all kids want. I mean, it probably does. It's probably worth like $1,000 now. It's not something cheap when we were younger. Well, Furby's wasn't cheap.
Starting point is 00:44:57 That was like – Furby's wasn't cheap. Yeah. Yeah, Furby's weren't cheap. But it would be like $40, and then people would charge you $1,000 for it. Yeah, that's true. Because they have the last one. Yeah, somebody I know bought up. And if your dad really loved you.
Starting point is 00:45:12 That tickled me almost. And sold them on the sly in the early days of eBay. See, how did they do it before? How did people get the carefree? The bears. I got that for Christmasmas and my parents like when the carefree care bears care bears carefree bears carefree i got like two or three of them but they were like sold out everywhere and like it wasn't an ad in a newspaper i think so yeah yeah yeah cabbage patch kids carefree bears carefree car free day yeah um yeah the care bears were a toy first oh yeah
Starting point is 00:45:56 and then a tv show i think they were the probably the same time uh yeah but no it wasn't it was the toy first and then it was so popular as a toy like that's what he man was a toy no yeah yeah yeah he man was a toy i know it was a toy but they made the the cartoon to sell the toy yes that's right but they they didn't just make the toy with no plan of making the cartoon no but they but it wasn't like a popular cartoon show that then they made a toy out of it. They were like, we're going to sell this toy. I think that's what they did back in the day, though.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Yeah. Like it was toy. Reagan allowed it. That's right. But He-Man was supposed to be a balancer to Barbie. They were like, we would come up with a Barbie for boys. And then they came up with She-Ra, which was He-Man for girls. Yeah, He-Man for girls. If only we could, which was He-Man for girls. He-Man for girls.
Starting point is 00:46:45 If only we could think of a He-Man for girls. Yeah, and then they had to come up with a male version of She-Ra, and that's how they came up with the Smurfs. Hey, Graham. Yeah. What's all going on with you? Nothing is entertaining as the Grateful Lodge. Oh, boy. The Grateful Lodge.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Go. I would go again if it wasn't i'm just gonna go by six hours away you will be arrested i'm just gonna go by myself i'm gonna wear a bathing suit under a trench coat just go swimming with the trench coat yeah and have a camera yeah it was weird because it's uh it's like so um they're so like, they know what kids do. So like on outside the pool, it's like, do not pee or poop in the pool. And then they know like kids spill juice, I guess. I, I assume this is why they had this sign.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Like you, as you're heading to the pool, it says beer and wine only beyond this point. It's like only adult drinks. And then the, all the adults are spilling it everywhere. Oh, we got to change that dumb side um i uh this past week um instant theater uh had a fundraiser uh and one of the things they did for this fundraiser they had a silent auction things and i performed at it but they were doing a bachelor and bachelorette auction what yeah which was the bachelor and bachelorettes all a lot of past guests uh warren bates nicole passmore ember uh conor packy uh adam pateman oh boy mcneil i would date all these people wait brad
Starting point is 00:48:19 mcneil's not a bachelor yeah no a lot of them weren't but a lot a lot of them like you would go you know like you're buying the date as well like it's not just you're just not just buying them and then like you get to you know yes here you get six sex tokens don't spend them all in one act yeah so yeah exactly every act has a certain value yeah yeah that's one sex token i don't make make change, so that's half a sex token, but you have to give me a whole one. I'm not giving you back half a sex token. So they were like the date came with The Bachelor. Okay, so you get dinner and a movie. Yeah, or so-and-so will take you to the aquarium.
Starting point is 00:49:00 or in a movie. Or so-and-so will take you to the aquarium. Yeah, it was nothing. Brad McNeil's was probably the favorite in terms of the date. I think it was, I can't remember what the other things were, but the focus of, he would make any uncomfortable phone call
Starting point is 00:49:19 that you've been avoiding making. Oh. On your behalf. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, it's like there was an audible like oh like a lot of discussion in the room about how good that was so uh he fetched a handsome price and sex tokens do i hear six sex tokens there was uh i was just like i don't know like i know it's for charity uh it It was for a good cause.
Starting point is 00:49:47 But it would be tough on the self-esteem. Oh, yeah, yeah. Knowing what your value is. Yeah, because like – Were you part of it? No, I was – If no one bids. Yeah, well, that was the thing. There was a – one of the people who was being bid on brought her parents, uh,
Starting point is 00:50:05 as, as, as, yeah, as insurance. And, and I was like, you know,
Starting point is 00:50:09 what's going to happen. Your parents are going to be outside when you go up to bed, like they're going to wander off. Cause this night's kind of going on and on. And that's exactly her mom wandered off. And, uh, she made a deal,
Starting point is 00:50:22 I think with Nicole Passmore, like you bid on me and we'll sort this out later. Like, you know, get me up to at least 100, which is, I would do the same. I don't think I could just fly by the seat of my pants. Like, what if you only got 50 bucks or something? What if they had to go down? Like, what if they're like, here, 50. Nope.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Okay. 45. Two dollars. Doll hair. Two doll hairs. If it was you, what would you offer as the date? I said on stage that I would get drunk with a person in a kiddie pool, like filled with ice, you know, on a lawn. And then we played Nicky Nicky Nine Door in the neighborhood of their choice.
Starting point is 00:51:00 That's a great one. Yeah. I didn't – obviously I didn't put any thought into it but i don't know what like because it's something where it has to be you know like uh it's something that anybody can do like it's not going to be like a hike because maybe the person that bit on you doesn't have legs why did i say that they still go on hikes yeah and i think enough of the population has legs that you you would take those odds when you're accepting bids yeah yeah that's true um i think the nicki nickniders is good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And hanging out and just hanging out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:45 Yeah. Hanging out, talking about cars. I don't know a lot about cars. What do you teach me? But yeah, like I think Warren Bates and Nicole Passmore were a double date. Oh, okay. And they went for the most of of the evening 300 bucks wow yeah what were their dates the dates so did the two people who bid on them know each other
Starting point is 00:52:13 um no it's one person like won the the date and then gets to bring along a second oh okay date and then gets to bring along a second oh okay so so only one bidder bid the 300 that's right okay and uh and yeah like i felt like it could have was it one of those situations where it was like uh do i hear 50 300 no it went up wow like it was the first bidding of the night. And I don't think anybody knew how it was going to go. Because I've been to auction auctions, and they go so fast. Like, you put in one bid. They're like, I'm not getting that. Yeah, your top price goes by so fast.
Starting point is 00:52:58 Oh, yeah. But this one, it was like, once it got past $100, it was like, oh, wow, that's pretty good. And then once it got past $200, it was like there were two people kind of going back and forth. But I don't know. Were they a man and a woman or were they both men? Both men. Of course. Stop me.
Starting point is 00:53:19 I'm becoming a lady to buy a date. Yeah. Because. Did the men typically pay more than the women in this evening? Hmm. I can't remember, but yes. What's happening? Would you bid?
Starting point is 00:53:37 Would you do something like that? A bachelor? Like if it was a say. Say Antonio Sabato Jr. From Melrose Place? Yep. He's up for auction at Local Improv Hall. Yeah, he will do,
Starting point is 00:53:50 he will take you out for pasta dinner, but like gluten-free pasta. Gluten-free. To my nails. He will show you how to make a lean-to. He will laser your body.
Starting point is 00:54:05 $5,000. Oh, yeah. What if it was like the date was just like with a guy who's a laser tech? He's like, we'll get a sandwich and then I'll laser your whole body.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Small talk and laser. And if you want your sandwich toasted, bring it on up. I'll laser the sandwich. He eats his sandwich while he's lasering you. Oh, there's a hair in my sandwich.
Starting point is 00:54:27 I'll take care of that. Yeah, do they just play like sound effects from Star Wars? No, I just do that the whole time. It's a trap. It'd be the worst job. Because do you know what it's... It doesn't smell like burning hair. I was just going to say. Do you know what it smells like?
Starting point is 00:54:55 Oh, let's guess for an hour. Go. Cornuts. Oh, that's not the worst. You were excited, didn't you? Yeah. Like, well, it would be disappointing if you walked in with a beer. You're like, corn nuts in there?
Starting point is 00:55:08 No. I got a big bag of corn nuts upstairs. Yeah. Oh, we can reenact. Yeah. When I was in Denmark, I bought a chocolate bar with corn nuts in it instead of like almonds. That's amazing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:22 That'd be delicious. Does this make you want corn nuts more or less do you bring corn nuts to the tree the whole time oh that's why it smells like corn nuts in there could you dip the laser in ranch um uh how many do you have to do a whole year's worth you said yeah i've done it before though but like you you keep doing it, I guess. No, it's less and less and less. So next year it'll be every 10 weeks? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:51 Oh. Or no, like, less than that. Have you ever had threading? Yes. That seems crazy. It seems very old world. What is that? It is, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:56:02 It's like you have to have a special it's uh it's for uh eyebrows mustache or all of the above and they get thread that you would sew stuff with and they do it super tight they put it through their teeth yeah and then they like why do they put it through their teeth i don't know though they like to multitask. They're flawed. At the same time. That is flawed. And they rip the hair. Yeah, they like lasso each hair and like rip it out and they do it super fast.
Starting point is 00:56:33 But it is. It's not like that's not like a new technique. I feel like that's the only way they had until wax was invented in the Middle Ages. Back in the day, they didn't care. People were just hairy. People cared. You know, you look at those old oil paintings. You think they just didn't paint in the mustaches and goatees that the ladies had?
Starting point is 00:56:50 Wait, I've got to get the hair. It's ready. Or did they just say, please don't. Please do not. If you met Mona Lisa. Yeah, she had mutton chops. A lot of people don't know that. That hair's covering these giant mutton chops.
Starting point is 00:57:03 But she whispered to Leonardo. She's like, hey, come on. You're a party dude. Wait, no, that's Michelangelo. Raphael is cool but rude. Yeah. Michelangelo's a party dude. Donatello does machines.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Leonardo. Leads. Leads, yeah. leonardo leads leads yeah um now uh where where are you at an auction oh yeah anyways i've never done a uh an auction like that uh and i think because i think my uh self self uh confidence where was this at the instant shop this is at Mountain. Oh, okay. And it was... The site of my shooting. Yeah, that's right. And it was like a success.
Starting point is 00:57:51 It was like a really successful idea, but it seemed like something that was out of like, you know, Saved by the Bell or... Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? What was this? The Max. Like a Bachelor auction doesn't happen in...
Starting point is 00:58:02 Anymore at all. No, like you never... Like used to do. Like Fireman, I think, probably still do it a lot. But can they do that in high schools for, like, their grad? Because we had that for, like, a fundraiser. But now is that, like, sexist? Do you know what I mean? There's so many PC things now.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Yeah. I guess. I guess. I don't know. Blind date. Like, a dating game. The bachelor number one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:25 That's fun. But it's weird because you know. Blind date. Like a dating game. The Bachelor number one. That's fun. But it's weird because you know everyone's voice. Yeah. Yeah. And also it's just every answer is like, doing it. Woo! Yeah. Go number one.
Starting point is 00:58:37 No, wait. Let's hear what number two has to say. Doing it. Yeah. He's good too. What's your idea of a perfect date? Doing it. then corn nuts yeah
Starting point is 00:58:50 so did you participate in this auction when you were in high school no I was the MC oh really yeah so did you do the actual
Starting point is 00:58:58 did you do a lot of freestyle rhymes yeah pretty much oh that's right Jane was a rapper there you go that's what you meant by MC that went viral did it really oh yeah
Starting point is 00:59:09 i forgot about that ian bagg posted that and i was up late like 1 30 in the morning and he's like check out this that i found back in the day and i was like that's the rap i did on much west in like 1986 what's up much west did on Much West in like 1986. What's up, Much West? It looks like Switchback or something. It might have been Switchback. Oh, it was Stu Jeffries. I thought he did Much West, too, though.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Anyway, if people haven't seen this, I don't think we talked about it the last time you were on the show. But there was a bit like, it's this super square white dude, Stu Jeffries, who's the cool guy, talking about rap. It's like 1984? 86. 86? It's pretty much like, guess what, guys? You haven't heard of this. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:53 He's bringing rap to Canada. Yeah. Wow. And they've gone to some high schools and gotten kids to rap. Not high schools. Elementary school. And we had a competition to do the rap. How did you know what rap was?
Starting point is 01:00:07 He was just winning it. Because I used to listen to Ice-T and stuff and the Fat Boys. Ice-T and the Fat Boys. They were never on the same. She can listen to two things. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So Ice-T, but Ice-T, he was like a gangster rapper. I was gangster.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Yeah. Your parents let you listen to that, but they wouldn't let you have a door? I was the worst. I put it in the car. My mom's like, Jay. It was horrible. I was like, fucking kill that bitch. He's talking about you, mom.
Starting point is 01:00:39 So anybody can, well, maybe Dave will include it in the blog. Oh, I will. Absolutely. At the end of that, when you're done, well, maybe Dave will include it in the blog. Oh, I will. Absolutely. It was – At the end of the – when you're done – well, right now, pause this episode. Go to StopPodcastingYourself.com and watch this video. What do you rap about? Safety?
Starting point is 01:00:55 No. I think you rap about who's better at rapping. We're the preppies and they're supposed to be like punk rock. Yes. And my one friend that's like the same height, she was like five foot ten in grade six. They put like black mascara under their eyes and black lipstick. And she's like, should I do this? I'm like, yes, you have to.
Starting point is 01:01:16 And I was like, you have to do it. Everyone will know. And then the other friend's like, I'm not doing this on TV. So I took the makeup on and I'm like, and go. And go. We only have one take because it's 1984. And it was so bad.
Starting point is 01:01:30 And everyone, the best is the comments because it was maybe 300 people and then it went up to, I think it's over easily 300,000. But it's so bad. I know the rap,
Starting point is 01:01:41 the parts that I said. It's horrible. Can you say them for me? Yeah, I can. All right. Graham, can we have a beat? Beat, ba-ba-beat, ba-ba's horrible. Can you say them for me? Yeah, I can. All right. Graham, can we have a beat? No. Beat, ba-ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-ba-beat.
Starting point is 01:01:52 She won't do it. She won't do it. No. Go to YouTube. You can see it all. Let's move on to Overheard. Happy summer, everybody. Griffin McElroy here, the youngest of the McElroy brothers.
Starting point is 01:02:04 I'm Travis McElroy, the middle-est brother. And I'm beloved performer Jimmy Buffett. He is not. But we do do a podcast together called My Brother and My Brother and Me. It's a comedy advice show. You can find it at mbmbam.com, maximumfun.org, or just search for it on iTunes. I love you, Sacramento! You're not even on a stage.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Griffin, are you watching this shrimp? They're beginning to boil. So join us this summer as we waste an hour of your life that you'll never get back ever again. You know, I know something about wasting away again in Margaritaville. I'm beloved. I know you are. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard.
Starting point is 01:02:45 Things you may have... Now, Graham, do you need any interruption? No, I'm good. Okay. You know, so far in the future, God only knows what will be happening with Hulk Hogan. Oh, hopefully we'll all be serving him. Yes. In every day, in every way.
Starting point is 01:02:59 We are pre-taping this episode. As Graham is... As we are releasing this, Graham is in Edinburgh at the Fringe Festival. That's right. And all that that entails. The Fringe and Minch. Yeah, the Fringe and Minch Festival. That's what I'm at.
Starting point is 01:03:16 The dirty version of the Fringe. Now, we always like to start Overheards with a guest. And Jane, you know who you are in this equation. That's you. The guest. Okay, it's me. I got a really good one. It was a pocket dial from my sister.
Starting point is 01:03:33 And I had just dropped her off at the airport in Edmonton. And right before she was getting out, she's like, are you thirsty? I'm like, no, I'm fine. She's like, do you want my Coke Zero? I'm like, well, maybe. She's like, you can't have it. I'm like, no, I'm fine. She's like, do you want my Coke Zero? I'm like, well, maybe. She's like, you can't have it. I'm like, okay. And then she left.
Starting point is 01:03:48 So she pocket dialed me. It was like 30 seconds of just talking, waiting in line, about to go through security. This is amazing. She went through security. And then they go, is this your bag? Yeah. Is there anything in there? No. Pull out the Coke Zero. They're like, is this your bag? Yeah. Is there anything in there? No.
Starting point is 01:04:07 Pull out the Coke Zero. They're like, is this yours? She's like, yeah. They're about to throw it. She's like, don't throw it out. Grabs it. Drink some. And they throw it out.
Starting point is 01:04:15 She's like, well, you could at least recycle it. Because they threw it in the garbage. She got mad. They go, is there anything else? She's like, no. They pull out water. Is there anything else? She's like, no. They pull out water. Is there anything else? No!
Starting point is 01:04:30 They pull out another water. Is there anything else in there? At this point, I have no idea. How long is this phone call at this point? It was the full entire message. But like, how many, what are we into, minute three at this point? Oh, probably, yeah. At this point. It was the full entire message. But like, how many, what are we into, minute three at this point? Oh, probably, yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:47 At this point, I have no idea is what she says, which is the worst thing you could ever say to a secret. Is there any more liquid? I have no idea. They pull out two more coconut waters. And then. They ask. I think they said, is there any? No. And then they pulled out a knife that I had given her on the Friday to cut muffins for breakfast.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Wow. That's why you have security. It's the best, though, because she bitched the whole way and then it went dead. She was bitching. You know, I just can't believe they threw away the Coke. You had a knife to go on a plane. Do people ever get away with it? People must.
Starting point is 01:05:43 I assume. Because people are still trying to bring a giant thing of Gatorade on a plane. Yeah. I don't – well, I feel like – I don't know, man. Because like I worked at Comedy Club this weekend and right where you go in to buy tickets, the whole desk was full of people's bottles of water. And people just feel like they need to be hydrated, constantly hydrating. And that's okay to bring in a drink from the outside to an establishment that serves drinks, which has never been okay in the history of drinks. I feel maybe this was because I was a child and I never was interested in drinking water.
Starting point is 01:06:28 Unless I was like in gym class and I could hog the water fountain for 45 seconds. But I feel like before water was available in bottles, like before that was something that they would sell you for a buck 80. Yeah. You would never think to bring water with you no yeah it was never like okay i need some water like you'd never like fill up water at mcdonald's or you would go if you went on a cycling trip you would have right a water bottle because there was a water bottle holder that was the only people but that literally was the only water bottle my dad used to run two marath only people. But that literally was the only water bottles. Because my dad used to run to marathons.
Starting point is 01:07:07 They would stop at McDonald's and ask for like the glass, like a free thing of water or use people's hoses. No one brought like gel packs and like the water. You're totally right. No one did that back in the day. And that was not weird to go up on somebody's lawn and like disconnect their sprinkler and like fill up your thing and then connect the sprinkler back. And now I'd be horrified if i saw some what are you doing yeah get away
Starting point is 01:07:30 from my hose uh but like i i don't feel like i guess i guess we are drinking 10 times as much water as we did back then yeah yeah and but we're also way more unhealthy yeah i don't like there is a point where your body's like hydrated right and unless you like exercise it just keeps that water in there like it doesn't you don't lose it unless you're sweating a lot like after you've peed like that's it like your body is like we've got enough water we've gotten rid of what we don't need and you don't need to keep just putting it in because we'll just keep flushing it out. Right? I mean, you're supposed to have eight glasses for your skin.
Starting point is 01:08:13 Eight glasses like a glass like the size of the glasses we're drinking right now? That's a glass and a half. It's like a cup. Eight cups. Eight cups, sure. Eight cups? Like baking cups? Yes.
Starting point is 01:08:23 Eight cups, that's two liters. Two liters a day you're supposed to have. Because you see people walking around with one liter bottles just anywhere. So how many are they drinking? Three, four liters a day. So they're just making pee. That's all they're doing. That's their job.
Starting point is 01:08:39 They don't work. That's it. They make pee. Oh, wow. No, you're right. It wasn't a thing. And even the metal, like, canteen bottles that people have from, like, Mountain Equipment Co-op, that wasn't a thing either. They're, like, having water on you was not a thing.
Starting point is 01:08:57 Yeah, only camping, too, when you had the round. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And maybe, like, they pour you water at a restaurant, but then you order something you want. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, I had to drink some water. I was so thirsty.
Starting point is 01:09:11 Yeah, and you put your cigarette out in the water. Waiting for my drink. Do you have an overheard, Dave? I do. I spent the weekend at Great Wolf Lodge. Grateful Lodge. Grateful Dead Lodge. It's a hippie resort for kids.
Starting point is 01:09:31 They learn all the stories about Casey Jones driving that train high on cocaine. Don't take the brown acid, kids. All the security at the at the great Grateful Dead Wolf Lodge is the Francisco chapter of the hells yeah all right there are many stabbings okay so I described this magic West game to you where kids... Five floors, four floors.
Starting point is 01:10:06 Kids, five floors. Kids waste time with a dumb wand doing this. Do the kids keep the wand? I assume, yeah. Forty bucks. I saw a kid break his wand and just start crying. He was being a real shit with his wand, too. Waving it around at a dinner table, and it snapped
Starting point is 01:10:26 in half, and he cried like he was the victim, even though he did it to himself. Yeah. Gotta buy wand insurance. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So this thing is like a knock-off Harry Potter thing.
Starting point is 01:10:41 Bare bones. Bottom of the barrel. Low budget. Piece of garbage. Harold Potman. And I saw, only at one point did I see what the actual thing was, where a kid went up to this tree trunk in the hotel that had a TV in it and pointed his wand at it and this woman came up on the screen
Starting point is 01:11:09 in some dumb costume and she talks to the It's just Nancy Grace. And she it's a woman in some costume and she's part of this wizard thing this magic quest and she says to the kid I, it's pre-taped, obviously.
Starting point is 01:11:30 And this kid was a little too old and kind of uninterested. But she says, so she goes, can I trust you? And the kid goes, no. And she says, I mean, really trust you? No. and she says i mean really trust you no i'm gonna give you the original recipe for coke oh yeah and then the kid just like throws one in the garbage this is dumb this is dumb i want to go back to the wave pool yeah yeah i want to drown some kids my hands gotten unpruny oh did
Starting point is 01:12:04 you get pruney hands no i was never in that long there was my favorite part in the wave pool yeah yeah i want to drown some kids my hands got unpruny oh did you get pruny hands no i was never in that long there was my favorite part in the wave pool was there was this one guy who was my age maybe a little younger and uh when the like for five minutes there's no waves and then the waves start up and the guy went crazy and he was like here i go baby oh i'm going in baby and i looked around he wasn't talking to anyone he was he's got a bluetooth on yeah he's by himself saying like he kept going like by himself i looked around later he had a like a wife and two kids they were nowhere around when the wave was going did you you hear me calling you, baby? I was calling you when I was out there in the waves.
Starting point is 01:12:48 I did it for you. Yeah. That plunge was dedicated to you. I was really brave. Oh, Lordy. Now you? Yep. I got a collector's phone call.
Starting point is 01:13:02 What? Somebody who was collecting money on an overdue bill that needed paying. And this guy – Do you need a little help, buddy? No, I'm fine. I just forgot to pay this bill. And I thought that the number was something else when I answered it. And then as soon as there was a pause, I was like, dude, this is a bill collector. And the guy was in montreal and he was calling and uh i settled up and then i just said like
Starting point is 01:13:31 uh while he was waiting for it to process i was like oh what's the weather like out there i'm gonna be there in about a week and uh he was talking about how it's muggy there but he doesn't you know he doesn't like uh going out to the west coast because it's too dry it's muggy there, but he doesn't, you know, he doesn't like going out to the West Coast because it's too dry. It's too dry out on the West Coast. And I was like, yeah, he's like, I was in California and it was so dry. And then he's like, yeah, it's so dry out there. Your skin.
Starting point is 01:13:58 I had to cream myself. And I was like, oh, yeah. And then he kept saying it. He's like, sometimes I cream myself two times a day. So it was pretty great. Yeah. Good for that guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:14 He really doesn't like the dry climates, and he creams himself. Mostly in the jeans area. Cream the uncreamable jeans was that was that a conan o'brien thing it was like campbell soups cream of jeans i don't know anyways cream the uncreamable jeans um What is that from a song? Cream my jeans? Is that from Grease? No! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:50 I think it is. I cream my jeans. No, he says... With a robot. He says, the chicks will scream something, something. The chicks will cream. Yeah, the chicks will cream. But creaming your jeans is not from Grease. Why is that such a funny expression?
Starting point is 01:15:05 Oh man, I creamed my jeans. Can I give you my one memory of the term cream your jeans? Yes, please. John Popper, the lead singer of Blues Traveler. When I used to subscribe to Rolling Stone in the 90s, there was a story about how John Popper of Blues Traveler, who wears the giant vest filled with
Starting point is 01:15:29 harmonicas. Yeah, it's harmonica bandoliers. Every key of harmonica. He was at some party with Quentin Tarantino, and Quentin Tarantino grabbed one of his harmonicas and started playing and was really good.
Starting point is 01:15:46 And John Popper's reaction was, he was so good, I creamed my jeans. I think that was in Greece. But is creaming a jean, is that something that a fella does? Or is that a lady activity? I think a fella creams a jean. No that something that a fella does? Or is that a lady activity? I think a fella creams a jean. No, a lady could cream her jean. It's a special time in a lady's life when she creams her jeans. It's the cream of some young guy, though.
Starting point is 01:16:18 Yeah, but, you know. But, like, I feel like the chicks will cream, isn't that? Yeah. They were talking about her jeans even if they didn't say it implicitly oh such a great expression i know you know what if anyone has a copy of roger's thesaurus no way bartlett's quotations yeah look up to cream your jeans to cream your dreams or not to cream your jeans that is the question that is the question absolutely whether just no um so uh we also have overheards sent to us from around the world if you want to send us an overheard you can send it into spy at maximum
Starting point is 01:16:58 fun.org uh this first one comes to us from Richard in Chicago. I am riding on a suburban Chicago commuter train. There are a half dozen teenage girls behind me mocking a music video playing on a smartphone. Girl one, she's on the Disney channel. She's like supposed to be a role model. Girl two, she can't even twerk. Yeah. How are you supposed to be a role model if you can't even twerk?
Starting point is 01:17:25 Was it Miley Cyrus you you assume uh oh i guess yeah because she did that video where she twerked oh okay i was thinking selena oh right sure absolutely who's the other one from i carly i cream of genie cream of genie eye cream of genie yeah that just popped into my head pretty great my song of the summer by the way is
Starting point is 01:17:54 by a young gal named Ariana Grande I believe is how it's pronounced she's on a Disney or Nickelodeon show called Victorious I don't know what channel it's on but the or Nickelodeon show called Victorious. Oh, yes. I don't know what channel it's on. But the song's called The Way.
Starting point is 01:18:09 It's featuring Mac Miller. If you're only getting it now, you're not too late. Summer's not over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You still have a lot of time to just get down with some funky jams, find some tasty waves. Yeah. What's your song of the summer, Jane? It's got to be the top 41, Alan Thicke's Son.
Starting point is 01:18:34 Oh, yeah. It's the worst video. James Cameron? Yeah, yeah. Have you seen the video? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With all the topless ladies. Yes, it's so bad.
Starting point is 01:18:44 And then it sounds like a song from the 80s. Like what kind of song? Aruba, yeah. With all the topless ladies. Yes, it's so bad. That's... And then it sounds like a song from the 80s. Like what kind of song? Aruba, Jamaica. Part of it in that song has a bit of that in it. Yeah, you're right. Well, the controversy around that song is also that the lyrics are like misogynistic. I don't take them as that. No, they totally are.
Starting point is 01:19:03 But I don't think any men like that song. I think the only people buying that song are women. Yeah, and they're like, ah, I believe in this song. It's my life. I believe in this song. This is that song I believe in. I'm going to get married to this song. By Kirk Cameron, Olympic's TV son.
Starting point is 01:19:22 Yeah, not James Cameron, as I previously stated. Alan Pick's TV son. Yeah, not James Cameron, as I previously stated. All right. This next one comes from Phil A. in downtown Cincinnati. I stopped at a crosswalk to wait for traffic to pass when I heard two guys in front of me say the following. Guy one, you doing that thing in August? Guy two, yeah, I think I will this year. It's been on the list for a while.
Starting point is 01:19:48 Guy 1. You're going to have to start training for it. Guy 2. I only need about a week to really prepare. Guy 1. Oh no, you need a lot longer than that. Races take time to prepare for, dude. Guy 2.
Starting point is 01:20:02 It's really more about pacing than racing. I'll be training like Kobayashi the week before. Guy kobayashi for the warrior dash guy two oh no i thought you were talking about the hot dog eating contest oh yeah you how do you train for a hot dog eating contest uh well i told you about that thing that i watched with the competitive eater that he like put all the tootsie rolls together and like made like a softball and then he would swallow it without chewing to like stretch out his esophagus. Roadie. So stuff like that. To the max.
Starting point is 01:20:34 Yeah, to the max. Absolutely. And I think probably you take a lot of stuff to make your like bowels empty out so that you can fill it up with hot dogs. You don't want to happen that on the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you probably wouldn't want to practice with hot dogs because then you'd be so sick of them. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 01:20:50 You'd practice with the bratwurst, and then a hot dog goes down super easy. Oh, yeah. I don't know why no one copies that lady that usually wins. Like, she puts the hot dog in the bun in water. Yeah. And it's like, whoa. I think everybody copies that.
Starting point is 01:21:02 Do they? Yeah. I said one of them, and then I watched. No one else was doing it. Like, I would have just dipped it in her water. Like, whoa. I think everybody copies that. Do they? Yeah. Because in one of them that I watched, no one else was doing it. Like, I would have just dipped it in her water like, fuck. Her water? There's some guy just putting, like, tons of sauerkraut on his. Yeah, I'm going to enjoy this.
Starting point is 01:21:13 Free hot dogs. That's true. Do you have to pay to get in the hot dog contest? I think usually you're sponsored. Yeah. Like by a lap band surgery company or a Rolaids. Yeah, some sort of girdle, girdle co.
Starting point is 01:21:34 Girdle works. The unbustable girdle. And you're supposed to wear it through the whole thing and if it busts you get a free girdle. I guess so. I mean, you probably a free girdle i guess so i mean you probably got that girdle yeah who's the spanx candidate uh what do you mean what was the question i mean who's running in the spanx party yeah who's like the sponsored by spanx
Starting point is 01:22:00 uh the guy that used to be on uh uh man versus. I think that guy wore a lot of Spanx. Okay. Right? Spanx aren't for dudes. They got ones for the belly. Yeah, yeah. Cinch in the belly. Oh, I thought they were only for females.
Starting point is 01:22:16 That's weird. Why? They have a hole so you can pee out of them. Well, that makes sense. Is that not disgusting? Just roll it down. I got a pair. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:25 For a wedding dress. And I was like, what's the hole? And they're disgusting? Just roll it down. I got a pair. Yeah. For like a wedding dress. And I was like, what's the hole? And they're like, so you can pee. I'm like. So you can pee on your wedding. But like, you just like, it's your waist. You can just pull it down. Yeah, but.
Starting point is 01:22:35 But someone's so lazy, like, ugh, on the toilet. Yeah, they're like, how come there's not two holes? Cut a hole. Or I pee. This last one comes from Meredith W. Also, all men's underwear has a hole for you to pee. Yeah. It's a little flap.
Starting point is 01:22:51 That's so weird. Yeah, it is weird. I don't use it. Yeah, no. I don't know anybody who does. In fact, if I saw somebody using it, I'd be like, what the fuck? Wouldn't that be weird? Why would you be watching someone close enough?
Starting point is 01:23:02 Well, yeah, that's a good question, I guess. Well, yeah. What am I supposed to do when I'm at the Great Wolf Lodge? I don't like this one. I was going to say, hear the wolf. Yeah. This last one comes from Meredith in Boston. When my co-worker stepped away from her desk a few minutes ago, I walked over to steal some tissues from her desk.
Starting point is 01:23:22 And her iPod was just sitting there with earbuds plugged in uh like she just paused the music while she left her desk and the image on the screen where it should have been the album artwork she's listening to the cheetos podcast new this week crunch crunch chester cheetah presents oh yeah yeah oh chester cheetah like radio play series i'd download that yeah oh he's just skateboarding away with our cheetos again yeah it's forever not easy being cheesy oh yeah i forgot i forgot what he was he's called he called cheetah with the sunglasses yeah and a backwards hat yeah skateboard maybe yeah absolutely skateboard high
Starting point is 01:24:22 tops kind of cool like like, you know, low pace. Not like a cheetah at all. Yeah, no, he was cool. Like, as in, he smoked pot and ate cheetahs all the time. Like, cool, Chester. Squandered his speed. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us to do a rap from the 80s or with your overheards, our number is 206-339-8328.
Starting point is 01:24:54 Hi, Dave and Graham and guests. This is Ben from Boston calling with an overheard. I was just out buying a table, and as I was looking around in Target, this guy wanders up to the lady who works there and asks where the onesies are. And she says, well, the baby section is over this way. And he says, no, I want onesies for adults. over this way and he says no I want one piece
Starting point is 01:25:23 for adults that became that was a like a thing I feel like a couple years ago like hey it's a throwback
Starting point is 01:25:32 to when you were a kid no I think it was I think that guy's a perv I think that guy wants to do well not a perv I mean we all do our own
Starting point is 01:25:39 weird dumb sex things but that's this guy's do you think like he wants to be dressed up like a baby yeah but could they do have adult they do right I just work sex things, but that's this guy's. Do you think he wants to be dressed up like a baby? Yeah. But they do have adult... They do, right?
Starting point is 01:25:48 I want one. Speaking of the holes, that's butt flap. The red ones. They're at Mark Hart Warehouse. That's crazy. It'd be good for wintertime. I wouldn't use it. I'd unbutton it, but they're just cozy. Would you, Jane? Jane, once you've figured out how to use the butt flap?
Starting point is 01:26:05 I'd be fine unbuttoning it. You have like a quick release cord. Yeah, it is. It does seem comfortable until you have to, until you're drinking, you know, eight glasses of water a day. Yeah, exactly. And then you're taking it off. Like, you've got to take the shoulders off to go. Yeah, it's a whole costume.
Starting point is 01:26:25 Like, you basically have to take the entire thing off to do anything. They don't do for adults now the foot. Remember that was like plastic. The footie pajamas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so hot. I think they don't have the foot part now. For gripping.
Starting point is 01:26:37 Oh, like, yeah, footie pajamas? Is that what they were called? No, like the onesie when we were younger was like it had the foot as well, and it would just be the plastic. Like babies don't have the foot thing anymore? It's just material. It's not like. I do remember like.
Starting point is 01:26:50 It was white plastic. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Why was that? In case it had to hit the streets? Like why? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:26:57 I don't know. It was just so you knew where the feet were, I guess. Uh-oh, we got his head in the plastic. I want to get a pair of those just like matching top and bottom. Like the Huxtables? Oh, yeah, like a classy dad. Yeah, yeah. Smoking a pipe, reading a newspaper.
Starting point is 01:27:15 Yeah. LBJ died. LBJ is still dead. Yeah, I don't know, man. But it's the whole idea of like the top and bottom pajamas. Even when I was a kid, I was like, this is so uncomfortable. It's like an outfit, you know? Like I had to switch it up.
Starting point is 01:27:35 I had to wear a T-shirt with the pants. I forget where I was. I was somewhere where like I had to be overnight somewhere with other people I knew. And everyone made fun of me because I owned pajamas and I wasn't sleeping in my boxer shorts. Like a vagrant. Vagrant. I think when my dad left home, my grandmother gave him a pair of pajamas in a box, like sealed in plastic.
Starting point is 01:28:01 He still has them. They're still sealed in plastic. Oh, wow. Antiques roadshow time. Yeah. He still has them. They're still sealed in plastic. Oh, wow. Yeah. Antiques roadshow time. Yeah. He's like, this is what your grandmother gave me on the way out the door. And I've had them ever since. Still in the plastic thing.
Starting point is 01:28:14 Never worn. People have to wear them. But anyone I know does not wear pajamas. Like guys, top and bottom. My grandfather did. He wore top and bottom. Real snazzy maroon color. R-A-G.
Starting point is 01:28:27 Yeah, I wear bottoms with a t-shirt. Yeah. But I want the top and bottom. I wear like a Tarzan kind of shirt. See, when I was younger, girls would wear the dress. It was like a cotton dress, but they stopped. They don't make them anymore. Wouldn't that have been super uncomfortable? It'd go up here. You'd wake up and it was like a cotton dress, but they stopped. They don't make them anymore. Wouldn't that have been super
Starting point is 01:28:45 uncomfortable? It'd go up here. You'd wake up and it was like, straggling you like a scarf. Yeah, because I remember when I was the first girl that told me like, oh yeah, girls don't sleep with bras on. And I was like, what? I was like, wowie, wow.
Starting point is 01:29:01 Yeah. Some girls do. You're. Yeah. Some girls do. You're like 28. Some girls sleep with bras on. Really? No. They fall asleep drunk. They pass out with a bra on.
Starting point is 01:29:15 Yeah, but I don't know why that was such a, like, you know, whenever I found that out. That blew your mind? Of course. I didn't know how bras worked. I didn't know when they were on, off. I said they were always on. I shower in mine. I just assumed they were like a multifunctional...
Starting point is 01:29:31 What did I know? That would be like a guy that plays baseball. Like, wears his jockstrap all the time. You never know. Yeah, exactly. Do they? You might get an inside pitch in your dreams. Here's your next phone call.
Starting point is 01:29:47 Cream your dreams. Hey, this is Laura calling in with an overheard. I was walking in downtown Chicago, and there was a group of maybe four or five teenage girls, and then one sort of dumpy teenage boy sort of falling behind them. And one of the girls was saying, oh, it's so annoying.
Starting point is 01:30:11 Everyone has to pay attention to her. She's really self-centered. Everyone has to be paying attention to her when she talks. And then the sort of dumpy boy in the background said, well, to be fair, she is the teacher. And then all the four girls turned around and gave him a big look.
Starting point is 01:30:28 Who are you anyways? I'm your conscience. Oh, man. I'm trying to think if I know that dumpy boy. I'm trying to picture him in my head as somebody... Oh, yeah. He's in love with one of these girls. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:47 But does one of the girls kind of think of him as a brotherly type, and that's why he's allowed to hang out? Yeah, I think of you as like a brother. That's why you can watch me change. Right? Oh, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:09 Girls don't wear bras. A sports bra maybe a friend of mine used to sleep with a sports bra in her 20s why because she had big breasts okay all right she's tiny like 100 pounds and double d's what so it just hurt i guess while she rolled over or something yeah i guess all right well. Well, good for her. Best wishes. What was that? I don't know. Here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham.
Starting point is 01:31:36 This is Benjamin Bates out in Halifax with an overheard for you. I worked down on the waterfront in a little t-shirt shop and I was overheard a young, a little girl saying bye to some jellyfish that she'd seen in the harbor. She says, bye, jellyfish.
Starting point is 01:31:54 And then she sees another one. She says, oh, there's another jellyfish. She says, bye, jellyfish. And at once, the mom and dad who were with her say, that's a garbage bag. Bye, garbage bag. My garbage bag. There's so much beauty in the world. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 01:32:13 I'm going to cry. Now, if you out there in the world want to get in touch with us with an overheard, you can call us 206-339-8328 or spy at maximumfund.org. Now, Jane, this brings us to the end of the program. I know you're thinking about tacos. I can see it on your face. I was. Yeah. Legitimate embarrassment that we read your thoughts.
Starting point is 01:32:41 Yeah. You got a real tell. You got a real tell. You got a real taco tell. I was drooling. Just holding your hand like in the shape of a taco. Where can people find you if they want to find you online? Or find you at your house. I live at.
Starting point is 01:32:58 I'm in the house with no blinds on it. Or doors. Or doors. You can just walk in to my house. My parents insist that I live in a house without doors. Can't be trusted. My car has no doors. I drive a Jeep.
Starting point is 01:33:16 I run Corduroy on Wednesday night in Kitsilano. That's a comedy room, a comedy show. Comedy show. On Cornwall Street. 1943 Cornwall. Yep. Wall. Wall.
Starting point is 01:33:29 Yeah. A wall. That's about it. Not a well of corn. That's about it. Twitter? Can people find you on Twitter? No?
Starting point is 01:33:38 Yeah, not Jane Stanton. Not Jane Stanton. So anything, any other name but Jane Stanton. Add Bill Clinton. We'll get you to Jane Stanton. So anything, any other name but Jane Stanton. Add Bill Clinton. We'll get you to Jane Stanton. So Corduroy, every Wednesday, 1943 Cornwall. And do you have a website? Not right now.
Starting point is 01:33:58 Do you have it? I haven't done it. iCloud happened, so then it went away because it was through my MacBook Pro. Oh, and now gone. These are rich people problems. I need someone to make it for me. I don't know what to do. Your website is in heaven.
Starting point is 01:34:13 It's in the iCloud. We don't have anything to plug. We don't even know. When is this coming out? August? August? Oh, yeah. Yeah, mid-August sometimeust oh yeah yeah uh mid-august
Starting point is 01:34:25 oh yeah uh head over to uh maximumfund.org check out the blog recap to see pictures and videos relating to the content of the podcast uh james rap video yeah yes um you know uh i don't know some sort of reference to creaming of jeans. Oh, I don't think so. Oh, the ad for Great Wolf Lodge with the theme song. Sure. It's a great wolf lodge and here we go. Rap solo. There you go.
Starting point is 01:35:02 And yeah, you can head over to iTunes, leave us a review if you enjoyed the show. Tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.