Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 284 - Charlie Demers

Episode Date: August 25, 2013

Charlie Demers returns to talk babymaking, lottery tickets, and game shows.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 284 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a real 90s bitch, Dave Shumka. Oh, I don't care. I love it. Yeah, you do love it.

Did you crash your car into a bridge? Mm-hmm. I watched I Let It Burn. I don't know who that song's by. Iconopop? Is that two gals? Two gals from Sweden. And a synth yeah yeah and and

not the greatest grasp on english i mean they're the it's fine but they it's weird when you actually hear a song sung and you hear the a little bit of accent in a pop song yeah and it's also who are they talking to that's from the 70s in that song? Oh, yeah. Their father, I guess? Yeah. Is it their father that's mad at them for crashing the car? Maybe it's Abba.

Oh! They're countrymen from the 70s. A real, yeah. They're talking to either Benny or Bjorn. Wow. And our guest on this episode. Or Bjorn Borg, also from the 70s. Sweden's doing great, right?

Every couple of years, they put out a real something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweden's one of the top countries. It's like looking down from north to south. Yeah. And our guest today on Top Country Countdown. And our guest today on Top Country Countdown Repeat guest One of our all-time favorite guests

Very funny comedian Author And playwright You're writing a play that's coming out around Christmas time I am Mr. Charlie Demers is our guest Thank you very much Is there a manger?

Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Now, what is the name of the play? You tweeted about it. So the play is called, first of all, thank you for having me. That's just me thanking you for having me. No, that's just me thanking you for having me.

Is this all part of the title? Am I interrupting you? Sorry, because I've never, I don't think I, because I feel a little bit proud, because I think usually I jump in with something obnoxious before I've been introduced. And I'm just growing, I guess, as a podcast guest. Absolutely. And just as a human. Yeah, there it is.

How many beans did you eat today? Do I have to answer that question? So, yes. No, I'm writing a children's play. The show is called An East Van Panto is what it's called. And so a panto is like – so I just learned about this in order to write the thing. But a panto is like um it's a british uh tradition and it's like they do these kind of quirky irreverent uh sort of

version yeah panto well it's a short for pantomime is it the fresh maker was that from mentos yeah yeah pretty good i uh i was trying to make a pants coat joke so can i get back to my play about a couple of guys carrying a car out of an awkward parking spot um i hope everyone remembers that one the other one was was the guy in the suit, and he sits on paint, so he makes it a pinstripe suit and has the Mentos. Oh, no. Okay. I forgot. Oh, no.

Sorry. So there was a Mentos commercial where somebody parked a car. I forget. I think it was kind of a sexy lady. It doesn't matter what comes. Yeah, that's true. I think those might have been Swedes. and and then that's true i think those might have been swedes um so uh anyhow um some so a panto is like this thing in britain and they do it it's at christmas but it's not like christmas themed

right and it's like you do kind of an irreverent take uh on like a a standard fairy tale um is usually one of like six and then um the kids can like there's a lot of uh yeah there's a lot of booing and hissing of bad guys and cheering of good guys and bad guys saying like oh yes it is and then the kids going oh no it isn't uh is it a lot of the heroes asking the kids like i don't know where it could yeah there's a lot of the heroes asking the kids, like, I don't know where it could possibly be? Yeah, there's a lot of, like, he's behind you. That's, like, a big part of it. But then there's also supposed to be, like, kind of bawdy jokes for the grown-ups. And then, like, little kind of political or, like, local stuff. Oh, okay.

So anyway, so this one is, like. For who? For the protesters outside? For the mayor. So anyway, this... It's really fun. It's actually... So basically, I think this is...

I think... So it's Theater Replacement is the theater company and it's the show that's going to be opening the new location of the CULT, which is the East Van Cultural Center, kind of a really cool theater in town. There's a new location now? Yeah, so where the Raja Cinema used to be just down the street next to Nick's Spaghetti House, which if you're ever at the track and Spaghetti Mouse is running, that's the horse

that's owned by Nick's Spaghetti House. Oh, weird. Yeah, Spaghetti Mouse is the name of the horse. Wait a minute. No, that's not a thing, right? Spaghetti Mouse? Yeah, well, I mean, as far as horse names go, it's the most sensical. Nick's Spaghetti House is still open.

Yep. Okay. I thought somebody told me that it was closing down. Oh, it could be. I've never actually eaten there. No, I don't know anybody who has, but it's a classic. Have you eaten there? No.

I've been told I should. I've been told it's good. Yeah, I think that's the thing with it. I think everybody's like- Yeah, that was the review. It's good. Well, no, but because with a gluten wife, no gluten wife. With a gluten bed wife.

Yeah, exactly. You know, you can't pitch a big plate of spaghetti for a night out or whatever. If you go on Thursday night, I heard that Spaghetti Mouse is there. He'll bite your menu. So anyway, the play's going to be there. At the spaghetti house? Right next to it. You'll be able to hear Spaghetti Mouse clip-clopping around all through the show.

You know, biting menus, as Graham says. Rolling meatballs around with his snout. Yeah, you used to be my friend. Eating sugar cubes dipped in tomato sauce. Like a real spaghetti mouse. So what is the play, the East Van Christmas?

So the East Van Panto is... So usually it's one of it's either Aladdin or I think Cinderella is one that's often done, Puss in Boots. I forget. But the one we're doing, we're doing Jack and the Beanstalk. Oh, okay.

But it's like kind of hyper-local kind of – so like it's – The Beanstalk's organic. No. Well, yeah. Like the Beanstalk is – but like the – even more than that, like instead of throwing the beans out the window, Jack's mom throws the beans in the basement and he feels sorry for them. So he turns on the lamp to keep them warm and bright and they grow up through the house. So it's like a grow up? Yeah, exactly.

That's very funny. Yeah. No. So like there's all kinds of stuff like that. The giant's going to eat Jack, but Jack convinces the giant that he's made of gluten, so he shouldn't eat him. It's just kind of... Nick Spaghetti House is going to protest. Not to mention your wife. Yeah.

Come get some Eastman pesto. That's what their pickets will say. But no, it's like it's really fun. And so I wrote the first draft of the script. And on what was it, Monday, we were in workshops with the cast. And they're just like super fine. It's really neat because you like write this script. And then you hear them like read it and actors they're not like um like like i find comedians or like i find myself right like

if i'm on stage i'll you know i'll be on or whatever but otherwise you kind of it's tough to like really bring it to like a table read or whatever but actors just like they just get like right. So they're just like doing crazy voices and it's, they're not like, yeah, no, so neat. Like it's so funny. And wow. No. So it's really cool to like write something and then people like sit down and do it.

And then, you know, like, oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I get it. Yeah. A pantsless panto. Yeah. Heavy pantoing is the documentary.

That's the body stuff for the grown-ups. Yeah. Kids don't need to understand that. Yeah, but there will be fucking. Yeah. What is Jack doing? Yeah. Why are there veins on the beanstalk?

It's just horrifying. It's a nightmare hellscape. From the nightmare visionary Charlie DeMers. A reimagining. You'll be jacking to this beanstalk. A reimagining de-enjoyifying yeah it's just called jacking the beans oh no oh i'm gonna get fired so anyway so yeah no i'm writing that and uh that's a lot of fun and i'm uh you know i want

because i kind of like so i'm writing this kid thing and this is like the first really kind of kid thing that i've ever uh written yeah and you're entering this phase of your well yeah because this is and i think this is my first time on the show since uh absolutely since losing your virginity since finding out about losing my virginity. Since finding out about losing my virginity. Charlie, that thing that happened to you? We need to talk about it. Since I peed on a stick and I came up, and no virgin! And I ran.

Next Spaghetti House brand pregnancy or virginity test. You're a no virgin. You're having a spicy meatball. Finding out you're going to be a father. Yeah, I'm going to be a father. Which, congratulations. Thank you very much.

Thank you. I'm very excited. And so, yeah, I'm going to be a dad in December. And actually, like, it will happen at some point during the run of the children's play. Oh, wow. And so we're going to keep Kara, my wife, in kind of a David Blaine-esque manger. Yeah, manger. Yeah.

On stage. Kara's always wanted to have a manger birth, right? Yeah, absolutely. Kara's always wanted to have a manger birth, right? Yeah, absolutely. Now, the way that you told me that your wife was pregnant, we were out at lunch and you... Peed on a stick. And you were like, what about this? I was like, Charlie, no.

That's a breadstick. I'm just sympathy peeing. You said, oh, Kara's stomach isn't feeling well yeah she went to the doctor and then you showed me a picture on your phone and i was like oh is this like a like one of those things where they put the camera down your throat and this is a picture of her stomach and i was like why are you showing me this? At lunch of all times and places. But I really couldn't, because I don't, I mean, I know what those, what are they called? Ultrasounds.

I was going to say Mimeo. I got a Gestetner of my little fetus. Yeah, I've only, you know, I don't see them often. No, and also, like, normally you wouldn't see one from that early in a pregnancy. But you knew a guy. Well, yeah, I know. I got backstage pass. I don't want to brag.

And also, if you ever wanted to see this guy's horse race. Jeez. Ultrastellium. Altrestallion I No because So we had to go for a dating ultrasound Like I don't even

It's like It's right after fifth wheel Yeah Remember when they used to run those all in a block You could just watch all the Blind date Blind date, fifth wheel yeah before when they used to run those all in a block you can just watch all the blind date fifth wheel whatever dating ultrasound dating ultrasound date boat yeah yeah we're gonna go to kung fu lessons then we're gonna go on a dating ultrasound no so dating ultrasounds is like when they just try and figure out how old the baby is. If you don't have a super regular cycle or whatever, then they can't.

Of banging? Yeah. No, of. I know. Yeah. Okay. What if they found out the baby was like 700 years old? Good news and bad news.

Your baby looks like five-ish shvinkles. Yeah. Your baby is also Nosferatu. Your baby looks like five-ish shvinkles. Your baby is also Nosferatu. Your baby is a nomad mummified in the Alps. We still could be having an Alps baby. We don't know.

And we don't want to know. We want to be surprised. Just don't tell us if it's a mummy. Don't tell us if it's a baby with a heart and brain and eyes. Which are you hoping for? You know what? We'll just be as long as it's healthy. Well, don't paint that nursery yet. Oh, that's true.

Doing that bit like Alps theme. Or like drawing hieroglyphics. Make the mummy baby. I mean, who's the mummy? Who's the baby? Oh yeah, absolutely. Who gets to wear that shirt?

New mummy. I just got a couple. Very silly. Yeah. Um, but, uh, so yeah,

no, so it's kind of neat to be, uh, um, yeah, working on a thing that's like kind of kid. Um, uh, and then, um, yeah, it's kind of neat to be working on a thing that's kind of kid. Yeah. And then...

I hate to break it to you. Yeah. The baby will not enjoy this. Well, they'll like the body stuff. Yeah. We're going to be really writing it broad. Some parts of it really broad. The baby will be struggling to recognize faces.

Like Brad Pitt. Yeah, exactly. really broad that's what i like the baby will be struggling to recognize faces like brad pitt yeah yeah exactly we were discussing before the podcast you said that was it you that said that brad pitt has what do you have face blindness were you not sure if it was me or which one of you guys said yeah brad pitt has face blindness or some or he claims that's one of those uh that seems like something out of like, you know, Twilight Zone or Night Gallery. Like, you'll be the most handsome man in America, but you won't be able to see yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I think he knows what like parts of his face are. But do you think like in his head, does he know what a face is?

I don't know. Do attractive people recognize themselves as attractive? Sure, they do. I guess so. I guess there's like... Practicing my dad jokes. I guess there's like narcissists who just can gaze at themselves. Yeah, and like isn't there something about like there's a certain symmetry?

Jays? And like, isn't there, isn't there something about like, there's a certain symmetry. Jays. No, I was going to try and carve something out, but saving it for the panther. That gets canceled as soon as this hits the internet waves. But like, isn't there like a certain, like people are just naturally understand symmetry and like are are naturally drawn towards looking at it. So if you had a really super symmetrical face, you would want to look at it all the time. Am I way off here? No, I've heard that before.

But then why are those photos where people do the crazy mirror splits not sexy? Because wouldn't those be the most symmetrical possible images you could... Yeah, that's true. Also, Tom Cruise, if you split his face down the middle, he's got a tooth right in the middle of his face. The way his smile is, he's got like one of his front teeth is to the left. I think he just got that fixed. Really? Yeah, I think...

Did he have it split into two teeth? I think he just braced them over. He had braces? Yeah, at like 50. Wow. And I hear he paid his lawyer a retainer. Fanta. Well, Tom Cruise, huh?

Yeah. I don't know. Well, I don't know. I never heard that Brad Pitt was face blind, but now I kind of like him. Now I feel for him. What if you could select faces to not be able to see? Oh, yeah. Oh, that would be pretty good.

What face would I want to see? Wait, my own is the number one on the list. Donald Trump would be number one on the list. Oh, really? Your own is the number one on the list? Oh, yeah. Imagine never having to see your own face again. But it'd be very weird because you'd be like, is there something on it?

You know, like I just had noodles. All by touch. Mine would be people like from high school so that I wouldn't just have to pretend I didn't see them. Ah, you'd be legitimately not seeing them. I would legitimately walk past them and not snub them. And then just go, isn't that sad why didn't we stop them yeah the yeah Donald Trump well there's a the boys about ten kinds of scumbag that guy what and it's cool and I've I remember I remember when we were getting married.

You and Donald Trump? No, yay. I support that joke. And the marriage that spawned it. So when I was marrying Kara after leaving Donald, I had this – I had to go buy – my dad, as leaving Donald's, I had to go buy it. My dad, as my wedding gift, I got a suit tailored for me at Angelo's on the drive. And I just needed a tie and shoes. And I told you this story before where we found the shoes in a snowbank.

And you were like, I would have returned them. And then it made me feel guilty about the story. But I just kept these shoes that I found in the snowbank. Still have them. Still break them out for special occasions. But. They're snowshoes. I was married at the top of Seymour.

So then we were looking for a tie. And I found the perfect, perfect tie. But then I flipped it, and it was a Trump brand whatever. And so I was like, well, I'm not getting married in a Donald Trump tie or whatever. But you did get married at Trump's casino, which was weird. Yeah, I'm not crazy. And then we wrote our own vows. And the vows went, you're fired from being single

but then uh we were buying a bed we bought a new bed uh that was delivered today um but uh trumpopedic no but trump does have a line of mattresses yeah and we got on these this mattress and we were like this is a pretty good mattress and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we got on this mattress and we were like, this is a pretty good mattress. And then we saw there was a Trump and we're like, I don't think we're going to sleep on a Donald Trump bed. No. And so we bought a different bed. Don't sleep on that. Yeah.

Don't sleep on that deal. What is it? Queen? Yeah. I tried to think of something funny. Also, people who have lines of furniture, Cindy Crawford. Right. And we tried a Cindy Crawford chair, and they were nice, but one thing that's happening now with recliners is they're having plug-in recliners, where you just put your finger over a sensor, and that's what makes it go up or down.

But you plug it in. Oh, yeah, for the fridge inside. Right. Yeah. But, like, isn't that, it's like the whole thing of, like, you know your joke about helium? Yeah. I feel like, similarly, there'll be these things where, like, 30 years from now, kids will be like, so, wait, you knew that the whole civilization was using too much energy.

And we're like, yeah. And that's when you decided to make picture frames that plugged in and couches that always had to be plugged in. But then they will show you, this is a DVD of our prophet from the time, Tim Allen, who said more power. More power to you. So you can see how we were confused. And when we were confused, you know what we said? I don't think so, Tim. I remember seeing the side of Wilson's face once in an episode.

He kind of darted across a hallway. Wilson was... The neighbor. Was Brad Pitt's favorite character. Yeah. I was going to make a Wilson picket joke, but... Oh, yeah. Wilson picket fence.

No, stick with it. So, you, get working on that. I wonder if that's how they came up with the name. Because actually... Yeah. That's as good a reason as any for that. Because logically, your joke actually didn't make sense. I'm just here to have fun.

No, but that's what I mean. It was like a tale of two jokes where it seemed like, oh, Dave's is the clear winner. Then wait a minute, once we go back and look at the tape, Graham's makes sense. There's a lot of potential there. I haven't read A Tale of Two Cities, but at the end, was it the best of times? Well, let's go back to the tape. Now, I guess when they would go out

for the curtain call in Home Improvement... Oh yeah, he would have a tiny little fence that he held over his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah because I saw they did it instead of bloopers at the end of one episode yeah but he oh no like a pro like it wasn't a secret dude like they didn't change his name in the credits or anything oh and he wasn't like a guy although it was kind of pre-internet so he couldn't easily go look him up yeah that. That's true. And it's not like they picked him from obscurity.

I think he was Marilyn Manson. Do you know that Marilyn Manson is Wilson? He was far better than Marilyn Manson. Than Wilson. Yeah. Was that like the last pre-internet rumor? I feel like the last one that I remember not being able to check. Ubble?

Yeah, Ubble. Like the telescope. Hey, that's what my French-Canadian family members call that telescope. You've been following with the Hubble spacecraft? There was a rumor that Rowan Atkinson, who played Mr. Bean, had died. Oh. And I remember that was not easily... Perfect headline, if that ever did happen, was Mr. B-E-E-N.

Mr. Bean. Yes. Like when he dies? Mm-hmm. God forbid. Although in America they pronounce it Bin. Mr. Bin-E-E-N. Mr. Bean. Yes. Like when he dies? Mm-hmm. God forbid. Although in America they pronounce it Bin. Mr. Bin? Yeah.

No, no, no. Well, B-E-E-N they pronounce. Bin. B-E-E. What? Well, the word we pronounce Bean like- Bean around the world. Yeah.

Oh, they say Bin around the world. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. So when Americans come up to Canada and see our coffee chain Bean around the world, are they like, what does that mean? What fun pun is that? What is that a play on? I just know because people make fun of our American listeners.

That we say bean? We say bean. That's one of the weird Canadianisms. Really? Yeah. And they say bin. Sorry about that. Sorry. One of their big Canadianisms. Really? Yeah. Spell it, jerks. Yeah. Sorry about that. Sorry.

Roof. One of their big enemies was a bin. Yeah. Yeah. With bean. Yeah. But that's like there's a hairdresser at like Maine and 30, I want to say like 33, anyways, right up by the baseball park.

And it's like, it's called Salon Yours. And the way it's phrased, you're like, well, that sounds like a play on something. But what? It's all yours. It's on. Salon Yours. But I don't think it is. But Salon Yours sounds like a pun.

But you're right. But I don't think it is. But I don't think it is. It's inscrutable. Yeah, it is. salon yours sounds like a pun but you're right but i don't think it is but i don't think it is inscrutable yeah it is it's inscrutable i uh yeah weird i used to work with an old portuguese guy and instead of saying um it's up to you he'd go same to you and that i started saying it to my wife and now I can never say it's up to you it's just you always she goes well where do you want to go? you want to go to this?

where do you want to go? same to you I used to work with a Russian guy who thought that the slang for peeing was puke so he would always say I just gotta go puke

you're dumb yeah not him just gotta go puke. Dumb. Not him. Everything. We were puke poor back in Russia. Puke like a racehorse. Piss, puke, like it's, you know, whatever. If you're just learning the language. This really pukes me off.

And his last name was pukes me off. Oh, man. This is all first-rate stuff. So in the expected parenthood state, is it more exciting? The baby's due in December. Let me do some reverse math. You're in the middle?

We're like, yeah, we're like two weeks from today. No, two weeks from Sunday, I guess, we'll be like, because this is basically like 40 weeks. So you're past the terrible twos. Right? Yeah. And then it's like, this is 40. Get out of there.

No, so, yeah, we're, like, halfway. She's not, like, she's showing, like, to me. All the time. Like, just opening her jacket. Now showing. But, like, and, like, I'm sure if you were to see her, you would know, like, you know what I mean? But it's not like if she's walking down the street. People people aren't like offering their seats on the bus or anything like that. Like she doesn't look pregnant.

Right. Some people at her point really do. That's the crazy thing about it. It's like you're having kids or being pregnant. It's like one of these things that like everyone has to give you advice about it of course like it's not one of those things that like people like if you had your tonsils out like oh yeah i have my tonsil too i wouldn't say like you know what the thing you gotta do is you gotta do this but everyone tells you like about being pregnant but then they all know and then acknowledge after they said it

they're like but it's different for everyone. And it is different for like everyone. It's crazy. Because you look at, because Kara was like, am I supposed to be this small still? And like went online and like Google imaged like 17 weeks pregnant. Google imaged Mr. Bean still alive, question mark. Exactly.

And some women are like, wait, did the character die? Yeah. That's why it's so hard to find out the truth. He was asphyxiated in a turkey. He was killed by Johnny English. So she Googled pictures of pregnant ladies to see how she. Well, and I was was like just use my folder but uh yeah google immediately suggests this based on your search history she's like why did

this come up so quick um but uh they uh and so yeah some some women look like you know they're already doing the hands in the small background. Doing a week one if I'm the only one. That's the greatest. Just sweatpants the whole rest of life. Barefoot. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Take off my Sunday shoes. I bought for her birthday, which was in late June. I was like, okay, you know what? She's going to want to buy a bunch of nice clothes or whatever. Okay, you know what? She's going to want to buy a bunch of nice clothes or whatever. So I bought her this quite big gift certificate for this maternity. Like a novelty check? Yeah, exactly.

I presented her with a novelty check. No, but I went higher than normal birthday rate because I was just like, oh, you know, it'll be a nice treat to get to go buy nice clothes. It was like a big hit as a present. And then a friend of ours was like, you can have all my beautiful maternity clothes. And she's like the same size as Kara. And her baby was born the day before our due date. So everything is seasonally appropriate to exactly the size of

after I just finished saying, it's different for everyone. Not different enough. Not different enough for my birthday gift to be special. So, anyway, real bum rush. Like a real... It's really changed, the maternity clothes thing.

Because it used to be like just... Moo-moos. Yeah. Or you maybe would be able to find a pair of pants that had a panel. I remember when I was in grade nine, our teacher was a woman. And she was like a young woman, a childbearing age. And she... Her name was Spike.

And she wore this dress that was like black on top until like mid chest and then white below and kind of loose fitting and one of the the students in the class said oh i like your dress and she said i'm not pregnant it was just like the way it was the way the dress was designed it looked like a maternity dress. But she just snapped. I guess she'd been asked like 10 times. What's the label? Ultrasound. Yeah, the whole thing has changed.

It's like a fashionable situation. Yeah, now it's like really nice stuff. But I think there's also like the downside of it is that I think there's like a lot more pressure on pregnant women now. To like look good? Yeah, exactly. Like don't gain too much weight and go out and do this and do that and have a six pack on top of the baby. And it's really – I think it can be really tough for a lot of women. Is there pressure on you as a man to do anything? Like, what's your role?

Oh, like pregnancy-wise? I thought you meant body image. No, no, no, no. No, yeah. I don't know. I mean, I guess, like, you feel sort of useless, right? I mean, like, I talk to the kid., like I'll read stories or sing songs or whatever. And what does Kara think of this?

Do you work out new material? Yeah. I go, listen, what do you think of this? Do you know those? Well, will you know those commercials? Well, I mean, I do worry like if I'm singing to the baby or playing it music or whatever. And I said this on Twitter, too. I hope it likes it, but it could just be like Noriega in the embassy getting blasted out by the Americans.

By the Branch Davidians. There's no... Wait, I might have stuff wrong. David Koresh was president of Panama, right? Yeah. But because it's not big enough yet where if it doesn't like something, it can just punch out at the stomach. No, but this is what our GP said. He was like, you know, once it gets bigger, then it can let you know.

My GP. Oh, your GP. Okay. I was watching The Doctor. Yeah. I just keep waiting for Dr. Oz to come up with Jermaine. Jackson? Jermaine Jackson.

Now to tell you ladies more about yogurt. Jermaine Jackson. But you shouldn't worry too much about that because as a dad, you're still going to play music in the car that your kid hates. Yeah, absolutely. Until they're 18. I think when your child is born, you're given a copy of Graceland. Yeah, Graceland's going to be played heavily. My dad would do that.

He would have an album that he would just... I just remember distinctly, like, Patsy Cline's greatest hits, The Phantom of the Opera. Oh, Phantom of the Opera, yeah. Les Miserables. Yeah, that was us. What was... There was other...

Definitely Graceland. That was a heavy hitter in the car. Oh, George Michael, Faith. Your dad is a... Homosexual. Let's get that out of the car. Oh, George Michael Faith. Your dad is a homosexual. Let's get that out of the bag and out of the bag and onto our chest. Gay dad equals

a lot more George Michael than us. It's less Paul Simon more Paul and Simon. So, yeah, no. He never had Graceland, I don't think. But, like...

My mom's car, we would listen to Motown, and my dad's car, we would listen to... But your old car was from Detroit. Yeah. Yeah. To Brotown. I was going to say O-Town, but you got... The boy band. to Bro-Town. I was going to say O-Town, but you got it. Boy band.

Oh, I get that. I forgot that they maybe based it off of Motown. Well, where were they? They were from Orlando. Orlando, yeah. Oh, I thought they were Irish. Oh, O-Town. Yeah, wasn't it O-Town?

Yeah. Why was Ikaika pulled out of the group? I don't know what that question is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this from making Da Band? Oh, no. You guys are way beneath me in O-Town knowledge.

Yeah, way beneath. I was only really into Ashley Parker Angel. Was Akika the one who was sort of like... He was Hawaiian. He was Hawaiian. He had a bit of a temper? Oh, yeah. He had a Hawaiian temper.

A volcanic temper. Oh, you know why he was kicked out? Why? He wouldn't do stuff with Lou Perlman. Oh yeah, because Lou Perlman kept saying, give me a lay, give me a lay, and he refused. Oh, Lou Perlman, I forgot, that story ended very badly. Why? Is he... Oh, isn't he still doing that? No, he's the Pope of Songsville. By which I mean he molests kids.

And sits in a gold chair. Yeah. Has Prada slippers. Yeah. There's a new Lou Pearlman elected every time one passes off. Is that what you want? No, but isn't Lou Pearlman... Ooh, girl, you're giving me white smoke.

Isn't Lou Pearlman... Ooh, girl, you're giving me white smoke. Isn't Lou Pearlman still making... I got a conclave in my trousers. I don't know. Is this going to get us sued by Lou Pearlman? Oh, I hope so. No, no, no, no. I always wanted him to open a bubble tea shop called Lou's Pearls, man. Yeah?

Yeah. Why not? Why not Ron or Rhea? Oh, yeah. I guess I could send them the perspectives. Yeah, your business plan. Rhonda's pearls, man. Hey, did she get back together with Danny DeVito?

Apparently they're back together. Oh, that makes me very happy. Yeah. I just saw her in a film. They deserve each other in a good way. Was she in The Sessions? The Sessions, yes. I just, Helen Hunt, nude for almost the whole film.

Oh, great. Yeah. She's a... Someone tell 17-year-old me to stop trying to find racy bits of Mad About You to masturbate to. And get on over to The Sessions. Murray, get out of here. She's got her clothes on now. Not so much.

That movie is actually... I enjoyed it. Because she speaks with this very like... You know, like a Boston accent. And at one point... Very sexy. She says to the guy... Are you hot?

She says, penis and vagina all the way. Really? That's my favorite line from pretty much any movie. Oh, man. I got to check it out. Penis and vagina all the way. So what's that? He's disabled and he gets a hooker?

No, she's like a sex therapist. She's like, yeah, a registered hooker. Yeah. And he's a guy that's in an iron lung, so he can only move his head. Wow. And so, it's based on a true story. But his penis works? Yeah. Everything works, he can't move his limbs.

Like sleep paralysis. Yeah, he's in a bed his whole life. Diving bell. He goes to university. Bonerfly. Yeah. Diving bell and the bonerfly was the working title. Because he didn't want anybody to know what it was about. Oh, and so he gets to have sex with Helen Hunt. Yeah.

Who's like, I'm punched in. Let's screw. And she's really funny. Oh, that's nice. And there's just a line where he's like, so did we actually have sex there? And she goes, yep. Penis and vagina. All the way.

Can he tell? Yes. Because. Does he have sex there? And she goes, yep, penis and vagina. Can he tell? Yes. Does he have vagina blindness? Pretty great. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, I'm not having a baby or nothing. But, well, a few maybe years ago at this point i believe i described a situation on the podcast where i saw a guy fall off a bike um and he was fine uh it was just embarrassing

for him right i think i remember this i didn't i didn't help him because i thought that would like if i was in that situation – Oh, and then he killed your Uncle Ben. Is this a – Spider-Man. Spider-Man or Rice. It's a Rice-related story. Killed your Aunt Jemima. He killed your Uncle Ben in less than a minute.

Yeah. And that's when you converted to Rice. And he – and so basically my thought process was, leave this guy alone. Like, if I was in this situation, I wouldn't want people rushing to help me. I just want to be left alone. I want everyone to pretend this embarrassing thing didn't happen. So yesterday, I'm walking down the street. I'm at a crosswalk.

I cross the street. There's cars there waiting. And I hear a splash on the ground. And a bird has pooped. Oh, okay. On the ground next to me. And when, I don't know if you've ever. Into a puddle or like this?

No, no, no. Just with a splash. Just like a splash. It smacks the ground. I don't know if you've ever been around one that's happened. Oh, man, have I ever. It doesn't happen all at once. It dribbles.

Yeah, it goes in a couple different places. Especially if the bird was eating Mexican food. And it goes over, like, it's not all at once, so it can happen for two seconds. Right, right, right. It's a literal shit storm yeah and so i'm walking across the street and i hear it's flat on the ground and so i i kind of stop where i'm walking look around and like take a step to my left shouldn't you just is it a lightning doesn't strike in the same place situation where you should rush to where the shit is yeah yeah yeah you know what they didn't do shit drills bird shit drills in my elementary

school um and so uh so a guy in the car shouts out from his car he goes hey it's good luck bro they say it's good luck you You should buy a lottery ticket. He sounded like Pauly Shaw. Pauly Shaw! Oh, man! He didn't tell you to wheeze a lottery ticket, did he? And that was the worst thing anyone could have done there. I just wanted to be left alone.

Just gone with your life. Because when he did that... Sorry. Is this the guy who fell off his bike? No, no, no, no. It's completely unrelated except that he should have ignored me because when he said that he

made me think that the bird had shit on me. Oh, yeah. Because that's the thing that's good luck. Yeah. It's not good luck for... Hey, they say it's good luck brought out of the bird. Shit, nervous sanity. It's not good luck for the rabbit. That the bird ate.

So I walked down the street and I tried to find a window to look to see if it got me. And it didn't. And that guy just made me paranoid. Well, you should have just bought a scratch and went in. If you lost, you would have known it didn't get you. Maybe he wanted you to buy him a lottery ticket. People should stop saying that to me. Buy a lottery ticket?

Yeah, like the night when the guy almost shot me, I think maybe 20 people told me to buy a lottery ticket. Are you serious? You bought a lottery ticket. Yeah, yeah. I paid $50 for a bunch of lottery tickets with me and my friend, Pat, who was standing next to me. Did you really do this?

Yeah. And got $11 out of it. So I lost $39. It's the Pauly Shore system. Wow. I don't get what the mathematical reasoning behind, like, dude, you just had a one in a billion thing go right. Hope for another one.

Yeah. Immediately. Get greedy. Yeah. Because it feels like, no, I feel like if I go buy a lottery ticket right now, I'll get a paper cut. Or I'll get bummed out that my luck ran out. Yeah, exactly.

Do either of you play the lottery or have you played the lottery? No, never. Yeah, the only times I ever played the lottery was when I had jobs that I hated and I had fantasies about quitting. About leaving them? Yeah, even then I was very Mr. Burns-like.

Actually, I'd be happier with the $2. Yeah. You know, like I would just, if it came down to buying a lottery ticket is like very like mr burns like actually i'd be happier with the two dollars yeah you know like i would just if it came down to buying a lottery ticket or a slurpee like slurpee wins because that's like something that i get yeah to enjoy and i would lose the lottery ticket before even if it was a winning one i would have lost it i guess as a kid like before i was allowed to buy them when there was like kind of an illicit thrill in having someone sell one to you. Like your friends are smoking and you're like buying one. Yeah.

No, I'd buy like blackjack. You'd stand outside a convenience store asking, hey, can you boot for me? Yeah. Hey, we got, okay, here's your whiskey and your cigarettes. Here's the porno you wanted. And here, kid, here's your lottery tickets. Yes. Fun.

I disguised it amongst all the enemas but uh there used to be that one set for life i think they still have it and it was like a thousand dollars a week for 25 years oh yeah yeah and i wanted to win that so bad yeah like. Like when I was like 22. So you tell me what was wrong in my life that at 22 years old, I was like, you know what? I'm just fucking, I've had it up to here. I want to make 50 grand a year until I'm in my late 40s and then have no skills. No skills. Yeah.

Exactly. But to me, that was just – that was the greatest one. But I only bought it a couple times because it was pretty expensive. You know what's crazy is like I was watching America's Got Talent. And at the very end of the show, they have a disclaimer that pops up at the bottom of the screen. And at the very end of the show, they have a disclaimer that pops up at the bottom of the screen. And it says the million-dollar prize that they pay out is paid out in annuity over 40 years. Yes.

So that is taxable every year for 40 years. I have no idea how much you would end up getting paid out of that money. Very little though, right? I bet you it's just so that they can get you to – because usually the strategy I think with that is they get you to take the lump sum. Oh. Because it's a smaller amount. I'll give you a million bucks over 40 years. Or you can have Heidi Klum's autograph. Or six months, I'll give you 3,500 bucks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does Heidi Klum host that now? She is one of the judges. Wait. What is it? America's Got Talent. Oh, okay. John Wing's on it this season, hey?

What? The Canadian version? Talent. Oh, okay. John Wayne's on it this season, hey? What? The Canadian version? No, on the United States. One of the talents? Like, yeah, he's not hosting it. He's one of the people who has talent. Oh, really? Apparently he made it to, like, the second round or whatever.

Well, because when we were at the Halifax Comedy Festival, he had already taped it, and we were, like, walking with him. Weird. comedy festival he'd already taped it and we were like walking with him and um weird me him and phil hanley went like uh if whenever i'm doing a festival and john's there we'll go bookstore uh hopping together books you know romantic yeah and uh so then we were we went out book shopping and then uh he's like yeah so i'm doing uh you know he's got that gravelly smoker's voice. He's like, I can't say anything about Wonder Woman. Like he wasn't allowed to. He was like contractually obliged not to tell us how anything went.

So I think his episode aired like last night or the night before and he like moved ahead to the. It's like 90 seconds of stand up or something. In front of a crowd that is orchestrated to boo at everything. Yeah. Like, that is their job as a crowd. And a crowd that's probably exhausted. Oh. Oh.

And the comedy that they've been subjected to the whole day, literally, is Howie Mandel. Just, like, that's what they've had to... And Nick Cannon. True. Fair, fair. Very charming. It's Howie Mandel, Howard Stern. Oof. The two most famous Howards.

Yeah. Exactly. The ghost of Howard Hughes. Yeah, Howard goes. Heidi Klum. Well, it's incredible. And Howie Klum. Mel B from the Spice Girls.

Oh, is that? Which Mel? Is she sporty? No, sheice Girls. Oh, is that... Which Mel... Is she sporty? No, she's scary. Oh, yeah. Well, good day. And, man, Heidi Klum. Does she have a baby by Eddie Murphy?

I think that's the story. She was with Eddie Murphy for sure. Right. She's easily one of the top two Spice Girls. Top three. Top two. Top five, easily. Top five, easy.

How many were there four there were five were there five scary spicy spicy spicy spicy spicy spicy spicy

no it was scary ginger baby uh sporty and spiky no what's

spidey posh, and Spidey. Posh, Posh, Spidey, Spice. Choose the tinglyest one. If you kill my uncle, Ben. If you want to kill my uncle, you gotta kill with my friends. Super friends. Oh, man. Pretty great.

Yeah. Heidi Klum seems like she is probably one of the most irritating people on the planet. Is she still doing prank shows with kids? She is a prank show. She's just like, she, just everything she says just seems like, oh, brother, here she goes again with, you know, she seems like somebody who who just needs to be constantly like, you're good. You're good. We like you. You're good.

She broke the seal, right? That's my slang for getting a divorce from seal. He proposed to her on top of Whistler. This was a debater's question. Yeah, in a yurt. He set up this thing, all pillows and stuff inside. They helicoptered up to the top of this mountain. Right.

He said, if you want to be my lover, here's a kiss from Rose. Yeah, so anyways. Anyways, they had some great Halloween costumes. But they're... Yeah. They really did. Yeah, every year she goes crazy with the Halloween costumes. Oh, she's kind of the Roseanne of people.

Like, I meant Roseanne the sitcom. I know Roseanne's person. Roseannes are people, too. Way to backpedal, Charlie. We're going to get an angry email from the Roseanne lobby. I studied Roseanthropology at university. I know the deal. Ay-yi-yi.

But, yeah, because wasn't Roseanne was kind of the... Oh, speaking of Home Improvement way ago, that was also kind of a big Halloween-y sitcom. Yeah. Oh, Home Improvement? Both Home Improvement and Roseanne.

Roseanne was the... Roseanne, Simpsons and Home Improvement. Oh, yeahment and Roseanne. Roseanne was the... Roseanne, Simpsons, and Home Improvement. Oh, yeah, Simpsons. But I think mostly Roseanne, more than Home Improvement. They would do like a Halloween episode. Yeah, and they were like vanguards in terms of pumpkin carving. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

Yeah, because the credits always would end on, oh, yeah, you're taking me back. Yeah. Fun. I'm still trying to think of more spice girls spider-man crossovers octa spice yeah yeah graham yeah how are you all right having a baby i hear i am um yeah you're not showing no well thank you thank you for saying that i am wearing a panel

in these pants um yeah what's uh well i mean the greatest thing that's happened all week was seeing grandpa accidentally pee on himself grandpa is a dog by the way for the listener grandpa is the name of my dog and he uh peed on his own leg and then he looked down to see it. And almost peed in his own mouth. And peed in his mouth. That's great. What a great dog. Is Grandpa, I mean, he's got to be among the more famous dogs on the internet at this point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely. I mean, the whole internet. Yeah. Yeah. The World Wide Web. Yeah. Yeah.

He's huge. He's going to be on America's Got Talent next year. Yeah. I can't say anything more than that. Yeah. Yeah, he's huge. He's going to be on America's Got Talent next year. Yeah. I can't say anything more than that. Yeah. But he pees in his own mouth. We got close today. We think we can perfect it.

Speaking of not being able to say things, my co-worker, her husband went on Jeopardy. Yeah. Andrea. Yeah. Carlos. I saw her at the bar, yeah. She's a sweet lady. Oh, totally.

Yeah, great lady. And wonderful writer. Sorry, I'll stop. No, uh, she's a sweet lady. Oh, totally. Yeah. Great lady. And wonderful writer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nope. Keep going.

But check out her writing. Andrea Warner. Yeah. Why not Google that and read things she wrote? Sing more praises. Yeah. Um, but yeah,

no, she was telling, uh, me and I guess us, the coworkers about like all the stuff you have to sign when you're on Jeopardy and like, you have to, um, you can't tell anyone how you did,

but there are clues as to how many outfits you had to buy. And Jeopardy! doesn't fly you out. You have to fly yourself out. Oh, wow. But if you keep winning... They bring you back. Yeah. Huh.

They fly you. She also said that Alex Trebek answered questions for the crowd. Yeah. Which seems against the grain. He should be giving answers. No, giving questions. They should be asking him answers. Yeah, they should be asking him answers.

And demanding questions. Did he say something controversial? He said something that was quasi-sexist. He said that women bet more conservatively because they're imagining the money coming out of their grocery budget or something like that. But then again, you think about Alex Jarek. He's what, 98 years old? He's like from a different – His mustache died of old age. But he inherited most of the mustache's estate.

So he's sitting pretty. I like, because at first when you look at someone like Alex Trebek, you think like, oh, man, what a life. Like, what an easy life and, you know, whatever, all that money and everybody knows you. But then I don't know if I really like sit down and think about it. His life that I have in my head seems like hell. Yeah, because they tape five episodes at a time yeah like five episodes a day yeah so it's not you know none of it's in real time it's not like he just does half an hour taping yeah and then goes home and so that but then you get so much time off yeah true but then everywhere you go people are doing some shitty thing but like it's either

people who are fans of yours who know the show or people who just know you're famous yeah and are even shittier i just feel like anyone like that is gonna be a hank kingsley type of figure you know like they've just lived a life so outside of like you know how like when justin bieber is like 50 he's just going to be like a spaceman and it's not going to be his fault well yeah well he is going to space yeah he's gonna be oh yeah that's right um do you think he's going to be martian yeah he's gonna get dual he's going to be Martian? Yeah, he's going to get dual citizenship. He's going to come back and visit us. I meant he's going to be like, he'll be bonkers. He's already strapped in for that. Exactly, but he's like an eccentric 40-year-old in his whatever it is, 20-year-old body.

I think with a game show host like... Yeah, March 1st. Who are the game show hosts? Bob Barker. Pat Sajak, who 1st. Who are the game show hosts? Bob Barker. Bob Sajak, who's retired. Well, Bob Barker, who was like this sexual harassment kind of cyclone. Pat Sajak seems pretty normal. No, he's a like wingnut right winger.

Oh, really? Like absolutely off the charts, like ultra conservative. Oh, really? Yeah. But wouldn't you be if you were... If I had a wheel of fortune? Yeah. You don't want to protect it.

I don't want anybody... It's not a wheel of handouts. Yeah. And then there's... Well, there's also Vanna White. Where does she fit in this? Oh, perfectly. You mean Vanna White power?

No, I don't know about her politics. She's against letter spinning which is ironic i think well now she just touches them oh yeah that's true yeah that's well she i read her autobiography i was there when you gave it away and it's you know she's just had she's had pretty you know like beauty queen kind of yeah yeah you know and then she's like something out of a john cougar Mellencamp song. Yeah, she's fine. She's a pink house.

Bob Barker. Remember Weird Al Yankovic's song, Stuck in the Closet with Vanna White? Yes, I do. And then the night after night after night, night, night. She was a real, like, cultural touchstone in the 80s. Oh, yeah. She was at WrestleMania.

She was a pre, you you know pre-prime time Max Hedren. Exactly what I was thinking. She was a not ready for prime time player. But then there was the Ray Stevens guy. Ray Coombs. Ray Coombs killed himself.

And his wife? Ray Stevens was the guy who sung The Streak. And also Everything is Beautiful in its own way. Right. Two related thoughts. And also Osama Yo Mama. Yeah. That was his last hit.

Really? Circa 2002. The fine hit. So yeah, there was the Family Feud. And now Steve Harvey, does he still host Family Feud? He's just got his own deal now. I don't know what he does now. The Family Feud? No. He's just got his own deal now. I don't know what he does now. The Family Feud has had a revolving door.

Louis Anderson. Louis Anderson, Richard Karn. The original host. I can't remember, but his thing was that he would kiss. Richard Dawson? Yes, he would kiss all the ladies. That was his thing. And then there was the guy who hosted Let's Make a Deal.

Monty Hall? Monty Hall, Canadian. From Winnipeg. He's, by all accounts, really regular, normal guy. But then there was the guy who hosted the other game show who said he was a spy. Do you know who I'm talking about? Oh, Chuck Beres. Chuck Beres.

Yeah. And then there's- He hosted Gong Show and Dating Game. Yeah. And there's no way to verify if that's true. Sam Rockwell movie? Yeah. That's about him?

And he says that he was. And he wrote it. Yeah. And, but there's nobody that's ever... But no one really corroborates spy stuff anyway. Well, that's true.

But he has no credentials. Like, he doesn't have any evidence. Right. But he also doesn't have anybody who will say, nah, it's bullshit. Right.

I think being a game show host is so easy and so lucrative that you get bored yeah you'd lose your mind like it's not like justin bieber who like he's harassed all the time and when he's not he's working really hard like memorizing dance moves no that's true yeah and like every decision uh chuck woolery's supposed to be a shit bag yeah that's what i gather oh yeah yeah well that doesn't seem like a guy with a two and two by four um but there's no new game show hosts like i mean there's the old game shows howie mandel like there's i guess there's no crop of game show hosts. That are just game show hosts.

Yeah, I mean, what is... Because Guy Fieri is a host. What is Jeff Probst, though? He's a game show host. He is a game show host, except he has his own talk show. Yeah, but that's just weird. But he graduated. Yeah, but that has to have been canceled by now.

Is Guy Fieri in it in a minute to win it? Is that still a thing? Yeah. That was a fun game. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? You gotta eat this many ping pong balls in a minute. Yeah, and then poop them out. And you have to poop them out into a

ceiling fan. God, a lot of scat humor today. Hey, but you know what? All top drawer scat humor. Yeah. Take a shit in the top drawer of your dresser. But yeah, so like, I don't know. I was watching, I watched a documentary about the guy. What was the game show that had the whammies?

It was like. Oh, shoot. Big money. No whammies. No whammies, no whammies. And the whammies were little animated. Yeah. Like cookie crooks. money you'd no whammies no whammies no whammies and the whammies were a little animated yeah like

cookie crooks and they would come by in like a bulldozer and bulldoze the amount that you won and basically what it was is you the person was in like uh the the screen was a box yeah and it had like a little kind of little box that went around the screen in a square. And there were numbers all around the square. And then there were these things called whammies. If it landed on a whammy, you lost everything you had. And there was a controversy. In life.

This is the first time, like, cause we're so close in age and this has been a running thing with us. Like that. We have all the same references. Yes. Like anything I know, if it existed for two weeks,

like, you know, if it existed for two weeks, like you know it, whatever. I have not the beginnings of a clue what you're talking about. I don't remember this remotely. I don't think it was- Press Your Luck was the name of the show. And don't think it was on Canadian television.

I thought. Did you? Yeah, yeah. I only remember knowing it because characters or people on talk shows would say no whammies and I was like, ha ha Yeah, yeah. I only remember knowing it because characters or people on talk shows would say, no whammies, and I was like, ha ha ha, classic. I had no idea what it meant. What about a guy like a Rod Roddy who wasn't even the host of a show but just announced?

He wore those sparkly jackets. What did he announce? He announced Price is Right and Press Reload. Oh, really? Now, the documentary I watched was about this guy who went on this crazy run on Press Your Luck. He just couldn't lose, and he won like $150,000. You should buy a lottery ticket. And it's because he figured out the way that the computer worked.

He just knew when to call because it just was the same pattern. Completely random. It was a pattern. And he figured out the pattern. Did he get to keep the stuff? Yeah, because he didn't do anything wrong but there was a huge controversy that they thought

this guy cheated. And watching the footage of him as he wins, the game show host is losing his fucking mind. Really? He's just like, I can't believe this is happening. And then the host hasn't even figured out the pattern. Then the guy next to him, like he misses a turn, right?

He doesn't lose all his money, but he hits on miss a turn. And then it goes to the guy next to him. The guy's like, all right, cash in on some of this sweet luck and he gets a whammy loses so great why would he would he uh like fake it every now and again like you get a miss a turn so when he missed a turn that was a flaw in his system or what no he never he he knew how to avoid the whammies. So sometimes it was you get $500 and a turn. Sometimes it was just pass the turnover. Oh, okay. But most of them, it was like $4,000 plus a turn.

I wish one of you would pass me a turnover. Anyways, yeah, it was like – it was one of those things it's like well he didn't actually cheat yeah he just figured out yeah it wasn't a quiz show situation

no we didn't have Ray Fiennes saying big money no whammy it is funny Hollywood Squares was another one that I remember like

really being excited about because Elf was sometimes on it have you seen the new one that's hosted by Jane Lynch I remember like really being excited about it because Elf was sometimes on it. Have you seen the new one that's hosted by Jane Lynch? No. It's just called Game Night and it's just celebrities like playing Pictionary and then playing. Oh, this is a new.

Yeah. I thought you meant a new Hollywood Squares hosted by Jane Lynch. I was like, oh, exciting. Because wasn't it, who was the last host of it? Oh, I know, Whoopi Goldberg was Center Square. Yeah. That's all I remember.

Isn't Jane Lynch kind of a person who really kind of gives you hope of just like someone who was just super funny for like years and years

and years and years and like was working but was like not a household name or anything like that. Yeah, and then Alf really broke through

like when Alf was working in the clubs. On Melma. Just really trying to, Willie, this guy knows what I'm talking about. You know, a lot of stuff. Yeah. You know, on the late show,

does a lot of stuff about eating pussy. You know, he does what he has to do to get by. You know. He's on the nasty show. He's on the nasty show. Honest to God, like if there was any comedy show lineup and one of the names on it was Elf, I would pay upwards of $500 for a ticket. Even if it was Gordon Shumway.

Yeah. He's gone back to a different... Yeah. He's gone back to Gordon Shumway. Comes out in the suit. He's got a suit on. Oh, man. I did quite like Elf

yeah oh it was huge I still can't see Jerry Seinfeld's mom on the show and not think of her as uh yeah

I don't I was I was gonna say the lady on Elf right Mrs. Archmonic uh when she was young

dated James Dean the character or the actress the actress yeah Jerry Seinfeld she dated James Dean the character the actress yeah Jerry Seinfeld she dated James Dean yeah Wow yeah I think maybe yeah before he was I think he's gay right James Dean was gay and is that the case yeah I think I'm pretty sure that news to me I think she was his last girlfriend. And then he

had lovers and then died. That's the story as I understand it. It was a different time you guys. Elf hadn't even aired yet. My dad wasn't blasting George Michael out the windows of his gay ass car. My dad wasn't blasting George

Michael in some rest stop. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, man. Huck Monick, guys. Anyways, should we move on to overheard? Sure. Hi, everybody.

I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Dr. Sidney McElroy. You told me to say it that way. We have a medical history show called Sawbones right here on Maximum Fun, where we talk about all the dumb, hurtful, damaging ways that we've tried to fix people over the years. Have you ever tried to put mercury on a syphilis shanker? Or maybe you tried to drill a hole in your head because you heard it would reduce your blood brain volume? That was dumb.

But if you want to know exactly why and know about all the other people that try to do the same dumb thing you did, you can listen to our show every Friday right here on MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheards. You guys, it's time for Overheards, longest running segment in the history of podcasting. It's dog radio. Yeah, that's right. We always like to start with the guest.

Charlie, if you would lead the charge. Now, Graham, what these are. Do you need anything out of me? No, you know, because this is all we're so far in the future. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when is this coming out? The last week of August, maybe? Something like that.

So who knows what the world has in store for Hulk Hogan. Yeah, and his maniacs. His 10,000 maniacs. So yeah, overheards. Charlie? Did I do this last time with two guys on the Skytrain?

I don't. Charlie, we do a lot of these no i know okay so okay owls owls don't with overheard owls why isn't there an elf podcast uh you just answered your own question on nuts no you didn't i don't accept that uh okay, so I'm going to do one, and then I got maybe another one. Actually, I think I have a couple. Okay, we can start and end with you. Okay. You'll be our alpha.

I think I got three. Okay. So you can come back to me for kind of a creamy middle. Yeah. Sure. It'll be the Big Mac. Okay. One of them's not that good.

We'll be the two-off beef patties. Yeah. Okay. So the one that I wanted to, was this one about busts. This is the one that I'm worried that I told last time. So apologies to Stickler Bumpers. So I was on the Skytrain, which is like our L. Yeah.

For those of you in Chicago and our subway. For those of you in Chicago and our subway for those of you in New York at what point would you cut me off no we haven't our metro for those of you in Paris monorail oh yeah our monorail for those of you in Shelbyville

underground oh yeah it's our tube Lou Monorail, for those of you in Shelbyville. Underground. Where's the underground? Oh, yeah. So underground, for those of you in... They call it the tube. It's our tube, yeah. Lou. It's our underground railroad, for those of you escaping slavery. So anyway, it's our train system.

And there was... It's kind of a real collection of – Streetcar, for those of you named as – Yeah, exactly. Phil the designer. It's – so unlike a bus, which is not – with a few exceptions, the bus routes in Vancouver fairly cross-section socially of – that you get on the Skytrain that you don't really get on the buses. Right. Like on the Skytrain, everyone's there.

Yeah. So you kind of expect everything. Bus is a, would you call it like a proletariat chariot? Yeah. It's a proletariat. A loser cruiser. So anyway, I'm on the Skytrain and then these two quite like tough looking dudes. And we're riding.

Bebop and Rocksteady. And we're riding past this parking lot. And one of them goes, oh, man, I've seen so many busts there. And I was like, well, that's really weird. there and i was like well that's really weird like like that he would that there would be all these little statues of people's faces and and shoulders or whatever and then i was like does he mean breasts like that's such an odd like who are you frank drevin yeah very impressive and so i just keep thinking like what an odd thing to say and then i realized that of course what he means is people getting arrested yeah and uh so it made me feel like in this overheard i'm the victim because i just like and i don't think of myself as particularly square like

i didn't have a very sheltered upbringing or anything like that. These aren't total surprises for me. And yet, seeing these two men who look like they've maybe done time, and they said, I've seen a lot of busts there. I think, oh, that's strange. He has such an interesting sculpture. Backeipoutine. And then you're like, what is this?

Some kind of bust. What is this? Some kind of bust? Yes, it's very impressive. So that's firsties. Oh, that's great. Yeah, great work. Dave?

I should have ended with it. Mine is, as I mentioned on the last episode, I spent this most recent weekend in Washington State at Great Wolf Lodge. Oh, they were great photos. And on the ride back, on the drive back, oh, it's an hour

south of Seattle. Like an hour and a bit south of Seattle. So it's like four hours. Yeah, if you don't get stuck at the border for an hour and then another stuck at the tunnel here for an hour right um so it was it was a long day yeah long sit but as uh in the heat in the seattle area uh i noticed there was a uh one time we got passed by this truck and uh it was a like a working truck like it was a company truck and it was like a working truck. Like it was a company truck. And I...

Full of episodes of Frasier. Mm-hmm. And all of your Seattle references. Yeah. No, that's the only one. Full of tossed salads, scrambled eggs. We'll call it again.

Scramble eggs all over my face. They... It was... The logo of this company was the letter E, and it was surrounded by scaffolding. And then I looked at the name of the company, and it was called The Erection Company. Pretty good. Someone must have told the guy, right? Yeah. And he was like, I get it.

Yeah. We build boners. What do you think we do? I had a guy throw water in my face once when I was working. I was working in this factory and we were in the lunchroom. You weren't on a marathon route? No. No.

Sure. We were in this factory and we were at lunch and we were telling the lunchroom you weren't on a marathon route no no sure we were like in this factory and we were at lunch and we were like telling stories or whatever and i was telling about a friend of mine who i think what was it in london ontario somewhere where this elephant got hit by a train and died oh god i'm so glad you laughed first also it doesn't matter where it took place. Did he want it to see time fly? It seems like a setup for it.

What did the elephant do to get hit by a train? No, but so anyway, this elephant had died there, and then the elephant's name was Jumbo, and then they had put up a statue in his honor. Oh, yeah. I do know about the statue. So there was a T-shirt of, like, this statue and a bunch of, like, rigging pulling it up, and it said, I saw Jumbo's erection. That was this, like, novelty T-shirt that people –

It's like 9-11 is an inside job. Yeah, exactly. And so I was telling this story, and people kind of went, oh, you know, that's, you know, whatever, funny. I mean, I was like 18. And there's one guy who worked in the factory with me. He threw water in my face. And I was like, what? And he was like, you think it's funny that an elephant died?

Yeah. Never forget. Never forget. Jumbo's erection was an inside job um yeah it's uh well yeah because i'm putting this up in his honor and these people made shirts in the opposite of honor it's weird because there must be some prominent citizen of l, Ontario that gave their life to civic politics or something like that that didn't get a statue erected to them. And their family must have been like, the elephant? It wasn't even a London resident. Also, his relatives, they don't need a memorial.

They'll never forget. That's what I meant before. Oh, yeah. Sorry. You really should have spelled it out like I did. No, I got it only when Charlie said it. Oh, really? Oh, man.

Yeah. Ah, nuts. Peanuts. Yeah. Now, you said you had another overheard? You're going to be the creamy middle? Oh, yeah. Well, this one, now I'm looking at it and rethinking it.

Because I was in Halifax in a comic book store. With John Wayne? No, it was just Phil Hanley at that point. And then not just Phil Hanley, like to diminish Phil Hanley, but it was just the two of us. And all I have written down, like I'm always worried that my overheards are not good so then when i hear something i go oh now i got a smartphone i can write it down and then all i've written here and this is from like months ago it just says overheard colon in halifax at the comic shop period guy colon well he's gay end quote next person yeah but he's gay, end quote, next person, yeah, but he's nice.

And I didn't write down any other context. I probably should have just been a bookend instead of a creamy middle. That's creamy enough. Okay, thanks. That was nice. He was talking about my dad. My overheard comes courtesy of public transit, as a lot of my overheards do. Do you think anyone's been a creamy middle child?

Thanks. Pretty good. Worth going back to. Yeah, absolutely. Now, this came up near the front of the bus is always where seniors or people with baby carriages or somebody in a wheelchair. That's the exclusive domain is the very front of the bus. Yeah. And there was an old lady.

Civil rights pioneer. Yeah. This old lady, she's one of these old ladies that just looks like she could be 80 or 1000 you know what I mean like just kind of like really old face like an old paper bag and she was sitting

and just completely quiet as the lady across the aisle was asking the bus driver what the construction at the train station was for and the bus driver said oh they're putting in an escalator and they're putting in turnstiles because they're switching over to turnstile system. And this old lady pipes up out of nowhere like she's not part of the conversation and has not only not an old lady voice, but she pipes up and all she says is,

that's right, baby. No free rides, baby's right, baby. No free rides, baby. Sorry, baby. And then that was it. Three times, baby? Yeah. Wow. Did I tell you about the guy at Great Wolf Lodge?

No. Who kept going. He was by himself in the wave pool. Oh, yeah. And he kept saying, here I go, baby? Yeah. Wow. Did I tell you about the guy at Great Wolf Lodge? No. Who kept going, he was by himself in the wave pool. Oh, yeah. He kept saying, here I go, baby. Here I go, baby. Here I come, baby. All by himself. Oh, wow.

Yeah. I just love this lady. Like, just, I don't know, like Jackie Brown. No spoilers. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. I feel like maybe as soon as I said the paper bag thing, I was like, well, that's an awful thing to say. No, but you know what I mean, right?

Like just a little crinkle in every. Like when I was a kid, I don't know if everybody did this, but you would make dolls out of apples. Yeah. And then you'd go, no whammy. All apple, no whammy. You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about, but I didn't do it. An old man whittling would do that.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I did as a kid. You would make scary shrunken heads. Yeah, yeah. What do you cook them or something? I think you left them in the sun. Waiting was half of the fun. Never. Sign me off.

But yeah, I don't remember doing that as a kid. But that to me is like what a really, really old person looks like. Apple in the sun. Raisin in the sun. Yeah, sure. Now, Charles. Yeah. You have a 700-year-old child.

Yeah. So are you asking- Maybe. We don't know. Was I offended? Yes. Now, you have the final overheard i was walking um home uh i think this might have been actually from your comedy show at the havana uh nope it wasn't this is all useless information you're like it, though. I started down it. No, okay. So this was another thing. And anyway, so Kara and I are just walking down a commercial drive, and there's a large

grouping of very drunk young women sitting on a bench slash the sidewalk. Like, the energy was like of a very down market stag get kind of thing like a like very down market yeah all we're going to the bench yeah or i think maybe i think what it might have been was just kind of like teenage stag get yeah i think and so this one girl is like sitting on the bench and and she's addressing all of her friends and And just as we're walking by and she goes, you're all raggedy ass bitches. And then she goes, and then I hear her say, you with the Drew Carey look, you're raggedy. That's you. Obviously.

Yeah. So, and it was like all that day I'd been having this weird feeling that like. You looked raggedy. That I looked raggedy. And that all the little chicks with the crimson lips didn't think I rocked. But we were like, we were running down Robson earlier that night. And I thought, and I turned to Karen. I was like, I feel like people keep looking at you and then looking at me and then saying something.

And she said, no, you're being paranoid. And then we walk down the street and this woman goes, you, with the Drew Carey look, you're raggedy. You're raggedy. But raggedy is just the word of the day. Well, because their friends were all raggedy ass bitches. Yeah. She didn't say that your ass was raggedy. No, that's true.

And that my Drew Carey look is working. If anything, she was trying to include you. Yeah, that's true. We raggedy, you raggedy. Let's unionize. Raggedy people of the world tonight. Raggedy local of the world tonight. Raggedy local 45. And Andy.

Great, great. Recording secretary Raggedy Ann. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent to us from around the world. Yes. If you want to send one in, send it into spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Lauren C. in Phoenix. Oh, you think it's Lauren Conrad from the hills of Phoenix? Yeah, absolutely.

The slopes of Phoenix. My boyfriend and I were walking around downtown Tucson when some local gutter punks crossed our path. They were looking real tough. Raggedy. Yeah, real raggedy. She said, you with the gutter punk look. Until one of them asked the other, did I tell you about the patch I ordered?

Where are they going to mail it to? No fixed address, these gutter punks. No, these are probably suburban kids Where are they going to mail it to? No fixed address in these gutter punks. Oh, man. These are probably suburban kids with the whole gutter punk. Oh, yeah. They don't actually. They just look like it. Yeah, yeah.

It's like store-bought crust from Hot Tava. I was walking down Victoria and there were like two kind of skateboard kids. And one of them was like saying to the other is like uh i saw this poster and it said and it's like this guy getting arrested on a tennis court and it's like what if we treated all athletes the way we treat skateboarders and then the girl was like oh that is too good like it was just it was just so like uh That is so rich. Yeah. Too true. Sing it.

Are skateboarders getting arrested? No. I mean, I don't think they ever were. I think it was like a thing where some districts were like, hey, you can't skateboard here. And then a lot of shirts, skateboarding is not a crime, was big in the 90s. Oh, yeah. Huge. Put a helmet on.

Yeah. huge. Put a helmet on. Yeah, and also a lot like tennis doesn't nobody goes to the front of a building and plays tennis over a structure that doesn't, isn't meant for tennis. And makes them install like little nubs on the ground so people stop playing tennis there.

Public art installations all scuffed up from serves. These punks came along and strung up a net between these two statues. Oh, I like that idea. Yeah, like, so, you know, kids. This next one comes from Jason in Charlottetown. This one is a stolen overheard from his friend while he was traveling around the ferry or traveling on the ferry to Newfoundland. This person is talking to the ferry worker, says, excuse me, can you change the channel on the television?

The sound is stuck on something foreign and I can't understand it. To which to the ferry worker says, ma'am, that's a Japanese gentleman talking loudly on the phone two rows in front of you. You'll need headphones to listen to the TV yay oh man yep we did it one thing I will say when I was in America at Wolf Lodge Yay. Oh, man. Yep. Yep. We did it.

One thing I will say, when I was in America at Wolf Lodge, I forgot that sometimes when you go to America, Fox News will just be on in public places. Wow. Yeah. Were we? Was it you and I that were in a restaurant somewhere where they were playing Fox News? I don't know. I remember being in a restaurant and not being able to take my eyes off it because Fox News is fascinating.

Yeah. Because there's nothing like it in Canada. Really? Sun Media, the Sun TV sometimes. But even then, it's not as cuckoo. Fox News is like all the anchors are really good looking like that's the first thing that you're like wait a minute that's not news i understand it because canada is not known for their attractive news anchors huh are we yeah yeah who man's bridge

no no one of them not the men yes man's bridge is known as sexy uh ian hannah mancing oh yeah then you go yeah i mean we're not even into the gl Makarenkos and the Wendy Messleys and the... Tamara Taggart. But they're not like the Fox News ladies are like... Beauty queens. Beauty queens. Like, they're like... Stack them up against a Makarenko and watch them fall.

I don't know what that means. She's just the greatest. Yes, she's very pretty but i'm saying like all of their staff is like magazine but i will say that uh uh in sports reporters in canada it's it's all all the women are beautiful and all the men are whatever yeah's true, but they would never be an equivalent to a guy. Chris Galus. Beautiful man. Yeah, he's all right. No, no, he's a beautiful man.

You don't think so because you- Squire Barnes. Yeah, Squire Barnes. You're Rex Murphy. But he's a squire and you have to respect that. No, Chris Galus is a beautiful, beautiful man. Don't you remember we worked with a gentleman who I don't think was openly gay, so I don't want to say his name. Well, Liberace.

People know. Not everyone knows. That's true. That's true. Anyway, he worked under this candelabra. Yeah, yeah. We were candelabra men. We were candelabra men.

But he just, like, Chris Gayless took his breath away. He was strangled by Chris Gayless. If listeners aren't from Vancouver, here's a thing. Chris Gayless is a guy. Just Google him. I'll put him on the recap blog. Chris Gayless is national guy. Just Google him. I'll put him on the recap blog. Chris Gayless is national. Isn't he?

Nope. No, he's a local guy. Grew up. He's from Calgary. Grew up watching him on 2 and 7 television. And also, if you're not local, there's this spaghetti place. They also own a horse. They're more famous for their horse.

If you Google Gloria Macarenco, I mean mean that's just going to be a treat for everyone Because then you'll see her and be like oh And then learn how to do the Macarenko And you'll be set for any wedding Poor lady she must have got hey Macarenko I think actually there even was a Quote unquote twisted tune By a like morning

I think bro Jake or something Did like a hey Macarenko stop it with the local media references. He's just digging deeper and deeper. I think the late Dennis Simpson did it on acting crazy. Too soon. All right. This is the last overheard sent in. This is from James in London, England.

It's an overseen from a holiday in Barcelona. Sitting outside a bar in a busy tourist... Where? What? Barcelona. Thank you. Yes. Sitting outside a bar in a busy tourist area.

Tourist area? Yeah. We saw a family of presumably non-English speaking people coming out of a touristy souvenir shop. The two 10 or 11 year old glasses wearing children were carrying new T-shirts. As the parents were talking outside the shop, the kids put on their new shirts. The girls had Bob Marley on it. And the boys was black and red in large day glow yellow letters. Get fucked fucked four eyes But why? Yeah, but why not?

Yeah. Get fucked. Four eyes. You never hear four eyes anymore. Also, just saying get fucked is like so much funnier than fuck off. Get fucked. It's passive. It's something that happens to you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Go fuck yourself is at least empowering. Yeah, imperative. I'm going to go fuck myself. Thanks, mister. Get fucked. Thanks, mister.

You there, what day is it? It's get fucking'sussing's day. Oh, boy. In addition to overheards, we also accept... Wait, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. Hey, stop podcasting yourselves. This is Brayden in Toronto calling in with an overseen.

This was while driving down a country highway in Ontario. It's a cardboard sign taped to a hydro pole. And in orange spray paint, it was written, haircuts $5 with an arrow pointing down a dirt road and then beneath that a separate sign the same cardboard same spray paint that said batteries needed that seems like like a gary larson cartoon where like cows made a sign to like get people to come down or road. Or a Chick-fil-A ad. Or a murder.

Yeah, yeah. $5? Yeah. That's not bad. You just got to go down this scary country road. What do you think? Do you think it's just like... I think it's probably assault, but no battery. Because we need a man.

Dad! Yeah, you are primed. the dad joke pump is ready the baby doesn't get dad jokes for like the first 12 years doesn't recognize them yeah it's dad joke blindness yeah here's your next phone nacho cheese hello fellas this is j Jay from San Francisco. I'm calling with an overheard. I work in an office and was just sitting at my desk, and two guys walked by, and I heard one telling the other, oh, I used to take that, but that's before I found smart drugs. Smart drugs.

That's a thing, isn't it? Smart. I guess. I guess, but, like, what do they do? Oh, they do the things from that Bradley Cooper movie. Oh, yeah. Limitless. Yeah.

Where he takes the smart drugs. Have you ever seen that? Nope. Robert De Niro. Yeah. It's not as bad as the premise. There's two Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro movies? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Oh, wow. You just cracked it wide Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Oh, wow. You just cracked it wide open. Yeah. Weird. Do you think like- And in Limitless, he's wearing a garbage bag the whole time.

That's right. So are they at like hanging out personally? I bet they have each other's phone number. Yeah. Did you see those pictures of Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler taking selfies at Wimbledon? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. it's weird

that I don't know like Bradley Cooper was in wet hot American summer yeah so he's like a guy like that's right that was like Robert De Niro but you've got to see him become famous like Gerard Butler has just always been I like he was, the first movie he was in, he was famous. Maybe he was in some soap opera. Which one was Gerard Butler? 300. Yeah. And then nothing memorable since.

Really? Like, what else? And what's his thing? He's a butler. He's a... He always did it. Yeah. Yeah.

He always did it. That catering company's no longer there. The butler did it. Yeah. Yeah. He always did it. That catering company's no longer there. The butler did it? Yep. We used to sometimes eat lunch there when we... Yeah, we're going to need more local references. Sorry. You guys know when you're on 4th Avenue, but by that point it's 2nd Avenue.

But it isn't 6th Avenue yet. Bro Jake knows knows another one of his twisted tune we're gonna rock it down to fourth avenue oh i love that avenue we're gonna rock down to you love that fourth second sixth avenue oh i like it so much well there you go it's just that easy you know uh i'm sorry i just find that very funny well we're pretty punchy at this point. But you can explain. We've got a street in Vancouver that is this one.

Well, it's an avenue. It's the same street. It's an avenue. But it's the same street. And you don't get off a street. And you start on fourth. And then you're on second. And then you're on sixth.

And not in that order. Yeah, in that order. Does it not become sixth before it becomes second? No. What is it? Well, it depends if you're on sixth. And not in that order. Yeah, in that order. Does it not become sixth before it comes second? No. What is it? Well, it depends if you're going east or west. Never mind. Oh, wait.

All right. Sorry. I was going to bring up that you were saying, do Robert De Niro and Bradley Cooper hang out? Robert De Niro and Jay-Z have beef. That's true. A little bit. Yeah, about not returning emails? Phone calls?

Phone calls? Yeah. Vis-a-vis the Tribeca Film Festival? Yeah. Who didn't, uh, whom didn't return whom's? Jay-Z. Who didn't return whom's, whom, no return whom's whom no no jay-z and robert de niro were at the same restaurant this is anyways robert de niro apparently confronted

it could have happened in space it doesn't matter where that's true no you're right they were in space because jay-z went up to him and was like hey you fucked my wife uh it uh went up to talk to him and robert de niro was like you don't return my phone calls and you come up and talk to me? Yeah. You talking to me? Yeah. These are my lines. He really said that?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Robert De Niro, not famous for taking shit from anybody. Or for being nice. Remember, there was that lady who had that restaurant, De Niro's? That's right. And she just loved it.

Where was that? It was in Yeltsin. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Tell me what Yeltsin was. I don't ever leave this city. Here's your final overheard. Hey, guys.

This is Ed in Chicago calling in with an overseen. I'm an employee of the United States government here in Chicago. I'm an employee of the United States government here in Chicago. And as I was walking out of the federal building where I work just now, I was behind a police dog for the Department of Homeland Security and the officer that the dog was with. The dog jumped up onto its hind legs like a person and walked through a revolving door with the officer, got outside the building,

peed on the building, and then the two of them got in a police car and drove away. It would have been great if the cop also peed. Like, we do this together. We're in lockstep. Or peep out. Peeing on the building is an outside job. building is an outside job man I like of all cops I feel like I'm like a nine the guy the canine unit did they get to just have a dog right they're like they get to chum around friend yeah they like their partner is a dog someone should

make like a comedy sort of movie but who who would star in it? Gerard Butler? Who was it? Was it Jim Belushi? Jim Belushi, yeah. K-9? Yeah. Who was Hooch vis-a-vis Turner? Oh, Tom of the Hanks. Were they also police related?

Yep. And also... Due South. Due South was about an American dog and a Canadian guy. The night that there was that shooting, so many police vehicles showed up and at least one of them was a dog vehicle and the dogs were going nuts.

Oh, yeah. Like from inside the vehicle. I could hear them going crazy. Because they were like, that's Grandpa's owner. Like Dave Herdman. Yeah, he's a famous dog. And they wanted to take a bite out of grandpa.

That's what they're trained to do. But that really does not reduce the stress level. I imagine it doesn't. Dogs freaking out. What if they brought one of those dogs that they bring to seniors to calm them down? Oh, they should. Yeah. Is it always German Shepherds with cops?

Yeah. Always Dalmatians with firemen. Always Huskies with... Chihuahuas with... Always Schnauzers with paramedics. Yeah. Always Dalmatians with firemen. Always huskies with... Chihuahuas with... Always schnauzers with paramedics. Yeah. Who are the emergency response breeds?

Yeah. No, but it's always German Shepherds with cops, right? Ghostbusters always have... Ghost dogs. They always have Forrest Whitaker. Yeah. That was one for the Jim Jarmusch fans. Did you know that he was in Vancouver once?

No, I was just trying to localize. Well, great show. Great overheards. If you want to get in touch, sby at maximumfund.org or 206-339-8328. That does bring us to the end of the show. And thanks for being a guest again. Thanks for having me. It's always so much fun.

Now, do you have, like, we're basically in September. Yeah. I think the 26th of August is when this comes out. Do you have anything in? I mean, you've got this panto coming out in December. And I'm also going to be debating Andy Kindler at... Get Out! Yeah.

That's great. Just in the street. So I can announce that. Yeah, at the YYC Festival. Yeah, and when... So what was the date of that debaters? Sometime in September. Yeah, September 14th?

I don't know. That's a guess. I can just say the festival, right? Yeah. Okay, cool. In Calgary. Yeah. We're recording right now.

Oh, so we're not doing the, because I said that in just kind of human way. Yeah. Well, no, because I would have said it much more excitedly because I'm actually like, I'm a very, very big Andy Kindler fan. Yes, absolutely. I think he's hilarious. Yeah. And so it's a very big-

It's going to be amazing. It's going to be amazing. Very big deal for me to get to, like in kind of a fanboyish way to get to debate Andy Kinler. So we're going to be debating at the YYC Festival at the debaters taping in Calgary in September. Yes. And then, yeah, the East Van Panto runs all through December in Vancouver. I'll be there yelling at the kids when they get it wrong, when they boo the wrong guy. They'll be like, no, no, you just don't understand him.

It's not black and white. It's not that simple. He's a giant. It's not his fault. The system failed him. Yeah. Oh, also Baby. Baby.

Oh, yeah. December. Come soon. Yeah. December Baby. Sagittarius. Yeah. You're a December Baby, aren't you?

And how is it? What's the due date? The 22nd. That seems rough. Yeah, because it could be Christmas Day. Justin Trudeau's birthday. Yeah. Yeah, I'm December 1st.

Oh, so you're kind of early day in December. But December 22nd, that's like... Yeah, you're going to have to buy a lot of presents. Yeah, you're're kind of early day in December. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But December 22nd, that's like... Yeah, you're going to have to buy a lot of presents. Yeah, you're going to have to save up. You better save up. And the baby's going to be worried that you love Jesus more than that. Should I hold out sending them to school? That's really...

This isn't fun podcast. I don't even know what that means. Well, like, did you like... Because were you always the youngest kid in your class? Yeah. And did you hate it? No. I've been told it's a bigger deal for boys. No. He's a boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was always one of the smallest in my class. Yeah. But. You kept drinking milk. But you know what? It probably made me who I am today. Okay.

Think about that. Think about that. Yeah. I like it. Do you want this? I want a little, yeah. You want a little Dave Schumacher? Who wouldn't? Yeah. You know what? You got me.

Stop. Look for my new Stop Breastfeeding Yourself. Also, we should mention, I know we haven't mentioned in the past weeks, but I think this is probably the last week that you can vote for the Canadian Comedy Awards. Oh, yeah. I don't know the dates, but yeah. I think the end of August.

Canadiancomedy.ca. We are nominated in the best podcast category. Yeah. You do have to register online and give a Canadian postal code. Yeah. So no cheaters. Yeah. No H-O-H-O-H-O nonsense.

Santa. Yeah. So get out there and vote. You know, just spoil your ballot. It's just important to get out there and vote. Yeah, absolutely. Wasn't that when you ran for office, wasn't your slogan spoil your ballot rotten? Yeah.

Yeah. And I think a lot of people did. And that's why I didn't win. I't that when you ran for office, wasn't your slogan, spoil your ballot rotten? Yeah. Yeah. And I think a lot of people did. And that's why I didn't win. I was that close. So close. If you want to visit MaximumFun.org, check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week that accompanies the podcast. You know, pictures and videos relating to the content of the episode. Maybe.

Maybe the birth video. Or just any birth video? Maybe not. Set to the elf soundtrack. I believe all the elf talk was off air. Oh, really? Oh, no. I just sound like a crazy person.

No, we did some elf. A little bit of? Yeah, because I think I did an impression of him that didn't sound much like him. Good stuff. If you want to get in touch, 206-339-8328 or spy at maximumfun.org. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. yourself.